#Top10Memories

[akocomyk]

The Risk

2023’s Most Memorable Moment

Where do I even begin?

Haha. 😅 There’s one last love story—one last heart—that I need to talk about. It may not have been the longest situationship from last year, but it was the most genuine. And if I had to choose from the long list of people I’ve met and dated, I’d always choose him.

Cup of Joe is one band that I discovered and got so addicted to after I broke up with my ex. The song I chose for this moment is my favorite from them, and I thought that it was a song I could dedicate to my ex, but somehow, I always felt that it wasn’t meant for him.

And I was right. It was meant for me and my babe.

Charles... Babe?

Can you tell me how do I move on from loving someone who has done nothing but love me in the way that I deserve to be loved? You’re the one who has a long list of ex-lovers, maybe you know.

Remember what I said back in December 26? That in my dating life for 2023, you were the cherry on top. It’s not because you’re the one who ended that phase, but because you were the one that hurt the most. I didn’t include your name in the roll call for that memory because I didn’t meet you in Bumble.

I’ve been telling you this before… I’m still in question of what made you decide to transition from us being just casual online friends to potential lovers.

I’ll never forget how we first met in a Zoom call, and then we connected in Twitter. You were my “happy crush” then, which was why I always replied to you whenever you messaged me. Months later, in October 20, you asked for my Instagram account and began pursuing me.

One of the first things you ever told me was that you were not out to your friends or family, and that you value your privacy. This wasn’t a problem for me. Then came a time when you shared to me how much you cried when you watched Heartstopper and Gaya Sa Pelikula because, unlike the characters in these shows, you still haven’t found the courage to come out to the people you love. So I told you, “Everyone has their right time for that.”

After talking consistently for several days, you began telling me repeatedly that you like me, and I held back myself from saying the same to you because I was trying to guard my heart and I didn’t want to give you the idea that I was easy to get. Honestly though, I’d be lying if I say that I didn’t have the same feelings for you.

Of all the guys I dated, you were the only one who wanted to ask permission from my family first before courting me. You knew your place as well, you respected my individuality, and you didn’t ask me to stop seeing other guys—at least, at first 😉.

I really enjoyed talking with you, and I mean all versions of you. The Swiftie. The deep talker. The ranter. The ML player. The “Did you know…” guy. The avid listener. Even the maker of bad “Tito jokes”. Talking to you gives me so much comfort because I know that no matter how savagely honest I can be with what I think or feel, you would never invalidate me. It just shows how modest, kind, and respectful you are.

But you know what’s my favorite version of you? It’s the one who drunk texts me. 😜 Other than the fact that I find it so funny when you chat me while you’re tipsy, I enjoy hearing you speak without your inhibitions. It feels like I’m seeing your heart without the usual barricade of your logical mind. You were drunk when you begged me to stop seeing other guys. And that’s also when you first sent me a voice record of you saying, “I love you.”

I didn’t want to immediately say it back because, at that point, you still haven’t given that much effort for me. But to tell you the truth, it took me a hard time to stop myself from doing so. I needed to use my head now, you know, after being in a relationship where I was the only one exerting the maximum effort to build it.

You said sorry every time you drunk texted me, and told me to don’t mind the things you said. You say sorry quite a lot, actually. When you over slept. When you forgot to say good night. When you took too long to reply. When you think you’ve offended me even when I wasn’t offended at all. And you’re so cute when you ask me, “Galit ka ba? 🥺”

I’ve never been angry at you. That’s one thing that you never got me to do. But you got me to do other stuff, though.

You got me to play Mobile Legends. No one has ever made me do that. Don’t ever think that I didn’t enjoy playing the game.

You made me eat breakfast—and I’m sorry I still miss it often.

You got me through my dilemma with my past work. That’s why you were the first person to know that I’ve passed the application process in QBE, and that I’ve already accepted their offer.

And… there’s many more.

December 15 was one of my most favorite days this year. Obviously because it was the first time we met in person, and you insisted that you’d go visit me here in Cavite City. I love that the first thing you wanted to do when you got here was to visit my mother’s grave, so I took you to her. And I really didn’t have an itinerary for that day, my idea was just to walk you around my hometown—which we did, and I told you stories about my life as we visited various places. You even met Trish who is one of my best friends.

In the afternoon, we went to the cinemas to watch Wonka, which apparently no one wanted to watch that day aside from us and two other folks. It was there when you asked permission if you could hold my hand—of course, I said yes. Then you also asked permission if you could kiss me, and I said, “Of course!” I mean, you already kissed me twice by then, and you said I tasted like sour cream and cheese, thanks to Potato Corner.

I didn’t remember much about how the film Wonka went, but I will never forget how I felt at home when I was with you.

You brought me back to my house that night, and we were so bummed that we missed our city’s annual “Navidad” parade. We were also bummed that we didn’t kiss each other goodbye despite wanting to.

Come the Christmas holidays, I knew something was rather off with you, and I took it as maybe it’s just because you missed your family in the province so much, knowing that you haven’t spent Christmas with them for years and you’re just spending it now with your friends.

Then on the morning after Christmas, you told me your father called you the night before, and that he was disappointed at you. And you told me you’d come here to Cavite to discuss everything personally.

