moonlightcycle571

[moonlightcycle571]

Captain Marvel not understanding anything about technology yet somehow being a technopath

I think it should be established that Billy Batson knows nothing about technology. He was stuck in the time bubble for over 50 years, and even then (before during and after), he’s a street kid. Man’s still on radio and old vehicles.

Every time she leaned something slightly techie, he gets flabbergasted. Mispronounces the name of so many machines and has no idea what’s the differences between an IPod and an IPhone. He understands even less why Sam’s song is beefing with an apple???

Having said that, Captain Marvel can be terrifyingly proficient in tech at random times, and the reasoning behind it is so dumb that any tech-savie person in the vicinity are either banging their heads or foaming in jealousy.

Electrics use electricity. Cap is technically Living Lightning. And magical. All Cap needs to do is think about something for it to appear in the nearest screens.

Batman: the access to the security are heavily locked and would take to much time to enter from the outside

Marvel: I got it! *camera footage appear on the screen*

Batman: hn?

*or*

Oracle: I need to bypass multiple firewalls. The coding is so complex, but if you give me ten minutes-

Marvel: oh it’s cool *waves his hand*

Oracle: …

Oracle: did you crack the code by waving your hand…

Marvel: yeah I just swishes off the weird blocks

Oracle, inwardly: THAT SHOULD BE MEEEE

Oracle, outwardly: *noticeably restrained* cool 🙂

*Or*

Marvel: Hey Vic, do you want to get milkshakes?

Cyborg: I can’t, the father box is acting up. I’ve been glitching all day.

Marvel: oh let me help

Cyborg: you can’t just-

Marvel: *slaps Victors shoulder* there!

Cyborg: … how???

Marvel: I asked nicely! 😁

Cyborg: I’m going to die now

Bonus:

Somewhere in a dark unused part of the watchtower, many capes gathered.

Barbara Gordon: Today we will welcome a new member to our support group. Introduce yourself, tell us why you’re here and will can start the meeting.

Roy Harper: Hi, I’m Arsenal, and today Captain Marvel broke my grenade launcher. He then felt bad and made me a pocket rocket launcher. Meaning it’s a rocket launcher but when I press a button, it turns into a small box for me to carry around. I asked him why make a rocket launcher and not a grenade launcher, and he asked me what’s the difference.

*echoes of ‘oooh’ and ‘welcome to the club’*

Tim Drake: I taught him on how to set a Facebook account and helped him set his profile. I go out to get an energy drink. I come back and he’s hacking conversations of the mafia, giving me info on the trafficking ring I’ve been tracking for a month.

*sympathising nods from everyone*

Jaime Reyes: Last Thursday, my scarab got scratched and was having trouble repairing itself. Marvel came in and put a bandaid on it. The worse part is… it actually worked.

*cue groans through out the room*

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Wouldn’t it be funny if Billy could only give powers to one person at a time, so the Vasquez kids take turns being Captain Marvel Junior (as they still look like kids) and they make everyone thinks it’s one shape shifting child.

Reporter: Captain Marvel, who is this new protoge worth you?

Marvel: you’ve met Junior though?

Mary, who wanted to take over: yeah we talked last week.

Reporter: ah what

At first it’s just Mary and Freddy (mostly Freddy cause he’s really into being a superhero) so everyone thinks Captain Marvel Junior is a shape shifting gender fluid kid and Marvel is a supportive dad.

But then the other Vasquez’s join in the fun

Reporter: Captain, new protoge?

Eugene, in it for shots and giggles: Claire, it’s me, Junior

Reporter: … you’re Asian now?

Eugene: woooooowww

Marvel: that’s low even for you

Reportee: but I-

Eugene: Both Captain and I have lived lives of many genders, colours and have been in many cultures. And yet you shame me for feeling nostalgic and reverting to an ancient form of mine.

Reporter: I- w h a t

It’s sparks a lot of debate of cultural appropriation for shapeshifters in general, with a lot of people invoking Martian Manhunter, fae and other shapeshifters. So naturally Pedro steps up

Captain Marvel and Junior both volunteering at a homeless shelter.

Reporter: … junior?

Pedro: yes?

