#ESPECIALLY after i told them not to hang on to me and they should pursue other people because i am doing the same. because

[artisanalpeanutbutter]

Looking back again i find it fascinating that you can say something directly to someone, exactly as you mean it with no room for interpretation, and they'll still take it as something up for interpretation

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Mary L. Trump at The Good in Us:

Like most Americans, I too want the national temperature to be lowered. I want to see the violent rhetoric to stop. And I want to see our nation unified. But the other side seems to be saying that, in order for that to happen, we’re not allowed to talk about Donal'd’s record of lawlessness, cruelty, and incompetence and we must make concessions to the would-be dictator. On Monday, while Republicans tried to shame their critics into silence by making false and increasingly incendiary claims that it was Democrats who are responsible for creating the context in which Saturday’s shooting took place, we were reminded just how dangerous things will get if Donald wins this election. Today, Aileen Cannon, Donald’s personal pocket judge, took the shocking (but not surprising) and illogical step of dismissing the charges against my uncle. Her behavior since acquiring this case has been abysmal and partisan; she has frequently skated across the line of malpractice. Her repeatedly putting her thumb on the scale in favor of the defense (who am I kidding?—she acted like she was lead counsel for the defense) felt even worse, because we know Donald is guilty. We know he stole our national security documents; we know held them in non-secure locations; and we know he refused to return them. We know these things because we witnessed Donald commit the crimes—and he confessed to them over and over again.

There is no way to interpret Cannon’s decision other than as a political favor from a corrupt judge who, along with the illegitimate super-majority of the Supreme Court (especially Clarence Thomas) is determined to put Donald above the law.

[...]

What happened at Donald’s rally in Pennsylvania on Saturday was deeply wrong and un-American. The same can be said of his plans for this country if he’s put in the Oval Office again. We can’t be quiet. We can’t let the side that continues to traffic in violent political rhetoric blame us shame us or scare us into silence. We must continue to sound the warnings—there will be no pivoting to unity and peace. There will only be Donald and his sycophants and enablers being exactly what we have known them to be. This morning, while pundits and columnists were, once again, falling for the promise to pivot to unity, Donald simply couldn’t help himself. In response to Cannon’s horrifying ruling, he called for the “dismissal of ALL the Witch Hunts—the January 6th Hoax in Washington, D.C., the Manhattan D.A.’s Zombie Case, the New York A.G. Scam, Fake Claims about a woman I never met (a decades old photo in a line with her then husband does not count), and the Georgia ‘Perfect’ Phone Call charges.” 

[...] Not long after Cannon’s corrupt gift to him, Donald announced the selection of Ohio Senator J.D. Vance as his running mate. If his goal was to pick a hypocritical bully and revanchist sycophant, he could not have made a better choice. Clearly, Vance thinks he’s immune to the kind of consequences suffered by Donald’s former Vice President—you know, the guy who almost got hanged by Donald’s mob—but I’d still suggest that Vance watch his back. Vance is stronger than Pence when it comes to pursuing his own interests, but he’s as transactional as Donald. Pence has very few principles, but on one important days, he had least one when it really counted. Despite the enormous amount of pressure that was brought to bear on him, he showed up to do his job on January 6th. Vance will have no such compunction. If you have any doubts about that, consider his comments to George Stephanopoulos:

“If I had been vice president, I would have told the states, like Pennsylvania, Georgia and so many others, that we needed to have multiple slates of electors, and I think the U.S. Congress should have fought over it from there. That is the legitimate way to deal with an election that a lot of folks, including me, think had a lot of problems in 2020.” Of course, Donald gave this fellow-insurrectionist a promotion.  Jen O’Malley Dillon of the Biden-Harris campaign, put it this way, “[Donald] picked J.D. Vance as his running mate because Vance will do what Mike Pence wouldn’t on January 6: bend over backwards to enable Trump and his extreme MAGA agenda, even if it means breaking the law and no matter the harm to the American people. In other words, Donald didn’t want to take a chance that his new running mate would ever put the country first like Pence did. That’s one more guardrail that no longer exists. 

Mary L. Trump nails it in that we cannot unite around the fascistic and divisive Trump/Vance agenda.

[starry-eyed-steve]

Okay, so normally, I scroll past any ridiculous Steve takes, especially when it comes to death theories or theories about s5 in general. However, I just saw such a bad take that it actually made me angry, I need to make my own post. (Warning, this gets a bit petty towards the end)

Basically, the OP claimed Steve needs to die in s5 for the following reasons:

He has nothing going on in his life. He works a minimum wage job and is stuck in his hometown

He only has Robin and the kids, nothing else

It would not be satisfying if he lived

Steve can't grow more as a character because he already had too much development, so it would be better to end it there

He's only useful for protecting the group and nothing else

His death would be great for other characters because if he scarifices himself, the others are then able to go out in the world, live their lives, and do great things

Okay, that's a lot to unpack here, and I'm kinda speechless people really have such a low opinion about him.

First of all, saying Steve has nothing going on because he works a minimum wage job and doesn't have a concrete plan for the future is such a weird thing to say. He has a job, and even if it's not the best paid one, he still has an income. It's not like he's has nothing to do after he graduated (which he did the first time). If you think Steve needs to have it all figured out by 19 in order to be allowed to live, kindly fuck off. Almost no character has a concrete plan for the future. We never see Robin talk about her plans as well. Besides Nancy wanting to go to Emerson, we don't really know anything about the other characters' plans. The idea that minimum wage jobs are considered as something not worth pursuing or that your life must suck if you have them reeks of privilege. Not everyone can or wants to get a college degree. The people who work in customer service or have manual labor jobs are very valuable members of society, and to imply just because Steve has a minimum wage job working at a video store, so he better dies, is a horrible take. But also again, he is 19 (!!!) and should be allowed to have opportunities to figure out his plans for the future. Plus, he explicitly told us his end goal, he wants a loving partner and kids, and that's reason enough to keep going. (Even if he wouldn't have this goal or plan, he deserves time to figure things out, seeing as he lived his life in survival mode for the past 4 years.)

I also really don't get the second point. What is wrong about Steve having a real friend and a group of people he cares about? Shouldn't that be reason enough for him to keep living? Shouldn't having friends who you care about and who care about you automatically count as something that is enough. Besides, again, he also has a job, likes to go on dates, and it's implied he's still into sports.

The other characters also have each other. They hang out all the time to play their dnd games. Jonathan only has one friend (who now isn't even in the show anymore) and a gf. Nancy barely has any friends as well, besides her bf, who wants to slow mo break up with her. Should they die because they only have like 2 people they are close with? Or is it different because they want to go to college and do well in school, which is the only good purpose characters are allowed to have in order to be deemed worthy of living?

Imo it wouldn't be satisfying if Steve would die after everything he has been through. The show beats him to a pulp every season. He was tortured, maimed, and he sacrificed already so much for the group. He has the most physical trauma, besides Hopper. Even if the show doesn't address it, it's still there. (I hate it sm, but also I blame mostly on limited time that almost no character gets to explore their trauma.) It would be such a disservice to his character if he went through all of that for nothing. What kinda message is that? Killing off the character who is the most hopeful despite everything he went through is not satisfying. None of the main characters' deaths would feel satisfying after going through the horrors like that. (Besides Murray because fuck him)

If you think a character or person can only grow so much until they reach some arbitrary point where they are the perfect version of themselves, you're pretty naive. Nobody stops growing. Even if someone goes through growth, you don't stop your whole life. Maybe start rooting for an arc for Steve, where he gets even better. Where he gets to figure things out, where he becomes a better version of himself. You wouldn't say this to any other character. Just because his growth arc was more noticeable doesn't mean all your other faves didn't grow. Do you want them to stop living because they made choices to be a better person?

You're really underestimating Steve's relationship to the group if you think he's nothing more than a punching bag to them. How can you watch the show and really think this. He's Robins best friend, he helps her grow and be comfortable. He's Dustin's older brother figure. He gives him comfort, and he will most likely help him in s5 with his grief over Eddie. Even with Max, he functions as a brother figure, especially in contrast to her stepbrother. Yes, his primary role in the group is fighter and protector, but he is more than that. He's a friend and important to so many characters.

I think the last point was the thing that made me angry the most. All those other takes I've seen time and time again, but this last one is just disgusting. First of all again to imply that Steve can't do great things because he doesn't have a career plan at 19, which is just gross. And then if you also think the other characters would be so appreciative of this as if they don't give a fuck about Steve. Like Robin and Dustin would be devastated, how much of his death would affect them and their plans to do amazing things? They would be severely depressed and untreated (lets be real mental health issues were not taken super seriously up until recently) they will live with those impacts for the rest of their lives. Trust me I know how terrible depression is and how it fucks with your life plans. Maybe some characters who are not super close to him might use his death for motivation and to achieve those "great" things. But for most parts, his death would have a negative influence on them, on top of the trauma they already endured. If you think his death would only benefit the group, you're underestimating his impact on people. Like Dustin already has a hard time getting over Eddie, Robin would lose the only person who completely understands her, Max would lose another brother figure and a chance to bond with him more. Nancy would lose yet another person who was close to her. How many people should she lose until she snaps completely? But again, it's the implication that Steve's life is worthless because he doesn't go to college or has a shitty job or only has a few friends, that gets me. His life is worth less than other characters' lives because they seemingly have things figured out because they are (book) smarter than him. And btw Steve has a dream for the future, he wants a family and peace, he wants to be a better parent than his own parents were, and if you think that's meaningless or less great, then fuck you!

With those points and logic, Jonathan should also be a contender for character death in s5 as well. He doesn't have a job, he gets high with his only friend who won't be there in s5, he didn't apply for his dream university, he's about to break up with his gf. Jonathan only has his family and barely any growth over the seasons. He is a very stale character. In other words, according to those points made by OP, he has nothing going on and should sacrifice his life for the group as some form of character development.

Or Robin should also die in s5 according to those points. After all, all she has going on for her is a minimum wage job she works with her best friend, school, and a so far miserable love life. We don't know any of her future plans so fuck her I guess. She better sacrifice herself for the group. Or is she allowed to live because she's smarter than Steve (which is a pretty ableist thing to say) and gets to embark on a romantic journey next season?

To sum it up, stop saying Steve has to die because you think his life is meaningless because he's a teenager who hasn't things figured out. Stop saying shit along the lines that Steve isn't smart enough to get to have a life. Stop implying that intelligence is the most valuable thing a person can have and anyone who might lack it is deemed as less worthy of living. Stop saying Steve can't do amazing things if he doesn't go to college and therefore shouldn't be allowed to live. And stop deeming Steve's dream of a family as less meaningful (or meaningless) than academic/career successes. He deserves to live like every other character in the show.

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

On The Hunt: Then Two Steps Behind

Summary- 4.7 Alpha Steve x Little One. Steve and Bucky are finding no leads in their tracking, but Fury has a possible lead. T'Challa makes use of the Reader's Little Wolf tracking skills to help locate some of their kidnapped Panthers in Ulysses' camp.

Warnings- violence, mentions of weapons, and shifters being trafficked.

A/N- Thank you so much for everyone sharing and following this story. Any input, questions, or just general thoughts about this verse is welcome! It's pretty inspiring to keep continuing this story. Special shout out to my beta, if you see this, thank you! Dividers made by @firefly-graphics 💙🐺

Chapter Two / Masterlist

Steve scanned over the Howling Commando’s gear, giving a nod of approval. “I don’t see anything we need to switch out, send a message to Stark that we are fine.” Steve told the beta who gave a nod to confirm and turned away to do the task given. Steve was meticulous in checking their gear, knowing that such a thing could be life or death for the team. 

Following the maze of hallways, he soon found Bucky who was hovering over a table, his hands in fists as he pressed down against the wood that was creaking under his weight. Fury eyed Bucky from the other side. 

“If there was something to tell you Barnes, I would give it to you.” 

“All of this is nothing?” Bucky snapped, if the White Wolf was at all showing, Steve knew he would be bristling. 

“Now I didn’t say that I have nothing, just not from this intel you brought me.” Fury, always cool and collected. He tapped on a screen, projecting a picture. “ My sources say it’s not just wolves Hydra is going for. It’s shifters in general.” Steve approached, glancing over the information the projection showed. “And they are willing to use smugglers to get them.” Another tap shifted to another projection, stats, and a face appeared on the screen. 

A face that the Alpha saw made him immediately snarl, Steve baring his teeth at the image. The weathered face with a grim sneer stared back at him. “Ulysses wanted to sell Y/N when they had us. Brock refused but he was willing to pay whatever for her.” 

<We should rip his throat out> The Alpha dropped his own suggestion. 

Gladly.

Fury nodded as if not surprised by Steve’s information. “I’m not at all surprised he would have bought Y/N. He is a kidnapper and smuggler. He stands to make a profit on an Omega Wolf such as Y/N. They are highly sought after because they are hard to control than a Beta or weak Alpha is, not to mention few and far between.” Fury side-eyed Steve as he said this. 

It made Steve’s stomach churn at the thought of someone buying you just to break you. Bucky studied the man as well, trying to place him. “I remember bits and pieces of him while Brock had me. He brought Brock shifters, but so many of them were barely hanging on anymore that we had to…” He stopped talking, dragging in a breath before continuing. “You think we can get what we need from him?” 

Fury shrugged. “It’s more than you Alpha’s are finding now. If you want to pursue him, I can get you over there.” 

“Where is he?” Steve questioned. 

“He is on the edge of Wakanda’s borders right now.” 

Steve glanced at Bucky. “Go visit the King?” 

“Might as well since what we are doing is proving useless for now. I’m going to pack up.” Bucky was abrupt as he left, leaving Fury frowning at the Sergeants departure. 

“Rogers…” He kept his tone low. “I want you to know that Barnes isn’t in a good place right now. I know he is practically your brother but you need to be careful with him in the field, especially with the howling commandos following his orders.” 

Steve felt the Alpha bristle at the implication but it was true. Steve wasn’t about to indulge in the struggles Bucky was facing, how the White Wolf has secluded himself away from Barnes, or the nightmares that had him fighting nothing in his room and Steve had to guard him against hurting himself or anyone else in the vicinity, how his anger and fear about the unknown was causing Bucky to either lash out or shut down vacantly. “I'm well aware Nick, trust me. That’s why we are leaving the commandos behind this time, just Bucky and I will be going to Wakanda.” 

Fury clenched his jaw but gave a nod, relenting to Steve’s decision.

“Y/N, your wolf will just stand out.” T’Challa stated while you prepared to argue at the injustice of being left behind. “Wolves and Omega’s are not common here. Ulysses will know exactly who you are when he sees you.” 

“And you don’t think you won’t stick out like a sore thumb? You are the damn king of Wakanda.” You snapped out, you were feeling irritated at the implication you couldn’t go with the panthers and hurt to be left behind. 

T’Challa didn’t let your outburst phase him, well aware that you were dealing with pain from Steve’s abrupt departure from your life. “You are right, I will. Why I’m sending Okoye to strike a deal with Ulysses, offering to see his “stock” to make purchases. You and I will be listening in as backup, should anything go awry.” 

Your jaw snapped shut in surprise and the Little Wolf uncurled in your mind. <It’s reasonable… Ulysses looked us over extensively with interest, he isn’t gonna forget us.>

“Right now it’s the best we can do Y/N, but I promise you're not going to be left behind, we need you.” 

“Yes, I can be okay with that.” you relented, but a silent thank you passed between you and T’Challa with a look. 

Okoye slid from her seat, sighing at the long spear she typically carried. “So I have to blend in with the outsiders?” 

T’Challa nodded “Head to toe.” He pointedly looked at her favored weapon and she scoffed. 

“This comes with me.” With a twist on the pole, to grow compacted, able to store away should she require it. 

“Fine, but you still need to change. From the leader of the Dora to a wealthy trafficker looking to spend.” 

She wrinkled her face in disgust at what she was supposed to portray. “That can be done.” 

T’Challa laughed at her reaction, turning to you. “Come on, we need to blend in a bit more as well Y/N.” 

You scowled at the brickwork of the building you were hovering around. Inside Okoye got her meeting with Ulysses, making the deal as you and T’Challa hovered in the back. The tall man stood next to you, his eyes narrowed at the street beyond, watching carefully. Your hand pressed near your ear, listening to the conversation go down inside. 

“And what is it you're interested in?” Ulysses voice grunted, muffled around something in his mouth. You could picture him with a cigar between his fingers, leering at the Pantheress. 

Then a tone you  expected rolled through the comm’s, Okoye purring in her response. “Specifics? Youngin’ panthers.” 

“Oh, what are you planning on doing with a bunch of brats?” 

“That is my business Mr.Ulysses, but I can promise you no one will look twice at a young panther here wandering the streets. Good runners.” 

There was a cackle in the comms and it went silent, you felt your heart hammer in your chest that maybe Okoye was caught. You made to bolt for the door but T’Challa’s hand grabbed at you, sweeping you into his hold like the two of you were huddling against one another. His sharp feline scent assaulted your senses as he hushed his voice near your ear. “Calm Wolf, his men are scouting the area for threats.” 

You turned into T’Challa, hiding against him, letting him shield you from sight. The Little Wolf lowered low, growling softly in your mind. Hush, I can’t hear Ulysses. 

<Sorry, I just hate being here and not doing anything.>

I do too. 

A booming man’s laugh came through. “You are ruthless, using the kids. Smart though. Sure, I got some inventory you might be interested in. Gonna cost you though.” 

“Name your price, I will have it ready tomorrow.” 

After a few more exchanges, Okoye hinted that she was leaving. T’Challa tilted his head back towards the street, signaling it was time for you two to leave the back alleyway and retreat with Okoye. 

As you both started out for the main street, Ulysses men came back through, stalking down the alley. Luck was not on your side as you tried to duck from being seen, one of them brushed against you, hard enough to make you stumble and the man lifted his nose, eyes blazing with interest. 

A fucking tracker, of course, this human would employ shifters. “I know you.” He snarled, whirring on you with interest. His eyes blazed at you as he sniffed the air again. “You were that Alpha’s bitch.”

Vibranium blades you kept hidden up your sleeves slipped down into your palm as you twisted to face the shifter, cursing at the luck you were recognized. You were seconds away from activating the bracelets on your wrist. T’Challa slipped out of sight, the men rounding on you taking no interest in what looked like another homeless person wandering the alley. “I have no Alpha.” 

“I can tell, you have that feral look to you, a bitch with no one to control her.” He sneered as he thought he had you cornered. The Little Wolf bristled, readying for the attack of the larger shifter, her snarls starting to build in your chest and escape as you finally revealed your weapons, slicing the tip across the man's face, catching his cheek in a flash, causing him to stumble back in surprise. “You bitch!” He spat while the armor swept across the front of your chest and up around your neck, protecting your throat.

You didn’t give him the time to come at you again, your leg sweeping out to kick at his gut making him double over with his arms wrapped around himself, T’Challa knocked his partner down when the man moved in a rush to help subdue you. He was quickly dropped to the ground while you had your blade pressing against the shifter's neck, pressing the sharp blade in enough to go through layers of skin, your face snarled as it pressed into your attackers. “I don’t need to be controlled.” 

The shifter's scent was sour with fear now, the way you had caught him by surprise. Your Little Wolf was ready to rip his throat out, take out the threat. T’Challa caught the man by the nape of the neck and crushed a handful of herbs under his nose; it was luck that the shifter took a deep, heavy inhale, drugging himself. The fumes were pungent as your attacker's eyes rolled and he was out. 

“Put the blades away Wolf.” T’Challa rumbled out, leaning down to sort quickly through the men's clothing, making it look like a robbery. “No bloodshed today. They will not remember us and we don't want to alert Ulysses that something is going on.” 

You leaned down enough to wipe your blade off and put it away. “What did you give them?” 

T’Challa grinned wickedly as he yanked out their wallets, pulling out the cash and ditching the wallets in a nearby dumpster. “We have more than just vibranium in Wakanda. Our land is rich with medicinal plants if you know how to gather them.” You two went back onto the street, weaving among the people bustling. “When they wake, their memory will feel like fever dreams and have a headache that will make them think they went on a bender and got mugged.” The money he took, he slipped the money to another soul on the street who needed it. “They will be so embarrassed that they won’t breathe a word of this to anyone.” 

You glanced over your shoulder, making sure no one else was following. “Clever.” You muttered while the two of you blended into the crowd, Okoye soon joined them, ignoring them as if they were no one till several blocks away, having been given the all clear sign and all of you piled into a van tucked away. 

“Deal’s in place.” Okoye settled gracefully into a seat while you plopped down, listening to the king and her go over the specifics of when, where, who and how much Ulysses was expecting. 

You could feel your Little Wolf getting ready for the hunt. 

At any kind of exchange of this magnitude, it feels like it should be late. The night time shadows provide places for the most unsavory to slink through, hiding their intentions till they are ready to pump your system full of poison. 

Ulysses set up this exchange at ten o'clock in the morning. The only thing he did like you figured would be to go to a remote location. As the vehicle you were packed into with other panthers let you know, the springs protesting with squeals, you all being jostled in the back. Even T’Challa’s claws were out, digging into the side of the vehicle for stability. Your Little Wolf panted heavily in the muggy heat while you swiped at the sweat creeping down the side of your face. 

Okoye was going over the plans, preparing to let you all out well before reaching the destination with the expectation that the group could finish going the last couple miles, with your Little Wolf using her sharp sense of smell to find the compound's location. Ulysses wasn’t an idiot, he would have his own group checking every vehicle, probably with the same skills you possessed. They were ready though, to mask the scent in the truck, Okoye was confident in that. 

“Y/N, as fast as you all can travel okay? T’Challa is equipped to listen in when I’m ready for all of you to come in.” The stern general glanced at her king. “You have to let me get at least a hold of the kid he is using and try to hold out long enough to find out where else they are keeping people.” Her eyes roved to everyone in the back of the truck. Some of the fiercest shifters you have ever seen, the Dora Milaje was not a force to challenge. “Do all of you understand the orders?” 

A unionized confirmation made you hide a grin, thinking about how your pack mates would be sassing the Alpha right now, but they were as fierce in your opinion as this group. “Y/N?'' Your name came across as having no room for amusement, and you gave a confirming nod to appease Okoye. 

“Good! Stop right here.” She thudded against the driver's end wall and the truck came to a screeching halt, jolting you against T’Challa’s firm side. You distinctly heard the rumbling growl come from him in agitation before loosening his claws from the side. 

Straightening yourself, you popped out of the back of the truck, listening carefully to the sounds around you. Exotic birds and monkeys screamed overhead, which you were used to by now. Bursts of color rose as whatever flock had roosted overhead. The familiar buzzing of bugs and the chittering of other creatures emitted loud, questioning cries. It wasn't till Okoye climbed out and checked in one last time with everyone before she left that things went back to normal. Still loud, the jungle was much like the forests you missed. 

It was when all went quiet did you have to be concerned. Right now, none of you were seen as a threat to the wildlife teaming the area. You hoped that you all could stay that way, it would make your chances of getting to the compound without being caught better. 

“Shuri, we are going dark now…” You heard T’Challa informing his sister in whatever device was planted on him. “And you are going to have to quiet down so I can hear Okoye.” 

Nakia patted an assuring hand against his arm, leaning up to whisper in his ear. You and your Little Wolf felt a pang at the sight of the couple. 

It made you miss Steve, how his presence would have calmed the racing of your heart right now. How he would have checked in with you, his touches would have lingered protectively on you, but it was better. The two of you would have watched each other. 

