#that only Akutagawa would find that form attractive.

[sskk-manifesto]

Bungou Stray Dogs: Dead Apple and how “ability users” (opposite to “normal people”) learning to accept themselves through the acceptance of their own abilities is a queer metaphor of acceptance of own's sexual orientation and gender: an essay by me

[solemnvelvetangel]

"Everybody wants a taste, that's why I still get jealous" - BSD jealousy head cannons

Notes:

June 30th, 2024

Characters included:  Atsushi Nakajima, Ryunosuke Akutagawa, Chuya Nakahara, Fyodor Dostoevsky, Saigiku Jouno.

Word Count: 1,383

GN! Reader

Content Warning: Insecurities, anxiety, brief mention of a lobotomy in Fyodor's.

These are purely self-indulgent head cannons of some of the BSD characters I think would be the most jealous in a relationship. Enjoy <3.

___

“I don't like the way he's lookin' at you. I'm startin' to think you want him, too…”

Atsushi Nakajima

As sweet as he would be, I believe Atsushi would be very jealous when it comes to his partner.

Because of years of abuse and neglect he faced in the orphanage he was raised in, he has barely ever had positive attention.

So naturally, as soon as he started to get that positive attention from you, he instantly began to treasure the feeling and became protective over you.

He takes your relationship very seriously because he feels that you’re one of the first people that he was able to form a deep connection with.

So, when he feels like your relationship is being threatened somehow, he starts to feel a certain type of way about it.

He’s not controlling or anything, he just sinks too far into his own thoughts and starts to get really intense feelings of inadequacy.

He will often become visibly distressed when gets too in his own head.

But he’ll deny it until he can no longer hide it.

He has very low self-esteem, so if he thought that someone that he saw as more attractive than him was trying to come on to you, he would probably get really upset and worried.

Especially if it’s a recurring event with the same person.

If someone was straight-up flirting with you in front of him, he’s going to be so annoyed beyond belief.

Passive Aggressive. He’ll try to be polite, but his irritation is going to be clear in his tone.

He mostly bottles up his feelings until he lets them out all at once when you two are by yourselves.

He feels really weak for being a jealous person, but he can’t help but feel it.

“Protective or possessive? Girl, call it passive or aggressive…”

Ryunosuke Akutagawa

… I don’t even know where to start, because this man has so much emotional baggage.

He’s very similar to Atsushi, in which he bonds with someone he cares about deeply and becomes protective.

However, Akutagawa is more overwhelmed by his feelings of inadequacy.

Instead of it just being when he feels like his relationship is being threatened, it is a constant feeling for him.

It only gets worse when he feels like someone is trying to take you from him.

You’re his person, to every extent of the word: his lover, his best friend, the person he trusts the most. You’re his, and he’s not afraid to protect what means to him most.

Calling him “protective” would be an understatement.

He’s more like a terrifying angel of vengeance that looms over you when people get too close for his liking.

People are so afraid of him, that they don’t typically approach you anyway.

He’s not passive aggressive, he is straight-up aggressive.

It’s kind of like this: they make him uncomfortable, so he makes them really uncomfortable.

He gets nauseous if anyone gets too touchy with you. Not out of disgust, but out of anxiety.

He hates when people try to touch him (he doesn’t even like shaking people’s hands for business purposes), but your touch is something he loves and he finds it sacred.

So, if someone tries to touch you too much or in a non-friendly way, he’s going to be very upfront with the person about how feels about it, whether it be through words or by punching them in the face.

He can and will shove someone away from you.

“It’s not your fault that they hover, I mean no disrespect…”

Chuya Nakahara

He’s jealous, but he’s more respectful and mature than most would think.

All of his life, he has never felt human or felt like he could be loved.

So, when you two got together, you became the most important person to him.

He began to fear that someone who is more “normal” than him will catch your attention and you’ll leave him.

He doesn’t really understand why you love him, which just fuels his insecurity.

Him being the host of Arahabaki doesn’t really help his feelings.

He knows that it’s not your fault if people are attracted to you, but he can’t help but feel protective.

He’s jealous in a very quiet manner, despite being so head-strong.

Because of his ability and Arahabaki, he was afraid to touch you for a very long time.

Even if he knows someone is just hugging you platonically, he can’t help but feel bitter because they can hug you so easily without the fear of hurting you.

He’s also jealous of people who have a very calm demeanor.

He feels that he’s often too harsh and rough-around-the-edges, which causes a seed of doubt to be planted in his brain.

In summary, his jealousy stems from his own insecurity of not feeling human.

“You can call me obsessed…”

Fyodor Dostoevsky

When I say he is obsessed, I mean that in every sense of the word.

He’s obsessed. Consumed by adoration. Immensely intrigued by your existence. Enamored, even.

In other words: he is horrendously down bad.

He won’t admit that, though. Even though he’s in love with you, he will always keep you at a certain distance.

That doesn’t make him any less jealous, though.

He knows that being in a relationship with him is anything but normal and it’s difficult, so the possibility of you leaving him because you find someone more expressive with their feelings or more gentle is something he thinks about more than he wants to.

The thought literally haunts him.

He’s naturally suspicious of literally anyone who tries to get close to you, whether it be platonic or romantic.

It’s mostly because of his profession that makes him skeptical of people that try to get close to you.

To be honest, the only three people he trusts around you are Nikolai, Sigma, and Ivan.

Nikolai because while he’s crazy, he's not crazy enough to cross that line.

Sigma because Fyodor knows that he’s inexperienced in love and insecure about his humanity, so he knows he won’t try anything.

Ivan because… well, he’s Ivan. He literally has no thoughts in that lobotomized brain.

Platonic relationships he can tolerate, he is suspicious, but he tolerates them to the best of his ability.

He is completely intolerant of anyone who takes romantic interest in you.

He will make it clear to anyone who shows even the slightest bit of attraction to you that he doesn’t play games when it comes to you.

If it’s a normal person that he doesn't know very well, he’ll just use simple intimidation to get them to back off. He doesn’t really waste his time on them.

Now, if it’s someone he knows very well or an enemy of his, he is going to be a menace.

He’s going to make sure that they know they  can mess with him all they want, but he’ll be damned before they ever try to get close to you in any capacity.

“It’s my right to be hellish, I still get jealous…”

Saigiku Jouno

Hunting dog? More like a guard dog.

Jouno is sadistic, teasing, and hot-tempered behind a calm demeanor.

He’s anything but chill when it comes to you.

You know the saying “there’s plenty of fish in the sea”? Yeah, he doesn’t believe that. You’re his fish and he’s not throwing you back.

Jouno has seen terrible things and has met many terrible people with terrible intentions, so he’s pretty good at reading people.

So, when people try to flirt with you, it’s on sight.

Especially if they’re being very sweet to you. 

He tends to show his affection through teasing you. So, when someone is being overly sweet and complimenting you, he feels like they’re trying to take you from him.

He’s pissed and jealous, and he’s gonna’ make it their problem.

He’ll give off a really threatening aura and he’ll insult the person almost endlessly.

He’s really passive aggressive. More aggressive than passive.

He will be touchier when he’s jealous, it’s sort of his way of keeping himself calm.

He’s dreadfully aware that he has someone good, and he won’t let anyone threaten your relationship.

[yandere-romanticaa]

⚘ 𝐚𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐮𝐦 𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐞.

lat. - farewell forever.

yandere! akutagawa ryuunosuke x gn! reader.

A blooming rose, a starry night, a sweet and delectable fruit, this was how Akutagawa perceived (y/n). Something sweet and precious, something that a person like him could only ever dream of obtaining. Every single thought of his was consumed by them, even as he would lay waste and snuff the lives out of countless men on missions, Akutagawa would still find his mind to be elsewhere, head high up somewhere in the clouds, a place in which absolutely no one could see, touch nor hurt for that matter.

Oh how he hated that. The word hate did not even begin to cover the things he felt.

So there he was, standing above the sleeping (y/n) in the never ending darkness. Their room was messy and things were scattered everywhere much to Akutagawa's chagrin. He quietly tsked to himself but his gaze never faltered, not even once, from (y/n). It was a moonless evening which only gave the mafioso even more coverage, not that he needed it. Subtlety wasn't usually his strong suit but when it came to more delicate matters he would always force himself to remain calm and not jump into anything.

His entire being twitched with anticipation, the urge to do something other than to merely stand around like a fool was driving him insane. The things he could do to you, the many disgusting ways in which he could dispose of you were horrendous - does he activate his ability and rip you into little hunks of meat? No one would recognize you, there just would not be enough evidence to take into consideration. Or, will he take a more old fashioned approach and simply strangle you? It would be such a sight for sore eyes, seeing that annoying little glimmer of life fade away and it would all be due to his hands. No one else had the right to claim this tiny life he found, no one.

Not even God himself had the right.

He could kill you and yet he chose not to, for whatever reason. Anger bubbled within him, you should be more grateful, he thought bitterly to himself. Any low life thief could just barge in this sorry excuse of an apartment and do as he pleased. And yet here you are, resting like a small child and it was all thanks to him.

As long as he walked on this Earth no one could hurt you, touch you, claim you in the same way as Akutagawa could. He was everything you were not - filthy, disgusting, unworthy, pathetic. It was selfish of him to just keep you all to himself, to get rid of anyone he saw fit at any time of day if he thought that person was a threat in any way, shape or form.

But that is the thing with human beings, they are all the same in their core - selfish. He never minded claiming anything in the past before, so why was he so busy coddling you? Why couldn't he just take you and be done with it? It wasn't like you could overpower or trick him.

Somehow, the thought of him doing that stung. Like a knife being twisted in his gut, Akutagawa felt a strange surge of sickness wash over him as he could feel the bile rise up in the back of his throat but by some miracle he managed to compose himself just in time.

As much as he hated to admit it, he really did not want to wake you up.

Akutagawa had little to no time left on this Earth and he knew that. Once he was gone for good, what would become of you? Who was going to hurt you, just what sort of monster would you attract next? He already started putting some money aside just for you, so that once he is gone it would all go to you and you could live a comfortable life, a life he himself could never have. He even made sure to add in some security details here and there, he just could not trust you to take care of yourself.

You were like a lamb waiting to be slaughtered and Akutagawa was the butcher who held the blade.

Even so, he could never do it. He could never go straight for the kill. I'll do it tomorrow, he would tell himself as he would walk away, thus only prolonging this song and dance even more.

Perhaps he would kill you, one day. Was it going to be swift and merciful or painful and slow, he could not be sure. It all depends on his mood. For now though, he was content with being your shadow, a secret guardian who ruled over your life and kept you safe from the monsters who prowled the streets.

He was the biggest monster of them all though.

He chuckled, a dry but rare sound coming from the likes of him but that was alright. This was both his atonement and ultimate punishment. For all the evil he has done it is all coming back tenfold in the form of a love he never knew would bloom.

🥀 TAGS: @yanroma, @oneoftheprettynerds, @misdollface, @sxy0ung, @rosemary108233, @c4xcocoa, @gettinshiggywithit, @ophticcus, @anglbunny, @lakxcpsta, @ranposgirlboss

[embarrassinglastwords]

i write fanfic every now and then but it’s always 1 ch and in universe BUT i was watching tv and this couple made me think…

WEDDING/PARTY PLANNER ATSUSHI AND PIANIST AKUTAGAWA

like i don’t have anything fully formed to write so i’m gonna ramble here-

akutagawa’s vampire-y look while he sits and plays elegant music that’s hauntingly beautiful. playing cause it’s his passion and becoming popular in the wedding world as well just some formal parties.

one wedding he gets hired for he’s setting up to play for the reception cause the couple had a specific song they wanted for the isle walk and notices a man with white hair, bangs that rival his own, standing to the side checking around the room with a clip board in hand. he’s dressed in a nice suit with fingerless gloves on and a normal tie compared to the room of bow ties. he doesn’t look like someone who’d give orders or be bossy like a wedding planner would have to be but to be fair most people are taken aback when he says he plays piano.

he finds this man so attractive and keeps glancing over at him which is just great because at some point they make eye contact and the white haired man begins to walk over to him. they talk about akutagawa’s cue to start playing, how long he should play, what specifically he’s gonna play etc etc. akutagawa was wrong he’s definitely in charge. he likes that but he pushes that thought down

during the wedding atsushi finds himself enthralled by the pianist. he looks so majestic and so perfect. like he was made to play piano. he thinks about how the man in an older styled suit at such a nice piano looks plucked right out of an old painting. he thinks to himself the man must be good with his hands but let’s not dwell on that rn he is at work

eventually there’s a moment for a break due to this being the time of night for loud music and dancing. they accidentally bump into each other and begin talking. they find out a good deal about each other in this time. akutagawa has a sister who’s also into music but she’s a guitarist for her band, atsushi has a little sister that he takes care of, they’re both young in their mid 20s but worked their ways up in their fields. both make a decent amount doing what they do.

they exchange numbers at the end of the night. i’m imaging like the couple has left, atsushi is making sure caterers are paid and rented items are set to go back where they’re from etc. akutagawa is collecting his sheet music and is just really taking his time with it because he has nothing but paper to take home but he needs an excuse to talk to the cute wedding planner again.

yadda yadda they keep recommending each other to people. everytime atsushi gets hired he immediately goes “i know a great pianist if you’re interested!” they work a few more weddings/gatherings together and get closer.

of course i’d want them to eventually work the same formal gathering so they could see each other dressed nicely and that’s the night where the first kiss. they go home to their friends (haven’t decided who yet) and they’re literally that “let’s fucking goooo / okay so you just kissed…” meme

WOW THIS IS SO MUCH LONGER THAN I INTENDED😭 i will probably never write this cause as stated before i only ever write like short one chapter things so enjoy this

[aarcanechaoss]

I’m Yours

Masterlist

He swore he had no clue where she was… he lied.

Warnings: SMUT MDNI | Higuchuu (sub Chuuya)

Notes: not edited lol. A sorry for not getting those requests done yet I had an assignment to finish first

A knock on his office door had admittedly surprised him- the executive hadn’t been expecting any guests and he knew he had no meetings today so why…

“Come in.” He grunted.

A head of red hair poked through the now opening door followed by two black haired mafioso’s and an older man. The Black Lizard and Akutagawa.

“Hello Nakahara.” Hirotsu stated.

“Can I help you?” A sharp breath and an eye twitch later he finds it’s Tachihara who responds to him.

“We’ve been looking for Higuchi for the last two hours we have a mission she has the details for.”

Well that didn’t answer his question at all.

“She stated earlier she’d be in Mori’s office and then needed to duck into yours but she’s not in Mori’s office and not here either.” Gin stated instead, seemingly understanding that he wanted an answer not more questions.

“Haven’t seen her.” He sucked in another deep breath of air, hands now steepled in front of his face. “You sure she said she was coming my way?”