I was in complete unrest the entire day as I waited for you, and when you finally arrived at our gate that night… I knew some shit’s gonna get real.

We walked, your arm over my shoulders, and you told me what happened.

You came out to your parents—told them over chat—in the first week of December. Your mom replied first, but your dad only replied on Christmas day when he called you. You also told them that you were seeing a guy—me. They weren’t mad at you, they didn’t scold you, but you knew they were disappointed.

I hugged you, even when you didn’t want to ‘coz you just wanted us to keep walking.

And then… you could no longer put words to your thoughts. You just kept saying, “Sorry,” every second. So I said, “I know what you’re trying to tell me without you having to say it out loud.”

It was so hard for me to walk then because I felt like my legs had turned to jelly. I wanted to just lie down and cry on the rain sodden asphalt.

You said you took the risk… because I was the risk w🫀rth taking. You said, “Gusto mo bang itago rin kita? ‘Di mo deserve ‘yun.”

You said, “Sorry I’m not strong enough to go against my parents. Sorry I’m not as strong as you.”

We sat on the pavement in front of our house. We talked more. You said sorry many more times, I told you I wanted to fight for you.

You said, “I love you.” I looked at you and said, “I love you too.” I never thought hearing and saying those words could feel so bittersweet. There were millions of butterflies in my stomach, but they evaporated the minute they spread their wings.

A lot more happened that night. Like how we planned to get drunk, but my homophobic father kicked us out, so I just sent you home. I cried to my sister and told her everything. When we’re both in bed in our own rooms, we couldn’t sleep so we just went on a call until we slept and woke up the next morning.

Shit.

You know, my mother taught me me to fight and never give up for the ones I love. When she was dying, she was still fighting up until her very last breath—maybe even beyond. The doctors told us that they did everything they can to revive her because they could feel that she still wanted to live, but her body just couldn’t make it. The last word she said to me before she was taken to the ICU was, “Hindi ko kayo iiwan.”

I am my mother’s son, and I am like her in many ways. I don’t just look like her, I also love like her. And if I can, even when it’s against all odds, I would still fight for the people I love ‘til there’s only one last glimmer of hope.

But yeah. You needed to be firm with your decision, otherwise coming to me that night would’ve been for nothing, according to you.

It takes great courage to come out. You don’t know how much I wish you’re brave enough to stand firm as well with who you are. You’ve taken a risk, partly because of me, and it’s sad that despite you taking that risk, I only ended up becoming the sacrificial lamb.

My friend said I deserve someone better than you because I don’t deserve to experience what you did.

Forgive me if the skeptical and overthinking part of me tries to paint an unpleasant picture of you—chains of what-if’s that map out a reason to make sense of it all. Like… What if you made it up? You know… just to give me a good story that’ll force us to end our relationship before it even started. What if you did it just to get rid of me, for whatever reason reason that maybe? Maybe you got turned off by my complicated family? My blunt honesty? Or maybe you actually found someone else? Maybe… you found out I was worth more than what you initially wanted me to be, so you got scared that I might end up like your many exes and you wouldn’t want that, so you decided to stop pursuing me before we fall deeper into our feelings.

But we’ve already fallen.

Babe, you are the most memorable moment of my 2023, and I’m grateful for that. Thank you for giving me the best and worst days of the year.

Like we said, maybe in a parallel universe, there’s a version of you who’s brave enough to stay with me. And in this universe of ours, maybe we’re only destined to have a sad, beautiful, tragic love affair.

Regardless, if in this lifetime, you finally find the courage to love freely, come back to me and reclaim the heart that was once yours.

I love you, boss, popcorn, hooman, babe.

I LOVE YOU, CHARLES. Always.

[akocomyk]

Return of the Mermaid

2023’s 3rd Most Memorable Moment

If we had a dose of Vitamin C last January, we had an actual mermaid last December.

By Mermaid, I mean my very close friends, Monica, who immigrated to the US shortly after we graduated high school and has only been here in the Philippines for a vacation every few years—the last time was in 2019, and it was also a contender for my Top 10 Moments list for that year but sadly fell short, giving birth to our #JusticeForMermaids group chat.

Anyway, we had a better plan this year, that’s why it placed really high—and my 2023 wasn’t eventful, to be honest.

We rented an Airbnb rest house in Amadeo, Cavite, but before we headed there, we had lunch at Balay Dako. Some of the food we ordered were their signature paella, lumpiang sariwa, camaron rebosado, ginataang langka, and chicharong bulaklak—Monica had been craving this for days, and tried to order in two different restaurants she had been to recently, but they were sadly unavailable.

After buying some groceries, we then went to our Airbnb. The place was very cozy, it had a small, four-feet deep pool, and we had the entire place to ourselves.

When we’ve already settled, we had a mandatory photoshoot at the side of pool, then we went back inside our room to present our ✨ Life update ✨ presentations, which was Wilma’s idea. I created mine just that morning, right before I readied myself, and I simply copied the stuff from my blog and placed it on a pdf.

