#mania and depression

[mariposas8494]

Fuck yeah it has

[apologyacceptedcaptainneeda]

I’m a mixed episode! Woo!

But really tho this is super dangerous for me because I have strong thoughts of self harm and suicide most of the time. Like right now. So yeah. Not good

[saddevilsworld]

i’m fighting a war within my head that i don’t want to fight anymore it’s so exhausting and no one understands

[maniccherrygirl]

[d1zt0rt3dl3zb14n]

do yall also ever get the soul crushing realisation that you are in fact mentally unstable and its not just something you made up for attention or because its "quirky" and then just sit there like damn

[traumakid-hideout]

An episode of mania almost always always always starts out so euphorically, makes you feel like you’re on the perfect drug, makes your confidence and motivation sky rocket and has you romanticizing all the fun it baits you with. It feels so amazing, you feel like nothing can hurt you or get to you.

Then the irritability comes, genuine rage, such an uncomfortable and overwhelming increase in libido, dangerous impulses, social behavior to be humiliated from by the time you crash, severe sleep deprivation that disorients the fuck out of you the longer you go without it, without even feeling tired at all. But feeling completely out of control. And if it escalates, Lord help you. Hallucinations, bad paranoia, black outs, substance abuse (or relapse if you happen to be recovering), delusions, everything that could get you into a psych ward. It isn’t fun at the end and any pleasure you feel is completely illusionary.

The worst part is I still normally never want it to stop. Because the depression after, which gets so ugly and terrible the longer, more intense the mania is, is something I’m not looking forward to at all. That, and mania can really sometimes convince you that you love it. I’m not wanting to go there though, because I have a lot to lose. Even if I don’t lose anything, I’m tired of this cycle and just can’t afford to desire it anymore. So I’m managing where I can, but wow it’s just scary to watch it take you higher and higher into it, and further and further away from yourself.

This is precisely why I despise any sort of stigma toward bipolar disorder. It’s so misunderstood, misquoted, and mistreated. I just really want and need some help. My hands are so sweaty and shaky, my heart and my mind are racing, I can’t stop talking, I can’t eat. I can’t focus, I can only fixate. And it’s just so overwhelming already.

[that-bipolar-mood]

It should be said more often that bipolar disorder and many other serious mental disorders CANNOT be cured.

Which means struggling with symptoms WHILE medicated is actually expected and common.

MANAGING symptoms does not mean being free from illness.

Mental disorders are more often than not chronic, so NORMALISE recovery that is not linear and symptoms-free.

Lastly, comparing yourself and your functioning with those around you only SEEMS to work because our conditions are invisible.

[skinnyr4t]

[keezybees]

I am so happy to announce that one of my autobio comics, Sunflowers, is being published by Silver Sprocket (one of my favorite publishers)!

"Sunflowers is an autobiographical comic about one person's experience living with bipolar I disorder. From mania to depression to the balance beam of the everyday, Sunflowers explores the human complexity of an often misunderstood disorder with honesty and vulnerability."

You can preorder the book here.

[houseminyard]

imo (my own personal opinion and experience) andrew’s meds are realistic because a lot of the times they’ll only treat you for one symptom of bipolar which forcibly elevates the other ..

[oatmilk-vampire]

There are only two moods:

Symbrock | Poolverine

[mariposas8494]

Haha yasss

[t00thpasteface]

buddy of mine was talking about crazy side effects from his mood stabilizers and i said YOU'RE BIPOLAR? ME TOO! and he said HELL YEAH!! and then we did sumo stances at each other and screamed so high pitched only dogs could hear it

[saddevilsworld]

my head hurts. i miss the old me, the hopeful one. the one that had the ambition and the energy. the one that didn’t feel so lonely and sad all the time.

i hate this new me.

[videoworm]

It's so over

[caseyscraftycorner]

Bipolar, part 1.