“Yes sir.” Gin and Tachihara state.

His ocean blue eyes darted to Akutagawa and expression akin to being lost painting his usually somber face. He almost wanted to laugh.

No he supposed he hadn’t seen her, not in the way they believed he would have. No… another sharp breath and he was asking if they needed anything else from him- no, then why were they still here?

“You alright sir?” Tachihara questioned. “You’re looking a little red.”

“Fine just a bit warm I’ll live.” His tongue darted out to wet his lips. “I have work to do so if you wouldn’t mind…”

And then they were gone in a matter of moments, the door clicking shut right behind them.

Chuuya slumped into his seat, a hand gripping the arm of his chair tight, his lip caught between his teeth and his other hand moving down and down until his fingers tangled in loose blonde hair.

“That was close.” She said, voice low and warm and… she pressed a kiss to his bare thigh. He shuddered. “You do look a little red are you alright sir?”

Her hand was wrapped around his cock, hard and heavy and completely needy as she stroked it slowly. So fucking slow.

She’d had his dick down her throat when her team came in, she’d been helping him to destress- to thank him for all his hard work.

Who was he to say no to a beautiful woman like that?

But of course this wasn’t the first time she’d left him flustered and wanting - only a fool would let an opportunity like this slide.

The first time he had been confused, needy as all hell and a little tipsy but so certain she’d been too attracted to Akutagawa to want another man’s attention.

No.

A lie.

A cruel, toe curling lie.

But she wanted him… wanted Chuuya in a way that made his heart burst.

Ichiyo licked her lips tongue darting out to circle his tip before taking him wholly once more.

“Should I stop Chuuya?” She pulls away, thumb stroking his thigh as she looked up at him.

He shook his head, words failing to form as he took her in. Shirt unbuttoned, blazer no where in sight and hair unbound all for him.

“No, please Chiyo.” He breathed. “Need you.”

Need. He’d never needed anyone before, not the way he did right now.

He needed to hold her, to feel her, to have her. And she would let him if he asked.

“What do you need from me?” She would ask, she always asked.

“Want to make you feel good too.” Ichiyo smiled, kissing along his length as if to say good boy. “Want- want to fuck you.”

She blinked in surprise- not shock or annoyance but surprise. Usually this was as far as they went at work with her hands or mouth around his cock, or his fingers and tongue in her cunt.

The smile on her lips told him everything (a smile that would be even more irresistible if it had been stained red).

She was straddling him now. Hips rocking against his in a steady beat- his dick buried so deep within her that he was dizzy.

“Is this what you wanted Chuuya?” She whispered in his ear.

“Yes.” His hands gripped her hips so tight they might just bruise. “Feel so good Chiyo.”

“You’re so good for me Chuuya.” She sighed happily, raising and dropping her hips- just for him, all for him. She tilted his chin upwards, her lips pressing tenderly against his own.

“Yes. ‘M yours.” He slurred, lips still pressed to hers.

“Mine?” She hummed right back, rocking her hips just that little bit fast her.

“Yours.” And he meant it.

“My pretty executive.” She smiled. “What would the others think? If they knew just who was fucking you?”

A thought barely formed as he moaned against her lips, head tilting backwards as she circles her hips and raises them up until only his tip is inside her before dropping down again.

“Fuck.” He whimpered. “I don’t care what they think.”

An honest answer.

“Really?” She sounded surprised. “You don’t care that I’m considered the liability of the mafia?”

She wasn’t.

Another carefully crafted lie and they both knew it.

“They don’t know you.” His breath faltered for a second as she nipped at his jaw.

“And you do?” Her voice was low, teasing… but it was real and it was all for him.

“I know enough.” He bucked upwards, release so close.

She smiled again, a real, warm smile as she pulled him in for another kiss- deep and careful.

It didn’t take much longer before his orgasm crashed over him. Pure hot pleasure rushing through him so thoroughly he could barely hear the sweet nothings Ichiyo whispered to him. Even through her own orgasm she gave him appreciation… it felt so good having her clench and tighten around him.

“Good, you did so good.” She pressed a kiss to his jaw just before he slumped forward, his cheek pressing against her bra clad chest.

“You too.” He smiled, her laugh making the comment worth every second of their time.

“So…” She said after a beat. “You’re mine are you?”

His face flushed as he nuzzled closer to her chest.

“If you want me to be.” Was the only reply he could think of.

Her hand tangled in his hair, softly tugging his head back until they were eye to eye- he chose to ignore how his cock twitched inside her when she did that.

But instead of teasing or sly remarks she kissed him. Her hand cradled his jaw as they both melted into the kiss. There was no fight for dominance as their tongues explored each others mouthes, just enjoyment and pleasure.

“I’d love to be yours too.” She whispered before sliding away. “How’s dinner sound?”

“You free Friday night?” He questioned, watching her as she pulled her clothes back on, carefully smoothing her hands over the crumpled fabric.

He stood to do the same.

“I finish at five.” She stated, now watching him just as he had.

“Me as well. I’ll book us a nice restaurant.” He smiled, now moving forward, hands resting on her hips.

“How should I dress?”

“Formal… in red if you have anything like that.”

She raises a brow.

“You look hot in red.” Chuuya shrugged, no point in denying it when she’s had him moan out obscenities before.

“I might have something.” She smiled instead, arms wrapping around his shoulders.

He lent forward, not bothering to warn her before their lips met once more.

He could kiss her all day.

“Hey sir I- Oh fuck!” The two parted, Tachihara of all people having barged right through his office door. “Sorry!”

The man practically squeaked as he ran off, door slamming behind him.

Ichiyo sighed and pulled away.

“I should deal with that before he blabs.”

“Take care.” He laughed. “See you Friday?”

“See you Friday Chuu.”

[silverbladexyz]

Diluc x Akutagawa!reader

Guess who’s backkkk! I decided to try something new here because I’m currently on my Genshin brainrot ehehe

Akutagawa is a character from Bungou Stray Dogs. I highly recommend you read his character profile first before reading this, as it will help you understand the reader more. His character profile can be found here. 

The image does not belong to me. It belongs to it’s original owner.

TW: Mentions of death. Reader has better morals than Akutagawa and isn’t as violent. Gender neutral reader, and uh this kind of ended up quite long. I hope you enjoy ^-^

-He probably first met you when you asked him to investigate someone for you. Afterall, you were also one who wasn’t interested in small talk and preferred to get the job done straightaway. Your straightforwardness and no-nonsense attitude was something that Diluc found refreshing

-You worked in a detective agency that was more suited with dealings of the darker side of Mondstadt; like solving and taking care of crimes committed by underground organisations. You were quite successful in your cases, as nobody had ever escaped from your deductions and ruthlessness. Nevertheless, you always kept a low profile; so low that Diluc probably had only heard of your name once in his life before

-He was slightly wary of you at the start. Your personality made you seem intimidating and cold, and the fact that little about you was known just gave all the more reason for Diluc to keep a close eye on you. Yet when you spoke to him, he was a bit surprised at how bluntly polite your words were. You could even be considered attractive if only you weren’t so intimidating

-But when Diluc assists you in your case though, he finds that ‘blunt’ and ‘detached’ wasn’t all that there was to you. While you may be cold and aloof, you were also smart and your actions were all for protecting this city and it’s people. Even when you scoffed and said that you only did this because it was your job, Diluc knew that you were also doing it out of the goodness of your own heart

-After your case had been solved, Diluc didn’t really want to say goodbye to you for some unknown reason. Your calm and honest personality attracted him, as well as your sass and straightforwardness. So he told you to come to him anytime you needed his assistance; and you did. Not only because he was the person with the most connections inside and outside of Mondstadt, it was also because you kind of grew to like his company. Although you two wouldn’t speak much other than talking about business, the comfortable silence you two often shared was proof of your trust in one another. Both of you find yourselves warming up to the other over time

-Your ability, named ‘Rashoumon’, works well with Diluc’s in battle. Being able to manipulate your coat into any shape and texture you wanted allowed you to not only act as support for Diluc, you were also able to form unbreakable shields around him if the enemy’s attacks came too close. Ice, water, wind and earth elements didn’t really affect you, since Rashoumon could destroy and eat everything; even the air itself. Fire was something you were more wary around, but Diluc knew how to handle fire, and even then, you just had to make Rashoumon eat the oxygen around the flames to make them die out

-I can see a friendship forming after a few more of your cases. Loyalty was something you and Diluc treasured, so rest assured since neither of you would betray the other. You are also openly honest with your thoughts and feelings, which he is thankful for, since he also seems like the type to dislike lying. Over time, you might even show up to his tavern sometimes for a few drinks and some talk, and he starts to realise that he was beginning to look forward to your visits more and more

-Now since both you and Diluc take a long time to develop feelings for someone, it’s most likely that he would fall first. Even though he is awkward and dense with emotions and feelings, you were someone who had nearly zero experience with feelings and the sort. You weren’t sure why every time he smiled at you or even complimented you, your chest would tighten up and a foreign, warm feeling would settle inside you. If it weren’t for Kaeya, you would’ve gone to a healer and demanded to let them check if you had a new illness

-To be honest, Kaeya was the wingman for you two. Since you two were dense and stubborn with feelings, a push and shove from the charming Cavalry Captain was what made Diluc confess. Diluc’s pride is too big to let you confess first, so he takes any opportunity he has to tell you about his feelings in private

-The whole confession part was quite amusing. Diluc was pretty straightforward in voicing his feelings, and since you never had any experience of any sort in feelings anyways, trying to find the best answer proved to be quite a challenge to you. You wanted to say that you reciprocated his feelings, yet you couldn’t seem to say it in a way that didn’t sound awkward or blunt (don’t worry you still told him you felt the same way towards him)

-Now the start of your relationship was a lot of trial-and-error. You both are pretty new to this, so safe to say it was slightly awkward since neither of you have been this close and vulnerable to someone before. Yet with enough persistence, I can see that your relationship will be able to blossom into something quiet yet passionate

-Diluc is much more softer with you in private. The official wiki says that he has a ‘gentle, tender and modest nature’, which he no doubt shows only to you. He still retains some of his bluntness and aloofness, which is refreshing, because seeing a soft Diluc was rather foreign and kind of concerning to you. You don’t mind, however, because you like it when he is like that

-However, your soft side was something Diluc was not expecting. He was so used to you being blunt and harsh that when you actually smiled a little at him and gave him a compliment, he thought he was dreaming. But he notices how you are softer and gentler to the people you loved. When the both of you are soft to one another at the same time, it’s as if all traces of your former personalities had vanished. This only happens in private, since you two have reputations to live up to

-It amuses Diluc how unused and awkward you are to physical touch. Even just a simple brush of his fingers on yours, or placing his hand gently on your arm is enough to let you freeze and nearly become flustered were it not for you using your coughs to disguise what you were feeling. It’ll take some time, but soon enough you two can hold hands and initiate more physical affection in private more comfortably. He is always warm; probably because he is a pyro user

-Speaking of which, whenever he holds your hand or kisses you, it’s mildly concerning to him how your skin always feels cold. Because of your past, you had an illness in your lungs which caused you to cough a lot and made your body quite frail. He hates how he can’t do much to help alleviate your sickness, so he seeks out the best of healers in Teyvat to heal you. In the harsh winter times, Diluc will let you hug him more so that he could help warm up your fragile body

-Diluc is pretty protective over you. He knows that you can defend yourself, yet sometimes he sends someone to act as some sort of a bodyguard for you. You found it pretty annoying at the start, and it even started a few quarrels, but you knew he was doing it because he cared for you. Next time, just drag him along with you whenever he has the time. It’s a nice bonding moment, and it’d definitely do him some good to take a break every now and then

-Kaeya thinks that you’re interesting and often initiates conversation with you. While you still reply him in a blunt manner, you don’t find him annoying and actually think that he is quite refreshing to be around. He sometimes flirts with you, but you didn’t really understand his pickup lines, so fortunately for him he stopped before Diluc could murder him

-Sometimes you help him out in the bar. While your body may have been slightly weaker than the average human, you still are very effective with putting violent and drunk people in their place. A single glare from you is enough to make anybody think twice, whether they were sober or not. Diluc appreciates that, since dealing with drunk customers drains him a lot. You still don’t kick Kaeya out of the bar though

-When he has free time off, Diluc would be perfectly happy to unwind by drinking some tea with you and just relaxing in the comfortable silence between you two. If you wanted, he would listen to you talk about art, antiques, figs, anything you liked. You also like listening to him talk about his job and his experiences, since being the richest man in Mondstadt is no easy feat

-He would like to spoil you with his riches, yet you had no interest in money or anything of the sort. To you, Diluc himself was worth more than all the Mora and treasures in the world. Simply being with him was more than you could ask for

-Deeper into the relationship, Diluc does open up to you about his whole complicated past and his insecurities. You didn’t judge or scoff; instead, you stood there silently, listening to his every word. When he finished telling you about it, you had merely coughed and offered him comfort in the bluntest way possible

-‘If you still think that you are the one responsible for your father’s death, then it is one of the most foolish things I have ever heard. The Fatui were the ones who had possessed Ursa to kill many people, not you. It is a rather unfortunate accident, however, it is what had helped to shape you into who you are today. And I wouldn’t have wanted you to be anyone else apart from yourself.’

-Slightly cheesy and very candid, yet it makes Diluc’s heart beat all the more for you. He himself also offers words of comfort and advice to you when you are at your lowest, and it always helps you to bounce back again. Sometimes, you two would simply hug it all out. No words are exchanged, yet the negative feelings vanish as you rest in his warm embrace

-Cuddling rarely happens, mostly because both of you are quite busy and because you didn’t prefer physical touch as much as other love languages. But you are secretly quite touch-starved, so your cuddling sessions with Diluc often end up quite long. Sometimes, there might even be a few kisses involved, yet you’re perfectly content to just rest your head on his shoulder as you hug him

-Jean was surprised at how someone as bitter and aloof as Diluc managed to get together with someone as blunt and cold as you. Frankly speaking, she was quite intimidated by you, but when she sees that you’re capable of expressing love and tenderness to someone she once admired, it makes her less scared of you. But the slight fear is still there, even though you would never hurt her in any way

-In all honesty, I can see your relationship with Diluc being a long lasting one... possibly for the rest of your lives. You see, when he falls, he falls hard. Neither of you even want to think about the possibility of breaking up, because you two always manage to work out any problems or miscommunication amongst yourselves due to how well you work together with him. So I hope you’re ready for the day when he kneels to the ground on one knee and takes out a ring :)

@circinuus​ @chuuyas-beloved​ @yuugen-benni​ @i-just-like-goats​

[gaylittlemans]

I scrolled through so much to find this

Fyodor Ursula and Nikolai is the eels

And Dazai can still call Chuuya “sea slug” (credits to @ratsbanes for the sea slug idea. This has occupied my thought for too long) because that’s obviously the only kind of slug he really knows and this annoying attractive prince deserves to be demeaned in some way and Chuuya calls Dazai “Mackerel” because he’s a water-born menace and there’s just something fishy about this mute boy he found.

