#hilarious incorrect quotes

[xielianlover2]

Hua Cheng: In my defense, I was left unsupervised

Yin Yu: Wasn't His Highness with you?

Xie Lian: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised

[fanaticalthings]

the muskification of twitter except it's lex luthor instead of elon lol

<- Prev Masterlist Next ->

[ash-or-somethings]

Merlin: Remember that time Gwen tried to kill Arthur and framed me for it?

Arthur: What?

Gwen: *Ignoring Arthur* Remember the time you spent like two days ACTUALLY trying to kill Arthur, and Gaius and I had to keep knocking you out?!

Arthur: I'M SORRY?!?!

[arrowheadedbitch]

Tim: Oh yeah? Name one friend you have that wasn't Dick's first.

Jason: Bizzarro!

Tim: I said friend, not fuck buddy.

Jason: Fuck you!!

Tim: I bet those were the last words your mother said to you.

[spideyson-stuff]

Tony always forgets his rule of never taking things directly from another person when he's with Peter

And it's so funny because he goes CRAZY when he realizes that Peter refuses to give him things directly, it's HILARIOUS!

Peter: Mr. Stark, your coffee!

Tony, going to take the coffee from Peter's hands IMMEDIATELY with a smile on his face: Thanks kid-

Peter places the coffee on a nearby counter and walks away with a smile on his face, Tony doesn't understand why he didn't just hand it over to him directly?

This happens more and more often with various things, papers, clothes, drinks, tools, Peter always leaves things near Tony for him to pick up but does not hand them over directly

Tony is honestly starting to get annoyed, why can't he just hand it over to me instead of making me go through the trouble of picking it up?

And one day, he confronts Peter about it

He is next to Rhodes talking about something, Peter arrived with the coffee they ordered, Peter always gets coffee for himself, Tony, Pepper and Happy when he comes over on Fridays and Saturdays, and leaves it on the counter for everyone to grab when they arrive

But when Rhodes is here he gets Rhode and Tony's coffee separately and "hands" it to them while they talk, Peter with a bright smile hands Rhodes the coffee in his hand and Rhodes takes it smiling, lucky bastard...

Then Peter leaves Tony's coffee on the table and gets up to leave, saying goodbye

Tony: Hey, Underoos

Peter: Uh? Yes Mr. Stark?

Tony: The coffee

Peter: Uhhhhh... it's right there? what?, did I got the wrong one? or-

Tony: Why don't you give it to me in my hand like you did with Honey Bear?

Peter stands in confused silence and Rhodes spits out his coffee in SHOCK

Tony:... What?

Peter: Uhm... don't you have a "never hand me things directly" rule?...

Tony turns red and starts stuttering something about "wait, no, that's not what I- YOU GOT IT WRONG!" Peter gets even more confused and Rhodes starts losing the shit out of him laughing how much of how idiot his friend can be sometimes

Peter hands the things over to Tony directly from then on, even if there are people around, everyone is shocked and Tony blushes slightly because, damn, his blind trust in this boy is so obvious?

[ghoststillhaunting]

My current favorite hobby is to make my own incorrect marvel quotes cause I think I'm so fucking funny

Here are some of my favorites :)

~

After a rough mission

Steve: whew! well that was crazy! I definitely need a smoke after that. Anyone got a cigarette I can bum off them?

Sam: uh Steve? aren't you asthmatic?

Steve: I mean I was? but what does that matter?

Bruce: cause cigarettes have been known to cause asthma...

Steve, who was prescribed cigarettes specifically to TREAT his asthma: What

~

Tony: Hey Steve. what'cha reading there?

Steve: Oh! it's this short horror story called I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream. It's about this AI that gains consciousness and sets out to destroy humanity.

Natasha: sounds right up your ally Tony

Tony: That's not funny 😐

~

Tony: Now I do believe that capitalism can work-

Steve, who literally grew up during the Great Depression: I don't. It has done nothing but fuck us over and is the disease at the core of America.

Interviewer, taking notes: "Captain America is a communist" got it.

~

Tony: hey kid! what're your plans for Christmas?

Peter: Uh me and Aunt May don't really celebrate for Christmas

Tony: WHAT!? WHO WOULD EVER DEPRIVE A CHILD OF THE SWEET JOYS AND WONDERS OF CHRISTMAS???

Peter: Mr. Stark...I'm Jewish.

Tony:...oh

~

Steve: Hey Peter! Hey Ned!

Ned: omg Captain America knows my name!

Peter: Ned, you have dinner with us. Every Friday. Of course he knows your name.

Ned:...I know but it's still CRAZY

~

Tony: Peter. You must learn the consequences of your actions therefore I have no choice but to punish you. You aren't allowed in the labs for a month.

Peter: OH SO YOU WANT ME TO KILL MYSELF

Tony: PETER

Peter: NO NO I SEE HOW IT IS YOU HATE ME AND WANT ME DEAD

Tony: PETER YOU RECREATED A LIGHTSABER AND SLICED THE COUCH INTO TWENTY PIECES

Peter: GOD I CAN'T DO ANYTHING IN THIS FUCKING HOUSE

~

Tony: Kid WHY and HOW do you know how to use a gun???

Peter:...I play a lot of call of duty?

Tony: this is the closest i have ever been to wanting to punt a child

~

Steve: Jesus Tony stop being such a cunt!

