#like its explaining how my brain got there
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hello!! Can you write a headcanons/oneshot post of (separate) ticci toby, eyeless jack, and/or jane the killer dating a piercing obsessed! Reader? Ppl always say lots of piercings r unattractive :(( but omgg i love ppl with lots of piercings, theyre so lovely! Thank youu:D
𝐒𝐭𝐢𝐠𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐩𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐞
(𝗻.) 𝗔 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗼𝗼𝘀 𝗼𝗿 𝗯𝗿𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀
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: ̗̀➛ Piercing!Reader x Shared Headcanons
(Toby, Jack, Jane)
Summary: GN!Reader with love for piercings/having multiple being in a relationship with Toby, Jack and Jane. How would they react?
Warning(s): None! Mostly just fluff, FEM & TRANSF in mind for Jane
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・❥・ Toby
First of all, Toby himself is covered in a lot of facial piercings so he is not one to judge! He loves piercings, especially on himself (egotistical asshole knows how sexy he is), so if you love them just as much him, he immediately just yaps with you
Do not trust him to give you one.
Now if you really like piercings but hate needles? He definitely bullies you about it some but understands. Since he can’t feel pain he can feel a lot of the pressures/intrusions that the pain usually covers up and it can weird him out
He plays with your piercings like a lot. Mostly nervous fidgeting type things
OMG DO YOU HAVE TO STAY ONTOP OF HIM IF HE GETS A NEW ONE, he is so bad at taking care of them himself but he’s so good about taking care of yours. Little weirdo
Now, Toby can be mean during fights so sometimes if he’s close enough he’ll twist one. Petty little shit. But he is quick to apologize, he just likes winning arguments
・❥・Jack
Jack like.. literally cannot see. So he genuinely just thinks your piercings are apart of you. Like he really doesn’t remember things of humans and so he completely forgot about minuscule things like piercings
He does like licking them tho, that nice metal taste
Weirdo.
Once you actually explain it he’s a little perplexed. Since he’s an apex predator usually they associate things like anything piercing you as hindrance to hunts
But whatever makes you happy!
Since Jack does live in a lot of holes/caves you probably are gonna wanna let your piercings heal a lot or just clean them a lot more so the dust and dirt doesn’t infect/irritate them
If you wanna give Jack piercings well.. it’s gonna have to be like a really protected spot. He’s running around and climbing lots of trees not to mention how many people actually do try fighting a 6’10 demon..creature…thingy. So you don’t want him getting hurt
That and his healing factor literally is just too good at its job. Damn powers. But hey you can get those little fake ones! He’ll try to keep them on but…
・❥・Jane
Again! She doesn’t judge. She thinks they’re pretty cool, now she can’t have any cause.. well.. she’s a little crispy but! She will wear matching fake ones with you
Definitely best person to get a nice piercing with as she helps you clean and stay on top of them
She bought you a little machine thingy to clean them for you<3
She does actually have her ears pierced but she can’t wear them for long any more :(
She is also stupidly good at finding missing earrings, piercings and jewelry like omg. Like I mean fucking assassin’s creed eagle vision type shit
She’s good in general at findings things really
Omg does she love kissing your piercings <3 she especially likes nose piercings, JANE IS A NOSE KISSER IDC WHAT ANYONE SAYS
my romantical wife<3
She will buy rings and necklaces to match your piercings too! She’s pierced with you in spirit ya know
: ̗̀➛ hehe i loved this. I gotta write Jane and the others their own general headcanons soon, I’m just lazy. Also tell me why Chapter 3 is not plotting how I want it too like come on brain work, anyways I loved this little ask! I have got to start writing more of other characters too I have like… 18 drafts of all sorts of shit. Impulsive writing — Ace
#creepypasta headcanons#creepypasta x reader#ticci toby x reader#creepypasta ticci toby#ticci toby#eyeless jack x reader#creepypasta#eyeless jack#creepypasta eyeless jack#jane the killer#jane the killer x reader#creepypasta jane the killer
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okay so au time prologue actually
this gets really long
⚠️spoilers for mean girls, both of them⚠️
fuck okay, I have to remember how this all started hang on...
and the context IS important TO ME
anyway, I think this started with the bus actually. holy shit, this started yesterday? oh my god... I feel like this has been plaguing my brain for weeks.
