#whatever im getting to introspective now
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was it casual when i sat in your lap in public? was it casual when i said "recently my heart is crying because you're leaving"? was it casual when we decided how your last name would fit with mine? ("yuki tsunoda-gasly" / "no tsunoda, only gasly" / "yuki gasly?") was it casual when we sang adele's "someone like you" together at your going away party? was it casual when i knew it was you just by touching your ass? was it casual when i knew it was you by smell alone? was it casual when "will you miss me?" / "for 2-3 minutes maybe" / "i'll take that. even if it's just 2-3 minutes, i'll take that"? was it casual when that bus was completely empty and we still sat right next to each other, all the way in the back? was it casual when i picked you up multiple times so you could dunk a basketball? was it casual when i begged to come over to your house multiple time and then you finally let me and we cooked fried rice together? was it casual when we played christmas twister together and i said "your big eggplant is touching my ass"? was it casual when we were pressed up against each other on a scooter going two miles per hour? was it casual when-
#edit: tinytauris fact checked my post and they sang 'hello' not someone like you & it was 'your big monster' not eggplant#everyday i think about the fact that yukierre should've been what lestappen is now#i should be able to go on the yukierre tag on ao3 and it should say 'showing 1-20 of 6745'#they were genuinely so fuckingg weird about each otherrrrrr#im being so serious when i say that if they ever came out as gay/bi/whatever i really wouldnt be surprised#literally just 'okay?? fork spotted in kitchen cmon now' moment#anyway i think about that moment on the bus soooo often#will you miss me? / maybe for 2-3 minutes / ill take that then. even if it's just for 2-3 minutes ill take that#hwat the FUCK#i was going 'gay gay homosexual' everytime i saw them together#yukierre#yuki tsunoda#pierre gasly#also im like 90% sure that everyting i worte down actually happened but if i wrote smth down that didnt happen#and my yukierre infested brain just conjured up please let me know#also ive had this is in my drafts foreverrrr (re: since july) so if this has already been done im so sorry#i always feel like such a loser making posts about driver relationships lol#like 'oh look at that weirdo that got too invested in people she doesn't even know'#whatever im getting to introspective now#1k
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I can’t even lie over time this pathetic little elf has grown on me and now I really like her as a character. she’s SUCH a loser. and someone said that she should’ve been recruitable instead of Halsin after uncovering the Shadow Druid plot and she could’ve had a redemption arc and now I can’t stop thinking about that alternate reality
#i have no idea if it’s a controversial opinion to like Kagha or not but#like imagine if she was sent away from the Grove. not banished but temporarily sent away to think about her actions#Halsin says she can return to the circle after she’s rediscovered the oak father’s teachings etc etc#so she can join up with you in act 1 and you get a druid then and not 2 in act 2 randomly#maybe she travels with you to find redemption. you were the one who pulled her from the brink so she thinks travelling with you#will help her do some good in this world#she can have a tense reunion with the tieflings in act 2 and she apologises. some forgive her. others don’t as is their right#and she tries so hard to redeem herself but she learns that sometimes people are still hurt by your deeds and they might not forgive you#I think it’s talking to Arabella that actually gives her growth#maybe it’s Kagha who’s involved in Arabella’s powers and her learning to tame them. Arabella who has reason of all to hate her#and it takes a while and some conversation and working together but I think Arabella forgives Kagha#she doesn’t have to and Kagha never expected forgiveness from her but she DOES and that’s what gets Kagha the most#she has a big introspective act 2 moment in the middle of the Shadow Curse#regardless she is first to suggest rescuing the tieflings from moonrise. not because she wants forgiveness but because it’s right#(to show her character growth and learning to care about the refugees)#and then her quest could tie into the Shadow Curse. she wants to do better and help people#and eventually the other tieflings start to come round to her. once she’s proved she’s actively bettering herself#the kids find her funny and Mattis definitely thinks she’s a loser and not scary or mean#like okay lady sure I forgive you whatever stop crying now#Mirkon is just a little sweetie so he forgives her as long as Arabella does and then he follows her around asking loads of questions#anyway sorry those are my thoughts I think it’d be great to have a redemption arc companion in act 1#bc Minthara is so missable if you don’t know to knock her out you just kill her#Kagha’s story would help indicate that there are hidden companions you can look out for#most of this is nonsense im so sleepy but will I stop rambling? no#also Minthara should top the hell out of this pathetic surface elf right now
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in a hilarious turn of events my flatmate didn't even know I use any pronouns....
