#my body is wrong and i have to disconnect myself from it or i feel so ill i cant do anything

[mukuberry]

not to be genuine and depressing on here but i really wish i wasn't trans and was just born a guy i hate this

[mochela]

the body i own feels is different from the body i am

[autisticlee]

having some sort of chronic pain and tiredness issue and joint problems and whatnot but not knowing exactly what the problem is is really good at leading you feeling like you're faking it or making a big deal out of nothing or making it up. especially if there's a good day where it's not as bad and you can walk straight without limping for the first time in a year. but then you can wake up the next day and can barely walk and wonder why you can't just walk normal. it's hard to not guilt trip yourself into dealing with pain by trying to ignore it and force yourself to walk "normal" all the time

[manwritingtales]

Give Me Back My Body!

My goddamn uncle stole my body! I would always catch him looking at the corner of my eyes, with him obviously trying to hide it. I was always uncomfortable with it, but he didn't say anything so I thought I could leave it alone. I was in practice when I suddenly found myself blacking out and waking up in my uncle's house, in a different body.

"Give me back my body!" I screamed at the phone, my Uncle David's deep voice coming out of my throat. I feel his stomach rumble, feeling confined in this shirt.

My body—me—grins, flexing his—my—arms. "Sorry, Kev. This is my body now. You know, I've always thought you were so sexy. I tried to just look, but I couldn't. I realized it just wasn't because I thought you were hot, it was because I wanted to become you."

He grins and flexes, and it's so bizarre watching my body act that way. So… slutty.

"I always fuckin' knew you were a fag!" I spit.

Oh god. He's so hairy! And this beard! It feels so weird having this big bushy beard on my face. I was always used to just having a stubble on my face.

"Don't worry, Kev. Or should I say Uncle David," my body grins, "I made sure to keep that body gay in the spell."

What—?

He must've seen the confusion in my face, because his grin only grows larger. "That's right. Take a look at this." He uses my body to flex my arms, the young body exuding virility and strength. He kisses his—my!—biceps and a strange sensation passes over me. Oh my fucking god. No, no, no! I feel the hog in this body growing. Jesus fucking Christ. Am I getting hard over my own body? Is it me, or is it his body getting hard?

I look at my old body, and I suddenly found myself understanding things from Uncle David's perspective. I do look pretty fuckin' hot. I shake my head. This is wrong!

"Listen here, fucker," I growl, secretly pleased with how low Uncle David's voice is. "Give me back my body!"

He smirks. "Or what?"

I pause, then take off his shirt, revealing his hairy chest. "Or I will post your fuckin' dick all over the goddamn internet!"

He laughs, caressing his muscles. "Is that the best you can think of, Uncle David?"

"Don't call me that!"

"Well. I'm sure I can think of so many more fun things to do with this body."

He shows my body's plump butt, and I hear him say, "I'll be sure to send you the video of good ol' straight Kevin getting fucked in the ass."

"You…—!" I was speechless, and I was even more horrified to realize that Uncle David's body is fucking hard. Not just aroused, but rock fucking hard! I resist the overwhelming urge to adjust the boner in my pants.

My shocked expression seems to please him. "Don't worry, Uncle David," he says using my voice. It's so strange hearing myself say all this. "I know I won't be the only one bottoming. I'm a bottom, and that body is a bottom. Better clean yourself up because I know you'll get the urge soon."

"You fucking—"

Call disconnected.

Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck. I stare at Uncle David's reflection in a mirror, a strange combination of scared, shocked, and… horniness coursing through me. His body. Me. Jesus, even now it's starting to get harder and harder to figure out what this body is feeling and what I'm actually feeling.

"I'll fuckin' get you," I glare at Uncle David in the mirror. "I'll… I'll get my body back…"

A thought pops out of my mind—a thought that sends shivers down my spine. I bury it down. I won't let it get to me. If his body wins, then Uncle David wins. I won't let it happen…

'Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to get fucked.'

[knifedog-machina]

(Non)Humanity and Species Dysphoria: the Forced Transformation Trope

Written by Gavin on August 25, 2024.

As a nonhuman, do you ever think about why there's so many stories and myths and legends about humans being turned into animals? You ever wonder why it's usually a punishment or a curse, or why the characters try to do whatever it takes to become human again? You ever think, "I don't understand, I would love to be an animal and get rid of my human body, what's the problem?"

As a human myself, one whose system has been in the alterhuman community for years, I hope I can help bridge the gap of understanding here.

The way many humans see being turned into an animal as a curse, the way they'd be incredibly distressed about becoming nonhuman?

That is species dysphoria.

That is a human experiencing species dysphoria, because being perceived as nonhuman or other-than-human causes the exact same feelings of pain and wrongness and disconnection from their body that a nonhuman can experience when perceived as human.

(Particularly, this might be an orthohuman, someone who has a normative relationship with their human cultural and species identity, as opposed to an alterhuman, who experiences alternative/nonnormative humanity or a species identity separate from humanity. Human alterhumans can also experience this sort of species dysphoria - hi, I'm one of them.)

Imagine being your species your entire life, the way you know you're intended to be, living in a body you're comfortable in - and then having that body ripped away from you. Being forced to live in a form that doesn't match who you are, what you know you are, and desperately wanting to find a way to change back because you know you're not meant to be like this.

If this sounds familiar because it's what you experience as a nonhuman - that is how a lot of human beings feel about being transformed into something nonhuman. It's the feeling of being the wrong species! It's the desire to return to the form that you know as yourself!

The fact that orthohumans are born into the species they identify as does not mean that they could never comprehend your nonhuman experience. You can explain your nonhuman species dysphoria to an orthohuman. Given all the examples of unwanted transformation stories throughout human history, I think you're likely to find that they'll understand when you put it in that frame of reference.

"How would you feel about being turned into another species against your will, leaving behind everything that feels good and right and comfortable about your human body? That sounds horrible, right? That's how I feel, being nonhuman in a human body, and it's distressing in the same way you would hate being human and stuck in a nonhuman body."

I know that the gap between humanity and nonhumanity looks enormous. The horror of, say, werewolf mythology looks like a completely alien experience when you are a wolf, so you see being transformed into a wolf as nothing short of a wonderful experience, and you don't understand why anyone would see it as horrifying.

But if you understand that it's not about the species, but the experience of species dysphoria, of being trapped in a body that has never been yours and desperately trying to return to one that feels like you, well - that's a lot more understandable, isn't it?

Humanity and nonhumanity are not two opposite ends of a binary, destined to never understand each other. I know many alterhumans who are both human and nonhuman, and their humanity is an identity in much the same way as their nonhumanity. Humans are just another species on this planet, as bipedal tool-using social primates, and we have our species identities just like many nonhumans. You are not as alone in this world as you might think you are.

There is room for understanding and connection. Your experiences as nonhuman are not purely individual, not wholly unique, not utterly incomprehensible to human beings, and this is a good thing. The gap isn't actually as wide as it seems. You can reach out and cross it if you just remember - you have far more in common than you might think.

[xoxxbilliexoxx]

Friends? Just Friends?

part 2

part 1 here

When you wake up after a night that changed everything for you two, Billie lets you continue exploring what it’s like to be with a girl … ;)

y/n POV

As the sunlight peaks through the curtains I’m slowly pulled from my slumber. My eyes stay closed, allowing myself to fall in and out of a sleepy haze. The cool sheets rub against my soft legs and the breeze from the open window runs lightly along my arm. As I roll over I smile at the smell of Billie’s shampoo and perfume blending together. It’s a smell that has taken over my bed with the frequency that she shares it with me. I take a deep breath, letting it flood my senses before sighing and returning back to my thoughtless meditative state. It isn’t until I feel the brisk air hit my bare chest that I realize I’m naked. My eyes flash open as I turn to see Billie’s exposed boobs only half covered by the sheets and I am hit with the memories of last night. It all felt like a dream I didn’t want to wake up from. Now I'm remembering just how real it was as I see her bruise covered neck. I close my eyes again, smiling as I play it all back in my head. play back the feeling of her boobs in my mouth, her lips on my lips, her tongue on my pussy. As I lay still, happily reminiscing on the passion we shared, the sunrays hits my eyelids and my brain is filled with gold light. I feel the bed moving and as billie’s body pushes against mine I open my eyes, watching her lips meet my forehead before she settles back down on my chest.

