#my first ones were about teeth
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anyone else have recurring dreams where they perform self-surgery on a healthy organ with the plan of just taking it out for a little while but then you realize you are incapable of putting it back in and theres nothing you can do theresnothingyoucandotheresnothingyoucandotheresnothingyoucando
#they are literally so anxiety inducing and harrowing its horrible#my first ones were about teeth#then i had them about my brain#one of the brain ones i had i chopped it into nicely sliced pieces and then left it alone with the plan of just#taking a break from my brain#and then putting it back in piece by piece#and then i came back and my friends dog was eating it LOL#and then i just had one the other night where i had a mysterious organ in my leg that#was a 'bladder' but it wasn't my bladder it was in my leg#i'm pretty sure my brain based this mysterious organ off of a fish bladder#anyways i took it out and went swimming and held it in the water#and then i got out and i was traversing some combination between my highschool and my old church#trying to find materials to perform self surgery again to put it back in#but i just got into a thought spiral in that one thinking about how i didn't know how to put it back in#and i couldn't reattach it and i was essentially fucked lol??#and as this is happening my whole high school swim team is meeting in a room and im supposed to be there but#im dealing with bigger things but they all look at me like wow... can't believe she didn't come to the meeting#and after awhile of that i woke up LOL#its crazy im always so grateful it was a dream lol because i get so immersed#and ill be like guess im the stupidest person ever#it reminds me actually a lot of the feeling i got after my suicide attempt which i am not suicidal at all right now so its odd
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truth over solace in lies! [hits you with the most brutally honest assessment of your love life]
#DEVASTATING that we will never get her assessment of griddlehark#camilla hect#the locked tomb#forever gnashing my teeth about the first one btw. he and she were always more complicated than that etc
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Holding out hope that the writing in veilguard will get more bearable but rook saying to lucanis that it's "not nice that Spite hurt him" and he "shouldn't accept that it’s fine bc it wouldn't be ok if a person did that" like. That is a demon. Built off a single emotion called SPITE. Rook I am finding it really hard to believe that u have lived in thedas for more than 30 seconds.
#wow the demons which are one of the consistently evil forces in these games did something bad#hey players do you know that that was not nice#ok thank you. do u think I am 4#dav spoilers#veilguard spoilers#dragon age the veilguard#also grinding my gears that everyone (including dalish elves???) just immediately accept the evanuris are evil/have come back#like the first person to not immediately believe it is the first warden and honestly he is the only character so far I respect#like maybe if this was like inquisition and a huge hole in the sky/rifts opened everywhere#but it seems like nothing like that happened but everyone somehow magically knows about the ritual and instantly believes everything rook sa#the more I think about these things the more annoyed I get#guys did you know being a leader means u sometimes need to make hard decisions... varric taught me that in my ma15+ game#i am enjoying the combat at least lol and I like Bellara and want to see Babylon so I'm in it for the long haul#why does everyone have a gun to their head making them nice though like it's so painfully out of place sometimes#and being able to only say the same thing but in a slightly boring slightly funny or slightly serious way is driving me insane#like I seem to be the only one who had no problem w the limits on dialogue in inquisition but this is driving me insane#Mourn watch rook what if you were somehow boring and nice. yay thank you bioware#ALSO rook stop talking and forming opinions without me getting to choose what u say like no I don't want u to day we have to save that perso#ok I swear I'm done now.. I need to go back to writing my thesis instead of grinding my teeth about this game#this is all coming from an inquisition enjoyer as well (sorry) but like so far I have found nothing I enjoyed about inquisition in this game#maybe if the inquisitor and Ghilan'nain are cool latee on I can focus on that (big maybe)#I am only early on still (just met first warden) so there is still time... i guess..
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As a show of good faith toward the remaining Decepticons at the beginning of a new, united Cybertron, newly appointed Senators Bumblebee and Soundwave allowed Shatter and Dropkick to enlist into Autobot City's Defense Team.
These two turned out to be... not the best choices.
The city may have fallen to Insurgent Decepticon occupation had it not been for young recruits Hot Rod and Arcee's accidental interception of Shatter's communication with the fugitive Starscream.
To replace the errant Defense Team members, Springer and Blurr were reassigned from Iacon to Autobot City in their stead.
