#not . even mentioning the way theyve transformed the way i think about myself

[tamagotchikgs]

under readmore just bc i yapped a lot. it's whimsy me talkn about my bf but also w vent topics

getting scared thinking about the new year coming && how im getting so old n that's so scary then realizing . no this was actually the best year of my entire life. genuinely the Only good year ive ever had n thats because i Got My Boyfriend,,, . best person in tha whole world n we get 2 be eachothers,,,,, , , literally never imagined i was even capable of not only being loved but . loving someone back. feeling safe. ive known so many people but im always just felt so disconnected n alone. ever since i was a little kid it was impossible 2 me,, it just Always Has Been that way Thats Me thats what life is. i remember so vividly my parents being in a bad mood n coming 2 beat my ass n hiding in the closet up on the shelf n crushing my body as small as possible && just silently crying in terror as they screamed for me & my sister snitching on me n just realizing . no one cares about me. no one will Ever care . n over the years it just kept growing n growing n i got farther away from everything n became more of an inhuman monster 2 myself. my whole life has just been spent trying to get Through. it's just endlessly finding ways 2 distract myself,, silly video games for 16 hours straight n maladaptive daydream n go dizzy through every social experience im put in n everyday just ignore just let it Pass make it pass as quick as it can. and because of that i am Nothing. im an adult but i havent lived at all . but somehow that's ok 2 them. i don't have to know how to be a person i dont have to be one. i can talk to them for literal hours at a time . genuinely once . 18hrs. n it never gets old it never gets too much 4 my weak social battery,,,, it's jusr woag,,, i love this guy ,, i want to spend my life with them.. it all feels Real with them, i am a person. && we are togetha,,,. i dont want to isolate myself when they exist i Want to coexist, i want to share every experience. every part of life even the worst horrors feel worth it if i get that if i can even just listen 2 them talk about literally Anything everyday.,,, but even more than that my favourite thing in the world is getting 2 experience Their joy,,, their whimsy is the loveliest thing in the entire world n i just want 2 help bring the most i can 2 them,,, there is nothing in the world like it. n it want 2 give back n wrap them in the same safety they giv me ,,,, n by god ill Get There

[roffmychest]

(cw fetish mention, long post)

when i was in the 4th grade i got REALLY into pokemon and conciquently i found.... pokemon transformations..... through deviantart, being VERY young and getting bullied alot i just imagined myself turning into a pokemon like those comics and wishing i could just turn into one and live my life alone.. and i got VERY fixated on transformation artwork NOT KNOWING IT WAS FETISH ART i drew alot of pokemon transformations during the after-school homework program and i assigned my classmates pokemon and id imagine them turning into them while were lost in the mountains and i magically didnt get bullied anymore or something i even requested like 5 different artworks, i used to speak to someone on discord who would have written for free the above story i had in mind and i had to block them out of nowhere once because they were making me uncomfortable, now again i was 10-11

i tired to get into it again, 2020 (before my bday, i was 12 at the time) i had an account on twitter (it might be still up), at this point i still did not know it was werid as hell and just thought the idea of shapeshifting is super cool! but just ended up abandoning it cuz i got into other stuff anyway

2021.. i was 14 and i was going through the WORST sad state of my life (not calling it depression or anything, just know i wanted to end my own life very badly) i had a now deactivated anon vent account on twt that id throw whatever and i tried to get into transformation again, at this point i FINALLY learnt that its seen as a fetish and i feel like ive been lied to the whole time even though i definatly have not been, i made the mistake of trying to show it to my old priv account with followers (in the end didnt use it) because i just, wanted to become a different character i liked and dissapear and to live their life and not deal with whatever i was dealing with, im so mad at myself, i just like shapeshifting and i wanted to , as i said, dissapear so to learn the thing that brought me comfort when i was 10 was ...fucking werid devistated me, before that i even wrote a story with a person my age (WITH THEIR PERMISSION, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS BEFORE HAND) turning into our fave characters in a mobile game that we were fixating one

im now 16 and i have not gone back to thinking about it, i made a oc during my time as a 14 year old that can shapeshift into a dog and im terrified that people will associate it with that fetish, though its a oc in a kids game so probably not but the thought still scares me, i NEVER saw it sex appearing in any way, its NOT a fetish to me, but i never knew and it made me feel terrible