“goodmorning pretty girl” I half whisper half speak, my morning voice cracking through my throat. “goodmorning lesbo” she giggles back at me. “so that was real huh? not just an amazing dream I had last night?” i flirt out, not hiding it at all. “oh no baby it was very very real, so real, in fact, that ur still very much naked” Billie states, as her hand wanders down to my core, swiping her fingers between my lips making me twitch before bringing it back up and hugging me. Her intentions weren’t to get me horny again, they were more to just tease lightly, but I don’t think she realizes just how powerful of an effect she has on me. I lay still for a while, feeling overwhelmed by the joy I’m getting from billie cuddled up on my chest, the long building tension now gone and the flirting no longer needing to be hidden. I don’t dare ask what is going on, not only because I don’t want to ruin the moment but because I truthfully don’t care right now. All I care about is the way Billie makes me feel, and the way we so naturally fell into this dynamic, like it was meant to happen exactly as it did; Like we are exactly where we are meant to be.

Her fingertips lightly stroke my arm up and down, her touch so soft that her fingers continue to lift, disconnecting and reconnecting over and over. I hum at the feeling. It’s so peaceful with her, like we've been doing this forever. “Your skin is so soft, how did I not notice this before?” I laugh at her question before answering, “I think you were scared to touch me for a while, Eilish” She's silent for a second. I can feel her cheeks moving, forming into a smile. “mmmmm well I can touch you all I want now” she finally says before moving her hand up to grab my boob, shaking her hand up and down making it move with her. She looks so amused, so happy to have me like this now, to touch me like this now. “you better quit it before you get me all horny again” I laugh, pulling her hand away. Before I let her go, she interlocks it with mine and lays them both back down. “And what would be so wrong with you being horny again?” she looks up at me as she finishes her question. When I look down to meet her glance I can’t help but giggle at the smug look on her face. “shit i’m not complaining, go ahead baby” I crack back at her, my honest tone mixing in with the laughter, making it clear she can do whatever she’d like.

Everything feels so much more real when there isn’t wine in the mix, when the moon is no longer glowing but instead the sun is filling the room, when the birds outside are chirping. Her touch moving across my lower stomach, the goosebumps forming on my skin, her lips making contact with my collarbone, it’s all so much more real. She looks up and, fuck, this eye contact feels oh so real. when our lips touch it’s more delicate than it was last night, more intimate somehow. It’s slow, like we aren’t wanting to devour each other, but instead want to learn exactly what our lips feel like against one another. The slow speed continues but the passion grows. Our lips dance between each other, finding a rhythm, making up the choreography and sticking with it. The light sounds of kissing fills the room and we stay just like this for a while. We aren’t in a rush, I don’t need sex, I need her.

My own hands grow curious of her body and my confidence builds. As Billie’s lips continue to wrap around mine and her body is still draped across me, I grab her waist and pull her up more. Our heads are now equal, I'm no longer looking down at her. Her one leg is thrown across my body and her other is snug against my side. Our lips continue to move slowly but passionately, not wanting to end this intense make out session. I can’t remember the last time I made out with someone this long without it turning into more. Men and their fucking lack of foreplay, ew. I let my hand move down to Billie’s ass and squeeze it hard, wanting more of her body immediately. Our lips are speeding up and the kiss is becoming sloppier. I feel a hunger growing from deep within me, but it’s not for my own pleasure. I suddenly feel an intense craving to touch her, to please her, to learn all the parts of her body like she did for me last night. My thoughts race around my head as we continue to let the desire build. I don’t know what to do, or how to do it, all I know is I want her, I’ve wanted her forever.

I let the fervor turn to confidence as I roll us over, Billie now under me. I pull away for a second to look down at her before I smash my lips back down, not able to stay away from her. My hands roam her body fast, wanting to touch every part of her all at once. I slow myself down when I reach her boobs, squeezing and kneading them as I watch her chest begin to rise and fall more dramatically. My lips move away from her as I find my way to her neck, immediately licking from her collarbone to right under her ear, and then biting down on the same sweet spot I found last night. She’s moaning and writhing underneath me, her breathing becoming heavier as she makes it known how badly she wants to be touched, to be pleased. Seeing her like this turns me on so hard, never imagining she’d be so submissive, so willing to let someone else take control like this. In all the stories she’s told me of her crazy hookups with random girls, she’s always the one in control, even when she’s receiving. Right now though, it’s clear she’s given herself to me, surrendered to my touch and in her own world.

My mouth continues planting wet kisses across her neck and chest and she begins letting out very quiet whimpers, making it seem like I'm winding her up so much she’s about to explode. I feel her legs move under me, crossing them tightly, obviously searching for some sort of release. I move my hand to one of her thighs and pull them apart before planting my palm on her clothed center and grabbing her harshly. The long awaited contact makes her hips jolt up, forcing an even deeper pressure against her core resulting in a long, closed mouth moan. My desire continues to guide me as my hand moves under her shorts. I groan when I feel her arousal dripping down her thighs. I feel overwhelmingly turned on by how wet I’ve made her, how caught up in my touch she has become. I run my fingers between her lips, spreading around her wetness and watching her face contort in pleasure. Her eyes are closed and her hands are grabbing at her own boobs, continuing to move her body under me.

I let my index and middle finger slip up to her clit and as soon as I find it I begin wrapping tight circles around it. Billie whines louder and I put more pressure on her swollen bud, circling faster and tighter and letting my lips find their way back to her neck. “fuck y/n, yes, please yes” she moans out, begging for more of my touch. I’m caught in between wanting to suck sweetly on her neck or watch her face showing every ounce of pleasure I'm giving her. I pause my circles to run my fingers back up and down her pussy, collecting more of the wetness I’ve caused before going back up and finding her clit again. As I start to rub it again she opens her mouth, groaning loudly, no longer able to hold in her moans. “That's it baby, I wanna hear you, let me hear how good i’m making you feel” she lets out a gasp, as if she was holding her breath, and allows her sweet noises to spill from her. “god y/n yes, just like that don’t stop”

I lick up her neck again before sucking on her ear lobe, earning a loud groan and a buck of her hips. I continue to suck for a moment before releasing and whispering in her ear, “i fucking love making you feel good baby” she closes her lips tightly again, humming as I speed up my circles. Her clit is even more swollen now, making it easier for me to add pressure to my touch. Billie’s breathing speeds up, It’s clear she's drunk off my touch, hypnotized by pleasure. I feel her legs begin to shake and I salivate, knowing I'm about to make her cum. I can’t take my eyes off of her and my mouth opens before I even have time to think about what I’m saying, “cum for me billie, moan my name and cum for me” that’s all it took before she grabbed the sheets hard, back arching off the bed and the sweet sounds of her orgasm filling the room. “y/nnn fuckkkkkkkkk” she yells out as her legs shake hard with my continued stimulation “that’s right baby let go for me, that feels good huh?” she nods her head rapidly and the moans coming out of her travel straight to my own pussy. As she comes down for the high I slow my circles, then remove my hand, already missing the contact I had her with. Her eyes open as I bring my fingers to my mouth, eager to taste her cum. I moan at the sweetness, never expecting it to taste so good and she smiles, watching me lick her wetness off of me with pure hunger.

I feel as if I must literally be glowing, so high from finally getting to please a woman, so high from getting to watch as I make Billie cum. I am so so gay, so fucking gay, gay for Billie specifically. I want to spread her legs and taste all of her, devour her and make her cum over and over again. I want all of it, all right now. Instead I lay my head on her chest, helping her resurface and give her love after her high. “You are so insanely beautiful Billie, I hope you know that” I kiss her cheek as the last of my words hit my lips. Billie’s breathing is heavy, trying to control it as she laughs to herself, clearly shocked at what just happened. “How are you so fucking good at that, have you secretly been fucking women for years?” Billie finally says. “Fuck I wish, I’m just flicking my bean constantly” I laugh out boldly, her giggles mixing with mine. “Mmmm well lucky you, and lucky me now too, you know what the fuck you’re doing y/n” she blushes at her words, hit with the memories of the state I had her in just a few moments ago. “maybe with my fingers yea, but don’t have such high hopes for the rest” I tell her honestly, expressing my continued nervousness of all of this. “We’ll see, we’ll see” she giggles as she kisses me, “seems like you’re a natural, whispering all that nasty shit in my ear while you make me feel like im fucking floating” I hide my face slightly embarrassed at her calling me out for my quite dirty words that came out so naturally. Never have I been a talker during sex, but it seems like everything is different with Billie.

“Bashful now, are ya?” Billie giggles as she slides out of the bed, kissing me on the forehead before walking into the bathroom. Taking off her wet shorts, she turns to face me in the doorway, her fully naked body now on display for me. She’s so confident, so comfortable showing herself to me, so easy about what all is going on between us suddenly. My eyes follow her curves as I stare at her body, not even trying to hide my inability to look away. My attraction for her is so intense it feels it could kill me. My love for her seems to be the same, but I don’t think I’m ready to let myself begin to process that just yet. As I continue to stare, eyes wide, a smile planted across my face, heart pounding in my chest, and between my legs, she just stands there and smiles. She giggles as she begins striking poses, goofing off like always. “Fuck I’m so gay” I almost shout, my eyes still glued to her body as Billie and I both laugh at my statement. “Alright gay girl, I’m getting in the shower, you coming in or not?” I hopped out of bed as soon as I heard her words, running into the bathroom and shutting the door behind me, behind us.