#my art#tf reconstruction#transformers#bumblebee movie#tf shatter#tf dropkick#maccadam#transformers au#semi-introduction to my idea for antagonists in tf:r - specifically being movie villains slotted into my au#bc if the main crux of the main reconstruction story in autobot city is about hot rod and her rise to becoming rodimus prime#which comes from the First movie - why not loosely adapt other movies too??#ive got ideas for most of them already - kinda jumping back and forth between the modern day story and my pre-war ''downfall'' story#which gives my brain a break from thinking about one to think about another#anyway - i imagine the first ''episode'' of tf:r would be like. hot rod shows up in autobot city on her first day > meets the team#> gets assigned arcee as her partner > arcee hates it > they over hear shatter talking to someone they don't recognise because rod's nosey#> huh that's weird > they intercept it next time by accident > its a communication to starscream about the city's defenses#> they take it to ultra magnus but they break the pad on the way because they were arguing about it#> ''hot rod i know you're new here. and you're intrigued about the war and everything. but we shouldn't be suspicious of everyone wearing a#purple badge. give them a chance.'' > arcee drops it bc she doesn't wanna start trouble + ''magnus will handle it. he always does somehow.'#> rod does not drop it and makes blaster monitor shatter's messages for anything unusual > blaster indulges her bc he's endeared to her#> he does end up intercepting an encrypted message > rod immediately acts and chases after shatter and dropkick on an outside-city mission#> arcee goes after her to stop her from fucking up really bad > blaster unencrypts the message. it's a rendezvous point to start an invasio#> magnus kup blaster and perceptor all head out to help the two young'uns before they get in over their heads#> rod and arcee meet and fight starscream and barely make it out by the skin of the teeth thanks to the more experienced autobots arrival#> starscream shatter dropkick and whoever else is there are driven off#> day is saved - magnus commends rod's gut instincts but rod goes back to what magnus said about not trusting bots with purple badges#> she was right this time but its an exception not a rule and most other decepticons in the city want to live in peace#> magnus also commends that attitude and the team head back > starscream starts plotting his Next Big Plan#''post credits'' scene of magnus putting the request in for springer and blurr + robot dinosaur opening its eye in the dark👀👀#longwinded but ya thats like the Clearest idea for Specific Events so far other things are Stuff I Want To Happen
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I wanna know ur Fontaine msq criticisms 👁️👁️👂I’m all ears
I'm not sure if you wanted me to talk about this secretly or publicly but! Here I go!
The TLDR: Fontaine MSQ aestheticised prison, poverty, child abuse, the justice system/court and didn't properly address any of it.
More:
Focalors/Furina has way too much of a sympathetic angle for a dictator who's lets people drown with her inaction.
Neuvillette feels Bad for sentencing some people to death/prison, but that's it. He's one of the most powerful people in Fontaine. If he felt like there are systemic injustices, I.E sending an abused Child to prison, he should be the first person to DO something about it, not just cry and be sad so the audience can be like aw, that's complex character writing isn't it? No it's not! And guilt doesn't absolve you!!!!!!! (These are stuff we deal with in OTCOJ read my fic now /j)
Meropide has children in it, both Sentenced there (Wriothesley) and BORN THERE (Lanoire), and this is just a quirk of the place. Not only that, Meropide accepts prisoners of all genders and crimes. There are abusers and abuse victims in one place. Do you know how bad that is? How much potential for crimes to happen in a place like that— oh wait, Meropide isn't under Fontaine's jurisdiction. If you are assaulted as an inmate it literally means nothing to the court.
Wriothesley had no qualifications when he took over. Depending on how long he lived on the streets, how old he was when he killed his parents, how old he was when he was first taken in by the orphanage, etc, the man might never have more than 4–5 years of formal education. Sigewinne probably had to teach him how to write reports. And do Meropide's spreadsheets. Edit because I forgot to elaborate on this one: This isn't a point brought up anywhere, which is bad, because when poverty and incarceration robs you of a proper education (and the rights to vote in many places too, too, by the way), it reduces your prospects for jobs, reduces many people's ability to get a home etc etc. Wriothesley was just, narratively, Given his position.
Meropide is an industrialized prison, and they portray this as a good thing. Prisoners are paid in coupons for their labour, and this is also portrayed as a good thing.
The One-Meal-A-Day reform was something Paimon gushed about being so great of a perk, that people might want to go to jail for food (could be interesting and reflective of systemic poverty if MHY had brains, but they don't, so I was just Pissed because essentially all Paimon wanted to say was "Prison isn't so bad, but still don't go to prison guys! Prison labour is really hard!"). By the way, in most real-world prisons they are obligated to feed you three meals a day. Because that's how much food a human needs. MHY went with one meal just so they can say "if you want to eat more, you have to work." And then the welfare meal is a goddamn gacha. So imagine you're a starving child who's too weak to work in the fucking robot assembly line, and you wander up for your first meal in 24 hours, only to luck in with a shit one. I'd kill myself.
They wrote Wriothesley, who's a victim of the system, into a guy who's say shit like "I'm the Duke I can do whatever I want" for a cool moment where he choke-slams an inmate (I know he was a bad guy. But also, in copaganda when cops are violent/disregarding protocols, they are always only portrayed to do that against bad guys, so what does our critical thinking tells us about this one?) They wrote Wriothesley, who was an inmate of a prison so bad, so notorious that it is the literal boogeyman of Fontaine, that has a legal (???) fighting pit, with an administrator who abuses his position to be unreasonable, to willingly stay in the place and become an Administrator who would choke-slam an inmate while saying a cool line about how he has the power to do whatever he wants. They wrote him, the guy who had to be fed on the streets by melusines, to think one-meal-a-day was a good enough reform (while he spends god-knows how much on his boat). This wasn't a victim-turns-into-abuser narrative either, they want all this to be seen as positive character growth.
