#i lose myself
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#illustration#art#drawing#artists on tumblr#black and white#ink#horror#dark#gothic#goth#horror manga#screen tones#demon#Romantic#fire#i lose myself#horror art
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vent
did not expect kissing and realizing i’m lowkey dating a guy to send me down an existential spiral of reminding me that i have only one life to live and then i am going to die without living any other different lives
#but i’ve been wasting time not exploring at all!!#doesn’t have to be a forever person it’s just an experience#but still#it’s really weird and idk!!!!#and if i date this guy fr i would have to like go on birth control probably and holy shit i do NOT want more medication#and what if i meet someone else?#i don’t exactly want to commit y’know???#but i’m halfway through my twenties and i don’t know how much time i actually have and if i think about it too long i hyperventilate#which WOULDN’T HAPPEN if i was just continuing on with being safe and alone!!#and what about women?? i love women!#but when i really love something or someone i go crazy about it#i lose myself#so maybe realistic and neutral is better?#am i neutral?#i don’t fucking know and my friends for the most part aren’t quite grasping what i’m trying to say#like yes i overthink and yes it might not be that deep to anyone else including the guy#but it NEEDS to be that deep. to me.#because that’s how my brain fucking works.#i don’t take shit lightly and i never have#that’s why i’m better off alone#or with people who are also deeply unchill#but this guy is so chill! and it does make me feel comfortable!#but it’s also like bro is this conversion therapy am i conversion therapying myself?#my entire identity for more than a decade has been based off being single and independent#and the lapses in that are times in my life that i see myself as unambiguously pathetic and embarassing#with men and women#i feel like a fucking unsocialized semiferal cat that wants affection but also doesn’t know how to accept it#and do i even want it? or is it want i know i should want or what would be good for me so im just slowly forcing myself into it?#it’s so much easier. so much simpler. to not have to freak out about this stuff.#sorry for venting i know it’s annoying it’s just fuck man…
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Postcanon Farcille indulgence
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#farcille#marcille donato#farlyn thorden#falin touden#dungeon meshi spoilers#dunmeshi spoilers#i drew something#the princess and the royal magic advisor... i think they were... no it couldn't be#i love to lose myself in yuri delusions about postcanon era. i choose to believe they are in semi domestic bliss in that castle#when farlyn is travelling marcille is sitting forlornly on her windowsill huffing and puffing and kabru is like can you do your job please
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the joys of a keychain (wow! little object) vs the fears of a keychain (What If It Vanishes)
#raii talks a lot#if i lose my blue beetle keychain i’ll actually throw myself into the sun. hello. god#should be noted that i’ve never lost a keychain by putting it on something but the terror of that potential is real
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Tma + tmagp art masterpost
#I’m missing some sketches but there’s a fucking image post LIMIT#mostly posting this for myself so I don’t have to keep forgetting where I put my art. I lose it a lot.#tmagp#tma#the magnus protocol#the magnus archives#Jonathan sims#Martin Blackwood#lady mowbray#Michael Shelly#michael distortion#3rd drawing was supposed to just be a random eye inspired drawing but so many people tag it as Elias it’s just Elias now. sorry.#elias Bouchard#my art#mod post
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guys, i'm getting really fat 🫢
#i am losing at valorant and full of jack in the box but i caught a glimpse of myself in a reflection and went 😮#i can't believe i did this to myself 🫠🥵#my elbows are round!#me
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I need to talk about this because it's making me feel insane.
Last week, my white leftist goyisch friends sat me, a wholeass antizionist Jew, down for a "talk" because they "needed to check in about Palestine" and make sure "our values aligned before we hung out again". They apparently needed to "suss out" where I stood on Palestinian rights, despite having had several conversations about Palestine and them being some of my closest friends. They needed to check, to search for and uncover my true values, because I had said some "disturbing things" that had made them "suspicious".
Disturbing things included:
Supporting IfNotNow which is a "liberal zionist organization" because it normalizes Jewish heritage in the Levant
Not bringing Palestine up enough, despite them also not bringing it up (this was apparently a test)
Mentioning that the Houthi's flag talks about cursing all Jews
Saying Stalin was antisemitic because of the "all the paw-grihms"
...and apparently other things they wouldn't specify, but had been tracking for months.
To clarify, I am an antizionist Jew from three generations of antizionist Jews. I have been vocal in my support of Palestinian liberation and in my condemnation both of Israel's actions and its violent founding as a state, and of zionism in many of its forms. I am a regular donor to Palestinian and Jewish NGOs and advocate for Jewish antizionism in person, at temple, and online. I have been talking about Palestinian liberation before they could point to Gaza on a map. But they needed to make sure, they needed to "suss out", they needed to check. And it's notable that the majority of moments that made them suspicious of me were times where I talked about antisemitism: not about Palestinian liberation, not about Israeli decolonization, not about anything actually relevant to Palestine. It was talking about antisemitism that made them check to see if I was a cryptozionist.
