#understand it more than any of his exes (none of whom had any problems with buck

[epiphainie]

i can't with all these "the show is highlighting tommy's jealousy, they're planting seeds that it will cause problems" takes like bffr. he mentioned being envious over the 118's dynamic twice, sure, but in what world (literally how?) would that cause a relationship problem? do yall expect him to be in cahoots with gerrard behind their back and murder buck to take over his life or something?? like even with the hyperbole aside, i genuinely cannot see how they can turn this into relationship drama without going against everything they showed us with tommy so far

[ateez-himari]

WORK PART 4. LEAKED FOOTAGE

The most recent collaboration between ATEEZ and G-Eazy reportedly saw opposition from the group's youngest producing member.

August 10, 2024 (5:27PM)

Many netizens were taking to social media to express their dislike for the new collaboration with American rapper G-Eazy which remixed their latest title track, and from footage leaked by an anonymous staff member it seems as though one of the group's own producers was not keen on its release either. According to the poster, the context lies in the fact that despite the rapper line along with their maknae being heavily responsible for their discography none of them were made aware of the feature artist's verse ahead of time, finding out only during the listening session.

In the rather lengthy video the vocalist was filmed talking with someone assumed to be part of the rapper's producing team, while holding the lyric sheet and pointing out several lines looking rather displeased, an expression which is rare to see on the otherwise calm idol. While no fluctuation in tone is heard there is clear anger in the gesture, an emotion that could at first be associated with nothing more than an entitled tantrum, yet as the camera drew closer netizens were able to understand the reason behind such outrage.

'I'm sorry but there's no need for the lyrics to be so outwardly sexual in a song like this, especially not in the context of the verse. We have some suggestive lyrics in some tracks but they actually make sense, this doesn't, it's just sexual for the sake of it.' She can be heard saying. 'It isn't a place for him to solve his personal problems either, I don't see how any of this was necessary in a track that's about working and making money.'

Netizens confused about what personal issues were being referred to rapidly understood after some research that lines five to six were likely allusions to the rapper's ex partner, Halsey, whom the maknae is acquainted with through her older brother which would explain the confrontation about these specific words. The unnecessarily sexual lyric spoken of in his verse was the line 'her insides, I could rearrange her' following the allusion to a woman claiming she could not be saved, things that are indeed completely unrelated to the song's main message of working towards riches.

The criticism sparked a conversation surrounding the issues that the members had only been sent their own translated lyrics prior to recording, although this seemed rather one sided as the rapper's representative claimed that it was impossible to change due to the song already having been finished. Hearing this statement the maknae instantly asked for the cancellation of its release, which also turned out to be an impasse with announcements of the collaboration having already been sent out on social media platforms.

Although some have denounced this behavior claiming that there was no reason to act confrontational over such a thing and that it should have been handled more maturely, most praised such an adherence to principles. Those defending the vocalist reminded everyone that the production line was nearly entirely responsible for the creation of this track, which made it unfair to them that the song was modified in a manner unacceptable to them without any notice. It was also later discovered that this remix was the only one in which she had zero involvement even in leading recording sessions, calling into question whether there may have been some prior issues between the two artists that simply went ignored by removing her from production. Feel free to leave your thoughts down below.

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[taylor-on-your-dash]

GIRLZ HOLLAND - PUBLISHED ON JANUARY 7, 2011

I'm slowly (very slowly) transcribing Taylor's interviews for my Interviews Timeline, and I came across some interviews in foreign languages on TaylorPictures.net, like this one. This is an experiment, I randomly picked one and I "translated" them with Google Translate (I can translate Italian and German but I can't speak any more languages).

An interesting thing about this interview is Taylor saying that all of her relationship from the previous year had failed. It's crazy to think that All Too Well was in the making. Translation below the cut, and Happy belated Easter!

-The boys lie in rows at your feet. Has it always been that way?

LOVETALK MEETS TAYLOR SWIFT

Taylor Swift (21) is a tough chick who is not afraid to approach nice guys. After relationships with Taylor Lautner and Joe Jonas, she is now often spotted with Jake Gyllenhaal, but Taylor is saying nothing about it for the time being. She does talk a lot about one of her favorite topics: loooove!

-'Not actually, no. I really didn't have much success in love in the past. It was so bad that out of insecurity I paired the boys I liked with my girlfriends. I managed to arrange dates for everyone except myself. The advantage of this was that I became friends with all the boys at school, but on the other hand, that was of course not really fun. Sometimes I fell in love with a boy who mainly saw me as a BFF and then fell in love with someone else. Then I could cry..."

-You must have been very popular at school with all that matching work!

-'No. it was not! The girls at my school were a bit bitchy and they were very jealous because I was so good with the boys. They also bullied me because of my... glasses with thick lenses. I have pretty bad eyesight and was regularly called 'Jampot'. Actually, I didn't really fit in anywhere, because I was very different from all my classmates. I was pretty quiet in class and kept busy writing lyrics. I didn't really care what they thought of me. Somehow I was just sure that I would eventually go further than everyone else.

-Which type of guys do you actually like?

-'I don't have one specific type, but I mainly like guys who have a passion. I find someone who loves his job or is completely absorbed in a certain hobby very attractive. I used to think it was especially cool if a boy had a nice car, wore cool clothes and all that. looked good. Now none of that matters to me anymore. I am especially looking for a boy with a strong character, whom I can trust completely."

-But your famous ex-boyfriends aren't exactly ugly, right?

-'Um… that's true. But I find someone Not really ugly anyway. And of course it's no problem if my future boyfriend is the biggest hunk in town. I just want to point out that the appearance is not the first thing I fall for. On the other hand, Chace Crawford is a guy I won't say no to! In short, like everyone else, appearance is partly decisive for me, but in a bad way I lose character very quickly. And besides, in the end, handsome boys just become old grandpas with dentures."

-Are famous boys an advantage or a turn-off for you?

-That in itself doesn't really matter to me. It usually clicks more quickly with someone who is also in the world. For other boys, my fame is often clearly something puts them off a bit. It makes me very uncomfortable when they find out who I am and then start praising me. Boys who are also in the spotlight will understand that faster. I'd rather be treated like an ordinary girl than a superstar.

-What kind of guys can't stand you?

-'I am very sensitive and I talk a lot. What I really hate are guys who have nothing to say and just say "yes" or "hmm" to everything. Those closed types who don't talk about anything are of no use to you. And what I also find a turn-off are guys who drink a lot and want to go out every weekend. I'm a bit of a homebody and I like it if the other person can be the same every now and then.'

-Do you dare to tell your friends if you don't like their new lover?

-'Absolutely! Isn't that why you're friends? When you are in love, you often look through rose-colored glasses. Then some properties are not noticeable. My friends are everything to me. If done right, they will last longer than any crush."

-As a former queen of couples, do you have any good tips for seducing someone?

-'Just because I'm a good matchmaker doesn't mean I'll make anything of it, right? Last year all my relationships failed. When it comes to love, I have no idea how to go about it. That is different in every situation, so I would actually advise: just go with your feeling. Last time I jumped straight into the deep end. That was great and very exciting, but in the end it also hurt me a lot. The time before I worked carefully and exploratively and it didn't yield anything for me. That also hurts quite a lot, I can tell you.'

-What do you think is the best cure for a broken heart?

-'You just have to do a lot of things that make you very happy. I am also very optimistic. A sad day. being is fine, but inside I know that the sun will shine again. For the rest I write everything down. That's why so many of my songs are about broken loves.'

-Do you regret some things that have happened to you in the area of ​​love?

-'No, I wouldn't have missed all my adventures for anything. These were all important life lessons that I will benefit from in the future. So I don't regret anything.

Which love lesson has been the most important so far?

-"I've learned that nothing is set in stone. That's a terrible conclusion for someone like me, who likes to plan and organize. But love can't be forced. You can want it to last forever, but before you know it, it can It has to come from both sides and both parties have to be fully committed to it.'

-In other words: love is...

-'Like a dice. Love cannot be predicted. Sometimes you roll a six in one go, sometimes only after ten rolls!'

[livia-dovehallow]

I extremely doubt Matthew would ever end up with Grace.

I’m not going to entertain these Grace ships anymore and leave it to you and this anon (Whom I respect just disagree with) but ONE teeny tiny problem you’re ignoring is that…morals matter in friendships, with family more importantly and parabatai. Matthew would never be set to date his parabatai’s ex girlfriend of four years that controlled his mind for four years, and kissed Matthew against his Will too, the same goes for Kit accept he’s James’ cousin.

Idk if we all just date our cousin or bestfriends ex’s but usually that’s a little looked down upon and damages relationships due to how messy it is. They’re also all in a friend group together so they’d be bringing Grace as their girl with James around? James will forgive her I’m sure because he’s James, but I don’t know if he’d tolerate that. It’s ooc for any of these characters to do this and I don’t think either will happen. I think we’ll just see her and Kit bond a bit, if he does flirt with her..he’s going to get alot of hate..so let’s hope that won’t be the case.

you're right anon, and i did not address that in my statement, so i do apologize for that. i do think you bring up excellent points here

the moral and ethical complications of friendships/family definitely come into play here. to your point, yes, James will probably forgive Grace at some point because, as you said, he's James, but as for the others, it's more unlikely

out of all of them, i do think kit (and maybe lucie? idk yet) would be the ones to understand James's choice a bit more quickly than the others considering their own relationships with Grace but the situation with Matthew is definitely the most complicated out of all of them

it's hard to argue a case here because i'm not very interested in matthew, james, or cordelia (i'm a side character kind of reader), so i don't particularly focus on all the intricate details of them that some other fans might, but none of these characters are perfect. all of them have made stupid mistakes and have been shitty friends at one point or another (the difference though between a shitty friend and a friend that makes a shitty mistake is one will own up and apologize for it and the other won't)

i'll refer to thomstair. it's an extremely popular ship in the fandom, but alastair did some shitty things to thomas and his family/friends and yet he owned up to them and apologized and has since tried to make up for what he had done. and now everybody is rooting heavily for thomstair and even matthew has come around more than he did at the start of tlh

that's not to say i am defending grace's actions, especially her actions with james and matthew, but if she's as remorseful and guilty as she portrayed at the end of choi, and in chot tries to make up for what she had done and admits to it and accepts punishment, then i don't particularly see why those in the merry thieves + friends wouldn't give grace the same (or similar) chance they gave to alastair

i understand this probably won't be a popular opinion for a lot of you, and you are absolutely free to disagree with me. i'm in no way suggesting that i am right about anything, especially since i do invest more of my attention and dedication to TID and those characters, but the TLH kids have turned out drastically differently than most of us probably expected them to be and we have to acknowledge that as well (Anna being a prime example)

[panlight]

i think one of meyer's biggest problems (i mean aside from the obvious) is that to her, the characters in her book that aren't bella and edward are just set dressing. she doesn't understand that anybody could see esme, for example, as a tragic character whose human life was defined by loss and abuse, because to her, she's just a plot device. she's The Mom, full-stop. jacob's imprinting doesn't register as horrifying because renesbait is the perfect daughter who deserves the perfect happy ending (a doting husband and probably kids), and jacob is just perfect for her! he's big and strong and loyal, and he won't age and die on her! she doesn't seem to get that people could see these characters as anything other than vehicles for bella and edward's story (and renesbait's, down the line). she has exactly one (1) story that she wants to tell, and anything else is just flavor text.

though to be fair, this started as her personal fantasy. when she got a book deal, she then had to go and beef up the story, which i think is where a lot of the worst stuff comes from.

Yeah, pretty much this.

And this is why romance novels and rom-coms that focus on just one couple (vs an ensemble like Love Actually or something), usually have a pretty limited cast because, who cares? The point is the relationship between the two leads, you don't really need or want anything else. Maybe a quirky or sassy friend (Alice) and a rival (Jacob) or some sort of inconvenient girlfriend/fiancee/ex (sort of Tanya? but not really) and that's all you really need. Family might exist for funny meeting-the-parents scenes but you don't need a backstory on the parents. You don't need a backstory on the quirky friend.

But after she invented Edward, she said she couldn't imagine him without a family. He MUST have a sister like Alice. But that's not enough. SM is from a big family, Edward deserves a big family, so then she invents all these other characters to be The Mom and The Father Figure/Mentor, then The Big Brother. Then oops, Quirky Sister and Big Brother need romantic partners, so here comes Mean Sister and The Vampire-y One. And now you have this huge cast with thinly sketched (but interesting!!!) histories that she doesn't plan to actually DO much of anything with, they just exist to be The Family. None of them have a story arc of their own. I mean I guess there's sort of "Rosalie learns to like Bella" but that's still Bella-centric and is more about Bella's fantasy of a perfect forever family. Does Jasper improve his control? Is Alice vicariously living through Bella's human experiences meaningful? Does Carlisle successfully convince others to try vegetarianism? Who knows, who cares, not the point.

And then she just keeps adding more characters! The cast of the Twilight novels is huge; it's like a Harry Potter universe of characters when the storyline is a pretty insular romance. She invents all these fascinating characters who can turn into wolves and then again, doesn't follow through with anything. Does Leah find peace? Do she and Emily mend their friendship? Who is Embry's father? Doesn't matter. Not relevant to Bella's story.

There's the Volturi, who at first to seem to be about world building and lore, but then they just sit on there thrones so much they've started to petrify. They literally don't do anything! And again, to tell this story you maybe need like one leader and one scary weaponized vamp, but we get THREE leaders and a whole bunch of named vampires with different powers who again, never really get to do much of anything. What's the point of the history between Amun and Demetri when it's never mentioned at all?

Then all the visiting vampires. She obviously LOVES Garrett and Benjamin, you can just feel the "aren't these characters SO COOL?!" pulsing through the page. But other than Garrett's big speech [which feels weird because we only just met this guy. Usually a character who had been there since the beginning would have this moment, a moment that we had been building up to for four books. Maybe Carlisle gets to make his final plea for vegetarianism. Maybe Esme, always quiet, always on the sidelines, steps forward and surprises everyone with her defense of her family and their way of life. Maybe Jasper, the one who wasn't totally sold on this diet, who wouldn't have tried it at all if not for his gift basically forcing him to, gives an impassioned speech from the POV of a former human-blood-drinker that appeals to the other vampires better than any of the veggie-from-the-start Cullens could. But no, it's Garrett, whom we met like 50? 100? pages ago, but since we're told he's a Revolutionary, and a Patriot, that's all the weight we need], none of them really matter or do anything. Benjamin could have left Amun in the end and that would have been something, but, no. It's still Bella's shield that gets all the credit for saving the day. It's still her story and her fantasy. And that's fine! Certainly there are plenty of male-centered power fantasies where some average guy turns out to be the chosen one and better at something than the people who have trained for it for years and gets love and power in the end.

It's just weird that the story she wanted to tell was pretty much just Bella and Edward Fall in Love and Get Married and Bella is the Best Vampire and yet she invented all these other characters without giving them any larger purpose. They have backstories that SEEM relevant but never go anywhere. Esme having met Carlisle when she was a human teen never comes up. Carlisle's mother dying in childbirth is never mentioned during the debates over Bella's pregnancy. Emily's scars are clearly supposed to be a warning about the dangers of being involved with supernatural beings, but it's a warning Bella ignores (and that's not even getting into using the suffering of an Indigenous character to teach a white girl a lesson). Leah's dad only died so Edward could be confused about 'the funeral' and think it was Bella's; it's never really brought up otherwise. There's no reason the rest of the pack has to be so crappy to her, it doesn't go anywhere. How much would the main story really change if Edward were the only vampire and Jacob the only wolf? Sure, some plot beats would be different without Alice to predict things, or without the tension between the Sam and Jacob factions in BD, but overall you could tell basically the same story without literally everyone else.

[lovee-infected]

This is a weird thought, but what do you think the state of mental health treatment is in the TWST universe. We joke about Yuu being the school counselor, but the fact there isn't one at the school always struck me as odd. Not only that, some of the characters show some signs of mental health issues. Leona shows signs of depression. Idia might have an anxiety disorder. Jamil shows signs of PTSD-C. Silver has Narcolepsy. That's not the half of it. p1

Now this is a very interesting idea to discuss anon! I've seen this discussion regarding twst guys' mental health being brought up before so I'd like to get into the details. I guess I'd better use some real life references as well to clear my point!

First off, about the school counselor, do they even exist? Well although there was nothing mentioned about NRC having a counselor, I'd say that they most likely do because there's one in almost any school, and NRC as well is a famous and well-known school so lack of crucial school facilities such as having a counselor is far from mind. But the problem is, having a counselor isn't going to change everything.

Let me give you an example, during school and middle school I got to see plenty of other students having mental illnesses, serious issues, anxiety and enormous traumas. But not all of them had their way to the counselor's office, dare to say most of them didn't even try to talk to anyone including the counselor. And that's why having a counselor isn't enough; there's no point in there being a counselor if the students themselve don't go to them.

Now let's talk about the boys' mental state itself. We all agree that not all of them are in a pleasant mental status, from the severe results of their past lifes and hard childhoods to their unhealthy personality and manners. Some of them are dangerously manipulative (ex: Jade, Rook), some can be quite heartless and sadistic at the time (ex: Azul, Riddle, Leona), some are known for openly sadistic, causing troubles and injuring the rest if the students (ex: Ruggie) and some are found to be in pain because of their unwanted past and childhood traumas last. (ex: Leona, Idia, Azul) and lots of more cases you can name.

The biggest problem with such severe cases is how they seem to be totally unaware of their unhealthy acts. They've got a villainous nature too in general, so even if they feel like there's something wrong with what they're doing they won't necessary go to a counselor or ask for help in general. This is something quite common in real life as well because most of those who're struggling with mental issues are either unaware of it or unwilling to let anyone help them with it.

But since it's twst and NOT the real world which we're talking about...we should keep this in mind thaf they weren't supposed to be good in the first place!

I mean- just think of the game's official quote: "Welcome to Villains world", they were presented as students who have souls of the villains from the very beginning what else shouldd we expect to get-? LOL. Incomplete characters, not totally pure souls and dirty deeds are a totally expected concept to be found in the game, so we can't really question their unhealthiness because...this is how they were supposed to be all this time! Unhealthy just like villains but with more plot this time.

Well let's not forget that technically, all of the students in NRC are partly evil, otherwise they would've been sorted in other schools like RSA (Kalim and Lilia are the exceptions here, Kalim's father's money enabled him to enter NRC and Lilia technically came to NRC for Malleus, not that he needed to learn anything in NRC though).

The main thing that is making these twisted villains interesting is how they are being presented as students going to a school just like a normal teenager, the ability to make the audience relate and feel like they've been in character's shoes before makes it way more enjoyable than a gave which just throws some handsome villains with far from imagination background and unbelievable stories.

Idia would be a perfect example for this point, his design is legitimately showing what most of the teenagers look like these days. From wearing hoodies all the time and spending most of their time online to lack of real life communicating and having a low self-esteem.

We aren't going to talk about Idia now but that's basically what is happening with him, you can hear many fans saying: "I like Idia! He's such a mood" or "Man I couldn't relate to Idia anymore... He's just me" and many other compliments that show how this ability to relate to Idia and understand what it feels like to be him has made him considerably popular!

Same goes for other characters, most of them are designed to have belivable backgrounds and stories therefore which makes it very easy to relate to them. Most of them had to go through a hard time back in childhood, and so did many of us humans. From being bullied to having family issues, twst is trying to attach fans by showing how the characters have gone through the same pain as them. They aren't trying to hide that dark and unhealthy side, they want us fans to see it and feel what the characters feel.

They are indeed twisted villains because they aren't just designed to be evil; the most important part of their design is their personality and character development, they used something more than hot appearances and charming designs to make people all over the world fall for twst, they wanted the fans to feel genuinely and mentally attached to the characters as well.

Imagine going through the same trauma as Azul: being bullied as a child. It's a very common thing to happen during one's childhood yet the damage would remain for years, so when characters like Azul are being focused on, the audience can feel much better to see how that unfairness and cruelty isn't being shallowed anymore. None of our twst characters boys are perfect, and that imperfection is the main purpose of this game!

They aren't going to tell lies and give us some picture-perfect villains and all, they're going to tell us the story of the evil souls who were once pure; just as people say: “No one is born evil.” Humans can relate to the pain way more than they can relate to thr happiness, and this is what makes Twst brilliant. They aren't scared to show us that imperfection and incompleteness and once again, remind us all that no body is perfect.

Twst has used irl triggers and traumas in its character design, they crested twisted villains whom you can relate to, understand, feel attached to and love!

