#hilarious incorrect quotes

[xielianlover2]

Hua Cheng: In my defense, I was left unsupervised

Yin Yu: Wasn't His Highness with you?

Xie Lian: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised

[fanaticalthings]

the muskification of twitter except it's lex luthor instead of elon lol

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[ghoststillhaunting]

My current favorite hobby is to make my own incorrect marvel quotes cause I think I'm so fucking funny

Here are some of my favorites :)

~

After a rough mission

Steve: whew! well that was crazy! I definitely need a smoke after that. Anyone got a cigarette I can bum off them?

Sam: uh Steve? aren't you asthmatic?

Steve: I mean I was? but what does that matter?

Bruce: cause cigarettes have been known to cause asthma...

Steve, who was prescribed cigarettes specifically to TREAT his asthma: What

~

Tony: Hey Steve. what'cha reading there?

Steve: Oh! it's this short horror story called I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream. It's about this AI that gains consciousness and sets out to destroy humanity.

Natasha: sounds right up your ally Tony

Tony: That's not funny 😐

~

Tony: Now I do believe that capitalism can work-

Steve, who literally grew up during the Great Depression: I don't. It has done nothing but fuck us over and is the disease at the core of America.

Interviewer, taking notes: "Captain America is a communist" got it.

~

Tony: hey kid! what're your plans for Christmas?

Peter: Uh me and Aunt May don't really celebrate for Christmas

Tony: WHAT!? WHO WOULD EVER DEPRIVE A CHILD OF THE SWEET JOYS AND WONDERS OF CHRISTMAS???

Peter: Mr. Stark...I'm Jewish.

Tony:...oh

~

Steve: Hey Peter! Hey Ned!

Ned: omg Captain America knows my name!

Peter: Ned, you have dinner with us. Every Friday. Of course he knows your name.

Ned:...I know but it's still CRAZY

~

Tony: Peter. You must learn the consequences of your actions therefore I have no choice but to punish you. You aren't allowed in the labs for a month.

Peter: OH SO YOU WANT ME TO KILL MYSELF

Tony: PETER

Peter: NO NO I SEE HOW IT IS YOU HATE ME AND WANT ME DEAD

Tony: PETER YOU RECREATED A LIGHTSABER AND SLICED THE COUCH INTO TWENTY PIECES

Peter: GOD I CAN'T DO ANYTHING IN THIS FUCKING HOUSE

~

Tony: Kid WHY and HOW do you know how to use a gun???

Peter:...I play a lot of call of duty?

Tony: this is the closest i have ever been to wanting to punt a child

~

Steve: Jesus Tony stop being such a cunt!

Tony: 😦

Peter: ATE

~

Bucky: Peter...do you think i'm gay?

Peter:....you are wearing a rupaul muscle tee

Bucky:...you didn't answer my question :(

~

Interviewer: What are your thoughts on immigration?

Steve: my parents were immigrants...what do you think my thoughts are?

[volno-pesh]

Engineer: I wish I didn't know my dad too...

Scout: what-

Engineer: What.

The original incorrect quote was about relationship but I changed it (I read it wrong first few times-) to fit that family

[rogueddie]

[headcanonthings]

[Danny's attempt #58 trying to get the pack to admit they're werewolves] Danny: You wanna tell me something, cutie? Isaac: What? Danny: The fact that you've got fucking glow-in-the-dark stickers for eyes? Isaac, panicking and blurting out: I accidentally drank the glow stick liquid when I was a kid. Danny: ?????

[versatancore]

max : ugh, i hate this car.

lando : you just won the race?

lewis : yeah HE won the race, the car has nothing to do with it.

[batfambrainrotbeloved]

"How do you summarize your story from your characters POV"??

Tim Drake: We can't be found family if I don't let them find me

Dick Grayson: Daily affirmations did NOT prepare me for having your entire world view shattered okay??

Barbara Gordon: Bounderies?? Were talking greater good here- feelings come secondary

Jason Todd: You can prove i'm wrong? Well I cant see the evidence if my eyes are closed

Damian Wayne: You fools- the truth is obvious!! *proceeds to completely dodge the truth*

Cass Cain: God forbid i'm ever wrong.

Steph Brown: In my defense, I was too gay to pay attention to the level of bullshit going on around me.

Alfred Pennyworth: Google, how do I adopt a child but for my child?

Bruce Wayne: Maybe I should have listened to my therapist about putting more effort into developing a seperate work and home life... Nah.

Lucius Fox: Parentification? No how do I childify someone who decided they're too grown.

Leslie Thompkins: These people make me wish I wasn't sober. I haven't tried anything, but I feel like it would help.

Duke Thomas: Bold of you to assume I'm not going to become a problem on purpose >:)

(Also fic link, clink the underlined "your story" in title :)

[xypheris]

Jesper: Do you think Kaz has a soft side?

Wylan: Jesper, this morning he told me to “die quieter” because my cough was distracting him.