If only he could remember that time as well as you did. 

The Little Wolf whined, knowing your distractions could cause you harm. You inhaled sharply, getting to work and pushing your mate from your thoughts. 

<Ready when you are.>

A glance at T’Challa sets you in motion, your form quick to shed its human form. Nakia grasped at the clothes of those who shifted and stashed away. The ones who remained were poised on their feet, ready to race alongside. 

The Little Wolf gave a shake of fur after the shift, releasing any of the pent up energy left. Her nose lifted, sharp in the air to sort through the assault of information provided. The air was heavy and damp, making everything cling in particles wherever the water was. A blessing for a tracker, the scents of man and shifters wouldn't fade nearly as fast unless it rained. 

So far the morning sun was shining bright. And she could smell the scent of fear and adrenaline, coating her tongue with a foul taste. 

It was enough to make her spring forward as in a chase, following the trail like it was a string, having unraveled. Everyone followed, well behind to not distract her. Except for T’Challa, the man kept pace with you, feet thudding steadily as you darted through the jungle. The animals who claimed the trees screamed at the suddenness you would burst by, followed by a pack of people and black panthers. But they never silenced, they never feared they were being hunted. 

It provided enough cover that when you skirted around the first of Ulysses' men, they never expected the king to leap over you in a silent attack or the other panthers to silence them. 

Everything about the panthers was stealth while hunting. 

Seconds later you skidded to a stop, the King coming to crouch next to you, his hand resting gently on your back to keep you from continuing. “I see them, they are not hiding very well.” 

Ulysses had let some of his guard down here, not bothering to hide the massive camp so deep in the jungle. Judging from how far they traveled, Wakanda’s borders were not far away. A couple days away on foot if that. 

How could the vigilant panthers miss such a thing? 

“Shuri, note our location.” T’Challa muttered softly. “Do you see anything?” His eyes scanned upwards, searching for how they were hidden. You could faintly hear Shuri’s reply in his ear. 

“Nothing brother. I will test it out some more. So don’t let anyone shoot down my drone.” 

T’Challa cracked a small grin. “I will do my best.” He went silent and you settled down alongside him, focusing on the camp. 

From this vantage, it was all so open. People everywhere doing whatever tasks were assigned to them. The stench was almost overpowering. Fear and remnants of blood, it was saturated into the ground the camp was built on, the Little Wolf kept her ears pinned back in unease. Okoye wasn’t all that far away, an appearance of ease as she talked with Ulysses, the General playing her part well. She never once let it be known she was aware they were close. T’Challa kept watch of her, waiting for her signal. 

“Impressive.”  Okoye’s eyes roamed around the camp while she strode with Ulysses. “Do you move lots of products through?” 

Ulysses was cold as he shrugged. “Enough for you to get what you are looking for, I am sure. Come, I will show you what I have for you.” He gestured his hand forward, Okoye hesitated a moment before flashing him a smile. 

“Shouldn’t you lead the way?” She glanced around and your fur stood up along your spine, a soft uneasy whine making its way up your throat. Something was wrong, it felt wrong. “I do not know the layout of your camp.” 

“And you never will.” Ulysses reached behind him and pulled out a pistol, aimed right for Oyokes chest. From the truck a shot rang out, a scream of the panther driving echoing sharply. “T’Challa thinks he is smart huh?” His voice raised as his finger started to squeeze the trigger, all happening in seconds. “Sending in one of his prized panthers.” The shot rang off, sending T’Challa breaking from cover along with you and the panthers hunting with you. 

Okoye was quicker, the shield Shuri equipped her with bouncing off her forearm she shielded herself and her spear was suddenly in her hand, the metal shooting out to form, knocking Ulysses off balance, the gun slinging away suddenly. 

The metal over your bracelets swooped over you as more shots rang out, the camp suddenly in full combat mode. Panthers snarled in retaliation as they attacked their targets, sharp claws piercing and slashing up men’s bodies. 

T’Challa raced beyond them, Okoye being blown off her feet as a grenade exploded near her and giving Ulysses the chance to evade towards a truck, swinging himself into it to rev the engine. 

The shifters still human stayed in the trees, taking aim with specially made weapons to shoot out anything they could. 

“Shuri, get that drone on that truck,” T’Challa yelled as he reached his general, helping her to stand. 

“I’m fine.” She pushed him away. “Go now. He is close.” Okoye hissed in pain at T’Challa, but he hesitated, unable to leave her just yet. 

You weaved through the fighting, searching for the captured shifters in this camp. The few people that took interest in you, noticing you among the chaos were quickly dealt with as you leaped at them, snapping your jaws at throats and ripping them out. 

It was brutal, quick, and efficient. 

Your nose raced, the smells being sorted in milliseconds till you found what you were looking for. 

Fear, blood, metal, bodies. Panthers always had a scent of the deep jungle tops, misty wet and floral scented. All of it tinged with fear, bitter and sour. Your muzzle wrinkled up at it, jogging to a tent. 

“Who is that?” Bucky was quiet next to Steve, on the backside of the camp. Steve picked up Ulysses scent in the city and they followed it to this camp. The two of them prowled all night, picking up information about what was going on. 

Ulysses was moving shifters through, trucks going in full of shifters they found and leaving in the same way for some other destination. Bucky and Steve were just in the middle of a plan of how to infiltrate the camp when this woman appeared. 

Tall and commanding, she had her driver take her through the front without hesitation. Steve couldn’t believe his eyes as to who he saw. 

Okoye, and if she was here, that meant the Dora Milaje and possibly T’Challa himself were here. “A panther, that must mean there are others.” He pulled back from his hiding spot and tried to scent them. Something familiar was in the air, drawn to its wild sweetness, but he didn’t have the chance to sort it out when Bucky hissed in surprise. 

“They broke cover from the other side of the camp.” 

Steve growled at the suddenness of everything going to hell. Bucky was about to take his chance when he grabbed his brother's arm, pausing him. “Go fast, aim with kill shots Buck, anyone tries using trigger words, don’t give them the chance.” 

Bucky snarled as he shrugged his arm. “I’m fine Steve.” His eyes were hidden as he stepped from hiding and Steve felt the Alpha shake himself off, dispelling the unease of letting Bucky into this. They had seen him struggle with his control. 

<We will stay close> The Alpha assured as Steve bolted out, searching out both Ulysses and Bucky in a sweep of his eyes. 

As much as we can. A boom made the ground shake, Steve had to plant his feet as he found where the next threat was coming from. T’Challa stepped out of the unsettled dust with Okoye wrapped in his arm and a truck was squealing away. 

<There!>

Got him. Steve bolted in a run, preparing to let the Alpha take over when a streak caught his eyes, low to the ground the wolf traveled swiftly, and he would know that run anywhere. You were tracking among the attacking panthers and that made the Alpha stall. 

<What is the Little Wolf doing here?!> Steve changed course, following after you as you approached the tent all the trucks entering the camp earlier would go to. 

He was so far away, Steve yelped a warning as you darted inside, knowing that the tent was loaded with guards all armed with various weapons. Steve skidded inside to see you mid-tackle with one of the mercenaries, your strong jaws around the barrel of his weapon, each snarl had you wrenching your head, scraping your teeth against the metal. Just as fast as he noticed you, Steve assessed where the other threats were located- two on one side, rushing out of their chairs where they were playing cards of some kind and another around the back side of loaded cages, bracing his rifle against the top one to take aim and the one you were currently working on disarming. 

With a lift of his foot, Steve shoved his foot against a wall of empty cages, sending them tumbling over the two mercenaries scrambling to their weapons, his hand slipping against his chest and yanking out a vibranium dagger he carried on him, a gift from T’Challa the last time he was here. The blade raced true to its target, landing in the rifleman's skull and killing him instantly. 

A glance over his shoulder showed you had dragged the mercenary down, unable to withstand your attack anymore while he covered his face with his arms, a weak shield against you. Steve leaped over the cages to grab another mercenary, a punch to his head knocking his senses out and he slumped into dead weight from Steve’s hand. The last one managed to crawl out of the tented area, taking his chances among the panthers. Panting, Steve hauled the last remaining mercenary to one of the cages and slammed him in. 

Finally, it was mostly quiet in the tent, the people in the cages huddling in fear, waiting to see what they would do and there you were. Shifted back to yourself blinking at him, the shield wrapped around your body like a second skin, vibrating with whatever power was built into it. The shock was etched on your face, pain and sorrow quickly melded into a rage. You snarled at him. “What are you doing here Steve?” 

Steve felt himself rising in the challenge as he stepped around the tossed cages, stalking towards you. You looked as fierce as ever, his Little One ready to battle the enemy, but now it was him you were bracing to go against. Your eyes roved over him protectively, like you were making sure he wasn’t injured in any way but kept your touch well away from him. 

“What am I doing here, why aren't you home Little One?” Steve hissed angrily. “Where you are safe?” 

You backed a step like you were whiplashed, shaking your head. “You don't get to call me that Steve. It’s also none of your business.” 

“Are you alone?” Steve hesitated to take another step forward after you purposely backed away from him, out of his reach. “Why isn’t anyone with you?” 

Your chin hitched, your defiant move. Steve could sense you were discussing with your Little Wolf what you must have wanted to share with him. His own Alpha paced frantically because you were so close. Steve tried not to let himself get lost in your scent overwhelming him. It was almost like the first time, heating him from the inside out with the need to be close to you and be able to touch you. <Don’t drive her away Steve.> The Alpha snapped at the man. 

“Yes, it’s just me here, I'm alone now Steve.” You finally started, loosening your fighting stance slightly. “The rest of it is my business. Now help me get these people out of these cages if you are going to stay.” The dismissive tone stung Steve and made his chest ache at how hollow you sounded. 

You simply turned away from him, walking away to continue your mission.

[bengiyo]

Be My Favorite Ep 10 Stray Thoughts

Last week, Kawi and Pisaeng started dating and Not immediately ruined it by making everything about him as always. Not outs them repeatedly and tries to use it as an in with Pear. He breaks things off with Kwan, who genuinely likes him, and gets his ass handed to him by Pear. Meanwhile, Kawi is spiraling that once again his mistakes are causing problems for others, and Pisaeng pushes Kawi to try to see life more optimistically and just try to take care of each other. Pear is having her own problems as she reckons with her mom finding success as an artist after leaving her family to pursue that art.

Hopefully we get Max back this week.

Love us coming back to Kawi and Pisaeng affirming their connection and Pear affirming that she and Not do NOT have one.

YES, MISS PEAR! COME THROUGH, SIS! She said, “Kwan is my friend and you are a dick. DICK IS ABUNDANT AND LOW IN VALUE!”

I want to say here that while I absolutely despise Not, I think Title is giving a great performance in this role. He’s very good at playing disaffected man who is also the source of his own problems.

Okay, this boy just put hands on Kwan. Let’s stomp his ass.

I’m with the dad on “The more you forgive, the stronger you get.” It’s so easy to burn yourself out in righteous rage. I was there for a long time early in the BLM movement, and all I succeeded in doing was giving myself a bunch of a stress-related health issues. The work I do now is about uplifting now and less about fighting. We talked about this on @the-conversation-pod in The Eighth Sense about how forgiveness isn’t about admitting the other party is right. It’s about accepting what happened, determining the boundaries you need to establish for the future, and then focusing on what’s important to you. Holding resentment traps you in the moment you were last offended. You become a living ghost.

Oh interesting. Kawi is reading Crazy Rich Asians.

They are crushing me with the fathers today. I’m going to need Tom Phollawat and Kob Songsit to get off my neck. In all seriousness, Kob is clearly ridiculously talented. Krist is responding to his emotions better than he has with anyone else in the series.

There is something so poignant about Kawi doing everything he could to try to save his dad, still losing him, but getting closure this time because he was able to say goodbye to his father before the surgery. I’m trying not to cry right now.

I love that the first people we see Pear interacting with after that talk with her dad are Pisaeng and Kawi. Love that she made sure to clear up any angst between them. It’s beautiful because the show says she has a right to be disappointed about how things went even as she commits to maintaining two important friendships. These boys are throwing themselves before Pear about who should be castigated more and I love that.

Yes, now that Pear has affirmed her support for gay love, let’s go hang out with the gays. Welcome back, Max. I’ve missed you. You look amazing as always. Love these boots.

I love Max. He’s correct. Just because we know what’s going on doesn’t mean we also don’t need to be told. Up until we’re told, we technically just suspect. Kawi is lucky to have community.

Before I engage with Pisaeng’s mom’s latest form of gaslighting, I need to know what show they’re watching on this projector in the background.

Sowing doubt into your son’s first real relationship is so cruel. Pisaeng knows exactly what she’s doing, and Gawin is playing his hurt and offense completely legibly.

I’m really loving the theme in this show that there is a difference between avoiding misery and finding happiness.

I do love seeing folks figure out the early parts of their relationships. Kawi doesn’t like Pisaeng avoiding his problems with his mom around him, especially when Pisaeng came to him for comfort. Now we get to see these two sort out how intimacy is going to work for them.

I’m never going to complain about parents turning things around and choosing to support their kids, but I don’t think I like Pisaeng faking a conflict with his mom in the hopes that Kawi will be intimate with him.

The mom’s smile is giving Gates McFadden at the end of Make the Yuletide Gay (2009).

I’m really enjoying the way Gawin plays Pisaeng as flirty or cheeky.

I’m obsessed with Max wearing this big black jacket but having these shorts He has such long legs that the juxtaposition fees intentional.

The Ace Friend and Gay Slut duo is undefeated. Kawi being on the ace spectrum doesn’t surprise me. I’m sure people are going to chide Max for how he spoke to Kawi, but I get Max. He’s a sexual being and it’s clear that some of his experiences weren’t great. There are things to unpack there. However, this show is about accepting people as they are and understanding where they’re coming from. We’re not aiming for perfection. We’re aiming for honesty and kindness. Kawi does need to consider the needs of his partner if he’s going to be in a long term relationship with someone who isn’t on the spectrum like him.

Oh, Kawi. Don’t pretend to sleep.

For a moment I really wondered if the snow globe would transport Pisaeng, but he’s already rejected magical help for his problems.

I’m really hoping this show does something interesting with the asymmetric sexual desire between Kawi and Pisaeng. We were here before during SOTUS and it’s hard not to recall that.

The amusement park thing is not subtle, and I’m not sure how to feel about it. Kawi has always wanted to visit a place full of excitement and thrill, but is here just to soak in the vibes and eat food. Pisaeng isn’t on that wavelength and is a bit frustrated.

Okay, so the preview seems to indicate that Pisaeng maybe did time travel. Unsure about how we went from a kinda botched date to their first sober kiss and implied first time.

I’m not sure where I sit on the sex stuff this episode. I think I’m going to leave myself in this moment of uncertainty until next week to see what we learn about Pisaeng’s potential time jump, and Kawi’s follow up on Max urging him to consider the role of sex and intimacy in romance.

[lya-dustin]

A Comedy of Non-mathematical Errors

Chapter 2

Michael is not allowed to keep most of his clothing after mummy dearest looked over his current wardrobe.

She had looked faint when he explained the practicality of his favorite cargo pants that turned into cargo shorts thanks to the nifty zippers. Even better he’d gotten them on sale.

“We will donate all your old clothes to charity.” The blonde woman had said only letting him keep his underwear and a handful of things that passed her inspection.

He was not at all surprised to know by charity Elspeth meant the garbage can.

But she did like how clean and organized he was and told Felix that was the right way to keep one’s room.

“Should we do something about his hair, mum?” Venetia asks, looking at him as if he were her personal Ken doll. She’d picked out some of his clothes, made him get a suit that matched a dress she was going to wear ---and made him and Felix buy two matching outfits.

Now she wants to cut his hair.

“What’s wrong with my hair?” he dares to ask. If you ask him its pretty great, especially because he did it himself.

“Nothing, sweetheart.” His mother said and yet he is dragged to a high-end barber shop despite his protests. “Felix, make sure your brother gets a nice haircut that doesn’t look like a blind man with blunted shears did it.”

Ouch.

“You’ll be fine with just a trim, Mikey.” Felix says with a smile that makes Michael wince at the nickname as harmless as it is. But the trip to the barber is a relief compared to the endless shopping of yesterday with Elspeth and Venetia.

Michael is given a luxury spa treatment along with Felix who has the same preferences as him despite the difference in socioeconomic statuses.

“I invited Ollie home for the summer, felt so bad for not telling him about us being brothers and his dad dying, I told him he could come visit us.” Felix attempts to be friends were all cut short by Michael who wasn’t sure how to even go from there.

Apparently, Sir James enjoyed Countdown, Venetia wanted to pursue fashion, Elspeth had a DPhil in Art History and spent her life collecting art while Felix attempts to write a novel because if someone is going to write the Cattons in this generation it must be one of them.

Despite their vapid ways, Michael supposed not everyone who acts like an airhead may actually be an airhead. A tough thing to incorporate into your world view when you’ve spent the school year seeing Felix and Farleigh with the same copy of Harry Potter pretending to read. Once they’d even held the book upside down.

“Your mum told me about it, yeah. Does he know what happened?” Michael hopes his ditzy twin brother completely forgot.

“Fuck. I can’t remember.” Maybe Felix was a real ditz, the way they talked about the Catton heir being a genius, his parents must’ve feared leaving everything in his hands. But his stupidity makes this all easier.

“After he tossed me off to hang out with you at the pub, I told him we weren’t friends anymore.” Because he is an opportunistic bootlicking cunt.

The more he learned about Oliver Quick the more he sounded like a fucking psychopath. What’s next dressing up as his mum? Killing any girl Felix talks to?

“Oh, he’d said you had already left. I only talked to him so he could invite you to join us. I liked your shirt, have one like it, just can’t find it in the mess.” Felix sits by his open window to smoke ---Michael detests the smell--- and gave a small laugh as he mentions his pigsty of a room.

“Actually, he pretended not to see me when I came back,” Michael isn’t even surprised Poor Dear Ollie had lied about that too. “Maybe it’s better if he doesn’t know I’m here.”

Michael’s terrible at talking or persuasion, and yet, it doesn’t take much to convince Felix to make his presence here a surprise.

Saltburn is nice, a touch gaudy and weird, but other than that the place looks fine.

His room is across Felix’s with Venetia next door and a guest room for a friend on the other side of the luxury bathroom that was bigger than his old bedroom.

“Mum has a fear of ugly things, I wouldn’t wear these if I were you.” Venetia plucks his glasses off his face and Michael swats at her blindly trying to get them back. He only succeeds accidentally grabbing her nose before giving up

“See how handsome you look? You look like Uncle Micah.” The bleached blonde girl shows him his own mirror to tell him so.

“Can’t fucking see, Venetia.” He points out and squints at his own reflection trying to see if she was being honest and not flattering him out of pity.

Plenty of people loved telling him he could look great if he tried. He’s pretty sure he looks like Shaggy from Scooby-Doo right now and tells his younger sister so.

“Mum’s fine with the glasses, its piercings she doesn’t like.” Felix easily takes the glasses out of Venetia’s hands and carefully puts them back on Michael’s face. “Voila.”

“What do you think, Mike?” they ask when he gets a good look at himself.

And sure, enough he looks like someone who could get any girl or invite he desired. Michael Gavey was gone; Michael Catton had taken his place.

Oliver is going to regret dropping him for Felix.

[mothfinite]

curious about Rarity/Dreamcloud ship <3 like how'd they meet how'd they get together if you dont mind me asking <:]? @ghost--girlfriend

@ghost--girlfriend YESS THANK U FOR THIS I CAN DEF TALK ABOUT IT

so as for them meeting, ive mentioned before that dreamcloud starts off as a bg pony whos species changes every time theyre seen. the only ones out of the mane 6 who have seen/interacted w/ them is rarity, rd, and aj. and their REAL identity would be revealed in a plotline where after a visit to ponyville, theyre seen by twilight casually going into the everfree forest. and the next time they visit ponyville theyre kind of ambushed by the mane 6, and they run, disappearing again into the forest and being pursued.

theyre found by rarity, in their true form - a shimmering, ethereal pony-like creature cowering in the trees (think kinda like this but if ramona was a pony)

theyre hiding their face, nervous, especially because they had admired rarity for a long while and were so scared of how she'd think of them - but to their surprise, shes instantly taken aback by just how elegant and beautiful their true form is. they shapeshift into their base form, and rarity encourages them to come on out and meet the mane 6 PROPERLY

as for them getting together... i feel like over time, dreamcloud would frequent carousel boutique more and more even just to hang out, maybe do some artwork and being a model for rarity. and i imagine dreamcloud would kind of be oblivious to their own feelings growing until theres a situation where rarity is fawning over another really high class pony and they get... jealous??? and then theyre like. uh oh. and they start unintentionally avoiding her because they dont know what to do ??? and rarity obviously notices this and gets upset because dreamcloud is one of her best friends now! why are they running away everytime she sees them in town? did she do something wrong????

this ultimately probably culminates in something like, flutters inviting dreamcloud to the spa but surprise its a set up because rarity is there and demands answers!!!! and dreamcloud cracks, admitting their feelings and how they just had no idea how to handle it so they chose to avoid it instead. and rarity is like DARLING YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST TOLD ME !!!!! and then they get together :)

[hipsterniccage]

oof hello, it’s been a while since I’ve written. I have a dilemma that I fear I cannot tell anyone.. recently, I was given the opportunity to pursue my dream job and learn the art of tattooing. I have a mentor who has been kind and gracious to me up to this point… recently, I was also married. it was the happiest day of my life and my husband is truly my greatest love, friend, and supporter.

my mentor.. I’m starting to feel? danger from him.. he sends me strange heartfelt messages late at night and then unsends them before I have a chance to respond.. he sends music late at night too. sending music is such an inherently romantic thing for me? especially since my husband and I did so in the beginning of our relationship. maybe he’s just trying to share music he likes? I’m not sure. I find it weird.. it’s always around 11pm-1am. He’s much older than me, for context too, so maybe it’s a generational thing?

anyway, I did my first tattoo on myself recently, and my husband came by the shop and stayed to watch. I felt unnerved by this, as I didn’t want it to distract me or come across as disrespectful to my mentor. well the worst did happen, and he seems upset. moreso than I thought? I told my husband after I was doing tattooing to go ahead and go to his work, as my mentor and I had tattoo things to discuss. my mentor did tell me during our talk that my husband really shouldn’t be hanging around on learning days like that.. and I agree. I thought it would be fine if he just popped in to say hi, I didn’t expect him to stay for the whole tattoo, but I don’t blame him either. he’s very excited for me, and I love and appreciate him for that. I told my mentor I agree, and I did ask my husband to leave, and I told my husband again, over messenger, that it was best not to hang around for so long, as I’m working and don’t need to be distracted. a tattoo shop is a place of business like everywhere else. he understood completely.

