#living with mental illness

[xvelvetcoffinx]

[to0needy]

it’s so frustrating that i have to take fucking pills every day in order to “function” like a normal human being

and it’s still not enough, my brain will never change the way it works and i hate that

[doomedfromthewombfr]

I fall apart so quietly that even I forget I’m breaking

[mushroomwillow]

So I have a nervous stim where I rub the palm of my hand and I’ve rubbed it completely raw. I’ve been really struggling to find a way to not do it so my hand can heal. I made this, super simple, single crochet in a round that fits around my hand, attach a chain around the thumb and then more single crochet. So far it’s worked pretty well. I can still rub it, and I don’t damage the skin more. So yeah this is a thing

[endlessmidnights]

Every time I want to confess I’ve relapsed I think to myself it’s not bad enough to justify burdening someone else

[underthevveather]

Sending love to any disabled person that may stumble cross this. You are so valid and amazing. I hope you have a wonderful disability awareness month :)

[ak-harper-loves-fiction]

"In my head, I’m a monster. At school, I’m a monster. At home, I’m a monster. Am I a monster?"

Another quote from one of my stories.

[the-immortal-restless]

I hate when I’m wrong about shit like resetting your nervous system. I’ve never, like, done it… so I tried and it fucking worked

It was like… all the pressure left my head, I thought I would’ve needing to do bloodletting to achieve this.

In conclusion, if you also struggle with any of the mental illnesses I do (C!PTSD, ADHD, Anxiety, Depression) and you feel a big pressure in your head…

Try splashing your face with cold water, sometimes a soak of your face is necessary but often it’s just a splash. Nothing wrong with it, it’s a little startling but the relief far outweighs it.

[beautifulbookishdisaster]

Several years ago, a plank of reason broke within me, and I dropped down and down, and hit a world at every plunge. It wasn't the first time this had happened, but precedent is cold comfort when you feel the funeral in your brain.

John Green, The Anthropocene Reviewed (The World's Largest Ball of Paint)

[gor3sigil]

My brain: Oh BACK TO SCHOOL TIME ?

Are you ready for your yearly traumatic regression, CPTSD symptoms on blast, and having the contradicting feelings of anxiety from the heavy bullying you went through VS the regret you have of not having lived the "boyhood" you made up in your head ?

Me: ... We're 27 ffs we're old enough to NOT do that anymore.

My brain: YOU BET, BITCH.

[innateapathy]

I want to be happy today.

Why is that so much to ask for?

[xvelvetcoffinx]

Some of my trauma is literally over 18 years old like it’s legally an adult but it won’t move the fuck out of my head??? Get a job and pay some rent buddy.

[to0needy]

i spend so much time on tumblr bc i feel like that’s the only place that makes me feel so understood and not alone

[doomedfromthewombfr]

I’m a walking obituary, waiting for the world to notice I died years ago

[phtalogreenpoison]

slight vent ahead..

completing asks/drafts is SO difficult for me. every time i see there is new stuff on the dash, my OCD is like ooohh must compulsively scroll through EVERYTHING and be caught up

and then i feel guilty for not completing asks/drafts. because i want to answer them, i really do, but i get caught in a compulsion.

[thyroiddiseasediaries]

My absolute worst nightmare happened. My disabled, OCD/PMDD/PTSD fear…

My mother died suddenly.

My caretaker.

My best friend.

My safe space.

My dad is dead, and now my mom.

I hate myself, I want to die.

I want to hurt myself.

I had a nightmare where I cry out for my mom to wake me up and tell me I’m safe and it’s okay. Only to realize as I was doing that… she’s gone. It’s been a week.

Longer since she first collapsed.

I am scared and I don’t really want to live.

But I promised her before they took her off life support that I would take care of myself, I’d be okay. I’m gonna break generational trauma and make her proud.

So I kind of have to keep going, because she’s told me many times that’s what she wants, and for me to be okay and happy and out of that dark space.

But now I’m left with a dirty, disgusting And humiliatingly gross home. Because after my dad died, and during the pandemic our health/mental health declined.

All I want to do is go home and feel my mom there and feel peace and clean it up. Make her proud. But I’m in pain both physically and mentally. I hate being here without her.

I hate how afraid I am to be alone, but desperately need alone time and space to decompress. I’m incredibly fortunate to have family that’s helping to take care of me right now and help me slowly gain more independence. I’m lucky to have a roof over my head.

But it hurts so fucking much I can’t.

She was supposed to get better. We were supposed to get better together. She was supposed to have more time to finally heal from the trauma and wounds that ultimately killed her. I watched her die slowly, I see her lying on the floor.

It hurts more and is more scary than anything I’ve ever been through. It is all consuming, agonizing, exhausting torture.

I wanted to crawl into that grave with her.

I miss you so much mommy.