Would Dazai’s tail red or blueish teal of some sort (I personally like a sort of coppery, shimmery carmine of some sort for his fish half)? And how would bandages translate to fish form? Maybe some kind of white seaweed or kelp?

I think taking the ADA and replacing Ariel’s sisters and flounder and scuttle and the president being trident would make sense. (Obviously with Sebastian Kunikida because when will this man get a break?)

Maybe Kouyou or Hirotsu could replace Grimsby (the advisor) for Chuuya’s side. Mori would obviously, probably, be the king. Also, looking at the Disney Wiki, I think Chuuya and Prince Eric’s characters align decently (mostly the dog thing and his family as well as the loss of loved ones stuff lmao) and you could add in a fear of storms to Chuuya’s character after the whole “being tossed overboard his own ship during a nasty thunderstorm and almost fucking dying” thing if you wanted 😚

Perhaps Akutagawa would be a guard Chuuya considers to be close, maybe he’s a guard who trained beside Chuuya (because I assume Princes would receive battle training. And perhaps Chuuya mentored him a little bit but only in small things like keeping your stance wide and staying light on your feet enough to move quickly) after Akutagawa forced his way into the royal guard very young.

And I think Verlaine would be kept in the castle basement because why the fuck not? Or maybe in an observatory. I dunno. Or perhaps he’s never even there? 😮

Anyways—They suddenly appeared in my head and I remembered you and I realized I had more ideas than I thought and I needed to get them out immediately 😚

I haven’t checked your account, op, so I don’t know if you’ve already written this story or not, but I hope you don’t mind my ideas. Best wishes!

I want to do a skk little mermaid au, but idk if dazai or chuuya would be Ariel

Like chuuya kinda looks like Ariel and Dazai kinda looks like Eric. Also I like the idea of Kunikida being the advisor

But I also really like the concept of dazai being Ariel and chuuya being prince Eric. Cuz I think it would be funny if Kunikida took the role of sebastian

I'd have to figure out the other roles too, but I think that depends on who plays who

[bsdtrash]

Akutagawa On A Honeymoon With His Wife.

This work contains 18+ content and suggestive themes minors DNI!!

Honestly the second I saw this ask my heart melted like yaaaas Akutagawa deserves a wifey to love him unconditionally and to just go have fun on a cute little honeymoon together!! Also sorry I didn’t know if you wanted a scenario or a headcanon so I just did a super small scenario accompanied by headcanons ^^’

If someone had told Akutagawa years ago that he would be happily on a honeymoon with someone that he loved dearly, he would have been severely confused. Akutagawa used to have the mentality that love was unnecessary and useless. However after meeting you, you just somehow convinced him otherwise. There were many things he loved about you, like even though you were often afraid you never backed down. The thing he had to have loved most about you though was your unconditional love, the way you stuck by him even when he tried to push you away.  He couldn’t understand how he had ended up with someone like you in his life after all the horrible things he had done but now that he had you he wasn’t planning on letting you go any time soon. As far as he was concerned he’d be spending the rest of his life with you. 

“ Akutagawa! Quit staring out into space like that and come collect seashells with me! “ You urged your now husband happily. The two of you had decided to reside on a private island for your honey moon. It wasn’t too far from the mainland so the both of you could go into town whenever you wanted. The calm and peaceful atmosphere was something that the both of you were both relieved and happy to have for once. A rare smile graced the males lips as he looked at your hunched over form eagerly picking up seashells and throwing them into the bucket you had at your feet. He walks up to you and glances over the shells that decorated the sand “ Is there one in specific you’re looking for? “ He questions with the intent of finding it for you. After all his wife only deserved the best of the best in his eyes. 

- I want to start the headcanon off with the fact that I think the two of you actually had a small wedding as opposed to a big one. Akutagawa just wanted people that were close and important to both of you there. In my mind it’s something that was small yet elegant. 

- Akutagawa and you definitely choose a nice quiet honeymoon as opposed to something that is adventurous or hectic. This is due to the fact that your everyday lives are already quite rambunctious as it is. He definitely just prefers the two of you to bask in each others presence alone for two whole weeks.

- It’s nice for the both of you to have this space since you’re usually surrounded by so many people. Akutagawa couldn’t think of a better scenery for your honeymoon, a private island was exactly what he both wanted and needed. That being said the two of you do go to the mainland a few times while there. 

- When on the mainland you two don’t do any of the tourist attractions, they just aren’t for you. You more so go to the local places, the both of you definitely venture out to find a good antique store. You probably end up buying a ton of antiques that are just unique and interesting to Akutagawa. It gets to the point where you have to draw a line and remind him that you have to bring all this stuff home to your shared apartment. 

- The second place you try to find is a good tea shop which is a lot harder than you thought it would be. Then again you should have expected it to be hard with how picky your husband is about his tea. It isn’t until about the third day that Akutagawa finds a place that he deems acceptable. 

- Akutagawa also probably refers to you now as his wife most of the time, he’s not one for pet names but he does like showing you off as his wife as much as possible. You can’t tell me that this man isn’t the type to be the cute possessive husband. 

- You aren’t surprised by it anymore since you’re now married but in the beginning of your relationship you were quite shocked at how clingy Akutagawa could be with you. He definitely shows you the more soft and vulnerable sides of himself, you received this privilege after dating him for a few months. You now even have more privileges since the two of you are married. Though you only ever take advantages of these privileges behind closed doors because you don’t want to embarrass your husband in front of his coworkers.

- I could see Akutagawa being the type to not find the importance in waiting till marriage for sex unless his partner specified that, so unless you told him you wanted to wait till marriage to have sex I could see the two of you having crossed that threshold long ago. 

- That being said it doesn’t matter if you’ve had sex before the wedding night or not Akutagawa makes sure to still make it as romantic as possible. Now that the two of you are married it feels even more intimate than before in his eyes. 

- Honestly when you’re not out on the mainland or relaxing on the private island the two of you are just having super soft and intimate sex around the beach cabin. Akutagawa once heard that during the honeymoon phase that couples couldn’t keep their hands off of each other, at first he didn’t believe that but now that he was alone with you on your honeymoon he was finding it to be a lot more true than he ever expected. He has great difficulty keeping his hands to himself now that the two of you are married.  

[along-came-atsushi]

Akutagawa – Dazai – Atsushi: An analysis about their relationship

And why Dazai treats them so differently.

.

The symbolism of Atsushi and Akutagawa:

From their outward appearance and their design alone, Atsushi and Akutagawa are meant as opposites, but they’re also a duality:

Both wear black and white clothes, but whereas Atsushi is mostly white with a streak of black, Akutagawa wears mostly black with a streak of white. It’s even represented in their hair colours.

Besides this, there are many other things that mark their oppositeness and their duality to each other:

Atsushi is a member of the ADA, while Akutagawa is a member of the PM. Atsushi’s ability colour is blue, Akutagawa’s ability colour is red. Being a member of the ADA makes Atsushi someone who works for the “light and day”, Akutagawa is someone who works for the “darkness and night.” Atsushi loves cats, Akutagawa hates dogs. Atsushi’s ability takes the form of a tiger, Akutagawa’s ability represents a dragon, both creatures are important elements in Asian mythology. Ultimately, Atsushi symbolizes life or is associated with life, while Akutagawa symbolizes death or is associated with death.

Considering this, the title Shin Soukoku (Double Black) isn’t even a fitting name for them, since they both aren’t simply a double, as both Mori and Fukuzawa or Dazai and Chuuya were.

[Beware: Spoilers starting from chapter 83]

.

Dazai’s mindset and his relationship with Akutagawa:

1.) One of the reasons why Dazai’s treatment towards Akutagawa as a mentor was so cruel and brutal, firstly lies in his overall negative mental state during his PM time. He was visibly unhappy, constantly surrounded by death and violence, and more than now struggled with his suicidal thoughts.

Is it an explanation for his treatment of Akutagawa? −Yes, it is.

Is it an excuse for his treatment of Akutagawa? −No, it isn’t.

2.) Another reason is that this is just how things are done in the Mafia. There is no sense in handling someone with kid gloves in the PM, a place where you get killed for disobeying orders, where you shouldn’t see your peers as friends or get to intimate with anyone:

“It’s an unwritten rule in the Mafia to not stick your nose where it doesn’t belong. One must never open the door to another’s heart and try to judge them for the darkness tucked within.” – Odasaku

If it wouldn’t have been Dazai who taught Akutagawa in such a cruel way, with high probability, it would’ve been someone else. Or as Dazai explained, a sign of weakness will get you killed in the PM:

And Dazai had the absolute chance to kill Akutagawa after he disobeyed orders and killed a person captured for interrogation. His ability can nullify all other abilities by mere touch. He could’ve simply touched Akutagawa, so that he wouldn’t have been able to use his ability to protect himself, and then shot him on the spot. But he didn’t do that, because:

“Akutagawa – he’s like a sword without a sheath.” Dazai grinned from ear to ear. “He’ll surely become the Mafia’s strongest skill user in the not-so-distant future. But for now he needs someone who can teach him how to put that sword away.”  [...]

“When I first saw him over in the slums, I was horrified. His talents are extraordinary, and his skill is extremely destructive. Plus, he’s stubborn. If I’d left him to his own devices, he would’ve ended up a slave to his own powers until he destroyed himself.” – Dazai to Odasaku

He already valued Akutagawa’s skill and saw the huge potential in him:

I was surprised. I had never heard Dazai openly speak so highly of one of his men like that before. [...]

Dazai didn’t freely make people work under him, period; much less a boy on the verge of starvation in the slums. But Dazai seemed to have his own reasons for doing it. – Odasaku about Dazai

.

Something which is also later confirmed by Atsushi:

“I believe Dazai-san has acknowledged you long ago.”

Why is it then that Dazai still treats Akutagawa so badly and doesn’t tell his approval right to his face? Something that becomes Akutagawa’s main purpose for a long time, even after Dazai left PM.

.

Dazai’s relationship with Odasaku and Ango:

Dazai’s behaviour and actions when he’s with Ango and Odasaku clearly shows that he can be different and doesn’t treat everyone with cruelty and coldness, if he wants to.

But what’s the difference between the two people he considers his friends and the people who are his subordinates?

-> Ango and Odasaku value and respect life.

.

The reason Dazai becomes and is attached to Odasaku and Ango is their viewpoint about death and life:

“I would become a novelist and write a story about why the man stopped killing. But to become a novelist, I needed to sincerely know what it meant to live. – Odasaku

.

“You’re quite the interesting fellow, Ango. Doing that isn’t going to make the boss happy. […]” “You’re making records of the lives of the deceased. Am I right?” […] “The line between human losses and those of money and equipment begin to blur. There is no individual, no soul, and no dignity to death. But you’re fighting back against that.” – Dazai to Ango

This is the reason why he values them so much that he considers them his friends. He’s not friends with them because he gains something from it, or because they have interesting abilities, or because they are on the same intellectual level as him (which they aren’t). Something that gets emphasized by Odasaku’s rank. He descended from an assassin (a high reputation in the PM) to a maid-of-all-work and an errand boy (a low reputation in the PM).

Dazai is attracted to and fascinated by people who value life – something you don’t find in the PM, and something he himself struggles to understand. Probably because there never was a person who taught him this. Like a curious child, he turns to people who he knows have a better understanding in this than him.

He even becomes very irritated when one of his subordinates questions his friendship with Odasaku:

“Dazai, sir, I don’t mean to be rude, but… I saw him [Odasaku] sweeping behind the office the other day. A man of his status isn’t qualified to be your friend, let alone with an enemy like this.” Dazai stared, flabbergasted, at his underling.

“Are you joking? Odasaku’s not qualified?” Dazai asked, thoroughly surprised. […] “You fools!” Dazai’s lips curled into a sneer in genuine disgust.

This respect doesn’t solely concern Odasaku and Ango. Hirotsu is also one of the very few people he respects for this reason. Even though Hirotsu may not value life in the same terms as Odasaku and Ango do, but he also doesn’t lightly throw away his subordinates lives either:

“…Ha-ha! Just kidding!” Dazai abruptly added in a cheery tone. Hirotsu stared back at him, confused. “The reason you have so many people following you is that you don’t turn your back on them. I’ll leave things in your hands. I won’t tell the boss.”

It’s only when Odasaku dies in Dazai’s arms and tells him to go protect the living, that he starts to change his behaviour and viewpoint.

.

Dazai and his many failed suicide attempts:

Why is it that Dazai − a genius, a manipulator, someone who exactly knows how the human psyche works, someone who’s predictions always come true and who has plans within plans – then always fails when he tries to kill himself?

Dazai has read the book “The Complete Suicide” so often that he can cite it in his sleep. He has engaged in torture and killed many people. He knew exactly how to involve Ango and himself in a car crash without them dying.

If he really wanted to, he could’ve already killed himself many times ago. He claims that “he doesn’t like pain and suffering”, which according to him is the reason why his suicide attempts fail. But there are ways how he could kill himself without just that. It’s just that he doesn’t WANT to die.

„I thought if all went well, I could die a heroic death on the battlefield. But the dozen or so armed guys who showed up were a real scrappy bunch. […] Thus, I unfortunately avoided death once again.”

He always tells that something inconvenient happened that kept him from dying. But sometimes people around him notice that there’s something wrong in his attempts:

“I was walking and reading a book called ‘How To Not Get Hurt Out Of The Blue’ and fell into a drainage ditch.” A surprisingly absurd reason. – Odasaku and Dazai

.

“I glance at his desk and see the blasphemous book he bought the other day, ‘The Complete Suicide’, opened to a page titled ‘Death by Poisoning Mushrooms.’ Next to the book lies a plate with a half-eaten mushroom on it. However, upon further inspection, it appears to be a slightly different color from the one in the book. – Kunikida about Dazai

.

“I thought you [Gide] were similar to Dazai at first, rushing into battle and wishing for death without even considering the value of your own life. But he’s different. […] And he’s just a child−a sobbing child abandoned in the darkness of a world far emptier than the one we’re seeing.” – Odasaku to Gide about Dazai.

Dazai is a person who actively seeks life and wants to be freed from his own philosophy. He’s struggling between seeking death, which he thinks is the only way to free him from his loneliness and suffering, and seeking life for the simple reason that he doesn’t want to die.

.