so my friend and I had just watched both mean girls movies because he had never seen either one before and that needed to be fixed. after he left my place, I saw a post joking about making a legal case for the bus driver speeding through the school zone and my adhd brain took that and ran and I mean RAN. before I knew it I was thinking about how that crash was intentional.
we had just watched both movies so the scene was fresh in my mind, I mean, they had to see regina in the road well before they hit her, but there's no attempt to warn her and get her out of the road or stop the bus until after she's been hit. in both movies the road is clear, not a single car or person-- hell, not even a single piece of trash--, regina's in the road for a minute or so, there are no visible crossroads or corners around the crossings where she's hit so the driver didn't whip around a corner and plausibly not see her, and you don't hear the brakes on the bus until after regina's been hit and buses are big so takes time for the brakes to engage, if they were trying to stop before they hit her, you would've heard the screech and swerving during that scene but there's nothing and the bus is heading straight on.
anybody who follows @butchregina (love their art, literally gave me gender envy and now im shopping for binders) knows they often ask what people are thinking about and so I sent the whole above analysis in and they answered "I think someone put a hit out on her"
what does this have to do with a superhero/spider-man cadina au? im getting there, but wow this is getting long. why is it I can write an essay like its nothing when im no longer in school?
the answer was funny so I sent it to my friend and he said "there is no driver cady just manifests them[...] its why she was homeschooled in the African savannah her prents had to be somewhere with no cheeselog busses for her to teleport to her location within a fifty mile radius or smth," which I also sent in as an ask with the caption "another option," to which the answer was "she is a superhero. She does control the buses."
so this is where we actually get into the how the superhero/spider-man au thoughts came to be. that response got me thinking about superhero cady, not cady summoning buses because that made me lose my mind, but superhero cady. part of me was endeared to the idea of a cadina where cady had powers but regina didn't but how can regina not have powers? when I started thinking about it it truly was just a vague superpower au, like, cady somehow got powers and had to hide them- maybe janis and Damian know and are her Man In The Van TM- and then there's regina who kinda looks down on her but thinks her hero alter ego is the shit it was a whole thing but I feel like I should wrap this essay up.
point being, there are more details, but I will get into them in another post because this was the prologue, the context of why this has been plaguing my mind for... less than 24 hours at last check. I will be posting more about this under superhero cadina or spider-man cadina, it depends on how vague I am about their story and powers.
if you read to the end of this, thank you for indulging my rambling about whatever the hell this was/is going to end up being, best of love and luck to you
#mean girls#mean girls 2024#cadina#superhero cadina#spider man cadina au#be warned there's not much about the actual au in this#this is a prologue to the au#like its explaining how my brain got there#it felt important to mention
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*proceeds to drink the whole bottle*
Yeah Alastor you're gonna be loved and appreciated wether you want it or not :)
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel fanart#hazbin alastor#hazbin rosie#radiorose#platonic radiorose#qpr radiorose#even tho they have no idea what label to put on their relationship at this point#hazbin comic#comic#my art#autodesk sketchbook#it probably looks ooc from alastor to react like this but poor man has only learned his whole life that relationships have a hierarchy#“marriage > a simple friendship” in his brain and it's confusing for him that Rosie would put her friendship with him over that#also Rosie was pissed of how terrible her date went and as soon as she comes home Alastor sides with her ex husband#just to explain why she got angry so quickly basically they couldnt really understand each other that's why they got angry#I love cute fluffy radiorose but its good to see them argue sometimes eheh#I needed to get this idea out of my system and made it into a whole comic
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a fledgling tytotaur, barn owl-taur, idk what to call it inspired by these photos
#i got a little carried away this was just meant to be a sketch oops#my kraft#taur#owltaur#i like how its head fluff looks like a hat..#idk what to tag this#barn owl#digital art#tytotaur#owl#my sleepy brain must explain that theres a second hind leg behind it#i just didnt wanna deal with it jkghfkj
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[sits up suddenly from my coffin] anybody fuck with my super danganronpa 2 x guy who didnt like musicals au
