#actuallypdid

[chemicalcarousel]

[unstablemotions]

I want every mental health professional that has treated me through out my life to get into a roman amphitheatre with a weapon of their choosing and the winner will decide what disorders I have

[iwillbreakyourfuckingskull]

How does it feel to other systems when they switch? Here's some of our switching sensations:

Feeling like being thrown around inside our body like riding a roller coaster

Feeling like one of us dissolves into nothing and another person takes over the body (possession)

Suddenly feeling like having stepped into a foreign body

Forgetting "who we are" and feeling like we are an imposter trying to act like someone we aren't

Feeling like we are still a child trapped in our traumatic environment (flashback)

Not noticing for awhile until something/someone makes us think about it (like individual quirks, likes/dislikes, dysphoria, ect.)

Just some I thought of of the top of my head. We are still discovering more about ourselves and realising that what we are dealing with isn't normal and that we are indeed severely mentally ill. Awkward lol

[recordsystem]

shoutout to endogenic disordered systems! to my did/osdd/pdid/etc. endogenic systems!! you are all valid as hell and dont need to be traumagenic to be disordered. trauma is not part of did’s diagnostic criteria for a reason. you all deserve all the community and support in the world. <3333

[subsystems]

we have p-DID! for me it's like... we're on a long long road trip. the body is the car (or bus...), and whoever's driving is fronting. i (the host) drive pretty much most of the time. i'm good at driving, i'm used to driving, and i know exactly what to do and when. sometimes though, i need a break, or someone else wants to drive the car. usually the next person driving is the one that's been in the car the longest. then i'm usually awake in the passenger's seat, directing what to do. sometimes i need a total break and to cry or sleep in the backseat. thats ok too! others will take over. most of them cant drive for very long right now, they're still getting used to the controls and how to navigate some issues, but we're learning. (obviously not as simple as that but that's the best analogy i can come up with... despite us not having a driver's license and having trauma around cars......)

Thank you for sharing what having DID/OSDD looks like for you! There's not a lot of people talking about partial DID out there, so your experiences are very important to hear about!

[chemicalcarousel]

It's fucking funny when you start to notice the "tells" of certain alters, such as speech patterns, posture, voice pitch, accent, hand gestures, ect.

Like "wait a minute... why am I fucking man spreading like a fucking clown.... oh.... oh it's him."

[chemicalcarousel]

Made a meme

[chemicalcarousel]

that kind of "seamless switching" where you don't immediately notice the switch is a really weird experience because you'll just go about whatever you were doing and then realise oh i'm fronting now damn how did that happen

[chemicalcarousel]

Throwback to when we ran into the word "dissociation" on tumblr as a teen and thought "huh sounds rough, glad i don't deal with that stuff myself"

[unstablemotions]

Having like a thousand different disorders that cause memory issues for different reasons is fucking frustrating because dont i remember this because of my shit working memory, because of anxiety, because of dissociation, because of trauma, or because of severe depression or mania... or maybe I am just fucking stupid idfk

[chemicalcarousel]

normalise not knowing shit about your system

[chemicalcarousel]

other dissociative folks: do you dissociate when ingesting caffeine? because we seem to do. we tried to drink big cups of coffee when we had long lectures, but it would have the opposite effect than it was supposed to have

our theory is that how the caffeine affects the body triggers dissociation for us. maybe our brain thinks we are under acute stress, because of the increased heart rate and it dissociates as a learned response from trauma, but who knows. it is just fascinating to us how bodies work

[unstablemotions]

☆*~, attention deficit / dissociation moodboard ,~*☆

[chemicalcarousel]

how it feels when you have to act like the host around others

[chemicalcarousel]

system where all parts are hyper avoidant of conflict and will definitely let themselves get abused to avoid making thyoe abuser upset except that one spiteful bastard who wishes death upon any stranger online who disagrees with them on the silliest stuff

[chemicalcarousel]

Ok so I think one of the most annoying things about having a CDD is that I never know who tf I'll be at any given point in the future. I can feel so ready to go to work and then I wake up and Shy Kindergartener Who'd Much Rather Watch Cartoons will be in control. I can try to tell myself that I'll never again use my body to get attention, but then Girl Who Relies On Sexual Validation will take over and get us into trouble. I can get into a small argument and suddenly 7 Year Old Girl will make it even worse by acting like a 7 year old girl. Or maybe Middle Aged Man With Anger Issues will take over and make it worse by refusing any compromises and getting into fights. Maybe I'll be Silly Ironic Meme Queen and be waaaay to over energetic and immature for the given situation

All dissociative parts have a role in the system, but sometimes they aren't fronting at the right time at the right place