#im not mad at the people who responded about religion and religious thinking bc it took me time to realize what this was too

[keshetchai]

As someone who enjoys religion blogging/discussions, I've come to realize that it's a good practice to be aware of the general signs/symptoms of religious-OCD thinking (aka scrupulosity), because if the conversation is taking on all the hallmarks of scrupulosity, it's actually a definitive sign that we cannot meaningfully and compassionately engage in a conversation about religion in a healthy way. I've actually had this play out a significant number of times online, and when I realized what it was, I also began to realize that the intrusive thoughts/obsessive and compulsive thinking are only ever fed by continuing the discussion with that person.

[[ Important edit to clarify why I am saying it's not healthy — made after I went back to look for more concrete facts about OCD or anxiety (I have GAD, not OCD, but many resources overlap since they're both anxiety disorders):

When Reassurance is Harmful — this explains how/why reassurance-seeking specifically about an OCD fear is a compulsive behavior, and engaging with reassurance-seeking interferes with recovery/management/treatment.

This table from the Anxiety Disorders Center lists key differences between Information Seeking and Reassurance Seeking.

This IOCDF page on Scrupulosity info for Faith Leaders identifies "symptom accommodation" as enabling. Two of the examples of doing this by participating in the OCD behavior are: "Engage in excessive conversation focused on if-then scenarios (e.g., "If I did this, then would X or Y happen? And what if Z was involved? How about W?")" And, "Repeatedly answering questions about ‘correct’ religious or faith practices."

That page also goes on to outline more info about reassurance seeking. "Although providing answers to (often simple!) questions may seem harmless, providing reassurance serves to maintain the anxiety disorder cycle." (This BMC psychiatry article cites a lot of related studies establishing this.)

The IOCDF page on What is OCD and Scrupulosity? ]]

Imo, the responsible thing to do is to recognize that (even if the other person hasn't outright stated it/isn't diagnosed)* the conversation is not about religion, it is about needing mental health support from professionals and experts. Talking to me, the layperson who enjoys chatting theology and my religion — is not only not helping, but is actively harmful. I'm not just talking about the person who I replied to today, either. Like I've said, I've seen this happen dozens of times in various online forums.

*[while I am against diagnosing strangers on the internet, it's important to realize A) lots of people don't know what Scrupulosity is, so it's possible they've never considered this is a mental health concern that could be treated, and that B) for the purposes of my concern, it doesn't matter if they actually have diagnosed OCD. The only thing that matters is that their thought-process causes them genuine distress/fear, and every response given to them seems to only incite new/additional distressing questions/thoughts, or further entrenches the original distress.]

Ultimately, any discussion aside from "you might want to speak to a mental health professional about scrupulosity OCD" seemingly puts me in the position of feeling as if I am being used for their self-harm. I hate that feeling. I do not want to be leverage for fear and pain. I have GAD, I despise the idea that I am making things worse.

No matter how much I love religious discussion, the answer in these cases is always "please reach out to an OCD specialist/mental health professional. I am not qualified to discuss this." And then to stop there. I have never once seen anyone stuck in this compulsive thought spiral be reassured or feel any better by hearing from someone else's approach to theology handled with things like empathy, compassion, logic, or even atheism. It doesn't matter what we say, how we say it, or how we relate to our own religion. The urge to engage in this kind of conversation in order to chat about religion is a sign that we are not equipped to help.

You can't have a conversation here, because intentionally or not, ten times out of ten, you are adding fuel to the fire. Just like people can't simply tell me something that would erase/talk me out of my ADHD/depression/anxiety disorder, you also cannot simply argue/reassure/persuade people out of scrupulosity. We should not try. We have a responsibility to consider that it's outright harmful to do so, and to disengage.

