crntion

[crntion]

⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆f*** it i love you⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺

✦ pairing ; jason todd x fem!reader ✦ synopsis ; jason has always avoided his girlfriend when coming in from patrol shifts. there seems to be a reason and she is determined to make him crack. ✦ wc ; 1.4k ✦ a/n ; i think i saw something similar to this a few days ago (either that or i dreamt it idk) so pls lmk if u know the author!!! anyway this is my first published work since 6th grade so i'm freaking, anyway... slight hurt/comfort(?) idk im not good at this. not proof read! — 🎧 !! Fuck it I love you - Lana Del Rey

it was dawn. the sun was ever so slightly peeking over the horizon, and slowly filling the streets of gotham. all jason could do was watch from the fire escape of his girlfriend’s apartment, savoring the peaceful moment after the previous night of patrol. once the sun got unbearably bright, jason reached towards the window he usually took inside before noticing his battered and bruised hand.

he made a habit out of immediately cleaning up when visiting her, refusing to let her look at him a second before. he believed that the mere sight of his sins as red hood would frighten her, and who would want to continue a relationship with such a violent man? due to his intense fears of scaring her away, he always came when he knew she’d be asleep.

jason was dragged away from his thoughts when he looked past his hand, noticing the empty bed in the apartment in front of him. he felt uneasy–she was never awake at this time so where could she be? he racked his brain thinking about a reason for her absence, but his mind came up blank.

he quickly opened the window and let himself into her room, praying his greatest fears weren’t physically manifesting before him. that was–until the smell of muffins filled his senses. his curiosity pulled him into the kitchen, where she sat on the counter with a notepad shoved into her face.

jason knew there wasn’t a way of escaping without her noticing him–he was backed into a corner by someone who didn’t even realize it. he discarded his mask on the ground. he decided he was going to mutter a quick hello followed by her name before he turned towards the bathroom. 

with his back facing her, he couldn’t see her face but he knew it had lit up. “jay! i was wondering when you’d get home.” he heard her set down the notepad, which he assumed had the muffin recipe on it.

he didn’t take another step before turning around. of course he missed her, if it was any normal morning he would’ve scooped her up in his arms before dragging her back to bed–but this was anything but normal. her name softly left his lips before he gave her a smile, “...what are you doing up right now babe?”

as if she was eager to tell him, she scooted off the counter before going to grab his hand. he felt dirty–he shouldn’t be touching her in the state he was in, but he knew how much it would hurt her if he pulled away. he let his fingers wrap lightly around hers, afraid his touch would be too rough as she pulled him over to the muffins. “alfred invited me over to wayne manor the other day to make pastries. i spent all night thinking about the muffins, and i wanted to give them a try.”

she didn’t notice the lack of touch from her boyfriend as they both squatted down to look inside, “plus i didn’t get to see you last night. i planned on being back before you left for patrol but my boss held me up for a little longer than expected… i couldn’t sleep without seeing you.”

he couldn’t help but stare at her, she knew exactly how to reassure him without even trying. she knew him so well–or at least as well as he allowed. he removed his eyes from her, scared his gaze would taint her.

“i’m gonna go wash up.”, his voice came out shakier than expected as he stood up, which didn’t go unnoticed. 

he watched as she quickly stood up with him, “jay, is everything alright?”, her hand reached out to touch his upper arm and he ever so slightly pulled away. he watched as the worry grew in her eyes, but he just couldn’t risk tarnishing her.

“i’m fine, i just need to go clean up.”, his voice now came out harsher than intended and he immediately regretted it. yet, he couldn’t help but turn away and continue his path to the bathroom.

the more steps he took the more he wish he would just turn around and pull her into a hug, to reassure her it wasn’t her–but him. he was now scared that his fears had ruined everything, until he heard her steps quicken.

in an instant, she was in front of him and he was struggling to meet her gaze, “jason peter todd, look at me.”, he now fought her eyes even harder until she grabbed him by the chin to make eye contact, “what is wrong? you literally will not be able to get rid of me until we talk about whatever it is you’re feeling.”

she was searching his eyes for anything at this point, hoping they’d begin to mirror his emotions. only when her eyes began to soften did he speak, “i don’t want to ruin you.”.

her eyebrows furrowed as the grip on his chin faltered. a million thoughts raced through her head but his words kept echoing, ‘i don’t want to ruin you…’. her hand made its way down to his chest, feeling his intense heartbeat. “...ruin me? what makes you think you’re doing that jay?”

he didn’t know how to explain it, he didn’t even know if she’d understand, “i’m too… violent for you. i’m not a good person, no matter how hard i try. i’m filled with hate and vengeance, and i have no sense of when to quit… i don’t want you to see me like this, like him.”, she followed her gaze to his mask which was carelessly placed on the floor. 

“jay… i know who you are. i’ve known who you are for all these years. whether you’re jason todd or you’re red hood, i love you for you.”, she softly traced the symbol on his chest, “i know exactly what you do when you go out on patrol, and it doesn’t scare me.”.

she slightly laughed, “any normal person would be scared, but with us it is anything but normal. i know what you do and i know why you do it, i would never want to take that away from you because it’s who you are.”, she slowly reached up to his face before tracing the most prominent scar on his cheek, the one he hated the most.

he shivered at her touch, “but why?”.

she smiled at him, “because as long as it’s you under that mask, i couldn’t hate any part of it. what you do is noble jay, even if you have pretty extreme means of getting it done…but you don’t just do it for yourself, you do it to keep others safe.”

all he could do is just stare into her eyes, admiring the gorgeous hues that allow him to see into her soul–to see that she’s telling the truth. all he could muster out of his lips was her name, barely a whisper. he leaned in to pull her closer before they heard a distant alarm.

“muffins are done!”, she pushed away from the ever so yearning jason todd and pranced over to the oven, “hurry jay, come wash your hands.”, she said while pulling the tray out.

he slowly walked over to the sink and began to wash his hands before a smaller hand held an extremely hot muffin to his face, signaling for him to take a bite. once he complied, the muffin disappeared and his girlfriend replaced the void, “how is it?”.

it took jason a second to answer, as much as it hurt he chewed and swallowed the hot pastry in the bat of an eye, “besides burning the inside of my mouth, it’s amazing. definitely alfred’s recipe.”

she smiled before resting her head against his arm, “well speaking of wayne manor… if you see bruce don’t let him know i basically gave you the ‘ok’ on the killing n’ stuff. when alfred invited me over he pulled me aside and basically tried to convince me to talk you out of it and i said i’d try.”, she let out a little giggle while telling jason.

jason laughed while turning off the water and drying his hands. “well naturally, it is B afterall.”, jason felt two smaller arms wrap around his right arm and finally, felt at peace–until they quickly pulled away. “what’s wrong?”, he said while looking down.

the girl basically shoved her red stained hand in his face, “please tell me this is yours and not some random thugs.”

jason ruffled her hair before grabbing her hand, “how about you come with me and find out?”, he said while pulling her to the bathroom, “after all i might need someone to patch me up.”