[maccreadysimp]

breaking down this anti-ian article bc it bothers me ( from the child of a bipolar mother and a male teen with same sex attraction ) while also providing valid reasons ian sucks ( from someone who likes ian )

ive had this drafted for a while so i dont think i cover anything from season 11

tw for i^cest and r^pe

he was with a married man

in this point it points out that he was with kash and he continued his relationship with kash even after linda put cameras in the store

“Ian didn't seem to care about how wrong his affair with Kash was or how much it could hurt Kash's wife Linda, whom he saw at the store regularly. “

that is a quote from that part.

ian gallagher was fifteen in season one, kash was an older man who bought him gifts and payed attention to ian ,, that was not on ian , none of that was ian fault because he was a child

ian wasnt open with lip

“ Ian didn't tell Lip about his preferences and forced Lip to figure it out on his own. Lip was instantly accepting of his brother's truth and even offered to help him figure out any confusion he might be harboring, so it's really strange that Ian wasn't just upfront with his closest confidant from the start.”

no , lip wasnt forced to figure it out on his own and he also wasn’t instantly accepting.

in this point it mentions that ‘they’re extremely close ( bestfriends and brothers ) so its strange ian didnt tell him’

like point 1 , ian is a fifteen year old boy, growing up on the southside , and thoughout the show it has mentioned multiple times that the southside isnt that accepting

back to lip -- lip wasnt accepting, sure he was fine but ‘helping your younger brother figure it out’ by having a (female) classmate give him a blowjob isnt helping

he secretly dated his best friends brother

“Most friends have an unspoken rule about not dating each other's siblings, but Ian broke this rule by secretly entering into a relationship with Mandy's closeted brother Mickey.”

the only thing i have to say about this is , he was still with kash and mickey was a boy in his age group who was gay , growing up in the southside ian probably thought he was the token gay so of course hes going to chase after mickey

he stood by as kash attacked mickey

“Ian didn't do anything to stop Kash from shooting his new lover, and didn't even tell the police about his boss' over-the-top display of jealous action so proper justice could be served.”

okay. because two men he had fallen for had gotten into a fight, there was a gun involved and he panicked, in the end after mickey got shot he went to him

now to address the quote, he didnt say anything to the police because he probably knew that that would bring shame onto kash and his family, along with mickey and his family who are very homophobic

oh yeah and it was like 2011 and cops suck and THEY LIVE ON THE SOUTHSIDE

he and lip tried framing terry milkovich

oh the homophobic and racist dad of his boyfriend and bestfriend who tried to kill him and r*ped his daughter ?

yeah , shit man , that was real bad they shouldn’t have done that /s

he dated jimmy-steves married father

“Ian didn't bother telling Jimmy the truth about his father and didn't end his relationship with Lloyd upon finding out that he had a secret wife and family, either.”

at this point ian is probably sixteen but that doesnt matter bc i wont even address that

he met him at a club and then used his relationship with ned to make mickey jealous which was one of the reasons he kept seeing him, he didnt tell jimmy-steve about the relationship or his father bc he shouldnt find out from him he should find out from his father , again like kash, ned was an older man who payed attention to ian and ned later did develop feelings feelings for ian

he stole lips identity to enlist in the army

he enlisted because he didnt know what to do with himself, its implied/stated that the army timeline was the start of his bipolar

“While impersonating Lip, Ian had tried to steal a helicopter and then proceeded to go AWOL.”

this is because of the bipolar he suffers from, it is referenced later in the series after he gets back and hes manic

ian refused to accept being bipolar

of course he didnt accept it, it is made very clear that his family thinks lowly of monica so of course if hes the lucky duck to get what his siblings demonize her for, of course he’ll not want to be it

“He refused to take medications that could alter his personality or mood.”

okay. this is why im making this whole post, this goes along with part 15 ( or so idk ) ,,

my mother , my dear mother, who is bipolar and doesnt take her meds because they are mood altering , my mom doesnt take med because she told me once that they make her feel like shit, she told me that a little after i was born she started taking them but realized she felt nothing, she felt nothing for my dad or for i ( making her numb )

she told me anti deppresents dont help either because when shes on them and manic it pushes her past productive and into angry

my dad told me that when my mom was on bi polar medication she would seem angry most of the time

he wasnt faitful to mickey

“Ian's bipolar disorder made him very reckless and impulsive and led him to be unfaithful.”

lets break that down.

ians. bipolar. disorder.

this plot point i actually didnt like, mainly bc ian never addresses it so ill give the article a point. but then i take away 2 because they have more of a problem with his bipolar messing with him rather than the fact he never apologized and they never worked it out

ian stole yevgeny

before i start quoting i should mention because his boyfriend, who has supported and helped him is suddenly telling him he needs help, he was helping raise yev so he’ll see yev as his own

“Ian failed to recognize just how crazy he was acting...”

cuting you off right there , he was in a bipolar state, he wasnt ‘crazy’ and isnt ‘crazy’

he cant even keep count of his number of partners

just slutshaming i see

he helped throw frank off a bridge

“His relationship with Frank was understandably never the same after that, as Frank struggled to get over this act of betrayal and cruelty.”

‘was never the same after that’ frank never liked ian, ian was probably his least favorite and that point is very apparent

also , it wasnt just ian , his siblings and his boyfriend caleb

he left a healthy relationship to be with mickey

he fell in love with mickey at 15 , mickey was a comfort and always someone to fall back on, when mickey was taken away and no longer in the picture his heart still obviously was with mickey and when mickey came back he didnt know what to do

he told mickey he had a boyfriend but because mickey has been such a constant in his life he finally has back of course he couldnt resist

he liked trevor, i could tell he did but trevor wasnt the one he watched get r^ped by a russian prostitute, he wasnt the one ian was secretly dating bc it would be a death wish other wise, he wasnt the one there when ian was manic or depressive ( at the start )

he tried blackmailing an old client for money

“Instead of raising the money in an honest manner, Ian chose to visit an old client from his time working at the Fairy Tail and blackmail him into funding the shelter.”

because he felt indebted to trevor and wanted to make it up to him, it would have taken longer to do it in ‘an honest manner’ when his sister would have gotten it instead, he knew how much gay youths like he once was needed a safe place

“He grew up wanting to be nothing like his father, but this whole money-making scheme was straight out of the Frank playbook”

because thats all he knows, he grew up with that ‘playbook’ so of course hes going to take a page out of it, he is nothing like frank , franks money making schemes are selfish and for his own greed while ian wanted the money to help build a safe space for lgbt youth

he let fame inflate his ego

of course he did, hes a southside kid who was destined to fail

also it is very apparent that during the gay jesus era he went off his medication which didnt help

“Before long, he just completely forgot about his ex and focused solely on being a deity”

as much as yes, he did let it mess with his head, he was trying to still help lgbt youth and was going against anti gay churchs , in the end it didnt work out for him because he was off his meds and went over board

he stopped taking his meds

see previous point and ‘ian refused to accept being bipolar’

he actually wanted to stay in prison

because he was doing good in there

ian was helping others and was spreading awareness about lgbt with in the prison , and as him and jail scenes go , we can see people were listening to him and he was trying to make it safe sane and consensual

he let down his army of followers

“Ian admitted that most of his actions were completely irrational and the mere results of his bipolar disorder.”

he didnt want to, we can see this, because he knew he would let down everyone, his family were the only ones to ever ground him and they knew it would be the best option for his own mental health

during the gallavich wedding we can see that a lot of his supporters still have his back because they must know how hard it was for him to put all of that success on something he can’t control

he constantly wasted his potential

this is actually the only point in this article i actually agree with , so only 1/20 i agree with

his relationship with mickey wasn’t actually great

“Mickey spent the first several years of their relationship denying his feelings for Ian.”

he was raised by a homophobic and racist father who he knew would react the way he did when terry had caught the two that one day

“Even after he finally embraced his true self, Ian's bipolar disorder kept them from becoming truly happy together.”

yes but mickey was there for him the entire time and helped him through it, he told him he loved him which was really big for him and did his best to care for him

“They couldn't seem to remain faithful to each other for more than a few weeks.”

back to the point about ians bipolar but for mickey he wanted monogamy , now that scene in s11 may say otherwise but it is very clear that he wants a monogamous relationship with ian and ian ( after getting help ) wants one too, and in the later seasons they are monogamous

“When Mickey asked Ian to run away to Mexico with him, Ian refused.”

he wanted to, it’s obvious, but ian has his family and didnt want to abandon them again, i think part of him knew he would see mickey again because they always find eachother, he gave mickey all of his money and wanted mickey to have a good life

“Their relationship was simply never healthy.”

no it wasnt, but thats why the ship is great in its own way, the gay closet kid raised by a homophobic man is obviously going to have a lot of baggage , and ian who is bipolar and struggling with himself will also have a lot of baggage , but in the end they love eachother and that really shows in season five and season seven specifically

that is all lol ,,, this is long sorry

now, i am not a ian apologist , i love ian but hes a dumbass sometimes

actual valid reasons ian sucks

genuinely believes frank is worse than terry

yes frank was definitely abusive but terry is definitely worse ,,

mentally/physically/sexually abusive , the whole nine yards

terry hired a prostitute to r^pe his son , threatened to kill him and ian on multiple occasions , r^ped his daughter who ended up pregnant and is actively racist

frank on the other hand will make gay jokes but in the end doesnt give enough of a shit , he has attacked his children on multiple occasions but not to the brutality that terry has ( this isnt me excusing it )

sorry ian , terry is worse

never apologized

he never apologized for all the shit he put mickey and his family through, never apologized to mickey for cheating on him , never apologized for all the manic and depressive episodes mickey endured with him

never apologized for walking away when he couldn’t handle it, in hall of shame mickey actually acknowledges this saying ‘its youre whole MO’

debbies sexuality

he has constantly made statements saying debbie isnt gay and that bothers me because , why does it care ? as a gay man and as a gay man who soent time with a lot of lgbt youth wouldnt he support his sister even if shes just ‘experimenting’?

in the recent season he doesnt seem to care and doesn’t say anything but it still bothers me

mickey only getting like 80% of his heart

okay look , i get what ian means when he says this , everyones hes been with has made him who he is but fucking hell dude ,, shut up , thats your husband , thats the love of your life you shouldnt be saying shit like that , especially to him

and then this man had the audacity to say mickey probably feels the same about past flings when he knows that ian is the only one hes probably ever been with/serious about

obviously there is probably more but those are the main ones that come to mind

—

before anyone brings up the trans or bi thing im going to explain my thought process for him

like ive probably mentioned multiple times he grew up southside and obviously only ever grew up with lgb and not t ,, trevor did inform him a lot and ian became supre accepting of everyone,, sexual preference isnt transphobic but i do think he approached the matter badly

now the bi thing , legit all i think is that he doesnt hate bisexual people its just that the man he really liked slept with a woman and never expressed any heterosexual attraction so it probably just suprised him and pissed him off because caleb did cheat on ian

—

if you read this far HOLY SHIT THANKS LOL ,, im not adding things that i think are pro about ian this was just me breaking down that article and giving my two cents :)

feel free to message me and talk to me or send me articles like this about any other character/relationship and i will totally break that one down too lol

thanks for letting me rant

[usagi-mitsu]

Werlyt & Gaius - a bunch of thoughts.

I am a little late to the party. I know. But I just finished the Emerald weapon and before I go to try out the „not Zenos“ weapon as in „Diamond“, I need to get my thoughts on the story straight.

Perhaps I have been spoiled by 5.0s brilliant MSQ and cannot appreciate the inherent beauty of at least decent writing any longer. But this felt so wrong and out of tune with the rest of the game. I started writing this 2 hours ago! I wanted to one in bed by now! XD But I had to get it out of my system… so….

Spoilers for the MSQ and Werlyt incoming??? And no I did not re-read this so not just spoilers but also writing errors incoming. -.-

The good

These fights are epic! I have only ever cleared the normal versions, but I loved those. They are amazing. The callbacks to Eula (her being a woman here! When did they discover that???), Regula (may he rest in peace) and Gaius himself in his prime were delightful. But I could do with a little less rotating, ok? A dragoon has positional, you know? And being allowed to pilot my very own mecha was like *chefs kiss*. On that front? Well done Square Enix!

I am also glad they were able to get another use out of Porta Praetora! That place looks amazing with the wide open field and the lake – and Ala Mhigo across it. It was one of my favourite Stormblood areas and I am always glad to return there. And of course… being able to visit the allied camp again… And Werlyt itself. It’s simply a beautiful place. It reminds me very much of southern Greece. If you’ve watched the movie Mamma Mia you know what I mean.

The music too was really nice. But I don’t think I’ll… you know… listen to it on repeat as I am doing with other parts of the soundtrack.

I’ve also loved how much amazing lore we got about Garlemald and especially the garlean military. And the military abroad. The way soldiers not from the mainland get treated. I love learning about these things.

Gaius

The man. The legend. The guy yelling in Prae.

He’s so very boring here. He has so much potential as a character and maybe I’m missing something, but all throughout this story he has been nothing but passive. He’s a reactive character in this storyline. You know. The guy who made deals with Lahabread (the d is intended), tried to take over Eorzea, lead a whole army, stood idly by as the moon dropped, almost died but then decided just not to die and then though „hm… I’ve got so much freetime now. How about I go and hunt some ascians?“ That guy is NOT a reactive character. He is active. He goes out of his way to make shit he wants happen. And in here? He seems too starstruck and devastated by his adopted kids actions to actually have one clear thought.

The only explanation I have is that he might have gotten hit in the head by something on his way to the ruby weapon. I get why he would rely on Cid for help, but the WoL??? The alliance? If you wish to be an ally and help or something, fucking act like it. You were a former legatus and I expect you to live up to your name – even after retiring.

And yeah.. I guess it’s hard having to watch your kids willingly, knowingly dying. But you fucking raised them. You are a big part of the reason to why they are in that predicament. So like… Aside from that I don’t even get why you are in this story at all.

And for the record: I’m not sorry for him. I’m just flabbergasted by all the bullshit we’ve been learning about him.

To be quite honest, I think this story could have worked just as well or maybe even better, if we got another man as the „hero“ of the story. I am talking about none other than our engineering, hammer-swinging, ex-enemy - of course talking about Nero!

The MSQ has long established that his research into the Ultimate Weapon had been taken, twisted and turned – Estinien had to experience this first-hand. I’m not saying that Nero was in need of a redemption arc and I cannot remember if these weapons were of his creation or even stem from anything he did, but it would make so much more sense for me, to have him confront his past in the garlean military like this and be responsible for the death of his former colleagues. Soldiers that he served with, whom he faught with. Give me Nero and them working together to get the weapons going and him bonding with them as his pilots to a degree. Comrades. Not that strange familiar bond that Gaius appareantly has with them. … Scratch that: Let Gaius be the father figure. Him being that wouldn’t change Nero’s relationship with them, but maybe his with Gaius as his superior.

The story wouldn’t even need to try and redeem Nero: He has already gone through major character development with the MSQ and the Omega raid tier. It would simply be Nero, confronted with the things he created, hopefully instilling more morals and a sense of responsibility for his creations. Heck: Let Cid yell at the guy! Seriously! Cid sticking around to help out would make so much more sense if it was Nero instead of freaking Gaius! Cid hated the guy! He might be a professional, but he is not one to torture himself by staying around a guy he (as far as I know) detests.

Make Nero the central figure and give Cid and Gaius the roles of „angel and demon“: One desperately trying to reach out to his old friend, reminding him why they became engineers and trying to make him realise that he can’t just run around designing weapons and leaving the scematics for everyone to read; while the other has trouble letting go of his imperial past and is struggling to see the errors of his ways – if Nero was wrong, than he (Gaius) was wrong too -and of course they did all of this for their home, to further their cause, and to bring peace to the savage lands of Eorzea, who had been fighting amongst themselves for so long… You get the point.

And you could still have these gundam themed fights. But I think everything would make so much more sense in general.

But speaking of which-

The children

I do not truly care for any of them. And that is a shame: I do think there are great characters and dynamics hidden behind these very few cutscenes. When they were first introduced I was wondering why I was suddenly watching „heartwarming“ cutscenes of my foes as children – until I realised that I was supposed to care and that they were supposed to make me feel pity for Gaius. I was supposed to feel bad for him, because they died and he blames himself. But while their fates so far have been gruesome, I cannot say that I am sad they died. They chose to die as they did. There were a myriad more options. And they chose that.

Actually. Their whole story makes me feel like they were huge masochist from the very beginning. They could have just run away and gotten help from someone more competent than them, but they stayed in an abusive military arrangement just so nobody else got hurt?? Please. Use your brains next time. And for the Berserk-like torture scene? I mean. I get what was implied here. But was it necessary? As a writer myself I follow the rule that torture and sexual violence should never be used in a story, unless it must be in there for the story to work or to bring across a vital point important to the story or it’s moral (or if you are writing porn and you are into it – but we are talking official in-game content here). But the violence towards these „children“ seems unnecessary for the plot and the violence of their deaths by piloting the weapons is already gruesome enough. Sometimes it’s better to leave things like this out – the emotional torture of feeling stuck and having a martyrs complex would have been enough here, I think. If the rest of the story had been well written at least.

(I believe my utter lack of sympathy shows how little character developement they had. I love tragic characters, who choose to suffer for the good of other people – even better if those people don’t even like them. It’s just my thing. And those kids are just… well.)

Their reasons and especially why they were making Allie out as the one who would need to survive was also just… weird. Like. I feel like 75% of what happened would not have happened, if they actually talked to each other, used their brains and had done something about their problems. But no…

These characters are also so exchangeable with basic anime/j-RPG character tropes… I only remember Alfonse, Rex and Allie – because I just did the Emerald weapon. And right afterwards I thought, „huh. So… Fullmetal Alchemist?“ Which brings me to my third point …

…the story at large.

„Pacing is a virtue“ or was it patience..? Anyhow: The author of this story should have had more patience with his story and characters and taken a bloody break! And I am not talking about the obvious blunder of „How is Allie feeling?“, „she is in shock and you cannot talk to her“ turning to „oh yeah if you are careful you can talk to her now“. I mean. WTF. That was MAYBE 10-20 in-game minutes of dialogue.

But everything was moving so very fast – and not even in a good way. There are few things better than a fast paced, action rich story about a group of young people trying to safe (their) world. But if you try to cram in two expansions worth of character development and story telling into about two hours of content each patch.. Well, then you get whatever the hell this is.

Gaius is a very interesting character and while I did not understand why they needed to bring him back in 4.4 (?), I do see how he could be a good asset for endwalker. And his involvement in 5.0 with Estinien was just a dear delight. So I am not opposed to learning more about him, to watching his character grow and changed with time. But I am not ready for badly written content of which 50% get told by suddenly induced echo-sequences. I mean – weren’t there rules for the echo at some point???

I’m not sure which one of the devs said it, but the feature that let’s you play an NPC is super convenient for them to tell the story, because before they could only show what happened where the WoL was.

And that’s just it. Rule number 1 in writing anything is „Show don’t tell“. It feels like they literally turned this one around for these cutscenes. While Valens torture and diet-Fandaniel-routine were very much „show“, the rest of the story was one long cutscene of exposition: We get exposition by Cid, by Gaius, by echo, by Gaius and his crew again, then by Allie. Before having to watch scenes we are not there for.

BTW. Dear square Enix: Your writers are capable of writing amazing villains, antagonist and despicable assholes. You don’t have to write „asshole, must die“ on Valens name card. And I also think the „WoL, strike here“ sign above his head was a tad bit too much. Nuance, dear writers. Nuance. Or perhaps I just got spoiled by these last few foes in the MSQ.

When I said I wanted to just be able to punch a bad guy for once and not feel bad about it, I did not mean this! I meant that I just wanted to play training dummy with Danny-Boy.

(Oh! And as far as I’m concerned you can just… sideline Gaius … „would be killer“ and the lady? Make them targetable NPCs with Dialoge to read. Let them stand somewhere accessible and comment on the latest developement. But ffs don’t give me hour long speeches about how you are going to kill Gaius if he does something you don’t like. The guy could and would wipe the floor with you if he felt like it. -.- So. Please. Shut up.)

Conclusion

Basically. I have to finish the Diamond weapon. But I doubt it will change my perception of this story line even in the slightest.

To be perfectly honest though … bringing Gaius back, having this story with and about him, forcing a sort of redemption ark here. It feels like they are really „grooming“ him to be a morally grey ally in Endwalker, with perhaps a big part to play in the endgame. At this point I wouldn’t even be surprised if they pulled a GoT and made him „King in the North“. Or if they had him die a heroic death to save the world, but especially his country. And to do so they need us to think his sacrifice means something. Or that he is the right person to lead Garlemald into a new future (I don’t think he is). But: For one, neither we (the players) nor the characters need to find him worthy of throne or death by heroism for his sacrifice/ascension to work. To be a useful tool for the story, only the other garleans who might oppose the alliance and scions need to deem him or his sacrifice „worthy“. And only they. And Ishikawa-san has all of 6.0 to accomplish whatever the hell she needs him for. He did not need to be the center of his own botched redemption ark. If that’s what they wanted to do. Or maybe I’m looking at this all wrong and all they wanted was to give the writes in training some literal training grounds to test their abilities.

But! On a positive note: I have yet to be told that raids and other side content are canon to any degree. So when playing the next story quests I’ll blissfully ignore all that happened in Werlyt and if it get’s mentioned (because they do that sometimes when you’ve done certain content) I’ll just ignore it.

Happy ignoring! Also: GIVE ME MORE NERO CONTENT!

