#being mean to people? bad!
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is there a way to get out of that cycle? i dont know whats right to do, keeping my feelings to myself will only lead to exploding at some point and hurt me, but sharing what i feel or think about pieces of media while not wanting to hear differing opinions- and being rly emotional affected by them and unable to ignore it alot of the time.... but also wanting to connect and not feel this lonely all the time ....... but then my opinions being dead set will lead me to being mean and feel guilty for it, doubting myself (what if I AM wrong after all) so if i cant handle that i should just keep it to myself- and im back at the start
"be yourself" can i???? should i???? myself can be mean! i can be agressive! i can explode at people! unnecessarily so! i dont want that!! i feel so guilty and embarassed! wanting to connect only with the people that feel the same as you is a silly and stupid want that will never work and yet i keep trying it anyway!! its all so contradictory!! it only pushes people away bc i can be so unpredictable and mean and yet i am unable to shut up!! i dont know what to do!! i feel guilty for it all constantly!!! i hate it!!!
#ganondoodles talks#personal#i feel like im nearing a breakdown and i dont know why!!!!!!! i keep feeling like this!!! right on the edge of emotions i dont get!! why!!#why am i like this!!!!!!!!!#my only way to talk to people and all i do is be a little shit bc i am so dead set on my stupid game opinions#in the end its right! its just a game!#i dont know what to do#keeping to yourself? bad!#talking about game but not wanting the opposite opinion? stupid bad!#writing it where no one will see? doesnt work! bad!#being mean to people? bad!#ignoring? cant! bad!#deleting post to avoid more comments? feel guilty! bad!#delete post after replying meanly to someone? weird and bad!#by deleting post good comments gone! bad! guilty!#do something else? dont know anything! bad!#go meet freinds? dont have any! bad!#find some? dont know how! am weird! scary! bad!#all bad!!#too much feel! bad!#wish i could just turn off the 'emotion' switch#and just turn into an art maschine that never says anythign stupid and just 'works'
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WE'RE SO BACK
#tim drake#nightwing#dick grayson#hey this took under 7 hours to do and that was so much faster than the last attempt. that other tim drake one with cleaner lines took me#days to finish and i was coloring it like that one white boy with pulsing veins on his forehead. i was watching one video about how the#thing stopping you from creating is being too obsessed with perfectionism and this is true. we must go forward. GO FORTH. CREATE.#EMBRACE FLAWS AND ACCEPT THAT SOMETIMES IT MAY LOOK ASS. I wouldve been happier with more frames between it but it is a sunday.#M-F employed people you know that means no staying up til 3 am doing little projects because it will mess u up so bad. finished before 12
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pics that make you go "oh I KNOW he eated a trash"
#transformers one#tf one#transformers#tfo#tf one bumblebee#b 127#bumblebee#tf one elita#elita#elita one#elita 1#making bee a dr. pepper drinker despite it not making any sense in-universe simply bc it brings me joy#anyway#i feel like they didnt treat the workers in sublevel 50 well if at all#(leaning towards the “if at ALL”)#and that includes making sure theyre fed and stuff#i mean orion and d16 were the first people bee saw in AGES so clearly they werent hand delivering energon down there#they probably just remotely dropped some down occasionally but that “occasionally” could be anything#so i feel like bee had to go through some unsavory “food-like” items to survive#feel so bad being mean to him yet i keep drawing these things so...#dr pepper#my art
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You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side
#m/cc#mine#I tried extremely hard to word this nicely because I KNOW people don't mean bad and often even know there are unique challenges#and believe me I know the challenges of invisible disability too!!#I have invisible disabilities!#but as someone who has also been at least visibly 'off' since they were 10 I am SO SICK of invisible disabilities being hailed as like#a unique extra oppression that us lucky visibly disabled people don't have to deal with#there are challenges to invisible disabilities that visibly disabled people DON'T have to deal with!#but you need to understand that *the reverse is also true*#there are MASSIVE benefits to being able to lie about your disability for example#or not dealing with the overt ableism that comes with your disability being obvious to everyone#*I do not have the option to pretend I'm not disabled.* that is never an option I have#I walk weirdly. I use a mobility aid now. my speech and face are 'off.' I lean to one side#for a long time I wore sunglasses 24/7 and often didn't make sense. I sometimes can't speak or won't react to others#for the most part people will always know that at the very least something is wrong with me#and more obviously I have people telling me they'll pray for me; telling me I can't do things I'm already in the process of doing;#wanting to shake my hand to tell me I'm an inspiration for not killing myself; giving me dirty looks for existing in public#and yes. I'm aware that this is very much an in-community issue. I know the average abled person doesn't know invisible disabilities exist#that's why there's so much awareness happening for it#but as a visibly disabled person I get SO TIRED of constantly hearing 'I wish my disability was visible :'('#it's just 'I wish I had your disability!' but from other disabled people
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#kirby#plants#daily kirby#my art#digital#hal laboratory#nintendo#I mean honestly truly I am a winter girlie (gender neutral) through and through#but fall means winter is coming :)#(summer is my enemy. I hate the sun. I hate being warm. I hate 16 hours of flippin daylight. it's all bad for me.)#also something about the phrase 'unrestrained summer fun' is really speaking to me lately#especially when paired with very mild activities (as above) or like. other people actively trying to stop the actor in question.
