#mental illness and relationships

[tearsoakedarmor]

I want to say, "I love you," without being afraid they will leave me on my bad days.

[gmflohr]

Did a mini interview with my boyfriend that I absolutely can't get over.

They have been with me through a lot for my mental health, even during the years where we were still just friends. He absolutely shattered my fears that I would never find a happy and healthy relationship while struggling with my mental health. He did it being present, patient and supporting me through whatever challenges I was dealing with.

I won't lie and say it's been easy for either of us - if anything it's taken a lot of work for me to show up for them the way they constantly show up for me. But I feel like our relationship is proof that with a lot of communication and time, being mentally ill ≠ being perpetually single. It takes effort from both sides but it’s possible to have a happy and strong relationship.

I hope that by reading this, people can have some hope for the future. Because there is a future for everyone, whether that’s with someone else or not. 🫶🏽

[autumnbell32]

I've had bad depressive episodes- more than I count- since I was 12. The hypomanic episodes- I don't know how long I've had them. Sometimes, since my baseline is usually sadness and anxiety peppered with neutrality, it is hard for me to tell the difference between feeling happy and hypomania- Am I just feeling good? Am I scrambling to get everything done before the next depression hits or is this maniacal energy? The past few days...there has been NO question that I'm hypomanic, perhaps even experiencing full blown mania.

These are the worst symptoms I have ever had. I've heard things before...during a bad depressive episode and during times when I am overstimulated or sleep-deprived. They've always caught me by surprise- I hear them internally, of course, but imagine being completely alone and hearing a voice that isn't coming out of your own mouth or your phone. I've always paused after it happens, at least momentarily. Before this week, they had been nonsensical words and phrases that weren't contextual. Today, though. I woke up after few hours of sleep and immediately I was in eye-bulging, hand-trembling, panic city.

I couldn't stay in bed anymore. I got up, pulled my hair back, and went and got my usual iced coffee. LIKE AN IDIOT. Sure, lets add caffeine to this mix of heart palpitations and paranoia. Dum-dum. By the time I got back home I was sitting in my car, hearing a voice telling me I was "loveless." "It's just a voice...a biochemical issue...a brain glitch from new meds and genetics and lack of sleep." Yeah, I started bawling anyways. Loveless? Add into the fact that I have zero confidence right now and feel the most unmarketable I have ever felt and feel super attracted to someone I am talking to who, I'm pretty sure, thinks I'm a soft 4 (if that). And then someone on the Youtube replied to a non-inflammatory comment I made about Pete Davidson's fine self with insults of me being ugly and fat. I stared at the vegetarian breakfast sandwhich I had in the seat next too me, felt nauseated and it was waterworks. Fuck, I'm just trying my best. The psych meds have put weight on me.

I called my mom, asked her if I seem hypomanic. "Nope you seem happy." I called my brother, with his steady, calculated tone and told him my symptoms and told him I was scared. I mean, they aren't equipped to deal with this but I don't talk to many people. OH and I messaged the person I am talking to, who also deals with similar issues, and had a meltdown. I mean, things are great 👍. I went inside, called a nurse line and messaged my therapist, both advised ER. I can't. I can't miss any work. I'll go to this 6 hour short shift and drive myself to ER afterwards if I still feel like my brain is rolling out of my skull and down into a ditch. I have the next two days off. I called my insurance's helpline that is staffed with LCSWs, telling her I can't miss work, and we came up with a plan. Which I have written down on a notecard to keep in my pocket today. Listen, my aunt was late onset schizophrenic and her daughter was as well, I'm not going to pretend like I'm not scared. But all I can do is try to support myself and handle it. And not panic.

I had plans to go to a haunted house/Halloween theme park tonight as well. I love love love horror, but I'm guessing that could be triggering for me right now so I canceled. I feel so badly, he got tickets. But I have to coddle this organ under my skullcap right now. It's the only one I have.

I feel like I'm going to vomit.

[autumnbell32]

@king-shango-the-great My immediate reaction is to thank you for a civil response. Although, silly me, I'm not sure what you mean by saying I am telegraphing your response- I've never heard that phrase before. I do think the conversation is important for everyone, though. In response to: "Because if you blame not being honest with people on your mental illness, then you truly do need help. If you don't blame it on the mental illness, then well...... you kinda suck as a person."