#i dont post my art for several months and then i return. back into danganronpa once again. and actively combining it with my other interests#for fun and whimsy.#sdr2#nagito komaeda#super danganronpa 2#danganronpa 2#hajime hinata#chiaki nanami#robin draws#anyways other than returning to danganronpa ive just been drawing ocs so i havent had much to share#yes thats ibuki vaguely in the bg she gets to be chiakis boss#sonia gets to be zoey so that she gets to control a helicopter and point a gun at hajime and chiaki#obv things have to be shifted around and changed for them to make sense in their roles but i think hajime as paul is the most#untouched one bc thats just early game hajime where he's freaking out about the fuckass island and how weird everything is#fuyuhiko gets to effectively be the role of bill with peko as alice but obv theyre not a father/daughter dynamic for this au#its altered. to fit Them. and their whole deal they got going on.#maybe fuyuhiko had tried to tell peko to leave and go live her own life but she came back for him and then. Oopsies. join the hive#gundham as professor hidgens would be so fucking funny. you must understand. instead of an alexa he's talking to his devas.#nagito tbh would work as professor hidgens but i made him fill mr. davidsons role for the sole fact of his song being the effective#“i want” song and that just felt too right to pass up#kazuichi fills the role of ted and he's mad that hajime didnt bring sonia#mikan filling charlottes role. junko is sam. i dont think i have to explain further. obv junko isnt a cop thats altered to fit her.#also no ted charlotte affair for this kaz has his eyes set on sonia and only sonia still and mikan has her beloved :)#also i just wanted mikan to have “join us (and die)” bc ogoghgoghgho thats one of my fav songs#greenpeace girl gets to be mahiru cause the personality just feels right.#imposter is Everywhere. i wanted to stick them in a designated role so bad but tbh they're just always there in a diff disguise#anyway im done tag rambling i've been brewing this in my brain for like a week.#feel free to let me know if i was cooking or not and offer ur own ideas and thoughts
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“Mike said his life started the day he found El in the woods, which was technically the following night. What he said had nothing to do with offending Will because he went missing the day before.”
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#byler#ignore the logistics of it#mike’s brain thinks of Nov 6th as the day Will went missing aka the day his life stopped#he met El after a whole day of worrying about will#its the day they had to see etched on will’s tombstone#Nov 7th is just an extension of him finding out and doing everything to get him back#nov 7th evening is a whole 24 hrs later#so yes not the same day#but it doesn’t make it any less incriminating#it’s not that Mike didn’t exist until he found el#it’s that it stopped that day#and then started again when he got hope will was alive#so many lines in mike’s monologue felt like lies mixed with a dose of truth#friends don’t lie co-founder and his loopholes 🙄#I think it’s interesting also that we never really get Mike and Will talking about his time in the UD#the one time they do it’s brief and mostly about uncovering what’s happening to Will in that moment in s2#but like we never see them talk outright about what happened or how the party all coped#so the prospects of him finding out how Mike truly felt back then…#in a scene where mike explains the ‘i feel like my life started-‘ line to Will#(and even more importantly the audience who has to buy into this)#that could be quite something…
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Someone killed my boss last night and he sent me this I'm so fired
god I can't wait to make this comic.
#not me making a prelaunch link so I can share it on art of them that I do and then immediately being like hm#feels kind of weird to link a comic that doesnt exist yet#HAHAHAHAH#theres just no pleasing me#oh well I'll stick to my guns. I thought about it a long time#and doing things that feel weird is kind of the name of the game when it comes to making art#we were legion#zagan#this is so funny to me#its like not even that funny but#I love him. idk I think because I know what the comic is gonna be like stuff like this is 1 million times funnier to me#he sucks so bad and it would suck to read if he were the only one in the comic but because luciel is also there#then its just funny. cause juxtaposition#I love luciel too but theyre less good for standalone drawings and memes without comic context#so my brains like erm... theres nothing there....#also my tags are bugging out when I type them on the ocmputer idk how to explain whats happening but its kind of annoying#jumping around all over the place. makes it hard to read while I'm typing them. its fine#if theres typos its cause somethings going weird with my computer#lately when I've opened firefox its just shaking all over the place#til I alt tab out of it and back to it. I have straight up no idea why#and my internet has been bugging out. the LAN connection keeps flickering and then going out...??#YES I switched the ethernet cable connecting the modem and the router NO I dont know whats going on#I dont wanna deaaaaaal wiiiithhh customer serviceeee its fine. I'll do it later if switching the coax cable doesnt help#uh. anyways none of that matters cause I can still make my fuckin comics babeyyy#as long as I've got my comics. I'm good. though it is annoying when I cant look up references or spelling of words cause I do that constant#but its fine!#love I can draw without internet I dont even notice when it goes out sometimes aughajkghagj#anyways I'm super excited about this comic and if you're intereted theres a presave link now so#yeay#I'll post places other than webtoon but I'm just doing webtoon early so TTA readers can switch over easier
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every day i think of xmen evolution wanda and everyday i wonder if- while she does have the fake happy memories with magneto- how does she actually FEEL about him when he's brought up or she thinks about him
is there just this underlying anger/rage but she cant ever place why so she ignores it ....... does she just feel numb ....
