#i dont see how that means anything else
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Looking back again i find it fascinating that you can say something directly to someone, exactly as you mean it with no room for interpretation, and they'll still take it as something up for interpretation
#'i am not interested in X' means im not interested in X#i dont see how that has any wiggle room#like man#if i say i am not interested in pursuing a relationship with you because x y z but i do or did have feeling at one point#it means im not interested in pursuing a romantic relarionship with you#i dont see how that means anything else#or leaves room for someone to think it's a maybe#im not going into this any more than i already have but legit i never leave room for interpretation when talking abt stuff like this for a#reason yk? i was so SO clear so many times but whatevvs#pisses me off ngl#also like. drunk texting me that they like me after i told them im not interested. instant loss of any potential interest i did have#ok im getting into it more#bc like. how does 'yeah if we lived closee i would be interested in testing the waters but i dont do distance so no.' mean 'maybe'?#especially when i repeatedly say i dont do long distance anymore regardless of how i feel#and that i am not interested#life aint a romance novel man#ESPECIALLY after i told them not to hang on to me and they should pursue other people because i am doing the same. because#i am not interested in a situationship or anything like that#and i will not string them along and make them think there's a chance. i said it's not happening#the stars didnt align man#and also im one hundo not interested anymore bc of the drunk text among many other things#and you still are trying to get my attention#gives me the ick and qt this point im just mad bc I've been open abt how much it bothers me when ppl do that#anyway#i just don't know how to handle this bc i cant just. sever ties. or stay away rn#to let things calm down or whatever
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pelican town, ‘72
#stardew valley#stardew valley spoilers#sdv#sdv spoilers#grandpa#mister qi#mr. qi#idk how dates work in stardew universe im just bullshittin#i love qi’s huge fucking eyebrows you dont notice them at first but theyre there#(gives our collective grandpa a ponytail) i think he had one. whatever#’why isnt mister qi blue’ my hc is he is blue from long-term iridium supplementation#and was originally just a regular person#but also it’s nice to see ur fav be like a normal human color#if u read tag essays tho consider this:#qi discovers secret to immortality (consuming iridium in a specific manner)#wants to share discovery with his farmer (player’s grandpa) and in that way. they will have all the time in the world to build#a perfect farming/business empire whose legacy will last forever and ever and theyll be 2gether forever#but it turns out. like a lot of normal people would. his farmer does not want to live forever#and obv he doesn’t#in an attempt to try not to ever lose the thing that means more to him than anything else in the world. qi inadvertantly ensures he will#because his farmer is dead. and he’s going to live forever#but. it’s kind of ok. because he has infinite money and was able to figure out how to talk to his dead bf#and now YOU help them fulfill their joint goal of making the farm’s legacy last forever#smile. heart#sobbing
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Bungou Stray Dogs: Dead Apple and how “ability users” (opposite to “normal people”) learning to accept themselves through the acceptance of their own abilities is a queer metaphor of acceptance of own's sexual orientation and gender: an essay by me
#bsd#bungou stray dogs#About: Dead Apple. Watched this a while ago with a friend and it was a lot of fun!!!#If you're reading this: thank you so much for hanging out with me I had such a good time (ㅅ´ ˘ )♡#Next to general considerations: wow they were right that Bungou Stray Dogs movie sure can Bungou Stray Dogs#It's always nice to see the detailed animation and elaborate backgrounds of movies. The animation quality compared to the manga is–#definitely noticeable and it's nice to see. That said... I still like the season 2 art style more? And I'm speaking strictly of art style.#The s2 one looks more soft and smooth while the da one is so much more rough.#The plot is... Very bsd-esque I don't think there's anything to add.#In my opinion Kyouka's arc is the one that turned out best tbh. I really like her narrative development and personal growth in this movie.#I like the complexity of her state of mind. how full of contradiction she is. I especially appreciate the recurring small changes of–#expression that indicate how she thinks differently from Atsushi even if she doesn't voice them. The fight between her cynicism and her–#kind nature. It's all very interesting.#Atsushi's development is interesting too. Although all the open questions about his ability we still have kind of leave me frustrated#I don't feel very strongly about Akutagawa in this movie? I mean‚ he's there. The ss/kk scenes are always great and in character and a joy–#to witness no matter what they do. He just doesn't shine particularly? Or at least personally I dont find the “proving my strength against–#myself” narrative arc to be particularly interesting. Imo it was a lot better flashed out in the da stage play! With the complexity that–#the dialogues with Chuuya added to the character. Dazai attacking him. And especially Aktgw understanding that Rashomon wasn't testing Aktg#but rather only expressing that unstoppable rage that is also Aktgw's own. About that I checked out the play and I really liked it!!