i hate myself for going down this path and beliving it was ok for so long, i hate myself, i hate the fact i tried to revive it, i hate the fact no one realised how werid it was i hate the fact i spoke to someone who made me uncomfortable and wrote free fanfictions for me i hate everything i dont care if i was at my lowest points of my life i shouldnt have looked at that at that age even if i had unrestricted internet beforehand, i do not blame myself for not knowing it was fetish art the first time and having to lie about my age because of deviatarts policy, but fuck deviantart and fuck myself for not realising it sooner and tried to get into it again and again

the only thing i dont hate is that it made me draw more, i wish i could just go back and throw myself warrior cats or something instead to grow up w something different, im sorry to the people on my old priv account if they my reblogs im sorry im so fucking sorry even if theyve forgotten by now i feel sick

.

[cannibalisticskittles]

i do want to mention in regards to greedfall that for the spoilers thing you put thats wrong. not trying to insult just want to kinda bring up the misinformation. the reality of it is that you're full native, and your mom was one of the heads of their clan, an incredibly great healer. yet she was taken and the dad died fighting. the plots about hey colonizers are super fucked and in return they got a plague from the atrocities theyve done, so instead of fix it themselves they kidnap the mcs mom at one point. she dies, naturally because of being faced with a whole set of new diseases. with that the princes sister who didnt have any children adopted the main character and did some whole machiavellian scheme to raise them as their own and try to play them as a pawn to make the natives want to help. admittedly a lot of the plot is like hey, what you know is fucked up and colonization is morally bankrupt, to both the colony people and the natives. but im not here to change your mind or anything! its just a game, i just wanted to just correct some parts of the post that i think were worth mentioning. there wasn't any rape, and the natives arent painted in such a negative light.

i mean, yes and no.

yes in the sense that yeah, what i’d heard about the protagonist’s parentage (i did not get far enough into the game to trigger that quest for myself) was wrong, i’d heard they were half-native but their bio mom was still the princess but yeah, when i found the last post i linked to i realized that was wrong. so yeah, on that point, you’re right, i was fully incorrect about that.

but. while that means the narrative leans less into the ‘savage native’ theme, that does make it lean more into the ‘magical natives who are intrinsically connected to the land’ theme. which is. also not good. it’s Othering with a different coat of paint over it, ostensibly positive but still reducing swaths of people to some weird ‘your ethnicity and culture makes you inherently spiritual’ thing. 

and here i���m going to toss some links to things that talk about the harm in this sort of thinking. there’s a million articles that discuss this even more but in the interest of not spending more time i don’t really have i’ll leave it at these

plus, there’s still so, so, so, so many moments where they’re shitty about natives and the game…. does not address it. does not let you, the protagonist, say a word to dispute them when there are npcs telling you to your face that the natives are weird demon-worshippers and you need to intrude on their sacred rituals bc lol idk solve a mystery for us? you watch a man murder a native man for not converting to his religion, and you can fight the dude who murdered him but you just. knock him out and it doesn’t change a goddamn thing. the protag finds out they’re native and doesn’t…. do anything other than Be The Chosen One. they don’t even get to learn anything abt their clan. the narrative just says ‘oh hey, you’re native, you know nothing about this land but you’re magically connected to it by birthright :)’ the sacred rituals of some of the clans are derided as being scary and evil. you constantly murder nadaigs, who are people who have physically transformed. the game does not let you avoid or question this ever. you MUST murder them to progress the plot.

i know i linked this last time but i really do recommend that you read this post for specific examples of where and how this was done. there’s a lot. 

truly, read that and then consider whether the natives aren’t ‘painted in such a negative light.’

like… i don’t necessarily think the game devs set out to make a colonizer simulator exactly, but uh, they still did by virtue of being nowhere near qualified to talk about this sort of thing. by still cramming their game chock-full of reductive stereotypes. if they intended to make a game that discussed native people being colonized in a remotely respectful way…. if they really wanted to show that colonizing/colonizers are morally bankrupt..... they completely and utterly failed. 

anyway that’s enough time spend on greedfall now, let’s be done talking about this forever lmao