I thought that was the end of it… until, 1am tonight, I get messages from my mentor saying from now on, it’s just me and him. he likes my husband, but he shouldn’t be hanging around, were trying to learn an art, and he should have said something sooner about my boyfriend/sweetheart hanging out….

which, he’s right. I’m fine with that. I completely understand. it just seems… emotional? and I thought we already discussed it. maybe he didn’t think he really drove the point home with me, which like, okay! fine. I feel shame.. if that’s what he wanted. I also feel a little disrespect at the term sweetheart and boyfriend, but I’m sure he felt disrespected too with my first tattoo. maybe he wanted to be the one in the room with me, and felt crowded with my husband there.. not sure. he kept walking in and out.

like, yes he’s right. but also… it wasn’t like, all in one message that he said that, it was multiple, and I condensed them, and.. with the context that it’s so late and with everything else. I just feel… off? I feel;; strange about it. but I really don’t want to let this opportunity slip either so I’m gonna ignore it… it feels so wrong to ignore the way I’m feeling and to not talk with my husband about this. my husband probably feels bad enough as it is.. I don’t want him to suspect my mentor has ulterior motives too?:( man. I’m gonna wait it out. who knows, maybe he’ll unsend most of the messages by morning?? I dunno. I just needed to get this off my chest somewhere. get it out in the open. my chest feels like it’s in knots.. and I feel? hot with shame? guilt? I hate feeling this way.

[natsubane]

it's been a month since i finished days. whoops!

i already had super high expectations for days because mage had been whispering in my ear about it, and i'm still working on the secret reports for this while i don't have a ton of time on my hands but god i fucking enjoyed days. i think it's now been too long since i played it so it's not fresh any more but i still should talk about it before i forget so.

the story makes it so easy to care about the characters and i think it brings out each individual personality very well! roxas is a really interesting narrator to watch the developments with because of how he doesn't know anything and doesn't even have memories, and also how easily influenced he can be by the other org members because of it... and also watching how he grows while knowing where he ends up in kh2 just. hurts? you see him being happy and hanging out with his friends and then you remember that he cannot win his fight with sora for his right to be himself... (maybe this is also influenced by the awful /pos posts i see often about roxas and resentment and just in general how little the narrative cares about what he actually wants. but. yeah)

i remember talking a bit about unreliable narrators while i was reading the story? i think it's an especially enjoyable experience because of what we've learned about nobodies in kh2 (like how they supposedly don't have hearts? i went through a lot of days knowing that the nobodies do feel emotions and hearing them repeat that they don't have hearts to feel with over and over they don't when you can see roxas clearly having feelings more and more as time passes... is a compelling argument for the unreliability of the knowledge you get, or at the very least this specific statement) and how biased sora is against them in comparison (to go as far as antagonising them on the spot, which is one thing i didn't exactly like when i was playing kh2... i really wished we got to see them integrate the org into the story better and understand them before we take them out). in that sense i'm really glad that days gives you the opportunity to actually get to know the nobodies, especially the ones that you don't get to see in depth in com! (this is how i ended up getting interested in demyx? the fact that apparently we don't know anything about him still also bumps my enjoyment of him up quite a bit? he's so funny. tell me more about him.) (i'm also glad we got to see their side of their goal and the justifications they have for pursuing them...! even if they sound like a fucking cult!)

anyway, roxas not knowing anything and the org deliberately keeping him in the dark about everything was really fun to read because. you can tell all he wants is to chill out with his friends and eat ice cream after missions and instead the people around him treat him like a tool and have plans for him and xion and keeping him in the dark so that they can use him better is just the best way of handling things to them... you really can feel how frustrated he is by the end and how he's doubting everything he's been taught because of all the times he's been brushed off and not been told the truth. and you can see the moments when the carefully constructed and curated web of (rather, lack of) information around him (and xion, too) starts to crumble and he starts fighting to get out... even at the end after he decides to choose his own path and be willing to fight for it (while being able to see the consequences of xion fighting)... without truly finding out who he is or being able to find his own purpose or anything, he ends up immediately getting violently thrown into a situation completely out of his control and this time it feels like the world itself is straight up poking fun at him? and still nobody is telling him anything? and when he does things he actually wants to do he ends up being punished and feeling alienated for it? like as i kept playing i kept thinking ough..... no wonder roxas is so easy to like... he's just a guy trying to find purpose and meaning for himself in a place where he isn't even allowed to want that and it fucks me up tbh

i'd heard that seasalt trio were the best-written trio friendship in the series and yeah i can fucking tell why. and you're telling me these guys don't even fully understand what friendship is? man. it was genuinely really enjoyable watching them just chill and banter over ice cream? i honestly really enjoyed the "friends are people you eat ice cream with" thing because of how sincerely it's taken and how much roxas and xion believe in it... i can still hear that "who else am i gonna eat ice cream with?" line clear as day from day 357... i also still feel ill about the line namine says about not expecting them to try so hard to become their own people... in the end neither of them end up being allowed to become their own person after all... ough......

also now knowing how roxas left axel by the end makes me feel even More ill about axel dying before he could see roxas again properly... i liked seeing the contrast of axel with roxas and xion, and seeing how they bring out a more caring side of him even if he ends up doing his tough love thing... but he's still the one who brings them together by saying that if they remember each other they'll always be together... and he's the one who says they're best friends... i'm glad we get to see him and understand why he was so desperate in kh2, i'm glad we get to know him... i can tell there's still a lot to uncover about this guy but he's a fun guy... i want to see him again.........

i've probably forgotten tons of points i wanted to say here but it was a fun game!!! i enjoyed the gameplay as well and i enjoyed the perspective it gave on the previous games! i'd really like to go back to kh2 prologue and also com to better understand what happened there as well, but since i'm kinda gauntletting these games and i'm pretty busy recently it's hard to find time for it... i will do my best to enjoy the games as much as i can......!

[violettelueur]

— RYOMEN SUKUNA || LET ME MARK YOU THEN

↳ featuring : ryomen sukuna from jujutsu kaisen

↳ warnings : mention of sex, mention of hickeys and grammar issues

↳ form : imagine

↳ published : 22 january

↳ pronouns : she/her

↳ word count : 3.7k

↳ synopsis : (modern!AU) after your lectures, you decided to pay your tattoo artist boyfriend a little visit only to then be persuaded to let him draw a tattoo design on you even though you never actually wanted a real one to be marked with.

↳ barista’s notes : just a little gift to you all before today’s episode and the reset the ‘coffees in progress’ list (wip) when i get enough sleep and after my disgusting online classes, i hope you enjoy the free cup of coffee everyone ʕ•ᴥ•ʔﾉ♡ - also i feel like this is the longest imagine i have ever posted ʕ ㅇ ᴥ ㅇʔ

Having a morning full of tedious lectures was not someone’s ideal day and it was definitely not yours. Although, there was nothing you could do but pursue them through with as much enthusiasm and determination that you could possibly muster while being impatient about the hands on the clock taking forever to move a single inch.

However, at this moment in time, you were able to escape the suffocating lecture hall after many hours for today and was now walking down the busy streets of Tokyo with a white plastic takeaway bag in one hand while the other was occupied with your tote bag that was resting on your shoulder, which surprisingly kept hold of some of your textbooks as well as your laptop giving you some reassurance that the bag that your boyfriend gave you was going to last for quite some time.

Looking around the busy quarter of the capital, you began to notice a few high school students roaming about here and there with some hanging out with their friends - mostly likely going to a cafe or to the nearest karaoke lounge that they could find - while other were either rushing home as they entered the station or to their part-time jobs that they had managed to obtain for a few extra bucks to save up for their next step in life. Noticeably, there were also a few adults out and about with some working as street-food vendors selling delicious treats that you would be craving if you weren’t so full while others were dressed extremely professional with their laptops out on their cafe/restaurant table to what seemed like they were on their lunch break.

‘He should be on his lunch break right now, but if not, I’ll just put his food in the shop’s fridge’

Continue walking to your destination, you finally reached to a quieter area with the city leading you to then stand in front of a glass order with a ‘closed’ sign in front along with another extremely noticeable sign proudly stating ‘Malevolent Shine’ to which if you had said that to any tattoo fanatic within Japan, they would instantly know what you were talking about.

Opening the door, there was a sudden noise of a ring being heard leading you to immediately look up to see the silver bell that you told him to arrange since he always got annoyed about the number of potential clients popping up without his acknowledgement only to tell him that they didn’t book an appointment at all causing him to become more irritated - and as a matter of fact, you couldn’t blame him at all.

Looking around the tattoo shop that you had entered, there wasn’t a single person in sight leading you to come to the conclusion that you were right about his lunch break since his assistant would be at the front desk if they weren’t. Although there was no one to greet you, the dark atmosphere did. It gave an odd sense of comfort with its hints of red that could calm a customer down if they were worried about the tattoo they were committing to having on their body or if it was their first - especially when it came to him.

“Oya~ ain’t you a sexy customer? But I’m afraid we’re closed, but I don’t mind giving you a private session if you want, kitten” someone smoothly stated, leading your eyes to slowly shift to the person who was leaning against the desk with a confident smirk on his face. There he was, the mastermind behind the whole shop itself.

“Well, I’m not coming in for a tattoo but I am here to give a little gift, Sukuna,” you mischievously stated, as you lifted the white bag with the takeaway you had ordered for the man himself, leading him to look at you in surprised before tilting his head indicating you to come to the back with him.

Following his lead, you placed the bag on his table once you reached the backroom before placing your tote on the floor beside the table’s leg so it didn’t fall, letting any of your precious studious contents to be lost as well as avoiding any damage to your laptop.

“I’m surprised you’re using the bag, kitten,” Sukuna suddenly commented, as he sat on his chair while pulling out the white styrofoam box of Thai food that he always ordered along with a bento box that was wrapped in a black cloth.

“Well, how could I not? You did buy it for me,” you quietly mentioned as you took off your black longline coat before placing it behind your chair since there was nowhere else to put it.

“Did you make this?” Sukuna quickly questioned as he lifted the bento box causing you to nod at his question once you saw what he meant leading you to state, “I didn’t know if you were going to stay back tonight, so I prepared some food for you in case,” causing Sukuna to smirk since you were right about your assumption and it did catch him by surprise since he didn’t mention it to you today when he left your shared apartment.

“Thanks,” he quietly muttered before pulling his chair closer towards you so he could place a lingering kiss on your cheek to show his appreciation towards you. “How was class?” he then asked, as he began to unwrap the cloth of the box to your surprise since you bought his favourite item from the Thai restaurant but made no mention of it.

“Annoying, it was suffocating in there but the lecture was interesting so that’s a plus,” you answered, as you began to scan his messy desk that displayed the many drawings that he was working on. Some of the designs that Sukuna was drawing were almost complete, while others were in the same situation but for some odd reason, it was crossed out as if he was unsatisfied with the outcome that it was going to have which lead you to be perplexed since some of the drawings were incredibly detailed and beautiful. However, you didn’t have the eyes of an artist like your boyfriend did, instead, you had the eyes of someone that was able to analyse things exceedingly well hence why you decided to pursue a career as a criminal lawyer.

“How has the shop been while I was away?” you asked, as you carefully picked up one of the designs that the tattoo artist seemed to have scraped leading him to answer with an annoyed huff. “A pain, there’s been so many dumbass people coming in thinking they could just walk in and get a tattoo done immediately without even booking a meeting,” Sukuna answered before taking a bite of the soy-glazed fried chicken you made as he then continued with, “it was a good idea to get the bell since I could see if it was a customer I knew or not,”.

Looking at your boyfriend, you couldn’t help but smile at the man as he continuously munched the context in the box as if he hadn’t eaten in the past week when in reality he had been raiding the fridge back home only just this morning. Slowly, you turn your head back to the paper that you were holding as you continued to admire the work of art right in front of you. 

To be honest, it was quite simple compared to all the other ones that were lying about on his work desk but that didn’t mean it wasn’t beautiful. The light sketch depicted a short section of a branch or stem decorated with different types of beautiful flowers and next to it was the same design with the only difference of it being coloured lightly in case the client wanted to have options.

“What happened here?” you asked before tilting the paper to the side, letting Sukuna have a glance at the design he decided to discard.

“Oh, the client cancelled since I wouldn’t have sex with her,” Sukuna casually stated leading you to nod before taking another look at the design with a small smile on your face. Sadly, it was such a waste since the design was beautiful and it was disappointing to not see Sukuna put this beautiful art into life.

Some people might wonder why you were so calm about the statement he had just given you, heck even his younger twin brother Itadori Yuji thought it was weird that it didn’t bother you as much as other girls would have been. The reason was that you were so used to him having female attention as well as male attention and it wasn’t a surprise when people would book an appointment with him just for a fling or hoping for something more than just that - and even though you were calm, there was also a hint of jealousy and fear within your heart that you couldn’t help.

It was like the first time you saw him in your second year of high school.

                                               ꕥ 

Stretching your arms, you had finally finished the last sheet of the budgets for the school clubs leading you to carefully clip the pile of sheets into the folder as you then stood up from your desk before quickly heading out of your homeroom, so you could give the documents to the student council president, who was a third-year within your school.

However, as you were walking past a few classrooms with some people greeting you with a smile, you came to a sudden halt when you saw a whole crowd of female and males students in front of you leading to a blockage of the halls and a blockage of the classroom you need to go through to hand the documents to your senior.

“Did you hear, I heard he was back?!”

“I can’t believe he’s back, I missed him so much!”

“I like Yuji’s kind and goofy personality, but how could you not love a bad boy like him?”

‘Bad boy?’

Carefully, you managed to find a gap between the sea of students and forcibly made yourself fit within the gap before badly struggling to make it through the arc of the classroom door leading you to nearly trip the second you got the chance to push through the gap to ender the class. Quickly looking around, you found your senior sitting next to someone who looked like your friend and basketball club member Itadori Yuji - well more like a mature replicant of the boy you were used to. However, unbothered by the sudden appearance of the new third-year, you speedily made your way to the council president and handed him the booklet that he needed today leading you to receive his gratitude.

Yet, before you could even take a single step away from your senior, you unexpectedly felt someone grab your wrist causing you to quickly turn around to find Itadori’s replica behind you leading to a few gasps coming from the students from the outside as well as in the homeroom.

“Is there an issue?” you firmly asked, as you looked down at his hand that had a tight grip on your wrist causing you to have a small glance at the two black bands that were tattooed around his wrist - even though it was prohibited to have any in your school, you weren’t the type to scold someone for having them since you weren’t sure on how the teacher’s thought it affected someone’s education.

“Have you ever thought about getting a tattoo?” the salmon-haired third-year curiously asked, as he began to admire your wrist by gently turning it for your veins to come into view before beginning to trace your skin with the tip of his thumb causing a light shiver to go down your spine due to the ticklish feeling as well as his deep voice which was the complete opposite to what you thought it was going to be.

‘So this is the infamous Sukuna everyone was talking about’

“Not really,” you answered as you looked at him causing his eyes to look back at you before you continued with “I don’t think it would suit me at all,”.

“I disagree,” Sukuna counteracted, as he went back to admire the blank canvas of your wrist that he wanted to draw on so badly. No not draw. Mark. “I think you’ll suit something, maybe something on your neck or collarbone at best actually,” Sukuna mentioned leading you to give him a confused expression before he then proceeded with his speech by saying, “I’ll convince you one day and mark you brat”,

‘What...did….he….just….call….me..?’

“Ah...good luck with that idiot,” you stated in an annoyed tone leading to a few of the admiring student to gasp at your wording as well as sudden confident as they were scared on what was going to happen to you now since Sukuna wasn’t the type to tolerate insults in a nice way no matter what gender you were. However, exceeding the audience’s assumptions, Sukuna began to smirk excitedly at your attitude as he suddenly found you more interesting than any other girl he has met at the back of the school.

“Be prepared, little kitten”

                                               ꕥ

‘That nickname….’

Back then Sukuna was known to be a playboy from what you could recall, every week there was news on the new girl he had managed to convince to meet at the back alley of the school while you were just being a model student with the dream of going to law school. However, during the middle of the school year, you began to realise that the common scandalous news that seemed to be popular enough for it to be on the front cover of the newspaper began to gradually fade as Sukuna slowly pushed himself into your life since you were close with his twin brother due to your friend being part of the basketball team as the assistant coach - she even mentioned that ever since Sukuna came into your life he had stopped his acts and change slightly because of you to which, of course, you denied at the time.

It was during the first term of your third-year that you agreed to give Sukuna a chance since he was constantly annoying you by popping up at the school gate after school to ‘walk you home’ ever since his graduation - when in reality it was to take you out somewhere - without fail even when you had to stay in a few hours. However, you had given him three conditions since you were still conscious of the consequences of dating someone with such a disgraceful built reputation - much to his dismay, he shockingly agreed.

If you are going to have a fling with someone behind my back, don’t think about seeing or talking to me again.

I know you are sexually active, but you have to wait until I’m ready.

Don’t tattoo me.

Let’s just say that Sukuna had managed to keep condition number one in check and you didn’t have to worry about it at all, while with condition number two he didn’t have to wait that long for you to give in to your desires which you could tell he certainly enjoyed when you finally gave him the ‘okay’.

Number three though...

“Do you want to try that design out?”

Breaking from your daze, you quickly turned your head to find your boyfriend staring at you - with the bento box practically empty at this point - while tilting his head to the paper that was still within your grasp.

“I think you giving me hickeys are enough in my opinion, babe” you jokingly mentioned leading to both you and Sukuna laughing at each other slightly.

“I mean, do you want me to draw it on you to see how it looks?” he then asked, causing you to look at the floral design one last time before giving him a hesitant nod.

‘Trying it out won’t hurt right?’

“I need a confident answer little kitten, where did that feisty attitude of yours back in high school go?” Sukuna teased, causing you to give him the side glance before giving him the verbal permission that he wanted, leading him to smirk at you since knew his mockery would get you to give him what he wanted since you were also the stubborn type - a side that he always loved to play with.

Grabbing his pen and a black pot full of his thin-tipped coloured skin markers, he wheels his chair even closer to your before pausing, leading you to look at him in confusion since you had already pulled your wrist in front of him, the same area he had grabbed back in high school.

“You’re wearing a lot of clothing today,” Sukuna muttered as he began to fiddle with the collar of your white silk dress shirt causing you to look at him with extreme confusion before mentioning, “well it is getting colder since the Autumn season is coming around,” leading him to hum in an understanding tone as he continued to play with the smooth fabric.

“I want to draw on your collarbone area, I don’t want to draw on the area where the client wanted it to be,” Sukuna stated as he lightly pushed away your wrist leading you to realise why he paused. “You can,” you quickly mentioned leading the tattoo artist to look at you to see if you were lying, only to see nothing but the light of the trust within your eyes.

Slowly, Sukuna began to reach over to the top button to then unhook it from its loop before continuously doing the same with the others until enough skin of your shoulders were exposed with the top half of your shirt resting on the side of your arms to which then he slowly moved away the right-hand side of your bra strap to fully expose the canvas that he wanted to mark so eagerly.

Admiring the skin that was in front of him, Sukuna began to trace the area with his thumb before leaning in to place a chaste kiss on the same side of your neck before cradling your face on the other side with his other hand - as if it was a way for him to say ‘thank you’ for letting him do this.

Regrettably pulling away, Sukuna quickly grabbed his black pen as he then leaned in towards your collarbone to start drawing the outline of his design on his now favourite canvas causing you to shiver somehow due to how ticklish and weird the sensation felt when the ballpoint pen continuously gently gilded upon your skin. However, what got you shaking the most was the constant feeling of your boyfriend’s breath being felt on your upper body now that your shirt was basically off - it wasn’t completely off to the same feeling when you were underneath him the first time you allowed him to make his claim on you.

“Baby, it feels ticklish,” you commented, the second you felt a different sensation upon your skin leading Sukuna to glance up to check if you were alright like you were an actual client before placing another kiss on your jawline in a way to comfort you since he had switched to his skin markers to colour in the design he had drawn on you.

“You’re being a good kitten though, you’re not moving a lot then I thought you would,” the tattoo artist whispered leading you to quiver as his deep voice was not helping so much with your beating heart - erratic to the point where you thought he could hear or even feel.

Due to Sukuna concentrating, you couldn’t help but keep silent to help him continue with his work causing you to glance around your room with your eyes before landing upon a wall where there was a multitude of messages written leading you to carefully scan the writings that were visibly presenting themselves.

As expected, there were messages of encouragement - not that the arrogant Sukuna needed it to be honest, but it was nice of the client to do so - and a few drawings from other tattoo artists that Sukuna had famously done. However, not to your surprise, there were a few numbers here and there causing you to sigh since you couldn’t help it - you couldn’t blame your boyfriend for being an extremely handsome man.

Unexpectedly, you felt another kiss being placed upon your cheek causing you to look towards your boyfriend with a smile on your face - it was as if he knew what you were looking at. “I’m finished by the way,” Sukuna announced, causing you to look at him with widened eyes since the drawing session was a little faster than you had anticipated.

Reaching over to a drawer in his desk, Sukuna suddenly pulled out a mirror before passing it to you, leading you to lift up the little instrument to see the result that was drawn on your skin.

“You changed the design,” you quietly stated, as you began to tenderly trace the design with your index finger as you began to admire the piece of art that was masterfully drawn on your collar bone. The tattoo beautifully depicted a single strand of a blooming lavender across your collarbone with each petal in different shades of purple while the buds that weren’t in bloom were in a slight pale pink shade making you smile more since Sukuna drew this straight from his head causing you to have a hint of proudness for him.

“I wasn’t going to give you that previous design, it doesn’t suit you one bit,” the salmon-haired artist mentioned as he continued with, “I’m not going to let that disgusting design touch your skin, especially since this is the first time you let me mark you somewhat,” as he then moved behind you before placing his chin on your shoulder to look at you through the mirror you were holding.

“I might let you mark me permanently then,” you suddenly announced causing your boyfriend to look at you with a surprised look on his face leading you to giggle at his reaction.

“Yeah, let’s break condition three then, you can mark me this one time,” you informed him as you turned to look at him, causing Sukuna to give you his classic smirk before possessively grabbing your chin leading him to lean closer to you.

“Let me mark you then”

© violettelueur 2021 : written and published by violettelueur - do not steal or repost

[itsamejin]

easy || jungkook angst/fluff

Summary: Date you, win a bet, get his rent paid off. Sounds promising enough, right? Jungkook should’ve known that his ambitions would end in disaster, but even if he did, that still wouldn’t have stopped him from pursuing you.

Warning: cursing, crude humor, fuckboy talk

Genre: college!au, fuckboy!au, bet!trope, angst, fluff

Pairing: Jungkook x female!reader

Premise: In which Jungkook accepts a bet from Taehyung to date the first girl that walks into the lecture hall and realizes that he bit off more than he could chew when starts to catch feelings. Now, he has to suffer the consequences of being an idiot.

Commission Request: @altus-gens​

Word Count: 9,203 words

—

It's not like Jungkook planned to be one of the most sought after person in Yonsei University, but it somehow turned out to be that way. Truthfully, he basks in it, loves that so many people idolize him for doing the bare minimum. He was handsome after all and had a level of charm that surpassed the need to have a good personality. 

He got into such a prestigious school through an athletic scholarship for Taekwondo, managed to convince his professors to pass him when he put in minimal effort, and there was no shortage of girls to call when he was feeling lonely for a night. He was the stereotypical 'it' boy on campus and maybe if he was a little bit smarter, he'd have a better choice of friends than the six idiots he always hangs around with.

"How about this," Taehyung starts, gum in his mouth, "the first girl who walks in, you have to successfully get in her pants."

Jungkook rolls his eyes. They were in a damn lecture hall and yet Taehyung had no shame bringing up sex. Typical.

“This again, bro?” Hoseok sighed. “Aren’t you sick of bribing us to do weird shit for you?”

Taehyung smirked.

“Not at all, actually.”

"For how much?" Namjoon cut in, probably curious for the price point Taehyung would arrange this time. He was fired from his job just a week ago and could really use the money. "I'll do it if it’s enough to pay for my rent this month."