Wilma went first, then me. I also introduced to them the guy I was seeing who joined us via Zoom—they were so thrilled to meet him. Marjette, Monica, and Trish followed after me in that order. These presentations went on until 11:00 PM, and we finished one bottle of pink moscato—around 75% was consumed by me, so I was a bit drunk when it was Trish’s turn. And even though I’d love to share all their juicy stories here, they’d kill me if I did.

The following day, we played Cards Agains Humanity, and then went out for a while to buy food for breakfast. Then, we took dip in the pool right after eating.

Upon checking out, we hit the road going to Imus—we were gonna have lunch at Wilma’s house. It was a last minute idea, so her mom just prepared all the food she could get out from the fridge for us. We stayed and rested there for a while, then took a short drive going to Monica’s house for her dinner party.

We brought Wilma’s Tetris Jenga and played for one round, but we never got to finish it ‘coz we were already invited to eat. The moment we returned to our table with our food, the wind blew the jenga tower that we’ve built so far.

Our high school friends, Sarah and Jef, came to the party as well. And we sang karaoke while emptying the three remaining bottles of pink moscato—again, I think I may have drunk 75% of those, meaning I was more wasted then than I was the night before. My most favorite song that we sang that night was Rivermaya’s “You’ll Be Safe Here” because it was such a throwback, and we were harmonizing when we were singing.

You know why I love this memory so much? I woke up the day after feeling a bit depressed ‘coz I just missed being with them. Stuff like this happens only once every few years, and we haven’t even been complete yet—Celine was missing here, Monica wasn’t present back in January.

Maybe we should plan for the next winter solstice, then?

[akocomyk]

#LoveLabanSaQc

2023’s 4th Most Memorable Moment

The biggest Pride event in Southeast Asia happened on June 24, 2023 at the Quezon Memorial Circle during the PridePH Festival.

I was one of the +110,00 who gathered there to fight for our rights, and I was part of the delegation of my former company who joined the Pride march.

During this time, I had already been active in Bumble and I’ve already told my newfound friends who would also be attending that we could meet there.

One of those friends was also an employee of Accenture, and we talked about meeting there on the PridePH event since we both signed up as volunteer representatives for the Pride March.

Volunteers had to attend a briefing session a day before the event so that we’d know what our group’s plan would be. My friend wasn’t able to attend this because he was on the night shift, so I did my best to relay to him all the important information he needed to know.

Then apparently, he received another email saying that he’s one of the volunteers who would have an “extra role” for our group, since he ticked the box in the registration form indicating that he’s willing to help the core team members of our Pride group. He mistakenly thought that ticking the box meant he simply wanted to join the march.

As explained during the briefing, some of these roles include holding flags, banners, picket signs, and people who would be left in our assembly area.

My friend was worried because he didn’t want the additional role—he just wanted to walk—yet he got assigned as a banner bearer. Then I volunteered to help him do that in case he got tired.

On the day itself, it was so difficult to contact anybody because of the sketchy network signal. People say this was for security reasons since there would be a huge crowd. So... I wasn’t able to meet any of those people I said I would meet... Except, of course, my friend from Accenture.

As promised, I helped him carry the banner—which by the latter half of the march was only carried by me and his other friend—and that’s how I ended up being in the front of my former company’s delegation.

We walked roughly five kilometers around Quezon City, starting from the memorial circle and going back. Seeing other people greet us, “Happy Pride!” brought such warm feelings to my heart. And upon our return to the venue, it was already packed, and the crowd was welcoming us with cheers and applause. That’s when I first thought, “WOW! There’s A LOT of people now.” And Nica Del Rosario was playing on the center stage when we’ve already returned to our group’s assembly area.

This was my first time joining a Pride march and a PridePH Celebration. Like I said in my original post about this moment, I promised that I would participate to it even if I’d be on my own. The experience was exhilarating and liberating, and to be amongst my community is just... you know, I felt like I can be myself wholeheartedly without the fear of being judged.

That said, I made yet another promise to myself—and another friend of mine—that I’ll join the next Pride celebration again.

[akocomyk]

It sipped away like a bottle of wine ♫

2023’s 5th Most Memorable Moment

Let’s start this first by introducing the main characters of this memory. All of them have actually been mentioned in the earlier entries in this list, but we shall use aliases for them.

Jeff, he’s the guy I promised to date until the end of 2023. Val, he graduated college from the same school I graduated high school from. And Surge, he’s a teacher.

On the first week of August, I’ve been constantly talking with Val. He’s the apple of my eye then, even when it’s quite difficult to find time to have a chitchat since he’s in the night shift. Still, when he’s not busy, he messaged me even at midnight. He was the first person who made me stop talking to other people, and made me stop swiping in Bumble. During the anniversary concert of my cousin’s local restaurant, I was chatting him, telling which bands were playing.

Val and I met once at a local café here in our city, then we walked around until we got to the bus terminal.

There was a turning point when Val had become too busy with work and had days when he no longer chatted, until he became inconsistent. It hurt me a little bit, so in turn, I went back to swiping in Bumble.

Come this time, Jeff was still in the picture. We still talked, albeit not as frequent as before, and I no longer had the same enthusiasm as I did. We still met on some weekends then for breakfast.

