#i had all these gifset ideas while i was watching the finale episodes

[expelliarmus]

[shioaoi]

Today is finale day for Nancy Drew.

I've attempted to keep myself busy, not let the sadness envelope me at the loss of somthing so precious to me. But at some point you have to stop moving, so I thought I would be sappy here on main cos so many other fans are, and reading everyone's experiences has shown me that I'm not the only person this show has touched so deeply.

I was rather late finding this show. Here in the UK, we don't have the CW network, though to be honest I don't watch a lot of cable anyways. It was simply by chance that a gifset was reblogged onto my dash, one of the morning-after scenes from 3x13. The softness of Nancy and Ace in that scene melted my asexual heart, and then I read the tags and saw it was from a show called Nancy Drew.

The Nancy Drew games were some of my earliest experiences with video games, my aunt for my Birthday and Christmas would buy me games from a site called Big Fish and install them onto my PC, and one of the ones she brought was a Nancy Drew game. Visual Novels, Point and Clicks, and Mystery Games are still a core part of my tastes as a gamer, even as I branched out into more modern, AAA games and the growing indie market.

So I downloaded the show, and watched it while running raids on an MMO - and I was instantly in love. It's difficult for me to find the mental capacity to consume media - particularly anything new - but the story telling, mystery and characters kept me hooked and guessing every episode, and by the time I had finished watching it, I was inspired in a way I had never been before.

At the time, I was working a corporate admin job, one I had been working ever since I had turned 18. I was a collage dropout with no grades, complex mental health issues, and PTSD from abuse, which caused me to lose a good few many years of my life just trying to stablisie. This show came into my life when I was starting to find a footing, and wanted to do more after all those years lost.

I began writing, creating narratives for characters I long had ideas for; fanfics that made me connect with fans; and fanart I used as opportunities to push myself out of my comfort zone of drawing.

It made me realise that I was discontent with where I was, and that what I wanted to do was create. I left my job to pursue art. Things didn't go according to plan, but the show was there for me throughout it and I kept writing and drawing even when I was in recovering from almost dying thanks to pancreatitis - 7 fics in 7 days is something I will forever be proud of but will never repeat.

And then I made the decision to apply to Uni, despite my disabilities and having no grades. I applied with a portfolio that featured the fanart and fanvids I made for this show, and I got accepted - now I will be going to learn how to make games, with the aim to make ones like the Nancy Drew games that got me into gaming as a kid.

I found a fandom that I wanted to engage with, even when I was bad at doing so.

I made my own merch because I was sad there was nothing official.

And now, even with this show ending, I will keep going forward with the spark this show ignited within me - and maybe I'll get to tell my own tale with this crew someday, you never know.

Thank you to the cast and crew, and to the fans, for quite literally changing my life

[maya-matlin]

Dumb question but your replies to asks are my favorites on this whole site, so I wanted to send an ask! Here it is: are there ships that you thought you'd love based on gifs but ended up not really liking once you saw them on tv or in youtube videos? For me one of them is Brulian. I kept hearing what an adorkable cutie Julian was and loved how happy Brooke looked in their gifsets but then when I actually saw them I just thought the chemistry was forced, Julian was a TOTALLY different character his first two seasons on the show and a lot less likable initially, and the acting and writing just didn't work for me? I expected them to be an otp but ended up meh at best on them! And I thought I'd ship Barchie because they're an iconic comic book couple, I'm much more of a Betty than Veronica personally lol, and their gifsets are gorgeous, but then when I watched the show I'm like, no, Varchie and Bughead are meant to be imo and Barchie doesn't do it for me at all. And one final example - Piper/Leo from Charmed. They're adorable in their gifsets, but it turns out the gifsets highlight literally the only times they're remotely happy?! Post-S1 Piper is perpetually angry, critical and miserable, she complains and snaps at everyone (especially Leo) every minute, Leo is so flat and personality-free, and their chemistry and connection are just lacking to me no matter how many times the show tells me their love is epic :) I can't wait to read your choices!

I don't think it's a dumb question! You're seriously sweet. <3 I feel like I'm really bad at replying to asks, so I'm glad you think that LOL

I think I might have to slightly alter this question to mean ships that I'd heard of, period, or had seen advertised and believed I'd end up shipping only to end up either disliking or feeling neutral towards. I only say that because for the past few years, I've really tried to keep an open mind when starting new shows so that I wouldn't go in with any preconceived ideas about what couples I'd root for.

Those are all interesting examples!

So when it comes to Brulian, I kind of agree. That being said, I did ship them the first time I watched season 6 and for the first half of season 7. But eventually, I was turned off by the Brooke/Julian/Alex arc. While I understand Brooke's LP trauma continuing to haunt her years later, it was just frustrating to watch it all play out again and for Brooke to devolve back into the most insecure version of herself. In some ways, I actually prefer Julian with Alex over Brooke. I still love the idea of them and think they had sweet moments, but their relationship never hit the same way Brucas did. It's an acceptable endgame for Brooke, but it will always kind of feel like second best. I'm sure that's an unpopular opinion, but oh well. I didn't force Chad and Sophia to have such strong chemistry or make the writers execute their seasons 2 and 3 arc so well.

Funny you should mention Barchie, because I had a similar experience in some ways. To be clear, I never read Archie Comics, but I vaguely knew some of the basics. The week Riverdale premiered, I'd been talking to a friend who rooted for BA in the comics and was excited to see Riverdale's take on their relationship. So, I watched the pilot episode to see what it was all about. I guess I shipped Betty and Archie then? But only in the sense that for the first couple of episodes, I was honestly cool with any outcome except Veronica/Jughead. That changed very, very quickly. Pre-Bughead, I was all about Beronica. Archie in contrast just wasn't as compelling to me and seemed to have a revolving door of love interests - something I'd heard was also somewhat the case in the comics. In the long run, BA became a good representation of everything I hate in a fictional couple. Their relationship is one of the laziest things I've ever seen. I truly mean that. Their fans did almost 100% of the work trying to piece that shit together because the writers were NOT writing a slow burn. The Riverdale writers seemed to deliberately avoid kicking off a story arc with any awareness of how it was going to end. The sad excuse for off screen, pre-series childhood anecdotes replacing any true development from episodes 103-416 didn't impress me. I hated watching Betty slowly sacrifice everything she wanted for her life just so she could conform into being Archie's ideal woman as he sacrificed absolutely nothing in return or ever once showed he had any true understanding of Betty. She needed extensive therapy, not the golden boy's dick. Anyways. Bughead forever, Varchie over BA because at least effort was put into that relationship.

As for Leo/Piper, you make some points, but I have to disagree. I can't help it. They were my favorite couple on Charmed. That being said, I acknowledge there was a lot of unnecessary angst, particularly during the later seasons. Leo's actor, Brian Krause, was also incredibly weak and nowhere near as talented as the women on the show.

Now, on to my answers. I already explained my history with BA, so I'll skip that one.

Bangel and Spuffy - Buffy the Vampire Slayer: I'd heard positive things about both couples, so I had no clue going in which I would end up shipping. As it turns out, the answer was neither. The Buffy/Angel arc was fine for a while, but at a certain point Angel was just kind of there. As much as I liked the guy, their romance was one of my least favorite aspects of the show. So it was a relief when he moved onto his own show, where his character improved tremendously. I also liked Angel better with Cordelia, so there's that. In the case of Spuffy, I'd heard about the slow burn and the enemies to lovers arc. So I was curious how all of that would happen. I didn't expect Spike to be such a creep towards Buffy. Season 6 wasn't great for them as it was, but the painfully long, attempted rape scene was the last straw. There was no overlooking that, yet season 7 basically had Buffy bending over backwards to defend Spike just because he had his soul back. That sucked. Out of the two love interests, Angel > Spike, always. But truthfully, the only Buffy ship I was ever passionate about was the potential one with Faith.

Jonah/Frankie - Degrassi Next Class: I don't know what I was expecting from these two. They seemed to have chemistry based on the promos Netflix and F2N released. I naively thought Winston had been such a dick that any guy would be an improvement over him. Jonah seemed like an overall decent guy in season 14 during his relationship with Becky, even if he was still haunted by some demons. Unfortunately, Next Class Jonah was a cold, judgmental, arrogant asshole. At least towards Frankie. The writers seemed to want an enemies to lovers situation, but mostly it just felt like Frankie being berated by her older boyfriend. She was an insecure mess with him, and he got away with emotional cheating.

EJ/Gina - HSMTMTS: Looking back at all the signs, it's very obvious Ricky and Gina were intended to end up together from very early on. But I was so certain that Ricky/Nini was the Disney ship that HAD to end up together, so I didn't think my ship stood an actual chance. EJ was transforming into a good guy and I wanted Gina to be happy, so I thought they'd be pretty good together. Sadly, they didn't have a single ounce of romantic chemistry. It was painful to watch. Gina's one episode almost romance with a guest star shined a light on what was lacking with EJ. Watching them fumble into their awkward romance was the worst. Which is a shame, because their platonic chemistry was pretty solid.

Duncan/Veronica - Veronica Mars: This was a VERY long time ago, and my reason was shallow: based on pictures, I thought Teddy Dunn (Duncan) was cuter than Jason Dohring (Logan). I knew nothing of their relationships with Veronica, just that Logan was more popular. I'm not particularly attracted to either guy physically now, but it's very obvious it's all about the charisma. Logan had it and was played by an extremely talented actor. Duncan didn't, and his actor was considerably weaker in comparison. Logan and Veronica demanded to be written together regardless of what Rob Thomas wanted. Duncan as a character was never able to keep up with Veronica and kind of like BA in some ways, it felt like a regression whenever Veronica was with Duncan.

