#independence therapy

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Lenore Skenazy

Published: Sep 5, 2024

A study just published in the prestigious Journal of Anxiety Disorders describes a “novel intervention” for clinically anxious kids: Having them do new things, on their own, without their parents.

In other words, giving them a “mega-dose of independence.” A.k.a. Independence Therapy.

A.k.a. the entire Let Grow philosophy.

The pilot study, by Long Island University Psychology Prof. Camilo Ortiz and his doctoral student Matt Fastman, was indeed inspired by Let Grow.

Ortiz treated four 4th-8th graders who had a diagnosis of anxiety.

A Departure from “Exposure Therapy”

Normally in his everyday practice, Ortiz might treat such kids with Exposure Therapy.

This involves exposing the patient to the very thing they’re afraid of, so they realize it’s not as scary as they thought. A person deathly afraid of dogs might be shown a picture of a dog, then stand in the same room as a dog, and finally have to pet the dog.

But in “Independence Therapy,” says Ortiz, “We didn’t actually have the kids face the things they’re afraid of.”

And afraid they were.

The Four Kids Ortiz Treated

A boy, 13, experienced headaches and a pounding heart, and routinely assumed the “worst case scenario” — that he was very sick.

A girl, 9, was so anxious about attending school she experienced ���frequent shaking, stomach issues, nail biting and crying.”

A girl, 11, experienced “extensive worry and extensive avoidance of everyday activities out of the home.” Her fear of being judged or embarrassed led to shaking and abdominal pain.

And a boy, 10, wouldn’t go anywhere without his mom.

How the Treatment Unfolded

The Independence Therapy involved each family separately visiting Ortiz five times.

At the first session, only the parents came. Ortiz discussed the value of independence and showed them a video of formerly anxious kids who’d done The Let Grow Experience, our free, independence-building program used in schools that inspired Ortiz’ study.

Then he asked the parents their biggest concern. One couple said their daughter was too scared to sleep in her own bed. Another said their son wouldn’t go up or downstairs in their home without them.

On the next visit, the child accompanied the parents. But without mentioning the big fear, Ortiz enthusiastically asked the kids if they had some new things they’d like to start doing on their own.

Despite their anxiety, they did!

Even Anxious Kids Want Some Independence

They wanted to walk home from school, or play chess in the park, or take public transportation, sell bracelets at school…lots of things. Okay, said Ortiz: Your assignment is to do one “Independence Activity” a day for the next four weeks. The parents’ assignment? Let them!

And yet, Ortiz confides, “The whole time I was rooting for things to go wrong.” It’s when you go from “I CAN’T HANDLE THIS!” to, “Whoa — I handled it!” that the biggest growth occurs.

Sure enough, for one of her Independence Activities, the girl afraid to sleep in her own bed took a city bus—and missed her stop. She was so upset she actually talked to a stranger, the person next to her. That person told her to get off and walk two blocks back.

She did it! And then?

“During the last week of treatment, unprompted,” Ortiz wrote, the girl “slept in her bed after never having made it through a night previously.”

And then she kept doing it.

The Key to a Good Life

Similarly, the boy obsessed by his health was out on his own when suddenly, “He really had to pee!” Ortiz says. So he relieved himself on the side of a building. “We had a good laugh, but he actually learned something—that life can be messy and it’s okay.”

Being psychologically flexible is one of the most important factors for predicting a good life.

In the end, all the kids’ anxiety went down.

That was true even for the one patient who didn’t finish the treatment. After two sessions, she was already “over the hump,” said her parents. They told Ortiz that “she requested to stay home alone for four hours, went into a restaurant to ask for a table, babysat three kids, and organized an online art auction.”

Why Independence Therapy Works

In psychological terms, it seems the kids’ confidence “generalized” from the new things they were doing to the things they’d been too scared to do. This mirrors a recent a study of people afraid of both heights and spiders. Treated for one, they became less afraid of the other.

If further studies of Independence Therapy show this kind of success—Ortiz is seeking funding—it could prove a valuable alternative to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for three reasons:

It seems to work quicker, which also means cheaper.

It doesn’t require much training, and could be done in schools.

It doesn’t require the parents, kids, or therapists themselves to deal with the triggering fear.

“This is a pretty big finding — that you don’t have to actually treat directly the thing someone is afraid of to make that thing better,” says Ortiz. Independence itself fights anxiety. “Or as someone responded to my Tweet, ‘Something every Gen X person already knows.’” 

Dr. Ortiz’ free Independence Therapy manual is available here.

