#it feels like im disconnected from it
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the body i own feels is different from the body i am
#it feels like shit#i dont even know what it is#i dont relate to trans people experiences#is it some kind of body dysmorphia#maybe? but i dont know#there is something inherently wrong about my body#it never looks like how i feel like it should look like#my hair my face my proportions#it all feels off#it feels like im disconnected from it#but i dont know if i should call it body dysmorphia#i wished it could stop#i stopped looking at myself in the mirror#getting ready#taking pictures of myself#i stopped drawing myself#and when that happens it means something is wrong#like my body is something too terrible to look at#too horrendous#but at the same time. if i rationaly think about it#i think i'm not ugly#i'm ok#i'm good#people have compliment me and i have people who fell in love with me#but it feels like i can fool people to think i'm pretty just because i doll myself up#i am naturally horrendous i am artificially beautiful
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filipina miku!! my mom helped me with her outfit ^_^
#THIS TOOK ME FOREVER RAAHHHH#i had help from my mom with stuff like the parts of the traje de mestiza which is the outfit shes wearing#this trend looks so much fun and i wanted to join in.. im first gen canadian though so ive never been to the philippines and only#know thru stories of my parents growing up. im proud of my heritage but there are some things i didnt grow up with that#make me feel disconnected from my culture. so it was nice to talk to my mom abt it and ask for her help with this :3#the pleated tapis is meant to resemble her skirt.. i had no way of adding her stockings but i noticed the piano key design#so i used that for the saya. the bandana is meant to resemble her hairties and shes wearing bakya wooden slippers with embroidery#i kinda wanted to add the panuelo to resemble her tie as a finishing touch but i forgor ;w; just imagine it i guess#my mom really likes this. shes a little confused abt the blue hair and i had to explain her hair is like that but she thinks shes pretty#originally i wanted her holding the woven pamaypay and fanning herself because ITS HOT ITS 25 FUCKING DEGREES TODAY#but i couldnt get the pose right so i settled for this. i wanna draw her and brazilian miku high fiving ill do that tmrw#my art#myart#hatsune miku#miku worldwide#philippines#vocaloid#miku
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1.05 / Battle of the Labyrinth
#I FEEL SO NORMAL ABOUT THIS#percy jackson#pjo tv show#percy jackson and the olympians#pjotv#percabeth#pjo#screaming crying#mine#100#500#1k#5k#im in the middle of packing and this sent me frantically looking for my copies of pjo#anyway#i feel so insane i feel like im gonna die can anyone hear me. CAN ANYONE HEAR ME#annabeth has been so disconnected from the mortal world and just so fundamentally unable to enjoy her childhood#it makes me want to sob like seriously#i hope her and percy go on so many movie dates. like#not even just her and percy i hope percy tells grover and word spreads around camp and movie nights just become a thing at camp#because all these babies deserve it#god im gonna die. im seriously gonna die#WE KNOW THERE'S AN ORIENTATION VIDEO#SO THEY HAVE A PROJECTOR AND A SCREEN#MOVIE NIGHTS COULD HAPPEN!!!#okay bye. i'm going to go scream about percabeth some more
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alternate surface au inspired by a few ive seen around on tumblr :3
#my art#pressure roblox#roblox pressure#sebastian solace#painter pressure#thought more abt my headcanons for seb’s anatomy and like. lol that tail is not pure muscle hes got guts in there.#that + the fact that there’s spinal cord in there means itd be a bad idea to try and amputate it#the wagon/eventual wheelchair is mostly for outdoor use i imagine.#<- specificallt]y for outdoor surface textures/debris that’d be bad for him to slither on#also. chronic pain have i dont think suddenly shrinking his whole body did much good for that#i imagine he and painter have like. a pool. to help with that and other needs he has now.#but he wouldnt wanna use it for a long while#there was a sort of. disconnect between his idea of freedom from urbanshade vs the reality of it i think.#like. thinking things could. on some level. go back to normal#and not considering that some of his mutations would be irreversible#and having to confront/cope with/accomodate himself about that#seb wants to be normal again but we cant all get what we want can we!#sometimes healing involves working with or around irreversible change buddy!#btw if feligayzed sees this. hiii hii your au was one of the big things that kicked my brain off on this and i wanna make fanart sometime#oh yeah this is . also.#sebpainter#pressure pathways#pathways#wow i dont think ive written a wall of tags that big in a long time. can you tell im having normal feelings about them
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IQ