[hellswolfie]

So about season 8.

The last clip was so lifeless, it was so sad. Every dialogue was about Jo, there was no substance, it was just Bilal looking for Jo and then Bilal and Jo kissing for the longest time without even talking about their obvious issues they had as a couple. Not any resolution to anything else, the other characters are toatlly forgotten, there was nothing except that. Everything just got resolved out of the blue, we never even got to see Bilal's new flat, we never got to see them actually trying to get a new flat or receiving the news that they finally had one. He suddenly has a great job with a boss he knows well, but we only got to see some part of it because Jo's sister came to visit him and it was used so that we could have our thousandth declarations about how AMAZING Jo is instead of focusing on Bilal's own mental state. We have no idea what losing the previous job did to him in the first place. We have no idea how he got the new job, how he knows the boss, why he did not go there in the first place when he first needed a job at the begining of the season.

Having more than one protagonist and more than one theme explored in a season has always been done. Here, however, they decided to focus on only one character and only theme (and very badly at that), even after having set up another character and another theme. And that was their big mystakes. In season 3, they had two big theme : Lucas's sexuality and Eliott's mental illness. But we only talked about Eliott's mental illness in episode 9, which meant the story around Lucas's acceptance of being gay had time to be explored before having to talk about something else. And even then, they still found a way to link it to Lucas, what with his own mother's mental illness, and to give other characters, like Basile, more depth, while still letting Eliott talk about it, and giving the theme of mental illness more substance and nuances than season 8 ever had even for the HIV plot.

The same thing goes for the love story. EVERY season is about, in a some way, really falling in love for the first time. This is not a big novelty. But here their "love story", instead of supporting their respective themes, only just took over them and Bilal's character to just talk about Jo. Not even mentionning how toxic their relationship was, contantly fighting (like they managed to be together for A DAY), Jo always being so mean and cold with Bilal, and Bilal accepting that without saying anything and running after her for whatever reasons. And he was no perfect either , since seeing her so much as talking to her ex, even knowing their situation, was enough for him to jump into another girl's arms. I love the trope "friends to lovers" but their relationship is just so forced and unbelievable.

And since all of the story only resolve around this badly written love story and no other characters or plots...It just does not work and makes it really really boring. You can't have a good love story by only focusing on two characters. Take season 3 for example. There was Lucas' relationship with Mika, who helped him come to term with his sexuality. His bond with Yann, his best friend. We were introduced to the rest of the gang, with Basile and Arthur, and Basile himself had his own story with Daphné. Daphné had a whole storyarc with the foyer, Manon with Charles, and Lucas actively took part in those plots, and we saw him bonding with them over that as they all supported eachother through their each arcs. There was also Imane, with whom he had interesting discussions and a very cute friendship with. And of course his whole arc around his parents. Season 3 was a love story, but it was never just that, it was never just about Lucas and Eliott. And that is one of the reasons why this season is so great. In season 8, however, all of the other characters (incluiding Bilal), even the ones that could help him and logically should have had a bigger role, and all the other plots, are completely absents. Even his own family who were introduced for this specific season and who had their own problems. And tbh, even the HIV plot was not developped really well...Everything had to be about Jo.

And i found that really funny because Jo was like THE character that had nothing to bring to Bilal's character and story, and yet she was the focus in his season. Rédouane is his childhood friend and knows him better than everyone. Lola and Maya bot have a lot in common with his experiences (mentally ill parents, dead parents, having money problem, having to take care of a sibling -for Lola-, being homeless and having to take a job -for Maya-,...) but it was never brought up, on the contrary we were supposed to think that they could not possibly understand Bilal's problems even though they were the ones in Lamiff who had the best chances to do so (but no of course we were supposed to think JO was the one who got it even when she completely ignored his problemes and treated him like trash like yeah sure of course xD). Maya and him could have even bonded over their shared love of fashion, and as an ecologist she would have probably loved the idea of making your own clothes. Tiff could have been used as a way to hightlight her priviliege compared to Bilal, being a rich white girl, but the only time he began to talk about his own problems with her, she shut him down so that they could talk about Jo instead (what a great friend am i right). Max, too, could have given him some support in challenging his views on gender roles and machisma (what with Bilal constant ghosting to his hook ups, for example).

But none of that happened.

This season was such a waste.

[keanureevesisbae]

Mister Cavill, your dog is kinda fat - Chapter 3

Summary: Veterinarian Olivia Tran has zero time for bullshit. After becoming a mom at age twenty three, the one thing she wants is a good life for her daughter Vanessa. Her ex didn’t want anything to do with her nor the baby and she decided that man are officially banned out of her life. But then she meets Henry Cavill at her clinic and her ban slowly starts to crumble apart. Henry on the other hand is looking for one thing: a family. And when he meets Olivia Tran, he finds just that.

Henry Cavill x Olivia Tran (ofc)

Warnings: None

Wordcount: 3.9k

Masterlist // Previous chapter // Next chapter

It’s still beyond me that I told the famous actor Henry Cavill that his dog is kinda fat. The entire time from three till six a.m. was a dream to be honest. I noticed the second he walked in how handsome this man looked, not realizing he was Henry Cavill, though I thought he looked familiar. His curls were disheveled, his coat hung open and he looked pretty out of it, something that is completely understandable. However, he wasn’t just a snack—this man is a full course meal.

When he placed his dog on the examination table and stared at Kal with that concerned look on his face, was also the exact moment I felt something crumble deep inside of me. The aversion I had against all men (minus the one and only Keanu Reeves of course) was falling apart. I felt so stupid for thinking about him and how handsome he looked. Two days later, I still feel stupid.

He is a client with a dog who was sick. Had the other clinics picked up, I wouldn’t even know how handsome he was in real life. And on top of that, he is not just any client. He is Henry Cavill. The Henry Cavill, with an ass that looks good on screen, but even better in real life.

Yes, I looked. I’m still a person with a pulse who lets her mind wander from time to time and his butt definitely is part of my dreams nowadays.

Though I let my fantasies take me to certain places with Henry, I couldn’t help but turn into a soft pile of mush, as I watched him hold Vanessa in his thick arms, allowing her to play with his curls. I watched him listen intently as she started counting from one to hundred. He listened from the first number to the last and seemed genuinely impressed.

It’s rare to find a man who is willing to give a young child his full attention. In those six years I’ve been raising Vanessa, he is the first one that I encountered that is like that.

A quick Google search while he was chatting with Vanessa told me he was single. Somehow I stumbled upon multiple articles saying that he really wants a family of his own.

My mind almost wanted to think about how maybe… He could become someone important for Vanessa, because he was such a natural and the older Vanessa gets, the more I think that she needs a male figure in her life. Since she has reached the age of five, she has been bugging me about having a dad. The years prior to that moment, I was perfectly capable of being both the mother and the father. At least that’s what I thought. I came to the bitter conclusion that I’m her mother and that is it.  

But then I also realized that I should keep one one thing in mind:

Henry Cavill is dying to have a family of his own.

And Vanessa is not his own.

I want to think about something else, but I can’t. I simply can’t stop thinking about Henry Cavill and his strong arms. I’m convinced I was hallucinating when I thought he was flexing his arm muscles, when he carried Kal.

When I told Belle about this, she began rambling something about how that man oozes family man and how he makes her ovaries shake and ache for babies. I shrugged it off, thinking she was being ridiculous, but now…

I never thought I’d meet someone else. I knew that I’d be raising Vanessa by myself, though I secretly wished she wasn’t born to a single mom, who obviously had no idea what she was doing. I wished that she was born into a happy family, with a mother, a father, siblings, uncles and aunts and grandparents, but that wasn’t the case, so I tried my best to give her the best life I could possible provide for her.

And I shouldn’t think about Henry Cavill like that. I know for a fact that he has already forgotten about me and my daughter.

However it’s hard to forget about him. Especially since Vanessa can’t shut her mouth about how amazing Superman is and how he is the strongest man on earth because he carried his overweight dog into the clinic with no problem.

Vanessa and I walk back home, after I picked her up on Monday. ‘Nobody believed I met Superman,’ she says. For a second I’m afraid she is defeated, but then she simply shrugs. ‘But I know better than that.’

That’s my girl. ‘Very good, sweetie.’

‘Miss Sue send me out of class today,’ Vanessa then says.

‘Why?’ This isn’t the moment to become the overprotective mother goose. This is the moment to let her tell me in all honesty what happened.

‘I wasn’t doing what she told me to do. We had to read four pages out loud with the class, but Nicky is really slow, so I read the next page by myself, while I wasn’t supposed to.’

‘But why did she send you out?’ I ask.

‘Because I did it four times.’

‘Right,’ I say. What do I say about this? I understand my daughter completely, because I used to do the same. Besides, I think miss Sue is a bit uptight to be honest. I don’t like miss Sue. She’s always pretty condescending to me, probably because she’s ancient and thinks a child should have both a mother and a father, like the perfect housewives do.

I really hate every parent who has a kid going to that school, but on top of my hate list, is miss Sue.

When Vanessa senses my lack of reaction, she says: ‘I made you another drawing.’

I prepare myself for the well known drawing, that I can dream by now, but all the air is knocked out of my lungs when I see what she drew me today. I stop in the middle of the curb, earning me some annoyed groans from two old ladies who were apparently walking behind me, but I don’t care. I really couldn’t care less at the moment.

Oh my God, what is it with this kid and desperately wanting a father?

Okay, now I get that she wants a dad, I do, but did she honestly have to draw a Superman and a dog (where she wrote underneath KAL) inside of our house? Superman stands next to me and she tried to make it look like Superman and I are holding hands.

Oh my God, what goes on inside Vanessa’s head?

‘What did you draw?’ I ask her, though I know exactly what she drew.

‘My new daddy.’ She smiles, revealing the empty gap where her tooth was this morning, but it fell out during recess today. It’s her third tooth and I’m too much of a realist to tell her about the Tooth Fairy, since I had severe nightmares about that. She doesn’t care about the Tooth Fairy being fake (but she had to promise me to play along when kids in school talked about it), only about the money that I have to give her.

‘Your new what?’ I ask her.

‘My new daddy,’ she says. She pretends like she is talking to an idiot, but that attitude is apparently something she saw me doing and made it a personality trait of herself, since Belle once said that she is just as sassy as I am.

‘You can’t just declare every man you meet as your new dad,’ I tell her.

‘But I haven’t asked for a new daddy in so long,’ she says and to be fair, that’s true. The only thing she does, is draw me the same picture daily with the exception of today. ‘I want Superman to be my new daddy.’

‘It’s an impossible wish.’

‘But I want him as my new dad,’ she says, stomping her foot on the ground.

This is the moment she chooses to have a temper tantrum? Great, just what I need after a long day of not putting one pet to sleep, but three. ‘Vanessa, I’m not having this conversation with you. That man is not going to be your new dad.’

Am I telling her this or myself?

‘Why not?’ she whines.

‘Because not every man you like can be your new dad, so that includes Henry.’

Vanessa starts to pout, but I turn away, not being able to look at her when she looks like that, because if she stares at me with that face for a little too long, I’m breaking into the office to look for Henry’s number, so I can call him and literally ask him to be Vanessa’s new dad.

Goodness gracious, what is happening to me? What happened to my strong independent woman mindset? I don’t need a man, like the Pussycat Dolls told me growing up and I don’t need them for anything. I have managed to become a great veterinarian and a pretty okay mother, without the help of family. I’ve done so much, but I’m willing to let all that go, just so I can have one more glance from Henry. Just one more smile from him.

A bark pulls me out of my thoughts and I look over my shoulder. I not only see the chubby American Akita, but also his owner. Henry looked handsome Saturday morning, but he looks even hotter today. He wears a dark blue jeans that shows the world how thick his thighs really are and a cosy sweater, but not a coat, since men are apparently too cool to wear coats in the beginnings of autumn.

Henry notices us and holds up his hand, while a wide smile creeps on his face. Vanessa wants to rush towards him, but I grab her arm before she can run away. Seriously, my mom reflexes are no joke. Today, when a salamander wanted to wander around the examination table and nearly fell off, I caught him just in time, while I had my back turned to him. The nine year old boy to whom the weird pet belonged to, almost cried out of happiness because I saved his salamander from breaking his neck. ‘Not a word about the new dad thing,’ I tell her sternly.

She nods, recognizing the look on my face and knowing that I mean it. I let her go and when she is close enough, she jumps in Henry’s arms. He catches her easily and I hear him say: ‘What a greeting, miss Vanessa,’ followed by a lovely chuckle of his.

This girl really needs a male figure in her life, I think to myself and if it were up to me, that role model is going to be Henry Cavill.

‘I missed you, Superman,’ she tells him and I have to resist the urge to bring up the new dad thing myself.

‘I missed you too,’ Henry says to her and that earns him a kiss from Vanessa on his cheek.

There is this saying that the only ones that tell the truth, are drunk people and little kids. What if Vanessa is right? What if this man should be her new dad? She always drew a man with a dog, outside of our house.

I never saw her with another man like this. Belle’s brother is nice, of course and they are best buddies, but it was never like this. This look Henry and Vanessa share with each other.

Vanessa wiggles herself out of his strong arms to cuddle Kal, who looks a lot livelier than he did a few days ago. He excitedly wags his tail. ‘Doctor Tran,’ Henry says to me when I walked over to the three of them.

‘Please, call me Olivia,’ I tell him. ‘We’re not in the clinic.’

‘Right.’ Henry has a faint blush on his cheeks. Is it because of me or did my child say something to him that embarrassed him when she hugged him?

‘How is Kal doing?’ I ask, scratching the big dog behind his ear, while Vanessa pets his back. ‘He looks a lot better than he did on Saturday.’

‘Yeah, I’m giving him the meds you gave me and he has been his normal self again. I also bought some Purina One and he seems doing really well with the sudden change of kibble.’ Henry clears his throat and he says: ‘It’s hard not to give him as many snacks as I want to, but I’m trying my best.’

‘Oh, you’re that kind of owner,’ I smile, before shoving my hands in my pockets. ‘Well, he looks happy and better than Saturday, so that’s good.’

I honestly have no idea what I can say to him, so for the first time in forever, I’m hoping Vanessa can break the ice here. I just pray she doesn’t force us to sing that Moana song, because that girl will get her way, especially when it comes to singing songs. I once had to sing “Love is an Open Door” (both Anna’s and Hans’ part) to her, when she locked herself in the bathroom at the library because something scared her.

Our eyes meet for a second and it’s like she understands me without words. ‘Mister Henry, what were you doing out here?’

Very good, Vanessa.

‘I was walking Kal,’ he says to her, crouching down so he doesn’t tower over her.

That’s adorable and all of the sudden I understand that shaking ovaries comment Belle made a whole lot better. I’m willing to give this man the family he wants, but I need to stop thinking right now.

‘We will walk with you.’

I wasn’t hoping for that kind of ice breaker. ‘Sweetheart,’ I say to her, ‘we can’t just say that. Maybe he has an appointment or something else that is important.’

‘I don’t mind,’ Henry on the other hand says, completely disregarding my parental efforts. ‘We could use some company actually.’

While my common sense is telling me that this isn’t a great idea (he is a client at the clinic, he just wants to get into your pants, he is just being nice), my heart is pounding like crazy, loving this idea.

‘Please, mommy.’ Vanessa folds her little hands together and pushes out her bottom lip, blinking her eyes like she’s some sort of puppy. This kid knows what she’s doing, because the chance I’m saying no now, is basically non existent.

‘Okay, sure, but you stay close now. No wandering off. If you want to go somewhere, ask me.’

‘We can go to a nearby park,’ Henry suggests. ‘Kal can run free if he wants and we can keep an eye on them.’

We can keep an eye on them. Don’t start hyperventilating now, Olivia Tran. ‘Sounds like a plan.’

Vanessa squeals and walks in between us, holding not only my hand, but also Henry’s. Oh my, we look just like one happy family, especially when I look to my side, to see that the most gorgeous looking man on the planet earth, is already looking at me, flashing me a beautiful smile.

Secretly I hope that we run into some parents from school, miss Sue or even my parents. I’m really tempted to rub this in everyones face, though it’s probably only a once in a lifetime moment.

‘Mister Henry,’ Vanessa says, ‘my mommy had to kill two cats and a dog today.’

‘Not kill,’ I quickly correct her. ‘I had to put them to sleep, remember? Those animals were old and sick and they needed a little help to go to heaven. I don’t kill them.’ I look at Henry again, who seems amused. ‘I really don’t.’

‘I believe you,’ he laughs. ‘You just tell owners their pets are fat.’

I involuntarily let out a laugh. ‘You are the first one in two months with a fat pet, so I just save it for the famous actors with who can’t say no to their chubby dogs.’

Henry licks his lips, before he sinks in this top teeth in his bottom lip. Goodness gracious. Next time I run into Henry Cavill, I should bring some extra pair of panties.

Olivia, that is terrible, I shouldn’t think like that.

My daughter is here for crying out loud.

‘Mommy, have you seen a cuter dog today?’

‘Cuter than Kal you mean?’ I ask her.

‘Mhm.’

I chuckle. ‘Well, I’ve seen cute dogs, but no one is as cute as Kal.’

‘I think so too,’ Vanessa says. She pulls her hand out of mine, before holding out her arms for Henry.

I want to tell her that she can’t just expect him to carry her, simply because he is strong and he is Superman, but without any difficulties he lifts her up with only one arm. If I tried that, I’d dislocate my shoulder, but obviously it’s a piece of cake for him. I spend my fair share on Pinterest and YouTube, admiring his arms. And that clip of him building that PC? That was the hottest thing on earth and is nearly illegal.

‘I lost a tooth today,’ Vanessa says, showing off her teeth, probably sticking her tongue through the gap.

‘Wow, that is awesome,’ Henry says, leaning in to check if there is already a new tooth coming in. ‘You’re going to put it underneath your pillow, so the Tooth Fairy can give you some money?’

I can feel Vanessa’s hesitation. She looks over her shoulder and ushers me to get closer. ‘Mommy,’ she asks, still loud enough for Henry to hear, ‘should I tell him the truth?’

‘About what?’ I ask her.

‘He still believes in the Tooth Fairy.’

I bite my lips, to prevent myself from laughing out loud. ‘I think you should tell him.’

She nods and wraps an arm around Henry’s neck. ‘Mister Henry,’ she says, ‘the Tooth Fairy doesn’t exist. Mommy just gives me money when I lose another tooth.’

Henry looks at me, also visibly holding in a laugh. ‘The Tooth Fairy doesn’t exist?’ he ask in almost believable disbelieve, but then I remember: this man is an actor. ‘Are you serious?’

‘Mhm.’

‘I need to call my mother, to ask her why she lied to me all those years?’

Vanessa shakes her head. ‘Well, lots of kids still believe in the Tooth Fairy, so it’s okay that you did too.’

‘It was just time for you to know the truth,’ I add.

‘Well, thank you, miss Vanessa,’ Henry says. ‘Thank you for being honest with me.’

We arrive at the park and Henry and I sit on a park bench, while Kal runs wild, followed by a giggling Vanessa. I flinch a few times, thinking Kal is too wild to be playing with Vanessa, but he actually tones down a bit, checking in with her to make sure that she’s alright.

‘You have a sweet dog,’ I admit, not being able to look at Henry just yet. He is really close, I can almost feel the heat he is radiating through my coat, right onto my skin.

‘Yeah, he is sweet.’

‘And fat.’

‘Are you ever letting that go?’ Henry laughs.

I simply shrug. ‘I’m a vet, I just want the patients to be healthy.’ I try to look serious, but I can’t help but chuckle. ‘But I don’t think I can let it go, until Kal is sixty kilograms.’

‘But what if he is just a larger model?’ Henry tries, still not wanting to fully admit to the fact that he was overfeeding his pet and thus the main reason Kal is at least ten kilos too heavy.

‘He isn’t,’ I tell him. ‘He is large, sure, but I’ve seen American Akita’s who are a whole lot bigger than him, but still within the acceptable weight range.’

‘You’re one tough doctor, Olivia,’ he says with a smile. ‘You know, your daughter has quite the personality. Figured she’s just like you.’

I can’t help but laugh. ‘Yeah, people often say we’re basically twins.’

‘The fact that you told her about the Tooth Fairy being fake is admirable,’ he says.

‘I wanted her to spare the trauma I experienced,’ I say. ‘Besides, I don’t like lying to her, though everyone says it’s part of growing up.’

Henry nods and I can feel he wants to ask it. It’s always in people’s body language, when they want to know about the family situation. They clear their throat, avoid eye contact, rub their hands together and when they ask the question, they tilt their heads.

I decide that I’m not ready for a head tilt by the one and only Henry Cavill. ‘Her biological father didn’t want her,’ I say. ‘He broke up with me and disappeared out of my life, if that’s what you wanted to know.’

He sighs, a blush on his face, as if he is embarrassed that I caught on, before he even asked. ‘I don’t think I can ever understand those kind of men,’ he admits, staring at his dog and Vanessa. He leans forward, his elbows on his knees. ‘I mean, she’s a great kid, very in touch with her feelings and pretty smart too. Her biological father doesn’t know what he is missing out on.’

