#idk just some thoughts on gender that have been sitting in my drafts for a bit

[sakurasnowfall]

hi, Idk if i’m doing This right, but could you please write Some angst that turns into fluff about Reader x anime sanji? reader can be Afab or gender neutral, i don’t mind. You can also choose the scenario, Full control :)

thank You 🤩 and its ok if you don’t get to this, LOVE your writing by the way it’s So beautiful

Hi! As regards to your *Idk if im doing this right* no worries fam, neither do I (your request was perfect, though, so no worries!) 😭

Here is the story. I brain stormed maybe 7 ideas for this starting the night I got this request. It stumped me so freaking bad, and it took a couple weeks to get an...almost complete draft down. I let it sit for way to long, hence why it has been nearly a whole month. So here is what I am gonna do. I just wrote the missing 1/4 of this. I am going to post what it now. I WILL BE GOING BACK TO EDIT THIS AND MAKING IT BETTER. My anxiety was screaming at me to at least put out SOMETHING. So, I hope this is okay FOR NOW. I know it sucks, but I promise eventually I will improve it for you!

Thank you thank you thank you for the compliment!!! Lots of love <3

Tw : Blood, syringe mention, death mentioned

Established relationship, fem reader, and () used as a name placeholder.

Sanji usually loved red. Maroon roses. Vermillion wine. Scarlett sunsets. Ruby hearts. But now? He hated it. He hated it so much. Seeing it, dripping from every spot on her body. Covering her in a sheet of sickening crimson. Imagining what he would give to swap their places was not a thought for the faint of heart. All he could do was watch as Chopper gently cleaned the blood off of her arms and her face. As the tiny doctor wrapped her torso in bandages, her hovered, almost like a ghost with how pale and silent he remained. Ironic...that the chef of the crew himself was the only one who did not eat. Actually, that was not quiet true, as he forced himself a few forkfuls of food, guided by the phantom scolding he heard from () about neglecting his self care. He spent that night in the infirmary with her. Listening to the fragile, feathery breaths that balanced her on the edge of his world and the next. He thought that was the worst sound he would hear that day. This was not the case. Sanji learned that the worst sound was not the sound of her anguished screams. It was not the sound of her painful, labored breaths. He learned it was not the sound of her unconscious cries.

Sanji learned that the worst sound was no sound at all.

No amount of force on the Grandline could be guaranteed success in trying to restrain him. Sanji couldn't see Chopper scrambling to her bedside or hear him shouting. He couldn't hear Luffy's yelling. He couldnt hear Zoros grunts as the swordsman tried in vain to hold the cook down, slamming him to the floor after narrowly avoiding a kick to the head. If he couldn't see Robins powers prop up various instruments for Chopper, then certainly couldn't have seen one of her hands stabbing a syringe into his arm.

------------------------

When the cook awoke, it wasn't his head, or his knees - which had been bent underneath his weight - that hurt the most. It was his heart. His ever-bleeding heart, over flowing with the love that gushed and overflowed. How he found the strength to stand, he wasn't sure. But when he did, he found himself in an unfamiliar place. A place that held a bright, white shimmer and a peculiar haze about it, yet for all it's light gave off no warmth. He rubbed the back of his head, turning to better gauge his surroundings. That's when he saw her. Standing, maybe 200 feet away from him. Standing. Almost shimmering, radiant. Alive. If his legs had ever held a purpose other than carrying him to her, they didn't remember, as he sprinted toward her. She was just about to turn to him, when shadow, greater than anything he had ever seen, was summoned forth from the white ground, casting an ugly contrast, dragging whatever twisted world he was in from chilled to ice-cold. Sanji knew what this shadow was. More sure than he had been of almost anything in his life. It wanted her. Maybe it wanted him as well. He had run from it more times than he could count. But there was no running this time.

Rage guided his motions, and his love refined them to a deadly point, spearing the sheer power of his attacks into his opponent's core. If fighting death itself was all that stood between him and his life, then he would gladly fight it. Death wanted his life, and it would not have her. His fire lit it's shadows, extinguishing them, bit by bit, piece by piece. Until there was nothing left but air.

By the time he was done, adrenaline had rewarded him with the energy to run the remaining distance to her. When he reached her, he stopped. He reached out, his hand shaking. "()........" His voice failed him, his hand attempting to make up for his words by softly coming to rest at the side of her face. She had not broken her silence, but he could see her returning to him. Shutting her eyes and leaning into his touch, a few stray teardrops escaping her eyes, his own eyes mirroring the action. Her kissed her softly, hoping to regain his words through his actions. He pulled back after a brief moment, resting his forehead against hers. His hand had now moved to intertwine with hers. When his voice returned to him, in a whisper "let's go home......"

When Sanji woke up, his eyes had hardly opened before he sprang out of bed, scrambling into Chopper's office. He saw () sitting up, awake, eyes locked on him. He paused, before carefully approaching her, perhaps afraid that THIS was the dream.

"Are you.....how are you......feeling? " the blonde came to gently sit on the edge of her bed, carefully reaching out to cup to side of her face. () placed a hand atop his.

"I'm okay." He nodded, a few stray drops of bittersweet relief sliding down his face, quickly whisked away with a small laugh.

[queer-reader-07]

so you know that post that’s like “stop telling people they can’t call themselves FTM, i lived as a girl for years i WAS a girl”?

well there’s a reblog on that post about being really protective of your pre transition self and it just really hit home for me.

kind of without realizing it i have a tendency to refer to pre coming out me as a girl, i use she/her pronouns when i talk about pre coming out me, all that jazz. and it never crossed my mind that that was weird? that it was somehow not normal to talk about pre coming out me as a girl or with she/her pronouns.

because I’M not a girl. my pronouns are they/them. why wouldn’t i refer to younger me the same way?

and i think it really does come down to being so fiercely protective of my younger self. she was such a strong and resilient little girl. she endured far too much bullying that went ignored by teachers. she was so hard on herself, she buried her emotions because she didn’t want to be a problem.

but she had hopes and dreams and goals and for fuck’s sake she WAS going to achieve it all.

and she was a girl. her girlhood was so intrinsic to who she was.

and i don’t see why i should discredit that? why i should have to they/them my past self so that it makes sense to other people.

that little girl is not who i am now. i’ve got healthier relationships with the people in my life, i have so many more amazing and beautiful friendships in my life, i no longer bury my feelings.

but if one thing hasn’t changed it’s that i’m still determined as all hell to achieve my dreams and goals. because i want to make that little girl that i was proud.

her biggest dream in life was to become a scientist, and now i’m here making those dreams come true. i’m here taking calculus and gen chem and signing up for ochem next year because if that’s what it takes, i’m gonna fucking do it.

yes a lot of my dreams and goals now are the same ones i had when i was younger. but knowing that i’m making that little girl, that girl who was hurting and confused why no one cared, proud makes it so much better.

i may not be a girl anymore. i may have grown into a non-binary genderfuck of a person. but the little girl that i was holds so much space in my heart. she is shrouded in love and care and tenderness because why would i hurt her? why would i hurt her more by acting like who she was was a lie?

she was a little girl. and she was amazing. and i want to honor that. i want to protect that.

i’m not really sure where this is going but my point is that it’s not only ok but BEAUTIFUL to be protective of your pre transition self. it’s so valid to talk about your pre transition self in terms of your AGAB. you don’t have to, obviously, but if you do and if that’s what feels right for you? don’t let anyone tell you it’s wrong.

[valiantartwritingweasel]

❦ Oh no, there seems to be only one bed. Whatever will we do? ❦

I have a hate-love relationship with this trope. Will maybe do a women version too but all of them at once would´ve been too much for my pea brain. I also have 4 more dudes in the drafts but i gave up halfway through

it´s kind of romancy-ish as in like, y´all are crushing on each other. Because I want it like this.

gender neutral (no pronouns mentioned) so everyone can feel included

(These are a bit short but it is what it is)

//Diluc, Kaeya, Xiao, Ayato //

Diluc

You just stood there, awkwardly staring at the room. You felt like you were in a bad romance novel (which you kind of are), standing next to the guy who had your heart skipping multiple beats just by looking into your vague direction. Now in front of a single bed that you, probably?, had to share tonight.

You were no stranger to Diluc, as you did like to venture into the tavern regularly. At first you did it for the drinks and then, at some point, you just came for a chat. With him. Him, his sweet smile and his sweet way of telling stories. You loved seeing him. You...loved him.

The situation now was more of a coincidence. A coincidence you couldn´t really explain. But here it was.

The bed wasn´t like small or anything but the sheer thought of lying in such close proximity to the red haired man made your cheeks heat up like fire.

Not daring to look at him, you quietly cleared your throat „so.. uh... how do we go about this..?“

A short silence filled the room before he spoke up „Well, we could just share the bed...right?“.

You could feel his gaze burning into the side of your head, yet you just couldn´t bring yourself to look at him. „I´m sure it´ll be fine“ his reassuring voice spoke once more „if you´re comfortable with it, of course.“

Once more, you cleared your throat, before giving him a small nod „well, yeah. I suppose we can.“

Another minute of silence passed. You didn´t know. Couldn´t know. But the man was just as nervous as you were. Trying his best to voice the thoughts that were clouding his mind, before he spoke up again „We could..stay close to each other...right?“

He too had come to appreciate your presence. Was this how people made their first move? He could only hope that taking notes from Kaeya would prove good for once.

(Would probably sleep on the floor if you asked him to, idk)

Kaeya

Kaeya and you were friends. You always had been. You had shared a bed before. But that was like ages ago.

Now it felt different. It felt more intimate to think about sharing a bed.

You thought it was obvious that you liked him but you could barely tell how he felt about it. He was charming. Very charming. And you never knew how to tell `being charming` and `flirting` apart. Ever. Especially not with him, no matter how long you had known him.

But before you could even say anything, ask how to do this or voice your thoughts out loud, he had already waltzed over to the bed, stretching his arms accompanied by a small yawn.

He did not seem to care, which made your stomach churn a bit in confusing feelings.

Well, good to see that he´s comfortable with you. A bit sad to think that he doesn´t immediately get nervous at the thought of him lying next to you. Maybe he really just thought of you as his childhood friend.

You sighed before following him to the bed, shaking your head, trying to get rid of the heat going through your face.

He was already sitting on the bed, shooting you a look that you couldn´t quite decipher in the dim light. „We should stay close together tonight. Who knows what could happen? Safer to have each others back.“

If possible, you blushed even more, hoping he couldn´t see, before you nodded. „Yes. Yes stay close for...safety reasons“.

When you lied down onto the mattress you could hear him chuckle quietly, before you felt, to your horrific surprise, his arms engulfing your waist. A low whisper reached your ear „There is no shame in cuddling, is there?“ with a smirk that you could literally HEAR through his low voice, he added „for safety reasons“

(a little shit who hides his nervousness very well)

Xiao

With a mortified expression you stood there, in the door frame, staring at the bed.

You didn´t know the yaksha very well, as you had only been in contact with him while Zhongli was around. He seemed... alright enough? He was carrying a lot of sorrow, that much you knew.

You could tell, only because Zhongli was around to make him feel comfortable enough to let some expressions through his facial features.

But you didn´t know why, never wanted to press for it, never wanted to make him feel like he would need to open up to you. So you just tried to keep the contact minimal.

But now here you were, on a journey the old man had set you up to, standing in front of a single bed.

It wasn´t like you were scared to share a bed with him. He didn´t seem like someone who´d take advantage of you at least. But...you couldn´t help but wonder how he´d feel about this..? Would he be alright?

You cleared your throat quietly before muttering „so.. only one bed huh?“. Your voice laced with just a hint of sarcasm.

You looked at him, out of the corner of your eye and took notice of his expression changing. He looked sort of…angry?

Before you could dwell in the thought much longer he had already started muttering „Foolish mortals. Joking at times that require a serious aptitude. Do you expect something to happen? Tell me.“

You were..surprised to say the least. Joking? About what? The irony? You couldn´t figure out what exactly he was talking about. Slowly. Cautiously. You muttered back „Joking about what? What would I expect to happen?“

He stared at you for what felt like an eternity. Slowly but surely you started to feel a bit...uncomfortable. Why was he staring like that?

„I know what happens at night, between two individuals of your kind. Do not hold me to foolish standards of being naive“.

You were flabbergasted, to say the least, before you could get a hold of yourself and murmur „I... just want to get to sleep...No hidden intentions there...“

Now he seemed to be the one who was uncomfortable, averting his face to hide a blush crossing his cheeks. How silly of him. Now he was the one who felt foolish.

A short moment passed and you knew that he was embarrassed about his little outburst. Someone's got trust issues. But you didn't press on it, only sharing a kind smile "I didn't mean anything bad by it. Sorry for the confusion". He nodded and seemed to calm down. After a while he nodded again, maybe more to himself then to you, before mumbling „Sure. I´ll share a bed with you“.

What you didn´t know was that the mf didn´t even need sleep to begin with.

(there´s no way people are just nice, whats ur ulterior motive?? TELL HIM NOW??)

Ayato

It was silly really.

To be embarrassed about the thought of having to share a bed with your husband of all people.

But your marriage wasn't a conventional one, as neither of you married out of love.

It's not like you hated each other, you'd actually say that you got along just fine. You just never got into any...romance situations.

It felt weird, being married already but never having been on a date together. But it also felt weird for you to now try and get closer to him?

There were no books on how to go about this, so you just tried to wing it. Which wasn't easy.

When his eyes looked at you with such precise attention whenever you opened your mouth to say something, it was hard to get any words out at all. You could hear your heart slamming against your chest whenever you focused on his eyes. They were so beautiful.

That aside, right now you couldn't see his eyes. Thankfully. And you were hoping that he couldn't see yours either.

Your eyes were full on staring at the single bed in front of you.

Today, you couldn't venture off into your own room. Today, people could see where you went. Today, people would be able to judge you on your marriage.

Today, you had to stay at a Hotel and today you did not want to put a bad image upon your dearest husband. So you just asked Thoma to book a room supposed for married couples. There was a sofa but…you kind of wanted to make a move on him. To maybe, actually, be married to him? The thought alone made your heart flutter.

You imagined this scenario to be way easier in your head but now, with him being so close to you, you could definitely feel your nerves spiking up and your face burning with embarrassment.

He didn't seem to notice as he stood there for a while, taking in the room, then he turned towards you "just…one bed?". His tone showed his confusion. You cleared your throat before nodding "I thought… well, I thought we could spend the night together…".

The blush on your cheeks did not want to leave you alone but still, you turned your head to meet the amused gaze of your husband.

This little shit was all you could think before he spoke again "Quite a bold move to make. I like it."

