#harper Row

[incorrectbatfam]

similar to that french king cake ask, in brazil we have a tradition in birthday parties that the birthday boy/girl cuts the first piece of cake and gives it to their "favorite person"/the one they loves most among the guests

thoughts of how that happens in a bat-anniversary?

Everyone, singing: Happy birthday to youuuu!

Bruce: *blows out the candles*

Damian: Fun fact: in Brazil, you're supposed to give the first slice of cake to your favorite person. I will take mine now, Father.

Dick: No, it's mine. He made me Robin first for a reason.

Jason: But he adopted me first.

Duke: Putting aside the fact that none of us are Brazilian, it's obviously one of the girls.

Steph: Exactly. I'll take a piece with extra frosting.

Tim: You're not legally his.

Cass: But I am.

Harper: Imagine caring what he thinks.

Barbara: Guys, just let him decide.

Bruce: *already eating the first slice*

[catastrophicalcat]

I take back everything I ever said, I love WFA, please give us more!

Wayne Family Adventures #151

[wednesdayschildswitchcraft]

I have a personal headcanon that all of the bats in the batfamily can cook, but to differing degrees.

Alfred: God among Men, high brow and low brow, man lived with post-war rationing and army meals, can also lay out a 5 course gourmet meal of any type of cuisine, only weakness is waffles, just can't get the timing and consistency correct.

Bruce: can cook, but only if he focuses on it, if he gets distracted, he will burn it whatever it is. Will still eat it because he doesn't actually care about taste. Eating is annoying type of autistic

Dick: has a solid 5 to 10 things he can consistently cook well that's mostly just basics with one 'special occasions' meal, otherwise, human garbage disposal that eats mostly carnival foods if left to his own devises.

Jason: solid cook, learned a lot from Alfred, mostly cooks poor/street food type things from around the world, but can elevate it to gourmet if needed. May or may not have worked as a line cook at one point. Prone to using too much rosemary/garlic/paprika according to people with a weaker palette

Tim: the best stoner food ever. 10/10 no notes. Gives line cook energy after 48hrs awake. Also, on the rare occasion he can get his brain out of casework, pastries. It's chemistry but for food with razor-thin margins of error and painstaking attention to detail, so it's like a little treat for himself

Steph: normal basic cooking. Crockpot and casserole supremacy, cookies and basic cakes. Nothing fancy, no frills, has definitely worked as a fry cook at one point.

Cass: learned from Dick, 5-10 basics, and a chili that is deemed a health hazard in 26 of the 48 continental states plus Alaska. Pain is a competition and she is winning.

Damian: Arabic, Nepalese, and Chinese vegetarian dishes, entirely because that's what he wanted to learn to cook.

Duke: All-around solid cook much like Steph, good at soul food and struggle foods, also, incredible sandwiches. Like god-tier homemade subs.

The Fox family: soul food, but kinda bougie. Secret family fried chicken recipe that multiple people would be willing to kill for.

Harper Row: struggle meals. Like condiments and stale crackers turned into something incredible type of magic bs. Cullen has learned some, but Harper is Queen

Babs: jail, puts raisins in the potatoe salad, jello mold bitch. Makes a mean meatloaf, though. Still asked to bring plates and napkins to family potlucks/cookouts

[bibibusinessman]

[vodrae]

Rich pregnant socialite: So we went to this clinic and let them manipulate our genes so we're 100% sure our child won't have any disease, he will have my hair and his father eyes and so much things we did for him! And you Bruce ?

Brucie: Found em in the trash. Except Tim, he found me in the trash.

[heyyallitssatan]

I like to think that Batman’s suit is really heavy

Like, the thing obviously Kevlar weave, with lots of armour reinforced bits, not to mention all of the gear and gadgets and tools he has on his person, I mean, anything he’s ever thought he may need, anything he’s been mid fight thinking that a particular tool would be useful, he has it somewhere, probably a few of them

And all the kids too, they’re equally equipped even if they don’t necessarily look it

So I like to imagine that some of the heroes decided they should do a costume switch for fun

The bats agreed, and the best part wasn’t them being weirded out like they thought they’d be, unmasked and all that, no, they couldn’t care less, instead everyone else is freaking out about how heavy the bats costumes are

How the hell do they do impossible feats of acrobatics wearing shit like this

Even the supers think it’s excessive, and they have super strength

The bats all take the opportunity to try some of their moves without the weight, given that they work out wearing even more weight

Turns out they can flip and jump and move in even more insane ways than anyone thought possible and everyone is more terrified than they were a few minutes ago

