#idk my gender identity is very complex

[tastylittlepixie]

this isn't in the usual vein as some of my posts but like... slimegirls with bones > slimegirls w/o bones

the idea of a slime building their humanoid form, featureless at first, using an old skeleton as a base is just so raw to me

something about building your own identity using the remains of something that came before you

idk. slimegirls (and slime creatures in general) are so gender to me. slimegirl oc coming soon

[ricciardo133]

July 2018

maxiel, Daniel genderswap, pining, drunken hook-up alluded to

-

Max wakes up slowly, feeling a girl cling to his side in the hotel bed. He can't remember Daniel and him inviting girls over to their shared room to unwind after Silverstone, but they did drink an inadvisable amount. Daniel had drank some noxiously sweet wine that some fan had gifted him. Idiotic, Max had thought. Max stuck to gin, a drink that normally doesn't leave him feeling this discombobulated. He feels wrecked, sore, and achy. He doesn't even feel ready to open his eyes.

The woman beside him stretches and sighs. "Rough night, eh, Maxy?" she says in a familiar Australian lit.

They both freeze.

Max sits up, slapping around the hotel lamp until he finds the switch. He stares wide-eyed at the woman lying beside him, her mass of dark curls against tan skin. Her wide, familiar eyes with that distinctive nose set between. Her hands are flung over her mouth, but Max can still see the right tattoos in the right places, only against different curves.

He glances down at perky, bare tits and soft, wide hips, and then back up in embarrassed shock.

"Daniel?"

"Yeah."

"You're a girl."

"So I've noticed."

Max gets up, starkly aware of his own nudity. He fumbles in the morning light for clothes, glancing at his reflection in the mirror as he pulls on a pair of sweatpants.

He's still quite himself, but the hickeys are new. He didn't know his face could feel this hot. He mentally feels memories from last night brush against his psyche in frustratingly fleeting snippets. Biting down on soft thighs. Warmth and tightness. Hard nipples in his mouth. God, he thinks, we finally did it and I can't fucking remember shit.

He looks back, seeing Daniel is gone. He panics and hustles to the bathroom where not-Daniel-but-still-Daniel stands and assess his body.

"Wow, kinda thought girl-me would have a bigger rack."

"You're taking this well."

"Well, obviously, we're dreaming."

"Hm."

Daniel twists in his spot, watching his reflection as he gives his ass a smack. Max is immediately hard.

"Daniel."

"Max," he echoes with faux shock. "Relax, this is, like, a seriously vivid dream. A horny one at that. I think we boned last night."

Max can't utter a word. He just watches as Daniel feels up his own body, smaller hands drifting over smooth skin. His nails skate along his thigh's tattoos, upwards to drift along fine hair between his legs. Max squirms and feels anything but asleep.

"So real," Daniel whispers.

"Can you maybe put something on?" Max begs. Daniel cocks an eyebrow and smirks. Max feels unnerved seeing his expressions in a feminine font. Daniel's refreshing confidence always made Max feel... too much. Like if he wasn't careful, he could spill over with it all. Watching Daniel now fondle his chest, pressing the small mounds together as he assessed himself in the mirror, Max felt ready to burst.

And they fucked. He turns and heads out to the hotel room.

Life is cruel and this dream sucks and he wishes he could remember.

"Hey, Max, hey," Daniel soothes, coming up behind him and blessedly covered in a hotel towel. "I seriously think this can't be real. Just like...what's that DiCaprio film?"

"Huh? Inception?"

"Yeah, that one. Just a really, really good...weird dream."

"Okay, then hit me." Max walks up to Daniel. He's not used to being this much taller. He feels dizzy again with need, wanting nothing more than to pin the older Aussie down on the bed. To hike his soft yet strong legs over his shoulders. Maybe it'd be fine if they did it again, since it maybe is an impossible dream and Daniel's not a boy right now. Not that it mattered normally. Max didn't care, he just wanted to feel him all over again.

"What?" Daniel smiles, eyebrows knit in confusion.

"In dreams, that's how you wake up. Like, a kick to jolt you awake, right?"

"Oh, right. Yeah, we should wake up."

Max leans closer and turns his cheek.

"I'm not smacking you, Max. Here," Daniel takes Max's hand in his. All Max wants was to knit their fingers together, to feel the way his palm is finally bigger than Daniel's. "We'll do it to ourselves, okay?"

Daniel places Max's hand against his own cheek. He watches the gorgeous woman in front of him mirrors him, hand raised gently, fingertips against the curls that fall so, so long down to the middle of Daniel's back. He'd look so good with hair like that even as a boy. Max thinks to tell him this and stops himself.

"On three, yeah?"

"Okay."

Daniel counts down, in that singsong voice that's his but not his pitch. Max tries to commit it to memory as he gives himself a just-too-painful slap.

And nothing changes. The only thing that changes is now Daniel panics.

"Holy fucking shit, Max."

"Daniel-"

"This is real."

"We'll fix this," Max tries as Daniel starts tearing apart the hotel room. Max glances at the clock on the nightstand while Daniel goes on a heated search for something. "We don't have to leave for the flight for two hours."

Christ. He pictures telling their team anything. Daniel can still race, of course, Max thinks. He'll just need a new suit that fits better. And some adjustments to the car's seat fit. And a good PR statement that, yes, something impossible happened overnight but no worries we'll be set for Hockenheim so don't worry about how this happened.

"This!" Daniel says, leaping up to Max and putting a small card in his hand. "This is why! Read it. It came with the wine that hot girl gave me."

Max rolls his eyes and reads it. He narrows his gaze. "A change, temporary, good for two? What's that mean?"