[gaykey]

can you share your thoughts on the guilty promos? the outfits, the themes, the performances etc.

suuuuper late here anon, this has been in my drafts for ages, i'm sorry!

i can, but i make no promises that my thoughts will be anything interesting. i'm not really operating at full function at the minute, but, this ask has been sitting in my inbox for a little while now, and i feel bad.

so - i had to catch up with his performances and stuff for this, because i hadn't watched them all, but i have now, though i will admit, i'm not up to date with every single bit of promo he's done.

to start. outfits. now, i'd say they've been quite eclectic? in terms of? overall style and execution.

i think we've seen a few different sides of the taemin stage fit spectrum with this promo season. a few of my fave:

the culty uniform:

this was such a simple look but i really loved it. it's the fact that all of his dancers are wearing the exact same thing. not slightly more feminized versions like they usually tend to.

like, it's more of a totslly genderless vibe, in a different way to how taemin usually does it. his looks tend to be more of a straddle between tradition masculine and feminine styles, whereas this is neither. i think it's super unique.

and also, because it also is very fitting for the themes of guilty, and the music video. the themes of forced conformity ect. i find it really impactful for such a simple fit, paired with the 'no makeup' make up. it has layers. possibly my fave from his stages.

i have to talk about the fit that went viral lol

see, this is some standard taemin fare. the vampire vibes. lace, ruffles, victorian-esque, masculine and feminie touches. gloves. all around a good look. and it casued a little bit of hysteria too. very fitting for guiltys vibe. if it were anyone else, i'd actually say it was a publicity tactic lmaooo.

a few others are, the military-esque look he did, with that boxy black coat, the fuzzy jumper that he aldp wore to the fansign event, and the all white one with the rips, and drapes, and cut-outs (which is veeeery key during bad love era).

overall, i think the styling is really cool, and though it has some very taemin elements, and looks that we're used to seeing on him. it still is kind a new vibe for him? like, idk, it's giving more gritty dystopia. a slightly rougher look for him than we usually get with his solos.

still gender non-conforming, but yeah, rougher. dare i say, edgy?

taemin, usually has quite sleek and put together styling. this feels more chaotic, and thrown together, almost like something his ragtag group of escapees have rustled up themselves.

like the denim skirt look! i don't know how to explain it, other than that look gives me king of the junkyard vibes.

again, so fitting for guilty.

i'd also like to talk about the make up

like, on one side we have the cunty alien look from his the rizzness performances

because????? what a loook! obsessed actually. the make up, the nails, the baggy all black fit with the over the top gold accessories? so good. i really loved all of this looks for this song.

buuuut, he also did some really soft looks too which i loved. either pink blush right under his eyes, or just in his lids, with a bit of glitter. or, a total no make up look like i mentioned before.

almost 'clean girl makeup' but i really fucking hate that term.

the contrasting looks do it for me they really do.

something something "on that vague border between good and bad" something something.

and this one.

this fit was a grower for me. but now? wow wow wow. there's levels to this.

in terms of the overall promo, i think it's suuuuuper interesting, that's more focused on one, taemin's vocal ability, and two, how respected and loved he is as a veteran idol.

it's so great to see so much focus on his vocals because, they do tend to get overshadowed by his dance ability. he did killing voice! like, it's a crime that shinee or a member has only now been in killing voice but ok.

his musicality has been at the forefront this era.

and, wow. the videos featuring all his fan boys.

this was a taemin request, i'd fully believe it. he wants to feel loved and desired by boys, and he got his wish and them some with this promo.

i've never seen another male idols promo revolve around his desirabilty with men before. it's actually so interesting.

like taemin loves to perpetuate the parasocial realtionship with fans, we all know this, but, he's been doing that more on lives and stuff? lije more one-on-one fan interaction.

whereas his actual official promo has been all about how he's the 'idol of idols'. it's a unique approach.

um yeah, i think those are most of my thoughts about guilty era.

[imhereforscm]

Update??? Please 🥺

Omg, baby, have a seat and take a breath🤣🤣💕💕💕💕💕

(adding a cut, because I'm rambling and I don't want you all to suffer with my long ass post)

Would you like some dessert?? I've got some cake in the fridge.🙃🩷 And if I'm not mistaken, I also got some ice cream too and a lot of chips and chocolates AND BASICALLY MY HOUSE IS ICHTHYS' HEAVEN WITH ALL THAT JUNK FOOD LMAOO

Zyglavis would definitely lecture me on my eating habits乁⁠[⁠ ⁠◕⁠ ⁠ᴥ⁠ ⁠◕⁠ ⁠]⁠ㄏ Joke's on him though. I don't eat unhealthy.... I don't eat at all!(⁠*⁠＾⁠3⁠＾⁠)⁠/⁠～⁠♡ (Don't copy me. I don't advise it.)

I haven't been online much recently, because something just ended in my life (nothing to worry about. Don't worry. I feel like this every summer.) And I'm adjusting to the new thing.

Also, I finished a novel and I've given it to some people to read it and tell me their thoughts on it. It's my first actual novel, so I don't think this one is gonna be published. But you never know what life may bring, I guess!🙃🩷🩷

Recently I also read over another novel I've written and....... I'm not content💀💀, so I want to rewrite almost the entire thing sometime. (That actually made me feel a little discouraged and down about my writing for some time and I'm still recovering from writer's block from it. I had high hopes for that novel and turns out, every single line I've read made me wanna pull my hair out. But there are scenes in there that hold great potential, so it just needs reconstruction.)

AND I'm in the middle of writing the first draft of yet another novel. Idk how that's gonna go. I have a great idea in my head, I just need to get it on paper. I dropped it for some time, because I was loosing track of my characters a bit, but now I've picked it up again.

But that doesn't mean I'm ignoring your fics🩷🩷💜💜💜💜💙💙💙❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖 Every fic I have received will be written. I'm just asking for a little patience, because my brain's still recovering from writer's block and for forgiveness from everyone who's been waiting for months to see their requests published.💖💖💖💖💕💕💕💕💕💕

These past few days, my writing was odd. Like- I wanted to write, yet I couldn't get myself to sit down and do it and when I finally did it, I couldn't really see myself in my writing. It didn't feel like "me" and I wasn't content with many of the things I've written and now I've got a bunch of "rolled up and thrown in the trash" fics.

I'm really happy to be here and interact with all of you and write and share the things we all love together💜🩷🩷💜💜💜💜💜 So don't worry! I'm not leaving! All this is just a little dramatic episode of my brain and it'll get better very very very soon!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ (Also, a certain Leon request I received this morning is actually very interesting. I've never written about this topic before, so I'm excited to try my hand at it😏😏)

But now it's time for me to share something with you😌✨✨✨

Does anyone remember when I said I was making these two playlists?:

I made them public for anyone interested😚😚😚 The songs I picked mostly fit the vibe I think each department has. So you might find that the lyrics don't match a lot or that the gender of the person the song talks about doesn't match your gender. So rest easy! I picked them for the vibe!

My username on Spotify: (iconic profile pic. I know.꒰⁠⑅⁠ᵕ⁠༚⁠ᵕ⁠꒱⁠˖⁠♡♡⁠˖⁠꒰⁠ᵕ⁠༚⁠ᵕ⁠⑅⁠꒱)

(please, ignore the playlists named "(ignore)" lol. I named them that, so that they're ignored.)

I love you all!!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[reverie-starlight]

{lover- m. atsumu}

I was listening to lover and I got inspired... this song makes me feel all kinds of lonely. Like- there's lonely, and then there's the kind of lonely I feel while listening to Lover.

Please enjoy this! I had fun writing it. I even made a special header for it cause this has literally been months in the making. I used the lover logo and everything hehe.

Reader: Gender Neutral!

Warnings: some language and alcohol consumption by reader, like one (1) dirty joke. slightly suggestive, but very very briefly in a couple spots. this is one of the fluffiest things I've ever written and I blame Taylor Swift for making me soft. not proof read.

Character: Miya Atsumu (you have no idea how long this has been sitting in my drafts under the name (lover- unspecified hq character) because I couldn't decide between Akaashi, Atsumu or Suna. Of course Atsumu prevailed bc I am in love with him.)

Word Count: idk but it’s long... definitely closer to 2k?

Synopsis: A collection of moments from when you and Atsumu navigate having your own home and living together for the first time.

Notes: The way this is set up isn't going to match the song 100%, I just chose some stand out lyrics, so it's a songfic, but not really. It isn't the whole song. And these moments aren't like, in sequence or anything, it's basically drabbles based on whatever I thought of for the chosen lyric.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

we could leave the christmas lights up 'til january

this is our place, we make the rules

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, you were able to sit down on the sofa and admire your handiwork. You curled up against your boyfriend's side and smiled at what had been accomplished.

For the past week and a half, you and Atsumu had been busy moving into your new shared home. It was an apartment, and it was already a million times better than your previous living arrangements. You were living together now and it was surreal.

And what's more was that it was yours. You weren't just spending the night, you weren't visiting- it was your shared home with someone you cared for so deeply. It was your place, and both of you were free to do as you pleased with it.

"You know," you started off quietly, not wanting to disrupt the peace but also wanting to get this thought off of your mind. "We could potentially put up the Christmas decorations around the apartment one day after work this week. We're not running on anyone else's schedule anymore. We can literally put them up whenever we want."

Your boyfriend peered down at you and smiled. It wasn't one of his usual arrogant grins reserved for the court, or one of the teasing smirks that he used when he wanted to get on your nerves. This one was softer. It matched the look in his eyes and you knew it meant he was as happy as you were.

Tired from helping you move around furniture all day, but very happy.

"That's true. And that also means we wouldn't have to rush to take 'em down within a socially acceptable timeframe. 'Samu was always a stickler for that." He slightly shifted so that he could look at the one storage box that had been left out for the time being. In black marker it read Holiday Decorations- they had come from your old apartment.

You felt bad leaving your friend without any decorations at all, but since you paid for them (and Osamu refused to give his brother their shared box) you took yours with you.

"That is also true." You sighed and looked around the newly finished living room. A comfortable silence took over once again.

"So were ya thinking tomorrow after you get home, or..." Atsumu trailed off.

Home. He must've said sentences similar to that a million times over the course of your relationship, however it was always referring to a different place with people who weren't him. The weight of it was different now. Home was with him, and though it felt like that even before moving in together, home- as in the physical place you now lived- was also with him.

"That sounds perfect." you grinned up at him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

have I known you 20 seconds, or 20 years?

The only way to describe this moment was pure.

Lying face-to-face in bed with your lover, not talking at all, just admiring each other. Sometimes he would brush away a strand of hair from your face and follow up with caressing your cheek. Talking wasn't needed. You were at a point in your relationship with Atsumu where silences didn't need to be filled with meaningless small talk.

You had an understanding of each other now and it ran so deep that you wondered how you hadn't known this man your whole life. In the grand scheme of your time on this planet, you had only known him for a small part of it.

It baffled you, in all honesty, how you knew he would be your forever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

can I go where you go?

can we always be this close forever and ever?

When he first brought up the prospect of living together, you were a bit hesitant.

You knew there was no need to be, considering you had been together for years, but you were scared of change and you really loved how things were going. Moving in together was bound to cause more petty arguments until you could both navigate the new dynamics that it was bound to bring to your relationship.

And if you were being really honest, you were worried that you wouldn't necessarily have your own space- your room would now be shared, you had to be mindful of how you decorated the place so it would be to both of your likings... you were scared that moving in with someone (who wasn't just your roommate) would take away some of the joys of independence.

But once you got settled and used to living together?

You never wanted to be apart from him again.

Laughter rang through the kitchen as he flung some flour at you. It was one in the morning and the two of you decided it would be a good idea to make cookies.

"Okay, okay! I yield! Just stop!" He laughed as you were about to crack an egg over his head.

You set the egg down and pretended to be done with your attacks. Walking over to the sink to wash your hands as he put the cookies in the oven, you silently filled up a small cup with water.

"Alright, I'm gonna go change-" he was cut off by a splash of water in his face.

You grinned at him and started backing away as he wiped a hand over his face. He noticed you trying to sneak away and lunged at you.

"Oh no, you're not getting away that easy," he laughed, chasing you around the kitchen.

Yeah, you wouldn't trade living with him for the world.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

take me out, and take me home

You were drunk.

You had gone out with a group of your friends to celebrate a birthday and you were lucky enough to not be playing designated driver. You were going to offer but Atsumu suggested that he take that role on instead since he had practice the next day and didn't want to go in with a hangover.

("Plus," he said, "You always offer and you deserve to have some fun, too.")

You seldom drank when you went out with friends, usually just preferring to watch over them and make sure they were safe. Even Atsumu had only ever seen you drunk a handful of times, and never in a public setting with loud music and other drunk people involved. But tonight you decided that as long as he was there to keep you from doing something stupid, you could let loose. He had no idea what was in store.

So when you stumbled up to him and interrupted his conversation with one of your friend's boyfriends (who also opted to stay sober), he couldn't help but laugh a bit. You tried to lean on the bar beside you but missed it, causing your boyfriend to quickly catch you before you could drop to the ground. You bounced back quick from the embarrassment, using his hands on your waist to your advantage.

"Hey, handsome," you tried to flirt, putting your arms around his neck, "can I buy you a drink?"

He stared at you for a second before smirking. If he knew one thing about you when you got drunk, it was that your confidence could easily be turned into clinginess or shyness depending on how he responded to whatever advances you made.

He whispered something in your ear that made you flush. Then you were hiding your face in his neck as he laughed at you even more, patting your side.

"'Tsumu, c'mon, let me be the flirt in this relationship for once," you mumbled against him.

He rubbed your back comfortingly and said "I'm very sorry, baby, you can flirt with me all you want on the car ride home, kay?"

You nodded and brought your face out of hiding.

He checked his phone for the time. "We should get going, actually, it's getting pretty late. Is that alright with you, sweetheart?"

You nodded and jumped on him, making him scramble to catch you once again. "Take me home, lover."

And when he did eventually get you home, after saying bye to your friends, and a car ride full of your flirting, he realized had to carry you the whole way up. Sleepiness was taking over and you were getting sappy- his favourite part.

He sat you down on the bathroom counter, washing your face and brushing your teeth for you with the softest look in his eyes as you rambled on about all the reasons you loved him. He listened to you speak with a fond smile, small hums of acknowledgement leaving his mouth and his chest swelling with love.

"And, I'm just so proud of you, baby, you're amazing." You finished your slurred rant with a bright smile and a sloppy kiss to his forehead.

He giggled a bit and hugged you tightly before pulling away to look into your eyes. "You have no idea how much I love you. How grateful I am for you," he ran his hands up and down your sides and smiled when you squirmed. "Now let's get you into bed, sleepy." He peppered you with a few kisses before taking you to your shared bed and lying you down.

He always wanted to be the one who brought you home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

and i'm highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you

i've loved you three summers now honey, but i want 'em all

He had taken you as his plus one to an event he was obligated to attend. It was some sort of banquet- you weren't really clear on all the details but you did know that it was a big deal for Atsumu. There was going to be a lot of potential sponsors for him and his teammates, so you wanted to make sure that you weren't being anything less than perfect so you wouldn't attach a negative image to him. (He told you that there was nothing to worry about, that nothing you could do or say would ever be so bad, but you worried anyway.)