Honestly, there needs to be a category for ships you initially liked solely because it was the only thing being offered at the time and less that the ship was anything special. Because I decided against including several ships for that reason LOL

[bettsfic]

betts your obiwan posting makes me want to watch it, as a prequel fan. i havent looked at star wars in ages and dont have disney+ is this worth pursuing??????

i was certain, CERTAIN, i would be immune to Obi-Wan Kenobi (dir. Deborah Chow, 2022). for 17 miserable years i've been adamant that should disney exhume hayden christensen's acting career for the sake of new darth vader content, i would not be among its audience.

i've been angry most of my life about the prequels--not just that i loved them while recognizing they didn't live up to their potential and that the success of the franchise was largely because a mediocre dude had the right idea at the right time 45 years ago. but also what i loved about the prequels went totally unseen by many fans and made me feel very alone and like i was just making things up (i've since found a lot of people who love the prequels in the same way i do).

what made me angriest though was the unfair and wildly offbase criticism of hayden's acting. i can agree the dialogue is weak. the direction is weak. but hayden christiensen chews the scenery and spits it out. he's phenomenal. so i just couldn't bear the thought of even more of that in the year of our porg 2022, after the hatred for the prequels had finally died down in the wake of rise of skywalker which i think many of us can agree sunk star wars to a new low. not to mention the disneyfication of the franchise which pushes out new shiny happy content nonstop so that star wars is no longer an eagerly anticipated event, just another show on tv, fighting for attention against all the other content out there.

i can't tell you what exactly changed my mind. it wasn't like i saw any positive reviews or a ton of gifsets or anything. in fact it might have been the total absence of hype that sparked my interest. four of six episodes had aired and my feeds were still mostly ofmd and tgcf. so i gave the first episode a shot.

as expected, i was not wholly impressed. the first episode is a lot of plot setup. a little boring. i didn't end up watching the second episode that night. but for days after i kept thinking--isn't this what i've always wanted from star wars? a well-crafted character study that takes its time? a thoughtful story about the aftermath of revenge of the sith, the more intricate economic and social consequences of the clone war and the rise of the empire? ewan mcgregor being a dilf???

i guess until now i didn't believe i'd ever see live action prequel-related star wars content made by someone with more respect for the source material than shock value or high tech explosions. and that was silly of me--i loved rogue one and solo. i wasn't super into the mandalorian but i watched it and recognized it was trying to do something new. those were all different to me though. i wasn't emotionally attached to the original trilogy and its adjacent stories the way i'm attached to the prequels.

[some spoilers after this but nothing you couldn't piece together from the fact hayden has been on the press tour]

i finally watched the second episode. darth vader was there. i thought, did they really bring hayden back just to be the dude in the suit? and they did. they did bring hayden back just to be the dude in the suit. and the bacta tank. and a heartbreaking mirage in the desert. i was expecting just random high-stakes plot content until the very end of the series when we'd finally get an ominous peek at vader. but no. he's like. a main character. obi-wan's love for him and his regret at the events of RotS is overt. his love for padme is there too. like Deborah Chow really said "padobikin is canon lol." it's emotionally devastating in a way i didn't think any new live action prequel content could be.

[spoilers for episode 5 here but i've also reblogged about a thousand gifsets of what i'm talking about so if you've seen those you've already been spoiled]

then in episode five we get a flashback. pre-AotC. and i don't know why this was the thing that really sealed the deal for me but it just meant a lot to me that they didn't fully de-age hayden back to 19. maybe they couldn't or maybe it was a Choice. they might have done a little polishing but but for the most part you look at him and know you're looking at a 41 year old man. it's a flashback, yeah, but i can't help but think "this is what he would have looked like."

and so there i was imprinting onto darth vader again the way i did when i was 15. but whereas back then i related to his eternal struggle to have agency in a society that only wanted to exploit his gifts while denying him any real personhood, now i relate to the abysmal feeling of regret, the long-term consequences of a million wrong choices. and i guess i'm just impressed that despite the disney backing, the show leans into the real tragedy of the whole thing and doesn't let up. it assumes that the thing we care about most isn't the fate of the galaxy but the fate of one man in it, and we already know how his story ends.

the finale airs tomorrow and i'm not nervous. it follows the canon so closely that you can easily deduce where the story is going, and even though many dudebros would have you believe predictability is bad, personally i find it exciting to see the cause and effect sequence of a story told over many generations totally out of chronological order.

and what's more, i've been watching interviews with ewan and hayden and getting the sense that they enjoyed filming the show, and that it wasn't filmed on green screen but on something called The Volume and that seemed to make a big difference. i think it was moses (reva) who said, "you get on set and you're in star wars."

on a personal note though, what i'm most excited about is that after nearly a year struggling with the motivation to write and a total lack of inspiration, somehow i managed to pound out 12k words in 3 days of a longform RotS fix-it fic i've been wanting to write for 17 years.

tl;dr Kenobi isn't a perfect show and it does fall prey to the overbloated nature of the undying big budget franchise disease, but it's thoughtfully made, entertaining for casual fans, and cathartic for diehard prequels fans.

ps i can't stop thinking about middle-aged wifeguy anakin skywalker and that will be my undoing.

[lonelier-version-of-you]

Overall I liked this week’s episode. It wasn’t quite as strong as last week’s, but that may just be because I don’t like what they’ve been doing with Sah’s storyline. I really enjoyed everything else.

The Dylan stuff was absolutely fantastic. I love it and I love William Beck’s acting. And I am really, really glad the show is finally addressing Dylan’s mental health, because he’s been blatantly unwell for nearly 2 years at this point (going right back to when he was looking at houses for him and Faith in February 2021, a move I’m still baffled that people thought was romantic), and I was really worried it would just be swept under the rug, but no, it’s just been building up really slowly. Look, not that I want to sound happy that Dylan is ill, but I’d rather have him be ill and the show address it than have him be ill and the show not address it, so... yeah.

I also just love that the show is currently in a place where people on Twitter are whining that it’s “too political” every week. Mate, if you don’t want politics, fuck off and stop watching Casualty.

I expected after Dylan’s whole “I can’t fix the NHS but I can fix things here” speech a few weeks back that the show was going to quickly deconstruct that idea and show that Dylan actually has very little power in the grand scheme of everything, and I was right. His speech tonight calling back to that moment was WONDERFUL. I’m definitely gonna gif it. Probably won’t gif it right away, because tomorrow is Johnrik Day (AKA the “One Man And His God” anniversary) and I’ll be focusing on that (might make a little gifset of them, we’ll see), but I’ll gif it at some point.

Also, I said this already, but I find it both annoying and funny how they’re going out of their way to avoid acknowledging that Henrik left the hospital, while also not outright retconning the fact that he left the hospital. Hence, we’re getting all these mentions of the chairman and stuff thrown around, but nothing about the CEO. I’m begging you, Casualty, please just confirm that Henrik left. You don’t even have to tell us the actual name of the new CEO if you really can’t be bothered. Just give us a line that starts with “since Mr. Hanssen left...”, or have someone go “I’m gonna talk to the CEO about this and see what she thinks” to confirm it’s not Henrik anymore.

Anyway, diverting back from that tangent onto the topic of Dylan and his storyline, I loved Betty. I thought she was just lovely.

Paul was worried that what he said about Dylan could get him in trouble - let’s hope it does, because I want him to just leave already. Why is he still on the show? Having him punch Dylan, however unintentionally, just makes me hate him more.

I also hate Marcus, but he’s clearly a short-term character we’re meant to hate. Whereas Paul’s been here over a year and there’s still nothing likeable about him.

I liked all the patient storylines tonight. I especially liked the guy who had been taking his girlfriend’s contraceptive pills because he thought that would make extra sure she didn’t get pregnant. That was so cute. Silly, but cute.

The Sah stuff... the stuff with them being kidnapped was better than I expected, but I really didn’t like the stuff with their family. The kidnapping stuff reminded me of when Henrik was kidnapped just as much as I thought it would. His responses were not dissimilar. If I had a nickel for every time an autistic-coded queer Holbyverse medic got held hostage, I’d have two nickels, which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it’s happened twice.

As for the family stuff, I am glad Kevin survived the episode. I really expected him not to, so I was relieved that he did. But other than that... I am just so tired of storylines where trans people are expected to “make things up” and “reconcile” with their bigoted family members, even if in this case there were admittedly extenuating circumstances (which you can’t say for the similar storyline on Holby with Louis). Especially in this case, because Sah’s mother isn’t just bigoted, she left them alone when they were only a teenager and they needed her. Sorry, but she’s a terrible person. Sah has no obligation to forgive her.

Also, what the fuck was up with them having Jan misgender Sah? Jan has no reason to misgender Sah. She’s never ever had to call them by she/her, because she met them long after their coming out. They’ve been using they/them for as long as she’s known them. (I know some people just tend to mix words up, which could lead to unintentionally misgendering someone even if you’ve always known them by their current pronouns, but we’ve seen no sign of Jan being like that before from what I remember.) Add to that the fact that Jan is literally queer herself, and just... she should know better. Having her misgender Sah is not a good look.

Loved Sah’s new haircut, though, I’ve gotta say that.

There was very little Faith tonight, which pleased me. Honestly, I could almost forget she was in the episode. Hopefully she’s leaving and they’re phasing her out now to make sure no one will miss her - I can dream.

There was, however, not enough Stevie. I wanted more Stevie.

Anyway, there’s no episode next week, because of Strictly IIRC. So... next review whenever the next episode airs, lol.

[luciferloveschloe]

goodbye, lucifer (but not really!)

I cannot BELIEVE that I just watched the last episode of my favourite show.

I usually cram everything I have to in tags under gifsets I reblog, but for this final season I'll go through the pain of actually writing shit down. I'll try to keep it short, and I'll try not to ramble. (Edit: Did not accomplish that.)

what i loved

SCREAMS

God, soooooooo much!!

Deckerstar baby

Okay, so when Rory showed up in the trailer I was like "Ugh, another annoying angel? Meh." FORGIVE ME, my sweet murder child! Of all the things I thought they might do, a Deckerstar baby was DEAD LAST on my list. And a daughter no less, I just... When she says she's Lucifer's daughter, I was like *SCREAMS*, but when we learn she's Lucifer AND Chloe's daughter, I completely lost it. My boyfriend's on a trip with his friends this week and I'm sooo grateful for that, I made the weirdest, loudest, ugliest noises while watching this season, I ran around our apartment like a maniac, I squealed and laughed and cried and just generally lost my mind. But when she says that?? Oh my God. Also the way Lucifer reacted when Chloe shows him the pregnancy test? Straight outta fanfic.

Lucifer being a father

Oh my God?? I've always said he'd be the BEST father, and actually seeing it on screen... I love the parallel of him being ridiculously over the top with Rory at first, just like God and Lucifer in S5. The way he looks at her when he sees her playing the guitar? Their duet?? Instantly one of my favourite scenes. Them driving in the Corvette, their last day together, how he keeps her from killing Le Mec? Just murder me.

Established Deckerstar

All the hugs and kisses?? The declarations of love, the besotted looks, the absolute power couple we got? Their look from Maze and Eve's wedding, OH MY GOD???? Just, these two are so pretty and we got SO MUCH. Also, their scenes with Rory?? I just love them so much...

(More under the cut!)

Ella's storyline

I wanted a reveal for her so badly, and the way it turned out was brilliant! I loved her figuring it out for herself and calling everyone out lmao. I especially loved poor Carol returning to that room full of shocked people. They had some GREAT punchlines and gags this season, absolutely hilarious! I also love Lucifer's parting gift for her and that she finally found a good one with Carol.

Hugs, so many hugs!

That's it, that's the paragraph.

The Police storyline

As a white person who has literally never once had a problem with the police, I know this is not my place to say, but I think they did a good job? Not giving into the "a few bad apples" excuse but acknowledging that the whole system needs to change? I also really enjoyed the scenes with Amenadiel and Officer Harris, showing what policework could and should look like.

Maze and Eve's happily ever after

I'm so glad auntie Maze and auntie Eve got their happy ending! And that wedding was a bomb. Also, "You're my hell!", lmao.