"Beats me, but read it again. Temporary." He sighs, letting his head knock back. Max stares at the line of hickeys down Daniel's thinner neck, too faint. "I do kinda miss my dick."

"How does it feel?" Max asks despite himself. "To be a girl?"

"Good, I guess." Does Daniel press his thighs together reflexively, Max wonders. He feels pent up and horny again. "Like, I don't mind it, but it'll be hell to buy a whole new wardrobe," he attempts to joke through shaky laughs.

"Maybe that note meant 'two' like in two times," Max says, voice quiet.

All he can hear for a moment is the whirl of the hotel aircon. He watches Daniel's feminine frame, his big eyes and wet lips.

"Can you remember any of it?" Daniel asks, voice barely registering above the whirl.

"Not much."

"And it kinda doesn't count, right? Because I'm not really me right now, so its okay? And you don't mind?"

It can count, Max wants to beg. It can. It can be okay after, too. It can be okay all the time.

"I don't mind. You're hot as a girl." The last three words feel too final. Daniel's shoulders fall as he nods.

"Yeah, a stunner, huh? So, well, we'll take her for one last ride."

Finally, Daniel walks up and pushes Max onto the hotel bed. Max's mind reels as Daniel lets the towel drop. Two breasts in Max's face as he feels thighs straddle his waist. His hands fly up to trace eager lines up Daniel's spine and rake gentle tracks back down with his nails. They both shudder.

"Last time, right?" Daniel says between kisses down Max's neck. Max feels his eyes water. It doesn't have to be. But he doesn't say anything. He flips Daniel over on the bed, body tenting over the smaller frame. And this time, he focuses. He wants to make Daniel feel good. He wants to come inside. He wants to etch every moment deep in his mind, so he'll remember every gasp, every touch, every sigh.

[funeralfire]

I've legitimately been thinking a lot about trans women lately and like the women I know in my life and how complex and human and real they are. Specifically because I understand the world is not kind to trans women and likes to generalize them horribly.

I know a woman who's an artist and spending her time dreaming about stars. I know another woman who's a terrible friend and manipulative as hell. I know one who's shy and sweet and so intelligent. Trans women can be so many things 💖

I really care deeply about trans women and I hope in my friend groups I'm a good ally to them and know to stand up vocally for them. Trans women deserve so much and they're given not enough. Everyone can do something to stop transphobia by speaking up when they hear it. Don't let your friends make transphobic jokes. Don't let your dad regurgitate trump's words. Protect the trans women in your life and everywhere else, they need to be loved and respected. Mwah! 🥰

[moe-broey]

"Return of THE KING" about Moe as if. I'm not CONSTANTLY on my bullshit about it. I need to forcemasc it though the situation is so dire. LIKE. Exclusive it/its/itself user but also fucks with masculine titles/language. As part of its identity, but also an elaborate parody. Guy who's doing it Wrong ON PURPOSE. WITH INTENT. TO KILL‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

[supercantaloupe]

truly detest how pcos tags/forums/etc are absolutely crawling with terfs

[floralstorms]

Sometimes I’ll be like: “Textures? Anything touching me? Absolutely NOT.NO no no nononono. Just. No. *quietly half-screams* (directed to the texture or so) feelslikeaNO.. getitoffgetitoffgetitoff-”

And then other times it’s: “hcdbjshc. Hold on a second. That. That is The. The texture. That is such a texture. I need more of that in my life. That-that’s such a texture that is such a yes- I- Wow.”

there’s also the in between type where it’ll be something like “huh yeah that’s kind of a fun texture but uh not all the time Idk. Kind of fun though. Hm. Mixed feelings?”

[filenameghost]

there are a lot of queer identities I don't really understand + find confusing, but at the end of the day I don't really care how someone else identifies, and also even if I did, I have no right to tell someone if their identity is valid or not when I myself identify as "silly ghost gender" and "creature gender"

like imagine someone tells you your identity isnt valid because it doesn't make sense to them and then they turn around and go "my gender is boy but like. more. like different than just boy but also entirely boy. but not boy in the way youre thinking. but also like that at the same time. now if you'll excuse me I have to go move my consciousness to another reality by gaslighting myself."

[shy-sapphic-ace]

List of queer books I read, loved & recommend!

(There isn't any particular order, I wrote these as I remembered them)

Master Of One - Jaida Jones & Dani Bennett (mlm, fantasy, very cool worldbuilding and magic system, funny, cool characters)

Legends & Lattes - Travis Baldree (wlw, fantasy, very soft & chill vibes)

The Priory of the Orange Tree - Samantha Shannon (wlw, high fantasy, cool worldbuilding, kinda reminds me of LOTR but with more dragons and feminism and lesbians)

Even Though I Knew The End - C.L. Polk (wlw, supernatural noir, cool 1930s detective story with angels & demons, I loved this one!)

The Love Interest - Cale Dietrich (mlm, science fiction, very cool concept)

The Darkest Part Of The Forest - Holly Black (side mlm, fantasy, cool fae lore)

The Weight Of The Stars - K. Ancrum (wlw, not quite science fiction but space stuff is involved, lovely and complex characters)

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe - Benjamin Alire Sáenz (mlm, fiction, very nice in general, there is also a sequel)

The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue - Mackenzi Lee (mlm, historical and vaguely fantasy, nice story but I preferred the sequel honestly)

The Lady's Guide to Petticoats and Piracy - Mackenzi Lee (wlw, the sequel to the one before, more fantasy elements than the first, asexual main character!!)