I kinda wanna make this a series… or a wattpad book 👀

[latherinhoney]

kinktober 2023 day 5 - stuff me full

(jake - enhypen)

genre: (non - idol au)

warnings: (18+), (hard smut), (breeding kink), (pregnancy kink), (mentions of jake wanting kids), (creampie), (soft dom jake) (pet names)

1.5k words

a/n: day 5 of kinktober! again sorry for the late post but I knocked out last night 😭 but I had alot of fun writing this one so I hope you enjoy! And as always feel free to send in any requests :)

--------------

Jake absolutely adored the fact that you and him would eventually have kids someday. Seeing little copies of one another running around made his heart swell and he knew you'd make a great mother as well. He couldn't wait for the day when his little family formed.  

"Babyyy"  Jake whined to you trying to get your attention while you were both getting ready for bed. 

You let out a small sigh laughing at how he always gets like this when he wants something. 

"What's wrong honey?" you ask him, turning around so that you could face him. He looked so cute with the slight pout forming on his lips that you just wanted to pepper his face in kisses. 

"When are we going to start our own family?" He asks shyly "We've been together for a long time and I always see other people looking so happy with their little families and I want the same for us" he confesses. 

This caught you by surprise, you never knew that Jake had been feeling this way. I mean sure he loved playing with kids especially his nieces and nephews. You saw the way he looked while playing with them but didn't know he wanted that for yourselves. 

You'll admit though, that you didn't think you were exactly ready to start a family yet but the way Jake's face lit up talking about you guys having your own kids made you want to give him five on the spot. 

"Hmmm I don't know yet baby" you tell him nervously "I don't know if we're ready for that yet, what if it's not like what we expect or what you expect?" you ramble to Jake, starting to feel slightly worried now. 

"Shhh it's okay princess" he whispers as he grabs your hand, rubbing his thumb over it and placing a kiss on your forehead. "You'll be a great mom and you know why? Because you're already a great wife and there's no one else I can imagine being a perfect mother other than you" he reassures you by combing his fingers through your hair. 

"You really think so?" you ask, feeling your worries start to ease. "I know so" he whispers, placing a kiss on your lips.

 He deepens the kiss and you kiss him back harder. He's caught slightly off guard. 

"Mmmh fuck princess, if you kiss me like that I won't be able to hold myself back" he pants out, looking at you.

 He takes you in, how pretty you look before going to bed and thinking how sweet you are to him. You're the best wife he could have, how could he not want to have kids with you? Wanting to stuff all his cum into you, to the point it starts dripping out knowing that he'd for sure get you pregnant. 

"Fuck you make feel like I'm floating" Jake breathes out, breath getting heavy. "I need you so bad right now princess" Jake whines pulling you back in for another kiss 

You can tell he's starting to get turned on. Finding it really cute when he's practically begging for you. You continue the kiss turning from sweet to hot and heavy. He pulls away, saliva disconnecting from both of your mouths as he licks it away. 

"Lay on your back princess, I can't take it anymore" he commands, pulling the blankets to the side of the bed and plopping you down onto it. You adjust yourself on the bed, shifting into a more comfortable position as Jake is already taking off his pajama pants. As he slides them off you can already see the bulge on his boxers, your body shuddering at the sight. 

You can tell he's desperate by the way he's trying his best to take off his clothes as fast as he can. He then slides off his boxers, cock slipping out already stiff and leaking. 

He rushes over to you and spreading your legs open. 

"Oh fuck my princess looks so pretty for me, I can't wait to stuff you full of my cum, so much that it starts leaking out" he grunts out. It caught you off guard seeing his dominant side come out as he usually is nothing but a sweetheart. You couldn't help as his sudden aggressiveness turned you on and couldn't wait any longer for him to start fucking into you. 

"I'ma make my baby feel so good" he says taking off your shorts, underwear included. 

He groans at the fact that he can see your pussy clenching around nothing, ready to take him in. He grabs his cock, teasing you but sliding it up and down your slick pussy. 

"Hmmhm fuck Jake" you beg "Stop teasing and put it in already" you muster out gripping the sheets already. 

His head is spinning, flustered with the fact that he's finally gonna be able to stuff you full and breed you to his heart's content. He grabs his cock lining it up with your entrance. He slowly pushes the tip in, gasping at how fucking good it feels. He could feel the slight pressure of your pussy tightening around his tip making him go insane. 

He slowly pushes the rest of his cock in, making you gasp at how full he was making you feel. He moans at how fucking tight you feel around the rest of his cock, starting to fuck into you. 

"Fuck princess this pussy of yours is so tight, I don't know how much longer I'ma last" he grits his teeth continuing to slide his cock in and out of you. 

Your head is spinning, moaning as he fucks into you at a brutal pace. He feels so fucking good especially the way his cock is pushing up against your sweet spot, your head lolling back everytime he hits it. At this rate you didn't know how much longer you would last. He slides out for a quick moment to put your legs over his shoulders to fuck into you at a better angle. He slips his cock back in, both of you moaning at him re-entering you. 

With this new angle, Jake was directly hitting your sweet spot, the feeling in your stomach growing tighter and tighter. 

"Fuck gonna cum soon" you moan out "fuckfuckfuck c-cumming" you yell out arching your back from the bed.

The tightness from you cumming was clamping down on his dick sending him over the edge. 

"Oh fuck mmh cumming princess" he grunts out placing a hand on your stomach. 

"Cumming" 

He groans as he keeps his hand on your stomach to feel himself release inside of you. Thick ropes of his cum filling you up as you continue to ride out your high on his cock. 

"Hgnn fuck Jake" you whimper as you come down from your high. Jake still fucking into you to make sure he stuffs you full with his semen. 

"Mhhh fuck princess, I'm going to breed you so good" he moans "fill you up so good, stuff you full of my kids" he says applying more pressure onto your stomach with his hand. 

"Jake, stop please mhm sensitive" you plead out but he ignores you, and continues to fucking into you, making sure to release every last drop of his cum inside of you. He finishes riding out his high and pulls out of you watching his cum slowly drip out from your pussy. His head feels dizzy, watching the scene in front of him unfold, you still whimpering from the overstimulation meanwhile your pussy clenches around nothing dripping out his seed. 

"Fuck princess, I can't hold myself back with you" Jake pants out grabbing his cock and slipping it back inside of you again. Your body breaks into goosebumps from the feeling of him slipping back into you. 

"Jake please" you beg "give me a moment" 

"I can't" he continues pounding into you "Not when you look like this" thrusting deeper into you. 

He's desperate, his mind is being overtaken by the sole fact that he just wants to breed you. Fill you up so good that you'll be pregnant with his child by the time he's done with you. 

"Mmhmm coming again" he whimpers cumming into you for the second time tonight. Your mind has turned into mush at this point, overstimulated all you can do is just lay there and keep moaning out. 

"Fuck this pussy of yours feels too good, and it's all mine" 

Once he finishes he pulls out again, seeing how much more he stuffed you this time. Your body trembling, begging for no more but again he slips back into you and continues for multiple more rounds. 

"Fuck princess" he groans out slipping out for a last time. Watching the multiple rounds of his cum leak out of you. He leans over you to place a kiss on your forehead "you did so well for me" 

He places his hand back on your stomach again. Rubbing your stomach, pleased with himself at the fact that he stuffed you full of his seed. 

[dervampireprince]

[dni minors, dni blogs that have no 18+ age listed in their bio] astarion x trans man! reader/tav /// smut, dysphoria comfort, reader's chest is un-described and untouched, reader has a vulva, soft dom top astarion, bottom reader

whenever there's a day when you feel off, wrong, you're hyper aware of your body and how it doesn't feel right to you, he'll notice. perhaps not at first, but the way your posture is different, the way you reject and shy away from his touch, don't flush or scowl at his flirting.

it's late when he decides he has to ask you what's wrong, him not being used to having others to care about, to worry for.

"have i done something wrong?" his voice is quiet and yet it startles you from your thoughts.

"no? no, of course no," guilt festers in you. "i'm sorry."

"there's no need to apologise, darling. as i've been told by someone quite dear to me, there's nothing wrong with not wanting to be touched."

"it's not that. i do, i," you breathe. "i want you to touch me quite badly."

"then i don't understand."

his fingers twitch, wanting to reach for you as your eyes flicker to the mirror across the room.

