#STILL NOT DONE AAAAAAA i love tag rants tho it does make me feel better getting it out w/o putting the pressure on someone to respond
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#STILL NOT DONE AAAAAAA i love tag rants tho it does make me feel better getting it out w/o putting the pressure on someone to respond#so yeah i really just need to give him the space to respond and just kinda leave my best friend out of it...#I'm just gonna have to do 2 separate camping trips so that no one's feelings get hurt#I'm kinda done ranting about my anxieties over his text messages#but now I'm getting hyperfixated on my best friend's response to everything#because a couple of weeks ago she told me that i have a bad habit of cutting people off when they've made a forgivable mistake#I've even done it with her before. she said it was a fear she has now. and it's valid#but that's why it makes it all the more frustrating that she pushes me to cut people off over minor things#bc that was by far not the first time I've told her that i was kind of sad about someone and she said to cut them fully off#i reconciled with an old friend recently after we had a falling out a couple of years ago and she got onto me about it hard#saying that i was being manipulated back into being friends w the person based off of the experiences she had w them a DECADE ago#she says that about every person i forgive for anything...but the thing is that we've forgiven each other for worse#and people have forgiven me for doing absolutely piece of shit things and that's how i got to where i am today#all I'm ''forgiving'' this guy for is being awkward after asking to fuck 6 months ago he didn't even really do anything bad#like yeah my feelings were hurt but it's really not a big deal#i just don't think it's very fair of her to try to convince me that I'm being manipulated literally *every time* i forgive someone#i feel like that in itself is manipulative... and again it's not like this guy actually did something horrible#i get it...she's trying to look out for me and she HAS seen people manipulate me before multiple times#she's seen me go back to abusive relationships repeatedly for example#so i see why she'd be worried about me yearning hard over a guy...#idk how to tell her it's not like that when she's seen me make excuses for absolute pieces of shit in the past#but i really feel like she should be able to figure out for herself that it's not like that...she's going fully off of assumptions#i mean she's literally the only friend of mine who's responding in this way. everyone else fully understands#it just really hurts knowing that if i keep pursuing him she's going to think of me as naïve#and it really hurts knowing i can't hang out with them both at the same time anymore#like im fully aware that my anxiety about him saying he was too busy to talk while at work could very well be an overreaction#especially considering that we had a conversation the other day about how he was sorry for shutting down when he was going thru trauma#and the fact that me telling him 6 months ago there was a possibility of me catching feelings freaked him out is very reasonable#i actually would have fully cut someone off for that. and my best friend knows this#she will legitimately act like he's evil if i tell her that he said he couldn't respond to me while at work. like. fully
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