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today i love the red metal crane in her long neck arching her body over the boston skyline, which means i am okay for a moment. when i am unwell, everything is a little ugly. i always tell myself look for the beauty but when it is bad, i will look at birds and sunsets and little ducklings and feel absolutely nothing.
when my brother got his puppy, i was in a deep depression. what kind of monster isn't affected by a puppy. i was gentle and kind to her - i just didn't have an emotional reaction. she's five now and i feel like i spend all of our interactions apologizing to her - i don't know why. i just didn't feel anything. how embarrassing. i feel like if i admit that, i'll seem cruel and jaded. it comes in waves. like, two months ago when i went out into the world - it was like that. life behind a pane of stormglass. a firework could go off over your head - nothing. like dead skin, no reaction. not to ice cream or rainbows or baby chickens. life foggy and uninteresting.
i love goslings again. i love their little webbed feet splayed over grass. i love good food and live music and long walks. i like puppies. i feel like some kind of my soul has been starved - i keep staring at everything with wide eyes, trying to burrow the sensation into my stomach. it's real. beauty is real. when it's bad again, remember this. i stop and smell the flowers, feeling cliche in the moment. i like the white-to-red ombre of my neighbor's roses. i like colorcoding and yoga and cold drinks. i try to pass my hands over every moment, feeling like i'm squeezing joy out of every instant. remember this. for the love of god, it's real - just remember this.
#and yet i NEVER DO REMEMBER IT#spilled ink#writeblr#i feel like due to tiktok ppl think >#deeply depressed & not having an emotional reaction to things MUST mean#you are cruel or uncaring#like girlie that is STILL a lack of mental illness awareness. it doesn't make us mean#it just means im like. ohhhh im not well. i don't really react to puppies. that's bad#Im still gonna be super nice to the puppy. like it just doesn't bring me joy.#bc the problem i have is CLINICAL. the dopamine ISNT being made.#but PLENTY of us are still kind#considerate.#GENTLE people. even if we're like '..........' all the time.#i actually think this is why i'm harsh on people who are so mean - you don't need to be emotionally attached to someone/thing#in order to be kind.... you just choose to be kind bc it's the right thing to do#not bc it's easy....... like it's extra effort sure. but it's worth it. bc ppl deserve kindness.#it's hard to describe this bc it's the ugly side of depression. the part that's like#not in netflix - the part where it's like ''i love this person. i just don't feel anything''
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reminder that it was all for tco
#tdl: he's starting to feel bad about killing innocent people. i should kill our creator#if they're actually dead i will be too#THEY HAVE A SAD BACKSTORY TOO#BEING CREATED TO KILL BUT DEFYING THE ODDS AND FALLING IN LOVE WITH I MEAN BECOMING PARTNERS WITH THE TARGET#ONLY FOR SAID PARTNER TO SUDDENLY NOT WANT TO KILL PEOPLE ANYMORE FOR NO REASON#AND THEN PARTNER KILLS AND REPLACES YOU AND EVERYONE USES YOU AS A SCAPEGOAT UNTIL THE END OF TIME EVEN PAST DEATH#im fine#animator vs animation#AvA#ava the chosen one#ava tdl#ava tco#ava the dark lord#free my red idiot from the 'root of all evil' allegations
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I feel like 99% of the Silmarillion fans forget that Fëanor was actually a very likeable guy for most of his life.
