#being mean to people? bad!
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is there a way to get out of that cycle? i dont know whats right to do, keeping my feelings to myself will only lead to exploding at some point and hurt me, but sharing what i feel or think about pieces of media while not wanting to hear differing opinions- and being rly emotional affected by them and unable to ignore it alot of the time.... but also wanting to connect and not feel this lonely all the time ....... but then my opinions being dead set will lead me to being mean and feel guilty for it, doubting myself (what if I AM wrong after all) so if i cant handle that i should just keep it to myself- and im back at the start
"be yourself" can i???? should i???? myself can be mean! i can be agressive! i can explode at people! unnecessarily so! i dont want that!! i feel so guilty and embarassed! wanting to connect only with the people that feel the same as you is a silly and stupid want that will never work and yet i keep trying it anyway!! its all so contradictory!! it only pushes people away bc i can be so unpredictable and mean and yet i am unable to shut up!! i dont know what to do!! i feel guilty for it all constantly!!! i hate it!!!
#ganondoodles talks#personal#i feel like im nearing a breakdown and i dont know why!!!!!!! i keep feeling like this!!! right on the edge of emotions i dont get!! why!!#why am i like this!!!!!!!!!#my only way to talk to people and all i do is be a little shit bc i am so dead set on my stupid game opinions#in the end its right! its just a game!#i dont know what to do#keeping to yourself? bad!#talking about game but not wanting the opposite opinion? stupid bad!#writing it where no one will see? doesnt work! bad!#being mean to people? bad!#ignoring? cant! bad!#deleting post to avoid more comments? feel guilty! bad!#delete post after replying meanly to someone? weird and bad!#by deleting post good comments gone! bad! guilty!#do something else? dont know anything! bad!#go meet freinds? dont have any! bad!#find some? dont know how! am weird! scary! bad!#all bad!!#too much feel! bad!#wish i could just turn off the 'emotion' switch#and just turn into an art maschine that never says anythign stupid and just 'works'
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WE'RE SO BACK
#tim drake#nightwing#dick grayson#hey this took under 7 hours to do and that was so much faster than the last attempt. that other tim drake one with cleaner lines took me#days to finish and i was coloring it like that one white boy with pulsing veins on his forehead. i was watching one video about how the#thing stopping you from creating is being too obsessed with perfectionism and this is true. we must go forward. GO FORTH. CREATE.#EMBRACE FLAWS AND ACCEPT THAT SOMETIMES IT MAY LOOK ASS. I wouldve been happier with more frames between it but it is a sunday.#M-F employed people you know that means no staying up til 3 am doing little projects because it will mess u up so bad. finished before 12
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You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side
#m/cc#mine#I tried extremely hard to word this nicely because I KNOW people don't mean bad and often even know there are unique challenges#and believe me I know the challenges of invisible disability too!!#I have invisible disabilities!#but as someone who has also been at least visibly 'off' since they were 10 I am SO SICK of invisible disabilities being hailed as like#a unique extra oppression that us lucky visibly disabled people don't have to deal with#there are challenges to invisible disabilities that visibly disabled people DON'T have to deal with!#but you need to understand that *the reverse is also true*#there are MASSIVE benefits to being able to lie about your disability for example#or not dealing with the overt ableism that comes with your disability being obvious to everyone#*I do not have the option to pretend I'm not disabled.* that is never an option I have#I walk weirdly. I use a mobility aid now. my speech and face are 'off.' I lean to one side#for a long time I wore sunglasses 24/7 and often didn't make sense. I sometimes can't speak or won't react to others#for the most part people will always know that at the very least something is wrong with me#and more obviously I have people telling me they'll pray for me; telling me I can't do things I'm already in the process of doing;#wanting to shake my hand to tell me I'm an inspiration for not killing myself; giving me dirty looks for existing in public#and yes. I'm aware that this is very much an in-community issue. I know the average abled person doesn't know invisible disabilities exist#that's why there's so much awareness happening for it#but as a visibly disabled person I get SO TIRED of constantly hearing 'I wish my disability was visible :'('#it's just 'I wish I had your disability!' but from other disabled people
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pics that make you go "oh I KNOW he eated a trash"
#transformers one#tf one#transformers#tfo#tf one bumblebee#b 127#bumblebee#tf one elita#elita#elita one#elita 1#making bee a dr. pepper drinker despite it not making any sense in-universe simply bc it brings me joy#anyway#i feel like they didnt treat the workers in sublevel 50 well if at all#(leaning towards the “if at ALL”)#and that includes making sure theyre fed and stuff#i mean orion and d16 were the first people bee saw in AGES so clearly they werent hand delivering energon down there#they probably just remotely dropped some down occasionally but that “occasionally” could be anything#so i feel like bee had to go through some unsavory “food-like” items to survive#feel so bad being mean to him yet i keep drawing these things so...#dr pepper
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#kirby#plants#daily kirby#my art#digital#hal laboratory#nintendo#I mean honestly truly I am a winter girlie (gender neutral) through and through#but fall means winter is coming :)#(summer is my enemy. I hate the sun. I hate being warm. I hate 16 hours of flippin daylight. it's all bad for me.)#also something about the phrase 'unrestrained summer fun' is really speaking to me lately#especially when paired with very mild activities (as above) or like. other people actively trying to stop the actor in question.