I don’t think I can ever understand those kind men. Did he honestly just say that? My entire body temporarily forgot how to function. Henry Cavill out there trying to steal my heart and with the rate he is going at, I’m willing to hand it over to him without putting up a fight. Her biological father doesn’t know what he is missing out on. That one went straight to my soul.

‘Well, he was an idiot anyways,’ I mumble. ‘Think I’m better off without him.’ I stare at Vanessa, who is chasing Kal, whose tail is wagging and he jumps around her like an idiot.

‘You are really better off without him,’ he says to me. ‘I don’t know the asshole, but I do know for a fact that you are better off without him. And Vanessa for that matter.’

I feel giddy, like a child before her birthday. ‘Listen, Henry, I’m sorry if she’s overstepping any boundaries. If you don’t want to pick her up, you don’t have to.’

‘I don’t mind, Olivia,’ he says. ‘She’s not overstepping any boundaries.’

I nod, not sure what to say. This isn’t helping with my fantasies, that I keep pushing back, postponing them to completely erupt when I’m in bed tonight. Belle is right: he oozes family man.

‘You’re doing a great job,’ he then says.

‘With what?’

‘Raising her.’

My cheeks flush. When was the last time I heard this, from someone other than Belle? I don’t think anyone has ever told me really… Except that one nurse in the hospital, when Vanessa was three and shoved a bead up her nose and I couldn’t stop crying. That event totally made me doubt my parental skills, until the nurse said that she dropped her infant on his head and he turned out to be fine.

‘I’m trying,’ I say, looking at my hands.

‘And that’s good enough,’ Henry whispers, but loud enough for me to hear it.

I need to contain the urge to just jump him, kissing his soft looking lips and allowing him to do things to me that I hadn’t done in such a long time.

Thankfully I have Vanessa, who always knows the exact moment I need her. ‘Mom, I had a little accident.’

When I look up, I see that she didn’t pee herself, but that she fell into the mud.

Face first.

Great.

Taglist: @thelastsock​ // @flhorah​ // @sausagefest1996​ // @laufeysodinson​ // @xxxkatxo​ // @memoriesat30​ // @henrythickcavill​ // @crimsonrae​ // @henryobsessed // @madbaddic7ed​ // @summersong69​ // @lyrafraiser​ // @peakygroupie​ // @coldmuffinbanditshoe​ // @mary-ann84​ // @thereisa8ella​ //@crazyandanonymous4u // @xuxszx​ // @emmaofgreengabbles​ // @jimmypagesandbrianmayshair​ // @onlyhenrys​

[46ten]

curious as to your take on the current debate going on in hamiltonia re: hamilton a slaver vs hamilton not a slaver?

Whew, this is going to be a long answer. Since Jessie Serfilippi’s “As Odious and Immoral A Thing” was first published (I posted a few brief quotes here), likely as part of an ongoing interest in the Schuyler Mansion State Historic Site with the subject of the Schuyler and Hamilton families and slavery (see here for blogposts labeled ‘slavery’ including a couple about AH specifically), there have been three versions of a rebuttal by Michael E. Newton and some people calling themselves Philo (”Love”) Hamilton, one of whom is Doug Hamilton*. The ongoing engagement on this topic also brings up issues of historiography and hagiography.

In this whole discussion there is only one new piece of evidence that Serfilippi has referenced on Twitter but is not part of her article - I’ll get into that below. Everything else is a re-analysis of known and fairly popular sources, so I don’t think going through it point by point would be helpful.

But let’s be clear about something. This discussion around AH is in large part because of this Chernow falsehood: “[f]ew, if any, other founding fathers opposed slavery more consistently or toiled harder to eradicate it than Hamilton.” Chernow also calls AH a “fierce abolitionist” and a “staunch abolitionist” because Chernow doesn’t know what abolitionism is. This lie got tons of mileage with Lin-Manuel Miranda, whose musical character AH may have personal moral defects, but not blind spots as huge and disastrous to a modern audience as a lackadaisical approach to the owning of other human beings. (That Miranda’s approach totally riled some Black artists and scholars is well-known, and I wrote briefly about it here.) Serfilippi’s article doesn’t get the media play it does without the popularity of the abolitionist Founding Father myth that Miranda put on stage. So this conflict and news-cycle interest arose from Chernow’s need to give AH the moral high ground by claiming that he was the best best best abolitionist because Chernow is interested in hagiography, not biography. Unfortunately, Newton-Hamilton seem interested in the same thing.

A brief note on word usage: an enslaver, in most current usage, is defined as someone who participated in any aspect of the slavery enterprise. Considering AH’s undisputed role as money-handler (or the more laughable ‘he was a banker’ assertion in the Newton-Hamilton essay) for members of the Schuyler family acquiring enslaved persons, AH was an enslaver.

In my opinion, on the issue of slavery, AH is damned by his extensive ties from 1780 onwards to the Schuyler family. There’s nothing that can explain away the fact that AH at times lived with, visited, and sent his wife and children for extended stays and to be educated by his slave-owning in-laws. AH did not somehow become innocently involved in slave trading and ownership. Rather, he knew what he was doing when he married into the heavy slave-trading and owning Schuyler family and when he engaged in business acts for that family, including helping them to acquire/sell enslaved persons. These were morally weighty - and abominable acts, argued even in his day - and he did them anyway. There is not any record that remains that he had a problem having his children reared within an abhorrent system/household where people were enslaved and served them; in fact, given the number of times he sent his children to his father- and mother-in-law’s home for extended periods, it could be suggested he found nothing morally objectionable going on there. Philip Hamilton even thanked his enslaver grandfather for his advice on how to “be a good man.” P. Schuyler’s wealth and trading was through the slavery economy. Moreover, AH’s economic concerns were also inextricably tied to slavery - keep in mind that every mention of tariffs on sugar is connected to the slave trade. Almost everything led back to that evil institution.

During AH’s lifetime, a number of white AND Black persons articulated that all enslaved Black and Indigenous persons should be freed, that the practice of enslavement was a grave moral failing. AH was well-informed enough to know that Black Americans were articulating how freedom should be applied to them - indeed, many of the manumission policies of the original states arose from these efforts. So AH was fully aware of the arguments. (His son was involved!) Maybe this helped inspire him and his slave-owning friends and political colleagues to form the NY Society for Promoting the Manumission of Slaves, although none of this group agreed to give up their own enslaved persons as part of the organization of this group.

Or, as Newton-Hamilton audaciously state, “[AH] was more involved in building a nation” sotto voce based on enslavement and racial distinction than he could be bothered to care about the lives of enslaved people. This shouldn’t be a surprise when it comes to AH’s major moral failings/blind spots - he didn’t care about the lives of the people affected by his whiskey tax either. If one wants to nevertheless call this a “good man,” we’re probably looking at each other from across a void.

But this is well-trod territory. Several articles post-Chernow have evaluated and summarized positions on AH and slavery that I share:

“Hamilton's position on slavery is more complex than his biographers' suggest. Hamilton was not an advocate of slavery, but when the issue of slavery came into conflict with his personal ambitions, his belief in property rights, or his belief of what would promote America's interests, Hamilton chose those goals over opposing slavery. In the instances where Hamilton supported granting freedom to blacks, his primary motive was based more on practical concerns rather than an ideological view of slavery as immoral. Hamilton's decisions show that his desire for the abolition of slavery was not his priority.” Michelle DuRoss, “Somewhere in Between: Alexander Hamilton and Slavery,” Early American Review, 2011 [part 1, part 2]

“But it does illustrate something that his primary modern biographers have been reluctant to concede: Hamilton routinely subordinated his antislavery inclinations to other family and political concerns, and he did not ever approach even a modest level of engagement on the issue in his otherwise voluminous published works.” Phil Magness, “Alexander Hamilton’s Exaggerated Abolitionism,” 2015

“He was not an abolitionist...[h]e bought and sold slaves for his in-laws, and opposing slavery was never at the forefront of his agenda.” Annette Gordon-Reed, “Correcting ‘Hamilton’,” Harvard Gazette, 2016.

Serfilippi extends this:

When those sources are fully considered, a rarely acknowledged truth becomes inescapably apparent: not only did Alexander Hamilton enslave people, but his involvement in the institution of slavery was essential to his identity, both personally and professionally.

I have no objection to her statement. We simply have no record of AH strongly challenging the institution of slavery, while several of his colleagues and friends most certainly did. Instead, we have the financial transactions, the possible use of enslaved labor, and the possible ownership of enslaved persons, alongside his strong personal, professional, and political ties to owners of enslaved persons. And the new evidence: the inclusion of the following in a list of persons dead of Yellow Fever in NYC 1798, “Hamilton Alexander, major-general, the black man of, 26 Broadway” An Account of the Malignant Fever, Lately Prevalent in the City of New-York, 1799. We cannot know if this was an enslaved man or a free Black man who lived and labored for the Hamiltons, but it should eliminate anyone confidently stating that the Hamiltons did not own enslaved persons.

Thus, Serfilippi has successfully accomplished at least one important goal: bringing to the forefront the names (as we have them) of persons, servant or enslaved, connected to the Hamiltons.

I wrote above that part of the problem here is hagiography. If his concern is with the truth, I certainly look forward to Newton’s chapter-by-chapter repudiations of books written by Chernow, Brookhiser, and Knott on AH and the AH/GW relationship.This leads to the second issue that has arisen: the unprofessional, and frankly gross, glee in trying to punch down on a young female scholar. In my own field (an ex-partner is a military historian so I’ll speak for their field too), the approach when one believes a colleague is publishing in error and one has additional information that could illuminate the issues is to contact them and seek to work together to analyze and draw conclusions. Newton and the anonymous Love Hamilton clan didn’t treat Serfilippi as if she were deserving of this respect. Moreover, Newton has never, to my knowledge - and I purchased his books! - gone this hard after Chernow, who certainly deserves it even more.

But Newton-Hamilton betray their own concerns here: “Considering the era in which Hamilton lived, the challenges he faced, and his accomplishments, it is not difficult to understand why Hamilton did not make opposition to slavery his primary focus. His attention was on building a nation.” And what kind of nation was that? At the Constitutional Convention, AH’s lengthy speeches on the formation of the government have been recorded. There is no record of him offering any statements about the slavery issue, unlike his friend Gouverneur Morris.

Newton-Hamilton continue: “Unfortunately, that meant neglecting other important matters, not just slavery but also his own financial well-being.” Wow, a comparison is made between AH’s personal finances and the ownership of human beings. Could these authors be any clearer that the slavery issue is an inconvenience that they are ultimately unconcerned about? I’m unsure if Newton-Hamilton realize just how gross their attempt at addressing this issue has been, and that it’s hard to take their interpretation and analysis of the evidence seriously when these are the kinds of statements making their way into the rebuttal essays.

Now there is an interesting discussion about how even later abolitionists did not see a conflict in the employment of enslaved labor, but that too isn’t something that Newton-Hamilton show interest in. Instead, their approach seems to be that AH needs to be celebrated at all costs, and thankfully, those days are passing into history.

*It’s ridiculous that a group of people have given themselves a stupid pseudonym to avoid attaching their actual names to a so-called scholarly article. And I’m aware that I’m writing this anonymously, but on tumblr where maybe 5 people have made it to the end of this (I’m not publishing it on my real blog).

**I will not link it, but it can be found on Newton’s blog discoveringhamilton.

[shra-vasti]

Title : Guilty Pleasure

Pairing : Jeonghan x reader

Genre : angst and fluff, FWB

Warnings : cheating, mention of sex

Synopsis : The sun watches what you do but the moon knows all of your secrets.

A/N : Hey there. I hope you are having a great day. Enjoy the read. Thankyou <3

He was a bad news.

Jeonghan was like a drug you could never get rid of. He was addictive and his whole aura demanded attention. He had his own way with things.

Maybe that's why you never felt wrong while giving in into his desires.

There are all types of love in this world but never the same love twice.

You couldn't quite point when it all started or you have always been feeling this way towards each other but whatever that was it was overwhelming and magical.

You didn't love each other but you craved for each other. You both could never get each other out of your head that's how enticing you were for each other.

He wasn't ready to end it with his on and off again high school sweetheart and you couldn't bring yourself to commit to somebody just yet but you and Jeonghan have been going on for a year now and you couldn't understand how.

"You look great in my shirt."

Jeonghan was leaning against the door frame when he said that immediately making you turn towards him smiling.

"I think you have told me that."

You felt a pair of hands slip onto your waist and a chaste kiss being placed on your neck. He kissed you from the back of your ear to the junction of your neck and shoulders again going up towards your ear and biting it.

You sighed in content as you relaxed against him.

"You already have marked me enough stop it."

You remembered the last night incident when he came up to your apartment with drinks. You made dinner together enjoying each other's presence.

After the dinner he informed he would be staying the night leading you to have a short makeout session to which turn into a not so short intimate time.

You fucked all night having miss each other since his girlfriend was back in town due to holidays.

You couldn't meet each other since she was back and you could tell you missed him cause unlike him you had nobody to entertain when you were away form him.

You felt guilty about meeting Jeonghan behind her back since she was your friend too but that doesn't necessarily hide the fact that you and Jeonghan were infatuated with each other.

It was like a guilty pleasure for Jeonghan. Cheating isn't a good thing it's a crime when you betray the one whom you have given your heart and mind to and he knows that.

It was suppose to be a one time thing, he missed his girlfriend since she was away and some pieces of you reminding him of her and with you obliging with the hints he was giving at you led everything from one time to two and three till it continued to grow.

It was in his mind that if he was going to suffer the guilt he might as well enjoy the pleasure.

He made it very clear to you about his intentions. That he wasn't going to break up with his girl and you were quite hesitant at first but a little bit of his persuation was enough for you to agree.

He was everything but a commitment to you. You were traumatized by the idea of commitment. You wanted the idea of getting committed to be gradual one and not preplanned.

He told you that few of your traits reminded him of his girlfriend one night after your hot makeout session.

He never particularly liked the idea of talking about his girlfriend in your presence but he couldn't help.

You were so much similar yet so different than his girlfriend with whom he would get in argument every other day.

He always complimented you for being a good listener and a very good adviser. He would often stumble upon your number or doorstep whenever he faced any kind of problems.

You were his escape from his withering relationship with his girlfriend. A fresh air on his stained surrounding.

It wasn't much before that he started feeling you everywhere in him.

He always told you how much he liked the smell of your hairs or the taste of your mouth. The feeling of your skin seemed to have gotten inside of him or into the air all around him and before he could realize you had become his physical necessity.

You never met during day time as to not get caught by either of your friends. None of them knew about your secret relationship. So you two made a promise to always meet at night or in a place which you were sure none of your friends would stumble.

"I think I'm staying here for a while, I missed you too much." he sighed against your neck biting it softly.

"Jeonghan you can't do that what if my friends come over unexpectedly? We can't do that."

"I don't care. I'll hide away till they go I just don't want to be away from you for a while."

His voice was tensed as if he was feeling frustrated with the way you were behaving right now but were you wrong? No and that was the thing he hated the most at such times.

Jeonghan never made you feel like he was using you only for his sexual needs. No it was never that he just needed you for his sexual needs.

You were always there for him whenever he had a fight with his girlfriend. Heck you have even seen him cry cause he just couldn't stand his girlfriend anymore.

She loved him just like how he did but both of them just weren't the right pair for each other and none of them were ready to acknowledge that fact just yet.

And admist of all this you were by his side. Always leaning your shoulder for him to cry. You were the only person who had seen him cry that hard to be honest.

You always had a way with your words which managed to calm all of his worries down. You would silently listen to him and after that carefully explained to him where he was going wrong and what he should do with it.

Unlike his girlfriend who would constantly put the blame on him for their withering relationship instead of peacefully talking it out.

You indeed had some of her traits but you had every other thing inside you which he wanted his girlfriend to have.

It was not about the outer appearance. Both of you were beautiful in the most breathtaking way but you were understanding in nature.

You knew where he was coming from and he was way more open about his selfish side with you too just like how he wanted to be with his girlfriend but the thing was that she lacked understanding.

She was possessive and he didn't like to be bound. He wasn't ready to forget all of his past self just so he could be with her.

She never allowed him to talk with his old friends and tried to make him a part of her. But how can he abandoned his set of friends just so he could please her? Even though he loved her he couldn't bring himself to leave his friends behind who had his back when everything was crumpling down for him.

And you never really had any of that sort of restriction on him. Yes you guys weren't in the position to restrict yourself but he had spent enough time with you to recognize what type of person you are inside out and man he was intoxicated by you.

The love he felt for you was way different than what he felt for his girlfriend. He wanted you to be in his life forever and he didn't care if you were with him or not.

But then again he wanted you all to himself. You were so amazing that he hated the idea of someone else touching you the way he touched you or the way anyone else could make you moan just like he does.

You look absolutely ravishing at such moment that he couldn't help but come undone just at your sight.

He knew your body way more than anyone else does and he knows how to handle you unlike your ex boyfriend who decided to treat you like trash and forever inflicting a trauma of being committed to someone completely.

You had cried countless of time in front of him whenever out of the blue your ex boyfriend would show up to show that he still had power over you.

Jeonghan hated to see you so weak because for him you were stronger than him. He could never cope up with his problems without you like you do.

Both of you had developed quite a feeling for each other which you didn't want to let go. You both felt at ease in each other's presence like you could be you without the feeling of hurting the other's feelings but also acknowledging your own.

"Had a hard time with your girl again?" you asked as you swirled around pulling him closer and circling your arms around his neck.

He touched your forehead with his as he looked into your eyes and sighed circling his hands on your body and resting them lazily on your hips.

"I don't even want to call her my girlfriend truthfully. It's like we are holding onto something which doesn't exist."

He shook his head laughing bitterly. You ran your fingers through his head and you motioned him to continue.

"We got into just another series of argument. I just wanted to spend some good time with her since she was back and all she did was ignore me the whole time. She kept on meeting her friends and when it came to me we would meet but end up either getting third wheeled or in an argument."

He engulfed you into a hug, his shoulders shaking as he let out short whimpers. You stroke his head softly telling him its okay to cry and let it all out.

"Why can't she be like you?" he asked as he pulled himself away from you enough to see your face.

"Because she doesn't think like me." you simple said as he chuckled.

"Why can't she think like you? If she would have there was no need for me to come up to you looking for something which she clearly lacked. I just want a peaceful life is it too much to ask for?"

Your heart became heavy at that. You couldn't imagine your life without him now and you felt a pang in your heart at that. Maybe you were forgetting your place and this is just a reminder of why you can't have him.

"Why don't you just break up with her?"

"I have wasted too much of my time and energy on her, I can't do that."

"Your peace of mind is more important than your energy at this moment to be honest."

"I don't know."

"You always know Jeonghan, you just want everything but know that you can have everything."

You aren't sure if he will leave you and marry her or leave her to start a new life but you are sure that he is bound to get hurt and you were willing to wait for that moment so that you could show him what he did was right and that you were here for him.

Most of your heart wanted him to let go of her and get hurt as selfish and crooked as that sound. But it will be a lot better than him crying his eyes out like this every time.

You are always going to make sure he forgets his girlfriend as long as you are there in his presence. And that's the most important thing for now.

So without further due you tucked his arms as you lead him to your bedroom to make his head spin so much that the only thing he could hear and breathe was you and forget his girlfriend at least for now.

[beermanoftana]

a phone pal [chris evans]

ship: chris evans x female!reader

warnings: swearing; edited in a few minutes so mistakes may be present; first chris evans fic so...

notes: my late valentine’s day gift for @angel-cap! super sorry it’s late. i really enjoyed writing this and i hope you like it, too! i was gonna make this a calum fic but i just didn’t have the feelings for it, i’m sorry :( this fic focuses more on friendship but there’s implied future fluff in the end

summary: dialing the wrong number has its perks...legit

You walked around the room, wondering if you should send the text message that you've dying to send to your almost(?) significant other.

You looked at your phone once more before groaning and flopping down on your bed. "This sucks," you muttered.

As you check the bright screen that you've brought to your face, you read it aloud once more. 'I know we're just fucking around but I really like you…'

Without another thought, you pressed the send button and waited.

Now it's been thirty minutes and there was still no reply. You've been checking your phone every second you can, hoping that a reply would pop up.

Finally, a ding got your attention and you quickly double tapped to read it. What you thought was a reply from them was actually something way more embarrassing.

'Hi, I'm not supposed to meddle in your business but I don't think that having feelings for someone when you're just fucking around isn't really a good idea?'

You checked the number that you sent it to. Double checked. Triple checked. Then you took out the note from your pocket that your almost s/o had given to you. They had gotten a new number after they had a water accident.

Fuck.

You mixed up the digits due to hurry and panic.

You began turning red, your neck was heating up and your cheeks were flushed.

What are you going to do? Should you even reply or pretend that nothing had happened?

