#and idk if that even is sinful in any way at all!!!
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Red Herrings
~SPENCER REID REQUESTS OPEN~
Request: Heyyy, so I don’t know if you even like Taylor Swift, but I NEED a smutty Spencer fic inspired by Guilty as Sin x So Highschool…I‘m talking build up and idk after a case the team all go to Rossi‘s house and the next thing they know is they‘re drunkenly playing spin the bottle…maybe Spence getting jealous or something? And once reader spins again and it lands on him he can’t hold back anymore, so they make the best of the time they have going at it like horny teenagers. She‘s been waiting for that since she first met him. Imagining how it would feel to finally touch him. @mariechristine00
Warnings: 18+ MDNI! Smut, Unprotected sex, dom!spencer, sub!reader, kinda emily x reader??? not really, spin the bottle, Fingering, teasing, jealousy, orgasm denial, creampie, rough sex, cockwarming
A/N: Sorry it took so long! I have had very bad writers block, i hope this is ok!
Four women had died before the team had arrived in Arkansas. All of them had been sex workers, murdered in the same fashion as Jack The Ripper's victims. It wasn’t uncommon for serial killers to replicate Jack the Ripper, but this Unsub had paid incredibly close attention to the habits of the original Jack, which should’ve made him easy to find, right? Predict his next move based on the timeline of the original crimes. Except- This unsub had adapted Jack the Rippers techniques to the modern day, even sending red herrings, making him harder to catch. After 8 days though, the team had finally done just that, leaving everyone to finally feel the full effect of exhaustion.
The jet journey back had been fairly quiet, you and Spencer had fallen asleep on the couch together, your head leaning against his shoulder, his head resting on top of yours. The team had shared a look after spotting the pair of you in such a position.
They had noticed shared glances between you both, how Reid would always bring you cups of coffee, how you’d bring enough lunch for two- knowing he wouldn’t eat if you didn’t. They’d heard all about your weekend hangouts, nights at the movies, dinners at each of your apartments. More often than not, you’d find both of you at one of your apartments, having stayed too late from a movie marathon, or even simply just wanting to stay in each other's company.
Any outsider who saw you both would think you were together, but you weren’t. Not like it want something either of you wanted, no it was quite the opposite. There were definite feelings between you both, and neither of you denied it. Both of you were just afraid to ruin what you had, so instead of facing them, you both lived in willful ignorance. Something the team were becoming exceedingly frustrated to watch, but neither of you would take their advice either. Leaving them stewing in frustration as the pair of you willfully ignored your feelings.
So, seeing you both sleeping on one another? Not as exciting as it used to be, but still made them happy to see.
Rossi is the one who woke the two of you up after the jet had landed. The rest of the team were gathering their things as the two of you stirred, sitting up straight at the sight of the older man before you, making him chuckle.
“Just wanted to let the pair of you know that we're having a dinner party at my house tomorrow night. 6pm Sharp, okay?” Spencer glanced over to you, whilst you rubbed your eyes, sleepily muttering an agreement. Following your lead, he smiled at Rossi, accepting the invitation on his own behalf.
Spencer helped you gather your things before guiding you out to his car, you often carpooled together and when you were at work the day of the case was no exception. You were still half asleep as he sat you down in the passenger seat of his beat up car, before sitting himself in the driver's seat.
“Can I stay at your house tonight, please?” You quietly asked, head leaning on the window, gazing at him through half lidded eyes “I feel bad for you driving all the way to my house, and doubling back to your apartment.”
The man driving smiled and muttered a small ‘Of course’, keeping his eyes on the nearly empty road. This wasn’t uncommon, ever since a mix up with hotel rooms a few months back, sleepovers had been added to your roster of ‘totally platonic’ activities you did together. Cuddling, sharing space, even beds, was now normal for you two. The rest of the team, if privy to this information, would point out how this was a manifestation of your feelings for each other; pushing the boundaries between friendship and romance, to try and fulfil your longing for each other subconsciously. Damn profilers.
The fact that this aspect of your relationship was secret from the team was also further proof that you both understood the implications. But you were just friends, right?
The car journey was quiet and quick, Spencer passed your go bag to you, mirroring you when he slung his own over his shoulder before grabbing your hand and leading you inside of his building.
Once inside, the pair of you set about your bedtime routines, changing in the same room, backs to each other. Brushing your teeth together, and slowly sliding into the warmth of Spencer’s Dark green covers. Small good nights are bid as Spencer pulls you into his chest, wrapping his arms around you, leg habitually landing over your him, effectively caging you as close to his chest as he could. Though, you were no different, lacing your arms around his middle, crossing your leg over his, if you could get any closer you could. It was just natural to the pair of you, being as close as possible to one another just made you both feel better, but you both would never mention that to anyone.
After a few minutes, when Spencer is sure you have fallen asleep, he places a small kiss to the crown of your head. Gently stroking the back of your head till he soon follows suit.
The next day, the two of you wake up entangled in each other's arms still. The mid morning light streamed through the curtains, gently rousing you both from your slumber.
Spencer lazily rubbed his fingers along your arm, up and down, until you finally roused fully. Sleepily smiling up at him, you hum as you bring your hand to meet his, intertwining your fingers together. Nudging yourself closer into his chest, he lets out a small chuckle.
“Morning, sleepy head.” He smiled as he squeezed your hand, he could hear a muffled “g'morning’” from you. Slowly, and hesitantly, he pulls his hand from yours, moving your head from his shoulder so he can look at you. He loved how you looked when you just woke up. Lips in a pout, eyes still half lidded, a slightly confused look on your face; he thought it was the cutest thing. As your eyes met his, his smile grew at the sight of your slightly messy hair. The hand holding your face slowly smoothes it down as he speaks.
“Do you want to shower and I'll go make breakfast?” He asked quietly, you nodded, still half asleep. Neither of you wanted to move yet, content in each other's arms. If you were lovers, it would be acceptable to say ‘no, I want to stay in bed with you’- But you are only best friends, nothing more. The realisation dawns on you both simultaneously as you both finally break from each other's hold. Though now feeling empty, you both move to perform your respective routines for the morning. It was around three that afternoon that you finally left Spencer’s house. After breakfast, the two of you had settled on his couch watching TV all morning, until you realised that you should probably go home to get ready for Rossi’s party tonight, Spencer offered to come to your house instead and sit with you as you got ready. He showered quickly, grabbing a change of clothes, before driving you both to your apartment around four.
Sitting with you was exactly what he did as you got ready, he sat in your room reading through your bookshelf as he waited, occasionally watching you as you put on your makeup and did your hair. When you were ready, he had changed as well, the pair of you dressed smart but not too fancy. Your idea, of course.
“I’m sorry but there is no way I was going to a Rossi party in a tight dress, I want to comfortably eat as much pasta as I want without feeling like I can’t move” Was what you had said.He laughed, and you both climbed into your car. You had worn a long summer dress, it flowed loosely around your frame, landing just below your knees. The dress was a a darker lilac, with dark purple flowers haphazardly splashed around the fabric. He had picked it for you when you had asked him to choose between two, unsure which you wanted to wear. Obviously, he chose his favourite colour. The thin straps accentuated the curve of your shoulders, he found his gaze landing on your neck for a moment too long before he reminded himself that you were just friends.
Pulling up to Rossi’s house, you parked the car. As you learnt into the back seat to grab your purse, he quickly hopped out of the car to open your door for you. He took your hand, closing the car door with the other. You smile at how much of a gentleman he is, intertwining your fingers with his before he has a chance to pull away. Hands staying intertwined the entirety of the walk into Rossi’s living room, breaking only to greet the rest of the team.
As the night flowed on, so did the wine. Dinner had been eaten, Spencer was amused at your gleeful motions as you reached for seconds, having your fill without worry. The team imbibed hard, bottles of Rossi’s expensive wine collection had been emptied before he had shooed the team away. Penelope, always the party animal, invited the team to continue the party at her place. Hotch was the only one who refused, wanting to get home to Jack. JJ and Will had agreed without hesitation, JJ’s mother being in town they had the whole night off, Emily followed suit of JJ, Derek agreeing without hesitation of course. The team glanced at you, Spencer and yourself sharing a look, silently communicating before you both agreed. Ordering a taxi to Penelope's house, you all piled into the minibus they sent.
One quick trip to the 24/7 liquor store around the corner, the team minus Rossi and Hoth were gathered in Penelope’s living room. Spencer sat behind you on the sofa whilst you sat on the floor, between his legs. The team were thoroughly drunk now, enjoying their time off as best they could. Derek, ever the party animal, finished his beer with a loud ‘Ahhh’, grabbing everyone's attention. He held the now empty bottle into the air with a triumphant grin.
“Do you know what time it is, ladies and gentleman?” He smirked, an evil glint in his eye as he scanned the room. Confusion painting the faces of everyone around you. “Spin the bottle!” He laughed, moving to sit on the floor in line with you. Penelope squealed in glee, clapping her hands as she moved from her position to sit across from Derek. JJ shrugged to Will, who chuckled and joined the rest of the team on the carpet. Emily sat beside you soon after, and Spencer, albeit reluctantly, slinked from his place on the sofa behind you to sit. Once the team had gathered, Derek explained the rules as he moved the bottle into the middle of the newly formed circle.
“Ok, we’ve all played before. You spin, and whoever it lands on you give them a big old kiss” He paused to wiggle his eyebrows at Penelope, who giggled at him “If it lands on yourself, spin again”
The man looked around, seeing the team ready, before starting the game. He gave the bottle a quick spin, and leant back as he watched the bottle spin. After a few moments, the bottle lands on JJ, who he respectfully pecs quickly on the corner of the mouth, like she was his grandmother, Obviously slightly disappointed to land on the one married woman in the circle.
“My turn?” JJ asked with a small slur, she held a glass of white wine in her hand carefully, leaning to spin the bottle. Landing on Emily, There is a small pause between them before they share a longer peck, Emily quickly moving on.
“Please, God, do not make me kiss Reid.” She joked, making the team laugh as she spun the bottle. Whilst the team watched the bottle spin, You nudged Spencer’s shoulder comfortingly. You knew Emily wasn't being mean, and so did he.
The bottle did, however, land on you. Raising your eyebrows in surprise, Emily clapped her hands
“That was close!” She laughed, JJ smirking and shaking her head amused. Penelope sighed
“I want a go” She pouted “I want a chance to kiss the one and only Derek Morgan.” She complained loudly. Everyone laughed at her fake tantrum, before Emily quickly moved in before you, softly grabbing the sides of your face, and bringing you in for a big closed mouthed kiss. It took you by surprise, and after a few seconds she pulled away, patting you on the shoulder.
“You’re welcome.” She deadpanned, making the rest of the team laugh once more. Still taken aback, you didn’t notice how Spencer had tensed up beside you after he saw your bewilderment from Emily’s short kiss. He watched silently as you leant forward to take your turn, eyes shooting up in surprise when he realised the bottle had landed on him.
A chorus of ‘OOO’s’ rang through the living room, Red painted both his face and yours as you turned to each other. He blinked slowly at you and, after a second, the wine he had been drinking flushed him with confidence, he softly grabbed the side of your face, kissing you deeply, tongue running lightly over your bottom lip before he pulled away.
Another chorus of cheers were heard from around you, the team celebrating seeing one of you finally make a move. Spencer smirked as he pulled away, seeing your shocked face from Emily’s kiss change. You were staring at him, pupils blown and doe eyed, panting lightly through parted lips, cheeks flushed. He didn’t have a moment to enjoy it, as a knock ripped through Penelope’s apartment. She jumped quickly, answering to find her elderly neighbour, complaining about the noise.
That was your cue to go. Spencer called a taxi for you both, you had already planned for him to stay the night. Both of you had shared a few bottles of wine between Rossi’s and Penelope’s, but that kiss seemed to have sober the two of you up. The taxi ride wasn’t awkward, more so quiet. Neither of you knew what to say after the kiss, just sharing the occasional joke about the night.