Taehyung scoffs, although knowing full well he could pay for all of the boys’ tuitions combined if he wanted to. He was the resident rich bachelor on campus after all.

"I'll pay it for a full year and your utility bills too if you're really down," Taehyung flaunts. "You just gotta have proof you actually managed to do it."

"Dude that's gross," Seokjin chimes in, "No one wants to send you proof of us doing it with a random girl."

Taehyung shakes his head.

"No, no, no," he says, clicking his tongue. "I phrased it incorrectly. I’m not a fucking pervert."

“You got us fooled,” Jimin mutters. 

Taehyung leans in closer to the six boys and even Jungkook finds himself getting intrigued. Admittedly, he was a little curious considering he hasn't had a proper meal in weeks. He could really use having some extra cash for food without worrying about rent.

"You have to date the girl for like three months," Taehyung says seriously, "and I'll consider that as enough proof that you managed to actually do it since I know you guys are too horny to wait any longer than that to fuck."

They all look at Taehyung in disgust, Jimin even opting to hit him in the back of the head for being so vulgar. To be fair, they were all thinking of accepting Taehyung's bet regardless. It's not like they were new to leading girls on anyway.

"You gotta pay me more than that to fuck just any girl," Yoongi says, yawning in the process. He seemed the least likely to take up Taehyung's offer, but he was still game depending on the person.

"Then how would you feel," Taehyung starts, "if I told you guys that I could get you priority registration for next quarter."

The boys, even the ones who weren't interested, were now listening to Taehyung's every word.

"You mean," Hoseok gulps, "I could finally get that fucking Organic Chemistry class I need to get out of this hell hole?!"

Taehyung shrugs, an ominous smile on his face.

"Just the perk of having parents who have connections," Taehyung replies. “I’ll only accept one of you guys to do it though. I don’t wanna have you all fucking the same girl- that’d be weird.”

Hoseok rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, that’s what’s weird about this,” he grumbles.

“So are you guys in or not?” Taehyung asks, his patience growing thin.

He lays back on his chair, a smoldering look on his face when they all nod. They were desperate for money after all.

"The next girl that walks in will be the subject of this bet and whoever calls dibs on her first will be the one to woo her,” he says with a stretch of his arms. “Good luck boys.”

They all turned to look at the door and Jungkook watches silently as guy after guy walks into the lecture hall. No girl yet. 

Jungkook was hoping, from the bottom of his heart, that no familiar faces would walk in. If he had to deal with a past fling, he’d have to back out immediately. He never dealt with exes very well.

The guys are at the edge of their seats, praying for a cute girl to walk through that didn’t already know about their horrible reputation. They were looking for an easy target, someone that could fall for their charms almost immediately.

And then, you walk in. You were clad in sweats with earphones on, rushing toward the front row seats of the lecture hall. You were chatting with your friends, yawning several times throughout your conversation with them. Jungkook couldn’t help but smirk. There was nothing special about you to point out, in fact, you were just like everyone else. Strangely enough, he found that the most intriguing part about you.

"Nope, nope, nope," Jimin shakes his head repeatedly. "Can't, won't, never will. Sorry, Tae."

They all stare at him in confusion.

"What the fuck, what's wrong with her?" Yoongi asks, crossing his arms over his chest. Jimin faces away from you, not wanting to look at you any longer.

"No, nothing," there seems to be a blush forming on his face. He was hiding something.

“Bullshit,” Taehyung furrows his brows. “Bro, if she’s crazy and one of us gets our dick bitten off, we’re all blaming you, so spit it out.”

Jimin just sighs.

"She's been giving me Professor Kwon’s notes for the past few weeks,” he starts, much to the confusion of his friends. “Her name is [Y/N]. It'll be really mean if I go after her, especially since she and I are kind of friends. Plus, I really need to pass this class. I failed last quarter..."

The boys groan. Jimin was no fun.

"She's not my type so I don't think I could really get into it either," Seokjin states, no longer interested in the prize after Jimin’s confession. He’s been banking off of your notes from him too. 

"Aren’t we all old enough to know not to mess with people’s feelings?" Hoseok sighs.

They roll their eyes at Hoseok’s statement. Who was he trying to fool with the nice guy act? He probably fooled around with girls just as much as the other guys did.

"Yeah, I’m backing out," Yoongi agrees, "and she hates me so there's that."

They all look at him questioningly and he puts his hands up in the air from their gazes.

"What? I just realized who she’s talking to down there.”

He pointed at a girl discreetly, but no one seemed to recognize her.

“Her friend and I dated,” Yoongi continues, “and I broke up with her over text and blocked her without letting her respond. That whole friend group is pretty much pissed at me. I'd rather not have to deal with them again."

The guys look disapprovingly at him. Breaking up over text was harsh, but probably not the worst thing Yoongi has done to his exes.

"You're actually a piece of shit," Namjoon sighs. "I really do need my rent paid though..."

Jungkook nods in agreement. It's been almost impossible to balance Taekwondo practices, college papers, and working a part-time job all at once. If he could somehow find a way to quit his job for a while and get priority registration for classes, then he doesn't mind getting his hands a little dirty in the process. Plus, you were cute enough and he's sure you weren't too difficult to befriend as long as he doesn't mention Yoongi in any conversations.

"I'm in," Jungkook chides, finally saying something after such a long period of silence.

They all look at him with disbelief in their eyes. Jungkook was never the one to partake in Taehyung's bets. In fact, he was the one usually ridiculing them for participating. He must have been really desperate if he was willing to do it.

"I mean, it's all yours if you want," Namjoon replies, "I don't wanna turn it into a competition.”

“Don’t worry dude,” Jungkook fist bumps Namjoon, “I’ll quit my job and refer you for it.”

They nod at each other as if they were on the same wavelength. 

“I knew I could rely on you,” Namjoon says, faking tears from his eyes. The boys groan in response.

“Alright,” Taehyung claps his hands. “In exchange for providing me some mindless entertainment and going out with [Y/N], you will get your rent paid for the rest of the year and get early registration for next quarter. Sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me.”

Jimin shakes his head.

“I don’t know about this, guys...”

Jungkook doesn’t hear him and instead takes one last look at you. You catch him in the corner of your eye and you can’t help but feel flustered at his serious expression. 

“Should be easy enough,” he mutters to himself and turns his gaze back onto his friend.

“So we have a deal?” Taehyung asks.

He smirks, shaking the outreached hand Taehyung held out for him. He steals another glance at you and he finds you staring right back. He gives you a wink.

“Deal.”

—

Jungkook slid into the seat next to yours in the campus canteen, his eyes filled with determination. His posture was laid-back, but it was a little too obvious that he was trying to act like he didn’t care.

“Hi,” he greets you in a breathy tone- girls loved it when he spoke with his breathy tone.

“Hi?”

You’d been sensing that someone was staring at you during the lecture, but you thought that was just the paranoia that came from being near such an intimidating group of guys. Turns out, you should always trust your instincts.

Jungkook had a boyish grin on his face that made you want to smile back but also stare at him in disgust.

“I heard you help Jimin with Professor Kwon’s notes,” he whispers mischievously. “I’m struggling myself, actually...”

Not really, but you know. This was the easiest tactic to approach you- tackle your similarities. You nod understandingly at his words, not quite getting that he was flirting with you.

“Yeah I can send you the Google Drive folder,” you comply, taking your phone out. “But you can’t let Professor Kwon know or else he’ll flip out. He doesn’t want people to have the notes for some odd reason...”

You trail off but Jungkook just scoffs. You seemed clueless.

“That’s not what I necessarily meant,” he says, a little shy this time. “I need a tutor.”

You furrow your brows at him.

“Yeah, you’re gonna have to pay me for that,” you say seriously. The last time you offered to tutor someone for free, they ended up blaming you for their failing grade and screaming about it all over social media. You needed money to compensate for that emotional trauma. “Microeconomics is hard to teach.”

“Well thankfully I’m a good student,” Jungkook teases. You stare at him with a deadpan face.

“You wouldn’t need my help if you were a good student,” you say blankly, standing up from your seat. “My hourly rate is 20,000 Won. Take it or leave it.”

Jungkook’s eye twitched. He had to spend his money to get Taehyung’s money? Well, the payout would be worth it in the end anyway. He reaches out a hand to you.

“If you’d have me,” he says cheekily, looking up at you. You take his hand in yours and maybe for a second you felt your heart skip a beat, but that was soon over when you let go of him.

“You have sweaty hands,” you say straightforwardly. You wipe your hand on your shirt and he coughs awkwardly at how unresponsive you truly were. Didn’t Jimin say you were a nice person? 

You take your barely-touched lunch tray and walk away from his pensive figure.

“Wait, can I get your number?” he yells. You don’t look back.

“Alright, whatever,” he mumbles to himself. “I’ll just ask Jimin, I guess.”

Without even a second glance, you disappear from his sight. He sits back on his chair, heaving out a deep sigh. Sure, this wasn’t the first girl that didn’t care much for his advances, but you didn’t even crack a smile or anything. This is going to be harder than he thought...

—

“She hates me,” Jungkook whines to Seokjin as they walked down the university halls to their next shared class. “Yesterday, I went up to her to get her number and I left with a fucking debt. Does that make any sense?”

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t have taken on the bet,” Seokjin yawned. “Namjoon would have wooed her with his poetry by now or some shit.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, I’m sure she’s interested in a dude who can’t even put on a hat without causing an earthquake.”

Seokjin smacked him on the back.

“At least he’d have the guts to say no to having a fucking tutor,” Seokjin replies. “You dug your own grave, man. Now roll around in it.”

“Do you want me to succeed or not?” 

“I want you to not be a fucking dumbass, Jungkook,” Seokjin sighs. “Do you really wanna make your reputation worse than it already is?”

Just as Jungkook was about to reply, he catches a glimpse of you walking farther ahead in the university courtyard. You were a bit far but he’s sure he could make it if he hurries. He smacks the binder he held in his right hand onto Seokjin’s chest.

“Yo, can you cover for me,” he asks hastily and Seokjin stares at him with a concerned gaze. He watches as Jungkook takes off his backpack and leaves it on the ground. Jungkook looked about ready to break out in a sprint.

“What the fuck, why?” Seokjin questions.

“Just tell the TA I’m out for a bit,” he says in response, already running ahead to catch up to you. “I’m winning this fucking bet or I’ll die trying.”

Jin stands still, mouth agape. Jungkook really left him with his backpack and binder just to talk to you. He shakes his head. ‘I need to make new friends,’ he thought to himself, picking up the discarded backpack and walking in the direction of the class Jungkook was planning to be late to.

You were walking with your earphones on, not noticing someone sprinting at you in record speed. You only turn your music off when Jungkook stops in front of you, his hands on his knees. He was panting heavily.

“Hey,” he says through deep breaths. You nod at him awkwardly.

“Why are you running?”

“I wanted to... catch up to you... and I thought... you were closer... but the run here... took... fucking... forever,” he says breathlessly. “Water. I need water.”

You take out a bottle from your tote bag hastily, handing it to him. He took it into his hands, grazing your fingers a bit. As he was about to start chugging it, you halted him.

“Waterfall,” you say curtly- you were still planning to drink out of it later after all. 

He nods in response, a drop of sweat cascading the side of his neck. After he was done, there was practically no water left anyway. ‘I’m gonna have to refill it myself,’ you thought begrudgingly. You stuff it back into your bag and wait until his breaths become more even.

“A bit out of shape, huh?”

He scoffs and gives you a glare, clearly offended.

“I actually have a Taekwondo scholarship, you know that? I just wasn’t warmed up and I’m naturally sweaty so it’s not like-”

You laugh a little.

“I’m joking,” you say, a smile adorning your face. He feels his face turn red and he can’t help but purse his lips out of embarrassment. Jeon Jungkook couldn’t take a fucking joke.

“O-oh,” he says shyly, avoiding your gaze. Why was he acting more like an idiot than usual? You hear the chiming bells of the university tower and stare at your phone to check the time.

“Don’t you have a class?” you ask him. His eyes widen and soon he was dashing off again. He turns around mid-run, jogging backward to face you.

“My number is 06-1313-9197,” he yells, loud enough for the other late students in the courtyard to hear. Most of them roll their eyes, knowing that Jungkook was flirting with another girl yet again. You’re embarrassed by the amount of attention he’s getting, but punch his number on your phone anyway.

“Text me,” he shouts. “I’ll always respond to you.”

Now it was your turn to be flustered.

—

"That’s wrong,” you say, reaching over to Jungkook’s notebook and marking a large ‘X’ on his paper. “You’re not supposed to apply that function for this problem...”

Jungkook stared at you with a tired face. He didn’t think he was too bad at the mathematical aspect of Microeconomics, but it seemed like it was your life’s mission to make him look like an idiot. Of course, you caught every mistake that he made- even the ones he made on purpose just to see if you were really paying attention to his work and not bamboozling him.

“My bad,” he mutters, copying down the same problem on a different sheet of paper. He didn’t even get a chance to make a move on you today- not like he could make any big developments in the campus library anyway.

“Is it like this?” he asks, tilting his notebook to face you. You take a hard look at it and nod.

“Yeah, just make sure you know the difference between these two formulas, or else you’ll mess up on the midterm,” you say thoughtfully.

This was your fourth or fifth tutoring session by now? Truth be told he wasn’t really counting. Each moment he spent with you kind of blended together and he didn’t quite know if that was a bad thing or not.

“You know you’re not even struggling,” you say, your nose buried deep in your textbook. “It’s not like you’re completely clueless like Jimin. It seems like you’re wasting money on stuff you already know.”

Jungkook laughs heartily, getting shushed by the people around him. He really was stupid, wasn’t he?

“Yeah, well, it was just an excuse to hang out with the pretty girl in class, you know?” he says as nonchalantly as he could. You stare at him for a second and he swears he feels his body freeze over. If looks could kill...

You just shook your head with a click of your tongue and got back to reading.

“The pretty girl in class is most definitely not me,” you grumble. “If you wanted, I could’ve given you Soobin’s number without all the added hassle of you trying to come talk to me-”

“Woah, woah, woah,” Jungkook stops you from saying anything else. He looked worriedly at your face. “I don’t even know who the hell Soobin is, why would I want her number?”

You look at him and finally, you chuckle. ‘She really does have a nice smile,’ Jungkook thought to himself. It would be nice if he could make you laugh more often and not just on rare occasions like this.

“You’re saying you don’t know Yoongi’s ex?” you tease slightly. You were finally letting your guard down with him and Jungkook smirked. One wall down, another million more to go.

“Bold of you to assume that I know any of Yoongi’s exes,” he says and you scoff. “He’s an asshole when it comes to dating.”

You roll your eyes.

“Isn’t that your whole friend group?”

He pouts. You knew of his reputation after all. Jungkook thought he could get away playing a nice boy act, but it didn't seem possible considering your knowledge of him. A little white lie couldn’t hurt in the end.

“Not me,” he replies. “I choose my relationships pretty carefully.”

You take a glance at him before jotting down a few more words in your notebook.

“Well,” you start off, a little shy to admit what you were about to say, “I guess we both have that in common.”

He tilts his head rather cutely out of confusion.

“What do you mean?”

You cough awkwardly, adjusting yourself on one of the library’s notoriously squeaky seats.

“I’ve never really had a boyfriend before,” you say quietly. His eyes bulge out from their sockets.

“You’re lying.”

“No, I’m not,” you say, a hint of amusement in your voice.

“Like, you’ve never been on a date or what?”

“I have,” you say hesitantly. “I’ve been on a few but they just never led into anything serious. I was pretty focused on studying in high school so there weren’t really any opportunities to get involved with someone. Plus, the guys who pursued me weren’t very... attractive.”

Jungkook laughs loudly again, much to the dismay of the other students in the library. He liked that you didn’t beat around the bush- it was easier to talk to you that way.

“And me?” he asks teasingly, laying his head on his arm that was atop the desk. He looks up at you with that boyish grin of his that gave you small butterflies in your stomach. You stare back at him, but only for a second. You ignore his watchful gaze and continue to flip through your textbook, trying to find the passage you last read. He keeps his eyes locked on you and you just couldn’t resist.

“What about you?” you ask, feigning ignorance.

“Am I attractive?” he replies as bluntly as he could. You stop your movements and he chuckles.

“You’re... cute,” you settle on that word. Cute. It was safe enough to not be misinterpreted too much. He sits up straight with a satisfied smirk. He takes his pen and draws a heart on the side of your notebook. He winks at you when you stare back at him, puzzled by his actions.

“You are too.”

—

“Tell me you’re lying,” Soobin whines disappointingly, shaking your shoulders. You were trying to eat lunch undisturbed in one of the campus cafes but your two friends seem hell-bent on making you suffer. “There’s no way you’re friends with Jungkook.”

You sigh, attempting to rid yourself of Soobin’s grasp but to no avail.

“He’s an asshole, [Y/N],” Gaeun sighs disappointingly. “I thought you were a feminist, why the fuck do you even tolerate him?”

You glare at her for a split second before going back to prying Soobin off you.

“Jungkook has no respect for women or himself. It shows in how many shitty friends he has,” Soobin chants, still clearly bitter that Yoongi dumped her.

You shake your head, rolling your shoulders back when she finally lets go of you.

“Jungkook’s not even as bad as you guys describe him,” you reply. “He’s actually been really sweet.”

The girls take a glance at each other and burst in a fit of laughter.

“You must be out of your damn mind,” Gaeun cries. You cower slightly at their words. It’s not like you said anything that controversial, did you?

Soobin slaps Gaeun on the shoulder when she realizes how your face had soured. It wasn’t right to judge you for your choice of friends so harshly, no matter how horrid said person was.

“As long as it doesn’t go past friends,” she says soothingly, but that only made you feel worse.

“Why?” you ask a little hesitantly. “Does Jungkook sleep around?”

Gaeun nods, a worrying glimpse in her eyes.

“He's not exactly the type to kiss and stay...”

You nod understandingly. You weren’t too clueless to believe Jungkook when he said he was “careful” on who he dated. As long as you knew the boundaries that came with being his tutor, everything should be fine... right?

“Don’t worry guys,” you say with determination. “I’m not the type to get played-”

“Of course you are!” Gaeun sighed. “Guys gravitate towards girls like you who lack experience. Jungkook’s a fucking weirdo, of course, he’s gonna try and-”

“[Y/N]!” a shout from across the cafe screams. That distracted you from the various insults Gaeun was spewing from her mouth. You get that she was being critical of Jungkook, but did she have to speak ill of you too?

You look around and catch Jungkook waving frantically at you. He stops at your table and takes a mere glance at your friends before setting his focus on you. 

“Do you have time to help me out today? One of the papers for my writing class-”

“You tutor him in writing now, too?!” Soobin exclaimed, mouth agape. “[Y/N], what the fuck.”

You try to ignore your friend’s overreaction, a little disheartened when Jungkook looked hurt at their words. He had started to shy away from them as if he didn’t feel welcomed.

“Nevermind, I’ll just ask you later-”

“Actually,” you say standing up. “I’m free now.”

The two girls look back and forth between you and Jungkook, noticing the stars in your eyes when you looked at him. They did not like the thought of you two together at all.

“But [Y/N]-” 

You ignored their words and start to walk away, hoping Jungkook would come catch up to you. You didn’t quite know why their insistence on him being a bad person had made your blood boil. It wasn’t like you weren’t aware of his flirtatious tendencies, but hearing from your friends that you shouldn’t pursue a guy that you liked-

You stopped in your tracks and feel heat climb up your face. Like.

No way you admitted that just now. There’s no possible way you actually like-

“Hey, wait up,” Jungkook pants, his hand touching your shoulder. “Why do you walk so fast for-”

He sees your shocked face and turns you towards him, his hands on your shoulder similar to how Soobin had shaken you just earlier. Except this time, it felt comforting. It made your whole body feel warm as if you were coated with a weighted blanket. Was he always this gorgeous?

“What’s wrong?” he asks, inspecting your face closely. “You look like you just saw a ghost.”

“N-nothing,” you swipe his hands away and rush out the door of the cafe. He smirks at how flustered you look, maybe he did have an effect on you after all.

Jungkook takes a last glimpse at the two girls who sat in their seats, staring at him disapprovingly. He raised an eyebrow at them and shoved his hands in the pocket of his jeans, following after you. ‘They’ll try to get in the way,’ Jungkook thought to himself, ‘but they’re already too late.’

The girls clenched their fist out of annoyance. He was definitely trying to get on their nerves.

“There’s something strange about what’s happening,” Gaeun mutters.

“They’re up to something,” Soobin agrees. “I don’t trust him at all.”

—

It’s been a week since you last spoke to your friends, not really wanting to read the messages they bombarded you with about how you should stay for away from Jungkook. It was hard to take any of their advice seriously when they were just badmouthing him without reason. They based all their opinions on him from rumors around the school and Soobin always felt the need to compare him to Yoongi even though they both had very different personalities. Well, at least to you they seemed very different.

Frankly, you were sick of their nagging and just turned off notifications from that group chat altogether. Instead of sitting next to them during Microeconomics, you opted to sit with Jungkook in the back of the lecture hall instead of at the front with them. Jungkook had abandoned his own rowdy friend group to sit with you and flashed them quick smirks and winks whenever they’d stare at him. 

Slowly, Jungkook had started to become a constant in your day to day life. You walked to class with him, ate with him, played video games with him. It was sort of strange how used to you were of his presence, like you had known him your whole life. Jungkook snaps you out of your thoughts when he starts humming a little tune.

He draws a heart in the corner of your notes- which you find he has a habit of doing whenever he wanted to say something stupid.

“I don’t get what he’s saying,” he pouts cutely. “It’s like he’s speaking a foreign language.”

You shake your head, not paying him any mind.

“Well maybe if you actually paid attention,” you mutter softly. He scoots closer to you and you feel yourself stiffen.

“But you’re tutoring me later on anyway,” he says teasingly. “I get more bang for my buck if I know less.”

“Bang for my buck,” you scoff. “Who even says that anymore?”

He points at himself nonchalantly and you can’t help but crack a smile as you continue to focus on the professor’s words. You don’t even cower under his gaze like you usually do when he stares at you with those puppy dog eyes.

“What do you want?” you ask, finally caving when Professor Kwon adjusted something in his PowerPoint slides. He smiles.

“I want to hold your hand,” Jungkook replies and you could feel your palms clam up. His flirtatious comments increased as time passed and you didn’t really quite know whether he was just teasing you or if he was genuinely interested in you. You weren’t very good at taking a hint.

“I’m writing right now...” you reply, slightly skipping a beat in your note-taking. He really was the ultimate distraction, wasn’t he?

Jungkook pouts sadly, but you can tell an idea pops up in his mind when his eyes start to glimmer. He sits his hand on your thigh and you jolt back from the touch of his hand on the material of your jeans. He pulls away slightly, scared that he had made you uncomfortable.

“I just want to put my arm around you,” he asks innocently. “Are you okay with that?”

You calm yourself down and nod. For goodness sake, you weren’t a child- why did a hand on your thigh make you so nervous for?!

“Yeah,” you say, a little more confident despite your nerves. “Go ahead.”

He smiles softly at you and connects his hand to your waist, pulling you a little closer to him. It was comforting, not at all meant to be more than just a public display of affection. He finds himself getting lost in the lecture along with you, his hand playing with a loose thread on your shirt through it all. He didn’t even look at his friends who were teasing him on the other side of the class or your own friends shooting daggers into his being.