Dazai’s relationship with Atsushi:

Atsushi saved Dazai from drowning despite the fact that he himself was on the brink of starvation. The first thing Dazai got attached to Atsushi is his view on life. Despite the abuse he suffered, Atsushi seeks life and wants to live, makes it even his reason to fight and his life motto.

“The lives of those who can’t save anyone have no value”. In that moment an idea suddenly popped into my mind. […] If by any chance I can let the passengers return home save and sound does that prove that it’s okay for me to live?”

Throughout the story, Atsushi transfers his viewpoint and determination to characters who have a connection to death, darkness and/or suffering (e.g. Kyouka, Lucy).

The reason Atsushi values life, being the symbolical personification of it, is the reason why Dazai is able to treat him much better than Akutagawa.

.

Forming Shin Soukoku:

Dazai says that Akutagawa is a highly skilled student, but he needs someone to sharpen him. He instantly decides and plans to team him up with Atsushi, the moment he meets him. He knows that Atsushi, due to his view on life, is the only one who can teach Akutagawa to value life himself and to change as a person. In other words “the one who can teach him how to put that sword away”.

This is something Dazai in the past couldn’t and still can’t teach Akutagawa (or anyone at all for that matter). Because he himself needs and wants to be taught that, so he seeks people who are able to give him a different understanding in this (see Ango and Odasaku). Vice versa Akutagawa isn’t able to teach Dazai how to value life, because he himself represents death and has a strong connection to it. It’s one of the very first things he says when he gets introduced in the story:

“Fear death. Fear slaughter. Those who desire death have an equal desire to die.”

Even though Atsushi’s words may seem very harsh, but it IS one of the reasons why Dazai so abruptly abandoned Akutagawa. Is it an explanation? −Yes, it is. Is it an excuse? −No, it isn’t.

Another reason is that Dazai tries to flee from his responsibilities, his past and the terrible things he has done (including Akutagawa’s abuse), because he is not able to face them. Not now that is. He is still in need of guidance and of change, in order to be able to do this.

[Side note: Dazai and guilt is something that can be analysed in its very own meta. I’m not expanding on it further here].

Akutagawa’s connection to death gets emphasized by him even disobeying orders to not kill, for the sole reason that in his mind, killing is much simpler and more effective. He lashes out and tries to kill the people who are respected by Dazai and/or considered friends, even though he should know that an action like this will definitely not get him the approval he so wants.

He was willing to kill Atsushi, even though his mission was to capture him alive, ignoring the possible consequences this would have had for him.

But throughout the story Akutagawa changes his viewpoint. He thinks that the reason why Dazai acknowledges Atsushi and puts him above him, is because he is a better (better in the sense of physical and ability strength) subordinate than him. But he realizes that this can’t be the case and questions it more than once:

His former pure jealousy and grudge towards Atsushi (something which he also felt for Odasaku) slowly turns into questioning, trying to understand what differs them from each other. Dazai knows very well that Akutagawa is still obsessed with him and his approval. Therefore if necessary, he uses this to manipulate him, if it’s to either protect/help Atsushi or to get them both to work together:

Akutagawa starts to constantly challenge Atsushi, questioning him, and demanding him for an answer. It’s only when Akutagawa saves Yokohoma from the Moby Dick crash, that Dazai openly tells him “you did well”.

The reason why Dazai does this so hesitantly, shows that he is still in his own metamorphosis. He’s slowly changing as is Akutagawa. He is still afraid to face his responsibilities, but doesn’t treat his former subordinate cruel anymore.

This change in Akutagawa goes so far that Atsushi is able to ask him to not to kill anyone until they meet again. When told about, Dazai is visibly happy, as it is something that he as a mentor wasn’t able to do. He is reminded of Odasaku, comparing Akutagawa now to him:

Due to this, Dazai now has this much faith in Akutagawa that he puts the task to keep an eye on Atsushi and to protect him in his hands:

Mind the difference of his expressions when he talks with Akutagawa then and now:

Dazai doesn’t team Atsushi and Akutagawa up only for strength and fighting reasons. Or because their abilities are compatible in battle. But because Dazai knows that Akutagawa won’t unnecessarily kill anymore, because he is seeking answers through Atsushi and is changing through their interactions:

He keeps his promise, much to Atsushi’s surprise, but it’s out of the question that he is happy about this:

Akutagawa promising not to kill anyone, keeping his promise in the end and even going so far as to protect someone, in other words valuing life, is something which Dazai could’ve never taught him. And again, he still can’t. Dazai is not solely the teacher, but the student himself. And although Atsushi may be a teacher for both of them in his philosophy, he is a student of Akutagawa and Dazai in other things.

Because what Atsushi lacks is self-confidence and his own worth, faith in his own abilities and the mental strength to overcome his past abuse and trauma. Those are things he learns through Dazai and especially, through Akutagawa.

[redxblueihateloveyou]

I'm curious what you think the worst shipping dynamic is? And the reasoning behind it if you have any.

Thank you so much!!!

haha I do have several of those actually. I’ll include both what I think are the worst dynamics and the kind of ships that “I just don’t get why would you ship smth like that”.

1. What I actually call “a mom and a manchild”.

examples: Hatori/Chiaki from “Sekaichi Hatsukoi”, Ikuya/Hiyori.

I guess, technically there’s nothing wrong with this, if they both enjoy being this way, but firstly I just hate adults behaving like infants and I don’t think encouraging such behavior can lead to anything good, and secondly watching this just makes me uncomfortable for many reasons. And moments like when Hyori came up to Ikuya when he talked to Haru and was like “it’s too late and you can’t talk to this man, time to go home” and Ikuya went I just cracked up at this. Also when one part is basically changes the other’s part diapers, but in return gets tantrums or basically nothing or “but I wanna play with someone else tho”, it’s just a kink I do not get, like why would you want to be treated like this is beyond me.

But then I also generally dislike infantile characters, and I can’t ship smth if I don’t like both parties, so maybe bc of this. I always like the mature characters. Like even when I do know in theory that a 13 year old in reality can’t behave like Todoroki, I’m still like, I don’t fucking care, that’s the one I like xD But when 20 years old Ikuya behaves like this, I just do not appreciate it, I guess.

2. “I don’t have an identity, my identity is you or what you want me to be” category, including ��my dignity flew out of the window” ones and “I just do what you do”. (I CANNOT HANDLE THIS DYNAMIC, YOU KNOW I CAN’T!!!!!!! I DO NOT WHY, BUT IT’S JUST PISSING ME OFF THE MOST OF ALL PROBABLY)

examples: Eren/Mikasa, Haru/Makoto, Natsusa/Sei from “Number24″.

Sports animes do that a lot. “The only reason I played rugby is because you played it” is a major cringe. And no, it’s not romantic. Romantic is like when you’re both passionate about this and doing this sports together makes it even better/more meaningful, that I get. Not, “I only went there bc you like it” and I’ll have what you have, I’ll do what you do. Like.. huh? You firstly a person, as in fully formed one pls, you can’t exist as someone’s trail. 

Those ships always contain this one person (like Mikasa, Makoto), who are just the accessory of the other character. Mikasa’s problem is not the ackerbond, it’s her life position, she herself chosen to be Eren’s doormat. And some also find this romantic, I think, but I just hate such things. Also the truth of life: if you don’t respect yourself, your crush won’t respect you either. Just saying.

Makoto, I sincerely think, if Kisumi would be his neighbour instead of Haru, he’d be playing basketball at school lmao. Like SD has so many of absolutely terrible scenes, where Makoto just for real turns to Haru and goes “do you think I should go to the basketball club if we’re not swimming?” like dude, I’m... he’s like a walking definition of “meh” if there ever existed one. How can you do not care what you do? Like at all. This is beyond me. That’s sad. Watching him makes me sad.

I just need both characters in a ship be you know THEM, fantastic on their own, then when they’re together they become an absolutely explosive magic. It’s just a true fact.

Also there is one ship who is not quite this category, but kinda touches this theme. Ciel and Lizzy from “Kuroshitsuji”, ike the original Ciel, for whom she wanted to pretend to be a dumb damsel in distress for the rest of her life. Like fucking seriously????? You’d live like this????!!!! Fucking hell, you must really don’t love yourself like at all.

3. Humiliation isn’t my kink.

examples: Dazai/Akutagawa, Midoriya/Bakugou.

Akutagawa and Midoriya are badass motherfuckers and also wonderful human beings on their own. When they encounter Dazai and Bakugou they become sheeps. I hate seeing them like that, that’s basically it. Also humiliation is really not my kink. The whole “treat him like crap” thing. Like some things they did to them is just.. my god, I don’t like it.

Like when Dazai asked Atsushi to throw the phone moment, I literally flinched so hard watching it, I can’t even explain this feeling between the dejection and utter disgust at the fact that Dazai did it, that I felt watching it, but I fucking hated it.

4. Those who bring out the worst in each other or don’t bring out anything in each other.

All my ships literally all with no exceptions make each other the best versions of themselves, push/challenge each other to become better/brighter/happier, etc., or add to each other that piece the other was missing. 

If someone makes someone feel depressed, miserable or even just simply stuck in a rut, that’s probably not it. There are some ships who just simply can’t make each other happy or even make each other unhappy and that’s a fact.

5. Ships with no development or development so tiny that you need 120 episodes and an magnifying glass to see it.

examples: I’d say, but I just don’t want those 10 year olds in my ask box again.

Hate this for obvious reasons. Because as wise ppl say “only fools don’t grow” or "if we don't change, we don't grow. if we don't grow, we aren't really living."

6. Those who are like brothers to each other and said so and don’t emmit any and I mean ANY sexual vibes or attraction in that kind of way towards each other. 

examples: Harry Potter/Ron Weasley (like THE FUCK seriously), Stiles/Scott from “Teen Wolf”, Keith/Shiro.

I just cannot imagine them being romantically involved, I literally can’t. And I don’t get it. It’s like they even say “you’re my brother” thing, but also they just do not give off any couply feels and imagining this kinda make me cringe a bit, cause I have two sisters I’m very close with and their relationship remind me of our relationships so just.. no.

7. They are not each others priority. Meaning both putting someone else or something else before them.

If they don’t put each other first, I most likely probably don’t want it. 

My jam is like Stucky and when they say to Steve “you do this, captain, and the whole world would think of you as a criminal” and Steve being like “fuck you, take your shield, take your idiotic hero rules, I don’t care, he matters to me more than your whole dumbass world”.

My jam is Lan Zhan who went against the whole world and a horde of stupid donkeys and fought for his baby till the end. He really didn’t care if he’d lose everything and what would other ppl think, if it meant that Wei Wuxian will be with him.

On the other hand, we have Jin Guangyao, who had Lan Xichen, but he wanted power and idiots’ love more, so he chose what he chose. Do not get this ship, like no, thanks.

As for putting specific someone else first. Rin/Sousuke, for example. I in general do not get it, but also like there are like 10 moments in the anime like in Yakusoku when Rin forgot about him, when he saw Haru during the tournament and an actual quote “Sousuke looked at Rin, who will always put Haru first”. So like... I do not get it. If you see them as a couple this is technically no good no for Sousuke, no for Rin.

8. Obviously straight ones, but “hey, I need them gay”.

I in fact just do not believe in a “straight ppl do not exist” thing. As I’ve said before there are exceptions where some characters give off the clear bi vibe, but those are pretty rare tbh. And even more rare canonically proven ones like Kanda from D.Gray-man, for example. 

The moment they show some character in anime drool over some girls he doesn’t even know, but he don’t react to any of the guys like this, this just means he’s most likely heterosexual. Cause only straight guys drool only specifically after seeing random boobs. So this thing always throws me off in some ships.

99% of my ships are either canonically gay or most likely gay, but author doesn’t want to label it. 

There are just lots of animes where main character/s have shown no interest in an opposite gender whatsoever like “Natsume Yuujinchou”, “Kuroko No Basuke”, “AOT”, “Number24″, “Fukigen na Mononokean”, “Tower Of God”, “Owari no Seraph” etc., but did in fact show interest in the same gender one. That I get, yes. 

And btw even if you want somebody to be as I call it a “wishful bi”, I think it should be only in situations like if these characters have some absolutely wonderful/undeniable connection, not just the ship for the sake of gay ship.

_____

That’s probably it. Otherwise I’m fine, I think :D  

[linkspooky]

Gogol the Clown

A member of the decay of angels, one of the few characters in the story we have seen follow Fyodor willingly rather than being mind controlled or a sycophant, an immediately loud and attention grabbing character. Nikolai Gogol has an incredible impact on the plot, despite only being around for a short time. There is a lot of deeper themes and philosophy to unravel in this engimatic character. So let’s answer Gogol’s question, just who is he? 

1. The Overcoat

As an ally of all clowns I am obligated to give a more in depth look at Gogol’s character. The first clue to his true nature is the author of his namesake, Nikolai Gogol. The author Gogol had a reptuation of a dramatist and a satirist, and blended humorous and tragic elements in his story to make critiques of society therefore we have Gogol, the laughing and yet tragic clown. 

His ability is named after The Overcoat a short story that had great influence in Russian Literature, as said by Dostoyevsky as “We all come from Gogols’ Overcoat.” 

The story narrates the life and death of Akaky Akakievich, an impoverished government clerk and copyist. He lives as nothing more than a tool of the bureaucracy, until he decides to save up for a new stylish overcoat which soon becomes the center of his life. Akaky after fasting for months finally can afford it, and is praised for the first time for the quality of his coat, only to be robbed the next day. When he speaks with a government official and meekly asks for help in cooperating with the police to retrieve the coat, the general scolds him so fiercely for interrupting his time with an unimportant matter. Soon afterwards, Akaky falls deathly ill with fever. In his last hours, delirious, imagining himself again sitting before the general and he pleads for forgiveness, before finally cursing the general. 

While Gogol, a clown who cooperates with terrorists and tries to drag down society has almost nothing in common with a punch-clock bureaucrat who has no life outside of his work, there’s an interesting comparison on how different their stories are. Almost as if Akakay is what Gogol is terrified of being, so much so he runs in the opposite direction. 

Both of their stories are primarily about their own deaths, but the way they die is opposite, Gogol chooses death, whereas Akaky meets his death soon after he deviates just a little bit from the social order of his humdrum life. 

If Gogol is a deviant of society, a dangerous terrorist, then Akaky is the living definition of a normal person. He has absolutely no life outisde of doing what others tell him to do His name Akaky Akakievich Bashmachkin, in russian means Akaky Bashmachkin the son of Akaky Bashmachkin. Which basically makes it the equivalent of John Johnson. It communicates his role as an everyman. He begins at the story a introverted, and hopeless but otherwise functioning non-entity with no expectations of social or material success. 

He basically acts like he was born to fit in a slot. His entire life consists of copying down documents, he does not do anything for himself other than what he is told. 