That is literally a significant part of why people followed him. A lot of people loved and admired him. He wasn't mean to random people, and definitely not "a toxic husband/father." The whole point of his story is that he was universally beloved, which is what made his fall so impactful.
#the silmarillion#feanorians#feanor#2 am thoughts#tolkien#silmarillion#i swear people do this guy so dirty#just because he was an ass after being driven to insanity must mean he was born like that#i mean there's a reason nolo loved him#and im sure that wasn't just because feanor was good at smithing#and then there's folks claiming he ABUSED his kids??#or Nerdanel???#the worst he did was yell at her even in his worst moments...#besides he allowed her to leave when she wanted too#if he had been as bad as people claim im sure he would've forced her to go with them#nowhere in the text is it implied he was ever bad to her or the kids#incoherent thoughts of an insomniac#jrr tolkien
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this year my challenge for everyone is to unlearn the association between love and morality. love is not something that is inherently morally good, and the absence of love is not something that is inherently bad. sex without love isn't morally bankrupt, it's just an action. people without love aren't less kind or less good, they're just people. when we can get past this false (and often unnoticed) dichotomy of good love/evil lovelessness then i think we are going to be able to take leaps and bounds in sex positivity, aro advocacy, certain discussions of mental health...
#and also. not the direct focus. but love doesn't make things good. you can be in love and do terrible terrible things.#people do bad things in the name of love and in despite of love all the time.#but!! imagine a world where people could exist as people and not be demonized.#sex positivity means being cool about All sex. reexamine your internal systems of moral judgement.#this goes for sex workers. for aroallo people. especially aroallo men. for aro people in general who might enjoy sex.#and frankly i think it can easily bleed into discussions about mental health disorders around 'not feeling' certain things#especially demonizing ppl who don't feel as much empathy. i think there's definitely a correlation between that and the emphasis on love.#our support needs to go out to Everybody and i think these things are all structured together in one way or another!!#it might not be immediately obvious but when i tell you it all leads back to amatonormativity..... little bit wild.... large bit wild....#anyway. horror movie psychopath 'oh he can't feel emotions or love' damn alright. well. let's take a closer look at that.#silly that there's an association between lack of love and Murdering. feel like that might affect some stuff.#love is just an emotion/a feeling it doesn't mean anything about you one way or another#same with empathy. you can feel it all you want but it doesn't inherently change the actions you choose to take#anyway. thesis statement. there is a socially constructed link between love and morality. unlearn that.#kiss kiss (<— lovelessly)#aromantic#aromanticism#arospec#talking#aroace#aspec#sex positivity
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he was honestly so insane for saying this in 2013. him making fun of himself now is one thing but he really just had a breakdown for about a year and a half and then was like wow that was crazy huh! man was i insecure lol!
#people act like dan's no homo era lasted for several years#but it really was just like. two at most#and not even that really#i mean it was def several years of being a bit weird about it but the really bad part did not last too long#anyway my old ipod's name is chester-wolf howelester cause i got it right after this#also these tweets aren't technically deleted they're just among the many that don't show up in search#so i stole these <3#phan#dan and phil
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#enki ankarian#fear and hunger#cahara of the south#d’arce cataliss#ragnvaldr#funger#I feel like I’m spamming the Enki tag on tumblr and I feel bad LOL#sorrryyyyyyy am just autistic abt my wife#I’m not an artist by any means and I barely write anything worth sharing (but you best believe I write!!)#so instead I just silly mode this mf until I am blocked by 90% of tumblr for being too annoying#OHHH YEAH that’s what it is I’m scared that people will go thru the Enki tag to see something cool bc he is a rly neat guy#and instead they come across 70+ posts from tumblr user fearfulandhungry about Enki ripping my arms off and giggling#le sigh le sigh Le sigh
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It's always, like, mildly annoying when people see a het trans couple and go "all that work just to be straight?" like... one, you don't know if they're straight and two, trans people don't owe you a queer sexuality to "make up" for the fact we're trans. Transhet people aren't a subtype of trans people, they're members of the trans community, and the queer one if they so desire!