Then here comes Surge, a new Bumble match, whose first message asked if he could see an unmuted video of my “Best Part” cover in my profile. And I replied something like, “Dude, just press the unmute button.” Then he wanted to see more, so we immediately connected in IG after. That’s when he saw all the covers that I posted on my profile, and he showered me with compliments and gave me a bunch of song requests. He even sent a voice record as well, just to demonstrate what song he was talking about. And... OMG, I was... I mean, if there’s love at first sight, could there also be love at first sound? or voice?

That’s how we began. We found so many connections between the two of us. He enjoyed talking to me since it was nothing like he experienced before within the time that he used Bumble. And I really enjoyed talking to him too. Eventually, Surge became the second person to make me stop swiping in Bumble. And at that point, I really thought he could be the one. I then stopped chatting with Val, and I barely chatted with Jeff.

Surge requested that I make a cover of my most favorite song in the Taylor Swift's album Lover. So I—who’s not really much of a Swiftie—listened to the entire album and even asked help from a Swiftie friend. Eventually, I made my own indie folk rendition of the song “Cornelia Street”.

Surge went gaga when I sent that video to him. Apparently, it was his favorite song in the album too. He said that prior to meeting me, he always cried when he heard that song because it reminded him of his ex. However, hearing my rendition made him smile.

There was a time in August when my sister, her friend, and I were in IKEA. Surge and I were chatting until he had to take a nap. Then here comes another factor in the equation. While we were in line at the cash register, Ge (my ex) sent a message, after two months of not saying any word to me. And then... we talked about the stuff that we missed in our lives since we stopped messaging last June. Apparently, he was about to start working for the government then as an RND. He sent a selfie, like he used to, and that’s when I saw that he still wore the necklace and promise ring that I gave him. And he also had some indirect statements that make suggestions about us. We then continued to message each other occasionally after this.

Fast forward to my sister’s birthday. Jeff, on the night before, asked if we should still continue our situationship, to which I said yes ‘coz I promised him ‘til the end of 2023. He had been wondering because I’d been cold to him in the recent weeks. He agreed to my answer initially. However, while we’re having my sister’s party and I was slightly tipsy, he messaged me that he’d make the decision for us and he would like us to just be friends. And I was like... okay. I’d agree then, but I hate to break my promise. A day after, he posted an IG story of him checking in at a hotel that I’ve been to before, so I asked what he was doing there, and he told me he’s having a staycation with some guy.

Okaaaay.

On the other hand, Surge was in Sagada. He told me he he’s saving battery and data before he climbed up there, but he was able to post some stories throughout his stay there that lasted for around three days.

Val sent messages to me the day after my sister’s birthday, checking if I was okay, because he missed yung pangungulit ko. I apologized for not being able to talk to him in the past week or so, and said I would make sure na kukulitin na ulit kita. And we started messaging each other constantly again after this.

On August 28, while we were at a wake, Surge sent me a long message after almost three days of ignoring me. He said he wasn’t ready for commitment, and he was still unsure about what he needed to prioritize at that point in his life. He said that I didn’t do anything wrong, he just didn’t want to use me to fully move on from his last breakup since he knew he still hadn’t fully recovered.

I accepted his words. I told him I liked him, and he told me he liked me too but I deserve someone better. I wanted to cry then, but I couldn’t because it would’ve been totally weird—I mean yeah, we were at a wake, but you know.

A few days later, I went back to check on his Bumble profile. Then I saw that he made a few updates.

‘Di ready for commitment pero gagamit pa rin ng Bumble? Pinaglololoko niyo ba ‘ko, Sir? May BFF mode naman ‘di ba?

I’m kidding.

It was this time that I tried learning how to play “Tadhana” by Up Dharma Down on the piano, just to relieve my emotional breakdown. Dahil ‘di ko na kaya ang pag-alab ng aking puso.

Charot.

Jeff asked if we could go out one last time that next weekend, after reading some of my blog posts. That wasn’t the last time we saw each other.

Val and I eventually stopped talking, just some occasional kumustahan.

Surge never talked to me again but we’re still connected in IG.

Ge greeted me, “HNY! 🎊”

[akocomyk]

Turning 29

2023’s 6th Most Memorable Moment

Anyone here who loves playing Zelda games? If you do, then the heart that I chose to represent this memory might be familiar to you.

If you wanna read a more detailed version of this memory, please go here.

Anyway, I used that heart because my closest friends in my previous company created a Zelda-themed birthday e-card for me. And I was sooo happy about it because I had always wished that they’d make something like that in the past years, and when we discontinued creating e-cards for our teammates, I was a bit saddened that this wish would never come true.

In those five days that I celebrated my birthday, I had a fixation on one song so I kept on listening to it. I even made a cover of it with a ukulele.

I think this song is also fitting because, on my exact birthday, Gerald and I had a date in SM Mall of Asia. While he wandered off for a while right before we met, I waited for him at Starbucks as I finished my coffee. A few days later, my teammates sent me a birthday cake at my home and it's flavored coffee caramel.

Now... I don’t know what else to say. 😅 I mean, I already told the story in my original blog post and I wouldn’t want to reiterate the events here.

In a gist, it’s just a series of simple joys and celebrations that went on for five days, and I spent it with my former partner, close friends, my dentist, and my family.

These were enough to make me happy.