One of the most pervasive and insidious forms of antisemitism is the idea that Jews are inherently untrustworthy and suspicious. You have to constantly be on guard, track what they say and do, "suss out" the real truth. You have to keep them in line and and watch them carefully because they're liars and sneaks, and if you're not looking closely they'll return to their real values (and drag you down with them). This is where the idea of "cryptozionist" comes from and what it's directly building off of: the inherent untrustworthiness of Jews and the need to check. Because no matter how close you become you can't actually trust them, and any upstanding gentile should make sure to avoid associating with Jews before "sussing out" their real allegiances and intentions. You have to make them turn out their pockets, just in case.
I'm the first and only Jew they actually were friends with; I know because they've told me (strangely proud of it in the way white Americans are proud of that kind of thing). They've asked me questions about Judaism and fawned over how beautiful and unique it was for me to be connected to my community and culture. Pre-October 7th, one of them had even mentioned being interested in coming to services at my temple. She still has my copy of our siddur. But now she needed to "check" before she could be seen with me in public. Which is what it was: it wasn't a "you're my friend and I need to give you some feedback because you're fucking up" kind of intervention (which is normal and important to have), it was a trial. It was a last chance for me to prove to them that I'm clean-enough that they could afford to risk being seen with me in public, just in case someone noticed them fraternizing with a hypothetical Enemy and their leftism was compromised. It was a test to make sure that I behave properly when required to, that I'd play along and do what I'm told and turn out my pockets if asked (because any refusal would validate the notion of having something to hide). And above all it was an opportunity for them to reaffirm their own cleanliness by putting my imagined immorality in its place.
I did what I needed to do: I smiled. I apologized. I "didn't know that". I "appreciated the feedback". I turned out my pockets because what else could I do? They'd decided who I was and what I believed, regardless of what I said or did, so there was no point in explaining that they were wrong about me. If I had told them they were being antisemitic, it would just have been proof that they were right. Caring about antisemitism is a dogwhistle in the spaces they've chosen: it's not a real form of oppression, it's a tactic for sneaky, lying Jews to weasel out of admitting their true alliances. There was nothing I could say.
Nothing's really changed for me. I'm going to continue my activism for Palestinian liberation rooted in my culture and my faith. Antizionism is still not antisemitism. But I got a reminder that many white goyisch leftists fundamentally just don't trust Jews, and that the activist spaces they're in not only exacerbate their antisemitism in an increasingly insular echo chamber, but also allow them to finally vent their internalized bigotry in a socially-acceptable way. In my former friends' eyes, what they did was activism—disavowing a Jew (and making me feel humiliated, scared, and unclean in the process) as a cathartic stand-in for doing fucking anything for actual Palestinian liberation—but for me it was a grief that I'll be feeling for a long time: not only over losing friends I loved and trusted, but also over my sense of belonging and security in leftist spaces.
#jumblr#I need to talk about this because I feel like I'm losing it a little#its incredibly disconcerting to have this come out of nowhere from people I trusted and it's hard to not blame myself somehow#antizionism#antizionist jew#judaism#jewish#jew#jewblr#leftist#leftism#leftist antisemitism#antisemitism#Palestine#Israel#again to reiterate: I am just as committed to Palestinian liberation as ever and antizionism is still not antisemitism#but fuck do some leftists put in the legwork to making it seem like it is huh#free Palestine
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i. The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath, Sylvia Plath / ii. As Consciousness Is Harnessed to Flesh: Journals and Notebooks 1964-1980, Susan Sontag / iii. Suddenly, It's December, Margaux Paul / iv. Waiting for This Story to End Before I Begin Another, Jan Heller Levi / v. The Picture of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde / vi. The Letters of Gustave Flaubert: 1830-1857, Gustave Flaubert / vii. unknown / viii. @inanotherunivrse / ix. @violentcherries / x. Heaven, Mieko Kawakami (thank u @aworsening for attaching the sources)
#grief#the solace of missing you#losing you was horrible#losing myself was worse#i am chained up inside myself#web writing#web weaving#word weaving#spilled words#words words words#words#spilled thoughts#spilled poetry#actually bpd#bpd#dealing with grief#grief poetry
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Bruce being a toxic boy mom when it comes to nightwing will never not be funny as fuck he is literally the biggest nightwing defender one bad word against him and the next day he’ll show up at ur house
Bonus:
#you won’t join the justice league you’ll be leading them#Bruce: nightwing is literally the best vigilante to ever exist#Bruce: when I grow up I wanna be like nightwing#meanwhile dick: ugh Bruce literally doesn’t respect me he always treats me like a child he thinks I’m incompetent#Bruce: you are literally who I aspire to me you’re the only thing I’ve ever done right in my entire life#dick: he’s such an ass I’m not a child anymore!! I can take care of myself why won’t he trust me??#Bruce: losing you would literally be the death of me I won’t lose you cause I’ll be joining you in death#batman#dc comics#bruce wayne#batfam#batfamily#dc robin#dick grayson#dcu#nightwing#good dad bruce wayne#unhinged dad Bruce Wayne#dick and bruce#shitpost#incorrect batfamily quotes#incorrect batman quotes#batman twitter au
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🐾✨🌻
An art piece I started almost a year ago!