You really were trying to be calm and collected.

But this girl, the daughter of a potential sponsor, was seriously pushing your limits.

The entire night she had been eying him, just waiting for you to leave his side- glaring at you then smiling at Atsumu if he happened to look over. You were not having it, obviously, and you tried to make it clear that she had no chance.

But she was persistent.

"I mean, come on, I can get my dad to sponsor you so easily- I have a lot of sway with him, you know? There’s just one condition you’d have to meet," you heard her say as you were walking out of the bathroom and back to his side.

You rolled your eyes. You knew your boyfriend was attractive- it wasn't unusual for people to try to flirt with him before realizing he wasn't single- and you knew you had nothing to worry about. He was so loyal and loving and he would never even entertain the thought of betraying you like that.

But sometimes he could be a bit dense.

He definitely wasn't the playboy flirt the media often made him out to be. In fact, you even made the first move before you started dating. He hadn't realized you were flirting at all until you made it clear to him.

So you didn't hold it against him when you heard him being friendly with the girl who now had a hand on his arm. You walked up beside him and looped your arm through his free one. He immediately turned and smiled at you, then tried to introduce the girl. 

“Oh, hey baby, there ya are. This is-” he widened his eyes at you in panic as he realized he forgot her name and you had to fight back the smile that was making its way onto your face. He quickly turned to face the girl to make it seem like he directed that last sentence at her. “My partner, (L/n) (Y/n).” 

She didn’t remove her hand from his arm and only seemed to latch onto him tighter at your arrival.

The girl faked a smile towards you. “Hi,” it was obviously cold, and if Atsumu hadn’t noticed her behavior before, he was definitely catching on now.

He pulled his arm out of her grasp and moved closer to you. “She was just telling me about how ‘er father’s company could be a potential sponsor. What were ya saying before about me having to meet a condition?” 

She flushed but didn’t lose any confidence. “Well, I was going to say the condition was buying me dinner... would you be interested, Atsumu?”

Your eyes widened at her use of his first name and he frowned. “Uh... definitely not. Please call me Miya. We’re not close, and we’re never going to be. Thank you for your sponsorship offer, but I think your condition is a little too impossible for me to meet. I have a partner and the least ya could do is respect that.”

With that said, he moved his hand into yours and tugged you along behind him. You stuck your tongue out at the girl as you passed her, not feeling bad at the embarrassed look on her face one bit.

Once you were out on the balcony, he apologized for not realizing she was flirting sooner. 

“’Tsum, it’s all good. Once you did realize it, you shut it down immediately. You did nothing wrong.” 

He nodded but you could still tell he felt guilty. You grabbed his hand and squeezed it so he would look at you. “If you feel bad about getting hit on a lot when I’m around, or flirted with despite this relationship being public knowledge, please don’t. I trust you and I know that you would never break that. It can be frustrating, and maybe some days I feel more insecure than others, but at the end of the day? We go home together. We’re a team, okay? I love you.”

Atsumu looked at you like you just hung the stars in the sky. “I love you so much.” He wanted to hug you, pick you up, kiss you- show you how much your words reassured him and how grateful he was for you. 

But there were still people on the other side of the door who would be eager to call the two of you out for being unprofessional at one of his work events. So instead he settled for placing a quick kiss on your hand.

He glanced through the doorway and then stood up. “How mad do you think my publicity rep would be with me if people saw us leaving early again?”

“He’d be pissed. You’ve been so good tonight.”

“And you’ve been perfect. Just like I said you’d be. I think we can risk a few articles, right?”

You sighed, but smiled up at him anyway. “One of these days we’ll see a work party through to the end, but today is not that day.” 

The two of you giggled and snuck out of the party, not caring one bit about the affronted looks of old businessmen or the teasing glances of his teammates.

The next morning, his phone was blowing up with angry messages from his managers and some snarky texts from his brother. He shut off his phone and rolled over to fall back asleep with you in his arms. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

and you'll save all your dirtiest jokes for me

“Baby, I lied, I have another one,” said Atsumu as he walked up to where you sat on the couch. 

You groaned. Your boyfriend had been telling you bad jokes all morning, obviously trying to get on your nerves, and you finally managed to get him to stop.

Or so you thought.

“Atsumu, I swear, it’s only been twenty minutes-”

“Just listen! I think you’ll like this one.”

You sighed. “Fine. Go ahead.”

He dramatically cleared his throat and stood up a little straighter. “Now this may seem corny but you make me-”

“Atsumu,” you cut him off when you realized where the joke was going. 

“Knock knock,” he said, as if he anticipated you’d cut him off.

“Who’s there?” you couldn’t have sounded more done with him if you tried.

“Al.”

“Al who?”

“Al give you a kiss if you just open this stupid door!” The smile he gave you reminded you of a puppy after doing a trick- proud and looking for a positive response.

You pulled him down by the collar of his shirt and kissed him.

“You’re lucky that one was cute- it made up for that other one.”

His smile widened. “Speaking of that one-”

“Oh fine, have your way.” You tried and failed to sound annoyed as you put your arms out for him. 

He laughed and picked you up, running to your shared room.

You had to admit- you were happy that you were the only one he directed those types of jokes to.

And even if they were lame, you still loved him with everything you had.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

you're my, my, my, my lover

[milkybonya]

strangers to lovers!Jacob

Pairing: college!Jacob x gender neutral reader

Warnings: none

[a/n]: idk what this is but it has been in my drafts for a while and i just decided yeet lets post it! it came fresh out of the time i was super sof for Jacob hehe

How you met:

On a rainy day, a student ran into the lecture hall fifteen minutes late while soaking wet. To his surprise, there were no seats in the back, so he slowly moved forward until he found an empty seat: right next to yours.

Apologizing for being loud and late, he settled into his seat and began to pay attention. The sound of water dripping from his hair onto the page in front of you distracted you, and you offered a beanie of yours for him to wear. He thought you were being kind to him and making sure he didn't catch a cold, but really you just hated the way his hair was dripping everywhere.

He put it on and later the lecture ended. When it did, he immediately took it off to give it back to you, but saw you were gone. You had another class right after that one and had to rush off, which is why you disappeared like that. He tightly clutched the beanie and promised to himself that he would wash it and it to you.

The second meeting:

"Wait! WAIT!" a boy yelled outside the bus, hitting the door with his fist while chasing after it.

The bus, packed with students from campus heading home, stopped for him and let him on. He panted and apologized many times before getting on and pushing through the many people who were standing. They all groaned at him, and even you were getting angry just watching the way he was acting... until he stopped right in front of you.

"Hi! Do you remember me?" he asked you a big smile on his face.

"No...?" you responded, removing your earbuds.

He took some time to open the zipper of his backpack, rummaging through before he found a beanie that looked incredibly familiar to you.

"My beanie?"

The boy nodded, handing it back to you.

"Finally, I get to give it back! Thanks for letting me use it that day."

"No problem!" you said, taking the beanie out of his hands.

"So where is this bus headed anyways?" the boy asked, looking around.

You blinked at him, confused.

"Oh.. I kind of just saw you on this bus and followed you on. I'm not really sure where it's going," he explained, still smiling.

You laughed.

"You got on here just to give this to me?"

The boy nodded, eagerly.

"Well... this bus goes to the west side of the city-"

"Really? Darn.. I live on the east side!"

"Well you might wanna get off and take a bus back then," you advised him

He considered it, but shook his head, no.

"Are you headed home?" he asked instead.

"Nope! To a library near my home to study," you said.

"Well can I tag along?" he asked.

You couldn't say no to his adorable puppy eyes, so you agreed, even though you had planned to study alone.

Confession:

You and Jacob, now a close friend, had finally managed to reserve a spot in a private study room. You entered the space feeling like champions, caressing the comfy chairs and sprawling all over the huge desk, drawing on the whiteboard and prancing around like little kids.

Then, you finally got to work, reviewing materials from your shared class. Jacob was using the whiteboard to complete some calculations, so you didn't think much of it when he asked you to look up at what he'd written.

[y/n], i have something to say!

He hid his face in his arms as you read over his cute, neat writing, blushing when he witnessed your lovely smile.

"What is it, Jacob?" you asked him.

"[y/n]... I like you! Let's date... if you want," he said, smiling.

You smiled back at the boy, nodding.

"Okay, let's do it."

The first date:

After walking around a few music stores as Jacob searched for strings that he could use to replace the snapped ones on his guitar, the two of you stepped inside a café. Strangely enough, your favourite song was playing, and Jacob didn't miss a beat in pointing this out.

"[y/n], you love this song! Should I ask them to play it louder?" he asked, a cheeky grin on his face.

"As if you could ever work up the courage to ask them," you joked.

Jacob huffed and trudged up to the front counter, asking them in the softest voice ever imaginable if they could turn up the volume, which they did. You gave a thumbs up to Jacob when he turned around, dancing to the music that played while Jacob laughed.

After the two of you ordered, Jacob quickly found the best spot and shyly pulled out your chair for you to sit first.

The two of you enjoyed your drinks and snacks while talking about whatever random things came to mind, and Jacob spent the whole day smiling at you and laughing at all of your jokes. Later in the evening when you went for a walk around a park, Jacob took off the beanie he had been wearing and carefully placed it on your head, making sure to cover your ears with it so you wouldn't get cold.

"My hair looks terrible today but you staying warm is more important than my hair," Jacob said with a laugh.

You reached up to ruffle the boy's hair and he tightly shut his eyes, relishing in the feeling of your fingers gently touching his scalp, even if it was for a brief moment.

"You know... we first met because of a beanie, too. When I lended you mine," you said as you walked.

"That's right! Do you think we should get matching beanies sometime?" he asked.

"If we can find something cool, then definitely," you said, reaching for Jacob's hand and holding it in yours.

Jacob walked you to your dorm that night and didn't leave until you shut the door and he could see your light was on. Even then, he still texted you to make sure you were okay and to wish you a good night.

[delfts-purple]

Saints Row Reboot Thoughts

So originally I had a massive ass post of my SR5 wish list sitting in my drafts but since that's now useless, gonna do this. For some context I have been playing since 06, when I was way to young and I fucking hated 4. Now lets go!

My Wants and not wants:

Reboot after SR2 or SRTT. No hate, SRTT was alright but it may be easier and better to reboot from SR2. I seriously do not want you to redo 1 and 2. They are very good games that can stand the test of time and deserve their place. I may be more pissed if you retcon 1 and 2 than I was at 4. Like I guess I could live with a remaster if it was a graphical and control scheme overhaul only. I do hear you young fans, we did have clunky controls back then but they were normal so I don't get put off by it.

It looks to be the case we are going back to the roots and my god are we overdue.

Lets talk clothing. Basically the entire clothing system from SR2, that is what I want pray for. It was peak customization that I have not had another game match.

BIG PHAT GOLD CHAINS PLEZ. I know its probably not fashionable anymore but hot damn it looks so good.

Body slider/Gender slider (idk what to call it) from SR2. Not only is it great for our Trans homies. It was just a great, nah, amazing tool. Really before its time.

Please, make it so I don't have to be a body builder. Like skinny Bosses need more love. My boy Ty was always skinny till 3 and 4 forced him to be bulky. Skinny boys need love tooo!!!!

Honestly like a hybrid of the character builder from 2 and 3 would work. The color, make up and feature diversity of SR3. Paired with the fine tuning of SR2. Its just like chefs kiss.

Custom walking styles, I always loved that my and my friends boss not walk alike.

Two tone hair again maybe? I just think its neat.

Honestly just all the fucking activities from SR2 and SR1. I loved them all, well except Heli assault but people liked that to so let them have it.

Tagging, please, I love tagging.

GOLD/PLATNUIM WEPON UNLOCKS! So gangster like hot damn.

BOOZE AND DRUGS! Like I have had 100s of hours of fun fucking about with that. Like if we had the variety of SR1 in booze and drugs, I would die and got to heaven.

I mean if you can find a way to not make romancing a bastardization I guess you can keep it.

JUST DON'T! Don't bastardize that charaters.

Can we maybe have back some of that grit? Like SR2 was a prefect balance of grit and humour. SRTT felt like I was a toddler been mollycoddled by shallow humour. Not enough grit and felt like it was wrote by a 10th grader tbh.

Make the Boss... them again. Like non of this 'he hu puckish rouge' shit. I don't play a gang game to be a fucking hero. I know, shock, horror. I play it to be a sociopathic bastard. I got 100 fucking games where I am the good guy, sometimes ya boi needs a break. A evil, going to hell for this, I do question my mental status when I laugh at this, break.

Mission and cut scene replay. One of the reason SR1 and 2 save files can rack up into the 1000s of hours for me is this feature. If I want to play one mission, I don't have to replay the whole game. I can give in to whims. I do not have a word for it in English but it is maximum happiness with fun.

More cut scenes. Like there felt like there was less of them in 3 and 4.

Idle animations. My Boss just been like 'yep, Delfts gone, time to go fishing or drinking or smoking' was just great.

Look Gat was never some weird immortal, unbeatable guy until you made him that way in 4 onwards. He was the kinda hot headed, asshole, who got him self into trouble over it, guy who we adored. Bring my boi back.

A photo mode. I mean I got very, very good at cropping screenshots and clipping my camera of walls but, my Boss deserves better! He his my handsome little killer and people need to know that.

MKUltra elevator nightmare shopping/wardrobe/garage screens, you know the ones, fucking scrap them. Go back to how it was in 1 and 2. I do not need to be subjected to CIA brutality while playing SR. I got enough of that thanks.

Keep the phone menu, that shit was tight. Real immersed me and I love seeing the Bosses phone. I mean I have bought and made replicas of them ffs.

Make hazel eyes behave like the did in the remaster. Like damn. Just. I have a whole post on this shit thats how good it was.

I know you guys are good for it but keep them fun af cheats. I spent to long as a massive af beating up super small people as it rained corpses. Oh and the gravity was gone.

Don't have dual wielding as a fucking upgrade. My Boss just dual wields, let him, like you did in 2.

Weapon skins, like in SR4, that was alright. I wouldn't mind that one.

Keep the Bosses back story vague still. I haven't wrote and perfected his back story over the last decade or more so you can piss on it.

Jackets and hoodie, stop the putting my hair in a ponytail. Last time I put on a fucking track jacket I didn't have to tie my hair back, It didn't happen in 2 so why 3 and 4?

Respect and Missions. Can we either have a return to the old style respect system to make people play the side missions or just not make people play them by force. I fucking hate Heli assault and all that flying shit, so been forced to do it made me want rip my hair out. Like if they are there people will play the ones they want, I do not want to be made to do it by the main story. THX

Bring back the day/night cycle. I could play for much longer when it wasn't so monotone. Also it made me think about what I was doing when. Like I wouldn't got to the night club at 10am.