Walking up to your house, you opened the door silently. After you both take your shoes off, he takes your hand once more, leading you to your bedroom- Once more setting off into your night time routine. Once you are changed, you sit on the edge of your bed, busying yourself by putting on hand lotion, you hardly register that Spencer has finished in the bathroom until you feel the bed dip behind you. Without thinking much of it, you continue slowly rubbing your hands together when you feel Spencers hands grab your hips. A jolt of electricity shot up your spine before Spencer’s lips connected to your neck.
The surprise caused you to let out a gasp, your hand shooting up to hold his curls.
“S-Spencer?” You gasped the question as his grip tightened, continuing to kiss and nip at your exposed neck. It felt amazing, his lips against your skin, tender yet hungry. His desperation for you translated through every touch of his lips to flesh. Eventually, his lips assault reached your jawline, You heard him moan as you lightly tugged at his hair, an involuntary action after he lightly nipped at your earlobe, eliciting a low gasp of pleasure from you. One of his hands let your hip go, moving your head to face him. He stared at you with such hunger, such adoration, his eyes were full of so much love, but painted with a dark lust. His eyes flickered between your eyes and lips, he was just inches away. Both of you panted as you looked at one another, Spencer leaned in first, crashing his lips to yours. He kissed you with such fervour, it caught you off guard. Eventually, you melted into his kiss, moving from his grip to face him head on. His arms found their way around your waist, pulling you closer to him. Snaking your arms around his neck, he sighed into the kiss. After a moment he pulls away and begins to plaster kisses all over your face
“I don't…” he kisses your forehead “want you” he kisses your cheek “ Kissing anyone” He kisses your nose “But me.” He locks eyes with you for an intense moment before placing another kiss to your lips.
When he pulls away, he's still got one hand on your hip. You are both out of breath after his massacre of kisses.
“Tell me to stop and I will.” He meets your eyes, searching for any regret of what you just did. He finds none, but he needs to hear you tell him. He watches as you bite your swollen lip, he stops himself from letting out a small groan at the sight of you like this. Your face is flushed, hair messy, giving him that wide doe eyed look once more. He can’t help the rush of heat that travels through him at the sight of you, shifting himself in hopes you do not notice.
“Don’t stop…” You spoke quietly, and before you knew it, Spencer had you pinned on your back to the bed. His mouth was on yours, a feverish pace as he kissed you, hands now exploring every inch of you he could. He slotted himself between your legs as you opened them, wanting him closer. You had become a moaning mess at this point, muffled only by his lips on yours. He explored your mouth with his tongue, hand dipping to the hemline of your pyjama shorts. His fingers played with them for a moment before you pulled them down, along with your underwear. Spencer smirked at your action, looking down at you with dark eyes.
“You’re so eager…” He purrs, eyes moving slowly down to see you, his words suddenly make you self conscious. Making a move to close your legs the best you could with him between them, he quickly stopped you, prying your knees wide. He lets out a low moan as he looks down at the state of you, already wet for him. The way he looks at you makes you squirm, never had you seen someone so excited to see you, all of you. The look in his eyes was dark as one of his hands grazed slowly down your thigh. His eyes move to meet yours in question as his fingers inched closer and closer to your throbbing core. Nodding feverishly, he smirked once more.
“Use your words. Tell me what you want.” His voice was harsher than the Spencer you knew, his tone was authoritative, nothing like the timid man you knew.
“I want you, Spencer.” Was all you could whisper out, overwhelmed by how he was making you feel. Without any further hesitation, his lips caught yours in another fervent kiss. One hand held your cheek, whilst the other was making its way down between your legs.
Smirking at you squirm under him, his hand finally reaches its destination. Long fingers begin to explore your folds, occasionally bumping your clit as he gathers your slik. From his position over you, you can see how much he's enjoying this. How he knows he has power over you, the look on his face says it all. He’s almost observing you, brows furrowed as his eyes are glued to your face. He smirks at every pleasured moan, every twisted expression as you grind against his palm involuntarily.
“You like that?” He asks you, smugly. A long finger now teasing your entrance, you can’t help but whine in response. He lets a low chuckle out, finger dipping into you, only slightly. His grin widens when he hears the strangled moan, disrupted by disappointment.
“More…” You gasp, he has sat up straight now, one hand still teasing your entrance, whilst the other moves to hold down your hips.
“You want more? I’ll give you more.” He bites his bottom lip as he pushes his finger knuckle deep, he doesn’t let you adjust as he begins to fuck you steadily. Absent-mindedly, you grind down once more, only to be stopped by Spencer’s grip. “No, not yet, baby. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.” He cooed, sounding entirely unsympathetic as he slid another finger in.
This was a side of Spencer that you’d never thought to exist. The look in his eyes, the way he moved, the way he spoke to you- It was primal. The sweet, innocent nerdy bookworm was currently ruthlessly finger fucking you. You never thought a day like this would happen, but with the way he was making you feel, it was almost electric.
As he continued, he brought his other hand down to your clit, massaging small circles into the sensitive nub. Gasping his name, you can’t help but grind your hips against his hand, seeking any kind of relief you could.
“I-I’m so close-” You manage to choke out “Im gonna cum-”
Spencer quickly removed his fingers from their place inside of you, causing you to let out a frustrated cry “No! Sp-encer… WHy” You pant, it was embarrassing how needy your best friend had managed to make you. As you slowly managed to recollect yourself, you managed to meet his gaze. A smirk was still present as he brought his fingers to his mouth, popping them into his mouth. Biting back a whimper, you watch him suck your slick clean from his fingers, his eyes never leaving yours.
You couldn't help but watch him, lips a part, eyes doe like, a dumbfounded expression that he loved. The same expression you gave him after he kissed you. Letting out a low groan, he began to remove his sweatpants, keeping his eyes trained to yours as you watched him release himself.
He made quick work of aligning himself with your aching entrance, looking up to give you one last mischievous smirk before leaning in to whisper to your ear
“When I do this, you're gonna promise to be just mine?” His breath is hot against your skin, you eagerly agree. HHe stays leaning over you as he slides in, slowly. A groan is muffled in your shoulder as he bottoms out, staying still for a moment. You can't help but dig your nails into his back, the way he felt filling you up was just too good.
Without warning, Spencer began to move, sluggish at first, but he quickly began to gain speed. A loud moan escaped you as he sped up, lewd sounds filling the room as he began to fuck you relentlessly.
“Spencer!” YOu cry, he leans up, pulling you down the bed by your hips, he pulls your legs around his shoulders as he finds a new purchase. The new position makes him hit your core in a way you’ve never experienced. “Dont stop”
He doesn't reply,distracted by the feeling of your pussy around him. A tight knot began to wind in your stomach, once more threatening to snap.
“I'm gonna cum, please can i cum?” You begged through tears of pleasure. Spencer let out a malicious laugh, loving the mess you had become. He didn’t reply, simply speeding up his hips, answering your question. All you could do was grab the bedsheets as he brought you to your climax, a loud groan filling the space as he continued to fuck you, cooing praises as he rides you through it.
As your orgasm winds down, you feel his hips begin to stutter irregularly. He grunts with effort, hair sweatily covering his face. “Where can i cum, baby?” He gasps, hips tense as he tries to hold on. Involuntarily, the sight of him now struggling turned you on, making you clench around him. A loud gasp interrupts him “Fuck, let me cum inside, please?” He begs
“Yes!” You moan, without a second thought, you felt the man release, filling you up completely. He lets a loud strangled groan as he bottoms himself out once more, collapsing on top of your body.
There is a moment of silence as you both lie there. It seems to dawn on you that you have just been fucked by your bestfriend, making you panic momentarily. The panic subsides when you notice the tickle of his fingers on your bare side, tracing small patterns as he nuzzles closer into your neck. Bringing a hand up to play with his hair, you let yourself melt into his touch. His weight on top of you was a comfort, his warmth radiated from his skin to yours, and all you could do was feel safe.
After a moment, your clarity comes back. Curiosity takes over, you weren’t complaining about what had happened between you both, in fact, you wanted this for years. But why now?
“Baby?” You hum out, testing the waters of your new predicament. Though, it seems silly to be hesitant in a pet name when he was still currently inside of you. His head perks up nonetheless, the usual sweet and smiley Spencer seemingly coming back as he gives you a soft smil;e at the nickname.
“Yes, baby?” He hummed back, a dopey smile on his face as he emphasised the pet name, Making your heart flutter.
“Not that i'm complaining about this… but what brought this on?” You asked, quaking a brow in question. A blush creeps across Spencer’s face, shifting slightly in his place on top of you.
“I… Well. I was jealous…” He mutters, now exceedingly shy compared to the side of him he has just shown you. The surprise made your brows shoot up, giving him a questioning look, spurring him to continue “When Emily kissed you… I just got jealous, the look on your face… I’d never seen it before. I didn’t want anyone else to look at you like that, but after your turn…” He trailed off, eyes trailing your naked body underneath him. The sight of you seemed to re awaken his dominant side as he caught sight of where you were both still connected. He lets a huff of a laugh out as he drags his hips out slowly, before slamming himself back into you, happy at the moan he managed to take from you. That cocky grin found his lips once more as he continued his motions, slowly dragging his hips out and slamming himself back in, all the way to the base.
He didn’t need to say anything else, as soon you were both too preoccupied in the feeling of one another once more.
When the two of you return to the office together on Monday, Hand in hand, Spencer still in the same suit the team had seen him in Friday, the team all but threw a parade. Derek dejectedly passed Emily a twenty as they watched the man, not so secretly, kiss you in the kitchenette.
#spencer reid x reader#criminal minds#criminal minds fanfic#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid angst#spencer reid fluff#criminal minds prompts#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid#Spencer Reid imagine#CM#CM Fanfic#Reid#Spencer Reid#Emily Prentiss#CM Imagine#Spencer Reid Smut#Spencer Reid x you#SPencer reid fic#spencer reid drabble
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I was talking to my bestie @cultoftheswag on vc and the neurons started firing after watching the sin cutscene, so, theories on secondary aspects of each crown (long post) (maybe insane sounding and barely readable):
This all started off as theorizing that the sin snake is actually the being inside the crown (not a god but more like the crown is sentient) that has finally woken due to lamb's accumulated power. Expanding on that theorizes all crowns have a sentience, but based on this line, not all of the crown bearers awakened their crowns:
Bestie (Swag) pointed out that the only other crown with 2 aspects was the purple crown, Shamura, who has both war and knowledge. With the previous theory, it means that Shamura awakened their crown and brought forth the secondary domain; knowledge.
Which leads me to the brain worm thought of "what are the other crown's secondary aspects?" Well.
Lock the fuck in cuz I did
Each crown has 2 aspects that follow the same pattern:
The primary aspects of green, yellow, blue and purple are all sub categories of the red crown (chaos, famine, disease and war all bring death) and the same can be said for the mirrored aspect (order, abundance, health and peace all bring life)
There is also a pattern in the primary aspects of 4 being solid events (famine, disease, war, death AND order, abundance, health, life) and one conceptual (chaos and peace)
With this in mind, all secondary aspects might be sub categories of the red crown's secondary aspect, sin. Except, knowledge isn't a sin, so like what the fuck, right? Ok but what if I told you that knowledge isn't the sinful aspect of the purple crown, but the opposite of it.
The sin snake mentions being able to control and use the sins of your followers and that you alone, as their god, is capable of forgiving them or letting them be taken over by sin. This would mean that the mirror aspect of sin would be absolution. If the purple crown's aspect of knowledge isn't the sin, then knowledge is the path of absolution of a sin. A sin like deceit and deception.
This still doesn't bring me any closer to figuring out the other crowns but I will not be defeated. Upon a little bit of shallow research, there appears to be the concept of mortal sins in Christianity/Christo aligned faith. Excluding the seven deadly sins from the list of mortal sins and anything faith related (because it would be pointless if a crown's sin power was to make you not believe in your god. Like, that would suck. It would kill the crown's own cult which which bishop derives their power from.)
That leaves the following aspects: murder, adultery and theft. Since Shamura's secondary aspect is confirmed to be knowledge, the mirror aspect has to be deceit even though it is not a named mortal sin. Though, I'm fairly certain lying and being untruthful would generally be considered a sin in most religious settings.