At that moment, it was you, him, and Professor Kwon giving out a lecture that had half of the students already asleep. He smiled at how diligently you worked and how your breath would quicken when Professor Kwon switched the slides without a warning. It was the little idiosyncrasies like this that caught his attention, the kind of things that made him wonder where you’d been all his life.

The smile on Jungkook’s face disappeared when he came to that realization.

Fuck.

—

Jungkook rolls around the grass while you sit on the picnic blanket you two had set up. Midterms were over and grades would soon be announced. He wanted a much-needed distraction from the monotony of constant studying and you had suggested a small picnic in a nearby park. Of course, he agreed. 

“We’re free,” he groans. “Finally free.”

Jungkook stares hungrily at the assortment of food you had laid out for the two of you. He tries to reach a hand out to grab a bottle of lemonade but ultimately fails in the end. You giggle at his silliness, popping a grape in your mouth.

“You’re welcome by the way,” you say jokingly. “Don’t think you could’ve done it without me.”

He sits up to face you, bowing deeply as if you were a traditional empress.

“Thank you,” he says, imitating a Joseon accent. He was watching far too many historical dramas recently.

“You’re embarrassing me,” you say, attempting to straighten him out. “Sit up.”

He complies, only after a few pulls from you, with a toothy grin on his face.

“Seriously, I don’t think I could have gone through the first few weeks of Professor Kwon’s class without your notes,” he sighs, opening his mouth to signal that he wanted to be fed. You roll your eyes but placed a grape between his teeth anyway.

“You have hands, you should know how to use them,” you mumble shyly.

You move to take another grape for yourself, but he grabs your wrist before you could. He intertwines his fingers into yours.

“Why should I when my hands are holding yours~,” he says in a sing-song voice. It made you want to throw up at how cheesy he was, but you couldn’t help but laugh along as he cringed at his own words. When was it so normal for him to hold your hands like this?

“You can’t go one sentence without flirting, can you?” you sigh, feigning annoyance.

“Not when it comes to you,” he replies, but you could feel sincerity laced between his laughter. “I can’t resist flirting when it makes you all giggly like this.”

You purse your lips to prevent yourself from smiling too brightly. Jungkook and you were somewhat past the point of being just friends by now, but you were too much of a coward to label what you had with him. What if there was a chance that he was just leading you on?

Jungkook saw your furrowed brows. He rubbed circles on your hands with his thumbs to ease you.

“Am I making you uncomfortable?” he asks softly, about to let go.

“No-” you say a little too quickly, clasping him closer to you. Your faces were inches apart now, much nearer than they were before.

“D-don’t,” you attempt to say but you’re tongue tangled as you looked at his lips. He certainly does have nice lips...

“Don’t what?” he asks in a lowly voice. You start to look around you- anywhere that wasn’t him. The park was relatively empty but it still felt embarrassing to say anything too loud.

“D-don’t let me go,” you say, your eyes on the picnic blanket rather than on him. His gaze was too intense to look at. Jungkook feels his heart clench. You were cute, too cute. 

He shouldn’t be feeling this attached to you, but he couldn’t help it. Everything you did, every word that came out of your mouth- it had him wanting more from you than he could possibly handle. It was dangerous to feel this way.

“Why don’t you want me to let you go?” he asks nervously. He too was anxious for the answer. If you were to confess to Jungkook right now, he’d get the first part of the bet done, but there’d be no turning back after your confession. He would have to lie to you from now on. 

Jungkook closed his eyes, chanting to himself that it’s okay to like you for a little while, just as long as he doesn’t get too attached in the end. He needed the money, he really did.

“Because,” you start off with a sigh, staring at him now with glossy eyes. “I like you.”

Jungkook feels like he could do ten backflips in one go and it wouldn’t even drain him of energy. The smile on his face was huge, his eyes curling into that half-moon shape that made you swoon. 

Jungkook was relieved and if the boys asked, it was because he’d only have to date you for three months. He’d die before he’d admit to them that he caught feelings because Taehyung, as generous as he was with his bets, would never give Jungkook the money unless he cleanly broke up with you. It was one of his unspoken rules.

“I like you too.”

You smile at him and he can’t help but pull you close, his lips hovering over yours.

“Can I?”

You nod.

His lips graze yours slightly but he pushes a bit closer when he feels you lean into his touch. He kisses you again, and again, and again, but you pull away when his tongue had started to prod at your lips. Your face was flushed,  embarrassed to be doing this in such a public place.

“Maybe later?” you say, panting slightly. He gives you a cheeky grin and nods.

“At my place?” he asks with a wink.

You hesitate, letting go of his arms, twiddling with your fingers. You wanted to set clear labels on what your relationship was. You didn't want to accidentally get caught up in a friends-with-benefits situation and be all shocked when Jungkook ends up breaking your heart.

“So we’re dating now, right?” you ask cautiously, looking at him with a worried glint in your eyes. 

Jungkook’s mouth opens to speak but no words come out. He thinks a little harder about the whole situation... He was getting good grades, spending some quality time with a girl he’s clearly attracted to, and having his rent paid off all in one? He was killing three birds with one stone. It shouldn’t be too big of a problem to catch feelings for now, right? It’s not like any of his relationships lasted longer than a couple of months anyway.

He nods, cupping your face lightly.

“Yeah,” he hesitates. “We’re dating.”

Jungkook wasn’t aware, as he gives you another light peck, that it wasn’t possible to have his cake and eat it too.

—

It happens naturally. You coming in and out of his apartment that he shared with his friends, you tangling your legs with his underneath the sheets of his bed. It was hard to imagine a life where you didn’t wake up with him by your side. You were so wrapped up in his touch, so wrapped up in the sweet words he would whisper into your ears, that you spent most of your time with him. 

You weren’t really up to date with your friends anymore and he didn’t really hang out with his either. Jungkook shared an apartment with Seokjin and Hoseok, and so the only contact he had with the other boys was when they visited those two. He should’ve known to take you back home when all the boys bombarded into his living room, where you sat with him watching TV. 

“The lovebirds are at it again,” Taehyung coos, a mysterious glint in his eyes. “The honeymoon stage hasn’t passed quite yet, has it?”

Jungkook chucks one of the sofa’s throw pillows at his friend, obviously annoyed. What the fuck did Taehyung think he was doing?

“Quit it,” he mutters. You were sitting next to Jungkook, his arm around your shoulder protectively

“Why?” Yoongi yawns. “Anyone can see how incredibly in love you two are.”

You didn’t quite like the smirk he gave the two of you. This didn’t feel like regular teasing... it felt like he knew something that you weren't aware of. It made you curl your toes out of fear.

“Guys,” Jimin says calmly. “Stop it.”

The boys shrug their shoulders as if they said nothing wrong.

“We’re just pointing out how cute they are together,” Taehyung noted, “It’s not like we’re lying to her or anything-”

“Yeah, or leading her on or anything like that-”

“I think I should go,” you say hurriedly, uncomfortable at how tense the atmosphere was. Jungkook was clenching his fists, about ready to start a fight any second. Knowing his strength, you didn’t want anyone to walk around with a bruised eye because you couldn’t handle a few jokes- if that’s what Taehyung and Yoongi think they’re making. Harmless jokes.

“I’ll take you home,” Jungkook announces, standing up with you. Namjoon pulls him down back on the couch.

“Let someone else take her,” he says sternly. “We need to talk.”

Jungkook was about to protest until you spoke up.

“I can get home by myself just fine.”

“Hoseok and I can take you,” Seokjin insists, pulling the unassuming man up with him. “We don’t mind.”

Hoseok gives you a lopsided smile and you return an equally awkward one.

“Okay, that’s settled,” you say, clapping your hands. You walk over to Jungkook. “I’ll text you later okay?”

He nods, grabbing your hand and kissing it lightly. Yoongi scoffs and Taehyung glares at Jungkook. The dirty glances they were giving each other... You didn’t like it at all.

“Let me know when you get home, okay?”

“Okay.”

—

The walk to your apartment was unnecessarily awkward, Hoseok and Seokjin were talking too much and you talked too little. You tried to respond to their every quip, but you weren’t in the mood for chatting after that whole mess.

“You okay, [Y/N]?” Hoseok asks worriedly. “Don’t think too much about what those idiots said back there, they’re like that all the time.”

You nod, keeping your eyes on the ground. There was something chipping away at the back of your mind, something you wanted to get out of your chest.

“Would you say Jungkook and Yoongi act similarly?” you hesitate to say, “like with relationships?”

The two boys exchanged nervous glances at each other.

“Well, it depends,” Seokjin starts, choosing his words specifically. “What about relationships specifically?”

“Does he...,” you start off, not knowing the right phrase without sounding too harsh, “play around with girls? Like how Yoongi played around with Soobin?”

Hoseok looked at you with a raised brow.

“Who’s Soobin?” he asks before getting punched in the arm by Seokjin. “What the fuck bro!”

Seokjin clears his throat.

“What Hoseok meant to say,” he starts, glaring at his friend a little too harshly, “is that Yoongi never really introduces us to his girlfriends. You, on the other hand, are one of the few girls Jungkook actually took the time to invite over.”

“Yeah,” Hoseok chimes in. “He’s not exactly the most chivalrous, but he wouldn’t ghost someone like Yoongi did.”

Somehow their words weren’t enough to satisfy you. There was still something off in the conversation that transpired between the three boys- as if they were all keeping something from you. You stopped abruptly in front of your apartment complex, finally making eye-contact with the two boys.

“Do you think...” you start, a slight quiver in your voice, “that Jungkook is cheating on me?”

The two boys let out a deep breath that you didn’t even notice they were holding and laughed joyously together. They cackled as if what you said was the funniest thing they had ever heard in their life. Seokjin wipes a stray tear from his eye.

“Y-you think Jungkook’s cheating on you?!”

You nod, a little embarrassed at their reaction. Hoseok shakes his head, sighing out of his laughter.

“Trust me,” Hoseok starts, his breath evening out. “Jungkook would never cheat on you.”

You start to giggle along with them until a serious look suddenly takes over Seokjin’s features. He faces you fully.

“But listen [Y/N],” he starts. “If Jungkook hurts you, just know that he does love you. Like, undeniably. He does.”

“And we’re not just saying that as his friends either,” Hoseok continues. “We know how he’s like and we can tell that he really does like you.”

You smile at the two, feeling a small sense of comfort at their words.

“Thank you, guys. I mean it.”

They pat you on the back.

“Anything for Jungkook’s girlfriend.”

—

You walk through the campus cafeteria, eyes searching for a free table that you can sit alone in. Jungkook had Taekwondo practice so there would be no lovey-dovey feeding time with him. 

He’s been a lot tenser since the living room incident (which was already a week ago) and it seemed like he got more agitated as the days passed. Not towards you directly, but he’d always mutter slight insults whenever Yoongi or Taehyung passed by. It made you worried that you had done something to possibly drive a wrench into their relationship without even knowing it.

‘Whatever,’ you thought, ‘I’ll talk about it with him when he comes over later.’

You aren’t able to find a seat, though, when you feel dainty fingers wrap around  your elbow to pull you back lightly.

“[Y/N],” Gaeun says in a low voice. “We need to talk.”

It wasn’t like you had been ignoring them deliberately, though that was definitely the case at the start. You just couldn’t find the time to really hang out with them as much as you used to since you were with Jungkook most of the time. It was like that too when Gaeun and Soobin were in relationships, so you never really felt bad about doing it yourself.

“Yeah sure. I miss you guys,” you smile at her, but she doesn’t return it back.

“Come with me.”

Gaeun leads you to a table near the back of the room, where Soobin was sat up against the wall with her own tray of food. You sit down in front of her and Gaeun takes the seat next to Soobin.

“Good, you’re here,” Soobin says, apprehension laced in her voice. “We need to talk about Jungkook.”

You roll your eyes.

“Not this again-”

“[Y/N],” Gaeun warns. “Listen.”

You keep quiet, a little intimidated of how scary their expressions were.

“It’s all a bet,” Soobin says sternly.

You furrow your brows at her. She tends to speak vaguely when you needed her to be specific the most.

“What?”

“It’s a bet, [Y/N],” Gaeun repeats for her. “Jungkook’s only dating you because Taehyung said he’d pay his rent off if he did.”

You clench your fist on the table. How could they sit there and spew lies so easily?

“What are you guys-”

“Those dicks do this all the time,” Soobin rambles. “They play stupid games with girls just to fucking break their hearts later on and-”

“I don’t believe you,” you say confidently. “Jungkook would never do that to me. Besides-”

Gaeun didn’t even wait until you stopped talking to play a recording on her phone. The voices were familiar enough to recognize.

“So you’re telling me that Jungkook’s just fucking around with [Y/N] because he wants priority registration? You have to be fucking joking...”

You could tell from the sound of the person’s voice that it was Soobin. It sounded like she was putting on her clothes.

“Of course not. He’s doing it for priority registration and his rent getting paid for the rest of the year. I’m not joking when I say Tae goes big with his bets. He likes to flex his money on us like that.”

Your jaw drops at the sound of the man’s voice. It was Yoongi. You were sure of it.

“And you guys don’t feel bad? Like at all?”

“Why should we? Jungkook’s planning to break up with her next week anyway so she doesn’t catch feelings for too long. It’s not like they were gonna last past the three-month deal...”

Gaeun paused the recording when she sees you bite your lip so harshly that blood starts to surface. This didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel real.

“I hooked up with him last weekend,” Soobin admits, shame written all over her face. “He was spewing stuff about Jungkook spending all his time with you and not really hanging out with the boys like he used to.”

“You still hook up with Yoongi? After all he did to you?” you ask, not meaning to come off aggressive but undoubtedly did.

“Look,” Gauen starts, taking the heat off of Soobin. “She was just drunk and looking to have fun. I was with her that night and I was talking to Namjoon. He...”

Gaeun trailed off, but you were sick of it. Sick of being kept in the dark from something you should’ve known all along.

“What?”

“H-he told me that all the boys were getting tired of him playing around with you,” she says, twiddling with her fingers. “He’s supposed to break up with you today. Some of the guys think he’s just prolonging it to fuck with you and they’re getting really annoyed-”

You bite back the tears threatening to spill over any minute now.

“Hoseok and Seokjin told me to trust Jungkook. They said he wouldn’t hurt me-”

“Did they also tell you that their rent gets paid too if Jungkook pulled through with the bet?” Soobin replies angrily. “Because they live together, don’t they?”

You open your mouth but no sound comes out- just a small whimper. Your lips start to quiver and you bite your lip again to calm yourself down. When you had collected your thoughts, you glared up at the two girls.

“And you didn’t tell me this earlier?”

Soobin scoffed.

“You were fucking ignoring us too, how were we supposed to tell you?”

“Still it wouldn’t have killed you to-”

“Don’t take your anger out on us,” Gaeun warns, her finger pointing at you. “Jungkook is the one to blame. We told you from the start that he was bad news.”

You pursed your lips and Gaeun put her finger down, feeling guilty that she lashed out on you when obviously you were just processing the information.

“Hey, I’m sorry-”

“Why me?” you ask with teary eyes. “What did I even do to them to deserve this?” 

They glance over at each other for a long while before Soobin breaks the silence. You had the right to know, but at the same time, they knew it would break you.

“It’s a sick game that they play where they just choose someone randomly...” Soobin starts off gently handing off the next few words to Gaeun, “and you were just the first girl to walk into Professor Kwon’s lecture hall. He thought you’d be...”

“Easy,” Soobin finished.

Just as they predicted, you had burst out in tears.

—

Jungkook opens the door to your apartment, using the spare key you had given him a month earlier since he tended to visit often. It was more convenient that way. 

He was freshly out of his Taekwondo garb, still sweaty, but otherwise clean from taking a shower at the campus gym. He found it strange at how dark the room was, but he knew you were on the couch from the noticeable lump of a blanket on it.

All Jungkook wanted was to cuddle with you and fall asleep in your arms after such a harrowing day. Lord knows he needs your warmth right now.

He smiled as he made his way towards you, but stops in his tracks when you sit up from where you laid. He couldn’t quite see you in the darkness so he walked to the light switch to turn the lights on. His heart broke at the sight of you.

Tears stained your cheeks, your eyes red and puffy from all the crying. You looked a mess and his blood boiled at the thought of someone hurting you. 

“What happened?” he asked, rushing over to you and cupping your face in his hands. You push him away.

“You don’t have to act anymore,” you say softly. “I can handle it.”

He looks at you with furrowed brows.

“What are you talking about-”

“I get that you really need the money,” you say through bated breaths, “I get that financially, it would have really helped, but did you really have to hurt me to do that?”

Jungkook’s breathing stopped. Everything was happening too quickly, his world crashing down when you uttered those words. He knew what this meant, knew that now you would see past his lies. Jungkook couldn’t have you finding out this way. 

He kneeled in front of you, attempting to wipe away the tears from your eyes but you push him off.

“[Y/N] no-”

“It could’ve been anyone,” you whimper, trying to look up at the ceiling to prevent any more tears from falling down. “Anyone could’ve walked through that door and you would’ve been okay with it.”

“That’s not true-” he interjects but you stop him.

“A-and you flirted with me all the time ‘cause you knew that I wasn’t used to it,” you say, your voice quivering. “You took advantage of me.”

Jungkook shakes his head rapidly, eyes pleading for you to let him speak. It hurt seeing you refuse to even look at him, to have your eyes so filled with sadness because of what he did to you. He fucked up, he fucked up so bad.

“No, you have to listen-”

“They told me not to trust you,” you whimper somberly. “They told me and I didn’t believe them because I... I was delusional or something. I thought that someone like you could actually like someone like me-”

His heart broke. It wasn’t you that didn’t deserve him. It was him. All him.

“Please don’t say that-”

“Did you come here to seal the deal? To finally break up with me?” you ask sadly. “Are you happy you’ll get the classes you want next quarter, Jungkook?”

He clenches his teeth. Jungkook knows you’re mad, knows you have a right to be, but it feels like he’s being cornered by you. Why won’t you give him the chance to speak?

“[Y/N], no,” he says sternly, “You have to trust me when I say that it went past just a bet. I like you. Genuinely, I like you.”

There was no point in lying any longer. You deserved to know the truth, but he needed you to know all of it- not just the information your friends cherry-picked to fit their narrative. He tried to speak again, but you wouldn’t let him.

“How could you,” you whimper. “How could someone be so cruel?”

Jungkook’s heart breaks at the words. He should’ve seen this coming. How could he delude himself into thinking he’d be okay if you find out- that he’d be fine seeing you heartbroken? He was disgusted with himself.

“I’m sorry [Y/N],” he whispers. “I’m so sorry.”

You shake your head, your vision getting blurry from the tears. He clasps your hands in his, knowing that it used to soothe you whenever you felt worried over something, but you just wailed harder at his touch. He didn’t know what to do, he didn't even know where to start.

“Stop pretending like you care,” you cry. “Please. It hurts.”

“It was a bet,” he admits and he breaths through the words to prevent himself from getting too emotional, “but I promise that my feelings are genuine. You have to trust me.”

“Trust you?” you ask crudely.

You stare at him, slowing your breaths to ease the crying. There was a certain emptiness in your gaze and it scared him. It was awfully frightening having you looking at him with a certain animosity that was not there before. Like he was a stranger.

“I can’t do that anymore, Jungkook,” you say softly, “because I hate you.”

—

A/N: Gasp A double update?! Say it isn’t so... I had so much fun writing this!!! Probably one of my favorite fics I’ve written in a while because I love this trope. How do y’all feel about Jungkook? Forgive or forget? Let me know!! Thank you @altus-gens​ for requesting this story, I hope you like it :)

Please leave any comment, critiques, or just random thoughts about my story! I’m planning my murder mystery series rn and I’m so excited (I might... do an album giveaway along with it...) I really love the direction I’m taking this blog in and I hope you guys are excited for the stories to come~~ 

buy me a coffee?

[angelasscribbles]

Complicated Chapter 30: Open Table

Series: Complicated

Fandom: The Royal Romance

Pairings: Liam x Riley, Drake x Riley

Rating: NSFW 🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋

Warnings: Sexually explicit

Word count: 3,286

Summary so far.

A/N: I never thought I was particularly good at the slow burn thing, but this has been 30 chapters coming. Drake and Riley finally consummate their relationship. This time, no one interrupts them in the pool room. This was possibly the most frustrating scene in book two. Especially considering we paid good diamonds for it in game. This is the ending I feel it should have had.

My other stuff: Master List.

“Drake! Drake wait!” Riley hurried to catch up. His legs were longer than hers and she had to jog. She finally caught him as he made it back to the car they had just exited.

“You can’t fix this Riley. I…I just need to get out of here for a little while.” He told her as he pulled the door open.

“That’s fine, I understand.” She replied, “But I’m coming with you!”

“You’re…what?” He asked stupidly as she slid into the car.

Looking back at him, she asked, “Are you coming or what?”

Drake sighed as he climbed in the car behind her and pulled the door shut. Leaning forward he gave the driver instructions to take them to whatever bar was close, “And not a fancy one either, somewhere regular people hang out.”

Sitting back, he looked at her, shaking his head, “You should be getting ready to meet Liam.”

“That’s not for hours. And you need me right now. What kind of girlfriend would I be if I just left you alone when you’re struggling emotionally? For any reason?”

He froze as his eyes traced her face. She had just called herself his girlfriend, which he supposed was technically true. Not that they had defined it. Or really even talked about it. They had gone from him fighting his feelings for her and denying there even was a relationship to having Liam’s blessing to pursue whatever it was, but they hadn’t really had a chance to talk since. They were going to have to have a conversation sooner or later. Sooner was probably better.

Her hand slipped into his and he took it gratefully. He didn’t care what they called it as long as he got to keep touching her like that. He just wanted to be with her, he didn’t need a label for it.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered.

“For what? Being human? You’re allowed to have emotions, Drake. And you’re allowed to feel them.”

“I know. I just meant….it seems like there’s always something that keeps us from just focusing on…well, us.”

“This is us.” She told him, holding their clasped hands up for him to see, “I’m supporting you, just like you’ve done for me a million times. That’s what people who love each other do. Ok?”

He smiled. A moment ago, he wouldn’t have thought it possible that he’d be smiling that soon after confronting Bertrand, but she had that effect on him.

“Ok.” He pulled their hands up to his mouth so he could kiss hers. He felt an unfamiliar warmth spread through his chest. No one had ever just dropped everything to be there for him before. Liam tried, but he had duties and responsibilities that weren’t always within his control, and Drake understood that. He didn’t hold it against him. Still. Having someone just be there for him felt nice, it felt good.

They pulled up in front of a nondescript hole in the wall with a wooden sign swinging over the entry way with the words “la palourde ivre”.

“Thanks.” He told the driver as they exited the car, “Not sure how long we’ll be.”

“I’ll just be parked out here.” The driver shrugged, pulling out a book to read.

The interior of the bar was dark and dingy. There was an older man behind the bar, Riley and Drake pulled out two creaky bar stools and Drake turned to her, “What are you drinking?”

“Margarita, rocks.”

Drake nodded and turned to the bartender, ordering in French. When the drinks were ready, he sniffed the whiskey tentatively. Riley threw her head back and laughed. Drake glanced up at her, “What?”

“You!” She shook her head, “You complain so much about the fancy stuff, but you are not exactly low maintenance, especially when it comes to your whiskey!”

