#2 am thoughts

[oxfordelise]

When Franz Kafka said that he is terribly afraid of dying because he hasn’t yet lived, i felt that on a deep emotional level.

[nowjumpinthewater]

what if the series ends with Sophie's mind breaking

and because she is the only person who can heal a broken mind, then that would just be. the end

[luv-unknwn]

Soft Daryl - ♡

♡ how daryl secretly loves when you run your fingers through his hair, nails gently grazing his scalp while he's falling asleep in your lap.

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♡ imagine daryl letting his guard down around you and just letting you hold him. him crying into your shoulder while you rub his back, and he tells you anything and everything about his past.

♡ coming back from a difficult run to see you smiling at him, waiting for him to fall into your arms, completely vulnerable.

♡ the first time he kisses you in front of the group, and he doesn't want to let go, holding you against him for whole minutes never wanting it to end.

♡ "i love ya, y'know that?" "prettiest girl i ever seen" "i'll keep ya safe, honey"

♡ daryl coming back from a run with a beautiful ring, getting down on a knee under the sunset, and asking you to marry him despite the way the world is. "marry me? know the world is shit but long 's i got you dont care how 'nything else turns out"

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a/n: idkk, it's 2 am on my BIRTHDAY and i cant stop thinking about this man like AAAAA anyways just some thoughts im having 🩷 barely proofread cause i dont have time for that agshdgehgd

[strugglingsapphic]

ONE DAY, i will get a drawing of Chloe with daffodils spilling out of her mouth

ONE DAY, i will get a drawing of my toxic bridgella in a dungeon scene

ONE DAY, i will get a drawing ofshorts chloe and over size shirt red

ONE DAY, i will write a really good descriptive scene about Chloe and her thing for Reds hips and waist, just for Red in general

ONE DAY, i will be able to write FUCKING FLUFF

[ayamari-no-goshi]

It’s after 2am, so time for random thoughts.

Something had been nagging at me regarding that one panel of Jason from The Boy Wonder #2 by Juni Ba. His eyes are shown as virtually colorless. (Panel below)

As others have pointed out, there are a lot of stylistic and background details in the issue showing varying perspectives of how people, including himself, perceive him. It could be related to that somehow (I am not an expert in how colors represent emotion, but if this is correct, I’d suspect it’s related to his perceived isolation/loneliness).

But, the color makes me think of something else. Eyes often look cloudy after death and slowly turn opaque due to processes involved. With how scarred he’s depicted, I honestly wonder if his eye color is a nod to his death. (Apparently, this thought has been haunting me for like 3 hours)

Random side note on that thought. If you ever want to depict this in a fic, you can also add tardieu spots - what look like large splotches of blood from the decay of the blood vessels (they can occur on other parts of the body, but tend to look different elsewhere). Or a tache noir - a dark line formed horizontally across the center white of the eye if the eyes remain open for a few hours after death. For an extra creepy factor

[lewmagoo]

i personally think it isn’t right that lewis looked so good playing a corrupt and reprehensible youth pastor…like you can’t look at this man and tell me this isn’t the sexiest he’s ever looked

[lovelyymeq]

I wanna be like Nara Smith when I grow up

[creatingnikki]

you tell me you don't like poetry. that you prefer a messy text with bad grammar but authentic emotion. and I smile and tell you that my poetry is a lot like that, a list of drunk texts at 2 am I never sent the person I wrote them for. minus the bad grammar. but authentic emotion? but words that aren't pompous? expression that's human? that's what my poetry is. and now at close to 2 am, I want to send you some texts. authentic emotion. lower caps. lacking punctuation perhaps. but what would I say? I'm not drunk. and I'm not in love. maybe one day you will read my poetry and wonder if in another universe we would know each other better and how wonderfully authentic that would be, how spectacularly human.

[911-incorrect-quotes-dispatch]

Eddie: Last night, a mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it.

Buck: That's very interesting?

Eddie: And I started thinking. Like, it was trying to get food, you know? What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed shut and snapped my neck?

Buck: Eddie, are you ok?

[ninasdrafts]

Who would've thought it'd be holding your hand where I'd lose my footing? After all we'd been moving in tandem half our lives. The question plaguing me is not the why or the how, it's the when. When did we lose sight of each other? When did the ache of missing you turn into relief inspired by your absence? Perhaps when you started seeing my wins as your losses. Perhaps when you wanted to be heard to be so bad, you forgot to listen. Our story has two sides, I know. I turned into a ghost for you. An empty casket haunted by memories that'd lost their shine long ago. I no longer wanted to talk about the sunlit past, glorified treasures of time that felt bigger for you each day because nothing came after. I no longer wanted to pretend we had a future together going forward. We didn't. We don't. I knew, you knew, but we didn't voice it. We couldn't. Things like this happened to other people, not to us. Ugly truths are hard to admit, but how ugly are they really when they feel like the first breath of fresh air in a year? I'll say it: I miss the times we lived through together, but I don't miss who I was with you. I'm doing better now. I'm doing better than I ever was and that's what you can't stand. And this is why we can never go back to what we once were.