All three fall into the same pattern as the primary aspects:
Murder, adultery, theft, deceit are all forms of sin, while the opposite aspects, repentance, loyalty, charity and knowledge are all ways to absolve or correct those sins. The red crown still holds dominion over the others.
Murder, adultery, theft and deceit/ repentance, charity, knowledge and absolution are solid events where sin and loyalty are conceptual aspects.
So now onto who has what, which secondary aspects belong to which crown. This is just my working theory but after thinking about it for a while, I think I have it.
Leshy/ the green crown has the primary aspect of chaos/order and secondary aspect of murder and repentance. Though Leshy may not have awakened his crown to learn this, it would makes sense if Darkwood cultists remembered that murder is favored by the green crown. Hence why Darkwood is so incredibly full of bodies plastered ritualistically on trees.
Heket/ the yellow crown has the primary aspect of famine/abundance and the secondary aspect of adultery and loyalty. Idk how to describe it, but something about abundance feels like it would fit well with adultery, like the overconsumption and joy of prosperity leading to immorality, resulting in a punishing famine that forces loyalty upon Anura's denizens.
Kallamar/ the blue crown has the primary aspect of disease/health and the secondary aspect of theft and charity. We all KNOW Kallamar was not charitable ok. Anchordeep's temple was said to be beautiful and covered in opulent crystals and gold. He may have acted charitable to his devoted followers but in a "ooooh I'll give your struggling village a beautiful crystal statue of me to pray to, isn't that nice?" kind of way.
Though, neither Leshy, Heket or Kallamar successfully awakened their crowns, I feel like the aspects would still be a part of their domains and personalities. Even Narinder may not have been able to awaken his crown, but due to the fact that he was imprisoned and weakened through lack of faith powering the crown (credit to Swag who said this as I'm typing this whole post live on discord) (Swag says hi!!!!!)
Also as a side note, maybe the other crowns manifest as objects related to their other aspect. Clearly the red crown is a snake cuz, sin, but perhaps Shamura's would a divine book or if we stayed with the animal theme, an owl. (shoutout to me and swag losing our shit over "leshy's is a glock" and "kallamar's are airpods cuz they're overpriced and always get stolen")
This was not part of my original theory, but it came to mind joking about Kallamar's divine blue crown airpods, but what if Narinder's damage to his siblings is what kept the other three from awakening their crowns? Like, it damaged them as vessels of their crowns enough they were no longer seen as worthy to awaken them. That would make Narinder a huge bitch but what else is new tbh.
#fucking insane shit but its ok hi if you read this hi#not narilamb so it wont blow up but eh what can you do#cult of the lamb#cotl#cotl narinder#cotl kallamar#cotl leshy#cotl shamura#cotl heket
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when I want to write something self indulgent to give me all the angsty and cuddly hurt/comfort feels but I can't because I end up feeling guilty because I'm seeking after feels that I feel in an inappropriate place because my mom told me one time when I was 15 that I shouldn't search that out or it's probably sexual sin but it confuses me because ALL the feels happen that way for me even if it's entirely platonic and nonsexual and so I don't know if it's okay to want to write to that because apparently all pleasure of any sort, even over platonic stories, is sexual or comes with a possibly probably sexual feeling and I also am having a hard time figuring out what's genuine conviction from God and what's just my anxiety/OCD/perfectionism/fear of failure
#like I feel like it's conviction. but also when I analyze it... I'm not doing anything sexual??? the stories I'm writing are#ENTIRELY platonic#it's like. found family feels.#but then why do I feel so guilty/convicted over it and feel better/less guilty when I stop writing anything feelsy#like... I guess I'm only allowed to write plot and can't ever write hugs and hurt/comfort anymore#my mom keeps saying I should journal all this instead of venting it at everybody and honestly maybe she's right#idk how to handle this but also I feel like if I just find a holding pattern where I can strike a healthy balance of lile#like* what is correct and healthy for me to enjoy#then the anxiety over it might pass? I don't want to avoid conviction though but like. why am I convicted over#writing a story where someone who's been treated like a monster finds a family who loves them#like.. is it because I'm seeking out whatever that feeling in my lower belly/groin is????#but that's like... so tied up in enjoyment and hurt/comfort to me that idk if I'm ACTUALLY looking for that#or if this is just what I write#and idk if that even is sinful in any way at all!!!#and why can't I just get over this? like I keep going in circles with it and it's so frustrating#idk this is totally tmi I just got hit with this awful feeling after work today and the only thing I can pinpoint it to#is this specific thing I've been writing. but even though yeah I've been getting feelsy with it... it's PLATONIC#ENTIRELY COMPLETELY NONSEXUAL. so like... is it that pleasure feeling that's the thing I'm being convicted over??#probably. bc that's the only thing that eases the feeling of conviction/anxiety/guilt#and also probably no one is reading all these tags lol sorry guys I'll go away now
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i will always shout praises of bi4bi but given recent discourse I feel the need to say that I love bi4het too! I just love bisexuality in general in its many forms, and anyone who only likes it when it's 'queer enough' for them is biphobic. Bisexuals should be able to bring their LaMe CiShEt BoYfRiEnD to pride without being made to feel like spectators and outsiders to their own event.
#3 am queer discourse take <3#anyways hot take number two. cishets do belong at pride. everyone who wants to celebrate queerness should be welcomed at pride#if a completely cishet business major fratboy wants to come to pride and vibe with us then he should be welcomed!#not even like. oh he has a queer sibling. no. if he's just a cishet dude who wants to spend his saturday at a parade then hell yeah#like completely ignoring that you have no way to tell he's definitively those things. it shouldn't matter regardless imo#pride is not a secretive club you need to be let into. it's a feeling and a celebration and a statement and a state of being#and whatever you want it to be#burying my other related hot take under the tags readmore ksdjksdjksdj#idk. i'm just tired of a lot of the things people seem to think about bisexuality's validity relating to bi women specifically#this is frustration with the gatekeepy and straight-passing discourse of it all#I'm tired of people being expected to act and to preform and to BE queer enough for others' opinions.#am I still welcome if I haven't been with a woman in a few years? if I dress boring? if I like m/f? if I don't listen to chappell roan?#joking on that last one but like. idk. never straight enough for the straights but never gay enough for the gays#constantly some mercurial in-between that offers no comfortable easy group to put us in.#what do i have to do to not be judged as a filthy hettie? are my doc martens enough for you yet?#like oh sorry let me cuff my jeans and have a bob and wear a button up over a cami and wear etsy earrings. am I visually bi enough yet?#let me apologize for the cardinal sin of liking men too. let me wash my hands of any time a cishet man has held them.#if it was a bisexual man then just hand sanitizer is fine right? where do you draw the line on my queerness?#let me preform for you in a way that makes me queer enough.#anyways. sarcasm aside. I think I've made my distaste for this whole affair evident#if you don't want cishets at pride then what happens to those you incorrectly deem as cishet? do I need to prove myself to you?#am I passing as straight? am I passing as gay? am I enough for onlookers?#is it not enough to just show up at pride and celebrate? anyone and everyone who wants to?
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hey. pspsps. for whenever u need it. hands u a Talk About Yuor Beasts ticket for azrael and kenix. disappears into my shrub again. woe
HELLOOOO HAI. I FINALLY WROTE THIS HOLY SHIT. just to prepare you people, this thing is going to get LONG. EXTRA LONG COMPARED TO MY USUAL OC RANTPOSTS. 57 paragraphs and about ~7000 words. Yeag ^_^ read at your own risk and if you have a Lot Of Free Time Alrightsies? And also if you want to hear about fucked up and doomed little queer guys! I had tried to cover everything about azranix in here so let's goooo !!!
okay so first of all i will Definitely be reusing some of the old info i have already said about them before because Yeag ^_^ it is definitely needed for context for all the other people that have been following my blog and never read my previous rant posts. And those who just Never Saw Said Oc Posts dhehdsh just so this all would make some sense
and God. i've had kenix and azrael for abouttttt 2+ years by now i think ? ? and their story have changed a lot but GOD they still have such a grip on my soul.,,, cannot think about them without being Plagued very intensely and extremely and severely. they were this one Thing but then their dynamic and relationship evolved and so did they as people and it makes me So Sick of them soemtimes i swearrrr.. . .
so to start off! yeah the already known thing is that they're part of the seven deadly sins order of characters but to make it easier i'll just call them either sins crew or seven sinners. For my own Convenience. The concept of the sins crew is that they are mirroring the main original timeline cast. While the main cast is blessed by the divine in the name of keeping peace of their perspective duties. the sins crew Unfortunately did not get such treatment. To be part of the sins crew is to be abandoned by the gods above Basically. which is exactly their fate! they have curses and not blessings and. to make it short that's just how they have been punished for even having desires! Quite Unfair,, , ,
each of them have their own perspective sins and here, azrael and kenix have envy and lust as their assigned sins respectively. each of their actions that lead to this point are represented by said sins ofcourse but in their own ways (so No not That kind of lust for kenix i know please do not) i think i have explained all the needed context before i get to both of them on their own and then together ^_^ firstly i'll explain azrael because Yeag.
azrael is kind of. Complicated to say the least. a living weapon of some sorts! grown up in a hostile environment where the sole goal was To Win. there was little importance in personal happiness because it was all either to kill or to be killed. and he just grew tired of it yk? his hands only knew the warmth of blood and not the warmth of an another person. A dull and terrified view on life. He could only yearn to know how it is like to live normally without having to worry about being someone's next target.
and then there was someome who knew such happiness. a nameless girl, so full of life. just like him, she had no name from birth. Only a serial number. But yet. She was someone that had no worries like he did. Someone who Had So Much. stood right next to azrael. It felt unreal. Like a dream! A false scenario because surely! Surely that kind of bliss wasn't possible in his world! and yet. Yet. someone knew that feeling that he wished to knew the warmth of himself. Was right in front of his eyes. But he also was envious of her to some degree deep down. envious that she had what he yearned for his entire life while working with these bunch of assassin-esque people. but also!
it is very very safe to say that she meant Everything to him. Like how could she not? her attitude changed his worldview on such a fundamental level that azrael was. Fully convinced that he wouldn't be able to exist without the bright colors she intergrated into his life. spending all of his time with her. her happiness and optimisim was everything he needed. It (the whole relationship) wasn't even exactly anything to Her. like both of them very much saw each other as friends! but azrael meant something different by friends Me Thinks,, , , more like a person that he committed himself to.
"oh you are my friend and i am yours? okay then you have my devotion now. We are Friends and More Than Friends at the same time now :)" like they had something Very Intense and at the same time so one-sided. which is Unfortunate for azrael because! Wow my dude you trusted someone So Much you have let your guard down! Bad Choice my guy! because now it wasn't azrael who was the target. It was her. the nameless has been seen with him so many times that she was in danger because of him. and since he has let his guard down it led to. You know. Her death eventually happening.
the loss of the nameless girl not only broke azrael but changed his worldview once again. Because now he wasn't just apathetic to the entire world around him like he used to be before she appeared in his life, but he despised everything about the world. he was so jealous because now seemingly everyone had everything he had ever wanted! that source of happiness! something he had just mere moments ago! the warmth of blood on his hands coming back to haunt him!