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today i love the red metal crane in her long neck arching her body over the boston skyline, which means i am okay for a moment. when i am unwell, everything is a little ugly. i always tell myself look for the beauty but when it is bad, i will look at birds and sunsets and little ducklings and feel absolutely nothing.
when my brother got his puppy, i was in a deep depression. what kind of monster isn't affected by a puppy. i was gentle and kind to her - i just didn't have an emotional reaction. she's five now and i feel like i spend all of our interactions apologizing to her - i don't know why. i just didn't feel anything. how embarrassing. i feel like if i admit that, i'll seem cruel and jaded. it comes in waves. like, two months ago when i went out into the world - it was like that. life behind a pane of stormglass. a firework could go off over your head - nothing. like dead skin, no reaction. not to ice cream or rainbows or baby chickens. life foggy and uninteresting.
i love goslings again. i love their little webbed feet splayed over grass. i love good food and live music and long walks. i like puppies. i feel like some kind of my soul has been starved - i keep staring at everything with wide eyes, trying to burrow the sensation into my stomach. it's real. beauty is real. when it's bad again, remember this. i stop and smell the flowers, feeling cliche in the moment. i like the white-to-red ombre of my neighbor's roses. i like colorcoding and yoga and cold drinks. i try to pass my hands over every moment, feeling like i'm squeezing joy out of every instant. remember this. for the love of god, it's real - just remember this.
#and yet i NEVER DO REMEMBER IT#spilled ink#writeblr#i feel like due to tiktok ppl think >#deeply depressed & not having an emotional reaction to things MUST mean#you are cruel or uncaring#like girlie that is STILL a lack of mental illness awareness. it doesn't make us mean#it just means im like. ohhhh im not well. i don't really react to puppies. that's bad#Im still gonna be super nice to the puppy. like it just doesn't bring me joy.#bc the problem i have is CLINICAL. the dopamine ISNT being made.#but PLENTY of us are still kind#considerate.#GENTLE people. even if we're like '..........' all the time.#i actually think this is why i'm harsh on people who are so mean - you don't need to be emotionally attached to someone/thing#in order to be kind.... you just choose to be kind bc it's the right thing to do#not bc it's easy....... like it's extra effort sure. but it's worth it. bc ppl deserve kindness.#it's hard to describe this bc it's the ugly side of depression. the part that's like#not in netflix - the part where it's like ''i love this person. i just don't feel anything''
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Checking up on his commission
#hate this guy. spoilers under tag cutoff#i fear i may have cooked with the tags. slash jay.#I've always imagined him with Particulars but I keep forgetting to draw them til like now#he speaks in lowercase to me. for reasons#I wanna know more about this untrustworthy bisexual but I also kinda wanna attack him every time he shows up#cant wait for the inevitable boss fight#fun fact: according to the dictionary 'nebulae' can refer to a clouded spot on the cornea that can cause defective vision#a limbus is 'the junction of the cornea and sclera in the eye'#so I think I speak for us all when I say WHAT THE FUCK MAN#what the hell was he on abt with Dante falling from the sky. and by sheep does he mean June 985 or?#if anyone wants to theorise on my post I'm all for it#limbus company#dante lcb#demian lcb#⏰🐍#unfortunately proud of that caption btw he really is just wanting his comm#HM WAIT BACK AGAIN#is the way the San was on about with leading the fallen nebulae home what causes J985?#as in - it is not people dying but them returning to their rightful place outside the City#with Purgatorio being the war 📘[i think] mentioned#is the doomsday Dante's head leading to the war? it typically refers to humanity's self destruction#or any globlal catastrophe#oh ok with PM is being sneaky again the Wiki page says it was inaugurated in June and guess when the MDE is#but generally things like nuclear war - AI and climate change are the main factors contributing to it#and we've already faced AI in the prev games via Angie so presumably one of the others will be the main force behind Dante's midnight#i personally like the nuclear angle given how Dante's head is already a clock#*BOMB. THEIR HEAD IS A BOMB THAT CAN BLOW UP#please do not write tags at night this was a bad idea
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the world is so fucked up and i can't help but think the damage is irreparable when i see people talking about how unusual and prudish it is to wait six to ten dates before having sex with someone. ten dates??? roughly like twenty five hours of interaction????? ten old timer burgers and mango iced teas from chilis equals sex?????? the possibility of pregnancy, STDs, emotional devastation, lifelong consequences, not to mention just straight up the possibility of getting murdered, with a STRANGER you have hung out with for maybe like two months???? and that's a LONG TIME???? and if you feel weird about that and don't want to do that that makes you NOT HETEROSEXUAL????? THATS AN ORIENTATION???? BECAUSE ITS SO OUTSIDE OF THE NORM OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR ????? i hate all of you i hate you i hate you i hate you every day i hate and I hate and I hate you
