#my brain is plagued by them i had to do smth about it

[alligaytorswamp]

i love them so much...

[bimbombimbo]

thistook like way too long it was supposed to be a doodle

anyways uhhh kid sniper and his trapinch!!! + grown up.. and flygon.. i have been rotating tf2 pokemon in my brain !!

You guys wanna listen to me ramble about tf2 Pokemon so baaad.. go on.. click on the read more thing...

OKAY SO i need to get this out of my system

It's probably obvious that Mick had been a difficult kid (of course, given that he was an outcast probably: the slim, small, weird kid with no body hair) and very much without friends. He'd have been the object of, mockery and nasty jokes and things like that; school sucks buddy!

Applying that into a Pokemon world: Mick would have definitely wanted a huge, strong pokemon. Probably to be able to properly defend himself, one like Kangaskhan, or a Zangoose or a Seviper (or even better, a Charizard just like he'd seen on TV!). Of course, having a strong pokemon would require years of training (and bonding too!), something that required a level of patience little Mick hadn't built yet. So, knowing his way into the woods due to always hanging around there by himself (comfort? escape? who knows), he goes deeper and deeper. Yeah, he tries to catch creatures he deems "strong", and horribly fails, again and again.

During one of these awful attempts, he returns home, frustrated and tired. However, the constant trips to this unknown part of the outback (and, of course, making a lot of noise) had attracted a teeny tiny creature: a Trapinch! The weak link of his group, low level, weak thing (but fierce and with a high defense), its presence isn't recognized until Ms. Mundy finds a lot of her crops missing and others bitten.

Of course, Mick finds the plague and brings it back to the outdoors, away from home. But it refused!Going back to the little boy's house each time it is taken away. Catching it on a small trap, Mick is willing to exterminate it, but something talks to him. Maybe he saw himself in the eyes of that tiny critter (who was struggling in a cage that wasn't made for it), or maybe he learned some empathy from his mother, or maybe he just wanted to contradict his dad. So, he keeps it in the end.

Clearly, the kid doesn't expect much from this, little creature that fits in his backpack (bad idea: he shouldn't have brought it with him to school, now he's also the weird pokemon kid). But still, he feeds it, he brings it with him everywhere (can't trust his dad enough), and slowly gets used to its presence.

The Trapinch soon tags along Mick into his hunting trips. The kid trains his precision with the bow and, in a couple of years later, his dad's rifle. Understands his companion's hunting method too, and slowly begins to train and teach new moves to it. A bond is forming! Through the years, Mick starts seeing the Trapinch as a pet (not that his family didn't had pets, but this one? it was his. the connection was visible between them)

The bullying problem doesn't stop though. Mick learns to avoid it, and avoid telling his parents about it (given that he already defends himself, and he doesn't want to make a fuss out of it). He drops school around his last years, dedicating himself to only hunting for some time, taking about a sixteen/seventeen year-old guy probably.

And wahoo! Word gets around about the quiet guy that headshots all the bunnies and deers and just like that he gets his first actually sniper job. (Not really going into that, let's focus on the pokemon aspect instead)

Trapinch probably evolves around this time. Not an extremely incredible event (some evolutions are televised) but Sniper might have not expected a Big Dragon-Fly. Vibrava is such a cool pokemon tho, it gets a while for Sniper to get used to the new name.

- Fun idea a friend of mine commented: "Vibrava can get him his jars to pee. It can also work as a bomb helicopter or smth: it grabs the jarate, flies above the enemy and drops it in their head"

However I do think they wouldn't have gone in much sniping jobs together, given a feral Vibrava's nature of, uh, the ultrasonic waves thing. It probably goes away a lot, into the outback all by itself. That's fine, but Sniper can't stop thinking his pokemon is going to leave and not come back some day.

Around this time, Sniper gets his contract at RED, travelling to Americs (probably around, 23 years old?) Forgive me for I don't know much about dates and ages! I headcannon Sniper to be in his mid 30's during the comic (Even though I'm pretty sure he's canonically 26, I'm sorry, I can't imagine him being younger than 30)

Sniper brings Vibrava with him into his (recently obtained) van, close to RED headquarters. For obvious reasons, it is not taken into the matches, but it's left out of its pokeball to explore around. At first, it doesn't return to sleep one night. Then it happens more often.

And it finally happens. Vibrava doesn't come back for a day, two days, a week. Of course, Sniper feels devastated, thinking it's gone for good (but leaving his window open everyday, just in case...)

He wakes up one day (or is it night? probably too early to notice), having heard a strong wind move his van. Groggy, goes outside to check if a storm of some kind is approaching, and he'd greeted by an enormous, dragon-bug thing that grabs him by the arms and lifts him up in the sky.

Flygon is way stronger than Vibrava. Bigger, of course, and more active. But still playfully bites at his hands, and still lays on its back demanding belly rubs like a dog (just like it used to do when it was a Trapinch). They go on camping trips together a lot. Sniper could technically go on its back, but he doesn't want to leave the van alone.

Sniper probably looks back to when he was a kid and is glad to not have uh, eliminated the pokemon when he had a chance.

FUCK THAT'S A LOT? i ain't reading allat 😂 if you're here thanks for reading i love you

[zerobaselove]

and so, i love you | kim taerae

pairing: taerae x reader

genre: fluff

word count: 903

warnings: none! lowercase intended, not proofread

notes: saw those taerae previews and literally RAN to my inbox to find smth taerae related to write... so i picked a request for something relating to glue song <3

for taerae, writing songs was like therapy. he could get all of his thoughts and feelings onto paper in a way that made sense for him, keeping them from covering every surface of his brain. in a way that felt beautiful like flowers; flowers that were once wild in a field, turned into a beautiful arrangement of scents and colours, all with their own meaning. 

finding the right words to use for this song, i have you in mind, so it won’t take so long

he had found himself sitting, twirling the pen in his hand as he hummed a faint melody, trying to tie words to the sound. he wasn’t sure what he had planned to write about, but like most writing sessions, the words always came back to you. 

he was absolutely enamoured with you; the way you smiled with your eyes or the way your cheeks puffed up when you took a sip of something. the way you had one piece of hair consistently out of place, or the way your eyes lit up when you saw a furry little creature like a cat or a dog. the way you treated everyone kindly and your optimistic outlook on life. all of it. he could write hundreds of songs about you, and he was sure he would.

loving you was easy. it came like second nature to taerae. there wasn't a moment that went by where he wasn't thinking about you in some fashion. maybe he saw something in your favourite colour or decided to get a drink you like, just because you like it, or maybe your favourite song came on the radio. no matter it was, it always came back to you.

he never expected to end up like this. he never thought he would be lucky enough to find someone like you who makes him feel like he does, that's what movies are for, he used to say. but you proved him wrong, or rather, you made his life like a movie.

never thought i’d find you, but you’re here, and so i love you

love. that is all he could describe the emotion as. even then, it almost didn't feel like enough. it felt like no words would ever be enough to capture your beauty, but he was determined to try. your existence in itself was art to him, and so it was his mission to create his own art to repay you for being in his life.

he wasn't always the best at talking. afraid of the intimate words shared with nothing to fall back onto. the fear of silence from either end kept him from getting too serious too often. and so writing was his favourite outlet. there was no room for tripping over his words or empty air. and he could tell you exactly what was on his mind.

right now his brain seemed to be plagued by a rather big confession. this feeling of love, well, you both had never explicitly said it out loud. perhaps you were waiting for the right moment. but in this moment as he scratched out and rewrote words like a machine, he was sure of one thing. he loved you. and he needed to tell you.

i’m not wrong when i say i’ve been stuck by the glue onto you

to be stuck; to adhere or cling to something. that's how taerae was with you. where you went, he followed. he wasn't really sure when he started wanting to be close to you, in every sense, but it was overwhelming. he just never wanted to leave your side, and the same went for you with him.

at some point in your relationship, you had just grown to prefer your time being by each other's side as if stuck by glue.

taerae was so absorbed in his thoughts and the words in front of him, he didn't even notice you walking up to the table he was sitting at outside a small cafe.

"what are you doing here love?" you asked, glancing over the sprawled-out notebook and pens at the table along with the now-empty coffee to his side.

he seemed a little caught off guard at first, but the shock was quickly overtaken by a wide smile as he quickly moved his bag from beside him, leaving you room to sit next to him. "just writing, needed a change of scenery."

the two of you chatted for a moment before you let the curiosity get the best of you. "so when are you gonna show me one of these songs, hm?" you teased, leaning into his arm as if to coerce him to let you into his prized notebook, and subsequently, his mind.

"well," he breathed out. it was doing him no good to keep it all held to his chest, so he made a quick, and potentially stupid decision. "how about later tonight, my place, 8?"

you couldn't hide the smile that quickly spread to your cheeks, not only at the invitation, but just at getting to spend more time with him.

"8 o'clock it is," you stood up, pecking his cheek before grabbing your phone off of the table, "i'll see you then, and don't work too hard."

"don't worry about me, my love, it comes easy."

he knew love didn't come easy on it's own, but loving you? well that was the easiest thing he's ever done.

[heleizition]

my brains in scrambles but im here to incoherently scream about ur characters. i love them so fucking much. holding gabe gently in my hands and weeping, baby deserves a hug. they ALL deserve a hug... also vessel? vessel lore??? is there other types of vessels like with the fuckery of jasper and angel? assigning angel and demon based on vibes is a top tier choice. takes in hands and squishes. is an angel/demon the age of when they died? are there pets. they all need emotional support animals...

EEEEH HI !!!!!

eve's vessel lore is from forever ago and i dont rly feel like talking about it because i won't go forward with it lol but the world then had fantastical elements in and eve was her parents pet project to raise a powerful being from the dead or smth and that was actually what had caused the illness n stuff to spread and at the end she turned into a tree to save everyone yayyyyy but thats not happening anymore.

jasper & angel and then cody & god are the only vessel like things happening rn.

i havent added any pets yet!!!! theres something to do with purgatory (angel/demon realm) and the land in between (where our protagonists head quarters are and where arthur and maria are and where a lot of people are living in we'll find out bc more people hate this war than people think!!!!) and the creatures living there. titania should have like a pet flesh centipede. absolutely terrifying but it jst wants pets and treats actually.

UM........... SO................. the ages are just................ well at first i was like oh teh'yre reborn in their ideal body while still being themselves or smth !!! (would explain masectomy scars for eden & abel yay) but it doesnt make much sense bc vik never lived his 20s... but people do grow old in this realm maybe.... its a work in progress i guess lol im jst vibing with this. at first i was super serious and trying to make everything coherent but like. im never publishing this im neverm kaing an actual comic or video game or any type of narration beside talking abt it with u guys ! so like. ill do what i want . yay

also ! new angel art just dropped with their official human hair yayyyy

idk what i said abt them yet <3 they're a very bright very happy character except they are also plagued with fear and anxiety and like. are they really really real ? you know : ) !!!!!! theyre doing their best. excited to put them in my ocs aus. :D

[why-is-thinking-so-hard]

okay so au time prologue actually

this gets really long

⚠️spoilers for mean girls, both of them⚠️

fuck okay, I have to remember how this all started hang on...

and the context IS important TO ME

anyway, I think this started with the bus actually. holy shit, this started yesterday? oh my god... I feel like this has been plaguing my brain for weeks.

so my friend and I had just watched both mean girls movies because he had never seen either one before and that needed to be fixed. after he left my place, I saw a post joking about making a legal case for the bus driver speeding through the school zone and my adhd brain took that and ran and I mean RAN. before I knew it I was thinking about how that crash was intentional.

we had just watched both movies so the scene was fresh in my mind, I mean, they had to see regina in the road well before they hit her, but there's no attempt to warn her and get her out of the road or stop the bus until after she's been hit. in both movies the road is clear, not a single car or person-- hell, not even a single piece of trash--, regina's in the road for a minute or so, there are no visible crossroads or corners around the crossings where she's hit so the driver didn't whip around a corner and plausibly not see her, and you don't hear the brakes on the bus until after regina's been hit and buses are big so takes time for the brakes to engage, if they were trying to stop before they hit her, you would've heard the screech and swerving during that scene but there's nothing and the bus is heading straight on.

anybody who follows @butchregina (love their art, literally gave me gender envy and now im shopping for binders) knows they often ask what people are thinking about and so I sent the whole above analysis in and they answered "I think someone put a hit out on her"

what does this have to do with a superhero/spider-man cadina au? im getting there, but wow this is getting long. why is it I can write an essay like its nothing when im no longer in school?

the answer was funny so I sent it to my friend and he said "there is no driver cady just manifests them[...] its why she was homeschooled in the African savannah her prents had to be somewhere with no cheeselog busses for her to teleport to her location within a fifty mile radius or smth," which I also sent in as an ask with the caption "another option," to which the answer was "she is a superhero. She does control the buses."

so this is where we actually get into the how the superhero/spider-man au thoughts came to be. that response got me thinking about superhero cady, not cady summoning buses because that made me lose my mind, but superhero cady. part of me was endeared to the idea of a cadina where cady had powers but regina didn't but how can regina not have powers? when I started thinking about it it truly was just a vague superpower au, like, cady somehow got powers and had to hide them- maybe janis and Damian know and are her Man In The Van TM- and then there's regina who kinda looks down on her but thinks her hero alter ego is the shit it was a whole thing but I feel like I should wrap this essay up.

point being, there are more details, but I will get into them in another post because this was the prologue, the context of why this has been plaguing my mind for... less than 24 hours at last check. I will be posting more about this under superhero cadina or spider-man cadina, it depends on how vague I am about their story and powers.

if you read to the end of this, thank you for indulging my rambling about whatever the hell this was/is going to end up being, best of love and luck to you

[dykevanny]

haz i know absolutely nothign about zeno rpg but ur zeno au has intrigued me and im curious about it,,, i saw smth abt like. meomory loss and being handcuffed together and ik they eat ppl but thats it 😭 explain the au if u want ig bc im interested and i think thye look so silly. also bc u put vanny n will in my brain and they wont leave im shooing them with a boom and they are not moving

OK LET ME GET THE INFODUMP<3

So ummm Zeno au<3 I’m really normal. Allow me to give a brief explanation of what Zeno is first You see, Zeno is a fictional disease sort of thing that makes people cannibals. Specifically an oneset is caused by traumatic events/extreme cases of unrequited love(specifically mostly familial) and the only cure is eating the flesh of someone else with Zeno.(not widely known.) It’s also transmittable through biting like zombies. there’s one specific facility with scientists dedicated to getting to the bottom of how to cure zeno, also housing ‘patients’ (or, people with zeno being used as lab rats). Now onto character lore.

