#major depression and anxiety

[tenrose]

My brain when I read two books and wants to quit my job: what if you could go back to university, it was fun right? 🤗

Me: You're not helping, shut up please.

[snake-habitat1]

“do you want to talk about it?”

no, i want to kill myself because of it.

[citrine-elephant]

leon "stimming" kennedy feat. a souvenir from grippy sock jail

[graveyard-darlingg]

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

Having suicidal depression is like having a constant itch you can’t scratch. Even if you don’t plan on actually committing suicide the feeling doesn’t just go away. It’s constantly in the back of your mind. Whenever road blocks happen in your life instead of figuring out how to fix things like a normal person would your brain immediately goes to, “just kill yourself.” When you wake up in the morning the first thought you have is about killing yourself because your dreams are the only time you can escape the pain of living with suicidal depression. You find no worth in your accomplishments. Even when you actually do accomplish something it’s like it has no worth because you don’t find worth in yourself. You constantly compare yourself to your peers and wonder if you would have actually been succseful like them if you didn’t have a mental illness. Even if you do feel happy for a moment that moment ends and you remember that you have no worth, are stupid, haven’t accomplished anything in life and are a waste of space who needs to just end it already. You know you’re unlovable. No one wants to be with someone with suicidal depression because they don’t want to be with someone who will bring them down. You constantly are thinking about killing yourself and knowing that you can’t makes you feel trapped. Dying isn’t a soluation but you don’t want to live another disappointing year where nothing but bad things happen to you and you don’t grow or change at all. Having suicidal depression is watching everyone around you grow and change while you remain the same. And no one can see how much pain you are in.

[alittlebitmessedupgirl]

[bogcreacher]

What is Haunted's lore? She seems so interesting and i really wanted to know. Sorry if youve already explained it before!

This is… Not really spoilery but it is A Lot so I’m popping it under a read-more. 

!Content warning for implied infanticide and ableism! 

Haunted was raised in what I can only describe as a NightWing cult (not that normal NightWing groups aren’t already pretty cult-y, but this was like, full blown cult). They were empowered NightWings who upheld the typical ‘NightWing superiority’ belief and focused on honing their mental abilities in preparation for some vague Eschaton event they had predicted.  

Haunted is unempowered and was raised to believe this was a rare ‘defect’, with the older dragons around her imparting sentiments like “you’re sooooo lucky we were kind enough to keep your egg even though you were born Wrong. most dragons would’ve gotten rid of you the moment they knew you were Different, but we kept you cuz we’re so fucking nice and you owe us now for being so so nice and we are totally not above getting rid of you later if you become more trouble than you’re worth” and Haunted was like “cool I’m a baby” 

Cut to Haunted as a young adult in said cult - she’s mostly jaded about her upbringing, though there is an undercurrent of ‘oh God they’re going to Fucking Get Me’ that runs through her mind constantly. Despite this she has good friends and is. Surprisingly well-adjusted, all things considered??

(Also she was far from the only dragon who got Fucked Up by that environment (cause, yknow, cult!), many of her empowered peers have their own scars. Her suffering was unique but she was not unique in her suffering, yknow?)

Things really went south the night Stygian was kidnapped and someone tried to follow through on the silent ‘we saved you, we can just as easily get rid of you’ promise that had haunted her her whole life. Cue story! 

[tearsoakedarmor]

I want to say, "I love you," without being afraid they will leave me on my bad days.

[champignonoftheforest]

This is just your daily reminder that your lived experience is valid. No one else gets to speak on if you’ve had it rough or not. No one else gets to tell you that everything you’ve suffered through was for attention. No one gets to tell you that you should’ve just tried harder or been better. No one gets to tell you that someone else having it harder invalidates your own struggle. Your pain is valid. Your struggle is valid. You are valid.

[avoidantghost]

i actually talk to people for once, and suddenly i'm certain everyone is planning to leave me.

[snake-habitat1]

sorry babe, i can’t have sex right now, im posting about how much i want to kill myself online .

[tenrose]

The USAmericans athletes posting about getting full free healthcare check ups is driving me crazy.

What do you mean you are a professional athlete and you can't get access to basic healthcare???

[toomuchdivergentformyneuro]

i hate when i’m distant from all my problems going on. i hate that i have so many problems, and that some of them aren’t there at the surface, like i’m not feeling them but i will again eventually.

i have so much to mourn, so much to think about, so much to cry over, so much to resolve. and yet so often, i find myself escaping it all, and then feeling bad because i don’t feel bad about it, because i’m avoiding it all.

i’m tired of being tired, and yet at the same time i’m tired of not being tired as often as i probably should be.

my subconscious is protecting it all from me, protecting me from it all. but i’m tired of that, although i know it’s probably cuz i can’t handle it all yet, even though i might want to.

the mind is so complex, and i’m tired of knowing what is going on, and yet not being in control of it at the same time.

so heads up, to anyone who may be concerned, knowledge isn’t everything, and it’s actually quite exhausting.

[applegameisprollytaken]

I have been putting off writing this for too long.

But, due to recent events... Might as well.

My mental health is in the shit. For the past few years, shit kept happening, and I pretended I was fine.

I got Tumblr less than a year ago, and planned to just post funny shit and get my dopamine hits by the few people nice enough to reblog my bullshit.

That kinda happened. But shit just got worse. Depression is a hell of a thing. So I got more dependent on what I already knew worked, but at this point, I just want to die. I always feel like a fuck-up that ruins everything I touch. But, you know what? I'm trying. But I want people to KNOW I'm trying. To know how hard I'm trying to keep it together. To know how hard it is to not let this affect everything else.

But, honestly, I just need someone to notice me. The things I made. Not my stolen jokes, not my glorified conversations. I want people to see what I spend so long on, and what I am so proud of.

I want people to see me for what I am, and what I'm trying to be.

I have tried therapy. I have tried everything you can think of.

None of it works.

I keep trying.

But none of this means I will stop. Wanna know why?

Because I know that there is always something trying to cause my downfall, and I'm spite fucking incarnate.

depression getting me to want to kill myself? its gonna have to shut down my liver like a REAL illness, because fuck you.

Anxiety got me thinking everyone is against me? I'LL JUST BE BETTER THAN THEM! Can't judge someone for being objectively better!

ADHD got me feeling like I can't do anything I usually love? Well, fuck you, I'm gonna do it anyways.

Life trying to throw another spanner in the works? I'm gonna keep on chugging, just to prove a FUCKIN POINT.

I AM SPITE INCARNATE. FUCK YOU ALL, IM GOING TO KEEP GOING.

GIVE ME YOUR BEST SHOT. I'VE ALWAYS BEEN READY FOR IT, FUCKFACE.

[coping-with-humor]

[creatingchimera]