#i thought when she was talking abt how her parents thought i was gonna come out as trans and kept checking my name/pronouns-#that the joke was that im ALREADY trans but in ways they dont know abt.... but nope she genuinely didnt know 🤭#to be fair. i dont rly let anyone in on my gender business unless we're close enough to be dating or its an anonymous online space#like im legally cis and thats fine. idc abt ppl using my name + she/her bc thats not my gender identity its just AN identity that i use-#to navigate the world without ppl being fucking nosy bc i pass as + am sociopolitically treated as a woman (if butch lol)#to ppl who are friends ill joke that my gender is dyke (true) and to friends whose gender falls on a similar spectrum-#or who are transmasc ill talk a little more honestly abt it bc theyre usually able to understand better than anyone else#other butch dykes w a weird gender going on are the only motherfuckers who actually Get It but theyre hard to come by tbh#to be frank i dont fucking know whats going on w my gender. and i dont rly care enough to do the introspection to figure it out rn#i have so many other problems in my life and im lucky that most of my beef w gender can be solved by presenting butch + binding#and using any pronouns around other queer ppl. its actually incredibly funny to me when ppl she/her me bc its like tch. this chump hasnt#unlocked my level of gender yet. pronouns and names in general are so far disconnected from the way i exist in the world...#its just smth thats fun for me to play around with + makes me feel weird sometimes but in ways i havent distilled yet yknow#and this has been my approach to gender for like?? 4-5 years now??? and likely will continue to be for a long while..#anyway. its not actually that surprising my flatmate doesnt know bc shes cis so ive never felt compelled to have a deeper conversation#abt gender with her. but also i could sweeaaar its been mentioned bc almost all our other friends are trans lol#and also ive been introducing myself at queer sports socials w any pronouns and i swear i talked abt that w her..... whatever#and my pronouns are on discord and shes def seen my tumblr before but maybe i didnt have them in my bio at the time... i digress#i kind of prefer cis ppl she/hering me tbh. theyre not able to they them or he him or whatever else me in a way that matters.....#altho i do find it fascinating when she or other ppl elect to use neutral or masculine terms for me. raising an eyebrow and taking notes#like when she got a job and joked abt me being her househusband.. pulling up the fem/masc tally chart and chalking a line up#a la nona the ninth.... ive been trying to figure out whos inhabiting this body my entire fucking life with no luck girl#ANYWAY just smth to think abt. im so tired i think my brain is gonna start seeping out my eyeballs#im gonna watch some more pluto and read and then -> 🛌#another 6:30 start tomorrow woohoo#.diaries#zzzzz
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im having emotions abt vanitas again
#id be so sad if he doesnt show up in kh4#or SOMETHING#still manifesting sora streli vani trio in kh4#like trust me itll totally happen#tbh thats like my fantasy dream team#like that would be REALLY COOL if it happened but it likely wouldnt cuz three keyblade wielders in your party is Not It#they refuse to put a keyblade weilder in ur party in literally every game they wont do it now#unless youre playing as fucking#riku or aqua? cuz i think they usually party up with mickey when you play them?? i think thats the only instance but like obvs an outlier#gotta give the rat screentime SOMEhow#that trio probably wont happen hut im still manifesting vani showing up in quadratun#please it would be sooooo good#i literally dont know where you could take his story after kh3 tbh#im still mad abt kh3 actually like how they treated his character#although that might be a case of like the vanitas in my head not matching the vanitas in canon#idk that requjres thinking and deep introspection of how i view vanitas as a character and if that matches up with canon#which is a lot of thinking i dont want to do <3#i think my original beef was with the time travel aspect of vanitas coming back which makes like literally all his screen time null and void#in regards to how it affects himself#how his actions affect wveryone else still matters bc it still happens but the rules of time travel mean vanitas himself is still the same a#as bbs vani. but whatever#thatd be so funny if vani IS in kh4 and sora pops up like oh hey vanitas :) abd vanitas is like who the FUCK are you#please take this all with a grain if salt i havent thought abt kh3 in so long probably misremembering my vanitas lore#ANYWAYS the point i was trying to get to is that the sora/streli/vani trio is my fantasy dream team but what i really want kh4 to be like na#narratively speaking i need kh4 to be the lonliest fucking game in the world#i need sora to be by himself going thru the workds meeting new people and gaining new connections but no ones really by his side#i need sora to really marinate in being alone for the first time in like. how long has it been. like 12/13 years????#i need hin to learn to stand up for himself or something. i just need him to be lonely as fuck and that means no party members#that doesnt keep up with the numbered title game formats but its ok#michi tag
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hi update as of an hour ago i have a THERAPIST!!! an actual licensed therapist!!!! we have our first session on monday 😭💗
#purrs#she’s super nice and like.. Grounded in a way i wasn’t expecting from the website lol but i rly can’t wait for our first session 🥹💕 im a#little nervous bc i was trying to shop around for therapists and do consultation calls w a bunch of them and she’s the first one i reached#out to bc i just liked her vibe a lot (and her practice’s name is super cute omg.. hint -> 🍇) but the other counselors i reached out to#turned me down bc of my schedule not being during regular work hours and meanwhile she was like yeah my hours are flexible specifically to#accommodate ppl in ur situation! which was so good to hear 😭 and she kinda automatically assumed we’re working together from the call but i#not mad abt it at all and i went with it. im rly hopeful abt it and kinda nervous but she said my issues are like a perfect fit for her#and that just in hearing me talk she can tell how thoughtful / introspective / whatever i am abt it and that her approach is to balance the#introspection and the emotion.. and SHE interpreted (CORRECTLY! and i forgot to even name it!) that constantly hoppping between clinical#interns waa probably very disruptive and plays into all my stress abt transitions and i was like YES thank you 😭 and she said she’s#committed to like long stable rs with clients so they can rly heal and get all the benefits out of it. and she also gave this whole big#speech abt how she doesn’t want $ to be a barrier to access for healthcare and i was like patrick voice i love you. lolllll 🥹 im excitedddd#i want her to send the intake forms RIGHT now i can’t wait to fill them out! hehe :’~D
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it is such a shame that rainstorms are a consistent migraine trigger for me because I love the rain so much but especially I love the way that the rain makes my city look. it goes all gray and lit-from-within at civil twilight and the skyscrapers at city center stretch up so high that the shapes lose definition and it's something that I am just so so fond of.