"when you look at me... what do you see? that is, i mean... you could have anyone you wanted, and i know what you'll say to that. and i believe you. that you want me. i just, sometimes it's hard thinking about the men you've been with, hells just men in general, and then... how they compare to... me. because sometimes, sometimes it's hard to see myself as... as..."

you trail off, aware of your shaking breath, aware of the wetness on your eyelashes, aware that you want to bury yourself against him but find yourself scared.

just as you start to wonder if you've ruined something, his hands hover by your face, not touching, waiting. and so you nod, and his he cups his palms against your cheeks, tilting your head to look at him.

"my sweet boy."

those words and his voice make everything the smallest bit better, you hold back a sob and place your head into the crook of his neck. him calling you a boy both soothing and comforting, but also always slightly arouses you.

"you know i love you? exactly as you are, because of who you are."

"i know."

he raises one of your hands to his lips and kisses it.

"would you let me show you?"

he's not used to being so careful with someone else, not that he hasn't been gentle before but it's never been out of his own desire to cherish the person he's with. but perhaps he can understand, in his own way, feeling disconnected to your own body.

"you're such a handsome man, such a pretty boy. and aren't i ever so lucky. when i was a child i would fantasize about some dashing prince, but i could have never imagined i'd find one like you. you're far lovelier than any dream. you're real. and for some unknown reason managed to see something good in me. you're the most incredible person i've ever met, and i'm going to help you see that."

your shirt stays on if you wish it, as much as he loves every inch of your body, and will continue to regardless of if it stays as it is, or if parts of it change. but he wants you to be comfortable.

he kisses you, trailing down from your lips to your neck, never meaning to get carried away there but always does. you find it hard to mind though as he kisses, teeth nipping but not drinking, leaving faint little marks. he likes leaving marks on you, a reminder that you're here, that you're proud to be with him.

his hands slide down your sides, over your stomach, they pull at the laces of your trousers, sliding them off you legs, leaving your bottom half bare, waiting for his attention.

you flush as he maintains eye contact with you as he slides a hand under your ankle, then down your leg as his mouth moves with it, kissing you calf, next to your knee, up your thigh. and if there's more to grab there, he reveals in it, adoring any curves, your softness. he pauses when he reaches the top of your thigh and chuckles, smirks to himself

"such a sensitive boy, i haven't even touched you anywhere intimate yet and look," you gasped as he glides a couple of fingers between your folds and then holds them up. "already wet for me."

he slides his fingers back against you, teasing around you before thrusting in, curling them upwards as he lowers his head.

"we can'tbe neglecting your cock can we darling? it's straining so hard. and just because it looks different than mine, doesn't make it less of a cock, does it?"

he stays blinking up at you until he realise he wants an answer and you shake your head no.

"good boy, that's right," he purrs and you want to feel condescended, but you just whine, flushing hot, wanting to be good for him, wanting to be his good boy, wanting him to call you that again. "and what shall we do with your pretty cock? shall i suck you off?"

you nod your head, eyes pleading with him and he laughs, not to make fun of you, but because your neediness, your eagerness for him endears him.

"very well then," his lips close around your cock, sucking and suctioning while his fingers continue to stroke inside you, your hands slip into his hair and tug accidentally and he moans around you.

"cheeky boy," he pulls back. "do you wish to come like this or..."

"fuck me," you say, and then. "please? please, astarion, i need you."

astarion always flushes when you tell him you need him. he slides up your body, "i suppose i shouldn't tease, you've been deprived of my touch all week, my poor boy thinking he didn't deserve this. don't worry, i'll fuck you like need."

his cock slips between you, holding you close, kissing your neck, hands stroking your waist as he pushes inside of you,

"that's it, such a good boy. always taking me so well," he loses control of his voice as he fucks you, murmuring praises as his hips snap against you, letting you tug him up to kiss you, pressing one of your hands down into the pillow so he can hold it.

he tells you that you're a good as you both come, he tells you that you're a good boy as you twitch, oversensitive, as he cleans you off, and he tells you that you're a good boy as you drift off in his arms.

[recklesssturniolo]

I need the pool sex with Chris!!! Pls!!

Late Night Swim - C.S

For all the pool sex requests🫡, soft dom!Chris, reader & him are dating in this

NSFW below, leave if you’re a minor

I was spending the night at Chris’, it was 2am and I couldn’t sleep. Having tossed and turned for hours I decided to give up, now feeling like a night swim. I debated waking Chris up for a couple minutes but ultimately decided to at least try.

“Chrissss” I whispered.

He mumbled something back, but just pulled me closer and immediately fell back asleep.

“Chris wake up” I said, now shaking his shoulder slightly.

“Mm what’s wrong?” He groaned, his voice raspy.

“I can’t sleep. Let’s go swimming” I reply.

“The hell are you on? It’s like 2 in the morning. We can swim tomorrow I promise” He replies, shifting in the bed.

“No let’s go now, please! It’ll be fun” I beg back.

He lets out a sigh and I smile, knowing I won. He stretches before pulling the blankets off, us both changing into bathing suits.

Feeling Chris hug me from being, he mumbles into the crook of my neck, “Look so good in that”

“Thank you but come on let’s go” I smile, grabbing his hand and practically dragging him down the stairs and out the back door.

I get in first, not caring about the temperature. I look over at Chris and laugh as I see him dipping his foot in to see how warm the water was.

“Don’t be a baby” I laugh.

“Shut it, you’re lucky I even woke up and agreed to this” He says back.

Continuing to watch as he gets in, I can’t help but admire how good he looks. Noticing how his muscles flex and he flinched every so often the further he gets as his body adjusts to the temperature. Once he is fully in, I swim over to him and wrap my arms around his neck.

“See, it’s not that bad now is it?” I smile up at him.

“Not horrible I guess but not warm enough for my liking” He responds, now submerging himself under the water.

He comes back up and I smile at him.

“What?” He asks.

“Nothing you just look so good with your hair wet, can’t explain it, you just do” I shrug.

He pulls me in by my waist before asking, “Yeah? Good enough to turn you on?”

“Who knows, guess you have to find out for yourself” I smirk back.

My arms move around his neck again, as my legs wrap around his waist, his hands immediately moving to my ass. He connects our lips, the kiss rough but gentle - a mix, lust present as our tongues collided. I pull at his hair slightly and get a groan from him in response. Still wrapped around him, without disconnecting our lips he walks us to the edge of the pool, my back now up against the pool wall.

“Feel how hard you already made me baby?” He smirks. Pushing his hips harder against me, knowing I was able to feel his dick against my clothed pussy.

“Mhm could feel it pretty much the second we started kissing” I reply back.

He pulls away just enough so his hand can move under my bathing suit.

“Wouldn’t be so cocky, I can feel how wet you are even with the water on us” He smirks at me, beginning to trace his fingers around my entrance.

“Don’t tease” I moan out. Well aware of how good his was with his hands.

“Not teasing you pretty girl, I want my dick inside you, not my fingers” He tells me.

I thrust my hips forward, desperate for any type of friction.

“You gonna be a good girl and let me fuck you?” He questions.

I nod my head in response.

“Use your words” He replies.

“Yes, fuck me Chris please” I beg him, still able to feel his hard on against myself.

He pulls his swim shorts down but just enough for his dick to be able to come out. I watch as it does and see his hand move beneath the water, feeling him move my bathing suit bottoms to the side out of the way.

Not liking how long he was taking, I groan out and throw my head back.

“Such a needy girl for me eh?” He smirks.

“Just need you inside me” I reply.

He nods before lining himself up with my entrance. Pushing himself in slowly, a whimper leaving my mouth as he did so as I adjusted to him stretching me the further he pushed in.

“Come on baby, I know you can take all of it” He says.

“I - yeah keep going” I whimper out.

He does as I say and his dick makes its way fully inside of me.

“Shit” Chris groans, “Always feels so good being inside of you”

Moaning in response, he begins picking up his pace, thrusting faster and harder.

“Chris - fuck” I stutter out, the pleasure getting in the way of my ability to form a sentence.

“Look so pretty taking all of my dick, such a good girl for me” He moans out, as he kisses my neck.

“Harder, go harder” I moan. Needing to feel him deeper inside of me.

Not responding, he tightens his grip on my waist and begins slamming into me, a loud moan coming from my mouth as his did so, the water only splashing louder now.

“Quiet baby, we don’t wanna wake anyone up” He says.

“Just feels so good, hard to stay quiet” I whimper.

“Well you’re gonna have to stay quiet if you want me to keep going okay? Can you do that for me?” He asks.

“Yes yes I’ll be quiet fuck just don’t stop I’m close” I whine out, now forcing myself to make sure every noise that left my mouth was barely audible.