Gallant - V.E. Schwab (no romance, but in the background one of the characters(?) uses they/them pronouns, very cool dark fantasy vibe)

Stranger Than Fanfiction - Chris Colfer (gay main character, trans main character, coming-of-age, nice book)

Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda (yes it's the Love, Simon book, mlm, fiction, pretty nice)

They Both Die At The End - Adam Silvera (mlm, sci-fi ish but mostly fiction, cool ideas, but the ending is sad! Very amazing book though, I haven't read the prequel yet)

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo - Taylor Jenkins Reid (wlw, bi main character, historical fiction, cool story, just a neat book in general)

This Is How You Lose The Time War - Amal El-Mohtar & Max Gladstone (wlw, sci-fi, very cool time travel stuff!! and very beautiful, it felt like reading poetry most of the time)

One Last Stop - Casey McQuinston (wlw, background trans & pan & queer characters, sci-fi or fantasy idk, but time travel, I loooved this book, great)

The House In The Cerulean Sea - TJ Klune (mlm, fantasy, THIS BOOK oh my gosh you should read it!!, just cute and lovely and good)

Under The Whispering Door - TJ Klune (mlm, fantasy, this book is also sooo amazing, great character development and awesome relationships and stuff, it's been a while since I read it but it was so good)

In the Lives of Puppets - TJ Klune (mlm, ace main character!!, sci-fi, now THIS is found family, oughh feelings. argh, tj klune you’ve done it again, a human and his family of funky robots… I love them)

And They Lived... - Steven Salvatore (nblm, fiction, about gender identity and learning to love yourself, read it a while ago but it was very nice)

I Wish You All The Best - Mason Deaver (nblm, fiction, about finding your identity and people who care about you, very cute and sweet)

The Song Of Achilles - Madeleine Miller (mlm, historical, very good in general)

Carry On - Rainbow Rowell (mlm, background wlw in the third book, fantasy, it's a trilogy, basically Harry Potter if it was gay and also better)

Silver In The Wood - Emily Tesh (mlm, fantasy, very pretty, lots of fae stuff and lovely descriptions, it has a really good sequel too)

Pretty much anything by Alice Oseman (all cute and lovely and great, though I've only read Radio Silence so far I hear only good things, Solitaire is on my to-read list)

I Kissed Shara Wheeler - Casey McQuinston (wlw, fiction, it's been a while but I liked this book)

The Falling In Love Montage - Ciara Smyth (wlw, fiction, this book was so cute and funny and deeply emotional it made me Feel way too many things, I'd definitely recommend it)

What Big Teeth - Rose Szabo (a bit of queerness all around, fantasy, werewolves and monsters, this one was pretty cool!, lots of original ideas for the world/character building)

His Quiet Agent - Ada Maria Soto (mlm, asexual, fiction, about like spies but this book was so gentle and sweet I wanted to cry in the best way possible)

Some By Virtue Fall - Alexandra Rowland (wlw, historical fiction(?), theatre drama!! rival romance!! duels!!, a very good read in general)

Don’t Want You Like a Best Friend - Emma R. Alban (wlw, historical fiction, I’m not usually one for regency romances, but I really liked this!!, very cute and lots of drama, and there’s a sequel coming out soon!)

[simpforsolas]

throwing this taash prediction into the void!

For anyone following, the marketing has been confusing with regards to Taash's pronouns in particular. In the first companion trailer, Varric says "we need someone with fire in their veins" and when a bluesky user asked Trick if that meant Taash's pronouns were they/them, Trick basically said that Varric was using "they" because he hadn't met Taash and wasn't referring to a specific person, and apologized for the confusion. That sort of implies that the pronouns are she/her, but doesn't actually answer the question because Trick never said what Taash's pronouns were, just that in this specific case Varric wasn't using Taash's specific pronouns. (A very Solas-esque slithering-out response if you ask me 😂)

On the first companion day companion card reveals, Taash's pronouns were not using in the bio, while everyone else's were. Suspicious that the marketing team seemed to go out of their way to not use pronouns for Taash. However later that day, when the companion pages were updated on EA's website, she/her pronouns were used for Taash. That seemingly ended the question of Taash's gender identity. BUT THEN. IGN released their video today, and Corinne used they/them pronouns for Taash!

So here's my theory, based on what I've picked up from the marketing cycle, in particular with regards to Taash. What if Taash's arc includes their gender identity? What if the reason Taash's pronouns are so confusing is because they change throughout the game? And the devs don't want to spoil that, but they also want to be respectful and it would feel like misgendering Taash if they used their starting pronouns after they know how their arc ends? Taash's arc is complex, it's based around introspection, where do I belong, how do I become at peace with who I am (all seems like the foundation for an arc about self-discovery). Add this into the context of the Qun, where your role is heavily tied to gender, and maybe getting out of the Qun and being a Lord of Fortune allows them to discover themself more.

Also, considering that both Taash's writer and voice actor are non-binary... idk folks this seems like it could be a big part of Taash's arc!

[mumms-the-word]

A very minor DATV gripe under the cut and no, I’m not looking for argument or discussion, and no I haven’t finished the game so this opinion may change buuut

I just can’t shake the feeling that there’s was a better, messier version of this storyline and script about 2-3 iterations ago and they should have stopped buffing away at it then. Like…while some cutscenes and most of the actual quest scripts are really really good, a lot of this in between stuff feels like the sort thing you get when you, shocker of shockers, fire all your best writers a year before release and keep editing after they’re gone and can’t defend the soul and nuance and detail of their work.

Idk what to say for Taash and Trick Weekes yet. I can’t wrap my head around how the person who wrote what to me is one of the most complex and interesting antihero pseudo villains in any of the games I’ve ever played with the delicate, fragile touch of a seasoned artist can also somehow write cutscenes for a character about gender and identity with all the tact and complexity of a well-meaning but clunky 16yo writing a “how to talk to your non-binary friend” guide for tumblr

It…it just could have been done better. But I wonder if “better” was actually the version they had 2-3 scripts ago.