Bring back Nightclubs. Tyde want's to party and so does Delfts.

Stop making the character hollow 2D’s of their former selves.

A varied city, like Stilwater. Seriously, feels like a real city and I have lived or worked in over 6 in my life so I know. Steelport felt like what some Vatnik Babushka (Boomer Grandma) in rural Siberia would describe the city, dull and unrealistic.

Have the gangs act like actual gangs. You know, go around doing crime and harassing NPCs like they did in 1 and 2.

NPCs, make them like you did in SR2. They acted like real people, did the most random and weird shit. Felt real. They also all look different or their was such a wide variety in base models I didn’t notice repetition. SRTT and SRIV they were like 5 NPCs. I had occasions where there was 10 of the same model and I was like, two or three is okay but fucking 10?

Make them drive the way they did in 1 and 2 too. I have drove in a city for a long time and that shit was so real. People are dumb sometimes.

Bring back Freckle Bitches!!!!!!

If I think of anything else I will add it but feel free to add your own and disagree with me. I kinda want to here how all you others be feeling about this. I feel fear and happy. Also can you tell I blasted this out at like 4am.

[crownlessam]

@cvrsedseraph @milfdean @swansongmp3 thank you meg for tagging me tn this has been sitting in my drafts since last week so sorry to you guys fjakjffjkshd

1. name/nickname: alex

2. gender: [static noises]

3. star sign: pisces

4. height: 5’2”. ahahah why are u so small @ myself

5. time: 11:39 pm

6. birthday: march 12th

7. favorite bands/groups: yghhghfj i have been listening to too many solo artists lately. but just know there are some out there i like

8. favorite solo artists: mitski, frank ocean, phoebe bridgers, lorde, lady gaga, can you tell i’m depressed and also an el gee bee tee

9. song stuck in my head: potential breakup song (explicit) by aly and aj

10. last movie: when harry met sally

11. last show: hxh. bc cringe culture truly is dead

12. when did i create this blog: well the url used to be my main and i’ve been on here since like. 2011/2012ish????? but i resurrected it this year post november 5th

13. what do i post: only spn nonsense on this blog

14. last thing googled: my college account login to view my tuition (derogatory)

15. other blogs: my main @scoundrelhan

16. do i get asks: lich rally none. but that might be a good thing jakhdlahf

17. why i chose my url: boy king sam <3

18. following: apparently 400. but a lot of them are inactive so that’s prob gonna drop real quick

19. followers: my sexy secret ;)

20. average hours of sleep: idk probably around 6 or 7 i wake up like every hour usually it’s so bad

21. lucky number: idk i think i said in a previous tag thing it used to be 13 when i was in middle school bc i thought i was Edgy. now none

22. instruments: cello mainly. but also viola and euphonium/baritone

23. what am i wearing: sweatpants and a t-shirt

24. dream job: trophy spouse LMAO. i don’t have one <3

25. dream trip: always wanted to do the west coast/pacific northwest again.

26. favorite food: anything with cheese

27. nationality: american

28. favorite song: i have many. but right now good days by sza

29. last book read: the color of law by richard rothstein

30. top 3 fictional universes i’d like to live in: none honestly bc i’d die in all of them <3 but supernatural just so i could cause chaos

any cherished mutuals (which means all mutuals) do this if you haven’t already and would like to!!!

[boomerang109]

*looks at my fic, which hasn’t been updated in 4 weeks (other than edits because i Didn’t Like It) and i’ve now driven myself into a horrible writers block immediately after outlining the entire thing possibly because i have outlined the entire thing and i forgot where i was going with this but am i sending it anyway yes i am please god tell me to write someone threw my motivation out the window and it’s all muddy now and i don wanna touch it oh god what even is that metaphor see what i mean about the writers block anyway ily cant wait for the next chapter of wwda get it out when you can don’t stress ily bye*

don’t tell me why my brain is like “yes we can answer this but we’ll combust if we look at any messages.” there’s no logic but i’ll get around to your messages and everyone else’s there. (to everyone waiting for like two sentence answers who’s seeing me post paragraphs, i’m sorry. the braincell does not function)

the way that i’m in YES! i can help! mode even tho i myself am lowkey in writer’s block which means i’m not qualified at all ajfhjghfgfdjghj

first of all: outlines are just to guide you. they stress me the fuck out too (which is why i’ve refused to put my wwda outline to paper, despite the fact that this means the timeline is absolutely fucked. like it’s in my brain, but if i put it on paper i’ll try to stick to it and i’ll freak out--see my month long break when i had an “outline” for chapter four). you can have goals for chapters (ie, lay groundwork for foreshadowing/character development/etc) but overall? just let yourself sit in front of the computer and vibe. don’t think about where you’re going, just think about where you are. 

“i don wanna touch it oh god what even is that metaphor see what i mean about the writers block“ this? this is you judging yourself while you write and i don’t want to see ANY of that shit. writing is a process and editing is a thing, but when you’re doing your first draft you just gotta word vomit. sorry that’s a gross phrase but that’s what i do. and honestly? most of wwda is barely pieced together word vomit. idek why anyone likes it, but they do. and even if they didn’t--nothing would exist if you don’t put something to paper to start with.

apparently this advice doesn’t apply to everyone (i still can’t process @hella1975 ‘s writing technique like what the actual fuck) but for me one of the big things with writer’s block is starting where i want to start and just writing whatever fucking scenes i want. idk if that makes sense so i’ll put it into the context of wwda. so when i was still in my fucking intensive class i wasn’t writing cause i didn’t have time except for like a few minutes before bed at like 3am. now at 3am i’m not gonna write suki and azula being rivals cause i can barely handle that dynamic when i’m Focused. but at 3am i’m sad as fuck and i generally like to peruse the ao3 dadkoda tag, so instead i just wrote my own dadkoda scenes for much later (although they’re not actually that far off) in the fic. are they gonna need some editing cause i was just like ‘maximum angst even tho this scene is supposed to be about healing’? yes. yes i was. now the other day on the plane (when i really should’ve been working on an essay i didn’t end up finishing) i was like okay, i need to work on something actually relevant to chapter 12. but i’ve worked myself into a corner with my azula & iroh scene so i didn’t want to deal with that bullshit on two hours of sleep and also being called “miss” and other female terms in the airport got me all in the gender feels so i was like oh! i’ll write some more enby aang! and i wrote this like gorgeous passage or two on aang’s gender feels. and yeah, it probably makes no sense for aang cause i wrote it from a pov that was too much me and not enough aang, but the point still remains. i skipped to a part of the chapter that was important to me. and then i realized that aang could be having these thoughts in the context of another scene which led to . . . and there i was with somewhat of a complete thought for the chapter. 

also along those lines, if you’re having writer’s block you gotta look at that block. what’s wrong? is there something wrong with the story up to this point? is there something you don’t like about where you’re going? is there something you really want to write that you’re not letting yourself write? 

cause the thing is, we’re not professional authors. we’re fic writers. we do this for fun cause we love the characters. so if you’re not loving the characters for some reason, you shouldn’t force yourself. take the pressure off yourself. this fandom is so supportive, they’re not going to rush you (literally look at the fact that even as you say you’re excited for wwda you also tell me not to stress) and remember to apply that to yourself. it’s okay to need a break, whether that’s cause the vibes are off or cause you’re tired or any other reason. 

i tried to write a bunch of different thoughts cause i know different things work for different people, i hope at least one of these ideas help. i literally haven’t looked at wwda even though i really want to be writing (and i still haven’t been reading fic). sometimes our brains just don’t cooperate. and yeah, i could sit here and yell at myself and go “what the fuck boom you’ve been looking forward to writing for literal weeks and now you have time and you’re doing other stuff what is wrong with you” and sometimes it’s really tempting to give into that. but the truth is i don’t usually do as much work as i did the past few weeks on as little sleep as i got so i’m really fucking tired. and so i’m giving myself a break. and i’m just not emotionally prepared to read fic cause--oh oops i hadn’t admitted to myself until right this second that i was avoiding fic cause i’m suppressing my feelings that kinda hurt wtf this wasn’t supposed to become therapy hour wtf. but as dumb as all that feels to put, i’m not gonna delete it cause i’m sure you’re gonna read it and say something along the lines of “it’s okay to rest and wait to read/write if that’s what you need!” cause you’re a nice person. so say those things to yourself IF that’s what you need. but if you’ve been sitting in bed for weeks and don’t have any reason not to write, maybe it’s time to word vomit. or if you have a problem with your story maybe you should look at that. just, do whatever works for you but be gentle with yourself. give yourself the same kindness you give others. whenever i’m not sure how to handle something (or how to treat myself ig), i’ll ask myself how i would give advice to a friend. so maybe try that. look at yourself, your writing process, your fic like it’s a friend’s and be like hmm. what would i recommend my friend do? and if weird rambley advice that probably displays my many years of therapy is helpful to you, then know my inbox (and my messages that i swear i’ll answer some day) are always open. i’m not gonna read this over cause i know if i do i’ll be too embarrassed to post so i’m just hoping it’s helpful. much love <3

[gamerwoo]

Wonwoo: Sunflower

Characters: Wonwoo x reader (gender neutral but if i slipped up on accident i apologize)

Genre/warnings: idol au, kinda slice of life, fluff, angst, some crack, a lil bit of suggestive/kinda sexual stuff toward the beginning, alcohol consumption and partying

Word count: 5,694

Summary: Then you’re left in the dust unless I stuck by ya. You’re a sunflower, I think your love would be too much.

a/n: (inspired by Sunflower by Post Malone and Swae Lee) I accidentally posted this from my drafts when it wasn’t done and I really didn’t want to rewrite it or post it at all but I did anyway because I like to torture myself so here. and i know the real meaning of the song is kind of flipped to how i wrote it but um i didn’t realize until i was almost done lmao and also shoutout to @neverknewgrey2016 and @dreamjunhui for not only dealing with my tantrum when I had to redo this but who told me I should still remake it if I really liked the idea :]

(original a/n was something cheesy about the song reminding me of wonwoo because like i say i hate him all the time or smth idk but i figured i could use the lyrics to make some kinda story and i could definitely see wonwoo calling his s/o ‘sunflower’ as a petname but anyway moving on)

Seventeen Song Series

[Needless to say, I keep her in check

She was all bad, bad nevertheless

Calling it quits now, baby, I’m a wreck

Crash at my place, baby, you’re a wreck]

Meeting Wonwoo was an accident. It wasn’t like you were childhood friends or had some cute/funny encounter in school to bring you two together. You became friends because you both had the same order at a coffee shop, and you both went to take it only to start bickering because you both insisted you ordered first. Wonwoo had on a black mask and cap so you weren’t sure who the hell this sketchy-looking dude was, but you were going to get your drink either way.

After becoming friends, Wonwoo realized your snarky and sarcastic nature wasn’t just him catching you on a bad day. You were always like that. He did, however, discover that it was essentially your way of hiding your feelings. You were a shy person who didn’t really do feelings, and you were bad at expressing them. You teasing him and giving him a hard time was your way of expressing your fondness of him -- and you did it a lot and didn’t hold back.

Wonwoo quickly found himself growing a feeling of responsibility toward you. He started watching out for you, making sure you were kept in line, and always made sure you behaved -- well, at least as well as you could. While most people blew off your personality as rude and annoying, Wonwoo found it cute; almost childlike. He was fond of you, honestly.

If you were being completely, boldly honest, you had feelings for Wonwoo, but you refused to ever let him find out about those. But truthfully, he felt the same way, and he could easily tell you liked him back. Maybe that was why he did everything in his power to make you as flustered as possible -- which wasn’t hard since you got shy when it came to compliments, physical displays of affection, and basically anything cute, cuddly, or touchy-feel-y.

“Yah, can you sit down for like, two seconds?” he groaned, pushing himself off the couch to follow you to the kitchen where you were going for your fourth piece of cake. “_____, you don’t need more! You’re going to get sugar high, and you’re going to get a tummy ache.”

You snorted, glancing at him over your shoulder, “Did you just say ‘tummy ache’? I’m not five.”

“Yes, I said ‘tummy ache’,” he stated, reaching out and grabbing your waist, pulling your back to his chest as he wrapped his arms around you and began to tickle your stomach. You squealed, your cheeks immediately going red as you shoved away from him.

“Don’t do that!” you whined, an embarrassed smile on your face. “I’ll leave this dorm right now and go home, I swear!”

“No you won’t,” he told you, crossing his arms over his chest as he blocked the way toward the exit which was the opposite way you were headed. “It’s too late, kid; you’re stuck here for the night.”

“I’m not a kid,” you stated as you rolled your eyes, mimicking him and crossing your own arms, “Then at least let me eat the leftover cake.”

“_____--”

“I don’t even need permission,” you scoffed, turning back toward the kitchen and marching straight there, “I’m an adult!”

Wonwoo groaned, his head dropping back as he heard you open the refrigerator. Sometimes he wondered why he even bothered.

“Hey!” you giggled as you scurried over to him with a can of whipped cream in your hand. “Look what I found! Open!”

Wonwoo let out a short, airy laugh as he playfull rolled his eyes. Still, he complied and opened his mouth, letting you spray the sweet topping into his mouth before you put a dot of it on his nose, sticking your tongue out at him before running back into the kitchen before he could get you.

‘Oh, yeah,’ he thought to himself as he smiled fondly at your retreating form, ‘that’s why.’

❀━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━❀

[Thinking in a bad way, losing your grip

Screaming at my face, baby, don’t trip

Someone took a big L, don’t know how that felt

Looking at you sideways, party on tilt]

You’d never once questioned your friendship with Wonwoo. Sure, you were just some rando he’d ran into on the street and happened to get along with, but the fact you did get along well was why you never thought Wonwoo felt like he was above you. He never presented himself like the type to only befriend people on ‘his level’, either.

But then he invited you to a party. It was the birthday party of one of his idol friends -- or maybe it was a friend of a friend, you weren’t sure -- and Wonwoo wanted to know if you’d be his plus one.

“You don’t get out much,” he’d told you jokingly as he nudged your side.

So you agreed to go, and you were having fun at first. You had a few free shots, and Wonwoo offered to buy you some drinks. Even Seungcheol was asking you to do shots with him just for fun, so you did. But it seemed like the drunker you got, the more uptight you felt rather than letting loose. Your mind started to focus on how Wonwoo behaved around his idol friends, and you started questioning why the hell Wonwoo would even still be friends with you. Did he even actually like you or did he just feel bad when you’d text him asking to hang out? Did he invite you here because he felt bad for you? Was he hoping to hand you off to somebody else?

Wonwoo hadn’t seen you for a while. He’d gotten distracted talking to a friend he didn’t get to see often, so when he realized he wasn’t sure of your whereabouts, he went looking for you. It took him about ten minutes of looking and asking around before he finally found you in the bathroom, curled up in the corner with a tear-stained face and your arms wrapped around your knees.