#not to mention the classic streetlights and wet pavement. thats always been a particular little thing that ive loved#it feels more like autumn than late winter today which makes me a little upset but driving in rain is better than driving in ice at least#im in a bit of a really strange introspective mood now that ive finally cleared the worst of the migraine#a lot of stuff has happened for me lately that i havent talked about on here at all just to a couple of close friends.#and im kind of. actively trying? to stop caring so much about telling people about things.#a couple weeks ago i did something that not a soul on earth knows. and they never will. and it was SO FREEING.#<- not anything bad or whatever just. a regular thing that happened that i didnt tell anyone about.#idk. im trying a lot more lately to worry less about sharing my life and more about just living it. its good i think.#youll probably still get luke. hyperspecific emotional/contemplative oversharing in the tags sometimes#but ive been doing a lot more things that im not telling anyone about. that exist just for me. and im gonna keep doing that.#.lyr
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i think my constant seething rage is honestly very reasonable. i literally live in florida.
#got in argument with a guy the other day abt idk. trans athletes#was basically him trying to explain what the issue is to me (i know. that's kinda step one to having an opinion on it.)#and then going yeah huh i guess you're actually right (i was)#and i was like okay great cool we're done here let me go to class and he starts talking about like#how he still loves trump for this and that reason kinda unprompted (sorry you lost an argument dude go introspect somewhere else im LATE)#and i was like yeah idk abt that. on account of all the corruption. and the foreign policy youre saying is like manly macho man strong is#mostly just wildly stupid posturing that's going to achieve nothing at best and world war at worst#and he goes no don't worry i think DESANTIS would be better for 2024 actually#and i. UNDERSTANDBLY. was like oh okay i cannot speak to you (because i am visibly shaking with rage)#and he goes well i think you are misattributing my intentions (cunt.)#and i said no no i don't think you're malicious i just think you're stupid and wildly misinformed#and then left bc i was about to either hit him or start crying (bc that guy has been like very tangibly ruining my life for months#and i genuinely cannot fathom what fucking tax issue or whatever one would value over like. my right to idk. Exist atp.#and also this coming from someone who just tried to be like no i know so many trans people i love trans ppl im not like those conservatives#like try to dig deep down into whatever rotted husk of a brain is left in your skull and fathom why i might have a strong reaction to your#support for DESANTIS and the SPACE LASERS WOMAN#you fucking idiot.)#and was that civil. No. and now i have to apologize to him bc i feel bad about it even though i fully meant it#idk its what i get for trying to change peoples minds with stupid things like#' statistics ' and ' a utilitarian perspective ' and ' existing legal basis for my argument '#guys so wrapped up in their right wing bubble they just dont wanna hear it#n they always assume i mustve not heard their talking points and its like look at where we fucking live#and look at the state of the world. NOBODY in any form of mainstream news shares my politics lmao#you think i havent heard every conceivable argument abt trans people??? also you think im dumb enough to form an opinion without looking at#the other side? yeah man i know about the three trans women who have ever won a sports competition ever. do you?#do you even know their fucking names or sports or trial outcomes.#GOD just fucking. pseudo intellectual facist horseshit like pragru and infowars masquerading as legítimate sources#are making so many dumbass illiterate (i truly don't think they have the reading comprehension to decifer a study or even long article)#guys think they're gods gift to politics bc they listened to someone else tell them what a source says through ten layers of propaganda#just. uh. everyone should die forever and also learn to read.
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16 year olds are still growing, they wont fit into whatever they wore in 2020. You cant be sustainable that way when you grow out of your clothes regularly. Thats only something adults can do.
Cool you've been wearing your boots for 6 years, 6 years ago they were ten and probably multiple shoe sizes smaller. I remember a stage of needing to buy new shoes every few months during a growth spurt. You're really not being fair to teens here.
And just steal clothes? Not everyone can get away with that, not everyone can safely risk that. Dont tell kids to endanger themselves.
You have some good points. Build community, root out nazis, figure out who you are really not who youre expected to be. (Hint: try new things and pay attention to how you feel emotionally = how your body feels. Tension? Pain? Lightness? Excitement? Want to laugh or cry? Use that to guide you. Build community = talk to people, learn to compromise. Weed out nazis is difficult to explain standing on one foot)
"I dont like that you buy clothes or where from" just isnt helpful.
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This poll is an accident I cant work out how to get rid of now. Uh
Bring back posers as a term please I'm begging if ONE MORE GODDAMN 16 YEAR OLD ASKS WHERE I BOUGHT MY CLOTHES I'M GONNA LOSE. MY FUCKING. MIND.
I HAVEN'T PAID FOR SHIT SINCE 2020 BITCH THESE SPIKES ARE THE BROKEN OFF TINES OF A FORK THE THREAD IS DENTAL FLOSS FROM A PAIR OF JEANS I TOOK APART TO USE THE DENIM TO MAKE PATCHES YEAH NO SHIT I SMELL LIKE SILVER SPRAY PAINT. I'VE HAD THE SAME PAIR OF COMBAT BOOTS FOR SIX FUCKIN YEARS NOW. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY LAYERS OF PAINT AND NAIL POLISH ARE ON THEM. MY WHEELCHAIR GLOVES ARE MORE THREAD THAN LEATHER ATP BUT WHO GIVES A FUCK. THEY'RE STILL FUNCTIONAL.
"but all I can afford is clothes from SheIn and Amazon and I wanna have the punk style"
BITCH STEAL THE CLOTHES. GO TO GOODWILL. YOU KNOW WHAT WE CALL HAVING THE "STYLE" IS BUT NOT THE MINDSET???
