#incorrect superman

[shadow-coolness]

*After seeing how close Jimmy and Kara are*

Clark: Hey…Dont bang me cousin.

Jimmy slightly disappointed: oh.

Kara kisses him: He might.

Jimmy: OH!

Clark: But dont.

Jimmy very disappointed: oh.

[enby-mori]

Kon: Am I cool or what?

Jon: What.

Kon: I said, am I cool or—

Jon: Yeah, I heard you.

[lovesick-joey]

the people wanted more youtube worldbuilding ^^

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[everwalldigan]

Hear me out: Robin Dick would be the biggest Bruceman supporter and shipper.

This boy hates any of Bruce’s love interest with a passion because then his dad guardian spends less time with him and that’s obviously UNACCEPTABLE, SCANDALOUS even, so when rumours start circulating that Bruce Wayne is in a relationship with the Batman, he jumps right on the wagon.

Reporter, thirsty for a story: Mr Grayson what do you think about the rumours that Bruce Wayne is dating the Batman?

Dick: What do I think about my dads you mean? My very married very taken dads? My very faithful to each other plural dads?

He would fuel the rumours both as Robin and as Dick Grayson, punching criminals for talking bad about Wayne enterprises as Robin (“THAT’S MY STEPDADS COMPANY YOURE TALKING ABOUT!”). He would be on online forums all day talking about how Bruceman is the only Batman ship that makes sense and Doxxing people who disagree.

Bruce is so exasperated because this is happening at a time where only Alfred and Dick know his real identity so he can’t even do anything with ANYONE without making either Bruce Wayne or Batman look unfaithful.

Throw Reporter Clark Kent into the mix who has been sent to scope out the Bruceman story, who Bruce makes the mistake of flirting with at a gala. Both Clark AND dick are scandalised.

Dick, making a scene: HOW COULD YOU! BATMAN IS WAITING FOR YOU AT HOME AND YOURE HERE FLIRTING WITH SOME… SOME REPORTER??

Bruce, sighing: Dick-

Dick, tugging on Bruce’s suit and looking up at him with fake tears in his eyes: Dad, are you and dad getting a divorce? :(

Clark, panicking: NO NO THEYRE NOT GETTING A DIVORCE PLEASE DONT CRY

Meanwhile:

Bruce, crying in the corner: he called me dad

He would even go as far as insisting that Robin is his step sibling

Principal: how do you explain that whenever Robin is injured, Dick fails to show up at school the next day?

Dick: Robin and I are twins :) so when he’s injured I’m injured too and we have to stay home together!!

Bruce, whispering: I’m sorry, they’re not really twins but neither I or Bats have the heart to tell hem

[incorrectbatfamandfriends]

Bruce: How can you afford this on a reporters salary?

Clark: Oh Lex owes me child support.

Bruce: What?

Clark: Yeah, any damage Kon causes as superboy I mark as “after school activities.”

[secretidentie]

*Brucie Wayne on a tangent during an interview*: .... without dick there's very little to live for yk.

Interviewer: ....you mean your son?

Bruce : ........sure

[incorrectbatfam]

Inspired by this week's WFA:

Bruce, emailing: Dear Clark, I need you to report to Wayne Manor at your earliest convenience. Signed, Bruce Wayne.

Clark, emailing back: Dear Bruce, I will be there within the next hour. Signed, Clark Kent.

———————

Dick, texting: Meet me and Babs in 30.

Kara, texting back: K.

———————

Jason, shouting out the window: YO BIZ!

Bizarro, five minutes later: Not here!

———————

Damian, at a normal volume: Kent.

Jon: *zooms across the country in three seconds*

———————

Tim:

Kon: *breaks the sound barrier*

[theendlessnessofbeingme]

At a justice league meeting discussing a major threat and if they should tell the public

Bruce: We don’t want to be causing an international crisis. I suggest we keep this information to only a select few individuals outside this room

At the Batcave

Bruce: News flash, we’re screwed

Jason: I knew it! I told you all that those lights weren’t just a league training gone wrong!

[tiger-grace]

Superman: I haven’t seen you at the watchtower for a while. Where have you been the last few weeks, Batman?

Bruce: Rehab.

Superman, worriedly: Oh, I’m so sorry- I never knew you struggled with that. If you don’t mind me asking, what for?

Bruce, grimacing as he watches public footage of Signal and Red Hood starting a dumpster fire out of Pro-Joker merch: ..adoption.

[superbat-love]

Bruce: Hey everybody! I’m back~

Green Lantern: Oh god. Who let this menace in?

Martian Manhunter: The man did sponsor this place.

Bruce: Greenie! You didn’t tell me you got engaged! [holds up his ring] Oh, this is beautiful. Who is your jeweller? I should totally get myself one too.

Green Lantern: Hey, give that back! [snatches the ring from him]

Bruce: Fine, gatekeep all you want. I’ll just ask the other Green Goblins. [tries to light up a cigar]

Green Lantern: No smoking in the Watchtower!

Startled, Bruce fumbles with his lighter. It falls onto a stack of paper, which catches on fire. Martian Manhunter runs out of the room screaming. Green Lantern quickly extinguishes the flames with his ring.

Green Lantern: Shit, those were Batman’s reports. He’s gonna kill us. Wayne, I think it’s best that you leave.

Bruce: [pouting] But I just got here.

Superman: Mr Wayne.

Bruce: Supey baby! Great work today! You must be thirsty after working out those buns of steel for the cameras, so I brought you some tea.