#snap chats#an idea ive wanted to try exploring for Ever but i cant be serious for more than two seconds vjLAKJLKJ#mastermind could only put illusions in her head not change how she feels no.... shrug...#like yk what i mean ... you cant control or explain feelings they just exist. you can THEORIZE why theyre existin but they just come to be#so i wonder if internally her brain knows somethings wrong but because its a feeling it cant be justified to her#she was p upset about him dying against apocalypse so ... shrug ... but is it because she loves/cares for him#or because she has those underlying questions that now she cant get the answer to... prob not but im forced to wonder#if she has all these great memories with him why does she never see him ... etc etc..#sometimes i think when pietro told her the memories were fake on the subway thats why she got mad#like it was confirming something in her she didnt want to already admit or something along those lines#idk. im still forever miffed by the potential lost with magneto and his kids#just one extra season .. an extra ep to explore them more idk .... just feels like there coulda been more done..#oh wanda my dear wanda i wanted so much more for you in evo..
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the fact that i immediately landed an awesome job right out from graduation but then got covid in august and now my brain doesn't work right and i might lose my job because of it . there's a funny joke in here somewhere maybe
#txt#haha. like. how lucky was i to get this job. and unlucky to get sick and have my brain fucked over#also a loss of time perception. time does not move for me it feels like 7am still and its 10am#i feel like i got lobotomized. brainfog and much less of a filter of what i say/do and fatigue etc#shortness of breath when im stressed too. fucking annoying#i keep fucking up on the simplest tasks at work. literally filled out a simple form wrong that i've been doing right since day 1#and my supervisor is patient and i tried explaining brainfog but idt she takes it seriously and she gets more annoyed the more i screw up#and like. i need this job!!!!!!!!!!! it pays disgustingly well!!!!!! but if i cant do simple tasks right anymore then what am i even doing#ive had this stuff since late august but its so much worse suddenly and i dont know why :((#to be deleted /#<- if i can even remember i made this post at all LOL someone shoot me
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hhey guys. i think i mayy be experiencing a hyperfixation 4 the first time. not sure. sorry
#asclexeposting#its doctor who. its all i want to think about its all i want to watch or talk about its.#i like this show a Lot. explodes. most of the episodes suck but i Really like this show#i dont think ive ever had a hyperfixation that i could detect. ik when i was young i would watch disney frozen like 3 times everyday#i watched that movie so much i wore the dv out. also disney/pixar brave. those two movies. i watched them a lot when i was young#anydrwho. im only on s7 almost s8 but. dude. its getting worse. i was normal about it until i got to smith’s era#and now its like woah. its one of the things that makes me feel good in my brain as of late. next to like. music. and being right and silly#yeah. like i need to finish nuwho and then watch classic who and learn a bunch of fun facts about it that no one cares abt.#i need to. bro. ugh. ragh.#rn im on late s7. its ok. i dont really Love clara bc of moffat’s weird writing i dont like how shes written idk how to explain it.#but she has potential i think. idk she doesnt go well with eleven but i think she goes well with twelve? idk. i have like 4 more episodes#until capaldi. he seems cool 👍#yeah. ugh. i knew from when i started watching it in july that it was joeover. i think i recognized that i would Really like the show br#and definitely i Really like the show. rip to my mom and my friends who have to hear about it. i Love talking about this show. ragh
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the main reason i know im not femme in the slightest is bc i cant comprehend why anyone would Ever want to be feminine. i can understand neutral leaning fem, but the idea that people are born wanting to be feminine is appalling to me personally because femininity always felt like imprisonment and torture. it was and still is a restraint. a training weight i was forced to bear. i cant fully empathize or understand anyone who wants to be more feminine because i have never and will never want to be more feminine out of anything other than pressure or insecurity. im most comfortable being gender neutral, hairy and disgusting in old gym shorts and stained tshirts no matter how much insecurity it causes me. i dont care. im never dressing up all pretty for anyone elses benefit ever again. and i assume this is how people who want to be feminine feel about masculinity to some extent. if thats the case im super glad we could trade because holy moly