[velvetvexations]

i think a lot of pointless queer discourse comes down to the fact that very few people want to unpack their ideas about coolness, and the idea that you have to be special and unique, but not too special and unique because that makes you cringe. like the whole 'genderfuck weirdgender tme fagdyke people are doing a transmisogyny by talking about their gender being complex' is just bullying people for being cringe. and the 'transfems have complex genders that tme people couldn't understand' is just trying to be seen as cool and special and unique and so much cooler than everyone else. and so many people take these high school bullying dynamics and don't bother learning why they're bad, instead just cloaking these attitudes in progressive language. and so many people just lap it up like its theory or whatever.

And you still don't have the right look And you don't have the right friends Nothin' changes but the faces, the names and the trends High school never ends

I hate how "egg" stuff is almost always used for trans women or assumes someone is a trans women, as both a trans man and a femboy. Like idk, I kind of hate that I never see any egg thing for trans guys and people just default to being like "omg a butch awakening", and I also hate that men can't be feminine without someone assuming OMG A TRANS WOMAN. Insulting all around. I know that's a random vent but I just can't stand people trying to assign a gender to a random stranger but it's okay because it's ~trans positive~

I'd say you should use the term for transmasc characters (or transmasc people such as yourself pre-transition) more often but on the other hand I saw someone be like "it's transfem only because eggs become chicks" so that might be considered cultural appropriation by this website's silliest people.

saw a post being like, “trans men don’t reject girlhood like trans women reject boyhood and that is A Bad Thing” & like. 1. I don't personally subscribe to either, I think creating a universal, packaged, binary Experience such as girlhood/boyhood is limiting; I was primarily a Child, even if I occasionally refer to past self as both a boy and a girl, depending. There was stuff I liked about being the gender I was; there was stuff I didn't. Most of it was because I disliked the concept of gender roles in general! But also 2. So what if they don't reject “girlhood” (here nebulously defined)? Does every trans person need to know from Day One that they're actually trans? Does every trans person need to ascribe to a universal experience? If a trans person has positive emotions about being a girl or boy as a kid, is that really such a bad thing? Especially if they can be critical about how the gender binary and rigid gender roles work otherwise? It is fully understandable if you don't, and if you knew from ages past & the childhood you were given was stifling or even traumatic. However, the assertion that every trans person MUST conform to a specific identity — and, Worse, making assumptions that trans men are all holding onto their “girlhood” for nefarious purposes — is just forcing more roles onto people. And also — I’m GNC as hell, but also Very binary. This caused me to have a lot of difficulty in figuring out my identity because a LOT of trans people, when I was coming out, were (at best) acting like trans memes were basically gospel about Every trans person's experience, and (at worst) were actively, intentionally misgendering me because I didn't fit in & (gasp!) challenged their perspective. It's happening again! I'm in Hell!

people are fucking inquisitorial about other people's shit

[dissociacrip]

i'm gonna spare the op of that post my adderall-fueled ranting but tbqh i wouldn't say being disabled affects how i perceive my gender identity so much as its impacted how other people gender me, and then that informs my perception of my gender identity. it's not purely an internal thing.

autism and ADHD, for example, are associated with things like poor volume control and generally "boisterous" behavior (though not every person with these conditions exhibit these behaviors, of course.) a lot of behaviors i exhibited as a child (and still do today) in relation to being autistic and having ADHD are ones that are considered "masculine" and this is part of the reason that i've been read and i'm still often read as not-female or at least not feminine/girly/womanly by my peers. and that is something that has definitely affected my gender identity (aside from the fact i have various bodily features that are conventionally understood as "masculine.")

that's just scratching the surface though. i've seen this mentioned sometimes on here before but not often. there are some disabilities that i would say are very much gendered while others are kind of degendered instead (or in addition to), in that people who are disabled in certain ways are pushed out of womanhood or manhood or "acceptable" understandings of gender by external forces for a variety of reasons related to their disabilities.

intellectual disability. other (neuro)developmental conditions. certain intersex variations that lead to disability. other conditions that affect the structure or functioning of the sex organs (because gender is also wrapped up in one's ability to sufficiently "perform" heterosexuality, which is also wrapped up in normative ideas about how to perform intercourse.) reliance on mobility aids. limb differences and other structural differences. paralysis.

that's not even close to a complete list.

Because I'm a wheelchair user, people see me as incapable of having a gender identity, so often they will correctly avoid using gendered language or pronouns to refer to me, but it's not because they're recognizing and respecting my identity as a nonbinary person — it's because they think my wheelchair automatically makes me genderless. It's not misgendering as such, but it's degendering, and it's a different kind of harmful and it's part of a larger system of ableism that considers me less of a person because I'm disabled and a wheelchair user.

( "Here's What Transgender People With Disabilities Want You To Know," Buzzfeed )

idk where i'm going with this. generally the ways in which disability impacts the way someone is gendered or someone's gender identity are super complex and difficult to map out + something that is very wrapped up in the way external forces affect us in relation to gender.

there's a multitude of ways to have a "wrong" body (or "wrong" behavior in terms of how behaviors are gendered, which is more often the case when we're talking about psychiatric disability) and both womanhood and manhood are wrapped up in normative ideas about bodies, bodily functioning, and what someone does with their body. perceived deviations from normative ideas about those things irt disability are not only punished on the basis of being a "failed" person (not being abled) but often also being a "failed" woman/man.