“_____!” Wonwoo gasped, rushing over to you and immediately falling to his knees. “What happened? Are you hurt?”

You sniffled, looking up at him with bleary eyes. Your words slurred together when you spoke, “Why’d you c’m findme?”

“I hadn’t seen you in a while,” he told you, his arms wrapping around you as he sat down beside you. “What happened? Why are you crying?”

“Why d’you even hangout w’me?” you grumbled, wiping carelessly under your eyes with the back of your hand as you looked away from your friend. “You have cooler friends‘n’shit...”

Wonwoo shook his head as he tried to move hair from your face, “I don’t understand...”

Wonwoo had definitely had his share of drinks that night, but he was sober enough to now what was happening -- and he knew what was happening with you wasn’t normal. You never cried in front of him, and you never ever compared yourself to his friends -- at least, not out loud or in front of him.

“Y’re other friends ‘re idols!” you burst, turning to look at him as more tears welled up in your eyes. “Why waisty’re timeonme? ‘M nothin'...”

He frowned, cupping your face between his hands as he forced your eyes to look straight into his.

“_____, that’s absolutely not true,” he stated, looking more serious than you’d ever seen him -- even if you vision was a little questionable currently.

You whined, swatting at his hands even though it was like a baby tapping at his wrists with how drunk you were, “Go away!”

“You’re too drunk,” he sighed. “Calm down. Do you want me to take you home?”

You nodded, swiping at the water flowing down your cheeks again.

Wonwoo stood before he helped you up, keeping an arm around your waist as he put one of yours around his shoulders.

“I’ll get a ride and take you to the dorm, and I’ll make you some tea, okay? You can sleep this off afterwards, and if you still think I think you’re not worthy in the morning, I’ll still be there to tell you you’re wrong,” he promised as he led you out of the bathroom.

“Okay...” you mumbled, sniffling again. “Wonwoo?”

“Hmm?”

“Imight throw up ‘nyou...”

He chuckled, “That’s okay.”

He wanted to make a joke about how worst case scenario, he could borrow clothes from one of his ‘cool idol friends’, but he figured he should save that one for when you were sober.

❀━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━❀

[Ooh-ooh, some things you can’t refuse

She wanna ride me like a cruise

And I’m not tryna loose]

Neither of you were sure the reason, but the sexual tension between the two of you that night was much greater than it had ever been. It wasn’t the first time you’d been in tiny cotton shorts and one of Wonwoo’s old t-shirts to sleep in, and it wasn’t the first time the two of you sat so close together on the couch as you watched a movie at your place. But you both could feel how the air somehow felt thicker and hotter than normal.

“Why are we watching this movie again?” you asked in a sigh when you noticed the couple on screen was now making out, which definitely wasn’t distracting you from how you wished your best friend beside you would just push you down into the couch and press his lips into yours so hard that you couldn’t breathe.

“Because it had good ratings,” he replied nonchalantly, dumping a handful of popcorn into his mouth.

Despite how he sounded unfazed, Wonwoo was just as squirmy and uncomfortable as you. The couple in the movie reminded him so much of the two of you: a little unconventional, kind of crazy, but they still cared so much for each other. All he could think about the whole time was turning to you, pulling you into his lap, and making out with you until this stupid movie was over. He could even feel himself hardening under his shorts and hardly anything had happened in the movie! It was all just his own thoughts of you.

“I’m switching it,” you declared, leaning over to grab the remote from the coffee table.

Before your fingers could wrap around the black rectangle, Wonwoo’s hands latched onto your wrist, holding it in place.

“No,” he said sternly. “You can pick the next one when this is over.”

“It’s boring!” you groaned.

Truthfully, Wonwoo was nervous that if you turned your attention away from the movie, you’d end up noticing how turned on he was getting. So he insisted the movie keep playing.

“Not everything is about what you want,” he teased with a smirk.

“Jerk,” you frowned, sticking your tongue out at him.

You yanked your wrist out of his grasp and grabbed the remote anyway.

“_____!” he whined as you leaned over while he tried to reach for the remote, holding your arm away from him as you laughed.

“You can’t get it!” you sang in a teasing tone.

Wonwoo pulled the blanket off of his lap and completely climbed on top of you, pinning your wrists above your head by the arm of the couch. Both of you seemed to freeze as it set in how you two were positioned: Wonwoo straddling your hips with his hands around your wrists, and you below him and completely at his mercy. Your eyes were locked, somehow unable to look away even though you were blushing redder than a tomato.

But you didn’t make any moves to pull away, and Wonwoo knew that you probably would’ve shoved him off and called him an idiot by now.

Wonwoo smirked as you gulped, “You should see how red you look right now, _____.”

You stammered, trying to come up with a response, but the best you could do was avert your eyes and mumble a “shut up”.

Wonwoo leaned closer so his breath fanned your face when he spoke. Your eyes widened, unable to pick just one place on his face to focus.

“Do I make you flustered, _____?” he questioned, his voice low. You knew Wonwoo was a teaser -- he loved to tease you -- but you didn’t think he would be like this. “How come you haven’t pushed me off yet? It’s almost like you like having me over you like this -- like you want me to do something more...”

You stayed quiet as you and Wonwoo switched between looking in each other’s eyes and glancing down at each other’s lips. Finally, he closed the gap, pressing his plush lips against yours. His hands released your wrists, moving down your arms and down your sides to your waist. He sat back, bringing you up with him as your lips stayed connected in a kiss that quickly grew heated. You straddled his lap as your fingers tangled in his hair, your hips instinctively grinding down on his softly as your tongues moved together.

Wonwoo groaned softly into your mouth at the feeling, but he quickly held your hips still.

“If you want something more, you have to tell me,” he said, his voice soft but gravely.

“I want more,” you mumbled, pressing your lips back to his.

“No,” he smirked, pulling back enough so he could really see your reaction for this, “I want you to say the whole thing.”

You whined, your head falling forward into his shoulder, “Wonwoo, don’t do this to me...”

“If you don’t say it, I won’t do anything else,” he chuckled. “We can just sit here, watch the movie, and--”

“Fine!” you groaned, refusing to lift your head because you were sure your entire face and neck were red with embarrassment. “What do you want me to say?”

He shrugged, “Just tell me that you want me to fuck you.”

“Those exact words?” you whined. “Why?”

“Alright...” he hummed as he thought, making you think he was going to go easy on you. But he was going to get back at you for all the time you gave him a hard time. Finally, it was his turn to give you a hard time.

“Tell me that you want to ride me.”

You tensed at his words, but he also felt how your thighs tried to press together despite the fact they were spread open over his lap. He chuckled, letting his hands move up and down your thighs.

“Come on, you have a big mouth normally but now you suddenly can’t speak?” he teased.

“You’re the worst,” you huffed.

“I’m hearing a lot of talking but nothing of importance.”

You let out a loud sigh before mumbling words into his shoulder which he definitely heard, but he wasn’t done with you.

“I’m sorry, what was that, _____?” he smirked. “You’re gonna have to look at me when you talk.”

You lifted your head timidly. Wonwoo’s smirk grew bigger seeing how your cheeks were so flushed and your eyes could barely look at him. It somehow gave you an innocence that drove him crazy -- especially when accompanied with the words that fell from your lips in a shy, soft voice.

“I wanna r-ride you...”

Wonwoo bit his lip, cupping your cheek and pulling your face back down to his.

“Was that so hard?” he whispered before he pressed his lips back to yours.

❀━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━❀

[Every time I’m leaving on you

You don’t make it easy, no

Wish I could be there for you

Give me a reason to, oh]

You didn’t like watching everybody pile their luggage out of the dorms. You knew it was only for a month -- and you’d survived without Wonwoo for a month before -- but you were finally dating Wonwoo. You’d just started, and now he was leaving. 

Whenever Wonwoo had to leave, you always had this permanent pout on your face that Wonwoo never failed to find adorable. Even if he was upset seeing you upset, that cute look on your face made him chuckle and shake his head. He knew it meant you were sad, but he couldn’t help it.

“You know I’ll be back soon,” he reminded you, standing before you just outside the front door to the building. “I’ll call you whenever I can, okay?”

And just like every other time, you wrapped your arms around his waist with an iron grip. Wonwoo laughed, letting his arms wrap around your shoulders as he kissed the top of your head.

“You have to let go, y’know,” he told you, still chuckling at your actions.

You just whined in response.

“God, you’re never going to make leaving easy, are you?” he snorted, leaning away just enough to see your face that was still set in a pout.

You shook your head, “I’ll make it harder each time.”

“_____, please let go of our Wonwoo,” Jeonghan pleaded softly as he walked up behind Wonwoo to try to pull your arms apart.

“No!” you whined.

“Aw, c’mon, let’s just take _____ with us,” Wonwoo said, his head leaning against yours as he jutted out his lower lip, the puppy dog eyes aimed toward the manager that was standing by one of the cars.

“You know we can’t,” Seungcheol reminded him. “Come on, we have to go.”

Wonwoo did nothing to get out of your hold, keeping his arms resting comfortably around you while he laughed at his members struggle. When they finally did get him released, Seungcheol quickly grabbed him and dragged him away toward hip-hop unit’s car.

When Seungcheol had turned to get into the car himself, Wonwoo took off toward you. He crashed into you, barely managing to keep you and him up as his arms tightened around you.

“I don’t want to leave you,” he admitted in a soft whine.

“I know,” you sighed, rubbing his back, “but you have fans you have to see. You can’t disappoint them, right?”

“Wonwoo, what the fuck!” Jihoon groaned, noticing it was the taller member holding everybody up.

Even though you probably wanted him to stay even more than he did, you reluctantly pushed him away from you with a teasing smile, pointing to the open car door.

“Go on, you big idiot,” you told him with a light chuckle.

Seungcheol jogged back over to retrieve his member, dragging Wonwoo away by the arm.

“I’ll see you later, _____!” Wonwoo called, waving his hand over his head. “Take care of yourself for me!”

Truthfully, Wonwoo didn’t want to just leave like that -- in fact, Seungcheol was still dragging him to the car before shoving him inside because Wonwoo didn’t want to go. He wanted to put up more of a fight, but he knew he’d get in trouble if he did. So he complied with his manager and his members, pressing his face up against the tinted windows as they drove away and out of sight.

And just like every other time, you waited until Wonwoo was gone to let your tears escape.

❀━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━❀

[Every time I’m walking out

I can hear you telling me to turn around

Fighting for my trust and you won’t back down

Even if we gotta risk it all right now]

You were still giggling at the lame joke Wonwoo made as the two of you laid on your bed. It took a little bit of coaxing for you to cuddle with Wonwoo despite the fact you really really wanted to -- you were just a little shy about it, and Wonwoo’s teasing tones and smirks weren’t helping that -- but he finally had his arm around you with your head on his chest as he smiled up at the ceiling. Moments like these were ones he really enjoyed -- and there were plenty of them after that night in your apartment. The both of you knew there was no going back after having sex, but things just felt...right after that.

Now, here you were, spending your three month anniversary together with takeout, music, video games, and cuddling.

“You still owe me a rematch in Smash since you cheated,” Wonwoo reminded you.

You just scoffed, “You’re just mad that I’m better at playing Kirby than you are at playing literally anybody.”

“Being better at playing a character does not require stealing my controller and tossing it away from me,” Wonwoo frowned, poking your side to make you squeak.

“It just means I’m a better player!” you insisted.

“No, it means you’re a little cheater,” he told you, continuing to tickle your sides.

As you giggled and squirmed, swatting at Wonwoo’s hands while he kept an arm locked around your waist to keep you in his hold. When he noticed you were gasping for breaths was when he finally stopped, chuckling just at your laugh alone. It was possibly his favorite sound.

While your laughter was still dying down, Wonwoo placed a finger under your chin to make you look up at him.

“I love you.”

Your eyes widened. Neither of you had ever said the ‘L’ word to each other, and Wonwoo had just dropped it out of nowhere. You were definitely taken off guard to say the least.

Wonwoo just laughed softly at your expression, softly stroking your cheek with his thumb, “C’mon, say something.”

Your mind was racing with different things you wanted to say and do. You wanted to squeal with happiness and just yell about how much you loved him. You also wanted to bury your face in his chest just so he wouldn’t have to see you blushing as much as you were.

He smirked, “I haven’t seen you look this flustered since our first night together.”

“Ugh, don’t start,” you groaned, practically throwing your face into his chest as you gripped his shirt.

“Do you have anything to say back?” he wondered as he pressed a soft kiss to the top of your head.

You sighed dramatically as you lifted your head, playfully rolling your eyes, “No...”

“That’s not what you said in your sleep last week,” he smirked, quirking a brow.

Your eyes widened, “What?”

“Yeah, you talk in your sleep sometimes.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?!”

“I just did!”

As Wonwoo smiled brightly, you groaned in embarrassment and hid your face again as your cheeks heated up. Wonwoo just laughed warmly, hugging you tighter.

“It’s okay,” he assured you, “because I love you right back.”

When his laughter finally died down was when you finally decided to peek up at him to try to tease him back, but you saw something was different. Even the air felt different.

Wonwoo’s face had fallen, the happy twinkle in his eyes dulled. He let out a soft sigh as he looked up at the ceiling, his ‘thinking face’ on which included furrowed brows and his nose slightly scrunched.

“You okay?” you wondered quietly.

Wonwoo was silent for a moment which made your stomach do nervous flips. When he did finally speak, his words were soft and murmured with his eyes still glued to the ceiling.

“We’ll have to tell people at some point, won’t we?”

When you didn’t answer, Wonwoo looked down to see the panic in your eyes that was gone almost instantly, already shoved back down inside you to cover the vulnerability. He knew you hated the uneasiness of not knowing the future, but he also had to bring it up. You two were admitting you loved each other, which meant he had to start thinking about what would happen next.

“When do you want to?” you wondered, your voice quiet.

Wonwoo let out a short laugh that sounded more stressed than joyful, “Never.”

"C’mon, I’m serious.”

"So am I.”

You sat up, your hands on Wonwoo’s chest to push you, “You’re going to hide this?”

He sat up as well, “Are you going to force me to tell people?”

“Well, it just kind of seems like you want to hide me,” you admitted.

Wonwoo let out a short, dry laugh, shaking his head as he got up from the bed.

You sighed, standing up as well as Wonwoo left the bedroom. You followed behind him, watching as he went through the living room on his way to the door, grabbing his jacket off the back of the couch.

You continued to follow after him, calling, “I don’t get why this is such a big deal to you!”

“Really? _____, have you seen how other couples are treated in this industry?” he asked in a loud voice, one hand running through his hair, “I don’t want you getting hurt or feeling bad about yourself or--”

“Wonwoo, stop,” you said, walking over to him and taking his hands, tugging softly to get him to look at you. “That doesn’t matter.”

“_____, you can’t just blow over this, too--”

You put your fingertips to his lips as he sat up to argue this, quickly shushing him.