Dan's ascend to heaven

First of, great to know his only torture was Belios' lack of table tennis skills. Secondly, how very fitting for the show that they didn't hand Dan his happy ending easily, that he fought and won it for himself. Him as a ghost and him as Le Mec was equally funny, and his talk with Trixie was just perfect, literally tears you guys.

Amenadiel becoming God

I mean, dude's perfect for the job! From the loyal, distant, obeying servant to a God who wants to work as a team with his siblings, who wants the Celestials to experience the human world, who hates injustice and loves fiercely? In this universe, I couldn't imagine anyone better suited to be God.

Nobody misses the case of the week

At least I don't! God, I wish they'd tried this out sooner.

The bittersweet ending

Let's preface this by saying I HATE bittersweet endings. Give me a happily ever after or else. And yet, and yet!! I think the ending they settled on is perfect. Would I have loved it if Lucifer had a life on earth with Chloe, Trixie and Rory? God, yes. Do I get emotional over him being alone in hell, again? Goddd, yes. But still. I so love that he found his calling in the end, that they reunited, and that he actually makes good on his promise from S5 to change the system. Also, I don't care if this is canon or fanon for now, but they totally spend time in heaven with Rory and visit earth whenever they like. And this would have been my ideal ending - them being free to go where they like, and I don't see why they shoudn't. It's definitely more satisfying than just traipsing off to heaven indefinitely, so I really, really loved that.

what i didn't (do feel free to skip this!)

Lucifer missing out on Chloe's life on earth and being alone in hell again. Chloe being left again.

Time travel shenanigans. I just finished Dark and that was enough of a mindfuck. Do not want to think about loops for this show, thank you very much.

Chloe felt a little too housewifey in the first episodes, but it thankfully didn't stay that way for long.

Lucifer and Chloe talking about keeping secrets for a whole episode, and then NOBODY TALKING ABOUT URIEL AND CANDY. I mean, ahhhhhhh! If you don't want to talk about it, then don't, but don't remind people of it constantly and then NOT discuss it. It drives me mad, honestly, how many times they referenced these storylines only to completely ignore them when there were opportunities to resolve them. Ahhh. That's what fic is for, I guess.

Adam. Like, why? Bye, dude.

what i'll keep with me

When someone I'd just met at my boyfriend's cousin's wedding in 2019 recommended this "funny, little show" to me that intrigued them because they were interested in finding their faith, I really didn't think I'd write all this three years later.

Lucifer is my third fandom, and it won't be my last, but it sure as hell - ha - will stay with me. I resonate so deeply with Lucifer as a character because he fights with the idea of God, fights with this concept of a benevolent father that everyone seems to believe in but never fit his experience. I come from a Christian family and studied theology, but somewhere along the lines I had to come to terms with the fact that the faith I had as a child and teenager didn't fit me anymore. I want to believe again, and maybe someday I will, but right now I don't know that. So Lucifer's journey with that meant a lot to me. I'd like to find what Ella did, I guess.

Although I never really thought Lucifer needed redemption, I loved the whole "anybody can be redeemed" message as well. And hell reform! Hell is such a weird, awful construct - speaking as the theology expert - bringing a bit of purgatory in in this universe is really fucking cool.

Also, I binged Lucifer when I was alone in hospital late at night. That experience alone I'll never forget.

So, I guess - thank you!! Thank you to the cast and crew, to the fans who campaigned for season four, to Ildy and Joe, to the writers and the directors and the people who brought lunch: Thank you so much for this incredible show. I'm not ready to say goodbye, not by a long shot, and I hope this fandom feels the same.

Yabba dabba do me, I love my stupid little show!!!

[peony-pearl]

I really wish I could go back and experience Avatar with fresh eyes. But I’m also glad I was exposed to it when it first aired.

I vaguely remember some advertising for it’s premiere and, at the time, I know I was in deep with my Kingdom Hearts hyperfixation. The first Avatar episode I saw was the day after prom in my Junior year when a girl in the friend group I was in turned on a rerun in April or May 2005. For some reason my mind is convinced the episode was Cave of Two Lovers, but it hadn’t aired yet. I’m not surprised I can’t remember the episode because at the time I was eyeballs deep in heavy OCD symptoms and kind of in the early stages of a huge mental breakdown haha. I’d had visible OCD symptoms for years but had no idea I had it; then barely a month later I was hospitalized and diagnosed because of my intrusive thoughts and ruminations. It kinda sucked lmao.

Over the next couple of years I was exposed to Avatar mostly because of my Uncle. He adored the series. He was an avid cartoon fan who loved art and comics and drawing and had the bones of one of his own comics but became ill and passed away before he could finish it. I appreciated Avatar for what it was, but didn’t really have the heart to get invested. There was a point that I did make an oc and drew some art and wrote a bit but it lasted like maybe 2 weeks tops. 2005-late 2007 was a minefield period of time that was mixed with me trying to reconfigure my whole personality (right around the time I turned 18 so THAT was good timing) and trying to enjoy the things I loved before my breakdown. I was desperate to be who I was before everything happened.

However, I did keep up with the series after moving to another state and the third season began airing. I remember watching Day of Black Sun and then the finale. I just kept up with it out of interest. Then years went by and I finally started moving forward. I found new interests that helped me become creative again, all while making the painful realization that my mental health was a permanent thing after believing I had ‘conquered’ my OCD. I also unknowingly had ADHD, which I was finally diagnosed with this year, which exacerbates my OCD and intrusive thoughts and ruminating.

Years went by, I went through college, I’ve had so many different jobs, I paid off my student loans late 2020 and then in 2021 my mental health got so bad again I finally sought out therapy for the first time in ten years. I started taking medicine for depression and mood swings. Almost all I was doing was working. I lived with my parents, which wasn’t a bad thing; but the strict schedule and my night shift meant I had little chances of doing much, and I gained weight from stress eating for dopamine.

Then almost a year ago I moved out for the first time; hence my DBZ hyperfixation. I wanted some nostalgia, and I’d had a 2 year period where that series was my bread and butter in 2002-2004. However, I moved again earlier this year, and at first it was all about adjustment; but I was beginning to realize I just didn’t do anything. I still have that issue. But in trying to wonder what it was exactly that I wanted or didn’t want, I started to realize if I’m going to live, I may as well start seeking out things to do.

I was tired of just existing, so I finally set up violin lessons, and I’ve been attending them weekly (save missing one here or there) since April. I’ve learned what I have the power to do, even if I often lack the motivation and drive. I’m becoming more and more content, even if there are the off-times when things are iffy.

I was absolutely not expecting my re-introduction to Avatar to be a gifset of Iroh threatening Zhao in the Spirit Oasis; a scene I was unfamiliar with. I think I had watched the series on Netflix some years ago, but again, I’ve lacked the commitment to it. The punch of that scene with a character I had associated with benevolence after being lukewarm towards the series intrigued me, and I fell down the rabbit hole lol

And I’ve realized that, after getting older, the show is actually a lot more meaningful; and after stumbling upon a gifset of Iroh’s quote ‘Life happens wherever you are, whether you make it or not’; that hit me. That was exactly what I’d started trying to live by over the past couple of months. Zuko’s strive to figure out who he wants to be hits home too, as I often struggle, even at 34, with what I want or who I want to be. (granted, I need to find a new therapist but that’s another story lmao)

After seeing all this merch pop up and be like ‘oh yeah Avatar that’s a good show’ and being disconnected, I now adore it. I know the bones of it but I’m still learning all of the smaller details and worldbuilding and lore. I’m a newbie but at the same time I know what it is and watched the premieres of The Awakening, The Day of Black Sun, and Sozin’s Comet.

I’ve always appreciated the series for it’s creativity and how it avoided talking down to it’s audience (yeah it had kid moments but it was a Nickelodeon show). And even as an adult so many messages ring true. I definitely  put it on the same page as Gargoyles (because 1. I’m biased and 2. both are intricately woven stories that treat it’s audience as adults; I wish Gargoyles had gotten the same closure Avatar did, but for what it is it’s still an amazing show and I’ll always adore it and I’m so glad a show like Avatar did get it’s story completed for the most part)

And yet it’s Iroh’s line ‘whatever you do to that spirit, I’ll unleash on you tenfold’ is the one that kind of brings tears to my eyes; because it rings of conviction and fortitude to do the right thing, and is what brought me back to a little piece of fandom that, even if I already know all of the twists and turns and spoilers, was there for me to pick back up on when I needed it and to help me continue to move forward.

[bladedweaponsandswishycoats]

NiF pre-watch knowledge!

Okay so I am probably finally going to watch Nirvana in Fire. So before I do, I shall do the usual (is it usual? I know some others have done it) list of What I Know So Far, on the basis of ambient cdrama fandom osmosis.

Note: I did read at some point a while ago that other 'fandom osmosis summary of NiF' but that person knew more than me and the stuff they said did not stick in my memory much. This summary is mostly from my friends' random comments + tumblr and twitter overlap. I look forward to being amused at how wrong I am, after.

So, what I know:

I do not actually know who the main characters are, though I am sure I've heard half a dozen names at least. The characters whose names I can remember are Mei Changsu, Mu Nihuang, and (?) Jingyan. As a result, most of the following points start with "somebody" because I do not know who.

Somebody has a birthday party. It goes very badly. I guess somebody, or maybe everybody, gets murdered? I have just seen people on the internet say "don't let Mei Changsu plan/come to your birthday party." I guess it must end up being a massacre, probably, and I guess his fault/plan? I am unclear whether he is the protagonist of the show or not. I kind of hope he is. If it is NOT him, I do not know who it is, since people mention him by name more than others.

There was fighting a long time ago and it is shown in flashbacks which include Zhang Zhehan, briefly, as somebody's younger self.

But most of the present story isn't really fighting, at least to judge from gifsets.

Somebody goes away? Is dead or thought dead? For a long time but then comes back for revenge. He has a bunch of secret identities.

And there's one person who likes him who knows who he is, maybe? Maybe also who helped him? I think things might be sad for the helper friend, but I am not sure.

Somebody is in prison for something and doesn't care about dying. Idk if it is the same as the above person who went away and came back, though. (This caught my attention because someone mentioned it in a meme or something and I am always on board for a character you cannot threaten because they're already planning to die.)

Revenge™

Yeti? Someone gets made into one magically or something? Except there's not really magic otherwise?

There is some kind of struggle for power, by some princes I guess. Possibly this involves trying to pull the jianghu powers into court affairs, but I'm not entirely sure (it was briefly mentioned in that wuxia context thread on twitter).

Some of my friends like Jingyan. I don't know who that is, but I recognize the name.

Mu Nihuang is a woman and might be a badass fighter. I only know this because I volunteered to beta a friend's fic which was about her. I have no idea if she is in more than like 2 minutes of it or not, though.