It felt nauseating to see others have that joy. and in a series of overthinking it all, he came to the conclusion that. The others surrounding him have decided to keep happiness a secret from azrael. they were all on it. They knew what they were doing when she died. it is like they have purposefully taken the girl whom meant the world to azrael away from him! but of course how could he not see the truth that was displayed in front of his him this whole time!
coming to that conclusion utterly broke everything azrael knew and built it all anew. His envy was ever so clear to see. he knew that the people surrounding him wanted him to keep being envious of their joy. And so he just decided to ruin it all for them! after all. how come they get to have such happy moments while he has to be left behind in the dark, destroying his youth away for this constant cycle of death to keep going in circles on and on? it felt so utterly unfair to him. There was no use to continue doing what he always did when there wasn't a reason to keep doing it from the start besides living. and how could he live now without the person he treasured by his side?
in the end, his envy of others spiraled into a huge breakdown and caused him to go on a rampage. there were no exact names as his targets, only what his heart and shattered mind told him was the target. and that whole ordeal lead to quite a lot of deaths. ranging from people who at least were azrael's enemies from the past to some degree to innocent bystanders of the world who didn't know that azrael even existed
he found weird comfort in their deaths. Like "wow. i have finally gave in and destroyed what only worsened my misery and envy.. .," he kind of just, , did not feel sorry at all for the murders. even relishing in them in a ?. ? Way. but it all came back to stab him in the back. And Quite Literally too! that is what lead to his death and now his current state. being cursed and with the sin of envy being forever carved into him as a person, his jealously turned into pure venom. like Actually. he has venom running through his body, created from the purest desire for happiness. A man now destined to roam afterlife, forever seen as the pure embodiment of Consequences
so spiteful. so hateful at his very core. although he may be hiding it, but the Venom is present and is very obvious when you look closer into it! his only way to deal with this is to be distant from people. there is no reason to be conversing with the beings that once saw him as such a lowly being. azrael's way of thinking this through is just. Very confusing to say the least. he acted upon his desires but tries to rationalize them at the same time. trying to show that he doesn't care. No he doesn't care. . at least he is convinced so but Truly it is just ?.?? it is clampicated to describe for him. Or something
and now about kenix. Oh god This Dude Man. kenix is Incredibly Fuckjng Complicated as a person man. To start off, i will refer to him as his real name (Yi Dal) sometimes alright? kenix is Very Much a very deeply troubled guy that just represses such feelings. ever since he was born, he was in the dark. Metaphorically and kind of Literally?. since he was a child, he had the whole thing between him and his parents and just His family in general. which was Just Good Fucking Lord how much Inferior he felt to them. he was mostly, if not all the time, reduced to a "servant" for the family. which really contributed to him trying to seek value in himself through being useful to his family
obeying all the orders from his family? No questions asked, although it may hurt, he will at least get some attention. No matter positive or negative. he really just. didn't have a say in anything. for both of the parties, it is all just listening to what he is told to do. And his parents and siblings made that decision consciously. there was never any reason for him being neglected. not that kenix even knows of one! but it was like he was destined to be unacknowledged by them.
kenix was scared to take up space, because what if they find something to be angry about? Something to scold him for? Something to hit him for once again? he may be seeking attention but not in the form of being yelled at or having objects thrown at him. such treatment is still terrifying to him to this very day, a haunting memory at best. He genuinely felt like a little tiny being not deserving of attention with how obvious it was that his siblings were favored far more than him.his parents' treatment towards him made him think that he doesn't have the right to exist in this place without value or a purpose.
the neglect coming from his parents, the humiliation from his siblings. the embarrassment of being treated like a stranger whenever the family was in public. all of those factors reinforcing the idea that kenix is nothing of importance or relevance into his consciousness. kenix really just wanted to be free damnit.he yearned for it, he prayed for such salvation to come save him on a random day of his life but there was. No response as expected. he had never properly felt the warmth of the sun and freedom, only the cold air in his room at night. feels kind of suffocating in here, doesn't it? such a sheltered view on the world. It really is No wonder that kenix wished to escape this place. lacking social interaction and awareness of the outside world, , A shame, really
yi dal had been planning his escape from this god forsaken household for so So long, and he has finally been able to execute it when he was still a teen, about 17 years of age. An opportunity so perfect it truly felt unreal to him. An opportunity to finally feel the fresh air for himself forever and ever? you mean it you mean it you really mean it ?? <- deep down he was so Hopeful man. Man. the first time he was outside in nature by himself?? oh yeag. Yeag that felt like heaven that he himself couldn't believe in. feeling the grass beneath him, the light wind in his face, the chirping of the birds sitting on the trees. what else could he have possibly been missing out on? neither kenix or i know how he has survived about 16 years alone as a 17 years old guy with no social skills or concept of how the world really worked. he did make a fool out of himself but. He got the hang of it! Kind of! Normal social life was hard to get used to but!! ^_^
it truly was impossible for him to predict that at the age of 33, he would be found by his siblings and eventually tracked down, oblivious to what was planned for him. poor poor yi dal. only barely made to his early 30s and yet There It Is. Him laying on the floor, completely devoid of his ability to move his body. a small puddle of blood. Was it his blood? Was the blood of his brother he had manage to stab before being paralyzed? no reason to ponder that now, for he could only watch what was about to happen to him and. That was The Most amount of fear he had ever ever felt in his life. nothing could come close to how he felt when he saw his sister holding something in her hands, his brother following behind her. there were so so many things they could do. and it scared him on such a deep level that he didn't even know existed.
there he is now, a dead man walking and roaming the afterlife. the difference between him and azrael is that kenix acted upon his deepest desire only after he had been killed. the desire to avenge himself. to feel what it was like for his family. to be one of the higher-ups. To finally feel Superior. lusting for power in a way that breaks his morals (hence why this guy is assigned lust as his sin). a desire so strong it basically just Breaks Him Completely. In a way that leaves him so vulnerable that just. Makes him so easy to take advantage of. Disturbingly Too Easy. And that is exactly what fucking happens!!
"prometheus", or well, ephai is at fault here for that. no longer having a physical form, they saw a vessel so perfect in what was left of kenix. A soul that has been shattered into pieces since the start. Kind of. He needed just a little bit of a kick to fall over the edge and never come back to what he was. And they have seen it as an opportunity to prove the existence salvation to kenix. You Know. The guy that even fully gave up on religion and "salvation". And it worked of course it worked on kenix that Little Hopeless Thing— yeag. I could go on and on about kenix and prometheus but this is about azrael and kenix not these two's toxic relationship
prometheus is the key to kenix achieving his goals and in a moment of desperation. When he was offered a chance to avenge himself. To strike back at the people who degraded him the most. To feel in power. He didn't even hesitate to agree to the offer which lead to a little "contract" of some sort happening between them and that's just how kenix has been cursed. kind of like being oblivious to the fact that the salvation he was promised was a punishment in disguise. but it's not like he cares now.. . he has stolen fragments of powers from all kinds of divine beings, all for the sake of fulfilling his own wishes. trading his sanity for power. to the point of almost worshipping the one who has given him this opportunity and making ephai to be a divine entity
kenix himself though, is now more than just a god-like being. he is the flow of time himself. But Uh Oh! Bad News Motherfucker! You are Not Alone in this! because to keep existing like this, he had to take the body of an alternate timeline version of himself. Which just so happened to be the Yi Dal from the main cast's timeline. Who was already part of the main cast. And so essentially while taking over Ken's body, he had to replace him altogether unless they switch hosts. which kenix forbid to do because Good God he doesn't want ken to have anything Really. reasons that i'll get to later because Yeag ^_^ another problem is that prometheus is Also There with them. a third wheel or something so no you got 3 whole separate people in a singular body
so now kenix got himself stuck in a situation where he has to keep up a kind of play. Not pretending to be the version of himself he has replaced per se, but to always appear calm, continue to be soft-spoken and amicable with a formal attitude. because such etiquette and manners are what have enforced into his subconsciousness by his family while he was still living in that household. The manners that have been engraved into his mind by his own will. The facade of not caring about his surroundings. He destroyed his chances to live normally for the sake of his desire. so now kenix just has to pretend that everything is fine when really. Really. he never felt like a person, let alone an indepedent one. it is always him being the shadow of someone else and not seen as someone of his own. previously being the shadow of his siblings and now to be the shadow of ken because. Kenix is not perceived as his own self. Not that he has an identity really! But we will Also get to that later ^>^
now to finally talk about azranix together. their relationship had a pretty Rough start i'd say. Like it wasn't bad! But with azrael's decision to purposefully distance himself from others.., it was Hard for kenix to get closer to him without exactly going against his boundaries. Yes, he did pay attention to when he was getting far too close for azrael's comfort. for what reason did kenix even try to get closer to azrael? Well You See ^_^ he just wants to playfully mess with someone! No other reason! Just innocent little teasing that's all! but both of them have started to note. A lot of things about each other. with azrael's distrust, he was very wary of everything single move coming from kenix. And kenix well just. Tried to notice all the details there are about the person he pursued to know. pure curiosity if you could say that. to azrael there was always Something that was off about kenix and to kenix there was always Something about azrael that peaked his interest.
at the start with how used azrael was with seeing people as some sort of assholes trying to ridicule him, he looked at kenix with a bit of disdain. What if he was also one of such people? Why would he try to seek azrael out of all people? There is that sense of cautiousness that haunted him and his actions. and kenix ultimately decided to become a non-threat in azrael's eyes. otherwise how could he get such an interesting and peculiar person to trust him? to lose on such a great opportunity? no! he had to do it. He Had To. (no no it's not for any particular reason you see, it is just. .)
with every single encounter they have had, azrael just kind of like. Questioned everything about this guy! What Is His Problem! Why Is He Trying To Pry On Me! and so on. and with enough amount of times of them meeting each other in various places, azrael just went "fuck it, i'll try to get the answers to my questions straight from him" and such thinking led him to the Confrontation part. with his frustration present, he really just could not wrap his head around the fact that someone wants to know more about Him. that someone would even find Him interesting. he is trying so hard to avoid such relationships for the sake of himself and. Others to some degree. That an idea that someone once again would want to be a companion to him is just a Bizarre Concept. and kenix answered his questions, albeit not exactly. only a smile and "Wouldn't you want a friend yourself, in this place?"
which is exactly what was needed to crack azrael's front, even just a tiny bit. perhaps kenix was right. this place was Lonely. So Incredibly Lonely. maybe even reminiscent of azrael's past. and that made him realize just how much worse the situation was. to finally be aware of he had to stay here like this for hundreds of years, if not thousands. If not for all eternity. Destined to slowly disappear into thin air. with a few other people who are just like you by your side. a reminder that everything that could've saved you has Abandoned You. Even the divine above have abandoned you. A reminder that there is no one. And nothing. that is coming to save them. He is Alone. And Will Be Alone. his decision to distance from his only source of human interaction has always been a self-fulfilling prophecy of him swallowing his own venom. denying himself everything out of envy and hatred that is wallowing inside him. like a serpent on his shoulder. azrael is just a self-fulfilling prophecy of self-destructive at times that it is like Hey Dude. Please Don't Continue To Do That.
realizing just how fucked up everything in this situation is possibly may have made him just a tinyyy bit Desperate. more willing to finally open up to others a little. more accepting of letting people into his life. It is so fascinating that a single question from kenix is what managed to change his mind. azrael letting his guard down after so long! truly a miracle that we Cannot tell the aftermath of. and thus azrael has started to seek kenix out on purpose while still noting more things about him. Trying to figure him out like what kenix has been doing this whole time, you know? if kenix gets to pry on his life, then azrael might as well just do the same
it was a slow, slow way of actually getting to know each other at a deeper level because kenix. Like always. has tried to keep his past and his general life a secret. A mystery of some sorts. he wasn't really an enigma, azrael just. Never could figure out things about his family, his past life and what else has brought him here like the rest of the sinners. there were always moments about his story that he always left out on purpose. he never went into detailing anything he explained about himself. giving azrael only (mostly) surface level bits of information about himself. and azrael well, did much the same because he still felt that kenix shouldn't be trusted fully.
despite all that, azrael and kenix did manage to start bonding more! they both learned more about each other's story and felt. Sympathy for each other's struggles. as well as bonding over facing the same Horrors™ each day and they just had to learn to get through it together. To survive the troubles with each other by their side. learning more about each other through such dangerous encounters with the unknown things unable to be communicated with. having to find comfort in each other's presence if you understand what i'm trying to convey here. which then evolves into far more intimate moments being shared between them both where one helps the other with his problems and their opinions of each other turning into "ohh so we are one of the same to some degree. then i'll trust you more because i have seen you struggle with the same problems i have in the same way i do"
with the circumstances they were in, they got attached to each other's company Pretty Easily. considering how both of them severely lacked such companionship in their lives. it was a change of pace for the both of them For Sure. after years and years of being together, the trust they built in their relationship was Incomparable to anything else to be honest. they knew each other so so So long that it is now like both of them wouldn't be able to get anywhere without each other. they both had their own reasons for pursuing each other in this sense in specific but for kenix. it always was a desperate attempt for find someone to be there for him covered up as curiousity. kenix has always and Always followed orders his entire life, at first from his family now to listening to whatever prometheus whispers in his mind. his decisions always had this underlying tone of not being by free will. he does what he is told to do.
