#major depression and anxiety
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My brain when I read two books and wants to quit my job: what if you could go back to university, it was fun right? 🤗
Me: You're not helping, shut up please.
#this is Satan himself talking to me#i don't even understand why I sometimes have these thoughts crossing my mind#university was hell#had no money#major depression and anxiety#barely survived the whole process and got my diploma#the licence diploma that I've never ever retrieved#and same for the book publishing diploma#because I was hit by the hard fact that i decided to take the less job giving direction#nobody give a fuck about literature and humanities#and for the publishing sector#it's very much closed#and i was hit by the fact that i would never get there#because there's a major money glass ceiling#like i could not just go move to Paris like the out of touch with reality teachers said#and have opportunities#so now I'm stuck with a shitty job#and even if i went back to uni what for???#like yes if I'd go to master level i would be able to specialise in what i like#which is sff#and i actually have many idea of thesis djdjdbsbsnz#but if nobody give a shit about literature in the job marketplace#let me tell you that french academia is the most snobbish elitist academia to ever exist when it comes to literature#like i can't even begin to explain#for most of them authors like Tolkien Dick Asimov or Herbert are like nothing#doesn't matter that they are literal fathers of whole genres#and idk there's now queer studies#and queer x science fiction is really an angle that could be very interesting to work on#but that doesn't change the fact that even if my fantasies i had a master or a doctorate#it would be useless because this doesn't give you a job and i don't want to be a teacher
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“do you want to talk about it?”
no, i want to kill myself because of it.
#bpd#mentally unstable#major depressive disorder#severe anxiety#bpd thoughts#actually bpd#ocd#overthinking#trichotillomania
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leon "stimming" kennedy feat. a souvenir from grippy sock jail
#resident evil#leon s kennedy#digital art#i gave him an anxiety hoodie bcuz i love mine#everyone deserves an anxiety hoodie <3#leon versus major depression#you thought that was krauser? no there is another major
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#neurospicy#actually autistic#autism#autism spectrum disorder#autistic experiences#autism memes#autistic culture#autistic things#neurodivergent memes#autism things#autistic community#autistic memes#actually mentally ill#mentally fucked#mentally unstable#adhd memes#memes#dark humor#dark thoughts#major depressive disorder#generalized anxiety disorder#ptsd#complex ptsd#complex dissociative disorder#split personality#actually npd#bipolor#actually bpd#apophenia#paranoia
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Having suicidal depression is like having a constant itch you can’t scratch. Even if you don’t plan on actually committing suicide the feeling doesn’t just go away. It’s constantly in the back of your mind. Whenever road blocks happen in your life instead of figuring out how to fix things like a normal person would your brain immediately goes to, “just kill yourself.” When you wake up in the morning the first thought you have is about killing yourself because your dreams are the only time you can escape the pain of living with suicidal depression. You find no worth in your accomplishments. Even when you actually do accomplish something it’s like it has no worth because you don’t find worth in yourself. You constantly compare yourself to your peers and wonder if you would have actually been succseful like them if you didn’t have a mental illness. Even if you do feel happy for a moment that moment ends and you remember that you have no worth, are stupid, haven’t accomplished anything in life and are a waste of space who needs to just end it already. You know you’re unlovable. No one wants to be with someone with suicidal depression because they don’t want to be with someone who will bring them down. You constantly are thinking about killing yourself and knowing that you can’t makes you feel trapped. Dying isn’t a soluation but you don’t want to live another disappointing year where nothing but bad things happen to you and you don’t grow or change at all. Having suicidal depression is watching everyone around you grow and change while you remain the same. And no one can see how much pain you are in.
#mental health#mental illness#depression#anxiety#bpd#trauma#cptsd#ptsd#bipolar#schizophrenia#psychosis#illness#awareness#trapped#alone#thoughts#major depressive disorder
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What is Haunted's lore? She seems so interesting and i really wanted to know. Sorry if youve already explained it before!
This is… Not really spoilery but it is A Lot so I’m popping it under a read-more.
!Content warning for implied infanticide and ableism!
Haunted was raised in what I can only describe as a NightWing cult (not that normal NightWing groups aren’t already pretty cult-y, but this was like, full blown cult). They were empowered NightWings who upheld the typical ‘NightWing superiority’ belief and focused on honing their mental abilities in preparation for some vague Eschaton event they had predicted.
Haunted is unempowered and was raised to believe this was a rare ‘defect’, with the older dragons around her imparting sentiments like “you’re sooooo lucky we were kind enough to keep your egg even though you were born Wrong. most dragons would’ve gotten rid of you the moment they knew you were Different, but we kept you cuz we’re so fucking nice and you owe us now for being so so nice and we are totally not above getting rid of you later if you become more trouble than you’re worth��� and Haunted was like “cool I’m a baby”
Cut to Haunted as a young adult in said cult - she’s mostly jaded about her upbringing, though there is an undercurrent of ‘oh God they’re going to Fucking Get Me’ that runs through her mind constantly. Despite this she has good friends and is. Surprisingly well-adjusted, all things considered??