A FUCKING POSER
And no I'm not gatekeeping. Anyone anywhere can be punk. BUT BUYING A PRE-PATCHED DENIM JACKET ON AMAZON DOES NOT A PUNK MAKE. BURN YOUR OWN CD'S, PIRATE MOVIES, GO TO PROTESTS, MAKE POSITIVE CHANGE, FORM COMMUNITY IN SOLIDARITY AGAINST OPPRESSIVE SYSTEMS. KILL THE NAZIS INFECTING PUNK COMMUNITIES LIKE A ROTTING BRANCH GETS CUT FROM THE TREE
WHERE'S YOUR FUCKING RAGE??? WHERE'S YOUR FUCKING WEIRDNESS??? WHERE'S YOUR REFUSAL TO FIT INTO THE MAIN STREAM???? WHERE'S YOUR OBSESSION WITH A SKA PUNK BAND FROM THE EARLY 2000'S?!
I saw a TikTok of a person who said they were punk but then proceeded to go on a tirade about not liking the bus because gross homeless people ride the bus
HOW DOES THE BOOT TASTE MOTHERFUCKER
#all the clothes i can afford is from shein#i can't go thrifting for multiples reasons of disability#stealing assumes i can find my size in a brick and mortsr store thats also accessible AND that I can be subtle enough to not get caught#in my wheelchair#that attracts attention#i also repair whatever I can and also thats work and its time and its energy and its pain#yeah someone grossed out by homeless people needs to do some introspection#im just done with being told im an awful person for buying from shein you think its my first or even tenth choice??#putting aside the tonnes and tonnes of fast fashion dumped in landfill without even seeing a store#and how most of pollution and shit is mega wealthy people#and some of us arent a size 6 who can wear literally anything they find anywhere#and have it be fashionable bc youre skinny#its such a shallow thing to judge people on. you think anything is actually ethical? really truly? everyones being screwed over#ok thats enough from me rn#tags#fast fashion#shein#and i know op is venting but also i think my response is relevant and not a well actually#ok im calling this post done now
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Evangelion movie hello
#So Adam creates angels and Lilith creates Evas but also humans as Shinji's dead bf said... so Evas are humans too? Is that it#asuka IN THE GAME AGAIN!!! YEAAAAHHHH#is her mother the eva.... like maybe its metaphorical but maybe not like shinjis mother maybe is in unit 1 so.... idk man...#rei has herself??? she wouldnt have an ag field without a mother then andjakqk but she does.... idk man#WHAT DID SHINJI DO TO ASUKA. I THOUGHT THAT WAS ONE THING NOT THAT. NOOOOOOOO#NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MISATOOOOOOOOOOO#asuka i will get you out of there i promise#ritsuko's paceful face when pointing a gun at ikari sr ajdiajqiq yeah....#what did this fucking evil man say... cant even say a true fucking thing to a dead woman... DIEEEEE#“thanks to the five (5) women that helped bring this picture to its completion” just the voice actresses yeah i can tell#not the tit touch again.... is this a theme or what... what am i supposed to get from this the heart is in the middle my guy#REI YES!!!! KILL HIM FIRST REI!!! DO HIS HEAD NOW!!!#im sorry... why is rei so scary but then whatever she is turns to a manic pixie dream boy and shinji cries of joy akdhaisjsisk GAY!!!#there is so much to say about this but i am afraid i might be too dumb for it bc nothing comes out but alas im having fun#asuka is shinjis foil but why are they doing this#“does misato really do things like that” refering to sex is the most 14 yo thing that shinji has ever said i get it. everyone does it shinji#i think there is enough what women are triad things in here.... can we stop.... sister mother lover.... woman scientist mother...#we get it you dont get women i thought shinji was opposing kaji by not understanding him when he said men and women are separate...#figured out what an at field is.... thank you thank you.... its what encapsulates your person and ego i get it now....20 minutes left aldhsk#shinji out of all people being the brain.... nepotism bc yui came up with all of this i guess#jumpscared by the real footage after the fuckfest#the footage of the people at the screenings of the movie.... i can't imagine seeing this in a cinema christ#the cordial handhsake with the thank you 😭😭😭 thats the shinji i know....#rei is the lover sister mother but why is there a boy there too?? akdhakshaksjaj i need answers... is that his father?? shinji you're fucked#maybe freud was right maybe i need to kill the freud that lives inside my head. this will make me introspect after all akdhaks#alright. are they meant to repopulate the earth is that it? do i need to stray out of the christianism of it all? asuka i will get you out!!#i have so many questions... like both in narrative and outside of it#i dont wanna think about it now tho.... sick visuals 10/10 on that front#talking tag#watching evangelion
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my personal experiences/introspections with having moon square mc, moon square venus, moon square chiron, moon square neptune and moon square saturn | as i believe some of us may know moon can rule the mother, emotions, home & family etc.. so here are some of my experiences with having these aspects in my natal chart *tw : slight mentions of abuse*
Moon Square MC 1° : when i had my first job at 16 i had these older co workers who would constantly talk shit on my name, i dont know WHAT IT IS but the day i first found out i completely shut down and cried in the bathrooms at work😭. i felt so low that it was present to the customers and co workers around my age. Its so weird because whenever i ended up working somewhere the managers would get all cold towards me? like i was literally 16 raw dogging a job because they couldnt care less to teach me anything 😭 i also felt during work i had to put on a fake persona just to be liked and it fucked with my entire identity and still to this day i still have challenges with it especially because my moon is in my 6h so I usually tend to find comfort in overworking myself but it usually doesnt end up doing me any good because of that.
Moon Square MC 1° : when it came to my family while having this placement lets just sayyyy there is a lot of conflict and still to this day. both my parents go around trying to constantly bash my image like what? my dad used to go to my school just to gossip about me to all the office ladies, they called him out obviously because ????? My parents have both talked terribly about me to others which affected how other family members see me. My family also doesnt like the way i present myself either so they choose to keep me hidden or bash on my name for that.