[akocomyk]

Goodbye, Accenture

2023’s 7th Most Memorable Moment

And hello, QBE.

For those who haven’t caught up wih the news yet... Yes, I’ve already left my job at Accenture and I’m currently on my third week here in QBE.

During the days I was going back and forth in Manila to get through my pre-employment requirements, someone special to me shared The Philppine STAR Playlist 💙💛 on Spotify, and it’s been on my library ever since. One of the songs in that playlist that I’ve listened to in repeat was this:

I mean... just the lyrics “Gusto kong ibigay buhay na gusto mo,” are the perfect words to embody the reason why we strive to provide the best life for ourselves and the people we love.

Whenever I was asked to tell the story why I chose to leave Accenture, I always start back in April or May this past year. That was when recruiters from other companies reached out to me via LinkedIn and offered opportunities. During that time, I updated my resumé and portfolio.

A very close friend of mine from work was very supportive of me. She thought that my promotion has long been overdue, and if this can only be offered outside of our company, then so be it. She advised me to jump on the opportunity now when I’m still young and flexible enough to handle the transition, because I deserve to grow in my career. I don’t deserve to be wasted doing the same things over and over when I can already go out there and do more—earn more.

Going back to our story... Of course, none of the applications from that era was successful. I simply kept on the positive mindset. If they didn’t hire me, then maybe because God spared me from the worse. And besides, I still had Accenture with me—and maybe, the overdue promotion would come soon enough. At least I was able to refresh my interview skills and see my worth in the career market.

Fast forward to last October when a very harrowing announcement rattled our minds, bodies, and souls. I was almost positive that the long-awaited promotion isn’t coming this year. This triggered me to send various applications simply out of spite—good thing I have an updated resumé and portfolio.

Then, my application for QBE was noticed. In those series of interviews, I knew I did my best, but I was also unintentionally making a fool of myself.

Obviously, it didn’t hurt my chances. Maybe my personality shone through and they felt it? And maybe that’s exactly what they need? Then there’s also my relentless eagerness to learn new things.

Anyway, so the entire recruitment process lasted for around two weeks, then I was given a job offer and I accepted.

I talked to my former lead who just got back from her vacation in Japan, and she was shocked at how quick the events unfolded. Then I received the news that all three designers under her have tendered their resignations.

That’s just… Wow. 😅

So now, three weeks in, work at QBE seems promising, judging from the stories of the people I’ve encountered so far. And guess what? Most of my teammates are former employees of Accenture as well.

Let's all hope and pray for greater things ahead.

And here's a my first selfie in the office during my first day.

[akocomyk]

Dating Game

2023’s 8th Most Memorable Moment

When my ex and I broke up, one of my friends urged me to talk and meet new people through Bumble dating. It can be my distraction and coping mechanism from the heavy emotions I was feeling. My goal was to just enjoy the dating experience and not necessarily focus on getting in a relationship—if it does happen, then good, but if not, then that’s also okay.

What’s important is for me to not wallow on the side effects of my grief.

When I set up my profile, I included a video of me doing a cover of Daniel Caesar (and H.E.R.)’s song.

Did it work? It damn well did.

And in turn, it gave me one of the craziest experiences in my life—and there’ll be more about this as we go further up the Top 11 list.

In the first one to two weeks I’d been swiping and talking, at least five people expressed their intentions in going out with me. There was also a period when three people were courting me at the same time. And... Yeah, this wasn’t even the crazy part I mentioned earlier.

There were 14 notable people in this experience, including those I had been in significant talking stages: Steph, Pat, Shan, Gerome, Boom, Rupert, Vry, Adri, Jai, Kenneth, Kim, Keith, James, and John.

Most of these people I talked to or went out with from June to August. One of them was the guy whom I promised to date ‘til the end of 2023. One had halitosis. One hoped he could get a partner before he moved to the US. One I liked but was inconsistent. There’s one guy I really vibed with and we had mutual feelings for each other, but he said he was indecisive and I deserve someone more than him. Then there’s a dentist who hasn’t moved on yet from his past heartbreak—we still talk to this day.

So, unfortunately, none of them ended up being my partner—at least, for now? I mean, we can’t tell what the future has for us. However, I’m still thankful that these people have been a part of my 2023. No matter how small that part may be, I’d still have them etched in my memory.

I’m no longer as active in Bumble as I was before. Because... reasons. And one of those reasons is… dating can be quite exhaustive. You talk to people, you let them in to your life, you meet them, etc., and even after doing all this, nothing happens still. You’re just left emotionally, physically, and financially drained. And it’s not easy to take in the fact that you hurt people when you’re incapable of loving them back, even when they’ve done nothing wrong and only mean to make you happy.

Kaya nga may nagsabi sa’kin ng, “Loving you is not for the faint of heart.”

If there’s any good takeaway from this memory, it’s how I regained my confidence in conversing with other people. And more importantly, I was able to realize my worth as a person. In a sense, no longer will I accept the bare minimum if someone desires to jump on a commitment with me. I have witnessed what people are willing to do to win my heart, and it showed me the difference between the things that I deserve and don’t deserve.

[akocomyk]

Ice Skating + Johnoy

2023’s 10th Most Memorable Moment

Back in July, I started seeing a guy whom I met in Bumble, but I didn’t friendzone him after our first date because I still saw potential in him.