“It would be difficult to find another man who lived so entirely for his duties. It is not enough to say that Akakiy laboured with zeal: no, he laboured with love. In his copying, he found a varied and agreeable employment. Outside this copying, it appeared that nothing existed for him. He gave no thought to his clothes.”

He ‘enjoys’ his life so to speak, but he basically lives without living. He never makes any choices for himself, or desires anything for his life. He is satisfied but only because he wants for nothing. He has no thoughts of disatisfaction, but only because he never thinks. He lives without worries, because he never takes on the burden of his own free will. 

In other words as a bureaucrat he is not a person. He is a tool in the system. Not only that, but despite the fact that he is a completely harmless existence lacking any evil or bad intention at all, he is almost constantly bullied. He causes no trouble for others, keeps his head down, and does not even retaliate when he is jeered at and yet people continue to constantly push him down. Even when he is on the absolute bottom of society, he’s pushed. The only time he retaliates is when their jeers start to get into his work, at which point the mocking of him turns from humorous to tragic. 

How little humane feeling after all was to be found in men's hearts; how much coarseness and cruelty was to be found even in the educated and those who were everywhere regarded as good and honorable men."

When he is asked to think for himself and change just a few words on a document, Akaky is completely unable to do it. He’s unable to have a self.

This caused him so much toil that he broke into a perspiration, rubbed his forehead, and finally said, "No, give me rather something to copy." After that they let him copy on forever.

When he starts to desire a coat for the first time, something outside of his work, Akaky develops as a person. His self-esteem is raised and his expectations towards lief are raised as well by the overcoat. Which is why, when it is finally stolen, and Akaky is put back in his place so to speak by a much more important general he crashes back down. 

"Do you know to whom you speak? Do you realise who stands before you? Do you realise it? do you realise it? I ask you!"

In the end it’s a story of someone who dies without ever living, and only ever really making one choice for himself which was immediately taken away from him as he was ordered to go back to fitting in his slot. It shows that there’s more to life than simply obeying every single order given to you. Akaky by all means lived what society might call a good life, he never caused harm, he was never greedy, he never missed a day or work and yet we see the only result of that is people continuing to beat him down without any consideration. It’s an argument of what fitting into a society entails, and how absolutely mundane human cruelty can be. 

And St. Petersburg was left without Akakiy Akakievitch, as though he had never lived there. A being disappeared who was protected by none, dear to none, interesting to none, and who never even attracted to himself the attention of those students of human nature who omit no opportunity of thrusting a pin through a common fly, and examining it under the microscope.

A being who bore meekly the jibes of the department, and went to his grave without having done one unusual deed, but to whom, nevertheless, at the close of his life appeared a bright visitant in the form of a cloak, which momentarily cheered his poor life, and upon whom, thereafter, an intolerable misfortune descended, just as it descends upon the mighty of this world!

If you imagine Gogol as someone who exists in complete opposition to Akaky, trying to live a life where he makes every single choice in the opposite manner than the clown’s character becomes quite clear. 

Akaky is someone with really no free will, no free thought of his own, and no uniqueness. He is always the punch line to the jokers of other people. He is so plain what you see is basically what you get with him. He has no internal world whatsoever, and no designs of life. 

Gogol is a character based entirely around the concept of freedom, where freedom and his own identity, his uniqueness are the most important things to him. Which is why he dresses himself up as loudly as possible, plays the role of an eccentric, and becomes the clown. 

He is a terrorist, an outsider to society because for him that is the best method of being free. 

Society in Bungo Stray Dogs is after all, a lot like the one depicted in the Overcoat. A stagnant, uncaring thing, almost like a force of its own bearing down on others. Characters cannot easily move their position. Akutagawa is a stray dog, an orphan who is expected to die in the slums without ever receiving a helping hand, and the only way for him to escape that life is to become a murderer for the mafia. The poor stay poor, the weak are taken from, more orphans are not saved, the people in power stay in power in the name of an uneasy peace. 

The decay of angels is a group to hasten the destruction of a society that in their eyes, is already slowly decaying away. Not much is known on Gogol’s backstory, but if the alternative choice is for him to become downtrodden on like the man in the Overcoat it’s understandable why he would be so desperate for freedom he would flip the switch and go in the exact opposite, try to destroy anything that might hinder him, break any chain that might slow him down, run away from society so fast that running away and pursuing freedom became his only true identity. 

Gogol’s plan also shows how quickly society as a whole, but more importantly government bureacracy can turn on people the moment they stop fitting in a slot, the moment they ceae to be useful, no matter how much service they have given before that point. If the employees willingly give up their own humanity, the bureacracy will stop seeing them as people, as we see how quickly the government turns on the Armed Detective Agency despite all of their work before this point. 

The agency is the heart of the country, the nation’s pride, and then suddenly they are not. As easy as that. Which is a good existential conundrum showing that the rules you believe in, the securirty you believe you have, the structures in place are not as solid as you think they are. The foundation can crumble at any moment, and you are not a significant loss, because you are not a person to them in the first place. 

Gogol is someone who wants to be free to the point of radicalism. He deliberately disrupts the status quo, not just for his enemies but even the people he’s manipulating. He leaves the corrupt government agent alive because he does not want him to die until he realizes that he never wanted his seat in society, his power, his role in society in the first place. 

“As I grew up, I opened my eyes and saw the real world and I began to laugh and I haven’t stopped since. I saw that the meaning of life was to get a livelihood, that the goal of life was to be a high court judge, that the brighest joy of life was to marry a well off girl. That wisdom was what the majority said it was, that passion was to give a speech, that courage was to risk being fined ten dollar, that cordiality was to say ‘you’re welcome’ after a meal. And that the fear  of god was to go to communion once a year. That’s what I saw, and I laughed.” - Soren Kierkegaard. 

If Akaky is the joke, then Gogol is so determined not to become a joke that he becomes the clown instead and makes others the joke. That society for him is not something that people live in as themselves, but rather repress themselves so they can mindlessly repeat society better. 

2. The Only Philosophical Question is Suicide

“Marry, and you will regret it; don’t marry, you will also regret it; marry or don’t marry, you will regret it either way. Laugh at the world’s foolishness, you will regret it; weep over it, you will regret that too; laugh at the world’s foolishness or weep over it, you will regret both. Believe a woman, you will regret it; believe her not, you will also regret it… Hang yourself, you will regret it; do not hang yourself, and you will regret that too; hang yourself or don’t hang yourself, you’ll regret it either way; whether you hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret both. This, gentlemen, is the essence of all philosophy.”  - Soren Kierkegaard

Then, what is the center of Gogol’s philosophy? If he sees society as something inherently meaningless that he longs to be free from, if the values of others are just empty ideas to him, if he acnkowledges that every role others might assume, everything they think is important is not, everything they want to hold onto forever was never theirs in the first place: If it is all meaningless to him one way or the other then why are Gogol’s ideals so strong he would die for them in the first place? 

Gogol is someone who tightly controls information. He makes others play guessing games so they can think for themselves. His goal is to make others fall from their roles, and to make them regret the roles they assigned to themselves in the first place. Once again though, this is an objective, this is a goal, there is motivation behind his actions. He acts like everything is meaningless to him, that he is flippant to the world’s woes, and yet he is sharply making these critiques and satires of the society around them with a purpose. That in itself is the central question of his character. His philosophy as confusing and contradictory as it is, is easy to understand once you unravel the central question of his character. 

“There is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide... Judging whether life is or is not worth living. That is the fundamental question of philosophy.” Albert Camus, Myth of Sisyphus

Everything is a choice, and the first choice everyone makes is whether or not to kill themselves. Camus judged existence to be one that is entirely meaningless,  but rather than that negating the meaning of choice rather it makes choices matter more as they define who you are. A life that has no inherent meaning is therefore, defined by the actions it entails. 

“If the universe is meaningless, so is the statement that it is so… The meaning and purpose of dancing is the dance.” 

Therefore a lack of meaning, of outside validation, ironically gives people more freedom to dictate their own meaning. 

If the fundamental question of all philosophy is whether or not one should commit suicide, then what Gogol aims for himself is radical freedom. 

Sartre's notion of 'radical freedom' said that everyone always has a choice, and every act is a free act. When people say they have 'no choice' but to do something, they are lying to themselves.  

“We are left alone, without excuse. This is what I mean when I say that man is condemned to be free” (Sartre). 

Sartre’s view of the world is that everyone, everyone, is utterly free. Existence precedes essence. Human beings first come into existence, then they determine their own essence by the choices they make. 

There is no essence to any thing that exists.  There is no pre-existent essence that makes a thing what it is.  There is no essence to a human being that preexists the human and makes a human what that human is.  There is no essence to being a male or a female.  There are no predetermined roles.  NOTHING is predetermined.  There is NO fate or destiny.  Humans make themselves what they are.  Humans choose to believe what they do about themselves.  Humans choose to believe in something called a human nature.  But humans make that nature what it is by choosing to be what they are.  There is no God that predetermines what humans are and even if there is a God, God made humans free to determine their own natures.  Humans are freedom.  I am what I choose.

Therefore if everything is free, then everything is a choice which you bear responsibility for. The cost of Sartre’s absolute freedom m of realizing our own freedom is Angoisse, or the anguish of existence. Everything is terrifyingly possible because humans are just making it up as they go along, and are free to toss aside their shackles at any time.

Because suicide is a choice, that means that choosing to live is also a continued choice that people make. If a gun is put to your head, you are still responsible for your actions, because the choice to die was still a choice available to you. It is something that emphasizes an incredibly harsh respsonsibility on the ideal of freedom, as people are no longer able to blame outside their circumstances for their own choices, it is at the same time liberating but heavy. This is the same philosophy which Gogol holds. 

This idea of freedom is reflected in Gogol’s ability as well, it’s one that allows him to tranvserse space with almost absolute freedom. He can move things around at his will, as even dimmensions bend to his choices. 

During their fight, Atsushi assigns him the predetermined role of a villain. As if he was a character cast in a play, rather than a real person.  Atsushi himself like a striped tiger, sees things in blakc and white, often loses control of himself and blames the tiger rather than his own free will and emotions when his ability went crazy and lashed out. He is in a way the opposite of Gogol, someone who rties to chain himself down because it gives him a purpose, rather than soemone who liberates himself. Atsushi clings onto his past pain, his obligation to save others even to harm himself, and repeats those actions without analyzing their true meaning or even taking full responsibility for them. 

Gogol then plays to Atsushi’s expectations of the world. His black and white, regimented story roles. In Atsushi’s mind people can only cause hurt to other people, because they’re bad people who feel nothing. He has a hard time grasping complexity, because he himself does not want to take responsibility for his negative emotions, his resentment, his anger, so he completely fails to see it in other people.

Gogol confronts Atsushi with the reality that society is not rational and acceptable to him, but rather it is fundamentally irrational and something unacceptable. 

Gogol kills people, he acts as a terrorist, but his pursuit of freedom is the real deal. For Gogol, complete freedom also means the freedom to lose others, the freedom to hurt other people, the freedom to live also means the freedom to die. He accepts the anguish of existence, and the responsbility of all of his choices because to him that is what it means to be free. 

He does not take orders, he chooses to cooperate with Fyodor fully as an equal, because if he took orders he would no longer be responsible for his own essence, and no longer free. He does bad things of his own free will and does not attempt to hide from the guilt, and instead frees it and takes responsibility for the kind of person he is because that is what it emans to be radically free. 

He is someone completely honest with himself, because decieving himself, or lying, is something that would once again make him untrue to his own essence which he wishes to set out to define. 

Which is why Gogol is honest to Atsushi, but also tells him not to listen to the words of a clown too seriously. Because what GOgol says is a heavy revelation. The extreme freedom he exists for is almost too much of a burden, because it means accountability in every single one of your actions in every single circumstance. 

Atsushi can choose to live free of the stories of good and evil he thinks is meaningful, or he could continue to live bound to those stories trying to seek out meaning in them. If Atsushi let go of what other people told was meaningful, than Atsushi would have to define it for himself, which is hard for someone so desperate in validation from others they are almost entirely lacking in a sense of self. It would mean him acknowledging that the validation they constantly risk their life to seek means absolutely nothing. 

He might be happier not having that revelation, to think there is still value to his pointless struggles. Camus argues that after the revelation of an empty life, our search for meaning and happiness is a moral obligation, even though in the end it is as futile as siyphus pushing a boulder up a stone. It’s labor for labor’s purpose that will amount to nothing in the end. Existence is a search for meaning in Camus’ view. A search we must undertake even though we are certain there will be no reward. 

Gogol’s ultimate trick is to switch the roles that the detective agency thought were so fixed in place. They were the heroes one moment, and the villains the next, because the meaning and security they thought they had never existed in the first place. 

He sets them adrift from meaning the same way that he is. He frees them from obligation of protecting others, and makes them have to survive for themselves. He presents them with the same moral dilemna that he awakened to. 

Are the armed detective agency the good guys because they want to be? Or are they obligated? The same way Atsushi believes he is obligated to save others because he believes it is the only thing that will give his life worth. The detective agnecy are in a trap they 100% could have avoided if they simply made the choice for themselves to avoided it instead of acting out of thoughtless obligation. 

There is one truly seriously philosophical problem, and that is suicide. Gogol appears as a careless clown, but he is actually the most responsible character in the story. He lives with his choices, and then dies with them as well to live a life perfectly defined by his own choices, himself. His death therefore, awakens the characters to the fact that they are also responsible for their own choices. 

[wildnya]

Chapter 4: Everyone, Say “Thank you, Clover”

The group was delayed before the first store was even in sight. Why? Dazai nearly died... from a nosebleed. On the way they’d passed a shop displaying the type of lingerie Dazai loved. One look at that and a glance at Robin was all it took. It worsened when Robin bent down to see if he was alright, tilting his head up so he’d have a better look. He was an angel sent from heaven in his eyes.

It was no surprise his partner knew what had caused the sudden gush to happen and reaction to it, a deep sigh as he brought his hand up to cover his eyes, head shaking like a disappointed mother. The same went for his other three subordinates, an awkward cough from Akutagawa while Gin and Higuchi exchanged a look. However the reaction he received from Clover did surprise him.

Everyone was surprised at how quickly Clover warmed up to Chuuya. None of them could come up with an explanation. A gust of wind blew off the executives hat on the way and Clover had jumped up to catch it. Akutagawa and Robin were dumbfounded seeing her not shy away from Chuuya’s head pat. Soon after that Dazai had seen Akutagawa bend over her shoulder to ask her something. He had a feeling it was along the lines of why his girlfriend was already comfortable being around the short redhead. A stumped look appeared on Clover’s face at his question. Akutagawa gave a simple nod to whatever the answer she gave him, accepting it without questions.