-the ugly truth / n.j.

[avyanna-grace]

Oh to be loved...

What a novelty it is to be loved,

But who am I, daring to write about something

That I have seen only from afar,

How could I write about love

when I've never been the poem

but always the one one who bleed writing for others.

-AG

[riotcat103]

2 am draft

ya'll see this guy? yeah he's me wife, other than can we take a moment to appreciate this mf?, like from all 'yandere'( if that's what you call the genre lmao) visual novels I played Mushroom Oasis really played diff, like..hello? it doesn't follow the classic stalker/creep/obsess with you vibe of any other love interests in games, in fact Mycheal doesn't even know you existed till he found you, yeah he doesn't want you to leave but it's kinda understandable? I think I remember the creator saying Mycheal doesn't have that much romantic attraction to the MC just yet??(also he's canonically asexual! :D yey) , cause this mf has been living by himself for what? years? decades? who knows, so obviously he'll react that way, obviously you can't just set aside all the fucked up things he's been doing to the MC, but that's the thing, he has his own reasons as I mentioned, he's still like the other love interests in games ( forcing the MC to stay/be with them etc.), he doesn't ant you to leave him since your the only person who doesn't see him as a 'monster' or said he's one. and what I like the most is his backstory, it's still all a mystery and complex, so is how his body works since he's not human.

[s0lace-1n-s0l1tude]

Chat am I bf material?

[ayamari-no-goshi]

One of the things I’ve been playing around with in my head regarding Jason’s appearance is whether or not he has visible scars from his death.

Per Lazarus Pit lore, it does remove all scars/blemishes from the body. Yet, this is sometimes very unsatisfying.

My friend and I had an idea for our one AU that his scars were just silvery marks that only showed up under certain light. And the more I play around with the idea, the more I like that type of concept.

I think moving forward I might describe them like that - patches of skin with no evidence of injury save for the off coloration (scars are usually lighter than the surrounding skin though burns are sometimes darker while they heal)

[jonsnowunemploymentera]

I do think it’s quite interesting how GRRM’s ideals of a good king are confronted and challenged in Jon’s storyline.

Jon is undoubtedly a good person. And he has the capability to be a good king. But being a good person in the world of ASOIAF is not always rewarded. And being a good king is easier said than done.

“They say the king gives justice and protects the weak.” She started to climb off the rock, awkwardly, but the ice had made it slippery and her foot went out from under her. Jon caught her before she could fall, and helped her safely down. The woman knelt on the icy ground. “M’lord, I beg you—”

“Don’t beg me anything. Go back to your hall, you shouldn’t be here. We were commanded not to speak to Craster’s women.”

“You don’t have to speak with me, m’lord. Just take me with you, when you go, that’s all I ask.”

All she asks, he thought. As if that were nothing.

“I’ll … I’ll be your wife, if you like. My father, he’s got nineteen now, one less won’t hurt him none.”

(Jon III, ACOK)

The situation with Gilly at Craster’s Keep is a perfect example of how difficult it is to give the king’s justice in certain situations. Jon wants to help Gilly, he even feels guilty and horrible for choosing not to, but he cannot so easily offer his help because he is a man of the Night’s Watch.

What’s interesting about this conversation is that Gilly addresses and appeals to Jon as she would a king. She places herself as the weak party and Jon as the king who is expected to protect the weak. She kneels to him, as one kneels to a king, and addresses him as “M’lord”; ironic because Jon is just a bastard, who is now a member of the Night’s Watch. Much has been said about this exchange, and fandom often gives Jon a lot less empathy than he deserves. The truth is that he is in a very terrible situation, notwithstanding the character development that is to come regarding his perception of the wildlings.

But I’m looking back at GRRM’s quote about how being king gives one wealth and power and ability to do something, anything. This is something that Jon absolutely lacks in this situation. He may have been symbolically positioned as the rightful king by the narrative, but that doesn’t mean he has any actual power to enact change within the narrative itself. If Jon were nearly as callous about this whole situation as this fandom wants us to believe, he wouldn’t feel so guilty about refusing to help Gilly as he does later on. P.S: I also want to note that Sam is often lauded for being the one to help the girl, “unlike Jon”…except, Sam only does so when the chaos that follows the mutiny and Craster’s death gives Gilly the opportunity to flee. Sam understood that he had no power to help Gilly early in ACOK and that’s why he sent her to Jon. But he also overestimated just how much Jon would be able to do at that moment. Jon may have been the Lord Commander’s steward, but that didn’t give him the ability to go against Mormont (especially when the LC himself was turning a blind eye to Craster’s vices).

