#healthy patterns
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I have heard many men say that they want an "intelligent woman" in their life. I would encourage them to think well.
Girls and intelligent women make their own decisions, have their own desires and set boundaries. You will never be the center of her life because she revolves around them. An intelligent woman will not allow you to manipulate or blackmail her. She is responsible for her actions.
Intelligent girls doubt, analyze, debate, displease, progress. These women had a life before you appeared in their lives, and will continue to have it even when you leave their lives. Such women report, do not ask permission. They are not looking for a leader to follow, a father who solved their life, or a child to save themselves by guiding them. They do not want to follow you, nor are they willing to show the right way to others.
Intelligent girls know that living without violence is a right, not a luxury or a privilege. They express nervousness, sadness, pleasure and fear in the same way, because they know that fear does not make them look weak, nor does nervousness make them look "masculine". These two emotions, but also the others, all together, make it look humane and that's enough.
An intelligent woman is free because she has fought for her freedom. But she is not a victim, she is a survivor. Do not try to limit her, because she will know how to escape. An intelligent woman knows that her value does not lie in the physical aspect. Think twice before judging her age, height, weight or sexual behavior because this is emotional violence and she understands it.
So before you say you want an "intelligent woman" in your life, ask yourself if you are really ready to be a part of her life.
â Gabriel Garcia Marquez
#Gabriel Garcia Marquez#intelligent woman#life quotes#book quotes#beautiful quote#romantic relationships#self improvement#personal growth#self love#healingjourney#healthy patterns#gabriel garcĂa#wise words#life lessons#it girl
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Marvel making familiars for his loved ones
So I was thinking about Tawky Tawny (again). The thing about him is that he got so many different backstories or explanations on what he might be, but a common enough theme that we see is that he is a stuffed toy when he wants to be.
So here me out.
Tawky Tawny is Billyâs familiar and helps him adjust to his magic when he wants to use it in his small form. He was originally a toy given to Billy by his parents and later given life by The Wizard.
It came with more benefits. Tawny would eat his nightmares, be able to teleport to Billyâs location so that he could never get stolen or lost, protect Billy by going into his tiger form and all around be a constant warmth on his life.
So imagine Billy doing the same as The Wizard.
A lot of his friends arenât magic users and donât have the same magical protection he does, so maybe he gives them some enchanted clothing or pendants. A semi familiar (because without magic you canât make a magical familiar pact with a living animal) where he just makes them familiars.
He would create stuffed animals, and weave in some magic to make them sentient. Maybe it would start with younger heroes, but when he realises his coworkers in the JL need the help as well, he absolutely would make some for them. They, like Tawny prefer to stay in stuffed toy mode, but will sometimes would want to stretch their paws and go into animal form once they feel like they are in a suitable environment.
Just picture it.
It all started with Raven, and the constant stress she might feel with having to constantly guard over Trigon. She canât have a familiar because most creatures would suffer if give a link to her because her magic is not compatible like that. Captain Marvel decided to make her a companion. He makes her a little leopard wearing an elegant pink suit with a little top hat.
Raven: Is that a plush?
Cap: I heard you have trouble sleeping, so I got you a friend. I havenât given them a name or pronouns, so thatâs up to you.
Raven: ⊠why
Cap: Trust me, they are for nightmares! Tawny *holds up his tiger plush* tells me they are fun to hunt and makes quite the sweet treat.
Raven: *holding the handmade gift* thank you đ„ș
Cue shenanigans where she thinks heâs just trying to be a great den mother, and is a tad naive thinking stuffed animals actually work. Not that she isnât holding little Ebony Darkness every night and is getting the best sleep she has in years.
Another thing to add is that insomnia and PTSD is a common sight within the caped community. And of course Billy notices that. So, after seeing more and more positive results of his plushies, he makes more and more. It becomes a trend. Younger heroes receive a small teddy of an animal and proceed to get attached to it almost immediately.
Nightwing almost cried when he got an elephant wearing a bow tie . Cap said that he seemed like the type to like them. Now Dick has given Zitka a little sibling to sleep at night with. But then that plush becomes fond of Zitka and gave the og elephant plush sentience.
Starfire absolutely adores her shrimp plush. Said something about being able to see colours together. Wally doesnât know what to think about getting a turtle, but quickly gets attached, even putting little designs in the shell.
