#mental illness as a systemic issue

[glitter-stained]

One must imagine Sisyphus happy, the voice says as I walk down to the well. It echoes against the walls, empty and wet in that peculiar way in which voices only echo in a cave, this deep, dark loneliness that chills you to the bone. One must imagine Sisyphus happy, it whimpers from very far away; my knuckles are rubbed red as they tie the bucket to the rope, and send it down below, and fill it with water. But I know Sisyphus. Who cares if he's happy? He was a bad man, but first he was a child, but first he was a man. What does it matter know, when the boulder rolls up and when it all falls down? I pull the bucket up, and fill my amphora ; watch the blood where I ripped my finger nails drip through and taint the water red. Something about eternity, I suppose. One must imagine Sisyphus happy, is the rule, but I hear him scream out every day, and he deserves it so much I am glad, and I pity him so much I could cry. And no one really cares if you are able to convince yourself that he could learn to love this endless, aimless task, and I could scream all my despair to the well and the well will never answer me; nothing changes around here, only the mind of those that are trapped, and that empty, violent freedom to imagine your neighbour is happy. Maybe one day it will be too much; perhaps, one day, it will be enough. For now I carry my amphora and feel it emptying and look for my sister. One must remember I'm a murderer. Plic, ploc. The water drips through.

[the-fictive-haven]

Headmate 1: I wanna watch this show

Headmate 2: I want to start learning sign language

Headmate 3: Well I want to learn new art mediums

Headmate 4: NO, practicing our digital art!

Headmate 5: We should really be finding a job

Headmate 6: Hey remember those phone calls you need to make

Me: ...

Stays in bed all day because ADHD said no

[vela-pulsars]

Sorry for the lack of activity, working on mods, but throwback to when I was hunting for a college to join and 90% of my interactions on student fairs went like this

[xoivy]

The imallexx situation with his ex alice is so incredibly heavy man and it's really interesting looking at it after having been through almost the exact same thing years ago, seeing how clearly insane the abuse he inflicted on alice was and thinking about how difficult it was for me to get out of it myself. My heart breaks for this girl honestly, i really hope she can get the help and healing that she needs after such a horrible excuse for a relationship

[dameronalone]

The post you just reblogged about infantilizing autistic characters and specifically Steven Grant is actually one of my favorite things ever and I wished people talked about it more. I remember watching MK when it first came out and seeing Steven and being like omg he’s just like me!! because a lot of the times I don’t really connect with autistic characters for one reason or another but seeing Steven and seeing him have the same mannerisms and characteristics as me was so so wonderful and the fandom was great at first and it seems like the more time passes and the farther we get from when the show stopped having new episodes, he gets characterized so differently than how he was in the show. Like yeah he was awkward and unsure around Layla but also look at the circumstances!! Everyone’s turned him into an uwu baby child and forget that he got angry and he was smart and he was brave and he was an adult man and not a child regardless of him being autistic. Idk, I just really liked that post and I was so glad to see someone on the same page as me and I wanted to share my thoughts lmao

dearest anon you are more than welcome to come in my inbox and talk abt Steven, autism, and how irritating fandom ableism is, because I'm always ready to talk about any of it. I'm glad that you felt seen by my frustration! a lot of times I'll mention it or even post about it and it's like yelling into the void

I think the wonderful thing about Steven is that he feels so authentically autistic, him and Marc both (and im assuming Jake as well, but it's just too soon to tell in which ways he will experience/be visibly autistic) and I think that's both the uprising and the downfall of it because in not using the word "autistic" in the show it paves the way both for genuine connection AND the surface level ableist "aw steven" mentality we see a lot now

i was watching the first two episodes the other day, mostly because I'm rewatching for Steven- an aside, but fandom had honestly put me off Steven. ofc I loved him so much but I couldn't truly connect because the (imho) accurate Steven that I liked to think about and analyze is NOT the Steven we see in 98% of fanfiction or tumblr posts. but anyway I was watching the first two episodes and I gotta say, for as much nervous stuttering as he does in fanfiction, he really- listen I think he does a reasonable amount of nervous stuttering when he is IN truly stressful situations that have him completely off kilter.