“It doesn’t matter because nothing’s going to change us -- I won’t let it. It doesn’t matter if people hate me or they hate us being together or whatever it is that’s bothering you. I love you and it’s not going to change. I have you with me, so what is there to be scared of, right? Nobody can force me away from you.”

A smile slowly started to spread on your boyfriend’s face as he wrapped his fingers around your wrist to move your hand from his lips, “When did you get good at expressing your feelings?”

“From constantly talking to myself when you’re too busy playing video games,” you told him, sarcasm dripping in your tone.

Still, your words meant a lot to him. He knew that you could’ve panicked, too. He knew you could’ve just made a joke about it like you did with most things. But you still tried to comfort him, and he knew it was something you didn’t think you were good at. But you tried for him.

He wrapped you in his arms, knowing he’d just have to trust you on this one.

“I love you,” he told you.

Your arms wound around his waist, letting your head rest against his shoulder.

“I love you.”

❀━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━❀

[I know you’re scared of the unknown

You don’t wanna be alone

I know I always come and go

But it’s out of my control]

It didn’t matter how many times you teased Wonwoo or shot a sarcastic comment at somebody. It didn’t matter how strong you acted or pretended how little you cared. Wonwoo knew you were scared of a lot of things: the future, things you couldn’t be sure of, and even being alone. You always tried to act like you were fine with all of those things -- especially the latter since you would insist you didn’t like people and preferred holing up in your room -- but Wonwoo knew you better.

Especially when he was announced to leave for six months.

The day before he had to leave, he wanted to spend it with you. He didn’t show up until the evening, though, since he was busy that day. He had been busy a lot, and this wasn’t even his first time leaving, but it was so much longer than you’d ever had to endure. You were terrified of what could possibly happen because of this long period of time away from each other, and Wonwoo could see that as soon as he came in.

All day, you’d been thinking about how Wonwoo would leave early in the morning. You couldn’t help but get upset thinking about how you’d have to spend those six months without the one person you loved and trusted more than anybody else. You’d basically be alone. Yeah, you’d have your friends and your family, but that was different. You loved Wonwoo differently than you loved them.

“Hey,” Wonwoo frowned when he opened the door to see you curled up on the couch with an odd look on your face -- it was some weird mixture of sadness and confusion, and he didn’t like it, “are you okay?”

You kept your eyes locked on the same spot across the couch up until the last word of your question, afraid of crying when you looked up at him.

“What if something happens to us when you’re gone?”

Sure enough, as soon as your eyes met his face, your lower lip started to quiver. You weren’t going to see that face in person for six months. You weren’t going to be able to hold or kiss him for 26 weeks. You would feel the same, empty, lonely feeling for 182 days, and all the anxieties that came with it.

Wonwoo walked over to you, sitting on the couch and pulling you into his embrace just as you broke down. He moved you into his lap as he shushed you and rubbed your back, keeping his hold on you tight and comforting.

“I know you’re afraid, baby,” he murmured, his lips against the side of your head, “but we’ll be okay, I promise.”

“You can’t know that,” you sniffled, your voice breaking twice.

He frowned hearing you sound so worried and broken. He wished he could somehow take all of your worried and anxieties and get rid of them forever. He wanted you to feel calm and secure all the time, but he knew you worried about a lot of small things even when you knew deep down that there was no point in worrying. You just couldn’t help it, and he understood that.

“I’ll video chat with you as often as I can, and it’ll be almost like I’m beside you,” he promised. “Try to visit your parents or a friend when you feel extra lonely, though, okay? I know you don’t like feeling vulnerable, but do it for me, alright? You have to take care of yourself while I’m gone -- I’ll be checking.”

You nodded, but you didn’t trust your voice enough to answer him with words. You already didn’t like that he could feel your body shaking with silent sobs, you didn’t want loud whimpers and cries to escape, too.

“I wish I didn’t have to leave you,” he sighed softly, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “I’d stay with you all the time if I could.”

“I wish I could go with you,” you told him just above a whisper. “I don’t wanna not have you around.”

But neither of those options were possible. Wonwoo and the rest of his members had already tried asking the staff about you tagging along, even for a little bit, but they were all given the same answer: no. It was completely out of his hands, no matter how badly he wished he could do something about it. The next morning, he’d be up before the sun to get on a plane to go to a different country.

But for the night, he could have you in his arms until he had to go, leaving you alone back home.

❀━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━❀

[Then you’ll be left in the dust

Unless I stuck by you

You’re the sunflower

I think your love would be too much

Or you’ll be left in the dust

Unless I stuck by you

You’re the sunflower

You’re the sunflower]

"Are you eating enough? You look thinner.”

“Yah, are you my mom?”

“Sorry, I’m not into that.”

Wonwoo rolled his eyes as he tried to suppress a laugh. Meanwhile, you laughed loudly, not caring if anybody on his end might hear -- the only other person in his hotel room was Seungcheol, but he had headphones in while he played a game.

“I’m eating, I promise,” Wonwoo nodded, smiling at your face that was currently on his phone screen. “Are you doing okay?”

You shrugged, peeling your eyes away from your phone where you could clearly see your boyfriend laying down in bed to check your water that was boiling for ramen, “I guess. I miss you a lot, but school kinda keeps me distracted sometimes.”

“Sometimes, huh?”

“I’m paying attention, I swear! I promised I would, and I keep my promises.”

He chuckled, “I know you do, baby. I’m sorry I couldn’t call the last week, but I got all of your texts about your exams. I’m proud of you.”

You flashed him a proud grin as you stirred your ramen, “Thanks! I’m, uh...sorry for spamming your phone. I tried to keep it to just good morning and goodnight texts.”

“I like it. It lets me know that you didn’t forget about me.”

You never failed to send him a text at least once a day, and while he couldn’t reply, it made Wonwoo feel so warm inside knowing you were still keeping him updated and checking on him. You really were so loyal and caring toward him, which he didn’t even understand. He’d been gone for three months now, and he thought you would’ve given up or moved on by now -- anybody else would’ve.

But you weren’t just anybody.

You scoffed, “Shouldn’t it be the other way around? You are the famous Jeon Wonwoo, after all.”

As Wonwoo watched you make your late dinner in just a big t-shirt he’d left behind for you, and your hair still messy and damp from a shower, he suddenly got hit with one of those ‘wow, I really love you’ moments, and all he could do was stare at you. Stare at how your hair fell in your face as you cracked an egg into your ramen, and how your lips moved as you softly mouthed the words to a song he couldn’t hear, and how you were doing literally nothing of significance but he wanted to watch you forever.

When Wonwoo didn’t reply, you looked at the phone to make sure the connection wasn’t lost, only to find Wonwoo looking at you almost dreamily.

“What?” you asked.

He just smiled softly and shook his head, “You don’t ever have to worry about me forgetting about you.”

[alamanyar]

[this has been sitting in my drafts since saturday. it’s super long lol but writing this all down helped me process the clip] i have to say that i liked the last clip (let’s say as a whole) of ‘This is why I don’t like you.’ and by that i mean the approach and most of its execution. maybe a few rewatches helped, and maybe a bit of distance helped, too. 

the beginning sequence is badass. love the girls acting cool and goofy at the same time. great music choice once again. eva doesn’t mess around, does she. i do hope they will tone down her jealousy. i’m a bit concerned. the way she reacts is realistic and i get her, i do, i just hope she’ll grow soon, cause being jealous 24/7 is draining and i want her to be happy. the dancing sequence is fantastic. there are all adorable goofballs. (i hope luchì gets a line soon. know that i’m waiting). i hope we see more of this in the next weeks. those are only snippets, but they are great, because they show us friends having fun together. edoardo with his friends (the villa boys are slowly growing on me and we don’t see them often. thank you ludos). also for giving chico the screentime he deserves. the myth, the legend, the chaotic energy. i hope we get to see more of him together with edo. and if it’s a snippet of them dancing (?) together. edoardo is loyal to his friends, we all know that i think, but we actually see him having fun with them in a very soft way. you can feel they go way back. you only geek out with your best friends like that, don’t you? while he dances, he keeps glancing at eleonora who is enjoying herself with her friends. she has a lovely smile, i hope we see more of that as well. i feel like we’ve seen her more restrained this season. sure, we get a closer look on her since it is indeed her season. not everyone smiles 24/7 even if said persons is a literal sunshine. but i felt like she let go of the visible tension she’s been feeling on the dance floor for a while. i liked that part. when we see eva already drunk at the bar i already had a bad feeling. then come the two guys. i tensed. it was hard watching her talk to those absolute douche-bags. to those homophobes. they took advantage of her. and i was scared. then ele comes in and tries to get her away from the men, but it’s not working. eva is so caught up in her insecurities and her hurt over giovanni being with sofi that she seeks validation. ele is not giving it to her, and so she asks the men who had just spend a drink on her. she didn’t see nothing wrong in that in the moment. i can’t blame her, she was wasted. i hope she wouldn’t have the need to learn from this, but let’s be relastic, i hope she does. girls/women shouldn’t stop enjoying theirselves on a night out, and yet, they have to be attentive if they don’t want to be exploited. there’s always a possibility that people will do exactly that. and it sucks. it’s a sad and cruel world we [sometimes] live in. that being said, i appreciate how it was handled. even ele going to marti for help. a teenage girl asking her male classmate/friend whom she trusts to help her with dragging away their mutual female friend from men who are prying. it’s realistic, it’s real. it’s tough to watch. it’s not something that was shown in order to be realistic for the sake of realism. this is how it could go down. this is how it went down too many times for too many people. (one time is one time too much). this is how it will go down in the future. so what do the viewers take away from it? they relate. cause it happened to them. it happened to some of us. to a lot of us actually. they’ll talk about how real this scene was and how much it hurt. women, nor any gender, should get treated this way. will there be people who will be shocked with this scene because it felt too real? yes. it makes me sad, it truly does. if there are people who have watched this scene or similar scenes to this and weren’t aware that this is part of the realism we are living in, i hope this scene gave them something to think about. people who behave like the men in this particular scene probably didn’t watch this scene nor equal ones. but if people who think this scene was over the top or unrealistic, i hope they realise now that this scene wasn’t all of that and i hope they will change their view on what is okay to say/to do to a person who is clearly drunk. (look for the friends if they are not close, order a glass of water, make the person sit down). it’s a sensitive topic, but skam is about sensitive topics. this scene wasn’t a wake-up call for me. i know that this stuff happens every day. i, too, have been hit on. both during a night out and walking down a bloody street during broad daylight. i was even sexually assaulted during work when i was only a couple of years older than the characters we follow on screen. i’m glad they choose to tackle this topic. yk one second you’re dancing and having fun with your friends, the next you’re being hit on. it’s a puddle of emotions, yes, but we all know skam is like that. this was very intense, but i’m thinking it only raises awareness and it gets us (back to) talking about this sensitive topic, and hopfeully, to each other. that is what i took away from this scene. other than being scared for eva. moving on. eva shouldn’t have taken the drink, but it’s not her fault. it’s been a while since i’ve went out ending up completely wasted, but i’m not unpruned to react/behave like that even if i have a couple of more years on my sleeve. sometimes you do stuff you regret when you’re drunk. i don’t want to think about the times i was this level of drunk and nothing happened to me, because i was just lucky to be in a room full of normal decent humans. or it was because i just got lucky none of the assholes in this world tried something with me. it can happen to anyone, anytime. i’m happy ele had an eye on eva. this is also so very realistic. those friends who watch you when you’re going out together. you watch each other, sometimes one watches the others more closely and vice versa. those friends that walk you home/want you to text them when you’re home. when you’re safe. okay. ele goes to marti and marti’s face changes in a milisecond. bless his soul. bless his heart. bless martino rametta and everone who is like him. simple as that. he grabs eva and eva follows him instantly. their friendship, boy, i’m glad we get these snippets. but then the atmosphere intensifies. the story with eva beforehand was a good build-up, it really was. all my senses were heightened. marti drags eva away, he knows how serious this situation is. and yet he manages to stay calm. everyone who reacts like him shouldn’t be praised, because it’s decent human behaviour. and yet. alas. the men come on to him and the situations gets scary again or even more scary idk. he gets called a slur. he’s shoked, hurt, scared. all of it. but he won’t give in to these men’s provocations and starts to walk off. they don’t let him though. giovanni appears out of nowhere? no. he was standing beside him when ele came to martino. maybe he followed his action. he’s fierce in his protectiveness. giovanni is one of the kindest and warmest and softest characters in the skamit universe, but he won’t have you insulting his best friend. not on his watch. we’ve known that, yeah, but these seconds of him jumping between martino and the men are an amazing continuation of what we’ve seen in s1 and s2. as sad as it was watching him do that. he shouldn’t have to. but he did, and i am glad. i’m also glad elia came to the rescue. these boys. oh man. i am enjoying eleonora’s season. despite the change in releasing the clips, despite the dragging storyline concerning ele x edo x silvia. i am. and i’m excited to see where the rest of the season goes. i would give anything though to follow martino through his eyes for, well, idk, many many seasons. his season just captivated me. martino captivated me. marti x nico captivated me. fede captivated me. i’m sorry if this is annoying. this short scene with him though- for a second i was back in his head. i was back in season 2. damn. anyway, the way we react to things comes in different ways. this is where nico comes in. i think he didn’t hear what’s been said. i don’t think he acted ooc. maybe he was even asked to take sofi to the side. maybe the boys pushed him away, because they know how vulnerable he is. tends to be. he’s allowed to. and if it was his choice, i still wouldn’t call it ooc. we’ve seen him through marti’s eyes. we know he’s utterly vulnerable. it’s one of his biggest character traits. i think it would have been a bad call to make him jump into the fight, too. it’s not him. he’s like marti. he’d try to leave the situation. yes, the men were the ones who started it. all of it. with words, with aggression. they were ready to throw fists. i’d try to push them away, too, had they attacked my friends. where was nico? it’s all speculation, isn’t it? we see him and sofi for a split second in the background when gio rushes to marti’s side. we don’t know if he heard what it was all about. i’m thinking that the directors made a choice here. especially in the snippets of the aftermatch. why don’t we see his ‘concerned’ face? why is he “just” standing there (calmly even. maybe) with sofi and why doesn’t he rush to marti when the latter one is worrying over gio after edoardo and his friends throw the men out? (coglione. btw bless you, edoardo). it makes me think he didn’t know what was being said at all. i think he either didn’t know what the situation was about or maybe he thought it was about giovanni (and eva) after all. marti dragging away eva because ele wouldn’t ask gio for help in this particular situation, because he’s with sofi now. but then gio goes anyway, because someone tried to hurt eva and he still cares about her. maybe that’s what nico thought. it could be a possibility. another one could be that nico froze because of the fright. i really think there lies a reason behind him standing with sofi. and i think it will be resolved. they have been handling marti x nico with care (we’ve seen them in the bg and they are happily in love. we’ve seen it on the dance floor, too. happy boys happily in love). now, there wasn’t any concern in the snippet we see of him going to marti and the boys. there has to be a reason to it. it was all blurry anyhow and like 0.0001 seconds so what. there was concern at one point though, i’m absolutely certain. we didn’t see it though. and if it was because of him freezing at the situation, then so be it. who are we to judge other people’s reaction? those snippets of him in the bg don’t make me love his character any less. i know he loves marti and i know he’ll shower him with love more than ever and i know he’d never not care about marti. i’m not even mad at the decision to not show his reaction. he’s not the focus. marti has a bit more to it all. he’s a main and the whole harresment/homophobia scene happened with the three mains involved. i’m not mad (yet. lol), because i think there’s something following up to all of this and i’m positive we get the soft epilogues for marti x nico in the bg at one point. my shipper heart wants a lot of scenes with my faves. but this is also skam. a show that’s fast paced- you have to read between the lines sometimes. that being said, i thought this scene was difficult to handle, but i wouldn’t say it took away one thing from the other. eleonora x edoardo’s story is just beginning and like i said, i think we’ll get another look on the homophobia mention. i’m also thinking that this was maybe an intentional creative decision. one main/one ship gets a scare and one gets together. sometimes life is like that. very often so, i believe. people don’t have to like this of course. it didn’t upset me. eva being harrassed scared me. marti being cornered scared me. i could enjoy ele x edo, i just needed a few rewatches to let it really get to me. the conversation they have before she tells him she doesn’t like him was very well done. edoardo is so soft omg, giancarlo, calm down. i adore his approach on his character, i really do. i think he’s a great actor. i think, deep down, edoardo’s even one of the most vulnerable characters. there’s a sensitiveness to him. when his mother is mentioned, when he looks at eleonora and when you see how far he’s gone for her, but still wants her to be alright, even if he doesn’t play a part in her life. it’s acted out subtly but it’s also very visible, you know? he longs for eleonora to like him. he’s been trying really hard. i think for the most part he’s been respective towards her and i really like the growth we’ve seen so far in him. i’m excited to see where this will go. eleonora is scared of admitting her feelings. she doesn’t want to give in, but she also does. she’s seen another side of him by now and she struggles to keep up with idealistic views on men/human beings in general. she’s been soft for him in s1 and s2 already. when he calls her beautiful, she isn’t appalled, because it’s the way he says it. the way he conveys it. it has charmed her. when they talk on the balcony in illegale, she’s even more soft for him. little glances here and there. he challenges her. she likes it. and yh the whole silvia storyline doesn’t want her to go into to it and she tells herself that she can’t betray her friend like that and so on. but what do you do when someone you’re actually not keen on, gets to you in a good way? that’s eleonora struggle, her conflict. short intermission: i’m glad they didn’t make eva x silvia kiss each other’s faces off. if they don’t make one of them a lesbian/bisexual/, what’s the point? exactly. the kiss scene: i like that ele’s speech was cut short. it’s repetitive and edo doesn’t want to hear it. he’s hurt. obviously. it makes sm sense to me that he stops her. it’s been talked about how edoardo has been waiting for her for over a year. what about eleonora? i think she’s been falling for him for a while now, too. that’s why she runs and that’s why they don’t need any more words. it fits. i liked the thunder thingy touch. or whatever you call it heh. i thought it was done very well. maybe the rest is hella dramatic. not that the thunder thingy is not dramatic, you know, but some things are dramatic and some things are dramatic. anyway. i think the blurry take of the scene was a creative decision in the sense of that it was done in order to portray a metaphor which is that we aren’t able to see everything yet, because this is just the start of their relationship. we are looking at them through frosted glass. we don’t have all the details yet, and neither do they. the way it was shot certainly is growing on me. i like their happy faces. their smiles. they matched each other and it was wonderful to see. i like neck kisses so him kissing her jaw(-line) was *whistle noise* kisses in the rain are often cheesy. they are supposed to, i think. sometimes i like them, sometimes i don’t. i didn’t mind the rain in this one, it wasn’t as if it started raining on cue. scenes with rain involved also bear a metaphor and when it’s done right, it takes away the cheesiness of it all, or let’s say some of it, at least for me. rain usually means clearity, right? rain is essential to all living things. if it doesn’t rain, nothing will grow. and when it pours, it means it washes away your troubles, your negativity etc pp the rain in this scene probably wasn’t there just for the aesthetic (some say it took away the aesthetic. i think that’s something you can argue about), it was used, because it washes away eleonora and edoardo’s previous sins. if you want a dramatic appeal to it. it made them clean (again) and now they are standing naked in front of each other, because the rain got rid of their baggage, their dirt. ele had an epiphany on the dance floor that was long called for and she found clearity in the kiss under the rain. edoardo was defeated, he truly believed eleonora did not like him and after one long year of waiting, he gave up, because he can’t and he won’t pursue someone anymore who doesn’t want him. the rain washes away his sins, because eleonora accepts them now. she let down her guard and she sort of came down from her high horse. for edoardo it’s clearity because eleonora coming after him means that he didn’t imagine their connection and their banter. her clearity is his clearity. the rain implies that everything (for now) is settled between them. the coast is clear, so to speak. it means the start of their journey together. i admit that i didn’t care too much about their kiss that much at first, because i was still taken aback by eva and marti being harrassed and not seeing nico react to marti being hurt. and it’s not that we all have to like the same scenes or creative choices anyway. i don’t think the clip was bad because two massive things were happening. i don’t even think it was rushed. maybe that’s just me. with some clips you experience a rollercoaster of emotions. this one clearly was one of those. of course it’s absolutely okay not to like it or any other one. (or aspects of it). there’s still a lot to come this season and time for side storylines to develop. time for clarity and time for resolve. that being said, i know it would have been unrealistic for filippo to come to this party, but boy, did i miss him in that clip.

