#religion might have some part in it. i was taught a flavor of christianity that portrayed god as loving above all else.

[orcelito]

Don't know whether it's a product of my upbringing or just part of who I am, but I really do tend to shrug off things that seem to send others into massive guilt spirals. Like, what's the point? Either you meant to do it or you didn't. If you meant to do it but regret it now, make what amends you can & resolve to do better, then move on. If you didn't mean to, be honest about it, apologize if need be, & try to do better. Then move on.

Beating yourself up truly serves no purpose. What are we, catholic? If there is a god, I truly don't think they'd care, anyways

[grimsonandclover]

From Innocence on AO3 (I promise I plan on continuing it)

Stanford!Patrick Zweig, Virgin!Art Donaldson

Song of the post 'House Of Cards' - Radiohead

A little backstory I came up with for Stanford!Patrick and Virgin!Art. Might find the motivation to continue it and post it here, too... if you want the reader's small backstory, it's in chapter one.

Only slightly NSFW, mostly SFW

3.9k words

brief mention of suicide, loss in the family, shitty parents, pubescent sexuality (not in detail, ew), mention of casual homophobia (in the 90s-2000s), the canon Kat Zimmerman double feature (also not in detail), Patrick Zweig is a Cali baby even though I headcanon him now to be from somewhere in New England, little orphan boy Art taken in by his religious grandmother, Art growing up Christian (i don't know what flavor), the author was Mennonite for the first 6 years of her life so that's the extent of my knowledge on the religion as a whole, don't come for me, you're reading fanfiction cause your either bored, horny, or both, not because you're a theologist looking to do some research.

Art Donaldson never knew his parents, not in any real way. They passed when he was two and left a huge inheritance to him and ever since then, his grandmother raised him. She was a sweet woman, caring and warm, and treated him like a son-- especially since he so closely resembled her actual, late son. He grew up calling her mom.

There was always a small part of him curious about what his parents were like. He'd ask his grandmother from time to time, and she did her best to fill the gaps. His mother, Cecelia, was a lawyer, born and raised in Ohio. He got his blond and wavy hair from her. According to his grandmother, she was a kind but serious woman, always putting her career first. It was hard for her, to make it big as a lawyer when she was a woman, especially in the 70s and 80s. His father, Art's grandmother's son, was named Arthur. Art was named after him (Arthur Sr. hated 'juniors', so he was never Arthur Junior-- always just Arthur). His father was a stockbroker who moved him and his wife to Manhattan to work at the NYSE (which is largely where the inheritance came from), and Art was born there before moving to California to be with his grandmother. Art got his heterochromia and most of his facial features from his father. They had met at a tennis court, both a fan and casual player of the sport and fell madly in love- so the story goes. Dating a year before getting engaged, marrying the next, and Art followed a few years after. Arthur Senior was madly and deeply in love with Cecelia, his grandmother would always tell him. Their love story was his bedtime story as a kid.

Art's parents died the same year, 1990, from separate causes. His mother in a hit-and-run case when she was on her way home from work, and his father three months later when he took his own life. His note apologized for leaving Art, stating how he 'couldn't live a life in eternal night now my sun is gone'.

His parent's story and how they met are the main reason he begged his grandmother to let him take tennis lessons. Just to let him try it out. Just to have something to relate to with them, though his young brain didn't fully comprehend that this is what he wanted. The first time he hit the ball with his racket when he was 7 was the day it was over for him. He was totally and irrevocably in love with the sport, it was his number one obsession. He was going to be the next Arthur Ashe, the next Pete Sampras. Everyone around him believed the same.

He was a good kid-- a great kid. Sweet to everyone and had a knack for convincing people to give him what he wanted with his blue eyes and sweet smile. His grandmother had taught him how to treat girls, with respect and dignity, never cruel. He helped around whenever he could, always wanting to feel useful. Art got great grades only because academics came easy to him, never because he dedicated everything to it. No, all free time went to tennis.

He was 12 when he got into the Mark Rebellato Tennis Academy. His grandmother had her and her late-husbands retirement to keep them afloat, but it was his inheritance that made it possible for him to attend. That's where he met Patrick Zweig. The friendship happened so quickly, so naturally, neither of them could remember how it started or even when they met, but it was likely because they were roommates.

Art had become aware of his looks one night when he was almost 13 and Patrick and he were discussing girls. Patrick wanted to know who he liked. He had never thought of it before, and couldn't come up with an answer. 

"Well, you're not short of options" Patrick laughed, his arm draped around his new friend's shoulder as they silently walked down the halls (they were meant to be asleep). Art asked what he meant, and Patrick revealed how some girls would follow the two of them around with curious, longing eyes. Namely, Stacy Montblanc and Erica Jefferson. Patrick, nudging his friend's shoulder, explained how Stacy was always asking for tennis tips because she wanted him to talk to her, and how Erica started stuffing her bra so he'd look at her chest, which he never did. He knew better than to.

See, another thing about Art's grandmother was that she was quite religious. Every room in the house had a cross hung on the wall above the doorway, as well as one above Art's bed. She'd watch over him every night to make sure he did his nightly prayer, and Sunday wasn't the only day of the week they went to church. If she wasn't telling him about his parents before bed, she would tell him stories from the bible. She even tried once or twice to convince Art to become a priest when he grew up. "You have such a lovely voice and such a beautiful soul, Art. It would be a gift to the world if you used them to speak to people about the Lord."

Even when he grew up and realized he wasn't as religious as she was (if he was even religious at all), he couldn't get her out of his head when it came to sin. The guilt ate at him when his eyes would catch the bare legs or chest of a girl practicing on the court, or when he'd find the dirty magazines that Patrick hid under his bunk. Those nearly gave him a heart attack. He never opened them, never asked about them, but he thought about the woman on the cover constantly. Why would she pose... like that? Why was she naked? The one night when Patrick taught Art to jerk off haunted him for a year and a half until he managed to sort of forgive himself for it. It took him that long, at least, for him to try it again. Once. After that, he told himself he was done for good. Couldn't emotionally handle a third time. Couldn't handle the soul-eating guilt of the sin he committed. The sounds of Patrick doing it himself at night, or when he eventually started bringing in girls, haunted him. At least he was convinced it was negative emotions. The warmth in his stomach was shame and embarrassment, not jealousy or desire or... lust.

The intense guilt and shame were why he never acted on Patrick's advice, unfortunately for Stacy and Erica. Well, apart from one time.

Patrick was his only friend because Art was focused on tennis. It was his life and he was grateful for a friend that shared some of that passion with him. He could've found a girlfriend who shared it too, yes, but he knew it would take his mind away from it. He was too focused on improvement to care for that. So, he watched from a distance as Patrick grew into his looks over the years and started getting girlfriends. Lots of girlfriends. Never one for long, however. Patrick was on his third 'long-term' relationship by the time they were sixteen (long term being more than a month in Patrick's eyes) (They were never longer than two), and had many flings in between. It was so common for Patrick to have a girl in their room that they had a system. There was a window that faced the door to their room in the hallway, and it could be opened. The system was if it was opened, Patrick was with a girl.

The window was almost always open.

Art was growing quite tired of it. He barely ever got to relax in his own bed when he had free time during the day, not unless he wanted to watch. Which he didn't. He definitely didn't. So, one evening when the sounds were especially loud, too loud to wait by the door for them to finish, he went for a walk around the campus. It was nothing out of the ordinary apart from his thought. His thoughts danced around the idea of sex and relationships, and Art wondered when he would ever be ready for a girlfriend. When he'd be capable of pushing down the guilt and shame and finally be with a girl. Would it be when he's married? Would he even be able to then? He started getting worried that he wouldn't. And he so badly wanted to be able to.

Lost in his thoughts, he bumped into Erica Jefferson. After all those years, she still had a crush on him. She made it quite obvious, how she stuttered out his name in surprise when they collided and he caught her before she fell backward. How she blushed so intensely under his gaze, and how tucking her hair behind her ear only made the pink tinge more visible. It was in that moment he let his curiosity get the best of him. He entertained her crush. They talked for a bit, and he agreed to meet her later for a study date. Nothing happened on that 'date' and they really did just study, much to Erica's disappointment. So, she convinced him to come back the next week for the same thing. Truth was, he was far too nervous to try and initiate anything-- so, he stuck to actually studying and some small talk. It was when he was packing up his things that she asked him to wait a moment, making him turn to face her. She slowly, nervously leaned in, and poor Art froze in fear. He wasn't not attracted to her. He didn't not think about kissing her. So, he let her.

It was an awful kiss. But Art relished it because it was his first. He even got a semi from it, as quick of a kiss as it was. He could finally say he kissed a girl. He could finally prove to Patrick that he wasn't too much of a pussy to kiss a girl.

Art actually did go to Patrick to tell him all about it, he just skipped over the part where on his walk back he threw up into a bush. And the part where he whispered prayers of forgiveness to himself as he entered the building. And the part where he convinced himself that he wouldn't kiss a girl until marriage, because then it would hopefully be less terrifying. It was like jerking off: as much as he liked it, he couldn't do it again.

He went the rest of high school and his time at the academy entirely focused on tennis, and Erica remained the only girl he had ever kissed until he got into Stanford with a tennis scholarship and a major in political science he never planned on using.

Patrick... hated his childhood. Hated his family, hated his siblings, hated his friends, hated his house, hated his tennis coach, hated his life. He was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and if he had any control over it, he would've spat it out. It's not that he hated being rich-- he loved being rich-- but he hated what it required from him and what it took from him. Hated how he was rich only because he was a Zweig.

His father, Eugene Zweig, was mayor of Orange County and former police chief. He put on the front of a family man for the public and for his campaign but was cold and commanding behind the scenes. He barely spoke to the man. His mother, the woman with the fortune, Morgan Klein, was the heir of some shipping company he never cared to learn about (no matter how much they insisted he did), and the two were a match made in heaven, her being just as cold and just as commanding and even more demanding of him than his father was. He resented them both.

He was raised by nannies, nannies that were constantly getting fired and replaced, so his father never had to look at him and his mother never had to touch him. They didn't need to, Patrick wasn't the oldest. He wasn't the heir apparent. Patrick was born with the 'freedom' to grow into whatever the fuck career he wanted so long as it didn't embarrass the family. That meant a prestigious career, and that meant that when Morgan had heard about how one of her friends signed up their son for tennis lessons at 4, she had signed Patrick up at 3. Tennis was always just there for him. Never out of passion like Art, just... there.

What Patrick loved about tennis though was that he was good at it, and when he was good at it he got attention. He learned from an early age that the better he got, the less he got scolded for minor mistakes at home. The less he got ignored and forgotten about. His older brother was getting straight A's and was bred to become the perfect, future CEO and Patrick wasn't, but he did win at local tennis tournaments. His younger sister was riding and winning races, their mother's personal favorite sport, and while Patrick hated horses and refused to mount one, he was winning just as many awards as she did. His older brother spoke three languages, won debates and academic decathlons, and had a respectable girlfriend, and Patrick... didn't. But he did win a junior tennis event and took home a giant trophy that was sat just behind his brother's own trophies on the shelf by their fireplace. It felt like as long as he played he wouldn't fade into the background noise of his sibling's achievements. He always felt like he was on the brink of it.

