#aromanticism

[dogwaterdish]

Happy aro week everyone! I'm working on some little designs for aromantic stuff this week, so have these! I want to do the aroflux, cupioromantic, demiromantic, frayromantic, and grayromantic flags next

they're free to use, just don't sell them or whatever

flags in order: aromantic flag, aroallo flag, arospec flag, aroace flag!

[aviss]

Not sure if I qualify as an old aro, but about to hit my 50s and I am happy, unpartnered, and living my life the way I want.

I have a house I own, a cat who pesters me like it's his job, a group of amazing friends I love and who I share everything with (they are allo, partnered and unpartnered both) and lots of experiences I have had and many more I look forward to.

I travel, both alone and with friends, I go out to theatre, cinema, museums, restaurants, both with my friends and on my own. I have a fulfilling life, maybe not for everyone (my allo single friends keep looking for the one) but definitely the one I wanted.

So yes, you can be aro and happy, have a future, have a good life. We are here, we've always been here, and we will be for a long time to come.

I want old aros so badly. I want a history. I want a future. I want tales of lives that I understand. I want to see myself in a future where I’m happy and comfortable.

But I don’t have that, so I’ll have to build it.

[simbistardis]

As someone who is aromantic, I don’t experience romantic attraction. I don’t ‘fall in love’ in a romantic sense. I don’t have romantic relationships. I don’t date anyone. I don’t have boyfriends or girlfriends, or any kind of romantic partner.  My emotional connections with other people do not manifest in a romantic way and I have no desire for that to happen – I’m just not that way inclined. It isn’t a lifestyle choice, I didn’t decide to avoid the world of dating because of a bad experience. It’s just the way I’ve always been. I first realised I was aromantic when my peers seemed to realise they weren’t. From a young age, girls are taught to value romantic love. The message was a fixture in almost everything marketed to us.  ... For years of my life, it was very rare for me to actually describe myself as ‘aromantic’. I avoided the subject of dating and romantic relationships. But when I did begin embracing the true nature of my orientation, I was met with a surprisingly disturbing backlash. The assumption is that if you don’t or can’t experience romantic love, then you must be cold-hearted. There’s something supposedly ‘evil’ about it, something that has led to strangers online dubbing me a ‘sociopath’ more times than I can count. I’ve been told I must not value human relationships at all, that there must be something wrong with my brain, that I must have no emotions. ... We are taught that you can have everything – great friends, a loving home, a beautiful family, a successful career, comfort within yourself – but if you’re single, you’re incomplete. You haven’t succeeded in life unless someone romantically loves you and you romantically love someone else. Some assume being aromantic must be a terrible thing – like you’re missing something essential. But romantic relationships aren’t the ultimate relationship, and I appreciate all of the others. While I might not experience the highs of romantic love, I also don’t experience the lows. Instead, I use that same energy to experience the other pleasures life has to offer. Being aromantic encourages me to appreciate these things more deeply, not as something inferior. I find love in so many things, including friendships, helping others, my hobbies and having my own adventures. My confidence is found in having a positive impact in the world, not in my relationship status. Which, by the way, isn’t single. It’s infinite. 

"I'll never fall in love and that's OK" what it means to be aromantic by Yasmin Benoit for Stylist (2022)

[suon-arted]

Happy Aromantic Awareness Week!!💚🤍🩶🖤

[bialbovi]

Idk ive been having thoughts and unexpected character developments so I made something . 🧍‍♀️

I SWEAR I DIDNT MAKE A TYPO BUT IN ONE WORD I JUST. WROTE TWO LETTERS IN ONE AND FORGOT TO SPACE THEM OUT AAAAAHHH..... thats it, typo of shame.

[what-is-on-my-mind-now]

WHAT do you mean we are halfway through arospec awareness week and it took me this long to notice my stealth stats dropped to 0

[callsignsundance]

i think, i do love unconventionally, and my aromanticism is definitely related to my nonhumanity, and as i'm learning more about myself that's definitely making more sense.

i don't really use microlabels, they've never really worked for me, so i kind of say i'm a romancec-favourable aromantic (which does make me not very comfortable talking about it but that's another post) but i also think that because of my nonhumanity, i will never be able to have a 'normal' relationship, i'm too animal. i don't love like like a human because i'm not one, and i'll never be able to conform to human society's amatonormativity. that's kind of how my aromanticism presents- i do still experience kinds of attraction, but if you ask me to describe it i really couldn't.

i think i identify with being nonhuman4nonhuman. because i don't think i could ever be with a human. it's hard to explain, but it makes sense to me. i can't be myself freely with someone who doesn't understand what it's like to be nonhuman.

so yeah ig that's me rambling.

[smspikyhampster]

HOLY SHIT I CANT WAIT TO READ THIS

YOU 🫵🏻 read this webcomic that's been bouncing around my brain like pong it's really funny and cute

[garlicbreadish]

"have some shame, you don't even have a boyfriend, even the loser and nerds do these days-"

i hope you give birth to a centipede and you have to spend the rest of your days slaving away to buy shoes for it.