It was obvious befriending Clover was a must from watching the siblings interact. Their bond as siblings was just as strong as the Akutagawa’s, maybe stronger. The trouble was though she wasn’t warming up to Dazai, at all. Any attempts of starting a conversation ended with her hiding behind one of the others. Getting the shy girl to open up was going to be a tough battle, or so he thought.

Seeing his nosebleed worsen after looking at her brother all uneasiness vanished from her sapphire eye to be replaced by curiosity. She no longer found the mafia boss intimidating, but continued to keep her distance. Dazai pretended not to notice the younger’s glances, head tilts, and stares she gave him. It wouldn’t surprise him if she knew he was purposely being oblivious though. He knew his mentee was smart enough to tell his lover what job occupation he had before getting into a relationship. Clover would definitely know Dazai was the boss, Akutagawa wouldn’t address him as that if he wasn’t.

“Oi,” a poke from Chuuya brought him out of his thoughts “hurry up and ask him.” the unwelcomed nervousness returned. “Isn’t it too soon?” Dazai hated the way his nerves acted up so much whenever it came to Robin, the feeling was alien to him. “Shouldn’t I make friends with Clover first? I definitely will have to eventually, she is his top priority right now. You see it, right Chuuya? I wouldn’t want to rush things! Furthermore-” a tug on the sleeve of his coat stopped the flowing of excuses falling from the brunette mouth. Dazai scared Clover with how fast he turned to face her. She would have jumped up again if Akutagawa hadn’t put his hands on her shoulders.

“A-ah, I’m sorry!” he quickly apologized when he saw her shrinking away. Taking notice of cat ears now resting flat against her head, he put on a bright smile to come off as less intimidating, “I’m not used to having my clothes tugged on, you caught me off guard.” the ears had vanished the moment she saw his eyes, but he was not taking any chances. Better safe than sorry.

“What can I do for you, Clover-chan?” Dazai added a cheery voice to his smile, putting on his mask to hide the annoying nerves that had been pegging him all day. In the corner of his eye could see her tail entwined with a sliver of Rashoumon. “She’s sharper than she presents herself to be.” he thought seeing her tail tightened when he put on his mask “it’s probably best to be careful when she’s around.” His thoughts were confirmed when her lips pressed into a thin line after he upped his mask level. Dazai toned it down after that, but only enough to let the nervousness be seen. He made a mental note seeing Clover relax slightly when he did.

“Is there something you can’t reach? I’ll get it down, just show me where.” Dazai used a milder voice this time. He was pleased to see Clover’s tail loosen slightly but it didn’t surprise him when it tightened again. Clover played with her hands, opening and closing her mouth trying to find her voice. Akutagawa removed one of his hands from her shoulders. The other stayed as a silent reminder he was there. After a squeeze from him Clover found her voice. “U-um,” her voice was very fitting for her personality and appearance, soft and quiet. It was very cute. “Ro-Robin can-can’t afford to buy m-me a som-something and a su-suit for h-him. He w-won’t l-let you bu-buy him one w-without…” she reached her limit.

Clover scurried to hide behind Akutagawa who didn’t bat an eye finishing what she started, picking up where she left off immediately. “Robin spends nearly all of his time either studying or doing small jobs to earn some extra cash for Clover to go out. There are… complications that keep Clover from getting a job as well, and he’s too stubborn to accept money for no reason.” he glanced back at his girlfriend continuing when her grip tightened on his jacket “to put it simply, you’re compatible and she’s saying go for it.” “I heard my name~” perfect timing “what’re talking-” no time was wasted. Dazai took the students hand in his as he knelt, all nervousness gone like before.

“Robin, will you listen to this lonely man’s woes? The position of my job occupation requires me to attend many business parties every year, and I dread having to go. Every party I attract the attention of ladies there. Though they are lovely ladies and I do not mind making small talk with them, they keep making moves on me. There have been occasions where benefits which would have served us well were lost thanks to unloyal wives trying to hook up with me. It is so tiring having to tiptoe around their advances and being flirted with every other minute, but after meeting you this burden may finally be lifted off my shoulders.” cressing his hand, Dazai gave him the smile that has won the hearts of many. “Robin, will you do me the honor of accompanying me as my date to the party?”

“Can’t.” Robin pulled his hand away. “I have classes and work, I can’t skip either. Plus I don’t have the money to buy both of us an outfit.” he gestured to his sister. Rubbing his neck awkwardly, an apologetic smile formed on his lips “I appreciate the invite though.” Dazai could hear his hope and excitement shatter. Until he noticed the couple had been joined by Gin and Higuchi not far off behind Robin. The girl's were waving their arms trying to get his attention.

When they had it, Akutagawa slightly leaned down so Clover could whisper in his ear. Summoning Rashoumon, he used the demon to make characters for Dazai to read. ‘Tell him you’ll pay for his suit.’ they read. “No, I can’t accept that.” Robin immediately denied the offer while Rashoumon simultaneously morphed into a new message, ‘offer a job. Ah, she’s a clever one. Now knowing where this was going, Dazai signaled them to stay on standby and took the reins. They nodded and Rashoumon vanished. Dazai made a mental note to give them a few days off as thanks and to also invite Clover to lunch.

“I can offer you a job to replace your old ones. I’ll pay you more than what you made before.” Robin quirked an eyebrow, eyes now cautious “and what would that be?” “it isn’t anything difficult, I just want you to be arm candy.” Dazai reached out to take his hand the third time that day. “My job requires me to do mountains of paperwork and report reading everyday, and almost every week there is a boring meeting I must attend or one of those exhausting parties.” he heaved a dramatic sigh. “I’m bored and lonely, having no one to keep me company in my dark office. But then I met you. Just being in the same room with you brightens my day. It would make me the happiest man alive for you to accept.” he kissed his hand. Robin stared down at him processing what he’d just been proposed with, a faint pink blush forming once he had.

“I- um- well, it’s a nice offer- I don’t know- it’s like-!” he began stuttering, looking away flustered. “I don’t think I’d be satisfied with getting paid to-” he stopped mid-sentence feeling Clover give his back a poke, her face stone cold. “H-hey Clover,” with an uneasy smile, Robin turned to face his sister “what’s up? Did you find something you liked?” she didn’t reply, only stared at him unblinking as the air around her grew heavy. “What, are you worried about me? I’m fine, don’t worry.” ears out, tail lashing “I like the jobs I’m doing, they keep me on my toes.” eye shifts to become more feline “plus I spend every class sitting, I’d get restless from doing that at work too!” Gin and Higuchi join her with closed eye smiles, adding to the peer pressure “don’t forget I do my assignments on my breaks, so, um, yeah that’s a thing!” Akutagawa came to stand behind them, switching to mafia mode to max out the intensity.

“Fine, fine! I yield, I yield, you win.” Clover withdrew her feline features with a smile. Gin and Higuchi high fived without looking at each other while Akutagawa turned off mafia mode with a cough.

Robin sighed, “this is what you’re getting yourself into, I hope you’re ready.” “I’m very aware,” Akutagawa let out another cough “there have been many occasions she has kept me home to rest by stealing Rashoumon.” “this kid can get your workaholic ass to actually rest?” Chuuya laughed, coming around him ruffle her hair “you’re than ya seem, aren’t’cha kid?” Clover leaned into Chuuya’s hand, smiling widening.

Another sigh escaped Robin’s mouth, “anyway, let’s get back to shopping, we still haven’t found something for the lovebirds and now I need my own-” “there’s no longer a need for that!” Dazai’s sudden excimation startled the rest “I’m arranging tailor made outfits for everyone to celebrate the end of my party woes. No no,” he waved a finger seeing some open their mouths to protest “I insist! Accept this as a thank you gift too~”

The newly appointed arm candy pinched the bridge of his nose, “look, I appreciate the offer but this is too much-” “you’ll be attending many parties and meetings, the majority will require formal attire,” the mafia boss interrupted the student again “you can’t wear the same thing every time. It’s only appropriate for me to provide the clothes, since it’s part of your job. There’s no fault in this logic, no?” he smiled down at him, nothing threatening, just a normal smile.

Looking up at the ceiling eyes closed, he was quiet. “So,” Robin looked back at Dazai, crossing his arms, “when do I start?”

[writing-radionoises]

satisfaction

ship: minor shin soukoku / akuatsu

genre: hurt/comfort, redemption

prompt: akutagawa finally gets his redemption and joins the ada

notes: this is my little series right now, i just call it ada akutagawa and i mostly just wrote this because it’s what he deserves

also, aro/ace spectrum akutagawa

A hit from the left. A hit right from the right. "Rashomon, demonic armor!" The colors of Akutagawa's vision begin to blend together, muddling up, and he knows well his disgustingly weak lungs are giving in. It hurts. He's so weak, even to Atsushi's pathetic blows. He knows Atsushi is holding back, too, especially after all the god forsaken blabbering Akutagawa did. He's just so... tired. Akutagawa doesn't even register falling to his knees, Rashomon slinking away from it's armor form and instead choosing to curl around it's owner in a protective manner, as well as it could without hurting him further. Atsushi stands in front of him, barely a cut or scratch on him, but he looks tired, as well. His regenerative ability has gotten better. Akutagawa begins to cough into his hand, crimson red now staining the pretty white silk on his shirt. "Akutagawa," Atsushi starts, breath heavy as he speaks, "No... Ryunosuke. You don't even talk of the mafia fondly anymore. I'm not quite sure you ever have... You only talk about how much they hurt you, how much they hurt Dazai, and Kyouka, and all other sorts of people. Ryunosuke... Are you satisfied?" The phrase hits hard, like a punch to the chest, and it only makes Akutagawa wheeze more. He isn't. He's thought about leaving the mafia time after time, there's always something holding him back. It's always one fucking thing. He's planned it out and everything, Higuchi even said she'd help him leave, she'd leave with him, too. They even have everything packed back at the apartment. All the essentials. And yet... There's still one thing holding him back. "I... I hate it here. I hate it here so fucking much..." Ryunosuke starts, looking back up at Atsushi, "But... Gin..." "Don't think about Gin for once," He says, he's gotten down on his knees in front of Akutagawa, bringing them to the same level, "You've cared for her your entire life, you've been a stand in parent since the age of like... Four or five, it's really amazing, Ryunosuke," Atsushi says with a smile. "But-" "But, you never should have had to be that. And you don't need to be that anymore. You're like, twenty now, right?" Akutagawa nods. "She's sixteen. She can take care of herself and make her own decisions. The mafia has never once posed as a threat against her, and Gin is a strong woman. You raised her that way," Atsushi insists, "She can hold up against the mafia easily." Ryunosuke feels himself tear up, and he begins to rub at his eyes with his blood stained sleeve. He feels Rashomon curl around his tighter, like a hug, almost. "Wh, why are you telling me this?" Akutagawa replied, his voice is trembling. It's disgusting. "Ryunosuke..." Atsushi responds, he reaches out a hand and cups the left side of Ryunosuke's face, despite all the blood and tears, "Ryunosuke, leave the mafia. Please." "I... I don't have anywhere to go..." He answers. It's a lie. He has many places to go, but it'll be hard trying to reform his identity completely. It's be hard to completely erase Ryunosuke Akutagawa from his world, especially after everything that he's done. It would be easy if Akutagawa just killed himself. Atsushi's hand pulls away from his face, and instead reaches out to help Akutagawa up with a knowing smile. "Then come join the Armed Detective Agency, Ryunosuke." -- It's easier than Akutagawa ever anticipated. Though, it's mostly because of all the leg work Higuchi and Gin put into this. Gin was much more happy than Akutagawa thought, as well. She was happy Akutagawa was finding a path that wasn't about protecting her. Just a path to make him happy. ... But she decided to stay behind, like she did every time Ryunosuke offered to get her out of the mafia, too. The mafia is home to Gin. They didn't beat her and berate her most of her career, like they did to Ryunosuke. It's obvious why she'd feel that way. It only took a few days for Atsushi to secure a place in the agency for Akutagawa. From what he heard, Atsushi, Kyouka, and Dazai all vouched for him. "Fukuzawa is a kind man. He would never refuse you, or anybody in need," Atsushi had said. He was right. Within at least two weeks of Atsushi finally convincing Akutagawa to leave the mafia, Akutagawa had moved into the agency living quarters. He ended up moving in with Atsushi, with Kyouka having finally gotten a place of her own. It wasn't tough for Akutagawa to move in, he really didn't own all that much. Living in the mafia is tough, because everyday could be your death day. There was no point in owning a lot. ... What was hard was living without Gin for the first time in sixteen years. He called her every night, thought about her every second of the day. Sometimes, it was all her could think about. At least in the mafia, Akutagawa would know where she was. But now, he has no such privilege. Soon enough, the test for joining the agency came up. Of course, Akutagawa had no idea it was a test, like usual for agency members. The test must have took longer to develop, due to Akutagawa having already known just about everyone at the agency and mafia, he was hard to fool. They ended up pulling from the guild. A girl named Lucy, a former guild member, posed as a threat by holding Atsushi hostage, saying she wants to take revenge for what the agency did to the guild by blowing up the entire building, coffee shop and all. She gave Akutagawa the choice of saving Atsushi or join forces with her to blow up the whole building. Akutagawa managed to get Atsushi out of the hostage situation, putting his own life at risk instead while Kyouka "disarmed" the bomb. In the end, Akutagawa passed the test and joined the agency officially. -- "You should get rid of that coat, you know," Dazai said. Most of the agency members where in the coffee shop on break. Akutagawa had ordered a tea while Dazai sipped at an energy drink. "I don't think you're in the position to really say that," Akutagawa protested calmly, "It means a lot to me." "It was mine," Dazai replied, "Do you really want to keep those memories?" Akutagawa paused, setting down his cup of tea. Dazai was right in a way, the coat carried so many memories of the abuse he endured, and even before that, it carries the memories of the abuse Dazai endured. ... It was gifted to Akutagawa because Dazai often ended up lending it to him after Dazai hurt him. Akutagawa got injured and suffered so much at Dazai's hand that the coat was already practically his before Dazai officially gave it to him. There are so many blood stains on this coat, so much blood on innocent people on it. It has at least three generations of child abuse in the mafia on it. Akutagawa felt his hands begin to shake as he quickly picked up the cup of tea again, trying to mask his anxiety. "I don't want to think about that, Dazai-san. Don't remind me." Dazai dropped the subject. -- "Ryuu-san," Atsushi starts, "Are you okay?" He's sitting beside Akutagawa on their shared couch, sharing a pot of tea after a long day of work. Akutagawa had come to appreciate Atsushi's company, Atsushi had a way of making him feel comfortable and safe. ... He liked cuddling Atsushi, too, but that aside. "I think I made Dazai-san uncomfortable today. We were talking about the coat I wear, it used to be his..." Akutagawa replied, "I think I only remind him of his past, of his time at the Port Mafia... I don't think he wants me here at all, I've only complicated his life..." Atsushi sets down his cup as he pulled Akutagawa in for a hug. Atsushi smells of vanilla and early gray tea, hints of lavender from the laundry detergent he uses. His hair is soft, and the pressure of his hugs always manage to calm Akutagawa down. ... He's just so nice, it's not fair. "Ryuu, he wanted you to be here, remember? He vouched for you to be at the agency," Atsushi reminded him softly, and Akutagawa can feel Atsushi start to run his fingers through his hair, "I think he just wants you to be happy and safe, Ryuu. He's just not too great at conveying it. Don't think too much of it, okay?" Akutagawa nods slowly, burying his face in Atsushi's shoulder. Dazai-san can hate him all he wants, Akutagawa could care less, as long as he had Atsushi. As long as Atsushi is here, the whole world could end and Ryunosuke wouldn't bat an eye. Atsushi is just that special. -- "How do you tell if you like someone?" Ryunosuke asked. He was over at Higuchi's new apartment, helping her make dinner. Gin was coming over later today, they were going to have a little family dinner as a celebration of Higuchi getting her new job. She landed a job as a manager at a bridal shop, and she's never been happier. Akutagawa is just happy to see her finally get the happy ending she's been working so hard for. "Like, romantically?" Higuchi asks, looking over to Akutagawa as she fries up some vegetables. "Yes," Akutagawa responds, "I'm having complicated feelings on someone, and I've just now realized that... I've never really had a crush on someone." "Ah, you're on the aroace spectrum, right?" Higuchi asked, to which Akutagawa nodded, "Well, crushes are weird. It's hard to explain romantic attraction. I guess you can start with questions, do you want to pend the rest of your life with this person?" Ryunosuke thought for a moment before nodding, "I think it'd be nice if I did..." "Do you have any sexual attraction towards that person? Not that that really matters, but it's good to consider." Akutagawa continues chopping vegetables as he thinks, then nodding a no, "I don't think so. Though I wouldn't mind having sex with him, if that's what he wanted." "That's pretty new for you," Higuchi replied, snatching the cutting board Akutagawa was using and dumping the rest of the sliced vegetables into her pan, "I mean, it sounds like a romantic crush, but I'm not great at romance, so take my words with a grain of salt." Akutagawa smiled a bit, "Thanks, Ichiyo." The blonde chuckles a bit, "Of course, Ryunosuke." -- After leaving a sealed envelope on Atsushi's desk, Ryunosuke went downstairs to join the rest of the agency for a celebratory lunch. Kyouka stayed upstairs with him, too, saying she'd cover for him to make it less obvious that Ryunosuke left the letter. He sat down beside Atsushi, who had apparently already ordered him his favorite tea, and was now chatting with Dazai. "Hey, you got rid of the coat!" Dazai comments, looking over to Akutagawa. Today is the first time in years that Akutagawa went without wearing the coat. He nodded, "Yes, you made me realize something a couple weeks ago. I decided to toss it today, and I'll get a new one at some point." Dazai smiles, "You've come a long way, kiddo." Akutagawa rolled his eyes, "Don't call me that." Kyouka comes down the stairs, brushing off her skirt as she promptly gets on the table Atsushi, Dazai, and Akutagawa are sitting at, standing on it. Akutagawa snatches his cup from off the table to prevent it from spilling. "Everybody, I have an announcement," Kyouka says, as most of the agency looks up at her, "I adopted a rabbit, his name is Shigeo." The agency starts clapping at Kyouka looks down, then continuing, "Wait, that wasn't the announcement... I mean, correction. The real announcement is that Kunikida and Dazai's wedding date has officially been confirmed, and it'll happen within a couple weeks. Kunikida is placing invitations now." Everyone in the coffee shop begins to clap and cheer this time as Kyouka smiles, sitting back down on the table. "You didn't tell me you were engaged!" Atsushi said, looking back at Dazai. "Ah, you had more important things to hear, didn't want to overwhelm you with that," Dazai explained, "But it seems everything solved itself, hm? So, I wanted to ask you if you wanted to be the best man?" Atsushi smiles and nods, "I'd love to!" Akutagawa is barely paying attention to their conversation, finding himself looking at Atsushi with a slight smile. "Hey," Kyouka says, nudging Akutagawa with her foot, "Maybe you'll be the one getting married next year." Akutagawa blushed, hiding his face in his hands, "Don't say such foolish things." "I mean it, though," she said, "You make him happy, Akutagawa. You've come such a long way, everyone at the agency is proud of you." Akutagawa lifts his head up, looking back at Kyouka before looking at everyone in the agency, having a fun time, laughing, smiling. ... It feels nice to be part of something like this. "I think... I am finally satisfied."