Reporter: what are you doing

Pedro, making an ancient Mexican recipe he got from the Library in the Rock: making a dish I learned a couple of centuries ago from my then family.

Reporter, really doesn’t want to get cancelled: ok

Naturally this takes a lot of coordination, and a lot of people test them by giving info to one kid, and different info to the other. Solomon sees right through them cause the divine group chat is connected to Billy and the chosen Junior. Things were starting to chill for a bit. Then Darla joined in.

Darla, visibly younger than the other forms: Hi :D

Reporter: why do you keep getting younger and younger???

Darla: :3

At this point the reporter is so done. Are you a child with a lightning emblem on you? You are Captain Marvel Junior. And it seems to work most of the time.

Billy: *gets deaged as Cap*

Reporter: oh junior! New form? This one looks closer to Cap!

Billy: I’m not Junior???

Reporter: *bluescreens*

Bonus:

In a Justice League Meeting

Flash: So is Junior like a mantle? If so why is it only one kid at a time?

Hal: yeah, what do the others do when you take one at a time?

Billy, an absolute troll at heart: what do you mean, it’s the one kid?

Superman: what???

Billy: yeah so Junior hasn’t settled into which form they like the best and switch it up. I think they like it better that way.

Martian Manhunter, troll n2: *nods along* finding ones main form is an important part of self discovery. On Mars, many like to alternate between forms as they could not be tied down to one.

JL: ah

Bonus 2:

Batman: *slowly puts away the ‘Not An Adoption Problem’ Support Group invite*

Bonus 3:

Dudley: please please please please

Billy, fed up: WHY

Dudley: it’ll be so funny.

Billy: you know what, fine!

Later Dudley is given some powers but decides to only let the Reporter see him.

Reporter: … Junior????

Dudley: no one will ever believe you *flies off*

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Reblog cause we got freedom of speech

This woman was arrested for WORDS.

We should rally for her as much as the guy who actually shot someone. Push back.

[moonlightcycle571]

Reblog

you guys made luigi mangione trend for days and I need to see the same energy for brianna boston. she is a 43 year old mother of three who ended a phone call with blue cross blue shield (after being denied a claim) “delay deny depose, you people are next” and is now being held under a 100,000$ bond and could face FIFTEEN years of prison if charged. she has no weapons, her record is clean, and yet she is being held behind bars. they are afraid of the public and are trying to subdue. do not let them!!!! be outraged that our freedom of speech is being threatened!!!!! deny defend depose! free brianna boston!

[moonlightcycle571]

Call me basic, but Billy Batson’s Pokémon would be Pikachu. I see no better or more fitting option.

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Flash is out here as the biggest Billy x Freddy shipper there is without knowing the full context. He’s out here making fanfic notes about their tragic relationship.

I am not a Father

This is based off @elvesandlanterns’s report of this post.

When Flash, told Bruce and literally everyone else about the photo, Bruce immediately wanted to see it. Why? Because if he could see it, he might be able to identify who this Freddy character is. If he identifies this Freddy, he could identify Marvel’s civilian counterpart. So, that was just what he did, or rather made Tim do.

Robin!Tim: “Hey, Junior?”

Junior: “Yeah?”

Robin!Tim: “Can I see that photo of Marvel and your dad?”

Junior: “Uh… Why? Also, again, Freddy’s not my dad.”

Robin!Tim: “It’s pretty obvious he is, man.”

Junior: “No, it’s not. You also still haven’t answered why.”

Robin!Tim: “I wanna see it because I’m curious about baby Marvel and baby Freddy.”

Junior: “Neither of them are babies though?”

Robin!Tim: “I’ll give you twenty bucks if I can see the photo.”

Junior: “Deal.” *fishes it out of his pocket dimension and hands it to him before taking the twenty bucks from Tim*

It was just a quick look for whatever reason, right? Thats why Freddy thought nothing of it, especially when offered the twenty. They could have groceries for months with this bill! They might even be able to get a treat for themselves with it. Billy’s birthday was coming up, maybe he could get him a cake? Or some fast food? Or a present? Maybe the Bulletman action figure he saw Billy eyeing in a store window? He wanted to get him something, he knew that.

Anyways, Tim guiltily snapped a couple pictures, feeling bad about going behind his friends back, and then sent them to Bruce a few minutes after handing the photo back to Junior.