Jason also likes to put in patterns in his sting-ray, which Roy doesnât get cause he thinks his jelly fish is perfect just the way she is. Lian gets a smaller jellyfish, which makes her happy because all the Outlaws get a sea animal.
All the members of YJ, even the retired ones, get a reindeer. They suspect he knows.
It gets back to the JL that Caps giving stuffed toys to their protoges.
Flash: Hey, Cap, how come we donât get any stuffed animals?
Captain, exited his work is wanted: You want one!!!
Flash, canât say no to that face: ⊠yes I do
He gets all exited and makes plushies for all of his coworkers, that he pours a bit of extra magic in his work.
CM, fidgeting infringe if the door:
Batman: what is it Captain
CM: I made you something but then I realised that you wouldnât really want it but then it could be cool if you did and I didnât want to overthink-
Batman, stopping Billyâs rant: go ahead
CM, hands him a plush snake wearing spectacles: I thought you would like them. I havenât named them so thatâs up to you
Batman, not knowing where to go from here: ⊠is the name important
CM, offended: Itâs the MOST important
Batman sighs and keeps the snake. Naturally he does a billion different tests but finds itâs a snake plush. One thatâs handmade. That must have taken a lot of time and effort. Batman keeps George Snaking. No he will not admit that having the snake wrapped around his shoulders is soothing.
And it just spirals from there. Hal gets a Sparrow in a poncho, Plastic man gets a kangaroo wearing the nicest boots, Wonder Woman gets a duck in a fancy dress, Aquaman gets a penguin in swim shorts, Jâonn gets a lion in a toga ⊠Guy gets a clown fish.
It has no rhyme or reason. The only common thread is that itâs an animal with some sort of clothing. Cap just says that of course they have clothing, they are distinguished and perfectly civilised individuals.
It all come to a head when the League faces some threat, and they are weakened, only for their plushies to fucking teleport and turn into massive version of their respective animals and saves the day.
Hawkwoman, starring at her bear: I- Mrs Snuggles?
Mrs Snuggles: *shrugs*
Shayera: ⊠I could have been getting bear hugs this whole time
Guy: *looks down* Flippers?
Flippers: *flops on the floor*
Guy: âŠ.
Guy: how come the others get bigger version of their animals
The League of Superpets arenât that worried about competition. They tried to recruit the plushâs, but turns out they are just lazy. Like, they will beat a butch if necessary, but wonât actively go looking for crime to solve. They act more of a home dĂ©fense.
The only ones who knew about the sentient plushies where Ma and Pa Kent (their Octopus is extent helpful around the farm), Alfred Pennyworth (heâs the one who actually requested hamsters to help keep the manor clean and keep an eye on his family) and Damian whoâs instinct immediacy told him his fennec fox is alive.
Oracle got a capybara. The Capybara is the most powerful one Billy has made, second to Tawny. I donât make the rules.
Constantine is the only one who never got one. Billy is still salty about him trying to steal his powers. Plus he would prolly sell it.
#billy batson#shazam#dc captain marvel#dc#tawky tawny#just Billy making his friends plushies#Constantine is wondering why tf heâs just handing out weapons of mass destruction#itâs why he wonât be getting any :(#dad marvel au#of you squint you can see it#Raven deserves to have a mentor in her life#thereâs so many characters im not going to tag them all#itâs midnight rn and I promised myself I would be healthy in my sleep patterns#i lied#sorry me from this morning the day did not go as planned
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Am I aware that adderall canât do its job if I donât get enough sleep?
Have I utterly failed to make use of this knowledge?
Am I, an entire adult with a wife and a salary, hoping âyou wouldnât want to disappoint HP, would you?â is the thing that finally motivates me to go to bed before two in the morning?
The answers to these questions will probably not surprise you!