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#and i don't really vibe with the word microaggression but it's very that#like it just comes across like people think trans folks owe them queerness and cabaret preformances y'know?#and we cannot *be* if it means the way we are being isn't this carefully curated version people have of transness + queerness#and it can kind of warp your desires and understanding of yourself because you *want* community and to be seen and to be allowed to just be#this isn't universal and the 'you' is impersonal. i am aware this is a broad range of experiences and not everybody can/does relate#my overall point is that it's probably not the best move to act like this toward trans people#maybe i read too much into this but it's just something i have seen over and over and over and over . . . again#shoutout to the real ones (heterosexual and/or straight trans people or people in straight-presenting relationships 👍)#back to playing the lelda of zelda (is it bad that i don't even call her zelda anymore i just go 'THERES LELDA!!!')#it sounds wrong to call her zelda now 😭#the LEG OF ZEG. SWORD SKORD???? BREATH OF THE WEATH!! -my brain 24/7/365
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less steve harrington "i try to be a good guy despite my past" and more steve harrington "i've always been a good person (albeit probs annoying asf), you just stereotyped me based on my interest in sports"
#steve harrington#like why is he always apologizing#i think people want to make him into smth completely docile with the added benefit of apocalyptic berserking#but like he's a bitch and also besties with a lesbian#he can both dish it and take it#and i feel like people tend to take the general fandom consensus that steve used to be an asshole and run with it#not to reiterate but guys was he even really a bully or just a popular high schooler#like yeah bullying can get really bad esp like according to those fucked up eighties movies#but also like sometimes teens are just fucking mean and clique-y#sorry is it a crime to be insular and wary of outsiders#anyway more steve harrington being misjudged but also not caring bc the people who matter know him better#pushing my perfect steve harrington agenda#bc he's not perfect actually but he's my perfect little princess who needs to be loved by everyone
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orion and a younger ratchet (which is just his WFC design but poorly drawn/simplified to make it look similar to how i draw his TFP design)
what is he yapping about
#you can almost pinpoint the moment i gave up on this drawing#orion pax#ratchet#transformers prime#tfp#my art#fanart#orion and the bad bitch he pulled by being a fucking loser#because#not 2 be mean but no matter how cute people make TFP orion in fan content it wont make me forget ratchet canonically compared him to jack#the Implications are cursed. but its canon.
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if the only time you bring up A Secret Third Thing is when someone has suggested generally celebrating or uplifting platonic/queerplatonic fictional relationships in spaces that ordinarily obsess about romantic ones to the exclusion of all else perhaps consider why you’re doing that and also stop.
#gav gab#im tired lmao#‘i think platonic relationships are worthy of celebration too’#‘BUT WHAT IF THE NATURE OF THE RELATIONSHIP DIDNT MATTER IT WAS JUST THE DEVOTION WHAT ABOUT A SECRET THIRD THING!!!’#cant help notice you never do this when romance is being discussed#:)#cant help notice you only bring this up when people want to be specific about enjoying SPECIFICALLY platonic or queerplatonic dynamics#wonder why that is :)#wonder what you actually mean is you want to change nothing about how you prioritize relationships#and also escape any kind of challenge to that#rather than just owning that you don’t fucking care about platonic or queerplatonic dynamics#which is whatever just please be straight up about it#let’s not do this wink wink theatre please#TO BE CLEAR this is not about any time anyone uses the phrase ever#please don’t come at me for that im not saying The Whole Phrase is inherently bad#just that ive noticed some patterns in when people use it and what brings it up
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It's not that I hate fanon or that I think fanon is inherently less intelligent or morally wrong, but a LOT of fanon is based in racism, misogyny, and classism that I feel like a lot of you accept without question.
WHY is Duke (Daredevil, son of a god, has never once allowed himself to be defined by anyone's actions but his own) relegated to a background role, only characterized by reacting to the whims of other bats?
Why is Babs - Birds of Prey leader and backbone of the hero society, tells Bruce to fuck off and die 4 times a day and is constantly ruining her relationships by being biased and unhinged - Gotham bound, the mature responsible mom of the group who never argues with Bruce and never gets in trouble?
