#gender thoughts

[theenbyroiderer]

This 4B/6B/6B4T/4A movement making strides since the US election results came in is making me have thoughts.

I'm all for it in theory. As a childfree self-partnered aroace it's kinda my normal mo. But like, it so easily hides or glides into transphobia. As I understand it it's a radical feminist movement from the start... and maybe Korean radfems don't have the same hangups re: trans people... or maybe they do. Idk. But anyway, while there are some radical feminists that are explicitly trans inclusionary, those are rather few and far between. Gender essentialism tends to be a pillar in the radfem framework.

I'm worried that this movement might become a terf pipeline for women who, rather rightfully, find the main idea if it appealing. So, if you are a woman, or otherwise the owner of a uterus, and want to join this movement... be mindful and look out for any hidden (or blatant) transphobia. If you see it, call it out. Don't accept it because you think it's for the greater good or some shit.

Also, this movement tends to ignore that nonbinary people exist, and that's a major red flag tbh. Most of the groups popping up on Facebook are 'women only', not 'no cis men'...

[friend-lover-traitor-narrator]

It's beyond my mind how a person can be queerphobic and at the same time say they enjoy music from the 70's/80's.

I mean, just look at them and tell me they're not gender nonconforming in one way or another:

[robogart]

Feeling a lot of things lately (including gender things) and found this old comic I never finished from a conversation with my old therapist.

Copy/pasting this from my patron post: if you're seeing this and are having gender thoughts - always be true and real to yourself, however that might be. You define yourself on every step of your journey - that is a power ONLY you have and that no one can take away from you. However you identify, at this moment and in your future moments, is the truest and most genuine way for you and that is beautiful and should always be celebrated. Your expression - internal and external, how it might stay, how it might change - and all the splendor within it is because of you and who you are. The world is more lovely to have you in it and its beauty is expanded by your presence every day. Please remember that. 💖 💖

[troutpopulation]

I wish talking about detransition in any positive way wasn't completely co-opted by terfs and detrans kinks with the most violent, humiliating and degrading fantasies imaginable.

Because there is something profoundly beautiful and almost erotic in watching your own body change into something completely unfamiliar and uncanny, and intensely unexpected. The permanent changes of HRT being treasured souvenirs of a past life and an intrinsic part of you.

Feeling your hair texture change under your own fingertips. Your body changes once, twice, three times, you lose count but it's always uncharted territory. Just an alien shape to your own hips forming contours you don't recognize and will spend your next lifetime, one of many, exploring.

[queer-reader-07]

so you know that post that’s like “stop telling people they can’t call themselves FTM, i lived as a girl for years i WAS a girl”?

well there’s a reblog on that post about being really protective of your pre transition self and it just really hit home for me.

kind of without realizing it i have a tendency to refer to pre coming out me as a girl, i use she/her pronouns when i talk about pre coming out me, all that jazz. and it never crossed my mind that that was weird? that it was somehow not normal to talk about pre coming out me as a girl or with she/her pronouns.

because I’M not a girl. my pronouns are they/them. why wouldn’t i refer to younger me the same way?

and i think it really does come down to being so fiercely protective of my younger self. she was such a strong and resilient little girl. she endured far too much bullying that went ignored by teachers. she was so hard on herself, she buried her emotions because she didn’t want to be a problem.

but she had hopes and dreams and goals and for fuck’s sake she WAS going to achieve it all.

and she was a girl. her girlhood was so intrinsic to who she was.

and i don’t see why i should discredit that? why i should have to they/them my past self so that it makes sense to other people.

that little girl is not who i am now. i’ve got healthier relationships with the people in my life, i have so many more amazing and beautiful friendships in my life, i no longer bury my feelings.

but if one thing hasn’t changed it’s that i’m still determined as all hell to achieve my dreams and goals. because i want to make that little girl that i was proud.

her biggest dream in life was to become a scientist, and now i’m here making those dreams come true. i’m here taking calculus and gen chem and signing up for ochem next year because if that’s what it takes, i’m gonna fucking do it.

yes a lot of my dreams and goals now are the same ones i had when i was younger. but knowing that i’m making that little girl, that girl who was hurting and confused why no one cared, proud makes it so much better.