#one of the worst parts of adhd#is the way it collapses everything from âfive minutes in the futureâ to âfive years in the futureâ into one The Future#âthe future isnât real. it canât hurt me.â does make it a lot easier to deal with anxiety#but on the other hand#âif I stop doing [activity] I wonât get to do it again until The Future. which is basically like never being able to do it again.â#âsure I should be getting ready. but I donât have to be there until The Future and thatâs not for a long time.â#âI am hungry. but making food takes several minutes which means itâs in the future and unrelated to Present Me.â#I would describe all of these thought patterns as A Problem#and adderall helps but not 24/7 and not if Iâm chronically staying up late#which can feel a lot like needing a key thatâs locked inside a box in order to open the boxâs lock#so here we are. help me make better life choices fictional character. fictional character please motivate me to make healthy choices.#sleepless domain
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when I want to write something self indulgent to give me all the angsty and cuddly hurt/comfort feels but I can't because I end up feeling guilty because I'm seeking after feels that I feel in an inappropriate place because my mom told me one time when I was 15 that I shouldn't search that out or it's probably sexual sin but it confuses me because ALL the feels happen that way for me even if it's entirely platonic and nonsexual and so I don't know if it's okay to want to write to that because apparently all pleasure of any sort, even over platonic stories, is sexual or comes with a possibly probably sexual feeling and I also am having a hard time figuring out what's genuine conviction from God and what's just my anxiety/OCD/perfectionism/fear of failure
#like I feel like it's conviction. but also when I analyze it... I'm not doing anything sexual??? the stories I'm writing are#ENTIRELY platonic#it's like. found family feels.#but then why do I feel so guilty/convicted over it and feel better/less guilty when I stop writing anything feelsy#like... I guess I'm only allowed to write plot and can't ever write hugs and hurt/comfort anymore#my mom keeps saying I should journal all this instead of venting it at everybody and honestly maybe she's right#idk how to handle this but also I feel like if I just find a holding pattern where I can strike a healthy balance of lile#like* what is correct and healthy for me to enjoy#then the anxiety over it might pass? I don't want to avoid conviction though but like. why am I convicted over#writing a story where someone who's been treated like a monster finds a family who loves them#like.. is it because I'm seeking out whatever that feeling in my lower belly/groin is????#but that's like... so tied up in enjoyment and hurt/comfort to me that idk if I'm ACTUALLY looking for that#or if this is just what I write#and idk if that even is sinful in any way at all!!!#and why can't I just get over this? like I keep going in circles with it and it's so frustrating#idk this is totally tmi I just got hit with this awful feeling after work today and the only thing I can pinpoint it to#is this specific thing I've been writing. but even though yeah I've been getting feelsy with it... it's PLATONIC#ENTIRELY COMPLETELY NONSEXUAL. so like... is it that pleasure feeling that's the thing I'm being convicted over??#probably. bc that's the only thing that eases the feeling of conviction/anxiety/guilt#and also probably no one is reading all these tags lol sorry guys I'll go away now
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#histhoughtslately#htl#quotes#life quotes#life path#mental health#love#lit#literature#inspirational quotes#self care#motivational quotes are#metaphysical#spirituality#spiritual growth#the hermit#successful#healthy lifestyle#goals#personal growth#peace#humanity#god#universe#self love#self growth#healing heart#pattern
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Maybe I'm just not in the right circles, but I'm surprised that nobody has headcanonned Yuno as depressed so far. I mean, she's got persistent feelings of loneliness and emptiness in spite of having no apparent issues, which she tries to fix with risky sex. She claims that she "has something missing" and that she doesn't care about anybody, including herself. She says that she doesn't want to live past forty*. She often complains that things are too much of a bother, or acts happier than she really feels to please other people. When she "cools off", she socially withdrawns from everyone except those who she thinks need her (Mahiru and Amane, in this case).
I guess people don't think of it because she's not very self-loathing, but her words and attitude during the second trial sound like anhedonia to me, and it's not just stuff from after she withdrew emotionally. For example, looking at her interros: "What's your dream? Finding something I can get absorbed in" "If you could have a wish, what would it be? Nothing, I might regret it/ Nothing, as long as my friends and family are happy I'm fine (T2)". Plus her being asked about important memories twice and replying both times that there are none that stick out, and giving a similar answer to people she likes ("I like everyone except those I hate", so basically nobody stands out positively)
Overall, it just feels like she's got some serious apathy that goes beyond being, as she says, "a bit too realistic". Like I think at the point where you consider going into what's essentially customer service** for emotional relief as "necessary" and think being kidnapped and imprisoned is an improvement over your usual life, you've definitely got issues and the only question is what kind.
*I wonder if this is a trope in Japan? I'm reminded of a song with a similar name.
**I originally wrote that as a joke, but I really think it's worth exploring why she felt that the way to "warmth" (which seems to be something like understanding) was a profession where pretending to be the perfect girlfriend is part of the job description. Does the emotional distance feel more comfortable to her than being genuine? Or is she trying to prove something, that she's so desirable that men will risk social death and spend tons of money just to spend a few hours with her? I feel like her saying that what she likes in a man is having them treat her like she's special is an important piece of the puzzle, but there's not enough context for the full picture...