#I only watched highlights (aka: ss/kk and chuu/aku scenes) but there's some stuff I really like. I like the conflict between Aktgw and–#Chuuya and how Chuuya messes up with Aktgw at first maliciously and then amiably. It's interesting how Atsushi himself observes that Kyouka#and Akutagawa get along. And especially the sskk almost-handholding and Atsushi saying Akutagawa has a nice profile were cute akjdhbsawhjb#Next. Da really is shipping paradise (╥﹏╥) Sorry but... It is. oda/zai. daz/atsu. ss/kk. s/kk. fuku/mori. chuu/aku. It really has everythin#and the moments are so good!!!! What else. Wish we'd see more of Tsujimura. And Christie. And women in general tbh.#Also‚‚‚‚‚ Atsushi's tiger form in this movie is ATROCIOUS. I've said it before but it's crazy how a franchises that relies so heavily on–#fanservice came up with something this hideous. Man the movie overall was pretty but Atsushi sure wasn't. Firmly stand by the belief–#that only Akutagawa would find that form attractive.#Oh last note. honestly if we're ready to accept a movie where an antidote has effect AFTER the person has effectively died then we really–#can't complain about any kind of insanity the manga brings up#random rambles
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in like the second to last episode when taub was like why dont u respect wilsons wishes to die
house yells at him about how hard it has been to choose to live
and then we cut to other doctors and nurses and patients who hear him yelling this taboo thing, looking at him like hes weird and wrong and making a ruckus
ugh. houses reaction to it hurts me. its just such a clear reminder of how alone he feels/is.
#house md#gregory house#its just like. he doesnt understand that sometimes social nicities have a real function when it comes to building trust and relationships#but its a double edged sword bc he is right in that those nicities and the baggage along with them box out a lot od actual meaning#we see this theme many times of house valuing the patients life above all else#the question to him isnt the ends jsutifying the means#even though that is the problem we are tackling#its that if the ends dont justify the means then how can the ends mean anything#he tries to justify suffering jn this way#its why the question is most of the time not framed as dont you understand you are making people suffer#house is like yeah i suffer greatly all the time in every direction for no reason and i cant do anything about it#maybe suffering is inevitable but maybe it can mean something#the dr code Do No Harm is flawed because it is impossible to inflict nothing
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i can't with all these "the show is highlighting tommy's jealousy, they're planting seeds that it will cause problems" takes like bffr. he mentioned being envious over the 118's dynamic twice, sure, but in what world (literally how?) would that cause a relationship problem? do yall expect him to be in cahoots with gerrard behind their back and murder buck to take over his life or something?? like even with the hyperbole aside, i genuinely cannot see how they can turn this into relationship drama without going against everything they showed us with tommy so far
#he literally reassured buck about his relationships in that first scene he's fine with it#he asked how buck was doing about bobby because again he KNOWS (he literally has eyes & was there to witness buck save bobby from the ship)#how much bobby means to him like do yall think 6 months into their relationship he will be unable to deal with this and what? demand buck#not be so close with them?#or that he will want to be a part of that too and buck (who in turn reassured him about this in 7x04) will be like#“uhm babe you wanting to be friends with my friends is giving me the ick?”#like whats the logic here#i'll eat my words if 911 can spin this as relationship drama i will#but im also certain this is not going the way you guys think it will#if anything the most logical follow up to this is tommy connecting with these people more as he desires and it being a good thing for both#tommy's character and bucktommy's relationship#ok rant over#911#bucktommy#tevan#kinley#edit: the only think i can think of is if he feels neglected bc say buck needs to make time for someone else but even that doesn't make#sense because buck NEVER neglected his love interests and tommy is literally friends with all these ppl to a degree so he'd arguably#understand it more than any of his exes (none of whom had any problems with buck#'s relationships within the 118)#i think you're just ignoring the context of these scenes because they paint the bigger picture of tommy being fully accepting of these#relationships so unless something changes drastically (an external thing making him feel insecure about it/buck going too ooc and#neglecting his significant other entirely etc.) i dont see how this can be a problem#mimi.txt
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more phoenix wright situations