“Yeah? Come on my dick for me, show me how good I make you feel” He groans, still slamming himself into me, hitting my g-spot perfectly.

“You’re gonna come with me” He states, taking me by surprise.

“Chris I can’t hold it off much longer” I whimper. The knot in my stomach begging for release, my walls already starting to clench around his dick.

“I know pretty girl, just hold it for a little longer” He moans, I pull at his hair slightly in an attempt to help hold myself back, but it only causes a moan to fall from his lips again.

“Please I -“ I began before being cut off.

“I know baby, let go, come with me. Fuck I can feel you clenching around my dick” He groans out, his head leaning backwards slightly.

As we both climax, a combination of whimpers and moans came from us both. Neither of us caring now how loud we were being. As we both come down from our highs, his pace slows and he brings his head down and rests it on my shoulder.

“Always such a good girl for me” He mumbles, “Never gonna get over how good being inside of you feels”

“Easy to be a good girl for you when you’re making me feel so good” I reply.

He lifts his head up and places a kiss on my lips. A smirk forming on his face before he says, “Guess I should pull out of you now, might have to figure out a subtle way to tell my dad to clean the water”

A laugh escapes my lips, the realization hitting me that his entire family, does in-fact swim in this pool that we just fucked in.

“God no don’t mention anything to him that’s so obvious, we’ll google it or something and do it ourselves” I say, yawning as I finished my sentence.

“Think you’ll be able to sleep now?” He smiles.

“After that? Definitely” I say, dropping my legs from his waist, both of us fixing our bathing suits before drying ourselves off and heading back inside.

TAGLIST: @sturnphilia @thatonekid536 @cupidsword @loveesiren @daddyslilchickenfingers @christinarowie332 @ilovemattsturn @mattenthusiast @its-jennarose @lxvlysworld @lovingsturniolo @iwantmattsobad @secret-sturniolo

[queerian]

in response to the call for discussion on stone identities

prompted by last week's stream with @drdemonprince and @testdevice

this post is about sex and it's very personal! feel free to ignore if very personal essays about sex from your internet friends or strangers is not your idea of a good time

What does sex look like for you, and what brings you the most pleasure or gratification from it?

It starts with a sensory warmup. My partner touches me gently and slowly in a way that wakes my body up to pleasure. I do not get aroused without either being touched this way or thinking about some extremely specific niche freak kink shit. I tend to be nonverbal during sex, unless I need to break "scene" and communicate something specific purposefully, but sometimes it's hard for me to find my words again. Even without speaking I am very expressive. My partner can tell from my reactions when an escalation would be enjoyable. They use their hands and toys. They are very good with their hands, and we have a LOT of toys and other paraphernalia. I had never had an orgasm, at all, in my life, til we did things this way. It is an intense physical pleasure extended to far longer than I can manage by myself during solo activities, sometimes for hours. It allows me to stop my over-analytical thinking brain for a while and sink into sensation and feeling and being in my body, which most of the time I feel disconnected from (thanks alexithymia!) or troubled by. I do think of it as a somewhat meditative state. This kind of sex is also extremely collaborative and intimate. There is a huge amount of trust and being "in tune" with each other.

Is your stone identity related to sensory issues, neurodivergence, or trauma?

All three! I was never coerced into sex by individual partners, but "sex positive" culture (if you were with me you'd see the face I make while doing the scare quotes) has been coercive enough to traumatize me into believing that I am a bad person if I don't "give as good as I get" and that I'm a terrible person if I don't want to reciprocate stimulation in sex. I've been working on this one for years. It still has its claws in me.

Sensory issues make certain sex activities unpleasant or not enjoyable for me, and I appreciate now being able to choose to not do them. For example open mouth kissing. I like kissing skin in some body places, I like having some of my body parts kissed, but I do not like sharing saliva or breath. I've always been very picky about what goes in my mouth for sensory reasons, and that's not just a sex thing. On the other hand, other kinds of sensory stimulation in sex can be extremely pleasurable for me. I also tend to keep my eyes closed the entire time (I avoid eye contact at the best of times but in sex it's uhhhhhh even more Too Intense) and this lets me sink into other sensory experiences more intensely.

The neurodivergence bit I think is pretty clear from everything else I've said in this piece of writing.

How did you figure out you were stone?

I once turned to aceness as a way of trying to validate myself at the same time as problematizing my own lack of "appropriate" desire. "It is it wrong of me to not want to touch someone's genitals, whatever they may be, to not want to get them off, to not even let them get themselves off using my body, and it's wrong of me to not desire them carnally, to not be obsessed with and fulfilled by them romantically. Thus, I must be ace and aro, because that means it's okay to not want all that sometimes or all the time."

I've come to call myself a "stone bottom" in a deliberate effort of self-acceptance and self-validation. I was long aware of the idea of a stone top, a touch-me-not, someone who derives pleasure and gratification from getting her/their partners off but does not want to be fucked or gotten off. I don't recall seeing anyone else identify as a stone bottom, but as a mirror image of a stone top it makes perfect sense to me: someone who derives pleasure and gratification from being gotten off, from being touched or fucked, but does not want to get their partners off. I think I've only ever seen that called "selfish" unless it was in a power exchange scenario and part of dominance and submission.

Are you a gay man who identifies as stone, or a stone bottom, or some other identity that's less often talked about?

I'm non-binary/agender and generally perceived by society as a woman. I have a vagina. I've only ever had sex with people who have penises. I feel like it's pretty unusual for me to be a person with a vagina having sex with a person who has a penis and the penis is not involved at all in the sex. With previous partners, it's not just that it was expected that at some point they would be sticking it in me, it's that I never got to opt out of someone else using me, even gently, lovingly, and with attention to my pleasure. See aforementioned cultural trauma, lol. Reciprocation simply was not something I could abstain from without being a Grade A Asshole. Back then, I didn't even "actively want to not reciprocate". I wanted to be "good, giving, and game", like Dan Savage wrote you should be in his column that I read in my hunger to know more about sex and be having it a "correct, right" way. I wasn't yearning to be a stone bottom. I didn't know that was even an option. I didn't know it was possible to be a pillow princess and to have a partner that enjoyed this kind of sex, for it not to be a chore or imposition on them, and for this kind of sex to be a mutual sharing of intimacy.

Plenty of people buck the stereotypical straight cis sex scenario of "man (penis haver) does a little "foreplay" for the woman (vagina haver) to get her ready for the main event (penis in vagina), which they do til he ejaculates, and if she's lucky he'll eat her out or rub her clit and she might also get an orgasm." There's a thriving counter-culture where "reciprocal sexual gratification" is emphasized, all sorts of books and guides and tips and porn showing how important it is that "she comes first" or whatever, but most of it still centres around the point that "reciprocity is essential to not being an asshole". If he's an asshole for not appropriately tending to her pleasure, surely she would be, too, for ignoring his. And I really, really strongly internalized the belief that if I am not reciprocating, I am an unforgivable asshole. There's something, too, about the lack of "balance" that has long made me feel morally incorrect. (Points again at the neurodivergence.)

Is it a struggle to get partners to respect it?

I have not dated much, and I have not fucked much, mostly because I did not want to do either of those things enough to do less interesting or more tiresome things in order to achieve sex or dating. I also rarely experience what I'll call "sufficiently motivating attraction". I currently identify as nebulously "somewhere" on the asexual and aromantic spectra, and this is inseparable from the stone bottom/pillow princess situation. All of this is also wrapped up in my one ongoing relationship with my partner. I honestly don't know how differently things would be with another partner. I suspect I have facets that come out in different contexts, in response to different people and my feelings about them. What I do know with confidence is that my partner respects me, understands me quite well, and we communicate openly and frequently about things. I trust that if they have an issue with the current situation, they'll bring it up and we can talk about it and work on things. I trust that every time we have sex, they're initiating because they want to just as I can decline if and when I want to. I particularly appreciate the fact that I don't have to be an object of desire. That they can enjoy making me feel good, and it's not about "having" me. The very fact that someone just wants to make me feel good, over and over again, is pretty mind-blowing.