#Honestly writing this I realized Yuno is quite dutiful no matter what she may say#Lots of shaping herself to serve other people's interests.#Like obviously it's a nice thing to do with Mahiru and Amane#but add in her clients and I feel like that's a pattern in her life.#And that's not super healthy as a default mode of interaction.#milgram#yuno kashiki
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One of the hardest things to actually accept, in my experience, is that you eventually have to forgive yourself for the harm you did to yourself. A good way to move on from that is just being able to let your past self rest in peace. Don't stomp on their resting spot, they need to be at peace. They deserve to be at peace, and so do you.
#mental health#mental health recovery#self harm tw#sh tw#self harm mention tw#(just for the implication)#i'm trying to accept the things i did when i was young to harm myself#and i'm scared to think of the ramifications my self-destructive habits and bahavioural patterns will have on my future self (if any)#(this is part of why i think we NEED to destigmatize scars. i looked at the way people with visible self-harm scars were treated...#...and so i harmed myself in ways that didn't leave scars which were MORE dangerous in the end i think)#if you have visible scars from *anything* i truly love that you're here and you're reading this (maybe)#unreality tw#(just in case? i think this post can count)#i just like the visualization of separating my present with my past#because i can treat him with the respect that i'd give to somebody else in his situation#is it healthy? who knows but it helps me remember to be compassionate so i don't particularly care
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As someone who enjoys religion blogging/discussions, I've come to realize that it's a good practice to be aware of the general signs/symptoms of religious-OCD thinking (aka scrupulosity), because if the conversation is taking on all the hallmarks of scrupulosity, it's actually a definitive sign that we cannot meaningfully and compassionately engage in a conversation about religion in a healthy way. I've actually had this play out a significant number of times online, and when I realized what it was, I also began to realize that the intrusive thoughts/obsessive and compulsive thinking are only ever fed by continuing the discussion with that person.
[[ Important edit to clarify why I am saying it's not healthy â made after I went back to look for more concrete facts about OCD or anxiety (I have GAD, not OCD, but many resources overlap since they're both anxiety disorders):
When Reassurance is Harmful â this explains how/why reassurance-seeking specifically about an OCD fear is a compulsive behavior, and engaging with reassurance-seeking interferes with recovery/management/treatment.
This table from the Anxiety Disorders Center lists key differences between Information Seeking and Reassurance Seeking.
This IOCDF page on Scrupulosity info for Faith Leaders identifies "symptom accommodation" as enabling. Two of the examples of doing this by participating in the OCD behavior are: "Engage in excessive conversation focused on if-then scenarios (e.g., "If I did this, then would X or Y happen? And what if Z was involved? How about W?")" And, "Repeatedly answering questions about âcorrectâ religious or faith practices."
That page also goes on to outline more info about reassurance seeking. "Although providing answers to (often simple!) questions may seem harmless, providing reassurance serves to maintain the anxiety disorder cycle." (This BMC psychiatry article cites a lot of related studies establishing this.)
The IOCDF page on What is OCD and Scrupulosity? ]]
Imo, the responsible thing to do is to recognize that (even if the other person hasn't outright stated it/isn't diagnosed)* the conversation is not about religion, it is about needing mental health support from professionals and experts. Talking to me, the layperson who enjoys chatting theology and my religion â is not only not helping, but is actively harmful. I'm not just talking about the person who I replied to today, either. Like I've said, I've seen this happen dozens of times in various online forums.
*[while I am against diagnosing strangers on the internet, it's important to realize A) lots of people don't know what Scrupulosity is, so it's possible they've never considered this is a mental health concern that could be treated, and that B) for the purposes of my concern, it doesn't matter if they actually have diagnosed OCD. The only thing that matters is that their thought-process causes them genuine distress/fear, and every response given to them seems to only incite new/additional distressing questions/thoughts, or further entrenches the original distress.]
Ultimately, any discussion aside from "you might want to speak to a mental health professional about scrupulosity OCD" seemingly puts me in the position of feeling as if I am being used for their self-harm. I hate that feeling. I do not want to be leverage for fear and pain. I have GAD, I despise the idea that I am making things worse.