you can't really script your way out of a conversation with a creepy guy trying to tell you abt his lord and savior ammit the croc

anyway. all this to say, I completely understand where you're coming from and I'm really glad you felt seen in my own frustration. it's always validating to see someone else verbalizing a deep rooted but glossed over issue that bothers you

just!! reiterating your point!! he's knowledgeable!!! he's angry!!! he's incredibly brave!!!! he's not afraid to stand up to Marc or khonshu or harrow or anybody!!!! he's an adult man with a job and a place to live!!! that doesn't make him any better or worse than someone who may not have a job BUT people just love to turn autistic ppl into helpless little uwu babies and its SO obnoxious and irritating and insulting. he IS capable!! Steven is SASSY he is a BITCH he fantasizes about killing his boss!!!!! he bargined the world for marc (and his) freedom!!!! hello?????

steven would not like the majority of the people who claim to like him..

at any rate lmao. my inbox is always open!! happy to talk 🫶

[actuallyverynormalbtw]

having divorced parents is so easy like they both acknowledge the trauma The Other One gave me and i can play both sides talking shit about them and hey wait a minute why cant i trust anyone...

[scarycranegame]

hey can we stop writing creepypastas where the Big Scary Thing™ is "ohh the subject of the story is mentally ill!!!!!! they're so evil and bad and the audience should wish for them to die because they're mentally ill!!!!!!!!" it's. really telling about what you think of mentally ill people who don't fit into the box of "uwu shy smol bean" or "quirky silly autistic goober"

[the-moonjay-forest-system]

For us being a system is kinda like

Everything's chill and I'm even happy!

Wait no I'm not I can't stop crying, why am I crying?

Oh gods it's all too much make it stop, it's like I'm feeling everything all at once

Wait no I feel nothing? I'm completely numb

Nothings real

No everything is real it just sucks

I hate everything

Actually I think I hate myself

I want to dissappears, I should run away

No I want to watch cartoons and cuddle my stuffed animals!

Or maybe I should just fall asleep?

I never want to wake up

Ooh wait I want breakfast I never eat breakfast!

I should go out it's a beautiful day

I'm never leaving my room again

I just want my mom

I hate my mom

I wish I was dead

Maybe I am dead, I feel dead

Who am I?

And repeat. There's more but I think you get the idea

[404shcats]

Having an eating disorder isn’t a moral failure btw -Medds

[the-fictive-haven]

Want to do art, can't do art.

Want to watch shows, can't watch shows.

Want to play games, can't play games.

Ends up on Tumblr endlessly scrolling, watching the notifications like a hawk and desperately searching for social interaction all day.

And my sysmates can't even really do anything about it because my anxious ass keeps coming back to front every five minutes 😭

[ai-the-broccoli]

aaghh I hate health anxiety ocd (or whatever you call it), it's literally doing nothing other than contributing to make my health worse

... wait actually, does anyone have like, tips/advice for that kind of thing? I really think I need some help with this one

[shadey-rper]

Pit of Vipers by Simon Curtis. I relate to that song so fucking much. Not because I was ever in a bad relationship- I relate it with my mental health. Being controlled by the other people in my head. But alas! I'll never know what's wrong with me. Not until I'm out of my schooling.

[tylernmymirror]

oh , they're the manipulative one ? they're the gr00m3r ?

they aren't respectful ? they're too verbally aggressive ?

they want me to be dependant ? they isolate me ?

they want me to be obedient ?

they mistreat me ?

really ? you're sure ?

figures .

[theokusgallery]

I freaking love your au and your latest comic because MAN

I FELT THOSE LAST WORDS AND I WAS LIKE "OH FUCK"

First panel was already a bit unsettling itself - like you get it's just intimate manners as you do as a couple but he felt so possessive already and

Sunny's inner thoughts

I'm sure 100% his abandonment anxiety will increase drastically the more he stays with nick and honestly slay

I mean it's kinda obvious

But like I felt that

Yeah

Nick is unhinged

Nick is crazy

Y'all are gay for him

Good 😵💥

Sunny has soooo many issues. So many of them. He's so vulnerable and he makes himself vulnerable to Nick while still being intimidated by him, it's... Dude's got some problems.

[lost-in-the-planetarium]

system things is who's fucking idea was this

system things is guarding my headmates from texting our ex

[nevoasystem]

DID and Trans ™

Episode 1 : Never in the right body, Never with the right face