#ice queen#fiona and cake#fnc#adventure time#i think its interesting how much more disconnected she feels from her counterpart in comparison to everybody else#we never really get the simon part of ice queen right? like even the small cameo in fnc. maybe its cause we dont get that side of her in th#fnc episodes of adventure time we only get the surface level 'evil crazy ice lady' and never the person b4 the crown like her being a#ice cream vendor and her appearance while still slightly reminiscent of simon feels so different#etc etc shoulda made a textpost if i was gonna say all that#anyways ice queen + simone(?)#n marshall n betty but *waves hand*#myart#edit: so fucked everything i said apparently shes just some nymph in the comics 🗿#i cant have anything. whatev im gonna continue living in my world of ignorance. those comics cant hurt me and i won't allow them to (u_u)
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i dont think i will ever forgive what the internet did to DID because please explain to me how "your sense of self is so torn apart you think youre multiple people" turned into "youre actually multiple people"
do you understand what i mean? please understand what i mean
#kostik speaks#yes cat 3 are real things ive been told and things that honestly really traumatised me and ruined my relationship with myself & disorder#some reassurance im not the only person who finds this super upsetting would be nice#my mental illness: causes harrowing feelings of disconnection from my life and a tendency to disown and/or reject my identity#some people for some fucking reason: reinforces the mental illness in ways never thought possible#i love and appreciate everyone who knows about my bullshit and yet doesnt deny me my personhood or treat me like some freak#i got really triggered about this yesterday so ive deleted the bulk of the tags i wrote (dehumanisation trauma when)#but i stand by this and ive been assured i make sense so sure. posting#this is the real reason i hate giving my disorder by name if you even care. it is specifically this treatment#did tag
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[HEY STARDUST, CHECK THIS SHIT OUT~!]
[id in alt]
#isat#in stars and time#poorly drawn isat#isat loop#caps#originally i was just going to give them a knife but then i thought 'everybody has seen loop with a knife.'#and it escalated to this#fact abt me: im not really a loop tail truther bc i have a lot of feelings about loops appearance from a narrative perspective.#and i feel like they maintain more of an alien appearance/visible disconnect from their personhood without the tail?#but also..... the tails cute.#and im a furry. so.#extremely bad suckage drawing to make up for the sappy post
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throws up and dies
#hes so disconnected from them & their passion its like he feels dead already#even visually he's apart from the others not only is he behind he's the only not wearing armour#they're all in these colourful metals that help to protect them and he's just in dark colours completely vulnerable -#- because he doesnt WANT protection because he wants to DIE im gonna fucking.#alex.rambles.txt#c!wilbur#mcyt#vodblogging#wilbur soot#dream smp
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Please don't hurt yourself
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#library of ruina#hod#hod lobcorp#hod lobotomy corporation#hod library of ruina#erm... michelle. hii michelle. going to have to spoiler tag for you though baby#lobotomy corp spoilers#lobcorp spoilers#okay i think thats it#no shading because this made me want to KILL YMSELF#it looks fone w out it anyways. yay. thank you filter after effects for saving my ass this . hurt me so muchh to try to finish#nothing specific that had me make this. at least from lobcorp lor. its more of having more empathy towards my past self or when i was young#than me. right now. it feels as if the past is so devoid of my current self yet i know that its Me. its just so distant. to the point where#at times it feels as if the me of the past is devoid of the current me. im told im very empathetic? hard to tell. that im patient and kind#or more of understanding to everyone but Myself. so when i try to be kind to myself it feels impossible. but im able to do it to my past se#which makes a disconnect. please dont hurt youself. please dont hate youself. you dont need to do that. i know you want to live it hurts#i know. its alright to want to live. you dont need to apologize and feel Guilty. but never towards Myself. to console and wish to soothe bu#not to the current self. to pardon and accept but not to this Me. so i wanted to put it down kinda. felt most similar to hod ish.#its guilt for living. apologizing for existing. wanting to be accepted and pardoned. but also forgiving and accepting the self of before#not so much forgiving. forgive is a weird word. the hurt never leaves. and the guilt is there regardless. but. yknow. accept#sorry some random shit. yappin. who gaf abt that guy. who was that guy. anyways. hod <3 HODD!!!#just like to ramble abt what i think abt when i go to make pieces. since i uhh dont really have anyone to tell who would care. so. awkward.#god thats embarrassing actuallt migjt delete if im not lazy asf later. loser oversharing on the internet AHH 💥💥#uhmm back to the actual piece. the proportions and fhe coloring were having me feel like i was dging trying to get it right. almost#considered just gettinf rid of it and scrapping the whole piece. didnt though. wanted to have it done and finished. hod <3#the feeligns described arent what i would relate w hod? but closest chatacter towards the general thougut. so wanfed to draw her#i wanted to do more w ligjting and such as well. but it never ended up getting in. maybe later