But trusting azrael and trying his best to be a trustworthy person in his eyes is the first decision that kenix has done by himself. It was his own free will which wanted to befriend azrael in specific. clinging onto him, knowing that azrael could be the one person to understand his troubles. kenix is very much aware of his fate being abruptly ended at some point and he knows that it will come soon. It is only a matter of time. following the orders of prometheus is the only way he can buy himself time to survive. Because he Needs to.
He must persist and keep living. he grasped at the concept of him being allowed to live only if he brings value to others for this long that. he just couldn't bear the thought of becoming Nothing if he wasn't anything of such value. seeking attention and validation through all means possible. all of his terrific actions had no reason other than desperation for recognition behind them. A villain who seemed to be enjoying all of this has only done this for the sake of surviving an another day.
Yet. every time kenix wanted to actually open up to azrael, it turns into a blockage in his throat. Unable to speak up, becoming a voiceless being of some sorts., , the reason being the fear of rejection in his soul. Kenix had to grasp at anything that would've given him a purpose. being prometheus's vessel was exactly done out of that desperation he wasn't even aware of. without the facade, kenix is No One. there is No One behind his carefully curated formal facade. Nothing but an incoherent mess. kenix lacks an identity. But the lack of it, then, is his identity: nothingness, absolute null. All of his emotions and feelings have always been repressed and they continue to be repressed even now. So no matter how hard he tries to differentiate himself from others, he'll end up being someone unintentionally because there is No Originality in him. And that is exactly how there is nothing about his real "self" that he thinks people would want to stay for.
with how much kenix has been repressing his emotions, discarding them and thinking of them as "fake" because he thinks that anything he felt emotionally is a lie. Because he built his whole self on a lie. A lie that he wanted this. he has now managed to lie to himself. thinking that the affection and love he holds for azrael is not real. That their bond is not real. That if he tried to show what he has been hiding behind his front for years, he would drive azrael away from him. When their relationship very much is real! kenix has no idea how to tell what was true and what was fake in him apart, so he just decided to think that everything he feels is a lie
yet. The repressed feelings, the suppressed emotions. They're all still there. Forming an incoherent mess inside of his mind and body. but even then without that mass of emotions, there is nothing else about kenix that is distinct. pure nothingness. and it Truly Scares him to even think of a scenario where azrael finds out what hollow husk of a man kenix is beneath his facade. The fear that azrael would be disgusted. That he would see him as a lowly creature. so kenix can never be truly honest about himself with azrael out of fear that the only person who understood him will leave. he tries to be so careful when talking to azrael lest he would let something about him slip. he can't just lose someone him, no.
but azrael is patient with him, he always has been. he shall wait all the needed time until kenix finally gathers the courage. he may not know what kenix has been meaning to tell him this entire time, but he can see his attempts ever so clearly. kenix is trying his best and azrael wants to make sure that kenix knows that it's alright. azrael may not be an overly kind and positive person but. If it means that someone who needs to be reassured will hear it. Well then. . . yet kenix could never be able to wrap his head around how that could be true. because of how much he was used to the lie he convinced himself with. he has told himself the same thing over and over again so many times that finally being told the opposite truth is just Shocking to him. the fact that someone doesn't want him for his value but for who he is a person
to bring back a previous point, kenix's problem with ken too, is just how much ken makes kenix realize that he is the extra one of the two. Ken had a normal life, he had a normal family, he had everything, ken had it all !. and kenix had nothing to himself. All of it - stolen. it is not even his own physical body, but the body of the original. he is perceived as someone else, he is not distinct from that someone at all in the eyes of others. despite all of his attempts to show himself as an independent person, he will forever be considered. A shadow of someone else. a shadow of the original and it pains him. and now azrael and the other sinners are the only people to ever treat kenix like a person. not like he is somebody else. But his own self. And he couldn't be more grateful that they do. That Azrael Does.
yet he can't be honest. No. No that would destroy everything he has built. everything he has worked for. but the desire. The wish to stay true to the only person he ever would consider being honest with. it has only grown stronger. The reason why he hasn't managed to tell azrael anything is solely because kenix simply felt like it wasn't the time. it will never be the time. so his one and only option was to finally tell azrael his real name. Yi Dal. although it doesn't seem like much, azrael understood the importance of this to kenix. from connecting the pieces of kenix's past story from everything he has ever told him, he could figure out that kenix only has bad associations with his real name regarding his past.
maybe. Just maybe. he could change his view on his real name, the same way kenix changed his view on his surroundings. To become the positive association that is worth remembering whenever kenix is referred by his real name. To be that something to look back at fondly.
And then the Creature™ phases come around with each of them turning into some sorts of fucken beasts ^_^. the cursed forms that in all shapes and forms represent their desires and their inner selves. for each sinner and other curse bearers, these forms are different. but for azrael and kenix.
azrael's form is completely unable to speak in full sentences. it barely speaks Actually. seeming to be straight-forward but it only just shows how azrael was not able to speak out what he thought. he was all action and no talk. which is exactly how his rampage started. he only came to conclusions from so much overthinking and hasn't tried to communicate with anyone. he just thought ot everyone as a traitor and shallow people. it really highlighted just how much he trusted his jealousy and envy rather than confirming things for himself
yet the creature seemed. More over fine with kenix's presence. Like he wasn't just a little friendly being to him! he still lashed out and acted irrationally because this form reflected on azrael's loses and overthinking that jumps straight into conclusions! but he still acted less aggressive with kenix. he didn't need to overthink his actions because of the trust he has in kenix. a bond that was stronger than the envy whispering all sorts of things into his ears. He Knows that he doesn't have to doubt him. yet he is Stuck in this box. a labyrinth of constant hesitation to Trust not only others but himself too. he wishes to free himself from such shackles but it is hard. it has always been hard to let go and change his mindset when it always was his only defense mechanism from being hurt. all of these struggles shaping themselves as a scorpion, a serpent, a venomous creature. something that symbolizes hidden danger. and yet, kenix has found beauty and something to love in such a devasting depiction of his partner. the purest way to show what he truly felt. how much he just hid this somewhere inside of himself. something that he couldn't help but feel pity for
and kenix shall do anything to prove that even then. it's going to be okay. he knows it's okay. azrael has always told him it is alright to feel like this, so surely he meant it for everyone? all struggles will pass eventually and you'll become stronger than ever, that's what azrael has told him a long time ago. even if kenix doesn't see a future for himself, he wants to make that promising future for his only love. To help him become resilient Together. He knows that azrael can do it, he had been through so much. he know he could get through this as well and break free from the curse.
and as for kenix's cursed form and the overrall story it is. So much more .? ?. his cursed form is much more bizarre compared to others. a constant variation of geometrical shapes and other possible physical forms, emiting a some sort of glow. He has lost all of his human characteristics. The true form of his self. the mass of emotions and feelings that have been repressed for decades, even centuries, has finally spilled over. creating a mess out of himself. A fool now no longer bound to a facade but is now letting all of that anguish out. so much madness, frustration and sorrow suppressed in him that is now out in the open for everyone to see. a being no longer able to communicate, for he has turned into something that is only capable of Wails. Sobs out loud. Muffled screams of agony. so many emotions he had yet to properly address yet that it is all coming in as an overwhelming wave of terror. he can no longer hide himself beside a neatly made front
a seemingly unapologetic "villain" reduced to a sorrowful creature. a being so clearly desperate for freedom. to know who he is. to finally be free from these principles chaining him to a life of silence until his death. he feels that his demise is coming soon. and he can't do anything about it. for now he can only be a hostile monster. a vessel, a prophet for prometheus's salvation. because this was planned to be his end a long long time ago. this was his purpose. his only value. once this is done, he will be gone for too. finishing his duty, being allowed rest. despite how much he yearns to keep living. but kenix has always been about acceptance. acceptance of his fate. This Miserable Fate
yet azrael found himself only feeling sympathy, for this was the moment that he has finally learned about his partner's true feelings. and it hurt to hear someone so important and dear to him wallow in pain and anguish like that. that version of kenix was a hostile being, but he still so clearly needed help. he needed the courage to overcome this. to break free from prometheus's influence over everything he did because he never had confidence in such actions. and azrael wanted to help with just that despite their current barrier where they cannot understand one another. just like kenix helped him, he wanted to help kenix create his own future to look forward to. without death. with azrael by his side. to survive. to keep living just like kenix desired to this whole time.
the end of their chapters as cursed beings meant that the both of them could finally experience relief together. a moment of Bliss. the realization that it is over. they get to exist, unshackled from the burdens that once plagued their minds. a possibility for salvation. a chance to live without being bound to their past or their inner desires. just peace and tranquility, their one true wish
But Uh Oh! Bad News Motherfuckers! Y'all forgot this shit was a death timeloop! With how i previously mentioned that the actual protagonist of the story, Yaku, has started a timeloop rooted in the desire of saving what meant the world to him that was dying at the end of the journey. The same kind of important people who cruelly had their lives cut short. And The only other character aware of this timeloop was well. Kenix! with this sudden ending of lives for most of the casts, azrael had also became a victim to these abrupt endings.
having to witness his love's life fade away before his eyes, it is only natural for kenix to also be shocked at the situation that yaku is also stuck in. and this scenario is exactly how yaku became the last one to be cursed, his curse rooted in his one biggest desire. a selfish deed covered up as an act of selflessness. their timelines' restarting, the flow of time now looping on and on until yaku manages to save everyone from these deaths
kenix had no control over this, he was forced to watch the protagonist and his nephew descend into madness over a singular goal. while also having to relive his entire life over and over again. a cycle of misery for everyone involved. the others would never be able to realize that this was a timeloop, so the first and the original time they had done this. Has became their script. that everyone, including kenix, had to follow until the end
of course in the first few loops, kenix had also tried to do everything in his power to ensure that his friends. that azrael. would be safe from their gruesome demise. yet their endings had already been written as part of the unchangeable fate by the forces above. neither kenix or yaku had a chance at succeeding. despite kenix's own attempts to save his partner, there was nothing he could do. he could only Watch how his impending doom was slowly getting closer
it was Painful. he could see azrael, he feel him, talk to him, interact with him in general just like normal. yet it wasn't him. no that could never be azrael ever again. that azrael felt surreal. abnormal. like he was programmed beforehand. there was nothing new about him and he felt so Off. Because kenix was aware that this is just the repeating of their original story. it's like he talked to someone playing pretend. his original feeling of "this doesn't feel real (positive)" when he first met azrael has turned into "this doesn't feel real. (derogatory)" kind of feeling. seeing azrael like this was just tormenting. a painful reminder that he will, one day, leave him not by will. and kenix will have to learn to live without him
to live without the person who had shown him love and how to love for the first time ever. a someone who had changed the course of his life so much. brought down what kenix had thought of the world and built it anew. keeping his silence about the truth because now. it was the only the thing that he could never ever tell azrael. what he had seen that day. None of it. for his sake.
perhaps, if they had never met here. if they had met at a different time.