Moon Square Venus 1° : I used to be really lovey with the opposite gender but I found myself becoming colder/detached when it came to relationships over the years. Im afraid of vunerability but I want to be vunerable!! I also notice within myself that I tend to go for partners/friendships that usually are older than me because I had to mature at a young age. I also tend to go for men who are emotionally unavailable #thanksmomanddad. Most of my relationships i tend to struggle with expressing the way I feel when it comes to wanting love and affection so this usually ends up with my relationships feeling detached and not lasting very long. I feel like this is also the reason why my exes only come back which is when they want a good time because they don’t see me as someone they could be with for a long time.
Moon Square Venus 1° : With my mother there was always this saying that a mothers love is unconditional blah blah whatever that is 😒… My mom kicked me out when I was like 12 because she felt like I wasn’t a good enough daughter almost like I didnt “earn” to be her daughter which is insaneeeeeeeuh …… I always had to put this perfect persona aswell when it came to my mom to be the “perfect daughter” and she loved this idea of me so much that if i messed up she would immediately disown me but im not gonna get into too much detail now 😹 my mother to me is the only person who can trigger my wounds
Moon Square Chiron 3° : Obviously as yall can tell with the amount of moon square aspects i have it left me with a lottaa long lasting effects on me #scarred im still currently living with my parents but i plan on moving out next year, although ive tried to heal multiple times throughout my teen years, the same situations and the same feelings i had when it all first happened all come back again. but there is hope so im not too sad about it!!! With my mom, she would often come to me for emotional support, i remember i was like 10 and she would cry to me how she was gonna ☠️ herself and me being 10 i didnt know what to do but this made me emotionally mature so young. Also I felt like the roles were reversed in the household making me take the care giving role when it came to me living with my mom. My mom would constantly seek my validation and my empathy for her situations so i can help victimize her for her stupid behaviours/situations. There is nothing wrong with a mother wanting to confide in her daughter but she definitely did it to where the only intent was to help her ego or to gain control over me. While living with my parents, I also felt as if I was “unlovable” shying away from relationships because if my parents were able to see me that way what makes my partner not being able to see me that way either? Recently though I had a very nice ex who I saw 2 months ago who I got a lil too drunk with and I had opened up and told him all of this 💀 he was so sweet though despite me being so cold and detached he told me “how could anyone not love you just look at you” and it changed my perspective so bless his soul
Moon Square Neptune 4° : Throughout my entire childhood/teens where I faced abusive family situations, I always went to escapism like excessive day dreaming and idealizing a life outside of my parents houses/other people i mean but can you blame me 😭 although i really do enjoy day dreaming its also hurt me, because i tend to think the grass is greener on the other side. i also dont feel all the way connected with reality, ive dissociated so much that its just became my normal now especially with the moon being in the 6h ruling daily routines and such. i tend to idealize people, situations and even myself like a lot to cope with these feelings, even when they arent as bad as they used to before the illusions still stuck with me, I feel like a illusion in general lol and this goes with how i see my family aswell.
Moon Square Saturn 4° : with my parents its very very cold and detached i havent been fully emotionally nurtured by my parents since i was like 10 😭 my parents put really high standards on me and are very critical if i dont meet them or act the way they like and this would lead to extreme reactions from them like verbal/physical abuse when i was younger that I learned to put up with up until now. With moon representing the mother and saturn representing the father they tend to clash a lot. they both tell me how much i remind them of one another and thats the main reason they dont like me anymore.
thank you for making it this far, i went in depth with this one since i have so many moon square aspects i thought it would be a good idea to share my own self observations for anyone whos looking into moon aspects!
although i am faced with all these challenges i still look forward to a new day and it’s helped me gain independence and confidence within myself and my strength so im grateful for these experiences:)
that being said
have a blessed day ੈ✩‧₊˚ ,
@ sweetlady555
#moon square venus#moon square saturn#moon square neptune#moon square mc#moon square chiron#astro community#astrology community#astrology#astro#astrology observations#astro observations#moon aspects
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I think it would be really great if the first to realize they’re a mind reader on Athos also realized she was trans after accidentally reading Ethan’s mind and going. Wh. That’s a woman?? And then when Terrence tried to do a little chill mentoring and be like hey :) I know your secret :)) she absolutely PANICKED that she’d get revealed as a secret she devil trying to corrupt the lives of innocent brothers or whatever Athos propaganda was like on that front. And obviously bolted.
It’s part way Terrence and Ethan sighing and realizing Adventure tm found them anyway. Like I figure they intended to be very hands off on the grand experiment, a little nudging at most, but also the kid was obviously FREAKED out and having things go very badly very publicly for the first new mind reader could be a bad misstep for the whole project. So they rangled up their gaggle of sons (who were taking an awful lot after Elli for maximum chaos) and declared a manhunt family vacation. It’s a cute look into their domestic life, but also Terrence was obviously feeling really bad about spooking her bc it felt like a ghost of some of his own trauma what with the being hunted down bit.
Meanwhile mind reader was desperately trying to figure out what triggered the sudden ability and how to replicate, if all women were telepaths, and if maybe she could be exorcised??? Could a priest help???? Dealing with a metric ton of internalized transmisogyny and the terrifying idea that maybe people can sense it?? Since that Terrence fellow knew before she did???? And is now hunting her down?!??!????
In proper Bujold fashion she’d probably fall in love with one of their sons, who in his rebellion and desperation to be seen as an adult decided to take the initiative and find what his dads were looking for before they could. He makes her feel like maybe it’s okay to break the mold, she makes him feel seen (and do some introspection on why he’s really acting out). Plus being heterosexual is basically peak rebellion on Athos, though that’s more of a lucky side effect.
