#programming with trauma

[vizthedatum]

You know the feeling when version control and git are traumatizing to you because of the random associations you have with your ex??

And it’s really frustrating because you also work in a computational setting???

And it’s like - is there really a moral fucking judgment for having PTSD? (Or *cough* not using version control?)

—

I am reclaiming a lot of stuff more and more all the time though. This weekend, I’m slated to play more games than I have ALL YEAR. (I was also triggered by games)

[hopefulrunaways]

I think as a fandom we aren't obsessed enough with the secuels Tartarus surely left on this two

[eyeofthenewt1]

-to be whole again-

[chemicalcarousel]

[loungemermaid]

Thinking again about how Peeta gets sick from the train food, that it’s too rich for him, that he lived on stale and burnt bread, that he might have had materially enough food but not the right kinds. Thinking about how malnutrition is a spectrum, and food insecurity looks different in different households. That yes, he might not be one missed meal from starving to death, but that his teeth are probably weak. His mouth probably breaks out in ulcers when he eats fresh fruit. That he probably snuck down to the bakery when he was hungry and all there was were spoonfuls of sugar or jam. Maybe he had to take cake scraps to school for lunch, and how awful that would be, because it looks so luxurious but it’s not. How he probably loved when his dad bought one of Katniss’s squirrels because it was so fresh and alive, so unstale. Thinking a lot about food insecurity.

[heavens-roses]

Octocon and RAMCOA survivors

pt: octocon and RAMCOA survivors

cw: RAMCOA, number names

Felt I should share this as I haven't really seen it talked about in system or RAMCOA spaces. When you use Octocon your parts will be attached numbers to each part based off who was created first. While it's likely due to how to code the easiest. it is important to remember that if you are a survivor who has parts who were forced to be called a number, are a survivor who was called a number collectively/bodily, forced to refer to others as numbers or has any trauma related to number names please tread carefully.

I know as a survivor it can be extremely scary not being able to control your name or having anxieties related to not being called your number too. Please know you are not forced to use Octocon just because other people are using it. If plural kit or simply plural work best for you than keep using them. You do not need to switch over and risk your own mental health. Being a survivor who was dehumanized to numbers is horrible and whether you decide to reclaim your trauma or are healing by moving away from it know your triggers are valid.

Know you are never alone in healing your trauma and note this post is for education. This is not to bash in the creators of Octocon nor is it to tell you how to feel about the app/bot. At the end of the day how you find support with yourself is for only you and your system to decide. With thet being said do not interact with this post if you are pro/neu-endo / believe in any form of "plurality" outside of being trauma based. If you are a questioning system, a cdd system who is syscourse unaligned or apathetic you are more than welcome to repost and interact.

[creature-wizard]

A warning for trauma survivors looking for online support

You may have come across the acronym "RAMCOA", which stands for "ritual abuse, mind control, and organized abuse."

If you search the Internet for RAMCOA, you might come across a result like this:

If you click the link, you'll be taken to a site that briefly describes what RAMCOA supposedly is, with content like:

MC - Mind Control. A shortened form of TBMC, standing for Torture Based Mind Control. MC is also known as programming, where victims are repeatedly tortured starting at a very young age to intentionally cause a system of dissociated parts that function perfectly to suit the abusers' needs.

alpha : a base program, one of the very first implemented. it trains the victim's mind to accept every order given by handlers willingly. parts with alpha programming will often have no will of their own, and very little personality outside of following orders.

aiw : alice in wonderland. typically split into 3 different sections : black alice, white alice, and crazy alice. ideally, a system scripted with aiw would have all three. white alice makes sure the system forgets the trauma, black alice makes the system feel like theyll be a danger to others if they remember the trauma, and crazy alice makes the system think theyre making it up or going insane if they ever remember it.

Literally all of this comes from a conspiracy theory - specifically, the Project Monarch alter programming conspiracy. It was developed and pushed by far right conspiracy theorists. Most of what people run into specifically traces back to Fritz Springmeier, a man who claimed in the 90's that the fight for gay rights was part of a plot to enthrone the antichrist in the year 2000. The Project Monarch conspiracy theory was always adjacent to the Satanic Panic, if not a somewhat niche part of it. If you start checking citations, you will find many of these people citing Svali, a conspiracy theorist who gets a lot of her material from Springmeier. (Example 1, example 2.)

This is no accident. The term RAMCOA was created by the International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation (ISSTD), which was created by and for psychologists who believed in the myths promoted during the Satanic Panic.

The RA part comes from "satanic ritual abuse," which was coined by Dr. Lawrence Pazder of Michelle Remembers (cw for descriptions of horrible abuses) fame. Lawrence Pazder is the man who effectively started the Satanic Panic. It cannot be overstated that Pazder, now a known malpractitioner, was considered the expert on ritual abuse during this time.