#ace attorney tag#maybe i should tag this narumitsu or something. but i dont really care.#gearing up to rereading/illustrating bits of my fic i suppose...i think nick really is too dense to realise he's in love with edgeworth#without some scheming fop trying to intrude. i love villains like kristoph..villains can be fun..witnessing their pathetic folly..#or more like edgeworth would never have mentioned his feelings ever in his life if he wasn't sure phoenix reciprocates.#i want to see it this way because Falling in love during childhood with the person you're going to end up with. is not relatable#there have to be Situations that make you Realise.#as with orufrey i adore the idea of people not working out their romance with that person until their 30s+#but... i mean. even with orufrey i often think how alaira could be qifrey's ex. and oru having been pursued by noble fops through his work#there is that delicate sliver of time before orufrey start living together that such believable situations could have happened.#Then the relief of politely and amicably extricating themselves from those untenable situations#the idea of falling in love age 7 and saving your first kiss for age 35 or something is all very well but more relatable is#people realising how they really feel whilst trying something that ends up feeling wrong.#The comfort and joy of living with your dearest one as if it's platonic - much preferable to trying anything more with anyone else.#But i doubt i will ever portray that or mention it further. it is indeed very delicate to me.#and i really am an OTP FOR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! kind of person who can barely bear to consider this anyway...NOT a polyshipper i'm afraid !#so i wouldn't mind either if they do have their first kiss in their lives age 35 with each other either. I would not mind that at all.#i love bi/gay couples apparently... bi father figures & their grumpy gay men waiting for them to work it all out...#not used to using colour in comic-style drawings..or at all..so this is messy and awkward looking..but colour is refreshing#i imagine i will go back to witch hat art soon btw. my destiny in life.#i still remember writing my nrmt fic expecting to write their first kiss & then partway through twas like Umm No. They have kissed prior.#does that really line up with this comic though... i think i had their early dinner dates/first kiss BEFORE disbarment.#so i guess this comic doesn't line up with my ficverse.... No..... U___U Oh well. sorry kris! <3
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juvie buddies
#alek art#td duncan#td mal#total drama#total drama all stars#(if i want to get technical)#2024#duncan is around 15 here... mal is around 16#ive thought really hard about them these past few days . in my brain they actually knew each other and canon is different#duncan and mike got along really well. in juvie mal refused to speak to anyone about anything and would fight as many people as he could .#he wanted to stay in there and far away from home . they get roomed together and duncan is the first person who mal can talk to . he isnt#scared of him . he relates to him a lot . like -> wow we both act out for attention and people think we are terrible because of it#duncan being a mentally ill teenager seeing mal an also very mentally ill teenager thought 'i can fix him' . mike and duncan speak too here#i cant really see anyone else fronting besides those two . their brain was on lockdown and mike wanted out so bad . i see manitoba as a#gatekeeper so hed handle some sessions with their psych. i want to say they (duncan and mike) get moved to a psyche ward just because#i have more knowledge on being in one and how it goes ... but yeah i like duncan mal a lot . this art isnt ship whatsoever though 🙏 i dont#see them as a couple their dynamic is just better as friends imo#but anyways in all stars they obviously recognize each other but have an unspoken agreement not to say anything abt it#duncan is a known criminal but mike isnt like that . mike hadnt even told zoey about that part of his life . so duncan wanted to respect his#privacy -> then mal starts hurting people and he has to step in . mal isnt a good person by any means but i dont think he was that bad in#juvie . so duncan had to come to terms that his friend wasnt the same person he was years ago (in all stars duncan is ~18 and i think mike#is almost 20... so it had been a while since they last talked)#them getting each other like no other and being in pain because they couldnt really speak . i see them having a conversation still in moon#madness abt their past and history . god i just think abt them and their wasted potential wdym mike and duncan were in juvie together#duncan was in for trespassing or destruction of private property or something really dumb . mal fought his parent(s) and got in for assault#mal was already in when duncan was placed . and duncan was let out early on good behavior + his parents (dad) mostly did it to teach him a#lesson . wrong of them or otherwise . so mal was just kinda stuck there until they realized he was actually not right in the head . think he#knew abt their DID but was only diagnosed in juvie and had to go from there . tbh he shouldve been tried as an adult but td logic . doesnt#matter dw guys . mike gets the 'was put on random meds that made him go braindead' treatment bc that was me . post mental hospital abilify#had me messed up
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is there a way to get out of that cycle? i dont know whats right to do, keeping my feelings to myself will only lead to exploding at some point and hurt me, but sharing what i feel or think about pieces of media while not wanting to hear differing opinions- and being rly emotional affected by them and unable to ignore it alot of the time.... but also wanting to connect and not feel this lonely all the time ....... but then my opinions being dead set will lead me to being mean and feel guilty for it, doubting myself (what if I AM wrong after all) so if i cant handle that i should just keep it to myself- and im back at the start
"be yourself" can i???? should i???? myself can be mean! i can be agressive! i can explode at people! unnecessarily so! i dont want that!! i feel so guilty and embarassed! wanting to connect only with the people that feel the same as you is a silly and stupid want that will never work and yet i keep trying it anyway!! its all so contradictory!! it only pushes people away bc i can be so unpredictable and mean and yet i am unable to shut up!! i dont know what to do!! i feel guilty for it all constantly!!! i hate it!!!