#i genuinely genuinely don't understand how everybody who tries to date hasn't killed themselves yet#I'm not saying they should I'm just saying I don't get how they're able to continue on#i see women on social media talking about how they had to cry for a day because they slept with a man they'd been seeing for a while and#then he never called again#no joke not trying to be dramatic I would just kill myself??? i do not understand how people can keep going after something like that#i mean I would never be in that situation because everything about it is bad but like. still#I hate to kind of agree with the 'women over 25 are too bitter for love' twitter man even in a very roundabout way#but i think men AND women participating in modern dating culture have to in some way become so hardened and kill some part of themself#just to survive??? that sounds so melodramatic but like. I can't understand how else people could continue to function as human beings#when they interact with each other in the way modern dating culture dictates
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this year my challenge for everyone is to unlearn the association between love and morality. love is not something that is inherently morally good, and the absence of love is not something that is inherently bad. sex without love isn't morally bankrupt, it's just an action. people without love aren't less kind or less good, they're just people. when we can get past this false (and often unnoticed) dichotomy of good love/evil lovelessness then i think we are going to be able to take leaps and bounds in sex positivity, aro advocacy, certain discussions of mental health...
#and also. not the direct focus. but love doesn't make things good. you can be in love and do terrible terrible things.#people do bad things in the name of love and in despite of love all the time.#but!! imagine a world where people could exist as people and not be demonized.#sex positivity means being cool about All sex. reexamine your internal systems of moral judgement.#this goes for sex workers. for aroallo people. especially aroallo men. for aro people in general who might enjoy sex.#and frankly i think it can easily bleed into discussions about mental health disorders around 'not feeling' certain things#especially demonizing ppl who don't feel as much empathy. i think there's definitely a correlation between that and the emphasis on love.#our support needs to go out to Everybody and i think these things are all structured together in one way or another!!#it might not be immediately obvious but when i tell you it all leads back to amatonormativity..... little bit wild.... large bit wild....#anyway. horror movie psychopath 'oh he can't feel emotions or love' damn alright. well. let's take a closer look at that.#silly that there's an association between lack of love and Murdering. feel like that might affect some stuff.#love is just an emotion/a feeling it doesn't mean anything about you one way or another#same with empathy. you can feel it all you want but it doesn't inherently change the actions you choose to take#anyway. thesis statement. there is a socially constructed link between love and morality. unlearn that.#kiss kiss (<— lovelessly)#aromantic#aromanticism#arospec#talking#aroace#aspec#sex positivity
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he was honestly so insane for saying this in 2013. him making fun of himself now is one thing but he really just had a breakdown for about a year and a half and then was like wow that was crazy huh! man was i insecure lol!
#people act like dan's no homo era lasted for several years#but it really was just like. two at most#and not even that really#i mean it was def several years of being a bit weird about it but the really bad part did not last too long#anyway my old ipod's name is chester-wolf howelester cause i got it right after this#also these tweets aren't technically deleted they're just among the many that don't show up in search#so i stole these <3#phan#dan and phil
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#enki ankarian#fear and hunger#cahara of the south#d’arce cataliss#ragnvaldr#funger#I feel like I’m spamming the Enki tag on tumblr and I feel bad LOL#sorrryyyyyyy am just autistic abt my wife#I’m not an artist by any means and I barely write anything worth sharing (but you best believe I write!!)#so instead I just silly mode this mf until I am blocked by 90% of tumblr for being too annoying#OHHH YEAH that’s what it is I’m scared that people will go thru the Enki tag to see something cool bc he is a rly neat guy#and instead they come across 70+ posts from tumblr user fearfulandhungry about Enki ripping my arms off and giggling#le sigh le sigh Le sigh
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It's always, like, mildly annoying when people see a het trans couple and go "all that work just to be straight?" like... one, you don't know if they're straight and two, trans people don't owe you a queer sexuality to "make up" for the fact we're trans. Transhet people aren't a subtype of trans people, they're members of the trans community, and the queer one if they so desire!