[leonawriter]

Fox-Faced

Read it on AO3

Fandom: Bungo Stray Dogs/Mononoke

Characters: Dazai, the Medicine Seller. Others mentioned. SKK implied.

Summary: Dazai is taking the time to contemplate how much has changed in so short a time, and his bench gets a visitor.

Notes: Dazai-typical suicide references.

(Part five of the “Not All Kitsune Have Nine Tails” ‘verse. Follows “Home Territory.” Contains important context for the previous stories.)

...

The brisk sea air is as familiar and as comforting as it always had been, even if it is deeper, more rich, and full of scents that Dazai had never known to be able to sort through or notice before. It isn't, at least, overwhelming - the city with its streets and cars and hundreds of people and all of its food and perfumes was harder for him to handle on that first night and the following day than this, which is, comparatively, peaceful and calming.

He can hear shouting in the distance, children playing with their parents and tourists from both further inland and far abroad talking about the sights in adequately amazed tones, because it is Yokohama after all, and no matter what else happened, it was still his city. Their city. The city that he and Chuuya and Atsushi had fought to protect, that he had protected even when he'd been in the mafia, that he was proud of.

He closes his eyes to focus on the sound of the waves and the cries of the seagulls, and he loses track of time. Perhaps he'd even started to doze off in the warmth of a bright, sunny day with clear skies. Normally, by this time Kunikida would be wondering where he was. Now that everyone at the Agency knew he was living with Chuuya, he won't have to worry about that... at least for a while yet.

Tap.

Tap, tap, tap.

A breath of air comes out of him in a sigh, and he neither move to create space, nor turns his head to watch, when he hears someone coming close to his bench. Heavy steps, wooden sandals. 

Ah, he thinks instead. You.

There are sounds as if something heavy is being shifted, and then let to drop onto the ground. Then, the rustling of clothes. Only after that, Dazai feels the weight of the bench shift, and a presence actually sat beside him.

If this had been an enemy, they would have had ample time to draw a gun or a knife, and his life would have been over as easily as that. In broad daylight, no less.

But it isn't, and instead of tensing - or relaxing - into the potential threats, he lets his arms drop from behind his head, and opens his eyes to acknowledge the not-quite-stranger.

Dressed in brightly-coloured traditional clothes from head to foot, with a bandana holding back pale hair that didn't - always - quite hide the earrings he wore, and only brought out the likewise pale colour of his face, the bold markings around his eyes, his nose... the man who had introduced himself as only a mere lowly medicine seller looked straight ahead, toward the Yokohama bay.

If the world made any sense, they both would have attracted a lot more attention than the few looks that were aimed their way - Dazai's illusion still held, suggesting to anyone looking their way who didn't know any better to see him as completely human and disregard the ears, the tail, the numerous other small details that marked him out as not human, but the medicine seller next to him simply... was what he was.

In a way, he was entirely on display. There wasn't a single thing about him that wasn't completely true, nothing that was hidden if someone wanted to look and actually see. 

In another sense... Dazai could still remember the other, and looking at him now felt odd, as if everything was still there, but dimmed, somehow.

He wondered, in some distant part of him, if that was how he had seemed to anyone who had seen through him and known.

"So." The world carries on around them, and if Dazai hadn't known that the word had been aimed at him, it could have been aimed at anything. The wind. The sea. Some invisible thing that a form and a reason and a truth, but no unnatural twist to its nature. But he heard it clearly enough, and there is a tilt to the medicine seller's lips. "How is life, Dazai-kun?"

All of his years, and he still doesn't know the answer to that question. He doesn't know how a normal human being should answer something like that-

He stops that train of thought in its tracks. Laughs, and if it comes out sounding odd and a little bit harsh, then it isn't as though anyone else is paying attention to them, is it?

"I woke up to a dog drooling all over me again," he says airily. "There's fur all over the house, and I need to cat-sit again later on."

"And what of Nakajima-dono?" The way that the man says Atsushi's name makes Dazai stop and blink, because he's not used to such a level of respect to his younger protege. "And Nakahara-dono?"

Hearing Chuuya referred to in such a way is only slightly less odd. Executives took respect the way most people expected to be able to breathe, after all. He knew that from personal experience, although it had never been something he had worn with comfort, much the same as the coat he had preferred to shrug off, eventually.

"Atsushi-kun is doing well enough, I think. Sometimes I find myself myself worrying, but..." I think that by this point, he can make up for his mentor's failings. Atsushi isn't so dependant on me that he needs my example, or my praise. He'll do just fine. "Chuuya is - well. We're adjusting."

"Adjustment is only natural. One hardly expects treatment to cure ailments instantly. Just as the body has its own way of healing itself when given a little help, the spirit isn't truly all that much different."

"You think living with Chuuya is like that?" Dazai tilted his head, and made a face. "I'll have to tell him when I get back. He isn't even a dog any more. He's just a medicine that I've been prescribed. One course of Chuuya per day. See how he likes that."

"What it is or it isn't is something only you can decide for yourself, Dazai-kun. Although you do look a lot better than the last time I saw you," the medicine seller added, a certain glint of amusement in his eyes. "And I would almost like to be there when you do tell him that."

No, not just amusement -  spark of mischief. Dazai went back over his own words, and found himself blushing, hard, and looked away.

For someone who seemed to spend most of his time chasing down and exorcising mononoke looking the way he did, the man next to him was far more down to earth and crude at times than he had any right to be. Perhaps this was what most people felt when they were around him too long.

Not that Dazai was going to change, not at all.

"And there I thought you respected Chuuya," he says, letting a little bit of grumble out.

Not that he minded people making fun of Chuuya. That was Chuuya, and this was- well. If any of their sleeping together had gone further than��sleeping then it might not feel as self-conscious of the unspoken potential getting brought up by someone who wasn't, well, him.

The laugh he gets in response is almost startling in its honesty, ringing barks of laughter that remind him of kon kon kon, painfully familiar.

"Too much respect is just as unhealthy as too little," the man says only moments later. There's still a smile lingering on his face.

Dazai thinks of Akutagawa, whose deep respect had never grown into anything capable of seeing his mentor as a fallible person and he's glad, knowing that he hadn't been present or involved in anything to do with either of the mononoke. The first one, or him.

He thinks of Atsushi, who he sometimes worried looked to him with those same eyes, but in the next breath the weretiger would berate him for not working, or fuss over him for not eating.

Atsushi, who had once sat in this exact spot, looking out at this exact view.

"When you look out at them... what do you feel?"

For a moment, Dazai almost feels that those must have been his own words, his own question, thoughts he had wondered about and circled around for so long yet had needed to recontextualise along with so much of his life in the past week.

"Humans..." he leaned back, and thought of his conversations with Fyodor, with Shibusawa. The things that he had lived through, remembered, forgotten. "They are truly destructive, and cruel, and thoughtless creatures. I do not think that I will ever truly understand them, either." He sighed. "And yet..." He thought of Chuuya, who despite his circumstances was so very, very human. Of Atsushi, who'd had his true nature as a tiger hidden from him for so long, and Kunikida. Of others that he had met. Odasaku, even Ango. "The same can be said for even the very best of them... searching for their reason to live, like stray dogs. It is at the same time terrifying, yet awe-inspiring, the feats that they can accomplish." He smiled, wryly. Neither bitter nor sweet. "And I live balanced in the middle. But - I think I'll be able to manage."

In the distance, a child screamed as they ran. Conversations carried on.

"Oh...? I see."

A fog horn blared out at sea, coming into port. A couple not far away shared food over by the railing, with guitars on their backs. A teenager passes them by wearing headphones, and Dazai's newly sensitive ears pick up on the beats of the music.

Human, youkai, hanyou... no matter what any of them were, it was still Yokohama. It was still his city.

"It... truly is a beautiful city. More than anything else... that's what I feel." He closed his eyes, and leaned forward into the breeze coming in from the sea. "Does that answer your questions?"

"You're the one who thought that was what I must have been saying. Do you feel better for having said it?"

I hate them - I hate them, and more than that, I want - I don't understand - why wasn't I-  wasn't I... worth...

Those feelings. He remembered them, and they had been his. 

First, destroy everything that comes close, before it can touch me. Then... destroy me, for having done so.

He had felt the culmination of twenty-two years' worth of an inability to understand, which had its source in something that he had not been able to affect.

You have a choice, Dazai-kun. 

If you wish to die, then it is only a simple matter of choosing to stay. The Mononoke will be slain, and so will you. But-

But, if for any reason you should wish to hold on to even one thing...

It is impossible to both slay the monster and to take it with you.

(Kitsune, Chuuya had said, accepting him even as he stared in shock. Come, love, sleep, Chuuya had said, and his heart had wavered. They had called, and he had answered, because there was too much- he had too much- that he couldn't let go of.)

"I suppose... I simply find it hard to find the words to..."

He feels his heart beat. And another. He breathes in the salty air, and it still feels terrifyingly new. 

And yet, the idea of not being here to experience it, the idea of having vanished without a trace somewhat over a week ago - no trace of fur in Chuuya's house, not having the honour of knowing Ranpo's own secret, or of having felt how relaxing it was to have his own fur stroked as he curled up on the sofa whether he was at home or at the office...

He thinks, perhaps, it might have been a beautiful death.

But at the same time... there is only one thing he can think of, the words catching every time he tries to put them on his tongue, for what he feels about still being alive.

"Me?" He hears and feels more than sees the fact that the man next to him is shaking his head. "There is nothing to thank me for. As a mere medicine seller, there was honestly very little I could do. At the end, I was powerless. You were the one who did all of the work. All I did was give you the ability, and the means." He stood, and Dazai could see the slight smile on his face even before he turned. "If anything," he added, bowing at the waist, "I should be the one owing a debt of gratitude to you. From the moment I understood your Katachi..." The medicine seller turned his face up, eyes closed into the upturned slits of a true smile. "Come now. Kits who are blessed with so many who care for them shouldn't need to make those sorts of faces."

...

AN: There's a stealth crossover (crossover-ception? triple crossover?) near the end. I'm just gonna hope someone catches on to what and where the reference is, haha...