Superman: Thanks, but I think I’ll pass on the suspiciously glowing green tea. Perhaps we should talk in the meeting room?

Bruce: Should have just told me you wanted me all to yourself… [tosses the drink into the hazardous waste bin and wraps his arms around Superman] Take me away, big guy!

Green Lantern: And don’t come back!

Superman: [sighing as he carries Bruce out of the room] Bruce, is it really necessary to do this every month?

Bruce: Hmph. The lack of vigilance is unacceptable. I should hold a refresher course on security measures again.

[shadow-coolness]

Lor: This is a parody, official release, support DC Comics!

[Cut to a space ship landing near a farmer's home]

Farmer: You're an alien!

Halk: I'm an alien.

Batman: Am I an alien?

Halk: doubtful. Where's my brother?

Batman: I don't know.

Halk: Then you're useless to me! [flies away]

[Super Souls!]

[cut to Clark and friends on the beach]

Clark: I have a kid!

Jon: I'm socially awkward.

Jimmy: He's adorable!

[Jimmy gets bitched m through the Kent House and the owned counter goes off the scale]

Halk: I'm here for my brother!

Clark: Am I your brother?

Halk: Yes!

[Shookness ensues]

Halk: I'm taking your son.

Clark: No, you're not! [gets Kneed] Ah, he took my son!

Batman: I'm here to help you.

Clark: Aren't we enemies?

Batman: Nobody read Pre-Crisis. Let's go!

Clark: Are you insane?

Batman suddenly in a straightjacket: Hells yeah!

[they catch up with Halk]

Clark: Gimme back my son!

*Unzipping noises*

Clark: Gross.

Booster Gold: HA HA!

[one battle later Clark has Halk in a full-nelson]

Clark: Batman! Get him!

Batman: Convenient Kryptonite Spear!!

[the spear pierces the brothers]

Announcer: DOUBLE KILL!

Clark: And now I am the dead bleh.

Jimmy: Oh, no! Clark’s dead!

Lor [through the transmitter]: Hey, Non, let's go to Earth.

Non [through the transmitter]: Ballin'.

Jimmy: Oh, no! More Kyrptonians!

Batman: I'm taking Jon! [flies off with Jon]

[cut to Wild Cat]

WC: Hi, maggots. I'm training you. I'm old and overly violent, but I'll never say it flat-out.... BA!

Jimmy: AH!

[cut to Batman teaching Jon]

Batman: DODGE! [kicks Jon]

[cut to Clark in the afterlife]

Cutlass: YARRRG!

Clark: Who are you?

Spectre: Im the Spectre. You now know the KryptoKen and the Solar Bomb. Fuck off, Shut up Cutlass.

[cut to Batman and Jon]

Batman: 12 months have passed! Let's go fight Kryptonians!

Jimmy: Oh, God, it's the Kryptonians!

Lor: Hi.

Jimmy: Ambush's here!

[explosion]

Jimmy: Ambush’s dead!

Lor: Non, get 'em!

Non: I am hilarious and you will quote EVERYTHING I say.

Jimmy: Steel, get 'em!

Steel: I am the only serious character in this comic. That is the joke.

[everyone except Jimmy and Jon get wrecked]

Jimmy: Oh, God! Everyone's dead!

Non: Hilariously derailing one-liner.

Superman: Supe's here!

Jimmy: Clarks here!

Lor: It's over nine thousaaa---

Non: AHHHH--

Lor: aaaaaaa-----

Non: AHHHH---

Lor: aaaaaaaa--

Non: AAAHHH---

*They continue screaming until Lor kills Non*

Non: LOR, WHY!?

Lor: Because I'm a lizard!

[Lor transforms into a giant lizard monster]

Clark: Kyrpto-Ken!

Lor: Kyrpto wha-?

[gets his tail cut off and reverts back to normal]

Lor: Oh, no! I'm not a lizard! OH, NO! The kid's a lizard! FLAMEBIRD FINISH!

Jimmy: The FUCK?!

[Lor cuts off Jons tail]

Lor: Yay! [the giant lizard body of Jon falls on him] No!

[Lor gets crushed]

Lor: ...Leaving now. [takes off in a space ship]

Superman: And we'll never see him again!

Lor [in space]: They'll see me in the next issue.

[Ghost Non pops up]

Ghost Non: And I'M a ghost.... Or AM I?

[SUPER SOOOOOOOOOO-]

[Cut to Peter Parker who was reading this]

Peter: .... This has HOW MANY readers?

[iwannabealice]

clark: i met this boy last night that seemed to really hate you

bruce: that could be anyone, what did he look like?

clark: tall, white, dark hair, really big-

bruce: ah, that’d be jason. my son

[lovesick-joey]

youtube content in the dc universe

sequel

[demonicsuffrage]

At the justice league watchtower

Batman, pouring coffee into his cup listlessly, looking more depressed than usual:

Hal: What's up with him? He's been like that all morning

Clark, whispering: Robin left on a mission with the titans

Hal, in a deliberately loud stage whisper: So Bat's got empty nest syndrome, huh?

Bruce:

Hal: Get it? Empty nest, because he's a bird-

Bruce, taking out the Bat-green-lantern repellant:

[headcanonthings]

Dick: I think a magical girl transformation would fix me. Jason: I think killing a titan would fix me. Tim: You want to be isekai'd so bad you look stupid. Clark: What are these words? Bruce: Don't ask.

[incorrectbatfamandfriends]

Clark: Never have I ever been handcuffed.

Bruce: *drinks*

Clark: You’ve been arrested?

Bruce: That wasn’t the question.