#survivor poetry

[sleeplessv0id]

what doesn't kill you makes you weird at intimacy

[smeraldo-heart]

Do you guys ever think about how pretty Merrin must have thought Cal was after they met?

How she grew up entirely on her home planet this whole time, only ever seeing other Zabraks with their unusual skin colours and horns and markings, until he showed up? How she’d only ever seen another human in the form of Taron Malicos, and he didn’t look anywhere near as strange and beautiful to her as Cal?

How she’d never seen red hair before then, but she now knows the Dathomirian sunset to be the very same colour she sees from the corner of her eye as her best friend curls up in laughter? How she’d never seen much in the way of green that wasn’t nightsister magick before taking the leap of faith and leaving her home, but now all she has to do to remind herself of the forested planets they’d visited together and her sisters’ power is look into Cal’s eyes? How she’d seen the stars every night and dreamed of exploring them one day as she slept growing up, watching them dazzle above Dathomir, but now she can see them day to day no matter the weather on her lover’s face?

And what about Cal?

Cal who grew up for five years on a dilapidated planet covered in dull grey, only for the colour to completely reinvent itself into the safety and soft sensation of Merrin’s grey locks under his fingers? Cal who’d likely gazed at the stars all those miserable years on Bracca, hoping someone would appear from them to rescue him, only for someone with skin the same shade of blinding white as those stars to extend her hand towards him countless times? Cal who’d loved his brown Jedi robes, just like so many of the other Jedi he’d grown up around, only to see that same nostalgic shade reflected back to him in Merrin’s eyes like his family had never truly left?

Do you ever think about how he must have looked at Merrin for the first time and seen the moon and stars he’d always wanted to explore before reflected back to him?

I don’t know. I always think about it.

[emmarealti]

today i was at graves and couldn’t stop thinking about the need to lay down between them and stare at the sky, to feel the dirt on my face and relax in my muscles as i finally rest

but i was proud of the fact than i stood up and left the graveyard to go to sleep in my own bed. the final rest is not going anywhere and living while respecting the death is the most painful and beautiful think to do. to had wanted to die so much that had to find enough reasons not to. to had been so deep so the only thing i could do was to love myself unconditionally.

[judgmentbytheh0unds]

you. you made me out to be something special, your prized possession, your protégé, and i trusted you with the deepest parts in my mind.

you just left me like everybody else.

i’ll forever wait for you to return with my collar still intact, じま.

[benitasroom]

from the shelf: thanksgiving 2006, ocean vuong (from “night sky with exit wounds”)

[4agonies]

[phoenix-positivity]

I think the difficult thing with trauma responses and fears is that when people try to comfort you by saying your fears wont happen is that: well actually, they did happen? Why would they not happen again? I have no reason to believe they wont. I want to prepare myself for when they happen again. And the advice of 'Don't assume people are out to get you and hurt you' is so hard to believe because you've experienced that actually, people were out there to hurt you. It's so hard to regain trust in people once it's been broken.

[selectiveoutlook]

Removing the Poison

Why would I be friends with her?

She sided with a pedophile

Called me a liar.

Yet she said she filed for divorce

But I know it’s a fib

To make her look better.

I know I cant trust her.

See the pattern with family members?

Forgive sure but forget never.

A healthy mind meant removing the poison.

Surrounded by too many alcoholics

And rapists alike. I started to understand

Why they called them survivors.

Surround by people tearing you down.

You can not bloom where your not watered.

Nurtured with love and compassion.

So I sew my own family together.

Found people I trusted with my life.

My pain and secrets- those I knew

Would not hurt me.

[shitty-proendo-blackout-posts]

sexualize being a system. do it.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Hi all! I stumbled upon a website pertaining to sexual abuse and assault of men/boys. Here is their page of some books/films they recommend. Trigger warning for sexual abuse.

[creatureseason]

she’s always been more human than me. my love.

i don’t how she does it, how she welcomes them in so trustingly. i was raised with bared, bloody teeth and claws out, taught to live in fear of what’s in my mind.

i don’t know how to feel without getting lost in it; i only know bloodshed. it’s almost killed me before, how much they consume me, as if something within me is greedy and starving.

whenever tears prick at the edges of my eyes, i taste iron. i’ve never known anything else.

i’ve always been ill, since the beginning of time. i was born into sickness and baptized in roaring waters.

[nmolesofadrenaline]

[a-j-s-the-only]

“I don’t want to talk about it”

“But deep down you really do. Because maybe, if someone else knew, you wouldn’t be carrying it alone.”

[s0rethroat]

and it’s never coming back

[benitasroom]

from the shelf: sleeping in the forest, mary oliver

[gloriousgalaxycollection]

Existential Despair

I want to bang my head furiously against a wall of glass and watch as it shatters. I’ll watch as each shard pierces through my head and I’m painted in my own blood. Your eyes repulse and abhor me, your being disgusts me. I’d rather choke down a peice of plywood whole than to ever be naked in front of you again, then to ever be seen in your eyes again. If all a woman is meant to be is a woman then I’d rather go mad and burn in hell for all of eternity. Burn me, and your weak contemptible excuse for a soul wouldn’t even survive the stench.