You stared at your phone for a few minutes before saying, 'Sorry, that text was meant for someone else. But hi.' You stopped. You hadn't realized that you needed a non-biased opinion. Someone who didn't know you or your almost s/o. None of your friends knew what was happening between you two, they'd forbid it. 'Who are you?' Hitting send, you exhaled and smacked your forehead with your right hand. "What. The. Fuck."

A moment later you get a reply.

'Haha. Don't worry about it. Hi to you, too. This is weird but...hey, you can call me Chris.'

Your heart thumped. Were you getting a new friend?

'Nice to meet you, Chris. I'm Y/n.'

'Nice to meet you, too, Y/n. I'm a bit bored right now, want to talk about what's bothering you?'

As you were about to message back you paused and said, 'Wait, how old are you?'

'I'm old enough. I swear.'

You had a bit of doubt in you but you guessed that you'd never have any proof.

And so you began the texting about what you were having trouble with.

You and almost s/o were in the same circle of friends. You had met in college and you were instantly attracted to them. Problem is, they blatantly said they weren't interested. You took it, accepted it and didn't look back.

But then summer came and you were both lonely. You had recently broken up with someone and your almost s/o was just looking for a good time.

The rest can be figured out.

'Well, as I said earlier unless they admit they have feelings for you, too, then it's best to just move on. I can't stop you from fucking around but I suggest that feelings should step aside.'

You knew that. You knew that would be the answer. You supposed you were just hoping that someone would push you a little more.

You don't reply until you get a message asking if you're okay.

'Yeah. Just…just. Haha.'

And that was the start of a friendship between you and Chris. You had been constantly messaging each other. From time to time, one of you will suggest calling the other. Usually, Chris was too busy for a call but he hadn't disappointed you. You understand how busy people can be.

Were you falling for him? Infatuated, maybe. But if this keeps up any longer than it probably won't be impossible.

He was the first, and only, person whom you had confided all your worries about your ex-almost s/o. When things began falling apart with them, you talked to Chris. His advice hadn't changed but he did tell you to be more careful, for you to get ready for heartbreak. And you took that. You prepared yourself and when it finally happened, when they found their own s/o, it was time to say goodbye.

"We parted," was the first thing you said when you had the chance to talk to him on the phone.

"And how did you feel?" His voice was soft and gentle.

"I guess there was really a part of me that was really going to be disappointed and heartbroken."

"That's understandable."

You hummed in response. "But at the same time, I feel so free."

"That's great, Y/n." You can actually hear his smile. "I'm happy for you."

"Thanks," you replied.

There was a comfortable silence until you heard someone call his name from the background. "Yeah!" Chris shouted. He then said, "I gotta go, Y/n. Talk to you later?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Great. B—oh! Before I forget...well, chicken out, actually. Do you...maybe...wanna have some coffee with me?"

Your eyes widened. You two had never even talked about meeting each other in real life. You two weren't too far away from each other (for now, at least. Or so says Chris who claims he moves from time to time.). He must still be in the area.

"Sure," you said. "I'd like that."

"Great!" His voice was cheery and excited. "Pick the place and I'll pick the time?" He joked, but you had no problem with that. You gave him a café and he gave you a 4 pm. "I'll see you tomorrow." 

And with that, you didn't really know what to do from there.

It was only 3:30 pm and you were already seated in an armchair. You had messaged Chris to tell him you had arrived. He called no more than a minute later with a panicked voice and informed you that he'd be there as soon as he can.

So you waited as the clock ticked. At 3:59 pm, you became more nervous than you had anticipated. And at exactly 4 pm, the door opened and you looked up expecting to see some guy your age in a shirt and jeans.

But what you saw was a god. A white shirt tucked behind his blue sweater vest which showed off his physique and jeans that showed, when he turned around, America's Ass.

Chris Evans.

You took a deep breath before reaching for your phone.

"It's just a coincidence," you whisper to yourself. "Just a coincidence."

You send a light-hearted message saying, 'It's 4 pm. Are you ditching me?'

You quickly put the phone down and watched as Chris Evans checked his phone.

Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God.

A second later, a reply saying 'I'm here. Where are you?'

Biting the bottom of your lip, you messaged, 'Table at the furthest corner, the window is to my left. White blouse.'

You don't even bother looking at Chris Evans anymore, in fear that your imagination had gone wild. But no matter who your Chris was, you'd accept him either way.

Seconds later you see a pair of shoes as you continue pretending to look at your phone.

"Y/n?"

Dear God, that's his voice.

You look up and don't even hide the surprise on your face. It really was him. "Hi," you squeaked.

He held out his right hand for you to shake. "Chris Evans."

"Y/n Y/l/n."

"It's good to finally meet you."

"Likewise."

He smiled. "Mind if I join you?"

You giggled. "You owe me a slice of cake for making me wait."

He rolled his eyes as he sat opposite you. "Whose fault was it to come early?"

You grinned. "It's good to finally meet you, Chris."

He smiled softly. "I'm glad you mixed up the number."

The fangirl inside of you leaped for joy. Chris Evans. Out of all Chris's in the world.

But at the same time, this was Chris. Your friend. Your confidant. Whoever he was, you would've accepted him.

"Yeah, " you look down at the table before flipping your hair and continued, "so do I."

tagging: @angel-cap @vanillabullets

[quickspinner]

Beautiful Dreams - Ch 5 Reality Check

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | AO3

I’m sorry this chapter took so long but I assure you it was necessary. For updates on my in-progress stories, check my WIP Report tag. It will probably be a while before the next update to this story because I’m going to try to get the last few chapters closer to completion before I start posting again, so that we will only hopefully have one more significant delay and then the remaining chapters will come quickly.

I hope you enjoy this chapter in the meantime!

He couldn’t have asked for a better beginning. Even the fifty-three texts from Rose he had to answer when he got home couldn’t dim the smile on his face. 

Luka spent the next few days in a glow of quiet contentment, polishing his new song and texting occasionally with Marinette. She was incredibly busy during work hours, but they spoke a little bit each evening. 

Happy as he was, though, he still felt...heavy. It made him think about what Juleka had said and he began to wonder if there was more to what he was feeling than grief over his mother.

Luka could have texted but he called just for the comfort of hearing her voice and the everyday sounds of her life in the background. “Hey, Jules,” Luka said, smiling at the sound of Angie’s distant coos and Rose’s baby talk. “Can you text me Dr. Thorpe’s number? I think the one I have is out of date.”

“Yeah, sure,” Juleka replied, surprised. “Is...is everything okay? I thought...your date went okay, right? You told Rose it was good.”

She would have mocked him mercilessly if she could see the grin that broke over his face. “It went amazing,” he told her. “It’s just...I was thinking about what you said, about how I’ve been lately, and maybe there’s...maybe there’s more to how I’ve been feeling than just losing Mom, you know? You know the medication never worked for me like it did for you, but it’s been a few years. I thought maybe I could just check in with the doc and see if there’s anything new I could try. Obviously just the meditation and exercise isn’t cutting it anymore, so…can’t hurt to ask, right?” 

“Yeah...yeah, I get it. I think that’s a good call.” He heard her sigh of relief and winced slightly. “You’re still going to the support group?”

“Not as regularly, lately, but yeah, I go when I need to,” Luka told her, tapping one finger on his leg restlessly. “Hey...thanks for everything. I know I’ve made things really hard for you when they were already difficult, so...thanks for being there.” 

“Just returning the favor,” Juleka mumbled. 

“That’s not one I ever wanted paid back,” he sighed. 

“Well…” Juleka fell silent for a moment, and Luka waited for her to put her thoughts together. “Well. It’s not over yet, but you’re working on it so...it’s okay. I’m okay. I can handle it.”

“It’d be okay if you couldn’t,” Luka reminded her. “I don’t ever want to be—”

“Shut up,” Juleka bit out harshly. “Just shut up, Luka. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” She sighed heavily. 

"Okay,” Luka said gently. “Okay, Jules. That’s all I needed anyway. I love you, okay?” 

“Sap,” she muttered, and then, “So the date went well?”

Luka let his head fall back and grinned at the ceiling. “The date went great. Amazing. We’re supposed to go out again soon.” He hesitated. “I was thinking,” he said slowly, “About maybe taking her to The Highlander.” 

“The Highlander? You haven’t been there in months,” Juleka said, and Luka could hear she was frowning. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? Especially for a second date.”

“No,” Luka admitted, tapping his fingers on the arm of the chair. “You think it’s too soon?”

“I think maybe you should go by yourself—wait, not by yourself. I think you and I should go first. See how you handle it. It didn’t go so well last time, Luka. And you haven’t been there in ages, you know people are going to stop to talk and they’re going to want to know how you are and...it just might be hard.”

Luka pressed his lips together and sighed through his nose. “Yeah. You’re right. Maybe a little bit later.” 

“I just don’t want you to take on more than you can handle,” Juleka said, and he could hear Rose’s worried voice asking indistinct questions in the background. “Or rushing things too much and getting hurt. It might be just a quirky little Scottish pub to her but that doesn’t change what it is to us. It’s not fair to take her there like it’s just another theme bar.”

“Right,” Luka sighed. “Okay, I’m convinced. I’ll think of something else. You know I kind of hate movie dates.”

“That’s because you’re intense and nosy,” Juleka told him bluntly. “Movie dates are good, they give you something to talk about besides prying out her darkest secrets or spilling all of yours.” 

Luka rolled his eyes. “Tell me how you really feel.”

“I always do,” Juleka snorted. “Someone has to keep you from getting all up in your head and being an idiot.”

“Yeah, thanks so much for that,” he grumbled, but he was smiling. 

“Luka…”

“Yeah?”

There came another gusty sigh. “I love you too.” 

Then she hung up on him. Luka rolled his eyes, but smiled a moment later when his phone dinged as her text with the number came through.

***

Luka’s good mood lasted through the week, right until the moment he opened his door to a slightly pale Louis and a stone-faced Adrien. Luka pursed his lips for a moment. Adrien didn’t say anything until Luka sent Louis into the studio with instructions to start his warmups. The room was mostly soundproof with the door closed. Luka made sure it was shut and then went back to the hall where Adrien was still standing, his expression still stiff but murder in his eyes.

“Enjoy your date?” Adrien growled. 

Luka folded his arms and leaned one shoulder against the wall. “I did. I’m hoping to take her out again sometime soon.” 

Adrien’s face twisted. “Did you fuck my wife, Couffaine?” 

Luka sighed through his nose, lips tight. “I did not sleep with your ex-wife, no,” he said slowly, looking Adrien in the eye. “I took her out, I did my best to charm the hell out of her, and I kissed her.” He straightened up off the wall and faced Adrien. “Not that it’s actually any of your business what we do together.” 

“If it gets out—”

“I don’t give a shit, Adrien,” Luka said sharply, leveling a glare at his old friend. “I don’t care about your reputation, I never have. Isn’t that why your father told you to stay away from me in the first place?”

Adrien reared back a little. “That—”

“Forget it,” Luka cut him off, holding up a hand. “Listen, I don’t hold your father against you. Not the things he said and did, and not the things he made you do. I know that none of that was your fault. But what you do and say here and now, Adrien, that’s on you, so don’t talk to me about making Marinette dance to your tune to save your reputation, or this conversation is gonna go downhill real fast. She’s single. She’s her own woman. She can date who she wants. If that’s me—” Luka shrugged. “I couldn’t care less what your investors think about it.”

“You absolute bastard.” Adrien scowled when Luka didn’t react. “How the hell can you stand there and act so calm?”

“Because I know your feelings don’t actually have anything to do with me,” Luka said softly. “You feel angry and hurt and betrayed, just like you have for the last, what, year and a half? Almost two, now, right? But deep down I don’t think you’re petty enough to want Marinette to be miserable, or to resent me for making her happy. If that’s even something she wants, by the way, which is by no means certain. It was only one date.” 

“I can’t believe you,” Adrien burst out, his hands making an abortive gesture at his sides. “You knew her for what, five minutes?”

“Don’t give me that,” Luka snapped, his arms unfolding as he gave Adrien a hard look. “I know exactly how long it took for you to find somebody else after the divorce was final, the whole world does.”

Adrien winced. “That was a mistake,” he muttered. “I was hurt, I was angry, she was the one person I thought would never leave and I just wanted—” he broke off and took a shuddering breath. 

Luka softened a little, reminding himself that this was his friend. “Look,” he sighed. “I know you’ve gone through a lot and we do stupid things when it comes to the people we love. I get it. I know that the divorce wasn’t what you wanted, I get that too. But you don’t get to decide when she’s allowed to move on. Or to whom.” He waited for a moment but Adrien said nothing, and he went on. “Look. For what it’s worth, I give you my word, I will treat her right. I’ll be careful with her and I’ll be careful with Louis. I’m trying to be as careful as I can with you, I really am.” 

“I know,” Adrien ground out. “I think it just makes it worse. I really want to hate you.”

“I know. If you don’t want to talk to me for a few weeks—or longer—I totally get it. I can start doing written reports over email for Louis. You can just drop him off and pick him up and leave without saying a word to me if you want. I mean, you can pull him out if you want to, but I don’t think either of us really wants that. He’s doing really well so far.” Luka hesitated. “I don’t want to cause him problems though so if he’s no longer comfortable with me, I’d understand.” 

Adrien took a deep breath. “We’ll see,” he said grudgingly. “I just don’t know right now. I’m not sure he’d tell us if he was uncomfortable, to be honest, and I don’t...well. Like I said, we’ll see. You’ll probably see it before either of us if he’s got a problem with you. For now, just go on, he’s waiting for you, and I really need to get out of here. I’m still mad as hell.”

Luka nodded. “Later, Adrien.”

“Asshole,” Adrien muttered as he left.

When he entered the studio, Luka wasn’t surprised to see Louis sitting tense on the piano bench, not playing. He went over and leaned against the piano instead of sitting next to him as he normally would. “Hey,” Luka smiled. “Your mom talk to you?”

“Yeah,” Louis said, staring at the keys. 

“You want to talk about it, or are you not ready yet?”

Louis glanced up at him in surprise, then seemed to think about it. “I don’t think I want to,” he said after a moment. 

“Okay. Can I sit?” Louis hesitated, and Luka added, “Or do you just want to play your feelings for a minute?” It had become part of their routine, whenever Louis seemed to need it. He still fumbled a lot, not quite comfortable with improvising, but the emotions were there and came across and that was what mattered. 

Louis nodded slowly. “Yeah. Yeah, I think I need that.” 

“Can I stay, or would you rather I let you get it out on your own?” 

Louis seemed to think again, and Luka was glad. At least the boy wasn’t just rejecting him outright. “You can...you can stay, I think. Maybe it’ll be easier than talking.” 

“Okay. Thanks for that. If you change your mind, let me know and I’ll go. I know this is all—” Luka sighed. “Confusing, and frustrating and maybe even hurtful. It’s okay. You just...feel what you need to feel, and play what you need to play, okay? We don’t have to talk until you’re ready, and if that’s not today, that’s okay too. There’s no rush. We can set our own pace with this.”

Louis nodded, and raised his hands over the keys. “Okay,” he said, more to himself than Luka. “Okay.”

Luka leaned back against the piano, folded his arms, and closed his eyes, tuning into the music and the boy who made it. It was all the things he’d expected. Confused, angry, hurt, sad. Luka kept his expression neutral and resisted the urge to sigh. He reminded himself that he’d known it wouldn’t be easy. There wasn’t anything he could say to make this better. 

He just had to be patient. This might have been easier if they hadn’t known each other already; he could have dated Marinette for a while until they were sure they had something serious and then met Louis. At least Luka hadn’t had to deal with every person his mother dated; she only asked him to meet the ones that mattered (though in the end, it turned out none of them had mattered that much). 

But Louis was a smart kid, he already knew something was up, and when in doubt Luka tended to err on the side of openness. In Luka’s experience, secrets almost always hurt worse. 

As he listened to Louis’ song, he was reminded of his conversation with Nicoline and the recorded performance he’d listened to when he got home. Luka had talked to Louis about performing in the recital and hadn’t gotten much more than weary acceptance. Apparently Louis was accustomed to being expected to perform whether he wanted to or not, which told Luka that, much like the younger Adrien, Louis had never performed a piece he was emotionally invested in. Luka hated that, and he didn’t want to ask Louis to perform another soulless piece, even if Louis technically picked it himself.

An idea was forming in his mind, but Luka was going to have to think carefully about it, about whether it was in Louis’ best interests or whether he was letting his own feelings, both old and new, color his judgement. He took a slow, thoughtful breath, tapping his fingers against his arm as he considered.

“Luka?” 

Luka jumped slightly, and realized Louis had stopped playing and was looking at him. “Hey, sorry, man, I had a thought and I zoned out there for a second. I got the gist, though.” He motioned towards the piano bench. “Can I sit now?”

Louis slid over immediately, but Luka didn’t move until he said, quietly. “Yes. Go ahead.” 

“Listen,” he said, “I said we don��t have to talk about anything until you’re ready and I mean that. I just want you to know that nothing that happens in this room changes. Here, it’s about the music and about helping you get to a good place with it. I know maybe it looked like I was off in my own world a bit for a second there, but it’s not because I wasn’t paying attention to you. What I was thinking about just now, that was about the music too. I just need to think about it a little more before we can talk about it, but I promise we will, okay?”

Louis nodded slowly. 

“Do you want to talk about this thing with me and your mom?” Luka asked, stroking his own fingers along the keys for a moment, and then beginning to play absently as he spoke. “Or do you want to wait a little longer? Or maybe do it somewhere that’s not here?”

“I don’t know what to say,” Louis mumbled. “It’s not like it matters what I think.” 

“Of course it does,” Luka said, pausing for a moment to look at him. “What you think always matters, Louis, and you deserve to be heard. So if you have something to say, you tell me so. I can’t say how much it’ll change anything, but I will always hear you and consider what you have to say, okay?”

“Yes,” Louis said after a moment. “That’s what Maman said, too.”

Luka put his hands back on the keys and began to play the turbulent waves of his own emotions, though it didn’t come as naturally to him on the piano as the guitar. “I can’t say I know exactly how you feel, because we’re two different people in different circumstances. But my parents split up when I was little, a few years younger than you, and I know how it felt when other guys started coming around my mom. So I’m not totally clueless here.” He glanced at Louis, and then went on. “I like your mom a lot, and she seems to like me pretty well so far, and it’s going to take a while to find out exactly what that means for all of us. Your mom and I, we have a lot to figure out and we’re going to take our time doing that. That’s what dating is for, you know? Getting to know each other and figuring out whether you can be good together and you want the same things out of life and relationships and whatever, and that takes time. So not a lot’s going to change overnight, okay?”

Louis nodded slowly. “That’s what she told me.” 

“Good,” Luka smiled slightly. “So that part’s between me and her and that’s stuff nobody can figure out but us. You and your mom are a package deal, though, so that means, you and I have stuff that nobody else can figure out either. That’s the good news, though, that you and I get to decide what that means, no one else. I mean, your mom and dad, they’re still your mom and dad and they’re going to make the rules for a while, and you and I, we get to just hang out and get to know each other. And if it turns out we can’t stand each other, well, obviously that’s a problem that we’re all going to have to deal with. But, so far, I think you’re a pretty cool kid, Louis.”

Louis looked up at him sharply, eyebrows soaring, breaking that polite mask into a look of incredulous doubt. “You think I’m cool,” he said in a deadpan voice. 

Luka laughed, actually pleased to see a normal kid expression on Louis’ face. “Why is that a surprise?”

“Nobody thinks I’m cool,” Louis drawled, like Luka was completely dense. “Not sure how you didn’t notice, but I’m a nerd, Luka.” 

Luka was struggling not to completely lose it. “Nerds can be cool,” he managed to say through the suppressed laughter threatening to strangle him. “So what if you’re a nerd? What’s wrong with being passionate about knowledge?” 

“But I’m—” Louis looked down at himself, at his clothes, Luka realized, and made a face. 

“Sophisticated?” Luka grinned. 

Louis gave him an exasperated look. “I look like I tripped and fell off a catalogue page.”

Luka tried not to laugh. “So what?” 

“So I am not cool,” Louis pouted, folding his arms. “I’ll never be cool.” 

“Louis,” Luka chuckled, taking his hands off the keys and turning slightly to face the boy. “The kind of cool I’m talking about isn’t about how you dress or what your hobbies are or what instrument you play.” He nodded at the piano. “It’s about being interesting and fun to be around and putting out good energy to the people around you, and you’ve got all of that. You want me to pick another word, I will, but what you call it isn’t going to change anything.” Luka cocked his head. “Do you want to be different from the way you are?”

“Well…” Louis looked thoughtful, his hand going up to rub the back of his neck in a gesture that Luka immediately recognized. “No? Or maybe...maybe sometimes. Maybe some things. I like most of it, fencing and music and...and school—” He darted a quick look at Luka.

“Nothing wrong with being good at and enjoying all those things,” Luka nodded. “But there’s other things you’d like to try?” Luka suggested. “Including maybe changing up your look?” 

Louis nodded.