If by the end of reading this it isn't clear - in order for Dazai to still be alive in these stories, he had to make the active choice to live and stay alive in the moments before the Medicine Seller's sword cut. This was inspired by several of the endings of the actual Mononoke storylines, although there are elements that appeared in none of those stories that I had to work out for myself.

What this means for Dazai is not that his suicidal ideation is 'magically cured', but that he is less likely to actively seek out death. It also isn't 'knowing his past' that enables him to move on, but understanding *what* he is, and that his feelings of 'not fitting in as a human being' don't just come from nowhere. In short - he was validated.Does anyone know that one poster with the owls on it, about "I just need a stick"? That's what the Medicine Seller's getting at there.

And do I mean to imply that I see the Medicine Seller himself as a kitsune...? Well if you read it with that in mind, just... imagine being him coming to that moment of realisation of just 'what' he's up against. As said and implied in the previous fics, due to the nature and longevity of kitsune, Dazai's still considered a child at twenty-two by other youkai, more than just being seen as "barely out of his teens", so... have that for a bit of adult fear, and why the Medicine Seller is saying what he does here.

All that said, this [was] my first time writing the Medicine Seller, and I'm still nervous over whether I've got his voice down properly or not. (And given how important he is to it, you see why the previous events aren't written yet.)

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Erased 6 – 13 (not including the digest) | Showa Genroku Rakugo Shinjuu 1 - 4 | Eldlive 1 | Prince of Stride: Alternative 1

The idea from now on for SGRS: Expect first time watches for this show (for the second season) and don’t expect ratings after each ep. Once all 2016 shows are done (rewatches or not), expect the 2016 ranking.

The idea from now on for POSA: Once all 2016 shows are done (rewatches or not), expect the 2016 ranking.

(ep 6)

Even with only subs, you can hear the seriousness in the manager’s voice.

Asagi beer, LOL.

This speech bubble style really works in the camera angles’ favour.

Airi’s mother reminds me of Midoriya’s mum from Boku no Hero Academia.

Shinji-go. “Go”… I didn’t really know how to explain it so I let Wiktionary do it for me.

I really love Airi’s motivational quotes around this point. So much, that I used it as motivation all through 2016…although I didn’t get any great results from it…

(ep 7)

Okay, that scrolling scene with the kids…that’s just cheap. They aren’t even animated.

It says something like “Preserve water” or “Water is important” on the wall behind the tap.

That “stand out in the hallways with those buckets” is pretty typical for an anime. I wonder whether any real Japanese person has done that, though?

Oh yeah. I think I was initially attracted to this due to the fact it looks a lot like Detective Conan when you see Satoru negotiating the future by changing his past.

I think I had to learn what a “patsy” meant for this scene, but a patsy is just a substitute, specifically in this case for collateral damage.

Does that mean Kenya lived (or lives) in a big house?

(ep 8)

Wait – wait? How did Gaku know how Kayo was safe…unless he was the murderer? I didn’t question that the first time, but this just makes the ending even worse. This dude’s already proved he doesn’t act on compulsion like Satoru does, so that adds to it.

That joke about Satoru being 29 does get a bit worn out when it gets used here…

Mt. Hakodate…I’d heard of it from Touken Ranbu. It’s a good place for low level swords, IIRC.

POP Noodle, LOL.

Crying in media is much more emotional if you can hear the crying, unfortunately. That’s why I passed on “Kayo’s first homecooked meal” for the Crunchyroll Awards.

(ep 9)

Akemi’s (Kayo’s mother’s) eyes were so off model before the shovel scene, it made it hard to take Akemi seriously.

It’s weird how much Gaku looks like he should be Satoru’s dad.

Akemi was “Takashima” before she was “Hinazuki”, and her partner’s name at the time of her divorce was Kazuo.

CGI car…again. Geez.

I think the kanji for “closure” mean the ending curtain, like that of a play, but I can’t quite remember their literal meaning…

“I have to stop somewhere.”

Gaku’s talking about his experiences somehow reminds me of a chat I had with Elucida on the Boueibu chat. Probably because the instigator of the chat had to apologise…

I wonder if the man (Gaku) was lying about the lollies?

“I am a man.” – Translation choices make Hiromi seem a little too macho for his girly looks, haha. *cringes, because I hear emphasis on “am”, with a lesser emphasis on “man” in my head*

I just realised – Kayo won’t go to Mt Hakodate as she’s supposed to anymore…It makes me sad on the inside.

(ep 10)

Holy plays, Batman! Romeo and Juliet for an 11 year old is pretty far fetched considering I only read it when I was…um…16 or 17. I haven’t even read King Lear yet so consider me out of this. (Shucks...even though I used to be an avid reader, I’m only ordinary now, huh?)

LOL. In the end, Kenya really is a little kid, getting all offended about hideouts, haha.

I thought the “getting rid of someone’s alone time is a good thing” sentence was a bit weird until I realised what context Hiromi used it in.

“On the outs”? I didn’t know what that meant until I checked it up. Well, considering I make my own phrases up a lot and I tend to omit small words in the vein of “wut dis?”, maybe I’m just too slang for the subbers.

CGI bus? Man, you ruined the solemn mood a bit, Mr Bus.

See? These CGI cars (and truck) are why I have gripes with CGI transport. It sticks out too much. However, for something like Ajin (which can only be found in CGI form), I don’t mind it so long as everything else about it is good. Speaking of which, I still have yet to see Ajin (as of the point of typing).

“…spirit and drive.” – Because the camera focussed on Gaku’s hands just then, I had to LOL in my head a little.

Manabu = Gaku by virtue of alternate character reading. Isn’t kanji great? (sarcastic)

This sublimation, I presume? I checked it up once, but it was never of any use.

(ep 11)

The Spider’s Thread, as told by Ryunosuke Akutagawa. Bungou taught me about it, but I’m not sure the Bungou instance is the one I first met it in.

This fourth wall breaking…it’s somewhat disturbing, but that’s the mood the staff were going for. Very effective.

I’ve always wondered why the “Boku” in the titlecard had a different font. Maybe the staff just didn’t have a “boku” in the font they’d written the title in…

I guess it must be my warped perception of beauty due to bishonen, but when Satoru is lying on the bed with slightly sallow cheeks, he almost looks…beautiful. (That’s a scary thought, isn’t it?)

“Future”…such a powerful name, since it happens to be the name of the baby, too.

Imagine if Kayo and Yuri Katsuki’s (Yuri!!! on Ice) backstories were stitched together.

A gingko leaf. They have a very distinctive shape…(Reminds me of Fusae Campbell from Detective Conan.)

Gaku is just represented by a black silhouette in some frames. Basically, you could call it another Detective Conan reference of sorts.

(ep 12)

The problem with the ending that I have, if you don’t know already, is that it suddenly makes you realise that Satoru would either die or have planned/have some caveat to get out of/around a potential death. Unfortunately, they don’t show you when he’s made those plans, thus being deceptive by omission if they were even made.

CGI hamster wheel…?

By the laws of ordinary protagonist writing…I give you the ending. The ending that dissatisfied me so much, it definitely left SGRS first for 2016.

They never explained how the rail was pulled open either, come to think of it.

Hey, it’s Boys’ Flight. The magazine he was reading earlier in the show. Don’t remember what ep, though.

Hey, did I ever mention to you that I tried to open up an Erased wiki, only to find one already open? There’s still two wikis existing right now for some reason, though.

Well, it’s been a wild ride. Thanks all, if you’ve been coming along with me and hope to see you again soon.

(SGRS ep 1)

Zony, LOL. Did Sony exist in that era?

If you observe the left flag when Yotaro stops at the front of the theatre, you can see the characters for “Amakentei” (rain-bamboo-stand, or something like it). That’s Kappei Yamaguchi’s character…Update: Must’ve been a mistake on my part. Amaken is a critic, but not a rakugoka himself.

Yotaro’s still got all the mannerisms of a gangster, LOL. (Including interrogation technique.)

There’s a sign in the back of Yotaro when he talks to Yakumo for the first time. It says “Sumi” (top – bottom) “Sushi” (L – R).

Yotaro uses the word “tanomu”, which is a respectful way of saying “I beg of you”. Very respectful. The most polite kind of respectful.

Mukojima? Huh? I guess that’s a deliberate bungling of Konnichiwa? (Update: Nope.) However, I’m still a noob to rakugo myself, despite having created the wiki to spread some Yakumo love.

Note for later: Shinigami has a distinctive “Ajaraka mokuren kyuraisu tegeretsuno pa!” in it.

What’s the old man writing?

It’s a transformation of sorts, from Yota being nervous to showing off what he’s got. That’s what makes SGRS so powerful.

I was pondering this since the start of the performance, but Yota’s shark-like teeth make him a very distinctive character. Then again, there’s always that one cue or other to tell you that a certain character is in the house.

Should a woman only have her beauty? I never believed it and that’s what I set out to prove in my stories, but…social mores were different back then, so I can’t speak for Konatsu.

Oh! I completely forgot about this guy (Mangetsu) until he came back in ep 14.

Notes for later: “Namu myoho renge kyo…”/a pilgrim climbing Mt Minobu

There is a slight irony in a woman telling a man to “man up”. Subbers, you put that there.

(ep 2)

Oh? Were you wondering what those “notes for later” were for? The wiki, naturally. SGRS’s only presence is me most days, so I’d better keep it up to date.

This show never fails to make me laugh, even if the laughter gets more subdued the second time.

Apparently people get sento and onsen confused a lot. Sento are normally cheaper smaller establishments compared to onsen, as far as I know.

Why is there a cat in the room?!

The “Hatsu” in Hatsutaro means “beginning”, while the “Kiku” in Kikuhiko is a chrysanthemum, so…yeah. Take it as you will.

“…your first time?” (laughs behind back) No wonder Haruko Kumota was a BL mangaka before she did SGRS.

Even without the volume, the visual language can tell you Kiku’s doing something wrong. That’s the power of this show.

“Akanbou” is a Japanese word for baby, as you may have guessed. However, people seem to use the word “aka-chan” more these days. Thus, another guess tells you that “shiro” is white and “ao” is blue. Right again.

You can almost hear the voices even with only subs! Amazing!

Fish cake. Technically called kamaboko, but “fish cake” is the translation for it so I guess I shouldn’t be such a weeb.

(ep 3)

“…it’ll become standard in the rakugo world.”

Oh, the cat is Yakumo 7th’s.

Mosquito coils? When were they invented?

CGI train? I barely noticed it there. Plus…poor Kiku. He never gets the girls.

Kagurazaka.

Were sento really cheap enough to be five coins?

(ep 4)

Do those girls count as off model?

The texture on the bricks of the restaurant are hyperrealistic…I like it. Better than that messed up CGI you get on most cars in anime these days.

Kuma -> Kumako. I wonder why.

As I’ve noted on the wiki, the pun about the samurai involves the word samui (cold). Therefore the original pun would’ve been “now you die out here in the cold, samurai”, but if you’re going for lame jokes that work seamlessly into the rakugo, then…the samu-die joke pretty much does its job.

There was the word “open” twice in one sentence…subbers, you need to proofread sometimes.

The “treasure sacks” pun is on kintama…welp, I won’t explain it, but “family jewels” apparently works just as well.

If Mukojima is a place, then why were people saying it in ep 1?

LOL, Matsuda. Going “I won’t have anything to do with this” is bound to get you in trouble nonetheless.

Yakumo’s heart is so clearly not into it. You can tell from the body language.

(Eldlive 1)

I’m here because I fell out of love with Hibari a while back and I need to give Akira Amano another chance. Also, Lane Brick…maybe.

Wait. It’s a Mukuro! With glasses! That foreshadows the pain I’m gonna be in for.

Welp, considering I read the manga this was adapted from not too long ago (as of the time of watching this), it’s pretty faithful. Even if it does look visually pretty, I did come up with a story like this once but it never took off when it came to writing the story. Considering it also bears some similarity to One Wish They Never Wanted, it’ll never take off now.

Finally(!) Something to laugh at. Reborn injoke.

…Unfortunately, with the faithfulness of the manga comes the pervasive problem – I thought Eldlive was a bit subpar. I could see all the right tropes were there to make a hit, but I couldn’t see any real talent showing through, as if Amano’s resigned herself to doing only shonen because Reborn succeeded. It was Hibari that taught me you can have a cute bird sidekick instead of a monster designed from scratch, so why can’t Eldlive do that too?

Drew (the voice) is getting annoying already. Shaddap!

…another “unfortunately” is that Lane Brick isn’t too pretty compared to how I like my bishonen, but YMMV on that.

I didn’t check it when I read the manga…but Jean Renoir.

Great. (sarcastic) Bungou humour, to boot! That wasn’t in the original…and it’s just grim, too.

These mammary jokes aren’t doing it for me either, although they were in the original.

Verdict: Not taking it.

(POSA ep 1)

Prince of Stride was a new experience for me, as I thought I needed to add “sport anime” to my repetoire at the time. Unfortunately, I still haven’t gotten past my biases against sport anime even after finishing this…

Welp, I take back what I’ve said about OPs in the first episode. If it’s a good OP, it helps to set the norm.

CGI basketball. One of the weirdest things on the list of “things given CGI form in anime” to date, because it’s mostly cars.

Sad life. When people in a rejected club see that twist coming, it’s like a 4th wall break…kinda sorta.

Did I ever mention that this show is motivational? It’s really good for that, and colourful so it’s good for desktop wallpapers. (Also, it has a summer theme to it, so while I swelter, lemme just watch a show about running…and sweating…bad idea? I guess so. (sarcastic) However, there isn’t any better season to watch it in. Sweat – or imagined sweat – isn’t good any season of the year, so might as well watch it while I still have time.)

Tsurugiya…if Google-sensei serves me correctly…it’s in Osaka…? Update: I knew he came from somewhere in the country, but Hyogo is a different place to Osaka…

“Blue Sonic”. Well, it’s not like there would be a magazine called Sanic. Or Knuckles, for the matter.

What’s with the panda, though? Although, as some very obvious foreshadowing tells you, (Kyosuke) Kuga used to have his locker here.

How in Dante’s Inferno did Kohinata get the measurements of Takeru already?!

I checked up kabaddi last time, but eh, I’ll do it again.

I still think Fujiwara’s leg thing is creepy.

I dunno anything about Sun Tzu…but…lessee here. This quote is it, I think.

Who was the Relationer in the previous Stride Club?

What’s with the cat on the poster?!

“…is really hot…” – Is that what sets the shippers off? Or is that just a subbers’ choice of words?

They always blab aout weird things on the next ep preview. At least it’s not boring.

For some reason, my ad blocker isn’t working on AnimeLab any more…*sighs*