So william and henry were good friends right. Yeah. Considering that they even have a small diner together. Well one day will got zeno (oh no!) and started slowly picking off kids going to the diner. He even accidentally attacked Charlie, who escaped in one piece luckily. Charlie went to the afton household to see if he was doing okay (because will’s like an uncle to her and all! And also what if everyone else got hurt?) only to find will ate them all oops. And yeah same happened to her, but since he transmitted zeno to Charlie he was cured! How convenient! The people in charge of the labs ended up roping him and henry into being scientists for them through shady shady means and well the two aren’t on good terms and avoid each other like the plague. Henry’s still sore over the ‘you ate my fucking daughter’ thing. Luckily he has his assistant/the archivist (tape girl) to keep him company. So Vanessa right! Crazzy I know. Nessa as we know comes from a broken family. In this specific au I’m mixing her backstory with the character who’s place she’s taking (hi kuro) so basically her parents. Neglect her. In favor of her younger sibling because she was born from her mom’s affair and blablabla… she grows up basically taking care of herself. Eventually she develops zeno and starts you know. Killing and eating random girls as you do. When one night she comes home and is confronted by her parents about this!! And well you can guess. What happens to them lol. She gets captured and taken to the zeno facility where she’s specifically studied/talked to by William! They’re funny bc nessa hasn’t had anyone willingly spend so much time around her and be so nice to her. Will … well she’s a specimen to him lol. Since being cured himself zeno has been a subject of interest to him, he’s thrown himself completely into his work (under the guise of feeling soooo guilty for his actions which henry can see right through) and well. He’s realized the consumption of human flesh has something to do with it, since eating Charlie cured him. So he’s been …. Robbing the morgue/killing people when needed to feed vanessa every time they meet. Which, she’s more docile when she’s not hungry so it kind of works but she’s not like cured you know. It has the side affect of her being hungry when it’s time for someone to chat with her though which was funny the one time henry had to go in will’s stead cause he offered her a granola bar and she was like 😐 ew.?? Anyways will has gotten her total trust because he also plays board games with her yay!! He’s the only one not enforcing the whole straightjacket-dog muzzle combo also so she’s like woah !! He sees me as another human unlike these other guys :DD (needless to say zeno patients are not treated very humanely.lol) there was also one time tape girl had to be a substitute for william but nothing of note happened they just kinda chilled and ness threatened her in a backhanded and mildly gay sort of way.as you do.

Anyway yeah so basically Henry’s been experimenting with treatment through amnesia and totally surely unrelated note at the actual start of the story, Will and Nessa wake up in a strange room with no clue who they are or how they got here, and have to navigate the now bloody and corpse-strewn facility while handcuffed together with nothing to guide them except each other and the only clue to their pasts is tampered resumes which effectively switch their backstories!! Nessa is under the impression that she’s the scientist (the whole cannibalism part was left out) and she thinks William is the serial murderer/cannibal. Which was funny cause she read her own resume like wow… I’m kind of a big deal huh :) and then read Will’s like ERM.OKAY… Will didn’t read either of the resumes. Also tape girl gave everyone code names and said code names were swapped on the resumes also! So ���bonnie’(nessa) and ‘vanny’(will) are just kind of cluelessly walking around like damn this place is really… corpsey:) until henry starts showing up and trying to kill them (he contracted zeno big surprise) and also tape girl (assumed dead) shows up sometimes just to see how things are going. Lots of shenanigans and also murder ensue.

The game also has multiple endings so. sometimes nessa ends up killing william lol. Intestine jumprope…. … ……… Also side note.will found out it’s specifically zeno infected humans that need to be fed to patients to cure them but kinda. Didn’t cure nessa on purpose<3 because she’s sort of entirely dependent on him in this way and she’s kind of his only friend.the same way he’s her only friend……wacky wild!

Tape girl is having a fucking.day. Because henry mentioned he was going to do something but likeee. She didn’t expect to be caught in the crossfires of a HUGE MASS MURDER CANNIBAL EVENT.AS LIKE ONE OF THE 4 PEOPLE STILL ALIVE IN HERE,.. once he chilled out henry explained himself and she agreed to help out (she also decided to distribute some of her recorded notes.just for fun…after the two get separated for the first time ‘vanny’ listens to them and is like woah… i was a patient here⁉️ And bon was my unethical doctor⁉️⁉️ which is funny) but like. She is the only one NOT infected in here and would like to keep it that way so she’s having quite the time. Seeing vanessa walking around unrestrained keeps jumpscaring her LOL. Once ness’s zeno symptoms start returning well ofc will as the only one she’d encountered here who she cares about is the first target but tape girl nearly gets chomped too lol.

Zeno has an interesting affect on the subjects mood which is funny. Basically when an oneset happens and the person with zeno is running around eating people they’re in a crazed manic state which. Is really fun.will and nessa are wandering around handcufffed and he’s like uhh bonnie you okay cause her facial expressions.well they went from the example on the left to the one on the right.

It’s funny bc. The memory erasure actually technically did work… her symptoms only started returning bc she got bit LOL

Pre-the amnesia incident the other three’s interactions with vanessa were pretty.limited. Considering she’s theeee most dangerous patient. Will talks to her for like an hour daily but Henry only really knows her as ‘william’s mutt’ (he was especially not a fan when he found out will had been FEEDING HER HUMAN FLESH.) and tape girl is afraid of her but also. Kind of endeared from their two in person interactions. The second one in which vanessa tried to convince her to let her cannibalize her but hey she was very polite about it..!! Henry and tape girl are both shocked and stunned that she’s actually pretty chill when she’s not insane and eating people.

TL;DR

^these fuckheads are almost all cannibals and beating each other up forever

[mauricemylittlemeowmeow]

gmorning gmorning. gmorning long post.

it's exactly 4am!!

blurry ass shot but i woke up, saw jupiter and thought "yeah definitely too early". but then i get up a bit more and i saw the moon right below it and i thought pretty!!!

skies've been too cloudy to stargaze for the past month. it's actually completely obscured the moon and jupiter right now so i'm glad i could get a shot in even though it was shitty lmao. it was real pretty and nice and fuckin mars was there with aldebaran and everything (if u squint u see them in the photo above jupiter)

dream time!!! on a scale of 10, dreams were a 7-8 today depending on which. one of them featured daniil which was funny so ill relay it:

premise was that i was the player character in what my brain helpfully supplied as some sort prequel game for patho. a nurse (i was talking to my nurse friend before sleeping and she was ranting abt phlebotomy or smth so lmao)

it mightve been set in a plague but basically there was some sort of epidemic and "i" tended to the in patients at an hospital (is it a hospital?? do people pronounce the h in hospital in english?) where most of everyone was sick with something really bad and barely curable.

anyways i was walking around doing my rounds. then i come over to this room with patients and it's literally like a closet with long shelves and everything but instead of supplies, the patients were crammed in there like a morgue or a line of standing coffins.

lo and behold i see daniil in all his p1 model glory. i pull him out. hes distressed so i tell him hes actually starting to get better (he was not) and that soon he'll be discharged after he's well again. i pat his head lovably and grow fond like i was comforting a cute puppy (i have 6 dogs) and i think about shoving him in the broom closet of doom again.

i think that was the part where i was like "lmao wtf is this dream rn" so my brain helpfully supplied some lore then when i was done "remembering" the setting above, the scene already shifted.

daniil was, once again, in distress. he was a lot like an asylum patient. like someone who lost their sense of self and was struggling very hard to claw at an identity of any sort that they might have had in the past. he was trying to use the phone to make a call. he struggles trying to recall a number but then eventually gets one right.

it rings and bc dream me really wanted to listen in on the conversation like a chronic gossip, i manage to "convince" him (dream coercion) to let me answer the phone.

it was his mum!! daniil dankovsky's mother 大草 lmao. i told her i was from the hospital, calling about daniil and she was like "oh... he's dead, isn't he?" and i told her that no he's fine actually and was to be dismissed very soon (i was lying).

while this was happening, i was trying my best to let daniil hear the conversation too but i didn't know how to put the telephone on speaker (bc fr idk how to put telephones on speaker irl. i think our telephone company doesnt provide speaker buttons????? idk im going insane) so i was just struggling, trying to put the receiver speaker in between us before giving up

i heard the tail end of her going on about needing "dr. burakh" to fix her up and my brain hit me with another dose of setting details at that point.

(artemy's a doctor/surgeon in the hospital and hes handling daniil's treatment too)

i laugh and tell her that there's no need to get artemy bc soon her son'll be home to fix her up instead.

at that point, i was urged to cut the call because someone came up to me, another telephone in hand, and said "you know this is a home line right?" (implying anyone could listen in)

i was too lazy to reply and continue the dream so i just woke up after that lol.

but yeah good morning yippee!! clean start for another day!!! cant wait to seize it, hope everyone does too!!!

[aro--chaos]

I posted 379 times in 2022

That's 359 more posts than 2021!

35 posts created (9%)

344 posts reblogged (91%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@local--litporeon

@princessfaeron

@ghastspidergwen

@tooaceforthisspace

@aroaceblurryface

I tagged 194 of my posts in 2022

Only 49% of my posts had no tags

#vee talked here - 8 posts

#aromantic - 7 posts

#aro - 6 posts

#good art - 6 posts

#asexual - 5 posts

#aroace - 5 posts

#ace - 4 posts

#art - 4 posts

#lol - 3 posts

#netflix's wednesday - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#every time i am reminded about this i am shocked then proceed to forget about it because there’s absolutely no way this is an actual thing

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Completely insane TotK theory

first off, hi im running on like 6 hours of sleep and two slices of toast so please take everything I'm going to say with like five mouthfuls of salt.

What If Link Just Dies

We know that the logo is an ouroboros, and the broken master sword is included in the logo as well. Nintendo has also said that this sequel will be really dark, comparing it to Majora's mask. Well, what if Zelda and Link journey to face Ganondorf's corpse, wake up Revenge Corpse Ganon, and can't beat the source of the malice plaguing Hyrule? What if the new hair-down Link that we see is a new incarnation or some sort of incarnation saved from the dead? Since the logo is an ouroboros, it's safe to assume that this new game will have something to do with cycles. And what's a more classic cycle in the Zelda franchise than the cycles of chosen heroes? on top of that, getting our hero out of commission for a bit would be a great way for the newest of demise's battle buddies for our hero to have an even bigger, cooler party at Hyrule with his super dope new Evil Tendril Powers.

anyway im going to go eat, come back, and decide if this is sane or not so enjoy.

5 notes - Posted September 14, 2022

#4

To the probably five people who have the same brain i do:

You do not need to figure it all out. Life is hard and complicated and there is no one solution. You are literally not out of school yet. You cannot live on your own yet legally.  You cannot drive a car on your own or drink.  It is ok if you struggle with making friends and don’t know what you want to do with the rest of your life. It’s ok if you can’t figure out and pin down every single feeling you have. It’s ok of you need help healing from things, or arent in a place where you can heal from them completely right now.  Healing takes time, it is painful. It is good, but you need a support system and if you do not have that it is ok.  All you need to do is your best, whatever that looks like each day.  Add the simple little tasks to your checklists.  Buying that fancy cookie is ok as long as you have the money.  Just keep living and caring for other people, that’s the most you can do right now. And honestly, that’s the best thing you can do. 

6 notes - Posted November 29, 2022

#3

ok ok so i am hype for the new trailer and I'm sure this has gotten pointed out but...

do you see that flying thing??? do you see it???? do you think there is any possibility there are going to be some sort of mutated loft wing or smth????