In short, they are so fucking Doomed.
smth smth. Yeag. Good Fucking Lord They Make Me Sick
#there are so so many things kenix wants to tell azrael. yet that fear lingering in his heart that becomes the obstacle in his throat.#kenix is scared of rejection by the only person he loved but azrael never would reject him in the first place.#azrael had always been a guide to him in the situations that seemed like they had no way out of.#knowing that he always had someone to rely on. someone to come back to and greet kenix with open arms.#while kenix was something else for azrael. That someone that brought joy to his life. Like the nameless girl.#azrael will always seek out kenix. he'll find him through any means possible. to make sure that he's safe#he doesn't want to repeat his reckless mistake after all.#this is not even talking about how they both take care of the same 12 yr old girl (sora) who is part of the sins crew#essentially becoming her parents. growing even closer to each other#this whole thing is why i like the idea azrael and 2nd main story arc kenix interacting.#kenix in a far better state of mind still grieving the loss of his beloved people. getting to see that one special someone again#a bittersweet thought.#however. kenix would no longer ever seek that kind of love with someone else. what he had with azrael Was Special#forever immortalizing it by keeping azrael's ring he had gifted him and remembering his partner.#to find someone else is to betray his only love. And he could never bear the thought of having to live with that#azrael may have been deleted from this reality with no one else to remember him. But kenix will forever keep him in his heart#perhaps if things were different. they could still be writing their next chapter together.#but i guess there's no point in lamenting about that now Huh?#okay but actually. CRYING AND SOBBIJG AND POINTING AT THEM. GOD THEY MAKE ME SO SAD.#“they had such a close bond that they meant everything to each other” “yeah idk man They're So Fucking Gay For Each Other”#yomo ocs?!#yomoart#ocs#kenix#azrael
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Freylin lovers… all four of you out there…. please talk to me abt them. I will love u forever
#re-inspired by the fanfic I just read of sapphic freylin#SAPPHIC FREYLIN SAVE ME#anyway even if it isn’t sapphic freylin#if you like freylin in any form!!!!!!!! even if not it's necessarily romantic/typically romantic! I need someone to gush about them with#I used to like them a very mild amount once upon a time.....#but then that changed once the Thinking tm started#it's about the themes............ transformation..mostrosity.... understanding each other in a way few others seem able to#about exoneration through the other#which kind of doesn't sound like the right word but I mean it in the sense that exoneration implies the accusation of sin/guilt is flawed#(unlike something like absolve.... which implies forgiveness for sins rather than the fact that there was no sin in the first place)#idk if that makes sense but I hope. the general gist comes across#anyway I have lots of thoughts about them but it will take time to write them all out#but pls tell me someone thinks about them as much as I do#look I know why they aren't a popular ship and I understand. but STILL#I need to know if there are others out there!!!#Freya#Merlin#freylin#bbc merlin
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highkey thinking of moving main socmeds again....
#mine.txt#im very picky with what fandoms im in andhighkey the ls and uu fandoms are steadily approaching into dont wanna be here territory#this isnt due to any specific events lol ive felt this way since like two weeks or so after s6 started#i mean im sure its cause a lot of ppl from twitter joined considering the same thing happened with hc#and ive seen a lot of ppl whove outright said they came from twitter move here so....#my friends and some ppl i wanna keep tabs on are here so i probs wont but idk#couple it with the fact that there seems to be a lot of ppl who dont give the slightest shit that spokes still a minor#in addition to all the typical fandom sins or racism; misogyny; ableism; sanism; etc and its like...#man theres just a lot of shit i dont wanna deal with#i dont know what socmed id even want to move to considering theyre all either lacking or irritating#like i like pillowfort but you cant tag talk the way you can on tumblr#cara seems cool but its a lil too professional for what i want to do lol#and ive long given up on deviantart#hmmm idk ill try looking ig#once i find a socmed i like ill probs be deleting freakinator lol soz freakinator enjoyers#actually that seems too drastic; on second thought ill just password protect it cause i like leaving bridges unburnt lol#theoretically i can just talk in my friend discord#but unfortunately i like reading strangers thoughts too much its one of my biggest downfalls in life#hmm idk ill sit on it ig
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Dear Archon of Wisdom, please bless my research to yield new results. I may be a heretic, and a segment of The Doctor, but I am at the end of my rope
@thetruescholar
A few moments after the prayer you feel as if there is a unique pressure on you. Almost as if the eyes of the divine are measuring your worth.
A few more seconds pass. Then, there is the quiet whisper of a child in your mind. It seems the Goddess of Wisdom has given you her undivided attention in response to the request.
What specifically are you needing results for? You specialize in prosthetic medicine, correct?
I apologize that I may seem distrustful, I tend to be a bit wary of those related to Dottore. I do not harbor any ill will towards you or any segments that have not tried to hurt me or my people.
...
I may have the ability to lend you some knowledge, but I wish that what I share will not be used to damage others.
#verdure reverie#dr.natalia!!#nahidas thought process is: every segment probably has individuality and even though one sucks it doesnt mean they all do#the original draft of the post had nahida comparing natalia to a butterfly trapped in a net#but Penn felt as if it was making the post more confusing than needed#nahida is really trying to seem like a brave archon that holds the power in this situation#if nahida is gonna give knowledge then Penn is about to do SO much research on prosthetics#and if we were to try to make it more advanced than teyvat or irl then Penn might just have to go into the lore of Project Moon prosthetics#penn finding a way to bring project moon into literally any conversation lolol#anyways if anyone read this far ->#possible adoption arc??? 👀 idk???#imagine: nahida adopts two ex-fatui harbingers and waggles her finger at them to get along#the description of Nahida watching is actually because her attention was grabbed to the degree that now she is using Irmunsul to watch#for normal prayers she may hear them and decide to respond through just granting some assistance or giving them whispers of advice#but a segment of an enemy??? congratulations you now have her full undivided attention and curiosity.#you feel your sins crawling down your back moment. sans moment.
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i bring them 'liu kang is also kind of a shithead god' vibes to the table that people really don't like
#im just saying.... he rigged his system from the start#if any one is surprised that havik or shang went off in the ways they did then idk what to tell you...#'oh but it was to teach them a lesson' ok then what about shao??#but also you can't punish new people based on sins of the old ajsfjhsak#love liu kang but that blunder is rough man#but people get real mad when you say this and go no no no hes doing the best he can hes good#its all about intentions blahblahblah you're just looking for reasons to nitpick/not like him and its like...#no his fuckups are an interesting part of his character and even old raidens#because there are so many issues left over from raiden he clearly didnt unpack for 1 reason or another
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Don't know whether it's a product of my upbringing or just part of who I am, but I really do tend to shrug off things that seem to send others into massive guilt spirals. Like, what's the point? Either you meant to do it or you didn't. If you meant to do it but regret it now, make what amends you can & resolve to do better, then move on. If you didn't mean to, be honest about it, apologize if need be, & try to do better. Then move on.
Beating yourself up truly serves no purpose. What are we, catholic? If there is a god, I truly don't think they'd care, anyways
#speculation nation#religion might have some part in it. i was taught a flavor of christianity that portrayed god as loving above all else.#portrayed god as *forgiving*. thats the point of jesus dying on the cross? forgiving your sins?#i was taught that so long as you tried to do good and believed in god then you would go to heaven.#none of that internalized guilt shit. it really serves no purpose.#this could potentially stem from prior abuse too. in which case. well. i hope people can break out of those patterns of thought. sincerely.#i have a history with abuse but idk ive run under a 'fuck those people' mentality. why should i run by the way they treated me?? genuinely.#no one person is singularly horrible and irredeemable. no not even you.#youre your harshest critic. you have front row seats to all ur nasty thoughts. things that most people dont say out loud.#everyone has nasty thoughts though. some more than others. but what matters is what you *do*. not what you think.#no one is gonna know any mean or awful thoughts you have if you dont tell them. thought crimes arent real. what matters is what you *do*.#and even for the things you do wrong. everyone makes mistakes. just work to do better next time.#genuinely makes me so sad to see polls asking about ppl's self perceptions & seeing majority of ppl so down on themselves.#like come on. i used to think i was an awful person bc i knew all the mean and kind of manipulative things id think.#but eventually i recognized that no one is perfect and everyone has ugly thoughts. just do your best to do good & learn from your mistakes.#if you do that much then youre a well-meaning human being. not perfect but no one is. that should be enough.#maybe if i exhibit enough of my 'idgaf' attitude about this kind of thing i can influence some other ppl with it as well. 🤔🤔 hmmm
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i know their asses are fake music fans i know wamuu has never heard a single george michael song hes never even heard wake me up before you go-go. esidisi doesnt even KNOW about highway to hell. kars is also there
#SORRY IDK ANY CARS SONGS#i did look them up on spotify and like i listened to it and its good music!!!! but ive never heard it before LOL#anyway. i feel like ive sinned spelling acdc and wham like that#but i always spell kars with a k he looks stupid with a c... Automobile? your name is fucking automobile?#anyway as much as i just wanna call them wham and acdc. if i write them the official localization way#its easier for me to make clear when im talking about wham! (the pop duo) and AC/DC (the rock band)#anyway im allowed to post this because like well firstly why wouldnt i be#but secondly george michael is my moms fave singer#and before i discovered mcr i would say ac/dc was my fave band cuz that was like the first real artist i would just#sit down and listen to all their music you know#like before that i didnt have a fave!!! i would just say i liked 80s music#cause tbh all i listened to was video game songs and the radio#and i feel like half the radio was and still is one hit wonders#so id listen to one song by someone on spotify and like it but then i just wouldnt care for any of their other stuff a lot of the time#anyway ac/dc and eventually mcr were my gateway drug into like becoming a Music Guy (aka having more of a taste in music than i did +#when i was 12 years old.)#tldr wham is my moms fave band (''pop duo'' technically i guess but stfu its a band) and ac/dc was my first fave (and i still love em)#so im rightfully furious (jokingly) that these faker jjba villians dont even listen to their music!!!! THAT MUSIC IS BICHIN!!!!#stop killing people and listem to everything she wants by wham! please. please. it will fix you#also heres my formal apology to santana because like i have beef with kars for being kars#but santana didnt do shit i just dunno any songs by santana#like the band. sorry to mr. santana himself i will listen to your music one day i promise#anyway sorry for the ramble i looooove talking#muffin mumbles
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new sources of guilt for today:
fell asleep on the couch last night, could not be woken up enough to move, slept on couch for most of night before eventually regaining consciousness and going to bed
because set alarm in context of above, did not remember that i was going to need to get up with or before 🌸 in order to buy milk; accordingly 🌸 bought milk
allowed my dad’s insane thing about vacations to actually come out of my stupid mouth, have probably defused but will maybe have to re-defuse again later, 🌸 took it gracefully but jesus fucking christ
it’s not like i needed another reason to add to the list of reasons that it’s intrinsically impossible for me to stop doing this job but i’m pretty sure i’m hanging on to 🌸’s parents’ tolerance primarily through an adequate display of aspiration to upward mobility and quitting my phd would really bring my, um, solidly middle-class doesn’t-know-about-financial-instruments uncouth jewish executive dysfunction qualities back into the foreground
#box opener#it's a shame that you. can't ever stop doing a phd. because you also secured unpausable funding#and have no other skills#and all the jobs you're networked for make way more sense for a person to pursue. with a phd in hand already. even if theyre not The Job#and if you just go try to do something like . idk. teach. temp work. something not insanity inducing#you are also going to have to find out what happens when you actually for real disagree with your girlfriend's parents about something.#and once you stop doing any of this for even a second. you cannot ever go back to doing it. even the lower-prestige bits that don't totally#miserably suck.#even those are barred to you if you commit the sin of harm reduction quitting#i guess i could make up. a reason i need medical leave. i could........... break a leg on purpose. except that severer physical disability#also seems like a trigger for the 🌸's parents subroutine. so who fucking knows jesus
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read. a translation of the audio drama and i haven't listened to it yet so idk just HOW exactly it is just wow i am. wow
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#⋯ ꒰ა milgram ໒꒱ *·˚#eyebrows furrowed (idk how to explain this emotion. this feeling)#this is so complex... complicated...... i honestly am not sure anymore. i think fuuta deserves to be forgiven but?#the thing is he's. wow. he found out the deal with milgram which is impressive#and he's the kind of guy who puts up a sort of 'front'. and tbh the 'excuses' he makes are very understandable#<- single guy who takes the blame for the sins of many#the thing is that he still doesn't yk... but he obviously feels guilty even if he keeps denying that he /killed/ them#yeah this 2nd trial for fuuta is more on his guilt and his yk towards himself and to es and to milgram#fuuta. what an interesting character for real#i'm a bit scared honestly bcs i think if he's voted 'guilty' he might... commit yk#the line he drew over his picture in the mv w the rest of them. a red line crossing his neck. yeah#but being voted guilty restrains you physically and mentally right? that's why i'm fine w voting haruka guilty#but i'm still conflicted about that too ngl but ultimately innocent -> guilty -> innocent works for him. but idk for fuuta...#guilty -> innocent -> innocent imo. maybe guilty -> guilty -> innocent but i don't really think so but idk#the thng is rn i'm doing the exact thing es and fuuta fought for (?). not in an entertainment way bcs i'm yk eyebrows furrowed and all#but in a way that i'm still. partaking in deciding the fates of these characters. do i even have the right to?#especially with regard to fuuta for me considering i see myself in him. just not as stubborn and in denial.#so interesting and worrisome and. wow. milgram is so genius#i sincerely doubt milgram will have any sort of happy ending... i wonder what are the possibilities the writers planned for?