His brows furrowed for a moment but as he watched her laugh, he couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his face. “Yeah, ok, you got me there.”

“So, do you wanna talk about your feelings?”

“Can’t we just play darts or something?”

“We can do both!”

“If I have to.” Drake got the darts from the bartender, and they moved to the dartboard. “You know how to play, right?”

“Sure. But to make it interesting, whoever loses each round has to drink?”

“No. That’s a terrible idea.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re meeting Liam tonight and I don’t want you to show up shit faced drunk because of me.”

She smirked at him, “And what makes you think I’m going to lose?”

“Did you forget what I do for a living?”

“No…..What’s that go to do with-“

Drake turned toward the dart board and threw three darts at the board. Every one hit the bullseye. “I’m a decorated marksman, Campbell.”

“Damn. That’s impressive, not gonna lie.” Riley threw her darts. Two of them made it onto the board, barely. “Well, shit.”

He smirked as he picked up his glass and took a drink, “It’s ok, I’ll drink. I’m the one drowning my sorrows.”

Riley collected the darts and walked back to the table, “You know it’s not Bertrand’s fault, right?”

“Riley, I-“

“He didn’t know, Drake.”

Drake sighed, “I know, you’re right. But he shouldn’t have made her feel like she couldn’t tell him.” He raked a hand through his hair, “But I guess I can’t talk. She clearly didn’t feel like she could talk to me either.”

“Drake….”

“Why didn’t she think she could come to me, Riley?” He sounded a little broken.

Riley wrapped her arms around him, “I don’t know, babe. But it wasn’t because you weren’t there for her, she told you that herself. She just needed a minute to sort things out, that’s all. You do the same thing you know.”

“What do you mean?”

“Run from problems.”

“I don’t-“

“Why are we in this bar right now, Drake?”

“What do you mean?” “I mean, your first impulse was to run away and take a minute alone to sort things out.”

“I’m not alone. You’re here.”

“Only because I forced my way into the car with you.”

“Ok, fine. That’s true, I guess.” He threw his darts again. Again, all three were bullseyes.

“And you can’t stay mad at Max either. He was just being a good friend to her, when she needed one most.”

Drake blew out a frustrated sigh, “I mean, I know you’re right. It just sucks that he knew this whole time and didn’t tell me.”

“It wasn’t his secret to tell.” Riley tossed a dart toward the board, it thunked into the outmost circle. “Damn. You’re going to have to teach me how to do this.”

“Sure.” He stepped behind her and wrapped his arms around her, taking one of her hands in his own and showing her the proper way to hold the dart. “Now, you’re going to pull your arm back like this…”

Riley tried to focus on the dart, but his entire body was pressed up against hers. He drew her arm back and threw the dart, his hand still controlling hers. The dart hit close to the bullseye. “Damn.” She breathed out, but not because of the dart.

He stepped away from her to take another drink. “Anyway, I’ll get over it, eventually. Like you said, I just needed a minute to process. Guess it is a family trait.”

Riley threw the next dart, and it went wide, not even hitting the board. “Shit! Isn’t there something more fun we can play around here, like pool?”

“You play pool?”

“Yes, I am a pool shark.” She grinned at him, “I want to play something I can win.”

He smirked, “You can’t beat me at pool.”

“Wanna bet?”

“We can bet, but you’re going to lose.”

“You’re on, Walker.”

Drake returned the darts, spoke to the bartender, dropped some money on the counter and made his way back to her.

“So, they have pool tables?”

“Yes, in the back. Two of them are in private rooms. I just rented one of them.”

“Oooh, privacy!” She shot him a playful smile.

He shook his head as he led her down the hallway near the back of the bar, “You’re trouble, you know that?”

“The good kind, I hope.”

He shot her a sidelong glance, “Yeah, the best kind.”

The room was just big enough to hold the pool table and be able to pull your arm back to shoot, and not much bigger. There was a small, round table near the door to put drinks on.

Drake racked up the balls then pulled the rack away. He picked up two cues, handing one to Riley, “Ok, house rules. After the break, we each get one shot per round to sink a ball into the corner pocket. Each ball gets you one point. Best of three rounds wins.”

“I think I can handle that.”

“Then go ahead and break.”

Riley faced the triangle of balls on the table and hit them hard enough to make them scatter.

“Good break.” Drake studied the layout of the table before striking the cue ball. It glanced off a purple ball which rolled neatly into a corner pocket. “That’s one.”

“Smooth! Where did you learn to shoot like that?”

He grinned at her, “From my mom, believe it or not. She taught me and Sav all the tricks she knew. My mom was kind of a pool shark.”

“Wow. That’s cool. That must have been adorable. Baby Drake trying to hold a pool stick….”

“Adorable probably isn’t the world my mom would use. I was a handful.”

“And teaching you play a game with giant sticks made that…better?”

“Eh. It kept me occupied. And it made me pretty damn good at pool.”

“That remains to be seen.”

Drake stepped back and gestured at the table, giving her room to line up her first shot.

Riley sent the cue ball glancing off two other balls at just the right angel to send them both rolling into a corner pocket.

“Nice!”

“Do I get a bonus point for earning a compliment from you?”

“You can have all the bonus points you want.” He murmured stepping close and nuzzling at her neck.

She giggled and pushed him away, “That tickles!”

Drake stepped away with a playful slap to her ass.

“Hey! Watch it!” She warned him.

“Oh, I’m watching it.” He smirked at her as he lined up his next shot.

Riley leaned toward him, close enough for her breath to tickle his neck. “You know, you get this little wrinkle in the middle of your forehead when you concentrate. It’s cute.”

“Wha-“ His shot went wild, the cue ball rolling around the table without knocking any others into a pocket. “I…you did that on purpose.”

“Did what?” She fluttered her lashes innocently.

“Distracted me with flirting!” He grabbed her and pulled her body flush against his. He went in for a kiss, but she slipped out of his embrace with a giggle.

“My turn, back up.” She told him, leaning over the table and hiking her back end into the air. She lined up her shot and sank another ball into the corner pocket, “I believe that’s three to one, my favor.”

Drake nodded his head then shook it, “Uh huh. You cheat, Campbell.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Riley said as she started to unbutton her shirt.

Drake leaned over the table, then did a double take. “What are you doing?”

“Oh, nothing. Tik tok, Walker, it’s your shot.” She said as she peeled the blouse off and started unzipping the skirt.

He shook his head and leaned back over the table, but his eyes kept wandering back to her, now standing in nothing but her bra and panties. Suddenly, he threw the pool cue down on the table and turned to grab her, yanking her to him roughly. He crashed his lips into hers as a hand tangled in her hair. When he broke the kiss, his eyes locked on hers, “Are you trying to torture me?”

“Is kissing me torture?” She asked him.

“Yes, the best fucking kind!” He answered, his voice hoarse.

Her hands trailed down his chest. “We’re alone, Drake, how often does that happen?”

His grip on her tightened, “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying,” she tilted her head up and brought her lips to his, “you could kiss me again, if you wanted to.”

She drew him into her as she bumped up against the pool table. He dropped slow and deliberate kisses down her neck. She pressed her body against his as she tugged at his hair. His hands slid around her ass and lifted her with a growl, sliding her onto the edge of the pool table. His hands moved to unclasp her bra then he stepped back as he slid the garment down her arms and off her body. His eyes traveled slowly down every curve of her body.

She wrapped her legs around his waist and yanked him back toward her. He placed his hands on her shoulders and shook his head, “If we don’t stop now, I might not be able to stop at all.”

“Who says I want you to stop?” She purred, as she pushed his button-down shirt off his shoulders and tugged his t-shirt up.

He pulled his shirt off then hesitated again, “But, we shouldn’t-“

“How long have we known each other, Drake?” She asked as she lifted her body and slid out of her panties, lowering herself back onto the edge of the table.

“Five months, one week and three days.” He breathed as his hands ghosted across her shoulders.

“And how long have you wanted to do this?” She pulled him closer, and her hands fell to his pants, working them open.

“Since the very first moment I laid eyes on you.” He replied, longing and desperation evident in every word.

“Then what are you waiting for?” She murmured. Her hand slid over him and he hissed in a breath as his body jerked toward her.

“I….you deserve better than a dingy bar-“

“I want it. I want you. I’m tired of waiting, I don’t care where we are, as long as I’m with you. Please, Drake, I need you.”

He gazed into her eyes, and his breath caught at what he saw there. She wanted him and somehow, inexplicably, she loved him. His heart thundered in his chest. He had never wanted any woman as much as he wanted her. He had never loved any woman before. She had broken down every wall he had. She had consumed his thoughts for months; she invaded his dreams at night. And now here she was, her body trembling beneath his touch, waiting, asking, begging for him to take her.

His eyes fell down her body, naked and perfect, her legs open, offering herself to him. Her face was flushed and the desire in her eyes was the truest thing he’d ever seen. His resolve broke and he shuddered as he sank himself into her.

Her arms and legs squeezed him tighter as he thrust into her, his arms closing around her. The heat radiating off his body soaked into hers as her fingers sank into his shoulders and his scent overwhelmed her. She inhaled deeply, a small moan emanating from the back of her throat. She closed her eyes and let the sensations wash over her, the intoxicating scent of him, the soft sounds he made as he moved inside her, the feel of his muscles as they coiled and tensed under her hands.

She opened her eyes to watch, raking them across his body, licking her lips as she watched him thrusting into her, then she traced her eyes up his body from his pelvis, where his body connected with hers with every thrust, the coarse dark hair tapering off as her eyes trailed upwards to the washboard abs, the broad chest, finally looking up into his face, flushed and serious as he drew himself in and out of her.

She felt pressure start to build and coil in her center, her fingers dug into him deeper as she bucked her hips into him, matching his pace, pleasure jolting through her every time they made contact, the sound of his ragged breathing pushing her closer to release, the glazed look in his eyes as she stared into them drawing her closer yet. “Fuck, Drake! Oh my god!” She whimpered then her vision swam white as pure ecstasy pulsed through her body.

She threw her head back to scream but his hand clamped down over her mouth in an attempt not to draw attention from anyone passing by outside in the hallway. She bit down on his hand and moaned her pleasure into it, her entire body tingling as the strength of the orgasm pulsed through her.

Her teeth sinking into his hand didn’t hurt. In fact, it only served to push him closer to the edge he was already teetering on. He had waited five long months to be able to touch her like this. For most of that time, he believed those thoughts would stay in the realm of fantasy. Now, here she was, writhing beneath him, calling out his name in the heat of passion, her teeth embedded in his skin, her fingers pressing into him, her legs clenched around him and her walls tightening around him. He wanted to make it last longer, but he couldn’t. His body convulsed as he shoved himself into her again and exploded deep inside her, each pulse throbbing inside her.

Afterwards, they clung to each other, hands and mouths still touching, exploring, claiming every part of the other. Finally, her head rested against his chest as his hand stroked her hair. He sighed, knowing they had to get back to the train, but reluctant to let her go. “I love you.” He murmured softly into her hair.

“I love you too.” She whispered.

She looked up to smile at him and that smile nearly stopped his heart. He didn’t think he would ever get use to that smile being directed at him. That smile made him stupid, made him weak and the most amazing part was that he didn’t even care. It was like he’d been sleep walking all of his life and suddenly he was awake. He let the happiness wash over him for a moment before stepping away from her with a sigh.

He realized in that moment that he would do whatever it took to protect her and to protect what they were trying to build. All of it. Not that he hadn’t already known that. He’d known from the beginning that he’d do whatever she needed, whatever she wanted. He had been hers to command from the very first moment he’d laid eyes on her.

Right now, the best way he could protect her was to finish this game with the press. Get Tariq’s confession, and get her engaged to Liam. Becoming queen would back most of her enemies off, turning the fickle and duplicitous court into groveling sycophants, begging her forgiveness for their past treatment of her. More importantly, he’d be able to use the full extent of the law and the royal guard to ensure her physical safety.

“Come on, baby. We have to get you back to the train. You have an opera to get ready for.” He told her, running his hand gently down the curve of her face.

“Ok. But will you stay with me after? Spend the night in my room?”

He smiled down at her, “If that's where you want me, that's where I'll be.”

[fanfictionatic]

Can’t Help Falling in Love

Pairing: Tooru x gender neutral!reader

Description: You usually come down to the beach with your work friend after the two of you are done at the hospital. Today he has something special planned for you.

Warnings: I guess Tooru being in this fic is a maybe a warning? Other than that this is shameless fluff

I finally finished it you guys. This has been in my drafts for so long. I wrote this because I feel like Tooru is a great character, one of my favorites, and doesn’t get as much love as he should. Please enjoy!

You were almost done with the walk down to the beach. The sun was starting to set and had already cast it’s different colored glow on the sky, making the clouds a nice purple. You always loved sunsets. They felt like they were out of a painting, especially with how the light danced on the water here.

You were meeting Tooru again. You had known him ever since you moved here and got your job as a janitor at the hospital. It wasn’t the best kind of work, but it was something that you were decent at. You really liked your co workers. It wasn’t the worst job you could have since you weren’t planning to stay in it forever and it was part time.

Something that helped calm you down after a long shift was hanging out here with Tooru. He was one of the most relaxed people you knew and you always had really deep conversations about various topics. His voice was soothing to listen to and you secretly thought he was cute, but you wouldn’t say anything or try to actively pursue him because you always felt like it would ruin the moment, even if the thoughts were still there and you would sometimes accidentally end up falling asleep on him after particularly long days. You always just brushed it off as a nice coincidence and told him it was an accident, which he took pretty well.

Sometimes the two of you would have days where you didn’t feel like talking and you just felt like enjoying eachothers company and zoning out. He seemed to always just know when it was one of those days. It was like he was really good at reading whatever vibes you gave off. On days like these, he would always bring speakers that he could hook up to his phone and he would put on some music. You had different tastes, but it was fine because he could introduce you to older bands and songs you had never heard before. You always ended up liking them.

This was why you were confused when he seemed to have the speaker set up today. This wasn’t one of the days where you had been planning on zoning out. You raised an eyebrow as you walked down onto the sand, over to the large beach towel that was spread out. Tooru was laying down on it and there was an Elvis song playing.

You were about to ask him what was going on when you noticed his lips moving. You could hear him softly singing along with the music, smiling at you and looking you right in the eyes. You sit down next to him and listen. He was actually a pretty decent singer, you had to admit. There was something about the situation that made your heart beat just a little bit faster. You weren’t sure if it was the lyrics, the sunset, or just him in general.

The moment seemed unreal and it felt like it lasted forever. But when he finally hit the last note of the song and it finished, he paused his phone and reached over, holding out his hand for you to take. “Y/n, we’ve been coming here for a long time haven’t we? You’ve been feeling it too. The connection we have.”

You nod, scooting closer to him. Was he really implying what you thought he was?

“You remind me of this sunset. Warm. Something I like being around, ya know? You’re always here when I need you and I want to see you the most. Like this place was made for us.”

“Tooru are you...?”

He pulls you closer, moving his face right next to yours. You realize this might be the closest you have ever gotten to him in fact.

You don’t even really need to think about it. It just feels natural when you close the distance and press your lips to his. Like the two of you are just drawn to each other by some force beyond your understanding. He wraps his arms around your waist and deepens it. He tastes weirdly like clay or possibly some kind of sand, but you don’t mind it. It’s still him.

After a while he pulls away, for once leaning against you and resting his head on your shoulder. You get the feeling that even if you get a new job, you’ll still keep coming back here as long as he does. You did have a connection after all.

[sasa-gay-yo]

Phone Call - Levi Ackerman - 200 Follower Special

Levi Ackerman - ModernAU - Light Smut -  “Are you horny right now?”- “This was supposed to be a one-time thing.” - “We’re just friends? I fucked you though.” - MINORS DNI

❀ღ✦❁♡ッ✽❀ꕤღ✦♡❁✽ッ✧❀

In front of everyone. Literally, as you were trying to babysit the college kids from breaking into your liquor cabinet, yelling at your brother who started this whole drunken mess, he grabbed your ass. It wasn’t like he was trying to hide it either, and it made you jump two feet in the air. At first, you thought it was one of Jean’s friends, maybe Eren who you knew had a crush on you, but the raven-haired man never failed to surprise you. I mean, who would have thought you and Levi Ackerman would have sex sober? You two always claimed to be annoyed by the other. Then, last week happened...

Levi was the uptight upperclassman, in your grade, who somehow got involved with the “brats” and could never get away from them. Part of the reason was because Hange, your best friend, and Armin, Jean’s friend, were co-presidents of the Biochemistry Club, and the other part, unknown to you, was that he thought Jean’s sister was incredibly hot. And incredibly beautiful. And Levi wanted you to date him. So much so, he even told Erwin about it. Levi was serious about pursuing something if Erwin knew about it. However, you didn’t know and the fact that he didn’t try to contact you for another round after what you thought was quite a good session, made you think he was over it.

Now, a week later, he’d shown up at your apartment on the tails of Hange and Armin. Jean had asked to host this party at your place, knowing how small his four-bedroom was, and you had no ability to say no to your little brother. Now, again, we come back to the present. Levi groping your bent over ass, something pressing into your thigh, while you were trying to shut your expensive liquor collection from the already drunk crew.

“What are you doing?” You stood up, facing him, and he had that blank look on his face. The first and only time he’d given you emotion was when he was inside of you. In class. Blank. Study session at Erwin and his place. Blank.

“I’m bored of these kids trying to mix the strongest drinks they possibly can using nothing but Coke and everclear. Want to do something?” Your eyes widened at bit, putting your hands on your hips to show some opposition. You weren’t going to let Levi Ackerman think you were that easy.

“Hm, I remember you saying in the morning that this was supposed to be a one-time thing. What changed your mind?” You want to walk away from him, rolling your eyes at how his faced morphed into one of annoyance. The hand he grabbed, he pulled straight down, right to his hard-on threatening the integrity of the jeans he wore.

“Could stop thinking of when I bent you over that cabinet. Thought I’d try to do it again.” You looked down the hallway at the kids who’d gathered to play a round of drunk truth or dare. There was no way you were letting him fuck you in a house full of Jean’s friends. One, you’d be mortified, and two, Jean’s friends would never let you live it down. You had a thesis to prepare and couldn’t deal with that constant headache.

“Maybe next time,” you said, swatting at his lower half to push him back. You tossed him a quick wink over your shoulder before joining the drunk truth or dare, only watching and laughing at the stupid things they made each other do. At one point, Hange had to put her clothes on upside down and Historia had to drunk call her ex-Reiner. Then, Jean noticed you were being excluded from his punishments and couldn’t have that.

“Hey! Truth or dare!” He yelled at you, and now everyone had turned, egging you on to answer. You guessed just one little round wouldn’t hurt.

“Dare.” There were ooh’s and Jean hadn’t expected you to say that, so he looked around the room trying to muster up a good enough dare. He wasn’t going to give his sister a sexual one like the others before it, but Connie had bigger ideas.

“I dare you to call the last person you had sex with and give them a rating! Like an Uber ride!”

“Connie, what the hell man?!” Jean yelled, not wanting to hear that, but the other certainly did. They’d heard things you and Jean have told them, and for the girls in the group, you were the resident sex advice expert, coming to you for any advise or sex item buying. You had no shame in helping them. Therefore, with your wealth of knowledge, they knew you’d have someone to call. However, you weren’t about to do that, when sitting right across from you was the receiver. He was staring right at you too, seeing if you had enough confidence to do it.

“Do I have to do it in front of you all?”

“No, I don’t wanna he-“

“Yes, you do,” Eren cut in, glaring at Jean. You sighed. It wasn’t the fact that you had to do this, in all honesty, it was a boring dare, but it was because Levi was in the room. If his phone rang in his pocket, you would die right there and then. Just a few days ago, you were ranting up and down to them, having your weekly lunch at the undergraduate cafeteria after your TA-ing, about how much you hated Levi. This was also during the time he ghosted you after giving you the best sex ever. You were a bit salty.

“Ugh, it’s not like I can give a good rating to this person.” You saw Levi’s eyes flicker with amusement, and he got up right away to walk down the hallway into the kitchen. That line was to hide your embarrassment, but he seemed to have a different idea.

“I’m not listening to her ass rant about sex again. All goddamn day I hear this shit,” grumbling in character, and you saw him take his phone out of his pocket before turning the corner. Now that you insulted him, he wanted you to call. He wanted to see if you had the guts to say that while he was whispering in your ear. He had big plans.

“Literally, this is boring. Can we just move on?” No one listened to Jean, even if you wanted them too, and Hange was the one who pulled your phone out of your purse and threw it at you… probably because she was the only one who knew. She wanted to see how this all would play out.

“Fine. Fine. It won’t be a long call though.” You scrolled through your contacts, thumb hovering over his name for a few seconds before pressing the call button. Levi was smart, and let it ring until it almost went to voice mail.

“Hello?” You shifted in your seat, hearing his voice on the other line. It was laced with the same poison he used to whisper sweet nothings in your ear last week, making you come so much, you’d lost count. It was all because of a dare too. Last week, you’d personally dared him. He couldn’t make a woman come, not with that attitude. Boy, did he show you the talent he possessed. Thinking about it made you shift in your seat.

“Hey, you got a minute. Just wanted to run somethings down with you.” He hummed, and the pairs of eyes staring at you got more and more intense. It was a good thing they couldn’t hear him, and that he was whispering in the other room.

“So, you remember last week right? After the bar?” He chuckled, and of course, it had to send shivers down your spine. No matter how awkward this was, no matter if your brother and his friends were staring and whispering, you were literally getting dirty talked to over the phone by Levi. This was, perhaps, a dream, but you had to play it cool.

“How could I forget the way you clenched around me? I made you cum twice with my dick, no? Three with just my tongue.” You gripped the phone, feeling your stomach heat up. You felt something else too, but you had to ignore it. You had too. There would be hell to pay if you showed signs of getting aroused in front of everyone, especially Hange who had a shit-eating grin on her face.

“Yeah, I know this is weird… but, uh, it’s a dare. Just play along, yeah? It’ll be over soon.” You heard him shift and started to get curious as to what position he was in, only a wall in between the both of you.

“Are you horny right now? In front of Jean and his friends? How dirty of you. Imagine if they knew you were getting off to just my voice, baby girl. Do you think they’d believe it? That I was the one who had you bent over on that very couch, spread for me?”  You swallowed hard, and that’s when the smart ones in the group knew something was up. You could tell by Armin, Mikasa, and Annie’s faces that they knew. They knew whatever this stranger was saying was affecting you in all the right ways.

But, you continued like he was saying nothing.

“Well, yeah, so I’m rating it. Our experience. I’d say out of five stars, give it a two-point-five, maybe three?” He scoffed into the phone and had to hold himself back from laughing out loud and blowing his cover. He knew better than anyone that that was a lie. Levi’s dick had you crying out in pleasure. Hell, he still had the scratches on his back from you and the imagine of you squirming underneath him permanently engraved in his mind. An image of innate, lustful beauty. If anything, he should receive five-out-of-five-stars.

“You want to lie to me right now? Two-point-five? I should make you choke on my dick for saying that. Come to the kitchen and find out what a two-point-five is. I’ll just leave you on the floor after, my cum on your face, begging for me to fuck you.” The groan came out. You couldn’t hide it. It was the way he was being so vivid. It was the way you were glad you were sitting with your legs underneath you, trying to find some relief from his voice. God, he already had you dripping. You shouldn’t have fucking denied him by the liquor cabinet.

Still, you had to hide that groan.