See the full post

8 notes - Posted September 13, 2022

#2

me 2019: oh, well I’m ace, so i dont like having sex but i can still love like a normal straight cisgender person!! i can’t wait to get a boyfriend :)

me now: i am a loveless aro(ace) and a lesbian on some level not really sure also I'm full of gender however that gender tends to change anyway l-ve is not required to be human, to be human is to live and enjoy life

8 notes - Posted October 13, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Clancy is a vessel theory

With the update of dmaorg.info and the release of the outside mv, I’ve seen a new theory going around that Clancy is not a person, but rather the name of a vessel that the bishops are using to spread vialism. This makes a lot of sense to me actually, and as far as my casual lore knowledge goes it clears up some stuff! Iirc, in an interview, Tyler stated that Clancy is his way of giving fans a look into the world of Trench and DEMA. We’ve never known much about (the old) Clancy, besides that he resided in DEMA with Keons as his bishop. If Clancy is simply the name of a vessel that the bishops exploit, it would first off, help tie the incorporation of Vessel music, lyrics, references, etc into the music video and Vøldsoy. It would also explain why on dmaorg.info Clancy details his first-hand account of events that we have seen Tyler doing/performing (the Livestream show, the outside, and Saturday mvs) while previously we had received secondhand accounts of Clancy watching Tyler from a cave, possibly the one seen in the video, during the jumpsuit mv. When I read the letters detailing the show and the events of the mvs I was confused as to how Clancy would have recorded these things if Tyler was the one doing them, and why Tyler chose to show himself in the events detailed by Clancy's letters when as far as I was aware the two were separate people. But if Clancy is not one person and is instead a vessel, Tyler becoming Clancy makes his appearing in both the Livestream and the MV(s) much more logical and sensical. And while Tyler’s role in the MV(s) and Livestream is the most concrete evidence I have, there are also a couple little things I want to bring up. One thing that Tyler started doing during the SAI era is covering/obscuring his face. This seems like an odd detail to bring up, but we've seen one other person who covered their face in lore, the unidentified child from one of the images on dmainfo.org. 

[ID= a grayscale image of a child, presumably a young boy. the child has a hand over their face. /end ID] This image's filename is "se__elf" which I assume means that it is a picture of the old Clancy as a child. Tyler only began covering his face in scaled and icy era appearances, and if 'clancy is dead' and Tyler is now the new Clancy, the new vessel that the bishops have chosen to exploit, this would explain the covering of his face. The recent updates to dmaorg.info detail how Clancy was forced to create the Good Day DEMA show, his constant surveillance by the bishops, and how in his words "...they wouldn't let me write anything down. Well, at least not without them present" Surely, if Clancy is now Tyler we would have some evidence or hint at their watching of Tyler, their constant surveillance hinted somehow. And sure enough, there is. This evidence is none other than Trash the dragon. Trash is the dragon that appeared on the cover of SAI and is featured on nearly every single promotional image or merch since then. Tyler has stated in an interview that "trash dragon" is slang for vultures in DEMA. Vultures, symbolically, are practically joined at the hip to the bishops and vialism. During his Christmas Livestream, a tiny trash could be seen on his desk, as if watching what he did during the stream. This very well could be Tyler trying to show the ever-watching eyes of the bishops, their constant surveillance of Tyler. Is this true? I have absolutely zero clue. But if it is it's a fascinating turn in the events of the story and one that I really hope we get to delve into more soon!

38 notes - Posted March 20, 2022

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[obislittleone]

Bro i beg you, write a oneshot of were the reader asks obi wan to teach them how to kiss en he agrees so he starts teaching her every week but it gets more intense until they like train together and obi beats the reader and sits on their hips and their arms next ti their head to keep them down an it turns in a make out session or some. Idk just a rough idea😭 i think you would be the perfect writer for it though.

I gotchu bro

Lessons

a/n: i like this request a lot ngl.. also if you requested smth trust me i'm getting to it, i'm just trying rlly hard to do the HoM updates

warnings: it's a lil spicy, but nothing too bad

summary: read the request that's what its for

this is a blurb i'm sorry it might suck but i gotta keep on that HoM grind yk

It was a simple question, a yes or no would suffice as an answer, but it would change the dynamic of your entire relationship if it were asked.

"You aren't focused," he said, eyes closed as he sat beside you, trying for maker's sake to help you meditate, but you were far too distracted, and obviously you had a good excuse as to why that was.

"I'm sorry, I'll try again."

Obi-Wan sat as again you failed, not to your own detriment, but to the fogginess of your clouded brain.

"It is clear to me you will not succeed until you have rid yourself of whatever plagues your mind," he came out of his own meditative state, trying his best to connect with you, but you could never ask him this... could you?

You were an adult, and knew lots of adult things, however, lacked experience in almost all of them.

"I don't expect you to answer now, or even at all, but there is one thing I've been thinking of asking you and I can't get it out of my head."

He nodded, looking at your dropped head, seeing that whatever it was obviously embarrassed you.

"I wanna learn how to kiss someone," you waited until the words were out to raise your eyes and look for his reaction. His face was blank for another second before his brows raised and he suddenly wasn't the quick thinking and all wise Jedi everyone thought him to be.

He was flabbergasted, and after opening his mouth three times, and never speaking, he closed it, clearing his throat and shaking his head to regroup himself.

"I know it's a strange request, I've just never been kissed, and the other padawans were talking about it, and I felt sort of left out, and-"

Obi-Wan shut you up very quickly, leaning in gently and pressing his lips softly against your own, barely brushing them, but giving you a taste of what you so desperately had wanted.

Your eyes fluttered closed, and you took it all in, the sensation, the movement, and the way his hand moved slowly up your arm. He moved the hand to the side of your face, and though your heart was beating rapidly, you tried your best to move your lips along with his own, learning by practice.

"Don't force anything, let it come natural," he mentored, and you did just what he said, your face relaxing as you molded your lips against his, slightly parting yours to allow him more access. He didn't take it, keeping the process simple and slow for you.

You brought a hand to the back of his head, pulling him impossibly closer, for now that you'd gotten a taste of him, you craved more.

Just when you felt you were getting the hang of it, he pulled away slowly, letting you fall back away from the closeness.

"You learn fast," he whispered, and went back to his before position, beginning to meditate again.

You of course did not focus any more than last time, only now it was for a different reason.

-

Obi-Wan's lessons had continued over a span of several days, but now that you were confident, he figured it was time to return to more practical training, physical combat was much more needed in your line of work than locking lips.

In the sparring room, you stood straight, your lightsaber in one hand as you prepared to feel your opponent through the force.

Obi-Wan snuck up on you from your left side, and you swung your arm around to block his movement, beginning the duel. The sounds of sabers clashing, and heavy breathing was heard in the echoes of the training room, and your fight was getting sloppy, but so was his. If there was one person that always tired him out while sparring, it was you. You managed to hit his saber out of his hands, thinking you'd won, but you got cocky, and soon he used the force to bring you forward, and your saber too went flying away from your grasp.

"Hand to hand can still save you in a time of need," he said, but you were already tired, and getting weaker with every round the two of you had gone.

You felt his presence approach you with an oncoming attack, and ducked beneath his swing, but missed his next move, as he swept you while you were still down, bringing you to your back on the ground beneath him. You were about to get up, but your slow speed did not aid you well. He straddled your hips and held your arms down on either side of your head, watching you pant underneath him.

"I surrender," you smirked, your chest heaving up and down with every breath you took. You felt ragged, and sweaty, but Obi-Wan looked down beneath him and saw a masterpiece.

"Good, but I can't let you go just yet."

He laced your fingers with his, pressing your hands further into the ground as he leaned forward and kissed you once, teasingly at first, and brining himself back up, but before he could move away, you were using the force, pulling him back down again and kissing him deeper.

He had taught you pretty much everything you needed to know about kissing someone, and like all things, you picked it up rather quickly. You knew that since you'd only ever kissed him that perhaps the range of knowledge was primary to him, but you didn't really desire anyone else's lips but his own. You loved the way he tasted as he licked into your mouth, creating sensations in your body that were more than welcome.

It was only when you sensed he was enjoying himself thoroughly that you turned your head, breaking away and teasing him like you always did.

"I believe we have training to accomplish, Master Obi-Wan," you rolled him underneath you, taking off your blindfold and giving a most innocent smile to him before you got up.

He was a mess on the floor, still, and you reveled in the power you had over him, however little it may be.

"I'd say you have made enough progress for today."

-

a/n: like i said, it might suck, but I tried

[seriouslysnape]

To the Limit

__

Severus Snape x Fem. Reader

Warnings: Slight smut. Use of safeword. Language.

Request: Hi! Can u make Severus × Reader when the reader use the safe words for the first time because idk maybe it's too much for the reader that day or smth else you like..Thankyouu 💕💕 love ur writings btw ❤❤

A/N: Here we gooooooo. Reminder, everything is consensual.

Word Count: 2,947

“Okay, darling. Whatever you want.”

__

Severus has always been flexible in the bedroom. Yes, Severus Snape is versatile in the sheets and has more love making skills than you originally would’ve given him credit for. Sex with Severus can range anywhere from slow and careful where praising your body is his main objective, to fucking you so mercilessly that stars are dotting the back of your eyelids with each hard thrust.

Sometimes, you don’t have to establish what kind of theme your sessions will take on. If Severus comes home angry from a long, obnoxious day then you very well know that a rough fucking will get it out of his system. When you’ve just watched one of your favorite romantic drama Muggle movies that have sent you into tears, he knows that something more unhurried is in order so you are reminded of how much he loves you.

Other times though, there isn’t really anything that determines the kind of sex you’ll be having. If the mood is right for both of you, then you often will just figure it out from there. 

Severus’ return on Friday night from a long week of classes was coated with his desire for you. You could practically feel the hard sexual tension radiating off of his whole being. From the moment he walked in the door, you knew what tonight would hold for the both of you. More than likely, it’d be a whole lot of rutted fucking and orgasms until neither of you had any stamina left to give. Normally, a seed of excitement would be planted and begin to grow in your core at the thought of being touched by him, but you didn’t feel it this time. 

It had been a bad week to put it simply. Work was weighing you down and you had taken more hits than you were used to in a five day time period. Exhaustion had riddled you, and stress has gotten the best of you. Emotional breakdown was the only way you could describe how you were feeling. You really weren’t feeling up to what Severus wanted to do. However, you couldn’t bring yourself to deny him when his hands and lips were on you, moving to all his favorite places on you.

His voice was silky smooth in your ears as he uplifted you with how he had been thinking about you all day, and how he wanted to be with you when you weren’t around. It wasn’t Severus’ fault that you had a bad week, and it surely wasn’t all his fault that he was this turned on. The way he gripped your legs with his strong hands was an indicator that he wanted to go well into the night, which your tired state wasn’t a fan of. But you loved Severus, and you always wanted him to be happy and well pleased. So you figured you could handle a couple of coarse rounds to satisfy him.

Oh, how wrong you were.

Once access was granted, Severus leapt onto you without hesitation. A tornado of clothes being removed whirled around the room, your shirt and pants ended up on complete opposite sides of the room. Hot and unruly kisses were shared, marks were left on your necks, and no part of you went unattended. 

Admittedly, the first orgasm was actually enjoyable. Severus’ fingers were knuckle deep in your needy cunt and pumping vigorously as he found all the best spots. The strenuous activity melted some of the week’s stress from your conscience, your mind being stripped of all your worry as it clouded with ecstasy. Severus thrived off of the moans and noises of delight that he was drawing out of your throat, perfecting his movements to give you an even stronger release. Severus worked you to your finish as you came around his fingers, slicking them with arousal and relief. 

He left lazy kisses over your breasts while you took a moment to recover, preparing yourself for the next round that was undoubtedly on its way. Tiredness had plagued you long before Severus had even walked through the door, and you had suddenly been robbed of even more energy, so you were confident that you might not get a proper orgasm this second time. But the moment Severus slid you onto his dick and stretched your walls the way only he knew how to, you knew that you were going to cum whether you felt like you could handle it or not.

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to. You loved seeing Severus so enraptured in waves of pleasure and gratification, but you were beyond fatigued. Still, you bounced up and down on his lap over and over again, your already sensitive clit throbbing with each rub of his fingers. Severus’ other hand guided your hip movements to meet the way he thrusted up into you, hitting your g-spot just right.

When you came this time, your sound of release was more of a strained cry than a content sound. Severus didn’t seem to notice, since he was too focused on the intoxicating feeling of filling you with his own finish. You popped off of him before he was even emptied out, the rest of his fluids landing on your inner thighs. You fell onto the bed next to him, your breathing much heavier than usual. 

You were totally tuckered out with absolutely no hope of another round. Your muscles ached and your bones were wiped out. Although, you felt a queasy feeling of despair when you saw that familiar look of lust in Severus’ eyes. He spoke lowly, his voice echoing in your ringing ears.

“I’m not through with you yet, love.” He purred.

Usually that would’ve sent a whole mess of arousal through you, but you were too worn out. But Severus usually didn’t last more than three rounds, so this would for sure be the last one. You thought you could push through so he could at least get his release, but this third go round wasn’t a good feeling for you at all.

With your arms above your head and the pillowcase below your head in your fingers’ death grip, you turned your head to the side to fight through his persistent hard fucking into you. On a better day, you’d be all over this and relishing every moment. But now your eyes were screwed tightly shut in discomfort, for each time you opened them Severus would only be able to see the whites of your eyes. The thumping heartbeat in your ears was deafening and your entire body was stiff and rigid, but not in a good way. You wanted to tough it out so at least Severus could finish, but it was just too much for you tonight. 

You had to tap out.

“Polyjuice!” You squeaked out, your voice raspy.

In an instant, you saw any expression of lust wiped straight from his face. He pulled out the millisecond that the word registered in his head, his face stricken with worry and concern at the first time use of your agreed safe word. Severus’ heart dropped at your whimpers of displeasure, his brain reeling and raking over what had gone wrong. 