#op#doing sex work has also solidified this boundary for me btw#youd be surprised how many people love forcing specifically butch people into feminine clothes and get off on it#like specifically search for young or inexperienced butches and/or ftms#without actually explaining to them what they want to put them through in full detail beforehand or are very vague#but theyre holding money you dont have as an unemployed person over your head so its kind of hard to say no#these experiences have shown me dykebreaking style kinks are actually really popular even in queer communities#this brand of ppl just kind of do it then after the fact call it forcefem or detrans kink and call it a day without communicating beforehan#i think its really shit because now i have a bad taste in my mouth about that kind of stuff#but just bc i had bad experiences doesnt mean everyone will#thats like saying we shouldnt let people transition bc 1% of people detransition or something#i got manipulated by bad people and thats not anyones fault other than those peoples' for being awful people#so if youre wondering why i trigger tag forcefem jokes and stuff. that is why.#with how common it is id rather trigger tag it for someone whos far more sensitive about the subject than i and doesnt wanna see Any of it#i tried being feminine. hated it. 0/10. will never again unless i feel like it inexplicably some day.#the most feminine ill get is wearing bright colors and having shoulder length hair or wearing pink accents in my outfits i guess#or maybe when the thought of wearing them doesnt make me feel sick anymore ill wear pleated skirts again#all these unrelated tags to say#please communicate with your partners especially younger ones. just bc theyre over 18 doesnt mean they arent young and kid like.#brains dont stop developing until around mid 20s and if you as a 30-40 something year old arent communicating properly thats messed up#and just be careful out there#practice ethical/safe kink please and ty ily <3#qtag
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wanna be put in a room with craft stuff for 10 years
#i cant focus on anything rn but the stuff i wanna make and its turning my brain into mush#the weird brainfucked fear that if i dont get these things started Soon ill forget it#my memory is so fucking borked man and my brain runs too fucking fast to hold on to anything#i make so much that i went and made my own hell lol#the two jobs thing i think is probably the crux rn cause ive got even less time than i used to and my time blindness gives me troubles#ill get adjusted to it#sometimes with all my fucked up processing issues makes me feel like im kind of stuck in a weird bubble#like i have no idea whats happening or whos around me or what people are saying and i just have to stumble through it yknow#shouldve been born as a tiktokers pet snail#not tryna be complainy or in a bad mood or nuffin im fine i literally just want to be making stuff rn#even though works like a big Thing its also been understimulating the past week because theres nothing to do i just gotta Be Here#i need to be put under pressure i need squeezed i need smushed and i aint getting that#if i ever make something for u plz hound me about it#so i can explain in excruciating detail what step im on and how im doing it and what still needs done and how ill do THAT#i should make tutorials#i feel like im way too stream of consciousness to make anything actually helpful#idk i want a toast chee
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guys i need to be dancing at a house party tipsy with someone im attracted to so bad btw. ive never been to a house party in real life (though id quite like to at least once) but i really have been desperately needing that specific (probably awful for me) sensory and social environment so bad lately
#just me rambling again#i keep looking through ao3 to try to find smth with the exact vibe im looking for but cant :(( might have to grab hold of some old or some#half made ocs and write it myself idk. or just like. find a way to experience it irl#oh btw ! tmrw night slumber party w one of my friends who ive been wanting to hang out with more + also happens to be the one i recently go#to smooch on the mouth :3333#the stated purpose is ive been trying to get her to yap at me abt her biggest fandom / interest for ages and just explain all of the lore#and story and characters to me bc ive been wantign to hear abt it from her but we just havent had a good time#and also i cannot lie i hope that i can smooch them on the mouth again! theyre such a lovely person and so very pretty#ive been meaning to tumblr tag ramble abt that for a bit and forgot anyways i have straight up told them and also one of our other friends#that if they get invited to a party ever they should please please lpeaseeeeeee see if they can invite me along#my brain has a half assed hope at maybe getting the teen party experience (most likely not oging to happen for me but it is a real