And then, the final kicker is, they gloss over his entire abuse. You can only read about these shit in his profile, which most people don't because they don't Have Him or doesn't care to unlock it/read it online, and they jammed his entire backstory into a flaccid info-dump at the end of his character story quest. This man isn't Allowed to feel abused and neglected and show any reaction to it within the narrative of Fontaine itself, because if they actually Gave Weight to what happened to him, they'd have to confront THE FUCKING JUSTICE SYSTEM they had NO PLANS on criticising. I don't think they ever explicitly said the fucking Crime-Theatre nonsense was Bad either.
I could go on, but this is already so long. But yeah, I hope this gave you an idea.
#and then. and im putting my most controversial opinion in the tags bc im scared lmao. but like... then... you have the fans..... doing......#the same fucking thing.#the amount of times I have seen Wriothesley used as just a side prop for Neuvillette to feel bad about shit. While Wriothesley is just.....#portrayed as having the inner peace and acceptance of a fucking monk. I was shocked when I read some fics I swear#they really said this man has no trauma at all! the stuff in his past? he's over it!#i hate that passivity when writing victims. like ok if One is written like that#sure. but MHY write all their victims like this#I mean look at fucking Lanoire#and Neuvillette sentenced him to prison after he killed his parents who were never confronted by the law. That's canon.#that's more canon than WRLT itself.#why weren't they confronted? did wriothesley try to talk to someone about it? why did he feel like killing them is his only option ?????#at least have there be some sort of conflict and friction there. How does Wriothesley feel about the court and Neuvillette when#this is the literal system that allowed all that shit to happen to him in the first place???#are you Sure he won't be at least a little wary? the fact that some people think he's Grateful to Neuvillette or even idolises him is crazy#because the man literally subjected him to prison. and if you want to portray his prison life as easy breezy and trauma free#you undermine his entire shitty little 'prison reform' narrative#and if you think he'd be completely 100% accepting of the justice system. Then why the fuck would he kill his parents himself#don't you see that the whole 'I'll accept whatever sentence in order to kill my parents' thing in itself is an act of defying the system#and I Hate#this idea. about being some of the most powerful men in the nation. and yet they can't fucking TRY to set up a better system or smth#i can't believe I read a fic where leaving starving street kids croissants is the most they (the characters and the writer) want to do#like. what the fuck. the whole point of that scene is just to make neuvillette feel bad and be like aw......... poor people exist.... OK???#this is literally how MHY would portray him though.... tbf..... This is what ppl would argue as 'in character'#I just think the character they're in is bad.#I will say I'm giving the fic a lot of grief. there's more to the scene than that. and. ultimately.....#fanfic is (saying this through gritted teeth) ........ recreational....................and free........... in the end.................#i dont think this is reflective of the writer. I do think it is reflective of the way the canon material (genshin impact)#presents in the audience who consumes it. most fans only want these guys to fuck anyway. not think about systemic injustices#canon doesn't make it about the systemic injustices either so why should we. the aesthetic of slums and prisons are just there for fun guys#IM JUST CRAZY OK. I SHOULDNT EVEN BE HERE THIS IS NOT FOR ME . I DONT CARE THAT MUCH FOR PEOPLE FUCKING AND I CARE TOO MUCH
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shout out to that one time I watched the PRISMCorps Magical Girl lore video and the first few episodes of TGAMM in veeery close proximity. too much time on this xP loong ramble in the tags
#crossover#tgamm#prism corps#prismcorps#molly mcgee#scratch mcgee#tgamm scratch#my art stuff#shitpost#ok if you think about this too hard it starts to fall apart I only did this for PRISM Scratch bc its hilarious but the basic rundown is:#the idea behind PRISM creatures are that they basically design the outfit and powers and all that for their bonded magical person#since scratch doesn't really like her at the beginnning so I can imagine that he would've expected her to hate the 'grim reaper' theme but.#of course. she spins it into being a 'grin reaper' to help enhappify brighton because she's that awesome#Being a young Magical girl in PRISM is kind of like being a child soldier so its not a good look for the town huh#UHH ooh their symbol is the weird chairman's face. which I thought would be cute since it already looks like a heart#you can't see her hood but maybe you can imagine she can pull it down to do that weird face shroud with the chairman's robes idk#the lines on her one sock and on her weird jester pants were supposed to resemble smiling sharp teeth but eh#I do like her ghost bun and the mask on her face kinda like how all the ghosts have that. eye. shadow. thing?#First time tackling the shows style so i'll do better next time#i'll do the katscrewmi in this style some other time but I'm done with this for now rghagagaaah
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I used to like saying "gender is a social construct," but I stopped saying that because people didn't tend to react well - they thought that I was saying gender wasn't real, or didn't matter, or could be safely ignored without consequences. Which has always baffled me a bit as an interpretation, honestly, because many things are social constructs - like money, school, and the police - and they certainly have profound effects on your life whether or not you believe in them. And they sure don't go away if you ignore them.