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idk if you’ve watched love island uk s8 but for the love island au can u make a story inspired by gemma and luca where reader’s ex comes into the villa and makes rafe jealous and a scene where reader accidentally calls rafe her ex’s name
+ i absolutely love ur stories <3
Guilty as sin? || Rafe Cameron x fem!reader (love island au)
A/n: S8 OF LOVE ISLAND UK IS MY FAV 😭😭 (there will be a part 2 bc it was getting too long but I'll post it soon as well so the wait won't be too long!!)
Warnings: slight angst if u squint ig lol
Word count: 2,746
MASTERLIST
divider by @h-aewo
You spot Rafe across the villa’s airy kitchen, caught up in a conversation with the other guys. Without a second thought, you walk towards them and call his name, excitement clear in your voice. “Rafe! Rafe! He turns at the sound, his brows knitting in slight confusion as you tug his arm, urging him to step aside with you. “Yeah?” he asks, his tone curious as he searches your face.
The hint of a smile curls at his lips when he sees how eager you are. “Sofia just got a text,” you say, a little breathless, unable to keep the smile off your face as you watch his reaction. “A text?” he repeats, eyebrows lifting. “What did it say?” “It said, ‘Girls, there will be a surprise for you tomorrow morning," you reveal, and his eyes widen, the full impact hitting him.
He crosses his arms, tilting his head as he watches you. “Wait—another guy’s coming into the villa?” You nod, feeling his gaze intensify as he studies you with a playful smirk. But before you can say anything, Lucinda’s voice echoes across the villa, singling you out. “Y/n, you simp!” she calls out, half-laughing, clearly catching onto your excitement.
You turn and laugh, calling back with a grin, “I wasn’t telling him anything!” She rolls her eyes in good-natured mock annoyance as she walks past, but you can’t help but giggle at the playful accusation. Rafe’s attention returns to you, his smirk deepening as he takes a step closer, lowering his voice so only you can hear. “So,” he murmurs, leaning in, “are you excited?”
“Excited for?” you playfully tilt your head, looking up at him with a feigned innocence. His hands slip around your waist, drawing you in until there’s barely any space between you, and his eyes search yours, warm with amusement. “The new guy coming,” he challenges, his voice low and teasing.
You pretend to consider his question, tapping your finger against your lips, scrunching your face as though deep in thought. “Mmm… maybe just a little?” you tease, letting the words roll off your tongue as you watch his expression darken with playful jealousy. Rafe scoffs, his hand falling to your hip as he gives you a gentle push, his smirk still lingering.
“Oh, really?” he mocks, his tone dripping with amusement as his fingers skim the small of your back. You laugh, slipping your arms around his neck and pressing your forehead to his. “I’m joking, I’m joking!” you reassure him, your voice softening. “Why would I even look his way when you’re right here?”
His face softens, a genuine smile breaking through as he lifts you off the ground, his arms tightening around you. He peppers kisses along the side of your neck, each one making you squirm and giggle as you cling to him, laughing. “Rafe!” you squeal, struggling to keep a straight face. “I need to go get ready!”
He finally sets you down, but not before stealing one last kiss. Just as you turn to leave, he smirks, his hand sliding down to give you a playful smack on the ass. You whip around, giving him a mock-glare, but he just grins, completely unbothered. “See you later,” he calls out, chuckling as you roll your eyes and walk away, unable to hide your smile.
~
“Sofia, you look gorgeous, babe!” you squeal, clasping her hands and giving her a little twirl. She giggles, cheeks flushed, excitement lighting up her eyes. The new guy had just chosen her for a date, and you couldn’t be happier for her. With all the girls hyping her up, it’s a moment of pure joy.
Linking arms, you and the other girls make your way to the balcony, eager to catch a glimpse of the date unfolding below. From up here, you have a perfect view, though the new guy’s back is to you, obscuring his face. “What are you girls doing?” a voice asks, pulling your attention. You glance over your shoulder to find the guys walking in, curiosity evident in their expressions.
As they come closer, you shush them playfully, grabbing Rafe’s hand and pulling him toward you. He doesn’t resist, settling behind you as his arms wrap warmly around your shoulders. Leaning back against him, you focus on the figure in the distance. But something about the guy’s tattoos catches your attention.
A chill pricks at your skin, a sense of familiarity hitting you hard. You squint, taking a closer look, and suddenly, it all clicks. Your heart skips a beat, and the realisation makes your stomach twist. “No, no, no, no…” you gasp, ducking down quickly onto the lounge, unable to tear your eyes away. Your reaction sends the others into a flurry of confusion.
“What?” Rafe asks, brow furrowing as he glances down at you, concern slipping into his expression. You press a hand over your mouth, whispering, “That’s my ex!” The words come out in a mix of disbelief and shock as you look back at the girls, wide-eyed. “What?” Lucinda breathes, glancing back toward the balcony with a look of pure disbelief.
“I’m not joking,” you chuckle, though it’s a nervous laugh. “That is my ex-boyfriend.” Rafe stays silent, his arm still around you, his gaze shifting between you and the new guy below. You don’t notice his reaction, too busy processing the whirlwind of emotions yourself. It feels surreal.
“You’re lying!” one of the girls gasps, her tone a mix of amusement and shock. You shake your head, peeking over the edge once more for confirmation. The familiar way he holds himself, the tattoos, even his laugh—it’s all undeniably him. “No, I swear to god, that’s him. Shit!” You cover your mouth, feeling a bizarre mix of dread and disbelief bubbling up.
Rafe’s still silent, his eyes dark and unreadable as he watches you, a slight tension in his grip around your shoulders. But your mind races too fast to register it fully.“How long were you two together?” Leah asks, her curiosity piqued. “Like… a year and a half?” you mumble, still processing, voice distant as you dredge up the memories.
“And how long ago?” she presses. “Uh, ten months ago, I think?” you say, distracted as you peek again at the scene below. It’s hard to believe he’s here, in this villa with you. And as you try to make sense of it, the lingering tension in Rafe’s silence seems to settle heavily over you, but you’re not quite ready to face that just yet.
As you glance back at the date, you catch sight of Rafe slipping away, his expression unreadable. He doesn’t say anything, and you let him go, feeling an odd tension settle in your chest but brushing it off for now. There’s plenty to process already.
~
Once the date wraps up, Sofia rejoins you and the other girls in the makeup room, still glowing from her time with Jacques. You’re finishing up getting ready when Leah gives her an excited smile. “So, how was it?” she asks, her curiosity bright. Sofia’s smile widens, her cheeks flushed. “He’s gorgeous! So sweet, and we just talked non-stop. He’s so easy to be around!”
You smile back, watching her giddy expression. It’s clear she’s caught up in the excitement, and you’re genuinely happy for her, even with the twist of awkwardness lurking beneath the surface. “What’s his name?” Leah presses, a hint of mischief in her tone. “Jacques,” Sofia replies, her voice light and dreamy. But her answer shifts the atmosphere slightly.
The girls glance at each other, then at you, their expressions turning curious and cautious. Noticing the looks, Sofia raises an eyebrow. “What?” she laughs nervously, sensing she’s missing something. You clear your throat, managing a chuckle. “He’s my ex,” you say, unable to help the small, amused smile that crosses your face.
Sofia’s jaw drops, and she stares at you in shock. “No! What? Are you serious?” She looks between you and the others, trying to piece together this unexpected twist. “Yep,” you reply, laughing at her reaction. “It was about ten months ago, though, so it’s ancient history.” “And… how do you feel about it?” Sofia asks, a cautious look in her eyes.
You know she’s asking if there are still any lingering feelings or unfinished business. You shake your head, waving off any notion of that. “I mean, obviously it’s weird seeing him here, but I’m totally over him. There’s no way I’d want to rekindle what we had, you know?” You smile, reassuring her that there’s no reason for her to hold back with Jacques.
Sofia visibly relaxes, a relieved smile crossing her face. “Good. That’s honestly such a relief,” she laughs, and you exchange a small, supportive nod. “How do you think Rafe feels about all this?” Hannah asks, her eyes flicking toward the door where Rafe had left earlier. Her question makes you pause, recalling his sudden silence and the look on his face.
You shrug, trying to play it off casually. “I don’t really know, but he shouldn’t be worried at all,” you say, adding a chuckle to lighten the mood as you resume getting ready for the day Still, a small part of you wonders if Rafe had taken it harder than you realised, and maybe a talk was in order. But for now, you push the thought aside.
~
After Jacques finishes his other date, the girls gather outside to greet him, buzzing with excitement. You hang back slightly, watching as he makes his way through the introductions, charm turned all the way up. There’s an odd, surreal feeling creeping up as you watch him joke and laugh with your friends. Finally, his gaze lands on you, and a knowing, mischievous smile spreads across his face.
“Hi, nice to meet you,” he says with a smirk, his arms opening for a hug. You roll your eyes, giving him a mock look of exasperation. But despite yourself, you lean in, wrapping your arms around him for a brief hug. “Nice to meet you… dickhead,” you reply, tone playful yet loaded with familiarity.
He lets out a low laugh, clearly amused. “Still the same as ever,” he chuckles, giving you a wink that’s both teasing and a little too comfortable. You shake your head, a smile slipping onto your face despite yourself, as you walk with the girls toward the kitchen. They look between you and Jacques with wide, curious eyes, and you can feel the questions bubbling up.
“Well, that was… friendly,” Lucinda says with a smirk, nudging you as you all start gathering glasses and setting things up for the night. You shrug, feigning indifference. “Honestly, it’s just weird, seeing him here. But hey, if Sofia’s into him, good for her,” you say, keeping your voice light, though you can feel Rafe’s absence tugging at the back of your mind.
He had yet to say anything about Jacques since he left earlier, and you couldn’t quite shake the feeling that you needed to find him. Just then, Jacques strolls into the kitchen, joining the group with that same confident smile. His gaze lands on you for a second longer than it probably should, and the other girls exchange glances.
You pretend not to notice, fully focused on making a coffee. Sofia nudges you with a playful grin. “He’s cute, right?” she says, winking at you. You laugh, giving her a shrug. “If you’re into that kind of thing,” you say with a teasing smirk. But deep down, your mind is already drifting to Rafe, wondering what he’s thinking about all of this. The day's only beginning, and you can already tell it’s going to be an interesting one.
~
The guys settle in around the firepit, the evening sun casting a warm glow as conversation shifts toward you. Rafe sits back, sunglasses on, trying to keep his cool while sneaking glances in your direction. You’re in the kitchen with the girls, laughing and seemingly at ease, but Rafe can’t help but feel a subtle edge of tension.
“So, serious question, mate,” Rob starts, giving Jacques a curious glance. “Are you Y/n’s ex?” Jacques just hums with a nod, the smirk on his face saying more than words could. Rafe’s attention sharpens at that, though he tries to keep his posture relaxed, his focus seemingly elsewhere.
“What’s she been saying about it?” Jacques asks with a raised eyebrow, glancing toward the kitchen. “Like, how’s she feelin’ about all this?” Rafe shifts, keeping his composure, though he’s attuned to every word. “Bit awkward having your ex in here, right?” he comments, his voice casual but probing. Jacques shrugs, the ease in his posture unmissable.
“Eh, maybe for her. But me? I’m pretty chill about it. Honestly, I couldn’t give a fuck,” he says with a chuckle, a careless grin spreading across his face. “It is what it is. We’ve moved on.” Rafe nods slowly, assessing Jacques. He can’t help but feel a certain familiarity with the guy—there’s a vibe there, a sort of unbothered confidence he recognizes in himself. It’s disarming, and Rafe feels his initial tension ease a bit.