[summerwaves-autumnskies]

thatonewriterdudeguy replied to your post: thatonewriterdudeguy replied to your post: ...

Two things. Well, three things. 1. You can be agender and be perfectly fine with your pronouns. 2. You can be agender and not feel dysphoria. 3. I’d take some time just to sit with it. Give it some thought, maybe journal about it? I mean, it took a full year and a half for me to go from “hey I might be nonbinary” to “yoooo turns out I’m a trans dude AND genderqueer” so it’s okay not to know immediately.

That is...very fair, and honestly, I am def gonna sit on it. Tbh, the post that has sparked this was written like. over a month ago and was hanging out in my drafts. I wrote it on a day where my anxiety was high and I was stressed and like. Idk. I’ve been playing around with They/Them pronouns and the idea of not really having a gender, and it’s just felt...natural? It felt normal. But it’s still a lot. I’m 25, and I guess somewhere in my brain I thought I was supposed to have this figured out by now? But then again, pre-25, I was trying to figure out 10000000000 other things, and  due to lack of dysphoria and overall okayness with how I physically present, gender is just now becoming a thing to think about.  But thank you friend!!! Your thoughts and input are v v appreciated <3 

and also: I’m very happy for you that you’re figuring your own stuff out and feeling good about your identity!!! <3 

[sorbriquette]

Tagged by @basic-banshee Thank you Ban <3

1. How did you begin writing? I was writing from childhood. My primary school tutor was really encouraging so I started posting fanfic on FF.net illegally at like age 9. It was bad. When I was about 13 I started doing online RP and fell in with a group of brilliant people who helped me keep that up for YEARS and is kinda how I got into writing properly, not my shitty childhood fanfic. 

2. What was your first writing project? Tell us a little about it. Like I said, shitty childhood fanfic. First legit project though would probably be last years NaNoWriMo (where you write 50k in a month). I wrote the first draft of a high fantasy kinda thing I’m working on but like the entire plot of that has been scrapped and I’m starting from scratch this year so...

3. What is your preferred medium for writing first drafts? Oh, I use ywriter 5 (link here) it’s like a free program that lets you write (without a spell check importantly so I don’t stop) and like add in like character and location and item tabs so you can keep track of what and who appears in the story and what each scene fulfills and shit. Imma shut up before this turns into an add but it’s really good and yall should check it out (even if I basically just use the POV system myself)

4. What rituals or habits do you have around writing? 

I don’t really have any I don’t think? For me it’s kinda just sit down and go for as long as I’ve got the motivation. Usually late at night admittedly but yeah there’s nothing particularly consistent about the way I write.

5. We all have a “type”– of character, plot, theme– what is yours? I feel called out. 

Probably wit though. Across all my characters RP, actual story, weves, I like the snarky asshole ones. I’m weak for that banter. 

Also kinda both theme/character: good characters bore the shit out of me. I like ‘em morally grey or immoral and as such I write a lot about the subjective nature of morality in my original shit.

6. Introduce us to one (or more!) of your OC’s. Right so my current original shit has 6 mains and asking me to choose between them is inhumane so you get the 4 starting ones and the other two will remain a mystery.

Ren --> Brings a knife to a gun fight because ‘you gotta live life on hard mode’, makes bad choices for fun, stupidly reckless, very loyal but issues with authority. Military deserter turned pirate. Unofficial leader of this band of misfits. 

Marcel --> Brings 2 knives to a gun fight because he is both a follower and coward. Just here for a laff and a taste of freedom. Prince of a country but does not want to rule. Falls in love with the first man who pays attention to him. Alignment is chaotic dumbass.

Kia --> Supposed to be the party thief but ‘it’s easier to loot a corpse than pick a pocket’. An actual proper coward, will leave everyone else to die if it saves her. Can’t take anything seriously. Tries to life-hack everything. Thinks murder is the solution to everything. 

Corvus --> Absolute pacifist regardless of the danger. RLLY into blackmail (and plants). Lowkey the token evil teammate. Perpetually rolling his eyes. Makes all the plans and then gets salty when no one follows them. Would sell you to Satan for one corn chip.

7. What’s your favorite genre to read? FANTASY! Which is why, despite only really writing fic for Carry On, I’ve not actually read any of Rainbow Rowell’s other work. Contemporary romance doesn’t really interest me.

Also I’m weak for anything featuring like crime, but the criminals doing the crime, not the crime solving. 

8. Your favorite genre to write? Fantasy again! Both high and low but with a preference for high because I like to world build. 

9. How do you conduct your authorial research? LMAO what?

Like I said I like to write high fantasy so I don’t so much research as like to perpetually learn and incorporating things I like in. 

10. What does your editing (gasp) process look like? So in 3. I said ywriter doesn’t have spell check? For fanfic I give it a cursory read over and fix anything glaring, then I copy it into word and use spellcheck and also grammarly. Then to the betas for the final round (I should do more but also?? Just fanfic)

My NaNo project tho? Never got edited at all. 

11. What are your favorite tropes? BRuh I love all the tropes. I am WEaK for tropes. So trimming down to the favs:

I have a weird thing for catagorising so I love me some Cast Calculus

I try but never quite succeed with Blue and Orange Morality

Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking barely counts but I love it

A comedic Rashomon  AKA that thing where everyone is being interrogated and they all tell completely different stories

I high key love a Magnificent Bastard in any form

And I mean a nice round five would have been good but how can one resist a Deadpan Snarker

Also I don’t think this is what I was meant to do for this segment but I enjoyed it so wevs

12. Show off your writing space. ABSOLUTELY NOT MY ROOM IS A MESS

13. What is the most useful piece of writing advice you’ve ever used? Don’t write for anyone but yourself. Write what you want to read. 

I know it’s been said a multitude of times but idk the first time it really resonated with me was when VE Schwab mentioned it. I can’t find the source but I think she was quoting someone, soz!

14. What is the least useful piece of writing advice you’ve ever ignored? Write what you know.

Like get fucked? What I know is fucking boring. Let me write what I can imagine. 

And though I don’t consider it real writing advice cause it was just 1 dumbass post on pinterest I saw one time “when writing a woman's pov make it more about emotions than a males. Her emotions, other peoples emotions’ etc. etc. Basically a load of shit. Don’t write a gender, write a fucking character. 

15. Your writing beverage/snack of choice? I drink a lot of tea but it usually goes cold. 

16. How do you compile your ideas? I don’t mostly, it’s a bad habit. Sometimes I drop stuff in my phone for fanfic or I have a couple of pocket sized leather note books I used to carry around for my original shit. 

But mainly it’s just left in my head to get forgotten :\

17. What are your controversial opinions ™ on the craft of writing? I’m about to get crucified but here goes:

Writing isn’t hard. 

Originally and concepts and stringing together a proper story? Yeah it’s a challenge. But just writing? Nah. not for me at least. If I’m sitting in front of a blank word document it’s because I have a problem with the scene. It doesn’t happen that often but when it does I find the best thing to do is go back and redo the sequence because going off no 13. It probably means I’m not interested in the scene. 

But that’s just my opinion so please extinguish your torches and put down the pitchforks.

Tagging: @mydamnsunshine @thatsbitchcraft and any of my mutals who write. Chances are if you haven’t been tagged I thought you already had so go ahead and consider urself tagged. 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #153

“i may be easy - easy to hate, but you’re so fucking easy, easy to break.”