[adeptune01]

*Damian watching a nature program on TV*

Jason: Man, babysitting is the easiest job in the WORLD. All you have to do is turn on the TV and leave the kid there. He's been sitting there for two hours practically watching grass grow.

Dick: Wait it's been two hours?

Jason: Yeah?

Dick: 'Cause I've been sitting here eating cereal that whole time.

Jason:

Dick: That's a lot of cereal.

[no-see-um-incorrect]

When Porter and Vincent(+lovely) witness Sam being all cute/sexy-like with Darlin they will act like a couple grossed out kids watching their parents kiss

Sam: let me get a kiss from my darlin~ *Kissing Commences*

Porter: UGH-*Gagging noises*

Vincent: eweweweweEWEWEWEW!!

Lovely: MY EYES!!!!!!!

[luna-loveboop]

Currently obsessed with the idea that the boys go to Time for love advice, since "he's married so he knows this stuff right?"

I mean they couldn't recognize a wedding ring??? And neither did he???

And time was saying this in his youth I mean cmon

Twilight: So ancestor. What would you do if like. Malon left to another world and never came back

Time: ... bro Malon called me fairy boy and then we were married like what

Hyrule: So uhh old man. How does one. Meet a girl.

Time: By speaking to her I guess? Or not, Malon did the talking for me

Hyrule: riiiiight...

Wild *no tact*: Hey so like... what if your redheaded wife who's name started with M died.

Time: what?!?!

Wild, undeterred: but like before she proposed.

Time: ...

Wild: and you don't remember if you would have said yes. What's your advice for dealing with that?

Time: ... vent to a fairy?

Warriors: hey old man

Time: no no no not this one asking me please

Warriors: how do I get women to stop coming after me. So I can ya know. Choose without war trying to force me into relationships

Time: I can safely say I've never had that problem captain

Wars: of course not *smirks*

Wars: ok but seriously how do I make them go away

Time: ... wear a wedding ring so they think you're taken, I've got a shiny extra

Time: no no why- they won't stop, I don't know how to do love!

Time: ok well at least I have legend. That kid would never ask for advice, I'll sit by him.

Legend: so old man.

Time, looking forward to a normal conversation: yeah?

Legend: hypothetically, what would you do if you found out Malon didn't exist.

Legend: And her whole world didn't, but it did, and now it doesn't

Time: ...Excuse me for a minute.

Time, writing a letter as fast as he can: MALON HOW DO I GIVE LOVE ADVICE THEY THINK IM WISE

Malon: lol

Happy Valentine's Day guys, have a headcanon :P

The boys go to Time for love advice and Time spouts whatever wise-sounding bs he can, before shoving them all on Malon for therapy when they visit the ranch

Art and comic by Jojo @linkeduniverse! :D

[blueteller]

Cale In Lockdown Be Like:

Raon: Human, you must stop getting hurt all the time, or- or...! Cale: Or...? Raon: ...or we will lock you up in your room! With 3 meals a day! Cale: *eyes shining* You mean I wouldn't have to go outside? Choi Han: Cale-nim, no....

[nam-ski]

Tony: Peter, why are there so many spiders in your room? Just because you’re part spider it doesn’t mean you don’t have to clean your room, I’m going to kill them.

Peter: No, these are my children!

Tony: Like…literally?

Peter: Adopted! I saved them from a burning building last week and know they’re mine.

Tony: Last week, wasn’t that the time you laid in the Med-Bay with second degree burns and a smoke poisoning, because you wouldn’t leave a burning building for reason you wouldn’t tell me?

Peter: Uh, I’ve gotta go

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

Dustin is talking to Claudia, Eddie, and Steve about how he won an award for school.

Dustin: Now, there is going to be a ceremony. Please don't embarrass me.

Steve: Don't talk to your mother like that.

Dustin: Yeah, I wasn't talking to her.

Eddie: What?! You're talking to us?

Steve: Frankly, I am offended that you would even think we would do that.

A few days later. . .

They sat in the audience as Dustin walked across the stage. They stood up. They were both wearing a t shirt with his face on it with dad shorts, high white shocks, and white sneakers.

Eddie: *sobbing loudly* That's our boy!

Steve: *Jonathan's video camera was on his shoulder* We are SO proud of you, sweetie! You're doing great!

Eddie: *dramatic sobs getting louder* OUR BOY!

Dustin is glaring at them while Claudia is giggling madly in her seat. He was NOT happy when he walked over to them.

Claudia: Oh, honey, I think if you had just left it alone, they wouldn't have done anything.

Dustin: . . . Mom, are you wearing a shirt too?

Claudia: Oh, I thought it was so cute that the boys made me one, too. Aren't they thoughtful? Oh, I wish it wasn't illegal for them to get married. It just seems downright silly.

Dustin rolled his eyes. It was hard to stay mad at his mom when she said stuff like that.

[animezinglife]

Lucien: [minding his own business, making little foxes out of fire to make Nyx smile and laugh] Feyre: Feyre: Rhys, I want another. Rhys [realizing what/who inspired this]: what the fuck