#everyday i get to look at the news and see a new trans kid dead and more laws pushing against us

[mukuberry]

not to be genuine and depressing on here but i really wish i wasn't trans and was just born a guy i hate this

[lorezhaze]

✨🌛 Roleplay Inquiry Post 🌜✨

intro & info:

🌟 Lo, 22, he/they, EST time zone

✨ no/minimal triggers and little limitations, 19+ 3rd person literate writing (1+ paragraphs) discord

only (message me for user!)

⭐️ mxm or nbxm, I hardly ever do straight or lesbian ships (I’m just not as good as writing it).

✨ I love world building and knowing the other character’s feelings. I also love getting to know my roleplay partners and becoming friends of sorts, as well as creating playlists and Pinterest boards.

🌟 NSFW scenes and/or undertones/themes at some point. I do like smut, especially paired with angst and certain dynamics, but if that isn’t your thing and our writing styles are otherwise compatible we can always keep it limited or fade to black.

plots i’m willing to explore:

➖ stalker falls in love with someone, all falls apart when things go too well and their obsession crosses paths with them and they eventually go out, but break up. stalker is determined to watch over their lover while also keeping others away from them until they “come to their senses” on their own time.

➖ son of a rich politician falls in love with a narcoleptic sex worker he hires.

➕ alternatively, a older man with a successful career, empty marriage and multiple kids ends up falling in love with a slightly younger intersex and narcoleptic sex worker, the first and only sex worker he hires (think Stan and Angel from Pose vibes)

➖ post-apocalyptic setting, final survivor of a run down camp continues to live among the undead of their loved ones. another survivor from a nearby camp stumbles upon the ruins of the previous camp while scavenging and sees someone alive on the other side of the fence, living with the dead as if they were dead as well. day by day they come back, bringing their new things, trying to bring some life back into them again.

➖ 16th-19th century setting:

➕ enemies to lovers, a member of the royal family ends up falling for a knight that saves their life,

unfortunately, this knight just happens to be the royal’s childhood enemy.

➕ the youngest son of a royal is 7th in line for the throne and has health issues, thus has no chance of inheriting the throne. in attempts to grasp onto any bit of power his father has, the royal marries off his frail and feminine son as a wife to a prince of another territory, an upcoming heir of a throne (loosely inspired by sporus and nero).

➖ hunger games, two people from opposite teams. queer themes; gay men, trans person called upon as their assigned gender at birth.

➖ (theme) ego: unnamed oc gets hurt and temporarily loses their vision. while their wealthy parents look for a medical solution, they have them live in the guest house and hire a caregiver to stop by everyday and take care of them. naturally, character a and the caregiver get close, but there’s a big problem: character a is a superficial, seemingly shallow and straight. the caregiver feels pressured to lie about their identity and what they look like when character a tries to guess what their care giver is like.

— (theme) shameless(?): eldest sibling takes care of their youngest siblings handling all the emotional and financial burdens while also struggling to remain true to themselves. someone comes along that falls in love with the eldest sibling and not only willingly helps, but gets them to enjoy life and focus on themselves again.

➖ (theme) 50 first dates: unnamed oc has memory loss and damaged short term memory -

unfinished/rough draft idea.

I’m more than willing to hear out any of your plots/ideas as well! ✨

original characters (more coming soon!):

Lena - delusional obsessive-compulsive stalker with dangerous tendencies/habits, 26, they/them pronouns (unlabeled).

Celeste - post-apocalyptic OC, unlabeled/gnc, 27, loses their mind after their family, friends and everyone else in their survivalist camp perishes, but continues to live among them as if they’re dead as well, numb and on auto-pilot mode.

Emmy - intersex narcoleptic sex worker, 22, he/she/they pronouns. adopted into and estranged from a wealthy well-known family after their biological father died overseas and they were taken from their mother by the system.

Alexei - trans hunger games victor from district 6 (transportation/metal-workers, modifying the district to work on the production of transportation as well as the train tracks to give them a little bit more of a purpose). name was pulled for the hunger games a few days short of their 19th birthday, which also sparks their journey with their gender identity + presentation.

Feel free to inquire for full bios of characters you’re interested in! I’m willing to modify characters to fit plots/ideas and I’m up to creatingnew OCs entirely!

fandoms/ships i’m willing to explore:

(bolded characters are those i’m willing to write as)

OFMD

- Izzy/Blackbeard

- Izzy/Blackbeard/Stede

- Izzy/Lucius

- Jim/Lucius

HANNIBAL

- Will/Hannibal

MR ROBOT

- Tyrell/Elliot

UNTIL DAWN

- Josh/Chris

- Josh/Mike

SCREAM

- Billy/Stu

KILLING EVE

- Eve/Villanelle

Other beloved honorable mentions include:

Sally Face, Yellowjackets, The Wilds, Sherlock, My Own Private Idaho, Kill Your Darlings, and sometimes Harry Potter.

✨⭐️ Message if interested and interact to boost! 🌟✨

[cowbi-dandy]

1. I'd say so with my mum, but not my dad

2. My loving trans partner, whom I say it to everyday

3. Not finishing uni, self inflicted pressure was too much

4. Not overly, sometimes I worry about my belly. But I know I enjoyed the food, and I usually feel comfortable in my body

5. Happily dating ❤️

6. In a comfy bed, with loved ones around me

7. Chocolate Brazil nuts. The best snack

8. I did practice boxing. Helped lose a lot of weight in my teens and got me a better form than B A L L

9. I used to a lot, but I would hurt my fingers with how low they'd go. So usually just enjoy clipping them, but sometimes with bite them to groom.

10. Hard to recall, maybe my brother?

11. I genuinely like a lot of people ☺️

12. Not 48, but I have stayed up 26 hours I think. Not a great time and led to some regrets lol

13. Other than some figures around the world that are doing genuine evil, like Israel figure heads, trump etc. No one in my personal life that I just don't associate with any more

14. I think I miss people that are still alive but I just don't see much anymore. I always think the dead hang around, or come visit at times, so they never feel like they've left

15. I have a bunny rabbit, Bobby, but my mum and sister take care of him more than I do now. Really enjoyed watching horror movies with him.

16. ATM feel a bit melancholic, I think the previous questions were mostly sad lol

17. Nope

18. A little cause they can be fast moving guys, but other than that I don't fear them. I love the guys and galls with all the eyes.

19. Probably not, cause I'd waste the opportunity asking what the rules and consequences were more like. Back to the future or gravity falls

20. Proper English slang there, unless it's used somewhere else lol

In a little forest path, but it's not as twee as you might think

21. Well it's Christmas weekend, not got work. Might try to see if I can get some DND in on the Saturday. But plan on enjoying time with family.

22. Still considering but I think I'd just want 1

23. Nope, but my ear apparently always looked like they had been pierced

24. History, it's factual English, and you can do debates from the facts you know and what can be derived from them. And debates aren't opposing all the time, usually it's to help further an understanding on a topic

25. Feels similar to the other question, so I refer to my answer there

26. Hot sloppy sex. Only half joking, probably warm hot chocolate.

27. I think I have, I used to be an absolute cock to girls kinda dumping love on them and then when they seemed interested I took that as a win then I'd pretty much ignore them. Absolute twat little pre teen me, but very undeveloped socially and puberty did werid stuff.

28. Far as I'm aware no

29. I think I have, both kinds of tears. Relationships are hard, but always worth it.

30. The chair in my room has a bad wheel so it slightly off balance as times.

31. Lots of people, and lots more that I don't know I hope lol

32. I love too many colours, but black and other dark colours are cool. Until it's dark and I'm looking for my phone against black bedding with black pillows.

33. Not anymore I don't think, I feel like I put a wary amount of trust and then give more as I know them.

34. Hard to say, barely remember my dreams. I think I dreamt about apex??? I remember ziplines and being a trio or something

35. Probably my mum and Step dad

36. I wouldn't say too easily, very generously, but I know the point where people don't deserve them. Until they make some new effort

37. I can genuinely forget things too easily, forgiving I don't think I take too long with.. I can't hold strong negative emotions for longer than a week even though I tried lol

38. Probably not and I hope it isn't in retrospect

39. I think like 4, had a little girlfriend. I do think the straight narrative is pushed a little hard. But then I was kissing boys for a laugh cause I could pick them up and do it lol

Maybe we really don't change much from when we were kids

40. Yes in my back garden late night, and it's pretty covered. Usually cause it too hot, but other reasons too lol

41/51? Lol

I'd say chili dogs, has everything good on it

42. I know there's the random factor in the universe, but some things do just come together.

43. Blowing a load

44. I think people can be complex, so I don't like the simple question. There can be a lot to this

45. I think I'm a nice person, but I feel I can be cruel at times. never been told I'm mean or anything though. At least recently

46. Well lots of play fighting, and boxing. Probably 30-40? Maybe

47. I don't, but I think you can always find people that can fit that role.

48. Warmish rain lol

49. Yes, it's a nice weather to get from time to time

50/60?. I really do

51. Not overly, but I like to see the people that do

52. Too many things lol

53. Maybe if I wanted to transition, but I don't think I want that. I don't think I'm an egg, I think it's just cause boys like girls and girls like boys, was ingrained into me, when I wanted girls stuff I thought I had to be a girl. So when I wanted boys, well more accurately men. I had that thought to myself.

54. Probably not, but I don't know where they are now lol

55. Well I'm happy in my current relationship with my best friend

56. I guess my partner, but other than them not really

57. Probably my mum, or co-workers, or customers lol actual conversation other than family, my friends Alice and mell.

58. 59. 60. Yes, my loving partner

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?

[the-ghost-king]

I think ao3 has kind of spoiled me in the same way, because I can not only consume content im already predisposed to like, I can filter for very specific aspects and tropes as well. I wish goodreads and the like would work like that too, instead of having to search through lists curated by other users.

Alright I've got a lot to say....

(TLDR: It just gets really exhausting to feel like you + people like you are objects to be commodified and marketed to certain demographics.)

I see both sides of it because I definitely don't want book stores or libraries to be sortable by some of the tags we use on ao3. However, I wish there was something like goodreads that did that as well.

Like I'm cool with reading books that just have a decent plot but sometimes I do want a specific aspect of a character. The problem I have with YA a lot of the time is that whatever aspect that is becomes the only point of the character or plot.

For example searching for books with a trans protagonist always ends up with a narrative that uses transphobia for its progression. It's either a) a coming out story about overcoming internalized transphobia, b) a story about someone being outed and coping with that, or c) trans character with a romance plot but they're not sure if the other person will be okay with them being trans/the other person is transphobic and "overcomes it".

Which as a trans person just gets really exhausting. I want a trans character who their transness has very little relevance to the story sometimes, and my inability to find that becomes exhausting. I deal with transphobia everyday and I'm not interested in (often) non-trans authors turning my everyday pain into a plot line or a trope. Sometimes I can get over it, but other times nope.

Even sometimes when a trans author writes that sort of book I just... On top of everything else it's too much.

I want a trans character who just happens to be trans and it's an important aspect of their character but not a plot point. A son has to stop his father from unleashing a robot he made on the world but he only has 24 hours to do so, and we only know he's trans because of childhood flashbacks. Someone becomes a top selling rap artist and they fall for a country singer and it's only mentioned they're trans when they originally come out to a very uneventful reaction, and later on when they win the artist of the year award. A woman who writes news stories and travels the globe to tell these stories who isn't able to return to her home country for some reason and her being trans is only relevant because her transition made her want to live life to the fullest and then it is literally never mentioned again.

This doesn't mean that someones marginalized status can never be a plot point. There's a book "A Place Called Winter" where the main protag is into men. The story however is about homesteading. What happens is he ends up sleeping around with a male friend/colleague (don't remember sorry lol) and he gets caught by his brother in law who gives him an ultimatum. Either leave his wife and daughter to go live in Canada, or the brother in law is going to tell his sister what her husband has been up to. However the entire novel is about the reader trying to figure out how and where he ended up in an asylum- and, a bit of a spoiler, it's not because he's into men. So while his gayness has an impact on the story, it's not the central plot and at a certain point we are able to move beyond it.

Maggie Stiefvater (for better or worse) did manage to create a series where one of the main characters sexualities is really only relevant because he is attracted to another main character. His sexuality is never a point of conflict within the series, and neither is his (eventual) boyfriends sexuality either. However the actual plot is a bunch of kids looking for a dead Welsh king in a magical forest in Virginia. On top of this she manages to fit in disabled representation into a main character as well, in a way that doesn't feel forced.

While I've never read the book, The Sun is Also a Star is a movie I have seen. The protagonists are both racial minorities, who end up in an interracial relationship + one is an immigrant. It is absolutely a central part of the plot because it has to do with how they meet and where the go at some points. However the more central part of the plot is that they have 24 hours to fall in love. They just both happen to be minorities.

And while neither of those books are peak representation. The first full of a not-insubstantial amount of racism, and the second not much better. They do manage to do something so rarely done. And tbh it's a lot more interesting and a lot harder to find these sorts of things than it should be.

When I google "books with a Jewish protagonist" online or "books with a trans mc" I'm fine if some YA comes up, or some books where those aspects are central plot points comes up. At the same time though, I should be able to find a list of books with a Jewish protag where it's 1) not YA, 2) doesn't take place during ww2, and 3) doesn't necessarily always need to be a major plot point. That specific search always has returns that meet the first 2, and when it meets the 3rd one it's often a very forced relationship to Judaism? The author obviously designs the character to make them Jewish and then adds the personality in later, rather than designing a character and they happen to be Jewish as well. Or they start their design of a trans character of "wouldn't it be interesting if this character was outed in an extremely traumatic way? That would be fun... Should they be an introvert or an extrovert?"

It just gets really exhausting to feel like you + people like you are objects to be commodified and marketed to certain demographics. Then to turn and see "allys" upholding those books as "peak rep" for a group they have no right to be talking over or deciding things for (ex: girls on tik tok determining what m/m book they like best on tik tok.... etc ).

So yeah, in short I agree, it would be nice to have community ability to curate such lists and collections because then it would be like "oh hey someone in this community obviously made this" or something... The problem you're going to end up having (and idk how to prevent that) is people doing what I mentioned above, uphailing things as "the best ever!!" and those getting voted to the top by people who just want the certain character dynamic or aspect of a character... Rather than like a good mixture of different types and qualities of representation?

[7fckingidiots]

Would you be alright with writing some HCs about the brothers and a MC who's a trans guy? Sorry if it's a tall order or too vague, they're a big comfort for me and I'd like to see what ideas you have bcs your headcanons are fantastic ;w;

HELL YEAH DUDE!!!! IM ALSO TRANS!!! AH!!!!! demigirl rights :3 but i also find a huge comfort in the boys and i hc all of them as trans because no one can Stop Me •• but i really hope you enjoy these and remember you’re valid and i care u so much! Also i hope you don’t mind but i kinda made it gender neutral so every trans folk could enjoy!

The Brothers With A Trans MC

Lucifer

He didn’t know until you came out to him honestly. He knew all his other siblings were trans but with all the work Diavolo gave him and adding new students from different realms on top of that he hadn’t really had time to notice any minor changes in you.

He feels guilty about this and immediately makes sure(like everyone else)to ask for your pronouns, name, and how you would like to present yourself from now on.

Fixes your ID cards and your papers with Diavolo right after dinner

God. He’s such a dad and he gets you things that have your new name on them. You wake up to see you have a new pencil case with your name embroidered on it with matching pencils. God.....he’s so weird i love him so much

Asmo does most of your clothing shopping but for formal wear he takes you shopping! He’s not about to buy you some cheap tux or gown ok it’s gonna be over 2000 grim and he’s gonna get you three of them STOP HIM

He’s not the best with verbal affection so he writes down notes that are like “you looked very handsome/pretty today.” or when he first starts writing them they’re like “you’re a boy/girl/kid. i’m proud of you.” Thank u mr morningstar

You want surgery or to start hormones??? He will stop all his work with Diavolo and spend forever looking up things for you, he wants you to be as safe as possible(pls he almost fainted after he realized you’d have to give yourself a shot like everyday dhdhdhjdhd hc that demons/angels don’t have to do hormone therapy i’m so JEALOUS)

Practices saying your pronouns in his study when you first come out. He just wants to make sure you feel as safe as possible in his care(and he remembers how terrible it felt to be misgendered)

Guess what....he loves you no matter what :)

Mammon

You’re blind as hell if you couldn’t see his top scars but I respect it

King DOES slip up on your pronoun change but always immediately corrects himself. Satan has a spray bottle that he sprays Mammon with when he does it. Mammon is NOT amused but the same can’t be said for Belphie.

Gender affirming activities??? Oh yeah like robbing a bank?? That’s pretty gender neutral and trans right?? Yeah!!! Wow such a good supportive brother.

If you want you can wear the formal wear Lucifer bought you to the said bank heist. Boom trans rights

You can practice painting his nails or doing his makeup if you’re too nervous to do it on yourself first!! Dw if it’s bad he also can’t do makeup or paint nails so once you let him return the favor you’re both laughing and Asmo is distraught.

KING at dying hair he will get you whatever you need and if you want an entire different hair cut entirely he’s ON it

Very used to being Loud and Brash but if you need someone to talk to about anything really he always calms down and sits down to listen to whatever you have to say.