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hi <3
my lovelies are you still here? i'm thinking of dropping something 🥺
#is anyone still here i totally understand if you're not 💔#BUT HIIIIIII TO ANYONE WHO IS#im so sorry i disappered again life stays getting crazy#and i kind of felt disconnected from writing and nearly lost my passion for it#but i think im ready to get back in the game#just KNOWING how many stories i have yet to tell#for my lovelies who are waiting for 'to turn a bad thing good' I promise the third chapter is nearly done!#though in the meantime i really do feel like I owe you guys some new work#i have a taehyung pwp i wrote all the way back in 2022 just chilling in my wip#would you guys like me to drop it 🥺#sammy files
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do you ever look at other people's art and vibrate out of your skin from how much you love their work
#rye.txt#im feeling big emotions about art and expression today#part of me wants to emulate other artists because WOAHG PRETTY ART#but then the rest of me thinks that I don't feel this way about my own art purely because im the one making it. if that makes sense#like if I could completely disconnect myself from my own art and look at it with fresh eyes I might feel that way about myself#BUT ALAS my perception is poisoned by the necessity of seeing every flaw and detail in my own artwork and none of the novelty#of seeing it for the first time
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it’s so easy to forget that you can literally write whatever you want
#i think especially if you post your writing it’s easy to forget because#sometimes we subconsciously try and write reader as someone who most readers will like#instead of writing reader as#yourself for example#sometimes i feel disconnected from my own reader-insert-guy#you know ?!#i haven’t written anything with me in mind as the reader#i had this sudden realization#just now#as im writing a lil vent-y kind of fic#that i probably won’t end up posting HOWEVER#im writing the reader as myself for the first time and it’s#making me happy today#as for the vent not to worry sbshjsjdkd I’ve had this issue with an irl for a couple months now#tis all okay and well#🐇 — text !#but you can literally write so much. like if you’re nervous for something u could write ur fav offering support#if ur happy u can write them being happy w u! if ur mad u can write them telling someone off for u#u have so much freedom as a writer#love that a lot#on the other hand i can write sakura pouring milk before cereal if i wanted to#i could even make suo do that#cw vent#INCASE
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feeling a bit sad tonight
#i can't believe summer is basically over#i feel like i hardly spent time w friends n did anything really#like i know i did but still idk#and i'm sad because i feel so disconnected from everyone right now#like idk i feel like ive made so much progress this year mentally but i have no one to talk abt it with which is sad#and just in general the things going on in my life#they were onto smth when they said not to trust how u feel abt ur life after 9pm lol#i'm actually really looking forward to sept / autumn and im doing okay its just idk#diary#tiyas thoughts
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genuinely so nervous for tomorrow
logan i’ll fight james in the back of a wendy’s for you pls pls pls i cannot do this rn
#logan sargeant#williams racing#f1#ls2#williams racing when i get my hands on you#im terrified of going to sleep and seeing him be dropped#i need sleep but i also can’t sleep#i feel sick#i need to emotionally disconnect from f1#praying for him like genuinely
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i feel like if someone actually brought me flowers or danced with me or cooked with me i would cry
#i want it so bad#i just really want a girlfriend#and i feel so disconnected and i know people hang out with me but they dont do it cause they like me#they do it cause i wont leave them alone if they are even a little nice to me cause im a pathetic lonely crybaby#even my best friend doesnt listen to me talk about stuff i like all that much#and i listen to her talk about her stuff all of the time#i just really want affection from someone my own age#my utterly fascinating life
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you know for someone who loves metamy so much. i gotta say having it be fully unrequited is honestly fitting with metal's whole arc (or rather his LACK of arc)
he wants what he can't have. he's not anything or anyone, he doesn't deserve it. what would he even do with it?