“[Y/N], what’s wrong? What happened?” He asked frantically.

“I-I just...”

Shaky breaths and uncomfortable whines were the only noises you could seem to make. You sat up from where you were laying down, bringing your knees to your chest and hiding your face as you began to cry. Your emotions were all over the place, and it didn’t help that you were overstimulated and overworked. Severus went to pull you to him, but withdrew his hand. Upsetting you further would absolutely crush him, but he needed to know that you were okay.

“Can I touch you, darling?” He whispered out.

The yowl of approval was enough for him to feel fine with carefully wrapping his hand under your arm and dragging you across the mattress to where he was kneeling on the middle of the bed. He pulled the covers over your skin to keep you from getting cold from the loss of heat from being active. You buried your head into his bare chest, your tears leaking and falling down his skin. 

“I’m sorry, Sev. I’m really sorry.” You sobbed, your hair sticking to your sweaty skin.

“No, no, no. Don’t ever be sorry for telling me to stop when you’re not comfortable,” He reassured; “I didn’t hurt you, did I?” 

The shake of your head brought relief upon him, but he was still worried. He rocked you in his arms until your sobs died down enough to where you were coherent. Severus was getting ready to ask you once more what was wrong, shifting you so he could see your face. When moving you, his hand accidentally brushed against your swollen, sensitive clit and you wailed out pathetically. Severus’ pale face went even whiter.

“Oh, my love...I worked you too hard, didn’t I?” He queried.

Severus would always admit that sometimes he’d get into the zone and completely drown everything else out. He wouldn’t really be able to tell how hard he was pulling in and out. It was rare, but from time to time you’d have to ask him to soften his thrusts or slow his pace when he got too rowdy. But you had never asked him to stop completely until now. He feared that he had seriously pushed you over the edge this time.

“It’s not just that.” You confessed with a sniff.

Severus had drawn your head back to gaze into your bleary eyes. The tear tracks being swiped away with his thumbs as he cradled your face. 

“What is it then, sweetheart?” He asked with wonder.

A fresh set of salty tears pooled and fell down your cheeks, but for a different reason.

“I’ve had a horrible week. Nothing has gone right,” You explained croakily; “I wanted to make you feel good and I thought it might make me feel better...but I’m just exhausted and I couldn’t handle it tonight.”

You fell apart into another set of choking sobs and gut wrenching cries, prompting Severus to bring you back into his chest. He stroked your skin and left kisses so light that they were ghostly. 

“It’s alright, angel. I wish you had told me before that you weren’t feeling up to it,” He consoled; “You’re worth so much more than sex. I want you to tell me sooner next time if you’re uncomfortable.”

Your nod of understanding offered a wash of comfort over him that you were calming down steadily. He hated that this happened. He knew that was the whole reason for your established safe word for when things went south or things got dicey. He just never thought you’d ever have to use it. He felt absolutely terrible. 

“I’m sorry, Sevvy. I really wanted you to get off, I just-”

“Please don’t apologize for this. This is my fault. I should’ve seen how tired you were and how I was being overly hard,” He said; “I’m the one that should be sorry.”

The sniffles from your nose had increased as you tried to flush down all the drainage from your crying. Your tears had stopped as you sat up from his body, wiping at your cheeks with the back of your hand. The red blotches in your puffy eyes were pinging at Severus’ already guilty conscience. He saw the littered hickeys across your neck and breasts, and how your lips were swollen from his severe kisses. He had rocked your burnt out body to the max.

“I’ll tell you what. How about we go get cleaned up, and then we can get into bed. Then you can tell me about your week if so wish.” He suggested, cautiously guiding you off of the bed.

“I think I just want to get a bath and get some sleep.” You said, barely able to stand on your wobbly legs.

“Okay, darling. Whatever you want.” He smiled softly, hoping it’d offer you some kind of solace. 

Severus ran you a hot bath, filling it with all of your favorite scents and smells. Your stance was still despite your shaking legs, and you seemed to be staring off into an endless trance. You slipped into the tub when it was ready, sinking down just below your nose under the bubbles. Normally, Severus would be sitting across from you or you’d be snuggled up on his lap, but he wanted you to have some space for a bit. You were honestly too tired to object. 

He simply casted a charm to freshen himself up, finding and selecting his favorite pair of sweatpants and soft shirt for you to change into. Your eyes were closed, and you had just begun to drift off to sleep when he re-entered the bathroom, changed into some casual day time wear, despite how late it was.

“Here are some clean clothes for you, pretty girl.” He remarked, setting the folded sweats and shirt on the end of the tub for you to get when you got out.

You only gave a light nod as a response, your eyes following him as he stood awkwardly. He was unsure of what to do for you now. He thought that you might want the bedroom to yourself for the night, which was fine because he wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing he had pushed you so hard anyway. He placed himself on the floor by the tub, sitting with his legs criss crossed over one another. It was quiet in the room, the only sounds were the occasional gentle splash when you moved your leg or arm. His eyes were still full of worry, and he was kicking himself big time now.

“I’m so sorry...” He breathed out, running his fingertips dragging leisurely your damp arm that you had resting on the ledge of the bathtub; “I never meant to hurt you.”

“You didn’t hurt me, Sev. I promise.” You responded, wishing he wouldn’t take this so hard.

When it came to you, Severus took everything to heart. There weren’t many things in the world that made his heart beat with a purpose. You were the single person that allowed him to want to get up in the mornings. The thought of hurting you was enough to break him down. If he could have it his way, you would be indescribably happy with every passing moment of every day. He never wanted you to feel anything other than joy. 

But he knew that life would never allow it.

Your eyebrows dipped when you noticed his attire, wondering why he wasn’t in his own sleepwear. It was much too late for him to go anywhere.

“Where are you going?” You questioned, your voice thick with weary.

“I’m going to go back to the school. I have some grading to do.” He half-lied.

It was true that he did indeed have a stack of papers to be assessed, but that wasn’t the real reason why he felt like he wanted to leave. Severus Snape grading on a Friday night when he had the opportunity to be cuddled up with his lover? He’d choose you every time.

Now you felt bad for causing him to scurry off. You wanted him there with you regardless of what had happened.

“Severus,” You called out tenderly, reaching for his face; “I don’t want you to leave.” 

A genuine look of doubt flashed over his features as his head lulled into your hand.

“I think it would be best if you got some good sleep tonight. I’ll just be in my office so if-”

“Stay with me. Please?” You requested, the thought of sleeping without him was disheartening.

A sigh of awe expelled from his chest. He couldn’t say no to your puppy eyes and slightly pouting lower lip.

“Okay, okay.” He agreed.

“I think that some boyfriend snuggles will make me feel a whole lot better.” You spoke rather cheekily.

He hummed affirmatively. The sound of nestling up with you was impossible to turn down. He took your hand from his face and kissed your palm gingerly, holding the warm skin to his lips for a brief moment. He eventually stood from the floor, but stopped when you held your arms up.

“Help me up?” You asked with the first genuine smile of the evening.

He chuckled, obliging and lifting you effortlessly from the tub. The warm towel was heavenly as you dried off, changing into the clothes that Severus had left for you. Severus went and changed as well, laughing to himself when he exited the closet to see you already curled up. 

The sheets draped over him easily when he laid next to you, waiting for you to nuzzle up to him. He held you close and flush to him, thanking his lucky stars that you were okay.

“My sweet girl...” He hushed out, noting that you were just seconds away from falling asleep; “I love you.” 

You mumbled out a sleepy “I love you” in return before drifting into a deep slumber to snooze off the night’s drama. Severus, as expected, didn’t sleep much that night to ensure that you were sleeping soundly and comfortably. He still felt dreadful, even after you had told him over and over that he didn’t hurt you. The weekend to follow was filled with Severus doting and cherishing over you every chance that he had, trying to make up for what had happened. You were the light of his life after all.

And he prayed that he’d never see that flame go out.

[seelestia]

LOL it’s ok sweetie i know you meant it in a good way <3 oh no i wouldn’t dare do that to you :((( ayato will hunt me down fr if i ever did - i'd rather not get asassinated by the shuumatsuban tq

me: “AND I EXPECT YOU TO TREAT LIA LIKE ROYALTY YOU HEAR ME PRETTY BOY???!” / heizou: “oh? pretty you say? why i’m honored, sister in law, but as you can see i’m already taken-” this menace will be so smug about it smh

DID ANYONE SAY ZHONGLI BRAINROT HOLY- YES PLEASE DO?????? :D and yes definitely can see ayato as someone who would shamelessly say stuff like “princess, i am yours just as much as you are mine” with a confident smirk smile…📱 learnt my lesson, got all that on my iPhone, crisp n clear, auto-backed up to google photos, you can't run now <3

it’s such a pretty city with a pretty bgm!! i… am actually not too sure LOL but i’m basically taking the ‘mei’ from ‘meimei’ (= younger sister, cause i’m the youngest in my family) and ‘rin’ which is a shortened version of one of my name and just pen-pineapple-apple-pen’ed them together hahah

that sounds like a very lovely morning routine to get your day started <3 ayato would order your maids to serve you your favorite beverage, freshly squeezed/brewed/mixed, along with a healthy breakfast of your preference. he’d tell you what his schedule is for the day and listens to yours, secretly planning to surprise you by taking you out for lunch <3

RIGHT??? i saw that thing and was like ‘what in the celestia is that abhorrent looking t-rex'

yes yes you understand good <3 sheesh so many people around me likes albedo??? what is it about him that just pulls people in hmmmm

tumblr can block all the blogs using the lord of geo’s theme but.

i. will. just. keep. creating. more. blogs. ;)

i already created another blog with zhongli theme again but i’m still going back and forth on whether actually posting on it would be a good idea lol …. they wouldn't….. they wouldn't ban three blogs in a row…. right…..????? ;(((( atp i don’t even mind creating more but i feel like people would be like “YOU’RE MOVING BLOGS AGAIN????” and i feel bad ;w;

dw, if ayato sends sayu, then just stack up on onigiri (/j) and screw the porch, the best pillow is ayato's chest HEKCOJKDK smth is possessing me, what is going on help

heizou understands the point, but why pass on the opportunity to get a reaction when he can? boy, why on teyvat are you testing your in-laws. (/j)

YESYES !! i shall find the time to sneak into your inbox and leave a zhongli brainrot soon, nyehehe ;D the soft spot this gentleman would have for you, uuuuu <//3 the man is the best listener ever and would literally listen and indulge you in every topic you bring up (his knowledge is as wide as the ocean, after all). i swear you're the only one who can bring out the 100% simp in me. I AM IN DANGER. (/j)

HELFLPWODK but that's super cute <3 does this mean i can call you rin jie now??? >:) is that what you call an older sister??? i had to ask my chinese classmate hfwkdksk

that is something he would do :( knowing how packed his schedule is, he'd try to make it up to his s/o by inserting his presence in your daily life as best as he can before his absence (waking you up personally, kissing your hand before he leaves, etc) — and he'd relish in the shock on your face when he manages to find some time between his schedule to have lunch with you. yes, love, don't look so surprised; this is actually him and not a clone or a prank whatsoever. AYATO COME HOME, MY TEAPOT IS WAITING FOR YOU !!

let us avoid these machines like the plagues, shall we??? KFKKWKD (/lh) but hopefully, when we get zhongli, we can climb his shield and actually do damage to the ruin hunter when it's shooting missiles <//3

if i try to go back into my mindset when i first heard of genshin through albedo, then i'd say it's because he looks super enchanting in a prince-like way??? like i vividly recall going LOOK AT THAT FLUFFY HAIR AND PRETTY EYES + he is a secretive guy with a super attractive brain (/lh)

rin jie, the way you take running away from tumblr to a whole another level 😭 have you tried emailing them to recover your acc from shadowban jail??? do they recognize your ip address and keep shadowbanning your blogs or smth like that <//3

[illfoandillfie]

Maybe a ben POV one? where bens off on a movie shoot and misses you and wants to fly you out to him but he’s worried it’s too much of a “romantic gesture” like in movies so he doesn’t want to weird you out but then on the phone you say how much you miss him too so he gathers the nerve to ask you and you’re like duh ofc I’ll come you dork (im envisioning this still kinda early in the qpr maybe right after platonically or smth)

Thank you so much babe!!

This is the second of the blurbs for my Platonically themed event! This one follows directly on from the one I posted yesterday so maybe read it first.

Words: 1,759

Warnings: just two idiots being dummies. Minor references to sex and probably some swearing but that's about it.

Reflecting on the situation, Ben had come to the conclusion that it was the perfect time to be in Greece. The run of beautiful weather they’d had over the course of the last month must have set some sort of record, he thought. Every day was blue skies, white fluffy clouds, and the sort of heat that was comfortable and not overly sticky. It made working a dream, especially when half the film seemed to take place on the beach. The sand was warm under his feet and the water clear and cool. They didn’t have much down time since the studio was pushing for it to be finished ASAP so they could release it at the optimal time, but the few days off they did get, Ben spent either fishing with some of the crew or else exploring the picturesque town they were in. There was just one downside. You weren’t with him.