[what-even-is-thiss]

i've been reading some of your arguments for why you wouldn't be vegan and just wanted to point out that you have a lot of fallacy in your arguments. might want to do a look in there to make sure you are stating your morals/prose properly, and aren't using any arguments that can be easy to shutdown. appeal to tradition. appeal to futility and the argument that personal pleasure(taste etc) allows us to do what we want to others without consent to their bodies is a moral issue i don't think you align with but i could be mistaken. a lot of people who enjoy sex don't rape for example.

i also liked the taste of animal flesh and organs but realized my personal pleasure i got from consuming them pales when it is placed against the value of someone's life and what they have to endure for me to get that on my plate, it's easy to have a disconnect when you don't know. health, animals, earth all benefit from a plant based diet. a plant based diet can feed more people for cheaper, helping to end hunger.

you can say you cook "more vegetarian" but i implore you to continue your growth and align your actions with your morals and continue to strive for a plant based diet in the future. you don't seem like a cruel person but i could be wrong. i've been vegan for 15 years and i cook so many amazing meals and can tell you from experience you don't have to limit yourself to oatmeal. if you have time to watch/listen id implore you to check out gary yourofsky "the most important speech you will ever hear"

good luck to you on aligning your moral values with the actions you take daily/what you pay for.

Okay. Do you say these same things to vegans that wear cotton? That also kills a lot of animals. Like a lot of them. It hurts entire ecosystems.

There’s no way to buy stuff in our current economy that doesn’t hurt somebody or something. I know how to cook tasty and cheap and mostly healthy meals for myself and the easiest way to do that is with pre-cut veggies, eggs, and the occasional poultry.

Yeah I’m wasting plastic. Yeah I’m eating animals. Vegans eat almonds and quinoa. Those are bad farmed at an industrial scale.

Being an omnivore is natural and I don’t feel bad about it. If you look me in the eyes and ask me if I could kill a chicken the answer is yes. I’ve done extensive research on how to do it safely, actually. If the apocalypse comes I’m raising hens for meat.

Also comparing animal agriculture to rape? Couldn’t find literally anything else to compare it to? Really?

[theenbyroiderer]

Guh. Putting my agenderness into words (that other people will understand) is so difficult. I've been having a discussion about the transgender umbrella and it strayed into why I personally often feel disconnected from the greater trans community. A person was trying to narrow down commonalities for the trans umbrella and was like "one thing we all have in common is a misalignment between our body and mind". And yeah, the general definition of agender is a lack of gender identity. And a body by nature has some gendered bits to it. So I understand the thought.

I don't feel like it fits for me though. To me it's more that I don't care about this thing called gender. Other than occasionally because *aesthetics* lol. I'm just a person inhabiting a body. And neither my gender or the characteristics of my body matter. My assigned gender is neither right or wrong. I don't think of myself as a woman, but neither do I think of myself as anything else. I'm just me and my body is also me, and there is no mismatch.

At this point I'm feeling like agender might not even be the best label for the way I feel about gender... but I don't have anything that fits better at this point. I'm not cis, I know that much. Though I did think for the longest time that 'lack of discomfort with my assigned gender = cis'. Cis people tend to feel gender dysphoria and euphoria too though... and I experience neither.

Tl,dr: gender is weird, vague and unknowable.

[dreamwritersworld]

Disconnected… part 2. (sully family x reader)

“this is what you’ve made me become.”

…and so Jake watched his creation, the daughter he now realizes he damaged. His body ran cold as he watched her pick up a tree branch…and then he followed her chilling whistles.

Y/n thought that was all…that she got all the soldiers, until she heard rustles in the woods. There was no hesitation in the her shot. The teenage girl kicked the gun away from the soldier arms, looked directly into her fathers eyes..

“This. Is what we do to get rid of the bad people. It shouldn’t take that long for you to realize how badly you protect this clan and your family.”

Her eyes were cold and black, the pleads from the man didn’t stop.

“You can breath, you can blink, you can cry….Eywa, you already are. You’re going to be stuck in that broken shell of a body forever.”

Then she cut the man’s vision clear bashing his head in with the thick tree branch.

“Y/n…Y/n s-stop…please. You killed those soldiers, and did more than killing to Quaritch Y/n, you didn’t even blink.”

“You know why I did it? I did it because I wanted to.”

“Don’t be stupid Y/n please. You can fool yourself and everyone else! But you can’t fool me! What happened to you? Because this isn’t you..”

“How would you know about me.”

The built up tension…over years of being locked away and pushed from her family…she aimed the gun to her siblings and mother who came in…the loudness and facial expression towards Y/n felt so unfamiliar…uncomfortable. They never looked at her..and now? Now they see her.

Neytiri’s eyes and hears rang…all she could hear were her mothers warning on Y/n’s behavior…now, she regretted ignoring her persistence on fixing Y/n. Mo’at said she was a monster but now…Neytiri was convinced, Y/n was the devil.

The Erie silence scared her…something she found so peaceful was now so scary. Y/n took her gun and ran through the woods hoping to just breathe for a moment.

It had been hours and everyone went off looking for her…Mo’at especially. Her poor grandchild couldn’t stand being with anyone because that’s how Jake made her, he made her used to being by herself. He gave her all the wrong traits…angry, aggressive, defensive, closed off and…sad.

*Flashback*

Jake made Y/n so stressed that the simplest thing set her off.

Y/n walked away angrily from training, having a rough day of archery…Neteyam could hear his younger sibling exhaling heavily.

“What happened?”

“All my shots were bad, all of them. Every single one.”

Neteyam turned around to the spots Y/n was supposed to aim, masking a surprised face towards the slightly off target aims, no it wasn’t in the exact center but it was almost there, still a good shot.

…it was always all too wrong for Y/n.

*

The frustrating memory came to an end when Y/n heard someone approaching.

“…Y/n! Please come back home! This is- it’s just not ok. The decisions your making right now aren’t wise, especially at this hour-“

“You think I’m some idiot! Well I didn’t ask to be made! I didn’t ask to be torn apart and put back together over and over! To turn into some…some monster!”

“Y/n…“

“No! No don’t say I’m wrong! You don’t get to say that! I spent hours on end training just so I could be perfect for him! For my own father..but I wasn’t! I proved myself over and over and over and over and over and over-“

“..ok Y/n I get it now-“

“No you don’t!”

“…I know you act like you’re the meanest and strongest but you’re actually the most scared of all…I know that you push anyone’s who’s willing to put up with you, cause just a little bit of love reminds you of how big and empty that hole inside you actually is.”

“Stop!”

“I know you feel like no one cares about you!…I know who you are Y/n!…because you were me. My parents always pushed on me to be the greatest tsahik..gave me much more harder time than a child can bare..so please Y/n realize that you’re ok now. I’m here”

For a moment..silence stood between the two…and the girl who Mo’at hoped would get better..broke down, into her grandmother’s arms.

“You were born into a family that doesn’t always appreciate you, but one day things are going to be very different..”

Mo’at placed a sleeping remedy on Y/n’s face hoping to buy her grandchild a good rest and time before the storm. Y/n softly fell asleep into her grandmothers arms. The most emotional yet beautiful sight Moat had ever seen…the child who was always overseen was now peacefully shedding tears while sleeping…it hurt her looking at the way Y/n was fully on guard still. Not once did her hand lose grip on her gun, and her body remained tense.

!💓!

There will be one more part to this! I’m so sorry for the major delay, i haven’t had any time to write and i hope this is good! Sorry for it being short but I’d also love if you guys send in requests for Y/n’s ending in this 💓

Tag list: @noodlesfics @eywas-heir @itshype @zatarias-pandora @yeosxxx @arminsgfloll l @tsireyak @neteyamforlife @aimsro @elegantkidfansoul l @goodiesinthecloset21 @nikotokitaswife @bucky1235 @detectivesparrow @kikosaurscave @ssc7514 @simp-erformarvelwomen @eirianna @ambria @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @lv9su @luciddasher @dakotali @httpjiikook @tainted-artist4161 @fanboyluvr @bat1212 @ducks118 @midnightliacr @osakis-gf @briannalarae @thirsty4nonlivingmen @historygeekqueen @abbersreads @hoodiepandaninja16 @valovesyou @silentlyswimming @r3dc4ndy @onlytays @papichulo120627 @tsamiaxo @wwwellacom @dotheyevenknowmars @midgetpottermills @he110hon @hotdsstuff @heart-an0n @he110hon @go-river-flows

[bayon-ett]

@keferon Hey I’ve been reading your TexAid and Mecha au and all of the short stories people have been adding. I love it!

@spector-author Ive been reading your chapters too! And I wanted to add a few of my own, you inspired me haha.

So my idea is…Everyone here knows of Eddie and Venom right? I was wondering, what if there was an instance where FirstAid figured out how to ‘download’ Vortex to save both of them? I’m also going for a Mark Spector/Stephen Spector vibe. Both those character dynamics were my inspo for this.

I Listened to TOOL while writing this. I just feel like Vortex is that kinda guy. Also the title of the song is fitting. I linked it if anybody wants to listen while they read :D

Story Under the Cut ⬇️

FirstAid woke blearily. And he was, the world was… sideways? He tried to focus on, anything. The cockpit was dark save for the flashing red light every few seconds.