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Luka said, again having trouble keeping a straight face. “Trying out things is part of growing up. And if you don’t like these supposedly cool things, that doesn’t make you uncool. Uncool is going with things you don’t really like just because you’re trying to fit some image people made up.” He paused for a second, suddenly feeling both an intense sense of deja vu and like he was on dangerous ground, because this time he wasn’t a kid talking to his friend, he was an adult, an authority, talking to a child who wasn’t his own. The last thing he wanted was to upset either of Louis’ parents by encouraging him in the little kid version of a Couffaine-style rebellion, even if he felt like the kid deserved to be a kid a bit more. “If there’s something like that you want to do or try, just tell your parents so,” he said. “Or your therapist, if you don’t feel comfortable going to them right away, and she’ll help you figure out how to ask. It’s her job to help you work through hard stuff like that, right?”

Louis wrinkled his nose slightly. “I can’t tell my mom I want to change the way I dress, she’d be so upset. All the clothes I wear are her clothes.”

“You think so?” Luka asked, slightly surprised, his eyebrows raising. “You think your mom would rather you wear clothes you don’t like and don’t feel good in just to make her comfortable, instead of being honest with her and letting her help you find something you like better?” 

Louis opened his mouth and then shut it again. 

“It’s okay to want things and it’s okay to ask for the things you want,” Luka told him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “You might not always get them but your parents love you and I know they’ll at least talk about them with you. I might not know your mom as well as you do, but I feel pretty confident she wouldn’t want you to stay silent about something that’s bothering you just to keep from upsetting her. I might be way off base but I bet helping you figure out a look you actually like would be a fun challenge for her.” He shrugged. “Ask her and see. The worst she can say is no, right?” 

“Yeah...maybe…” Louis looked away, reaching for the keys again. He played a simple exercise, his thoughts clearly elsewhere.

“Hey,” Luka said, squeezing his shoulder gently. “Are we cool? For now, at least?”

Louis took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Yeah. For now.” 

“Fair enough,” Luka smiled, letting his hand fall away. “So, we still have a little time left before your dad comes back, let’s get back to the music, shall we? And from now on, anytime you want to talk to me about any of that other stuff, you can call or text. We won’t talk about it again during lessons. I meant what I said. This time is for you and the music and everything else stays outside the door, okay?” 

“Okay,” Louis gave a little smile. 

Luka felt a little encouraged by the talk, and a little relieved that once it was out of the way, they’d been able to fall back into their usual routine for lessons. Guilt descended on him though when Adrien returned to pick Louis up. Both men were nothing less than cordial in front of Louis, but the easy familiarity they’d always had was gone, and Luka was sure Louis sensed the tension between them no matter how the two adults tried to hide it. 

Luka sank back on his couch when they were gone, letting his head fall back against the back. He wasn’t sure how long he sat there just staring at the ceiling, but the sun was down when he finally got up.

***

If he’d had any second thoughts over the next few days, his second date with Marinette renewed his resolve. He took Juleka’s advice and they went to a movie, something not too intense that they could laugh and poke fun at afterwards. Marinette seemed a little more relaxed, and he teased her about her choice of snack foods and she teased him for the way he kept humming the soundtrack over and over.  

If the kisses they shared were softer and maybe a little shyer than before, they were just as sweet, and Luka couldn’t find it in him to be disappointed. They had maybe gone a bit fast for a first date, anyway. If she wanted to slow down a bit, that was fair. He came home smiling again, a little lightness in his heart that couldn’t be crowded out by all his other worries. 

Luka was humming to himself the next day as he let himself into the small cafe and waved to the owner before throwing himself down at a table by the windows and waiting for the company he expected, but who was, as usual, late.

Nicoline Sardou was a tall, angular woman with a commanding presence almost as powerful as her voice. It served her well on stage and in crowds, but she didn’t seem to know how to turn it off (or she chose not to), and being in a small space with her tended to feel overwhelming. She walked into the small cafe like the diva she was, complete with oversized sunglasses and giant, flashing chandelier earrings, and scanned the tables for him. 

Luka waved to get her attention. He saw her chin jerk when she spotted him and chuckled as he watched people practically leap out of her way as she approached. Luka had grown up with Anarka Couffaine, who’d had a different energy but just as much force behind it, and Juleka, who’d had a runway walk so fierce it made everyone in the front rows lean back every time she was on the catwalk, so he wasn’t phased by the aura of mystique she projected, and he always found it mildly entertaining to see other people react to her. 

Besides, he’d known Nicoline since university and it was hard to be intimidated by a woman he’d taken to the emergency room for a fractured coxis when she’d landed on her ass after a botched kegstand. 

“Good to see you, Nic,” he said, standing to greet her. They exchanged a bise and Nicoline squeezed his arm briefly before they sat back down.

“It’s been ages since I saw you last,” she said as they waited for the food they’d ordered. “You’ve barely even been answering my texts.”

Luka sighed and tried to smile. “I’m really sorry about that. I’m trying to be better.”

“You look better,” Nicoline said, tilting her head slightly. “Not so...sleepy. Are you resting better?”

“Sometimes,” Luka shrugged, but he didn’t really want to talk about it just then, even with someone he’d known as long as Nic. “So, Spring Recital,” he said, sitting back in his chair. “I know I haven’t been as engaged as I should and I’m sorry. Can you bring me up to speed on where we’re at?”

“Right,” Nicoline said, reaching into her bag and pulling out a folder, setting things out on the table between them. “I’ve reserved our usual venue and my students have chosen their pieces. Here’s the ones I need backup for.” She slid a list across the table, and then tapped one painted nail on a name. “This is the one I wanted to talk to you about. She’s really good, Luka, probably one of my favorite students I’ve ever taught. I want her to do the showcase piece, but if you don’t have any students who can match up to her, I’d rather use canned music.” 

Luka gave a thoughtful hum, looking at the name and the piece listed next to it. “Do you have—” Nicoline was pushing a CD across the table to him before he even finished speaking. Luka quirked an eyebrow at the choice of medium but picked it up and set it next to him on the table. 

“She’s track six,” Nicoline told him. “You’ll know her when you hear her. I was thinking maybe piano and guitar? Maybe drums if you can keep them from being too heavy.

Luka nodded. “I’ll listen to her and see who I’ve got that matches her style. I’m not going to pressure anyone into it though, Nicoline, you know I don’t believe in that.”

Nicoline waved that away; it was an old argument. Their teaching styles were as different as their personalities, and when they’d first gotten the idea to have Nicoline’s vocal students pair with Luka’s instrumentalists and collaborate on a few recital pieces, it had seemed almost crazy. Luka had always managed to match up groups that worked, though, and he was of the opinion that the students worked a little harder when someone else was counting on them. 

“Just let me know once you’ve got an arrangement put together,” Nic said, “And we can work out a rehearsal schedule.” 

“Who else is on board for the recital?” Luka asked, and they spent the rest of the lunch gossiping about their colleagues. Luka was sadly out of date on the news and he cringed a little as Nicoline related the latest drama to him. He should definitely touch base with some people.

“You want to come home with me?” Nicoline asked as she stirred her drink. “You look better but still like you could stand to lose a little tension.” She offered him a little smile. “And I missed you.” 

Luka shook his head and he could feel his mouth twitching as he tried not to smile too broadly. “I’m actually seeing somebody at the moment.”

“Oooh,” Nicoline raised her eyebrows, a sly grin of her own spreading over her face. “Is it serious?”

“It’s new,” Luka said, avoiding her gaze as he poked at his food, still smiling. “But yeah, it’s pretty serious. For me, anyway. It’s...things are...well—” He bit his lip to stop the fumbling, and shrugged just slightly. “She’s got baggage. And it’s not like I���m exactly rock steady myself right now. So...I think it’s gonna go slow....” He caught Nicoline’s look and grinned sheepishly. “Slow-ish,” he amended. “But…” That smile was trying to break through again. “But I think it’ll be worth it.” 

“Worth it, like, the one worth it?”

Luka made a noncommittal noise but he still couldn’t look her in the face.

“There’s something you’re not telling me,” Nicoline said, eyes narrowed, and he felt all the force of her personality on him in that moment. “Spill.” 

“Her son is one of my students,” Luka admitted, leaning his chin on his fist.

It was almost comical, how fast Nic’s eyes flew open. She leaned forward slightly. “You’re dating a client?”

“Technically, no,” Luka mumbled. “Technically, her ex-husband is my client.” 

Nicoline didn’t answer for a moment and he flicked his eyes up at her.

“Luka,” Nicoline sighed, shaking her head. “You never do things the simple way.” 

“Never,” he agreed, sitting up straight. “It’s a Couffaine thing.”

Nicoline checked the time on her phone. “I’ve got five minutes. Spill.”

Luka snorted, pulling his wallet out of his back pocket. “No.” He grinned to himself as he counted out the money, watching Nicoline’s mouth drop open in surprise and outrage, and then he stood up and dropped his cash on the table. “See you later, Nic. I’ll be in touch about the group.” He waved the CD at her and turned away, chuckling to himself as he left the cafe.

***

A week later, Luka was looking forward to his third date with Marinette with the same excitement and anticipation fizzing in his veins, but he knew something was wrong as soon as they met up. Marinette was tense, and she couldn’t seem to look at him for very long—but she couldn’t seem to stop looking at him, either. She kept shooting him quick, darting glances that skittered away before he could meet them. He reached for her hand and she let him take it, but her grip in return was weak and he thought maybe she was shaking. 

“Is everything okay?” he asked, when there was a lull in the sidewalk traffic that gave them a quiet moment.

“Yeah,” Marinette smiled up at him, and her hold on his hand got a little tighter. “It’s good.” 

Luka raised his eyebrows slightly as her gaze shifted away again. “Marinette,” he said, letting go of her hand to put his on her shoulder. “Please.” 

“It’s nothing, really, just something I wanted to talk about, but it can wait until we’re settled somewhere. It’s not, um...nothing earth shattering, I promise. I think.”

That was less reassuring than she had probably intended, but Luka did his best to cover his concern until they got to the restaurant they had agreed on. 

They ordered food and tried to chat, but Marinette was distracted and Luka was worried, and they couldn’t seem to keep a topic going. 

“Marinette,” Luka sighed finally, pushing his plate aside to take her hand. “Please just tell me what’s on your mind? Let’s just...deal with whatever it is, okay?” 

“I’m sorry,” Marinette said quickly, her fingers curling tight around his. “I didn’t want to ruin everything, and now I am and—”

“Marinette,” Luka interrupted, “Please. Just tell me.” 

She winced a little at his tone, and he regretted it, but the flightier she acted the more he began to fear the worst. “I just,” she hesitated, and Luka’s worry increased. “I guess I just wanted to know if we’re, um, exclusive? Or are we...not allowed but...I mean are we…” 

Okay, he told himself, that...wasn’t as bad as it could have been. “Do you want to be?” Luka asked, trying to keep his tone neutral. 

“Well I—” Marinette began, and then she looked down, fiddling with her napkin. “It’s just, someone else asked me out, and I realized I didn’t know, um, where you stood on us dating other people besides each other.” She glanced up at him and away, and Luka picked up his drink to give himself something to do while he tried to gather the wits her simple question had just scattered to the wind.

“Well,” he said slowly as he set his glass down. “We’ve only seen each other a few times. I think things are going really well and I hope that will continue, but if you want to see other people too, I wouldn’t feel right telling you not to.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Honestly, it pains me to say this, you probably should, Marinette, if you want to even a little bit. It might be good for you. I don’t want you to have any doubts or regrets.”

“I just can’t help but think...I never really dated anyone but Adrien before, and…” 

“Of course,” Luka nodded, and took her hand. “That makes total sense. So if you want to try going out with some other people, then I’m not going to stand in the way of that. I won’t say I really like it, but I understand.” He gave her a lopsided smile that he hoped didn’t betray him too badly and gave her a quick wink. “I’ll just have to step up my game, that’s all.” 

She squeaked and reached quickly for her water glass, and Luka chuckled in spite of himself. 

He tried to act as normal as he could for the rest of the date, but he knew he was quieter than he had been. He clung to her hand a little tighter, but kept his distance more than he had before, suddenly unsure of himself in a way he wasn’t really accustomed to. Luka couldn’t help feeling like he’d been misreading something, getting more invested than was justified, and all he could do was hold it together as best he could until he could get home and think. 

Their kiss goodnight was soft and sweet and he lingered over it longer than he probably should have, but it was reserved, too, in a way it hadn’t been before now, at least on his part. 

“Luka, is...are you really, okay with what we talked about?” Marinette asked him, her eyes tight.

Luka sighed. Clearly he hadn’t fooled her at all. “In my head, yeah,” he said, looking down at their fingers tangled together. “I know this is the right thing to do and I genuinely want you to be with me because you want to, and not because you just felt like you couldn’t explore other options. At the same time, I’m really into you and my heart and my gut might be having a harder time with it, that’s all. I’ll deal with it.” 

Marinette’s brow creased slightly and she frowned. “If you’re not really okay with this...I really like you too, Luka, and I don’t want to—” 

Luka smiled faintly. “I want you to be happy, Marinette. When you are ready for something more serious, I don’t want you to have any doubts. Figure out what you need, and do it, okay? Thank you for being honest with me about it.” He lifted her hand and stroked his thumb along the ladybug tattoo. “Just...keep me posted? On where we stand.” He hesitated. “Do you still want to go out again next week?”

“Yes,” Marinette said firmly, squeezing his hand. “Definitely.” She tugged him forward a little, and he stepped closer. “Luka, this doesn’t change anything about how I feel about you. I like this, I like what we have. I like you. A lot. And this is definitely not me liking you less as time goes on.” She blushed, dropping her eyes for just a moment before she looked back up at him. “It’s just, it’s like you said. I don’t want to have any doubts. I had such tunnel vision, with...before, and look how it turned out.” Marinette sighed, her brow creasing slightly. “I feel like that could happen again really easily...with you, so…” She bit her lip, eyes searching his face. “But now I’m scared of ruining what we have. Maybe I shouldn’t—what are you doing?” 

Luka drew her close, hands sliding from her waist to the small of her back as he dipped his head towards her. 

“If I’m going to have some competition, I want to make sure I leave an impression,” he breathed, lips brushing hers. “Is that okay?” 

He felt her lips move but no sound came out. “Marinette?” 

She managed to make a noise of assent and nod slightly, and Luka kissed her softly, once, twice, and then more firmly, tasting her with light brushes of his tongue as he coaxed her lips open. Luka kissed her as thoroughly as he knew how, focused on her reactions, intending to do exactly as he said, but also to fill himself with the taste, the feel of her, the sound of her soft noises in his ears, to burn it into his mind against the day when he might have to give it up. Marinette’s fingers curled into his coat and she whimpered softly. He let her turn her head away to gasp for air but pressed his lips into her jaw, and then her neck, and when she gasped his name it was shaky and breathless in a way that made him shiver, but it also held a note of warning that he couldn’t ignore. Luka nuzzled her neck one more time, breathing her in, and pulled back, placing one more soft kiss on her lips before he straightened.  

“Too much?” he asked quietly. “I’m sorry.” 

Marinette shook her head, her cheeks bright pink. “It was a lot, but...not too much. Not from you.” 

That brought the most genuine smile he’d had all evening to his face. “I should go. I’ll text you about next week?” 

Marinette nodded, and rose up on her toes to kiss his cheek. “Goodnight, Luka.”

“Goodnight, Marinette.”

Luka rode the subway home in a haze of confused, upset feelings. When he got home he kicked off his shoes and tossed away his jacket, pulling off his shirt on the way to his bedroom. He fell face down onto the bed, his phone gripped tightly in one hand, the edges of it digging into his palm. 

He raised it up and turned his head enough to peek at the time, and then he buried his face in the mattress again. It was late. Juleka would answer, even if she was sleeping, but he couldn’t do that to her. He took a deep breath and rolled over. He unlocked his phone, thumb hovering over Juleka’s number, and then Nicoline’s. She would be awake, but...he didn’t think Nicoline’s brand of support was what he needed right then. He switched to his music app and turned it on, dialing the volume up as high as it would go before setting the phone in the charging dock on his nightstand. He shimmied out of his pants and under the covers, and then curled up, counting the beats of the music and praying for sleep. 

***

It took Luka a few days to get his head together again after the bomb Marinette had dropped on him. He felt stupid, and frustrated, and disappointed (and irrationally angry at Juleka for being right), but he was determined not to let it bring him back down. He wasn’t sure if Marinette had talked to Louis about her intention to date other people. Louis didn’t bring it up at his lesson, so Luka let it lie, figuring it wasn’t his business to mention it if Louis didn’t. 

He felt a little bit better when Marinette called and asked him to go to a concert with her. The musician was a client and had given Marinette tickets, and she thought of him, so if he wasn’t busy, although it wasn’t really his style of music and maybe he wouldn’t be interested, but if he was, she really would rather go with him than anyone else, and— 

Luka was laughing by the time she paused long enough for him to accept her offer, and teased her about implying he was a music snob, and eventually she recovered from her spluttering to tease him back, and by the time Luka hung up the phone he was smiling. She thought of him, she invited him, and that was enough to help him find his resolve, and determine to put truth to what he’d said to her about stepping up his game. 

He focused his mind back on his work, and work found him sitting in a boring little bar in a neighborhood full of high rise office complexes. 

Luka had taken his time with this decision—almost too much time, if he wanted the kids to be ready in time, but he still tapped his fingers nervously on the table while he waited. It wasn’t a particularly ritzy bar, but Luka felt very out of place in this crowd. It wasn’t his normal hour to be out and the place was full of businessmen getting off work for the day.

Luka didn’t actually have to be here. Technically, he could have had this conversation over the phone, or even over email, but he wanted to do it in person. Luka wasn’t sure if he was in for an argument or not but he’d get a better read of the situation face to face. 

He was expecting it to be...awkward, though, after their last conversation. 

“So much for  you don’t have to talk to me for a while,” Adrien grumbled, dropping into the chair across from Luka.

It had been several weeks, but Luka could understand that it probably didn’t seem like long enough to Adrien. “I’ll be quick,” Luka said, leaning his elbows on the table. “Drink? On me.”

“God yes.” Adrien flagged down a server and ordered a drink that made Luka raise his eyebrows slightly. “It’s the end of the work day and I’m not driving,” Adrien defended himself, and Luka shrugged.

“Just not the kind of thing you usually drink,” he commented, voice carefully neutral. 

“Yeah, well, it’s been a while since we got a drink together,” Adrien snorted as the server returned and tapped the glass down in front of him. Luka was mildly amused at the prompt service; Adrien’s rich guy vibe was palpable, apparently. Or maybe he was a regular here, since it was near the office. “Now what do you want?” Adrien demanded, picking up his drink.

“I wanted to ask,” Luka said, curling his fingers in as he realized they were still drumming on the table, “If you’re still on that whole ‘Agrestes are soloists,’ thing your dad was so dead set on.” 

Adrien’s expression didn’t change other than the slight raise of his eyebrows. “Why?”

“Because an opportunity has come up for Louis—”

“No,” Adrien interrupted, putting his glass down. “No way. Marinette and I agreed before he was born, no opportunities until—”

“Let me finish,” Luka broke in, raising his hands slightly, and Adrien pressed his lips together. “Sorry,” Luka continued. “I forgot that might be a loaded word for you. Not that kind of opportunity, not a money-making type thing. Just, a chance to play as part of a group in the Spring Concert. I have a colleague looking for a group to back one of her singers. I’ve got a few students in mind and I think Louis would be a good fit for them. But before I even brought it up to him, I wanted to run it by you. I don’t want to get him excited about something you might not approve of.”

“As if you ever cared about anyone’s approval,” Adrien snorted, and Luka shrugged.

“It’s different when you’re working with kids,” Luka pointed out. “I don’t make decisions about what’s right for other people’s children. I’m just his teacher. You're his father.” At Adrien’s sharp look, he added, “That won’t change no matter what happens between me and Marinette. You’ll always be his father.” 

“I know that,” Adrien growled, picking up his drink and hiding behind it. Luka fought the urge to roll his eyes. After a minute, Adrien put the glass down with a little more force than necessary. “I’m not my father,” he said bitterly. 

Luka raised his eyebrows. “I know that,” he echoed.

“Do you?” Adrien sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. “Does anybody?” 

“Do you?” Luka asked, before he could think better of it, and stiffened slightly when Adrien’s eyes narrowed at him. “Sorry. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. Look, Adrien, I—” 

“Don’t,” Adrien snapped. “Just don’t, Luka. I know you lost your mom unexpectedly too and all, but don’t try to tell me you understand.” He turned his face away, blinking rapidly as he took a large swallow of his drink. 

“Okay,” Luka said softly, looking at the table and turning his glass absently. “I won’t. I don’t.” He closed his lips on whatever else he wanted to say. At least you got to bury a body, he thought bitterly, but he knew that was unfair. Luka had always had very black and white feelings about Adrien’s relationship with his father, and he was beginning to suspect Marinette did also, but Adrien had never been able to see it that way and had ignored or resented any suggestion that he really didn’t owe his father the kind of loyalty he’d been trained to show. Adrien had spent his whole life waiting for...something. Some kind of catharsis. Some acknowledgement from his father. Some kind of confrontation that would end with a hug and an apology and the snooty rich person equivalent of “you did good son.” 