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#and i don't really vibe with the word microaggression but it's very that#like it just comes across like people think trans folks owe them queerness and cabaret preformances y'know?#and we cannot *be* if it means the way we are being isn't this carefully curated version people have of transness + queerness#and it can kind of warp your desires and understanding of yourself because you *want* community and to be seen and to be allowed to just be#this isn't universal and the 'you' is impersonal. i am aware this is a broad range of experiences and not everybody can/does relate#my overall point is that it's probably not the best move to act like this toward trans people#maybe i read too much into this but it's just something i have seen over and over and over and over . . . again#shoutout to the real ones (heterosexual and/or straight trans people or people in straight-presenting relationships 👍)#back to playing the lelda of zelda (is it bad that i don't even call her zelda anymore i just go 'THERES LELDA!!!')#it sounds wrong to call her zelda now 😭#the LEG OF ZEG. SWORD SKORD???? BREATH OF THE WEATH!! -my brain 24/7/365
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less steve harrington "i try to be a good guy despite my past" and more steve harrington "i've always been a good person (albeit probs annoying asf), you just stereotyped me based on my interest in sports"
#steve harrington#like why is he always apologizing#i think people want to make him into smth completely docile with the added benefit of apocalyptic berserking#but like he's a bitch and also besties with a lesbian#he can both dish it and take it#and i feel like people tend to take the general fandom consensus that steve used to be an asshole and run with it#not to reiterate but guys was he even really a bully or just a popular high schooler#like yeah bullying can get really bad esp like according to those fucked up eighties movies#but also like sometimes teens are just fucking mean and clique-y#sorry is it a crime to be insular and wary of outsiders#anyway more steve harrington being misjudged but also not caring bc the people who matter know him better#pushing my perfect steve harrington agenda#bc he's not perfect actually but he's my perfect little princess who needs to be loved by everyone
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orion and a younger ratchet (which is just his WFC design but poorly drawn/simplified to make it look similar to how i draw his TFP design)
what is he yapping about
#you can almost pinpoint the moment i gave up on this drawing#orion pax#ratchet#transformers prime#tfp#my art#fanart#orion and the bad bitch he pulled by being a fucking loser#because#not 2 be mean but no matter how cute people make TFP orion in fan content it wont make me forget ratchet canonically compared him to jack#the Implications are cursed. but its canon.
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Guys, you know that "Dutch Van Der Linde was a manipulator who mainly caused the downfall of the gang" and "Dutch Van Der Linde saved people by giving them a place in the gang and teaching them life skills" CAN coexist right
#I mean this lovingly#characters can have depth without being chalked up to being good or bad#dutch was a good man for taking people in and giving them a chance but he was still a fucked up guy for everything else#especially with what he became in rdr1#dutch might have saved arthur and john when they were younger but he ultimately doomed them too#but that doesn't erase that he did a lot of good for giving people a chance and purpose#even if it killed them#this game is six years old now guys cmon :')#<3#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#mick squeaks#mick rants#arthur morgan#dutch van der linde#red dead redemption community
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man, you know, nobody asked me, but I have such conflicting opinions on some of the fat falin art, where on one hand: it's always nice to see A Fat Body in fanart anywhere + it's being done in positive ways, for funsies and on the other hand, there is something so familiar about how you are automatically The Fat One if you are a woman simply standing next to a more petite woman, bc I've had a 0% hitrate in seeing people change Marcille's body type and keep Falin's, or change both of them. it's just Falin
#it gives me a negative feeling that I seldom/never get from seeing fat art which is rare#like she's not fat out of thin air For Fun And No Other Reason and she's not fat bc of context#(out of thin air being like just picking a character you like and changing their design just cuz. Kabru maybe.)#(and Because Of Context being the way ppl draw fat Usagi from sailor moon. which i have been meaning to do btw)#but rather she's fat just bc to be Not the thinnest woman in the room is to be fat. like it happens specifically by scale#because marcille is so much physically smaller and petite and falin is bigger in the ways that a Human Woman is bigger#than an elf woman#and it's funny bc it's something i see all the time already#people also really don't seem to have an interest in making marcille butch in fanart in a way#that is sort of sad for me bc it's like ah well she's the thin small one so of course she gets to be feminine#if you're physically bigger then of course you get to be masc of course of course of course...#i also love good butch art esp fat butch stuff but this is about the phenomenon where if you're with#a thinner shorter woman then that means you're the butch now which is a place I have been to#and I did not like it there#I think part of why That sticks it to me is bc marcille has such a Butch Girlfriend personality and falin acts so demure LMAO#but she's slightly bigger so the writing is on the wall#sergle.txt#Godspeed to you if you choose to read these thoughts in bad faith bc I can't give you more clarifying statements if I try#like I said. conflicting feelings#i don't know if anyone else has similar thoughts it May Just Be Me#I don't think ppl think about this stuff when they make their fan redesigns but it gives me a certain feeling
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