#ganondoodles talks#personal#i feel like im nearing a breakdown and i dont know why!!!!!!! i keep feeling like this!!! right on the edge of emotions i dont get!! why!!#why am i like this!!!!!!!!!#my only way to talk to people and all i do is be a little shit bc i am so dead set on my stupid game opinions#in the end its right! its just a game!#i dont know what to do#keeping to yourself? bad!#talking about game but not wanting the opposite opinion? stupid bad!#writing it where no one will see? doesnt work! bad!#being mean to people? bad!#ignoring? cant! bad!#deleting post to avoid more comments? feel guilty! bad!#delete post after replying meanly to someone? weird and bad!#by deleting post good comments gone! bad! guilty!#do something else? dont know anything! bad!#go meet freinds? dont have any! bad!#find some? dont know how! am weird! scary! bad!#all bad!!#too much feel! bad!#wish i could just turn off the 'emotion' switch#and just turn into an art maschine that never says anythign stupid and just 'works'
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r u the grew up poor never being able to buy the little things in life u always wanted as a kid so now u buy whatever little thing u want as an adult and struggle with saving for the big mandatory thing,
or the grew up poor never being able to buy the little things in life u always wanted as a kid so now u just never buy anything small bcs u had to learn to live without it and constantly try to save for the next big thing in 500 yrs
#everyones been asking what i wanted for my bday and i always say nothing#like i hate the feeling of getting somebody smthing just to get them smthing like personally#it needs to come from the heart for me. if it's for smthing big like a bday#now like getting someone a coffee judt to get them one on a random day is dif bcs it's just smthin random on a random day i can understand#but idk like as a kid into adulthood the only bday my relatives / guardians have ever celebrated was my adopted brother's n my dad's#the dad bcs hes a hyperconservative dictator lol n the older adopted bro is cus hes got higher needs#so everybody gets more money taking care of him n stuff so u gotta act like u care abt him according to the guardians#but like i never even knew bdays were that big to people. like i mean i know OTHER PEOPLES bdays are big to them#i find ppl who rlly love their bdays to be rlly cute. like i dont think theyre selfish or make fun of em cus theyre judt having fun#n like u only get one x yr bday so have fun with it!!#but for ME? my bday was never anything special n i dont think it is now#everybody feels bad or smthing for me or for not getting me nothing today but it's like?? this is the norm??? im cool with it#ive been thinking abt other stuff like i just dont have time to think abt the pleasures rn. i have to double on the pain or smthing#like my friends always laugh abt how i dont drink coffee/tea or alcohol bcs u cant be in the medical field without a lil smn smn#& it's like idk ! i like ppl that do do that kinda stuff but like! i never grew up with that & it just feels odd to do it now kinda thing#idk im very cheap but also i will use the fact that im cheap on the small stuff to justify wanting to make a big purchase#i have a weird relationship with buying things for myself vs for others like 4 others i will buy watever u want bro#sugar papi ted#hey heres this idk insert raccoon bracelet bcs u like raccoons n love wearing bracelets so i thot of u n bought it#but if i buy smthing for me it has to have a dual purpose or smthing#i got to have a free dessert today n chose the churros over the tres leches cake slicr cus u can judt make the cake#but i dont own a deep fryer so i cant make churros n storebought churros just arent the same#like im just always idk comparing or needing to know the use of things yanno#if i do smthing. i have to see it thru. & it has to have multi purpose#i mean just look at my username jrue ships or jrue's hips like#im unwell when it comes to that#idk is anyone else like this#anyways yea this whole new thing of getting stuff on one day is hard for me like it just never matches up with my time#of course ill see stuff id like to have but like. ill just make myself forget it n by the time stuff like this rolls up it's like idk#i COULD get a new laptop but i got one that works just fine. i got an ipad on its last legs but can i still turn it on? alright
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i think its weird that i have to make this disclaimer but the internet is crazy so wtvr,, anyway,,
if i say i dont like something, that doesnt mean "that thing is bad and nobody should post it.."