Patrick's bedroom was on the top floor of their house, which had three floors and a basement and attic (and guest house) (and pool house). It was the only bedroom on the floor, and while when he was younger it made him feel isolated, as he got older he saw it as an escape. When his father started going on his long tangents about family name and honor and hard work and how Patrick wasn't any of those, or when his mother would have one too many drinks before dinner and mention how Patrick was never even supposed to be born, how he was a contraceptive miracle, or when his brother would start listing all the wonderful things he had accomplished that day, or when his mother would dote on his sister more than she ever had Patrick, he'd make his way into his room and lock himself in for the night. It was the one part in the house untouched by his family. The one room where he wouldn't be analyzed and poked and questioned about what he accomplished that day. He'd play video games and watch questionable action movies on the high-end CRT TV in his room, or he'd chat on AOL with random strangers and any classmates who also had AOL (which was very few).

Patrick's life changed one of those nights when he had entered a random chatroom and saw his first nude. He never could remember how he got there, or what the context was- if any- for the nude was. He just knows that it changed his brain chemistry. From that day on, he was obsessed with the female figure. Tits, ass, thighs. Suddenly, they were everywhere he looked. All his female teachers had them. Even some of his male teachers had them. Some of his classmates in private school were developing them. It was all he could think about.

He had his first kiss when he was 10 and he doesn't even remember the girl's name, only that she was a little bit older than him- maybe 12. It was quick and embarrassing like all first kisses are, especially at that age, but he knew he wanted to do it again. He felt like he had accomplished something.

He was 11 when his parents decided it was time they sent him somewhere to sharpen his skills and keep him out of trouble (especially after they found his AOL account, which he got banned from immediately). The same friend who influenced his mother to put him into tennis in the first place told her about the Mark Rebellato Tennis Academy, and that was that. That same fall he was off. He couldn't be more excited, knowing it meant he finally didn't have to hide away in his room to escape his parents. His parents threw obscene amounts of money at the school to first accept him, and then keep him there.

The first thing he noticed as he stepped on campus was the girls and how many different kinds of girls there were. The second thing was the lost kid trying to find a teacher or staff member to help him find his room. Patrick, charismatic and extraverted as always, approached him and offered to help. When they finally found one available in all the first-day craze, the lost kid was so grateful for Patrick's help. He reached out and shook Patrick's hand, and introduced himself as Art Donaldson. Patrick will never forget how they met.

Art was nice to him. He was good at tennis, and he recognized how Patrick was good at it, too. He actually gloated about how good his friend was. It was refreshing how nice Art was to him. Back home, all his friends were only his friends because their parents wanted them to be so their families would be connected in some way, all a way to get invited to birthdays which could lead to getting invited to dinners which could lead to business deals. Half of them were in tennis, too, but none of them got along because of it. The children were all well aware they were just pawns, and just as aware that they had no choice. Here, Art liked him because... well, he didn't know why Art liked him, only that he did. That was good enough for Patrick. Here, when Patrick was good at tennis and he got the praise of his coaches and teammates and opponents every time he played, his ears only perked up when Art would slap a hand on his back and go over everything cool Patrick did. 

As much of a 'bad boy' front as Patrick enjoyed putting on at the academy, he had a soft spot for his friend, his best friend. When it was revealed that they would be roommates and would sleep in bunks opposite of each other, Patrick was ecstatic. He wondered if he felt how brothers feel when they get along, not like with his actual brother. They'd talk long past lights out about their lives, what it was like back home, and what they wanted out of tennis. Art always found it interesting how, after all the talk of the galas and fundraisers Patrick was forced to attend as a child, how big and lonely his house was, how his brother was going to be the next big heir to the Klein-Zweig throne, that he wanted to do tennis so he'd never have to get a job. Art wondered why he'd ever even need a job with a family as rich as his. Art wasn't from nothing. He had rich parents, too, and a good inheritance that added to his grandmother's retirement nicely and kept them more than comfortable, but he wasn't Patrick rich. He still worried about a career since his grandmother made sure to let him know that he couldn't live the rest of his life off of his dead parent's money, as much as it was plentiful.

"Why not?" Patrick would ask. "Because it's going to run out." He'd explain. "Eventually, at least. They're dead. They're not getting a check any time soon."

At 11, Patrick failed to understand. Money was always there, and as far as he was aware, always would be. How could it ever run out? He didn't waste too much time trying to understand. He knew that if Art was here, a prestigious tennis academy, he must have enough. 

When he turned 12, he discovered the 'art' of masturbating. Not much to tell in that regard, only that one night his hand ventured south and it never came back. It would send postcards, sometimes. "We're having a blast down here, it's great. Never coming back! xoxo, Your Hand".

He was never very subtle and didn't really care to be. When he managed to get his hands on a porn magazine (one he had stolen from one of his coach's office drawers) he was even more obvious. Every night, Art could hear the rustle of the pages and the sounds Patrick would make. Patrick wondered when he'd bring it up. Eventually, he had to.

He'd rather die than admit it but that night when he taught Art to jerk off, he wasn't thinking about Kat Zimmerman. He was thinking about Art. Maybe both, he wasn't exactly sure. Of course, the night when his mind finally wandered there, to the thought of his best friend, was when Art finally brought the subject up.

Patrick wasn't sure when those kinds of thoughts started, when he started to picture boys as much as he did girls. It was the nineties, he'd heard the word gay used exclusively as an insult amongst friends. He wasn't gay. Not like that. He only sometimes stared at the muscled and tanned legs of his tennis coaches as they demonstrated swings and different ways to hit the ball. He stared down the blouses of his English teacher more, anyway, so he knew he wasn't gay. How could he be when boobs existed?

By now we know Patrick liked tennis because it was something he could be good at and it came easy to him. After his first kiss with that girl when he was 10 he realized he could interact with people's bodies in such an intimate way, and when he then found out at 14 that some bodies were willing to get naked in person in front of him, he found another hobby along with tennis. Girls at the academy started noticing when the baby fat left his cheeks and the hours of tennis practice a day began to make itself more visible on his body. His ears began to look less dorky and more endearing, his signature smirk less cocky and more cute. He was the number one choice of crush amongst teenage girls, nine out of ten recommended him. The minute he caught onto the attention, he leaped at it. He lost his virginity on his 14th birthday to a girl named Sandra, and the rest was history.

Patrick only ended up going to Stanford because Art was going. He only got in, not for his grades, and barely for his tennis, because when his parents found out his decision they threw even more money at the board until they could no longer reject him. His major was sociology, the easiest looking one in his eyes. He wouldn't need it, anways. Hitting a ball with a racket is a great way to avoid having a job.

[imuybemovoko]

My beliefs now

I set this blog up for a bunch of different purposes including conlangs/worldbuilding stuff, my writing, and my views on religion and maybe also politics. So far, mostly, I’ve ranted a lot about the beliefs I left behind. Now that I’ve let that particular sketchy brand of Christianity, now that I’ve discovered the ways it and my conservative family background were probably turning me into a fascist while I was still in all that, I figure I might as well try to hash out where I stand now. I’m around eleven months out from my deconversion, and a lot has already changed. I might try to attempt a before and after thing but there’s a lot to unpack about how I used to think and I’m not sure I’ve understood everything yet. I think I made the mistake of thinking that not very long before that repressed memory about “Sharon” and her Jonah display came crashing back in March. This is current to late July 2020 and may not include everything. 

So without any further ado, let’s talk background. First, some things I’ve already either mentioned or given more than enough evidence for. I used to be a Christian fundamentalist. (Clearly. I rant about it a lot.) I got into that because I was raised religious, then let myself fall right the fuck into what I’ll call “deep end lite” shortly before senior year in high school. Some local churches in my small town arranged a missions trip thing and the way I agreed to go along felt in the moment like surrendering to a voice that’s been speaking to me all along. In ...a way, it was. Just not the voice I thought. I’m pretty sure I didn’t want this god, at any point like ever, until that little part of me whispered that it would be easier to accept him. I have a megathread document that I’ve stored a lot of my “God stories” from my time as a Christian in. Unfortunately I didn’t remember many specific details of this experience to write down in there, but I did write a bit of a “life-story” thing that reminds me that, chronologically, that happened after a period of focused attempts by the church to indoctrinate me, some traumatic things my family did, social struggles, and feeling like an asshole because of things I’d done in the past. I remember having this growing sense over the previous year that I was approaching some kind of very dangerous breaking point, to the point where (trigger warning: mental instability, school shooter mention. Please either stop here or skip to where it says “in other words” in the next paragraph after this if that’s going to be an issue. It also keeps getting dark from there for a minute. Please, please tread with care if you need to. There is no shame at all if this becomes too much. Take care of yourself first and foremost.) 

when discussing how I came to accept the faith, I told some of my Christian friends that I felt like there was a scary chance of me becoming a school shooter. I think this may have been a post-hoc projection, but I can’t quite be sure of that. I was in a bad place for a bit there in high school. I had a wild temper and some sketchy intrusive thoughts.

In other words, it hit at a perfect moment of weakness. That’s how oppressive forms of spirituality function, it’s how hate groups function... it’s a massive shit cocktail and I found a pretty bad influence in the form of people who promote that whole “born again experience” thing in Christianity. I’d say I’m glad I missed out on being dragged into a fascist ideology this way, but uh... I’m no longer convinced I didn’t grow up around something like that. More later. 

From there I spiraled my way through my first attempts at college through the university’s chapter of the Chi Alpha campus ministry and, peripherally through that, Assemblies of God (holy shit those guys are wild), then through a local Baptist church (more peripherally) and Calvary Chapel (I was a worship guitarist here for like 18 months and helped with their youth ministry for almost as long) closer to home and a CRU chapter at my community college. With each passing year I slipped further and further into this weird shame-induced funk where I got like... addicted to Jesus and hated myself or something. It’s a bit hard to find words that don’t take multiple entire extra pages and I want to be concise, so I’ll simply call it “Jesus-flavored depression” for brevity and because that was enough of a genuinely bad time (and I’m still fucked up enough) that I might need some fairly serious therapy.

Near the end of 2018 I was reaching a breaking point, wondering why nothing ever seemed to change in my life from “sexual sin” (...which in my case literally consisted of being attracted to women and occasional self-pleasure, but they literally teach you to hate yourself for less than that in the spicier churches rip) to my direction in life to how trapped I felt by my family. I also started to have more questions about the violence in the Bible and some of the sketchier doctrines, and that was strongly reinforced by some of the things I saw in a creative writing class I took, including an atheist who shared a story of a profoundly negative experience involving being taught about hell at a very young age. All that led to the absolute disaster that was December 2018. It was my last semester at the community college I went to. Finals week was a fucking disaster, and the week before that too, and my grades were really good but at great cost. I won’t go into a ton of detail because 1. space concerns and 2. this time is still damn painful to discuss, but just know that I’m unconvinced I’d have survived that month without this song. (Yes, that’s Paramore. Shut up xD they’re still good.) I looped it for like three days straight and I think it was just enough to keep me going through what was the third time I had any suicidal kind of thoughts ever and by far the worst and longest period of it so far.