Lots of gendered gifts from him. This said for men??? Oh ok adds to cart. Oh pink??? For ladies??? yeah that can go in there too

You’re never gonna believe this.....But he loves you and supports you :)

Levi

He was the first one to come out to you at the house!! He was just so excited! Same hat!!!

Gets literally any video game where you can design the protag/have custom pronouns and will play games like that with you for hours

Would you like a pride flag.....for u.....He has too many.....Please take the trans flag please he has no room....he bought in bulk for a pride event and didn’t consider the consequences of his actions

Miku binder but irl. He will get if for you but unironically.....thanks King. He just likes binders with patterns and i respect IT

Dysphoria?? He gives you his hoodie bc that was his trademark dysphoria hoodie and i GUESS for you he can share............he would give u anything just ask nicely he’s sensitive

Reads any character that matches up with your gender and is like!!!!! That’s you!!!! OMG!!!! You in da IRL

Goes back and edits his tweets if they use your old name or pronouns(also has he/they in his bio. this is for nothing just makes me :D)

If you haven’t chosen your name he’s gonna suggest so many fictional characters. POV levi kin assigns you.

You listen to music together that just has Trans Vibes.....maybe u cry together but there’s no judgment!! It’s just nice :)

God it’s wild but! He loves u and thinks ur great :)

Satan

Enby Satan. That’s all :)

He’s very quite about it, he supports you! He’s just not loud like his brothers

He brings you book about gender studies and LGBTQ history that he thinks would interest you(there some of his favorite books and they’ve made him feel the most comfortable in his gender)

Gives you a name list if you haven’t named yourself yet! He cares about you and wants to make sure you have the right name that suits you

He’s the one that tells you that it’s ok if you’re still figuring it all out, learning about yourself is a very tricky process and if anyone knows that it’s Satan

Any of the brothers would kill anyone who misgendered you but with Satan that shit is ON SIGHT

Asks you how you know and what were the signs that gave it away to you, but only if you’re comfortable telling him!! He just finds everyone’s experience interesting and would like to know yours as well.

Spells for fucking DAYS Satan personally kills body dysphoria the best he can(mainly bc he’s HIGHKEY afraid of you getting surgery he hates knives so much)

Makes your comfort food for you when you’re feeling down about yourself and will read whatever you want to hear outloud to you.

!!!!!! GET THIS !!!!!! He loves YOU :0

Asmo

Fucking excited!!!! This means you two are going to buy so much clothing together and he gets to style you let’s GO

Buys you whatever you want but he will make you try it all on so be CAREFUL what u wish for.....ur gonna be there till the store closes yeah......

Paints your nails with the trans pride flag!! Also does your makeup and gives you tips on how to look more masculine or fem!!

VOICE LESSONS

He will help you lower or raise the pitch of your voice if it KILLS him. It eventually becomes like a mini class after school

Helps with internalized transphobia! Hes dealt with his fair share and knows how awful it can be and he will NOT being having you experience that as well we r practicing Self Care now

Picks apart any one who misgenders you until they’re crying he has NO fucking time for that behavior in this HOUSE

Sometimes self care is eating whatever you want and sitting in the dysphoria hoodies while watching chick flicks with Asmo

He likes dressing you up but he’s always sure to set boundaries so he never puts you into something that makes you feel uncomfortable

ALSO edits his posts and takes down anything that makes you uncomfortable!!

He loves you so much!!!!

Beel

another one to hand you The Dysphoria Hoodie and it’s very large and comfy!

he’ll help you make out a work out routine that will help you get the body you want and it makes him really happy to work out with you :)

he’s gonna hold your hand if you have to take shots and will give you puppy eyes if you don’t let him. He’s just worried!!!! He wants to help

stands behind you whenever you’re nervous about coming out to someone, he will NOT have someone making you feel bad or misgendering you

he’ll see food with trans pride colors and gives it too you, probably doesn’t even know what it is half the time but it made him think of you so he makes sure to get it for you

he doesn’t trip up on any of your new pronouns or name and makes it seem like he never even knew them. dead name???? what’s that??? a type of sauce?????

will let you vent to him whenever needed and will always make you a sundae after you’ve finished. it’s comically huge but it’s tasty and does make you feel a lot better, thanks beel

makes sure you remember to take off your binder if you’ve been wearing it for more than eight hours! and if you’ve been wearing heels to feel more fem he reminds you to take those off too and has a pair of slippers for you in his room that you can wear instead

hey! get this! He loves you so, so much :D

Belphie

you’re trans? ok kid join the club. he doesn’t make a big deal at all

are you still gonna cuddle with him and join him in his quest to make lucifer’s life difficult? yeah? ok then cool what’s ur name 

if he hears someone misgender you he waits till you’ve left the room and just kills whoever did it, dude’s unhinged what did you expect from him honestly

he’s actually really curious about any hormone therapy you’re on and likes listening to you rant about it to him. he likes seeing your face light up and it partly reminds him of lilith

calls your hormones something stupid like “oh dude, your gamer girl juice arrived.” or “hey your little man potion is here.” ...thanks belphie

will NOT let you sleep in a binder or push up bra!!! not healthy!! let ur chest breath guys 

like mammon, he gets you gendered gifts but they’re so fucking weird? you didn’t need a girls version of a collectable hot wheels set???? he got you blue lightning mcqueen sheets?????? those EXIST here????!!!!! when does he even shop......

introduces you to new people like “this is our resident boy/girl/human. they don’t do much but i think they’re cool.”

he really does care about you but he remembers when he came out he just didnt want people to make a big deal about it so he’s just doing what would have made him feel the most comfortable, but you can still see how much love he has for you when you look into his eyes

he loves you, so, so much :)

[songandashadow]

august fic rec

so this list is a whole mess because I haven’t made one in so long and in the time since I last did, I discovered a whole bunch of new fics and authors that I can’t even begin to put in one rec. Instead here’s a small part of the massive amount of fics I read recently. Please give these authors kudos, comment and enjoy. :)

❀ This Could Be Something by 28sunflowers |  6k words

After a hookup gone wrong, Harry keeps getting sick at random times without reason. That is, until Louis shows up at his door with a wild explanation.

Sometimes, "happily ever after"s come in the strangest forms.

❀ (Take Me Home) Country Roads by Awriterwrites | 86k words

a Northern Exposure AU featuring Louis as the big city doctor, Harry as a natural healer, Niall as a secretive barkeep, Liam and Zayn head over heels for each other but they don't know it and a lot of hurt, comfort and moonshine in between.

❀ Love You a Latte by 1Diamondinthesun | 15k words

Louis Tomlinson doesn’t drink coffee and definitely doesn’t go to Starbucks. Enter barista Harry Styles. Add a double shot of espresso, stir in 90s references to taste, and top with whipped cream and love.

Or, the coffee shop AU featuring girl direction, creative espresso, and a professor and a barista falling in love in one beautiful autumn.

❀ Please Be Naked by Only_angel_28 | 17k words

Louis starts squirming, desperately needing something to do with his hands. Needing to do anything, really, to distract him from the perfect male specimen standing naked in front of him. In the end, the only thing he can do is strip out of his own jeans and briefs, which he does with trembling, clumsy fingers, his heart beating out a violent, chaotic rhythm in his chest the entire time.

He hears Harry’s sharp intake of breath, and slowly raises his eyes from where he was staring at his own bare feet to meet his gaze.

“So,” Harry says bashfully, his voice gone even deeper somehow. “We’re naked.”

“Yup,” Louis squeaks.

“You okay?”

No!

“Yup,” Louis repeats, sounding just as unstable as he did the first time.

This is the last favor Louis Tomlinson is ever doing for Zayn Malik. (Because, after today, he’ll be dead, but that’s neither here nor there.)

❀ The Sleeping Giant by LadyLondonderry | 3k words

In the centre of the pond, there is a sleeping giant.

He rises out of the water, eyes closed and face at peace, sitting as if in a trance. Moss grows up his back, tangles in his hair. He is at peace here, or perhaps he is peace. Perhaps he is what keeps the pond and the clearing so quiet and serene, blessing the forest with his presence.

❀ I Heard You Talking by lululawrence | 10k words

It had been an hour of their noise that Louis had been dealing with, and for some reason the fact that these grown men were being this rowdy in the quiet carriage over a game of Uno was the breaking point for him. He stood up and turned around, making his way down to where the group of five were somehow gathered around a table.

Louis stopped at the table and cleared his throat, mouth open and ready to politely request they keep it down when the man who was sitting with his back to Louis turned.

He was stunningly gorgeous.

Blinking a ridiculous number of times in an attempt to pull himself together, Louis coughed and spit out, “This is the quiet carriage.”

God, he was nearly forty and that was the best he could do in front of a set of pretty, green eyes?

Or the one where Harry is famous and Louis doesn't have a clue. Good thing his son is able to help him out.

❀ The Lonely Planet Guide to Second Chances by 1Diamondinthesun | 102k words

When Harry and Louis broke up, the last thing on Harry's mind was the non-refundable surprise trip he had booked for them across Europe. Harry was supposed to be moving on, not sightseeing with his ex. In hindsight, touring the continent with Louis was probably a bad idea. So naturally, that's exactly what Harry did.

Or, the breakup travel fic featuring romantic sunsets, awkward bed sharing, and second chances against a backdrop of some of Europe's most iconic cities.

❀ got the sunshine on my shoulders by hattalove | 124k words

five years ago, harry styles left his tiny home town to make it big as a recording artist. he didn't have much regard for what he left behind - a life, a family, and a husband, who woke up one morning to find him gone.

now, harry has everything he could possibly want: he's rich, famous, and adored by everyone he meets, including his boyfriend. but when said boyfriend proposes to him, he's forced to face the uncomfortable facts of his past - and louis, who's spent the last five years returning every set of divorce papers harry sent him.

(or, an au based on the movie sweet home alabama.)

❀ bright eyes, blue denim by 4ureyesonly28 | 2k words

Louis' favourite jeans have suddenly disappeared from where he always got them. Harry is a store manager with an affinity for customer care, particularly when the customer has bright blue eyes and happens to be very flirty.

❀ Take Your Time by Layne Faire (HisDarlin) | 11k words

When Harry finds himself in the middle of a messy break-up with no place to live, Louis offers a spare room in his flat. Unbeknownst to Harry, Louis has been infatuated for years. Over the objections of their friends, who know the truth, Harry accepts. Can Louis survive Harry moving into his home…and closer to his heart? Will Harry see what's right in front of him?

❀ I'm Tripping Over Your Every Single Move by lookingfortherainbow | 5k words

“I could pretend to drown,” Harry gasped, looking like he was in awe of his own genius. “Oh my god, what a story to tell our kids. He’d be my reason for almost dying, my reason for staying alive. By the way, have you been working out more lately?”

Liam stared in utter disbelief at his friend’s wild imagination, vaguely noting that Harry was now petting at his bicep in a daze, no longer holding it in a death grip. Sometimes, he wondered why Harry wasn’t at least minoring in theatre.

“Harry, babe. You’re here on a scholarship. For swimming. You’ve literally won multiple events in this very pool. Because you’re so good at swimming. You come here almost everyday to train, which I don’t think has escaped any of the lifeguards who work here. I don’t think that’s as good a plan as you think it is,” Liam said, eyebrows turned up with concern.

Or, Harry is the local swimming star athlete and Louis is the lifeguard that turns Harry into a fish out of water.

❀ the pinker, the bluer by docklands | 1k words

Harry comes out as a trans guy during the pandemic. Working from home and away from everyone, he finds liberty to explore his self-identity. One night, however, he decides to go out.

❀ Lovin' It Up by letsjustsee | 6k words

What did Niall know? This had nothing to do with the few times (okay, countless times) Louis had pined over the idea of Hot Neighbor while drinking. Nothing at all. So what if he had perfect lips and long legs and the cutest little curls around his ears? Certainly not Louis.

He continued to scribble away, most of his words indiscernible except for one written in large letters at the very top of the napkin: REVENGE

Or, a neighbors AU in which Louis vows to get revenge on the guy who didn't hold the elevator for him - no matter how ridiculously attractive he may be.

❀ My Strange Addiction by phdmama | I'm Hot for Teacher verse

The guy at the other end of the bar has been checking Harry out all night.

❀ take the time for you by pixies | 1k words

Dating hasn’t really been very easy for him, lately, not ever since he moved to London earlier in the year for his job. He’d had terrible luck with online dating and was too dedicated to his current projects at work to make time to go out to the bars or to try to socialize more than once every few weeks.

aka, Harry ends up at speed-dating to get his friend off his back and has a better night than expected.

[forthehpfanboys]

Quidditch and T

Pair: Ron Weasley x Reader; he/him; transmasculine reader.

Summary: Harry surprises Ron with tickets to the Quidditch World Cup after the war, after Hermione and after finding out Ron has a crush on the first professional trans masculine the Chudley Canons or the World Cup has ever seen. 

Warnings: Swearing, Alcohol, tiny amount of transphobia?? super long, focuses on Ron more than it should, super long and probably really bad.

Notes: Trans masculine reader again! We love to see it- No one asked for this but I liked the idea. Also, Ron has long hair because I love him and Harry is a good friend. The bestest of friends.

~DO NOT REPOST ANYWHERE~

-

Even with the second wizarding war years behind them, everyone struggled to regain control over themselves. Loved ones were lost far too soon, strained relationships came crashing down and businesses all but shattered like glass, but that was a year or two after. Families were beginning to recover and move forward, but some struggled. It was only natural, that was why the Ministry decided to bring at least a tiny bit of normality back to everyone's life with the Quidditch World Cup. They thought it would bring some light in the barely lit times everyone lived in.

While life for some was morphing back to a semi stable state, times were transitioning to a new era. Of course, no one batted an eye or fought against her when the Hermione Jean Granger demanded rights for wizards, witches and sorcerers who were, for lack of a better word, different. Not after everything she’d done for the world with Harry Potter and Ron Weasley and especially not after S.P.E.W.  The world really was shifting for the better.

She created two acts for equality. If house elves can have it, why can’t magical humans who just- feel different. Hermione called it S.P.L.A.T.E.R, also known as Sorcerers Lover Protection Against The Everyday Routine, and it was meant to protect wizards and witches who desire relationships with the same sex against discrimination. The talented witch went on to create a similar movement against portraying gender and identity; The Sorcerer’s Typical Identity or Gender May Alter Shield, better known as S.T.I.G.M.A.S. Both were very welcomed by the public, which happened a good year before the game would be returning, and that led to you gaining your dream job.

You were able to join the Chudley Cannons, your dream team despite their reputation. You were naturally talented on a broom and weren’t afraid to pull some risky stunts to get the golden snitch, plus it fueled your ego to hear the crowd gasp, go silent then cheer loud enough to be heard from Mars. The team and their fans didn’t care that you were the only trans masculine player, in fact, they loved you! The team was very proud to have you be their seeker and it was even better when the Cannons got into the World Cup. You basically carried the team, and they fucking knew it.

Your face made the front page almost weekly, quoting comments from your games and showing off your merchandise like it was no big deal. While you caught the attention of many wizards, witches and magical humans in between, there was one who was absolutely fascinated, maybe borderline obsessed, with you. You somehow stuck in his head, causing him to repaint his room in his shared flat bright orange just like his childhood bedroom. The ex-auror even went as far as getting your newly printed poster. He would glance at it when he was writing letters to his mother, but then would spend a good few solid minutes staring at it, daydreaming about meeting  you and lose track of time. Life got a little harder with the moving poster in his room. Of course you had no idea the famous Ron Weasley was a die-hard fan of yours.

The youngest Weasley son ended up being the first out of three up everyday just to read the newest info about (Y/n) ‘Point Breaker’ (L/n) and the rest of the team. He didn’t want to admit it, but he knew enough about you to be considered a borderline stalker and couldn’t help but spew facts about you to his twin brothers. Those very twins would tease him about his newly found crush but were secrealty very happy that he was getting over his heart break.

Ron and Hermione, more Hermione, had decided splitting and remaining friends was better for them, leading to the poor bloke locked in the spare room of his older brother's flat for a solid week. They told everyone it was mutual, but it was clear to Fred, George and Harry that it was most definitely not a decision that they were both fond of. Harry could still remember the frantic howler he got from Fred and George saying their little brother all but stopped functioning as a human.

He only started eating and showering once he heard the team was up and running again. He figured that was why Harry showed up to the flat one afternoon with tickets to the sold out game. When Ron asked his best mate how he got them, he just smiled and said something about knowing people and favors being exchanged. The ticket was more like a bandage encased in clear plastic and stuck to a lanyard, which is what Ron was fiddling with the day of the game when his best friend suddenly appeared in the middle of the flat.

“Bloody hell, Harry!” Ron screeched out as he steadied himself in his chair. His hand gripped at the shirt on his chest and chose to ignore the head rushing to his cheeks. “Could’ve sent me a warning!” He let out a slow sigh, trying to steady his rapid heart beat. 

“Where’s the fun in that?” Harry laughed out. The professor had his hands in his jacket pocket, a sly grin across his face. “Come on then! Game’s gonna be starting soon!” The raven haired male all but yaned his freckle covered friend out of the chair.

“Ok! Ok, sheesh. Let me grab a jacket.” The red-head knew this was going to be a game that leaked late into the night. Both teams were itching to get the trophy and forget about their troubles- It was gonna be absolutely beautiful. 