been working on rendering for the last three days
#genshin impact#genshin impact kaveh#genshin kaveh#kaveh#genshin impact fanart#artists on tumblr#digital art#it's so nice to discover an old art piece of your own#and then.. just fihish it#sometimes it's ok to leave your idea and then come back later#yeah u can come back to it tommorow#or a week#or years later#it's ok to lose interest in your work and leave it for a while#i had a bad habit of pressuring myself into completing and art piece in one go#glad i got rid of it!
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gege said yuuji will grow taller than his peers so that means both of them will survive right, right??
(Or they’re all just 6 ft under that’s why yuuji is taller I see how gege works now)
#idk how long I can keep gaslighting myself before I completely lose it#itadori yuuji#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#my art
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let time pass.
#and the tears come streaming down your face#when you lose something you can't replace#when you love someone but it goes to waste#could it be worse?#Light will guide you home and ignite your bones#and I will try to fix you#thank you tom hiddleston for making fix you the lokius anthem#I'm still in mourning over the loki finale and I had to make something to make myself feel a little better#I hope this can help you a little too#or make it worse#haha#wanted to try something new#loki#lokius#lokius fanart#loki fanart#loki and mobius#loki season 2#loki season 2 fanart#loki mobius#loki laufeyson#loki god of stories#mobius m. mobius#owen wilson#tom hiddleston#my art#fanart#digital art#lokius comic#loki comic
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I. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. I’m okay I’m fine I’m okay I’m fine I’m oka
The fic I'm illustrating and losing my mind about 👉 Mistakes on mistakes until
#maccadam#transformers#prowl#jazz#jazzprowl#momu fanart#fic fanart#LISTEN.#I DON'T THINK JAZZ IS GONNA DIE.#BUT I THINK HE M I G HT#Like.#I don't even know anymore#something in me tells me that everything will be fine#but! throughout this whole fic my inner voice was absolutely. completely#DRAMATICALLY fucking wrong 90% of the time#so it's not like I can't trust the tropes#I can't even trust myself anymore ahahahah#his 'see you on the other side' YOU SENSE IT TOO RIGHT?? ri g h t?#or Is it me just finally losing the last pieces of my sanity?#both ways - I fucking love this fic#I want to make it into a physical copy for myself once it's finished (despite printer ink costing like an airplane wing in my country lol)
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cursed construction core hi vis bra that came to me in a dream
In the dream I saw it in the window display of a hardware/DIY/trade shop, implying it was meant to be a practical garment designed for actual female constructions workers in a Female Armour level missed-the-brief attempt at gender inclusion
The practical support from the visible underwire combined with the hi vis implying it’s not meant to be worn as an undergarment, I just-
I blame my binge-reading ND Stevenson’s gender comics talking abt masculinity and femininity incl the one abt Victoria’s Secret lingerie yesterday for this monstrosity x’D
#construction core#I am legitimately tempted to make this irl#just like as a commentary art piece on failed attempts at inclusion that completely missed the point#but alas I lack the booba these days to make it for myself so I'll need someone else to fit it to to enable my shenanigans#maybe someday#in the dream I met finnster in the next shop and was like dude you should go buy it for the meme lolll you could wear it on a stream#so uuuhhh- finn if you're reading this (I know you've seen my tumblr before we have video evidence) and you want this I'll make it for you#for manly man construction times#just let me know x'D#to the transmascs reading this: read the linked comics they're highly relatable#you can lose a whole morning to them#like me#have fun
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Hope you guys like really messy sketchbook sunburst duo shenanigans :p
#you can see my motivation die hdhdhd#lmk#i love these two#i just lose motivation as soon as the sketch is finished because my brain is like “yay ! done! onto the next idea :>”#but i wont let myself post unless its SOMEWHAT polished#lmk mk#lmk sun wukong#lmk sunburst duo#lego monkie kid#lmk qi xiaotian#fanart
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Saw your post and absolutely adore your art; could you draw any of the lifers with an oh expression?
he's going to follow that man until the ends of the earth isn't he
#SORRY it's so messy#i'm so scared to “line” this because i'm pretty sure it's going to lose a lot of its... flow#so i hope this is ok too aaaaaaa#anyway one could say he feels “renchanted” by his king#i'll see myself out#ask#trafficshipping#renchanting duo#dogwarts#3rd life smp#traffic smp
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