No matter how much I love religious discussion, the answer in these cases is always "please reach out to an OCD specialist/mental health professional. I am not qualified to discuss this." And then to stop there. I have never once seen anyone stuck in this compulsive thought spiral be reassured or feel any better by hearing from someone else's approach to theology handled with things like empathy, compassion, logic, or even atheism. It doesn't matter what we say, how we say it, or how we relate to our own religion. The urge to engage in this kind of conversation in order to chat about religion is a sign that we are not equipped to help.
You can't have a conversation here, because intentionally or not, ten times out of ten, you are adding fuel to the fire. Just like people can't simply tell me something that would erase/talk me out of my ADHD/depression/anxiety disorder, you also cannot simply argue/reassure/persuade people out of scrupulosity. We should not try. We have a responsibility to consider that it's outright harmful to do so, and to disengage.
#this is a massive pet peeve of mine#im not mad at the people who responded about religion and religious thinking bc it took me time to realize what this was too#like im sure i used to view these kinds of questions in a more...idk flippant light when i was a teenager and maybe even in my 20's#as i became more educated about my own mental health though i started to realize the pattern in these fears#and like many of you i probably originally started replying to people with scrupulosity or similar religious anxieties genuinely#not realizing at first that replying to their fears or questions was inevitable harmful#not realizing that hey actually this is far above my paygrade#ocd/obsessive thinking and anxiety spirals can be crippling life ruining and immensely painful#and unfortunately my love of theological discussions sometimes tripped me RIGHT into what was essentially self-harm#so im not mad at other people for also making that mistake - but i am asking everyone to think about this actively#its too easy to leap in without considering if the discussion is healthy to have for our discussion partner#its definitely too easy to contribute to the pain and fear while only meaning to genuinely help what is misunderstood as a mere âworryâ#bc these arent just small fears or worries but thoughts that are causing them immense pain
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'Scary' mental illness allyship ultrahard mode: Being like, okay with the fact that some people experience violent impulses as a symptom (ie actual impulses/fixations on inflicting harm as an exaggerated emotional response to stressors) and accepting that people are not evil monsters etc for experiencing this
#I'm not talking about just intrusive thoughts (ie violent thought patterns that distress you and that you would never want to do) but like#things that a traumatized brain genuinely WANTS to do in the moment#Not saying that it's a healthy coping mechanism much less that you should be 'okay' with people ACTING on them but like...#Yeah this is a manifestation of mental illness/trauma/etc that is extremely not pretty and probably hard to sympathize with for#most people. Can U handle it.....#Idk it's just years of routinely seeing people get up in arms over the notion of fictional characters having violent impulses#because like 'Nooooo sweet precious little blorby would never!!!đ„ș'#and being like Damn wait til they find out that People from Real Life do too
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guy who thinks he has so so many borrowers living in his walls but itâs actually just one borrower who dyes their hair a new color every other week
#g/t#giant tiny#i dyed my hair again#sometimes ill keep the same color for months and months. and sometiems i need new shit ASAP#i dyed it half blueblack and half teal a few weeks ago. the teal was supposed to b more green but it came out more blue#so i got some neon green and slapped that shit on and now im slime. its the color of slime. and I LOVE IT#i feel like buttercup from the powerpuff girls. esp bc my hair is kinda cut like hers rn#AND THE BEST PART: MY CURL PATTERN IS IN TACT. NO DAMAGE. NO FRIZZ. ITS SO HEALTHY#im so blessed w the thickest curliest hair ever that bleach cannot damage. im invincible im immune#take that every hairdresser who said i could never achieve vivids. u r not as strong as me with walmart bleach and manic panic#genuinely tho id be so sad as a borrower. i couldnt dye my hair. i couldnt do my curly routine. god. ID BE BRUNETTE??#I HAVENT BEEN BRUNETTE IN ALMOST A DECADE. i genuinely forget my hair isnt naturally blue sometimes
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Cozy red flag blankets are the BEST ways to hide things from myself!!!!! LOL TikvaWolf.com for commissions, books, patreon, and more
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Sometimes i remember a comics moment i randomly came across somewhere, where Sam Wilson mentiones a musical and Steve Rodgers says he doesn't like musicals, to whitch Sam goes "Guess that means you really are straight" and even tho i don't care about Cap America or the Avengers, the moment stuck in me for that quote by Sam. And like....Sci, any ideas if straight men actually don't like musicals or is that bullshit?
actually i think i know more gay men who hate musicals than i know straight men who hate musicals. i've had a drag queen stop me point blank when i was about to sing a barbra streisand song, and i know so many gays who pointedly hate abba. so based on my experience i think the inverse is true. most of the straight men i know are kind of impartial about musicals, but gay men? hate.
my theory is that a lot of gay men don't want to fall into stereotypes, maybe. but thaaaaat's just a theory! a gay theory.