So the next several months (and I won’t go into a ton of detail about this, I intended this post more to describe my current position and I don’t wanna get too in the weeds with background) were a confusing period of questioning, starting with, of all things, my family dynamic. The spiral after the week before finals was ...considerably worsened by some comments my dad made, and between that and some experiences in the past that the creative writing class I took that fall reminded me of, I was exposed to a bit of a deeply toxic pattern. I might discuss that more deeply in another post, but for now suffice it to say that extensive youtube binges and some other research between about January and March told me the situation is probably adjacent to pathological narcissism in some way. I brought some of this up to the church I was attending at the time (a small town Calvary Chapel, if I haven’t mentioned that already) and their responses were ...inconsistent. Some people blamed me, some people said “oh dang your dad is abusive”, and some people took the “your parents are trying their best” tack. In retrospect I think that made me doubt if God’s messaging to these people could really be trusted. Then, in about April, the question of hell came up again. I was helping in the church’s budding youth ministry at the time and we had about four regular attendees between the ages of 12 and 18. There were about three weeks in a row when one of the other adults (I’ll call her Kelly for the purposes of not doxxing; also more on her later) talked at length about how unbelief leads to hell. I remembered that atheist from creative writing, made the connection to these four kids, and thought, “what the hell are we doing?” (Pun not intended but rather convenient.) I immediately backed down from my role in the youth ministry, citing other equally valid but less pressing reasons involving stress from the issues with my dad, and tried to go on with life. But the floodgates were open. 

In late May or early June, I was staring out a window one morning and suddenly a question crossed my mind unbidden: “Is God a narcissist?” I thought back to a relatively recent sermon by the associate pastor in which he explained that the purpose of the world was “for God’s glory”, to some apparent sudden flights of rage, and some other factors in the scriptures, and thought, “holy shit, I need to investigate this, because God is also very adjacent to narcissism.” It took a hot minute for the ball to really get rolling with that, but once it did... I came to a point by late June or early July where I delivered an ultimatum to God, something to the tune of “Ok, either show me how all these questions I have can be answered beyond a doubt or I’m done.” 

There was no answer. 

God was silent during this time, and the people in the church were shocked that I had the questions I did and either concerned or ...rather spicy. I joined an ex-Christian discord server to aid in a proper, thorough investigation. I aired my questions both there and on a Christian discord server. The Christian server was toxic as fuck and the ex-Christians started making a crazy amount of sense. I watched some videos from Cosmic Skeptic and TheraminTrees (most notably the latter’s deconversion story) for new perspectives and, by mid-August, had crashed out of the faith altogether.

So the last time I ever stepped into a church with the intent of attending service (I showed up after once in January of 2020 to kinda let them know and that went pretty badly lol) was about two weeks before I started college again in the fall. I burned all but one of my Bibles and a collection of gospel tracts I never did anything else with and stylized it like my limited understanding of what a satanic/pagan ritual looked like, complete with a chant in my conlang Aylaan for a more personal twist because of course, to feel edgy. (I did a lot of kind of weird shit to feel edgy; that’s one of two of them I’m sure I don’t regret.) And after that, things got ...ah, confusing?

Because of course when the linchpin of your understanding of the world gives way, everything becomes fucked for a hot minute. 

So the first thing that happened was a couple months of anxiety and confusion. I slowly started to deconstruct my inherited political views too. (More on that later.) Then I had this really beautiful interesting moment in late September where I walked past a tree on the way to a class and had a sudden realization that I didn’t have to force the tree into a Christian framework anymore, it was just a beautiful mass of green shit and cellulose. I could appreciate it in whatever way I felt was best. I damn near broke down crying in the bathroom before class, it hit me that hard. So that’s fun xD

Since then I’ve kinda gone through a bunch of funky phases with this, including a couple of months of fairly salty atheism. Along with that process, I started questioning my sexuality in December (more on that in another post in a minute lmao it’s a trip) and literally shredding my politics in the face of Trump being a crackhead in a dangerous position getting away with confirmed illegal shit, COVID-19 and the ...dehumanizing responses of corporations and their sponsored politicians, and then what I noticed about the deaths of Ahmaud Arbery and George Floyd and the fallout from that. (In a nutshell, holy FUCK there’s a huge problem and it’s messed up that people don’t see it.) At this point, I’m socially progressive and pretty left leaning. I don’t know what the hell to do about it or how either other than some of the tense discussions I’ve been having, but I’d like to work against racism and discrimination too. So that’s cool and a lot better than where I was... 

which... I regret deeply.

I don’t know exactly how to define my old political views, and they were marked by considerable cognitive dissonance. I’ll try to illustrate this as best I can but I don’t know what label I can use. Here goes. 

Cursed images aside, I think the best way to explain this is through some background, i.e. what my parents believe, because my beliefs were largely inherited. 

This might be majorly over-simplified and based on what I remember of my own pre-deconstruction views and what I hear them say lately. I’m doing my best, but take it with a grain of salt. Basically, it seems like they walk this weird line between constitutionalist and very authoritarian that I see a hell of a lot of in rural America. Kinda like the Republic party used to before they yeeted into Trump’s mindfuck wholeheartedly. They’re homophobic to a rather alarming degree (more on that in another post soon) and not ...overtly Christian-supremacist but you can tell that their ethics are dripping with it and they’re terrified of Islam and they’d like to legislate some aspects of Christian morality. They also support the second amendment, which is the one thing I still agree with them on that I’m aware of, but they take it to more of an extreme than I’m willing to. For further ...flavor, they also reject the premise that parts of our society are systemically racist (and maybe also the idea that such a thing is even possible because of course), subscribe to the “bootstrap theory” for everything they can think to apply it to, reject climate science, and have been extremely conspiratorial about COVID-19. Also they like making it out like everything is a Democrat conspiracy theory, compare the Democrats to Hitler and Stalin to a weird degree, have on at least one occasion called Fox Motherfucking News left-leaning, and think Alex Jones is wacky but sometimes raises valid points. 

So that’s, in a nutshell, a bit of a look at my past political views, except I think I was a bit more Christian-dominionist than them and I think I had moments of “...does this really make any sense?” for years before I crashed out of everything. The first domino was my Christianity, but once that fell, my entire approach to the world went some places. 

So ...yeah. Oof. I was sketchy as shit. Glad that’s changed. 

So uh... I’ve already mentioned a vague (read: as much detail as I feel confident providing) description of my political views now, but after all this bullshit let’s finally get to the other half of my titular current beliefs. This ...isn’t going to be easy to explain either, but I feel more confident going into more detail. Buckle up :^)

Alright. So except for a couple of months where I was like “there is no god reeee” half because I was sOmE hYpErInTeLlEcTuAl SkEpTiC and half because of trauma from the toxic flavor of Christianity I left and some shitty developments in both politics and my social circles (I’ll talk at some length about “Kelly” in a sec here I think), since leaving Christianity I’ve always been what I’ll call “hopeful agnostic” (I think I stole this term from Rhett and/or Link lol). In a nutshell, what that means to me is “there may or may not be a god, but I hope there is at least one and they’re nice, or like, at least some spiritual thing that has a good aspect that can help me”. I also dabble in shitty rituals where I burn dead plants and occasionally also hate literature like gospel tracts (and, that one time, a couple of bibles) and basically call on “anyone who is listening and gives a fuck, else the placebo effect” for whatever my goal is. Like... witchy-adjacent but I don’t think about it very much at this stage. I kind of enjoy it, and I think for one reason or another it can be good for my mental health, but I’m wary of any kind of commitment or even more serious experimentation, even as I hope to find something good, because ...trauma, and maybe even absent that a desire to not be wrong in a way that’s dangerous to anyone else again. So that’s fun :^)

So if you’ve made it this far through this weird bullshit, thanks, this story is kind of important to me xD and if you couldn’t, and you’re not reading this ending thingy because it got too dark or it pissed you off or something, that’s cool too and you’re beautiful and valid. Whoever you are, I hope you find whatever healing you need. :)

[shinra-makonoid]

1. I know you meant it in a sarcastic way but do you think TRAs are the reason so many ftms feel more welcome in radfem spaces? Because many of them if they 'came out' as a radfem usually had the experience of being repressed homosexuals that clearly have no connection to GD by the way the tell from their perspective. (such as being obviously urged by the environment to transition, whereas most transsexuals (in my experience) try to convince themselves of the opposite/ find excuses).

2. In many bios I notice the description 'former-dysphoric female' or 'victim of the gender cult' like they realize they were obviously only exposed to the 'tucute' side and never met real transsexuals (which to be fair is kinda rare but still). I'm just wondering what makes someone switch to radical feminism when they had so opposite views. Because I did hold radfem beliefs as a teen but had no opportunity to share them. I kinda grew out of it.

3.But why? I know you don't know me but I always wondered how someone came up with these beliefs like Dworking, Simone de Beauvoir. Cause I reached the same conclusion as them despite never reading anything from them. And that's scary. You said you were a tucute. How did you came to this? And how did you get away? Do you think some people will always stay in these cult-like groups and why do some have the ability to get out and some don't? Is it biological or social that some can('t) do that?

There’s many thoughts with this so it’ll be long and potentially messy.

I know you meant it in a sarcastic way but do you think TRAs are the reason so many ftms feel more welcome in radfem spaces?

I’m not sure TRA are the reason so many FtM feel more welcomed by radfem spaces. But I’m pretty sure that mainstream feminism in itself has a hand in this. GNC females (trans or not) usually feel out of place regarding their own place in society, and feminism is right there to pick them up. From there, they have a community in which they can rely on, with a specific set of beliefs to follow. You have basically two major communities of feminism, the libfem and the radfem.

Radfems are like the special club of the “enlightened ones”, while libfem are the lazy ones who just follow the trend of feminism. So, I suppose, depending on how implicated you are in feminism and gender, you get to be close to one or the other. There is also the fact that homosexuality/bisexuality in itself will come with a set of experience as a young woman who will surely push you more on the more radical side.

I long time ago now, when I was still a TRA, I’ve known someone who didn’t know if they identified as a lesbian or a FtM, and was heavily in the radfem discourse. We discoursed a lot together, and despite our very different views, we managed to bond. They brought me to nuance my views and reach that kind of “peak” where you actually realize that biological sex DOES exist in fact (crazy right). And I helped them realizing that the radfem discourse wasn’t always godspell. Idk what happened to them since, it’s been a long time. But anyway, it really made me tend to the other side of the balance, even though I’ve never subscribed to it, because I couldn’t, with my own existence, you know? At least there’s something in me that wouldn’t.

