#manic episodes

[giritina]

A small thought for disability pride month... There's a stereotype/myth/common perception that mental health meds make people's art worse. Sometimes, it's portrayed as people being incapable of making art at all. Other times, they simply don't have anything interesting to say now that they're "happy." Some people even avoid going on meds because they worry about not being able to make art.

I want to share some pages of a comic I made during a manic episode, before I was on any proper medication.

I think this comic is very interesting, very raw and unique, but this was my attempt to be understood by other people. I made this art thinking that other people would know exactly what I meant by it. I thought this was incredibly clear, that it would communicate everything I was going through and had experienced without any ambiguity. When people didn't react how I wanted, when they couldn't parse it in the way I intended, it hurt me. Here was my best attempt to be understood, and I remained alone.

Now I'll show some comics I made after being on a mood stabilizer/antipsychotic.

You can say what you like about the artistic merit of it compared to that raw, abstract work I made before, but what matters to me is that I was actually able to connect to other people through this art. When I showed this work to people, their reaction was in line with what I intended. They saw part of me. I made it to show a side of myself I was incapable of expressing without art, and when people read it, they actually saw that side of me.

Without medication, I was trapped in my own world. I couldn't even begin to fathom how to connect to another person because we weren't using the same vocabulary. You might be "interested" or "compelled" by my suffering, but part of that interest comes from the mystery of my delirium. No matter how unique the result, it still represented a failure of intent. Learning to make art again after exiting that delirium was difficult, but I promise you it was and is worth it.

[mariposas8494]

Haha yasss

[girlyteengirl16]

what’s the vibe for tonight guys manic or depressive episode

[gazniet]

idk who needs to hear this but your manic episodes are valid even if you don’t think your actions were “crazy” enough

[traumakid-hideout]

An episode of mania almost always always always starts out so euphorically, makes you feel like you’re on the perfect drug, makes your confidence and motivation sky rocket and has you romanticizing all the fun it baits you with. It feels so amazing, you feel like nothing can hurt you or get to you.

Then the irritability comes, genuine rage, such an uncomfortable and overwhelming increase in libido, dangerous impulses, social behavior to be humiliated from by the time you crash, severe sleep deprivation that disorients the fuck out of you the longer you go without it, without even feeling tired at all. But feeling completely out of control. And if it escalates, Lord help you. Hallucinations, bad paranoia, black outs, substance abuse (or relapse if you happen to be recovering), delusions, everything that could get you into a psych ward. It isn’t fun at the end and any pleasure you feel is completely illusionary.

The worst part is I still normally never want it to stop. Because the depression after, which gets so ugly and terrible the longer, more intense the mania is, is something I’m not looking forward to at all. That, and mania can really sometimes convince you that you love it. I’m not wanting to go there though, because I have a lot to lose. Even if I don’t lose anything, I’m tired of this cycle and just can’t afford to desire it anymore. So I’m managing where I can, but wow it’s just scary to watch it take you higher and higher into it, and further and further away from yourself.

This is precisely why I despise any sort of stigma toward bipolar disorder. It’s so misunderstood, misquoted, and mistreated. I just really want and need some help. My hands are so sweaty and shaky, my heart and my mind are racing, I can’t stop talking, I can’t eat. I can’t focus, I can only fixate. And it’s just so overwhelming already.

[dollincage]

whenever i’m depressed or hypomanic, suicide is always and will always be an option. and i hate myself for it.

[klarabella-xx]

I just spent six hours non stop crocheting a whale for a guy I like. That’s what all the cool girls do to woo a man… right?

[yellowyarn]

people will be all like "don't make jokes about mental illnesses!", "stop being weird about psychotic or manic people" and then turn around and make a post about a person they saw who was psychotic, manic, etc. and laugh at them and tell their friends about how craaazy of an experience it was.

[angelicinterrupted]

I think Jeff Buckley is the only person to truly understand my deep sense of yearning

[haxwal]

[the-real-loser-otaku-girl]

"ahahah stop being so relatable" i say as i look at pictures i took during an episode

[truelxvewaits]

a little preview of the chapter i’m working on for “the alchemy of unrequited affection.” a viktor crash out is imminent…

[mariposas8494]

Exactly what’s happening rn…

[midnightslitter]

hahahahahahaha hahahahahaahahaha i wanna cut myself i wanna cut my forearm not my thighs i wanna stop giving a fuck about what everyone else says and just cut myself where everyone will be able to see the scars i hate having to hide them all the time i hate it i hate it if i showed them people would look down on me people would PITY me and theyd care theyd care he would care thats what matters and the scars would be so pretty but im too much of a pussy and im scared of what people would say i would mutilate myself if it meant he would look my way once

[demon-baby666]

Totally manic and debating on doing one of these colors again….

[dollincage]

i love when my antipsychotic are finally hitting and i can get many hours of sleep instead of being hypomanic. i love meds.