#it feels like im disconnected from it
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the body i own feels is different from the body i am
#it feels like shit#i dont even know what it is#i dont relate to trans people experiences#is it some kind of body dysmorphia#maybe? but i dont know#there is something inherently wrong about my body#it never looks like how i feel like it should look like#my hair my face my proportions#it all feels off#it feels like im disconnected from it#but i dont know if i should call it body dysmorphia#i wished it could stop#i stopped looking at myself in the mirror#getting ready#taking pictures of myself#i stopped drawing myself#and when that happens it means something is wrong#like my body is something too terrible to look at#too horrendous#but at the same time. if i rationaly think about it#i think i'm not ugly#i'm ok#i'm good#people have compliment me and i have people who fell in love with me#but it feels like i can fool people to think i'm pretty just because i doll myself up#i am naturally horrendous i am artificially beautiful
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filipina miku!! my mom helped me with her outfit ^_^
#THIS TOOK ME FOREVER RAAHHHH#i had help from my mom with stuff like the parts of the traje de mestiza which is the outfit shes wearing#this trend looks so much fun and i wanted to join in.. im first gen canadian though so ive never been to the philippines and only#know thru stories of my parents growing up. im proud of my heritage but there are some things i didnt grow up with that#make me feel disconnected from my culture. so it was nice to talk to my mom abt it and ask for her help with this :3#the pleated tapis is meant to resemble her skirt.. i had no way of adding her stockings but i noticed the piano key design#so i used that for the saya. the bandana is meant to resemble her hairties and shes wearing bakya wooden slippers with embroidery#i kinda wanted to add the panuelo to resemble her tie as a finishing touch but i forgor ;w; just imagine it i guess#my mom really likes this. shes a little confused abt the blue hair and i had to explain her hair is like that but she thinks shes pretty#originally i wanted her holding the woven pamaypay and fanning herself because ITS HOT ITS 25 FUCKING DEGREES TODAY#but i couldnt get the pose right so i settled for this. i wanna draw her and brazilian miku high fiving ill do that tmrw#my art#myart#hatsune miku#miku worldwide#philippines#vocaloid#miku
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1.05 / Battle of the Labyrinth
#I FEEL SO NORMAL ABOUT THIS#percy jackson#pjo tv show#percy jackson and the olympians#pjotv#percabeth#pjo#screaming crying#mine#100#500#1k#5k#im in the middle of packing and this sent me frantically looking for my copies of pjo#anyway#i feel so insane i feel like im gonna die can anyone hear me. CAN ANYONE HEAR ME#annabeth has been so disconnected from the mortal world and just so fundamentally unable to enjoy her childhood#it makes me want to sob like seriously#i hope her and percy go on so many movie dates. like#not even just her and percy i hope percy tells grover and word spreads around camp and movie nights just become a thing at camp#because all these babies deserve it#god im gonna die. im seriously gonna die#WE KNOW THERE'S AN ORIENTATION VIDEO#SO THEY HAVE A PROJECTOR AND A SCREEN#MOVIE NIGHTS COULD HAPPEN!!!#okay bye. i'm going to go scream about percabeth some more
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alternate surface au inspired by a few ive seen around on tumblr :3
#my art#pressure roblox#roblox pressure#sebastian solace#painter pressure#thought more abt my headcanons for seb’s anatomy and like. lol that tail is not pure muscle hes got guts in there.#that + the fact that there’s spinal cord in there means itd be a bad idea to try and amputate it#the wagon/eventual wheelchair is mostly for outdoor use i imagine.#<- specificallt]y for outdoor surface textures/debris that’d be bad for him to slither on#also. chronic pain have i dont think suddenly shrinking his whole body did much good for that#i imagine he and painter have like. a pool. to help with that and other needs he has now.#but he wouldnt wanna use it for a long while#there was a sort of. disconnect between his idea of freedom from urbanshade vs the reality of it i think.#like. thinking things could. on some level. go back to normal#and not considering that some of his mutations would be irreversible#and having to confront/cope with/accomodate himself about that#seb wants to be normal again but we cant all get what we want can we!#sometimes healing involves working with or around irreversible change buddy!#btw if feligayzed sees this. hiii hii your au was one of the big things that kicked my brain off on this and i wanna make fanart sometime#oh yeah this is . also.#sebpainter#pressure pathways#pathways#wow i dont think ive written a wall of tags that big in a long time. can you tell im having normal feelings about them
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IQ