Grabbing his coat and reaching into the pocket, Ron pulled out an elastic band and put his hair up into a messy bun quickly before tucking the jacket into his arm. He walked over to Harry, who was gazing at the photo-covered walls of the flat.

“If you want, I can take ca-” Harry was cut off by Ron grabbed his hand.

“No, it’s fine. I like it like this.” Ron shook his head back and forth causing the messy ball to swap back and forth. “Come on. You were the one rushing us.” Harry let out a simple chuckle before apperating them to the field. 

“Tadah!” Harry did a fancy little wave, gesturing to the crowded field and began to make his way down the hell, passing by the old boot. Ron looked down at it as they passed before looking back at his best friend.

“Damn, it has been far too long.” Ron sighed out. A smile broke out across his face when he saw little kids running around with paint covered faces and happy couples sharing tea outside of their tents. “Do we have a tent?” 

“Nope, won’t be needing one this time around.” Harry shoved his hands in his pants pocket.

“No ten- Blimey, Harry, this is a game! This is going to go on for hours-”

“Ron-” 

“Won’t need it my arse. Hours, Harry. Where are we going to sit? The damp ground?” Ron was flaring his hands about.

“We get to spend our time in the Minister’s Box, Ron, relax.” Harry shook his head in mock disapproval before adjusting his glasses and moving forward. 

“Minister’s Box-” Ron’s voice stuttered out.

“Yeah! Isn’t that cool? We’re gonna be in the middle of the action!” Harry waved to a child who had recognized him with a smile.

“Ministry box-” Ron was’t used to such luguries, even after working with his brothers at their shop. Harry figured he’d never get used to being spoiled like this. It made him choke back a soft snicker.

“Yes, Ronald, the Minister’s Box, now hurry up! I told them we’d get there before the game started so we can chat.” Harry grabbed the lagging boy’s wrist and proceeded to maneuver through the crowd with him. 

“How did ya score this, Harry?” Ron all but yelled over the crowd. Once Harry dragged them through the crowd and to the front doors of the stadium, he spoke up.

“Remember when we went on that assignment to stop LeStrange again? Just before her Dementors Kiss about a month before we quit?” He handed the ticketier his lanyard to check over. Ron did the same before they both entered.

“Yeah? What about it?” Ron’s blue eyes glanced across the crowded inside. Gods, it really had been a while since he’d been here. It felt normal, like he almost hadn’t lost Fred to an explosion, like Harry’s life wasn’t on the line everyday, like every day wasn’t terrifying. Ron turned his attention back to his friend when he spoke up again.

“Well just before that, I went on a loner mission. This one involved taking care of some dark witch who was claiming she could bring back the dead and threatened to bring back Voldemort and the Death Eaters, so they sent me down to check it out.” Harry led him to an elevator, where the gate opened allowing the pair to step in. There was an exhausted looking male standing in uniform, most likely a worker from the Ministry himself. “Ministers Box, kind sir. Thank you.” The gate closed with a shuttering rattle and soon they were moving upward. Green eyes turned back to blue to finish the story. “Anyway, turns out she was actually trying to resurrect the noseless twat, but instead of over time or promotion, I asked for this and the best seats in the house. Figured this would be a good gift for you.”

“Gift? Harry, bud, mate, my fuckin best friend.” Ron placed a hand on Harry’s shoulder. “You didn’t have to do this for me. You’ve already done your fair share of helping me. Blimey, I’m not worth this.”

The gate opened again, allowing the two ex-aurors to step out but not before tossing a few sickles to the poor man who looked bored out of his mind. Ron casted him a short wave before he was sent back down.

“You deserve more than a crummy game and a nice seat, Ronnie. You literally helped me destroy Voldemort.”

“I didn’t do that much and besides it’s not a crummy game!” Ron took his hand away from Harry's shoulder. They walked down the short hallway to the door leading to their seats, but paused just before opening it. “That’s fuckin wild, isn’t it?” Ron grumbled out. “Was she smooched by a Dementor in the end?” 

“Yup. All her research was swiped and burned. Anyone and everyone she knew was obliviated. Now enough talk about old work, let’s relax.” Harry spoke before opening the door and allowed Ron to walk in first. 

The room was bigger than Gred and Forge’s flat, Ron was sure of it. It had silvery blue walls and a huge open window in the front, showing off the screaming fans and showed the entire field which held the perfect view. He couldn’t help his eyes from darting across the fancy black leather seats and the buckets of ice holding expensive bottles of wine, flasks of firewhiskey and glass pitchers giggle water and suddenly Ron wanted to cry and simultaneously brag to Malfoy. Sure, he hadn’t seen the blonde in a year or so but it’d be nice. The red-head didn’t realise he was drifting toward the giant window until someone spoke up, snapping him out of his thoughts. 

“Ah! Mr. Potter! Mr. Weadley, I’m so glad you could make it!” A wizard dressed in a suit came scurrying over, his chapeign glass almost overflowing with foam.

“It’s Weasley, actually.” Harry didn't hesitate to speak up. “But of course! I was thrilled when Ron decided to come with me! I couldn’t have caught that witch without him. Anyway, where will we be seated?” Harry was using his Auror Voice™ while Ron stood there, trying to recall how on earth he helped his best friend with a case he wasn’t even on.

“I did wh-?” Ron was interrupted.

“Ah. My apologies. Of course, of course.” The man in the suit adjusted his tie before gesturing to the window in the front with his glass.. “Front row, just as you requested.” He took a sip from his glass before walking off to the seat he came from, talking to the witch next to him. 

Harry thanked the man before grabbing Ron’s wrist and bringing him over to their seats. He sat Ron at the seat right in the middle of the big opening. Harry could actually see his friends blue eyes gloss over with tears, causing Harry to chuckle into his hand.  It was so worth fighting that witch and staying in St. Mungos for a week with a concussion, broken hand and a stupid spell that nearly killed him.

“Bloody fucking hell, Harry. What did you do to get these seats?” Ron’s voice did little to hide his excitement. Harry released a chuckle over his friend's excitement, but the sound got louder when Ron literally threw his jacket haphazardly onto the seat only for it to fall to the tiled floor.

“I already told you. Don’t worry about it.” Harry took his seat as he grabbed a bottle of wine from the ice bucket on the coffee table at their feet. He examined the label before nodding his head and popping open the cork.

“Wish I had a camera. Ginny would’ve loved this.” Ron walked past the table to the window, resting his hands on the railing and leaning over, looking across the field.

“Ron, she’s a professional coach-” Harry rolled his eyes, testing the wine with a small sip. He set the dark, tall bottle down on the table with a clank.

“Fred and George then.” Ron turned back to his friend and walked over, plopping himself down in his seat with confidence. Harry snorted, almost dropped his drink all over himself. This was therapeutic; he got to spend time with his best friend without the ever looming death threat of Nose-less Snakey Man breathing down his neck. 

“Yes, I’m sure their jealous tears could flood the shop.” Harry’s voice was filled with sarcasm and it had Ron laughing too. Harry checked his watch while the giggling red-head grabbed an empty glass at the table in front of them and poured himself a shot of firewhiskey. “It’s about 5:53. Game should be starting at 6 something.” He turned to Ron, casting him a smile while he brought his glass to his lips. “Wanna talk about your newest boyfriend or should I ask him for the details myself?”

Ron almost spat out his drink, his hand coming up quickly to catch the dribbles falling off his lips. Blood rushed to his cheeks, ears and before he knew it, he was bright red. He wiped his hands on his jeans, his bottom lip drawn between his teeth.

“I’m sorry, my what? Harry, I’d be lucky if he gave me the time of day let alone be my boyfriend!” Ron ran his hands through his hair, his eyes cast downward into his drink. “I mean, have you seen me lately?” He gestured to himself. “I’m a bloody mess. He could do better anyway.”

“You’re not a mess, Ron, anything but. In fact, you’re probably more put together than I am. Ginny would beg to differ, but I’m sure it’s true.” Harry shook his head in disapproval before taking another sip from his glass. “Besides, you’re a good guy. You did get Mione to fall for you and you are kinda well known, aren't you? I say you got a better chance than most.” Once the niorette male finished, he turned to look at his friend who nodded his head in silent agreement before deciding to change the topic.

“How is Gin, by the way?” 

Harry answered with a long explanation that she was good, but one of her chaser’s kept giving her trouble and didn’t believe Ginny was good for the team. The Harpies would be starting their first game soon and Ron made a note to buy a ticket. The questions came around to his brothers, of course, so Ron 

“Hey! Good for them!” Harry refilled his drink once it was finished and put the glass back in the ice bucket. “And good for you.” Harry checked his watch again when it beeped out, indicating the change in hour. “Game time!” 

The room went silent as the minister walked over to the window, doing his usual speech, but no one was really listening. Ron's legs were bouncing with excitement while his eyes looked across the white, green and orange fans waving flags. Ron should’ve known it would've been the Kenmare Kestrels duking it out against the Chudleys Cannons.

The crowds were going absolutely ballistic over the Kestrels and the screaming only seemed to get louder once the Cannon’s made their appearance. He watched the players zoom past the window, felt the air rush past him and before he could control himself, Ron was back at the railing, practically leaning over. His eyes bounced around the orange and black colored players for the new seeker.

“Harry!” Ron gestured pathetically behind him. “Harry! Come here! Look-” Ron pointed across the field to the seeker who was taking circles in the middle, taking in the crowd. He couldn’t help but stare at your confident smirk as you pulled the goggles over your eyes, casting the crowd a wink. The red-head basically melted.

“Godric, your smitten, aren’t you?” Harry was leaning against the railing next to his friend, his glass still in hand. A smirk came across his lips when his friend turned red again.

“Shut it.”

“You a Cannon fan, Mr.Wealsey?” 

The two ex-aurors turned to see the man who approached them earlier coming to Ron’s free side. The man held a cocky grin and a new drink in his hand, most likely giggle water. The red-head turned back to the game once the whistle sounded.

“Yeah. Have been for years.” Ron didn’t take his eyes off the field.

“Huh, even with their sour reputation? I’m more of a Bats fan, myself. Wouldn’t count this game in favor of the Chudley’s though, new seeker and all.” The man scoffed before sipping his drink. “Good seekers are hard to find. Hogwarts was lucky to have you though, Mr. Potter. Should’ve played Quidditch professionally, if you ask me.”

The two males shared a look with each other and came to the conclusion it’d be better to not fight the man on his clearly biased opinion and clear ass kissing. The pair gazed on, ignoring the crowd forming behind them the longer the game went on. Ron almost shoved his friend over when the announcer yelled you spotted the snitch. Ron blinked and you were standing on your broom, balancing perfectly, leaned over, golden snitch just a few inches from your fingertips.

“He’s a risky bloke, isn’t he?” Harry spoke up, hands going to his chaotic locks. “Gdoric, he’s gonna fall!” He squealed out when your foot shifted just a little too far on the broom.

“He’s bonkers.” Sir Pompous sneered out over his fancy drink, causing Ron to audible groan. 

“Sod off, will you?” Ron was so fucking sick of this man. “Stop bein’ pissy he has more balls than you and he was born without them.” He shot the suited wizard a glare before turning back to the game.  He let out a cheer when you finally grasped the snitch, plopping yourself down on the broom. The freckled male turned to Sir Pompous and smirked. “So.. Wouldn’t put this game in their favor, huh?”

The wizard turned on his heel, grumbling what the two friends assumed to be insults as he walked shamefully to his seat. Harry and Ron clinked glasses, giggling like school girls as they took a victory shot. They sat back in their seats, discussing games and just over all basking in the win. 

“Godric, I could get used to living like this.” Ron sat back, spreading his legs and just feeling confident. Harry rolled his eyes.

“I can’t afford to do this all the time, Ron.”

“I can dream, can’t I?” Ron didn’t blink twice when the door to the ministers box opened or when two voices spoke up. He was busy relaxing.

“It’s an honor to meet you, Coach Dorkins! The Chudley’s have always been my favorite-” The same kiss ass from earlier, spewing the same pompous bullshit as earlier. Ron was gonna fake a gag, but he hesitated. Coach Dorkins? Coach of the- of his favorite team? 

“Ah, well, thank you, but I’m just here to drop off Point Breaker.” As your coach went on with his arm now wrapped around you. Ron whipped around, his jaw was dropping to the floor. “Got a favor to fill in for an old friend. Ah, there he is! Potter!”

“Nice to see you again.” Harry stood up and shook hands with the coach. Ron’s blue eyes bounced between his old friend, his favorite coach and his favorite player. What the fuck was going on? Ron shrunk into his seat when you glanced over. He was acutely aware of his messy outfit and hair and- did he brush his teeth? “Ah! I should introduce you to my good friend, Ronald Weasley-” Harry waved over to his friend, a smile on his face. Ron stood up as well, but almost fell into his chair when he saw you shaking hands with his old friend and suddenly everyone was turning to him.

“Uh-hi-” When did his voice get all high pitched and creaky again. He cleared his throat, wiping his hands on his jeans before shaking hands with the coach. “Sorry, big fan.” 

Dorkins shook his head, saying how he understood between deep chuckles. The male then turned to you, who was standing by his side. He introduced you to the red-head while you held a similar, nervous smile on your face. You held your hand out as you spoke up finally. 

“I know all about you, Mr. Weasley. Well, no not- Wait, not everything like.. Like everything everything, like um- I.. well- Ok, let me start again.” You cleared your throat, shaking the ex-aurors hand. “Hi, I’m (Y/n). I’m a fan, Mr. Weasley.”

Ron was just kinda shaking your hand, confusion filled in his brain. He was just running over your rambling and was so confused. 

“You’re a fan of me?”

“The famous auror? Of course!” You were grinning now and he found himself just staring at you. The two of you missed how Potter and Dorkins were chuckling about star struck fans and wondered somewhere else in the room.

“You played great today-” Ron almost blurted out, his voice turning prepubescent again.

“Thank you! You don’t think it was too much? Too flashy?” 

“No, no, I’d say it has the perfect amount of flash.” Ron shot you a lopsided smile. The smile allowed you to relax some, the star struck tension between the two of you almost dispersing completely as you joked back and forth. You soon found yourself sitting in Harry's abandoned seat, chatting away like you had been friends since your school years. 

“So then- then- hold on, stop laughing-Haha! No, shh! We stole my dad's car just to save him! My brothers didn’t even try to talk me out of it! The only thing my older brother said was “yeah, get the car. We’re gonna find out if it’s considered kidnapping if we’re children"! Mum really chewed us out when we got back that mornin’!” Ron finished his 7th story that night while you were enjoying a nice glass of cold water. You couldn’t get over his terrible impressions of his brothers. More than a few times his stories led to you almost choking on your drink or just letting out a loud laugh.

You told him some stories about your life at home too and only got encouraged by his snickering behind his own drink. You were so open with him, telling him stories of quidditch practice and the strange gifts you got from fans, his favorite being a bra with your face hand painted on it. 

More time passed by as you chatted, finally coming around to just playing 20 questions just day to day stuff. Now, it was your turn to ask a question and honestly, the game shouldn’t even be called 20 questions, it was more like 500 questions.

“Ok. Ok. Is it true that you had a thing for Krum?” You grinned when his cheeks turned red. “I heard from a chaser that you were here when we got on the field and our  keeper was willing to bet his life on this rumor that you had a fling with Krum.” 

“N-no, no fling! Just uh- more of a sexual awakening, if you will.” Ron snorted out, rubbing the back of his neck. His eyes turned away from yours for the first time that night, casting his gaze out across the empty field.

“Ooh! What is the great Ron Weasley’s sexual preference?” You leaned forward, your grin turning to a teasing smirk. You put a hand on his shoulder when he started stuttering over his words. “Come on! You can tell me! I don’t spill secrets.”

“Would hot quidditch players be an acceptable answer?” Ron was playing with a spare ponytail holder on his wrist now, his face turning redder.

“I’d say so.” You smiled, setting down your water glass. 

“What about you?”

“What?”

“I told you mine. It’s only fair, Point Breaker. Spill it.” It was Ron’s turn to get cocky as you blushed. 

“May or may not be hot ex-aruros, but who’s keeping track.” You were not going to admit you’d been fanboying over the red-head since his face came across the Daily Profit. While he knew a lot about your game stats and quotes, you knew about the dark wizards he fought against, how he helped Granger and Potter and decided fighting was too much.

“Oh really?”

“I said maybe. Don’t get cocky. Besides, I could mean Harry-”

“I have a feeling you don’t mean him.”

“Well, what are you going to do about it?”

“How about a date?” Ron leaned back in his chair, gauging your reaction. He mentally sighed when you didn’t appear grossed out or scared.

“Hmm, let me think. “ You pretended to count stuff on your fingers before smiling at the red-head. “Leaky Cauldron?”

“Sure! Tuesday?”

“I’m free after 6.”

“Done.”

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom episode 4-7 Thoughts: (under a readmore because, these got kinda long!)

-the outfit danny had to buy for dash's party. CLASSIC 2000S i cannot stop laughing. And also showing up to the party and everyone is dressed like the trio is hilarious. and further proof that everyone looks good dressed goth.

-dash has a closet full of cute lil bear plushies?? LOVE that. adorable. also his response to danny trashing his room fighting a ghost was SO valid if somone BROKE MY BED IN HALF ID BE PISSED TOO.