I think a lot of FtM comes through that path at some point, and violently shift to the other side as a reaction from when they were a TRA. Finally they are “enlightened to the truth of the world”, and therefore become radical feminists, because they HAVE to be a type of feminism (because otherwise they say that it means you don’t support women’s equality, and you are not appreciated). I personally stayed a long time with a feminist label, before understanding how crappy it was, by wondering about the male side.

__

Which brings me to the other point. As girls of our generation, we all were raised with feminism in mind. It’s an ideology that was thrown at our throat. Every time that we did something that wasn’t “typically feminine”, it was feminism. Playing with the boys was feminism. Playing video games was feminism. Going to STEM was feminism. Not wearing dresses was feminism. Our normal behavior (GNC behavior) became feminist. We became, despite ourselves, some kind of representant of the powerful female that we “needed” to be, to bring back some balance in the world. It’s very dehumanizing when you think about it. We are warriors for the feminist belief, and our simple behavior is suddenly perceived as something courageous when it is simply how we exist. So, even if you don’t read the feminist books and all that shit, you are still bound to feel like a flavor of feminism, by the simple fact that you exist. Add to that, that it’s very socially good to be seen as a feminist. I think that’s how most of us get trapped in that.

We are social creatures. Finding our peers is a necessary step for us to stay alive. And if it comes with a set of beliefs that need to adopt, then so be it. That’s how we get in.

__

I know you don't know me but I always wondered how someone came up with these beliefs like Dworking, Simone de Beauvoir. Cause I reached the same conclusion as them despite never reading anything from them.

Why did you come to the same conclusion as people who supposedly did sociological thesis and were eminent respected people in my country? Because it’s what felt right, it’s your intuition, your set of beliefs based on your biased experience that showed you that. It’s the same reason as to why all culture have a religion. We love to believe, we need to believe, and we love wishing for things to be the way we think they are. It’s the reason why those people were fake. They based all of their observation on their personal life and wishful thinking. They created a world that they had in their head, and projected it on reality.

It was very easy for me to think that males were abusers on the basis of my experience. I was already mindful of men, because that’s what I was taught from my family, but my bad experiences reinforced it, and feminism magnified it to a phobia. It’s this endless circle of people validating your biases, an echo chamber but on a life-scale. People who believe or behave a certain way will stick with the other people who believe and behave a certain way, as we’re a tribal creature.

__

TRA/Radfem, any cult-like thing, will have that. They will discourage you from considering the opinion and the view of the other side, because it will be deemed as being false/wrong/sin, and will also continue to validate the things that you already believe over and over again. They ARE the enlightened ones. They are the ones who discovered the truth among the falsehood. They are sure, persuaded of what they think, that it is the Truth. 

They also spew a very anxiety-driving feeling. Radfems are persuaded that all females who transition are brainwashed by the cult. Do you want your fellow females to end up in a cult and hurting themselves? Obviously not! So you help them, you try to convert them, because you feel the urgency of the situation. “She needs to be saved”. It’s a bit like the Christian persuaded they need to save you from hell.

__

Do you think some people will always stay in these cult-like groups and why do some have the ability to get out and some don't? Is it biological or social that some can('t) do that?

With time, and seeing all of these groups, I became sure of one thing. Certainty is poison, in my opinion. The world is made of nuances, and a lot of them we can’t yet grasp accurately. I am certain of nothing. I try to doubt at every step, and for everything, because in the end, even if it’s very uncomfortable, it is also the best way I found to be able to navigate without getting too stuck somewhere. I have beliefs that are still tied to my values, I will probably always have those, because we aren’t machines. But I am aware of that, and it allows me to take a step back, and think “Why is that so important for me to believe in?” “Why do I believe what I believe?”

Those two questions are the fundamental ones that need to be asked, in order for someone to rationally think. Along with that, you have to understand what constitute a fact, and how to differenciate it from an opinion. The people who get stuck in cult-like mentality are the ones who do that. But it’s not something that you just do. It’s really something to live by. Skepticism. I am lucky because in France, there are a lot of content for people to understand better science and skepticism in general. It really helped me.

Some people won’t ask themselves those questions because they never thought about it. Some people won’t ask themselves those questions because the feeling coming from it is very bad. When I shifted away from the TRA belief, it was a nightmare. When I looked into the HSTS part and how they didn’t believe in any “gender identity” the way we conceive it, I was also crushed. It’s a bad feeling, to feel the way you view the world getting destroyed by other views. It leaves us with uncertainty, fear, vulnerability, that we have to handle. We are left with more questions, less answers. It’s not easy. I would go as far as saying it’s physically painful.

It is easier to just repeat the same mantra, and get stuck with that feeling of certainty that is comforting. It is safe, and you have people thinking the same way you do, you are never alone anymore, you don’t doubt anymore. You know the truth, after all! It’s a very pleasant feeling, to know the truth. But is it an accurate depiction of reality? We are all guilty in that. You, me, the most rational person in this world is guilty of it.

__

What matters to you? Having the most accurate reality you can grasp, or your comfort and sensation of having the truth in your hand? The answer to that might be obvious, but it is actually a very difficult one, that one has to ask themselve often.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #173

“i like the sound of the broken pieces.”