i swear literally every time i even mention that i dislike something, people will go "wow does that mean u fucking hate me cuz i post that thing? ur a fucking stupid bitch and all ur opinions r wrong" LIKE ?? er.. no. just because i say i dont like certain characterizations of certain characters (the saiki k fandom is CRAZY about this cuz i can state an opinion on literally any character and a group of people will still go 'well only we're allowed to post our opinions about them because we're always right!1!1!'), or certain ship tropes (mentioned my hatred of toxic yaoi maybe once or twice on here months ago and people STILL get mad at me as if i said toxic yaoi lovers r evil or something), or certain ships, or WHATEVER, does not mean that i HATE the people who are posting them or that i think they shouldnt post them at all, NO, im just posting about my personal tastes on my personal blog and it would be extremely weird and hypocritical if i decided that i was the ONLY person that was allowed to do that,,
i think the only reason people assume that is because there are a lot of other people on here who ARE like that, and a lot of people toe the line between posting that they dont like something and posting that they think everyone who likes that thing is stupid, annoying, and wrong,, so i guess all i can say is, sorry for whatever made you make these assumptions but they arent true about me so plz leave me alone ʘ‿ʘ ur doing the same thing to me that ur accusing me of but i didnt do it in the first place so ur just actively being a dick for no reason
#crazy that the mindset some people on here have is that theyre the only ones allowed to post their opinions#ive repeated this a lot on this blog but i rlly think people forget that the person on the other side of the screen is in fact a person#if ur harassing people and publicly making fun of them then ur just as bad as any real life bully#that shit isnt as funny or harmless as u like to pretend it is#not once have i ever targetted anyone or went on someones blog to harass them over my opinion#yet people think its fine to do the same to me and treat it as if its like. revenge or something#like ? me saying 'i dont like toxic yaoi' is not equivalent to someone going on someone elses page and going 'how tf do u like toxic yaoi'#I DONT CARE !! all ive ever done is sit in my own little bubble and had opinions and that makes people mad#honestly though the people who will publicly talk and post abt it are significantly meaner#and i want to act like im not bothered by it because i know most of them r just angry that someone has a different opinion#and they want all their followers to bandwagon off of them (idk why maybe for validation or whatever-same reasons anyone would bully)#but seriously if u actually do think that something i said was out of line and crossed thise boundaries- just fucking tell me ?#im a person bro. ur solution to disagreeing with me shouldnt be 'lol im gonna post abt this and make everyone harass them'#have a conversation with me dude i dont bite ? if u cant talk to me like a person then just dont fucking say anything wtf#its so cowardly to be like 'well no i didnt wanna say anything to u cuz i didnt wanna be rude.. so instead i publicly made fun of u!'#LIKE WHATTTT STOPPPPP </3333#ok anyway this post wasnt supposed to get THAT serious.#MY POINT IS just be considerate of other people and dont base ur hatred off of assumptions#ur deflecting the blame onto someone else because u dont want to admit that ur just a fucking bully lol#being inconsiderate on here is something ive also been guilty of back when i first joined the fandom and was clueless#but grown ass adults who have been on here way longer r still doing that shit which is crazy#and i cant say anything because they have so much leverage over me and idk if its on purpose or if they dont even realize#ok im putting fandom tags cuz i want people to see this sorry. this is my one post thats actually targetted but its at a lot of people#so if u look at this and think 'hey i do that' pls evaluate urself<3#i mean its also targetted at everyone who does this anonomously so i dont know who it is OKOK IM DONE BYE SORRY HOPE THIS IS UNDERSTANDABLE#watch nobody read this fr#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#meows post
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i genuinely don't mean this in a like. condescending way. but reading people talk about how Confusing and Nonsensical and Overpacked boy and the heron is make me feel insane. every single plot point is clearly spelled out; frankly, one of my only critiques of the movie is that i wish they'd left some of it LESS clear. yes, the second half is rich in dreamlike fantasy, but the story never breaks its own rules, and before every major reveal in the fantasy world theres an extremely obvious explanation — almost too on the nose to even call it foreshadowing — from somebody. like i just don't understand how anybody finds it impossibly confusing and weird and bad to engage with
#rain speaking!#ive seen ppl be like 'anything not spoonfed to the audience will confuse ppl' but it DOES spoonfeed a lot of itself to the audience!#mahito outright calls out that kiriko in the fantasy world is the same one as in the real world just at a different time#himi and mahito outright have a conversation about what their relationship is#the grannies tell mahitos dad exactly whats going on with himi in the fantasy world#and that scene was the only moment i sat in the audience and felt a little twinge of unhappiness#i was like 'oh man theyre just explaining the magic rules thats no fun' only to then come out and see ppl be like#IT DOESNT MAKE ANY SENSE THEY DONT EXPLAIN ANYTHING!!!!!#boy and the heron spoilers /#i dont mean this in some I Am Better At Media Than Everyone Else i just genuinely feel crazy#it feels like we watched different movies#this is how i felt after nope too seeing ppl be like The Chimp Thing Didnt Make Any Sense
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i love the penumbra podcast and i love second citadel and i really enjoyed listening to the finale but i feel. weird about the way this show treats its female characters???