-technus being like 'oh smart, u should be a tutor!' then later being like 'forget tutor, be a teacher!' :) supportive king <3 I also really like his upgraded suit/design. AND SPOCK CAMEO??? HELLO??

-the music in this show is super. its so funky. I looked it up and the guy who does it, guy moon (awesome name) also did music for other cartoons like fairly odd parents, barnyard, chalkzone, billy & mandy, AND some actual movies like FIGHT CLUB??? the whiplash I got from reading that)

-sam being rich explains a lot about her, actually.

-I know the moral of the episode was supposed to be 'dont ditch your friends for popular people/spend a lot of money on clothes that arent You to Fit In'. but tbh. it wouldve been easy for danny to have been like 'well, okay, ill come but only if my friends can!' but I get. that hes 14. so. not a lot to say there.

-BOX GHOST IS BACK!!!!! also, danny sitting up and wearing the dress/wig/makeup. umm thats how I dress everyday LMFAO. unironically me. (hate the jokes that boil down to 'haha funney man in dress' tho. but this is a look)

-jazz being protective of her brother once again being like NOOO YOU GUYS BETTER NOT STAKE OUT HIS (actually haunted) LOCKER!! shes aware of how people perceive him and she wants to help :( which is also probably why she told dash to invite him to that party even tho she had no interest in going!! she wants to help him out :(

-gotta say im with tucker on the whole 'should danny use his powers to get back at bullies' debate. 100% yes. let him teach kids to fight back. making dash throw his food at paulina out of the blue? no. but when hes actually about to pick on someone? yeah! for self defense? YEAH! if dash and his friends just threw food at him, I think rather than. idk doing sneaky shit with frogs he couldve just threw it back and not pulled punches if they tried to fight. I kNOOWWW its a kids show so they are like 'if u fight back ur just as bad!! violence bad!!' but. theyre HIS POWERS. WHO CARES.

-like my only gripe is that dash really isnt LEARNING ANYTHING WHEN DANNY GETS BACK AT HIM IN THE MOST PETTY INDIRECT WAYS. whatever they had to add a bully psa episode I guess. I hate it and I hate the way cartoons usually handle it because these methods simply Do Not Work. 'aND YouRE USinG YOur poWErs FOR EVill???!' this is Not Evil. even when poindexter takes dannys body, theyre only being 'nice' bc hes stealing soda for them!! bitches deserve what they get (nothing too brutal bc theyre high schoolers but damn, if they pick on danny he doesnt need to be the 'bigger person' he needs to start biting people)

-SAM TRYING TO SMUGGLE FROGS OUT OF THE BIO LAB?? girl in middle school when we had to dissect frogs we could opt out, also, they came to us already dead and preserved...

-sidney's lingo and the fact hes in black and white is sending me. also, danny is a ghost celebrity apparently for being a halfa?? ok. thats interesting to know

-the DENTIST BEING EXCITED ABOUT THE COTTON CANDY FLOOD IS THE FUNNIEST THING SO FAR.

-I LOOOVE the trope of 'wishes gone wrong'. not crazy about the stereotypical genie, or the use of the dreamcatcher looking design. (also, I KNOW theyre scientists but the way theyre handling a cold...are the fentons ANTIVAX)

-the genie. she. whitewished paulina. JKASDFHKJ. (the ghost literally just being hello kitty???? im dying) 'why do i feel that im special and wonderful? because I AM! <3' paulina ilu self worth queen. felt bad for her also getting possessed by (2) boys later who were arguing INSIDE HER. WTF.

-imagine being the guy trapped in his now flying car. he thought danny and tucker were HALUCINATIONS. imagine being trapped in a flying car with two, what you think are imaginary arguing 14 year olds convinced ur gonna die. i WOULD say this dude is gonna need so much therapy, but he seemed totally fine and excited when they landed (I would be happy too if a chicken was on my head. chickens rule) stoner rights

-sam's bat slippers??? iconic. SO cute.

-I think desiree's backstory is so :( do all ghosts have messed up sad backstories?? poindexter's was sad too...cannot imagine box ghost has any kind of fucked up backstory. but what if. his mom got pushed off cliffs by boxes...........a la cruella... anyway her 'no man may lay a hand on me' iconic. ilu

-I know danny has no concept of how much bras cost but my god dont attack tucker with some girls bra. those are so expensive.

-its really. well its not a GOOD THING he went into the portal and got fucked up, but its good danny was the one to do it rather than sam or tucker. because even tho he was being influenced by desiree and kept getting more malicious and it prob wasnt 100% him...he sucked as a ghost like most the people he 'pranked' were innocent ppl just Chillin and he didnt want to help anyone at all. I think danny is the most responsible out of them but also, hes 14 and shouldnt HAVE to feel obligated to fight every ghost. hes a good kid and wants to, but I also feel like he feels like...responsible for the portal turning on?? because his parents did give it up,, but it was an accident and not his fault (if anything, why was the on switch on the inside. why was it that easy. why was there no safety measures. that seems like smth OSHA needs to hear about). like thats my son. hes a good boy. and hes never done anything wrong in his life, ever. if anyone hurts him im killing everyone in this room and then myself. etc.

-danny's curfew is 10PM????? DUDE. when I was 14...shit I couldn't be out that late, I had to be back at like, 8 at the latest, and my parents had to know exactly where and who I was going with, AND i had to call/text them regularly...is this a case of my parents being overbearing, or the fentons sucking??? the only time i could EVER be out that late was if I was at an overnight sleepover or smth...

-the vultures have lil fezes. why do they have fezes...theyre so fuckin funny 'ask him for directions' 'I KNOW WHERE IM GOING' these ghost vultures are my new grandpas. pick them up, put them in the adopt box.

-'I wonder why those guys were trying to waste dad!' THEYRE GHOSTS. YOUR DAD HUNTS GHOSTS. why is that not a conclusion you'd immediately jump to??

-*jazz voice, clearly disgusted* WISCONSIN???

-mrs fenton with the lab coat and leg warmers and PERM. YESSS STYLISH.

-was going to say 'ew billionaire' @vlad but. super valid he used his powers to assumedly steal and cheat to get that money, thats how all billionaires do it! but ew hes a SIMP. and spending your billions on FOOTBALL STUFF?? you are Not Valid overall. I DO respect the fact you have a castle instead of a mansion. in wisconsin. if youre going to be stupidly rich might as well go all out, torches on the wall and all. I DO like his ghost form's little kitty ears. catman. and his cape! every design can benefit from a cape. and how different his forms look, like danny looks the EXACT SAME IN BOTH FORMS ASIDE FROM COLOR CHANGES. vlad's is like,, I could believe they were different people!! also I love the drama. but dude you are fighting a 14 year old. lame. also he was like, telling danny he wanted his mom and him and like, wanted him to renounce his dad?? WHAT ABOUT JAZZ?? bitch. those r MY kids and they are both important and special. I do agree they need better parents but thats not u sir <3

-I thought vlad's 'little badger' nickname for danny came from the football mascot of the packers, but google says they have NO MASCOT?? so now I'm like?? is it because his hair is sometimes black and sometimes white?? I hate to give him props but thats a PERFECT NICKNAME. theyre also tiny and vicious!

-why did I get so excited that Skulker is back!! its been like. 2-3 eps LMAO. AND THE DAIRY KING. ICONIC I LOVE HIM. hes the nicest guy ever :) more nice ghosts please. danny cannot be fighting alone everytime with no ghost buds like every ghost being hostile sucks :(

-mr. fenton knew vlad was controlling him, but a few episodes ago he had no clue danny was doing the same thing...is it something about how malicious the ghost is?? he just seemed to think his memory had gaps the first time, this time he was INSTANTLY LIKE 'GHOST'. then again in this ep when danny did it again he was just slightly confused but not immediately freaking out like he did with vlad possessing him!!

-'my parents will accept ME NO MATTER WHAT' so. so why haven't you come out to them yet, danny?? if you really think that?? if theres no harm, and you're sure??? if vlad is a real problem, wouldnt that make dealing with him easier, to expose him???? SO WHY HAVENT YOU COME OUT YET?? COULD IT BE,, MAYBE YOU HAVE DOUBTS ABOUT WHETHER YOUR PARENTS ACTUALLY WILL ACCEPT YOU??? 🤔 ... 🏳‍🌈 I get why people say He Is Trans. I totally totally get u danny.

-sorta unrelated, but it just occurred to me in one of these eps they go to casper HIGH not casper middle school??? theyre 14?? dont highschools usually do ages 15-18? (I didnt go to hs so I might be wrong, if I am ignore this...) freshmen are usually 14-15, could just be a case of them not turning 15 yet but they will sometime in the school year (I say they because tucker said he was 14 too)? I know the show has 3 seasons, so by the end of it will they be older? thatd be neat but usually cartoon characters stay the same age...I love shows where you can see the characters age and grow up, though...three seasons seems like a long time to spend on like, 1 year...

[centuriantalevevo]

Draco x Nonbinary Reader

Reader is AMAB, also this contains my headcanons lmao- hella OOC because of that (one of my headcanons, Draco has like.. multiple cousins who are basically on crack /j)

TW: transphobia and enbyphobia, with talk of biphobia. LGBTphobia in general. Misgendering

    5th year is.. Hectic.. Especially for a certain kid, Y/N L/N, who had to deal with a literal pink toad this year. Like.. ew? What made it worse, was they seemed to be the only kid in the school, well Slytherin specifically, that was… Different. Not in the normal, cliche sense, where ‘oh Y/N was drop dead gorgeous but abused by everyone around her, she can sing amazing-’, no. This isn’t your typical x Reader story, Y/N was different in the sense of Identity, Gender, specifically Gender Norms. They seemed to be all alone on this feeling, a feeling of discomfort, a feeling of loneliness despite multiple friends being in the room with them at this moment. They were away from earth, where no words can hurt. Where the erasure cannot get to them.

Oh god did the words hurt.

Oh? What words? You’re about to find out.

    “No, but did you hear some of the bullshit Umbridge was saying?” He asked, he as in the blonde. Draco. Draco Malfoy. “Especially to my cousin-” “You have a cousin?” Pansy asked, “Welcome to the conversation, first time speaking to me?- Yes, you are hella late to the conversation.” Draco groaned, “Now let me get back to the story” “Continue, which cousin? Darla?- Dominic?-” Blaise asked, “No, Jamie..” He responded quickly, “Oh hold on, what did the toad do to Jamie? I swear, if she hURT THAT PRECIOUS CHILD- Gryffindor or not, I love that girl to death” Blaise said quickly, interrupting Draco.

The blonde sighed deeply, “Blaise.. I love you to death but holy shit let me finnish, alright..” He took a breather, Y/N came back from their little world, queuing into the conversation. “Okay, so Umbridge had the AUDACITY to misgender MY COUSIN OVER AND OVER again! Misgendered her, invalidated her, you know that rule about like.. Something distance from the opposite gender? Yeah she’s forcing Jamie, a literal girl, to distance from girls and not guys-” He halted for a second, “No, my bad.. She’s forcing Jamie to stay away from both because she believe that Jamie is gay.. No, Jamie is a whole straight girl..” Draco ranted, “um.. Sorry to interrupt but… Jamie’s a girl? So how was she invalidated?” Y/N asked, tilting their head, Draco’s eyes moved to them, softening some.

    “Oh, you didn’t know? I thought everyone knew. Jamie is trans, she’s a trans girl specifically”

THERE! THERE IT WAS! They weren’t alone now.. There was someone who understood, yet they’d been clueless this whole time.

“I swear I will jack that woman UP” Blaise said lowly and Draco nodded in agreement. “Jamie was CRYING when she came to me, she could barely speak. That poor girl passed out from crying so much. She felt so hurt and the amount of dysphoria she felt was astronomically high.” He sighed, even he wanted to cry. “Like, damn bitch you didn’t have to out yourself as a whole LGBTphobe, you could’ve just stayed quiet and it would cost you nothing yet you chose to mess with a child who is related to the MALFOY family, very smart yes mhmm..” He growled in aggravation “Only merlin knows what she’d do if there was a nonbinary in the school, she’s probably dehumanize them.” He shook his head.

    “I’d commit a hate crime if I’m honest” Dominic said, coming from the stairs of the boys dormitory, “The LGBT had their way for a moment because she hadn’t thought about the gays, bisexuals and lesbians. Well.. the gays and lesbians, I don’t think she thinks Bisexuals exist..” He hummed, “She’s enforced the rule so now Darla can’t be near Daphne, luckily I don’t have a boyfriend.. The one time being single is a good thing.” Dominic dramatically cried.

“I will prove bisexuals exist, damn seems like I gotta stay away from ALL of you, sorry” Draco jokes, but was dead serious at the same time. “Until then, if there are nonbinaries in the school, technically they can by-pass the rules, if they present as masculine one day feminine the next. Or just androgynous to confuse the toad.” Draco then added, “I think I have to stay away from you guys too, shit Bisexuals can’t do ANYTHING” Blaise said, pretending to get up and leave.

So.. the students know of the nonbinary gender…

“Although, no surprise, Snape is always the decent one, along with all the other professors, and respect the trans kids pronouns, I’ve gone into his class to give him something during one of his lessons and heard him deliberately calling out kids that misgendered Jamie, it was amazing. And everyone says Snape is a bad teacher.” Draco says, smiling some at the memory. “Ooo! Speaking of which! While in Umbrdige’s class I think.. A few days ago, Snape actually found out about the incident and told her the fuck off for it-” “Damn, snape really said ‘trans rights are human rights’, go off honestly” Dominic interrupted, Draco nodded “The best look honestly, it was pure bliss watching that.” He responded.

Y/N finally managed to form words. “I.. didn’t know there was a trans person in the school.. A fellow trans person..” They said, mumbling the last part quietly, but Draco, Dominic, and Blaise caught it. “Fellow trans person?” Blaise tilted his head, and Draco glanced knowingly, the last part of their sentence was all he needed. They shook their head quickly, “Nothing” They shrugged, “Just nice to know”

It hurt, to be misgendered everyday, to be fair no one knew they were misgendering the kid. But they were so scared of being erased, discriminated against, that they said nothing. Since 1st year, pretty much.

They stretched some, “I'm gonna head to the library, I need to get studying done for Defense Against the Dark Arts, I’ll talk to you guys later.” They smiled, getting up, and grabbing paper, a quill, ink and their books from their dorm. Speed walking out, though it didn’t take long to hear a second pair of footsteps racing after them. Who the-

    “Hey, Y/N..” Draco trailed of, catching up to them quickly, “What’s up?” They looked at him from the corner of their eye, “There’s something you never told anyone, isn’t there?” He asked. Y/N averted their eyes and shook their head, “Nn… No..?” They sounded unsure, “Is that a statement, or a question because you don’t know?” He asked. He didn’t wanna be rude, but this was the only way he could truly confirm. If there was someone he had been accidentally misgendering, he wanted to stop that quickly.

    “I don’t wanna sound rude, nor put you on the spot.. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to but.. What are your pronouns?” he asked, he knew of the nonbinaries, he knew of them.. So it’s fine to tell him, yes? He was basically defending them. They shook their head, not ready yet. “Not ready? That’s fine, I can respect that. You can always tell me, you know that right? I’ll understand. And if not me, then Jamie will.” heHe had sincerity in his voice, Y/N simply nodded. “Noted, thanks Draco..” They smiled and headed to the Library.

    The next day, Defense Against the Dark Arts was boring as ever, all because of Umbridge. But she had a new lesson today, not the normal one though. She had been doing her usual bullying of Jamie, Draco had been on edge and heard about it earlier, fairly quickly too. It was like it was her MISSION to be an LGBTphobic idiot with no life. Jamie had mentioned nonbinaries before she dipped from class, arguing about trans in general with the woman, or.. Monster.. Both terms work. So she was now here, in front of kids, spewing out enbyphobic shit, and not planning on stopping.. Y/N was starting to cry, but tried their best to hold it in.

The first person to notice the distress was Draco, Hermione did too, as she sat behind Y/N but could see them jolting some, “These.. Non-binaries, are less than human. You’re either a boy, or a girl. Everyone agrees, yes? If you are born a girl, you’re a girl. If you’re born a boy, you’re a boy. It’s a mental disorder, and you need to be fixed-” “They’re normal.. They just happen to not feel like a guy or a girl..” Y/N said quietly, “Trans folk are human, they aren’t an it.. That’s incredibly hurtful..” They said, it took all their strength to keep their voice from cracking.

“What was that Mr. L/N?” Umbridge smiled that sweet yet disgusting smile, tilting her head.. No, that smile had more dangerous intent behind that. They flinched. “Is there something you would like to say sir?” She asked, stopping in front of them. “Trans people.. Are people.. Just because you’re too ignorant to learn doesn’t.. M..mean you- b-bring someone down b-beca-use of it..” Their voice started to crack, they hiccuped some. “I’m sorry.. Do you think you have more knowledge than me?” She asked, her tone was dangerous. “Y..yes. Clearly, I’ve d-done my research on this, th-there is science tha-at defends us” They said.