[farklelucas]

this is so annoying so you do not have to answer this but. mutuals as ambition characters FMJDKSLJFLSJGKLSG

okay so im not gonna do our gc bc... i don’t feel like i can handle being wrong right now lol BUT i will expand on why i picked each of my friends for the spots i did pick them for and also ofc i will tag you. i will shift things around so everybody has one character, and im doing purely the front 9 (+1).

me - still farkle ASJDKFLKD and ik no one wants to hear what i think about me BUT briefly, im dramatic as all fuck, unsure of myself, batshit but also Fragile, emotionally unstable, impulsive but TRYING real hard

you - asher because i know you say you’re a mix of maya and asher (which, trust, you are and i see you) i feel like the asher side wins out most of the time. my lawful good, parenting energy, anxious, resident talented legend who works Hard at everything. like truly the asher energies of it all... you pop off sister

anna (@rainbowannabeth) - still riley and i will explain Why. she may seem too soft to be riley at first (and that’s saying something considering riley is pretty damn soft) but what y’all don’t know about anna is that the bitch can be scrappy! she tries not to hate anyone and always bridge the gap when she can but when she gets mad ooh sister! i’ve only seen it a few times but wig. baby who HAS power!!! that’s right bitch. i wuv you anna MWAH

nicole (@loveallthatjazz) - still charlie kjfklkdfjkk. there are a ton of reasons tbh. the religious undertones, first of all... religion major queen. the Hyper Gay Energy? yah! the friends to lovers? the pining? the absolute uncertainty but drive to be Good to Appease to be Better in everything you do? yah! she is very much Dedicated to what she does but like also always wanting to Do Better and figure herself out by doing that. sorry nicole didn’t mean to read you but here’s my powerpoint on why you are charlie gardner -

saraid (@queen-of-edolas) - okay i literally have NO idea why i made her dylan last time when she’s absolutely a zay like??? i’m a mixture of zay/farkle imho and the zay traits i have she definitely shares. everyone be like “oh we love saraid she’s the sweetest!” and while she does have so many friends that love and adore her she literally always responds with “dude im a bitch” sndkfdjkf bc she and i do for sure bitch about other people all the time. also the ambition and drive to Do Your Best to the point of self-destruction is very saraid, as is that last minute bit of doubt zay can have that like leads to destruction. anyway faves.

julie (@scarlettmaximoffs​) - still isadora because... truly the attitude. the energy. the iconnery. the AMBITION (pun not intended). like isa has that DRIVE to make it you know, she knows what she wants and she’s gonna get it! also like... introverted is not necessarily the right word (although that Too!), more like selective you know? like very very careful about who she puts her time and energy into, and if she picks you it means you’re worth it! then like. afraid of things shifting. like if you pull some rancid shit expect to be cut tf out at least for a little while. and definitely willing to back her friends tf up like if we don’t like somebody we don’t like em! no ifs ands or buts! okay im not gonna get too deep here but yah julie is DEFINITELY isadora.

ian (@squidarms) - still lucas and i know you think that’s batshit but lemme tell you why. like OBVIOUSLY trauma aside bc... wack. but like... the leadership but the very Exclusive nature of his leadership (these are my people, i am set in my ways, back the Fuck off). the Aggression (i love my baby brother but he is like. always willing to beat tf down. like you insulted his friend? fight. you talked shit about his girl? fight.). the dedication to his personal beliefs and values is super strong, he’s always willing to fight for what he thinks is right, and if life were a musical he would be the one to be like. “the fuck y’all singin for.”

maryellen (@mirio-enthusiast) - okay i must’ve been on crack because this bitch is DEFINITELY dylan. head empty, heart full! the most important thing in this world is love! sunshine baby! wants to take care of everyone all the time! super fun and relaxing to be around, friends with or friendly with everyone, would probably set off bottle rockets in an empty parking lot if one of us asked her to come along. Loud about It (what is it you ask? everything!). SO dedicated to enjoying life that she can sometimes be blindsided as to why that’s not always a great idea.

mauricio (@ashergarcias) - i literally don’t have to explain this one, you get it you understand, but for everyone else reading mauricio is clearly maya. the dramatics, the theatrics, the aspiration, the iconnery, the dedication. very much That Bitch. thinks he has the brain cell but isn’t sure quite where he put it, does things on a whim, petty, one of the BEST friends to have back you up. and like yes the drama but drama is FUN like i enjoy his level of batshit craziness!!! i don’t think i need to expand any more. plus he and i... markle energies. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again.

sofia (@myusernameisamistake) - okay so sofia is actually eric. she very much puts her best foot forward with the best intentions, absolutely keen on helping everyone in any way that she possibly can. definitely wants to maintain the peace/keep the order and is resolutely Trying Her Best. would definitely pine and/or notice that one of her closest friends is pining after her. if any one of us were gonna be a teacher/leader character (besides maybe nicole sjdkflkjdk) it would be her. i would come to her for counseling advice. maybe.

send me mutuals as ______!