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

My personal take on the Crows’ names post-marriage

(I included helnik, just humour me, I still have thoughts on what they’d each want)

Names are very much established as important and powerful in the presentation of all the characters in the Six of Crows Duology, particularly for Kaz, Inej, and Wylan. (for Kaz the new surname that has become his identity whilst he suppresses the person he used to be, for Inej having been denied her name as a tool of dehumanisation and also as her link to her family and to a culture that the city she’s trapped in looks down upon, for Wylan the association of his surname with his father and with his family business as well as what was once a longing to disappear and not have anyone know who he was)

I personally don’t think that any of the Crows would want to give up their surnames when they got married. I do believe that Wylan would change his surname to Hendriks post-Crooked Kingdom, but I think he would keep Hendriks rather than changing to Fahey after marriage to maintain his connection to his mother. I don’t think Nina would want to give up her surname because, although she doesn’t have family connections to it, it’s a massive part of her identity and her love for Matthias is unending but she’s not going to compromise who she is for it - especially considering her fear of disconnection from Ravkan culture and the fact that taking Helvar would be taking a Fjerdan name. Matthias would absolutely respect the hell out of that, and I can see them having a very open discussion about the possibility of him taking on Zenik but I don’t see him being ultimately comfortable with it because his family is very important to him and he’s the only living connection to them, plus he was raised with antiquated gender roles that he is in the process of unlearning and has his own complexities in terms of his relationship with Ravka and may not feel comfortable taking on a Ravkan name. I can see them both hyphenating, but I think it’s more likely that they would each keep their own names and their kids would hyphenate Helvar-Zenik. Wylan and Jesper I think would both keep their names and their kids would either hyphenate Hendriks-Fahey or keep Hendriks for the purpose of the business being under Wylan’s name, personally I think Jesper would want his name in there for the kids but idk. I can also see them adopting older children, in which case they’d keep their own surnames or Jesper and Wylan would encourage them to choose whatever they want to themselves when they are in a safe and healthy position to think about it, similarly to Wylan choosing to take on Hendriks, but that would be highly dependent on their personal circumstances pre- and post- adoption. Kaz and Inej I’ve seen a lot of discussion about and I absolutely get why; for me they would each keep their own names but their children would take Ghafa rather than Brekker, but honestly I like every variation I’ve seen I personally just don’t see Inej ever taking Brekker. Maybe Reitveld, but I don’t think she’d take Brekker. Inej’s experiences at the Menagerie so directly involved both the loss of her culture and the forced appropriation and sexualisation of it and so much of her journey is about reclaiming her power and everything that the city did to her I just don’t think she would ever want to lose her connection to her heritage or to her parents when she lost them for such a significant period, and I honestly don’t know that Kaz would want his kids to take on Brekker because everything that name represents to him will forever be connected to the period of his life where he was at his lowest and his mind was at its darkest, I don’t think that the Kaz Brekker he invented had a future and I don’t think he was supposed to, he was purely a creature born of revenge that was birthed in the harbours of Ketterdam with nothing but revenge burning a hole in his heart. If he chose to return to Reitveld then I see that as a far more likely surname for their kids than Brekker, but I also don’t see Kaz having any particular qualms over his children being Ghafa’s I’m just not convinced he would take the name on himself

Anyway these are obvs just my opinions and if anyone differs let me know, I’d be interested to know if I fall in a similar place to most folks or not :)

[seongminiz]

hotdemonsummoner . com - kang minhee

minors dni ; demon dom!minhee x human sub!reader ; 2.4k words

warnings : fem reader , dubcon , not rlly proof read (thats my trademark atp) , reader is an idiot and a monsterfucker (just like me fr)(very mild monsterfucking btw bc he literally looks human with horns like ..) , crack-ish in the first half but i swear it gets smutty quick , minhee is kinda mean , spit (minhees spit works as an aphrodisiac ehegegheh), its just messy overall , unprotected sex , breeding but its not rlly breeding but ,, whatever , possessive minhee [pretends to be surprised] , manhandling , size kink , strength kink (reader is referred to fragile/small but its just in proportion to a literal demon n has nothing to do with how she looks !), oral (f receiving) , biting , marking , dumbification ? , praise , dacryphilia , minhee calls reader 'little human' (giggling kicking my feet) . hopefully i didnt forget anything

tagging my lovely @ajaxsbeloved hope u like this 🫶🏻

the warning list is ,,, long . it might be a little cringe but i literally give zero fucks‼️⁉️ but i do feel like the smut part kinda sucks but also it might be that im just sad while posting this n its affecting how i view my work idk ANYWAYS wrote this while i had a cold n then a mosquito bit me on the eye so any and all mistakes r bc of that real no clickbait . had so much fun writing this uhhh happy spooky season idk i want demon!minhee in a way that is concerning to feminism lesbianism and my gender identity amen

demon!minhee whom you not so accidentally summoned in your room one uneventful night.

you're bored to death. your favorite show hasn't had a new episode in weeks, all your friends are busy - studying for exams, working, on dates while you're sitting in your lonely bedroom, staring at the ceiling as if it'll solve all your problems in life.

you start considering it might be able to do that when, out of nowhere, you're reminded of the stupid website you visited a few days ago with your friend when she was sleeping over at your place. something about the occult, hot demons and summoning rituals. you grab your phone, opening an incognito tab and typing the link you somehow remember by heart (hotdemonsummoner.com? seriously?)

if this was a horror movie you'd probably be dead in the first ten minutes. you grab a pen, paper and a candle - the tutorial talked about multiple small ones, but you'll have to make do with the cinnamon scented ikea christmas candle that has been sitting on your desk for at the very least three years. and once you're done, you wait for the magic to happen.