It was quiet. An alarm should be going off with the lights. He should hear the sparking internals of the console.

Concussion. The vertigo, hearing loss, and splitting headache being anything to go by.

Green letters scrolled across the monitor. FirstAid tried to focus his eyes, his vision swimming.

YOU NEED TO RUN!

YOU NEED TO RUN!

YOU NEED TO RUN!

FirstAid blinked.

I CANT-

CANT CONTROL ANYTHING

GET OUT

THEY’RE COMING

FirstAid fumbled around for his seatbelt until he finally found the release button. He slid out of the chair and hit the side of the cockpit with a groan. He struggled to stand up. A sudden wave of nausea made him abandon the idea, gritting his teeth against the pain behind his eyes. The dull red light above causing a stab of pain in his head whenever he opened them.

“Whats iss goingonn-“ He slurred out, trying to remain upright.

DOESN’T MATTER. YOU NEED TO GO.

FirstAid chuckled weakly, slowly dissolving into somewhat manic laughter. Laughter that turned into a groaning and coughing fit.

“Vortex, I’m not m-making it fivestepsss.”

There was silence.

FirstAid tried to move towards the console. Every time he turned his back a certain way it would send pain shooting from his hip to his shoulders.

He drug himself along the console counter, trying to look at the cameras, the pop up display, anything to give him an idea of what was wrong.

FIRSTAID YOU NEED TO LEAVE

WHEN THEY GET HERE THEY’ll BE ABLE TO SMELL YOU

THEY’LL TEAR ME-THIS-THE COCKPIT APART TO GET TO YOU

“Worried about me are you?” FirstAid swiped his hand accross the control screen weakly, smearing blood across it. Where was he bleeding from?

From what FirstAid’s spotty vision could make out it looked like multiple hydraulic lines had been disconnected. The connection between the main frame and the rest of the relays to Vortex- The mecha’s body were not transmitting. A bright ‘SIGNAL LOST’ on the top of the screen.

“Shit shit shit-“

FIRSTAID I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DO NOT LEAVE I WILL SEND YOU TO JESUS MYSELF

“What about you?” FirstAid asked, more of a muttering to himself. Vortex could read his thoughts so it’s not like he needed to really say anything out loud.

ITS BEEN FUN DOLL BUT OUR TIME TOGETHER HAS COME TO AN END

NOW GO

BEFORE I END YOU IN A LESS PAINFUL WAY THAN THEY WILL

The main frame. The main frame was disconnected from the body. So Vortex was stuck in the main frame. If this were to translate to a human body, it would be equatable to a spinal injury at the neck.

FirstAid scrambled to grab the pilots helmet, putting it on gingerly.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?

“Something stupid.”

FirstAid swiped through the control consul quickly, synching his consciousness with the mecha, Vortex’s anger and more surprisingly, anxiety, filled his head.

WHATEVER YOU’RE DOING-

“GIVE ME A MINUTE TO THINK.” FirstAid ground out, “Please.”

FirstAid had never actually fully synched with Vortex. The mecha. Not the way pilots usually did anyway. Vortex controlled it on his own, FirstAid was only along for the ride most of the time. Vortex was in his head regardless.

After fully synching he heard Vortex in his mind clear as a bell, clearer as he’d ever heard him, shouting at him.

His finger hovered over the ‘DISCONNECT FROM MECHA, REURN FULL SYNC TO PILOT’ option on the screen.

FIRSTAID YOU FUCKER I SWEAR-

FirstAid slammed on the button, an electric shock like sensation going through him before everything went dark.

…

FirstAid woke up in the middle of the desert, puking his guts up onto the cold dry dirt. Lovely.

After dry heaving for what felt like forever he sat back on his heels, catching his breath.

He stood slowly, every twist or bend past a certain point making his back smart. He stood stiffly, slowly moving around to try and get a feel of his range of motion. Which was not very much at all.

He looked around, trying to get his bearings. After a few moments of spinning in circles he could say confidently that he had absolutely no clue where he was. No sign of beasts anywhere though. Small mercy that. The mecha, Vortex, was also nowhere to be seen. He sighed, picked a direction, and started walking.

It felt like First Aid simply blinked, and he was… on top of the mecha, elbow deep in the internals of the machine. He had enough time to turn away before retching again, his vision going spotty. He held his head gingerly, his hands smearing grease on his face and in his hair.

He blinked again, and he was sitting in the mecha, strapped in. His hands were on the controls! He abruptly let go of them, the machine stopping in its tracks as he did so. That never happened.

Did Vortex… did he die? For real this time? Did FirstAid accidentally delete his consciousness from the mecha or something? Did he-

He blinked again and was climbing out of the mecha onto the scaffolding. At the base. He was back at base. He almost tripped and fell onto the platform before catching himself.

He blinked again and Ratchet was standing in front of him looking, kind of freaked out. Ratchet never looked freaked out.

“Ratchet?” FirstAid questioned.

Ratchet blinked at him. FirstAid just noticed he was holding onto a wrench. Standing in the corner. FirstAid was crowding him into a corner.

“Who am I talking to right now?” Ratchet asked, searching FirstAid’s eyes.

FirstAid made a face. “Ratchet its me…”

The room spun, and the world went dark again.

…

Thats all I got for now. I’m going to keep adding to this cuz Keferon’s idea is so good! I want to add Ratchet and Vortex’s POV to this little snippet so… that will come soon.

I love everyone’s little snippets/chapters they’re adding to this au and I think its so cool :) This is not proofread so please point out any mistakes in the comments.

[bambi-slxt]

🤍𝐀𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐢𝐟𝐞 ~ 𝐩𝐭 𝐭𝐰𝐨🤍

𝕔𝕙𝕣𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕠𝕡𝕙𝕖𝕣 𝕤𝕥𝕦𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕠𝕝𝕠 𝕩 𝕗𝕖𝕞

word count: 1.3k

genre/tropes: second chance, romance, lovers to strangers to...?

warnings: smut, gaslighting, dumbification, slight degredation if you squint, nothing super hardcore.

pt one pt three

“How are you?” 

“I’m…Are you okay?” 

“You first.” 

I snorted. “Not how this works.”

“Well I asked first,” Chris huffed.

“I’m fine. Why did you…what’s up?”

“I can’t call just to talk?”

I paused. “You said you didn’t know who else to call. Is something wrong?”

Silence grew in the space between us. My fan hummed above me, eliciting chills across my arms. “Chris?” I whispered.

“I love the way you say my name,” he murmured quietly. “I missed you. A lot.”

My stomach began to curl into knots. “I missed you too.”

“I know it’s late. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“Are you okay?”

“...I’m not sure.”

“What’s wrong?”

I slid down to rest against my pillow, wet hair pressing into my cheek. “I have a lot of feelings about…you. And me.”

“Like what?” His words seemed to pull my mind open, hooking gently into the crevices of my brain and tugging it wide, gaping, vulnerability in its’ truest form, and I let him. How could I not?

“You were the first person I ever loved. And the first person I ever kissed…there were a lot of firsts with you. You make my stomach feel weird. I still can’t look at you when we pass in the halls.”

“How do I make your stomach feel weird?”

I let out a short giggle.

“I heard that,” he said, and I could feel Chris’s smile through the phone.

“You called and it tied up into knots.”

“Aww,” he mumbled. “That’s adorable.”

I smiled in spite of myself. “Don’t say that.”

“Why not?”

“Because,” I said, almost a whine.

“Tell me.”

“No.”

“Please?”

“Nope.”

“You’re gonna tell me eventually.”

I rolled over, shuffling my feet underneath the cool sheets to relieve the tension in my body. “Am not.”

Chris chuckled. “Okay, ma.”

My cheeks began to throb from the width of my smile. “Shut up.”

“Make me.”

I scrunched my nose. “You’re so sassy.”

“Sassy, really?”

“I said what I said. What’re you gonna do about it?”

He paused. “I can think of a couple things.”

“Oh yeah?” I said with a snort. “Like what?”

“Drive over here and find out.”

The breath shot out of my lungs and my toes curled at the edge of the bed. A moment, a lifetime of quiet, and then–“Yeah?”

“Come on, mamas,” Chris said. His voice filled my ear with warmth. “Come see me.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yes. Be there in ten.”

“Good.”

“See you soon, Chris.”

“See you soon, pretty girl.”

My stomach dropped out of my ass and into the floor. “Bye.”

“Bye,” he hummed, and the line disconnected.

Holy fucking shit. What was that? What just happened? I’m…oh my god.