#ice queen#fiona and cake#fnc#adventure time#i think its interesting how much more disconnected she feels from her counterpart in comparison to everybody else#we never really get the simon part of ice queen right? like even the small cameo in fnc. maybe its cause we dont get that side of her in th#fnc episodes of adventure time we only get the surface level 'evil crazy ice lady' and never the person b4 the crown like her being a#ice cream vendor and her appearance while still slightly reminiscent of simon feels so different#etc etc shoulda made a textpost if i was gonna say all that#anyways ice queen + simone(?)#n marshall n betty but *waves hand*#myart#edit: so fucked everything i said apparently shes just some nymph in the comics 🗿#i cant have anything. whatev im gonna continue living in my world of ignorance. those comics cant hurt me and i won't allow them to (u_u)
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i dont think i will ever forgive what the internet did to DID because please explain to me how "your sense of self is so torn apart you think youre multiple people" turned into "youre actually multiple people"
do you understand what i mean? please understand what i mean
#kostik speaks#yes cat 3 are real things ive been told and things that honestly really traumatised me and ruined my relationship with myself & disorder#some reassurance im not the only person who finds this super upsetting would be nice#my mental illness: causes harrowing feelings of disconnection from my life and a tendency to disown and/or reject my identity#some people for some fucking reason: reinforces the mental illness in ways never thought possible#i love and appreciate everyone who knows about my bullshit and yet doesnt deny me my personhood or treat me like some freak#i got really triggered about this yesterday so ive deleted the bulk of the tags i wrote (dehumanisation trauma when)#but i stand by this and ive been assured i make sense so sure. posting#this is the real reason i hate giving my disorder by name if you even care. it is specifically this treatment#did tag
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[HEY STARDUST, CHECK THIS SHIT OUT~!]
[id in alt]
#isat#in stars and time#poorly drawn isat#isat loop#caps#originally i was just going to give them a knife but then i thought 'everybody has seen loop with a knife.'#and it escalated to this#fact abt me: im not really a loop tail truther bc i have a lot of feelings about loops appearance from a narrative perspective.#and i feel like they maintain more of an alien appearance/visible disconnect from their personhood without the tail?#but also..... the tails cute.#and im a furry. so.#extremely bad suckage drawing to make up for the sappy post
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hi <3
my lovelies are you still here? i'm thinking of dropping something 🥺
#is anyone still here i totally understand if you're not 💔#BUT HIIIIIII TO ANYONE WHO IS#im so sorry i disappered again life stays getting crazy#and i kind of felt disconnected from writing and nearly lost my passion for it#but i think im ready to get back in the game#just KNOWING how many stories i have yet to tell#for my lovelies who are waiting for 'to turn a bad thing good' I promise the third chapter is nearly done!#though in the meantime i really do feel like I owe you guys some new work#i have a taehyung pwp i wrote all the way back in 2022 just chilling in my wip#would you guys like me to drop it 🥺#sammy files
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throws up and dies
#hes so disconnected from them & their passion its like he feels dead already#even visually he's apart from the others not only is he behind he's the only not wearing armour#they're all in these colourful metals that help to protect them and he's just in dark colours completely vulnerable -#- because he doesnt WANT protection because he wants to DIE im gonna fucking.#alex.rambles.txt#c!wilbur#mcyt#vodblogging#wilbur soot#dream smp
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do you ever look at other people's art and vibrate out of your skin from how much you love their work
#rye.txt#im feeling big emotions about art and expression today#part of me wants to emulate other artists because WOAHG PRETTY ART#but then the rest of me thinks that I don't feel this way about my own art purely because im the one making it. if that makes sense#like if I could completely disconnect myself from my own art and look at it with fresh eyes I might feel that way about myself#BUT ALAS my perception is poisoned by the necessity of seeing every flaw and detail in my own artwork and none of the novelty#of seeing it for the first time
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it’s so easy to forget that you can literally write whatever you want