Bruce immediately got to work, trying to match a names to the faces. He ended up having to switch to paper files and break into the city hall in Fawcett because neither boy would come up in an online database. That’s how he found Frederick Christopher Freeman and William Joseph Batson. Born in 1932 and 1933 respectively. Both Orphans. Both were likely on the streets after being orphaned. No known death date which suggests they could be alive, though it’s unlikely considering they’d be in their nineties and the asbestos in this town would’ve gotten to them already.

Though, considering that Marvel is still alive and young, this could paint a not so nice picture. Could Fredrick have grown old and died while Marvel had stayed young? Is that why he had the look of horror when he was mentioned? Is Fredrick actually Junior’s father? They certainly do look similar. It would also make sense as to why Cap was raising Junior. If this was his friend’s kid, he probably wouldn’t want him on the streets. But then how does Junior have Marvel’s powers? Can Marvel give powers willy-nilly? So many questions yet no answers.

Thankfully, he came across a news channel clip of Marvel saying that his powers were genetic. Billy made that up on the spot, not that Bruce would know.

Okay? So they are related, but how? Does that mean Junior is Marvel and Fredrick’s child? Lord, was Flash actually right about Fredrick and Marvel dating at some point? Wait, but if Junior is actually their kid, how was he born? Surrogacy? William- it’s strange to call the Captain that- has a sister, but she was pronounced dead. As for Fredrick, he had a brother but that’s it. They could’ve gotten someone random maybe? But then how would the kid look like Fredrick but have the Captain’s powers, was it magic? Can you do that? Can you have a magic pregnancy?? Bruce is falling down the rabbit hole and he can’t stop himself.

Eventually, he just went up to the pair and asked them directly.

Junior and Marvel: *talking*

Batman: “Captain? Could I ask you something?

Marvel: “Of course! What is it?”

Batman: “I…” *looks at Freddy for like three seconds before looking back to Marvel*

Marvel: *smiling*

Batman: “Is Junior yours and Fredrick Freeman’s biological son?”

Bruce has never heard a louder silence in his life. A clueless confusion could slowly be seen crossing Marvel’s face.

Marvel: “Wha-”

Junior: “Yup.” *nods his head*

Marvel: *looks over to him with the same horrified expression*

Batman: “Now, Marvel, there’s no need to look like that.” *reaches up to put and hand on Marvel’s shoulder* “Here at the Justice League we accept members of any race, religion, color, or sexual orientation.”

With that Batman left Billy and Freddy there. Billy’s jaw was already dropped, and as soon as Batman was out of sight, Freddy’s jaw dropped too.

Later…

Billy: “I can’t believe you said that!”

Freddy: “Dude, would you have rather wanted to explain that we’re two kids who got powers and decided to fight crime?”

Billy: “…No.”

Freddy: “That’s what I thought. Now here, take this.” *hands Billy a Bulletman action figure*

Billy: “What?!” *jaw drops* “Freddy where’d you get this?!”

Freddy: “I bought it, duh.”

Billy: “This is awesome!” *hugs the life out of Freddy*

Btw for this to work, somehow no one knows about the time bubble.

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Lmao I just had a fantastic vision.

The JL fighting a multiversal threat, and the for keeps disappearing into different universes/worlds. While everyone is coming up with ways to travel to apprehend the foe, Captain Marvel has an idea.

Batman: so far, our current multiversal technology is subpar and unable to go at the rate the villain is going.

Flash: while I can travel through universes, it’s going to take a while to l’acte which one they’re on, and even then, they can leave before I even do anything.

Superman: we need a reliable tracker and transport system. Both being crucial elements we don’t have

Captain Marvel: I have an idea.

Cue to the JL all on a random sidewalk, with the clear instructions to ‘wait until they arrive’ and to ‘not move or interfere in any way shape of form’.

Random Truck: *appears out of nowhere, hitting a random pigeon*

JL: huh

Marvel: well that’s going to be an interesting story. Anyways, there you are! Guys, meet Truck-kun!

JL: excuse me???

Truck-kun:

Marvel: Their a bit shy ☺️

JL: …

Truck-kun: *blushes*

JL: how is that even possible??!??!?