The MC part comes from "trauma-based mind control," which was coined to refer to the alleged abuses inflicted in Project Monarch. Parts of this conspiracy theory that can't be traced back to Fritz Springmeier can usually be traced back to Cathy O'Brien and Mark Phillips, two other (really racist) conspiracy theorists.

Ultimately, the entire conspiracy theory is constructed from tropes that go back to The Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion (a known antisemitic hoax), blood libel, and early modern witch panic.

Searching the Internet for RAMCOA resources, ritual abuse, or trauma-based mind control will always bring you to conspiracy theorists.

(Also, the term OEA, which stands for "organized extreme abuse," will lead you to conspiracy theorists as well.)

So yeah, if you're looking for support, be very wary of this stuff. It will absolutely not help you heal; just the opposite.

[wynandcore]

Okay lemme go crazy for a sec

Season 2, episode 9: Guilt

When Tron’s simulation machine malfunctions while he’s attached to it, Beck has no choice but to manually figure out what’s wrong, getting transported into Tron’s system. Time for a trip down memory lane.

As Beck travels through Tron’s system, things start to freak out, as it slowly starts trying to fit Beck into these simulations so as not to disrupt or alter them. This leads to him being put in some weird positions.

When Beck finally gets to the dream simulation that led the machine to malfunction, he finds a horrifying sight.

If Tron doesn’t stop, he’ll end up not just hurting his subconscious.

[abuzd]

[letthe-skyfall]

What if Eklutna blamed Rosehip, the only survivor of the rouge attack, for the death of her son, and started haunting her AU? Thanks, brain. Love you for that.

Lovely characters belong to @loudclan-clangen! The first clangen blog I ever followed, and one of my favorites. Bout time I made some fanart.

Yeah sure, the rogue attack was terrible and all, but Rosehiptree is my favorite, glad she survived! Now she gets some mandatory trauma. We love that for her.

Extras under cut, lol (As usual, flash warning for speedpaint)

Speedpaint! 1:16, if anyone cares.

Background and Ghostlutna that got merged at some point, and I can't undo it. Fun!

Rosehiptree!! Some of the best shading I think I've ever done, btw.

Text! Yup. Sure is some text.

[the-celestial-bitch]

typical asian parents disappointed that their child miraculously escaped the torture school

[sometimesmaybespoof]

I forget I have Tumblr sometimes...

Oh hi everybody :3 hiiihii hello!!

I'm not dead !! I swear!!!

*suspiciously dead looking individual*

Erm... HEHEHE- WHAT? dirt under my fingernails?? PSSHH- I just like messing with ant piles HHH-

Uhhh- oh you guys are starving huh? Here's some treats!!

Postal Dudes :3 he's pretty sillie

Oh and here's some mor!!

Gordy!!! Gordon!!! Gordon Freeman!!! <3 (I'm love himb)

[dragonpyre]

Finding out Pandaredd is apparently your college friend was a fucking jump scare Jesus

-☘️

Dude, finding out he was famous on tiktok was a jump scare!

[scavangers-daughter]

If one more person says RAMCOA is a conspiracy theory, that my lived, VILE life altering, world-shattering, body breaking experience is a “conspiracy theory”!!!??!

Glad you have lived such a sheltered life to have the luxury of it all….

Fuck off

[valgeristik]

sorry for a big post but i just found those again recently

huge throwback to these little things i did while bored out of my mind between calls on my tech support job i had in 2017 🌞 the phrases are whatever i could think of at the moment, from phrases i heard on calls to what i saw in google search to personal observations...

i did these with a mouse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have not been able to replicate this style since. it will forever stay there, on that imac with that weird apple mouse and a random art app i downloaded that they later locked me out of bcs u know ur not supposed to download third party apps on work computers but i was also not allowed to have paper like what are yououuuu expecting me to do GOD i hated that place they made me work for 6 days in a row then ONE (1) ☝ day off and then SIX MORE DAYS AGAIN with sometimes less than 12 hours between shifts but i was young and stupid and didnt complain. this went on longer than i thought it would.

I was also (unsurprisingly) sososososososo depressed and this song was a big comfort (and hey, its an english one for once!)

Vetted Gaza Evacuation Fundraiser List

E-sims donation

bonus thing i like but it didnt fit in with the rest of them

not. translating everything but if u really really want to know feel free to shoot me an ask i suppose. russian knowers will find some of these funny tho. esp the всё понял, иду нахуй (it was a positive customer review on one of the calls our trainer told us abt LMAO)

[seasideoranges]

idk if it’s just me but the whole “which atla kid in the gaang is the most mature” debates can get redundant and kind of exhausting at times. they’re kids. they’re multifaceted characters. they’re mature in some departments and immature in others. they have their strengths and weaknesses. also they’re kids lol.