[brainrot-jikan]

im not the biggest alhaitham/kaveh shipper (because im a rare pair ho) but it seems to me that in alhaitham/kaveh getting-together fics tend to be... unequal.

the beautiful thing about alhaitham and kaveh is that they're both equally right and equally wrong and equally dicks about it. but the writers for alhaitham/kaveh much more frequently seem to give alhaitham the burden change (the burden of the character flaw) instead of kaveh.

in any good character arc, the main character has a fatal flaw or misconception, and by the end of that arc they have addressed that flaw in some definitive way. scrooge was a scrooge and learned that being that way was detrimental; merlin from finding nemo was overprotective to a fault and had to learn that he couldn't (and shouldn't) control everything and to let go; the wolf from little red riding hood learns that you should stop while you're ahead.

stories centering around romance tend to lean heavily on character arcs, which makes sense. and since romance generally requires two individuals to be vulnerable and open and emotional with each other, it makes double sense that alhaitham/kaveh authors zoom straight into alhaitham's lack of emotional vulnerability.

this bothers me.

in society, individuals are expected to experience and present emotions in a specific way. if someone dies, you cry. if someone smiles at you, you smile back. if you're at a party, you're supposed to be having fun. if you don't do these things, you're seen as impolite at best and a inhuman freak at worst. when these behaviors are frequent it's often viewed as emotional immaturity, or a lack of ability to feel at all. the inability or lack of willingness to conform to societies emotional expectations of you is seen as a flaw and a reason for exclusion.

alhaitham is canonically disliked and avoided for being the way he is. he prefers it this way, but that doesn't mean the people perpetuating this avoidance are in the right. they are the societal pressure to conform that alhaitham blows off. alhaitham could be the way he is for a lot of reasons: avoidant attachment style, trauma, following someone else's example (eg. his grandmother), or just his base personality. it doesn't MATTER. he is the way he is. kaveh having to accept that should be part of the story.

putting the burden of the fatal flaw on alhaitham, making the way alhaitham treats kaveh and the people around him the problem, feels invalidating. it implies heavily that alhaitham's way of interfacing with the world, alhaitham's very SELF, is incorrect. my suggestion is to flip a larger portion of that burden onto kaveh. kaveh 👏 character 👏 arcs 👏

some examples/recommendations:

- make kaveh project his insecurities onto other people but especially onto alhaitham; he's overly reliant on other people for his own self worth, and he perceives alhaitham's lack of positive feedback as a direct reflection of how alhaitham feels about him. but learns along the way that alhaitham doesn't hate him, kaveh's actual struggle is with hating himself and being unable to his own self as worthy of love. maybe throw in how you are responsible for your own recovery, other people can help but you can't rely on them to carry you through self actualization.

- or, kaveh tries to make alhaitham behave more like a "normal" person, to be more pleasant and emotive and forthcoming, and then realizes he's in the wrong for trying to make alhaitham into something he's not, possibly for all the wrong reasons (not because he likes alhaitham better like that, but bc society says that's healthier and a better/more conforming way to be)

- or you could go ahead make alhaitham's issues the main problem but they're too complicated to overcome in a short period of time, so kaveh has to accept alhaitham is doing his best in his own way and not push for unrealistic and unhealthy changes. he could alter his own behavior to give alhaitham space and time and a safe place to land.

that got sappy so it's past time for me to dip out. go forth and ship things; but maybe consider letting alhaitham be a rude stone-faced bastard if he wants to be.

[monabee-draws]

Caitlyn's slow but inevitable decline into facism was painful to watch but it's Vi's tacit support of that that REALLY hurts me.

Cait was raised at the top of the hierarchy and it only took her being the one 'in danger' to flip from sympathetic to the undercity to desperately angry and wanting to return to the status quo where she and piltover are in power/control/oppress the weak 'for their own good.' I expected this to happen from the moment her rhetoric began to shift (us vs them, calling Zaunites animals, general dehumanisation.)

Vi knows that the issue is structural and the structure that's used to exercise violence against the oppressed is the enforcers, yet she still joined them anyway. It's excellent writing but the implications that has for her as a character who has been shown to have strong convictions and morals is so heartbreaking. It feels like her years in prison have eroded at the heroic spark in her to the point where she'll justify anything to return to the past. I keep asking myself how Vi could justify using The Grey as a weapon against the undercity, and her parotting what is probably Caitlyn's justification - that they used it to clear the streets and keep as many safe as possible - just rings so hollow. She felt like a lost soul just vaguely drifting through life in Act 1, and of course she did. She has no one left BUT Caitlyn. She has no place in the Undercity because it grew away from her. Her base of motivation as a kid was to fight for and protect the Lanes and now that the Lanes are gone who even is Violet anymore? If only she could rewind time and restore the uncomfortable uneven past.

Vi and Cait are actually the same person, the only difference is that Caitlyn has the power to enact her vision and Vi doesn't. I'm so sore.