Whenever the thought crossed his mind, whenever he really started to miss you, he’d remind himself that he loved his job, loved that it took him to exciting and beautiful places. And then he’d send you a quick message to check how everything was back home. He called too, mostly in the evenings after he got back to his hotel room. But the deeper into the project he got the more night shoots there were and the later he got back to his room. What brief conversations you had were good but not quite the same as if you’d been there with him. Of course, he’d try to remind himself that it wasn’t like he’d never been away from you before. But those times had all been before you got together, and the changed nature of the relationship made him feel your absence more. He never said that to you though. Mostly, when you could talk, Ben would ask how you were and talk about the exciting things he saw. He’d tell you about the beaches or the trinket shops and say how much you’d like them but he’d never tell you exactly how badly he wished you were with him. He didn’t want you to take it the wrong way and he didn’t trust himself to explain it properly. Whenever he tried to verbalise it (quietly, to his reflection or the dark hotel room he was staying in) he worried it came out too...well, romantic.

The truth was, he’d always been attached to you, since very early on in your relationship. You just got him. His sense of humour and his personality and the way he thought. It took him no time at all to start referring to you as one of his best friends and it was a title you’d held for years. But then he’d realised the way he liked you wasn’t strictly platonic, and it made him feel weird around you. More uncertain than he was used to. He found it hard to describe the relief he’d felt when you agreed to think about his QPR idea or how, when you’d accepted, it had alleviated the uncertainty and doubts that had been plaguing him. To you it would probably sound sappy and sentimental and tat all what you wanted to hear from him. Of course the QPR was really just an extension of your friendship. More or less the same, just a few new ways to show affection like kissing and getting you off (both things Ben greatly enjoyed), and a few new words that made it specific to the two of you. And maybe a new future too, depending on how things went. But again, while he might think those sorts of thoughts, he wouldn’t know how to begin saying any of them to you. Because he was starting to really want that future with you, and saying so might make it impossible to get there.

So Ben allowed himself to miss you quietly. Occasionally an idea of inviting you to join him would pop into his head. But he always let the thought go as quickly as it came. The weeks ticked by like that. Texting when you could between scenes and less and less frequent calls at night, which left Ben’s head swimming with lots of unsaid things. Progress was made on the movie too, most of the beach scenes wrapped and everyone moving to other parts of the script. Until everything came to a screeching halt. Ben wasn’t entirely sure what the problem was – something to do with scheduling conflicts or maybe special equipment that hadn’t arrived on time. All he was told was that things would be back up and running soon but it might take an extra few weeks to complete the project. He didn’t mind so much, it gave him a bit of extra free time after all, but it also meant he wouldn’t get to see you again for a while.

The possibility of flying you out to Greece to join him had been rattling around his brain since his third week on set. You could spend a couple of weeks, maybe a month, together. He could take you to that restaurant he’d sent you photos of and show you the handmade stationery shop he’d stumbled across that he knew you’d have fun exploring. And then there was the rest of the town, thin streets to get lost in together and beautiful views to look out over. Maybe you’d like to walk along the beach with him and collect seashells or rent a little dingy to take out on the waves. Once or twice he’d come close to actually asking you to join him but he always talked himself out of it, sure it would be crossing a line for you. Missing you was one thing but offering to buy you a plane ticket and whisk you off on a getaway to a gorgeous Greek island was surely too romantic. But the news of the delay made him consider it again.

That night he called you, smiling as soon as he heard your voice. At first the call was like any other. He listened to you talk about what had been going on since he last had a chance to call, getting caught up on your mutual friends and your work and whatever else came to mind. “But what about you?” you finally said, “You must be pretty busy since I haven’t had a call from you in a little while.” “Well I was busy except not so much right now,” “Oh?” “There’s some sort of delay, I don’t the details. But it looks like I’ll be here for another few weeks at least.” “Oh.” Ben was a little surprised by how disappointed you sounded. “I really miss you,” “I miss you too,” his voice got softer as he said it, “a lot.” “I really wish I could see you,” “Well,” he said sheepishly, hoping he wasn’t reading things wrong, “how would you feel about coming out here then? I can get you a plane ticket if you want.” “No shit! You can do that? You won’t like, get in trouble or anything?” Ben laughed, not quite understanding, “What are you talking about?” “I don’t know man, I’m not an actor. I just figured it’d be like a partner free zone. Like they wouldn’t want you getting distracted or whatever.” “You fucking dork,” his laughter threatened to obscure the words but he managed to make himself heard, “That’s not how it is at all. You being here wouldn’t be a problem, as long as I’m on set when they need me. Plus it looks like we’re about to have a whole lot of downtime anyway. So does that mean you wanna come?” “Ummm let me think abo- of course Ben!” “Well if I’d known you’d react like this I would have asked sooner,” The laughter had faded, leaving a grin on his face, though the embarrassment at his hesitancy was creeping up too. “Wish you had’ve. Why didn’t you?” “I just didn’t want you to take it the wrong way,” “And what way would that be?” “A romantic way? I don’t know! It’s just the sort of thing that’d happen in a romantic movie or whatever and I didn’t want to come across like that. It’s Greece man, it’s kind of a romantic place. Maybe not like Paris but it’s up there. Don’t laugh,” he groaned, “I’m just saying, white sands and clear seas and lots of pretty flowers in bloom, it’s definitely got romantic vibes.” “It didn’t even cross my mind that it might be that sort of thing. No offence to Greece, I’m sure it’s lovely.” Ben let himself chuckle at his idiocy, “I guess cause I’ve like, y’know, got feelings for you or whatever I saw the romantic side and assumed you would too. Feel silly for not just asking you but I’m glad we have that sorted now.” “I think it’s sweet, Ben. I love that you were conscious of how it might be perceived and I understand you didn’t want to hurt me. But yeah, dude, please get me that ticket, I miss you a stupid amount.” “Alright, I’m on it. When do you want to leave?”

Two days later and Ben was content, sitting and staring out at the waves on a quiet beach as you rubbed sunscreen into his back. He’d greeted you at the airport, feeling ridiculously excited to see you, squeezing you in a tight hug (which you later suggested had cracked one of your ribs). “Okay, all done, now let me do your front,” you shuffled around Ben on your knees, throwing a leg over his lap as he leaned back on his palms. “You’re such a perv,” Ben chuckled, subtly adjusting his posture to push his chest further towards you, “I bet you only suggested sunscreen so you could feel my boobs.” “Oh you caught me,” you squirted some more of the cream directly onto his chest, beginning to rub it in, “Definitely nothing to do with sun safety.” “No I get it, you don’t need to lie to me. You missed my pecks. It’s totally natural. But let me know when you’re done so I can show you the same courtesy.” "Think we might save that till we get back to the hotel, Benny,”  Ben laughed at your exasperated expression, raising one arm to pull you toward him for a kiss, barely noticing the cool of the cream still on your palm as you cupped his cheek and kissed him back.

[deniigi]

i have been sick in bed with a stomach bug and re-reading a bunch of your series and these questions have plagued me so pls, for the sake of your fellow samuel chung lover, if sammy was in the Selkie verse, would he be a fae? if so, what kind? ALSO, what would his interactions with jack be like (either in the selkie verse or in the lying by omission verse)? pls and thanks <3

hi!

I’ll answer asks in a bit, but for this one I have a fic that explore a What If Jack Lived/Mike existed scenario with Sam in the Inimitable verse? I know it’s now what you asked for, but it is like 4k already written so that might be smth--an LBO Sam would be tricky because Sam would be itty bitty and Matt wouldn’t have the same kind of relationship with him.

As for selkie-verse Sam? I would have to do more research on Chinese spirts/fae/folklore, but for now, he’s not fae, just human 💖He’s like 12 and can make himself invisible though, which would be very confusing for Sue if she ever bumped into him

(Sue: baby boggart??? come here I love you I will look after you.)

(Sam: please stay exactly 5037 feet away from me! Thank you and I’m calling my mom!)

Here is the What If Jack and Mike thing from the Inimitable Verse.

Jack Murdock was the size of a house. He made Matt look dainty. He made Kirsten look like a kids’ mannequin. And he made Foggy laugh until he wept.

Sam could not understand a goddamn thing he said. Nor could he understand the guy he’d brought with him, who appeared to have had some serious plastic surgery to look exactly like Matt.

Sam could take an unintelligible giant. What he couldn’t take was an unintelligible Matt, and before him, somehow, in this ring of ginger, he’d been presented with two unintellible Matts.

His head was spinning.

Kirsten patted at him sympathetically.

“I’m from New York,” Sam told her mournfully.

“I know, hon.”

“How is this even possible? You’re from New York. How are they—what are they saying?”

Kirsten shook her head.

“Only Foggy knows,” she said. “It’s okay, he’ll translate when he gets back up.”

 --

 Mr. Murdock, the tallest of the gingers, might have been a good three to four inches taller than his boys, and he might have had the biggest hands that Sam had ever had the opportunity to touch in his life, but he was really nothing but a big, shaggy sheep dog.

The reasons Sam couldn’t understand a single fucking word he said came threefold.

1) Mr. Murdock had grown up in mid-century Hell’s Kitchen. That was just how accents from those parts used to sound. They’d lightened with time.

2) He had an extra layer of what Matt called a ‘brogue.’ He was first-generation American. Both his folks had immigrated from Ireland. He talked halfway between the way they talked and the way that the kids in his neighborhood growing up had.

And 3) The man had a lisp?

It wasn’t super noticeable. Sam sure as shit couldn’t hear it among the other layers of stuff going on, but Foggy said it was there.

Apparently, it came out more when he was anxious.

Apparently, he was anxious a lot.

Foggy told Sam to just give it an hour and he’d understand.

 --

  “So your name is Sam?” Mr. Murdock asked him while Sam tried to keep his mouth from falling open.

Matt was holding his facial-copy-cat against the wall by his lapels. The copy-cat had started making kissy noises at him. He egged Matt on to punch him right in the face.  

No one was stopping them.  

Kirsten cleared her throat and brought Sam back down to earth.

“Yeah,” he said. “Sam. Mr., uh—”

“Call me Jack.”

Never.

“Matty hasn’t said much about you, sorry to say.” Mr. Murdock explained. The more he spoke directly to Sam, the more Sam found, to his relief, that he could understand him. “He don’t like sharin’ things his brother can get ahold of and take from ‘im.”

Sam looked from him to the ‘brother.’

“There’s two of them?” he asked.

Mr. Murdock hummed.

“God help us, every one,” he huffed.

You can say that again.

“How long has there been two?” Sam asked hesitantly.

“Mm? Oh, uh. Christ with the math,” Mr. Murdock said, “Michael—Michael—boy, you knock that off; that’s how you lose teeth—how old are you now?”

Nevermind. Sam didn’t need to know.

“I’m ageless, Pops, remember?” ‘Michael’ said, grinning at Matt’s sneer in his face, “Everlasting, never dying. Immortal. Timeless. I’m—” Dude got the wind knocked out his sails from Matt aiming for his solar plexus instead of his face.

“Maitiú,” Mr. Murdock said sharply. “He’s your brother.”

“He earned it,” Matt snapped back at his dad. “You said ‘no teeth,’ I ain’t even touched his goddamn teeth.”

“No, you coward, you wouldn’t, would you?” Michael threw back at Matt with no sense in his head. “You scared of gettin’ stuck on all that metal, huh?”

“I ain’t got my tetanus booster,” Matt deadpanned.

“Oh, get the yellow fever one next time, it’s a hoot—”

“I’m mailing you back to Thailand in a crate.”

“Oh mail me, why don’t you?”

“I’m gonna.”

“Boys,” Mr. Murdock said, exasperated. “Knock it off. You love each other. We get it.”

Kirsten shook with giggles.

“I’d drown you in the open ocean and then kill myself,” Matt said through gritted teeth. His nose was maybe an inch from his brother’s.

Michael just beamed.

“Aw, babe. You’d do that for me?” he gushed.

“HHhhh—”

“Maitiú.”

Sam had never heard someone said ‘Matthew’ this way. It was delightful. It made Matt’s shoulders go stiff as a board and then squirm in barely contained fury.

“Thank you,” Mr. Murdock said. “Drop ‘im.”

Matt didn’t want to, but he released his grip on his sibling. Michael slipped down and then caught himself and straightened himself out.

“Well, I’ll never,” he said. “We come all this way to visit you on your deathbed and—”

“I’m not dying,” Matt said.

“—you worry Dad sick for months on end. Don’t call. Don’t write. He thought the Californians had eaten you—"

“—I told him that it was a dislocation and I’m fine—”

“—and of course I told him, ‘no Dad, there ain’t any more cannibals in California than there are in New York’ but who listens to Mike, huh?”

Mr. Murdock had only been in the house for 15 minutes and he already looked exhausted.

“Where are the dogs?” he asked Foggy.

 ---

 This was the weirdest time-out session Sam had ever experienced and he’d decided that he was living for it. Mr. Murdock went out onto the deck and locked himself out there with the dogs. Matt and his brother had never been more guilty.

Quickly the arguing turned towards scheming, which turned towards climbing out a window, which turned towards getting stuck on the roof and pleading with the Father to lend a hand.

Mr. Murdock observed Matt sobbing with laughter over Mike’s sudden anxiety of stepping from the roof to the deck’s arm railing with only hollowness.

“Mike’s not very super,” Sam pointed out to Kirsten.

“Nope,” she said brightly. “He is refreshingly normal,” she said. “Even the conman part.”

The what?