I do not know of any other specific women in it by name, but people have said they get treated better than in some of the other recent cdramas I've watched, ie not dying/fridging etc., so I assume there must be some more.

There is serious intense staring. I have seen gifs.

The costumes and sets are very good!! Some of this I have already noticed in gifs. Also I have heard it filmed at more places than Hengdian. Which means maybe there will be surprising new scenery! Also it had a big budget, I heard, so should be pretty.

There is a funeral at some point where the costume and ritual procedure were notably well-researched representations of (???) funerary rites, according to a post where Hunxi-guilai was talking enthusiastically about them and the show.

There is something / a relationship people say is gayyyy, although there is also a straight love interest maybe, but I know nothing about her. (But I am assuming that after SHL the degree of gay is going to be comparatively little so I will try not expect anything. That is probably true for all of media, tbh...)

In the latter episodes, everything is great until the last episode, and then it all goes terribly wrong. I would guess since people have said it is BE, there must be a massacre or something. But it is not the Bad Birthday, which happens somewhat(?) early in the show. However I also have a vague sense that the protagonist does accomplish his goal, somehow? I don't know if this means it's a pyrrhic victory or what, though.

A lot of people say it is the best show ever, but nobody ever really says why.

(I do not mind spoilers, so no worries if y'all put anything in the comments/tags.)

[moonlightsdream]

Every month of 2021 - most popular sets post your favorite or most popular post from each month this year (it’s okay to skip months)

I was tagged by @deokmis @baek1nho and @koreandragon, thank you for the tag!

January: most popular The Uncanny Counter set this was done for the dramas in 2021 which was nice but hard to make as the drama has so many good scenes i wanted to include... while my favorite is this Penthouse seokhoon gifset  showing his charcater journey in s1 with how he started and where he was going! i just loved his character development in s1 it was so good to watch and follow that!

February: most popular Rookie Historian set  made for kdramadaily valentine event... these two were so cute and soft and love these scenes! my favorite is this compilations of seokhoon/rona moments in s1... yes making it took lots of hours and i even added the deleted scenes which i'm still angry that they deleted.. but this came out really nice coloring and text! *rip this psd as it got deleted in the deletion crisis i had yesterday*

March: well this was a penthouse month as almost all my original posts were from it! anyway the most popular one is this incorrect quote  this was fun to made the moment i saw her in these big sunglasses that peyton quote came to me and it fitted nicely while my favorite ones are *gonna cheat on this one* are these two seokhoon/rona moments the reunion  and the will you be my accompanist?  i just LOVED these two moments i squealed so hard when they happened!!!!!!!!!

April: the most popular one is this navillera set i made for dramas in 2021 , i love the set and how it came out.... while my favorite is this revenge set  it took too long making this lots of folders lots of ideas was thrown in there just to show the whole revenge from sureyon return to her throwing all of those baddies into prison to her taking back the penthouse!! so like 6eps in one full set!

May: the most popular is this vincenzo  set for dramas in 2021 it was in a time when i felt so meh about my gifs and everything hosently so there were only few content that month... but now i think it did came out nicely.. my favorite one is probably this hold on seokhoon/rona  *again let me cry as i lost these psds too yesterday*.. i love the final result and the works that went making it as i was trying to make graphical gif set...

June: the most popualr one move to heaven set! which is truly deserved... can't believe i prolonged watching this one... i made this set in two styles one was blue/yellow one which i hated but still kept in my drafts *it IS ugly btw*... my favorite other than that move to heaven is this youth of may i loved how the set went from white to black at the end as both ht/mh running away happy as if that's how it ended!!

July: most popular my roommate is gumiho set i think there were scenes i wanted to add but i lost in which episodes they were and i was too lazy to go around looking for them so i picked some random scenes and called it a day..... and my favorite as hard as this scene was rona and her father it really deserve a shot!! the acting the emotions everything is clear even in gifs form.... such a heartbreaking moment!!

August: most popular is families photos i love this set and the idea of it which founded families!! my favorite is D.P. i just love the COLORS of this drama!!! while it could be dark it was still vibrant and full of life!!

September: most popular squid game set! and the fact is it's the most noted post of 2021 sets given the drama popularity outside kdrama fandom... my favorite is bokshil/louie compilation of hugs set, this was the month i fell in SKL hole again and made lots of sets from it! the drama is too adorable and cute no matter how many time i visit it!!!!!!

October: most popular the guest set which is a surprise for me, this show was super dark and chilling so it's nice to see the set being appreaciated! my favorite navillera ballet scenes compilation.. i was happy with the result of this one as the idea of it was nice, simple and direct! glad i managed to pull it off!

November: most popular happiness picspam for the first episode, to my surprise this one became a popular one because i hated it once i posted it that's why there're two picspams for the 1st episode but this made me appreciate it more.... my favorite is work later, drink now set.. i made this when tumblr for whatever reason decided to downgrade the qualities of gifs over 3~4mb, so it was hard to try to keep them under that after getting so used to the 10mb limit but i managed to make something nice!

December: most popular is happiness set, this was easy to make as i made all of these picspams i knew which episodes and scenes i wanted to make.. my favorite is probably is this happiness i loved the style here and the episode itself inspired me a lot, some episodes can be really inspiring while some not!!

tagging *no pressure to do it* @cuddlybitch @orangesyellow @gangtaes @kdramaxoxo @dingyuxi @junghaesin @komunyeong @jaehwany @yesdramas @mostlyfate and any one who wants to do it!

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

His Dark Materials - Season 2 Episode 5 (rambles)

I only realized last week, there’s only 7 episodes this series because the eighth would have been the Asriel centric one. So only two left now after tonight! :(

Also I finished the book during the last week so I am so READY

Ahh gotta love that London traffic!

I don’t know why but the Golden Monkey wearing a seatbelt SENT ME

Mrs Coulter is watching the mother and baby :(

Boreal saying that our world is barbaric and our world is corrupt is so accurate tbh I’m not even mad

Will literally just threw the knife into the wall omfg watch it!

Red PAN-da is becoming a permanent fixture in this show apparently

Lyra’s hair was so pretty this episode? Her costume too obviously but her hair had me in awe

The theme music to this show gives me literal chills

Boreal is evil but his house is A-fucking-plus

Okay but how does Ruth Wilson always look so gorgeous and fluid in this show?!?

Her faking nearly dropping one of Boreal’s precious collection pieces and him panicking 😅

Mrs Coulter’s little “hmm” and smile... we love a Queen

“Why are we whispering?” “I don’t know” - LMFAO

“Will, you left the window open” - LMAO and also please don’t do that, that’s like one of the BIG rules about the knife!

“He’s getting good at this” “he is” - we love a supportive feral wild girl and her dæmon

Mrs Coulter looking bored as fuck as Boreal plays his music is such a damn mood

“You’d like it here too” - Umm NO STOP PLEASE SHE DOESNT WANT IT

“Carlo, can you make that stop?” - OMG 🤣

“You’re far too conspicuous like that” - but she’s not??? She just looks like a posh well dressed woman, maybe that’s not common in this world but she looks fine??

Boreal picking out clothes he’s obviously got just for her is... eww. Just ewww.

Her reaction to the jeans/clothes though XD

“Would you mind?” - YEAH BOREAL STOP CREEPING AND FUCK OFF PLEASE

“Maybe it’s time we issue a firm denial of the tear in the sky” BRO IT’S LITERALLY HUGE AND RIGHT THERE YOU CAN’T PRETEND IT AIN’T

Oh shit the Magisterium know about that witches going to the new world + the massacre

MacPhail literally imprisoned Father Graves and for WHAT?! I think the power’s getting to him (which I know it the point but still!)

MRS COULTER SHUT THE DOOR ON HER DÆMON I’M-

Okay so I know it’s been implied/said that Mrs Coulter can go far away from the monkey already, and that they maybe have been through some kind of process that’s made that a thing, but like DAMN.

“I’m sure you’ve encountered witches in your travels” - if I hadn’t already read the books, I would be asking if she IS a witch tbh like omg

This is probably one of the few times I’ll say this but... I feel so sorry for the monkey?? Just him watching her as she leaves from the window... like that’s so sad. I get why she couldn’t exactly walk around with a monkey but urgh

“I apologize if she was a nuisance” “She wasn’t a nuisance!” - Oof you tell her, Mary

“You must be so proud.” “... I am.” - OOF

Mary showing that she’s better fit to be a parent to Lyra than Lyra’s real mother tbh

Damn Marisa disappeared FAST

Mary really googled Mrs Coulter I’m-

“You must play the serpent” “hornbeam” “save the girl and the boy” - IT’S HAPPENING IM GOING TO CRY IM SO EXCITED

The computer turning completely off and the room going dark before going red OH MY GOD

“Oh shut it, Pan” - LMAO

OH NO OH NO ANGELICA FOUND TULLIO AND SHE IS PISSED D:

A+ acting from Bella Ramsay by the way

“We WILL get you” - OH SHIT

The fact that Will feels guilty over fighting and inadvertently getting Tullio attacked by spectres because he has the knife :’(

It’s so sweet to see Lyra and Pan comforting him though

“I’m not judging” - Mary’s sister says while totally judging her for reading the Holy Bible. She probably thinks she’s about to rejoin the convent!

I find the relationship between Marisa and the monkey so interesting?? I’m so intrigued by it

“Do they drink in this world?” “That, they do well.” - LMFAO ACCURATE THOUGH

“I found her arrogant, like many women in this world.” - umm, FUCK you, Boreal you misogynistic sexist piece of shit

So Mrs Coulter was denied a doctorate despite being the best in her class because she’s a woman, and they would only have published her papers if they were by a man. I’m starting to see why she got upset when she met Mary, who’s got her own office and a doctorate and is head of the department/project

“Who I could have been in this world” - oh shIT

The way she started talking about how she felt after the whole affair/baby ordeal, followed by “we’re not talking about Asriel, we’re talking about ME” - FUCK. I love Ruth Wilson’s portrayal, I love it

“You’ve spent your time trading trinkets” - lmfao you tell him ma’am

“Were you hoping to add me to your little collection?” “I was hoping this would be a life for you here” - oh god I hate it, fuck right off Carlo

“If you got me, you wouldn’t even begin to know what to do with me” - oh SHIT :O

Lyra turning up to distract them so Will could have the chance to cut a window and steal the Alethiometer had me on the edge of my seat

Let’s be real right now, the whole last 15 minutes? THE MOST TENSE AND INCREDIBLE PIECE OF TELEVISION ASDFGHJKL

Mrs Coulter’s face when she saw Lyra at the door :’(

Also she nearly saw Will and I was sitting there praying she wouldn’t find him, I was so worried even though I’ve literally just reread the book

So um THE FUCKING MONKEY BASTARD JUMPSCARED ME AND I AUDIBLY YELLED SO LOUDLY HOLY HECK

The way that Lyra saw her mum and immediately tried to run away though, she just keeps trying to yeet herself away from her parents and I honestly don’t blame her at all

Boreal was being truly extra in the way he dropped his snake dæmon out of his sleeve like that whilst advancing on Will

“Why would I trust you?” TRUTH

Coulter saying for Lyra to stay away from Will and getting super teary eyed makes me think she’s worried Lyra will suffer like she did? Like she’s worried that Lyra will suffer at the hands of men and be in the same situation she was I think? And that’s so sad but nuanced

“I am NOTHING like you.”