(Also she was far from the only dragon who got Fucked Up by that environment (cause, yknow, cult!), many of her empowered peers have their own scars. Her suffering was unique but she was not unique in her suffering, yknow?)
Things really went south the night Stygian was kidnapped and someone tried to follow through on the silent ‘we saved you, we can just as easily get rid of you’ promise that had haunted her her whole life. Cue story!
#I’m not saying anyone had it worse or should be grateful they didn’t have it worse or whadever. It just sucked for everyone involved#bog talks#horst#Haunted#Infanticide cw#Ableism cw#There’s many more facets to how her upbringing impacted her but this is just the basic stuff#major league depression and anxiety yayyyy#ask to tag
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#bpd#emotionalpain#ptsd#social anxiety#schizophrenia#mentally unstable#bipolar disorder#major depressive disorder#borderline personality disorder#mentalhealth#depression memes#depression#anxiety#anorexia
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I want to say, "I love you," without being afraid they will leave me on my bad days.
#generalized anxiety disorder#ptsd#major depressive disorder#mental illness#complex ptsd#mental health#heartache#panic disorder#mental illness and relationships#heartbreak
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This is just your daily reminder that your lived experience is valid. No one else gets to speak on if you’ve had it rough or not. No one else gets to tell you that everything you’ve suffered through was for attention. No one gets to tell you that you should’ve just tried harder or been better. No one gets to tell you that someone else having it harder invalidates your own struggle. Your pain is valid. Your struggle is valid. You are valid.
#disabilties#mental illness#trauma#lgbtqia#transgender#non bianry#genderqueer#ptsd#bpd#physical disability#ocd#generalized anxiety disorder#major depressive disorder#gender nonconforming#and also just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean that other people aren’t#like please understand this#not all struggles are the same but they are all valid
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sorry babe, i can’t have sex right now, im posting about how much i want to kill myself online .
#bpd#mentally unstable#major depressive disorder#severe anxiety#bpd thoughts#actually bpd#ocd#overthinking#trichotillomania
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i actually talk to people for once, and suddenly i'm certain everyone is planning to leave me.
#mental illness things#avpd#mental illness#avoidant personality disorder#my posts#social anxiety disorder#social anxiety#chronic depression#generalized anxiety disorder#major depressive disorder#bpd#actually borderline#bpd stuff#borderline personality disorder
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Pffft! 😅
#autism memes#autism spectrum disorder#autistic#autistic culture#neurodivergent memes#autistic memes#autism#autistic community#autistic experiences#autistic things#late diagnosed autistic#autistic adult#actually autistic#autism things#autistic burnout#neurospicy#neurodivergent#its the neurodivergency#its the tism#asd#generalized anxiety disorder#social anxiety#major depressive disorder#actually cptsd#living with cptsd#mental illness#its funny to me#memes#alien meme#alien species
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i hate when i’m distant from all my problems going on. i hate that i have so many problems, and that some of them aren’t there at the surface, like i’m not feeling them but i will again eventually.
i have so much to mourn, so much to think about, so much to cry over, so much to resolve. and yet so often, i find myself escaping it all, and then feeling bad because i don’t feel bad about it, because i’m avoiding it all.
i’m tired of being tired, and yet at the same time i’m tired of not being tired as often as i probably should be.
my subconscious is protecting it all from me, protecting me from it all. but i’m tired of that, although i know it’s probably cuz i can’t handle it all yet, even though i might want to.
the mind is so complex, and i’m tired of knowing what is going on, and yet not being in control of it at the same time.
so heads up, to anyone who may be concerned, knowledge isn’t everything, and it’s actually quite exhausting.
#mddrhys#gadrhys#mdd#major depressive disorder#major depression#depression#depressed#gad#generalized anxiety disorder#anxiety#coping mechanism#subconscious protection#bad thoughts#sad thoughts#sad#anxious
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I feel so lost and depressed I can't do anything and I hate myself for it
#autism#adhd#audhd#executive dysfunction#neurodivergent#depression#major depressive disorder#anxiety#generalized anxiety disorder#anxiety disorder#self hatred#autism problems#adhd problems#anxiety problems#depressed#depression problems#neurodiversity#neurodiverse stuff
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#writers on tumblr#writerslife#mental health#mental illness#clinical depression#major depressive disorder#social anxiety#social anxiety disorder#living with pmdd#pmdd#adult adhd#migraine#dysautonomia
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The USAmericans athletes posting about getting full free healthcare check ups is driving me crazy.
What do you mean you are a professional athlete and you can't get access to basic healthcare???
#olympics#i saw one who went to get her teeth checked#and I'm like????#you can't go once a year to get scaling????#(this reminds me that i have to do mine)#my stupid ass didn't take properly care of my healthcare for years#solely cause anxiety and depression#but at least once i have been better I could do it for free#mind you I'm lucky#cause if there's one thing that isn't free healthcare in France it's the dentist once you have major issues#and glasses#at least not mine cause my glasses correction is too strong lmao#anyway#i know the usa is like that#but i can't comprehend it
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