five minutes later, there's no sign of any hot demon summoned instantly in your room. you're pretty sure- no, you're certain the problem was the candle. either that, or the site is complete bullshit, but you refuse to believe that. there's no other explanation, screw ikea and their stupid christmas candles.

you sigh, placing everything back where it belongs and letting yourself fall on the bed, picking up your phone just to be met once again by no notification, no nothing, just that stupid 'SUMMON A HOT DEMON INSTANTLY!' title in neon pink with a little devil gif floating right beside it, mockingly staring back at you.

that's when you see something from the corner of your eye, a shadow sliding across the wall. it's probably just the light outside hitting a tree weirdly and casting a creepy shadow, no big deal. but there's no trees outside your window, you're a broke college student who lives in a sad gray apartment complex in an equally sad and gray city.

you gather enough courage to look up from the screen of your phone, your eyes slowly adjusting from its blinding brightness to the darkness of your surroundings. at first you don't see anything, half tempted to turn your phone flashlight on. and then you make eye contact.

he looks just as confused as you are when he quite literally spawns in front of your bed. the normal human reaction would have probably been to scream, instead you just gasp in surprise, followed by a small 'oh.' as you look at him with wide eyes. he takes slow, calculated steps towards you and you have half a mind to hastily turn off your phone, hiding it under a pillow.

'what the fuck?' you say under your breath, studying his figure. if this isn't some extremely technologically advanced burglary and you're not having an expired candle fumes induced hallucination, then this is the demon you tried to summon. and he's actually hot, which means the website was not a scam and the candle is the problem. he seems to read your exclamation and general confusion as a question on why he's there. 'you summoned me.' he explains, taking yet another step towards you.

'no! wait! don't get close!' you order, your self defense weapon of choice being the pen you used to summon him. 'listen,' you start, raising your hands defensively 'i did not think the random summon a hot demon instantly tutorial i found on a sketchy website would actually... well, summon a hot demon instantly.' the creature - minhee, you don't know how you got his name, if he telepathically shared with you or what - raises an eyebrow, amusement clear on his face. 'so you think i'm hot?'

'no! i mean yes! but like not in a i want to fuck you way! just in a... you're an objectively beautiful man- demon, sorry, way...?' you can feel your body temperature rising, getting restless under his unwavering stare. and minhee can feel it too, he can hear the way your heartbeat hasn't calmed down for a second and he can see how your thighs have been clenched together ever since he appeared. his eyes linger for a few more seconds on them, observing the way your shorts ride up everytime you anxiously squirm under his gaze.

'so, little human, why would you want to summon a hot demon instantly? is there anything in particular you need from me?' the nickname has your stomach doing backflips, you swallow thickly before speaking 'will you steal my soul if i say yes? take it as a payment for whatever favor i may ask?' the demon laughs, leaning down so his face is just a breath away from yours. 'not really. i could make an exception for a pretty girl like you,' his eyes flicker to your lips for a split second, so fast you don't even notice it.

thing is, minhee usually does feed off of human souls, but there's something about you that's telling him to not do it just yet, wait it out and see how it goes. maybe he could feed off of something else, something he doesn't get to do that often nowadays. surprising, but the monsterfucker demographic - even the milder ones who would only ever go as far as fucking his semi-human form - is basically an endangered species nowadays.

before you can answer with what favor you actually need (not that you'd actually know what to ask.. what, were you going to offer him to play UNO or something?) minhee's hands are on top of your thighs, spreading them slightly as he presses his lips to yours. you shiver at the cold sensation of his skin, way too cold for a human, and minhee can hear your heartbeat quickening, as you weakly grab his wrists in a failed attempt to get him off of you - or at the very least slow down the process of whatever is going on.

minhee finds your fighting amusing, he knows no human could ever overpower him physically, let alone a little fragile thing like you, but he still indulges in giving you the small hope you could break free from his hold, just to take it away immediately after. one of his hands leaves your thigh to grab both of your wrists, pinning them over your head, the other one staying on your thigh, pushing it to spread even more as his thumb runs along the hem of your shorts.

his mouth is on you once again, and this time minhee forces his tongue past your lips - the tip of it is slightly pointed, not enough to actually hurt you in any way but enough to make you wonder what exactly it could do. you panic for a second, just for everything to slow down, your body relaxing under minhee as the arousal between your legs grows tenfold, you can feel your panties sticking to you and minhee doesn't give you an answer once you look up at him in confusion, your eyes welling up with tears. you can barely come up with a coherent sentence, 'wha- what did you do?' you manage to stutter out, every word getting harder to say as your mind slips, you don't even know where.

minhee's hand leaves your thigh, going to gently wipe the tears that started running down your cheeks. 'mh, that's interesting,' he says, more to himself than to you, fingers sliding down your face to lightly brush against your lips. 'i've used this on other humans before, but their reaction was never this strong.' you don't have time to ask what exactly 'this' is - you don't even know if you have the brain power to do it, really - as minhee forces your mouth open and spits in it. you gasp at his action, but still end up swallowing, your body shuddering with another wave of what could only be described as raw pleasure.

you don't know how he's doing that, but you feel pathetic, getting this horny over someone who hasn't even touched you yet shouldn't be normal. but, honestly, what exactly is normal about a demon appearing in your room and trying to fuck you?

your shorts have been discarded somewhere in your room, and your panties are quick to encounter the same fate - not before getting ripped off of you, to which you whine in disappointment, but minhee cuts you off saying something about you 'not needing them when you're with him' you don't really pay any mind to.

he takes his time with you, biting your thighs to the point you're sure you're bleeding, and then running his tongue along the small cuts he caused, letting whatever the obscure substance mixed with his spit is enter your bloodstream in a matter of seconds, reducing you to even more of an incoherent mess.