 ---

 Matt climbed off the roof with ease and took the opportunity to finally give his old man a hug, which Mr. Murdock seemed to appreciate. He smoothed a giant mitt of a hand through Matt’s hair tenderly, like he was a baby.

It was kind of cute.

Mike scowled at them both and announced that he was pretty fine, by the way. He’d just stay there on the roof until the vultures got him.

“Matt’s the younger twin,” Foggy told Sam cheerfully. “He can do no wrong.”

Sam felt like he could suddenly see the forest for the trees.

“And Mike?” he asked.

Foggy snickered.

“He and Jack live together to keep each other in good cardiac shape,” he said. “They drive each other nuts.”

“But they still live together?” Sam clarified.

“Yeah,” Foggy said. “Mike’s what happens when you give a used-car salesman ever so slightly too much brain. He travels all over. Gets shot at and held hostage a lot. He’ll do just about anything for a couple bucks, no matter how hard Jack’s tried to get him to go straight over the years.”

“And Mr. Murdock? He doesn’t mind his son living with him?” Sam asked.

Kirsten and Foggy softened.

“Matt used to check on him more when we lived back home,” Foggy said. “Without him and Mike, Jack’s by himself. He’s got friends and work, yeah, but you know. If it weren’t for Mike, he’d come home to an empty apartment every night. Man’s got too much head trauma for that to be any kind of good. Mike looks after him—probably more than he lets anyone else. He’s too stubborn to let Matt try to help him.”

Aw, cute.

“Be prepared, Sammy,” Foggy said. “Jack’s already adopted you.”

Say what now?

 ---

 Mr. Murdock didn’t outright say that Sam was puny and he was going to fix it, but Sam could see it in his disappointed gaze.

“Don’t like bread?” he asked as Sam chewed his way through an Uncrustable at the kitchen table. Sam froze with the sandwich in hand. He stared at it.

It was bread.

Surely, this was bread.

Right?

“Uh?” he tried.

“Don’t like the crusts?” Mr. Murdock asked him more gently.

Oh.

“I don’t mind them, these are premade though. You know, convenient,” Sam explained.

He got a stare impossible to read.

“Stay there,” Mr. Murdock decided.

It took too long for Sam’s brain to work out what had just happened, and by the time it had, it was too late. Matt stuck his head in the room and asked Sam why he’d told his dad that Matt was starving him.

Sam floundered and tried to explain the sandwiches. Matt absorbed this and rolled his whole head.

“Well, now he’s makin’ a week’s worth for you,” he sighed. “Wants you to eat the crust.”

Dude.

“It’s easier not to question it,” Matt sighed. “What kind of jelly do you want?”

 ---

 Matt didn’t interrogate his father, but Mike did. Unrepentantly. He walked in as Sam was emphasizing that he didn’t want any kind of jelly and he’d make his own sandwiches and understood the entire situation faster than Sam could have possibly explained it.

“FATHER,” he roared. “Leave the boy alone, he’s not starvin’, he’s just short.”

Flattering. Thanks, asshole.

There was no response from the kitchen. Matt told Mike to ease off. Mr. Murdock was trying to be nice.

“There’s nice and then there’s rude,” Mike said.

“And you’re rude?” Matt offered.

There was a pause.

A warm hand found the space in between Sam’s shoulder blades.

“I’m sorry about both of ‘em, kid, they got rocks for brains, it ain’t their fault. Our grandfather was a caveman, you know how it is,” Mike said kindly.

Matt was not amused.

“It’s not a big deal,” he repeated. “I’ll eat ‘em if Sam doesn’t want ‘em.”

“And subject yourself to peanut butter hell for multiple days in a row, Maitiú?” Mike asked, scandalized.

Matt glared in the direction of the stairs.

“Some of us enjoy nut protein,” he said.

Sam blinked in shock as big hands slapped themselves over his ears.

“There are children present,” Mike hissed.

Sam found the guy’s middle fingers and yanked. Mike swore. Matt chuckled.

“He ain’t a baby,” he said fondly. “Sam’s a tough cookie.”

You’re damn right he was.

“Charming,” Mike grumbled as Matt abandoned them for the kitchen again. He scowled down at Sam. “What’s your gimmick then?” he asked.

Sam wondered if he could make his contacts come out by blinking slowly enough. It would be cool as fuck. It definitely wasn’t happening.

“I control typhoons,” he said.

Mike winced.

“Fuckin’ vigilantes,” he said.

 ---

 Mr. Murdock gave Sam a second sandwich. He’d cut it into quarters.

“Matt says you don’t like jelly,” he said. “Bananas are better?”

Sam couldn’t help but like him.

“Yeah. I don’t eat much bread generally,” he said. “My family has always been more about rice.”

Mr. Murdock analyzed him.

“I can do rice,” he said.

Bless. It was okay, really.

“Do you like spicy things, Mr. Murdock?” Sam asked.

“Jack.”

Nice try.

“Spicy?” Sam repeated.

Mr. Murdock considered it.

“Not sure,” he said. “You mean like hot sauce? I ain’t fuck with that ghost pepper shit.”

Sam hummed.

“Before you leave, I’ll cook for you in return,” he said. “I won’t make it too spicy, cross my heart.”

Mr. Murdock considered this and then got a look in his eye that made Sam’s cheeks start to ache a little.

 ---

 Matt told Sam to play nice. Matt told his father to play nice.

There was to be no hiding chilis in Mike’s pasta.

They were caught and scolded.

“Not to worry,” Mr. Murdock told Sam fondly, “There are other ways.”

 ---

 Sam had never seen such outrage over a knot in a shoelace. Matt crossed his arms over his chest, seconds away from tapping his own foot.

“You said you were ready,” he reminded Mike for the fourth time.

“I know what I said,” Mike snapped at him. He’d dug through all the kitchen drawers to procure a metal skewer to apply to this situation.

“We’re going to be late,” Matt said. “I wait for my guide, she doesn’t wait for me.”

“Well she’s waitin’ today,” Mike said. “I swear to god—”

Mr. Murdock stroked the top of Tuesday’s head and asked Mike if he’d tried putting baby powder on it. Mike spat at him to mind his own business and went back to the knot. He managed it get it untangled and the shoe half on just in time to find the second one stuck in the third hole down.

He just about vibrated with fury.

Matt sighed loudly.

“Borrow mine already,” he said.

“Never.”

“Mike.”

“They’re blue. This outfit tolerates only warm colors, Matthew. ONLY warms.”

“We’re late.”

“Style waits for no man.”

“Well, clearly that ain’t the case, is it?”

Mike stood up sharply.

“I’m going to change,” he said. “And whatever elf tied these will rue the day. Mark my words.”

“Yeah, okay, I’ll tell the elf—oh, my bad, the clown, Mike. It’s you. Get your life together. We’re late.”

Hilarious.

 ---

  “Why don’t you move out here?” Sam asked Mr. Murdock as he watched Sam sand away at his latest secret project in Matt’s absence.

“Sun’ll kill me,” Mr. Murdock deadpanned.

“I thought so too, but it’s not so bad,” Sam said. “I miss the snow sometimes.”

Mr. Murdock cocked his head and then knelt down to take the sanding block out of Sam’s hands. He gestured for Sam to give him the hunk of wood in his hands, too.

“Matty says you don’t got papers,” he said.

Sam was surprised. Matt usually kept that secret locked tight. But Mr. Murdock didn’t seem to have any adverse reaction to it.

“No,” Sam admitted. “My mom brought me here when I was really little. I didn’t know what it meant to overstay a visa.”

Mr. Murdock hummed.

“Makes flying tricky,” he said.

Yeah.

“Bus, not too bad, though?”

Mm. Bus was better, yes.

“Train?”

Depended on the train.

“Hm. Well, if you get homesick or need busfare, you just give a shout, ya hear? You’re always welcome to stay with us.”

Aww.

“Or if you really hate yourself, I’m sure Mike would love to come pick you up.”

Oh god.

“He can drive?” Sam asked.

Mr. Murdock paused and held his face in his dusty palm.

“The day he got his license was the worst day of my life,” he said.

Sam snickered.

“Did you guys drive all the way here?” he asked.

“No, thank god.”

“Can you drive?”

“Son.”

Sam looked up from the block of wood into Mr. Murdock’s hazel eyes.

“I take two steps out of New York and I’m gone, that’s me dead. No, I don’t drive. Why the hell would I drive? Where the hell am I goin’?”

Wow, mood.

“I tried to drive once,” Sam said. “Reversed into a fire hydrant. Matt laughed so hard he cried.”

Mr. Murdock handed back the woodblock. It was much smoother than it had been. Sam was chocking that up to the muscles and the practice.

 ---

 Matt and Mike got home and Mike announced that he was disowning that ‘putrid being’ that was the Swamp Monster beside him. Matt told Mr. Murdock that Mike didn’t approve of the swimming part of triathlon.

Mr. Murdock picked leaves out of his hair with supreme patience.

 ---

 “So Dad’s officially decided that you’re his grandson,” Mike informed Sam out of nowhere that Sunday. “He prayed for you at church today.”

Sam almost dropped his wrench. That was so endearing his teeth hurt.

“It’s ‘cause I do woodwork,” he said. “He can smell the handyman on me.”

Mike cocked his head to the side. His eyes were blue like Matt’s. Their mom must have had blue eyes—or maybe hazel like Mr. Murdock’s.

“No,” Mike said. “It’s ‘cause he’s also been a grocery bagger, a janitor, and a contractor.”

He what now?

“He wants to know why you aren’t in college.”

Oh. well—

“Matt tried to explain, but you know, it ain’t clickin’. He don’t get the politics part of things sometimes. Gets confused why people make such a big deal when there’s obvious solutions in front of ‘em. It’s not all his fault, he barely got a highschool diploma back when ‘critical thinking’ wasn’t even a testing category. Anyways, he wants you to go to college. Thinks you’re too smart to be pushin’ paper.”

Sam was going to cry.

“I think he sees a lot of Matt in you,” Mike said with a squint. “So just as a warning, he’s unbearable. Always—well, no. More like 95% of the year. He’s alright around New Years when he’s tired. You can tell him to fuck off at any time, though.”

No, no. It was okay. It was nice to have…more family. That’s what it was.

“I hope you know what this means, Samuel,” Mike said.

Mmm no?

Mike’s hand clasped his shoulder.

“You can call me ‘uncle,’” he said.

Ah.

No, thanks.

 ---

 Foggy and Kirsten couldn’t look at Sam without bursting into merciless laughter, which Sam had realized was a result of Mike’s vocal distress at his rejected offer of uncle-dom. Sam didn’t know what to tell him.

Mr. Murdock was nice. Enormous, yes, but very well meaning and gentle. His and Sam’s priorities and experience in life aligned neatly and Sam was slightly charmed by the way that he expressed himself verbally only to Matt and Mike.

Sam also didn’t hate Mike. He just didn’t want him to have uncle privileges. He didn’t see what was difficult about this.

“Mike’s got a history of rejection,” Foggy said. “And by that, I mean that every woman on the eastern seaboard has rejected him and he tries anyways.”

 ---

 Matt came downstairs and told Sam to ignore everything Mike said to him all day. He also said that they were going out that night, so don’t burn fingers on the soldering iron.

Sam saluted in acknowledgement.

Forty minutes later there was a rap at his door followed by Mike saying through it that he wanted to show Sam something.

Sam did not open the door.

He heard Matt’s name being cursed on the other side.

 ---

 Twenty minutes later there was another knock, this time with Mike saying that Mr. Murdock wanted to bond with Sam.

Sam nudged open his curtains and squinted hard into the backyard where he could see the vague shape of Matt chatting to his dad on the deck stairs, both apparently having a beer and shooting the shit.

This was a scam.

Sam would not be scammed.

He went back to the suit.

There was more cursing outside the door.

 ---

 About half an hour later, there was a knock, followed by Mr. Murdock’s voice this time, asking Sam if his shoes were supposed to be on the front porch.

They were not.

This was playing dirty.

Sam ventured out to go right this wrong and ended up outside on the front porch with the conman himself. Mike closed the door after him triumphantly and proceeded to get them both locked out.

“Are you supposed to be a good conman or?” Sam asked.

Mike gaped at him.

“The best conman,” he said. “Don’t worry, kid, I’ve broken into a thousand houses and won two horses. I’ve got this.”

That was not comforting. Sam was not comforted.

“First, we gotta test all the windows, and, failing that, we get a rock or a gun,” Mike told him with a knowing finger.

Sam blinked at it and then up at Mike. The man’s shoulders twitched.

“Uh?” Mike said.

Ah. The eyes. No contacts today.

“Do you like them? They’re Prada,” Sam said to absolute silence.

“A brick,” Mike announced abruptly. “A brick works too. Like a rock but bigger.”

Okay, so they weren’t talking about it, gotcha. Look, a whole family’s worth of repression styles. Sam was glad that they had a full set of methods.

 ---

 Sam broke into his own bedroom through the window. Mike clapped for him outside. Sam opted to leave him there.

 ---

 He was sort of sad to see the Murdocks go, especially after seeing the effect that the most senior of them had on Matt.

Sam hadn’t seen him this chilled out. He visibly relaxed under his dad’s hand on the back of his neck. He tolerated the fussing and constant hair fixing and the fingers brushing at his cheeks and elbows. Mr. Murdock guided him with the same practiced ease that Foggy and Kirsten did, but his guiding was accompanied by a quiet, ongoing commentary about the street around them, which Sam hadn’t actually heard Foggy do in the same kind of way.