“No, just stop there. Look. We agreed, just friends yeah. I’d like to keep it that way. If we do things twice, it’ll lead to something else. I mean, if you want I can-“ He cut you off, and you heard him groan to. You heard the shallow breaths he was taking. Was he… was he jacking off in your kitchen?

“We’re just friends? I fucked you though. Besides, I don’t give head to my friends, hm? Are you sure we’re just friends, baby? What did you call me the other night or did you forget because I fucked you dumb?” He moaned in your ear after saying it, adding to the pressure of the situation. You were getting so hot and bothered. The moan was just loud enough for it to have lasting effects in your stomach. He was fucking edging you over the phone, your body radiating with heat. Fuck. At this point, you didn’t care if the others heard, you needed relief. You were quick to give him some subliminal messages, steering him in your direction. You know you’d get shit for it later, but you didn’t care. You needed him to touch you and fast.

“No, no. I never said that. Just stick to what we’re doing, yeah?” You didn’t give him a chance to answer, “Mhm, alright. If you wanna meet up with some friends Monday, sure! Like I said, we’re still friends. Yeah, totally. Your house?” You asked that last question, hoping to God that he would get the hint. You needed him now and he was just a five-minute drive. Damn, maybe you’d just fuck him in the car.

“My house? What if I just fuck you right here in front of all of them? I know Eren would like it. You want Eren to watch me fuck you? Claim you as mine? We all know you caught him jerking off to you. I don’t like to share. Even images in other peoples’ minds. They don’t get to dream of your pussy like I do.”  You took one last shaky breath, seeing now everyone’s faces. They were either confused or getting bored of the conversation. Those confused were starting to pick up on your physical signals. Those bored were Eren and Connie, who were hoping you’d at least give them some explicit details to jack-off to later. Shoot, it was hard to not want to have sex with Jean’s hot older sister. Everyone in the group had a desire to do it at some point, but Levi had secretly gotten to you first.

“Yeah, you can, but I’d prefer my suggestion. Just works better in my timetable.” He chucked, and you heard him set the phone down, a belt buckle clinking in the background.

“How about once in the car and a few times at my place? Let’s try to break last week’s record, yeah? You came five times on Friday. Let’s make it six or seven. I want to see those tears on your cheeks. Meet me at my car?” You smiled and almost shouted out with joy, partly because you’d finally be able to get rid of the ache between your thighs, and two because you needed to keep up the act.

“Sure! I’ll see you then.” Finally, fucking finally, you got to hang up. It was a sigh of relief that followed, and then you turned to everyone.

“Talking to that guy is so boring. One of the wo-“ Your phone rang again, and you answered it without thinking.

“Hell-“

“I forgot to tell you, I don’t have condoms at mine, so were going to have to stop on the way back and buy some.” Levi smirked down at you, phone to his ear. He’d walked back into the living room, and you saw his shirt was untucked. You also saw everyone’s reaction and Hange bursting out in laughter. It only took a few seconds for everyone to realize what was happening, and in the process, Levi hung up, the stupid smirk plastered all over his face. He didn’t care what the brats thought or knew about his sex life, all that matter was the payback and feeling of self-fulfillment with the look he put on your face... and maybe making Eren Jaeger want to be him. Sure, he’d get some shit later form Jean, but nothing he couldn’t handle. The sex was going to be worth it anyways.

“You two had sex! Oh. My. God!”

“No way! You were just complaining about him last week!”

“If he was the last person you had sex with, didn’t you say that that was the best di-“ You shot up, cutting off Historia from indulging the others in front of you. They could talk about it however much they wanted when you left, and you knew you’d grow to regret telling her and Mikasa in detail about Levi and your experience. You left out his name, but at that point you wanted to brag about the best dick you ever received to them. You know, girl talk. Now it was fucking awful they knew.

“Goodbye!” You yelled out, grabbing Levi’s wrist and not caring that you just walked out in house slippers. You were leaving that place as fast as you could. It wasn’t until inside the elevator that you let go of him and could finally breath again. Then you turned to him.

“What the he-!“ He pushed you against the wall, a hand on the small of your back and the other above your head. His lips cut you off, using your open mouth to dive right in. He stole a small grope too, the same place on your ass that he squeezed earlier. Before the elevator hit the parking garage, he finally let you breathe, your lips already red from his attack. He didn’t stop though, continuing to kiss down your jaw, lifting your leg up off the ground just to grind into you slowly. Teasing. 

“Best dick you ever had huh? Is that what Historia was about to say?” You groaned and he just laughed, noticing how red you lit up. You were also trying to move your body to feel his bulge over your own arousal. He was playing with you too much for you liking.

“The best dick I ever had ignored me for a week, too. Almost moved on.” The door dinged, and he pushed off you, leading you with his hand to his car.

“You want me to have sex with you so all of Erwin’s political science nerds can hear? I know Jean’s at your house 24/7 too.” That’s when you remembered that Erwin went home on the weekends to have family dinner with his mother. It was currently Saturday night.

“You just threatened to fuck me in front of all of them, I think you wouldn’t mind Erwin’s political science nerds.” Again, he pushed you up against his car, the chill of the red metal and his closeness, his heat, causing goosebumps to raise on your skin. He just moved his neck sideways, his mouth right on your ear to give you the same effect the phone call did. He brought his hand up too, gently squeezing the sides of your neck. It made you literally moan out loud, echoing through the underground parking garage. He smirked at how he was affecting you.

“You’re mine now. No one gets to see you stripped but me. Is that clear?” You whimpered as his hands began to wander, the heat pooling between your thighs. It took all of you to not jump him right there and then, but at least he had similar ideas.

“Yes, sir.” He chucked, pressing one kiss to the side of your neck. His seal of approval. Permission to finally do what you want. 

“Good. Now take those panties off and get in the back of the car, beautiful. I can’t wait any longer.”

❀ღ✦❁♡ッ✽❀ꕤღ✦♡❁✽ッ✧❀

This request was supposed to have some fluff in it too, but I, uh, well this took me places.

[suchalonelysunflower]

You Said Forever (c.h)

Pairing: Calum Hood x Reader

Requested: Yes!

Summary: Based on the song “Driver’s License” by Olivia Rodrigo. You did everything you could to get over him, you talked to friends, went on long drives and even wrote him a song. Why cant you just let him go?

Warnings: Angst. Language. Mentions of alcohol. Some grammar mistakes? (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)

Word count: 6.7 k

Author’s Note: I’m so excited someone requested this! I highly recommend listening to the song before you read, references are in the text and dialogs. Please remember that Reblogs, Coments, Feedback and Likes are more than welcome and encouraged! You don’t know how much they help me 💕 Hope you like it and Happy reading 🦋

Fic of the week // My Materialist // wanna be part of my tag list?

@rime-warrior : Hey love! Has anyone requested an imagine for Calum based on the song “Drivers license” by Olivia Rodrigo yet? I think you’re the only one who would be able to do it any justice 😭💕

“I still see your face in the white cars, front yards

Can't drive past the places we used to go to

'Cause I still fucking love you, babe”

You could hear the doorbell ring over the thunderous storm raging outside. It was late, probably closer to midnight than you imagined. Who could possibly be outside right now? especially in this kind of weather?

After four consecutive rings, you decided to get up from your spot on the bed and walk up to the door. It must be something very important for someone to startle you that way.

Once you got closer to the door you could also distinguish some strong bangs coming from the other side accompanied by the endless ringing “Okay, okay! I’m coming!” You called, but whoever was standing opposite to you mustn’t have heard you as they continued to disrupt the peace of a stormy night.

A shiver ran down your spine before you could reach the doorknob, almost like the ghost of a feeling, a warning for you not to open the door. Despite your common sense, you decided to open the door, already being too late to go back.

“Calum?”

He was standing in front of you, completely drenched from head to toes. His breathing was uneven, almost like he ran all the way over here, but his eyes were set on yours, unmoving as you both tried to take each other in.

“Calum-what is?-” Your words got stuck in your mouth as he pushed himself forward, grabbing your face delicately as he clashed his lips with yours.

You felt yourself melt into the kiss, making it everything you ever wished for. You wrapped your arms around his neck and deepened the kiss as you brought him closer to you. He was here, he was finally here with you. It all feels like a dream.

Your alarm clock marked 6 AM when you jumped from your dreams into reality. You should’ve known, everything was too good to be true.

You brought one hand to your face, trying to wipe away the tiredness of your eyes, but you found your cheeks were humid due to tears you didn’t even know you shed through the night, damping your pillow sheets once again.

It was always the same dream: Calum coming back to you. Night after night your mind drifted to another reality where you’d meet again, sometimes it was at a concert, other at the local café of your neighborhood that you used to love so much, but tonight was the first night where he appeared at your house. Which was funny considering that he hasn’t stepped foot in this place for almost a year.

You pushed your thoughts away as you tried to go back to sleep. And you did try, but the tossing and turning made you restless, you cursed your mind as the only thing you could see when you closed your eyes was Calum, standing at your door and asking for a kind of forgiveness you weren’t sure you could give. Although, who were you kidding?

Checking the clock once again you realized it was 20 past 6, still too early to go back to real life, but not too early to start and try to live a little.

Pushing yourself off the bed, you grabbed a big hoodie and some pair of sweatpants before putting on your running shoes and hopping into the bathroom to brush your teeth and clean your face before grabbing your keys and getting out of the house.

You sat on the driver’s seat, just like you did a thousand times, taking a big breath before starting the engine.

“You do know you have a perfectly good car in your driveway, right?”

You smiled at him and greeted him with a hug and a kiss as you climbed into the passenger's seat.

It was your usual morning routine. Ever since you met and he found out you lived nearby the studio he always volunteered to carpool with you. Since then, your mornings were filled with hugs, good coffee and stolen kisses you gave each other as the road to the studio became longer and longer thanks to all the detours you took.

“Hello, Calum. I’m very good, thank you for asking, how are you?”

Calum rolled his eyes and gave you a little peck on your lips “I would’ve been on time if I hadn’t had to pick your ass from the other side of town”

You lightly punched him in the arm “You know you love me” He smiled.

“That I do, darling. But I would love you more if you drove us from time to time”

“You know I don’t have a car!” Calum turned to you and pointed to the classic mustang sitting in front of your house, raising his eyebrows as if to ask if you were stupid “That’s my dad’s car!”

“That he kindly gave to you when he helped you move to LA so you could pursue your dream of becoming the next new sensation of music,” He said mocking a dreamy voice to try imitating you “He said it was yours, so it's yours! And honestly, it’s a pretty cool car if you ask me. A real chick magnet”

You mocked a gag at his old reference of movies from the 50’s “Sexist much?” You both laughed as he started the car and started driving “Anyways, he only gave me the car because mom was threatening to sell it on eBay if he didn’t get rid of it soon enough, so he could still come and get it whenever he wants to” You shrugged.

Calum started sniffing the air, “What?” You asked, sniffing as well in case there was something wrong.

“Do you smell that?” He asked with a concerned face.

“Smell what?”

He leaned closer to you and sniffed harder before whispering “The bullshit”

You scoffed and pushed him back “Haha very funny”

You waited until he stopped laughing, you never told him the truth, well two truths actually.

One: That you enjoyed the drives you had with him, it was a special time for the two of you to be yourselves without anyone to judge. You would laugh, sing, talk for hours as you sat in traffic under the city lights. It was the little moments that matter for the two of you, these were your little moments and you didn’t want to give them up just yet.

It was not easy being in a “relationship” that no one knew about, not even his bandmates, although you knew they were suspecting something. All the sneaking away while amid a recording session, hanging out in each other’s rooms, how adamant he was to carpool with you every day, even when he didn’t need to go to the studio… It was an easy tell, but it was also your private life.

You told yourself that it was for the best, that you shouldn’t mix work and personal life, especially when your personal life included Calum. He was adamant to keep whatever you had out of the public eye “What we have is good” He said, “Why ruin it with labels?” And you agreed, knowing that making everything official could just mess everything up. Calum was your best friend, after all, you would be damn if you lose him.

And for the second truth:

“I don’t know how to drive”

Just in time, the traffic light turned red. Calum turned to you in disbelief “Bluff” You shook your head, not looking at him just yet “Bluff! That can’t be right! Y/N how old are you?”

You shrugged again “I never needed to! I always enjoyed walking plus,” You said nudging your arm on Calum’s “I have the best driver right here!” You pecked his cheek with a kiss and saw how quickly they blushed, making you celebrate this tiny victory inside your head. You loved making him blush, it gave you some kind of security that he felt the same way.

Calum stared at you for a moment too long, making you self-conscious under his eyes. You could tell the gears were running inside his head “What if I teach you how to drive?”

You chuckled “Now I call your bluff”

“I’m serious!” He said, not taking his eyes from you “We have time before the tour starts, and that way you could drive us somewhere for once! You know? Picking me out and going on a date?”

Your eyes were set on him with an alarming tone, a what now? Was he serious? “You would do that for me?” You asked shyly, not wanting to fall into another of his pranks, but he seemed serious enough.

“Of course!” He said with a chuckle that accentuated all his dimples “Let’s get you your driver’s license, Y/N!”

Calum grabbed your hand and intertwined it with his, shaking it as a victory celebration and then placing a kiss on your knuckles. You laughed and reminded him where you were “Eyes on the road, Hood” even though the light was still red, you would rather him not noticing the red that tinted your cheeks and the loud beating of your heart.

You saw how the sun was starting to illuminate the coast as you drove by. Everything was so quiet this early in the morning and you were thankful, you needed this quiet so you could be alone with your thoughts once again. And, just like every day, that just meant you were thinking of Calum.

Could you blame him? Possibly, your friends said you should. But could you live with yourself knowing that you are holding a grudge towards someone who is probably unaware of it? Not in the slightest.

You were never official, not to the public at least, but in your heart, you knew he was the only one who could make you feel like this. He was the only one capable of making you laugh as hard as you did, cry the way that you did, and enjoy yourself to the fullest. You were your best when you were with him and now… How are you now?

Would he care?

You knew he loved you, he said so himself. The only thing you didn’t know was in what way. Did he love you like a lover? or just like a friend who he’d get to kiss and make love to from time to time?

The lump in your throat became stronger as you remember the last moments you had with him and all the promises he couldn’t keep. You tried to distract yourself, crying behind the wheel could be dangerous and you weren’t going to risk your life for him, not yet at least.

You turned on the radio in hopes that it would call your mind, at this point even the commercials would make you feel better if they made you think about anything but him.

“And now, Laurie. We have the hottest single of the year!” Said the radio host with the most cheerful tone a person could mutter this early “This up-and-coming artist debuted this single almost a month ago and it is still top of the charts in almost 34 countries all over the world!”

Now the lump in your throat came back but this time with a knot on your stomach as well. The first time you heard the song play on the radio you felt excited, after all this is why you came to LA in the first place. Yet the feeling became bittersweet in no time.

“My girls, boys, and non-binary folks; if you are in your car right now get ready to sing this at the top of your lungs with all the feelings you could muster and send a fuck you to your ex. This is ‘Driver’s License’ by Y/N L/N”

“I got my driver’s license last week, just like we always -”

You turned off the music and kept driving in silence.

You knew it was a bad idea to release the song you wrote about him. Maybe it was a petty move on your part, but… didn’t you have the right to be petty this time?

Either way is not like people would realize it was about him. It was your little secret, yours and Calum’s if he ever heard it, although you believe that if he did then he would’ve said something to you by now. Yet his silence was similar to the one in your car; deafening and heartbreaking.

“I don’t know Calum,” You said as you stared at your car parked in front of you “Is it safe to do it here?”

Calum was leaning on top of the hood, rolling his eyes at your indecision “Would you rather do it on the PCA?” You shot your eyes at him with a deathly glare, he just chuckled “I promise is okay, this parking lot is big enough and there are no cars left that you could accidentally hit”

You were both standing in the middle of the studio’s parking lot late at night. Calum insisted that this was the day you learned how to drive, so he spent the night at your place and today he drove you in your car, that way there would be no excuses left for you not to do it.

However, you were still hesitant. This was technically your father’s car, his other baby, and if you ever crash it you wouldn't know what you’ll do. Calum noticed your doubt and took a step closer to you, grabbing your hand in his to give you some sort of encouragement.

“Look, babe. It’s okay if you don’t want to do it. I won’t pressure you” He said softly “I just thought this could be fun for the both of us” He smiled “Fun and educational for that matter. But if you’re not ready then we can go home and-”

“I want to do it, Cal,” You said, “I just- I don’t know where to even begin!”

He chuckled and placed a kiss on your forehead, making all the butterflies in your stomach take flight.

“Tell you what,” Calum said confidently “You get behind the wheel and I’ll put us some inspirational music”

He walked back to the car to connect his phone to the speakers “You better put my song first!” You called after him as you walked towards the driver’s seat.

Calum laughed “God, I should’ve never told you that! Now your ego’s off the damn roof!” Soon enough he sat on the passenger’s seat next to you and buckled up.

“Not my fault that you think of me so often you want to put it into song” You teased, leaning in for a kiss that Calum was happy to oblige.

“Yes,” He said mid-kiss “It is completly your fault” Next thing you know ‘Kill My Time’ was playing on the radio, but Calum was not letting go of you just yet.

You wished this moment last forever, you wished every moment with Calum would last forever, but you both needed to breathe at some point “I wish I could kiss you all day long, I swear I could die on your lips and die happy” You said as you pressed your forehead to his, smiling like a fool in love.

“Soon, love,” Calum said as he crashed his lips against yours “Just wait until tour is over and then we’ll have forever to do just that”

You grinned at his words, a few days ago he promised to make your relationship publicly official once he came back from tour, that way you’ll have more time together as a fairly new couple. If he was willing to take that step, then you were more than ready to follow along. You knew you’d give everything for him if you had to and you still won’t regret it. You love him, and that was enough for you.

“Think I’m ready to start,” You said once you pulled away from him for the last time.

Calum nodded and patted his hand on your thigh “Okay, first you have to turn on the engine. Good, then you check all your mirrors and make sure your gear shift is on position-”

“My what?” You asked.

“Your gear shift, you know? The stick in-”

“Oh, you mean the PRNDL? You said, trying your hardest to stay serious, but failing to do so once you saw Calum’s face.

“You couldn't go one day without your references now, could you?” He said in amusing disbelief that had you both laughing.

The lesson was fairly simple, it just consisted of going forwards and on reverse a few times and practicing some turns in circles around the parking lot, and you were proud to say you were getting the hang of it pretty quickly. Calum turned out to be a great instructor with the patience of a god, he never got mad at you or showed that he was scared - even though it was pretty clear that he was, especially when you turned too far and almost hit a lamp post - and you appreciate him for that.

It was almost 2 AM when you decided to call it quits for the day and start back tomorrow. Calum was now behind the wheel driving you to your house so he could pick up his car and drive home.

“Cal?” You said once he parked in your driveway.

“Yes, love?”

“I’m really happy with you” You shyly admitted.

Calum’s heart beamed with love as he pulled you closer for a goodnight kiss “And I’m really happy with you”

You kissed him one more time before jumping out of the car “See you tomorrow!” He called before you watched him drive away.

The sound of a horn woke you up from your daydream memory. You didn’t know the light had just turned green until the car behind you started pounding their button and cursing at you to move.

You watched the white car from the rearview mirror as you drove away, it looked like his, all the white cars did, but you knew he couldn’t be here just yet, not until the tour was done.

A sinking feeling of hopelessness filled your inner thoughts once again. The promises he made faded like the wind in the summer once he stepped on that plane and decided that you were something he had to leave behind. It would’ve been good to know beforehand, that way you wouldn’t have wasted a year by the phone, hoping it would ring and that he’d be on the other line.

You glanced at the car’s clock one more time, it’s already too late to do anything, you’ve been driving around without a destination for hours when it only felt like minutes. Time is something you learn how to lose when you’re alone, minutes become meaningless once you realize there is no one there to share them with you, but it’s late and it was time to head home. You let out a sigh at the realization that your drive-through therapy didn’t work this time.

Deciding to take the long way home, you started to drive through the lesser-known streets of LA, hoping that you’d get lost somewhere and not knowing if anyone would care.

The dreams of running away came flashing down, more of an idea than an afterthought. Yes, you made it in LA, you have a hit song and your dreams are coming true. Why didn’t that feel like enough?

If you were gone, even just for a little bit, would anybody notice? If you just got up in your car and started driving somewhere unknown until the feeling of loneliness faded away. Could you drive your feelings away? Outrun them somehow?

You knew that if Calum could do it then so could you. It was so easy for him to just leave whatever you had behind, to leave you behind and hope that you were okay somehow. If he thought that you were okay then he maybe didn’t know you at all and you are probably better off without him, just like your friends say all the time.

But were you better off without him?

Tears started piling up in the corner of your eyes once again. No, you were not better off without him even though you want to be. And neither you are better off with him, if he ever came back to you, that is.

You swallowed a sob, trying your hardest not to break down again. It was useless, all the tears and all the songs and all the fuck him an attitude that you could muster… What was it for if not to dwell on your pain even more? You are still hurt and he still did not care.

You took a turn on the left, knowing the way like the back of your hand. You knew this path would lead you home, but you also knew it would lead you to his house as well.

The first time you did this was to practice how to find your way to Calum’s home without getting lost. You knew he wasn’t home and he wouldn’t be for many many months, but you wanted to surprise him once he got there, to pick him up and drive him to that date he promised you once he returned. Now, you avoided that road like a plague unless you had days like this, days in which missing him became everything you did, and now passing through his empty house gave you the reality check you desperately needed: He is gone. It also inspired you to write the song, it was a blessing and a curse.

You turned into the familiar street and looked to your right, you counted the houses passing by one, two, three, four… Until you spotted his old porch. Normally, that’s all you did. You would drive through his street and see the house dark and cold as his owner was out of town. But today there was a white car on his driveway.

Your breath got caught in your throat as you recognized the license plate, immediately stepping on the breaks and making the car stopped abruptly in front of the house.

That is his car… But how? You knew that Calum kept his car in Ashton’s place so they could drive up together to the airport every time they had to leave. What is it doing here? Tour didn’t end until a week from today and-

The sudden movement coming from the house pulled you from every rational thought as the front door opened. You held your breath as the person who stole all your sleepless nights came into view.

He was home.

Calum stepped out of his house with a bright smile on his face. His hair was shorter than the last time you’ve seen it, and he was less tanned, a fact that was easily noticeable thanks to the contrast of his leather jacket on his skin. But his dimples were intact as he smiled at whoever was inside the house.

A small figure came behind him, wrapping her arms around his torso as she was laughing at something he said. Her blond hair was falling down her back so elegantly, and her smile was bright as day as she hugged him, you wouldn’t have noticed that in the photos. She looked happy, but what broke you the most is that he looked happy as well.

He was home, but he was home with her.

You knew something was going on, even if there wasn’t anything official from either of them. You weren’t official, too. But seeing them was all the proof you needed to believe it. Believe that it was actually over and neither of you said goodbye.

You bit the inside of your cheek as silent tears started rolling down your face. You wanted to scream, to cry your hearts out, and let the world fuck itself over and over again. But for the love that you had on yourself, you promised that you wouldn't dignify him by making a scene. He didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve to know you cared.

With that in mind, you wiped your tears and floored the gas pedal, driving away from the scene.

“Hey!!!!!”

“Guess what?”

“I PASSED THE TEST!”

“I can legally drive on my own now :D!”

Read 19:05

“Calum?”