They proceed to go in and go through some weird interdimensional car chase, passing by random worlds, spawning through random streets (for some reason, most of them are in Japan), and more importantly, hitting A LOT of people. Old, young, middle aged, animals, even a vending machine at some point. It’s just a slaughter.

The JL is horrified, and Cap is just sitting in his seat, all chill.

Green Lantern: DID WE JUST HIT SOMEONE

Marvel: yup

Superman: AND YOURE DOING NOTHING TO STOP IT

Marvel: nope

Batman: Captain that kills people

Marvel: it’s not killing, more like transporting them into a different universe that is more suited for them. Had we not hit them, they would have died either ways within the hour. Now they get a second chance of life.

JL: *existential crisis*

Even after the villain is apprehended, they found out they only managed to get this far is because they had a magic car*

Hawkwoman: *stares at the car* how does one come across thee vehicles

Marvel: well I met Truck-kun cause he’s besties with my magic Train. Train-chan told me that Truck-kuns little brother Car-kun got abducted, which is why Truck-kun was so willing to help.

JL:…

Flash: I’m going to go lie down.

Batman: *mentally adding magic vehicle community to his conspiracy board*

Bonus:

Green Arrow: *retelling what happened* -and then some random Truck pulls up

Conner Hawke: lmao you met Truck-kun

Green Arrow:

Conner:

Black Canary: … how do you know that name?

Conner: w h a t

Bonus 2:

Naturally Conner tells Damian, who tells Jon, who tells Kon, who tells the Titans and basically the whole thing spreads.

Red Robin: YOU MET TRUCK KUN! THE GREAT ONE HIMSELF

Spoiler: THE ALL MIGHTY WHEELS OF STEEL

Cyborg: WHY WASNT I INVITED! CAP YOU LBOW HOW MUCH I LIKE MY ISEKAI

Blue Beetle: JUST CAUSE YOU GASLIGHT DOES NOT MEAN YOURE A GIRL BOSS

Superboy: SHARING IS CARING

Arsenal, lying on the road: TAKE ME

Bonus 3:

Static Shock: next you’ll be telling us you know Archie’s magic bus

Marvel: well I’m not sure I know who this ‘Archie’ is, but Train-chan does have a cousin called Bus-san.

Titans: *explode*

[moonlightcycle571]

Need to keep this circulating. Remember kids, sharing is caring.

Need y’all to drop your fav “Tim doesn’t see himself as part of the batfam” angst fics

Idk if there’s a tag for that but I love the e fics where he either doesn’t go to them for help cause he thinks they don’t want to be bothered by him or fics where he plans to leave the fam because he doesn’t see himself as one of them.

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Marvel: *leaves*

Supes: dad did and Marvel

Jor-El: no

Supes: thank goodness

Jor-El: but one of my uncles did

Supes: …

Supes: I need to die now

Wives, Husbands, Spouses, Freaks the Lot of Them

As you’re probably aware, most Champions were adults when they took on their roles. They have, or at least had lives of their own. Family of their own. Friends of their own. Spouses of their own. Speaking of spouses… genuinely, wholeheartedly, why were all the previous Champions so freaky? This might just be Billy and his extreme aversion of romance cause it’s icky, but… why do you have five wives? What you could possibly need all that for, Billy would never know.

The Gods were also pretty freaky too unfortunately. This actually included Solomon- SOLOMON of all people.

Marvel: “You’re the only one I can trust, Solly.”

Solomon: “Solly…? Never mind. Billy, you do know I had seven hundred wives, right?”

Marvel: *lets out the most scandalized gasp in the world*

Atlas: “What did you expect?”

Marvel: “I- Wha- I- I expected him to be more modest than the rest of you!”

Solomon: “Oh why thank you, Billy.” *proud grandpa*

Yeah, so, everyone’s icky. Gods, mortals, and kings alike. Yay…

Anyways, ignoring that and getting back to the original topic. The Champions were all freaky. It’s an annoyance to Billy not because they had numerous relationships, but rather, it’s because of these relationships he could be talking to someone and then they might remind him of an old wife or husband from however long ago. Like that time he saved a woman who nearly got hit by a car.

Marvel: *puts her down on the sidewalk* “Stay safe, miss.”

