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favorite experience when seeing tumblr posts reposted on pinterest is pointing at a url and going "i know that guy". and sometimes other people do this to ME

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so embarrassing having to ask people to clarify slang they assumed i was hip enough to know. someone will say to me like "he looked so chopped in that" and i have to be like "is that... good?"

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i don't know what kind of auditory crack cocaine the bee gees put into You Should Be Dancing but that song makes such a compelling argument it makes me completely forget i'm asthmatic

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UGHH I KNOWWWW it's unproductive to bitch on main uuuuuuuuuu i'm sorryyyy i just got off work and i'm tireddddd i will be niceys now i swear

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what really gets under my skin is the way so many christians see atheists the way real estate moguls see a grassy meadow. it's not "undeveloped land" it's already got stuff there. i'm not an atheist because i'm still looking for the "right path", atheism IS my real and honest belief system, not the absence of one. and so many of them also talk like they figure it's because i had a bad experience with "christianity" (they always do the same fucking No True Scotsman thing about it, bullshit, i'm not gonna mince words talking about a historically oppressive statistical majority just because you have guilt & savior complexes) like bestie i was raised atheist. i have not arrived here out of hurt or spite or anything else you can soothe out of me with the right sales pitch. please stop freelancing as a missionary and just leave me alone

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christians who insist on carrying around little stashes of like stupid little tchotchkes or cards or pamphlets about jesus and act like they're doing you a favor by looking you in the eye and placing the junk directly into your hand are annoying to deal with as a waitress (not to mention wildly presumptuous as all missionary-types are) but even more annoying is when coworkers act like there's literally any significance to the junk once the transaction is complete and the customer is no longer in visual range. like servers will leave the stuff in the back when they put down the check presenters and clear the customer-copy receipts out their pockets and other servers will politely excuse it from going in the trash with all the other clutter and act offended at the thought of throwing it out. i'm sorry but this is a restaurant and we have precious limited counterspace, the cult recruitment pamphlet has gotta go. and today someone looked me dead in the eye and gave me this dinky little mass-produced rubber jesus figurine and i passed it on to some coworker who i know is christian and he was like "no you GOTTA keep this. i CAN'T accept this. you need this more than i do. keep it with you. and don't put him in your front shirt pocket 'cause he's gonna fall out, keep him in your apron pocket." and no amount of Thanks But I'm Atheist Sorry was gonna dissuade him. finally i was like haha okayyyy hehe and took it. and the second he left me alone i put it in the trash. and the ground did not open in a fiery rift below me. everyone survived me throwing away the 1¢ piece of plastic. they just don't pay me enough to be superstitious at work -_-

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i taped him up to the wall in the back of house and i've been getting a lot of positive and hilarious feedback, but my fave so far is when one of my managers clocked in right where i taped the steeb, saw him, and asked "who's this?" i was like that's captain america! and he said "he's so ✨sassy✨... he's such a ✨sassy boyyy~✨" with a little wrist flourish and everything. i was like exactly. i'm so glad we're on the same page.

last week my boss slapped down a stack of little paper squares and said "here's some doodle paper for ya, shelby!" and since then i've been having fun sketching in pen/crayon while it's slow. she knows me so well.

anyway. steeb.

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so were ANY of yall going to tell me about That Time Steve Rogers Contracted Lycanthropy or was i just going to have to find that out from a fucking marvel rivals interaction between him and blade

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thank you. now let's not elaborate for anyone

got talking with a waitress who also goes to my college about one of the professors bc i mentioned i'm taking biostatistics this fall and she said "i had the BIGGEST crush on him when i took biostats" i was like "that man looks like bald adam driver" and she said "well i love it. he's perfect. my first day on campus i saw him and said 💕who IS that bald man?💕" this is the same waitress who once told me she thinks cillian murphy is hot and i said "that man looks like an insect" and she got this grinchlike smile and said "mmm i love my buggy boys"

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one time a buddy of mine went spidey to harrass an iron man on the enemy team and it was like watching a peregrine falcon hunting pigeons. we were on defense and had them held at the start of the klyntar payload track and he would wait around sticking to the wall inside the really big doorframe just like a real spider. and then as soon as tony would flutter into view he'd leap onto the poor bastard and shred him like a one-man school of piranhas. after killing him several lives in a row like that we noticed that the tony was gone and we thought he just switched heroes but no. tony disconnected. that's how hard spider-man counters iron man

playing tony and getting hounded by a spider-man that actually knows what the fuck he's doing is like. well it's exactly like when there's a really big bug in your room that keeps escaping you except this time you're not being paranoid and it really DOES want you dead

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playing tony and getting hounded by a spider-man that actually knows what the fuck he's doing is like. well it's exactly like when there's a really big bug in your room that keeps escaping you except this time you're not being paranoid and it really DOES want you dead

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one of my social roles as a lesbian is to say the most out-of-pocket That Man Looks Like [X] comments about men my friends find sexy. the strong ones will persevere in their manliking regardless of my snide commentary. i'm making sure the only ones staying in the game are the ones who are in it to win it

got talking with a waitress who also goes to my college about one of the professors bc i mentioned i'm taking biostatistics this fall and she said "i had the BIGGEST crush on him when i took biostats" i was like "that man looks like bald adam driver" and she said "well i love it. he's perfect. my first day on campus i saw him and said 💕who IS that bald man?💕" this is the same waitress who once told me she thinks cillian murphy is hot and i said "that man looks like an insect" and she got this grinchlike smile and said "mmm i love my buggy boys"

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got talking with a waitress who also goes to my college about one of the professors bc i mentioned i'm taking biostatistics this fall and she said "i had the BIGGEST crush on him when i took biostats" i was like "that man looks like bald adam driver" and she said "well i love it. he's perfect. my first day on campus i saw him and said 💕who IS that bald man?💕" this is the same waitress who once told me she thinks cillian murphy is hot and i said "that man looks like an insect" and she got this grinchlike smile and said "mmm i love my buggy boys"

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whenever we get a new hire i always gotta ask them if they've seen Blades of Glory so i know who else i can quote that fucking movie to when "con te partiro" comes on over the dining room speakers. that dove was in his costume the whoooole time!

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this one coworker bruce pretty much never has the AM shift and i always know when he's here for the PM shift bc i'll hear the deafening sound of ice being scooped into buckets and poured into the soda fountain. we always make poor bruce refill the ice. it's not intentional, it's just that for some reason the AM shift tends to skew a little... short. i'm 5'7" and i'm pretty consistently the tallest person here in the mornings so we all kinda drag our feet about having to do any sidework that requires hoisting something a little too heavy a little too high up. and then when bruce shows up he beelines to the ice. he knows. he knows we didn't refill it. pour one out for bruce (but don't waste any ice when you do so)

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last week my boss slapped down a stack of little paper squares and said "here's some doodle paper for ya, shelby!" and since then i've been having fun sketching in pen/crayon while it's slow. she knows me so well.

anyway. steeb.

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when a suit design for captain america has that ᴗᴗᴗᴗᴗᴗᴗᴗ pattern (usually metallic) is it supposed to be like feathers? i always read it as scalemaille. it reminds me of mermaidman (and the titlecard art for mermaidman & barnacleboy episodes) so like... i guess i've just been hallucinating steve as a fish this whole time???