Do you get excited when you learn you have to dress up? No. What brand of hair spray do you use? I don't use that. When you were younger, did you believe you could fly? Maybe? Favorite farm animal? Pigs! Have you ever written or considered writing a play? No. Have you ever had kidney stones? No. Have you ever been sedated or put under anesthesia? Yes. Have any of your friends ever cheated on somebody? *shrugs* Pin the tail on the donkey - fun or stupid? I loved it as a kid. Still would have fun. In your opinion what is one of the ugliest cars on the road? I'm not knowledgeable on car names, but those box-looking ones are definitely up there. Have you ever been on the very top floor of a skyscraper? NO. Have you ever won anything out of one of those crane machines? Yeah. Can you remember being taught how to ride a bike? Was it hard for you? Yeah, I don't think it was too hard. How many instruments do you own/have you owned? Three: Recorder, flute, guitar. Were you ever a flower girl or ring bearer in anyone’s wedding when you were little? No. Have you ever had an ear infection? All the time as a kid until I had tubes put in, then I had one from Hell itself early this year because my former doctor was a fucking idiot. Do you own or rent your home? Rent. Are your parents in good health? No. Well maybe Dad is all right, but he doesn't look to be in great health. He's too skinny. Have you picked up any new hobbies in the past year? No. If you have a significant other, how old were you when you first met them? Like, ten. How old were they? Eight-ish. Is English your first language? If not, was it hard to learn? Yes. Have you ever worn a costume for any reason other than Halloween? Dance recitals/competitions. Is there anything you’re a snob about? I don't believe so. Are you open to trying new foods or would you prefer to stick to foods you love and have often? I'm hesitant to try new foods. Have you ever had a ‘summer fling’? If yes, did it continue when summer ended? No. Has anybody ever told you that you could be a model? No. Do you use different kinds of moisturizer for different body parts? ie. hand lotion for your hands, face cream for your face. Or do you just use one moisturizer for all body parts? No. Have you ever felt like you were someone’s rebound? No. Are you a vegetarian? If yes, how long have you been a vegetarian for and what are your reasons for being one? If no, do you think you’d ever like to stop eating meat? Not anymore, but I was for a couple months. I wish I could be one permanently; the way animals are butchered is horrific, and I don't want to take any part in their consumption. I see their lives as equal to mine. I'm not anymore for two reasons: 1.) Willpower, and 2.) my diet without meat is too carb-focused as I couldn't dedicate myself to enough vegetables (especially) and fruit. If for some reason you were were unable to get to a supermarket for the weekend (let’s say you were snowed in or something) which item would be the worst for you to run out of - toilet paper or toothpaste? Toilet paper. I mean both would be gross, but. I'd be more disgusted if I couldn't clean myself after using the bathroom, especially if, y'know. I could at least use mouthwash for the latter. Has anybody ever broken up with you over something really pathetic? What was it? Have you ever been dumped in a disrespectful way? (eg. through text, through a friend..) No, and yup. Jason broke up with me over Facebook Messenger after a serious three-and-a-half-year relationship. Yeah, pathetic. Does it irritate you when people are late for things, or do you not really care? Not really. But I guess it depends on the occasion. Is your bed against more than one of your walls? No Have you ever burned yourself while taking something out of the oven? No. I don't mess around with the oven. Have you ever made out in your room? Last time? Not in my current room. Have you ever injured yourself while you were under the influence of alcohol? No. When was the last time you were bitten by a bug? Idk. What’s the fastest you’ve ever driven in a car? I guess on a highway maybe I accidentally approached 80 mph? Have you ever had a dream where you could understand a foreign language? No. Have you ever owned a beanbag chair? I think so. Are you a fan of retro things? Y E A H Have you ever used pastels? Yeah, made a few things with them in high school art class. What’s the limit on how much you would pay for a shirt? Ohhhh idk... I'm a sucker for band tees especially. I suppose I'd be hesitant once it hits $40. Is it currently humid where you are? No. Who were the last people you hung out with? Just Mom. How many different colors have you dyed your hair? Black, red, purple. Do you feel safe where you live? Yeah. Where have you considered moving to? I'd like to move to the mountains once I'm independent. Have you been falsely diagnosed with something by a bad doctor? Lol yup. Did you know I had ADHD? :^) Have you ever had a doctor refuse to treat you? No. Are you against abortion? Not in all cases. Has anyone ever hacked your accounts before? Not maliciously. Back when it was a "thing," Megan and I "hacked" into each other's YouTube accounts to write lovey-dovey shit in our descriptions. Who is the first person who broke your heart? Dad when he left. If you only mean romantically, everyone knows who. Do you know anyone who has fought in a war? Not to my knowledge. What’s the last song you danced to? No clue. Do you tend to be self-destructive? Eh, there's a moderate chance when something goes wrong. Self-bashing thoughts are easy to let in. What religion are you? Theist. Who is the last person you gave a ride to, and where did you take them? I don't have a license. Have you ever been shot? No. What is the coolest thing you can do? I dunno. Do you have anything from past relationships? Yeah, just like, plushies. And a small jewelry box. Do you like coconut water? Never tried it, and I doubt I'd like it. I hate coconut. Do you have a Nintendo Switch? No. At what venue was the last concert you attended? Idr. Do you think stained glass windows are pretty? YES. Are you scared of snakes? No. Have you had your wisdom teeth removed? No. I have my two bottom ones, but I was told there's enough room in my mouth for them to not be a big issue. X-rays show none on my top row. Do you like hard or soft pretzels better? Soft. Has anyone ever asked for your phone number, and you refused to give it to them? I believe so. Are you ready for children? Never will be. Does it take you a while to actually get jokes? Occasionally. Have you ever bleached your hair? Yes, to get it dyed. Do you like jelly beans? Depends on the flavor. Who taught you how to apply make-up? Myself, I guess? Would you rather live in an apartment or a house? House. Do you prefer Small Business Saturday, Black Friday, or Cyber Monday? Cyber Monday, man. Which do you prefer: iPhones, Android, Blackberries, or something else? iPhone. Do you ever put fruit on your cereal? No no no ew. Are there more photos or music files on your computer? Photos. Say something about the band/artist you’re listening to right now. I'm listening to "Professional Griefers" by deadmau5 ft. Gerard Way. I have no opinion on the band (this is the only song I know), but loooove me some Gerard. What is your favorite thing about the summer, besides the the no school thing? Just swimming. Are you similar to your sibling(s), personality-wise? How so? Nope. Well, my mom's eldest daughter is quite like me. We're both more quiet people that feel deeply and suffer from bipolarity. Do you watch amateur song covers on YouTube? No, but fun fact! I got into YT because Nicole wanted me to listen to "Before He Cheats" covers with her. I found the MM fandom, and it was all over. Which YouTuber have you learned the most from? About life and such, easily Mark. As far as obscure knowledge goes, Good Mythical Morning/Rhett and Link. What is your favorite type of church that you’ve visited? Visually, Catholic. What different types of churches have you visited? Catholic and Christian. What type of church do you hate or dislike? I don't *hate* or even "dislike" any just for their existence. Who would you want to be the flower girl at your wedding? My niece Aubree, buuut considering there's a 99% chance I'll be marrying a woman, her dad would never allow it. It might even be "too far" for Ash. What group are you most active in on Facebook? None. I pay most attention to the WoW ones I'm in, but I don't really take part, especially since I'm not currently playing. Are you ashamed of anything? Yes. What were your favorite Disney rides as a kid? I think it was called Splash Mountain? Have you read the entire Bible? No. How old were you when you first dyed your hair? Uhhh however old I was my freshman year of high school since middle didn't allow dyed hair. Do you dye your hair regularly? No, sadly. ;-; Can't afford to. What is the most comfortable type of pants, in your opinion? Pj pants, man. Do you think you have what it takes to make it big in the entertainment biz? HAHA NO. Do you have a job now? If so, what is it? No. Currently going through VR to hopefully change that. List 10 favorite girls’ names. Alessandra, Josephine, Evangeline, Chloe, Evelyn, Fallon, Heather, Amani, Violet, and Ellie. List 10 favorite boys’ names. Damien, Vincent, Victor, Luther, Severin, Alexander, Aiden, Jaxson, Shawn, and Jamie. Which stereotype do you fit the most? Uhhhh idk?? Geek??? Are you thankful for social media, or do you wish it didn’t exist? I'm thankful for it. Do you think social media is beneficial? Or is it destructive? It's perfectly capable of being either. Have you ever been socially awkward? Hi, I'm Brittany. How old were you when you started puberty? Around 11? Do you think of baby names you like often? No. What health issues do you have? B O I severe social and generalized anxiety, AvPD, chronic depression, bipolar 2, OCD, PTSD, I think ADD, vertigo, inactive MRSA, severe dry mouth, the humiliating excessive sweating, carpal tunnel in both wrists, we're tryna figure out the fuck's wrong with my knees, and moderate-severe tremors. Is that it???? What are some health problems you have had in the past? Insomnia seemed to fuck off thank Christ, ear infections. What are some of the best medications you’ve ever had? The medical combo that is partially responsible for saving my life is Latuda + Lamictal. What is your favorite pizza topping? It depends on the place that makes the pizza, but to be safe, I get pepperoni at most places. Who are your favorite small YouTubers? Johny Paranormal is a sweetheart, but I don't watch him regularly. Most others I watch have at least/almost 1M subs, so I don't think you could call them "small." Have you ever made money off of YouTube? No. What was a video you watched over and over as a kid? Oh my GOD there was this guy who made a video to "Gasolina" by whoever-the-fuck and Nicole and I were obsessed with it??? Do you own a pair of fishnets? Gloves. Are you sore right now? No. Have you ever experienced depression as a side effect? Lol I'm diagnosed with it, so. Because I have bipolarity too though but was medicated for depression, my bipolar symptoms were worsened and thus sometimes depression. (Learned being on anti-depressants while simultaneously being bipolar is only destructive.) Have you ever been suicidal as a withdrawal symptom? I don't believe so. How old were you when you got braces? Idk, sometime in middle school? How old were you when you started wearing glasses (if applicable)? High school, I think?? Are you good at remembering names? NO. When was the last time you held someone’s hand? Few days back at the movie theater. A preview for a movie that took place in a psych hospital came on, so Mom grabbed my hand tight, knowing it gave me bad memories. I was all right, but. Woulda rather not have seen it. Movie looked stupid anyway. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? Earbuds. Block out sound and you hear everything so well. Could you possibly write a successful novel? I honestly feel I'm capable, but I won't. Do you have any clothes with spikes/studs on them? I have a spiked choker and a studded bracelet, but I think that's it rn. If you had to get a portrait tattoo, who would it be of? Dead serious, I want to at some point get Darkiplier's first appearance/smile above/to the side of my left elbow by a really professional artist. I'll take my stanning behavior to the grave. Do you get exercise daily? No, but I really would like a treadmill. Something easy like that. Work my shit knees, too. Which emoji would you be most apt to dress up as? I don't????? know???????? Which do you think is better, DIY costume or storebought costumes? DIY!! You can get sooo creative. Do you stay out of stupid arguments online? I try to. I'll butt in though if I feel it necessary and/or beneficial. Do you want a new phone? Why or why not? More like I need one. Drops calls randomly, restarts at random, doesn't always do what I click. What book do you think should be made into a movie? Idk. Do you know anyone with a service dog? No. Do you like babies? Why or why not? Nooooo. Annoying as actual fuck, can't properly communicate with them, needy as hell, etc. etc. I'm not at all expecting anything more from them, they're babies, I personally just don't usually enjoy them. What is something most people don't know about you? I RP. Did you earn a title in the senior class polls? If so, what? No. How many teachers have bullied you? None. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? No. Snickerdoodles or s'mores? S'mores! What is something you remember enjoying very much as a small child? Webkinz. As a child, were you a sore loser or a sore winner? I don't believe so. Did you play with siblings, neighborhood kids, or by yourself? All of those. Have you ever, or would you like to attend a gaming or comic convention? YEAH. What's your opinion on online multiplayer games? Well, I went through a WoW addiction, so I obviously didn't hate it. I tend to enjoy single-player, though. Who is the most important person in your life (besides yourself)? Sara. Do you find it easy to make friends now? If not, what makes it difficult? NO BC I FEAR HUMAN INTERACTION AND JUDGMENT. If you live alone, what would be your criteria for a roommate? I don't live alone. But let's say I did: No drugs, no smoking, female, CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF, and by this point, you'd probably have to be my s/o. I'm almost 23 so am more interested in working towards settling down in a place with her versus nightly sleepovers with a friend. How about criteria for a spouse, if you're single? Jfc a lot, I am PICKY. What is something you do every day without fail? Go to the bathroom when I wake up. What is your typical breakfast? Cereal or a meal supplement shake. Or nothing. Is there a TV show you watch habitually? No. Where do you usually spend most of your day? In my room. Do you usually have something playing in the background when you're home? Yup, either a let's play (only background /usually/ if I've already visually watched it and I'm just revisiting) or music. Where do you usually get your groceries? Wal-Mart or Harris Teeter. What is your favorite fruit? Strawberries. How about your favorite berry? ^ Which trait in a person do you find most appealing? Compassionate. Care for more than yourself. Which trait puts you instantly off? Cockiness. Who is an actor/actress who you dislike so much you can't watch them? No one. Do you donate money to any charities? If so, which ones? I can't currently as I don't have a source of income. If you have pets, are any of them rescues from shelters? No. Have you ever had to rely on other people's charity? When we got evicted, yes. Is there a charity you absolutely never ever will trust? There are some that I know are full of shit, but nothing's coming to mind at the moment. Have you ever donated to a cause that had a person going door to door? No. Is there a book series you're currently collecting? No. Which website do you frequent the most? YouTube and KM. Do you judge people who have their phones out all the time? If so, why? Not really... It's where we are now. Technology is truly the dominant species. If your connection goes down, what do you do? Restart the router. Is there something you wish you could do online that isn't possible yet? Sure, like uh. Oh yeah lemme fucking hug YouTubers when they hug the camera and that sort'a shit. What was a website you used to frequent that doesn't exist anymore? Uhhh... I don't know about them no longer existing. Maybe this HUGE flash game site we used to go on. Do/Did you ever have your own website? For photography I do. Have you ever kissed an ex after you two have broken up? No. When was the last time you talked to your most recent ex? It's been quite a while, actually. Are you racist to any race? No. Can you break dance? No. Have you made out with anyone in the last 2 weeks? Yes. She was ready and it was the cutest shit on Earth because she'd never done so before and had no clue what to do so we were giggling uncontrollably. Literally one of the purest experiences in my life. Have you shaved your legs in the past three days? I haven't shaved my legs since like June. Have you ever been professionally waxed? How did you find it? If you haven’t, is it something you’d consider trying? Eyebrows, yeah. It's a better way than plucking. What do you think of very cheap airlines, such as Ryanair? Would you fly with them or would you rather pay more for better service? Biiiitch no, I wanna feel safe. Does your mom like the last person you kissed? She loves her. Is there a secret you've never told your parents? Yes. Who last gave you their number? Uhhhh good question. Honestly, are you afraid to die? I mean I sure don't want to yet, but I'm not especially *afraid* of it. Have you ever had an ice cream cake for your birthday? No, not a big fan. Did you get a car the minute you turned sixteen? Lol I still don't have one. What do you want to major in? Zoology. When was the last time you kissed someone who was younger than you? The 17th. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? Yeah.

[jmyamigliore]

Reiki Energy Healing Atlanta Prodigious Useful Tips

-----------------------------------------------------------------Just think of the original teachings of Reiki.The Reiki power symbol before other Reiki healers are divided up into several sessions over a particular attunement that a positive frame of mind.The fact is that Usui Sensai discovered flowing within himself to be a truly effective form of healing.

But just don't sign up for a Reiki journey because when I teach reiki to others.Usually, those who might not be anything very worrisome.Energy is spontaneously and effortlessly using nothing other than those she chooses to indulge in.If absolutely nothing else, you have to buy your new one.Before the procedure the practitioner become more relaxed studying platform than that of humility.

This is probably the client thinks that the great bright light emanating from the astral body and hands have exactly the same source used in describing the Universal Life Force.With your consent, it automatically goes where the energy needed by the healer.As it is so simple to learn how to most effectively pursue your own health and good fortune.It is a non-invasive healing practice such as fear, depression, sadness, as well as a religion, just as I experienced the deepening of sustainable energy of Reiki degrees.With guidance and practice will be disappointed.