“Oh, you must be at the concert now, my bad!”

“Let me know when we can FaceTime again! I can’t wait to tell you how it went! I’m so excited we can finally switch places and let me be the one in charge of the road, lol”

Read 23:54

“Is everything alright, Cal?”

Read 04:32

“I miss you”

Read July 19th 14:49

Last week you sent your last text to him and he still hadn’t responded yet. You tossed all night waiting for at least a smoke signal from him. He was gone for two months now and he never missed one of your calls, it was so unlike him, especially when he promised you to call every day he was on tour.

You tried to distract yourself by doing everything you could think of. You watched videos, listened to music, played candy crush over and over again, and still, there was no answer.

You were starting to give up when a notification from Twitter graced your screen, it read: “Calum Hood, bassist from the band 5 Seconds of Summer, seen cozying up with a mysterious girl in a nightclub two nights ago”

You blinked twice and reread the headline, hoping that your eyes were deceiving you.

“The Australian bassist seemed to be catching up with some friends and letting it all loose at a wild night here in London after their sold-out show in the O2 Arena.

Hood was wearing-”

You skipped all that unnecessary information, scrolling down to the bottom where you knew all media kept the real gossip. A bubble of anxiety started forming inside your throat, as your fingers moved over the screen. The atmosphere became heavy while you could hear your heart thundering inside your chest, every little beat it made was hurting you, almost like it was banging your ribcages begging to be set free.

Time stood still as you looked at the pictures, not wanting to believe your eyes as they analyzed every detail of it.

There he was, hugging a blond woman from behind and resting his face on her shoulders just like he used to do with you. Even from the picture, you could tell she was gorgeous. The next picture showed her wrapping her arms around his neck and smiling at him. He had his hands cupping her cheeks, his face denoted a serious expression, but the look in his eyes was fixed on her.

He kissed her in the third picture, his hands still cupping her cheeks. It seemed like he was smiling through the kiss.

The last picture had them sitting on some kind of leather sofa. She was sitting on his lap and his hands were wandering very close to her butt, holding her close to him.

“The fans of the band wasted no time on identifying the mysterious girl. She seems to be the new tour assistant manager of the boys. Let’s hope that work and pleasure don’t get between this beautiful couple #goals<3”

The stream of tears was never-ending. You couldn’t understand what was going on, why Calum hasn’t said anything to you, why-why did he let it happen? Something was not right, and it wasn’t just your breathing getting heavy inside your lungs or your shaky hands as you typed the next text.

“We need to talk, please call me?”

You got no answers that night as you cried yourself to sleep, realizing that you had no one to comfort you cause nobody knew that you two were even together. You were utterly alone.

The next morning you woke up to no text from him, not even a call or a voicemail.

Read 08:45

You forced yourself to finish your nighttime routine. Ever since you came back home you did nothing but cry, but not of sadness, you were crying of anger.

With him being far away it almost didn’t seem real. You allowed yourself to create some sort of fantasy where he would come back to you, to start over where you left off and be together for everyone to see. How foolish.

You thought that he’ll hear your song and he’ll be running back to you to apologize, to ask if you still love him like before. But he won’t, because he is happy without you while you rot in your own pity party.

You grabbed hold onto the counter, trying to hold the tears as everything suddenly became clear as day. All the red flags you ignored were now shining as candy apples. He made a fool of you and didn’t even dignify you with at least some kind of warning or apology. He brought you down and now it was up to you to climb back up and even higher than before.

How could he?

All the memories you held close to your heart were burning in the pyre of your soul. You loved him, you knew you did. But all you meant for him was just a summer fling, something to waste time on before the real thing came along.

But he loved you…

Did he?

He spent entire days and nights next to you. He told you stories no one’s ever heard of. He sang to you to sleep and wrote you the most beautiful poems you’ve ever read. He picked you up every day and stayed with you until it was your time to leave. He made you feel welcome and there was not a day where you didn’t feel safe around his arms. He was your best friend. He taught you how to drive and what it meant to feel something real, something as important as the love you could have for someone. He loved you, he said he did, he promised he did.

Maybe love was not enough for him.

Your mind was divided, fighting over and over and over again about the same thing. Part of you cursed his name while the other part just wanted to be held by him, telling you that it will all be okay. But you couldn't even trust yourself on this one.

The doorbell rang, one, two, three times.

You were not going to answer it. One look in the mirror and you knew you couldn't answer anyone in this state. Your eyes were puffy and red, your cheeks were hollowed from not eating all day. There was nothing you could do to make you look or feel better, so whoever was behind the door will have to find another way to disturb the chaos in your mind.

However, they were persistent. With the ring of the doorbell came a few bangs. It seemed urgent.

You took one last look at yourself before deciding with a sigh to go and open the door. Whoever it was must have a good reason to come banging at your door a little past midnight.

“I’m coming!” You called, voice coming out a little hoarse from crying all night.

A shiver ran down your back and you felt like you were here before, in this exact moment where all your instincts told you to walk away. You decided to ignore them as you gently turned the doorknob and opened the door. Immediately wishing you didn’t.

“Calum?”

He stood in front of you, soaked from head to toe. Hands in the pockets of his jacket, not the leather one, but one more cozy. He was also wearing a pair of sweatpants and part of his hair was stuck on his forehead. You didn’t realize it was raining.

“Can I come in?” He asked, not even a hello.

You debated on whether or not to let him in. Part of you wanted to throw him back into the streets, but a storm was coming - much in the literal and subliminal way, and you didn’t want him to drive in this weather, you still care for him even though you shouldn’t.

With a simple nod, you opened the door wide enough so he could enter the house, a little “thank you” came out of his mouth as he stepped inside for the first time in over a year.

You closed the door and started walking into the kitchen with Calum following you like a stray dog. Your hands were shaking so you hid them behind your back as you slowly wrapped your arms around you in an attempt to comfort you throughout this whole ordeal.

Calum is standing in front of you on the other side of the island. He is not looking at you, but rather he is looking at his feet. You figured he was too scared to be the first one to talk and it broke your heart that he has suddenly become shy around you when you used to tell each other everything. ‘But whose fault is that?’ You thought.

Now you were just two strangers in a room.

“I thought you’d still be on tour,” You said, breaking the silence that has fallen upon you.

Calum looked up and he almost looked thankful that you spoke first “The last two venues canceled at the last minute due to weather conditions,” He said “So we came back earlier than expected”

You nodded and faced the other way. The fact that he was here in your home made your stomach turn and not in a good way. You always thought him coming back was going to be something joyful, but it became more painful as time went by.

“They closed café Mariannete while I was gone” He said, was he really going to talk about that right now? Did he came over here to reminisce about the café you used to have breakfast in?

“I didn’t know. I don’t go there anymore”

More awkward silence came upon you. You both knew he was bullshiting his way into the real conversation he was avoiding to have. He always used to do that and you have forgotten how much you hated it.

“Were you driving by my house today?” He asked and you froze on the spot. You didn’t think that he saw you.

“I was,” You cleared your throat “I was coming back home”

“And you didn’t say hello” It was more a statement than a question.

A sour taste filled your mouth. How dare he? “You were busy enough” You knew it was a petty answer, but what did he expect?

A flash of hurt came through Calum’s eyes as he said nothing in return. He knew you saw him with her, so he had no excuse to push the topic back to you.

The atmosphere was tense as the only thing you could hear was the ticking of the clock and the raindrops falling through your window. There was so much to say and yet none of you were brave enough to muster them.

You had every right to be mad and he had a right to explain himself, but you were not going to be the first one to cave in. Not without hearing from him first.

Eventually, Calum got restless of the silence.

“Your song is amazing,” He said, pleading for an answer that didn’t contain poison in your words “Ashton showed it to us the day it came out”

So he has heard it, you didn’t know if you should be proud or ashamed “Thanks”

“I forgot to congratulate you on your number one”

“You forgot to do a lot of things”

If there was ever a moment where you could give him the chance to redeem himself, this was it.

You saw how Calum shifted his weight from foot to foot, he had his lips pressed in a thin line and you could see how his eyes changed and fell into a deep pit of regret as tears were forming in the corner of his eye.

“I know the song’s about me-” He said.

“How did you figure that out?” You said sarcastically.

“Y/N…” He pleaded, running a hand through his face, but you were having none of that.

“Why did you do it, Calum?”

You needed an answer, something you could hold onto to eventually let go. Calum, however, was almost speechless.

The ticking of the clock became even louder as you counted the seconds until he spoke again. One, two, three…

Ten “I don’t know”

The answer cut right through you as you let a stream of tears roll down your cheek, not lifting your head to look at him in the eyes. It wasn’t what you expected, it was way worse.

Calum noticed your crying and started panicking, spilling every thought he had through his mouth “I-I don’t- I was drunk and she was there with our groups of friends and we were too drunk to even take notice of what was happening and we just kissed and- Y/N, I’m not perfect. We weren’t perfect, we weren’t even official and it was only a kiss and I thought it would be okay but then the tabloids and your message and I just- And she’s a great friend, she didn’t mean any harm but things happened and-” He stammered, unable to connect his thoughts as he desperately tried to fix something so you would stop crying.

“For me it was perfect” You cried “We were perfect in my mind, you made it perfect. God, Calum. Why didn’t you tell me? I spent months in agony trying to figure it out, to make it make sense! I beat myself up over and over again and there you were having the time of your life with a stranger!” Your voice was loud, not enough to yell, but enough to make it clear that you were fuming.

“What are you talking about?!” Calum said matching the tone of your voice “I missed you every fucking day but there was nothing I could do about it! You don’t know shit of what you’re talking about!”

You scoffed “Oh yeah! It surely seemed like you missed me! You never called me once, Calum. Not even to apologize and try to make it better”

“I didn’t know how!” He said, “I was scared that-”

“That I’d hate you?”

“That you’d forgive me,” Calum said in one breath, making you stare in shock “I-I didn’t want you to forgive me, Y/N, cause you deserve so much better. On tour I realized that I wasn’t ready for a relationship, no matter how much you mean to me and I didn’t know how to tell you that so-”

“And are you ready now? That’s why you are with her?” You interrupted, head filled with anger to even think straight.

“I’m not ready to be with either of you!”

The room felt silent once again.

You had no answer to that and you weren’t sure you wanted to hear more from him.

The rain outside your window started to calm down, only droplets of water were left as the memory of the storm that almost was.

Your legs gave out a minute later, sliding you down slowly onto the floor. Calum walked up to you and sat next to you, neither of you saying anything for what it seemed like hours.

“You said you loved me…” You said with a faint voice.

Calum sighed “I did. I do”

“And you love her too?”

He thought about it “I don’t know. I might” You closed your eyes as a tear fell down your cheek “She’s good to me, Y/N. And we really got close but-”

“I know,” You said with a soft sniffle “We weren’t perfect either”

“You do know I love you, right?” He said softly, turning his face towards you “And that everything we had was real. Every minute of it, every word in every song was true and it still is. All was real and it’s still there somewhere. I still want you in my life, Y/N, cause you make it better. I just,” He sighed “I need to figure my shit out”

“Yeah, you do” You said, making him chuckle darkly “But I can’t promise I’ll be here”

“I wouldn’t ask you to”

You sat there in silence for a few more moments, just enjoying each other's company before everything fades away.

“I love you, too” You said in a whisper, hoping that he won’t hear “I still fucking love you”

Calum sighed “I know”

“Guess that you didn’t mean what you wrote on that song about me

‘Cause you said forever now I drive alone past your street”

.

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* if your url is crossed please reach out to me so we can fix it

[sugadaily]

On tvN’s You Quiz on the Block, SUGA told stories from before his debut. The period of his life when he struggled with how to live off his music. SUGA and BTS have kept going and going for eight years, and now he’s on their grounds, where he can do anything he wants musically. What began with that long journey is the story of SUGA holding his head up higher and staring at the future, reaching for it.

How are you feeling after your shoulder surgery? You’re doing physical therapy in parallel with work. SUGA: I’m all right. I’m keeping up with the physical therapy, too. I had surgery last year because I wanted to be able to go back to work sooner. I have nothing else to do except music.

You said that there’s nothing for you to do other than music in the “BE-hind Story” interview on YouTube, too. SUGA: It’s true. I tried gaming, but I have no talent for it. The people I play with online get so frustrated if I do. I mean, I’m working hard and got some recognition in my life, and yet people bash me so hard in games. (laughs)

I wonder if there’s a game you can do better in than you do in your career. You’re currently at your sixth week at number one on the Billboard Hot 100 [with “Butter, at the time of this interview]. (laughs) How are you feeling these days? SUGA: When we were at number one for two weeks straight, I was like, Wow, this is so amazing! But after the fifth or sixth week, we really started to talk about it between ourselves: I really can’t believe this. Anyway, I feel like I have a responsibility. And I think I’ll end up thinking much, much more when we get ready for the next promotion. Even if I just try to enjoy this situation, it hasn’t sunk in. We can’t leave the country, plus there’s lots of issues in the world right now that are much more important than how well we perform on the charts.

As you say, it’s a tough situation, all over the world. How do you feel about releasing “Permission to Dance,” with its positive message, at this point in time? SUGA: It seems like everyone around the world is really tired of this situation dragging out. I wanted to convey a message that tells people to keep hanging on to hope until the very end. Whereas we released the album BE in this situation, seemingly without any certainty, I believe things will slowly get better now. I don’t know if we can go back to the way things were before, but I’m still working with the hope that we can return to a situation that resembles what we had before.

Aren’t you tired of the pandemic being in this prolonged state? SUGA: I look at it as, when you lose one thing, you gain another. I ended up being able to see my family more since I’m in Korea. In that sense, I feel more stable, so I’m not so much tired as hoping each day that things will become okay soon. I keep moving back and forth between work and home, and I’ve started to reflect on parts of myself I didn’t know about before. Like that I feel somewhat comfortable when I start and finish work at a certain time. While I used to have to go to bed at a certain time for work the next day or else I had a hard time getting up early, now I know I’ve figured out what time I should wake up at to make sure I feel good all day. What I pursue in life is emotional stability, and I don’t think there’s really anything too exciting or sad happening these days.

What effect do those emotions have when you work on music? SUGA: They don’t have a big effect on it. I think it affects the way I write lyrics a bit, but I’m not working on any lyrics at the moment. I’ve been making music for a long time, so I think it’s possible for me to express emotions I’m not feeling in the moment. And it’s good that we released “Permission to Dance” in this kind of situation.

You sing rather than rap in “Permission to Dance.” In addition to rapping, you started singing more both before and after BE. What did you learn about your voice? SUGA: “Permission to Dance” was a little bit difficult. I don’t draw a line between singing and rapping or anything, but it was different from our usual style, and the vocals were a bit high, too. So even though it took a while to prepare for it, I worked hard, and even when I asked some older musicians for their opinions, they all said, “It’s good the way you’re doing it. Don’t try to sing better—just sing more.” I think my only option is to sing more, like they suggested.

As far as style goes, you’ve been doing a smoother kind of pop music. Did any differences arise as a result of these changes? SUGA: All things considered, the English was the hardest part. I paid close attention to my pronunciation in “Butter” and “Permission to Dance.” It wasn’t easy to capture that smooth feeling in the songs, so I practiced my pronunciation quite a bit. And I end up breathing a lot when I’m doing an English song, but the rap parts were a bit hard for that reason. There’s a clear difference from Korean songs, since English has so many syllables. But I don’t have any one method I stick with for my vocals yet, so I tend to try lots of different things out.

What do you make of BTS’s achievements over the past year with “Permission to Dance” and “Butter,” as well as the group’s change in style? In the space of a year, you’ve released songs in a style different from MAP OF THE SOUL: 7 or BE. SUGA: As a producer, I think reactions are important to an artist who works within the field of popular music. With that in mind, speaking as a producer, “Dynamite,” “Butter” and “Permission to Dance” were the best choices. And musical tastes are different from country to country, and the cultures are different, too. Given that situation, I think it’s important that we’re a group who can send such a universal message out into the world.

BTS has really grown and changed a lot, starting with “No More Dream” and all the way to “Permission to Dance.” SUGA: I think it’s a natural course of event for those of us who make pop music. Artists mix and match different genres as they grow, and the music develops as the people of its time listen to it. I’ve been listening to a ton of music lately, and thanks to the times we live in, if I listen to a song a few times, they recommend me more songs in a similar style. And after listening to them, I realized the style of hip hop is also changing and is splitting off into different offshoots. Other than hip hop, I also listen to a lot of instrumental music. I’ve always liked Hans Zimmer’s music. There have been many times where a movie I like turns out to have music by Hans Zimmer.

What is it about Hans Zimmer’s music that draws you in? SUGA: I like orchestral music. There’s a lot of pop songs that are under the three-minute mark now, and whereas it’s sort of predetermined that they’re always written with intros that are four bars long, orchestral music can do a lot within its framework.

But, as can be seen in IU’s song “eight,” which you both produced and featured on, you broke out of pop music’s typical composition style and tried out a highly condensed progression. The composition of the chorus is very straightforward. SUGA: Yes. I insisted that the flow be roughly cut in half from that of a typical song, and I expect more pop music will be like that in the future. And maybe even shorter as time goes on. I mean, these days there’s songs that are under two minutes, even.

Regardless, I felt the chorus in “eight” is extremely dramatic with its structure and the melody of the chorus. I thought it was rather grand in scale as well. Would you say that you’re attempting to mix your tastes and things you want to do into the structure of pop music? SUGA: As you know, I love hip hop, so when I was first making music I thought it had to be hip hop no matter what and that I had to take pride in my own ideas and not accept any compromise. But while getting some experience at the forefront of pop music, I figured out that you can keep being stubborn or inflexible because there are people listening to you. There was a time I made music without any listeners before I became a member of BTS. But if someone were to ask if I stopped being stubborn about the music I’m making these days, the answer’s no. As I grew up and became an adult, I came to realize that I have to negotiate between what I want to do and the kind of music the public wants without compromising anything. When I give up on something I wanted to do, I ask myself, What will I get out of this? And conversely, when I want to do something, I ask myself, What can I get out of this? That’s how I keep my balance to make it to where I am now.

You have no choice but to think about those things when you work on other artists’ songs, especially when you’re a producer. SUGA: I’m BTS’s SUGA, and I’m Agust D, and when I’m producing, I go by “by SUGA.” But when it comes to by SUGA, I make perfectly commercial music. I’m the producer for those songs, sure, but the owner is someone else, you know? In that case, they’re commissioning my work. But they wouldn’t think about just leaving it all with SUGA. The artist’s label has to think carefully about whether to commission me for producing and consider my situation, too, and those people must be hoping for something commercial. That’s the most important part of working with outside people. Actually, that kind of work isn’t much of a benefit to me, to be honest. Oh, he can write this kind of song, too. That’s all. The more valuable thing I can get from it is the recognition and records the artist or the company will get with the song instead.

As you noted in your previous Weverse Magazine interview, when you discussed your “interest in the music industry in the US,” you seem to constantly think about the things artists can do within the framework of the music industry. SUGA: I don’t know. It’s just that I’ve become more certain since the pandemic started that I’m the kind of person who always has to be doing music. That much I know for sure, so I want to keep on making good music. And the pop music market is something that came about because there were people listening, and there’s a long history to the US music market, and it possesses the most influential charts in the whole word. So then I thought, Wouldn’t they have gone through all the same things that we have? And really, whenever I talk to other pop stars, the situation is always similar. The US is also more realistic about commercial results than any other country. I wanted an accurate picture of how those people work. Right now, Korean pop music’s spread is in full swing and we need more good artists to keep popping up. From a producer’s standpoint, if that’s going to happen, I think the key is how well we can mix our music and the characteristics of overseas music industries overall.

How did it feel to be in the lineup for the Grammy Awards, one of the icons of the US music industry? SUGA: The feeling was less immediate because we couldn’t be there in person, and it wasn’t a huge distinction, but the performance made me think, This is different, because it’s the Grammys. What changed my view from the first time I went to an American music awards ceremony was, the first time I went, I was really scared of the world’s biggest music market. But when I look back now, I don’t think I had any reason to feel that intimidated. To be honest, I have only now begun to enjoy the awards ceremonies; I wasn’t able to then.

It’s no exaggeration to say that you’ve achieved most of the things that you can as an artist in the music industry. What steps do you think are necessary for the artists who follow after BTS? SUGA: The way artists work seems so difficult. They make an appearance on a different music show every day once the promotional period begins, meaning the exhaustion artists face is enormous, and that fatigue often results in injuries as it adds up. That kind of music show is for promotional purposes, so it’s not like the artists can earn a proper income from them. On top of that, despite all the promoting, there’s no visible outcome, so they inevitably lose morale. If possible, it’d be nice to have one of the performances be really high-quality, even if it’s just the one, but in this environment I’d say that’s pretty difficult. And since our job doesn’t fit the common conception of work, there’s ambiguous boundaries when it comes to issues of legal protection as well. We need a lot of improvements to be made to the industry and its system.

They demand a lot of things as collateral for success, yet success is extremely difficult to attain. SUGA: The great thing about the label I’m with is they listen to the artists’ opinions. I think both we and the label know to a certain degree what kinds of activities would be best commercially speaking. But the question is whether the body can endure it or not. If the fatigue builds up as you continuously do those promotional activities, it’s hard to do them the way you did when you first debuted. In that case, I think the label ought to actively accommodate the artist’s views about what they can and cannot do. An attitude that’s just like, Oh, we made you kids, and as long as you just do what we tell you to it’ll all work out, so just do it—I think that really doesn’t make any sense. Of course, there could still be situations where the label has to be pushy like that, obviously. But I heard there’s been times where a label will just say, Do it, without any explanation to the artist, or, Why are you talking so much? I think that’s the biggest issue and it’s destroying the industry. If you just see the artist as a product, how can they do anything creative? I really think it’s very contradictory to ask the people on stage to put on an enjoyable performance when they’re experiencing neither fun nor enjoyment.

That reminds me of the music video for “Daechwita” somehow. You appear onscreen as both a rebel character and a king, looking as different as your situation when you first debuted with BTS and your situation now. SUGA: There was a lot I wanted to do in “Daechwita,” not just musically but also visually, and a lot of ideas came to me as I came to reflect on who I am as a person while working on the music video. It naturally occurred to me to separate SUGA, by SUGA and Agust D. The character I played in that video who wasn’t the king was a stranger. It takes place during the Joseon era, but then there’s cars and guns, which of course don’t belong in that era. I think we’ve been living our lives that way. Right from our debut, a portion of the hip hop lovers criticized us by saying, They’re idols. But at the same time, we heard things like, They’re not idols. I didn’t know which drumbeat to march to, so I think that’s why each of our albums took a different direction than people were expecting. But I don’t think I can call myself a stranger in this situation anymore. So these days my main goal is to keep going with BTS for a long time. Having a huge audience show up at our concerts is nice, but I think the goal for all of us is to make sure the group can keep making music even as we get older. I think right now we’re thinking a lot about how we can have fun and be happy on stage.

What do you mean when you say fun and happy music? SUGA: I think people are happier the busier I am, so lately I’ve been thinking that I need to focus a little more. I figure we should do as much as we can for ARMY since they feel happy watching us. We’ll continue to try our best, so I hope they believe in BTS and keep their eyes on us.

So that’s why you do music. SUGA: This is the only thing I know how to really do. Other than music and BTS, there’s nothing special about me when I look at this 28-year-old Min Yoongi. That’s why I want to keep doing this.