“Detention Mr. L/N.. For talking back to a teacher, when I am giving a lesson you are to listen, you’re too caught up in whatever freak show you tra-” Umbridge was cut off, “Don’t you DARE finish that damn sentence, I can promise you I am not against hitting a teacher and a woman at that.” Draco intervened, “There is a lot of science that backs transgenders up, plenty of brain science has shown there is a female and male brain, that’s what backs up trans girls and trans boys, the nonbinary is still being researched, but I can assure you it is much more than a mental illness. Yes, dysphoria is a disorder, it CAN be treated, it can be treated with Hormone Replacement Therapy, or HRT. It can be treated with transitioning. Some nonbinaries transition, some don’t feel dysphoric enough to transition, but at the end of the day they are still a they, I am still a he, and you are still a she. Just imagine if someone called you ‘he’, or even ‘it’ because they didn’t believe you were actually a girl-” “DETENTION, for BOTH of you.” Umbridge screamed, glaring daggers at both of them.

    “I’d take detention over hearing another second of the erasure, you’ve hurt my cousin enough, I’ll gladly take the blow for her. I thought Snape would’ve taught you.” Draco muttered, staring at her, “Both of you, leave. Now.” She said with a huff, Draco grabbed his things, but stopped Y/N when they tried to collect theirs, getting it for them, “Come on.” He said softly, leaving the classroom with the student.

He handed their things to them gently, “I.. Noticed you got really upset..” He said softly, “More like panicked..” They said softly, “It’s easier said than done, but try not to let her get to you. Some people just choose to stay stupid. Sometimes even I hurt from some of the shit she says. Damn the amount of biphobia I have heard from her is ungodly.” He sighed, “You’re bi?” They asked curiously, “Yeah, I thought it was obvious by now. I kinda stopped caring at like.. 2nd year, hell I made out with.. A lot of guys in 2nd and 3rd year, mostly to piss my father off because he’s also LGBTphobic, but also just because it’s fun, and guys are cute.” He said with a small grin, they laughed. “Fair enough, do what you can to piss the oppressors off” They joked, drying their eyes. He turned to head to the Slytherin Common Room, when their voice ringed out again.

“They/Them..” Y/N said, he turned around and tilted his head, “You asked what my pronouns are.. I use they/them. I’m nonbinary” They said softly, and Draco smiled with a nod. “Is there a different name you want to be called?” But they shook their head, “The name I introduced myself as is the name I want to use.” Y/N said, “Alright, come on. Lets go to the common room” Draco said, “I can probably try and get Jamie in there too..” He hummed softly.

    Later that day, it was after dinner, and all the Slytherins were in the common room. Aside from Draco and Y/N, “Do you want to tell them? Most of them are accepting, aside from a few exceptions, Pansy surprisingly is accepting.” He said quietly, and thought for a moment.. “Blaise told me a few of the kids got told off because they agreed with us.” He added, “I think.. I was always scared to say anything because I didn’t wanna be made fun of.. I didn’t know there was someone who was trans like me til you talked about what happened with Jamie..” They said, “Well, you’re safe here. Hell, I’m more than 110% sure that our headmaster is gay, so.. Do with what you will on that information” He said with a small lighthearted laugh, Draco kissed their cheek with a small hum “It’ll be okay.”

They’d chosen to tell them, they didn’t want to feel misgendered any longer, Umbridge aside. “Oi, everyone shut your trap for a second, I have something to say- THEO… Thank you” He said, after staring down Theodore for a moment. “Let us reintroduce someone, but properly this time. This is Y/N, they’re nonbinary, use they/them pronouns and the moment I hear any of you say something against that, I will personally come for you, with Jamie in tow.” Draco said, Y/N smiling a little with a small wave. “Could’ve told us sooner, but glad you did, especially after Professor Umbridge, good job” Blaise said.

    Even Pansy was accepting, they were all proud that you had the courage to say come out, and also that you said something to Umbridge.

This was fine, everything is fine. Umbridge wasn’t fine, but.. This was nice, being accepted as who you are, by people who you’d think would be the last people to ever accept you. The person you thought would be the last person to accept you ended up being the most accepting, which is ironic when you consider his dad. 

This was bad 😭

[modern-enjolras]

Our Story

As you all know, it’s pride month. The system has decided to allow me to share our story in discovering our identity. 

Trigger Warning: homophobia, transphobia, implied child abuse, rape, self-harm, suicide, deaths

In 2015, our journey to find our identity began. At the age of 13, we were introduced to the term bisexual. From there, we got curious. Were the feelings we had had as a child purely platonic towards our friends? The answer, we soon discovered, was no. The feelings we felt towards our friends, specifically our female friends (we were born female), were not completely platonic. I think of one friend in particular that we were absolutely in love with. We had known her since we were five, she was the first person to talk to us at the school.

Looking back on it, it was so obvious that we were in love with her. We followed her everywhere, and listened to her every word like it was gospel. We got so jealous whenever she was with anyone else. We just never had the words to describe those feelings, there were no shows or movies showing that we didn’t have to end up in a relationship with a boy; there was no representation we had access to that could have helped us discover our identity quicker.

But then, we went through some things that I will not ever go into details of on this blog, and ended up where we are now, with our father and stepmother. Suddenly the world was so much different. There were so many more people, and so much more diversity. In sixth grade, we met a few new friends and they came out to us. It sent us into researching for months. We researched every possible sexuality we could find, until eventually settling into the label of bisexual. It made us so happy to finally have the words to describe our emotions. Even when we came out to our father and stepmother and they responded negatively, that didn’t stop the happiness. We had finally found who we were. And as it was, around this time was when I first formed.

I wasn’t Enjolras then, just a nameless fragment carrying our feelings towards our identity. I’m the one that went through the brunt of all of our identity crises in that realm. I’m the one that cried the night after we had to listen to our step-grandfather rave on about how gay people didn’t deserve the right to get married, how we were all disgusting and sinful. I’m the one that felt the pure anguish when we heard about the Pulse shooting. I am the one that screamed on the bus at the children in the back calling us the f slur. I am the one that hid our feelings from so many.

We started questioning our gender identity in 2016. I blame myself for this part. When we realized we weren’t cis, we were so scared. On top of all of the emotions we were going through from the trauma we went through as a child, we had to deal with the constant hatred from the people we were around in school, at home, on the internet, and even from ourselves. We were only thirteen when we first started self harming. It was a few months before we turned fourteen and we were so desperate. We just wanted to feel safe. We wanted to feel loved. We wanted to love ourself. It wasn’t fair. It was never fair.

We ended up identifying as genderfluid, again I blame myself for this, and in October of 2016 we were admitted into a mental hospital for our self harm. We were only in there for a week but it still impacts us to this day. We were driven to the edge, thought we would be better off dead than existing in this world that hated us so strongly. We didn’t want to live anymore. We didn’t see any reason to.

When we got out, we thought we would be ok again, but alas fate had other plans. On October 31, 2016, we were raped by one of our most trusted friends. We still see her almost everyday during the school year, and we hate every moment of it. This is around the time we started questioning if we were actually just a trans man. By January 1, 2017, we had settled on that as our identity. We were trans. We are trans.

Just because we figured out our gender identity didn’t mean it was over.

We weren’t the only person our rapist attacked. The allegations spread through the school like a wildfire. She had attacked another friend multiple times in the school bathrooms. The principal did nothing. The vice principal did nothing. The counselors did nothing. We were never given the justice we wished for. All because of the whole mindset that a girl can’t rape another girl. Our own parents didn’t believe us.

It’s been almost four years since then. I went dormant soon after the whole event and only came back this past year. I came back and I’ve had my faith in myself and the others in our system renewed. I looked around and I saw how far the fight for rights has come. I found my own personal identity. I fell in love. I finally feel free from the burden of keeping our identity hidden. I’m free to express myself how I wish. We’re free to express ourselves however we want. We’ll be eighteen in January, a full adult, and I’m so proud of the people I share this body with. We’re all individuals. And we all have such differing identities.

We made it. We made it through all of our hardships and we’re still here. We’re luckier than most. We survived while many haven’t. This past year especially has taken so many lives, including one of our best friends. I will continue to fight for the rights of others. I may only be one alter in one system in this big world, but I know that if I try hard enough, I will make a mark. We can all make a mark on this world, whether good or bad. We will continue to stand loud and proud so that maybe one day kids won’t have to feel ashamed to not be straight or not be cis.

[persephonewing]

Choosing a New Name for a Truer Body: Introducing Persephone

After coming out as a Transgender Woman a few days ago, nothing has really felt the same. Or, in more positive terms, everything is feeling more real. I’m openly talking about being and feeling like a woman. How my gender dysphoria has confused and harmed me for the past twenty one years and all the many transitions (Socially, culturally, physically) that will and are currently happening to me. 

Upon this, just yesterday, me and one my best friends, Emma, were swimming at a nearby lake here at Eastern Washington University. We had been playing around with names. For a moment I was dead set on the name Camilla. It had a C in it, like my boy name so it felt familiar. It allowed me to feel comfortable, passable, and like a cis-woman. A simple name that no one would question, look at, or invalidate. In a way, the name Camilla itself made me feel like it would protect me from the cis, straight world but as all trans women come to know, I would never be accepted there. A fate Persephone came to understand too.

I expressed this to Emma on the trip. How I wanted to find a name. A name that really encompassed my story, my truth, and my unwavering love and comfortability in womanhood.

 Emma is an art history major and is just an overall intelligent girl. I asked her about names that would fit me in her realm of knowledge. Maybe some from the greek classics and/or greek myths. 

This is when she told me the story of Persephone, the greek goddess of spring and the underworld. I was in complete euphoria hearing the story and swaying on the surface of the buoyant, dirty water. I felt like a true women just then as Jalaja Bonheim’s writes on her website, 

“When women get together, they tell stories. This is how it has always been. Telling stories is our way of saying who we are, where we have come from and what we know. Women have always found sacredness in the midst of the ordinary, harvesting spiritual wisdom from the fields and forests of their everyday embodied experience.”

Emma went on to tell me the story and the raping of beautiful Persephone. I felt myself slowly being connected to this woman. To her entire experience. I felt myself slowly unpacking, relating, and bonding to this mythical figure.

Persephone is seen as a more vulnerable goddess. Where relationships are essential to her life, as they are to my own. Her whole life, a relationship has taken the lead. Most times over what she really wants and desires. She is known for putting the needs of others over her own, something I have struggled with my whole life. 

Her mother, the powerful goddess Demeter, is controlling and desperately wishes to be with her daughter at all times. Her rapist and husband Hades forces her for a third of the year to be imprisoned with him. She is even the goddess that welcomes the living and shows them the underworld and teaches them about life and death. Plus her constant affairs and dramas with the other gods all goes to prove that this woman takes the people and relationships in her life very seriously. 

This isn't to be confused with weakness, confusion, or stupidity as so many people try to say she is. She loves and she loves hard. She knows both love and loss profoundly. She knows the horror of powerful men deciding and controlling her every move. She knows what it means to transcend through death (her being brought to the underworld with hades) and to be born again as a more powerful, authentic, and understanding woman (when she becomes free again with her mother, picking flowers). She knows sisterhood, struggle, and lust. To me, Persephone is the definition of my womanhood. She embodies a lot of what womanhood looks like for myself and my life. 

The article “Greek Goddesses and the Wisdom of 7 Feminine Archetypes” by Ibtisaam writes about this group of vulnerable goddesses, saying 

“Vulnerable Goddesses (Hera, Demeter and Persephone)... Correspond to traditional roles of wife, mother, and daughter. They are the relationship-oriented goddess archetypes, whose identities and well-being depend on having a significant relationship. They express women’s needs for affiliation and bonding… each of them also evolved, and can provide women with an insight into the nature and pattern of their own reactions to loss, and the potential for growth through suffering.”

Focusing more about Peresphone the author writes 

“Persephone contains within her the dual archetype of the maiden (a young goddess, innocent and associated with fertility) and the Queen of the Underworld (“who reigns over the dead souls, guides the living who visit the underworld, and claims for herself what she wants”). To be the maiden has less to do with age than it does to do with “being the eternal girl who doesn’t commit herself to anything or anyone, because making a definite choice eliminates other possibilities”. While this allows for great adaptability, in order to truly grow, the Persephone woman must learn to make commitments and to live up to them. Failing this, she will forever be a victim of the will and power of others, becoming a long-sufferer or martyr. However, her descent into the underworld shows the possibility of pain forcing growth. As the Queen, Persephone symbolizes receptivity, intuition and empathy to the suffering of others. Thus, Persephone’s gifts include the cultivation of imagination and inspiration.”

As Emma contuined on with the stories I noticed many men started to take the form of Hades in my vision. My dad, my step-dad, my first love, my brother, and the male world at large. Hades had come to symbolize body dysmorphia and the privileged male world. 

Here is Persephone, me. A girl picking flowers, enjoying and comforted by her mother, resting in her beauty and strength. Thinking of nights with her sisters, of lust and love. A girl that wanted to see things, know things, teach things. A girl that wanted the comfortable, dramatic, and loving life as a wife and sister. Just a woman, end of sentence. 

Then a man comes. He corrupts, harms, and oppresses her. Steals her away from her mother and her sisters (stealing her away from her womanhood) and into a world of oppression, abuse, neglect, and pain. A world that some could see, as I do, as a males world. A world that I nor Persephone have been allowed to survive in. Hades kid-napes her, rapes her, holds her prisoner, and slowly tries to make her become what so many women fear to become: a shell of her former, womanly self. 

I felt a massive connection here, I knew what it was like to be taken from the world of women (as I was younger) and into the world of men (when I was older) and feeling completely  disgusted, unnerved, and wrong about it. 

But, Persephone is not weak. She’s smart. She was able to become free. Hades had fallen in love with her womanhood the moment he saw it and she knew that this was his biggest flaw. She had something that she could use. She decided to be his wife because even though he symbolized and represented the worst of manhood, she knew there would be freedom in having access to both worlds. In having relationships in both worlds. She does this even when others don't understand it. Even when people try to rob her of her femininity, she powers on as the undercover ruler of both worlds. 

I relate to this as a woman who consistently feels divided between these two spheres. 

My world of womanhood where I am truly myself, beautiful, and authentic. With other women who protect and respect and care for me. Who love me. Where I can flip my hair, cry, drink wine, and talk about struggle. And the other world, the underworld, where I am surviving, working, and grinding to change and mold into a body and life that is not mine. 

Persephone knows pain, hurt, loss, and grief. Her mission is to help every passenger, in both worlds, better understand themselves and the complexities of living life. This has always been my mission as well and hurt as been the greatest teacher to both of us.

Persephone symbolizes everything I have felt myself to be as a woman. Loving, forgiving, powerful. A woman who gets what she wants even when everyone thinks they have her in the bag. She knows growth and transformation. She is a woman that I have always felt myself to be. 

So now, with the thanks of Emma and research, I am changing my first name to be Persephone. A name that my younger self would've cherished. A deserving name for a deserving woman.

[monaedroid]

Janelle Monáe: Trans Folks to the Front    

Story by Peyton Dix

Sometimes it's hard to be proud during Pride. Janelle Monáe attended her first ever Pride parade this June in New Orleans. That same day a(nother) trans woman of color by the name of Layleen Polanco was found dead in her cell at Rikers. The 27-year-old House of Xtravaganza member is one of 12 trans women killed this year on record, and underlines an increasing issue of violence against Queer and Trans People of Color (QTPOC). Although these exist separately, Pride is oftentimes a month that makes it much easier to focus on the former (parades, rainbows and glitter that gets stuck in your hair for years) instead of the latter (the fact that many queer people are still largely at risk of violence and oppression).

Over the phone, Monáe unpacks parts of her past and dives into the 2018 Grammy-nominated Dirty Computer, but her passion pops out elsewhere. She mostly leans into battling bullies ("We have to be taught how to deal with bullies and bullies need to be taught the repercussions of bullying somebody"), creating active change ("Sexual identity needs to be taught in school. There should be courses on mental health, how to coexist, how we can all learn from each other"), and the importance of empowering and standing up for QTPOC ("In the same way we want white folks to support us and be better allies and use their privilege to make change in those power dynamics, it's up to us to protect those who may not be as privileged").

Throughout the conversation, Monáe is steady in the way she speaks, but her tone shifts and her pace increases when reaching these topics. The performer's anger and sadness are palpable and warranted. "I look to Indya Moore, Mj Rodriquez, Janet Mock (my Pose family)... Laverne Cox, those women are putting themselves and their lives on the frontline everyday. When their trans sisters and brothers get murdered, they feel it. We have to support them... It's just a responsibility I feel. I could do better. I'll do better."

This isn't the first time Monáe, someone at the epicenter of pop culture, has recentered the narrative to focus more on one of the most othered groups in the LGBTQ community instead of herself. Although Monáe can only attest to her own experiences, she has actively made sure to advocate, and make space, for her entire LGBTQIA community. Her performance of Dirty Computer's "Americans" on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert opens on Pose star Mj Rodriquez, who's trans, before the camera slowly pulls out to reveal a group of POC femmes holding each other. She sings a song that says:

Until women can get equal pay for equal work This is not my America Until same gender loving people can be who they are This is not my America Until black people can come home from a police stop Without being shot in the head This is not my America

Monáe publicly dedicated her two Grammy nominations to her "trans brothers and sisters," who she says "are shunned from these sorts of events." Institutional award shows, including the Grammys, are inherently and historically spaces of white, cis, male privilege. While they have recently gotten Blacker, our understanding of diversity must always continue to grow more intersectional. This is part of what Monáe is working toward herself, and advocating for from her audience.