So Lyra did this little head move like Marisa did in 1x02, when she made the monkey attack Pan to subdue Lyra - AND THEN PAN ATTACKED THE MONKEY JUST LIKE THAT, LITERALLY EXACTLY THE SAME, AND MRS COULTER FALLING TO THE FLOOR AND CLUTCHING THE SOFA LIKE LYRA DID?? AND LYRA WATCHING WITH THIS COLD LOOK ON HER FACE?!

SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE A COMPARISON GIFSET BECAUSE IM CRYING

I love Will getting mad at Boreal taunting him over his mum, and immediately starting to punch him

HE SMASHED THAT COLLECTION PIECE ON BOREAL’S HEAD FUCK YEAH WILL 👏🏻

That was a DAMN close escape, holy fuck, but she’s got the Alethiometer back!

“The man who hurt you, I wanted to kill him” - same Lyra

I was so emotional when she was talking about how Marisa used her dæmon to hurt her and Pan, and Will saying that he’s never worried about his mum hurting him... the comparison is so sad

“I hope I’m not like either of my parents” - I mean I don’t blame her tbh

SHE CONSIDERED MA COSTA AND LEE SCORESBY TO BE BETTER PARENT FIGURES TO BE LIKE I’M CRYING

So Mrs Coulter is definitely planning some shit, like she didn’t seem that concerned when Boreal was talking about the Spectres, and like obviously I know what happens but I’ve always been intrigued as to why the Spectres listen to her instead of just attacking her. Also is it something to do with her dæmon? Like if they ARE separated in some way, maybe the Spectres don’t feed on her because it’s Dust or something? (Idk if that makes any sense)

“Deceive the guardian... okay... okay...” honestly same XD

Mary pretending to be Mrs Coulter to get past the guard is such a brilliant idea, like she just ran with it immediately, we have to stan a Queen who keeps a calm head

SHE WENT THROUGH THE WINDOW AND INTO THE CITY AAAAHHHH

The angels said they’d protect her, right? So she doesn’t need to fear the Spectres I’m assuming (I need to assume or I’ll worry)

The promo for next week was literally half what we saw THIS week and half Lee/John Parry footage I’m assuming is next week... ?

The fact there’s only two episodes left makes me so sad :( I have no idea what I’ll do waiting for the final series - and I’m assuming it’ll be delayed maybe because of Covid. Plus I’m hoping we get the extra episode NEXT series, the one that was Asriel-centred and supposed to be in this one but wasn’t filmed because of Coronavirus, so fingers crossed! 🤞

[neeterloveschenford]

THOUGHTS ON RNM 3x08

Wow! What an amazing episode!!! I think I have watched it 5 times now.ed And watched all the Malex scenes on youtube repeatedly. Stopped and stared at every gifset I’ve run across. It’s just been an amazing feeling knowing that we won people!!! Malex is back and I honestly don’t think they will be going back. It’s really, finally their time. But I’m going to save them til last because there will be so much flailing! So I’m going to start with the only thing that I had a real problem with in this episode. Why does no one care about Kyle? I’m positive that they know about him. Alex wouldn’t drop everything he dropped in this episode without letting them know where Kyle is. And there is a very bad habit with this show of telling instead of showing. And I totally get why Maria is the priority at the moment. Kyle is presumably stable and being taken care of by Eduardo, while Maria was deteriorating while she was “possessed” by Jones. But still, a little “Hey Alex, how’s my brother?” from Rosa would not have been remiss. But, I guess I just have to take a step back and remember that this is RNM and old habits are hard to break with them apparently.

Now. Let’s move on to the things I loved. I know there was so much hate and salt thrown Maria’s way because she’s rarely written the way she should be. And of course there was all of last season that made a lot of people loathe and despise her. I’ve had my moments where I never wanted to see her on my screen again, but then I took a step back and realized I was putting all of my hatred and upset onto a fictional character. Maria is not the person who wrote such a crappy story for her last season. I think we can all agree that Maria was Carina’s self-insert character. But I decided that I was going to move past my anger and try and embrace her this season. Admittedly, it’s been up and down. I think there have been times when she has definitely been used too much, and times when she was never fleshed out. But this episode her story revolved around what I have always thought was the most interesting part about her. Her heritage. I’ve always been interested in Patricia and what happened to her at Caulfield. To see how she worked with Nora to build the Lockhart machine was great! And then to find out how she was injected with the alien chemicals after Lockhart figured out she was actually helping the people she was supposed to be injecting, that was awesome. I’m glad Maria got to find out more about her family’s past. Now I’m left wondering if Arturo has a past interaction with aliens or a connection to Caulfield. So far we’ve learned about the Valentis, the DeLuca’s and the Manes families. Now we need to find out about the Ortecho’s.

Next I would like to talk about all of the wonderful interactions between the women. I was feeling so much girl power emanating from my tv screen! I don’t care what anyone says, I love the friendships between Liz and Isobel, Isobel and Rosa, Rosa and Maria, Isobel and Maria, and Liz and Maria. They were amazing. I can’t wait to see more of their interactions. I think all of the women (frankly, all of the characters) have grown so much this season. I love the bonds of sisterhood that have formed between our ladies! They were all so supportive and caring with each other. It’s like Maria said, she wasn’t alone, she had her sisters with her! And when Liz said the three women I love, I wanted to cry. They have all come so far this season. Is everything perfect? No. But it’s so much better than it has been. I just want more, more, more.

Liz got to be her badass science self again. I loved the fact that she talked to the horse the entire episode. Sometimes we just have to bounce ideas off of somebody. Why not a horse? And the way she figured out how to disconnect Jones from Maria using Rosa’s new powers was perfection. She really got to see a new side to Rosa this time. I’m so glad that we are getting these wonderful Ortecho sister moments!

Isobel is a bamf! She took on Jones without a moments hesitation and totally kicked his ass! I love her so much! She has grown so confident in her abilities. And the fact that the one moment of doubt she had was when Rosa swooped in with pod Yoda wisdom was exactly what she needed. They are one of my favorite friendships on the show.

And my last thing before I fall down the Malex rabbit hole. My dudes. Get over the hug already! It has been canon the entire time that Alex still thinks of Maria as one of his best friends. As much as y’all want her to have her reckoning for 2x06, it’s not going to happen. If it bothers you so much that all you can do after so much wonderfulness, is complain about Maria, then you need to really think about whether or not this is the show for you. She is not going anywhere anytime soon. Yes, she still annoys me sometimes, but I can put that aside and love the show despite her. I don’t mean to be harsh, but there is just too much negativity out there.

So now for the good stuff. (Rubs hands together.) OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!!!

I cannot believe that we won! We’ve lost so many times. But now WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS MY FRIENDS! We were given a feast with this episode. I mean in the first five minutes we have Alex coming clean to Michael about joining Deep Sky. And instead of blowing up and walking away, Michael actually listened. And what Alex said about making a world where Michael didn’t have to live in fear for the both of them? I nearly died then and there. I seriously could have just had that moment and been happy. The eyebrow flirting was so cute. Then we get it again when they are trying to figure out where Jones was. The heart eyes coming from Michael was glorious. He was so proud of his man and his hacking skills. And we got dorky eyebrow flirting again! Then we have that scene where we learn why Alex is the way he is. I know there has been a lot said about him having a white saviour complex with the story of Omar, but I’ve heard similar stories from actual vets. We tend to let our own feelings about the military cloud our feelings for the men and women who serve. I’m glad that they finally showed Alex’s PTSD. He holds himself away from people because he knows what it’s like to lose people. And Michael rubbing his cheek like that. I almost died again. I just love them so much. And then we get the scene where Alex stops Michael from trying to take the sword from Jones. Him grabbing Michael’s hand like that was downright sexual. I need to fan myself. That’s chemistry folks! And then we get Alex hitting Jones with the truck! What a great parallel with Michael hitting Jesse with his cane. Those boys will do anything to protect each other.

And then we have that scene. SO MUCH GOODNESS! Alex telling Michael about the Lockhart machine. Michael admitting that he knows that he probably won’t get clearance to work on the project. Alex saying he will tell him everything anyway. Our boys have grown so much this season! And the way Michael took off his hat to kiss Alex. I just felt so much in that moment. That kiss was so soft and sweet. When they pulled away, the way Alex looked up at Michael with so much longing was just uh! And Michael’s little exhale and smile. He knows exactly how to put Alex at ease. And then the hug. I am ready to cry right now just thinking about it. I know many people think it was too much too soon, but I beg to differ. This is how I’ve always seen things happening. Once they were both on the same page, it was bound to go down exactly like this. They have so much history and passion between them. And now they can finally admit to each other and themselves that there is no one else in the universe for each other. Their love is so strong. Why shouldn’t they acknowledge their feelings while growing closer. In the end I think it will only make them stronger.

So that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. I can’t wait til we get worried boyfriend Michael in the next episode. It’s going to be awesome! Till next time my friends!

[what-breaks-my-heart]

DanHwa Couple: Happy Ending versus Sad Ending

Note: I did plan to publish this post in conjunction with the last day of Run On Week when I came up with the idea for this post but I never thought this post would eventually be this long so I’m not going to ruin it for everyone 😂🙈

Previously, I’ve touched on the main theme of DanHwa’s storyline - goals & dreams.

Before I continue, I wish to extend my heartiest gratitude to @belsmultifandommess for taking my gif requests specifically so I could include them in this post ❤❤❤ You can click on “GIF by belsmultifandommess” to view the full sets from which the gifs I’ve included in this post were sourced. If you haven’t already, give some love to those beautiful gifsets.

This is going to be one hell of a long post so hydrate yourselves, get some snacks, prepare a box of tissues if you are a softie like me, and buckle up.

Previously in my series of write up on DanHwa storyline...

About Seo Dan Ah

Seo Dan Ah, Her Little Brother Seo Tae Woong, and A Planned Coup in Seomyung Group

Goals & Dreams - The Main Premise in the Live of Seo “Rapunzel” Dan Ah

Goals & Dreams - I Need You to Cooperate with Me

I have to be honest. The finale left me with so much feelings that made me struggle to understand how DanHwa’s storyline was concluded. There have been various takes on the conclusion of their storyline and I cannot totally disregard each of them because they do make sense in a way.

After seeing the preview for the finale, I did pose a question whether Young Hwa would agree to cooperate with Dan Ah’s potential goal to stop seeing each other, while still holding on to his dream of not breaking up with her.