Anyway. What I've taken to saying instead is, "gender is a cultural practice." This gives more of a sense of respect for the significance gender holds to many people. And it also opens the door to another couple layers of analysis.
Gender is cultural. It is not globally or historically homogeneous. It shifts over time, develops differently in different communities, and can be influenced by cross-cultural contact. Like many, many aspects of culture, the current status of gender is dramatically influenced by colonialism. Colonial gender norms are shaped by the hierarchical structure of imperialist society, and enforced onto colonized cultures as part of the project of imperial cultural hedgemony.
Gender is practiced. What constitutes a gender includes affects and behaviors, jobs or areas of work, skillsets, clothing, collective and individual practices of gender affiliation and affirmation. Any or all of these things, in any combination, depending on the gender, the culture, and the practitioner.
Gender encompasses shared cultural archetypes. These can include specific figures - gods and goddesses, mythic or fictional characters, etc - or they can be more abstract or general. The Wise Woman, Robin Hood, the Dyke, the Working Man, the Plucky Heroine, the Effete Gay Man, etc etc. The range of archetypes does not circumscribe a given gender, that is, they're not all there is to gender. But they provide frameworks and reference points by which people relate to gender. They may be guides for ways to inhabit or practice a gender. They may be stereotypes through which the gendered behavior of others is viewed.
Gender as a framework can be changed. Because it is created collectively, by shared acknowledgement and enforcement by members of society. Various movements have made significant shifts in how gender is structured at various times and places. The impact of these shifts has been widely variable - for example, depending on what city I'm in, even within my (fairly culturally homogeneous) home country, the way I am gendered and reacted to changes dramatically. Looping back to point one, we often speak of gender in very broad terms that obscure significant variability which exists on many scales.
Gender is structured recursively. This can be seen in the archetypes mentioned above, which range from extremely general (say, the Mother) to highly specific (the PTA Soccer Mom). Even people who claim to acknowledge only two genders will have many concepts of gendered-ways-of-being within each of them, which they may view and react to VERY differently.
Gender is experienced as an external cultural force. It cannot be opted out of, any more than living in a society can be opted out of. Regardless of the internal experience of gender, the external experience is also present. Operating within the shared cultural understanding of gender, one can aim to express a certain practice of gender - to make legible to other people how it is you interface with gender. This is always somewhat of a two-way process of communication. Other people may or may not perceive what you're going for - and they may or may not respect it. They may try to bring your expressed gender into alignment with a gender they know, or they might parcel you off into your own little box.
Gender is normative. Within the structure of the "cultural mainstream," there are allowable ways to practice gender. Any gendered behavior is considered relative to these standards. What behavior is allowed, rewarded, punished, or shunned is determined relative to what is gender normative for your perceived gender. Failure to have a clearly perceivable gender is also, generally, punished. So is having a perceivable gender which is in itself not normative.
Gender is taught by a combination of narratives, punishments, and encouragements. This teaching process is directed most strongly towards children but continues throughout adulthood. Practice of normatively-gendered behaviors and alignment with 'appropriate' archetypes is affirmed, encouraged, and rewarded. Likewise 'other'- gendered behavior and affinity to archetypes is scolded, punished, or shunned. This teaching process is inherently coercive, as social acceptance/rejection is a powerful force. However it can't be likened to programming, everyone experiences and reacts to it differently. Also, this process teaches the cultural roles and practices of both (normative) genders, even as it attempts to force conformity to only one.
Gender regulates access to certain levers of social power. This one is complicated by the fact that access to levers of social power is also affected by *many* other things, most notably race, class, and citizenship. I am not going to attempt to describe this in any general terms, I'm not equipped for that. I'll give a few examples to explain what I'm talking about though. (1) In a social situation, a man is able to imply authority, which is implicitly backed by his ability to intimidate by yelling, looming, or threatening physical violence. How much authority he is perceived to have in response to this display is a function of his race and class. It is also modified by how strongly he appears to conform to a masculine ideal. Whether or not he will receive social backlash for this behavior (as a separate consideration to how effective it will be) is again a function of race/class/other forms of social standing. (2) In a social situation, a woman is able to invoke moral judgment, and attempt to modify the behavior of others by shame. The strength of her perceived moral authority depends not just on her conformity to ideal womanhood, but especially on if she can invoke certain archetypes - such as an Innocent, a Mother, or better yet a Grandmother. Whether her moral authority is considered a relevant consideration to influence the behavior of others (vs whether she will be belittled or ignored) strongly depends on her relative social standing to those she is addressing, on basis of gender/race/class/other.