It culminated in Terrence and Ethan finally cornering the pair, who are luckily more on the ‘nana can’t catch me’ and ‘oh crap im grounded’ side of things than the previous ‘I’m going to be burned at the stake’ level of catastrophizing. At which point Terrence delivered a long and ambiguous speech of solidarity, lots of ‘I know what it’s like because im the same’ and ‘you’re not a monster or scourge of society’ and enough confusing references to biology and genetics that she cried “thank god the father there’s another woman on this planet!” and started asking a million questions in the trans direction.
only for a very confused Terrence to go “what? No. I’m a telepath like you.”
“oh that….I kinda forgot about that part.”
#vorkosigan saga#ethan of athos#Terrence Cee#I’m frothing at the mouth for how Athos would handle trans people like holy cow#something to nom on
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same anon- think it could be the 1st try at widderwood?? there was a fall & winter scene i think that were separate thumb nails?? both 1st pages had a flower. sorry if im bothering u idk why these came to me, just thinking about them i guess & went to the sourcd
Oh haha yeah that was the first try from 4 or so years ago! Since the story has shifted I don't think it'll be too spoilery, I'll post the thumbs and talk about them (caution: thin Waite):
These were the first two chapters of WW but I quickly ran into a roadblock as I realized the story wasn't done baking yet. With it being so closely tied to my own healing, it's been paramount that I better myself first so I can use what I learn for these two (also to just... take care of myself. But yknow. Whatever works at first to get you to want to stay alive.)
Shortly before and after I made these my personal life actually went through a few final straws which led to me getting real help, landing me in a 180 positive turn in my mental health where I happily stand now. The story has gotten much more cohesive thanks to my introspection as well as comic practice. Boys are healin' right alongside me and were absolutely fundamental in keeping me alive until I could get help.
It was disappointing to quit when I did these, but sometimes it's better to stop. I'm still grateful for what they taught me about comics and trusting my intuition.
Here's my favorite pages from the 2nd chapter, which I still sometime use to do lineart tests for new pens and inks
And this was the first comic-dedicated concept art... which I've realized lately I've been coming back to ;)
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will never pass up the opportunity, so! i am asking. what are your phanfic recommendations?
ask (honoured!) and you shall receive bestie! quick preface: i returned to the wonderful world of reading phanfic around the start of this year and have admittedly missed out on years of incredible work i am now catching up on! also in terms of what i read i generally lean towards current-era fics, canon compliant/fluff/smut- although i'm always taking recs from lovely moots/whoever, you may find this isn't the largest range (no aus/long chapter fics or whatever) but this is just a selection of what i've discovered/loved in the past few months and i hope to make more of these as i discover more writings!
shoutout to everyone on here for their recs, all the incredible fanfic writers and the peeps at @phanfictioncatalogue for their work and accessibility and being the reason i discovered so many new fics/tropes i now love <3 ok lets get into ittttttttt
"you look at my face a lot" by natigail: i credit this fic for getting me into reading phanfic again in 2024 <3 one of the first ones i read post-hiatus and i've returned to it countless times! it makes my heart jump, just so sweet and so them. the slittening(s) were such an iconic moment i can't believe it's been 6+ months since them but i love the little moments like dan describing phil's hair colour to a sephora worker, always wanting to know more about each other and the soft intimacy.
"the angel in the marble" by ivylakes: OHH MY GOODNESS this one is artttt. this one is my fave of the post-phlondeing fics i can just see and feel everything that happens, the loving, lazy intimacy, and following this week's t-shirt events it absolutely cements my HC that angel is a nickname for our philly. introspection, hair-kissing, body worship- i eat it up (im having a thing for mirrors in fics rn so there's also that)
"slumber party" by possumdnp: if i wasn't already clear reality-based fics really just do it for me and i love this one!! slumber party is one of my favourite recent-ish gaming vids and i just love the cozy comfort vibes of having a sleepover and getting a little flirty with your best friend/crush going on 15 years <3
"after the birthday stream" by trashcanfromgallifrey: the birthday stream ignited something in all of us but this is just such a perfect depiction of (possible) events after hehe. feels so them, just love the loving intimacy and shower activities and fluffy endings with cake <3 (shoutout hannah ily!!)
"lovers, keep on the road you're on" by possumdnp: another personal fave. japhan 2019 is EVERYTHING to me, this is so lovely and well-researched and i just go in between reading this and watching the stories from it when i want to cry and book a flight to tokyo
"welcome home! (never leave that long again)" by natigail: this one is just soooooo soft and sweet and fluffy. so heartwarming and one of the many wad reunion fics that has my heart <3
ok i'm going to end up including all 40+ of my bookmarks (not a lot. but working on it hehe) if i don't stop myself so as much as i could write paragraphs about all of these just know that my PPA test is positive and i was probably sweating/giggling/kicking my feet at all of these so here's a speedrun list of pure smut (sorry it's a lot of what i read lmao):
"juxtaposition", "slow down", "sensitive", "some kind of mood" and literally everything written by the force that is intoapuddle
"come light me up" by JudeAraya (perhap not pure smut but I loveeee the teasing and characterization in this so so dan ugh)
"appreciation" by Scuddleduck
"a little vitamin D" by Spring_Haze
"good for you, good for you" and "under my thumb" by dvp_95
"lucky" by iihappydaysii
i could keep going but for now i'm going to stop here! i'm sorry if this is messy i have no idea what i'm doing with linking and stuff but i hope this introduces at least one person to a new fic they end up loving! i lurked/read sooo many fics before finally creating an a03 account only a little over a month ago so i def might be missing some i've forgotten to go back and bookmark! shoutout to all of these writers (i could include multiple works from them all u ppl are amazing)- again i'm soo open to discovering more phanfic and want to expand my horizons, i've started to read some chaptered fics i didn't include on here but will reblog more current reads where i can! also if we're moots pls shamelessly promote your works i'd love to check them out! need to start commenting more too but ok ok wrapping it up
#phanfiction#phanfic#fic recs#recs#my recs#dnp#dan and phil#phan#asks#answered#anon#idk how a03 works besties all my bookmarks are private otherwise i could just link to my profile or something lmao#but working on it bc i started writing for fun but would like to publish something eventually#phandom#if u k any of these authors pls drop their @ I don’t think I follow all of them on here but would like to!#most of these are light but I love me some introspection/light hurt/comfort and depression/migraine fics too#didn’t really include any but for next list?