I slipped out of bed and shut off the TV. Keys, where are my keys, fuck, okay, wallet, wallet, dresser?yes on the dresser, shoes, door, shoes, on, on, on, hurry up, lights off TV off brain off, come onlet’s go, out the door QUIETLY BE SO FUCKING QUIET…okay down the hall, soft steps, can’t let Dad know I’m leaving, would freak out, don’t get caught do not get caught, come on come on come on, out the back door, to the car, quiet, car, quiet, car, quiet car quiet car okayokayokayGOGOGO OUT THE DRIVEWAY YEAHHHHHHHHHH.

I drifted slowly, so slowly, onto the dark street, shifted the car out of neutral, turned the engine, and as it roared to life, took off about as fast as I could. I didn’t bother to plug my phone in–I knew the way by heart. 

“Thanks for the ride,” Chris said, making no move to leave the car.

“You’re welcome.” I blushed at his unwavering eye contact.

“What?” he asked. Chris’s head tilted and the corners of his mouth twitched up.

“Nothin’.”

He smiled and my own grin became so much harder to hide. “Nah, there’s somethin’. Why are you blushing?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, lying through my teeth.

Traffic lights glowed above me as I drove, lighting up the interior of my car in phases. The tick of my blinker fell quiet in the silence I sat in. I couldn’t handle music right now.

“I love you,” Chris whispered into my hair.

I giggled–the sensation tickled against my sensitive neck. “I love you more.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Yes I do,” I said, taking his hand into mine and caressing his knuckles.

“No way.”

“You said you had a song for me?”

He perked up and rolled over, tugging his phone out from under the backpack he rested on. “Yeah…this one.” Chris settled his wired headphones into my ears gently, letting his fingers stroke my cheeks as he released me. A hollow hum filled my brain, followed by a steady thumping noise, and then–a voice. Male. Pain. Love. Rhyme. Metaphor. A lot of this applied to Chris. I looked at him, and he nodded, still holding my hand. 

“I love you,” I said, looking him in his stupid blue eyes.

“I know,” he replied.

When I turned onto his street, my stomach began to tingle and sink into the seat below me, butterflies thundering in the cage of my ribs. His house was the last one on the left. Somehow, it looked exactly the same and everything had changed.

“I hate you,” I giggled, trying to roll away from him.

“Nuh uh, get back here.” Chris snaked his arm around my waist and pulled me across the bed towards him, his muscles flexed against any attempt at escape.

“No!” I cried. I loved every second of this. His fingers found their way to my ribcage and I was assaulted with cruel, evil, very bad tickling. “Shit, Chris, please, no, I–eep! Quiiiiit, quit, I’m gonna pee, stop–”

Laughing, Chris agreed to a ceasefire and moved his hands up to my stomach, petting me gently. “Please don’t piss the bed. That would suck.”

“You can actually shut the hell up,” I murmured sweetly, kissing his hand to punctuate my words.

“Okay, thats fucking it,” he huffed, and the ceasefire ended as quickly as it began in spite of my yowling protests.

I switched the engine off and rolled along the curb until I felt well enough inconspicuous to stop. Pulling the parking brake, I turned the car all the way off and took a moment to get myself ready–a spritz of perfume, a touch-up of lip balm, a tousle to the hair–and I was as ready as I’d ever be. Now listen, I said to myself, looking hard in the mirror of my sun visor, You’re going to talk to him. Nothing else. Not even if he looks cute, not even if he begs. Just talk. With that out of the way, I took a deep inhale, stuffed my keys in my pocket, and stepped out of the car. 

Chilled air covered my body as I closed the door and made my way up the drive. My phone buzzed, and I flipped it up in my hand, the screen coming to life as I did so.

Message from: Christopher Sturniolo

door open for you 

like always

My chest twinged. “Sounds good,” I typed back, stepping carefully onto their porch. The Sturniolo’s had a motion sensor light and it flicked on as I crossed the simple concrete landing, making me jump. A few more deep breaths and I was inside, their front door snicking shut behind me. Chris’ room was downstairs and I crept through the pitch dark house by memory alone, trying desperately to ignore the increasing sensations of anxiety, fear, and excitement thundering through my body. 

There it was. His door looked the same as it always had: one Lyrical Lemonade poster askew and faded near the top, the same four scratch marks near the base. I knocked softly. “Chris?”

“Come in, ma,” his voice rumbled, so much deeper than the last time I’d heard it in person.

Butterflies roared through me, my head was rushing, blood pounding, I grasped the handle, turned the knob, pushed the door open–

Chris sat on the bed, a loose pair of basketball shorts the only covering on his body. The moment his eyes, those stupid blue eyes, met mine, he slid off the mattress and walked toward me, taking my hands in his, towering over me with a look of heartbreaking gentleness. “Hey, kid.”

My heart lurched. “Hey Chris.”

request to be on the taglist under this post right here

tags: @pinksturniolo @malirosee @st7rnioioss @nonat-111 @cindylcuwho @evie-sturns @h3arts4harry @fanficsbymia @dazednmatthews @sturniolo-rat @mattsmad @sturniolo04 @bellasturn @blahbel668 @yomamaslays4lyfe @stasiesturn @pleasantlycrazyworld @ariqolyx @wh0resstuff @krissy4gov @coochiedestroyer1 @realqueenofpepsi

[idontmindifuforgetme]

don’t know if you’ve already shared (or if you wouldn’t like to) but i’d love to hear about your resolutions and goals for this year!

Hi so sorry for how late this is!! I have quite a few!

Ins —

Being more decisive. Trusting myself w calling the shots. Just making a decision and sticking w it.

Financial literacy

More reading. Just more.

Attacking things I’m uncomfortable with instead of shying away from them.

More silence. I don’t need to have my earphones in all the time

More time w family!!! I need to put in as much effort to connect w them as I do w my friends

Green tea every night

More pictures. I have a serious problem of just not being incentivized to take any

More scientific literature for fun!!

Piggybacking off that point—making it instinctive to apply things I study to real life situations. This is a niche one but it just helps me process stuff faster and I just think it’s a super dope learning technique

Pushing myself harder. It’s just not my preference to be mediocre.

Nourishing myself w my own affirmations. Cutting out my need for other people’s validation

Educational documentaries

Making more of an effort to connect w my Arab heritage

Being my natural self. It’s okay if I’m not bubbly all the time. Sometimes I just want to chill

Whole foods

Less phone time (I say this every year but like I want 2024 to be the year I’m truly disconnected/using my phone in a healthy way)

Body oils!

More tennis dates w friends!

10k steps a day

Sticking religiously to my hour by hour schedule

Keeping promises to myself as ardently as I keep promises to others

Being more bold w fashion!!

Hitting the gym 5 days a week

Reading more literature in Arabic and French

Learning how to cook. I cannot live off Siggi’s for the rest of my life lol

Exploring more music genres

Learning the piano!!

No longer feeling guilty for withholding information. Privacy is not a bad thing.

Getting more and more independent!!

Becoming the friend I want to be. Other people need to show up as well, but I can’t hold people up to standards I myself can’t reach.

Outs —

Centralizing luxury brands. Thinking that price equates to quality. The fact of the matter is quality equates to quality. Price is irrelevant.

Relying on snap judgment responses to situations. I need to learn to wait at least 15 minutes. I can be impulsive asf

Jumpiness. Nervous energy. I just want to be more calm and controlled in how I carry myself. I want to exude self-assuredness

Checking my phone first thing in the morning!!

Drinking less than 3 liters of water a day

Being available all the fucking time. If someone has an issue w me for being busy, maybe they’re not someone I want in my life in the first place.

Being too forgiving. Not immediately allowing someone back into my life doesn’t make me a bitch. Immediately running to fix things w someone doesn’t make me selfless. Being the bigger person in situations where I was nowhere near in the wrong doesn’t make me mature. It’s just symptomatic of a lack of boundaries.

Consuming dumb shit in the name of “keeping up w pop culture.” I don’t care about celebrity controversy #7282727. I don’t care about celebrity selfie #827226. It doesn’t elevate my life in any way. I legit just don’t care. And this goes for real life gossip w friends too

Taking too long to text back!! A day is fine, but sometimes I take longer and I think that’s a shitty trait to have. I can absolutely afford to respond to people faster.

Too much chocolate!! I’m a sweet tooth but I must preserve my skin/overall health

Motivation over discipline. I need to be attuned to discipline always.

Control freak antics. I can’t control people. It’s not my responsibility. They’ll act how they act. All I can do is control my reaction to it

Rumination/unhealthy venting. When I’m done w something, I’m done w something.

Overcompensating for other people’s shortcomings. It’s not my responsibility to coddle others. It’s okay if something is too much for me.

Having no boundaries w others. People aren’t entitled to private information. It doesn’t make me deceptive to withhold things—it just makes me selective. People need to earn private details about me.

Curating things I like. I simply like what I like. It’s not that deep.