[Again, these examples are *not* meant to be exhaustive, nor to pass judgment on employing any social power in any situation. Only to illustrate what "gendered access to social power" might mean. And to illustrate that types of power are not uniform and may play out according to complex factors.]
Gender is not based in physical traits, but physical traits are ascribed gendered value. Earlier, I described gender as practiced, citing almost entirely things a person can do or change. And I firmly believe this is the core of gender as it exists culturally - and not just aspirationally. After the moment when a gender is "assigned" based on infant physical characteristics, they are raised into that gender regardless of the physical traits they go on to develop (in most circumstances, and unless/until they denounce that gender.) The range of physical traits like height, facial shape, body hair, ability to put on muscle mass - is distributed so that there is complete overlap between the range of possible traits for people assigned male and people assigned female. Much is made of slight trends in things that are "more common" for one binary sex or the other, but it's statistically quite minor once you get over selection bias. However, these traits are ascribed gendered connotations, often extremely strongly so. As such, the experience of presented and perceived gender is strongly effected by physical traits. The practice of gender therefore naturally expands to include modification of physical traits. Meanwhile, the social movements to change how gender is constructed can include pushing to decrease or change the gendered association of physical traits - although this does not seem to consistently be a priority.
Gender roles are related to the hypothetical ability to bear children, but more obliquely than is often claimed. It is popular to say that the types of work considered feminine derive from things it is possible to do while pregnant or tending small children. However, research on the broader span of human history does not hold this up. It may be true of the cultures that gave immediate rise to the colonial gender roles we are familiar with - secondary to the fact that childcare was designated as women's work. (Which it does not have to be, even a nursing infant doesn't need to be with the person who feeds it 24 hours a day.) More directly, gender roles have been influenced by structures of social control aiming for reproductive control. In the direct precursors of colonial society, attempts to track paternal lineage led to extreme degrees of social control over women, which we still see reflected in normative gender today. Many struggles for women's liberation have attempted to push back these forms of social control. It is my firm opinion that any attempt to re-emphasize childbearing as a touchstone of womanhood is frankly sick. We are at a time where solidarity in struggle for gender liberation, and for reproductive rights, is crucial. We need to cast off shackles of control in both fights. Trying to tie childbearing back to womanhood hobbles both fights and demeans us all.
Gender is baked deeply enough into our culture that it is unlikely to ever go away. Many people feel strongly about the practice of gender, in one way or another, and would not want it to. However we have the power to change how gender is structured and enforced. We can push open the doors of what is allowable, and reduce the pain of social punishment and isolation. We can dismantle another of the tools of colonial hedgemony and social control. We can change the culture!
#Gender theory#I have gotten so sick of seeing posts about gender dynamics that have no robust framework of what gender IS#so here's a fucking. manifesto. apparently.#I've spent so long chewing on these thoughts that some of this feels like. it must be obvious and not worth saying.#but apparently these are not perspectives that are really out in the conversation?#Most of this derives from a lot of conversations I've had in person. With people of varying gender experiences.#A particular shoutout to the young woman I met doing collaborative fish research with an indigenous nation#(which feels rude to name without asking so I won't)#who was really excited to talk gender with me because she'd read about nonbinary identity but I was the first nb person she'd met#And her perspective on the cultural construction of gender helped put so many things together for me.#I remember she described her tribe's construction of gender as having been put through a cookie cutter of colonial sexism#And how she knew it had been a whole nuanced construction but what remained was really. Sexist. In ways that frustrated her.#And yet she understood why people held on to it because how could you stand to loose what was left?#And how she wanted to see her tribe be able to move forward and overcome sexism while maintaining their traditional practices in new ways#As a living culture is able to.#Also many other trans people of many different experiences over the years.#And a handful of people who were involved in the various feminist movements of the past century when they had teeth#Which we need to have again.#I hate how toothless gender discourse has become.#We're all just gnawing at our infighting while the overall society goes wildly to shit#I was really trying to lay out descriptive theory here without getting into My Opinions but they got in there the last few bullet points#I might make some follow up posts with some of my slightly more sideways takes#But I did want to keep this one to. Things I feel really solidly on.