Woman: “Thank you, Captain Marvel!” *smiles*

Marvel: *gets the image of a previous wife thrust into his head and unconsciously curls his lip and disgust*

Yeah, that poor woman. He felt so bad when she looked confused and slightly hurt at his reaction. It definitely didn’t help that someone caught it on camera.

There was also that one time with Mr. Superman Sir, or more precisely, his dad. Him and Supes were just hanging out in the Fortress of Solitude when he saw Jor-El.

Marvel: *lead paint stare*

Supes: “Cap? Is something wrong?”

Marvel: “Your dad looks like an old husband of mine.” *doesn’t even register he said that*

Supes: *doesn’t know what to do with this information* “I- uh… cool? I didn’t know you swung that way Marvel?”

Marvel: *snaps out of the lead paint stare* “What way?”

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So we’ve all agreed that Gotham is magically fucked, right? Like that place has ancient curses upon ancient curses like it’s nobodies business. The city was built on an evil magic swamp, a lot of people pissed off the wrong witches and all around, that shot mixed and did not age well.

It’s also common knowledge that Batman hates magic. So he doesn’t deal with that stuff. Which is as shame considering it could help deal with so much.

But do you know who’s job it is to take care it? The Champion of Magic. And who is the Champion of Magic? Billy freakin Batson aka Captain Marvel.

Problem. Billy is a hero, and people in the caped community tend to be pretty protective of their city. Batman especially when it comes to other heroes in Gotham.

Problem 2. Batman, again, doesn’t give a shit about Magic. And it’s not like Billy can hold an intervention. Cause what’s he going to say “oh by the way, your city is the magical equivalent of multiple stains that has grown into toxic mold and is in dire need of the equivalent of multiple bleaching sessions”

So now Cap is stuck. He’s also scared of getting adopted as Billy the second he enters the city.

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I need Joker to fear Captain Marvel so dam badly. Let me explain.

So we know how we, as a community, all accepted that Billy Batson / Captain Marvel is the most egregious Tax Evader of DC (for this who don’t know, there was a whole poll and our boy Billy won out of literally everyone, including supervillains).

And in the Batman Cartoon (and some comics), it’s stated that Joker is terrified of the IRS.

I think you see the picture.

Joker: I may be crazy enough to fight Batman, but I am NOT crazy enough to deal with the IRS

Captain Marvel: lol imagine doing your taxes

Everyone present: w h a t

*clip goes viral*

IRS Agent: So, Captain Marvel was it? According to this footage, you have no been paying your taxes

Marvel: prove it.

IRS Agent: What?

Marvel: to make me pay anything, you need to know who I am and what’s to pay. I got nothing to pay.

IRS Agent: that’s not-

Marvel: not even Batman knows who or what I am. For all you know, I could be living in a multidimensional rock situated in, quite literally, the middle of nowhere.

IRS Agent: …

IRS Agent: I- w h a t

*some time later*

IRS AGENT: YOU BORE A STRIKING RESEMBLANCE TO LATE CC BATSON. SOMEONE WHO HASNT PAID TAXES IN 70 YEARS! YOU OWE US TAXES

Marvel: no I’m not

IRS Agent: Don’t try-

Marvel, holding the lasso of truth: I am not CC Batson, I don’t owe you shit. Plus he’s totes dead so can’t be me.

IRS Agent: DAMMIT

Joker: This mofo is crazy! Crazy? I was crazy onc-

*later*

IRS Agent, in Fawcette: why is none telling me anything!!!! You, Child, what do you know of your local hero?

Itty Bitty Billy Batson: lmao aren’t you that Agent harassing Cap

IRS Agent: it’s not harassment if he owes the government taxes

Billy: good luck taxing anyone in Fawcette lmao, magic doesn’t give a shit about that. Also we have different currency’s that just switches on random basis. So unless the government takes Drachmas, you’re cooked

IRS Agent, on the verge of tears: this has never happened before

Lex Luthor: WRITE THAT DOWN WRTE THAT DOWN

Bonus:

Billy: you know, I know someone who has been commuting tax evasion, tax fraud and more charges. His name is Ebenezer Batson. That’s E B E N Z E R and he lives just outside of Fawcette. Can’t miss him.