As I was starting the finale, I saw the episode description on Netflix and giggled at how the storyline of DanHwa was described.

Mi-joo’s work gets a director noticed overseas. Yeong-hwa and Dan-ah achieve their own goals. Seon-gyeom officially becomes a sports agent.

Earlier, I did a write up about how Dan Ah was plotting a coup in Seomyung Group. Later in the finale, it was revealed that all along, she had been waiting for her father to pass away so she could take back what’s rightfully hers. I stand corrected. Dan Ah sweetie, I should have thought better than slandering you 🥺

True enough, she needed Tae Woong’s support in the coup, but she didn’t say the situation might call for him to turn against her because she wanted him to come clean about his paternity, but she said it because she knew how the bastard ‘older’ brother would blackmail Tae Woong into voting for him for the position of the successor in Seomyung Group by abusing his power and influence in Seomyung Group. I bet he was the one who started the rumour about Tae Woong’s paternity in order to control Tae Woong.

However, Dan Ah needed Tae Woong’s support as one of the major shareholders so that she could obtain enough support to be in a position of power in Seomyung Group. And thanks to his support, Dan Ah was promoted as the youngest Vice President of Seomyung Group. Yes, she was not yet wielding the power as the Chairwoman of Seomyung Group, but being a Vice President of Seomyung Group was itself a shorter-term goal, or a milestone towards achieving her dream of taking back what’s hers - her title as the rightful heiress of Seomyung Group.

Just like what Young Hwa - bless his young, optimistic yet immature self - told Dan Ah when she first came to his college after he kept crossing the line; if a dream seemed impossible to be achieved, focus instead on shorter-term goals while working towards chasing that dream.

By the way when I think of it, it was never made clear if the ‘older’ bastard son was appointed as President of Seomyung Group. Imagine if he was, because it wouldn’t be surprising, but he could never have things done his way because Dan Ah would keep having his ass handed to him by convincing the board room just how stupid his ways were.

Anyways, the way the story of DanHwa was concluded could be open to various interpretation, and I now believe it was intentionally done so. Why?

Exhibit 1

Young Hwa telling Dan Ah that his new goal was to watch her from a distance neither too far that he could not see her, nor too close that his field of vision would be blocked, so that he could always see her wherever he was.

He did so by asking her to just stay where she was. Of course the moment he said it, my alarms were buzzing because of how the story had compared her to Rapunzel living in a castle.

It was when Young Hwa looked ���Seo Dan Ah” up on the internet when he later realised that he had forgotten how Dan Ah had been living in a castle that a peasant like him could never even dream of entering, since she was Rapunzel.

Exhibit 2

When Young Hwa and Dan Ah finally met again in front of his painting at the gallery, Dan Ah said that she was going to make that day to be her real birthday, before Young Hwa was finally able to wish her happy birthday.

These lines did seem rather out of place, but when I think more about it, it was Dan Ah cooperating with Young Hwa’s goal for both of them to celebrate her real birthday together.

This was in contrast to when she said her birthday was far away. This to me, seemed like both a literal and figurative remark.

In the literal sense, she was not sure at that point in time if they could still see each other when the day would eventually come.

Whereas in the figurative sense, celebrating her real birthday would symbolise a celebration of her successfully claiming her rightful title as the heiress of Seomyung Group - which seemed like a stretch to her at that time because she didn’t know about her father’s health condition.

But when they finally met again, she realised that there was someone who cherished her and kept her inside his radiant heart. And this person wanted to celebrate her real birthday with her because her being born was a miracle (just as other birth), because she was healthy, and because she was seeing him.

And he wanted to celebrate her real birthday with her as a way of expressing his gratitude to the heaven for all of these.

But ultimately, Young Hwa wanted to celebrate Dan Ah’s real birthday with her to get her heart in return.

And when Dan Ah decided to make the day they finally met again as her real birthday, it was symbolic that instead of obsessing over her dream of getting back her rightful title as the heiress of Seomyung Group which might require her staying in her castle, she finally gave her heart to Young Hwa, even though she was desperate to keep her heart intact due to her health condition. Maybe it’s just me but I think it’s poetic in a way.

And when she made the decision, it was symbolic to her accepting living with a fake birthday as long as someone truly cherishes her, because it may be fake, but her feeling was otherwise as real as it gets.

Exhibit 3

When the four besties met up and discussed about endings, Young Hwa told the group that his happy ending would be living well, giving birth to children like a rabbit with the person he loved (no joke that’s exactly what he said in Korean, hence the look of disgust on Dan Ah’s face).

And when he asked Dan Ah about what she wanted as her happy ending, he also asked if they could share the same happy ending, claiming their love would last forever (ah, the pure innocence of first loves).

Dan Ah then argued that she even faked a coming out to her family specifically because she did not want to get married, so sharing the same happy ending with Young Hwa like what he imagined would totally be out of the question.

Exhibit 4

DanHwa official Before poster

I’m sure many of us didn’t see this poster before the drama started airing. To be completely honest, I was not anticipating for this drama to air. There I was, minding my own business, when I saw gifs and screencaps from this drama’s first 2 episodes suddenly showing up on my dash. And then I read the usual caption spam by @dangermousie​ for those episodes and those caption spam actually piqued my interest.

You could see a sense of giddiness in this poster, as if they were playing a game of cat and mouse with each other. For those of you who don’t read hangul, the lines highlighted in this poster read as below:

“Don’t keep crossing the line.”

“But you came to see me because I crossed the line.”

DanHwa official After poster

And on the day the finale aired, JTBC released this official After poster. In this poster, both of them were portrayed to be lost in their own thoughts, no longer giddy and teasing each other.

Again, for those of you who don’t read hangul, there was only one line highlighted in this poster which reads:

“Don’t get sick, my first love.”

Special shoutout to @its-chelisey-stuff for highlighting the differences in these two posters in a post of its own.

Exhibit 5

After everything was said and done, the two of them kept hanging out together and seeing each other. They even went as each other’s plus one to the premier of Yook Ji Woo’s movie, Killing Day. And it was a public setting where people could gossip about them going together too, so it was clear she was not bothered by the possibility of people gossiping about it.

So with these 5 exhibits, it was clear that the drama was intentionally sending us viewers mixed signals about the conclusion of the story of DanHwa. But what exactly should we take from this intention?

Now, let’s talk about Young Hwa. Our precious little crybaby goof ball. We’ve seen lots of movies (or Young Hwa (영화), geddit??) with happy endings. Some gave us sad endings, but those sad endings were not unrealistic.

Throughout the drama, we could see the growth of both Dan Ah and Young Hwa since they first met each other.

In the beginning, Young Hwa told Dan Ah that he was too busy with what was in front of him (life of a college student coming from a small town in the rural area) that he never got to have a dream. When he finally had one, i.e., to not break up with Dan Ah, he gave her the assurance that he would make that dream comes true. He even tried delaying their breakup as soon as he realised that she would be breaking up with him. Not breaking up with Dan Ah was Young Hwa’s first dream ever, but he eventually learnt how hard it was to chase his dream.

But going back to the episode description, why did Netflix say that both Young Hwa and Dan Ah achieved their own goals? I’ve argued earlier in this post how Dan Ah’s appointment as the youngest Vice President of Seomyung Group could fit in this narrative. Young Hwa’s goal to keep watching Dan Ah from a distance neither too far nor too close could arguably fit in this narrative too.

I know, I know, the irony of me spending so much time thinking and talking about the ending is clear to me. But to me, the whole story of DanHwa was cleverly concluded. If we go back to episode 7, Dan Ah expressed her regret that she let go of her dream to play professional soccer (I much prefer the word ‘football’ but Koreans use the word ‘soccer’ so I’m sticking to it for consistency purpose) so easily and that she was still looking forward to having chances to kick the ball every now and then.

Later on, Dan Ah disclosed to Young Hwa how desperate she was to make time for her to go running to him despite time being of utmost importance to her, and how she desperately wanted to grab onto the little time she managed to make to be with him.

We also saw how despite being so desperate, she had initially tried to resist her urges to just run to him. Because to her, she could not afford to be distracted from running towards her dream. But she eventually ran towards him and gave in to her feeling nonetheless, albeit timing herself so she wouldn’t forget about her dream altogether.

I personally believe that their relationship would keep on going the same way it had been going - them chasing after their own individual goals, them cooperating with each other to make sure their individual goals would be achieved, Young Hwa keeping Dan Ah deep inside his heart with more subtlety just like how his painting evolved from a big drawing of Dan Ah to the silhouette of Dan Ah hiding in his painting which was displayed in Seomyung Art Gallery, while Dan Ah grabbing onto what little opportunity she would have to spend her time with Young Hwa, even if it was only for a short, sweet moment.

They might live the rest of their lives together, or they might not. But what Run On managed to tell me is we should not be too obsessed with our endings which may or may not be far away from us. Instead, we should focus on what’s right in front of us.

Instead of obsessing over our dreams and happy endings which may demotivate us if we keep stumbling onto boulders while chasing our dreams and happy endings, we should focus on shorter-term goals. Because who knows what great opportunities and sweet moments are standing right in front of us, waiting to be grabbed, if only we allow ourselves to cherish them and in return, being cherished ourselves.

And that to me, is the biggest takeaway from the story of DanHwa.

[faakeid]

fab nygmobblepot moments that remind you of kd uwu

OMGGGG AHDAHDUIADHAD

I want to use this moment to be sorry to everyone that follows me but keeps seeing my blog full of Nygmobs/Smaylor instead of kaisoo. I usually don’t get attached to otps like this and it happened in an unexpected way for me. But it’s here and I need to compensate for all the years I didn’t watch Gotham and had no idea about Nygmobs spamming everyone and making my heart warm.

But in general, nygmobblepot isn’t a vision of ideal relationship. Both Edward and Oswald (their surnames Cobblepot and Nygma were the ones who originated this name) are stupid and do stupid shit to each other during most of the series. So, a lot of moments related with the actors counterpart (Robin is the actor who plays Oswald and Cory who plays Ed) reminds me of kaisoo more. But a warning here! Although they have a HUGE chemistry on and off screen, they’re mostly friends. Robin is married for almost ten years so it doesn’t mean their closeness is romantic or sexual. But still, some details remind me of kd.

Similarities with nygmobs:

Height difference: it applies to Smaylor as well because it’s their height but it’s really visible in the series. Cory is a bit taller than JI I think and Robin is like 1.65 but KS is not that taller (I can’t believe he’s 1.73 at all, sorry). But, again, this factor is evident during the series and in some moments and it’s cute.

(the way he moves his feet to reach Ed’s head ;_;)

(when they hug, Oswald barely reaches his shoulders [their hugs are the equivalent to kisses in Gotham])

the closest gif I could find where we can see kd’s height difference without me stealing other people’s gifs.