i may not be a girl anymore. i may have grown into a non-binary genderfuck of a person. but the little girl that i was holds so much space in my heart. she is shrouded in love and care and tenderness because why would i hurt her? why would i hurt her more by acting like who she was was a lie?

she was a little girl. and she was amazing. and i want to honor that. i want to protect that.

i’m not really sure where this is going but my point is that it’s not only ok but BEAUTIFUL to be protective of your pre transition self. it’s so valid to talk about your pre transition self in terms of your AGAB. you don’t have to, obviously, but if you do and if that’s what feels right for you? don’t let anyone tell you it’s wrong.

[gossamerorigins]

I wonder if the popularity of time-travel do-over narratives (Marry My Husband, Perfect Marriage Revenge, a million other webtoons) is connected to gender expectations. The heroines live mild-mannered, passive, compliant lives, and are rewarded with utter disaster. Their second chance do-over lets them justify aggressive, unfeminine behavior.

Time-travel murder victim defies her murderous mother-in-law? YOU GO GIRL. Regular heroine defies mother-in-law? Maybe give going-along a chance?

Reincarnated heroine maneuvers to improve her husband's political standing? If she doesn't, the kingdom falls. Regular heroine? Chill out, schemer.

Hm.

[dragonzzilla]

The whole "A male is only born to the Gerudo once in a hundred years" presents a fascinating psychological crucible

By accident of birth, you're othered from the rest of your people. There is literally no one else like you. No one alive at least. You are born in the shape and in the shadow of long dead monarchs, Great Men.

But what does it mean to be a man in a society that is otherwise comprised entirely of women (I do not believe in gender essentialism; but I do believe in societal pressures). You are a boy and are constantly reminded of it. A boy without a father, without brothers; and when you become a man, you will never have sons of your own or even nephews. You're a single drop of masculinity in a ocean of mothers, sisters, wives, daughters, nieces; awash in femininity but forever separate from it. You are a man and that makes you king.

Before you're out of swaddling, you're placed on a pedestal. Elevated, in some regards. Afforded the greatest privileges available to your people. But they're not quite your people. However thinly it is presented, there's always going to be a degree of separation from everyone you know and care about. Your otherness is constantly reinforced, celebrated even. You're going to be a king. And you don't get a choice in the matter. You must stand alone, forever.

There are other men in the world, but they are not Gerudo. There are Gerudo, but none of them are men. The only people who could understand your struggle exist only as imperious statues and aspirational legends. They are Gerudo men, just like you, but they're not people anymore. They are kings, conquerors, shapers of history, children of destiny, great men. You are a man and that means you are destined for greatness.

Try not to crack under the pressure.

[bookmothic-dyke]

I’d probably use she/her pronouns. It’s like my preferred 90% of the time. So maybe I will one day. But also like. Fuck the gender binary. And I’m an otherkin. So for now. She/fae/they. And I maybe I’ll trying adding it/its sometime.

Gender is bullshit. And so am I.

[alittlemxchievous]

✨✨ I just want to be a pretty little girlthing. I want to be the girliest person that has ever girled. I want to be so cute and pretty that everyone can't help but call me adorable. I want people to use all of my pronouns, not just the normal ones. I want to have the cutest little wardrob known to humanity. I want to be accepted.... Is that too much to ask? ✨✨

Terfs, swers, chasers, and sissy blogs dni

[theenbyroiderer]

Guh. Putting my agenderness into words (that other people will understand) is so difficult. I've been having a discussion about the transgender umbrella and it strayed into why I personally often feel disconnected from the greater trans community. A person was trying to narrow down commonalities for the trans umbrella and was like "one thing we all have in common is a misalignment between our body and mind". And yeah, the general definition of agender is a lack of gender identity. And a body by nature has some gendered bits to it. So I understand the thought.

I don't feel like it fits for me though. To me it's more that I don't care about this thing called gender. Other than occasionally because *aesthetics* lol. I'm just a person inhabiting a body. And neither my gender or the characteristics of my body matter. My assigned gender is neither right or wrong. I don't think of myself as a woman, but neither do I think of myself as anything else. I'm just me and my body is also me, and there is no mismatch.