It was like Mr. Murdock was telling Matt a story everywhere they went.

He told him when there were flags hanging up a story above, waving in the wind. He told him about the hanging wire baskets of flowers that Sam forgot about. He huffed a bit while he talked about lines of traffic in the street and a vast lack of color in the group due to the absence of so many yellow cabs.

Mr. Murdock of course, had been Matt’s first ever guide. It only made sense that he had a specialized style of it, just for Matt.

And for Matt’s sake, Sam didn’t want him to go, but alas, New Yorkers, man. The city called them back to the coast like a siren.

“You take it easy, y’hear, kiddo?” Mr. Murdock told him at the airport.

Sam smiled and said that he’d try.

“Take care of yourself. I mean that. Out at night too.”

Copy that, big guy.

“Give us a hug.”

Oh??? A hug??? Sam loved hugs. Hugs were great. He was—er. Leaving this one with double the ribs from the cracks apparently.

Mr. Murdock released him to go break Matt in half and then Foggy and then Kirsten. Mike told him that he couldn’t avoid flying again by hugging people. He also warned Kirsten that he’d see her soon and that then, she was sure to fall for his charms.

Kirsten said that she would be waiting with bated breath, and then that was it. Three Murdocks again whittled down to one.

“God, I should have married your dad,” Foggy moaned.

Matt laughed at him.

“He’s plenty busy avoiding the gaze of every person over sixty in his building. Let him live,”  he said. “Sam? Not too traumatized, I hope?”

Mm. Not so bad.

“Are you sure Mike’s your brother?” he asked.

“Unfortunately.”

Too bad.

“It’s fine, if we ever need a guy to distract the police, we’ve got him on retainer.”

That was true.

“They’ll come back?” Sam asked.

Matt paused before feeling for his shoulder.

“Yeah,” he said. “Or we’ll go to them. I think you’d enjoy watching them in their natural environment.”

 -----------

Hope that’s something for you anon!! I also hope you feel better!

[blueboltkatana]

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

GUrll ur so sexy... Like you're Hot. I don't care if you were bullied in school, you're sexy, they lied.

Also bitch I KNEW i related to you too much our ascendants are both in leo we're so hot.

Ok ok no now I'll stop complimenting and start with the roasting here we go:

So the sun is your sense of "self" it represents you on the more base level i guess you could say, like what most people think you're like is represented by your sun. With Sagittarius being your sun it means you're very energetic Especially for those things you are passionate about, you might have gone through a LOT of hobbies, only a few of them stuck around but you like to try things. You're curious about the way people's minds works, you wanna figure them out. If the conversations you have don't involve some form of psychoanalysis or philosophy you might loose interest. You are a Talker, maybe you talk very fast or you are often told to lower your voice but you don't do it on purpose you're just very very animated. You are kina volatile, in the sense that you value freedom in everything, love, work, hobbies. You have a huge rebellious streak and you kinda like testing your luck. Think adrenaline junkie. It's cliché but with this much Sagittarius in your chart you prob love traveling, like i said you will chase freedom because you associate it with happiness. If you find people that make you feel free then you feel happy. Rules don't go well with you. You don't really like being involved with fights per se but you LOVE debating, if you can beat a motherfucker with nothing but facts and logic you will and you will enjoy it.

Your way of flirting or making friends is "lowkey bullying" or my favourite "verbally throwing hands". If they shoot back you get heart eyes (my mars in sag agrees). You can be tactless as fuck tho. Like you will say some outrageous shit that MIGHT be funny if the timing is right or MIGHT make everyone in a 5 mile radius mad.

I NEED to talk about your moon in sag bc Babe, babe the moon tells us about our emotions and how we deal with them, how we express them and how they shape us. But BABE. Sagittarius moons are so bad at comforting people it's embarrassing, trying to make them think of smth else or do smth else to distract from the situation is NOT a good way to deal with your emotions... Avoiding your emotions like the plague is not gonna invent a vaccine... Saying "everything is fine :)" DOESN'T MAKE ANYTHING FINE PLEASE GO TO THERAPY. ok to give you some credit, you don't let shit bring you down, no matter what you always get up and that is a *strength* that i admire, but love you're burning the candle at both ends, especially if you get yourself in More problems by trying to distract yourself from One problem.

Also you've had a horsegirl phase or a dog obsession phase or both huh. AND your love language is sarcasm but the type that you will make someone laugh when you're insulting them. You're also hilarious irl you're prob the "funny friend" but with that scorpio mars and venus baby inside ur sad and dark as fuck ripp.

I also wanted to talk about your mercury in sag... Babe... Do you know what a brain to mouth filter IS?! do you recognize that word?!?! Cuz you have never used yours i think. Like you are hilarious but that's because you have dolphins in the head cavity baby. Not trying to say you're stupid, you're actually very smart and opinionated, probably have been told that you'd be a great lawyer or smth. But miss gurl please think before you speak for the love of god ur gonna make someone cry. Also ur mouth is foul. Have you ever spoken a sentence without a "fuck" or a "cunt" somewhere in there?! God bless.

Now for your scorpio Venus I'm just gonna say, more confirmation that ur Sexy as Fuck, scorpio venuses are just sexy, amazing partners, VERY passionate, whoever dates you will never forget you, for better or for worse you'll forever be on the back of their mind. You had a harsh emo phase huh, maybe loved some obscure shit like witchcraft or just love dressing all black like someone's mother died, i bet you wear silver jewelry a lot, maybe necklaces or rings or chockers. If this isn't how you dress now it was prob a major phase in your life. Or maybe you just love horror movies idk

Being as passionate as you are you don't take well to being mistreated or lied to, you might like to plot revenge and things like those, you wouldn't do anything... You actually prefer letting things go but you WILL make an elaborate scenario in your head at 3am or even as you stare right in the persons face.

With mars in scorpio you might be kinda passive aggressive, maybe you act like things don't really bother you but you throw a comment or two once in a while just to stir the pot bc you can't move on lmfao.

You are attracted to people that are introverts or generally just mysterious, like i said above the nature of the Sagittarius is to Learn and to Study. People that you can't immediately figure out intrigue you. All your crushes are either on geminis or water signs lmfao.

The best careers for you are the ones that allow you some freedom of either movement or expression and something that can keep your mind from flying away, something that keeps you intrigued, like research or writing. You're a very "all or nothing" person and it can sometimes scare people away, i advise you to work on compromising, being less stubborn and more open with your emotions and desires.

(part one bc I'm taking too long and I don't wanna keep you waiting so much) I'll reblog this with part 2

Alright here we go part 2 of Roasting hella until she finds out I'm hiding in her walls.

I will skip over some planets that are Very slow moving and usually don't talk about you as an individual but refer to your generation as a whole.

I wanna focus on lilith for a sec bc worstie lilith talks about our fears, our more "darker" side that we hide from ourselves as well as the people that we love. Lilith in aries in the eleventh house tells me you might be afraid to take charge, you gravitate towards positions of leadership but you let go on the last second, almost afraid to have too much control, very often self sabotaging your own success. Your anger and you own ambition might scare you, you might be afraid of appearing too aggressive bc under your skin you have a deep rooted anger and rebellion that you wish to relieve but you can't find a good enough outlet, some things soothe it but you always feel like it never leaves. It might be related to some form of resentment that you never truly dealt with and now it sits uncomfortably with you and you just can't get over it and it bothers you. You might have been shy in groups as a child, maybe you talked a lot but it was always from a fear of the silence not always because you had something to say. The eleventh house is that of groups and friends and social awareness, technology and your hopes and wishes for the future, having lilith in this house talks about someone who had a hard time feeling comfortable around people OR someone who wasn't very accepted. You might have desperately wished for friends but have found it hard to find any. Or if you did, you deep down felt very alone. I would advise to learn to accept your anger and deal with it in healthy ways instead of brushing it off and repressing it.

The north node talks about what you need to focus more in your life for example in your case with Gemini in your North node you need to focus more on your communication letting go of anxiety and your relation with other people you need to become more interested in intellectual pursuit and growth. You need to let go off the need to always be right and look more at details instead of focusing on on the bigger picture all of the time. When your North node is is in Gemini then your South node is in Sagittarius which tells me that what you should focus less on is your pursuit of freedom and your rebellion. Be more aware of your words and use them with maturity.

Now let's have some fun with the ascendent in leo which we share and now i see why ur so relatable. The first house or the ascendant is that very superficial layer of our personality, it includes the way we carry ourselves, our style, the little habits or quirks we have. One thing about leo ascendants is that we have an obsession with our hair. Hair is important to us, some have huge hair that might remind you of a lions mane, others just have very unique style or color but we ALL are lowkey or highkey obsessed with it, either constantly touching it, pulling it, chewing on it, cutting it or dying it in unique ways you name it. You might have a rather large nose or cat like eyes.

This ascendent is full of life and light, very funny, light hearted and luxurious, you want to live that good life and i don't blame you. A negative aspect is that we come of as intimidating to others. ALL of my friends AND my ex have at some point told me I was intimidating to them. It makes us prone to overcompensating for it later in life so maybe now you're super outgoing and extroverted and you approach people first and try to be super friendly. Also you're an attention whore (affectionate) with a flare for the dramatics, very flamboyant, you basically fill the room with personality, it attracts attention and you love it. You're what people would call a "sunny" person.

You're hella competitive (get it lol) and you LOVE fighting your way to the top and crushing the competition. You're probably a weirdo that low key likes school. Not the way it's run or the teachers or whatever, but the "idea" of school. If you could just learn all your life you absolutely would.

Second house in virgo. The 2nd house is the house of money, work, income, daily routines, values, material possessions, habits, work ethic ect being in virgo it means you can have an extremely good work ethic, you put a lot of thought in planning and mapping your work, you might get overly critical on your work though and often undermine your own success and efforts because they didn't fit your impossible standards. You can be very organized in your work, you want things to be a certain way and if they don't follow your plan you will Make them. Its a good position for virgo but yoh need to be aware of not overworking by trying to do Everything on your own. Let others help you, and let people in your work do their own things don't try to help if not asked to because you will overwork yourself.

The third house is that of the mind, thinking, communication, siblings, interests and early education, in your case it is in Libra which means that you're early education might not have been very stable or it was a period of time that you look back with a lot of fondness but not much substance. You are a good talker but you get lost when it comes to details, you are indecisive when it comes to settling on an opinion on something if you don't have All the facts first, you always want to be right. You are pretty open minded and easy to talk to but you might have the bad habit of rambling off topic. You change interests constantly and you prob like to talk about others, you wanna know the tea if it kills you. You prob had a crush on a childhood best friend or on a hot neighbor. Your relationship with your siblings might be pretty good, friendly, no particular resentment or anything like that, you might be the one that everyone treats a little better, people let you get away with things more often, you might be the one that takes 2 hours in the bathroom lol.

Oof fourth house in scorpio babe how are the mommy issues? 😬 How is your relationship with your femininity? Having trouble with keeping secrets? So the fourth house is the one responsible for your home roots, your family, self-care, emotions, your mother, women and your femininity and having Scorpio here tells me that you might have very strong ties to your family, but they weren't healthy or emotionally supportive. You have grown with people that might have undermined your emotions, people that didn't teach you to set healthy boundaries and maybe even manipulators and gaslighters. You might have been the type to put your foot down a lot a home, assuming a very dominant role as well as the defender. You're very private about your family life and don't want to let people too close.

Ah i just noticed u have like 3 planets in this house including ur Sun and Moon, babe this house is what you need to focus on when you go to therapy. This almost secretive, guarded approach to understanding your own emotions is very prominent in how you see yourself, how you feel and with Pluto there, how you change. I could say the biggest changes in your life have happened in these areas and they have left the biggest impacts on you. Yes you are passionate and protective but don't let bad feelings marinate forever, address them and then move on from them because they're just weighting you down.

Fifth house in sag, also the house of your mercury. This house represents Love, romance, creativity, self expression, joy and childlike spirit. It tells me the way you express your creativity is through words which makes sense since you're a great writer, but not only, the way you express Love is also through your words, expression and free thoughts are your way you tell your loved ones how much you mean to them, think poetry, long rants, music recommendations bc of specific song lyrics, you have been writing form childhood and it's one of the ways you express your view on beauty as well, to you love is freedom and freedom is expression.

Capricorn in the sixth house paired with both uranus and neptune being in it tells me there is something about your knees, joints, bones or teeth in particular that stands out when it comes to your health, maybe you tend to break your teeth, maybe you like chewing on crunchy foods, maybe your joints crack a lot, idk but I'd drink my milk if i was you, take care of your joints and bones. Also for you, being emotionally unwell often translates to being Physically unwell as well, so be mindful of your emotions because they do affect you physically. You need to keep hydrated also and your health plan needs structure for it to work bc that neptune makes everything very chaotic and uranus constantly makes you bored and wanting to spice things up. Take care of your emotional needs just as much as you would with your physical ones. And for the love of jesus be CAREFUL with alcohol or smoking because that neptune in ur health house could mean serious trouble if you let it become an addiction, don't push it.

Aquarius in the seventh house of relationships, marriage, contracts, business partners ect means you are untraditionally traditional. That makes sense in my head let me explain. Aquarius is a sign that seeks individualism desperately, it likes to feel like a special person, impossible to understand. Yet always feels comfortable in the structure of traditional and safe paths. So for example you might marry someone in a way that is not traditional but at the end of the day you wish for your marriage to have a stability you would feel safe falling into. Also it says ur gay. Air signs in the relationship house says ur gay i Make the rules.