#as in... in a show that prides itself on defying gender boundaries and heteronormativity it still seems to frequently push its female and#genderfluid characters to the side? and ik it can't really be called bury your gays in a podcast where most of the characters are queer#(and i also do think it is important for a narrative to give character the endings that make sense rather than prioritising keeping alive#those who weren't meant to live past the end of the story so i'm not necessarily saying that it's sexist#or that caroline and quanyii should have lived for the mere fact of them being second citadel's only lesbian characters)#but it still does feel off somehow? i don't feel that it's easy to say that they were used as a vessel through which to keep the other#characters alive but i just ?????? i don't know if this is something that anyone else feels? i love tragedy in fiction but it just feels#as if this doesnt mean anything...i can see in part how their character arcs were complete but they deserved to have their happy ending and#rather than feeling the devastation of tragedy after having listened to this episode i only feel mild frustration that they weren't able to#live to see the world that they helped save? i think i will have to think of it as a once and future king thing where when olala rises so#too will caroline#i have had complicated feelings about this whole podcast for the last season or so but i can't tell if it is genuinely the podcast or if it#is just the fact that i dont need it as much as i used to and that my love for it hasnt lessened that instead my heart has just grown#bigger around it#so maybe im completely off base with this and that its just an extension of my weird feelings about almost all of season 5 in general but#hmm#also i did not care for caroline that much through the best part of this podcast so its not as though i am annoyed about her dying because#i loved her so much because honestly i didn't love her as much as i wanted to (or as much as i loved olala and quanyii and rilla)#and also!!! it was nice that they were able to be together and have closure!!!! i think it was well done in a general sense i just ???#i can't articulate it any clearer than this#second citadel#tpp#tpp spoilers#the penumbra podcast#the penumbra podcast spoilers
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i miss horses
#horseback riding is insanely expensive in big cities though#idk if ive talked about it here but i did do horseback riding for i think six? or seven years? something like that#i was super lucky i got to do that bc i was able to get my equipment 2nd hand and#and my mom had 2 jobs and she thinks every kid should have at least one sports hobby and#she knew how much being able to do riding would mean to me so she made it happen and#it did so good for me so i'm very thankful#*did so much good#man i was in such a good shape when i still did riding. by good shape i mean great ass.#anyways i was even pretty good at it. the coach always wabted me to compete but i was like#''hmm no ♡'' bc i didnt want to have to learn and remember what to do at which point#i do sometimes think about what if i started competing#probably not much bc idk if it works with someone elses horse but hey i could have gotten ribbons#anyways i miss it#i dont think i could even get on a horse anymore. i need to start stretching regularly#also im probably too heavy to ride a lot of horses#but i want to brush a horse so bad rn#pretty recently after i stopped riding someone asked me if i did ride bc they could see it on the way i carry myself#which was interesting but i get what they meant#sigh my posture was so much better too#also im kinda scare i wouldnt bounce back from falling like i did when i was younger#it's a miracle i never broke anything or worse#leevi talks
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🫖🐭☁️🍚
#so i did meet my old friend from years ago yesterday. i was sooooo nervous omgggg. and i was waiting outside the café we agreed on#and then saw them walk in and i was like omgggg. the anxiety... but then i gathered courage and walked towards it and thry saw me thru the#window and came out and immediately hugged me. then they were like 'omg i've been so nervous. even more than before like a date!!'#so that made me relax a bit. i feel like i dont really fully estimate what i mean to them. maybe they care about me as well haha !!#then we just got our stuff and i chose a smoothie and was ready to pay but they just got it with their stuff (they work at this chain so#they got a discount). i feel so so bad & anxious when someone else pays for me. like i feel like a burden#but i asked twice if i should send them money for it and they were like no that's fine. so i had to tell myself to just shut up abt it 🥲#bc if u keep asking u make it into a thing and make them uncomfortable etc. so i really appreciated that and it was nice even if i felt bad#but yeah then we just sat down and talked. and it was so much easier to talk to them than i had been worried abt#like it flew nicely and yeah.. i feel like i forgot a lot abt them. like they're good at conversating. so they kept it going & even if i was#awkward it was fine for them. i did however get swept up in my own anxiety so as they asked me questions i answered#but then was too whirlwindy so i didnt really ask as much back and there were things i wanted to ask but didnt :')))#then they had cards and a card game with them. so we played for a bit too. and it was a lot of fun!!! (i was anxious and kinda slow lmao#bc when i dont know smth or the rules etc already my brain stops working so yeah.. even if it was simple games i was like um um what do i do#felt stupid but yeah again they didnt do anyhing to contribute to me feeling stupid but i still felt slow >.