On our second date, I told him he wasn’t the only person I was entertaining, so he made me promise that we’d go out until the end of 2023, and then I’ll decide if I’ll friendzone him or not. However, we won’t be exclusive—we could still see other people as we please.

The last time we saw each other was in October 28 when we went ice skating in Mall of Asia, then went to see Johnoy Danao’s live show at Third Bloom Café in Naic, Cavite.

So... on our bus ride going to Naic, although I may be remembering it wrong, this song played on the radio.

Regardless, that song played in the background many times in the numerous dates we had, therefore I’m reminded of him every time the song plays.

Going back. This was the first time that I learned how to skate—I didn’t even have roller skates when I was a kid. AND I ENJOYED IT, despite the minor injuries I incurred while doing so. And I really wanted to try ice skating again until I can do it properly.

Then... watching Johnoy Danao in a very intimate setting was magical. He’s one of the biggest influences in my musicality, so you can just imagine how hard I restrained myself from fanboying inside the café. This wasn’t the first time I’ve seen him perform—he was in Leni’s rallies during the 2022 campaign period—but watching him up-close was an entirely different experience.

• • • • •

And to you, my ever so effortful friend,

Thank you for all that you did for me in the past year. You’ve made my 2023 a lot less boring and painful, and for that, I’ll always be grateful. Again, I’m so sorry for all the pain I caused you. I’m also sorry for only seeing you as a friend.

I picked this date out of all the dates we had because it made me realize what I have been looking for in you—the reason why I couldn’t return your feelings for me. Remember, I’ve always wondered what it was that you lacked.

You have some sort of emotional detachment—at least, that’s what it seemed to me. I recognize and appreciate the effort that you put into everything—and your gestures were very impressive—but I somehow couldn’t feel the genuine compassion, respect, and concern for me even when your actions intend to make me feel that I’m cared for.

And as a general attitude of mine, I tend to naturally reciprocate how others treat me. So with you, you can imagine me mirroring a frozen heart that’s unwilling to melt.

Nevertheless, if you do like the version of you when you’re with me, I hope that you retain this even when I’m not with you.

In the end, we both know another person deserves this kind of love from you. When they come, all that you do will be just enough for them.

Stay strong. I know you’ve already gone through so much shit in your life—I hate to be one of them—but I still wish you all the best.

At friends pa rin naman tayo 'di ba.

[akocomyk]

The 11 Hearts of My 2023

Looking back on how the year went, I thought I really didn't do anything quite remarkable—aside for getting my heart broken for at least three times. And to be honest, doing this annual tradition of mine for 2023 seems like a stretch.

Regardless, even when all the most unexpected things happened, both good and bad, life is still worth celebrating.

Which is why I'm still doing this Top 10 Most Memorable Moments list.

Since this is the eleventh year, I'm listing down eleven memories instead of the usual ten. And... I only had eleven memories in contention for the list, so it would've been a bummer for that one and only memory to be declared as an honorable mention.

And... I thought using hearts to symbolize how I felt for each memory is quite fitting since a lot of things this year revolved around some aspect of love.

Also, I decided to make a playlist for this—similar to what I did last year, wherein each song represents a memory.

If you wanna have a go on guessing what those memories are, here's the playlist:

[akocomyk]

Binondo and Luneta

2022’s 10th Most Memorable Moment

We braved the heat of the sun, walking around Binondo and Luneta. I didn’t mind it all because I was with him. And in this crazy world, I wouldn’t care what other people think of us as long as we’re happy and we’re not doing any harm to anyone.

I would’ve been in Leni Robredo’s Grand Rally in Makati that day, but my sister couldn’t make it because of her pregnancy. So... Gerald and I decided to see each other instead.

We haven’t seen each other since February 25—LDR problems, right? All the while, he had been meaning to take me on a Binondo Food Walk.

Hence, that was our plan. Food Walk—we even had a list of food we’d like to try—and then we’d go to Luneta after, if we still had time.

The day came. We were at Binondo. We walked. The first food we tried was the famous Shanghai Fried Siopao.

We walked again, trying to find the store that sells fresh lumpia. We found it eventually, after much scrolling in Google maps and strolling around Ongpin.

Then we grew tired. That easy. We wanted to go on and find more dishes to eat but we just couldn’t.

So we went to Lucky Chinatown Mall to cool down. We ate lunch at S&R—we actually ate the fresh lumpia there too.

Afterwards, we went to Luneta, but the gates were barricaded by “Closed” signs.

Gerald was so disappointed because all the things we planned didn’t happen.

But then we thought, maybe there was another entrance to the park.

On the way to find another entrance, we passed by the National Museum of Natural History. I told him I’ve never been there, and so did he. Fortunately, we found out that the museum was open and the only requirement to enter was to present our vaccination cards.

So we did. The next thing I knew, we were holding hands, walking inside the galleries of the National Museum.

While inside the museum, a staff told us that only a part of Luneta was closed.

We waited until the museum closed its doors to visitors before we went to Luneta.

HHWW continued there as we passed the time by before parting and heading home.