when minhee finally gets to eating you out, it all escalates far too quickly for your slowed down brain. for a second he's sucking on your clit, and then he's fucking you with his tongue, reaching spots a human could never dream to reach with their mouth alone. the stimulation is too much, your hands search for any kind of support, something you can grab onto, your fingers running through his hair and pulling slightly before minhee grabs your wrists, moving your hands to hold onto his horns instead and letting out a groan when you do so.

he works on you until you're on the brink of consciousness, until you've lost count of how many times you already came - around three, probably, but they feel like ten times that when each orgasm is more intense than the other and your perception of reality is fading with it. minhee notices it, ignoring your pleas about it being 'too much' and how u 'cant take more' and slipping two of his pretty slender fingers in your sopping cunt. you sob, shaking your head as you uselessly try to squirm away from his touch, subsiding to the unbearable pleasure just a few seconds later.

'already tired, little human? how are you going to take my cock if you can't last a few rounds with my tongue and fingers? maybe you don't want it that bad, then,' he's just fucking with you, deep down you know it, but the thought of minhee just leaving you like this after everything he's done is enough for you to desperately shake your head as you grab his free hand - a far too intimate gesture for this whole 'fucking a random demon you just summoned out of boredom' situation you've found yourself in - pulling him into yet another kiss that leaves the both of you breathless. you never knew it would happen in your lifetime, but you managed to make a demon, a being who doesn't need to breathe, breathless.

'is that convincing enough?' you whisper in a split second of lucidity, your mind and body already subsiding to the effects of his spit you might as well have grown addicted to, half tempted to kiss him again and only interrupted by minhee slowly slipping his fingers out of you. your complaints about it are short lived, so focused on the emptiness between your legs you don't realize minhee has pulled out his cock until his tip is pressing past your entrance.

the stretch is almost unbearable, despite all the time minhee spent overstimulating you he's still too big, and you tell him exactly that in an attempt to slow him down. it only feeds minhee's ego more, though, he chuckles as he pins your hips to the bed, telling you to 'stay fucking still and just take it,' forcing his whole size inside of u until he bottoms out. you've never felt this full, struggling to even breathe as the feeling of minhee inside of you overcomes all your senses.

minhee gives you no time to adjust to the way his cock is stretching you out, immediately thrusting into you and reaching even deeper. all your pleas for him to go slower fall to deaf years, quickly being replaced by the moans you're struggling to quiet down. it's not long before you're getting close again, still sensitive from all your previous orgasms.

'need to cum' you whine, your hips buck up to meet minhee's, feeling his tip hit spots you never knew existed. he chuckles, slowing his thrusts until a fresh wave of tears is filling your eyes at the idea of being denied of your release. 'you need to?' his tone is mocking, but you're so fucked out you can't notice it, quickly nodding 'yeah, need to cum all over your cock.' that's all it takes for minhee to pick up his pace again, aim even deeper than before and have you quickly approaching your high as you incoherently moan his name.

you feel like your soul has been ripped out of your body, gone through each and every layer of hell, and then put back where it belongs. your legs shake as minhee keeps mercilessly fucking you, mumbling something about how he's going to 'fill you up and keep you forever' that, even in your fucked out state, slightly alarms you, your hands pushing at his shoulders to no avail just to be once again pinned above your head.

minhee knows it's physically impossible for a demon to breed a human, and yet, the idea of somehow making you his through it sounds so appealing, as you sob in overstimulation and keep begging him to pull out. he might be aware of there being no consequences if he cums inside, but what would a human like you know? the way you squirm under him, trying to convince him to pull out is almost endearing.

'you're so well behaved, little human, it would be a shame to let all the results of your hard work go to waste, right?' you keep shaking your head, a high pitched moan leaving you as minhee finally cums deep inside of you, tightly pressed against your cervix to make sure you're marked by him, completely ruined for anyone else who'll ever try to fuck you.

minhee doesn't know why he did that, despite having no plans to keep you he still found himself desiring, needing to claim you as his little human. as he stills inside you, minhee thinks that maybe, just maybe, he might bring you 'back home' with him.

[prototypesteve]

hi! I just came across your acc and read some of your posts and you seem a really inspiring individual. im a 18yo demisexual person who's really close to their queerness (both in the sexuality and gender aspects) as its a fundamental part of my individuality. and i dunno, both my being acespec and genderqueer are a tricky... thing to get into when i want to get into relationships. im trying to be happy by myself. and this was very random and all, but as you're an adult aroace (i see very very few of them) its inspiring to me knowing I can still have a good, normal life? while living in full authenticity. idk. sorry if this is random. you dont have to reply. your account was nice to come across. have a wonderful day

Thank you for this. This is why I’m here. Honestly this is most of why I came out. Seriously.

Being Different and “New”.

The world is catching up with you, so you’ll have to be patient sometimes. Language often outpaces feelings. People know how to address genderqueer (they know all the words) but they’re still learning how to process genderqueer (they’re deconstructing all the old gender “archetypes” and stereotypes they were taught by parents and teachers who didn’t address or process genderqueer in their day). They will figure it out, because they can see it’s real. But it’s frustrating, in the meantime.

Even our own community of LGBTQIA+ (in Canada we use 2SLGBTQIA+, leading with 2S for two-spirit) is catching up with us in a lot of ways. The queer community has largely thought of queer as for/about genderqueer, and so when they see aros and aces and demisexuals and demiromantics, they have to either accept or reject that there’s a whole other layer of queer called relationship queer who intersect and overlap with genderqueer inside the bigger (and for some “newly bigger”) queer category/world/thing.

Being alone.

