#manic episodes

[giritina]

A small thought for disability pride month... There's a stereotype/myth/common perception that mental health meds make people's art worse. Sometimes, it's portrayed as people being incapable of making art at all. Other times, they simply don't have anything interesting to say now that they're "happy." Some people even avoid going on meds because they worry about not being able to make art.

I want to share some pages of a comic I made during a manic episode, before I was on any proper medication.

I think this comic is very interesting, very raw and unique, but this was my attempt to be understood by other people. I made this art thinking that other people would know exactly what I meant by it. I thought this was incredibly clear, that it would communicate everything I was going through and had experienced without any ambiguity. When people didn't react how I wanted, when they couldn't parse it in the way I intended, it hurt me. Here was my best attempt to be understood, and I remained alone.

Now I'll show some comics I made after being on a mood stabilizer/antipsychotic.

You can say what you like about the artistic merit of it compared to that raw, abstract work I made before, but what matters to me is that I was actually able to connect to other people through this art. When I showed this work to people, their reaction was in line with what I intended. They saw part of me. I made it to show a side of myself I was incapable of expressing without art, and when people read it, they actually saw that side of me.

Without medication, I was trapped in my own world. I couldn't even begin to fathom how to connect to another person because we weren't using the same vocabulary. You might be "interested" or "compelled" by my suffering, but part of that interest comes from the mystery of my delirium. No matter how unique the result, it still represented a failure of intent. Learning to make art again after exiting that delirium was difficult, but I promise you it was and is worth it.

[mariposas8494]

Haha yasss

[girlyteengirl16]

what’s the vibe for tonight guys manic or depressive episode

[traumakid-hideout]

An episode of mania almost always always always starts out so euphorically, makes you feel like you’re on the perfect drug, makes your confidence and motivation sky rocket and has you romanticizing all the fun it baits you with. It feels so amazing, you feel like nothing can hurt you or get to you.

Then the irritability comes, genuine rage, such an uncomfortable and overwhelming increase in libido, dangerous impulses, social behavior to be humiliated from by the time you crash, severe sleep deprivation that disorients the fuck out of you the longer you go without it, without even feeling tired at all. But feeling completely out of control. And if it escalates, Lord help you. Hallucinations, bad paranoia, black outs, substance abuse (or relapse if you happen to be recovering), delusions, everything that could get you into a psych ward. It isn’t fun at the end and any pleasure you feel is completely illusionary.

The worst part is I still normally never want it to stop. Because the depression after, which gets so ugly and terrible the longer, more intense the mania is, is something I’m not looking forward to at all. That, and mania can really sometimes convince you that you love it. I’m not wanting to go there though, because I have a lot to lose. Even if I don’t lose anything, I’m tired of this cycle and just can’t afford to desire it anymore. So I’m managing where I can, but wow it’s just scary to watch it take you higher and higher into it, and further and further away from yourself.

This is precisely why I despise any sort of stigma toward bipolar disorder. It’s so misunderstood, misquoted, and mistreated. I just really want and need some help. My hands are so sweaty and shaky, my heart and my mind are racing, I can’t stop talking, I can’t eat. I can’t focus, I can only fixate. And it’s just so overwhelming already.

[gazniet]

idk who needs to hear this but your manic episodes are valid even if you don’t think your actions were “crazy” enough

[skinnyr4t]

[klarabella-xx]

I just spent six hours non stop crocheting a whale for a guy I like. That’s what all the cool girls do to woo a man… right?

[yellowyarn]

people will be all like "don't make jokes about mental illnesses!", "stop being weird about psychotic or manic people" and then turn around and make a post about a person they saw who was psychotic, manic, etc. and laugh at them and tell their friends about how craaazy of an experience it was.

[dexu4y]

the anger i feel towards ppl i love when i’m splitting is indescribable like i want to block them on everything and never speak to them again but then 5 mins later im sobbing over how much i love them it’s exhausting

[demon-baby666]

Totally manic and debating on doing one of these colors again….

[tombfreak]

We need more positivity posts and awareness on Bipolar Disorder. Really sucks to go onto the tags and see stuff about Borderline PD instead cuz people tend to mix the disorders up

I want to see more people talking about manic episodes and how terrible they are. Talk about how you have a complete lack of judgement, absolutely no social filter, because your thoughts are racing at 1000mph and pouring out of your mouth faster than you can process. Talk about the snappy irritability and the rage because everything is overwhelming, and you can't catch yourself. Talk about how you say really uncomfortable and unpleasant things, or get into arguments, or rant/ramble/overshare for hours. Talk about all the relationships it ruins. Talk about how you start projects, spend all your money on them, stay up all night planning for them, just to drop them the next day. Talk about how you never really know when you're manic until you crash, and how awful the clean up is. Talk about the dangers, the recklessness, the risks. Talk about the poosible psychosis. Talk about how nobody understands what your condition is like. Nobody understands how intense it is, how everyone waters it down, how you can't control it even if you wanted to. Talk about how theres not much of a cure for it at all.

And talk about the depression. How it's more severe than typical depressive episodes (not in a trauma Olympics way, but for perspective). Talk about the suicide rates, and the substance abuse. Talk about how isolating and suffocating it feels. Talk about how intense it is, like there's 500lb weights on your feet dragging you down. Talk about the strength it takes to get out of bed regardless. Talk about the rejection sensitivity, the hopelessness, the disappointment. How everything feels like confirmation that nothing is worth it. Talk about how your mind is always against you. Talk about how this feeling can last months with seemingly no end in sight.

Most importantly, talk about treatment, and how recovery and managing bipolar are completely possible. Talk about having hope, and being compassionate and understanding to the ugly sides of this disorder. Talk about ways to healthily cope. Talk about how we see each others efforts, and how amazing those efforts are. Talk about the ways you can live a full, happy life regardless, and that you deserve it regardless of any issues you might have faced/caused in the midst of your episodes. Talk about forgiving yourself.

Talk more about bipolar disorder

[mariposas8494]

Exactly what’s happening rn…

[vixensofdeath]

being manic is the best yet the worst. I feel like I’m on drugs and I can do anything. my mind races and my world zooms by. and even when I think about dying it’s not depressing. this time it’s thrilling and exciting to me. everything- no matter how bad it is, I am constantly over amped. but, after the few good times, I feel horrible. I just want to come down but I can’t. I’m wide awake and not hungry and I want to do so many bad things to me and others.

[panaxe]

Let's be God complexes together and take the pills and judge everyone.

[callhertwice]

dolly 😵‍💫

[hbeepoetry]

End of the Carnival Ride in my Past, Present, and Future Life