#i think especially if you post your writing it’s easy to forget because#sometimes we subconsciously try and write reader as someone who most readers will like#instead of writing reader as#yourself for example#sometimes i feel disconnected from my own reader-insert-guy#you know ?!#i haven’t written anything with me in mind as the reader#i had this sudden realization#just now#as im writing a lil vent-y kind of fic#that i probably won’t end up posting HOWEVER#im writing the reader as myself for the first time and it’s#making me happy today#as for the vent not to worry sbshjsjdkd I’ve had this issue with an irl for a couple months now#tis all okay and well#🐇 — text !#but you can literally write so much. like if you’re nervous for something u could write ur fav offering support#if ur happy u can write them being happy w u! if ur mad u can write them telling someone off for u#u have so much freedom as a writer#love that a lot#on the other hand i can write sakura pouring milk before cereal if i wanted to#i could even make suo do that#cw vent#INCASE
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feeling a bit sad tonight
#i can't believe summer is basically over#i feel like i hardly spent time w friends n did anything really#like i know i did but still idk#and i'm sad because i feel so disconnected from everyone right now#like idk i feel like ive made so much progress this year mentally but i have no one to talk abt it with which is sad#and just in general the things going on in my life#they were onto smth when they said not to trust how u feel abt ur life after 9pm lol#i'm actually really looking forward to sept / autumn and im doing okay its just idk#diary#tiyas thoughts
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genuinely so nervous for tomorrow
logan i’ll fight james in the back of a wendy’s for you pls pls pls i cannot do this rn
#logan sargeant#williams racing#f1#ls2#williams racing when i get my hands on you#im terrified of going to sleep and seeing him be dropped#i need sleep but i also can’t sleep#i feel sick#i need to emotionally disconnect from f1#praying for him like genuinely
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i feel like if someone actually brought me flowers or danced with me or cooked with me i would cry
#i want it so bad#i just really want a girlfriend#and i feel so disconnected and i know people hang out with me but they dont do it cause they like me#they do it cause i wont leave them alone if they are even a little nice to me cause im a pathetic lonely crybaby#even my best friend doesnt listen to me talk about stuff i like all that much#and i listen to her talk about her stuff all of the time#i just really want affection from someone my own age#my utterly fascinating life
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Honestly such a re-occuring theme with my characters is a lack of connection to their past/culture/family...
Blythe doesn't feel any kinship with them or a desire to return to Waterdeep. Raha doesn't know Elvish or remember his parents. Lorelai's father was incredibly controlling and isolating. Daee didn't feel connected to the Dalish OR city elf culture so he ran away and doesn't try to reconnect with either side.
I wonder if this means anything. Probably not.
#jk i know i have like. a disconnect from ukranian culture & dont feel welcome so!#im an immigrant without any emotional connection to my past country. i am kind of just there#raha not knowing elvish & getting ostracized for it is very personal & from experience. haha. :)#but the fact that even daee has that is so funny. ive been nursing this baggage for A DECADE
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this sequence in the sandy amv makes me insane. btw. dovekit and ivykit’s blissful little kitten ignorance, just happy to enjoy each other’s company, the soft light coloring and shading of the kitten images. and then the harsh transition to dark shading over their faces, each of them standing apart, having been torn from one another due to their horrible mentors.
ivypool’s look of resentment and disgust towards dovewing for the cards she was dealt, and dovewing is just…. tired. she was distanced from ivypool so young, any chance they had to confide in one another is gone. now ivypool is just one more angry face, one more cat who’s expectations dovewing has to manage. she wants to help ivypool but it’s a thankless task and ivypool hates her for it anyways.
there’s no winning for dovewing
#sorry for the ugly borders im too lazy to edit them out#i really feel this in avos too. dove tries to get away from bumblestripe and shes just harassed back in his direction#ivy takes the opportunity to speak up against her just to spite her#shes never had an apprentice while her sister has had two i think? which implies theres some disrespect there#damn. bramblestars storm dovewing was right. the clan had no more use for her once she lost her powers. im going to be sick#imagine being put on a pedestal your whole life for a power you didnt ask for that isolated you from your family and impacted your day to da#day life#and then losing that and the two cats who were at your side dropped you like you were nothing and you got mocked for being ‘’different’’#and your sister still obviously resents you and you’re disconnected from your clanmates and they clearly look down on you#she makes me fucking ill
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