Penguin reference? That’s pretty obvious. Of course I didn’t start shipping nygmobs because one of them is small and has the Penguin nickname but it made so much easier for me to read some of their fics with kd as characters because they fit the profile so much! And also, I believe KD would totally fit the “murder husbands” couple if someone did a fanfic where they just kill everyone. The closest I remember of a fanfic with this criteria is Juice Pouche where Kyungsoo is a vampire and he protects Jongin and Jongin is kind of badass as well. But the kd fandom needs more fics like this. There’s also “(Before the night is over) come see me” where KS is also a vampire and JI a young werewolf but it focuses more on their relationship than a murder husbands idea Gotham shows so well. 

How they met: Gotham’s history has a lot of differences if you compare with other universes, so keep that in mind. In Gotham, Ed works with GCPD but doesn’t feel like himself with the good side. Oswald is the character that spices things up and is a rage of death and destruction and manipulation. But Oswald is infatuated with Jim Gordon (so isn’t the first time it’s implied Penguin is gay) but he goes to the police department to see him. Ed sees him and wants to talk to him no matter the cost. And he does that... And things don’t end that friendly for him because Oswald thinks he’s a weirdo and asks him to fuck off, basically. It reminded me of kd’s first meeting where KS was the one admiring JI all along but JI get frightned. But, during their second meeting, they bond and become friends. For Nygmobs it takes more time for their second meeting but they end up developing and being in good terms :’)

Their personas, sort of: Ed is the tall one, younger and logic. Oswald is the oldest, smaller and that thinks with his heart. I love how JI could show the more logic side of himself during the last few years and, again, while reading Nygmobs fics using kd names, it was easy to fit the profile for me (that was during the time I wasn’t too deep into nygmobs and I didn’t knok them that well. KS looks cold and deatached and that’s why many people got impressed when he said, during Knowing Bros that he would choose love over friendship. He doesn’t play the part but, considering all the context, it fits him pretty well and reading this description of Oswald made me so familiar because it fits KD well. Ofc I don’t know their private lives and whatever but it’s just the impression I had as a viewer and random person;

Drama issue: when I say drama here, it’s related with how people percieve the two OTPs and how different people visualize LGBT relationship in media. Nygmobblepot had a lot of drama involved because they’re the fucking Riddler and Penguin, two of the most famous Batman villains. People saw them in different sorts of media before and others idolize those characters because of videogames and comics. So, when Oswald mentioned expressedly that he was in love with Edward, it caused an uproar in the fandom. People accused the producers and Robin of messing with the comic canon because the fucking Penguin became gay??? Robin was outspoken about the homophobia behind those statements since he’s a gay man himself but yeah, the drama existed. Part of the people invovled with the series rooted for Nygmobblepot, including some writers and the actors (Cory was the one with ambiguous messages about the nature of their relationship but it’s not even close what happened with other series like Supergirl, Supernatural and Sherlock). But it was aired by FOX, a right wing channel and, as you may imagine, they didn’t become canon per se. Actually, after Oswald said he was in love with Ed and planned on confessing to him, the writers presented a clone of Ed’s ex girlfriend with no explanation and purpose, only to separate them for most part of the series future. After that, some people seemed to have FORGOTTEN Oswald was once in love with Edward, rationalizing many things that are hard to explain with a “bro explanation”, they had a scene where the characters would have evolved even more but it was CUTTED and CHANGED and execs added the sentence “we’re brothers” to make EXPLICIT that Nygmobblepot’s relationship wouldn’t be interpreted as a romance at the end of the series (but, honestly, the actors went for the romance path anyway, the deleted scenes and the final episode can’t convince me otherwise).

What’s related with KD, may you ask? I think you’re familiar with all the drama KD faced since 2016 and how many stuff exploded during that time. How many parts are involved into creating a certain image and shifting it to be appealing and “friendly” is similar with what happens with idols. It’s no secret now about many scandals of bullying and other issues that are considered problematic and how they need to be pushed under the rug for companies so idols can make money and be profitable. Especially for male idols, it’s important that they are viewed as desirable and an object of the fans affections. That’s why he needs to be handsome and kind and look like a person that doesn’t exist. If an idol is openly gay, this person isn’t viewed by the major public with the same interest because they can’t fit the fantasy. That’s why scandals involving idols being gay need to be forgotten and deleted from people’s minds, otherwise that celebrity is ostracized. Although we tend to see the Ocident as “progressive”, there’s similar things happening in that industry. If a celebrity is openly LGBT, they don’t receive certain roles or opportunities because of it. There’s still a huge stigma that needs to be broken and we, as a society, are so far way from it. But recognizing those differences exist it’s a step forward.

Similarities with Smaylor

For me, one of the reasons Nygmobblepot works so well is because of the actors. They portrait a good chemistry because of their friendship off screen and some non verbal signs they display around each other are amazing. Those are things that remind me more of KD as we see them in a lot of moments. So, I wanted space to show those comparisons below:

Mutual admiration: it’s something both Smaylor and KD display a LOT and is extrememly outspoken. I really love watching their old interviews because the affection and admiration is so genuine it makes me drawn to them despite not being romantically involved.

(full gifset)

(there are more moments than these but I don’t want to steal gifs and there’s not much on the gif research and that sucks. Same with KD’s).

Stares and touches: Robin was the responsible for the deep stares and Cory for the random touches. There’s so many gifs of it that is hilarious. It’s like JI divided himself in two cells because we know he’s more known for both >.<

(Cory was touching Robin all the way during this interview rip)

(the gifset!!!)

You’re pretty moment: Robin, like KS, is the one that mentions about Cory/JI’s physical attributes. They have a moment pretty similar and, for KD its famous among shippers:

(gif link)

(actually, Robin called Cory dashingly handsome but its okay)

Cory lost it

There’s another series of gifsets with Robin calling Cory handsome LMAOO

:))))

Synchronization: for specialists in body language, it’s a factor that shows two people are close. That’s because of the mirror neurons we have that makes us copy movements, actions or words that someone we have empathy/we are close with do or say. Both kd and smaylor do this and it’s really soft.

(one of the classics)

(classic 2)

whole gifset (i love this interview so much)

(gif)

The fact the actors came up with their OTP names: people tend to forget that KD’s real otp name (according with Jongin) is dika. Cory also came up with Nygmobblepot name and Smaylor too <3

So, meanwhile Nygmobs has thropies that work a lot with KD AUs, Smaylor has healthy dynamics seen in public appearances KD made. Like I said above, there’s a huge polemic about shipping Smaylor romantically because Robin is married. On social media, is visible he loves his husband and it’s pretty cute to see. Cory himself mentioned that their relationship was sort of a platonic friendship (whatever that means) but it’s really genuine in terms of affections and display of admiration, something KD has as well.

Probably someone will question that it may changed the way I see KD or if now I ship them as bros. Nothing about that changed. With KD, although there are some similar details, there are internal AND external factors that made me support them in a romantic perspective in the first place. And it didn’t change. 

But both of them (Nygmobs too) make me feel that I’m testimoning something genuine, which is really hard in both kpop and media universes. In one side, we have a LOT of fanservice. And, in the other, it’s mostly a work interaction with lots of queerbating. Yes, Gotham has queerbating aspects in it but it’s not full of queerbating, if it makes sense. The message the actors and some writers wanted to convey are there and really display a romantic direction with character evolution and growth. And, considering the way media is nowadays, it’s nice to see.

[carveredlunds]

TW: SUICIDE MENTIONS I’m not the first person to point out that Chuck’s ending makes no sense. Chuck himself says he’s omniscient in 15.17. So, him needing a “heads up” from Michael about Team Free Will’s plan doesn’t make sense — he should have known what they were going to do, and he should have known what was happening when Jack absorbed his powers. He shouldn’t have lost the way he did. Unless he didn’t lose. When looked at another way, Chuck’s ending might have been what he wanted all along. Or rather, it would have been, if Sam and Dean had killed him.  According to Wikipedia, “suicide by cop or suicide by police is a suicide method in which a suicidal individual deliberately behaves in a threatening manner, with intent to provoke a lethal response from a public safety or law enforcement officer.” It is entirely possible that Chuck deliberately went full Big Bad in the hopes of eventually getting Team Free to kill him. He knows that Sam and Dean are the messengers of his destruction, after all. They’re the only ones who can finish him. And what better way to go than at the hands of your favourite humans? I’ve talked about this before, but here it is again: in 15.02, Chuck said “So, that Game of Thrones ending? Pretty great, right?” A lot of people assumed this was a sign that he didn’t know what constituted bad writing, that it was a nod from the showrunners to the audience, like they were saying to us, “Don’t worry! Supernatural’s ending won’t be that bad!” But what if he liked the ending of Game of Thrones for another reason? What if he saw himself in Dany’s final storyline — an evil tyrant, gone mad with power, being killed by the show’s protagonist for their own good? This theory still holds up if you also take into consideration season 11′s characterisation of Chuck. If you don’t just assume that everything Chuck did in season 11 was a trick or a lie (which I don’t), then he was absolutely willing to sacrifice himself to save the world from Amara. The suicidal intention was already there. But then he reunited with Amara, and figured he’d give living a shot for a while. But that didn’t work. By the time the season 14 finale rolls around, he and Amara have parted ways, and he is bitter and cynical and done with it all. He just wants out, even at the cost of everything he’s created. He’s alone without his sister, he hates himself (as he said to Becky) and he’s been alive for so long, creating whole worlds just for something to do. Speaking of Becky, I think Chuck’s visit to her in 15.04 was when his plan to commit “suicide by the Winchesters” really formed. He went to see her because he had nowhere else to go, and he starts out the episode lost and self-loathing. He writes an ending to the brother’s story which Becky doesn’t like (not featuring his own demise) so he snaps her out of existence, and rewrites the ending slightly (which is the ending we see in episode 19 — basically the same one Becky read, except now with Chuck’s death at the hands of Sam and Dean included. This is the scene where he says “This is gonna be good” to himself.) By the end of this episode, he is completely sold on the idea of being the ultimate Big Bad and letting Team Free Will kill him in the end. Before episode 4, he wanted to abandon this world with Amara, and go to create something new. This brings me nicely onto the subject of of his creations. If you look at Chuck’s systematic destruction of his other worlds as a suicidal person getting rid of all of their personal belongings and ties to life (on a cosmic scale) then it aligns with the theory that he was on a self-destructive mission. One of the common signs to watch out for in suicidal individuals is a cavalier attitude towards their belongings, with people who have made a plan to die often giving away possessions to loved ones. They may also appear cheerful, despite having a plan to die. But this is because they have a plan to die — they see an end in sight, and they’ve made a plan to get there. This too falls in line with Chuck’s behaviour. From 15.04 onwards, he is as happy-go-lucky as any other Big Bad of the show, cracking jokes, grinning jovially, and generally seeming happy. So, here is Chuck’s “Death by the Winchesters” Plan in its entirety: First, he set himself up as an antagonist in the eyes of Team Free Will in the season 14 finale. Then he destroyed all of his creations, except the world featuring the Winchesters who were the messengers of his destruction. Then, he absorbed Amara (the only other being who might want to talk him out of his plan). And finally, he went to face them in that final showdown in episode 19, in the hopes that they would kill him and finally put an end to his ancient, lonely, existence. Chuck shows lots of the hallmarks of a suicidal and depressed character, even in season 11, but definitely in seasons 14 and 15. He’s antagonistic, destructive, lonely, reckless, self-deprecating, and nihilistic. According to save.org, there are 11 warnings signs of suicide:

1. Talking about wanting to die or to kill oneself 2. Looking for a way to kill oneself 3. Talking about feeling hopeless or having no purpose 4. Talking about feeling trapped or being in unbearable pain 5. Talking about being a burden to others 6. Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs 7. Acting anxious, agitated, or reckless 8. Sleeping too little or too much 9. Withdrawing or feeling isolated 10. Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge 11. Displaying extreme mood swings Of these 11, we can remove “sleeping too little or too much”, on account of the fact that he’s God (though he does seem to sleep a lot as the Prophet Chuck, even in the middle of the day. This could be put down to his method acting, but still worth mentioning!) Anyway, really, it’s a 10 point list. And of those 10, Chuck displays the following signs: 1. Talking about wanting to die or to kill oneself (“To die at the hands of Sam Winchester. Of Dean Winchester, the ultimate killer... It's kind of glorious” in 15.19) 2. Looking for a way to kill oneself (His “Death by the Winchesters” Plan) 3. Talking about feeling hopeless or having no purpose (“Yeah, I just don’t know what I’m doing. I feel so lost” in 15.04) 4. Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs (drank excessively as the Prophet Chuck, hung out in a bar in 11.20, and went on a bender at the casino in 15.08 when he killed all the staff and hung around gambling) 5. Acting anxious, agitated, or reckless ( “You don’t need me. No one does […] I kind of hate me right now” in 15.04 shows his anxious/agitated side) 6. Withdrawing or feeling isolated (examples in this gifset I made) 7. Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge (“It’s time to start cancelling shows” in 15.12, and his many temper tantrums from 11.20 onwards) 8. Displaying extreme mood swings (see: every episode featuring Chuck from 11.20 onwards) That’s 8 out of 10. That’s 80%. And while he doesn’t actively talk about feeling trapped, being in unbearable pain or being a burden, he does say that no one needs him (in 15.04 with Becky), and talk about being unfulfilled and disappointed with the world (in 11.20 with Metatron, in 15.12 with the Radio Shed Clerk, and in 15.17 with Amara.) So perhaps his ending did make sense after all. He wanted the brothers to kill him, but instead, they refused, and left him alone to suffer.

[im-the-punk-who]

Miranda “Barlow” and James “Flint”

So recently I saw this gifset and was like oh fuck yeah do I have feelings on that!! and then I realized that I could save a ton of wordage on the dream meta post if I did a separate meta on Miranda’s role in creating the Captain Flint persona. So this is that post. 

We talk constantly about how James changes his name to become “Captain Flint”, but I feel like sometimes we overlook the fact that Miranda also changes her name. Now it could be argued it would be necessary to avoid detection as Thomas Hamilton’s wife, but wouldn’t James’ name be just as connectable to anyone who might be looking? Certainly to Alfred or Peter. If we argue that James changed his name solely - or mostly even - to separate himself from who he was in London, isn’t it possible to argue the same for Miranda? That “how unrecognizable the woman I am now would be to the woman I was then” ?

(Also it feels significant they both reveal their ‘real’ names to Abigail in the same episode.)

A lot of times Miranda gets characterized as this passive person, who sits back and sort of lets things happen, but in reality I think she is much more an active participant in her life. She marries Thomas - and whether or not she knew he was gay at the time, she builds herself a life that suits her - having the freedom to sleep with who she chooses, build alliances, etc. And she does actively try to protect and discourage Thomas and James from their plan when she sees it’s become to dangerous - even before James returns. And she is the one that decides to leave Thomas behind in favor of saving herself and James. For all that she is a woman raised in English society where she has very little actual power, Miranda grabs it and fights for it, her own self-preservation and self-fulfillment, wherever possible.

(And in Flint’s dreams when she mouths -I’m asking you to come with me so that I can save your life- isn’t that exactly what Miranda asked of him in London? And the second time, when they are below in the hold with death she adds - I have come upon some information which changes things for you - while standing next to a personification of death with a book on the table. Perhaps a throwback to when they found out Thomas was dead, in some way.)

Further, in Flint’s dreams, when Miranda has the whole “When I first met you you were so unformed. But then I spoke and bade you cast aside your shame, and Captain Flint was born into the world.” speech that is a direct reference to her role in creating “Flint” from James’ subconscious. (and i’m not SUPER gonna touch on this because this is much more important in regards to the dream meanings, but in that speech Miranda is pretty much a direct stand in for the persona of Flint himself. And it is only after James “leaves her behind” he goes through a radical shift towards finally being able to move on from revenge and really focus on what would actually make a difference to the people whose lives he would be affecting. On not burning England to the ground, or asking for a pardon - but simply seeking “her departure from my island.” (which, god, amazing delivery on that line. Fucking shivers.)

Miranda has a deep connection to everything James does as Flint. Although the crew is wrong in saying she is a which that controls him, the truth of it - like that Flint controls the weather - is closer than one might think on first watch. (And Black Sails loves to play with this, how close to the supernatural can we bring our characters while still staying within the bounds of reality. VERY 16th century of them.) She wanted revenge, and she was willing to use James - “Flint” - to get it. Burning the coast, too, wasn’t truly “his” idea - he was acting on Miranda’s last words. And perhaps other things, too, were done because of Miranda’s urging.

While Miranda doesn’t control James Flint directly she has a heavy influence on what he does because the anger that drives “Flint” is as much hers as it is James’. She is not only his co-conspirator, but his confidante, his tether. Even as James does the actual deeds, Miranda is there supporting him and driving his actions, justifying them because they line up(at least initially) with what she wants. And I think it’s interesting that (in a similar manner to Silver, and ... that’s a whole other post, Miranda’s similarities to Silver) when Miranda disagrees with him it causes an identity crisis that starts to unravel “Captain Flint” at the seems throughout the rest of the show.

When Miranda is talking to Eleanor she says “I know their(Captain Flint’s demons) names. I was there when they were born and I know what they whisper to him at night.” While Miranda doesn’t really seem to understand exactly why James feels the need to fight, she does understand why “Flint” needs to. 

And I also think that James and Miranda probably kept each other in that cycle - one feeding off the other’s grief in ways they couldn’t control - partially because in the end they needed such different things to resolve them.

In dealing with that trauma and grief and loss of losing Miranda, of losing the other half of who Flint has been all this time, he is able to move on from the pardons, from antagonizing the coast, from getting ‘revenge’ on England for the deaths of Thomas and Miranda and starts focusing on true liberation - working towards a goal where he truly could walk away from “Flint” and all the carnage he has caused and find his own personal peace. But he can’t do that without reconciling Miranda’s control in Flint that he became responsible for when she died.

And to that end I also think about what Madi says to Silver. That to go to those depths, one needs a partner to pull them back out. James has always had Miranda - even if she was just on Nassau - to help him carry the burden of Flint. When Miranda dies Flint loses that and so of course he goes off the deep end - the tags on that post I think say it best: and that’s part of why he sort of drowns in the persona#the ‘monster’ borne of their rage and grief is too much for one person alone to hold up.

(And I could go into a whole OTHER thing about how he finds that again in Silver and later in S4 in Madi - and how when Madi ‘is dead’ Silver starts to descend into those very same depths - how Flint sees it, how he tries to be the tether for Silver like Silver was for him - “I told you I’d see you through this” - and how Silver, instead of clinging to it like he had done to Miranda, instead of at least letting it keep him afloat, cuts the tether loose when he sends Flint to Savannah AND alienates Madi for fear of it fraying later on and that is when he truly becomes the Long John Silver from Treasure Island just as James “becomes” Captain Flint earlier. I could....but maybe another time because this is already long enough lmao.)

[missionaryjack]

How Dawson’s Creek broke my heart, made me cry for nearly two weeks straight and left me an emotional mess

wow, yesterday I finished all 6 seasons of Dawson’s Creek and I have so many thoughts and emotions it’s crazy! First of all, for the past 15 years or so I knew this show existed but I had no idea what it’s about or what to expect. Couple months ago I saw that Netflix Germany would add the show in February and also my wonderful gf @rafej-cambanks graced my dash with Pacey gifsets so I was really intrigued and thought I would give it a shot! This fucking show literally crushed me, I don’t think I ever cried so much while watching any series EVER! Even though I’m like 20 years late but Pacey Witter is officially THE BEST male character in tv history and also the epitome of the ideal man! 

To be honest I binged the whole series in one and a half weeks or so but I can’t remember anything about season 1, I guess it was more of an introduction. Season 2 was just awful?! It was so bad I hated it SO SO much! Season 3 was probably my favorite! I binged season 3 in two days and absolutely loved it! Season 4 was amazing because we got Pacey and Joey as a couple and that’s when I noticed that I was only watching for them. At some point I lost all interest in everyone else and would just skip to all the scenes about Joey or Pacey or them together. I was aware about the other storylines but still didn’t watch them intently. Season 5 was ...? I don’t even know after a couple of episodes I just skipped season 5 altogether because I just couldn’t fathom how they would completely neglect Pacey and Joey’s relationship/feelings/chemistry??? Like I get they broke up, they were doing their own thing, dating other people but them being absolutely okay with that was just not realistic to me. I wanted a little bit of jealousy, longing glances, little touches here and there idk I just was dissapointed and saw no point in watching 23 episodes of this bs. Good old season 6 - what can I say? Uhm, didn’t care for the first part and then 6x14 came and we got Joey and Pacey flirting, we got them kissing, we got Pacey admiting that he’s not over her, we got him looking at her so lovingly and longingly that I got literal butterflies it was beautiful! 6x15 is officialy my favorite episode of all time, they really gave us a whole ass episode just with Pacey and Joey?! I mean pure perfection !!! The way Pacey was flirting with another woman and was pissed that Joey didn’t mind hahah and then that shaving scene and them kissing and just all the things he said to her, it was so romantic! So when she dumped his ass and decided to get back together wit Eddie I was like wtf bitch?! Sorry but that was the dumbest and most unnecessary storyline they could have given us. The finale was beautiful but SO sad, I cried my eyes out and was so happy that the two of them ended up together but I just would have wished for more scenes between them, more of lovey dovey PJO. 

Anyhow, sorry for this long ass post haha but if you find it in the depths of the tags and want to talk about anything Dawson’s Creek I’M HERE and ready!!