[b4kuch1n]

yay! I drew these quite literally three years ago. dragonheart!milo and raihan! a knight on a doomed dragon hunt being lifted out of his station by a small village medicine man. together they become magic lawyers and overthrow the government

the main details in these do survive into the iterations I’ve drawn (instead of these actual designs I spent time to make el oh el): the “leaf” diamond quilt/gambeson and the plaited coattail for milo, the “atypical” weapons, long coat, and large number of scattered fake gold trims and accessories for raihan. I think I lost raihan the hat and added a cape for milo further down the line because like this their general silhouettes are too similar for my liking lol

[naamahdarling]

.

[frobby]

one of my favorite senarios to imagine to put yukio in is sending him 10 years into the future (with the exwires usually) and everyone from their class are like chill adults including himself working their boring ass exorcist job and hes trying to assert dominance over them as the teacher™ but they're all like bro why so serious?

[leahthedreamer]

If it’s one thing Season 2 reinforces is that Carmy NEEDS Sydney but Sydney doesn’t necessarily need Carmy to the same capacity.

Without Sydney and her leadership and intuition that restaurant would have never opened on time. Carmy is a work in progress, desperately needs therapy and probably a vacation and clearly couldn’t handle any semblance of a relationship while juggling stress and his past trauma.

Which is why if I had an ending of the show pictured, it would be them parting ways with Sydney earning his full respect as a chef and a Carmy hopefully free enough to achieve things himself and maintain some happiness in his life.

[resident-wof-expert]

Peril:(blubbering)Clay, I made a decision, and, and then, I accidentally released Dragon Satan!

Clay:Oh Peril, I’m sure that’s an exaggerati-

BY THE FUCKING MOONS IS THAT DRAGON SATAN

Darkstalker:hi

We literally just won't ever stop talking about the ending to Escaping Peril, will we?

It's SO funny and so sad that Peril made a good decision for the first time in her entire life, and it created the worst possible scenario.

[marsixm]

imma b real i think the reason i crashed out so hard earlier isnt just bc of the overwhelming panic messaging of news rn but also bc of thinking abt the sentiment of "check on your trans friends!" bc ppl dont like check on me bc all my irl friends are either also trans and stressed or totally clueless cis ppl (i consider all my online friends who arent trans to be actively posting and engaging enough i dont feel like theyre/yall're NOT doing that in a way so this isnt me begging for anyone reading this to check in or w/e, yall are thoroughly checked) which also ties into why i felt so down on myself and was feeling worthless the other day, bc that always happens when im sick or down and feel like i have no one to rely on and have to beg for help (whether thats true or not is up 4 debate) but Yeah

[finniestoncrane]

i love looking queer enough that people unzip their hoodies to show me their “sisterhood not cis-terhood” t-shirts cos they know i’ll go NICE!!

[mars-ipan]

interesting to me how when i turned 19 i was kinda terrified bc i was like “oh shit this is my last year as a teenager….. i won’t be a teenager after that… i wanted to be a teenager for all of my childhood and now that part’s almost Over. aaaaugh” and now approx. 9 months later i cannot fucking WAIT to stop being a teenager oh my god i am ready to move on. 20s please i would like to be in them. i am done being 19 thank you !!!

[thestarseersystem]

nothing really says im struggling like trying to reach out to any of your friends around you, out of a suicidal cry of help and no one truly understanding that you're going through so much horrible shit and have no stability, no therapy and you're constantly switching out suicidal alters and you're wondering when you would end up in a psychiatric hospital from how bad it's getting. and the amnesia is so bad that you feel like an ENTIRELY different person when you're happy, so it is extremely jarring to see your suicidal ramblings and its making it harder and harder to cope.

[katimorton]

Is there a such thing as being too independent? Or at what point does being too independent hurt you? Can you be too independent? Let's talk about hyper independence. What does it mean to be hyper-independent and where does it come from? This can be a trauma response from many and is a sign of PTSD. But it isn't always PTSD that leads someone to be hyper independent, there are other childhood neglect items that may lead to this. We may feel like we cannot trust or count on anyone and we have to do everything ourselves. But feeling like we can't trust anyone can be a very hard way to live. What can your life look like if you are too independent and how can this hinder you? Let's dive into why you feel you have to do everything yourself and the problem with being too independent.

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

the 14 year old edgelord in me keeps trying to compose deep poetry about coming to after dissociating. calm down babes. we’re all good here.

[lucky-clover-gazette]

vent

did not expect kissing and realizing i’m lowkey dating a guy to send me down an existential spiral of reminding me that i have only one life to live and then i am going to die without living any other different lives

[manie-sans-delire-x]

Im quitting therapy.