It was never going to happen, even while Gabriel was alive, but there wasn’t even the remotest hope of it now that he was gone. And now it was all tangled into some vague wish of following the path his father would have wanted like the good son that he was. The good son Gabriel had never acknowledged him to be. 

It was sad. It was also, Luka couldn’t help feeling, raised to independence and free will as he had been, a little pathetic.

It was maybe a little easy for Luka to say, though, just like it was easy for Adrien to feel like Luka’s pain was less because Luka had been close to his mother and always knew where he stood with her. 

Luka shoved aside uncharitable thoughts about how little difference there was in Gabriel’s presence in Adrien’s life whether he was dead or alive, and how much one could possibly miss someone who had never bothered to be there in the first place, and wrenched his mind back to the issue at hand. 

“Look,” he sighed, “If you’re not completely opposed to the idea, just think about it and call me before Louis’ next lesson. I think it would be good for him to play with other kids, to have a chance to interpret a piece of music into something he’s excited about playing and performing, start seeing music as a way to connect with people, but like I said, I’m not even going to bring it up if it’s not something you’re going to be on board with.” 

Adrien looked at him with an expression Luka couldn’t quite parse. “Did you ask Marinette?” 

Luka shook his head. Adrien might not believe it but Luka had no desire to cause problems between the two of them. He wasn’t sure how Adrien would react to the proposition, but he had a pretty good idea how Marinette would react if she found out Adrien had kept Louis from doing something because Gabriel Agreste wouldn’t have liked it. Luka had no interest in provoking that fight—at least not right now. 

Adrien looked away and said nothing for a long moment. “I heard,” he said finally, still not looking at Luka, “I heard Marinette’s going out with one of the accounting consultants this weekend.” He glanced at Luka. “Office gossip, you know. And Nino let slip that she was seeing someone else last week.” 

Luka just looked back at him, careful to show no reaction. Whoever else she was seeing, Marinette was still making time to go out with him pretty consistently, but that wasn’t really Adrien’s business. Just like it was none of Luka’s business, for the moment, who she was seeing besides him. He half expected Adrien to make some kind of crack at his expense, but Adrien just shook his head, getting up from the table. 

“If Louis wants to do it that’s fine with me,” he muttered, grabbing his jacket off the back of his chair. “I’m not my father, and Louis isn’t me. And…” He hesitated, pulling some money out of his wallet and dropping it on the table. “I brought him to you for a reason,” he said finally. “If you think it would be good for him then I trust your judgement. He’ll have plenty of chances for solos in the future, I’m sure,” he added, almost to himself.

Luka rolled his eyes, though he had no doubt Adrien was right. He kept his mouth shut, though, as Adrien made his way out of the bar. Luka paid the tab and left, leaving Adrien’s money on the table. 

When he got home, he sat down at his table and took out his phone. He stared at it for a moment, and then dialed Marinette’s number. He half expected voicemail, but just before it would have clicked over, the call went active, and there was a sudden thud and crash and “Oh shit!”

Luka was laughing when Marinette finally came on the line with a breathless, “Hi Luka!” that made his heart flutter.

“Hi Marinette,” he chuckled. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” she said, still panting. “Just, um, I almost didn’t hear it, and then I tripped, and when I went to grab it I knocked it off my work table, and—um, anyway you called so…” 

“I did,” Luka smiled, “And I would have called back. You didn’t have to half kill yourself to get to the phone.” 

“Well, I...it might have been important!” He could almost imagine the way she blushed and pouted as she said it. 

“Is this an okay time?” he asked, running his fingers through his hair and trying to collect his thoughts. “I just wanted to run something by you about Louis.” 

“Oh,” Marinette said, and Luka might have imagined it but he thought she sounded disappointed. “Okay. Y-yeah, now’s fine. What’s going on?”

Luka explained, unsurprised when Marinette asked quite a few more questions than Adrien. 

“Well, it sounds fine to me,” Marinette said at last. “I’m not a musician and you’re his teacher, so if you think he’s up to it and that it will help him, I’m happy for him to play with the group.” She hesitated. “I’m not sure how Adrien will feel about it though.” 

“I already talked to Adrien,” Luka admitted. “I know that was kind of a thing with his dad—it’s why he pulled him out of the band, or so he said at the time, so I wanted to get a read on where Adrien stood. He said he was okay with it as long as Louis wanted to do it.” 

“Oh,” Marinette sighed. “That’s a relief. I mean, he loves Louis and he always has Louis’ best wishes at heart, but—” She cut off and sighed. 

“But he was brainwashed for twenty-five years by his asshole father and sometimes his sense of reality is warped by his incomprehensible loyalty to the man’s memory?” Luka suggested sardonically. 

“At least someone can say it,” Marinette laughed, sounding a little guilty as she did. “But...yeah, basically. I’m glad to hear he didn’t put up a fuss. Thanks for, um...thanks for talking to him about it. I could have, but—”

“Don’t worry about it,” Luka shrugged. “It’s my job. Okay, if both of you are on board then I’ll talk to Louis about it at our next lesson.”

“Okay, sounds good,” Marinette agreed, and a slightly awkward pause ensued. Luka was opening his mouth to tell her goodbye when she suddenly said in a rush, “So, um...how was your day?” 

Luka blinked, and then smiled, tracing the pattern of the wood grain on his table with his finger. “It wasn’t bad. I have a kid that’s been struggling with a piece and she really made a breakthrough today, and that’s always nice. How was yours? Or should I say, how is yours, are you still at work?”

“Yes and no,” Marinette replied, and there was some noise on the other end of the line, like she was moving things around. “I’m not at work, but I’m working in my home office. Louis is with Adrien tonight, you know, so I thought I’d get some work done, because I’m a little behind after all the chaos earlier.”

“Rough day up until now, huh?” 

“Crazy,” Marinette groaned. “You wouldn’t believe what I had to deal with this morning…” 

Luka smiled, settling back in his chair as Marinette began to rant in extremely entertaining terms about some mix up that had happened on the production floor that day. It reminded him of something that had happened on the boat years ago, and they chatted back and forth until Marinette yawned and Luka suddenly realized he was starving. 

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry,” Marinette gasped. “I didn’t mean to keep you so long—I didn’t realize it was so late.” 

“Me neither,” Luka chuckled. “But I don’t mind.” 

“You’re so easy to talk to,” Marinette sighed. “I wish…”

“You wish what?” Luka asked, when she didn’t continue, his pulse picking up a little.

“Nothing,” she said quickly, and Luka suspected from the tone of her voice that she was blushing. “Never mind.”

“Hey, do you maybe want to grab coffee tomorrow?” Luka asked on impulse. “I’ve got students in the afternoon, but in the morning—” 

“I can’t,” Marinette nearly whined, and Luka bit down on a smile that wanted to become a laugh. “I’d really love to, but I can’t. I have um—plans already. For brunch.” She sighed like she was genuinely disappointed.  

“Okay,” he said, smile fading slightly. “Some other time then.”

“Yeah,” Marinette said unhappily. “Some other time. Soon.” 

“Soon, for sure,” Luka said quickly, the smile coming back a bit. “Goodnight, Marinette.” 

“Goodnight, Luka,” Marinette sighed, and though he preferred hearing her happy, it gave him a little flutter that she seemed so reluctant to say it. 

***

“Hey, man,” Luka grinned, crouching down to get a better look at Louis. “Spiderman, I like it.” He indicated the shirt under Louis’ button-down. Instead of his usual green Gabriel brand t-shirt, he sported black t-shirt with a red spiderman emblem on his chest. Louis grinned broadly and shrugged, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. 

“Really?” he asked shyly. 

“Yeah,” Luka nodded. “That’s from the new movie, right? The animated one?”

“Yeah,” Louis lit up. “It’s sooooo good!” He paused. “It’s not exactly new, though. It’s been out on Blu-Ray for a while already.” 

“Man, I’m so out of touch,” Luka sighed with a lopsided smile. “The soundtrack is killer, I just never made the time to actually watch the movie. I didn’t realize it had been so long.” He leaned forward a little. “Your mom didn’t give you too much grief right? Do I need to talk to her?” He glanced up over Louis’ shoulder and winked at Marinette.

“Nah, my mom’s the best,” Louis beamed, looking back at her. Marinette blushed, and Luka coughed to cover a laugh. 

“All right, go on back,” Luka told Louis, squeezing his shoulder as he stood up. “Warm up while we wait, the others should be here soon.” 

“Okay!” Louis went around him, heading for the music room. 

Luka looked back at Marinette, who was shaking her head at him. 

“Charmer,” she accused, and Luka grinned, spreading his hands. 

“I’m only charming because I’m honest.” 

“And cute,” Marinette wrinkled her nose at him. 

“Guilty,” Luka winked. “But don’t tempt me while I’m on the clock. I’m still a professional here.”

“Right,” Marinette said, reaching up to smooth her hair as she blushed. “Sorry.” She shuffled back a step, but didn’t turn to go. For a moment they just looked at each other, neither sure what to say. Piano music floated down the hallway; Louis hadn’t shut the studio door, and Luka laughed to himself as he recognized the tune of What’s Up Danger. “Wonder where he found piano music for that,” he murmured to himself, and Marinette giggled. 

“The internet, probably. He’s pretty resourceful when he wants to be. Or maybe Adrien helped him find it.” She shook her head. “I should be mad at you,” she said, poking him lightly. “You could have warned me. About the whole ‘new look’ thing.”

“Ah, I probably should have,” Luka sighed, dropping his head back. “Sorry. I forgot. I don’t know, though, maybe it’s better this way. That he talked to you about it himself. Sorry if he blindsided you, though.” 

Marinette shrugged. “It was a surprise, but it shouldn’t have been. He’s getting old enough to have opinions of his own on that kind of thing. I’m just happy he’s still willing to work with me on it. I don’t mind designing something more to his taste but I’d be pretty depressed if he refused to wear anything I made.” 

“Why would he do that?” Luka grinned. “His mom’s the best.”

Marinette blushed again and put a hand over her face. “Stoooop,” she whined, and Luka chuckled. 

“Yeah, I better.”

A familiar pattern knocked on the door before Marinette could answer, and Marinette stepped aside so Luka could open it. 

“JP,” Luka grinned, greeting the boy standing there with a complicated high-five hand-shake fist bump. He raised a hand and waved to JP’s aunt, who waved back out of the car window before driving off, swerving around the town car still waiting for Marinette at the curb. 

“I should—I should go,” Marinette said, squeezing past him and backing down the walk. “I’ll be back to pick up Louis later. Obviously.” Luka caught her arm and she blinked up at him.

“Step,” he reminded her with a lopsided smile, and she flushed as she took the small step down before pulling her arm away. “See you later,” he said, and she turned and waved awkwardly. Luka lingered on the doorstep, watching her get back in the car. 

A cough by his elbow wiped the goofy smile off his face. Luka looked down and saw JP looking back at him with raised eyebrows. “Inside, punk, come on,” Luka muttered, shoving at the kids shoulder, and JP snickered as he went past him. 

“Louis,” Luka called as they neared the studio, and the piano music stopped. “This is Jean-Paul Locke.”

“Louis Agreste,” Louis said formally, getting up from the piano bench and holding his hand out. JP gave Luka a look that asked, ‘Is this guy for real?’ but at Luka’s nod, he reached forward and shook Louis’ hand.

“Call me JP,” he said—mumbled, really, keeping his head down. Then he glanced up and smiled a little. “I like your shirt.”  

“Thanks,” Louis grinned. “I like your shoes.” 

JP grinned back, shuffling his graffitied kicks. “Thanks.”

“Get plugged in and tune up, JP,” Luka said, and JP let the guitar case he was carrying slide off his back. “I want you guys to listen to something.” 

He got out the CD Nicoline had given him and put it in the player, watching the boys out of the corner of his eye. JP was a couple of years older than Louis, and while Luka had a complicated relationship with the word ‘prodigy,’ it fit more than it didn’t. Luka tried not to have favorite students, but JP was...a kindred spirit. He might struggle more than Louis with the technical part of making music, but Luka had never heard him play anything that didn’t come from his heart. He made everything he played his own, and Luka felt Louis had the same potential. He was hoping JP’s example would help Louis connect with his own music. 

When JP looked up from his guitar, Luka started the music. 

Nicoline hadn’t been lying about how good her student was. Her voice was clear and powerful, though still not quite mature, but she had that something that just hit you in the gut. Luka agreed with Nic, she was the real deal, and when he looked at the boys, he had to smile. Louis’ eyes were round, and JP looked impressed. 

“Shit,” commented JP, when the music ended. Louis’ mouth dropped open and he turned to stare at the older boy. Luka sighed and smacked the back of JP’s head on his way to shut off the player. 

“Come on, man, don’t make me be the swear police,” Luka admonished, and JP hunched slightly. 

“Sorry. Just. Pretty nice pipes, that’s all.” 

Luka hummed agreement, hooking a rolling stool with his foot and pulling it underneath him so he could sit and face the boys. “So, that’s the assignment. I want you guys to back Dez in the Spring Concert, if you’re up for it.” 

“Dez?” JP snickered, and Luka rolled his eyes.

“Yes, Jean-Paul,” Luka said, with a pointed look and JP made a face. “So,” he continued. “Let’s see what you guys can do together.”

Louis and JP looked at each other, and back at Luka, and he just grinned. “What are you waiting for?” he asked, leaning back on his stool and waving towards the piano. “Play.” He made a shooing motion with his hands. “Whatever you want. Just jam together for a bit.” 

“But…” Louis began, looking between Luka and JP. 

“Talk about it,” Luka encouraged. “Work it out. Or, you know, one of you can just start playing and the other one can join in. Go for it.” 

The boys just stood there, and finally JP rubbed a hand through his spiked hair. “You, um. You know Fallout Boy?” 

Louis perked up. “Like, Big Hero 6?” He went to the piano and played a section of Immortals. Luka brought up a hand to rub his chin, covering his smile. 

“Wow, you’re kind of a nerd, huh?” JP chuckled, but he went and perched on the piano bench, kicking his amp cord out of the way. “Sweet. Keep going, but pick up the tempo a bit.” He began tapping a rhythm out on the floor with his foot, and Louis increased his pace to match it. “Yeah, yeah,” JP muttered, bobbing his head, and his fingers began to move on the guitar. Louis looked at him, mouth dropping open slightly, and missed a note. Flushing at the mistake, he turned quickly back to his own playing. 

Luka let the boys have fun for a little while, and then gave them the music they would actually be using for the spring concert, explaining that he wanted the boys to learn it as written first, and then they could talk about any changes or creative flairs they wanted to try. 

JP’s aunt was there on the dot to pick him up, and he said goodbye to Louis with an easy grin, swatting Louis’ offered handshake away in favor of a fist bump. Louis was still at the piano when Marinette arrived a few minutes later. He jumped up from the bench, ran two steps, then remembered himself and did sort of an awkward power-walk to the door. “Come on, Maman, I gotta go home and practice some more!” he said, the written music held tightly in his hand. He remembered Luka and paused just long enough to say goodbye before opening the door himself and speeding towards the car.

“He looks really excited,” Marinette giggled, following him out of the door a few steps. 

“Yeah, it’s pretty exciting, the first time you play with somebody you really vibe with,” Luka chuckled, leaning on the door frame. “Good, that’s what we want to see. Now I just gotta find them a drummer.” His thoughts wandered for a moment as he considered the possibilities, and when he focused on Marinette again she was smiling at him with a soft look in her eyes that made him swallow. “Can I call you later?” he asked impulsively, and she blinked back to reality, cheeks tinting pink when she realized what he’d said. 

“Yeah, I’d like that,” she replied, and looked like she might have said more, but Louis was suddenly hanging out of the car window, yelling for her to hurry up. Marinette’s lips pursed in a frustrated (but cute) pout. “Rude,” she called back to Louis, who rolled his eyes and popped back in the window. It was more like a kid than Luka had ever seen him act and he couldn’t help laughing, which caused Marinette to turn that pout on him. 

Luka entertained a brief fantasy of completely grossing Louis out by kissing her stupid right there on the step, but instead he said quickly. “You better go. I’ll call you later. Bye, Marinette.” 

He stepped back inside, barely managing to wait for her soft, “Bye, Luka,” and for her to walk back to the car before he shut the door and scrubbed his hands over his face with a sigh. They were supposed to go out again the following week, and he really wasn’t sure he could wait that long. 

***

A few nights later, he was about to go to bed when someone knocked, loudly, on his front door. Frowning, Luka went to open it, thinking perhaps a neighbor had gotten locked out or something. 

He had the barest instant to take in Marinette standing on his doorstep, styled and made up and wearing a distractingly well-fitting black dress and a distressed expression, before she burst out, “I don’t want to see anybody else.” She stood there, shifting from foot to foot and breathing fast, and for a moment Luka could only stare, blinking stupidly, and Marinette opened her mouth to speak again, but he held up a hand and stopped her, stepping back and motioning her inside.

Marinette swallowed whatever she’d been about to say and stepped inside. Luka closed the door behind her and took her hands, drawing her further inside so they weren’t standing in the echoing hallway. “Okay,” he said, squeezing her hands. “What’s going on?” 

“I just, um...I had a date tonight and…” 

“Did he hurt you?” Luka demanded, face darkening. 

Marinette’s eyes widened and she shook her head vehemently. “No! No, no, of course that’d be the first thing you asked with me showing up like this and—No, I promise it was nothing like that, it was fine, actually, it was all fine—good, even, but...I just…” Marinette shrugged helplessly. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” Luka said, putting his hands on her shoulders and rubbing lightly. 

To his surprise she took a step forward and slipped her arms around him and squeezed tight, pressing her face into his shoulder. “Yeah,” she whispered. “It is now.” 

Luka was still extremely confused, but he put his arms around her and held her until she squirmed to get free, pulling away from him. He let her go and she took a step back and a deep, shuddering breath, and then put her hands out to him. Luka wrapped his own around them, rubbing the backs lightly with his thumbs, and waited. 

“This was maybe the...fourth guy I’ve gone out with?” Marinette frowned in thought. “Something like that. And...they’ve all been fine. It’s like you said, you know, it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. I had fun, mostly, but…” She flushed suddenly and bit her lip, looking away. Luka squeezed her hands gently. 

“I kept thinking how much more fun I’d be having if I was with you,” she said finally, quietly. “Even tonight, this guy, it was our third date, and he was nice enough, just...he wasn’t you, and when he tried to kiss me, I just...I didn’t want to. And then I got in the cab to go home and instead I came here.” She took a deep breath and looked up into his face. “I know you said I should date other people—” 

“Only if that was what you wanted,” Luka broke in, squeezing her hands a little tighter, trying not to show how his own heart had begun racing, the fluttery feeling in his belly.

“It’s not. I don’t want to, Luka. I just...I just want to b-be with you,” she stammered a bit, turning red again. “I, um, oh, shit, ” she hissed, stamping her foot and looking away from him, and Luka had to bite his lip to contain the laughter that wanted to burst from him. 

“Take your time,” he said, not entirely without chuckling. 

“I don’t want to date anybody else,” Marinette said, looking up to his face and suddenly looking very calm. “I just want to see where this takes us. I don’t want to have plans when you ask me to get coffee. Well, what I mean is, I don’t want to waste time I could be spending with you with someone else.” She paused, and then added in a rush, “And I really want you to be the one kissing me.” 

Luka nodded slowly, a smile growing on his face. “I’m cool with all of that,” he said, and then added, “More than cool. I’m really happy, Marinette.” 

“So, we can, um, be a couple?” she dropped her gaze, but he could see her smile. “Um, exclusively?” 

“We can be whatever you want,” he said, letting go of her hand to brush his thumb along her cheek. She looked up again and his thumb brushed her lower lip, sending a jolt through him. “I’m good with whatever label you want to put on us,” he continued, a little roughly, and he had to clear his throat. “I didn’t want to say it at the time because—well, I’ve been told I can get a little intense and I didn’t want to freak you out, but I was never planning on dating anybody else. I’m in this to the end, whatever that turns out to be. I want to be the one kissing you, for as long as you’ll let me.” He took a breath. “Was that too much?” 

“No,” Marinette murmured, her free hand coming up to curl around his wrist. “You are intense, that’s true, but...I like it. I like it a lot, Luka. I always appreciate how patient and careful you are with me but I think there’s something you need to understand about me.” She took a step forward and leaned gently into him. “I overthink things a lot, and sometimes I get nervous and run off at the mouth, and I definitely have some issues around relationships and intimacy, but...I’m not fragile. I can handle you. If it gets too much, I’ll tell you, but...I’m not really worried. Not about that, at least.” She sighed and slid her arms around his neck, toying with the hair at the nape of his neck. “Now I left the taxi waiting, so can you walk me to the door and then I can get my goodnight kiss from the man I really wanted it from? From...my boyfriend?” She wrinkled her nose slightly. “That sounds so...high school.” 

“I like it,” Luka said roughly, pressing his forehead to hers. “I like it a lot.” 