<#but i still thought that was so much fun. i wanna do more of that T-T like yeah...that was nice#then we took a lil longer walk to a bus stop before hastily said goodbye bc the busses came T-T#it was really really really nice tho. i have missed them a lot#and i didnt .. think we would ever see eachother again. i really didnt think this could happen#im so glad i somehow got brave enough to message them and im so so glad they wanted to see me too#i cant help but wish i could go back to when we were younger#and we spent every day in school together and messaged during the days and evenings and spent sm time together#when we went into the city like several times a week and took long walks. ahh... well. im glad we got to have those moments#& idk what will happen now. i really really want to see them again. even if we'll never be that close friends again i'd *wish* that we could#still be in touch. but im so bad at replying which doesnt go over great with them.. i'll try my best to reply quicker to them#*if* they message me. sadly i cant erase my avpd but i'll try my best to reply faster if and when they message)#they also complimented my sweater i was wearing (which is my fav sweater) !!!! and yeah.. they looked so cool. which they always have#and i kept thinking abt how nice their eye makeup was (i was too shy to compliment it tho bc im really bad at like 'nice' affectionate and#anything feeling related. like im so bad... so i couldnt say anything </3)#ugh it was just so nice to sit and talk with them. im so glad i went despite my fears. bc this was so good and nice :')))
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Honestly, having multiple older customers at my job encourage me to vote by telling me that "it's between freedom (trump) or socialism (harris)" or some other "vote trump" talking point has genuinely encouraged me to vote far more than any "vote blue" posts on this hellsite ever have. Like fuck yeah I'll vote for socialism cheers comrade
#simon says#obviously harris is not a socialist in any sense of the term#but old republicans think anything left of republican is socialism so it's really funny#like bb i dont think you know what socialism is#it has happened MULTIPLE times now#where someone gives me an passionate speech to vote for trump specifically while im working#and it just makes me very spiteful#i cannot understate just how much I HATE vote blue posts#everything about them is just annoying condescending mean and sometimes genuinely uninformed and often times very uncritical#every time I see a vote blue post it pushes me ever so further to voting 3rd party#but when a customer stops the conversation about cat products to evangelize about voting republican?#oh that will convince me more than anything else to vote bc they make it WAY more appealing#like they're genuinely nice and encouraging despite the bad political takes so it makes me feel good about voting#but they're also trying to get me to vote republican so hard that they end up making the other side look better than they are#idk it's hard to put into words
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alright i finished this so i need to celebrate my accomplishment (???) by sharing it to the world
BETTER versions of my trio designs. because boo boo the other old ones were BORING and TOO SIMPLE and lowhighkey UGLY. i had no idea what i was thinking when i made this but i guess design notes before to see if i can figure out what the fuck these mean 💀
killer🔪:3
he got a GLOW UP!!! when i was figuring him out i was thinking like. this man needs to look combat ready he CANNOT look chill and relaxed he MUST look good to fight. killer can't catch a break 💀 anyways. it's ALSO not revealing (⁎˃ᴗ˂⁎) because i feel he would NOT wear that stuff cmon flirty =/= revealing. his charms are found through his words and actions (stabbing someone through the heart) (speaking of the heart i couldn't be bothered to draw his soul mb)
the gloves/shirt/leggings under his clothes may LOOK seperate. but its actually all one big piece!!! because i thought it would be silly and funny :3 but like on a serious note i like this because it provides an extra layer of protection (both in a fight and not) and like. a sense of anonymity i guess??? like you can't see killer's natural body you cant SEE who he was before because hes changed that much (or i guess HE cant see who he was b4 wtvr)
actually a lot of killer's outfit has meaning behind it. knee pads = unnatural body imitation killer is a whole new being now not monster (also adding 2 the combat look :3) belts = restraint killer needs to stay in line and do as he's ordered (i needed some visual interest 💀) zippers on shoes?? actually no meaning i just thought it would be cute. somehow i managed to find meanings 4 all of the trio's zippers. killer's is jammed in that spot. show like idk he is irreversibly changed to what he is now (a lot of this makes no sense)
horror 🪓 :3
if you remove all the rips in the clothes he'd be the most basic out of all of them. but theyre there so he's NOT the most basic! 4 horror i was thinking like "you can see he's fucked up but you can also see he's desperately trying to keep it together" type feel. i totally didnt steal those under socket lines (thank you mania and paranoia for donating to your og versions :3) to make horror look more 🌀🌀🌀 (cannot describe it)
the cloak was stolen from undyne trust. he wears it as a power move FUCK YOU!!! to her :3 also it looks royal and regal which could kinda show like horror's power and sway over snowdin. he's DEFINITELY not a king but he is a provider and a lot of what he says goes around those parts. a lot of ppl look to him as like world's shittiest leader(ish). also i just wanted him to have something unique!