[akocomyk]

November Weekend

2022's 2nd Most Memorable Moment

Nothing beats a day well-spent with the people you love—except maybe a memory that’s made so much impact in your life, nothing else that happened after that could be more memorable. Hence, this three-day event is only the runner-up of the year.

The following song was originally meant as an allusion to drugs. In a certain point of view, love is like a drug. It makes you feel good. It can liberate you. It’s more fun if you’re enjoying it with someone special. Ultimately, too much of it can kill you.

Nevertheless, the right amount of love is just perfect.

Last November, I posted three photo collages following the same visual theme. I did so because I knew right then that those days were one of the best memories I’ve had last year—if not the best—and it’s just interesting that they all happened consecutively.

I contemplated hard within myself if I should give this the top spot or not—obviously, the other memory won.

November 11

We were supposed to celebrate this day back on October 7, few days after our anniversary. Gerald was unfortunately sick that time, much to our dismay, and we couldn’t schedule at an earlier date because he wanted to focus on reviewing for his licensure exam.

It was a good decision, though. Having it in November made it a double celebration—our anniversary and him passing his exam.

We had a staycation at a cheap hotel somewhere in Pasay. It had a swimming pool on the roof deck.

We ate a lot—Manam, Greenwich, hotel food—and we played Nintendo.

November 12

After checking out from the hotel, we went to SM Mall of Asia where my sister joined us. We watched Black Panther: Wakanda Forever.

November 13

Wilma and I went to the Pintô Art Museum in Antipolo, Rizal. We ate breakfast there—pizza and pasta.

She was astounded at how quickly I roamed around the galleries—she expected me to observe longer than she and Jemar did when they visited the museum, knowing the artistic person that I am.

Don’t get me wrong. I love viewing art. Not to say anything bad about the artists who made the pieces, but I think the museum was just too cluttered—it didn’t give the pieces the ample space they deserve. I was just looking everywhere and I’m like, “Why are these displayed like this???” 

It’s difficult to appreciate a work of art if everything surrounding it is trying to grab your attention. Having said that, I still gave some time to appreciate and try to interpret some of them if they were given enough space and justice—or if I find the piece very intriguing.

So for me, the museum itself—its galleries, the collection of pieces from the different artists, and everything that makes up the whole place—is the artwork. The obra maestra of the museum's owner.

Going back to our story... We went to a nearby café right after. She had coffee and I had a calamansi juice—if I remember correctly.

Then we headed back to Cavite to grab my keyboard from her house, then to Marjette’s house to eat dinner—it was the feast day of Cavite City.

November 14 (just some extra)

Wilma was in Cavite City once more and wanted to pass the time to wait for the traffic to ease—there was heavy traffic outbound from the city. She invited us for dinner, only I responded, so we ate at Papa Chon’s Ribs and Wings.

[akocomyk]

The Tooth Chronicles

2022's 4th Most Memorable Moment

You can summarize my September and October with one thing—weekly trips to the dentist.

And when everyone was being hyped up by Halloween, upcoming holiday season, or even school, I’m just excited to get out of the house every week to have my tooth treated.

What better way to represent this memory than with a song that gives me autumn vibes—even though we don’t experience autumn here in our country?

Read a more detailed story about my Tooth #46 here.

Anyway, it’s been a few months after all the procedures were done on my tooth and, fortunately, it feels normal again. For someone who didn’t grow up visiting the dentist regularly, this is an achievement.

This memory is probably the most I’ve spent money with—it was more than ₱30,000, a fraction of which I still haven’t paid for as of this writing. Almost all of the procedures aren’t covered by my HMO. Come to think of it, I could’ve gone to a vacation in a different country with that amount.

So… guys, take real good care of your teeth and maintain a good oral hygiene, if you don’t want to experience the excruciating pain from a decaying teeth.

It’s because of this experience that my pain scale has extended. As in, whenever the physical therapist asks to rate my pain in my wrist and back, I’d always just say 1 or 2.

And I’m not yet done, just so you know. There’s still a lot of work I need to do with my teeth. I’ll be coming back to the dentist soon.

[akocomyk]

PasigLaban

2022's 5th Most Memorable Moment

I never intended to go to Leni’s campaign rally in Pasig, but my sister, her friends, and Annie had encouraged me to come—their selling point was, “Ben&Ben will be there.” I wanted to be a silent supporter of Leni—someone who who wasn’t vocal about which candidate I support, but deep down, I was a Kakampink.

But… Attending the PasigLaban rally changed all of that. It was the first campaign rally I’ve ever joined.

That was also the first time I heard the song by Nica del Rosario.

I felt quite ashamed that I wasn’t able to sing along with all the others when Nica and Gab Pangilinan sang this song live during the rally.

I was able to sing during the performance of the bands and artists before them, but I ironically couldn’t sing on the songs that matter.

So I promised myself that I would repeatedly play this song until I’ve memorized it—even the voicing (yeah, I also listened to the version by Bukas Palad Ministry).

Anyway… anyone who has attended Leni’s rally know the feeling of inspiration and exhilaration it gives. Yes, it was also exhausting and uncomfortable as an MRT ride during pre-pandemic rush hour, but it was definitely worth it.

Read more about my PasigLaban experience here.