At this point I'm feeling like agender might not even be the best label for the way I feel about gender... but I don't have anything that fits better at this point. I'm not cis, I know that much. Though I did think for the longest time that 'lack of discomfort with my assigned gender = cis'. Cis people tend to feel gender dysphoria and euphoria too though... and I experience neither.

Tl,dr: gender is weird, vague and unknowable.

[duckngk]

think i just reached gender nirvana for a second. i looked at my name and i was like “thats a cool gender neutral name wow” despite it being traditionally fem associated. first time i’ve ever felt so connected to my birthname this is nice i hope this feeling stays for longer than a day

[discodyke-dogthing]

there’s no greater joy when me being gay with a boy is called yaoi its so gender affirming SO many people forget about the boy part of my gender

i might need to change my tumblr username to discodyke-dogthing because girl isn’t completely accurate anymore, at least not of my full gender

i want ppl to see me and wonder if im transfem or transmasc

[lindentea]

Was talking about genderstuff while lounging about with my partner C yesterday, after they'd just gotten out of the shower with freshly shaved legs. I (a butch dyke) was wearing a tiny sundress, which I only do in the house, never in public, and enjoy for the genderfuckery as well as the very practical purpose of it being summer and it's comfy af.

I was idly touching their thigh, reveling in the softness of their skin, and they asked me if I'd ever maybe shave my legs again for them. They made it clear they were not trying to pressure me at all, and that they love my body hair and think it's hot, but they also enjoy feeling a partner's smooth skin. And tbh I do really like and miss the feeling of smooth-skin-on-smooth-skin, too. I only shaved for a few years of my adult life (when I was 29-32), during which time C and I happened to start seeing each other in 2016.

I explained that, just as they feel a lot of dysphoria when they haven't shaved for several days, I feel a ton of dysphoria without my fluffy body hair. I feel uncomfortable when non-partners see me without my furry legs, armpits, or mutton chops. I'd be a lot more likely to try shaving my legs in winter than summer, because it could be entirely private. Femininity for me is literally a fetish for the irony of being a butch bottoming (and sometimes topping) in a sundress, and not any sort of genuine expression of my gender. Conversely, C still feels dysphoria wrt body and facial hair regardless of whether anyone can see their legs, armpits, or face.

Anyhow, I don't know how to wrap this post up so I'll just say I love my androgynous service top tomboi, and they love their awkward little butch imp. And maybe once it's Jeans Weather again I'll try shaving if I make them beg and squirm for it ...I mean uh, if they ask nicely. ;)

[saphig-iawn]

Day 17 of Turning me into Me

I think I've achieved a milestone in my journey, I became the subject of office gossip!

I am fairly open at my place of work and I've been telling the people I want to tell that I am trans. I prefer that. It means I get to connect with that person and let them know that I'm inviting them in to a part of my life that I want them in. I've had sincere comings out where I wished they were family, I've had comings out where the person has actually reciprocated and invited me in to their life. I've had funny and abrupt comings out to keep things light and funny. Unfortunately because of how my work.. uh, works, there are some people I've missed and I didn't want to come out via message because it felt so impersonal.

Well it turns out that the person I wanted to come out to got whisper of my news and it actually made coming out to them much more fun. They were lamenting to a colleague that they hadn't seen me in so long, and as they got to chatting they went "well didn't you hear the big thing about [old name]?" and they asked what big thing, "well [old name] is trans, shaved the beard and everything". Well that day I got a lot of messages on Discord of "holy shit this is so amazing!!! what's your name? have you got clothes? aaaaAAHHHH!" I didn't mind being outed, although I think its a strong word in this case, as my workplace is quite safe. It was so endearing.

I saw them today, and I managed to finish coming out to them. I managed to tell them how much I adored them, and how I wanted to just share so much with them, and how I was going to steal their look because it was so good, all the stuff I couldn't tell them before. They were so happy I could be this emotional with them. But they had to leave before I could get to the more complex stuff, so we're having a catch up soon.

I am so happy that I have people in my life that just want to celebrate. They want to cherish and embrace, they embody everything that I couldn't. But now I can, and I am so much happier.