underneath horror's jacket his shirt is reaaaally torn he should probably replace it. there are some holes from when he was pinned down with spears during the core incident and then the whole lower half is just totally torn off from that one comic 💀 but thats why the jacket is zipped up! however the zipper broke and now the jacket can't unzip! (because horror struggles with the fact that horrortale ISNT gonna be perpetually shitty (everyone say thanks aliza) and would rather nobody see him vulnerable)
dust🧣:3
i didn't change much about him lowkey he's pretty much wearing the same CLOTHES. just that the style and way he's wearing them changed. wanted him to give like,,,,, comfy (because bro did not change out of his sansish clothes) but also like FOCUSED o(≧口≦)o like horror he has the under socket line but thats just to make him look more stressed and tired
i moved around the scarf to NOT be around his neck bc it was sooo annoying drawing the hood and then having to account for the scarf. it kind gave him a baby face vibe which i did NOT like. also i think dust would wear the scarf however. very versatile as long as the scarf remains intact. so it COULD go around waist COULD be around neck COULD be around limbs
i didn't mean to do this but the black thingy around his shoulders (was originally there just to fill in the empty space without the scarf there 💀) could be seen as like mourning wear. again with the silly zipper symbolism but dust's zipper is fine its not broken like horror or killer's are because he chose to go down this path. dust CHOSE to zip it up and now its too late to go back now (so bro MUST power through ‼️‼️ he cant unzip the zipper now!!!!)
overall i like these. usually i like coming up with cool unique character designs its so fun but my trio was hard (im hard). probably bc i didnt wanna make then wear anything too weird Dx BUT NOW AT LEAST THEY ALL LOOK LESS BABY!!!! i think i depicted how i see them though like ughhh cannot explain but now they look like how i want them to sound
#i love love LOVE the cloak i gave horror its so fun and silly#it makes him feel so much more im better than you superior asshole vibes#these were inspired by like some old mtt but girl drawings i made a year ago and never showed anyone#so like. i feel like it shouldve been MORE fem looking than the olds ones but surprisingly not#they look gender neutral now!!!! YES!!!!!! mtt just skeletons could look fem or masc but i dont think they would#so they wear clothing in between!!! besides if i wanted to make them girly i have jk fashion au for that#i said no slutty killer but i feel that way for all of them. they wouldn't go around shirtless or wearing tight clothing#they are covered up i swear. none of these fucks are comfortable enough with themselves and anyone else to wear anything revealing#me when i see killer or horror with no shirt on (PUT ON A SHIRT!!! ESPECIALLY KILLER!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING SHIRTLESS THAT EXPOSES YOUR SOUL#and horror's probably scrawny and his bones are brittle so why would be expose them to the elements even more 😭😭 AND he lives in snowdin#something something dust and horror have more classic similar smiles while killers isnt#i was just bullshitting with the mourning outfit dust thing but from the upper half he lowkey does look like it#like a grief stricken depressed maiden. what a surprise that he feels bad after killing everyone he loves#i drew killer with knives here but what i really wanted to draw were like chained blades. sickles. a sword. other blades than just a knife#i actually was gonna draw my trio with different weapons 😭😭 but then i got sidetracked and just drew them with different clothes#when i was drawing dust i was like OH SHIT HE LOOKS WAAAAY TOO MUCH LIKE CLASSIC SANS.#it was unnerving. this is why i give them all different eye shapes to differentiate them!#now they all look more serious and grown up. even tho theyre all grown adult fucking men and damn horror's like 30#dust and killer look more ready to fight and horror looks more like. authoritative???? idk but its a good look 4 then#i desillyfied them. i /srsed them. i got rid of all the fun and whimsy but its ok i guess. maybe these will be easier to draw at least#UGHHH now i have to memorize these designs. only downside.....#now they all dont look similar or like branches of eachother. idk how to feel about that#prior they were clearly all connected. like a precure team they had differences but the overall vibe was the same#does this mean i have to change the mst's outfits to fit with the mtt's now 😭😭 dont wanna!! i dont wanna redraw the mst!!!#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#utmv#tricule art
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