Dirty Computer itself was an honoring of the 'other,' full of anthems for the ostracized. The genesis of the project was birthed from her understanding of Monáe's own self. Her "walking in truth" got her two Grammy nods, a GLAAD Media Award for Outstanding Music Artist, and was named one of the Albums of the Year by The New York Times, Complex, TIME, and Rolling Stone, among others.

But it isn't these accolades that make Monáe proud. In fact, it was her choice to do something scary, to take a risk and tell the truth, and thankfully that resonated. "I'm just happy that my personal story has also been personal stories for so many other people. There's so many young people who grew up in the South or Baptist families, who were told that they won't be accepted by Christ. They can listen to this album and feel hugged. They can feel loved. They can feel seen. They can feel heard. That's the most beautiful thing." Monáe's fans were not just able to find parallels with her journey, but able to find validation in being "dirty." With this album she extended an open hand.

"Folks who are not comfortable speaking out about your sexuality publicly, we see you and you are valid and you matter."

Right before dropping Dirty Computer Monáe came out as pansexual in Rolling Stone, calling herself a "free ass motherf*cker." She reinforced that notion with songs like "Make Me Feel," "Crazy, Classic, Life," and "Django Jane." She solidified it every time she championed free gender expression with her clothing, and drove home the point when her boob winked at us this past Met Gala. Monáe is so exceptionally herself, so sacred in her skin, which shines not only through her music but in her powerful roles in 2016 films Moonlight and Hidden Figures Her character in Moonlight, Teresa, a pseudo-guardian to the young, Black, gay protagonist Chiron, sees many parallels with Monáe herself. She is strong, proud, protective, nurturing and poised. But that wasn't always the case.

Monáe grew up in Kansas City in a Baptist church, with a Christian family and in shoes very different from the ones she walks in now. She remembers being quite young when she realized she was queer, and although the vocabulary wasn't there, the feelings were. "I was like eight," she remembers. "I don't think I actually knew how I identified. I knew that I was attracted to women, girls, men, boys. I knew that." Like many LGBTQIA+ people raised in more rural and religious areas, Monáe found it difficult to ask those questions without feeling ostracized.

"I've seen people get beat up because they were considered to be 'too feminine' or 'too masculine' for how they identified," she says. Some of those people were family friends, including a gay male friend of her aunt's, whom she watched be shunned from his community. "It was because of Black men who thought he was trying to come onto them, but he wasn't," Monáe says, "It was their own ignorance and insecurity and fear that led them to lash out. When I saw that..." her voice trails off. "To be a gay Black man, and Black men are like the 'heads of the households' and I'm a Black woman, this young kid. I thought, then it's really over for me."

Imagining that side of Monáe's experience is difficult now that she's cultivated such a strong and specific voice around queer politics and gender identity. It's hard to imagine that side of her experience having seen her on her Dirty Computer tour last year, and having been part of the sea of voices in Madison Square Garden shouting "I'm dirty, I'm proud" back at her. Pride has become such a staple in her narrative and her art.

But this month it's all too easy to feel forced into living your most out and proud life, when for many that's actually much easier said than done. "We have to make sure that we don't pressure people to come out," Monáe says. "Everybody doesn't have the same set of circumstances. There are people, young people in particular, that will be cut off from their family, hanged or jailed if they walked in their truth. Folks who are not comfortable speaking out about your sexuality publicly, we see you and you are valid and you matter. We have to protect our babies, especially in the LGBTQIA+ community. We have to do better. "

Photographer: Kelia Anne 1st Assistant: Carlos Quinteros Jr. Gaffer: Brandon Waddell Hair: Nikki Nelms Makeup: Jessica Smalls Stylist: Alexandra Mandelkorn Nails: Kim Truong & Diem Truong (using KISS Nails at Star Touch Agency) Location: Smashbox Studios

http://www.papermag.com/janelle-monae-pride-2638969039.html

[huntertales]

Part One: A Little TLC. (The Great Escapist S08E21)

Episode Summary: When Sam, Dean and the reader receive a distressing video message from Kevin Tran, they set about trying to uncover the third trial. The boys and the reader make a discovery that sends them to a casino in Colorado, to find a mysterious recluse who may be able to fill in the holes in Kevin's research. Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader Word Count: 3,833.

Previous Part | Supernatural Rewrite Masterlist

When you first learned about the trials from Kevin a few months back, you weren't exactly sure what you were going up against to close the gates of hell for good. You remembered the tablet saying something about whoever took on the task shouldn't fear danger nor death. You lost count how many times you had died at the hands of others. Danger was something you went looking for that came in the form of things that went bump in the night. Not to mention, you faced up against some pretty scary monsters in your day. Lucifer himself and his pissed off brothers just to name a few enemies you went toe to toe with. 

You were ready for whatever the trials was going to throw your way. And in the back of your mind you knew there was going to be some kind of impact on you for doing this. But you didn’t think they would...change you in a way you’ve never felt before. 

The boys were starting to worry when your symptoms you tried to hide were starting to become more visible in your everyday in your behavior from the way you stumbled around and slept for half the day. Not to mention the newest symptom that showed up a day after Charlie left. Your skin was hot to the touch. Sam loomed over your shoulder like a second shadow while Dean contemplated the things he could do to make you feel better. All though he couldn't help himself but a second opinion on a few things to see if things were okay. 

Dean called Dr. Miller, your doctor overlooking your pregnancy, to see how a fever might affect the baby. And if spicy foods was something you were allowed to eat. You were craving it, Dean lied right through his teeth. Dr. Miller was amused at Dean's twenty questions he had for her. Most first time parents called her every second because the baby was doing something that made them nervous. And it was mothers-to-be who had all the questions and worries about their symptoms to figure out what was normal. You seemed to have forgotten you were carrying a baby in the midst of doing the trials and trying to find Kevin that you were still carrying a baby. Someone had to be worried here. You were so close to the finish line to getting everything always wanted. But you needed to have your mind split between both situations. 

You were reading through some documents with Sam in the war room to keep yourself occupied while the trial to finding Kevin was growing colder with each day. Dean was somewhere in the bunker keeping himself occupied and away from you. You managed to get him to leave you alone for a little while after you allowed him to wrap a blanket around your body when you had complained about being cold. But it wasn’t enough for him to keep pestering you. While you were engrossed with reading over a piece of paper, your attention was torn away at the sound of approaching footsteps coming towards you. You felt a sigh escape your mouth at the sight of Dean with some lunch that made you feel a little queasy. You told him you didn’t feel good. 

“All right, here we go—John Winchester’s famous cure-all kitchen sink stew. There you go. Enough cayenne pepper in there to burn your lips out, just like Dad used to make.” Dean set down the tray on the work you've been doing for the past hour. You appreciated the gesture, but you pushed away food to get it far away from you. The smell alone was making you want to be sick. “You want me to do the whole airplane thing with the spoon?”

“I’m not hungry.” You told him, hoping he'd get the hint to get the soup of your face before you added something special to his father’s recipe. Dean grabbed the spoon to hold up his offer, you rolled your eyes when he didn't realize you weren't in the mood for soup. "Seriously. This stuff is making me want to vomit. Get it away from me." 

“When was the last time you ate?” Dean asked you. He threw the spoon the table, asking you a simple question that shouldn’t have been so hard to answer. You thought about it for a second, which seemed too long for him, who told you in the same breath. “Days, Y/N. It’s been three days.” 

“No it hasn’t.” You muttered under your breath. You turned your attention back to the work you had been doing before you were rudely interrupted. However you found yourself looking back up at Dean when he pulled something out from his back pocket. He had a thermometer, making you let out a scoff at how dramatic he was being. “When did you get that?”

“When did you start throwing off heat waves?” Dean questioned you back. When he made sure the thermometer was ready to go, he thought he was going to get you to cooperate long enough to check your temperature. “Here.”

“Enough, Dean! Please.” You had reached your breaking point of being coddled like a child. You 

You shrugged off the blanket and swatted away the thermometer before Dean could somehow get it into your mouth to check your supposed fever. You jumped to your feet to somehow claim that you were feeling fine, however you moved quicker than your body anticipated, making you stumble slightly before you managed to catch yourself in time before the boys could help.

Dean watched as you disproved your own theory that you were perfectly to go on your merry way. Sam noticed himself that you almost fell on your ass before you managed to catch yourself on your own. Even if you did fall, the chances of you asking for help would be unlikely. "The bloody handkerchiefs, the fevers, the shaky legs." Dean pointed out just a few symptoms that were red flags that were concerning enough for him, and should have made you feel the same way. You just stared at him with an annoyed expression. "This is not good." 

"Well, I'm not good. And I'm not gonna be good until we can start moving again." You said. "Until I can start the third trial." 

"Trial? I wouldn't let you start a moped." Dean wasn't sure was causing the crazy talk to come out of your mouth, but there was something that had been clouding your judgement for a while. He threw the thermometer to the table, hoping he might be able to get some sense into your head before you pushed yourself too far. "We're on the rails with this thing, okay, and the only way out is through it, believe me, I know. And you know how bad Sammy and I want to slam the door on all those sons of bitches. But you gotta let us take care of you, sweetheart. You gotta let us help you get your strength back." 

"This isn't a cold. Or a fever, or whatever it is you're supposed to feed. This is part of it all. Those first two trials...they're not just things I did. They're doing something to me." You tried your hardest to explain in words about what you had been feeling lately. Ever since that night you went to that church, things seemed more clearer in your head. You weren't nervous as them from what was happening to you. You wanted to tell them about that night, but you knew they weren't going to believe a single word that came out of your mouth. "They're changing me, guys." 

Dean contemplated for a moment or so in asking exactly what you meant by that, not liking the sound of it. However before he could do so, you were saved by the bell. Your attention was pulled away from the conversation when you heard a noise coming from the laptop you had been using a little while ago, making you realize it was a notification. Dean headed to the library and took out his phone when he felt it vibrating in his pocket to see who was trying to reach him. It was a notification of a new email, from the one and only prophet that had been in the wind. 

“It’s Kevin.” Dean told the both of you. 

"Finally." Sam muttered, trailing behind you when he noticed you had took an awful long time following behind his brother.

Dean headed over to the laptop and went to the email that was waiting for him by Kevin himself. You lingered behind and crossed your arms over your chest, wondering if the kid was sending you a message to reassure all of you that he was okay. Maybe he just wanted some time to get some fresh air. You didn't blame him. Being locked up in that boat house with his only occasional company either Garth or you and the boys would make anyone go crazy. However when you leaned over slightly to read the subject of the message, you were slightly confused to see that it was a video. And he wanted all of you to watch it now. 

"Sam, Dean, Y/N. I've set up this message with some software on a remote server so it'd send itself to you if I didn't reset it with a command once a week. Which means I didn't reset it this week. And there's only one reason I wouldn't. Which means if you're watching this, then I...then I—I'm dead." 

You expected a lot of things to happen over this journey. You knew it wasn't going to be an easy one, it never was. Crowley and his goons were going to try every which way to try and stop you. You thought the hits were going to be towards you and the boys since you hid Kevin away. However Crowley couldn't help himself with toying around with his prey to get him out in the open and try to look for a safer spot. You didn't think it would have come to this. You felt like someone had punched you in the gut from the words that came from the video. The person you were supposed to protect. If you didn't hear him, he repeated himself to show you his anger from beyond the grave at how you let him down. 

"I'm dead, you bastards! So screw you, screw God and everybody in between!" Kevin yelled on the top of his lungs, making you flinch at how worked up he had gotten himself. You felt the weight on your chest grow worse when you saw Kevin's face full of anger slowly subside, turning into defeat at his fate. "Crowley must've gotten to me. And the only thing I know is that I won't break this time. Not sure how I know, but—but I do. I've been uploading all my notes, the translations, I'm sending you the links so you can get all of it. You guys are gonna have to figure out the rest." 

You felt your arms wrap tighter around your body from the sight of Kevin's face as the video progressed. All the kid wanted was to finish these trials and go back to his normal life. He spent months cut off from society to do this for you. He sent his mother way, he watched as his girlfriend's neck was snapped in half by the same demon who had been messing with him. After everything he did for you, and you repaid him by letting him down. "I'm sorry." Kevin apologized to you, as if any of this was his fault. "I know it was my job, but I—but I couldn't...I'm sorry." 

The video ended shortly after, making the bunker fall into a moment of silence at what you just witnessed. You turned your head away from the screen and blinked a few times, trying your hardest not to let your emotions get the best of you. Kevin was just a kid who got dragged into the eye of the storm. He was supposed to be in college right now doing all nighters and getting straight A's. Mrs. Tran should have been riding around town with a bumper sticker of her son's ivy league college and bragging to all her friends about how smart he was. You wanted him so badly to have that...but like everyone else you knew, he succumbed to the deadly fate. Because of the damn demons you were trying to get rid of. 

Sam was silent for a moment, the news of hearing about Kevin being dead made him feel overwhelmed with guilt at how he didn't take the kid's problems seriously. He knew what it was like to have his mind messed with. All those months of dealing with Lucifer in his head twenty four/seven drove him into a mental hospital. But to have the king of hell tormenting you with no escape? He knew he drove Kevin to his fault. All of this could have been avoided if he had just listened to the poor kid. 

Dean was the only one who couldn't keep his frustration of the situation to himself. He couldn't help it. Out of the three of you, he took this kind of situations harder than he probably should have. He let the poor kid slip through the cracks on his watch, it was his responsibility for letting something like this happen. He lashed out on the first thing that he saw, which was a table stack full of books. You jumped slightly in surprise when you heard a few go crashing to the ground when Dean quickly threw his arm across the pile, needing something to get his anger out. You looked over your shoulder when you heard him let out a cursed word before storming off to another part of the bunker, needing some time to himself in order to collect his thoughts. 

You knew how Dean got during situations like this, you thought it would have been a good idea to follow after him to try and calm him down. You managed to take a step forward, only for Sam to grab a hold of your wrist and pull you back. You looked over to see that he was still in shock himself, along with the guilt that was all too easy to read on his face. Dean needed some alone time to wrap his head around the situation. Sam thought the best thing for the both of you to do right now was what you did best—research. 

If you wanted to figure out the last trial, you figured it was up to the three of you to finish up what Kevin had started all these months ago. You wanted more than ever to hunt down Crowley yourself and torture him in ways his little head could only dream of. If he was responsible for this entire fiasco, you'd make it your personal mission to kill the son of a bitch before locking him away in hell for good. You pulled out a stack of warm papers from the printer while Sam skimmed through a stack of Kevin's notes and Dean called every hunter you knew to figure out where the hell Garth was. The guy wanted to be the new Bobby, you put your trust into at least swinging by every once in a while to make sure Kevin was there, but you hadn't been able to get a hold of him. 

“Garth still M.I.A.?” Sam asked his brother after getting off the phone with yet another hunter. Dean nodded his head. He placed both hands on the table and leaned forward, you felt the familiar ache in your chest grow worse when you saw him dropped his head in defeat. "How about the other prophets in line? I mean, if Kevin is...is dead, then won't one of them be activated?"

“Nothing. No, not a peep.” Dean said. You let out a sigh of frustration from the lack of luck you were having when it came to these trials. "Here we are—no lead, no tablet, squat." 

"Well, I mean, we got all this." You said, lifting up the papers that were a mix of Kevin's translations and pictures of the tablet he took for reference. You dropped them back down to the table, suddenly having that regret. That stupid little thought that came when a plan failed, the worst outcome came. Here you were, sitting in possibly one of the safest places against every creature you went up against. And you left Kevin alone for all these months in that dingy houseboat with just a few sigils to make him feel safe. "We should've moved him here." 

You felt your jaw tighten at how stupid you were for not doing that. The second you found this place you should've uprooted Kevin and found Mrs. Tran and had them stay here. They would have been a lot safer, maybe the poor kid would have taken care of himself better if his mother was around to look after him. It was a perfect plan, that came too many months late. You roughly pressed the button on the printer to send off another batch of Kevin's notes. 

+ + +

You and the boys spent the next hour going over Kevin's notes in the hope that you might be able to make sense of his translations and scribbles. All you were getting was frustration from the lack of progress you were getting. You had to look away every once in a while when you noticed the letters seemed to start going blurry. You were trying your hardest to understand all of his nonsense, but all of Kevin's words were nothing more than jumbled up words that you guessed only a prophet could understand. You were about to push away the papers you had been reading in frustration, before you did, Sam came to your rescue. 

Sam had been observing a set of notes Kevin had made that made little sense to him as well, but there was something he discovered that was awfully familiar to him. He looked back and forth at the notes to see a pattern. "There it is again, every time." Sam was talking out loud, but his voice was loud enough to catch your and his brother's attention. He placed down the set of notes he had been looking at, pointing at something specific. "This symbol? I know it. Now, Kevin has it down as some sort of like a signature for the scribe of God. It appears every time Metatron makes one his editor’s notes.”

“Okay…?” You trailed off, wondering what was so important about this symbol. 

"I think I've seen it before. I mean, it was a long time ago, it was one of my humanities courses at Stanford." Sam explained how he saw the symbol before. You swore than man was like a sponge when it came to learning and holding in all sorts of knowledge he learned over the years.

"They taught the word of God at Stanford?” Dean asked. 