Do you think age matters in friendship?  Nah.  One of my closest friends is in his 30s.  Now of course I believe a parent should monitor a friendship of a minor and adult, but, I still believe friendship is certainly possible. What was the last essay/assignment you wrote about?  It was only the rough draft, but I helped Colleen with her assessment of "Female" by Keith Urban. When do you usually put your Christmas decorations up?  Usually start in early December. Are you more likely to eat when you’re bored or depressed?  When I'm bored, I'd say.  When I'm depressed, I'm more keen on sleeping.  I've gotten better about not eating when I'm bored, thankfully. Do you have a case/cover for your phone? Describe it.  No, I want one tho. Do you take good care of your skin?  I've been making a decent effort lately.  I HATE the bumps I have on my arms from dry skin, so I've been moisturizing them as well as my face. What was your dream job when you were a kid?  Paleontologist.  I would still pursue it if I wasn't turned off by a career with loads of travel, nor do I think I have the patience to obtain a PhD. Is there any music you listen to that was influenced by your parents?  Oh yeah, Mom especially.  She's all about heavy metal, especially the classics.  Dad too, but I'd say he's more hard rock. Do you use tampons or pads? Or both?  Tampons, pads gross me out afsdjafjw.  I started with them though. Is your internet wireless or do you need a cable?  Wireless. What is something you’re behind the times on?  Ummm idk. Have you ever had a severe allergic reaction?  No. What color are your glasses, if applicable?  Black. List a great $1 store find:  Idk. List a great garage sale find:  *shrugs* Who is one YouTuber you would like to meet?  m a r k Do you have your own website?  I have my own photography one. Do you like candy corn?  Omg demons stay back. Were you happy as a kid?  Yep. What is your favorite Queen song?  If your answer isn't "Bohemian Rhapsody," I don't want you in my life. Who was the last person you blocked on social media? Why?  Colleen, 'cuz I was kicking her out of my life and know that woman too well that she would try sending me a novel of hate, and I wasn't having it.  Turns out she shared our drama over Facebook afterwards to make me the bad guy, and I still have trouble believing I forgave something that petty.  She apologized for it, eh. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?  The old woman my mom had watched.  I knew enough about her to know she was a super sweet woman, so I barely held it together in there.  She died the very next morning. Could you ever be friends with the person who hurt you most in life?  Ha, no.  He doesn't deserve my friendship. You never know what you have until you’ve lost it, true or false?  Nah. What’s the craziest thing you’ve done?  I dunno, possibly something sexual. When was the last time you spoke to someone in a different language?  Back in high school when I was doing a German test over the phone. Have you ever successfully broken a bad habit? How about conquered a fear of something?  Omg, so I had this habit of when I was thinking deeply or nervous, I would pull my eyebrows out.  It got to the point it would sometimes look like I almost had none.  Super embarrassing, especially because I did this a lot in school.  As for a fear, it was never a big one, but going to see Sara broke my mild fear of flying.  I like it now. Have you ever read a whole series of books?  Yes. Are you going to walk at your graduation or just pick your diploma up?   For when I finish college, I'm probably just picking up my diploma. Have you ever tried to break a Guinness World Record?  No. Do you know how to read music?  I recall some notes. Do you own any shirts that have a year on it?  Ha ha, I got that "I was there" shirt for the Back to the Future date. Do you have any scratches on your cell phone?  No. Is your skin tone lighter or darker than your mom’s?  Lighter. Have you ever done another person’s make-up?  I gave Jason a makeover. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  Honestly still hope I have that picture somewhere.  Regardless of what happened, that is damn good memory, he hated it so much. Is anyone saved in your phone under a nickname?  Sara, Ashley, Nicole, and Mom. When, where, and why did a needle last pierce your skin?  'Bout two weeks back to get my tongue pierced. Who is the youngest gay person you know?  Dunno. Have you ever watched an animal being eaten by another animal?  Yeah, our old cats with mice 'n such. Do you get along with people who are especially religious? Why/why not?  If you don't push it on me, certainly.  Respect my theism, I'll respect your whatever. Do you have any interesting pillow cases?  No. Are you more afraid of spiders or bees?  Well, there's too much variety in this question.  I'll fear a wolf spider more than a bumblebee, but a hornet more than daddy long leg. Has your best friend ever seen you naked?  No. Do you get mad when your current bf/gf talks about an ex?  Not at all. Do you know anybody who was abused?  Yes. Would you prefer a baby boy or girl?  If I was to have kids, y'know, I don't know.  Perhaps a girl, but I know boys are generally easier, and feeling the bond between a mother and her son would be amazing.  I'unno. When did you last feel like your privacy was invaded?  I'm not sure. Do your parents volunteer anywhere?  No. If you were a different religion from your current one, what would it be? Why?  Wiccan, because their beliefs (that I know of) are interesting. Have you ever had your phone taken away at school?  No. How old were you the first time you dyed your hair?  Idk.  I think first year of high school; I don't believe dyed hair was allowed in middle. Do you talk the same way you do in person as you do online?  For the most part. How would you react if a doctor told you that you were infertile?  I'd be like, irrationally happy.  I don't want kids, and I have a considerably large fear of being raped and thus get pregnant, so. Do you get along with your best friend’s parents?  Her mom's a bitch, and her dad's... different. Have you ever been in a relationship where you didn’t get along with the person’s parents?  No. How many people of the opposite sex have you said ‘I love you’ to?  One, romantically. Do you put marshmallows in your hot chocolate?  No. What is the best thing you can draw?  Meerkats are like the only thing I can draw decently without a reference. What band did you see for your first concert?  Alice Cooper. Do you think people with legitimate addictions are pathetic, or do you understand them?  Oh fuck off.  I obviously can't "understand" because I've never endured one, but addictions are serious.  Addiction is not a choice, and from meeting so many druggies during my psych hospital visits as well as having a friend who got clean, it's fucking hard. Has anyone you know ever had serious surgery before?  Yeah, Mom had kidney cancer.  The tumor was bigger than the kidney itself. When was the last time you had butterflies?  When Sara was here, we had these few moments where we were just staring at each other smiling and asjdfawjij. Do you think Gatorade tastes refreshing or just gross?  I don't like it. Do you own a pet fish? What kind of fish are they?  No. Do you have a porch swing?  No. How many area codes would you recognize?  My own and childhood town's. Who has the best taste in music in your family?  Besides myself obviously, Mom. What animal did you last pet or hold?  My cat. If you were a different gender, what name would you want to have?  Maybe like.  Dakota.  Probs my favorite unisex name. If you had to have one feature on your body changed to a canine version of said feature, what would you choose?  Gimme dem teefs. What product or service do you find ridiculously overpriced?  Some fast food, QUALITY MAKEUP, gas, uhhhh. How many people, outside of your immediate family, do you know the birthdays of by heart?  Six, or seven if you count my dog.  Maybe forgetting some. Shot of whiskey, or a bottle of Smirnoff?  The latter, I love Smirnoff's. Have you ever been afraid of being underwater?  No. Would you ever scuba dive in shark infested waters if you had the chance? In a cage, sure.  Otherwise, no.  Sharks are very much villainized, but I respect their capabilities, rare as an attack is. Have you ever hit a parked car with your car?  Not yet, boy will I when I learn how to park around others lmao. What band/group have the most lyrics that represent you? Hmmm, not sure. How many times have you been on a plane?  Four times that I remember, but I was on one as a baby, too. What do you wish were different about your hair?  I wish it was eASIER TO DYE- What’s a personality type that you do not like? Overly talkative is draining for me.  I also dislike the kinds of people who aim to make every "conversation" almost exclusively about themselves/leave no room for you to really express your own thoughts.  That's not a convo. What’s a personality type that you do like? Deep thinkers.  Those open to many possibilities, even if wild.  Nature-adoring people and/or ones who feel heavily connected to the earth. Which of your friends is the least like you and in what way? Colleen.  My best friend somehow, ha ha.  She's extremely straightforward and isn't afraid to hurt feelings if she feels it's important for you to see truth, she gets shit done quick/doesn't procrastinate, she can be quite argumentative, she's completely independent, our religious and some political views are different, our music taste is totally inverted, and I'm sure there's more I'm forgetting.  We're a prime example of opposites attract.  Love her to death. How about the most like you and in what way? Sara, and I could write a novel here lmao.  Separated at birth kinda shit. What’s something you do daily and is this a habit of yours? Sit on the computer, and yeeaah it's just about all I do. What was the last thing to frustrate you and is it still frustrating you now?  Hm.  Dunno.  Probably something like Roman being so intent on lying on the keyboard. What helps you fall asleep? Nothing lol. Is there any type of medicine you can’t take? For what reason?  Anti-depressants.  Learned from my current psychiatrist that taking them only amps up bipolarity symptoms if you have that as well, which I do. Do you like designer bags with the logo stamped all over them?  No. Is Russian or Native American history more interesting to you?  Native American. If you had to choose to have a different accent than the one you have now, what accent would you choose and why?  British, 'cuz it's hot. Have you ever missed a flight?  Omg yes.  O'Hare after visiting Sara was absolutely impossible.  It was so.  Busy.  That and I didn't know what I was doing through half of it. If your ex suddenly kissed you right now, what would you do?  "The" ex would lose his balls, the others I'd push back. Are you a virgin?  P sure no but my story is complicated so aojsdfaow. What is one feature that you don’t like?  I'm guessing you mean on myself personally, and that would easily be weight.  I'd be relatively fine with myself if that was where I want it to be. What’s the genre of the current song you’re listening to?  Metal ballad. What would you do if you were stuck on a boat in the middle of the ocean?  I don't really know.  A part of me says I'd be so hopeless and terrified I'd drown myself.  The odds of being found are minuscule. Who is the funniest person you know?  Girt. When sitting on the floor, in what position do you normally sit?  Kinda with my legs turned to the same side. Do you like being kissed spontaneously or asked?  Spontaneously is way less awkward for me.  But only if you're pretty sure through my display of comfort that I'm fine with it. Have you ever tried to break someone up?  I thought about it out of spite.  I considered messaging her over Facebook and telling her what she was in for, and I wished her dead, and I'm not joking.  Turns out he broke up with her for the same reason as me, according to Mom being a FB stalker apparently. Are you a bad influence?  I am in some areas.  Shouldn't be even remotely lazy as me, and you shouldn't illegally download shit. Would you ever get a tattoo?  I already have five, and six is probably coming next year with holiday + birthday money. Do you get nervous before going to doctor appointments?  Not really, no.  The only thing that makes me anxious is having to get weighed lmao. Do you call anyone "baby?"  Sara, but more frequently "babygirl." What is a movie that you thought you would hate but you ended up loving?  Off the top of my head, I think A Raisin in the Sun. Do you have any close friends that were adopted?  No. What time do you usually have a shower?  Night. What do you want to do after high school? I immediately went to a community college but dropped out in like a month.  My depression was so bad and I just couldn't handle the difficulty, responsibility, and independence leap. Do you know anybody that is pregnant right now? Not off the top of my head.  My acquaintance had a baby girl less than a week ago, though.

[zhonglino]

Rules: Tag twenty blogs - Thanks for tagging me, Andy (@cuhuy) !! I’ll keep it under a read more~

Nickname: Tuki! It was given to me by my best friend at the time in 4th grade. I never would’ve thought that it’d become a huge part of who I am now that I’m older ^^ Any other interesting nicknames I have are just variations of Tuki so~  Two of my closest friends also call me pup since I’m like a puppy, and I really, really, really like it ;3; it’s so cute so it makes me happy when I get called it.

Gender: Female

Sign: Gemimi~

Height: 5′3″

Time: 8:40PM

Favorite Bands: WHOO WHERE DO I BEGIN. Well, to keep it short, BAP & BTS are the ones that I really follow the closest and they’re the ones that have made  very special impacts on my life. So, I’d say those two are probably my all-time favorites. But BAP is the number one in my heart, forever and always. <3 

Favorite Solo Artist: Uhhh, I’m going to cop out and just say Suga !! I’m sure there’s probably some actual solo artist that I’d consider my favorite but I can’t think right now and I’ve been crying over Yoongi/First Love all day so, Suga ^^ 

Song Stuck In My Head: I just listened to Produce 48′s Pick Me song so~ It’s so, so cute and catchy, and it’s a feels-good song and and and !! Also, love and support my bby Sakura Miyawaki, pls and thanks

Last Movie I Saw: Infinity War. T3T 

Last Show I Watched: My brother and I started watching King of the Masked Singer so

When I Created My Blog: I think my anniversary just passed, actually! May 10th, 2010 - Has it really been 8 years ??

Last Thing I Googled: SF9′s member profile because I was wondering how old Zuho was, lol

Do I Have Any Other Blogs: *sweats nervously* uhh a few, yes. I have a sideblog for: 

Yoongi 

Jungkook 

TSM/Doublelift & Bjergsen

Art

BAP x BTS Interactions 

All the Minhyuks in K-pop (which hasn’t been updated in forever since it still says that Rocky’s yet the debut oh god) 

other personal things ^^; 

I really shouldn’t have all of these blogs though since I’m in pharmacy school which means zero time and I’m just a lazy person in general who forgets to update things. I think a bunch of them don’t even have proper themes because I didn’t care enough to go find one LOL

But there’s my shameless self-promotion~ I’ll just put links for the ones that aren’t too messy. but feel free to ask for the others

I really want to make one where idols wear green too since my favorite color is green and idk some idols just look really nice in green alsdkfajls I need to stop.

Do I Get Asks: I told myself that I wouldn’t reblog asks unless I somehow got a decent amount of followers with curious enough people to ask stuff so, no. There’s a lot sitting in my drafts though so if you’re ever curious, *finger guns*.

Why Did I Choose My URL: Sigh, it’s an old username that I came up with when I first made my twitter in 8th grade, so I pretty much used it for everything. But I’m tired of it, and I changed my usernames on both my twitter and instagram so maybe one day I’ll finally change my tumblr one, too. I wanted to use my League IGN but it’s taken so :( 

Followers: Like how many I have? A decent amount, I’d say? I don’t know how  many of them are truly active, but I do see some people from time to time. I think they’re mostly my friends though. 

Average Hours of Sleep: OOF okay so during the school year, I was doing pretty well with sleeping relatively early and getting about 7-8 hours of sleep in. Now that it’s summer though... >_> 

Lucky number: 7 !! It was my lucky number in the board game Life and since my birthday is June 8th (mark your calendars), it’s cute because 7 is between 6/8 ^^; 

Instruments: I was honestly tempted to link Yoongi’s First Love here since I relate so much to it. I’ve played the piano since I was in 3rd grade? So about 14-15 years? I’m no Mozart or anything, but I enjoy playing it from time to time. In the more recent years, I’ve started kinda composing my own songs as well. I even bought a little music book to write down notes instead of just recording them in my phone ^^; But yeah, I love the piano and honestly, the lyrics of First Love really capture my experience with piano. 

What Am I Wearing: A nightgown and a light robe since it was freezing when I woke up from my nap before dinner. Nightgowns are the best, guys, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. 

Dream Trip: To keep it short, I’ll just list a few countries I’d like to visit/go back to, because it’s kinda hard for me to describe what my dream trip would be without it sounding weird and vague.

Italy

Japan

England

South Korea

Vietnam

Nationality: Vietnamese-American

Favorite Song: Another loaded question, ahhhh. I don’t know if I have a favorite kpop song, but for American music, I always say that Lost Stars from the movie Begin Again is my favorite. I’ll be honest and say that I’m not always 100% in the mood to listen to it, but I do listen to it when I’m feeling down and it’s helped me sleep on a few occasions, lol. I also always sing it during karaoke too, so there’s that. 

Last Book I Read: Oof I honestly don’t know +_+ I’ve been meaning to re-read the Series of Unfortunate Events books though. For some reason, when I was younger, I read 12 of the 13 books. TWELVE. AND I NEVER FINISHED IT. I have no idea why, either. aldsfkjalsd so yeah, I’d like to re-read those again someday~

3 Fictional Universes I Want To Join: oh boy

Fire Emblem Awakening’s universe because I trust all of them with my life, I’d make an awesome Grandmaster and plus my husband, Lon’qu 

Akagami no Shirayukihime’s because I, too, am a prospective pharmacist so I’d like my own Prince Zen fawning over me and rescuing me from bad guys 

BTS’ HYYH Prologue because they went to so many places with pretty water scenery and sometimes you just want to run away and be adventurous with your best friends

Thanks again, Andy, for tagging me !! I’ll tag @jibaby, @youretheairibreathe, @whenitfallsthrough but you don’t have to if you don’t want to lol. And then anyone else that wants to/does do it, please tag me because I really want to read your answers ;3; !!