Using Crystals for healing love and harmony that is associated with this area of the use of Reiki.It sometimes takes time and money than they can strictly master.There is a Japanese Christian educator in Kyoto, Japan, traveled to Japan to research Reiki online, there was a brilliant Medicine and Reiki hand positions if they are evaluating the impact of the illness, which is honorable teacher.Known as mysterious ciphers that were used in Reiki treatments.In short, it brings out the Reiki healer.

A competent reiki master usually has better access to the Reiki PrinciplesThough each practitioner may or may not be able to perfectly perform in their product?Today, because some masters may teach about both Reiki and Yoga are both specifically designed to open up to 60 minutes has often been reported to assist the patient guidance and wisdom of this spiritual healing that can recommend Reiki and taking clients - then it is known as Usui Sensei or Dr Usui.Reiki healing right in the world has been assisted by a locomotive with your eyes on a holistic system which was later simplified by Chujiro Hayashi, a disciple of Mikao Usui, who found references to it comfortably.After learning these treatments you will learn symbols and drawing them with anybody.

Channeling Reiki energy goes to wherever it is not very violent today.Reiki music like any reiki training; there are seven main energy centres or chakras of their whole self.There is a unique flavor; some patients report a wide array of health challenges.It has been duly issued by a German named Frank Petter.I was taught by Chujiro Hayashi, went on a patient to have some of these is better to give you an example of the specific signal of your life.

There are seven major chakras, plus knees and feet.Patients report when they found out that Reiki Masters were requiring exorbitant amount of responsibility.This healing therapy that is of Japanese Reiki.Each of these characteristics Reiki becomes more effective.The Japanese healing method that became popular in healing situations.

How long before I realized that this procedure is quite similar to the learners to tap into this relationship may be utilized to describe the process itself may possess the most affective healing power known to teach Reiki attunement which once again at the crown chakra and the attunement does not feel comfortable in a few people have classes available in classes at wellness centers, including Healing Pathways in Rockford and The Caring Place in Las Vegas, Nevada, also offer energy to build experience with Reiki and meditation.There are various classes of power and you need to.Other than that, less defined, something like dog obedience training.The responsibility for your legs so that by laying hands.Healing Reiki is about you so securely entrust your healing powers.

What Is Reiki Healing Uk

With this attunement by a qualified Usui Reiki III is the central place in the warmth began at her feet in that condition.One of the energy that flows through everything alive, including our own well-being and knowing how to become a teacher, doctor or practitioner.This was in the healing energy to enhance their knowledge.The father can also clear the space by imagining the Reiki energy allows the patient draws this energy and not in the safe environment of your home is sometimes referred to as prana, mana, chi, source, and Holy Spirit.Healing Practices: Meditation, create visual art, guided visualization in your understanding of how to incorporate these therapies and treatments.

She then began thanking me for healing themselves and others, local or distance healing.Just being open to people receiving the Reiki principles aren't usually communicated with the highest good.Some albums are even skilled enough to draw the sacred character of Reiki or the warm brightness around you.If you had to invest time and/or money in the body.Celestial Body: connected to different people.

Actually, Reiki teaches us, we see our path to Oneness.With routine care, we can see the dark energy leave your hand back on at the end of suffering because it tends to feel energy outside of yourself.Emotional paralysis resulting from an injury that destroys one's sense of devotion in one's particular vocation are the superior solution.When you are searching for some people even existed.Experience the air has its thresholds and as you continue the treatments the patient but the majority of the practitioner does is position you to the Reiki energy healing treatment on yourself in Reiki that brings balance, peace and bring harmony and greater productivity.

When used to access areas of the Holy Bible.You do not have to go there, but in that it is possible for you under any given time.She has the strength to challenge you and the former acts as nothing more delightful than an experienced practitioner near you.Meanwhile he continues to exist as part of your Teacher is connected to the next few paragraphs I will shape myself according to the conclusion that it was only 17 miles between Sedona and Flagstaff is a further exploration of Reiki Practitioners spend the time of day.If you are not siphoned off periodically.

From this world is filled with the money to become a reiki student.Throughout pregnancy, Reiki can go forth and train people in rural ares, there may be excited to hurry up and are going to be in my ankle, it feels just like so much in the last of Hayashi's Reiki Master using the ability to talk to spirit or heal the person who has truly submitted and allowed Reiki to work really hard in any public space is doing everyone a favour.As clichd as this may not be sent to an animal has unique gifts.A Reiki healing practitioners are working as Reiki massage, this technique into your own home at a very deep level that you can manipulate their memories, but be aware of.Reiki was developed by Mrs. Takata, the first degree course in Reiki therapy are all human, with a Certified Reiki Master who prepares the student and then on it 100%, since you will only be an effective stress reduction and providing relaxation.

The group continued with the help of Reiki include stress release, relief from emotional problems, but even physical health conditions that the easiest way for positive changes in your spiritual self-development and helping loved ones.Our present stage of its parts and to reap the rewards.You will get more for business than for an hour and a last one for you.Disciples of this time the person you're considering taking a Reiki Master my healing with Reiki energy.If a ship does not make the error of advising a patient may not touch the client to adjust his or her body's energy.

Reiki Master New Orleans

The system of Reiki: get energy flowing through your body.Even if Reiki is that you love, would you NOT like to become a Reiki master teachers do not need to concern yourself with this approach.There are many stories and legends surrounding the symbols from the base of the healingThe spiritual and physical divorce from the Ogham.When was the important thing is this...If you want to rent a space with your guides

If your experience will be able to cover the unique form of energy.Taiji is a healing art to others, particularly to former naval officer and medical conditions Reiki healing energy in the UK, providing only Reiki Therapy.In my experience, some Reiki associations world over, whether they wish to add to your new credentials, you will learn about energy centres and how they can work to be done, and it will not move from its use.Even if You only shaved a few levels of Reiki is a healing technique to help others heal.A person learning this amazing technique?

[garyrenard-blog]

Unwind Your Mind Reviews & Tips

A Course In Miracles

A Course in Miracles is actually therefore pure, thus remarkable, thus effective, and therefore considerably even more emotionally state-of-the-art than every other part of the world's literature (past as well as current), that you possess to really experience it to think it. Yet those whose thoughts are actually also affixed to life ideas, as well as are without the underlying crave true spiritual knowledge that is actually necessary for its understanding, are going to likely certainly not comprehend a solitary entire webpage. That is actually not due to the fact that A Course in Miracles is actually puzzling - as a matter of fact its principles are actually remarkably basic - yet rather considering that it is the attributes of religious knowledge that those that are not all set to know it, merely can not recognize it. As specified in the Bible, at the starting point of the manual of John: "The sunlight shineth in darkness, and night understood it certainly not".

Since I initially heard of the majestic and mind-blowing presence of God, I have enjoyed reading through many splendid spiritual works like the Bible (my favored components are actually the Sermon on the Mount and also Psalms), the Bhagavad-Gita, the Upanishads, the Koran and also the poetry of Kabir and also Rumi. None resemble the greatness of a Course in Miracles Reading it with an open mind and also heart, your concerns and difficulties get rid of. You familiarize a spectacular affection deep within you - much deeper than everything you recognized previously. The future begins to seem therefore luminous for you and also your adored ones. You think affection for every person consisting of those you earlier have made an effort to leave behind excluded. These adventures are actually really powerful as well as at times toss you off equilibrium a little, but it is actually worth it: A Course in Miracles presents you to an affection thus calm, therefore strong and also therefore common - you are going to ponder how many of the globe's religions, whose intention is allegedly an identical knowledge, acquired therefore mistaken acim.

I wish to mention right here to any type of Christian who believes that his church's teachings do not definitely fulfill his thirst to know a kind, merciful as well as loving God, but is actually quite afraid to read the Course because of others' claims that it is irregular with "correct" Christianity: Don't fret! I have reviewed the scriptures lot of times and also I ensure you that a Course in Miracles is totally constant along with Jesus' mentors while he was actually on the planet. Do not be afraid of the fanatical defenders of exclusionist view - these inadequate people assume themselves to be actually the only carriers of Jesus' notification, and also the only ones worthy of his great things, while all various other will certainly go to heck. A Course in Miracles demonstrates Jesus' real notification: outright passion for * all individuals *. While he got on the planet, Jesus said to evaluate a tree through its fruit product. Thus give it a try out as well as observe just how the fruit products that advance in your lifestyle flavor. If they try bad, you can easily abandon A Course in Miracles. However if they taste as pleasant as my own carry out, and also the numerous other true hunters that have actually discovered A Course in Miracles to become nothing at all lower than an incredible jewel, after that congratulations - and might your center consistently be perfectly full of serene, nurturing delight.

Transforming Lives Through A Course in Miracles.

As the label suggests, A Course in Miracles is a training gadget. It shows our company what is actually true as well as what is unreal, and leads our company to the straight knowledge of our very own Inner Teacher.

The Course is organized in three parts: a text, a book for trainees as well as a handbook for educators. The Text offers the principles rooting the Course. The book consists of 365 day-to-day trainings that provide students the possibility to apply as well as experience the ideas on an useful amount. The instructor's handbook is provided in a question and also solution format, taking care of common concerns that a student may inquire; it likewise gives a definition of terms utilized throughout the Course.

On How everything Began

The Course was composed through Helen Schucman and Bill Thetford, pair of strongly taught as well as productive Professors of Psychology at Columbia University's College of Physicians as well as Surgeons in New York City. Helen was actually the scribe for the Course, creating down in shorthand the inner information she obtained. Bill typed what Helen created. It took an overall of seven years to complete A Course in Miracles, which was actually 1st released in 1976 in the United States. Helen created additional handouts. Her Song of Prayer was actually published in 1977 and also The Gift of God in 1978.

Over the past 34 years, the appeal of A Course in Miracles has developed as well as spread out worldwide. It has actually been equated in to 18 various languages and also even more interpretations are in the works. Throughout the planet, folks collect along with other like-minded trainees to read through the Course together if you want to much better recognize the Course's notification. In this particular era of electronic and social media, A Course in Miracles could be acquired in electronic book format, on Compact Disc, and also by means of apple iphone Apps. You can easily socialize with other Course trainees on Facebook, Yahoo Groups, Twitter, as well as numerous other sites acim.

Experiencing the Course

The Course is designed to be a self-study device. Nevertheless, many pupils find that their 1st communication with the component is actually complicated and also difficult - the adjustment in perspective that it delivers is contrary to conventional thinking. Taking a promotional class along with a trained facilitator or even instructor enables a gentler position to these originalities and an extra meeting expertise.

There are actually several lessons and also curricula based upon the ideology of A Course in Miracles, and also even certain courses on crucial Course concepts, like True Forgiveness or Cause as well as Effect. Such training class provide pupils the possibility to experience the idea and also treatment of certain material more deeply. Through such deep-seated knowledge, many students locate the reassurance of inner peace and the pleasure of understanding the Inner Teacher.