"No, it was an overview of Native American art—I think it's a petroglyph." Sam said, jumping up from his seat and heading over to the bookcase behind him in search of a book.

"A petro-what-now?" Dean tried repeating the word his brother said, only to barely make out the proper enunciation before giving up all together. 

Sam didn't bother trying to correct Dean, he was too preoccupied trying to hunt down that book he remembered seeing after going through most of them here after moving in. When he found it, you watched it as slammed it down on the table and flipped through the ages until he found exactly what he was looking for. He pointed to a drawing that you saw just a few seconds ago in Kevin's notes. You wondered how the first settlers knew about this symbol.

"This one belonged to a tiny tribe in Colorado, more of a clan, really. It says here they held onto their scrap of mountains when all the other tribes fell to the white man. So this glyph was a territorial marker." Sam gave you a brief history lesson about this tribe. You raised your brow slightly, wondering yet again, what any of this had to do with the tablet. "Closest translation— 'messenger of God.'"

"Messenger of God. Messenger of God." You repeated the words back to yourself as your brain began to think about how this discovery could be a beneficial thing for you. It made you sound like a lunatic, but you were onto something here. "Guys, we have to go there!"

"On Sam's brilliant hunch? No." Dean told you flat out. "You can barely function as it is." 

“I’m only gonna get worse.” You said, not sure what the big deal was about. 

“Oh, that’s a comforting thought.” Dean mumbled in a sarcastic tone of voice. 

"You know what I mean. I'm not gonna get any better until we get back to the real job, until we can find the third trial—we're out of prophets!" You told the boys, wanting them to focus on the big picture. You were being pushed to your breaking point at how overbearing they had been with you. You had no leads, no prophets to pick up where Kevin stopped. He was possibly dead because of you. And you'd be damned if you were going to let anyone stop you. "We're not gonna figure out what Kevin couldn't! I say we got this messenger of God who wrote it in the first place!"

"And you think this Metatron is hiding out in the mountains with a bunch of Indians." Dean theorized what you were trying to say, wondering to himself as well if it was the fever that was making you get so worked up. 

"Yeah! Yeah, I do." You said. Sam seemed a little hesitant about going with the lead, Dean rolled his eyes at how you wouldn't back down. You were about to get started on packing for the spur of the moment trip, however you couldn't help yourself but correct the older Winchester on his outdated terminology. "You know, you're not really supposed to say 'Indians.' It's...we should go." 

"You are delirious." Dean muttered under his breath.

The boys would have been more than happy checking out this lead on their own while you stayed back and got some rest. Maybe actually sit down to eat something before you passed out from malnutrition. But then there was another part of Dean that didn't want him to take his attention off of you. There was no denying you were getting worse. He couldn't help himself but wonder how much longer this was going to be...and if the consequences would last after these trials were done.

[Next Part]

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[sugarcanestock]

classroom 5

I can’t stand Takoda, every time he speaks, no matter how kind the words may be, all I can think is how much better off we would be without him. It wasn’t always this way though, I suppose at first I rather liked him, but that was then and this is now, and now he’s infuriating. He could simply breath, and I'm ready to slit his throat.   Oak grove isn’t a normal school, it’s a special school for equally special people. Everyone there is either retarded, autistic, suicidal, or some criminal. I’m no exception, I am so dead inside you can smell the rotting rom a mile away. The staff here are usually just as special as the students, although a very few of them are normal, never the good kind of normal.   The staff at the oak grove have the patience of absolute saints, at least the good ones. I’ve seen some staff watch a kid running around breaking things and causing a ruckus, but his staff didn’t so much as flinch. She just asked him if he wanted a break, he said yes and that was that. Its not uncommon to hear screaming and someone banging on the walls, usually we just lock the door and continue the lesson. The teachers must be some other kind of being, despite the horrible way some of the students treat them, they continue with a smile.I have asked them why they stay, being so under payed, and mistreated, they usually say how they want to help us and describe the joy it brings them when we get better.   But some of these staff are so far up your ass you can’t even share something with your friends without it being confiscated. Mrs. Janine everyone hates her, until she brings some snack into class, even then the love doesn’t last long. She is the one I call ‘rule hitler’ you can take what you will with that. Mrs. Star isn’t so bad, but she is certainly too religious, same with Janine, I feel like I’m suffocating in all that stupid Christian mumbo jumbo. Mrs. Star was in the music industry and she just must talk about it constantly and tell you how she ‘sang for this person’ and ‘wrote for this person’ and’ blah blah blah’. She’s got an ok singing voice, but she’s very energetic, too much for me. she is trying to write a tv show script, but her writing works better for an 80’s game show. If she could just stop sucking jesus’s dick for one second, maybe I could stand her better. Mrs. Janine likes to butt her way into our conversations about how we hate god, trying to fill us with the lies she eats every Sunday.

  Not a Satan worshiper, don’t even believe in Satan, certainly don’t worship him. But I have nothing against him, he seems like a chill dude, way better than that god prick.Since god created everything right? And he makes no mistakes? Then he created Satan and wanted him to be evil. Also if satan punishes us for being bad, doesn’t that make him good?     My class is small, smaller than my old school. My old school had over 30,000 students. This one, I’m pretty sure it doesn’t even have 100. Everyone knows each other, and there is no way of getting out of all the drama. That’s one of the many things I hate about this school, I don’t give a hairless rats ass about who insulted who.   In my class there is Marissa, the school thot. But she’s cool I don’t mind her. She recently had a girlfriend, I thought they were rather cute together. Though I think it was Marissa's longest relationship, all good things must come to an end, and just before their two-month anniversary it did. I'm glad though, I am friends with her ex, and I didn’t want her to be cheated on, Marissa certainly isn't above that.     Then there is Maria, she’s not my favorite, I think she is a little too conceded for my taste. But she cute, but way too focused on how she looks, and her nails. I think if she spent just a little less time on her looks, and worked on her education, she really could do great things.     There is also sorelle I’ve known her for awhile. She once said she wanted to be referred to as a guy and called Grayson, but I’m not sure if she still wants to since she doesn’t respond to it, and no one calls her that. Her and Maria are friends with Marissa, but they are jealous of each other, they always spread rumors about each other. Marissa is rather daft, and usually doesn’t know who to side with, so she picks both, each one on a different day.     Then we’ve got the fat ass of the class, not that I think being fat is an issue, it’s just being that fat isn’t healthy. He’s extremely annoying, and he gets pissed off with the simples little jokes. He also loves to infuriate me, and he’s far too big to fight. His name is Andrew, he’s a sports fan, I hate sports they're so boring and pointless, unless you play them, but only freaks watch sports.   There’s the two love birds of our class, scratch that the two love birds of the whole school. Sean and Catherine. I greatly prefer Catherine’s company, since she isn’t as intense. She is rather timid and usually keeps to herself, but Sean helps her come out of her shell. She listens to bands like pierce the veil, and stuff like that. I too am emo, well I guess I’m more goth, but I prefer Rusty cage, and my chemical romance. They both are giant weebs, and are constantly playing Pokémon on their ds’s, I mean they are dorm so there’s not much else to do. Dorm of course means, they live here at the school, but its less like a collage and more like a residential everything is restricted, you cant even have paper.   Alex who I like the best, he’s very quiet and his stomach is a black hole. I swear I’ve never seen him turn down food, he has a part in the school Christmas play, as a hungry elf, just constantly eating. He is polite and has never caused me any issues, so I try to treat him the same.   Allie who is new to the dorms. A sweet soul with a bit of a mischievous glint. Marissa and sorelle don’t like her cause she takes things without asking, she thinks she’s being cute but she really is just being rude. I don’t particularly mind her though, I think she just needs some lessons in manners, and someone needs to teach her to stop making up stories. She tried to tell me she was some animal whisperer, I acted as if I believed her but I saw right through her bs, she does that a lot, make up stories about herself to look cool, I think it’s a bit childish.   I suppose now I Must once again talk about Takoda, oh how just his very name makes my blood boil, so stupid, the retarted Dakoda. I once said one of his middle names (yes he has more than one) was dumb and he started crying, then gave me an essay about what all his names meant, of course I told him I didn’t care and he loudly exclaimed.

“Fuck you!” with tears running down his face, and a shaking voice. It makes me laugh to this day, what a little bitch.

At first he seemed charming and funny, but that was before I knew what a good joke was. And the creep was caught masturbating in the girls bathroom, that’s why he’s here. What a freak. He tries to tell people he was caught fucking a trans person, as if any trans person would like a total joke like him. he has no fashion sense, he wears cargo shorts and t-shirts everyday. And if you think there's nothing wrong with that, and or you do that, there is something wrong with you. He laughs at and tells the dumbest jokes, he genuinely still finds cat memes hilarious, you know the ones.

“can I haz cheeseburger.” he even keeps a book of them, he tried to say he babysat, but I saw him looking through it and laughing, what a loser.

. He also makes racist jokes, then we call him out for it, and he can’t take it he’ll get all pissy. One time we made him cry, just for calling him out for being a racist, what a loser. He said that a black guy on the tv looked like the only black student we have in our class, they looked nothing alike other that the fact that they were both black. And he has the audacity, to say that I of all people can’t take a joke, when I give him shit. Anyway, what a prick, right?

But then who am I? just some judgmental bitch, right? Well that may be true there surprisingly more to me than that. I’m mute so that should already tell you how weird I must be. But it gets better, I’m punk/goth it depends on the day. And I’m hella suicidal, and depressed. I am schizophrenic and always paranoid, but it affects me less now that I want to die. There’s nothing else really interesting with me other than the fact that I have large breasts, so I’m a big titty goth bitch.

The day starts off completely normal, if you asked me, I would say it’s too normal. I swear I haven't even heard a single person screaming. Mr. Higgans our bubbly, sweet teacher. What a saint, he began our math lesson.

“alright, so you each have your notebooks, right?” no one in the class verbally responded, but a few of us nodded, including me. I flip to a random page and start writing out the equasions on a blank page.

“alright, Evlyn do you know what page you’re doing?” I nodded and promptly began working, it was simple enough, just regular find the slope of a line. Something seemed off, the hall was quiet, I have been at this school for long enough to know that prolonged silence is not good. I swiftly get out of my seat, Mrs.. Janine as nosey as ever, is out of hers just as fast. When I reach for the door handle she quickly interjects.

“where are you going?” I tell her to piss off, by flailing my hand in a dismissive motion. She needs to learn to mind her own damn business. Grabbing the door handle, I get a horrible sense of dread, but I push past it anyway.

Pushing the door open, all I see is a yellow gloved hand and a dirty, green rag. Without a second to process, I am being held against a tall, strong body, I can hear screaming, and I watch as other masked figures flood in. the second I realize what is happening, I am struggling, kicking, punching, and fighting to hold my breath. But it’s only a matter of time before I must breath in.

[tumblunni]

MAN OKAY IM MAKING A SELF INDULGENT KINGDOM HEARTS SONA

Probably the only main reason i havent made another one since i was a kid is cos i never really wanted to be a keyblade master. Even as a kid i always hated "they are just all magically born evil because darkness energy" as a trope. Whenever an evil guy had minions who were all "mindless and evill" and you were supposed to mow them down in droves because of it, i always felt like they seemed LESS evil, yknow? Like youre canonically stating that theyre NOT evil! Theyre dangerous, yeah, but you just said that they dont have complex cognitive thought or ability to choose their own actions. Theyrr just being USED for evil, by the guy whos the real evil! Theyre like guard dogs who were abused into dangerness and if they cant be rehibilitated then its sad, yknow? Poor heartless!! And seriously how can they make them have such cute designs and not expect us to see them that way!!

So yeah i hate that canonically the heartless are all evil and canonically everyone good has to destroy the heartless, like its the entire damn point of a keyblade so i couldnt even touch one without being forced to slay the cutebabs! And KHDDD was great with the long awaited addition of CUTE BABS GOOD GUY MONSTERS YOU CAN HUG, although they were a whole new species of monster and its still canon that heartless are all evil and the equally as annoying canon that all good/remotely sentient Nobodies look like regular humans instead of the cute patoots they once was. THE CUTE PATOOT THAT NEVER WAS!!!! Srsly the low level Dusk is my fave design in the whole series its such a good squiggle boye

OKAY OKAY SO MY POINT IS

If i was gonna make a normal khsona itd have to be either specifically a Dream Eater trainer keyblade weilder whose entire story is about pet raising and none of the fightng evil, or an Organization member because theyre the only sympathetic monsters even if they dont look monstery anymore. Even though obviously rationally my self insert in anything would always be a good guy cos i am a very soft boyo who is too much of a wimp to do the slightest evil. But alas all the best characters are evil and the monsters look so cute aaaa!!

SO OKAY my ULTIMATE self indulgent khsona would be ME AM ANSEM NOW

Me as a heartless researcher who hugs all the heartless and becomes a heartless and then we heartlessly heartfully hug! Cos seriously it is a true fact that i would be a good guy but also if someone came up to me and was like "hey its totally possible to BECOME one of the cute monsters" id be like "oh noooo dammit i guess im evil now" *shrugs in heartless* But i wouldnt really do anything evil i'd just run like.. Old friends senior heartless sanctuary. Just make a big nice house for all my monsters and bake them cakes everyday. I WOULD LEARN TO COOK FOR THEM!!!! So if that makes me evil then i guess i am evil, dammit!! "Oh nooo we dont wanna get our souls stolen and turn into really fabulous cute designs with amazing supernatural powers" well you are WRONG okay. Just my most self indulgent everything idea is just *points at the evilest beastie* im gonna lovv and cherish that! *takes a running leap into a ballpit of Darkballs* SERIOUSLY DARKBALLS ARE SOME OF THE CUTEST AND ALL THEIR ANIMATIONS ARE SO CUTE WHY IS EVERY HEARTLESS SO CUTE AND SO ANIMATED WHY ARE THEY THE MOST DIDNEY THING IN DIDNEY WHY DID THE NEW GAME ADD A HEARTLESS WHOSE JUST A BIG PUDDING WITH A FACE HOW AM I MEANT TO NOT LOVE THAT hhhh

So yeah khsona bunni is some librarian mothafucker who does Deep Darkness Research but is also the nice goofy good guy sort of mad scientist, like the nutty professor or something. I'd probably be the comic relief on some team of actual villains, thats the only way id really be any threat to anyone. But i'd also totally be The Mom Friend and itd be like u guys are having some serious battle and then i call up Mr Big Villain mid battle like HEY YO COME JOIN KARAOKE WITH ME AND THE HEARTLESS and then hes like "damn man can we have a rain check on the whole end of the world thing?"

Like lol another self indulgent oc thing would be "power to be friends with all the fave villains and they are my friend and we hug". Like an all star teamup of just specifically all bunni's fave KH and didney villains and then also they never fight anyone and we just enjoy slice of life friendship antics. Like Kuja and Ursula would be so cool!! Cos theyre both similar personality yet Kuja had experience manipulating a more loser-y lady who looked a lot like ursula so i can expect he'd underestimate her and try his queen brahne plan again and maybe get outsmarted? And maybe theyd be locked in an eternal battle of two masterminds trying to manipulate each other and along the way they somehow end up accidentally forming a mentor student or mom and son relationship? Like ursula is the better version of garland and she helps kuja heal from his childhood trauma and also in the process maybe he helps her heal from whatever ambiguous backstory event led to her being ostracized from her royal family and such. THEY WOULDNT BE BAD IF THEY HAD HUGS OK let me believe this!! And also of course theyre both the big gay/trans coded dramatic fashion person from their respective stories, so srsly there could be so much awesomeness from the combination of The Two Most Stylish Of Two Worlds! Also i wonder how Kuja would even work in a khified version? Like maybe terra still exists as a separate world in kh world rules and it has a plan to destroy and take over gaia in the same way as the original ff9. Or maybe take some of kuja's other plot points and go from there? Like with how he disguised himself as a treno noble and how he eas created by garland to be an "angel of death", maybe in this world he's a shapeshifter Nobody assassin who infiltrates different worlds and corrupts important people to help garland destroy them? But since he's a very complex experiment and complex = humanoid in this universe, it could be an excuse for him becoming sentient over time and having a plot similar to repliku wanting to be a real human. And i dunno maybe zidane is his "brother" because he's the heartless made from the same original dead guy, who was discarded as a failed experiment? Like it could be interesting to see both of them as villains on the same side, and actually have a close relationship as loving brothers. And theres even already a monkey type heartless! And i dunno maybe the plot of garland creating the genomes infiltrator heartless and then kuja going on to create black mages still black mages? Like he still makes Vivi cos seriously its SO WEIRD that the heartless are based on black mages and then of all things they decided that Vivi would be the ONLY ff9 character allowed to appear in the whole kh series and itd just be in the role of "normal human kid". But they didnt even change his design!! He still looks like a heartless!! Why does nobody question why fredbob mcnormalson doesnt have a face!! So itd make much more sense if he was still a heartless and he's just a good one who wants to be a real boy BUT COS THE WORLD SAYS ALL HEARTLESS ARE EVIL I CANT HAVE THAT. Theyre all evil and only extra evil people get to be humanoid types! Boooo! So kuja doing Special Experiment Science could explain there being at least one special heartless thats not evil. And i dunno, kuja sends vivi out on his first test mission to infiltrate and destroy twilight town but whoops instead he becomes everyone's favourite baby brother! Like he's about to devour some dude's soul and then seifer and co come in and yell at the victim like DUDE ARE U BULLYING THIS POOR TINY CHILD and they drag off this poor very confused heartless in a hug and now he's Lost Forever I Guess. Kuja: damn he tasted icecream i'll never get him back!