[dogwaterdish]

hey aro people, what are some common assumptions / myths about aromanticism that you've seen people have? I'm doing research

[simbistardis]

It is incredibly frustrating to be aromantic and for people to treat you like you’re heartless, or could never care about anyone at all. We are also put in the unfair and uncomfortable position of justifying our lack of romantic love and explaining the “validity” of other relationship types. It can feel like you’re still stuck within the system, because either way society is telling you that you yourself are not enough, and that you need to be partnered in some way. some people never want a partner, and that’s incredibly fucking valid and should be respected. In trying to navigate aromantic identity in relationships, I also have to deal with the frustration of being a gender nonconforming Black woman as well. I am hypersexualized, told i’m ugly, expected to perform emotional labor for free, subject to hella micro- and macroagressions, told that i’m scary, and always trying to make myself palatable for someone else. this is exhausting. and so it is fun to dream and think about love and relationships, and i have some very important and meaningful relationships with folx, but because of my undesirability, because of my Blackness and Black womanhood, and because of my aromantic identity, I feel very much cut off from having the types of relationships that I would like to have. It can be difficult and frustrating and isolating to see friends, family, strangers, move in and out of casual, serious, or no labels types of relationships knowing that if they one day decide to have a romantic partner, they will be supported in that choice. Perhaps not by all of society, perhaps not everywhere, but there are models for what their relationship could look like. Society has given them options on how to find partners–as a Black Aromantic, I have been given nothing.

Being Black, Aro, and Imagining Relationships, hello! from a Black Aromantic by Mazarae, idkjustwordsyameen.wordpress (2021)

[killingmyselfbutnotdying]

"Friends dont look at friends that way" COWARD. I look at my friends with awe in my eyes, my chest is filled with love, im glowing because i get to be near my friends. I look at my friends and i would give them my everything. SO SKILL ISSUE, look at your friends with all the love that you have

[polyamorousmood]

It really says something that a lot of monogamous people consider polyamorous and aromantic to be "opposites" but every polyam person I know took one look at aromantics and said "they're just like me for real"

[our-aro-experience]

im gonna mostly let the aroallos answer this one (i too am aroace), but i think my best advice would be to clearly communicate!! avoiding misunderstandings will just make everything a while lot easier, and i think the questions above are a great place to start! sorry i cant think of much more advice, most of it has already been said!

I need some advice on probably the most complicated relationship I've ever had.

The guy who I am attracted to is AroAllo. I didn't know this until he told me later after we went on a date. I am still very confused on what this is. Then he told me that he is sexually attracted to me but not romantically attracted to me.

All in all, we are "friends" again. However anyone that doesn't know our situation assumes we're dating. It's really awkward when its brought up. We're in this weird lingo as of now between friends and something more which is all in all very strange. He acts as though he is attracted to me.

The thing is he is perfect. He's incredibly handsome, smart, funny, kind, understanding and is amazing at communication. When it comes to affection, he tends to avoid it quite a lot.

I have been trying to wrap my head around this idea of AroAllo. It doesn't make any sense to me but it is probably just my ignorance and I am AlloAllo. I understand casual sex. But like, how can you not have some romance before sex? You have to kiss, you have to flirt. Does that fall under romance or am I missing something?

Also how do I navigate this relationship? I don't know what to do. It's torture but he is such a good friend and he genuinely listens to me and values me. I am attracted to him still and I can't seem to shake it.

Please, if you can. Give me some advice on this. And I am deeply sorry for the ridiculous long ask.

-confused anon

First of all, I am proud of you for seeking advice in this. You're alloallo and therefore don't really get what's up here, so it's amazing that you came here!

I will refer to this guy as guy.

FOR UNDERSTANDING HIM: Separate sexual and romantic attraction, this is called SAM (split attraction model) and it means a person separates romantic and sexual attraction in their identity. Not everyone does this (including some aspec), it's hard to do, and not everyone can. But it's a good step forward in understanding Guy. If he identifies as Alloaro then he is using the split attraction model (SAM).

A good example is cereal and milk. You, as an alloallo, see cereal and milk as coming together, something that can't be separated. Guy, on the other hand, sees milk as gross and eats cereal straight from the box. An asexual hates cereal and just drinks milk, and I, an aroace, hate both and will die before I eat it.

Obviously this is an over simplification. Some asexuals may still eat some cereal but only because they want to support the brand (for their partner) some aromantics will still drink milk but only after long-standing connections and talks about drinking milk.

FOR UNDERSTANDING YOURSELF:

For how you have described Guy, though, it seems that he is not interested in a definitive romantic relationship. Meaning, while he might not mind being referred to as being in a romantic relationship, I don't think, from what you have written, he is at all romantically attracted to you. He says he likes you sexually, and probably platonically, and likes you as a person. From the sounds of it, he perhaps wants to date, but with no romantic attraction on his end.

Basically, the crux of it is, would you be okay with a relationship that is romantically purely one-sided?

On top of that, talk to him. Understand exactly what he wants from you, and tell him what you would want of him. Understand that asking him to “feel romantic attraction” is not going to work and will drive him away, same with any other attempt to undermine his identity.

Some questions that may help:

"What do you actually feel for me?" "Why did you ask me on a date if you knew you were aroallo?" "How do you feel about me being attracted to you romantically?" "What would you want from me in a relationship?" "Would this be casual sex, or would it be a relationship? Would this be committed?" "Would a queer platonic relationship (QPR for further research) work for you?" "How to you feel like appearing like we are dating?"

Hope this helps going to tag some aro blogs please spare me guys im aroace im trying here @aromantic-official @aro-culture-is @our-aro-experience @our-arospec-experience @aroallo-culture-is and every other aroallo

I WROTE THIS WHILE SLEEP DEPRIVED, I AM SORRY FOR ERRORS

[knifearo]

as an optimist i dream of a beautiful world where people are fucking normal about aromanticism