IRS Agent, who has a fridge with ‘CC Batson’ and is more than happy to get old man prey: thanks kid

Bonus 2:

Billy: Sweet, the IRS put my uncle in jail and the police gave me back my inheritance. Now to convert this into Fawcette currency (they will not be taxing this money)

Joker, visibly weeps

[moonlightcycle571]

Just came back from reading, and y’all I love this concept of Foster Dad Cap

Meet Recruit Marvel!

by Funnyluna12343 Billy groaned when a familiar vibration was felt in the pocket of his ratty jeans. “Shush, shush, it’s okay Johnny, it’s just the Justice League needing something from me even though tons of other heroes are available today.” the teen cooed, annoyance lacing his words. Johnny, the little foster baby he offered to care for a few months ago as Captain Marvel, gurgled in response to the amusement of Billy. Guess Billy was just gonna have to reveal his status as a foster parent to the League and also how he came into custody of a previously opioid addicted orphan! Words: 7933, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: Justice League - All Media Types, Shazam! | Captain Marvel (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Categories: Gen Characters: Billy Batson, Bruce Wayne, Justice League (DCU), Hal Jordan (Green Lantern), Barry Allen, Original Male Character(s) Relationships: Billy Batson & Justice League, Billy Batson & Oliver Queen, Billy Batson & Hal Jordan (Green Lantern), Billy Batson & Bruce Wayne, Barry Allen & Billy Batson Additional Tags: Billy Batson Needs a Hug, Billy Batson is Captain Marvel | Shazam, Let Billy Batson Swear, he only does it once in this fic but still, Protective Billy Batson, Billy Batson-centric, Foster Care, Past Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Drug Addiction, parental billy batson, Team as Family, Medical Inaccuracies, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Angst, Child Abandonment, Justice League Meetings (DCU), no beta we die like billy's parents, this is a jumble of timelines so just dont think about it via https://ift.tt/jdFB0u7

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Captain Marvel quotes based on actual conversations I’ve had. No this is not me projecting

——

Billy: I just had an intrusive thought

Mary: don’t bite the dog tiger .

Billy: no- what no, that’s a you thought. In fact, that’s a you common thought.

Mary: oh, then what is it?

Billy: wouldn’t it be funny if we locked the door and when Freddy comes back, we pretend to be asleep, and of anyone calls, we say he was in the house and just gaslight everyone.

Mary: that would be funny.

——

Billy: I think I might have a problem

Mary: what’s your problem

Billy: I don’t know, I said I think I might have one.

——

Billy, done with everything: Forget Veni, Vidi, Vici

Freddy: it’s Money, Mugging, Meeting

Mary: it’s Seduce, Sedate, Castrate

——

Billy: gods I wish I was still an only child

Freddy: but you’re the youngest of three?

Billy: let me have this

——

Mary, at Tawny: don’t look at me like that. You kicked my iPad across the room!

——

Mary: bite the dog tiger

Billy: but I’m wearing Vaseline

Mary: ew no, don’t bite the dog tiger

——

Freddy: people keep telling me I need to see this, I need to see that. I don’t want to see anything, I’m tired

——

Let me know if you want a part 2 cause I get very unhinged quotes. It got to the point where I sometimes wrote them down, and I look back on it and it’s like wtf. Then I remember the context. You’re not getting the context though.

[moonlightcycle571]

Beating out the Hero Worship. The weapon? Being a child therapist / relationship Councelor to your colleagues (who may or may not be going through midlife crisis)

So I love the prompts where the Wisdom of Solomon makes Captain Marvel a defacto Therapist and Relationship Councelor (family, romantic or otherwise) to his very adult coworkers. It’s especially funny when they think Billy is an adult. Billy is very much a child. A child who is giving these sad adults free therapy. Honestly if being a child hero wasn’t enough, the amount of work he has to put into his colleagues well-being should in itself be child labour.

Black Canary, who has been the Therapist, is the only one who can relate to the struggle. Sometimes they even share notes. Well, Billy is, Dinah is here for the gossip. Bring in Barbara, and they got themselves a girls night.

It’s just so funny to me. Gets me every time.

Flash: Man, I can’t believe I’ll need to reschedule my wedding anniversary AGAIN all because of some new villain not getting the memo. Sometimes being the hero on your city takes a lot of you.