Why is Dick, both a tactical genius and master manipulator, a himbo only appreciated for his sex appeal? Especially when he is both Romani (group of people demonized and condemned as hypersexual by their nature alone) and an SA victim.
WHY is Damian "feral" and "uncivilized" despite being raised as a literal prince? Half of you treat him like a sociopath with no hope of redemption for an unfunny three second joke and the other half of you go full throttle into Bruce's white savior bullshit so that Damian can be "redeemed". Y'know when you're not villainizing Talia and acting like Dick is his other parent, actually.
WHY is Stephanie - extremely intelligent detective who can't stand Bruce and has a living mother she loves - lumped in as another member of the Batfam, a blonde ditz who only cares about prank wars and emotionally supporting Tim?
WHY is Cass - intelligent, a grown adult, suicidal perfectionist - emotionally intelligent, primarily existing to support the characters around her, immediately accepting of everyone she meets regardless of her own morals?
Why is Bruce the golden standard? Enough so that though everyone in the fandom could agree that he's an emotionally unstable wreck, being considered "the most like him" is seen as a compliment and not the HIGHEST insult? Everyone would agree if I said that Bruce purposely self sabotages his relationship half the time and the other half he simply does things without caring about the emotional impact it will have on people because he has to be the smartest in the room, but if I said that makes him a shit partner and emotionally abusive parent the fandom would bend over backwards to argue with me.
Why is Tim "the best Robin" when Dick Grayson invented the mantle, it is impossible for someone to embody the spirit of Robin better than him because he made it and he created what being Robin means. Maybe Tim is the best in Bruce's eyes, but what Robin means and who has the right to give it over was a significant thing they argued about. Tim the high school drop out, and yet also somehow the smartest? Tim "the most like Bruce" except no he's not, that's Cass. Poor neglected, abused, victimized little Timmy (the rich boy at the elite boarding school with loving albeit busy parents and almost every instance of him being victimized by another character has either been racist bullshit - The Al Ghuls and Rose Wilson- or a complete 180 for the character that made no sense when examined through the lens of prior characterization - Jason for instance.)
Almost every fanon trope that gets passed around like gospel seems to deliberately push POC characters and women into the background and strip them of interesting complex traits and stories, usually for the purpose of fitting them all into bite sized incorrect quote character types and uncomplicated narrative roles that are not only completely divergent from canon, but primarily exist to prop up the two rich white boys.
Also the insistence that Bruce, a 20 year old at the time, should actually be excused for how much he mentally and emotionally fucked Dick up because really they're more like siblings! While deciding that Dick at the same age was actually the perfect candidate to be Damian's new parent/guardian...have you lost the fucking plot you don't even make sense to yourselves.
Okay I lied at the beginning, I do hate fanon. You guys are so uncritical about the media you consume it is BEYOND just letting people enjoy things and have fun. I guess it's one thing if you KNOW this stuff isn't canon and UNDERSTAND why these tropes are problematic and you engage with it as such, it's fine read and write what you want, but just spreading the same nonsense around and parading it around as "better than canon" (version of the character so bland and boring you've somehow made the old white men at DC look like geniuses in the art of representation) is just infuriating.
#I didn't talk about Jason because every other post I make is about how bad fanon has fucked him up#and I would have mentioned Helena but honestly her being pushed out of the family is more a matter of people not reading comics#I wouldn't consider Jason her “replacement” accept in the moral philosophy department#wherein Helena feels an inherent guilt that Jason simply doesn't#and while Helena is firmly an anti hero Jason is willing to kill heroes if it means accomplishing his goals#I do think there's something to be said about his fanon relationship to Bruce and Cass#that directly replaces Helena's actual canon relationships though#If any of you bring up the Catholic Jason headcanon I'll kill you#I made posts about that already she did not trademark Catholicism#dc#canon vs fanon#bruce wayne#dick grayson#damian wayne#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#Barbara Gordon#duke thomas#tim drake#It IS really weird how you guys keep giving Bette Kanes actual canon identity to random people#like damn you couldn't even do a cursory Google search before you gave Wally or Tim or w/e her mantle
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