life#possibly grounding for little daydream of wants) bc a somewhat popular guy the year below me (guy i fancied when i was in the play fun fact#for any loyal frog lore enjoyers) put smth on his instagram story like if i throw a bday party is anyone interested ?? with like a story#poll and obviously i picked the affirmative bc i dont know him super well but he knows a lot of ppl i know and i did a cool photoshoot with#him once idk im hoping if its a big event i have a shot at going (as aforementioned--not going to happen in real life but a man can dream)#sigh i recently made a new playlist of the weird yearning ive got going on rn and the flavor of my minds niche longings#its a good playlist#idk ive been so nothing recently im just excited that i get to see my friends this weekend i get to hang out w some of my besties tmrw#through the day too im very excited#OH ALSO omg im just throwing every single diary update i have into one post now ig but erm#ive realized recently (last week or two) that i think im finally 'over' my most recent relationship?#like im still sad abt the fact that my high school best friend.. doesnt talk to me anymore#and im still coping with all of the nightmare insecurities i have deep in my mind being proven correct within the past however many months#but like i only just registered oh hell yeah at the very least i dont have like. romantic feelings of any sort still towards her? i do#love my wonderful ex gf shes such a lovely person and for a long time was an amazing friend to me#but it feels like a weight is off of my chest i straight up was sitting in the feeling of well i'll be missing her forever and i just have#to live like this forever oh well but like. no im chilling in that regard actually we're clear.#idk ive had like nothing going on lately i work and school and i think about my feelings SOMETIMES#i try not to generally but they always get in somehow you know how it is.
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under readmore just bc i yapped a lot. it's whimsy me talkn about my bf but also w vent topics
getting scared thinking about the new year coming && how im getting so old n that's so scary then realizing . no this was actually the best year of my entire life. genuinely the Only good year ive ever had n thats because i Got My Boyfriend,,, . best person in tha whole world n we get 2 be eachothers,,,,, , , literally never imagined i was even capable of not only being loved but . loving someone back. feeling safe. ive known so many people but im always just felt so disconnected n alone. ever since i was a little kid it was impossible 2 me,, it just Always Has Been that way Thats Me thats what life is. i remember so vividly my parents being in a bad mood n coming 2 beat my ass n hiding in the closet up on the shelf n crushing my body as small as possible && just silently crying in terror as they screamed for me & my sister snitching on me n just realizing . no one cares about me. no one will Ever care . n over the years it just kept growing n growing n i got farther away from everything n became more of an inhuman monster 2 myself. my whole life has just been spent trying to get Through. it's just endlessly finding ways 2 distract myself,, silly video games for 16 hours straight n maladaptive daydream n go dizzy through every social experience im put in n everyday just ignore just let it Pass make it pass as quick as it can. and because of that i am Nothing. im an adult but i havent lived at all . but somehow that's ok 2 them. i don't have to know how to be a person i dont have to be one. i can talk to them for literal hours at a time . genuinely once . 18hrs. n it never gets old it never gets too much 4 my weak social battery,,,, it's jusr woag,,, i love this guy ,, i want to spend my life with them.. it all feels Real with them, i am a person. && we are togetha,,,. i dont want to isolate myself when they exist i Want to coexist, i want to share every experience. every part of life even the worst horrors feel worth it if i get that if i can even just listen 2 them talk about literally Anything everyday.,,, but even more than that my favourite thing in the world is getting 2 experience Their joy,,, their whimsy is the loveliest thing in the entire world n i just want 2 help bring the most i can 2 them,,, there is nothing in the world like it. n it want 2 give back n wrap them in the same safety they giv me ,,,, n by god ill Get There
#genuinely the smartest n most patient person ive ever met#i adore the way this fellers brain works#i hav a lot 2 learn and i knlw by their side i will :]#excited 2 grow w them#can i even admit maybe . excited to Live if its with them#which is a first for me in my entire life#ive been suicidal longer than i can genuinely even remember#i was like 6 planning out how 2 drown myself in the pool#but it has all been worth it if it got me here#if it got me them :]#not . even mentioning the way theyve transformed the way i think about myself#i do still b hating myself but its . Softened . in a way#they got me smiling in pictures for the first time in . my entire life BAHAJ...#i dont know how 2 explain it but i do see myself differently#mayb i can be a vessel for love#maybe instead of my hands being ugly i can use them 2 hold theirs#n that makes them good enough