Marvel: don’t you have multiple speedsters in your city?

Flash: …

Marvel: you have multiple heroes in your corner who would gladly take over a case for you

Flash: Oh yeeeeaaah

Marvel: Don’t pull a Batman. Ask for help.

Bruce, somewhere in Gotham: something just happened

*or just*

Clark: and it’s just confusing, because Conner sees my parents as his parents making us siblings, but John sees him as his brother making him my son, but Lex sees him as HIS son. Kon even said that Lex was more of a dad to him! Lex!

Marvel: oh yeah, family is difficult. Imagine having two dads, but the hero one is the one who want nothing to do with you. At least Lex tries. When was the last time you had a casual conversation.

Clark: I- *pauses*

Marvel: or talked about hobbies.

Clark: I messed up.

Marvel: yeah yuh did

Bonus:

Billy: Dinah! I didn’t think girls night was for another week!

Dinah: … actually

Billy: … no

Dinah, sitting on the couch: so I need advice

Billy: 🥲

A few moments later

Billy: I’m sorry, GA did WHAT to Roy

Dinah: Exactly, so come Mia-

Some more time later

Green Arrow: why do I hear boss music?

Marvel, slamming open the door: Oooolllieee we need to talk 🙃

Oliver: I’m in danger

[moonlightcycle571]

Billy’s familiar should be Tawny. Captain Marvels familiar should be a raccoon.

I said what I said.

Okay so hear me out. I really like the idea of familiars being animal companions to help channel your magic, and because Captain Marvel and Billy Batson have two vastly different bodies and vastly different magical prowesses, they need vastly different familiars.

For Billy to have Tawny, he gets a protector, someone to help him ease into his champion duties when in small form and guide him for all sorts of matters. And the fluffiest companion known to man cause he deserves it. It simply makes sense.

Marvel should have a raccoon. Just a freaky little shit whose sole purpose is to mess with him. Cap is already an encyclopaedia of magic and is already an established know-how for his champion duties. But sometimes Billy’s workaholic tendencies and Cap’s constant drive to do better / never ending to-do list makes him forget his needs a lot. Thus comes in the Racoon.

It doesn’t have a name, it’s just, the racoon. It’s a little trash goblin who will fight multiple Gods for loose fries in the McDonald’s ball pit. It probably already has (looking at you Hermes/Mercury).

Picture this

*JL, having a meeting*

Billy: *getting himself a cup of coffee to mentally prepare himself to do an extra patrol once the meeting is over*

Racoon: *spawns out of nowhere*

Captain Marvel: *will fight a bitch for his goddam energy booster*

Racoon: *feints attacking him and destroys the coffee pot instead*

Captain Marvel: DAMMIT RICHARD

JL: *confused, concerned, not payed enough for this*

BONUS:

*Later*

Batman, suspicious: So why is he called Richard?

Marvel: Cause he’s a Dick

Nightwing: *crying in the corner*

BONUS 2:

Billy, meeting Damian: and this is Tawny! He’s my familiar 💗🐯💗🐯💗🐯💗🐯💗

Damian: hmph, it seems you have a more respectable familiar than your father

Billy: what 😃

*Meanwhile with Cap*

Marvel: this is my trash goblin, it’s small and will bite. The pronouns are bite/me, and has claimed multiple burning bins as their home

John Constantine, staring straight into the Racoons beady ass eyes: … I really shouldn’t be relating that much

[moonlightcycle571]

Rock of Eternity Getting Offerings because they deserve it

I like to think that whenever there’s a magical artifact that needs containment, Billy just… takes it. Here is how it started.

Billy, after defeating an evil wizard: so… what do I do with the Staff???

Solomon: it cannot be kept in the world of man, it’s far to dangerous. You must destr-

Achilles: NEW LAMP

Hemrmes: YESSSSSSSS

Hercules: WAR TROPHY

Solomon: that is highly irresponsible, we cannot keep highly volatile objects for ‘the aesthetic’

Zeus: the burning violon

Solomon:

Solomon: well some decor never hurt anyone.