[akocomyk]

Staycation

2022's 6th Most Memorable Moment

Gerald and I stood inside the room. His arms were wrapped around me, and mine around him. Our foreheads rested against each other. Together, we swayed offbeat to the tune of Johnoy Danao’s song,

I already knew Gerald plays keys when we first met. Few days after that first meeting, he posted a cover of “Ikaw at Ako” on Twitter. I replied to his post with a cover of the same song on the guitar—I’ve been playing that song since 2015.

And then… everything else is history.

In our first date back in December 2021, Gerald was always singing, “Gusto kitang isayaw nang mabagal,” and he mentioned that he really meant what he was singing.

It wasn’t until a month later that we were able to dance as a pair, during our first staycation. That was a day of firsts for the both us.

I had my annual physical exam that morning, and I came to the clinic with Aia—one of my colleagues at work. She handed me a lot of things that day before we parted—books from her late father and some “birthday gifts” she and my other work-friends have collected.

After our exams, she dropped me off quickly at Robinsons Galleria where Mel was waiting for me. That was the first time Mel and I saw each other since the pandemic started.

Aia drove away to go home, and I wanted Mel to meet Gerald—who was already on his way—but she was skeptical of the idea. She gave me a packet of matcha powder before saying goodbye.

Gerald and I met a few minutes later and ate lunch at Peri-Peri Chicken. I spent the rest of the day and the following day with him in an Airbnb unit.

We stayed up until midnight and watched fireworks from our window overlooking the metro. Earlier that night, Annie was sending me pictures of their dinner table filled with food—she and her family celebrates Chinese New Year.

That day, Gerald gave me two oversized shirts—one of which matches with his, just a different color.

I gave him a promise ring.

[akocomyk]

Heartstopper

2022's 7th Most Memorable Moment

“This series’ soundtrack is meant for me,” I said as I moved further along the episodes. All the songs played on the background fit my usual radio on Spotify—and I was so happy there’s an official mixtape.

One of my favorite songs in that mixtape is the one played when Nick and Charlie see snow falling after playing Mario Kart—which is also one of my favorite scenes.

I’m not really into watching BL shows—which is kinda ironic because my love life is a legit BL story in itself. When Heartstopper was trending on my Tumblr feed, I didn’t give much thought into it due to my disinterest in said genre.

However, while eating dinner one night, I wanted to watch something on Netflix. I couldn’t find anything I’m greatly enthusiastic about, but then I saw Heartstopper in my suggested shows. I decided to give it a go but promised myself I wouldn’t focus on it.

Boy, was I wrong.

I thought the show was cringeworthy at first, but I was slowly getting hooked as I went through the first episode.

I finished the first season the day after—watched it while I was working. That same day, I learned that it was based on a webcomic and graphic novel. I was ecstatic.

I wanted more. I wanted to read the graphic novels, but I didn’t know how to get access to it aside from purchasing physical copies—I didn’t know then that it was available for free on WEBTOON.

Nick and Charlie’s love story is nowhere near our’s—aside from the Mario Kart part—but watching the series made me feel the same warmth in my heart. It literally was a “heart-stopper” for me. I could always feel the butterflies in my stomach while watching. In many other ways, I could relate so much to it.

Their love was just so pure and so innocent.

The show aptly illustrates how people of the LGBTQ+ community are not so different from everyone else in terms of love. We are all the same.

And the timing is just perfect. I watched it during a very pivotal point in my life. Because of that, everything about Heartstopper became an influential part of my 2022, and it solidified its place in this list.

After discovering the official mixtape on Spotify, the songs became the most-played on my account. I still play them up to this day. I chose some of them for this Top 10 list.

A few months after watching the show, I looked into how I could read the graphic novels for free, and upon successfully knowing how, I finished all available webcomics in two days—a few chapters are still being produced by Alice Oseman.

I re-watched the show after reading, and I occasionally watch some episodes again every now and then.

Someday, I’m gonna have my own physical copies of all volumes of the novels.

[akocomyk]

Undergoing Therapy

2022's 9th Most Memorable Moment

There really comes a time when your body reminds you that you’re not immortal. And even though your heart and your mind can still push on with life, your body tells you that you may want to give it some attention.

I have the habit of listening to music whenever I commute, and this song by beabadoobe is always in my playlist. The clinic that I go to for my physical therapy sessions is, more or less, a two-hour travel from my house.

Earlier this year, I felt pain on my wrist as I did my usual stuff at work—pain that I don’t commonly feel in any part of my body. My arm also started getting weaker and is always getting easily tired whenever I use it.

The pain subsided eventually, and I thought that maybe I could brush it off and just let my body heal itself until the pain is gone.

I was wrong. The pain didn’t go away, although it was never as strong as the first time I felt it. My arm was still weak. And the pain now travels and shoots up to my upper back.

I contacted a clinic that was covered by my company’s HMO, got an appointment for a PT session and tele-consultation with a doctor.

The diagnosis was carpal tunnel syndrome and another one that’s related to the upper back—couldn’t remember it. The doctor recommended eight sessions for my therapy, and that’s what I’ve been doing since November 26.

And… my body is responding well, somehow. All the pain and weakness were greatly reduced. I still have one last session to go, and hopefully all goes well.