It’s then interesting how this situation of a young girl trying to flee a precarious situation is repeated later on in ADWD and this time, Jon manages to help her. Except the difference is that Jon is the Lord Commander now, not just the LC’s steward. What he couldn’t do for Gilly in ACOK, he can do for Alys even though that too places him in a tough situation.

“Why not the king? Karhold declared for Stannis.”

“My uncle declared for Stannis, in hopes it might provoke the Lannisters to take poor Harry’s head. Should my brother die, Karhold should pass to me, but my uncles want my birthright for their own. Once Cregan gets a child by me they won’t need me anymore. He’s buried two wives already.” She rubbed away a tear angrily, the way Arya might have done it. “Will you help me?”

“Marriages and inheritance are matters for the king, my lady. I will write to Stannis on your behalf, but—”

Alys Karstark laughed, but it was the laughter of despair. “Write, but do not look for a reply. Stannis will be dead before he gets your message. My uncle will see to that.”

“What do you mean?”

“Arnolf is rushing to Winterfell, ’tis true, but only so he might put his dagger in your king’s back. He cast his lot with Roose Bolton long ago … for gold, the promise of a pardon, and poor Harry’s head. Lord Stannis is marching to a slaughter. So he cannot help me, and would not even if he could.” Alys knelt before him, clutching the black cloak. “You are my only hope, Lord Snow. In your father’s name, I beg you. Protect me.”

(Jon IX, ADWD)

We’re seeing a repeat of Gilly and Jon here. Alys is now the weak and helpless maid and Jon, who is still a brother of the Night’s Watch, is once again made to play the role of a king.

Obviously the narrative, as it was with Gilly’s situation in ACOK, is saying that Jon is the king because while Alys could’ve pinned her hopes on Stannis Baratheon (who is actually titled), she chose to flee north to Jon the bastard. And what’s interesting this time is that Jon actually helps Alys in whatever way he can. He uses his status as Lord Commander and his dealings with the Thenns to secure Alys’ marriage. He oversteps his bounds as Lord Commander, and the irony is that he starts to act more as a king would.

So it’s interesting to see how the character often marked as the true king by GRRM’s narrative handles the moral obligations that come with kingship. And GRRM is putting Jon through these tests when he doesn’t even have a crown of his own. GRRM often makes Jon prove his worth as a king despite thinking of himself only as a bastard. We see this best when Stannis comes to the Wall.

Surprisingly, Stannis smiled at that. “You’re bold enough to be a Stark. Yes, I should have come sooner. If not for my Hand, I might not have come at all. Lord Seaworth is a man of humble birth, but he reminded me of my duty, when all I could think of was my rights. I had the cart before the horse, Davos said. I was trying to win the throne to save the kingdom, when I should have been trying to save the kingdom to win the throne.” Stannis pointed north. “There is where I’ll find the foe that I was born to fight.”

(Jon XI, ASOS)

It is true that Jon and Stannis are in very different situations. Stannis is aware that he is the rightful king (as Robert’s heir), and he has also heard from Melisandre that he is the prophesied prince. Jon, on the other hand, is a bastard boy completely unaware of his royal birth or his magical destiny. Yet it’s so interesting that it’s Jon the bastard who was actually doing his duty as the king (without even knowing it) whereas Stannis had to be reminded of it. So despite his failings every now and then, Jon does live up to the author’s ideal of a great king.

[creatingnikki]

Have you eaten? Did you sleep well? Boring questions but when asked sincerely with a real desire to check in about your well being melt the heart.

People who don’t call you back? Blah. People who talk and talk but never walk the walk? Blah. People who guilt you into feeling a certain way? Blah. People who rush you? Blah.

The three meals you eat in a day, the seven hours of sleep you manage to get in the house you’re in, the fruits you eat, the coffee you drink, the books you read, the jhumkas you wear—it’s all bought by you, you provide for yourself. The gas bill, the electricity and Wi-Fi, the clothes, the groceries, even the overpriced shots at the club—you feed and finance yourself.

So, why should another get a chance to fuck with your mind? Or fuck you over? What right do they have in your life, what say do they get on you? Nada. They aren’t even fucking you. And you remember that Facebook quote you came across when you were 14? If they don’t feed you, finance you, or fuck you, their opinion doesn’t matter.

Whose does? Yours, love.

And what is your opinion? It’s okay to be unsure and to take your time. Don’t let anyone pressure you into declaring feelings. The best decisions you’ve made with regards to people have come from silence and distance.

Don’t be a dick to others but don’t let them be one to you either. Even if sugar-coated, even if window-dressed. That’s so 2011.