*and*

JL, after a long battle: Finally the foe has been vanquished! Now to find a secure place to stor-

Marvel, yoinks it and yeets it in a portal: done

Everyone present: w h a t

*or*

Amanda Waller: -thus the proof we need to detain you for breaking into secure government location and theft of a classified artifact

Marvel: *points to the screen* that’s not me

Waller: that’s litterally you in a French beret and a fake mustach

Marvel: I don’t know who that is, but they do look dashingly handsome. And look like a Gustavo. Probably a French mime who failed mime class and left on a journey of self discovery.

Waller: you can’t be serious

Captain Atom, fuck the government rn: I don’t know, Cap doesn’t have a mustach

Batman: the mime theory seems like a pretty sold theory to me

Several people (heroes, civilians, villains and all in between) telling Cap was with them as the time at the crime, each of them being vastly different.

Waller: this mf secretly a mass manipulator???

*or*

Cap, fighting in a museum:

Hermès: Ooh I know this pendant. Super magical, super cool.

Cap, on instinct, puts in pocket dimension to put it on the Rock:

Flash: … did I witness a theft????

Wether the pendant was actually magic or just a shiny jewel Hermes wanted is up for interpretation.

Anyways that’s how whenever he finds magical artefacts or books or whatnot, he just puts them in the Rock of Eternity. It’s a logical solution, as it serves as a place to safeguard and examine, and maybe purify some objects to use later.

The Wizard is so done. It started off as ‘dangerous artefacts to be relocated when a suitable place is found’ but then it became the go to storage and all the stuff just stays.

Thé Rock in the other hand, loves it. Getting more and more offerings by their new champion really shows how loved they are. It’s has been way too long since they got any offerings and new additions, so the newest champion giving them plenty of nourishment / stimulation is as if they are being spoiled.

Billy, brings an ancient cursed crown:

Wizard: another one???

Rock, already pushing Wizard aside: FOR ME!!!! TYTYTYYTY OH MY ME YOU ARE GOING TO LOOK SO CUTE WOTH THIS HOLD ONE LET ME JUST REPLACE THE MAGOC WOTH MINE

Five hours later Billy is chilling in one of the thrones with his new crown and one of his magic cape to match.

In conclusion, Billy is like a cat bringing a mouse in the house, except the mouse is actually a rubix cube that sometimes turns into sushi.

Yes Billy did bring a magic rubix cube that makes sushi when completed. Now I kinda want sushi ngl

[moonlightcycle571]

Getting run over by a train: a guide to how to

Do you know how The Wizard summoned Billy by running him run over by a magic train. What if that was the trains way of giving you permission to enter the rock. Like, once you got run over once, you can go in to travel if you have The Wizard or Billy’s permission.

So now imagine Billy summoning The Train when his colleagues need to go to the Rock of Eternity.

*at the train tracks*

Zatanna,: Thank you so much for letting me visit, this really means a lot to me.

Captain Marvel: oh don’t worry about it. Do be mindful of the train though.

Zatanna: the what

*gets run over by the train*

It becomes sort of a hazing ritual among the close circle of magic friends who visit the Rock. Zatanna had fantastic footage of Constantine loosing his mind before during and after the event.

And don’t think Train-kun is limited to train tracks. Captain Marvel needed to bring Hawkwoman to the Rock asap cause there was a situation where he needed her to check a Thanagarian artifice kept at the rock. She agreed whilst they where both flying. Footage of a random train hitting the both of them and all three parties disappearing.

Yes Billy has to get hit by the train when he brings someone knew that doesn’t have users access. It’s normal.

Clark: so you get hit by a train in a regular basis to go to your … rock?

Marvel: only when I get new people that the train doesn’t really approve of. And when we first met. But we’re cool.

JL: *concerned noises*

Batman adds magic train to his conspiracy board.

Bonus points if he uses the train to capture high end villains to put them in the dungeons / monster lands / prison of eternity.

Super powerful magical entity villain: AND YOU SHALL TUE THE DAY YOU EV-

*gets hit by a truck*

Marvel, whistling as he picks up the villains grimoire: well that was a close one. Good thing they were monologuing, otherwise that wouldn’t have worked as well as it did.

Reporter nearby: Captain did you throw a train at them????

Marvel: Train does what Train wants. Train wants speedruns.

Just fun little thoughts :D