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skipping class but staying on campus to do work for. another class. bc i said i'd have it done before friday bc i'm scared of telling profs no so now i have to read all of robinson crusoe this weekend and watch the nbc pilot of the crusoe series on top of finishing the 2 late essays bc i deluded myself into believing i have a chance of finishing this annotated bibliography in 2 hours. without half the books i'm citing. tee hee <3
#if anyone knows anything about anything hit me up 🫶🙌☝️#also one of my sources is essentially just synthesizing all of my other sources with So Little original commentary bc it was originally a#dissertation that got published as a book but i need to use it bc it's the only source of its type i could find and my prof has a checklist#-_-#and she said that if i explain why it's so late i can maybe get an extension of my extension but how do i tell her that i'm sick and burnt#out and got locked out of my room for 24 hours and am depressed and haven't been sleeping or eating well and i miss my friends and having a#library to work in and my antidepressants have taken away my ability to have my quarterly sobbing dry heaving breakdown that i rely to give#me the adrenaline boost and catharsis and clarity to actually lock in and force myself to finish big scary assignments#i can probably tell her about the sickness and the room thing but truly i'm just overwhelmed and not coping and that doesn't feel like a#real reason (bc i'm depressed)#i need to knock myself out at like 10:30 tonight so i can wake up at like 7 tomorrow and work somewhere that isn't my house but i have#rehearsal until 10 amd i need to shower before i actually have a freak out that no one finds endearing or relatable#i think the shower might be a big part of the brain fog . who could've seen this coming.........#i meant to shower last night but i was too busy reading 50 shades of grey and mists of avalon (both for class) and i was up until like 5#god i need to sleep. tomorrow will be better#if you see me on here past like 11:30 please yell at me to go to bed i've lost the ability to stop my self-destructive habits#that was super tmi . sowwy gang#a post
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*takes my last adderall so i can finish all my work in one day*
*finishes one (1) assignment*
*gets distracted and spends the rest of the day hyperfocusing on delicious in dungeon again*
#i rewatched half the anime last night cause i was too tired to do anything else#i even almost got sucked into reading the manga again the other day but forced myself to stop after 1 chapter#def gotta buy hard copies#this is one of if not the only thing i can enjoy multiple times IN SUCCESSION!#actually i was like this with turning red and spiderverse too but#dunmeshi is different.... dunmeshi is special..... my enjoyment of it is more than just the animation or the art.....#ive never felt this particular way about anything but i've always wanted to#in the past my fanart often felt a little forced even tho i liked those things it was hard to get excited about anything#i think dunmeshi is partially responsible for my depression being in remission#literally#the only depression i feel since spring is about financial problems or being lonely#tangible stuff#but it's not the deep internal depression ive felt for most of my life#idk how to explain but like there's layers to depression#the easier kind to heal from is based in identifiable current issues like loneliness or financial troubles or grief or burnout#then theres the kind that comes from complex trauma or i think sometimes its genetic too#i thought that part would only go away once i solved the surface level stuff and could heal thorugh positive experiences to contradict#the pathways my brains formed overtime via trauma#but although ive had a few moments that have helped#i think dunmeshi. moving out of my old apt where i lived with 3 cishet men into an apt with 1 chill roomie. having time over summer to#get used to a self made routine (despite having MANY financial issues and still not being able to spend it how i planned)#all that is mainly what helped!#like for the first time i was getting excited abt stuff!#i still kinda struggle tho with maintaining that excietment#except with dunmeshi!#it's like no matter what my excitement hasn't diminished#thats very comforting#i gotta force myself to engage in more media so i can find more things to love#i have a habit of putting off things i know ill love bc i wanna be ready for it#so that if i do love it ill have the time and energy to get inspired and make fanart
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