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Me normally: Let people love what they love
Me, after a Test Match Special commentator expresses their belief that the new All Creatures Great and Small is somehow "better" than the 1978 version: This is pure insanity and TMS can no longer be trusted on anything, how can they even be trusted to know about cricket, do they have no TASTE
#Look it's fine that this show exists and people will watch it and like it and that's ok maybe it's just not for me#But that was like a statement purely designed to piss me off#There were lots of issues with the 1978 adaptation! I still vastly preferred the books any day!#And I actually initially had high hopes for the new one because they at least cast a Scot (albeit a Highlander not a Clydesider) as James#And the actors at least looked a little bit younger than Christopher Timothy and Robert Hardy#And thank god Helen actually sounds like she's a farmer's daughter and doesn't speak RP!#But from the half hour I've seen of it I've had to write off this new adaptation#For two major reasons#First of all there's Siegfried#Siegfried is one of the key central aspects of the vibe of the books and therefore key to any adaptation#Robert Hardy was too short and too old for the part but he lived and breathed the character#The twinkle in the eye bouncing off the walls and in and out of rooms followed by half a dozen dogs utterly full of life even when angry#But this new Siegfried is just sort of... Eeyore-esque; he comes into a room and you can see the flowers droop and the set turn grey#Siegfried was angry Siegfried was happy and the historical character he was based on was no stranger to melancholy#Since Donald Sinclair did commit suicide or rather self-euthanasia after Alf Wight and his own wife Audrey died#But this slow grumbly figure in the new adaptation is not Siegfried Farnon- the book character didn't grumble more often he exploded#And why did the adaptation give him a dead wife that's so weird? What could that possibly add to the source material?#And this brings me onto my second problem which is to do with women and age#Firstly I have no idea why they aged down Mrs Hall or at least made her look younger than a woman her age would have back then#But what really drove me mad was when Heriot goes out to see some old woman hill farmer in the episode I saw#And this woman is far too clean and young-looking and you can see that she's wearing 'natural' look make-up#And a perfect set of clothes that looked like they were straight out of the House of Bruar autumn collection catalogue#Say what you like about the 1978 adaptation but old women looked like old women regardless of whether or not they wore make-up#It may be that the better quality of television screens means that the 'natural look' shows up on screen more clearly than it would have#But natural look make-up was not really a thing in the 1930s and for old women Yorkshire hill farmers I doubt they'd have much on at all#They just don't seem to be capable of allowing people to look old and wrinkled and real or have bad teeth or unattractive clothes#And everything is far too tidy- everybody looks far too perfectly country and quaint#Anyway the moral of this story is of course that I always recommend reading the books because they're much better#than any tv adaptation; but if forced to choose at least the 1970s one felt real and yet didn't have to be grim either#Ok that's my rant over please do feel free to enjoy the show I just got annoyed because the opinion was expressed on TMS
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awesome. ive had Nightmares two nights in a row now
#my whole family was murdered except for my brother who managed to escape#i was dead. i was very much shot in the face and killed#i also nesrly escaped but one of the guys saw me and asked if i wanted it to be painless.#i said 'just do it from here please. please dont make me come to you.'#and then pov switched to following my brother.and i eventually realized it was me following him#i just remember thinking i have to watch over him. i have to make sure he stays alive. i have to make sure he doesnt kill himself.#then i remember my body being.. semi autopsied ? people after the murder were looking over my body. at my teeth and gums. my hands.#i was concious as this was happening. i was rhinking how i cant just 'wake up' right now#but i eventually did when they went to look at the rest of my family's bodies. and i guess i left to find my brother for Real#i met a kid at a seven eleven who was talking about raggedy ann dolls to me. i like. wasnt all bloody and Bullet Holed anymore#but i remember thinking'why isnt she scared of all the blood on me'#i kinda woke up after that#idk. its early 1 am now. that sucked. goodnight for real.#first one was just my dad being a dickhead and disrespecting 1 my time and 2 my physical boundaries Sitting too close to me and guilting me#over ‘making him feel bad’ over both those things#dream journal
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i don't believe in the fandom concept of problematic faves (all characters should have at least one Problem, i think, for flavor) but if i did, fiona pitch would have a permanent throne at the very top of my list. i just think she's neato-cheetos.
#on a scale from one to belittling a teenager who was just subjected to weeks of solitary confinement starvation torture#i think that fiona is a 10.5 and should consider prozac#rainbow has a way with multifaceted characters who do things because it's the only thing they know how to do#good things for bad reasons and bad things for good reasons and selfless things for spiteful reasons and vise versa etc#everyone is at least a bit of an asshole about something. even goodboy milk chap boyscout simon killed a bunch of vampires on sight#they were probably up to something shady but the likelihood that they were gonna kill those girls in broad daylight at a crowded renfaire?#probably pretty low. too late to un-kill 'em though. like. those were People. vampires are People. goblins too.#imagine you're a goblin looking to make some serious changes in your society and the only thing you have to do to achieve those goals?#is kill a fifth grader that already hates you and your entire species on principle and would definitely kill you first given the chance#some of those goblins were probably pretty power hungry assholes but i imagine if they have a monarchy they also have tax laws and shit#i couldn't kill a fascist cub-scout for free healthcare but i'm also very anti-murder in general and goblins seem quite pro#i am definitely thinking way too far into this but that's also my One SkillTM#the incredibly similar way that simon and fiona view 'dark' magickal creatures (and what it means about the entire WoM) is an essay itself#its also a LONG essay and i'm too much of a weenie to post in-depth fandom opinions more controversial than 'big teeth Hot'#so the gist of it is 'I JUST THINK THEY'RE ALL NEAT I LIKED THE BOOK A LOT'#del/lat
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thank you for bearing with my purgatory posting and i'm also glad to see i'm not the only one who still has this fungus eating away at my brain matter. seeing other purgatory posting in the tag makes me feel better lmfao.