"i don't think i have anything. i don't think i can have anything. i don't know how to have something." (src: 17776)
whether or not you subscribe to the roboticized metal theory, it doesn't change that metal's goals are not aligned with reality. ironically it's the robot that is unable to logically analyze his situation. he wants to be sonic but it doesn't change the fact that he isn't. he wants to win but it doesn't change the fact that he won't. his desires are narratively and morally unfulfillable because what he wants is wrong (factually and ethically.)
and so if he, in theory, wanted amy rose how could he ever actually have her?
the most she would give him is "you're more like him than i thought."
because he's Not sonic. all he can be is sufficiently Like him (sometimes). whatever metal claims he is (and honestly whatever he ACTUALLY is) is irrelevant because he can't MAKE himself sonic. he can't make himself the version of sonic that amy loves. amy loves sonic for WHAT he is (good) not what he's named. the most she could ever do is passively appreciate the traits of sonic that metal is able to imitate. emulate. simulate. fabricate.
sonic's role (in the meta story and in-universe) is so unique and treasured and irreplaceable. the only way to kick him out would be to, idk, replace him with an identical copy and put the old sonic in a lose-lose situation where he could not possibly be believed or sympathized with. or something.
say he gets "rehabilitated," rebels against eggman... you know those metamy fics. what is he then?
-> another job well done. another good deed for team sonic (y'know, the real one).
because it's not just that he's Not Sonic. (and he isn't. even if you believe he once was, he's not anymore in any way that is relevant to the narrative. the narrative, as you know, is the real sonic's pov.) it's that he's not even really a person anymore.
he's been forcibly depersonalized, dethroned, removed from his role (+ promptly replaced with something canonically better!) and isolated from any semblance of humanization. he doesn't even have a mouth. either it was taken from him or he was never given one. and we are not given any glimpse into his thoughts. (they're not important.)
like. this is a dead end. he is a dead end. there's nowhere to run.
he won't "get the girl" (pardon the term) not because he's evil not because he's not sonic but because he is not a "person" in any sense. not literally not socially not narratively not practically not really
idk. whether metal falls in love with amy genuinely, or if it's just out of jealousy/desire to want what the real sonic has/instinct to emulate the real sonic's emotions... it's doomed. he's just a ghost from a doomed timeline and everything he will ever do is destined to fail. he can't kill sonic. he can't hold amy's hand. he can't do anything but lose.
in that sense, metal "losing" amy to the real sonic (as if metal was ever even a contender, as if he was ever real enough) is just another failure in a long, long string of mostly unpleasant memories of a character who doesn't even get to go by his real name. because someone more important took it already has it.
#all of this to say. amy not returning metal's feelings is just more proof that he's not sonic. that no one sees him as sonic. it fits ithink#sonic#sonic the hedgehog#metal sonic#metamy#.txt#either way metal is just such a tragic character. so filled with jealousy and hate and rage. and such such such grief and loneliness.#i think if i had to pick a word for how i (am choosing to LOL) interpret his themes... disconnection. -> from self from society from morals#you can't just give me a character whose name is stolen and whose body is transformed against his will. whose identity is destroyed.#who has a fascinating (and surprisingly positive?!) dynamic with his replacement's (+ his own!) love interest...#and not let me use her as a weapon to really hammer in the fact that he is Alone. he's not even from this universe.#and all his friends are dead. and he should be too but he's not. he's something worse.#i just realized. 'hammer in the fact' get it cuz amy has a hammer lol. lol. lol#amy looooves sonic. she adores him. she doesnt love metal. the only conclusion is that he must not be sonic.#but he is but he is but he is but he is BUT--#but but but.#ahh#anyway ive been doodling more metamy. got a few more sketches i gotta line.#and a fun tails and nine piece too :) if i learn hwo to Actually draw properly like a real person.. one day i can line it right#btw if this is super dramatic and noncanon. let me frolic in my angst. im using metal and amy as dolls here. let me . thankyou#ok its4am now lolsiesssss
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