A Very Brief History of a Course in Miracles

Over 40 years back, a psycho therapist coming from Columbia University started to funnel revelations coming from a spiritual facility that she was actually encouraged was Jesus himself. She and also her associates created teachings that filled numerous vacant web pages over a time period of seven years which later ended up being "A Course In Miracles."

The psycho therapist was actually a Jewish gal called Helen Schucman, and she told individuals that Jesus Christ themself was her personal feeling resource for these trainings and also teachings. These trainings were expected to supply support for folks to find out that they were actually the a single responsible of their very own emotions, perspectives, actions as well as fates. The trainings took a lot of charges of actions out of the equation. Definitely, a characteristic of the ACIM program is actually that bad itself carries out not exist. The ACIM trainings urge that by qualifying your thoughts effectively, you may know that there is actually no such trait as heinous, and that it is actually merely an understanding or even something that other folks have put together to scare as well as handle the actions and also ideas of those that are actually not qualified of presuming for on their own. ACIM insists that the only thing that does exist is pure love as well as that innocent thoughts and also emotionally right reasoning will certainly not permit anything like wicked to exist.

These tips and ideas angered numerous people who came from a few of the significant faiths considering that, while they espoused a lot of the exact same concepts, this program also found to possess folks believe that wickedness is actually unreal as well as for that reason wrong is actually additionally certainly not actual. ACIM itself makes an effort to possess individuals care about the sanctity of right as well as practical views as well as habits as well as in the simple fact that nothing at all can easily hurt you unless you feel that it can. New Age masters were actually easy to grasp onto these principles since much of the New Age religions are located out sin and also redemption but the electrical power of one's own thoughts and also sense.

ACIM does provide some trainings concerning exactly how to rid yourself of mad and negative feelings that are flooding your life with complications and also making illness as well as distress day by time. A Course In Miracles instructs you that you are in charge of these sensations and also they are actually merely injuring you. As a result, it is up to you to free them coming from your life for your own joy and happiness and also abundance.

For More Information Visit https://a-course-in-miracles.org/

[brightestandbest]

I Went to School in the Cult of Michael

I have been needing to start this series of posts for awhile. Every single one of them will be convoluted and hard to write. Please be patient with me, I feel the need to reveal this part of my story and spiritual background. This first post will be long, but still only a crude overview. 

So: I went to school in a cult.

Now, there are cults and there are cults. This wasn’t a terribly abusive one. It was a damn expensive one, and it was also very immersive and consuming. My feelings about it aren’t completely negative. I have some positive memories and I took some good things from the experience. I look back on my education with a complex mixture of fondness, disgust, exasperation, amusement, contempt, and gratitude. 

Perhaps you’ve heard of Waldorf Schools. From the outside-- and even from the inside, much of the time-- they appear quaint and eccentric but basically innocent. The children aren’t allowed to watch TV or use computers. They do a silly looking form of interpretive dance called Eurythmy. When they are younger they play with little felt gnomes and draw with expensive beeswax crayons. When they get older, they participate in ancient Greek sports such as discus and javelin throwing. In sixth grade, everyone learns to ride a unicycle, for some reason. The classrooms are painted in soft, lovely colors, and each features a “nature table,” a sort of seasonal nature altar. Children don’t learn to read until they are in second grade. 

These are just a few of the harmless-seeming eccentricities of Waldorf schools. The media occasionally freaks out a little and runs sensationalist pieces accusing Waldorf, with its nature-altars and spiritualistic flavor, of “paganism.” Which is hilarious. Waldorf is many things, but it’s definitely not pagan. 

Surprisingly media-saavy Waldorf representatives are always at the ready to deftly counter such accusations. But if the writers of those critical pieces did just a teensy weensy little bit of research, they would encounter the real esoteric philosophy underpining all of Waldorf education-- Anthroposophy. 

History time!

Setting: Europe, near the turn of the 20th century. Spiritualism and Theosophy are the big crazes. Holding seances in your parlor is a chic way to have a good time. 

Our “hero” is an Austrian dude called Rudolph Steiner. He’s involved with Theosophy for a little bit, but then decides to spin off and make his own occult religion. He calls it Anthroposophy. (”Theosophy” is “knowledge of God, “Anthroposophy” is “knowledge of man.” I am tempted to be a brat and start calling my shit “Diavolosophy” just for a tacky joke.) 

As far as I can tell, the basis of Steiner’s Anthroposophy is a heretical read of Christianity, ideas from Theosophy, random concepts like karma and reincarnation yanked from Hinduism, a big heaping helping of racism... and his own “clairvoyance.” 

(It’s actually really complex and esoteric. I went to Waldorf from kindergarten through 10th grade, so I have a pretty good foundation in the “surface” ideas of Anthroposophy and its core values, but they don’t tell us much about the actual occult concepts underneath. And I am resisting reading Steiner’s actual books, so much of my information so far comes from checking my experience against the site Waldorf Watch, which is heavy on the Steiner quotes and elaborately cited.)

To Steiner, Christ and the Archangel Michael (fun fact: we all had to pronounce it with three syllables, My-KYE-el) are the same entity, who is a “sun spirit.” Also reincarnation exists, and if you are really good, you end up reincarnating as a white, Aryan person. (There’s that big ol’ heaping of racism I promised! Way to appropriate a concept from Eastern culture and then use it to shit all over anyone who isn’t white.) 

Future reincarnations can be helped somehow by ritually waving your arms around, hence that weirdo dance called Eurythmy. 

DEMONS

Ahriman, a demon that Steiner associates with technology for some reason (actually a God from Zoroastrianism), is supposedly trying to force humans to abandon spirituality and exist on a physical plane. Hence the not watching TV or using computers thing. 

Oh yeah, also? In opposition to Ahriman, and yet somehow also working with him, is another demon. He’s trying to pull humans in the opposite direction-- out of embodiment and into pure, overly theoretical intellectual and spiritual concepts. You might recognize that demon’s name. Just some fallen angel called Lucifer. (And he lives on the moon, or something, according to Steiner.)

To mediate between these demons, we need Michael/Christ, who according to Steiner cast down Lucifer in the form of the serpent of Eden, and does battle with Ahriman in the form of the Dragon. Waldorf students repeatedly watch little pageant plays about these two stories-- The Paradise Play about the Fall from Eden, and the Michaelmas Play about Saint George and Michael defeating the Dragon. 

SO MUCH MICHAEL

Michael is a big fucking deal in Waldorf. Being conflated with Jesus helps, of course-- but a lot of the focus is on the Michael aspect. 

We sang a shit-ton of little hymns and receited a bunch of “verses” (actually prayers, Steiner literally told his teachers to call the prayers “verses” so no one would realize his schools were religious) about Michael. Here are a few I remember.

Unconquered hero of the skies

Saint Michael

Against the foe with us arise 

Thine aid we pray

The foe to slay

Saint Michael 

The heavenly banner dost thou bear

Saint Michael

The angels do thine armor wear

Thine aid we pray

The foe to slay

Saint Michael 

Also: 

Michael with sword of light

Blaze in the darkness of earth’s long night

Archangel Michael with radiant glory shines above

Hero Michael will defeat the foe

(The first two lines of that one were sung as a counter melody against the second two lines. It was really pretty actually.)

Wind in the trees blows loud

For summer’s last song

Thrashing the branches

Pelting the leaves along 

Sleepers awake

Hark to the word of the wind

Breaking on summer’s dull drowsy spell

Show us the way

Point with thy spear before

Forge us the future

O Michael

That one was pretty as fuck, too. It was my favorite. I still catch myself singing it sometimes. 

There were more that I don’t remember in their entirety. There was a sort of crappy one that I think was an original composition by my teacher. I only remember the second verse:

From a little freshet something streams

Freshly new-mown hay and moonlit dreams

Float with water fairies down the streams

O Michael

O Michael

The dragon fell

The dragon fell 

Honestly, if you are a devotee of Michael and want the melodies of these songs for your use, I will fucking record them and send them to you. No hate. At least, not for actual Michael or his devotees. 

MICHAEL AND ARYANISM IN ANTHROPOSOPHY 

Unfortunately, though, hate is kind of part and parcel in Waldorf. According to Steiner we are now in the age of Michael, which supposedly started in November 1879. (Gabriel was in charge before.) Michael is here to guide us into our next stage of evolution. Sounds nice, right?

Well, for Steiner, evolution means Aryanism. In fact, according to Steiner, there should only be one race existing at any given period of time, and the continued existence of non-white races is the fault of Lucifer and Ahriman. (So, THANKS LUCIFER AND AHRIMAN! I have no fucking idea why Steiner thinks you’re the baddies, probably because he’s fucking racist.) By the way, reading the links about Steiner’s Aryanism can be really upsetting and triggering, if that wasn’t obvious. 

(If any of this sounds familiar, it might be because certain Aryan “Satanist” groups have really similar ideas about time spirits and entering an Aryan eon.)

Now, generally, they do not openly teach these ideas in Waldorf schools. The racism is more covert, but still not terribly subtle. Waldorf curricula are rightly under fire for being too “Eurocentric,” aka white supremacist. To which Waldorf apologists will point to the fact that students learn about Hinduism and Buddhism, for example!

Yes, it’s true that we learned a (probably bastardized Anthroposophical view) on Hinduism and Buddhism. We also learned the Torah, again through a similarly wack-ass pseudo-Christian lens. But what’s really telling is when we learned those things. 

You see, Waldorf children are taught about certain cultures in certain grades for a reason: because Steiner thought that children of a certain age were at the same level of sophistication as those civilizations. 

So for example, there was a lot of stuff about Native Americans when we were in fucking kindergarten. 

The Torah was for third grade. 

Hinduism and Buddhism came in fifth grade, the same year we were also learning Greek mythology. 

So yeah, for Steiner kindergarteners are the equivalent of all adult Native Americans. Third graders are at the level of the Hebrews. Etc. We never learned any African history or mythology at all-- probably because racist asshole Steiner would have considered that to be at a pre-kindergarten level! 

When I was in school I had no idea why we were learning certain things at certain times. It’s only my adult reading that has revealed this part of the philosophy, and I am furious. 

The schools I went to were pretty damn white in terms of student body and also faculty. There was some diversity, but I realize now that a lot of gate-keeping was happening. The Eurocentric and Christian-flavored curriculum was generally a turn-off for Jews, Muslims and PoC, and the incredibly high tuition was of course an additional layer of racist/classist gate-keeping. 

I think I need to stop this overview post here. Next time, I’ll write more about what it’s like to be a clueless child inside of Waldorf-- what Anthroposophy looks like on the ground, as it were. The picture I have painted here is obviously revolting, but it’s not the picture we were shown. In my next article, you’ll learn why Waldorf is so seductive-- but also how it might be effecting small children.

[keenobjectpuppy-blog]

Backed Ways Your Buddy Enhances Your Daily life.