Look ok i really like Villains Who Are Not Bad and i will constantly make Villains Who Are Not Bad and nothing will ever be better than Villains Who Are Not Bad

My khsona is Good Heartless who hugs Good Heartless in a team of Good Heartless and also brings in other cameo characters to become Good Heartless ok yes the end hell yea hugs n such

TYHE BEST OCS IS HUGS OCS OK

[hiphipyouregay]

Aiden’s Journey

Awhile ago my English teacher gave us an assignment to write a narrative essay so I uh wrote it in 1st person and using my name “Aiden” and my middle name “Aileen” because this story is a reflection of my fears, and this story is about a transgender. Before you start (probably won’t cause no one cares...) this doesn't happen in real life and I'm not a senior this is just my life but there are some changes and there are some parts that are real but you won’t know. If you have any questions, comments or concerns message me. Okay I hope you enjoy.

Aiden’s Journey

        I used to remember how everything felt so wrong. Having to wear dresses soon become like a dull color, no longer getting excited whenever I tried one on. Every time my friends called me. She or her, I would feel my stomach clench. Months pass by and I try to ignore how my name Aileen no longer has an effect on me. My name used to be what I loved but now it feels like nails on a chalkboard, always making me shiver with how bad it sounds. When I came home the first thing I did was research/ research on why I was feeling this way. Weeks go by and I still haven’t found the answer until one day I come across this club called LGBT. Intrigued by this discovery I decided to join. The club was cool, but my questions still weren’t answered, until one faithful day. “A transgender is a person who identifies as the opposite sex.” A club member said. From that point on I knew what to research. It took me awhile to fully understand what a transgender is, and I realized I was one, well a trans male means female to male. Once I found this term everything started to feel right, but hearing Aileen still hurt so I decided to look for a different name. although it took me awhile to find the perfect one, I had finally found it. Aiden, meaning Little Fire, it almost seemed too prefect to be true. Aiden described me so well and I knew that I was ready to tell my two best friends. Lilah and Jaxson, these two are the most important people to ever come into my life. They were here when I needed them most, and now I can reveal my true self. I can now tell them I am no longer the girl who loved to wear dresses or put make-up on. Although I’m still the friend who enjoyed watching movies and who loved to eat, I am the same person, but better.

             The next day I texted Lilah and Jaxson to meet me in front of our school. Once the message was sent I started to get ready, the butterflies in my stomach were unsettling. I was just so nervous; the feeling just wouldn’t go away. Once I was dresses and ready to go I headed out to my car and drove to school. During the drive, all the possibilities started to swarm my head, possibilities that they’ll reject me and bully me. The paranoia was over flooding my mind, that was until I saw the familiar building of my high school. Since I was a senior I already have my drivers permit as do my friends, well only Lilah has hers since Jaxson doesn’t own a car just yet.

“Hey guys” I yelled as I parked the car.

“Hey there food snatcher” Jaxson replied clearly still butthurt that I stole his last chicken nugget. Meanwhile Lilah smiled at me, waiting for me to speak. I take a deep breath and start from the beginning. I tell my friends how everyday started to feel more and more grey, and how confused I felt, how I questioned myself repeatedly asking if I was normal. I told them about the club I joined and how that’s where I found put the term “transgender”. As I kept talking their faces remained blank, so I told them more. Told them that if they could call me “Aiden” now and not Aileen and if they could use he/him pronouns. Watching their faces made me realize that I should probably stop so they could take in the new information I just told them. Watching their faces felt like torture, because no emotions passed until Lilah turned to Jaxson holding twenty dollars, meanwhile I stood there shocked at what I just witnessed,

“You guys betted on me? wait so you knew…this entire time” I shouted. Meanwhile my friends were laughing at my shocked face.

“Of course, we knew, I mean we saw you enter the LGBT Club and after a while you started to flinch whenever someone said your dead name” Lilah stated.

I was shocked, not a single thought passed my head, but after a while, the looks on my friends made me realize that they accept me and that they still love me. Overfilled with joy I hugged them, crushing them in my arms. Although the bell had rand meaning that the moment is over and it’s time for class. I let go of them and walked with them to class. Unfortunately, we all had separate classes, so we usually meet in the front after school. Once we reached inside the school we all headed in separate directions. Although none of us knew that the school bullies had accidentally overheard me saying I was trans. Unfortunately, my school wasn’t as accepting like my friends are, and for a brief second, I forgot. I forgot that Steve, Craig, and Zach, the school bullies hated me, and because I was distracted by the fact my best friends understand and still love me, I never noticed the evil glare in his eyes nor the sound of a phone being pulled out from Steve’s bag.

          Class has already started, and not even ten minutes in, the class phone rings. I look up for a brief second before continuing to read my book. I was so invested in my book that I didn’t notice my English teacher heading toward my desk. I looked up when I heard him clear his throat.

“Ms.” I flinch “Rosco pack your things you are going home, head to the attendance office.” He said as he walks away.

Gathering my things, I started to head to the attendance office, confused as to why I was handing home. After a few turns I was standing in front of the office, and for some reason I felt my stomach clench in fear. I tried to shake off this feeling, taking a deep breathe I open the door and when I entered I saw my parents.

“Mom, Dad? What are you doing here? I questioned noticing that they refused to look me in the eye.

“Can we go now” my father asked the secretary.

“yes, have a good day” she smiled as she turns back to her task. As we walk to the car, so many questions fill my head. Why are they here? They never pick me up and why do they seem like they are about to explode. I wanted to say something, just so I could break the tension, but the fear was too overwhelming. After ten minutes of awkward silence we finally arrive.

        I really didn’t want to be the first person to say something, but as time flew by, the house was still quiet. Tired of the silence I spoke up, which turned out to be a mistake.

“Mom what’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong, what’s wrong!” she screams, “We just got a call from some kid calling our daughter” I flinch at the statement “a tranny!”

My eyes widen, surprised and scared to hear that my parents now know. Struck by fear I couldn’t move it felt that there were bricks wearing me down, preventing me from moving.

“When were you going to tell us” my father speaks up.

“I wasn’t” I reply feeling the tension grow thicker.

“So, you were just going to never tell us! Why” my parents screamed.

“Because you won’t accept me”

“Of course, we won’t! you were born as a girl and not as a boy! My mother is screaming, she looks so furious. I tried to listen to her shouts, but everything felt as I was in an ice cube. My body wasn’t responding, my mind screaming to run or say something, anything.

          “You are not a boy Aileen, you are a girl” my mother screams. It was that line that finally made me snap.

“I am not a girl, I am a boy and my name is Aiden Rosco” I yell back. I can feel the tears, finally going down my face.

“I no longer want to be called Aileen but as Aiden,” I stare at my mother. She too has tears failing down her face. I looked at my father and his eyes were blank, showing no emotion what so ever. The entire house was silent the only noise was my mother crying.

“Get out” my father says.

“What”

“I said get out. I don’t want you here until you stop saying all this nonsense.” My father says as he starts to walk away. I wanted to say something, anything to stop this from happening, to stop my life ending. The want to run to him, to ask for forgiveness is strong, but that would require me giving up on myself. This would mean I’m no longer Aiden but Aileen, I would deny my true self, for what? For the love of my parents, who don’t accept me? So, I could live everyday knowing that I have lost the two-important people in my life. I would have to be Aileen, I would have to hear my dead name, I will no longer be free they will keep me locked away.

At this point I am in tears, and with a final look around the house. I turn around with tears on my face and I head upstairs with full intentions to grab my stuff. The only things I took were some of my flannels, a few of my favorite books, my laptop and laptop charger, the phone charger and the money I have been saving. This money was meant to be used for college or something. Who would’ve thought that the money was going to be used this way. I put in a few more things in my bag and with one last look at my bedroom, the place where I grew up. I left. Once the door was closed I stayed still letting go of a breath I was holding. Taking a deep breathe I head downstairs ready to leave. When I reached the bottom, I can see my mother crying but she wasn’t looking my way. Already at the door, I turn back at my mother to hear something, anything but I realized she wasn’t going to look at me because she was ashamed, ashamed at me and at herself. With one final look at my house I turn opening the door. I’m almost out one foot already out the door, until,

“Was it something I did?” she asks letting the tears fall on her face once again.

“No, I just realized that I was meant for something better.” Without looking back, I step out completely closing the door, hoping my father realized he just lost his only child.

              Walking to my car I pull out my phone and call Lilah, I wanted to call them both on the group chat but remembered that Jaxson was busy with his family. Id didn’t realize that I no longer was outside but inside my car. Nor do I realize that Lilah was trying to gain my attention by screaming out my name.

“Aiden, Aiden AIDEN” I put the phone next to my ear.

“Yeah”

“Don’t yeah me, what’s wrong I have been trying to get your attention for like two minutes” she sounds concerned, but I feel blank, empty. I tell her before I start crying again,

“Lilah can I sleep at your house”

“Sure, but are you okay?” she sounds worried, so I just spit it out.

“My parents kicked me out.” The phone is silent. Everything is silent. Moments pass before she finally says something.

“What do you mean they kicked you out” I was excepting her to shout but she sounded concerned.

“Yeah, someone called a told them I was a tranny” I can feel Lilah’s anger

“They don’t accept me so, they kicked me out. Can I come over or well can I stay there for now?” I ask feeling the emotions rise again.

“Aiden, you can stay as long as you want”

                I could feel the tears that want to come out, but I hold it in. I hung up the minute I could no longer hold the tears in. I arrived at Lilah’s house with red puffy eyes, I cried once more in the car because everything had finally hit me, I no longer had a family. She invites me inside, everything is numb all I hear is that I’ll be sleeping in the same room as her. She takes my bags and tell me to sit down. Once I sat she comes in five minutes later with popcorn and ice cream. We watched movies until I passed out. I awake to a soft pink celling, I look around noticing this wasn’t my room and for a second I forgot, I forgot that I no longer have a family. All the memories rush back into my head. I wanted to cry, but I ran out of tears hours ago. Everything felt numb, the stoic is loud it feels like someone is screaming at me. I was so lost in this blank world that I never noticed two figures stand at the foot of the bed. These figures looked like they were talking but I just couldn’t hear them, they sound so distorted.

“Well what are we supposed to do!” the guy shouted, god why won’t he be quiet.

“We stay by his die and then we will find out who did this” the girl states. She seemed to be trying to be calm. I didn’t want to deal with, I wanted it to go away, so I slept ignoring the bickering voices.

               I wake up, this time its dark out. I turn my head to see a note placed on a tray with food and water.

“Aiden, I don’t really know what to say, I hate the people who rejected you. You are beautiful and unique. Jaxson and I are in the living room if you need us.

P.S: We left you a peanut butter jelly sandwich and water.

P.P.S: We were going to leave milk, but we didn’t want it to go bad.

Love Your Best Friends,

Lilah and Jaxson.”

I smile as I stare at the note. My friends are awesome. I stand up but before I move my stomach growls. Deciding I’ll eat the sandwich and then go downstairs was a smart idea because I basically devoured the sandwich. I drink the water and grab the tray, finally heading downstairs. Once I’m at the bottom I head to the kitchen to drop off the tray in the sink. I leave the kitchen and head into the living room where I see my best friends sleeping on the couch. A warm feeling settles in my stomach when I see them. They must have heard me because they are staring at me with a smile.  

“Hey guys” I say as I walk towards them. Out of nowhere both Lilah and Jaxson were bugging me. Any feeling of sadness disappeared, only focusing on the love that they gave.

“I’m sorry guys, thank you for dealing with me” I state “It’s fine Aiden we are your best friends and we love you.” Jaxson says while Lilah is still squeezing me.

“Um guys what do we do about school?” I honestly have no clue, I dint want to go, but I needed to, I needed to prove everyone wrong.

“We go to school, I am not hiding, but are you sure I can stay” I question. Lilah nods, and I feel myself relax.

           Two days later it’s finally Monday and time for school. Lilah and I are already dresses and once we leave the house we enter the car and head over to Jackson’s house to give him a ride. It didn’t take long to arrive at his house. We only exchanged a few words before we arrived at the school.

“Aiden are you sure about this” she sounds worried, and to be honest I’m scared but I need to do this.

“I’m ready”  

As usual we walk together until we need to go our separate ways. We all say bye and Lilah’s hug seems to last longer than usual. I pull away with one final look, I wave as I head towards my first class. Unfortunately, never arrived because Steve and his friends pulled me into the men’s restroom. Zach blocked the door while Steve and Craig stood over me.

           “You freaking tranny, you’re just a perverted piece of crap aren’t you” Craig spits at me. I can feel the fear, but I don’t let it show.

“Oh, by the way how is the homeless life, I heard that your family kicked you out” I can hear the mockery in Steve’s voice. I want to cry, I can feel the tears already, but I won’t give him the satisfaction, I won’t let him win. But at least I know who told my parents.

“Good, in fact thanks you helped me get rid of two toxic people.” I reply with a smug.

I can feel the anger from Steve. I never noticed Zach and Craig coming closer. I didn’t notice until I was pinned down. All the confidence I had was gone. I was so scared, but I couldn’t do anything. Steve is talking but I can’t hear him, both Jaxson and Lilah’s face appear in my head. My confidence was back, so I breathed in and shouted as loud as I possibly can. Steve didn’t like that, he covered my mouth with his hand. When I bite his hand, he screams but then he raises his fist and just as he is about to punch me another group of students enter. Steve stopped halfway, he too was confused.

“Let go of him” one of the kids says.

“Let go of who? you mean her, nah man in fact you should leave while you still have a chance.” Steve responds, putting his fist down for the moment. It looks like Steve can’t scare this kid, or so I thought.

“Alright” and with that the mystery kid walks back out the door. Not even a second after Steve’s smirk comes back as he raises his arm yet again.

I closed my eyes waiting for the punch, but it never came. I open my eyes surprised to see the assistant principle at the door. I look at Steve and his friends they all looked horrified. I wanted to laugh but that wouldn’t look right in my perspective. The assistant principle doesn’t even say anything as she takes Steve off me and takes them to her office. I lay in shock on the bathroom floor until the mystery guy offers a hand. Accepting his offer, I grab his hand and suddenly I realize he is shorter than me, and with this new knowledge we start to laugh.

“Hi, my name is Aiden, thanks for saving me from Steve” I hold out my hand waiting for him to introduce his self.

“Hey, my name is Talon, and these are my friends, Wade, Sabra, and Macy” I wave at them.

“Are you okay?” I think that was Sabra.

“Oh yeah, I’m fine thank you, but for your sakes you guys probably shouldn’t be seen with a freak like me” they stare at me in confusion.

“I’m a transgender, or as I like to say trans male.” I wait for them to start laughing but what Talon said surprised me.

“That’s really cool, nut you’re not the only one. As you see Sabra is also trans but she’s trans female. Wade here is genderfluid meaning he can be any gender depending on how he feels, Macy here is Panromantic, meaning she has romantic interest with male, female and in between, and finally me, I am nonbinary. I don’t use she/her or he/him pronouns, only they/them although I’m okay with he/him pronouns.” Once Talon was done my face had a huge smile.

“Oh my god, you guys are awesome! I should introduce you to my two best friends.” I smile as I realize I probably just made four new friends.

                      Four years have gone by since my parents rejected me, four years since I’ve known Talon, Wade, Sabra and Macy. It’s been four years since I graduated high school. The bullies were suspended and stuck in detention for a week. I have moved on, I’m in a better place. Lilah and Jaxson and I moved in together in an apartment with two bedrooms. It would seem like a problem but turns out that Jaxson and Lilah started sating after high school. Apparently, they’ve liked each other for so long, but were too afraid to get rejected. Also, Lilah believed that any high school relationships never last too long after they graduate. Although they are adorable, so I let them off the hook. Talon and their friends got along well with mine. Graduation came along and we all became best friends. Unfortunately, we got separated since Lilah, Jaxson and I applied to the same college we still saw each other. Although Talon and Sabra applied to the same college Macy and Wade applied to another. It was hard to see them go but we usually all get together, every occasionally.

“Aiden get the door” Lilah yells. I made sure to groan out loudly, so she could hear.

When I opened the door, I was so happy to see Talon and Sabra. The minute they both entered I pulled them into a hug.

“Oh my god guys I missed you so much!” After a few more hugs I close the door only for the door bell top ring again. I open the door

“Wade my babe!” I laugh at my statement.

“Mace my base” he laughs at my terrible rhymes.

“Really that’s all you got” he laughs.

“Hey that was a good one” we look at each other and smile. With one more hug, I grabbed their coats and as I watch them walk, I realize I’m no longer suffering. Everything feels right, all my best friends are here, and although my parents and I never talked again, I’ve learned to accept it. These people in front of me are my family.

“C’mon Aiden you’re going to miss out on all the fun!” Jaxson shouts. I smile, watching these people in front of me, these people are my family and I love them, and although my parents rejected me, I don’t wish for it any other way. I wouldn’t change it because then I would have never met all of these people.

“Aiden” they all scream in unison.

“I’m coming, I’m coming jeez” I laugh and realize, I am finally home.