May I ask why you assume anyone would blame not being honest with people on their mental illness? Is this a preconceived notion or an assumption of some sort? I'm genuinely curious, my friend. Anyone reading both of our posts will see that we agree that honesty is the best policy.

The job comparison- I'm just going to leave that where you put it because it doesn't translate well for me. We are talking about humans and their mental health and there is going to be an ebb and flow- I find your thinking has some very hard lines in it. A person may apply for a job and be capable, but those capabilities may change- become better or worse- over time, multiple times.

And absolutely- stability is the ultimate goal. But for many people with mental illness, there will be relapses and flares. I have bipolar type ii, so I have times of great stability and functionality, and times of horrible depression and immobility. I didn't ask for this, it just is and I work hard to limit the backslides. And how, may I ask, am I requesting you "partake" in my condition, mate? We are talking about a medical condition, not a bad habit or an alternative belief system. We aren't debating politics here.

But you did hit a nail on the head when you said "those that do, do so because they choose to." And that is what I want my fellow mentally ill friends to really take away from all of this. While I hear you saying that you want someone who is on their A game mentally (good luck finding a person in this scary world that doesn't have some sort of anxiety or depression- even if short lived, even if situational- if anyone denies personal experience with this, they are likely not being honest...and if you start a relationship with someone you love and they fall into the grip of some sort of mental health issue, I hope that you persist for them), there are people that choose to love mentally ill people. To my mentally ill friends: THERE ARE PEOPLE THAT WILL CHOOSE TO LOVE YOU. Anyone who decides that you are not worth their time, is not worth yours.

As an addendum, it feels unbalanced to me that you, as someone who is stating they are mentally and emotionally stable and healthy and has no personal experience with being mentally ill, are giving advice to mentally ill people. Open up a conversation, sure. Tell your story, yes because it is valuable and is a good learning experience for everyone, but please do not direct mentally ill people on how to live their lives. If you are going to be bold enough to direct people on how to live their lives, perhaps you should stick to advising your fellow cohorts with ironclad mental health. And I would really appreciate it if you didn't drag other disabilities (blindness- which there are varying degrees of, just like there are different types and varying degrees of mental illness- I feel like most abled people forget these things so they should just leave it) in as comparisons, analogies, parallels, etc. That doesn't translate either and it's disrespectful.

@anxietyproblem

[desultory-suggestions]

Stopping yourself mid-conflict to change your perspective is allowed! It’s okay and normal to be mid argument with someone and realize you disagree with your own stance. Often I find myself and others caught up in trying to win the argument (not the point of arguments!) or too embarrassed to back down and be wrong. I promise there is so much more pride in going “Stop! I’m wrong. I hear you and I see how I wasn’t in the right and I want to amend my view” than digging your heels in.

[sunsetuniverse]

"There's a power in seeing yourself in another, in resemblance..."

[reallyshamelessdreamer-blog]

Missing you wierdly

I miss you I will always miss you I will forever want to scream, “Pick me!”, Because I can't seem to grasp the fact that you do not want me Despite all the ways you have told me, even screamed it at me. Maybe it is my mental illness that won’t let my brain accept it. Or, maybe I so desperately want a second chance at the only time in my life I felt loved. No matter how toxic it might have been. 

#depression#anxiety#missing you#holding on#can't let go#lonely#mental illness#mental illness and relationships#hating yourself#pain#hurt#heart break#heart broken#heart ache#trying to forget#can't forget you#hate missing you

[hussyknee]

Forgive yourself for the way you behaved when you were in pain. You didn't mean to drag your loved ones down with you. You were only thrashing and flailing and trying to not to drown. They didn't leave because you were a bad person. They left because they couldn't save you and had to save themselves. It's not an indictment of either your worth or their love. You didn't ask too much, they just couldn't be what you needed and had to make space for someone who could.

In another life, where you had had the help you deserved, where you had had the space to breathe, where something had been different, it wouldn't have happened. Sometimes, it's all just a consequence of circumstances outside of our control. None of you deserved any of this, and you all get to hurt and grieve and be angry that it all fell out this way. But don't be ashamed that the pain got the best of you. You didn't fall short any more than they did. You just became overwhelmed.