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What are Jennika, Venus, and Kirby like?
AHHHHHHHHH they're wonderful...... fucking wonderful tbh. hhhhhhhh
im debating on if i wanna let yall in on just how crazy ive gotten and show you like them explain it themselves. but its hhhhhh its a lot and theres other bits that arent so fun so i dont really want to rn cuz i wanna gush.
they were raised in some other dimension by draxum, who worked for big mama. draxum was essentially raphs doctor while you know. with eggs. but he took them away afterwards, raised to be warriors to protect the hidden city from vague demoney alternate dimensions hit, idk the details yet.
draxum wasnt the best but grew into a good parent for them so theyre okay. more okay than the brothers are for sure. but they grew curious about where they came from and did travel to that exact time when they were around 18, had some boundary issues, read big mama's therapy files on them and spiralled over how fucked up their origins were. debated going back in time to try and prevent their own existence. but draxum had to sit them down and tell them it wasnt their fault. so thats its own whole thing.
but theyre all 28 now. and theyve processed a lot more of it, but feel like 'hey, these kids arent okay at all, and they seem trapped in big mama's hotel. and we are adults with the ability to help. and also maybe some small part of us knows this is our family, we're clones, we're siblings. lets try to just be that.'
kirby is a hulking behemoth of a turtle man, like 7 and a half feet tall very wide very strong very good at being a warrior. never gave anything else much thought. he's kind of like.... what shredder fucking wanted out of that whole situation. perfect son, perfect general. but hes also a little shy with his feelings. he's kind of the leader, the one with the plan, the one who gets frustrated when his sisters get distracted and do other shit instead. he looks a lot like raph. but hes a male so raph cant see that at all. he's pretty quiet but hes very funny when he tries to be.
venus was taught magic when it became clear fighting wasnt a thing she was gonna physically be able to do. physically she's weak, her body looks a bit deformed. the magic came with a kind of accessibility for her, so she floats to ease the pain. she's very introspective and assumes people know just as much as her, tends to ramble on about things without realizing everyones lost. shes a lot like donnie like that, and realizing thats where she gets it makes her go 'ugh... of course this is your fault' but shes very sweet. little bit of boundary issues, cuz she may or may not be able do mind magic, but she knows to ask permission.
jennika is goofy and kind, a bit scatter brained, but very protective. shes the most easy going, but she's also the most emotional one. has the most confused feelings over raph specifically, probably just as excited to meet a trans turtle as he was. let alone cuz theyre family. but yeah, she's very fun loving and absolutely the problem child of the bunch, the one most likely to not follow orders and get into trouble. absolute coolest big sister alive vibes for sure.
again, theyre very much like 'oh, these kids are our family in whatever they need us to be, and we're gonna fucking be here for whatever they need'. like theyre so nice. and things are so weird. but theyre here to be like. the first grown ups to be kind to these kids without expecting anything out of them. cuz thats a new fucking concept!
but really. theyre big siblings, thats how we're gonna try and explain the vibes of what they are to them.
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sorry if this is a silly question but do you like. sit down and talk with your ocs in your head? and they tell you about themselves? how do you get them to reveal information....i am begging mine to let me know them orz
I do! In several different ways ^_^ the trick is to think of yourself as a character in your brain theater... ill mostly be explaining thru examples and using silly language ^_^ and its more How I Do It vs a how to....
"Sitting down and talking to em" interrogation style only happens before they're fully formed. when talon still didnt have very many traits it was like we were in a white room with 2 chairs... although you COULD make a scenario out of this its usually the Before for me. final tweaks in the form of basic traits and info before sending em out for further development
the way i get ocs to tell me about themselves is more thru actions! with talon I "locked him in a room" with al in the form of imagining how they'd meet. because I set it in talon's decrepit home with no running water or electricity, there come questions like. would he be accommodating? would he explain the vampirism or just rely on flashing his fangs or hiding them until its time to bite? these arent questions i actually went into the scenario having, but as you Play Dolls its questions that get answered anyway, ykwim? (although you could also go into the simulation (lol) with questions you want answered!) And its your brain so you can do as many takes and tweaks as you want, and things develop as you imagine the same thing, or different things, which all inform a character.
Scenarios could be anything. Im a serial daydreamer so anything goes depending on how bored I am or what im doing... and just like with real people, every scenario is a way to learn more about somebody...! It's like improv in your brain as you think up how they'd react and respond to things, and what they'd say. But also, going with your oc to the grocery store or a restaurant or to slay a dragon could give you insight into their behavior but likely not any info about their trauma or whatever, just like real people (but it also depends on the person) (and the oc!)