#sci speaks#i'm trying to understand the gays. they are a mystery to me.#i've seen a lot more toxic masculinity coming from gay men than i have from straight men.#i think it makes sense. they have less women in their lives. so they reckon with a lot more masculinity. more dick measuring.#also gay men have some of THE most unhealthy romantic relationships i've ever seen in my life.#this isn't a blanket statement on everyone but just from what i've seen. it's such a strange pattern i've observed.#lesbians? healthy. straights? usually healthy. gay men? universally a tire fire that makes me say âif you hate each other so much ??â#âwhy are you together??????????â#i have never met a cis gay mlm couple in real life that was healthy. every single one of them made my eyes widen in horror.#i want them to be healthy. please treat each other better.#the number of bitchy bitchy fights i've seen between mlm couples in public that make me so terrified#but i know mlm relationships in general are usually less... affectionate than wlw relationships. even and especially friendships.#just an observation.#i hate to say that there is a definite difference between amab vs afab experiences when it comes to relationship dynamics but.#of course there is. there is. as much as i want to say gender and sex do not matter. it really does.#it makes a difference. it does.#which is kind of why i'm glad i was born in the body i was. when people say âtrans means you feel you were born in the wrong bodyâ#im like.. i don't think that's true. i don't think that's true for me.#i wouldn't be me if i wasn't born the way i was. and i want to be me. but i'm a boy. i'm a boy but in the body that i have.#my body is still a boy's body. because i live in here.#sorry this went off on a tangent.#but yeah i know my brain would be different if i was amab. and i don't want all those other issues.#i think the only reason i'm so peaceful and serene is because i'm afab. and afabulous.#i see cis guys and im like.. yeah i don't want what you got.#once again! lucky to be me! i'm lucky. im lucky i have a vargooba. thank fuck for that!#couldve been so much worse off. could've been born with a dick and would be fighting for my life right now.
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about unconditional love; sometimes i have to remind myself how lucky i am to have my best friend of 10+ years. consistent communication throughout that time, even with long distance after they moved 2 years later. we love each other very deeply, and if its not unconditional, then i dont know what is. i have rocky relationships with my parents, and their love does not feel safe, so having my best friend and meeting them at a young age (middle school) was definitely the universe throwing me a bone lol. and we didnât realize when we first met just how important we would end up being to each other. but now we just see each other and know each other so intimately. ive learned so much about myself and navigating relationships because of our friendship. even when we disagree, its hard to take it personal because we have this mutual understanding that we are both operating from a place of true love for one another. i truly wish you and everyone gets to experience a love like this someday. its amazing. and it exists!
so very happy for you anon !! i do really hope i get to experience something similar to this one day
#i think iâm finally at a point where i do have a couple of healthy friendships in my life#i fully intend on cherishing those viciously#and it would also be fair to acknowledge my part in this repeating pattern. bc i do play a part#but yeah this is literally everything i could hope for truly. to me unconditional love isnât liberally accepting toxicity from each other#itâs acknowledging flaws & trying to work through them anyway#i am no saint whatsoever but i do feel like iâve run into so many relationships where the grace given was not equal#and my unconditional love fantasy always had to do w friendships more than it ever did relationships :â)#one day ! manifesting#this really is so very sweet & gives me hope <3#ask
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lashing out (in my head) towards people that probably really don't deserve it. and it honestly only makes things worse (in my head and how i view then treat them)
but when practically every person I gave trust towards has fucked me, it really makes being accusatory and distrustful a second nature
but no, girl, not everyone that's being nice to you manipulates your ass, figure it out and quit making shit worse that they already are
#mara why are you distrustful? *gestures at every memory i have of people i trusted* NO IDEA#when it's a life-long pattern then you start to get life-long defensive mechanisms that are not always healthy or fair towards others#then again... both of the times i had bad gut feelings were the worst of them#but anywho those were different (both towards each other and this current shitshow)#best not to think badly of people simply cause of assumptions and old defensive patterns#gods i so want to be a full on bitch sometimes#tired tired tired so fucking tired#personal
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