Pisces is in the eighth house of sex, intimacy, shared finances, inheritance, taxes, loans, property, mystery, partner's resources. This tells me you fuck with feeling lmfao. Or you simply make your love life something "special", a connection that only you and ur person can share, it's what makes you an amazing lover and an unforgettable one as well. But as amazing as you are at creating a otherworldly atmosphere, ur just as shit at setting boundaries and saying something when you don't like something. You don't like to see things that you love ending and a failed relationship makes you blame yourself too much, you have the tendency to stay in situations where you are being mistreated but you tell yourself It's on you.

A recurring theme I'm seeing is some weakness when it comes to liars or manipulators in your life. So either you irrationally fear people are lying to you because you "lie" to them about yourself or a lot of people in your childhood might have used lying or gaslighting as a way to keep you under control. I would advise to try not to overthink and become paranoid, people love you and they believe in you and they aren't deceiving you, they don't secretly mean something different from what they have said. Listen to your intuition about people sure, but don't confuse it with anxiety.

With lilith and aries in the 9th house of travel and higher education and religion I'm gonna assume you might have religious trauma. Religion might have been a way that people used to try and control you, if not religion then some form of system or government law. Being queer i completely understand the sentiment but in your case it's take a step further because you Value the ideals of this house so much, with lilith here, it's like at som point in your life you were finally awakened to how much injustice there was in the world ant that has made you very inclined to take action, you cannot stand unjust government or non tolerating religions. You might have felt crushed under an unjust system and it took you a lot of will and conviction to find your individuality and build yourself how you wanted once you were free.

Your midheaven in taurus tells me you are one that will achieve any goals you set your mind to. It might take you time, you might procrastinate around it, but at the end of the day, you will do it and you will do it well and it will be rewarding. If your father isn't a Taurus then he was a stable figure in your life, very much a rock for better or for worse. In your career life people will see you as very competent, very down to earth and helpful but you know you just procrastinated till the last second possible and stayed up all night do finish your work... You will seek careers that you believe will guarantee you stable income and a comfortable life. You might indulge in luxury from time to time because you think in order to get the position you want at work you need to look the part. Ultimately it's your sheer stubbornness and spite that gets you all the way up to the top of the food chain.

The eleventh house of groups, friendships, humanitarianism, and social awareness is in your case in gemini. It tells me you value friendship extremely and you surround yourself with a diverse cast of friends, you couldn't mix your different friend groups if you tried and you have tried. You have the habit of being too friendly to everyone which makes you end up with more friends than you know what to do with. You are approachable but people can get the impression that you are putting up a show or a facade and your emotions arent genuine, it's not always the case but you need to be more truthful and assertive, put some boundaries and don't let people get away with shit you don't like. Your public persona is very well liked, seen as fun and bright and smart and overall a joy to be around.

Now that last placement... 12th house cancer, i have the same placement and babe I'm sorry for all the shit you have been through. You deserve the freedom to be unhappy and to express that unhappiness in healthy ways. You deserve to be given unconditional love and support no matter how many mistakes you say you have made no matter how overly pessimistic you are about yourself it doesn't matter you're amazing and i love you and you deserve the world.

With jupiter the planet of expansion in the 12th house of endings, spirituality, solitude and karma?! Gurl i did say u were a cult leader but i didn't think it was astrologically backed up rippp. But it also says you might have a hard time getting the motivation to finish things, you might take a long time to finish a project. This house placements also tells me you're amazing at writing emotional ass fantasy stories which by now we have confirmed, but if you have like, an original idea for a book don't hesitate to get it started babe bc u have a very promising placement for that. Don't get too dragged into a sad whirlpool of emotions and daydreams but bring your creative ideas to life and you'll be fine.

This is all I'm doing today and i think it's enough lol. I'm posting this I'm sorry to my followers for the long ass post I'll tag it so you can filter it. This was a whole psycho-astrological analysis of our favourite writer Hellspawn1975. I have wanted to study her like a new lizard species for a while and i finally got the chance thank you hella for the opportunity.

Final words to @hella1975 i hate you and I'll fuck ur mom tomorrow, gn babe <3

[silent-scythe]

Broken Love

Hello! My name is Scythe, this is my very first time posting on tumblr, I really don’t know how to lmao. This is a story that I wrote on AO3 a few months ago, but I’ll be posting it here too. Really sorry if the formatting is wonky, I don’t know how to use this lol

TRIGGER WARNING FOR: alcohol abuse, self hate, semi-descriptive mention of sexual assault, and slight sexual content. Please read at your own risk. 

༺༻

“What, do you think your mother even bothered to think about you while she was worked to death?” 

Nesta regretted it the moment those hateful words left her mouth. A part of her wanted to take back the venom she spat out, yet dignity trampled it down, keeping her spine straight and her head held high. She refused to acknowledge the pain that creeped upon her heart, instead curling her hands into fists as that maelstrom in her eyes swirled angrily. 

Her eyes were a force to behold; oh, such rage filled those cunning blue-gray eyes, like that of a wrathful thunderstorm. 

She watched, not a flicker of emotion showing, as the fire in Cassian’s eyes died out, reduced to ashes. 

She wanted, ached for him to spit back at her, to argue and quarrel. 

But she knew she went too far with that remark. 

Yet pride, insufferable pride, refused to let her apologize. 

༺༻

Cassian felt his breath still at the sneering insult she had flung back at him. They bickered endlessly, yet it was an unspoken rule between them to never bring relatives into it.

Never.

Especially when they were dead- have been dead for five hundred years. 

Thousands of retorts came to mind, an endless collection of insults he could hurl back, yet they all died on the tip of his tongue.

Cassian could feel nothing, hear nothing, as he closed the door quietly behind him and walked out of Nesta’s apartment in deafening, roaring silence, wings tucked in tight. He did not know where he was going, and he definitely was not in the mood to fly back to the House of Wind. So he let his steps carry him to the ends of the earth. 

And he couldn’t help but think back to what Nesta had said. 

Do you think your mother even bothered to think about you while she was worked to death?

Somewhere inside him, uncertainty crept along his bones. He knew that his mother cared for him, even as he was abandoned at an Illyrian camp with nothing but himself. But what if he was wrong? Five centuries later, his only recollection of his mother was a hazy, warm face. 

Oh, and the screams and body-wracking sobs that she had let out as he was taken away. 

His mother had left him with an amulet, a necklace of ruby the same brilliant carmine color as his seven siphons. He chose to give it to Nesta. Yet that was at the bottom of the Sidra, thrown in there after she refused to accept it, telling him that she wanted nothing from him and leaving.

Oh, how he loathed himself. 

༺༻

Nesta stood there, fists clenching and unclenching, as she processed what just happened, replaying the events over and over again. 

She should have never said that. She had never hurt Cassian so deep before, so thoroughly that he had left, just left. Without firing some stinging retort back at her. 

And what killed her the most? He was a good male. In her heart, she knew that he was worth everything in the world. Gods, he had even closed the door quietly, not slamming it like she would’ve undoubtedly done. 

She finally shook herself out of her stance, pacing around her messy, drab-gray apartment, dirty clothes flung everywhere, cobwebs on the corners of the walls.

And so, Nesta resorted to the only option at hand.

The only way she knew how to cope.

Oh, how she loathed herself. 

༺༻

Cassian’s steps eventually led him to the Sidra, his unkempt hair blowing in the harsh breeze. The biting cold chilled his fingertips, but he paid it no mind as he stared across the river, waves lapping gently at the sand that he stood on.

From besides him, he could feel shadows wreath him, swirling around the secluded beach, twirling in the air. 

“Not now, Azriel,” he spoke, responding to the silent shadows. “I want to be alone.”

The shadows seemed to stop, hesitating, as if saying, ‘are you sure, brother?’ before eventually blowing away, returning to their master.

The Illyrian Commander stared out across the Sidra, his gaze unfocused, eyes on the horizon. Though he did not see the point where water met land. 

No, the only thing he could see were smoldering eyes of stormy blue. 

༺༻

Nesta cringed inwardly at the cheap alcohol that went down her throat, rough and burning. She took another massive gulp.And she kept this up, until only the last dregs remained.

And then she asked for another drink.

And another.

And another.

She drank, and drank, and drank, welcoming the oblivion and the lack of emotion that accompanied this. Nesta kept at it, until her head was fuzzy and dizzy and she could not hear nor see a single thing clearly. Empty bottles lined the table she sat at.

You are worthless, a voice in her head hissed. Worthless. You do not deserve him, you do not deserve Feyre and Elain’s kindness. You should continue to waste away, until you are completely gone.

Nesta wholeheartedly agreed with whatever spoke in her mind. 

She hated herself, hated her walls of thorns, hated that she was like a plague, spreading hatred and sadness to everyone around her. 

She wished she could change. And when she realized she couldn’t change, wouldn’t change, she wished she was gone. 

A male approached her, sitting down next to her. A cruel smile slashed across his face, displaying a handsome face with striking blue eyes and cropped, dirty blond hair. Pointed ears and sharp canines added to his features. 

High Fae, then, Nesta thought. 

She could practically smell the lust and whiskey on the male.

She welcomed it. 

Nesta did not mind as a phantom hand of his grazed her leg, inching up to her thigh. She smirked at him, an invitation and a taunt. 

Soon enough, she grabbed his hand harshly, and they were in her bedroom within minutes. 

This was the only way she could find freedom, through sex and alcohol. Perhaps she indeed was wasting away, a useless pile of garbage. Once upon a time, she would bristle at such a comparison. Now, she could only agree. 

The male entered her, and an image of Tomas Mandray crossed her mind. The foreign touch, the mortal man who had torn her clothes to pieces and pinned her on the wall, until she had screamed her throat raw and clawed her way out of his grip. She still shuddered at the memory, but she shoved it down in her brain, all the way to the back of her mind, where all these other emotions and memories and feelings and happiness were, repressed and behind a gate that Nesta would never open. 

She rode him deep into the twilight, though she did not see the male Fae.

No, the only thing she could see were fiery eyes of warm hazel.

༺༻

Cassian stayed by the riverbank until dusk, the rays of twilight sun warming him. Occasionally, he stretched his wings out, extending them and flapping once before he tucked them in tight again. Other than that, he stayed still, letting the waves lull him as he combed through memories and thoughts. 

They always seemed to rebel, to go to that one day he didn’t want to think of. The day where his wings were broken, shredded to pieces, wounds dotting his body like stars in the night sky as he laid on that battlefield, with Nesta covering him. 

I have no regrets in my life, but this. That we did not have time. That I did not have time with you, Nesta. I will find you again in the next world- and we will have that time, I promise.

Those words he had spoken echoed in his mind, and he remembered the way Nesta had shielded his body with her own. 

And right before that- as Nesta had shouted, roaring his name, as he had avoided that blast of magic that would have killed him within milliseconds. 

Did he deserve that?

Nightmares still plagued his mind during the night, where he watched as his soldiers, men he grew up with, died on the battlegrounds. 

Where they had lain their lives for the war. 

Where they died, and he didn’t. 

Guilt still ate at him, reprimanding and lashing at himself for surviving when he should have died, was supposed to die with those people. He had been grateful for Elain and Nesta, who killed Hybern, yet oftentimes he still went back to that day, wondering why he was still alive when he shouldn’t be.

Cassian’s slumbering siphons flared brightly as thoughts invaded his mind. 

He watched as the sun sank into the sky, the last rays of crimson and gold died with the sun, falling below the horizon. For a moment, the atmosphere turned the same, dark shade of vermillion as his siphons.

Gradually, the sky grew dark, as night fell and stars peeked out from behind their blanket of darkness. 

Cassian lowered his head. 

Purpose sang in his body, purpose to live. If he was granted with life, he would live it to the fullest. He would pull Nesta out of that dark, dark place, no matter how long it would take. No matter how much it would hurt himself, no matter how bleak some days might be. He made a promise to himself, vowing to never admit defeat and stop trying.

Because he loved her. Truly. 

And love, unending love, refused to let him give up.

༺༻

Yeah that’s it! Leave any comments down below (are they called comments on tumblr? I think they’re like,, notes or smth? Also, prompts r nice, gimme prompts for Nessian if you want :)) love them sm. Hope u enjoyed!! I have other fanfic oneshots, which i’ll post probably after i figure out how Tumblr works

- Scythe 

[pandapupremade]

ok this might be random but ive decided to start a new oc project thingy and tbh i wouldnt have seen any purpose in doing so had it not been for seeing you post abt your projects so often. im really meticulous and lose interest in creating new things from scratch, but seeing u put so much effort into ur different oc universes rlly inspired me to push for smth new. thank u for being an epic creator and making hot characters /j i hope to be open like u if i ever post abt my new brain children(✨🐰)

this is super sweet of u anon ;_; im glad to have inspired you so much. If you ever do post about your new brain children please feel free to @ me!! I’d love to  learn abt them

im struggling lately to hyperfixate on my ocs again (monkey plagues the brain) but messages like this help me remember i should be doing that hdbg

but thank YOU for enjoying my content and for sharing this with me !! I hope you’re doing well and again, feel free to let me know if u ever post abt ur new kids