i'm not done btw, posting will (probably) continue as i revisit vods. wanted to extend a thanks in the interim, since i know how contentious the event was in the moment. i kinda thought the general consensus was most people hated thinking about it, but there's been a weird amount of engagement and yknow other people talking. makes me happy to know i'm not alone here!
#qsmp#qsmp purgatory#shut up vic#block game brainrot#it also provides me the opportunity to get a new perspective on some moments as well#like watching the jaiden spawnkilling thing the first time i missed some nuance in bbh's tone when he offered to walk her to her body#rewatching i heard them :D#i'll probably rewatch his conversation with slime from the same day at some point to refresh my perspective on that#but i think i'll wait on that; that convo makes me super biased lmfao#i'm aware of my biases at least :D and dw i won't bring old discourse back#tbh i never rly posted discourse much to begin with? just that one list and analysis of time stamps LMFAO#but yea i won't be bringing that back to the tag even if it's back in my brain#i PINKY SWEAR; i'm not one to start fights on posts or blogs that aren't mine#i block and then if i REALLY have something to say i shittalk them into my bathroom mirror#bc i know neither of us are gonna snitch >:D#long tags#it's also nice to look at with the benefit of hindsight and reflection#bc i know everything that happened; i was there watching it live#bolas are unreliable narrators#i'll probably see about going through some of the other team's povs as well just to see#it's interesting is all! and i finally have the time to sink my teeth into it properly#since we aren't having to keep up with like six streams a day#it's been so long sinve this server took a proper breather i'm appreciating it for all it's worth#((yes i wish the circumstances were better but they aren't; we take what we can get lmao))#ok anyway love u byeeeeeeee purgatory posting will probably continue#i'll tag as appropriately as i can; lmk if there are further tags i should add#i prefer people don't block Me if they hate these; i'll make u a tag to block if u ask i promise <3
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scansion is killing my brain
#boink#school tag#fuck me :DDD#listening to will wood live performances on loop while trying to write an essay about lady lazarus#im sure ill come up with something totally interesting and original and revelatory!#mm#smth smth i wish i cld me a girl and that way u could kick my fucking teeth in#ideal date-------- forcing them to watch will wood live recordings w me#i too lately have been wishing i were five foot five#fr tho#bc i recently got put definitively in the front row of a picture line up for the first time in my life#and realized--- im. im one of the short ones#not short.#average?#idk#im 5'4.5“#ok#so???????????#fuck#thinking about myself as short tho.........#that legitimately fully fucking changes my perception of myself#am i------ like am i proportional???????#bc apparently the way i perceived myself is not how everyone else perceives me#and now im just.#fuck. yk#like my image of myself is kind of distorted rn and im ngl its kinda fucking w me#its absolutely fucking ridiculous. but.#anyway. that way ud wish u cld kick my fcking teeth in ://
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My focus is shit in my astronomy lab section when we're going through the PowerPoint because my ta is after a second glance clearly into vamp play and I'm totally not distracted by how his canines are like. Actually rather sharp. 👀😳
#i have to stare at the powerpoint instead 😭#i need to preface this with im not interested in fucking the guy. he actually seems rather nice and nerdy#but im ace. its just realizing people can actual have that sharp of teeth is something that is. uh. yeah.#part of me is dying to ask him if theyre natural because its actually really fucking cool but then also that. is a wierd conversation.#like hiiiii. uhm are those natural? i (one of the students youre actively marking) didnt clock you as being into vamp play at all nope.#how do you know. dude has a dark haired anime vampire in the background of his laptop. dresses in all black clothing with a chain off his#belt. dyes his hair black. sharp canines.#it kinda just falls into place. to be fair wast sure in the first lab cause it was dark in the classroom (doing light stuff) and i caught#a glimpse of his canines during the powerpoint and i was like wait... but then didnt see them after cause the lights where out.#ans then this lab i was like OHHHHHH DEFINITELY#its kinda funny cause hes really softspoken from the limited amount of what ive seen of him.#but that never ceases to amuse me. VERY COOL personally i think. anytime anyone wears something alternative i go ooooo cool i wanna befrien#you as another alternatively-dressing individual and this just makes him even cooler#hugin personal#he wears like black casual clothing but like emo vibes clothing.#also we were talking about supernovas for part of it and all i could think about was the line from red wome supernova about#'her canine teeth in the side of my neck'#also. of COURSE the astronomy department has someone into vamp play
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went insane and dug through my mom’s reading journals to find the actual date i first listened to midnight for charlie bone and NINETEEN YEARS AGO?????? THIS COMING FRIDAY WILL BE NINETEEN YEARS???????? i have been obsessed with the bloors for 2/3 of my life?????????