Tony: 😦

Peter: ATE

~

Bucky: Peter...do you think i'm gay?

Peter:....you are wearing a rupaul muscle tee

Bucky:...you didn't answer my question :(

~

Interviewer: What are your thoughts on immigration?

Steve: my parents were immigrants...what do you think my thoughts are?

[volno-pesh]

Engineer: I wish I didn't know my dad too...

Scout: what-

Engineer: What.

The original incorrect quote was about relationship but I changed it (I read it wrong first few times-) to fit that family

[rogueddie]

[accio-sriracha]

The Marauders in an argument about which one of them is the most badass so Remus goes:

"I'm a FUCKING WEREWOLF."

Which would have been a trump card if it weren’t for Sirius immediately mouthing off with:

"And I'm fucking a werewolf, your point?"

And that's how James and Peter find out they're together.

[luna-loveboop]

Currently obsessed with the idea that the boys go to Time for love advice, since "he's married so he knows this stuff right?"

I mean they couldn't recognize a wedding ring??? And neither did he???

And time was saying this in his youth I mean cmon

Twilight: So ancestor. What would you do if like. Malon left to another world and never came back

Time: ... bro Malon called me fairy boy and then we were married like what

Hyrule: So uhh old man. How does one. Meet a girl.

Time: By speaking to her I guess? Or not, Malon did the talking for me

Hyrule: riiiiight...

Wild *no tact*: Hey so like... what if your redheaded wife who's name started with M died.

Time: what?!?!

Wild, undeterred: but like before she proposed.

Time: ...

Wild: and you don't remember if you would have said yes. What's your advice for dealing with that?

Time: ... vent to a fairy?

Warriors: hey old man

Time: no no no not this one asking me please

Warriors: how do I get women to stop coming after me. So I can ya know. Choose without war trying to force me into relationships

Time: I can safely say I've never had that problem captain

Wars: of course not *smirks*

Wars: ok but seriously how do I make them go away

Time: ... wear a wedding ring so they think you're taken, I've got a shiny extra

Time: no no why- they won't stop, I don't know how to do love!

Time: ok well at least I have legend. That kid would never ask for advice, I'll sit by him.

Legend: so old man.

Time, looking forward to a normal conversation: yeah?

Legend: hypothetically, what would you do if you found out Malon didn't exist.

Legend: And her whole world didn't, but it did, and now it doesn't

Time: ...Excuse me for a minute.

Time, writing a letter as fast as he can: MALON HOW DO I GIVE LOVE ADVICE THEY THINK IM WISE

Malon: lol

Happy Valentine's Day guys, have a headcanon :P

The boys go to Time for love advice and Time spouts whatever wise-sounding bs he can, before shoving them all on Malon for therapy when they visit the ranch

Art and comic by Jojo @linkeduniverse! :D

[headcanonthings]

[Danny's attempt #58 trying to get the pack to admit they're werewolves] Danny: You wanna tell me something, cutie? Isaac: What? Danny: The fact that you've got fucking glow-in-the-dark stickers for eyes? Isaac, panicking and blurting out: I accidentally drank the glow stick liquid when I was a kid. Danny: ?????

[versatancore]

max : ugh, i hate this car.

lando : you just won the race?

lewis : yeah HE won the race, the car has nothing to do with it.

[batfambrainrotbeloved]

"How do you summarize your story from your characters POV"??

Tim Drake: We can't be found family if I don't let them find me

Dick Grayson: Daily affirmations did NOT prepare me for having your entire world view shattered okay??

Barbara Gordon: Bounderies?? Were talking greater good here- feelings come secondary

Jason Todd: You can prove i'm wrong? Well I cant see the evidence if my eyes are closed

Damian Wayne: You fools- the truth is obvious!! *proceeds to completely dodge the truth*

Cass Cain: God forbid i'm ever wrong.

Steph Brown: In my defense, I was too gay to pay attention to the level of bullshit going on around me.

Alfred Pennyworth: Google, how do I adopt a child but for my child?

Bruce Wayne: Maybe I should have listened to my therapist about putting more effort into developing a seperate work and home life... Nah.

Lucius Fox: Parentification? No how do I childify someone who decided they're too grown.

Leslie Thompkins: These people make me wish I wasn't sober. I haven't tried anything, but I feel like it would help.

Duke Thomas: Bold of you to assume I'm not going to become a problem on purpose >:)

(Also fic link, clink the underlined "your story" in title :)

[jasonsthunderthighs]

Dick: Where's Tim?

Damian: I didn't kill him. Todd?

Jason: No, I've been busy.

[adeptune01]

*Damian watching a nature program on TV*

Jason: Man, babysitting is the easiest job in the WORLD. All you have to do is turn on the TV and leave the kid there. He's been sitting there for two hours practically watching grass grow.

Dick: Wait it's been two hours?

Jason: Yeah?

Dick: 'Cause I've been sitting here eating cereal that whole time.

Jason:

Dick: That's a lot of cereal.

[no-see-um-incorrect]

When Porter and Vincent(+lovely) witness Sam being all cute/sexy-like with Darlin they will act like a couple grossed out kids watching their parents kiss

Sam: let me get a kiss from my darlin~ *Kissing Commences*

Porter: UGH-*Gagging noises*

Vincent: eweweweweEWEWEWEW!!

Lovely: MY EYES!!!!!!!