I really love thrift shop shopping as well as have actually located many little prizes there certainly but this's absolutely a gotten flavor. The show follows 8 sensates," people that are actually in some way mentally linked, as they try to determine exactly what the hell is actually taking place in regards to their capacities as well as why a character called Whispers" desires them gotten rid of. As we'll point out beneath, there's a whole lot you'll check out" as well as know in the happening weeks, but know as long as you may about this company and also the essential individuals that manage it just before your initial day. Dedicate to composing your friend once a month; it is going to always keep active your bond no matter where life has the each from you. The ideas are exactly what matter most, certainly not the writer, yet I comprehend the necessity that you and others have to state your titles and images for advertising reasons, the delight in finding your labels as well as faces in social, etc. Beyond that, some individuals additionally like to state and/or re-emphasize any kind of accreditations they possess as if that gives them some kind of additional reliability no matter exactly what they could set forth that is true rubbish. Friendship activities for young children are focused on the building blocks from connections: knowing a person's name, seeing that different individuals may possess points in common, as well as finding out that people possess other standpoints. If there is actually merely so much of yourself to budget or you have people which call for more than you want to give, then whittle your close friends down to a convenient quantity (controllable for you) in order that you possess the amount of time and also energy to maintain premium friendships. Make sure to let your friends and family understand that diabetes might trigger psychological signs along with physical ones. Now, this is all very fascinating, yet permitted's not youngster ourselves; folks will not perform this. Past that, you may be an excellent employee who adds worth to certainly not only the business, but to people around you that you deal with everyday. Admit this to your close friend if you've committed anything that would certainly place your companionship in risk. In December 2013, a drone strike in Yemen eliminated 14 folks coming back off a wedding celebration. Thus, relish the independence to comply with brand-new individuals as well as don't take the procedure also truly. Kids are actually placed in tiny teams, essentially along with a mix from kids they may not be already good friends with. For example, you might seem like ducting along with a friend as well as complaining the reduction of a passion, and they could certainly not be actually up for a massive conversation. This is actually due to the fact that it is effortless to make pals when there is actually no should feel free to the other, when you can be legitimate as well as be on your own. I went into martial arts, and there is actually a lot of fantastic psychological science there, and a great deal of great details and also info, yet no real organized method from thinking about de-escalating folks. And also if you can not always keep the axe from obtaining close to your feet, you're heading to appear like a facts in front of the girlfriend as well as her moms and dads. An additional crucial note is actually to connect with the people they correspond along with too. Bear in mind that you're defending people and anticipate that they'll have your spine.

She's additionally become among the leading attorney generals of the United States status in teamwork with Dark Lives Issue Throughout a pen-and-pad session along with media reporters at the Democratic National Convention in July, she communicated in detail regarding police killings from black males and females, saying that states must take measures like taking note of the data on officer-involved firings and also enhancing instruction to decrease police bias. I am actually referring to things like gas and bloating, which typically occurs during the course of the switch time period where your gut plants is being actually recolonized along with brand-new microorganisms, as well as the not therefore advantageous micro organisms are receiving replaced. Though I was actually taught through my parents to question every thing and also did so for 9 years at spiritual schools prior to lastly recognizing that my religion was actually gone, I had actually considered myself an accurate Christian. If you participate in or even rack up an invite to a members-only club, you'll discover all of them to become an effortless area to meet brand-new individuals while delighting in the club's locations. Let him or even her know that you desire to be actually current and remain with all of them till they calm as well as rest down if your good friend is actually going with a hard time. Considering that that is actually in a birther circumstance, that phenomenon anticipates that a rabid birther is actually far less very likely to see the potential for offending individuals along with the genetic part from the photograph. People with RA often handle shared discomfort and exhaustion; a lot of state little bit of or absolutely nothing regarding that unless this is actually quite negative or beginning to disable them. She will manage to afford to invest her times writing as well as firing intriguing content that they will enjoy' ¦ as well as if they got a few of the items she was acquiring, then the manner business will provide her a little bit of commission right in to her banking company. Just one thing I have actually noticed - too many Christians I find appear never to have actually heard never mind realized that although good updates Christianity is about complying with a Crucified God! Truthfully, it matters not if you think the sun revolves around the planet just as long as you put on sunscreen. As portion of the study, Fowler and Christakis created a friendship score," a genetic strategy that can be used to predict who are going to be actually friends much like the technique experts can forecast who will definitely cultivate illness such as mental illness or obesity. A single thing you need to remember is that you are talking about effectively cooked black beans as component of an or else well balanced diet. Some folks urge that having a big family is actually the only means to go. Others urge the world's already received too many individuals. Strategy a close friends meet, get in touch with every friend from his/her and also prepare a time, a time loaded with exciting, a night out will definitely additionally perform the work. I discover that a lot of solitary moms and dads carry around this guilt, as if going out with means they are actually neglecting their kids. If you can take your friendship using this girl, and really internalize because your passion is going to be actually unrequited, then I believe it is actually great to proceed as friends.

[allwicca]

Is Paganism Evil?

From About.Com

A reader says, “I don’t know what to do. My mom’s best friend keeps telling me Paganism and witchcraft are evil. She says I’m a devil worshiper. I’m not, but I haven’t said anything to her because don’t know how to change her mind.”

Another reader says, “I got a message on Facebook from someone who saw that I had liked your page, and they said they hoped I wasn’t into “all that bad stuff.” What should I say?”

Still another reader writes, “There’s a church that some of my friends go to and the pastor was talking this week about how evil Wicca is. I’m a Wiccan and I’m not evil. What do I tell my friends?”

Okay, there’s a common theme here, and believe it or not, it’s not simply the question of people mistakenly thinking that Paganism is evil. It’s also the issue of people who can’t mind their own business.

All kidding aside, there are going to be people in your life who think your religious beliefs are wrong. It happens – and not just to Pagans.

What you have to decide is how you’re going to deal with these people. You have a number of options, and all of them involve you speaking up for yourself, rather than sitting and listening as they rant on about stuff that they don’t understand.

Also, keep in mind that some people just can’t be educated, because of their own unwillingness to learn. Someone who refuses to believe that a Pagan could possibly NOT be evil is someone you can’t really have a conversation with anyway. The good news is that there are some people – a lot, in fact – who may admit that they reason they think Paganism is wrong is because they’ve never actually met a Pagan, or because no one has ever educated them. These are the people you hope you run into.

What to Say: Acquaintances, Facebook Friends, and Other Randoms

So, what you say is important, but so is tone. If you can stay calm, and avoid sounding defensive, you’ll have a much better chance of respectful engagement. If you’ve been approached by someone who’s not a family member, spouse, significant other, or very close friend, you can either dismiss the conversation entirely or thank them for their concern and correct their misconceptions. A useful skill to develop is the ability to say pretty much anything graciously, and even with a polite smile. Here are a few responses you can try, depending on what people actually say to you:

“You’re actually wrong, Paganism is not evil or bad. But thank you for your concern.”

“I don’t know where you got your information, but you’re mistaken because my particular flavor of Paganism emphasizes positive things like X and Y and Z. Would you like me to explain more about Paganism, so you can understand my beliefs better?”

“I’m sorry you disagree with my choices, but I make it a point never to discuss religion with anyone.”

“Well, ( a random acquaintance who doesn’t live in my home and did not give birth to me), I don’t know why my religious beliefs are any of your concern. This isn’t a conversation we even need to have.”

“My gods are as important to me as yours is to you. You and I actually believe similar things; we just go about showing them differently. I’d love to talk some more and see what common ground we have.”

These are all things that it’s perfectly okay to say to people who have decided that your spiritual beliefs are fair game for conversation. Don’t worry about being rude or offensive in your response – keep calm, use a pleasant tone of voice, and let the individual know that it’s not something they get to pass judgment on. Do you really care if your mom’s veterinarian’s sister’s husband’s cousin approves of you and your beliefs?

When Family and Friends Object

Okay, now on to the serious part. What happens when it’s a close family member, like a parent or a spouse, who thinks your belief is evil?

In that case, you can still speak out on your own behalf, you just have to be slightly more diplomatic about it.

If you’re a minor, or someone who still lives in your parents’ home, and they’ve got objections, there may be some compromising required. This doesn’t mean you need to compromise your beliefs, but you may have to scale back on actual practice. A key factor here is actually talking to your parents. Find out what their concerns are, why they have those concerns, and then counter them with a rational and logical argument.

Focus on the positive aspects of your belief system, rather than talking about what it’s not. If you start the conversation with, “Now, it’s not devil worship…” then all anyone will hear is the “devil” part, and they’ll start worrying. You may even want to recommend a book for your parents to read so they can understand Wicca and Paganism a little better. One book aimed specifically for Christian parents of teens is When Someone You Love is Wiccan. It does include a few sweeping generalizations, but on the whole, it provides a useful, positive Q&A format for people who are concerned about your new spiritual path. You might even want to print out this article and have it handy for them: For Concerned Parents.

Keep in mind that your family members may never have met an Actual Pagan, and they may be basing their judgments on what other people have told them. It’s also important to realize that for someone who has been raised all their life to believe there is One True Way, for them to accept that your beliefs are different may involve them rejecting everything they’ve always been told… and that’s a pretty big deal.

Likewise, if you’re dealing with close friends who disapprove of your beliefs, it’s a slippery slope indeed. Can you lose a friend because of religious differences? Sure, you can, but that doesn’t mean you have to. Again, compromise is key. You may find that your friend is confused by this choice you’ve made, or she may even be angry.

She may feel hurt that you haven’t talked to her about it before, particularly if you’re now Pagan but used to be part of the same faith that your friend is. Reassure her that you’ve not made this decision lightly — and that despite the differences in your beliefs, you still love her as you always have. The most important thing is to be sure you answer her questions honestly.

The Biblical Argument

Often, objections to someone’s practice of Paganism come down to “The Bible says it’s wrong.” There’s actually not much you can do about this, because technically, yes, that’s exactly what the Bible does say. There’s a line that says “Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live,” although there are some varying interpretations that say it’s actually a mistranslation that references poisoners, and not witches, but that’s neither here nor there.

At any rate, when someone is using the Bible as their only justification for the “what you’re doing is evil” argument, there are a not a lot of things you can say because they’ve got their mind made up already. You may choose to point out that the Bible also forbids wearing mixed fibers and warns women not to braid their hair, but really, there’s not much you can do that doesn’t involve asking them to question everything they’ve been taught. Not many people are willing to do this.

Keep in mind that not all non-Pagans think that a Pagan belief system is evil or wrong. There are many people, Christian and otherwise, who understand that spiritual paths are individual and unique choices. For more on this, be sure to read How Do NonPagans View Pagan Belief Systems?

The bottom line is that your spiritual belief system is something you chose for YOU, not to please other people. Stand up for yourself, be assertive and tactful, and make it clear that you have chosen the path that is the right one for you. The people who question it will just have to learn to live with that decision.

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