#god they really are like. THE foundation characters that i can point to to explain my tastes#also asa and paton but like. harold and manfred were the ones i have been gnashing my teeth about literally since the beginning#since i was 9 years old and started the series#also i cannot put into words how it feels to know ive been into a series longer than some other people in the fandom#have even been alive??#like it was never a big popular series so it just doesnt occur to me that generations after me also got into it#ecdysing#cotrk#charlie bone#midnight for charlie bone#moss does books#also i wrote down the dates for all of our first listens to the books so i can add those to my own records#:) i love data and records and dates <3333
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i actually feel as though i am going insane bc i need to do TOMORROWS commissions to get the last story key for kaeya’s story quest because i was an IDIOT and and DIDNT
and now i feel like i’m full of BEES
PLUS. IM GOING ON A TRIP.TOMORROW
so i’m waking up early and doing my commissions and then a story quest bc i’ll be damned if i have to wait three more fucking days to see my favorite traumatized blue haired man
#my sister saw me yesterday when his story quest came out#and i realized i didn’t have enough keys#and i was fucking FUMING#and she was like “(name) you need to calm down” and i was like#“oh im SO FUCKING CALM RN you don’t even KNOW” while grinding my teeth and doing my commissions#i’m actually so upset why tf did i just ASSUME i would have enough story keys#i’m inconsolable#if i get spoilers i’m gonna be putting Diluc In Snezhnaya as the first thing on my kin list (that doesn’t exist)#but at the same time. i want to know so bad#my sister and i were arriving back at home and i was telling her how ME of all people is gonna wake up early#and do my commissions and the quests#and she was like “yeah i was on the hoyolab website earlier and saw a screenshot that i thought you might like”#and i was like “hokyfuckisng SHIT did it. okay answer me one questions. did he talk about—“#“yes he said The D Word” and i literally said YIPPEE and jumped for joy#we were arriving home at the time and i fucking. skipped across our driveway#and i’ve been in a haze ever since#i feel like i’m. like my blood has been replaced by pure electrolytes. and like im#gonna explode if i don’t DO SOMETHING to occupy my time#was doing my commissions earlier and kaeya’s always on my team (ofc) but i heard one of his idle lines and i#went into such a fit of despair bc it reminded me of how i couldn’t do his story quest yet#DUE TO MY OWN DUMBASS CHOICES#that i. had to take him off my team for the day#AND THEN TWO KF MY COMMISSIONS WERE RIGHT BY DAWN WINERY#LIKE. GENSHIN JS REALKY FUCKING ME OVER HUH#why don’t they just spit in my face and stomp me into the ground i think it would feel better than THIS
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That moment when you realize that Mourndax is so flippant about everything bc ofc he is. Man's barely had any agency in his life under his parents' control, and he's less than five years removed from that. He hasn't exactly had time to learn how to make decisions of his own, and acting like you don't give a shit what the outcome is, or that you've simply changed your mind about it for no particular reason is a lot easier than admitting to still remembering how much the leash hurt when pulled on.
#the moral of the story is I will gut you if I need to; I will carve my way out with only my teeth // Mourndax headcanon.#all the world will be your enemy and if they catch you they will kill you -- but first they must catch you // Vhaeraun headcanon.#also probably why Vhaeraun feels like so much of a crutch to him#he's a control figure even if Vhae doesn't actively control him#but the idea of letting someone else make his choices feels safer#meanwhile I'm so sure Vhae's perspective is knowing that feeling full well and wanting to help dig Daxie out of it#bc while yes there are plenty of things you can say about Vhaeraun#he does actually care a LOT about his followers#he's canonically one of the most responsive of any deity#ALSO I think the fact that Vhae ISN'T controlling Daxie and being more of a guard rail to grip onto#while he figures out his shit and or at most gives nudges in certain directions#is legit why Daxie's as attached to him as he is#sort of like the whole father figure I never got to experience / son I never wanted type deal#also ALSO as a little thought on Vhaeraun???#while I haven't actually decided how I'm going to view what happened between Lolth and Corellon#there's something SO intrinsically hurtful about helping your mother escape from her husband#and then she goes and forges a society built upon hating and diminishing a piece of what you are#like before the point he turned on her Vhae was nothing but a loyal son to her#even if I'm so sure her choices were more reactionary towards Corellon than anything to do with him I just......#idk how you wouldn't take that extremely personally. that shit's devastating fr
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