“Then it’ll do,” she whispered, and then slid her hands to his shoulders. “Now walk me to the door because if I kiss you here I’ll never make it home.”

“That’s a problem?” Luka only half joked as she took his hands again and tugged him along. “Hey, who’s walking who here?” 

“You weren’t moving,” she giggled. 

“Why would I want you to leave?” he teased. 

“Mm, so I can go brag to everybody about my hot new boyfriend?” Marinette leaned back against the door, pulling him closer with a double handful of his t-shirt. 

“Now that really does sound like high school,” Luka laughed, bracing one hand against the door as he leaned over her. Marinette tipped her head up, and he kissed those red lips, reveling in the way she sighed and pressed into him, in her lush, full lips, the smooth softness of her cheek and neck under his rough fingers as his thumb traced the elegant line of her jaw. Then her lips parted under his and she reached up and laced her fingers behind his neck, pulling him down into her, and she shifted her weight off the door until she was pressed against him. Luka slipped his hand from her face to wrap around her waist and pull her even closer, his hand still on the door steadying them both and grounding him, giving him the strength to finally pull back when he really would just as soon have suffocated if it meant kissing her a little longer. It took more than a moment for them to both catch their breath, both taking in each other’s disheveled appearances. Luka in his significantly more rumpled pajamas, the faintest trace of her expensive lipstick staining his mouth, his eyes hooded and his hair a wreck, and Marinette’s gorgeous blue eyes gone glassy and dark, her delectable mouth kiss-bruised, and—okay she really, really needed to go right now. Apparently she reached the same conclusion at that moment, because she reached back and fumbled for the door handle. Luka got there first and opened it for her. 

“Text me, let me know you got home safe?” he managed to get out, aware that he was grinning like a fool. 

“I will,” she flashed a bright smile at him that made his racing heart skip several beats, and he watched her until she was in the taxi before closing the door with a sigh. 

No way he was sleeping now. Luka went straight for his guitar.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | AO3

[dreaming-about-fanfictions]

Choose Me Instead II Draco Malfoy x Reader II Chapter 5 of 27: You

Summary: Pretending to be in a relationship with Draco Malfoy to get back at your ex might have not been the smartest idea you ever had. Especially during your last year of Hogwarts where you should be focusing on exams and your future plans. However, you were just pretending. There was no way in hell you could actually catch feelings for someone like Malfoy. … Right?

CHAPTER 4

A/N: A chapter from a different perspective! I hope you all like it <3 And thank you so much for your support!! I love you all so muuuuuch!!!

Words: 2300 Pairing: Draco Malfoy x female!Reader, post-war Warnings: none

Draco Malfoy wasn’t easy to impress. Being bored quickly by other people was one reason why he never had many close friends – and yes, he knew how utterly arrogant that sounded. It was the truth however. He was friendly with most of the Slytherins but his mother always taught him “Quality over quantity” and he agreed. Draco went so far as to apply that mindset to his love life as well. Yes, before the sixth year of school, he used to like to flirt and he had dated the occasional Slytherin girl. He was also very aware of the fact that there had been quite a few girls with crushes on him. In some cases, he even reciprocated them, however, those feelings faded quickly.

So you couldn’t imagine how much it bothered Malfoy that he wasn’t able to stop thinking of you. Not even in his dreams did you leave him alone and so he kept on going back to that evening on the Quidditch field. Until today, it was entirely unclear to him why he told you all those things. He didn’t know anything about you yet speaking to you left him feeling … good, almost. After a year of trials and coming home to find his family and life in shambles, there was no one left to talk to. No one he wanted to talk to. To whom was he going to turn? His friends which were all coming from the same pureblood Death Eater families? Yes, of course, they understood – and also they didn’t. Not quite. Did you understand him? Probably not, he guessed. After all, you were a Gryffindor and fought on the right side of the war. The winning side. But talking to you felt different, almost easy. You grew up in another world than him and maybe that was the key to it all.

Obviously, Draco didn’t plan on repeating that evening. You were friends with the whole Potter and Weasley bunch. It made it even harder to trust you – how could he be sure you hadn’t already told your Gryffindor friends and were laughing about him behind his back? It was possible. A part of him didn’t want to believe this possibility and another part reminded him of all the times he was disappointed and got hurt by the people around him. It was probably for the best to stay away from you.

Yet he didn’t stop thinking of you. He saw you looking at him in the Great Hall during meals, watched you from walk away when you passed him in hallways and the library. Without noticing it, he always chose a place behind you in class. Draco didn’t understand the urge to be close to you. It was utterly ridiculous for Merlin’s sake. You were a Gryffindor; one of the good ones. He wasn’t. Not at all.

Maybe it was because of the kiss, he wondered at some point. Maybe you hexed him in this moment. Draco knew this theory was very far-fetched but it was the only logical explanation fin his mind. Why else would he keep thinking back to that moment in the storage room? He didn’t deny that you were witty and smart and very beautiful – he wasn’t blind after all – but so were lots of girls. What the hell was so special about you that you wouldn’t leave his thoughts?! It couldn’t be your taste in men as you obviously didn’t have any. At least there wasn’t a reasonable explanation for him for why someone like you would get with someone like the Weasel.

“Draco,” Blaise’s voice pulled him out of this thoughts. “You coming?”

Draco nodded. “Yeah, just a second.”

He got up from the table in their shared dorm, putting his notebook in the drawer of his nightstand. Two months since school started and he had almost filled in all of its pages. Draco started writing during the first trial of his parents last year. It kept him focused and helped him put his thoughts in order. It soon became a daily ritual which helped him stay grounded. Draco carried it around in his bag during the day, using it in between classes and meals. His friends caught him doing it a lot and he was sure they had already guessed what it was. He was glad when they didn’t say anything because in the end, Draco would have rather died before admitting that he was using a diary.

“You’re not wearing a costume!”, Astoria exclaimed when he joined the others in the common room. Pansy, Blaise, Theodore and the Greengrass sisters were already waiting for him.

There was a Halloween party happening in the Room of Requirements tonight and his friends had convinced him to go even though it meant more awkward conversations with Astoria.

“I thought we’re not doing muggle traditions. What are you supposed to be?”, he asked instead, taking in her revealing outfit.

She giggled. “I’m a healer. Or ‘nurse’ as the muggles call it.”

“Ah,” Draco made, thinking that she didn’t look like a healer at all. “I thought Halloween was supposed to be scary?”

Astoria rolled her eyes, before linking their arms with each other. “You’re no fun. Don’t you think I look pretty?”

“Astoria, you can wear a potato sack and still look absolutely stunning.”

That answer seemed to satisfy her and they started making their way towards the exit of the common room. Draco glanced at her from the side. She was, objectively speaking, the perfect match for a Malfoy. Coming from a well-respected and wealthy pureblood family combined with her intelligence and beauty, she was everything his parents could have wanted for him. Especially now.

You had told him what to do. It was such a simple solution to all of his impending problems. However, it had been the moment where Draco had realized that you grew up differently. Not a day went by where he didn’t receive a heartbreaking letter from his mother. He knew, she just wanted the best for him and she didn’t want to manipulate him; she was simply desperate. Desperate for the live they used to have – a husband at home, a son with a promising future, money and a respected place in society.

Draco had asked himself countless times what the marriage would truly mean. His family would have another chance. Together with Astorias family, his future was secured. A good job, maybe even in the ministry if he was lucky. Enough money to take care of his mother. Who knew, maybe his father would be out of Azkaban sooner? Draco marrying Astoria would lessen his families suffering, that was for sure. But did he want that? Did he want a simple and easy solution to make their past crimes … disappear? His family was far from innocent. They had committed horrible crimes in the name of the Dark Lord – and a part of him knew, they deserved everything they got in the end. Hell, he wouldn’t have been surprised if they sent his mother and him to Azkaban as well.

When thinking about the engagement, another thought popped into his head. Could he learn to love Astoria? Would he be happy with her? Maybe. Maybe not. Draco knew only one thing for sure – there was a reason why he kept resisting to the whole idea. Giving in felt like sacrificing another part of himself to something his family had burdened him with.

“And Astoria, I disagree,” Blaise once again disrupted his train of thought by joining in from the right. “Draco can quickly make his costume appear. Just roll up your sleeves, Dray, and the Gryffindors will shit their pants on the spot.”

The rest of the group snickered but Draco didn’t react. Instead he suppressed the urge to touch the mark on his left arm and shoved his hand deeper into the pocket of his pants.

 ***

The Room of Requirement was absolutely crowded.

The Slytherins were surprised by how many people had actually appeared. Almost everyone from the sixth and seventh grade was here, wearing mostly ridiculous costumes. Music roared from invisible speakers, students were dancing and talking loudly.

“I’m surprised that the teachers didn’t already break this up,” Blaise almost had to shout. “Or Filch.”

Draco shrugged. “I feel like they stopped caring this year.”

“Maybe they feel responsible for all those deaths,” Theo suggested.

“So to make up for all the trauma, they allow us to party?”, Blaise concluded with an amused undertone.

“It’s good for us though so stop talking and start drinking,” Pansy chirped and grabbed Draco and Theo by their arms, pulling them towards the table with a few questionable bottles.

When his friends started chatting about the usual Hogwarts gossip, Draco’s eyes started to wander. He was searching the crowd for someone. You. Were you here? Did you even like parties? Draco had no idea. You always looked quite social from what he witnessed.

And there you were – standing in a group of people, listening to Granger who was gesticulating wildly. You were holding a drink and laughing at whatever the other girl told you. Draco noticed from across the room how your eyes were gleaming, your face red from the alcohol. You looked so careless. He swallowed hard at the sight.

“He’s either staring at Weasley, the mudblood or Y/L/N,” Zabini said to the others in that moment. “Don’t know what’s worse.”

Draco needed a second to understand his friends were talking about him. “What did you just say?” He turned to them.

Zabini grinned widely at him. “I said, you’re staring at the Gryffindors again, Draco. It’s fucking weird. What’s your sudden obsession with them?”

Draco quickly glanced at the rest of his friends. Daphne, Theodore and Pansy watched the two of you with a smirk on their lips, maybe even suppressing a giggle. Astoria looked at Draco with a worried expression.

“No, what did you just say?”, Draco repeated his question, straightening up slightly. “What did you call Granger?”

Blaise snorted. “What?”

Draco just stared at him.

“I called her a mudblood,” Blaise gave a half shrug.

“Yeah, what the fuck, Blaise,” Draco spat out.

“Come on, Dray,” Theodore tried to intervene. “It’s no big deal.”

“It is!” He looked at him, visibly disgusted.

“What’s your problem, Draco?”, Blaise raised an eyebrow, shifting from one leg to another. “You called her a mudblood for years and now you suddenly have a problem with it? You’re acting so weird this year, seriously.”

Before Draco was able to reply, Astoria carefully placed her hand on his arm. It took all the strength he had, not to immediately shake her off. “Come on,” she said softly. “Let’s get you a new drink and calm down.” She pulled him a few steps away from the group.

Draco gritted his teeth, remembering what he had thought about not being able to talk to his old friends. They understood – and also they didn’t.

“Are you okay, Draco?” Astoria asked, still looking slightly alarmed.

Draco looked at her. Did she want to hear an honest answer? “Sure,” he finally said.

She didn’t buy it. “You’ve been acting strange for a while now.”

“I’m really not.”

“Draco,” she reached for his hand. “I know you.”

He sighed and rubbed his eyes with his free hand. “Can we … can we not talk about this now? Here? With all these people around us?”

“There’s always a reason not to talk so we might as well do it here,” she pressed on.

Draco could think of a thousand different things he’d rather do than talk to her right now. “I’m … I’m not acting strange. It’s just a lot. With my parents and all that.”

Her smile changed from worried to pity. “I understand.” Did she? “That’s why I think we should move on.”

What kind of weird reaction was this? “Move on?”, Draco frowned.

“With our engagement.”

“Right.”

Astoria squeezed his hand. “I don’t see why we can’t just make it official.”

Draco looked at her fingers as if he was searching for a ring that he had forgotten existed. “Because the whole thing isn’t official yet,” he slowly said.

The brunette let go of his hand. “It’s going to happen anyways. My parents won’t stop talking about it and I bet it’s no different for your mother.”

Draco just wanted to get out of this situation. He got dragged here and now it was just one big argument. Why couldn’t they have stuck to gossiping and partying? “Why during school though?”

He saw how Astoria stared at the ground for a moment. When she started speaking again, her voice had become a little colder. “You know, there are a lot of men who would jump at this opportunity. My family is well respected and yours is …”

Draco let out a short whistle. “Thanks, Astoria,”

Astoria was visibly uncomfortable and Draco wondered if she regretted what she had just said. “That’s not how I meant it and you know that, Dray. I just don’t understand why this takes you so long.”

Draco put his hands on hips, pushing his jacket back. “Excuse me if I’m wrong,” he started, “But I’m not exactly your first choice either, am I?”

The girl didn’t answer right away. When she did though, Draco wanted to laugh at the sheer absurdity. “It’s not about what I want. It’s about what my parents want. Pureblood marriages will happen less and less in the future so we will be a good union.”

“Right,” Draco mumbled with a sad smile. It’s all about the family.

Astoria cleared her throat. “Well, are there any reasons why we shouldn’t move on?”

“Yes, there are.”

This didn’t come from Draco or Astoria. Irritated by the sudden interruption, he turned around to see who had so rudely eavesdropped on the conversation.

You.

***

A/N: Even though I wrote this, I really felt for Draco in this chapter. His life (like so many other characters lives in HP) is so f****** up. Sorry but I can’t find a better word for it. Poor Draco. Anyways - I hope you liked it!! I’d love to hear what you think <3 I love reading your comments *-* (if you don’t comment or do anything, it’s fine, don’t worry, I just love to read your thoughts <3)

CHAPTER 6

“Choose Me Instead”-Masterlist HP-Masterlist

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[vampiresuns]

Nothing To Prove

♠ NOTHING TO PROVE ♠

1.4k words. The Lemione make a comeback after The Rising Tide. Set 5 years before the start of the game, Commodore Emmanuel Lemione, eldest brother of Anatole’s ex Decimo, has an encounter with the Pirate Queen and her Quartermaster.

Saoirse and Meredith belong to @apprenticealec​. This fic was brought to you by the fact I cannot stop thinking about Saoirse.

Thank you, Dani, as always, for having created such a wonderful universe.

Being a Commodore, Emmanuel Lemione was the highest ranking officer in his ship. A ship he knew well enough had been sent on a suicide mission. The power-hungry Count apparently knew of a creature, Emmanuel did not know any better word for it, which travelled along with the Pirate Queen who had great power, power vaster than any of them could imagine.

Emmanuel did not think the idea had come from the Count. Not only did he not think him capable enough to know about this creature. Emmanuel only knew through stories of stories once lost, told to him by his Aunts when he was a child, having kept his eyes open enough to allow himself to wonder if they were real. He also couldn’t recognise the Count’s behaviour in the order, mysteriously cast upon his ship. 

He was not surprised when his crew met terrible fates, nor was he surprised to see the weariness in their faces, the anger and discomfort when his brother Adeodatus, a Lieutenant Commander, now acting as Commander as Emmanuel’s had died in one of the crew’s misfortunes, edged them on. He was powered by their father’s last letter, where he told them that they achieved this conquest would be fundamental for the future of Vesuvia, and the elimination of piracy of the waters.

Adeodatus believed it, or rather, he had no problem enacting it, because he had no problem amassing power he did not understand to advance in life. Emmanuel, however, disagreed and the more he spent at sea, the more he did so. He didn’t like pirates, except for their romantic sense of adventure, but piracy was often solved by the elimination of poverty and other kinds of social measures which prevented people from turning to crime in order to secure their living, or their freedom. 

He was absorbed in yet another discussion with Adeodatus, who thought he could ignore his orders simply because he was his brother, when the Pirate Queen and her Quartermaster found them.

“You can’t turn away and set course to Vesuvia, Emmie—”

“Unlike you, I would like to get back to my fiancé alive. If the legends are true—”

“Legends? What are legends and fairy tales to men—” Adeodatus threw himself into a tirade in the navigation room, Emmanuel’s own Quartermaster and one other officer there standing uncomfortably in the middle of the argument. His brother heed him warning by calling him by his title once, twice, but he did not shut up, until Emmanuel raised his voice.

“Lieutenant Commander. Shut up.”

“Oh, that’s mature Emmanuel, you know I’m—”

“It’s Commodore Lemione to you, and if I hear one more seditious idea from you, I will lock you up in your room for the rest of the way back.”

A crash was heard and the ship moved in a direction it was not being steered. The crew yelled and someone came to find Emmanuel, disconcert reading on their faces. 

“Commodore, we here hit by something like a harpoon—”

Colour drenched out of Emmanuel’s face as he ran on deck, followed by his Quartermaster, who took out his spyglass along the way.

“Oh, heavens.”

“Sir,” said Rhys, the Quartermaster, “I think the Pirate Queen found us.”

Emmanuel felt his thoughts raise in his head, sighing with resignation at last. “We will talk to her. Show proof we are a Vesuvian ship, if my estimations are correct, she should let us go.”

“I hope the heavens hear you, Sir.”

“She’s friends with the Count.”

“What? Sir, I don’t think it’s the moment to joke.”

“I’m not joking, Rhys. She is friends with the Count.”

“But how?”

“He was a condottiero. How do you think I doubt the order to capture her ship came from the Count himself?” 

His Quartermaster looked at him, confusion in his face before he reached the same conclusion Emmanuel had had on his own, but was still too afraid to voice. “If not the Count, then who? Do you—”

“Don’t say anything, I am not strong enough to say it yet...keep an eye on my brother.” 

With a nod, the Quartermaster set himself to his purpose while Emmanuel instructed the crew. He told them he was aware they were tired, and unless they were provoked, he would not make them fight any more fights, tonight, they would set way to Vesuvia for good with their lives intact. Commanding them to wait, he set an advice about seditious words, anyone who did not value the lives of their crew more than personal glory, was no true Vesuvian. 

“You may not believe it, but trust me by this, on my word and care for you, my friends and family away from our home: we are about to face something bigger than all of us, even if it doesn’t look like it.”

They waited, being tolled and Emmanuel prayed. 

He remembered the stories: of a being so old and so vast it was confined to where no one could find them, because all demons and creatures which roam this earth were afraid of them. He remembered the legends of its freedom, and wild women who feared the sea under their protection. He remembered the stories and feared; anyone who had been at sea enough knew from the sea itself there were things they would never understand, things that would snap the spirit of those not strong enough to face them, and leave a lasting impression in those whose temperance allowed them to make decent sailors out of them. Storms bigger than what mother nature could herself create, beings with sharp teeth and forgotten humanity, and things they were all too unable to comprehend. 

Upon meeting the Pirate Queen, Emmanuel realised one could look to her Quartermaster with no problem, directly in the eye, but there was something terror inducing about a hair as golden as the sunlight in High Noon when they turned their heads. 

He could feel his brother recoil at the shade of blond in their hair, for reasons entirely different — or perhaps the same. He didn’t know, he didn’t care. 

“We are a Vesuvian ship, which has been through many hardships as we were sent on a false trail by our superiors. Pirate Queen Meredith we mean you no harm.”

“Where are your colours?”

“Flaming there, over the quarterdeck. We cannot repair the pulley without sacrificing sail rope. If… if you need a token for our passing, I cannot offer you anything of my crew, but I can offer you this.” 

Had he been a different man, his hand would’ve shaken when he took out a golden locket from underneath his shirt, taking it off. Finely made and glistening, Emmanuel opened it, taking some hair out of it — he took out a handkerchief to protect the hair, before trying to hand the locket to Meredith.

“It’s my fiancé’s,” he explained, not knowing why. “They’ll understand.” 

His words fell flat as the ship was still searched. He ordered his crew to be helpful, and the ordeal would soon be over. As he looked over them, he felt someone or rather something stand besides him.

“Did anyone find anything?” Meredith asked

“Vesuvian ships never come this way,” Saoirse said, “that’s what I found.”

He cleared his throat. “We were sent on a mistaken path.”

“And none of you realised?” Meredith’s voice cut through, and the Quartermaster lost all interest in Emmanuel. 

“No,” he lied.

“Your locket will do. There truly isn’t shit in this ship. Tell your Count to get better sailors.” 

Emmanuel nodded, not intending to do any of the like, but glad they finally left so his ship could make its way back to Vesuvia, hopefully unharmed. 

As they resumed their course, Emmanuel watched the Pirate ship sail way. 

“My father will not be happy about this. You keep disappointing him.”

Emmanuel knew exactly what he was talking about — his fiancé, whom he had decided to marry despite his parents wishes, as other matches would be better, and he was left alone only when they realised he would marry them anyway, with or without their consent. Such a scandal, another son forswearing the family was too much for his parents, especially if it was someone with enough social cards as Emmanuel. 

He ignored his brother, silently looking at the way in which the Pirate ship had gone until Adeodatus gave up and left. Only then he spoke. “I have nothing to prove to my father.”