[beanghostprincess]

how can somebody watch one piece and not think they're in a poly relationship

[tearsoakedarmor]

I don't think the kind of love I'm looking for exists anymore.

[hamoodmood]

[incognitopolls]

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

[7nvk]

i will give and give until nothing is left of me

[edlucavalden]

Mithrun and non-visible disability

Yk, I've never seen people talk about this, but Mithrun is a very accurate depiction of having a non visible illness

I'd like to interpret mithrun's bastard origin to be an allegory for an invisible disability (I'd argue its neurodivergance, but it could be anything); An aspect of yourself that you are born with (in this case; born from) that is seen as inferior but it is not obvious.

He's even lucky—since that part of him is that of benefit. His infidelity gave him silver eyes and sharp ears after all (if you can catch the metaphor). from the outside, He's just a normal person, a person worth respecting because he's fits the standard.

However, he knows he does not fit the standard. it's just a lie. He hates himself—so, so much bc of that. It causes him to over-compensate through complete perfectionism and a high sense of self pride. He has to keep a big image in order to protect himself. it's the only thing that can get him loved.

However, that superficial ego gives him terrible imposter syndrome. He knows he doesn't deserve it, but he wants to. like everyone, he craves love and safety. So, he looks down at everyone, hyperfocused at their flaws (he can't be inferior if everyone is worse, right?) whatever it takes to prove himself that he deserves love.

He knows he's weak, but he has to show to everyone that he's strong because any slight sight of weakness would be detrimental since he knows that his humanity is conditional.

He knows that if he shows the truth and how he doesn't actually fit the status quo, he will be ostracized and rejected.

He knows—because his brother is proof of that.

Obrin's disability is obviously visible; Shown through his physical characteristics (his frailness and the lack of family traits). However, his discrimination may be due to this visible disability. he isn't nessesarily ostracized for those traits. His features aren't the (main) reason why he's perceived as inferior in the social hierarchy. it's instead because he's rumored to be a bastard child. This is why he hates his brother so much.

Obrins physical characteristics are just "symptoms" that perpetuate their prejudice towards infidelity (if were going by the disability allegory, think; this person is too sensitive, it must be bc of the autism...). By doing so, his brother indirectly taught him to hide that part of himself.

He hates Obrin because he is the physical manifestation of what will happen to him if his infidelity (disability) is revealed. He is the same plane as his brother after all, The only difference is that he's fortunate enough to be able to hide it.

It's very interesting how his hatred to Obrin isn't because he's genuinely bigoted and ignorant towards him, but because of his own personal internalized ablelism just projected. (It's ironic how contrary it is; he hates his brother because he sees him as equal) very much paralleling visible and nonvisible disability in intimate familial relationships.

The fact mithrun is the bastard child, not him. Imagine the burdening guilt and shame that comes with the knowledge that he could (or should) be one in his place.

He's constantly paranoid of thoughts that he's not good enough. That's why he was so upset when he was sent to the canaries or when he saw Obrin and Sultha together.

Because those are signs that Obrin is better than him and he could not forgive that (how can someone like him, completely ostracized from society, and be so content...?). And that sign proves his paranoia of not being good enough are correct.

mithrun's insecurities, fears, and behavior very much parallel that of being a high masking disabled person.

Hes is a flawed disabled character, but one you can also sympathize with.

He isn't a perfect victim. He delves on how a disabiled person who's so intrenched in a heavily ableist and bigoted society can be a victim to its bigotry and be taken advantage of (The demon. I didn't touch on that topic, as much as i would love an essay about how the demon preyed on mithruns vulnerability regarding his own disability but unfortunately, that might be too triggering for me lawl!) while also actively participating in it and perpetuate said beliefs

And that means so much to me

[desultory-suggestions]

It’s important to remember that affirmations are not meant to be said just when you’re ready to believe them. We practice affirmations so that we can offer ourselves reminders of kindness and do our best to act on them. It’s okay if you can say “I deserve good things” but can’t believe it yet. The goal is to gently work yourself up until you can.

[mysterycitrus]

gosh writing this fic makes me love dick grayson and roy harpers relationship sm!! ach mon