With a smirk, he leans forward, locking eyes with Jacques. “So… you probably know a lot about her then, yeah?” he teases, his tone light but with a hint of curiosity. He wants to understand what exactly Jacques knows—and, maybe, what he doesn’t. Jacques laughs, throwing his head back in genuine amusement." You could say that,” he replies, eyes gleaming with the kind of familiarity that only history can create.
“You want me to let you know if she’s into you or not?” he jokes, the hint of challenge making Rafe crack a genuine grin. Rafe didn’t expect to find himself relaxing, but something about Jacques’ nonchalant vibe—and the fact that he doesn’t seem hung up on you—makes Rafe feel a little more at ease. Still, he can’t completely ignore the glances Jacques throws toward the kitchen, wondering if this odd triangle is just beginning or if it’ll soon fade into the background.
~
Rob leans back, casting a curious glance at Rafe as the two relax by the firepit. The atmosphere is warm and easy, the soft hum of the villa around them, though Rafe’s attention occasionally drifts to where you’re standing in the kitchen, laughing with the other girls. “So, has she talked to you yet?” Rob asks, trying to gauge the situation.
Rafe shrugs, looking nonchalant, though his fingers absentmindedly trace a line up his bicep, his eyes following your movements in the distance. “Nah, not yet. She’ll come over if she wants to chat,” he says, a slight smirk on his face as he shifts his gaze back to Rob. “Bet she’s feeling a little shocked seeing her ex show up out of nowhere, though. I’d be thrown off, too.”
Rob lets out a chuckle, nodding. “Yeah, mate, can’t blame her. It’d be a bit of a head-spin, wouldn’t it?” They fall silent for a beat. Rafe looks relaxed, yet there’s a certain edge to him, a competitiveness that’s only starting to surface. He leans forward, voice dropping to a lower tone, though his eyes are playful.
“Here’s the thing, though,” he says, his smirk widening as he glances over at the kitchen before turning back to Rob. “Right now, my hoodie? Smells like Y/n’s perfume,” he says with a self-satisfied grin, watching Rob’s face break into a grin of his own. “Does his? Nah, don’t think so.”
Rob bursts out laughing, clapping Rafe on the shoulder. “Oh man, that’s cold,” he says, barely holding back his laughter. “You should walk right up to him and be like, ‘Recognize this scent?’ Just to mess with him a bit.” Rafe laughs along, picturing the scene and almost tempted by the idea, his gaze settling on you again.
He imagines Jacques catching a hint of your perfume on him, subtle but unmistakable, a reminder that there’s a closeness Jacques doesn’t share with you anymore. There’s no threat, not really, but Rafe feels a spark of pride knowing he’s the one wearing traces of you, even if it’s something as simple as your perfume lingering on his hoodie.
There’s a playful but possessive glint in Rafe’s eyes as he leans back, chuckling with Rob. He knows it’s all in fun, but he can’t deny that the thought of reminding Jacques who’s in the past—and who’s in the present—has a certain appeal.
#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron x you#obx fanfiction#outer banks#fanfiction#rafe cameron fanfiction#drew starkey#drew starkey x reader#drew starkey x y/n#love island!rafe cameron x reader#rafe imagine#rafe cameron x fem!reader#rafe cameron x oc#rafe cameron x y/n#rafe cameron x kook!reader#rafe cameron x female reader#rafe cameron au#rafe cameron smut#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron outer banks#rafe outer banks#rafe cameron obx#outerbanks x reader#outer banks x y/n#outer banks x you#outer banks x reader#outer banks x oc#drew starkey x you#drew starkey x female reader
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♡Virgin!Dabi, too insecure of his scars to keep the lights on while being intimate with you for the first time, he usually didnt care about them, any prick could describe its disgustingly rough purple texture and he'd bitterly laugh in thier face with an even worse uncalled for insult, but around you hes suddenly more aware when a paticular scar starts spreading out of its staple lines...yet you still coo in his ears of how devishly attractive they are, but as you sit on the bed slowly stripping, your perky tits bouncing, your plushy thighs squishing together shyly, he went desperately feral, the feverish need to grab everything all at once overwhelming...the light was immediately flicked back on.
♡Virgin!Dabi, immediately whimpering when your lips wrap around him, he can't handle it, before he'd only pathetically attempt to stroke himself struggling as his staples annoyingly jab into him leaving him unsatisfied, now your pretty puffy lips soothe him into cumming right then and there, eyes rolling back as thick creamy white ropes spurt out his tip, his large hands tugging at your silky hair strands, his fingernails digging into your scalp slightly, your doey eyes looking up at him in the aftermath of his cum was sinful, atleast that's what he said while grumpily mumbling his words, his cheeks tinted slightly pink as he straightened himself up, too embarrassed to admit he just came within 60 seconds.
♡Virgin!Dabi my underrated bbg sighs
[I have way more virgin dabi thoughts but now I feel shy its easier reading this than actually posting idk how ppl get the confidence...(´Д` )!!]
#dabi is my pretty princess#dabi fluff#dabi smut#dabi x reader#mha dabi#touya todoroki#touya x reader#Lify
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BEST FRIENDS TO FUCK FRIENDS - GENSHIN MEN
Warnings; NSFW, (18+), Female Reader, implied to have a big chest (not crazy big like be realistic) and a GYATT (sorry), p in v sex, seductiveness, implied squiring, a little sprinkle of degradation (use of the word “slut”), Semi-Public, unwanted pics (He wanted them), mentions of jerking off/masturbation, sinful thoughts of your best friend, raw sex, idk tell me if I missed anything, HORRIBLY WRITTEN SMUT. ITS SO BAD.
Notes; I was supposed to write this for Thoma originally so if this name is somewhere in here…ignore it. If you like this, support me on kofi! Link in masterlist!
You’ve been his best friend since secondary school, and you couldn’t deny the feelings you had for him within high school.
You always denied it though, because you just couldn’t ruin the friendship. But, now you’re both in university, stuff changes and you definitely grew some stuff..
Your feelings for him turn into sexual desires when you realize it’s been a long time since you’ve done anything. You’ve been so occupied with university that you couldn’t even spend some time on yourself…
What sets everything off is when he invites you to his house in the spring to swim. Seeing those abs and the water dripping off his chest…holy shit. Is it bad you wanted to lick all that water off or?
You bring up the topic of friends with benefits, but not between you two (yet), just what he thinks of it.
When he isn’t opposed to one with a friend, that’s what changes your mindset completely. You knew he wasn’t the best at making those type of moves, but with your assets…
It starts a week later when you ask to sleepover at his house after a party. He agrees.
This is gonna sound crazy, but you purposely puked over yourself by drinking too much so he could give you his shirt. You decided, that not wearing any shorts was now your way of sleeping!
So, here you were in his room, in his shirt, black underwear that was hardly covered, and a bed for the both of you to share.
He gulped, lingering for a while but said nothing and just got into bed. He was gonna think about your ass for a while.
You got in beside him, and maybe an hour later if he’s asleep and you’re not, you’ll secretly inch yourself closer to him, so when he wakes up and finds your hardly covered ass rubbing against him, he’ll have to go to the bathroom.
What sets him off completely is in the morning when you stretch, your arms going up and exposing your bare legs and stomach. He couldn’t stop staring.
The next step isn’t too far away; Maybe 2 weeks later. He invited you to come for a swim again, and this one was a hard decision between a bikini or a horribly fabricated shirt that exposed everything.
You decided to go for a bikini that didn’t have the best fabric, so when it got wet…
“A bikini?” He spoke. “What happened to your shorts and shirts?” You usually never went with bikinis, if it wasn’t obvious already.
You shrugged. “Change of habit.”
The cold water made your nipples pop, going through the fabric completely. Did I mention the bikini was also white?
This, is what gets him thinking about you a lot from now on.
Later in the week you’re FaceTiming him, and he noticed the change in clothes. You’re wearing a dress from HIGH SCHOOL. It was so small that the side of your breasts were out.
He had no shame in hiding the fact he was staring at them the entire FaceTime.
In the middle of taking, you pretended to drop your phone by your leg, but he didn’t expect that when you’d pick it up, he’d catch a glimpse of his favourite colour as your tight panties before you quickly moved the phone back up.
He has to hang up 5 minutes later.
Now, your next idea is gonna sound absolutely horrible.
You took pictures of yourself, none of you naked but had a sexy lingerie set in his favourite colour and sent them to him on Messages
And 2 seconds later you’re spamming him on Snapchat,
DON’T OPEN MY IMESSAGE
IGNORE IT
I DIDN’T MEAN TO SEND IT TO YOU.
Now, he’s curious, so of course he tells you he won’t look and says he’ll delete the chat.
But really he’ll save them to his phone and definitely jerk off to them.
Now, the next step is the final step, and takes the most courage.
You invite him out to the club, wearing a sexy right black dress that showed your curves perfectly.
Since this was gonna take up a lot of courage, you took maximum 2 shots to get your mindset a little changed for this.
He takes the same amount you do, and you’ve both been to multiple parties where you’ve gotten blackout drunk; 2 shots would make sure you’d remember everything.
When the both of you make your way to the dance floor, you’re shaking, but you keep telling yourself you can do this.
The next song plays and you’re both dancing together,
And the next thing he knew, you’ve turned around and you’re grinding your ass right on his pelvis. He freezes for a bit, and you’re scared; Have you gone too far?
But suddenly, his hands are on your hips and he’s moving the two of you to the rhythm, keeping your ass pressed against him.
You dance like this for another minute or 2 and then he moves his arms up around your waist, pulling your back against his chest as he starts to kiss your neck, sucking on it.
You let out moans, wishing he could hear them.
One hand makes its way up to grope your tit, he could already feel your nipple with how tight your dress was. “No bra?” He spoke into your ear so seductively, making you whimper.
He then grab your arms, dragging you to the washroom.
~~~
The small washroom mirror is steamed as your pressed against it, sat atop the sink, the both of you sloppily making out as his dick pushed in and out of of your cunt, your fluids dripping all over your thighs.
“Fucking slut,” He grunted, throwing his head back at the pure bliss. “You knew what you’ve been doing, haven’t you? All those, fuck, pictures? The bikini?”
You just grinned, tongue lolling out as your eyes rolled back into your head. “Nghh- fuck!”
He slapped the side of your ass, “Tell me how much of a slut you are, since you wanna be treated like one”
“Mmm- FUCK! I’m a slut, I’m your fucking slut, nghh~!”
“Good girl,” He panted, fucking into you harder. “I dreamed of this.” He groaned, laughing. “Fucking this tight pussy. It-fuck! Belongs to me now.”
Somehow, his thrusts became even harder, making you scream as you clawed at this back, wrapping your legs tighter around his waist. “Don’t stop!”
“Scream louder, maybe you’ll beat the music,” He snorted, and you wanted to slap the grin off his face, but you’re met with pure bliss as you meet your high.
“I’m cumming!Imcummingimcumming!”
You screamed as your fluids gushed all over his pelvis and he kept fucking into you. Maybe you beat the music.
It didn’t take long until he came into you. Ropes of his warm seed plastering your insides. He panted, resting his head on your shoulder.
You both stayed like that for a few minutes, the both of you too overstimulated to move.
At some point he pulled out, making you whine. His cum was starting to spill out and he shook his head, shoving 2 fingers in.
“Let’s go back to my place, I’m not done with you yet.”
-THOMA, ITTO, ALHAITHAM, KAVEH, AYATO, Tighnari, Albedo, CYNO, CHILDE, Pantalone, DILUC, Kaeya, ZHONGLI, Xiao, NEUVILLETTE, Wriothesly
#genshin impact x reader#genshin impact#alhaitham x reader#genshin smut#diluc smut#thoma smut#ayato smut#itto smut#neuvillete smut#wriothesly smut#albedo smut#kaveh smut#tighnari smut#cyno smut#xiao smut#childe smut#pantalone smut#kaeya smut#zhongli smut#genshin impact smut
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