Alone is a complicated word for us. Aspec people experience a few kinds of alone-ness. There’s completion, which allos sometimes don’t get. We’re complete inasmuch as aspec people don’t have as many spaces in their lives where they need an “other half,” even though many of us spend a lot of our lives being told we have that space and we need to fill it. I wrote about that, here.

Then there’s the way we can can feel isolated from the bigger queer world because of the ways some people refuse to accept asexuality and aromanticism as queer, because they see it as a cishet thing, somehow.

We can feel isolated from traditional communities built around faith, politics, ethnicity, national identity, or even generational identity (GenX was wiiiiildly amatonormative), all because our defining differences are falsely interpreted as “new”. People misread our orientation as a phase, or a “made up internet thing” even though we’ve always been here. For ages, the world didn’t want to talk about all the asexual, aromantic, demisexual, and demiromantic people they could see everywhere—unlabelled, but plain as day—and now that we want to talk about ourselves, they’re going to say “you’re making that up”.

Then there’s the alone-ness of trying to explain how we do love, but differently. That one’s hard. I think that’s the one I’m going through the most, this year.

“See Also”:

Anyway, here’s a poorly-sorted and always growing “library” of links to my most popular social media posts, and stuff I’ve learned as an older ace. The recurring theme is that it really is going to be okay.

I’m still me, but now I know why. (How I explain my “thing” to straight friends who knew me from before I came out.)

Phase (You don’t outgrow it. I’m proof.)

Complete (Our complex relationship with “Alone”)

1994 (The counsellor story)

When I realized (Slow origin story)

Lifeline (Something bad happened to me when I was young, and believe it or not, Spider-Man rescued me.)

Recipe for Disaster (When life happens BEFORE you figure out your orientations)

Sexual Induction rather than a sexual awakening. (Things won’t always follow the romance novel playbook.)

Complicated. (Being queer AND Christian.)

Din Djarin Aroace Rep (We love. We just mostly do all the other kinds of love)

Treasure (a note to my trans friends)

Happy Ace Week (yes we’re here)

Masked (About not being out to everyone)

Negotiating (About gaining “acceptance” from the bigger queer community.

[falmerbrook]

now I wanna know about Vivec and Sotha Sil too hehe

Vivec

First impression

Pretentious esoteric lore antagonist (his fandom portrayal made me assume I wouldn't care for him)

Impression now

I don't understand him fully but that's part of the appeal. He's almost like a real person in that regard. Most people don't get him either (and even less) but that's ok to me. My own interpretation is definitely not based very solidly on canon but he's invaded every crevice of my brain so I don't fight it. My beloved meow meow

Favorite moment

The conversation the Nerevarine has with him in Morrowind. I interpret the whole thing as the most honest he's ever been with the player (not fully honest, but more honest than we've otherwise ever seen) and I think it gives us the most clear picture into his character in a way that is really obscured (purposefully) in the 36 Lessons and his ESO appearance. I came to love him from his Morrowind dialogue so I'm just partial to it.

Idea for a story

I would love to see Nerevar and Vivec hijinks before Nerevar became king (sorry I'm tired so not that detailed).

Unpopular opinion

Now here's a character where I have a lot of them but the biggest are 1) I think folks lean way too much into the crazy weird metaphor stuff (and/or interpret his weird metaphor stuff too literally) when his actual in-game portrayal show us that he's actually pretty conversational and "normal" and 2) I personally headcanon that he died before Baar Dau fell rather than still being out there somewhere.

Favorite relationship

Obviously his relationship with Nerevar is one of my favorite to ponder on in the while series, but also his relationship with Almalexia and Sil as a trio. I wish we got some Tribunal interactions in general but I think unfortunately that opportunity is behind us now.

Favorite headcanon

Where do I even begin. The line between interpretation and headcanon can get blurry with him. To keep it brief (and I guess this isn't a "favorite" either but whatever) in terms of his identity as a mortal I picture him as intersex (but afab, determined by the folks around him as a child) a bigender (not that he would necessarily put a label on it however), dealing with dysphoria for most of his life and always feeling a little unsatisfied with himself over this issues with gender. Whatever he has going on as a god is way too complex to put a label on.

Sotha Sil

First impression

His Morrowind appearance inspired absolutely 0 impression on me other than "wow this is fucked up" so I got my first impression from the fandom: The woobified one. He seemed to get more attention (like, genuine interest, not meme attention) than Almalexia and Vivec so being a little contrarian a liked him a lot less.

Impression now

I want to study him under a microscope. Definitely one of the most interesting and emotionall engaging characters in the series and while Vivec is still my favorite, I get the hype. Although, also like VIvec, I am more interested in his character and how he got to where he is as a person than his philosophy or connection to the metaphysical world or whatever.

Favorite moment

Despite how much attention his character gets in ESO, I'm now realizing we don't actually see that much of him. I'd probably say the conversation we have with him at the end of the Clockwork City main quest.

Idea for a story

It's late at night and I'm too tired for this one rn sorry!

Unpopular opinion

Idk if this is actually unpopular but it is underrated imo. I like that the Clockwork City DLC portrays him as kinda fucked up in the way he rules. It's like a dystopian utopia. I'm glad that he also gets to be a little corrupt and fucked up like Almalexia and Vivec. All three of them screwed up in the way they ruled at some point, but all three of them also genuinely cared and tried at some point also.

Favorite relationship

I'm most intrigued by his relationship with Vivec+Almalexia and Nerevar. None of them are developed like, at all, but i want to know more and think about it a lot!

Favorite headcanon

He lost one of his arms in the attack on Ald Sotha, and throughout his mortal life continually built and refined prosthetics that started out very basic and over time got better and better.