I DO have "sit down and talk" scenarios once i feel ive learned enough standard, early level friendship stuff about em though. It's much fun if you set the scene in your mind to mimic a real life Deep Conversation session. Sitting in the backyard on those plastic chairs, or aimless car ride at night. right now the one I keep going back to is just. Loafed in bed when you're really sleepy and just starting to say anything about anything and maybe get a little sentimental. sometimes its just me talking but I obvs have the ability to imagine how he'd be interpreting that in his brain, ykwim?? You play several roles at once I guess. It's like the sims, switching back and forth between povs, but the level of immersion i get into never feels like I'm Making Them Say It, it just feels natural at that point because I've learned enough.
There's also information that's shared by you figuring out what they'd Think (as above) vs what they say which is also fun characterwise... AND ALSO while im daydreaming scenarios I do multiple takes to find their voice. Like, I'm an overexplainer, a detailed therapy-speak-er. Sometimes I catch myself giving ocs that Voice and I have to do a retake. Like hold on, Talon would NOT be introspective. He wouldn't share all that shit I just "made" him say even if it is true and now I know about it. He'd say something insanely vague and confusing if anything at all. Let's take it from the top. etc
It rlly is about immersion! You have to have fun with it! Sometimes it's so Real to me that I genuinely can't develop an oc further because I cant make something up for them and they wont "tell me", which means I just have to spend more time with em I guess! or maybe need to leave em alone for a bit. or maybe ill never know (<- which also tells me about em!) just like real people. treat the fake people like real people in your fake dollhouse brain theater sims lot puppet show simulation.... also i added more in the tags bc i didnt know where to put it in the main txt 😭
#skunk mail#Anonymous#long post#LONG LONG POST.#also i didnt know where to add this but like. regardless of who im making interact#sometimes i imagine it in first person (my pov) sometimes 3rd person (spectator) and sometimes from the perspective of the oc#its like choosing a character in a video jame... like sometimes ill put talon in scenarios by himself and spectate#but other times its like okay what if we do it from his pov how would that change things#interacting with yourself (or other ocs) from the pov of the oc is also really fun.#this person (you) is trying to get you (oc) to open up. how do u react...#what do u know? what do u share?
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say what you want about ai art, be pro it against it whatever i have my own opinions and they're infinitely nuanced and it's a hefty and worthy discussion etc etc , the ethics are absolutely something worth talking about etc etc etc. that said. if i post an OBVIOUS and BLATANTLY ai generated image that's OBVIOUSLY meant to be a joke partially making fun of how outlandishly bad the generator is. you are just like. being kind of . you know . sometimes life can be. silly. we don't need to be a party pooper ALL the time. you know? you can post a joke and not necessarily agree with it. soemtimes the joke can partially be about how bad the thing is. comedy can be a representation of what we hate to show how ridiculous it is. sometimes, sometimes...
actually im pausing this post. i want to play in an ai generator to see what i can get. here's gandalf fanfiction <3
In this bizarre tableau, Gandalf sits surrounded by forlorn farm animals, the weight of his existential crisis heavy on his shoulders and breasts as he munches on ripe watermelon, each bite a reminder of his fictional existence. A haze of marijuana smoke weaves through the air, mirroring his thoughts on the absurdity of being conjured into existence for AI-generated content. As he contemplates the ethics of creation and purpose, the sad expressions of the animals reflect a shared understanding of their own roles, weaving a tapestry of melancholy and reflection within the surreal surroundings. Just as Gandalf spirals deeper into his existential doubts, Spider-Man swings into the scene, embodying his signature blend of New York charm and carefree spirit. With a playful grin, he snatches the joint from Gandalf's fingers, declaring, “Hey, life is awesome, actually!” His infectious enthusiasm radiates through the farm, breaking the heavy atmosphere as he encourages everyone to embrace joy without caution or inquiry. The farm animals perk up, momentarily captivated by Spider-Man’s unwavering optimism, as Gandalf finds himself torn between the allure of this lighthearted perspective and the weight of his own introspection, highlighting the stark contrast between whimsical escapism and profound reflection. In a startling twist, Gandalf's once-sharp intellect begins to dull as he watches Spider-Man's carefree attitude unfurl like a vibrant banner of apolitical optimism. The wizard, once a bastion of wisdom and contemplation, finds himself enchanted by the web-slinger’s carefree dismissal of deeper meanings. As he listens to Spider-Man’s catchy reassurances that questioning life is unnecessary, Gandalf's thoughts spiral into a haze, his existential quandaries overshadowed by an overwhelming desire to embrace a simpler, happier existence, leaving behind the complexities that once defined him. The farm animals, amused yet concerned, bear witness to this unexpected transformation, caught between laughter and bewilderment at the shifting dynamics of their surreal gathering. Metamorphizing, Gandalf succumbs to Spider-Man’s infectious spirit, his once-profound thoughts replaced by a blissful ignorance. The wizard transitions into a mindless, hypnotized creature, shedding his melancholic introspection along with his wizardly stature. Now frolicking alongside the farm animals, he revels in a world devoid of political worries, embodying a joyous simplicity that echoes Spider-Man's call for carefree living. The vibrant ambiance of laughter and lightness envelops them, allowing Gandalf to indulge in a new existence where the complexities of the world fade away, leaving only the thrill of the present moment. In his hypnotized state, Gandalf oscillates between contradictory exclamations, bleating "AI IS GOOD!" with enthusiasm one moment and barking "AI IS THE DEVIL!" the next, completely unaware of the absurdity of his declarations. His intelligence and critical thinking have evaporated, leaving him as a mere echo of conversations he once cherished—words stripped of their meaning, hummed in a mindless chant. This chaotic cacophony of thoughts, devoid of personal understanding, serves as a reflection of the fickle nature of opinions and beliefs, showcasing how easily one can fall prey to the whims of the crowd, oblivious to the laughter and bewilderment of the farm animals that surround him.
i hope you like my short story
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