Everyone decides the bats are better with their gadgets

[ahfrickenfrick]

how many times have any of the batmembers had to come up to leslie and been like ‘hey got into a fight with a bat from the cave’

and she sighs and ask which family member only to realize they lost against a literal bat and need 12 different shots

[soranatus]

Gotham’s Finest Family & Friends By freelance illustrator, Gabriel Larragán

[hehether]

Power of rainbow 🌈

[feyinvestigations]

Red Hood's one man war against his Twitter verification continues

(heads up: drugs+graphic threats of violence)

First //// prev //// next

Masterpost

++Plus a bonus I forgot from Jason's previous escapades

[incorrectbatfam]

Alfred gets sick of Bruce breaking and losing stuff on patrol so he gets a label maker and starts naming items after the kids

Alfred: I got you a new phone, just like you asked. Its name is Jason. Try not to let it die.

Bruce, tearing up: Why would you say that—

[celestialgalaxyglow]

At Wayne mannor

Alfred: Morning everyone I have an announcement.

Bruce: Everything alright Alfred?

Alfred: Yes, I have invited the Kents to dinner in two days time.

Bruce: What...

Alfred: I expect everyone to be on their best behavior.

Tim: When you say the Kents who do you mean?

Alfred: All of them, Jonathan, Martha, Clark, Lois, Kon, Jon, Kara, Otho, and Osul.

Cassandra: How many people will be in attendance.

Alfred: 24 people in total. For our part everyone WILL attend, no excuses. That means myself, Bruce, Dick, Jason, Danny, Tim, Duke, Stephane, Barbara, Harper, Cassandra, Luke, Kate, and Damian.

Jason: This is going to be fun.

Damian: I bet $20 the house burns down by the end of the night.

Danny: I'll take you up on that.

Meanwhile at the Kent farm

Martha: Morning everyone, last night I was talking with Alfred and we've been invited to dinner at the Waynes in two days. We will all be going, no buts.

Jonathan: We expect everyone to behave.

Kon: At least one person will end up in the hospital.

Kara: I think it'll be fun.

Clark: It'll be fun to see Bruce, it's been a while since we've seen each other as civilians.

Martha: Good, now let's enjoy breakfast, there are chores to be done, and they're not going to do themselves.

Part: 13, (all parts)

[transmothofaman]

Fic idea:

So I’m sure the “Bruce travels back in time/is put back in his old body, changes things based on his future knowledge, gets all his kids, etc” has been done before (which is interesting and thanks to whoever came up with it).

But I would like to add my little take on it: the fic is not from Bruce’s perspective.

Jason’s living his normal life when suddenly Bruce fucking Wayne of all people swoops in and adopts him out of nowhere. Not only that, but he’s been finding random people from a variety of backgrounds and bringing him into his inner circle. Throughout the fic the kids are all trying to figure out why the hell Bruce Wayne brought them all together and somehow knows a bit too much about them.

I’m sorry if this has been done before but I’d really like to write a fic about this, let me know if you guys are interested and what y’all think!

[thedevilundercover]

the bat kids should have a very fucked up trivia game that they’ve made up but it’s just photos of various wounds and they have to guess what caused it

Someone started it as a way to learn all the types of wounds that happen bc of each weapon with some Flash Cards From Hell but since then they’ve made an actual game

they play it every game night and Tim is very smug about his streak of three fucking years and everyone else thinks that he’s either a psychopath or just very into weapons. Jason wants to beat him up either way

every time they start playing Bruce starts shaking his head tiredly bc of the bat kids’ bullshit. (He’s a fucking hypocrite, he’s done shit just as fucked up. Karma’s a bitch, Bruce)

[yesiknowimshort]

to keep up appearances, bruce asked the batkids to find reasons to excuse their various bumps and bruises:

dick was easy. gymnastics and acrobatics run deep within his veins and it’s always his “party trick”, so they just let the public come up with an answer themselves.

jason, mysterious as he is, never addressed his bumps and bruises. the public have settled on underground cage fighting.

tim’s was skateboarding and being “himself”. tim knows how he appears to the public, and as much as it pains his ego for people to see him in such a way, clumsiness fit his charming, dorky, public persona.

damian needs no excuse as he is a ‘rambunctious little ankle biter’, so bruce just lets damian straight up tell people shit like “i was engaged in battle with a duel wielding madman” and then says “kids and their wild imaginations, amiright?”.

steph insisted on fencing even though bruce argued that she would not realistically get many black eyes from fencing. she just tells people she’s very bad at it.

cass’ are from ballet duets.

duke just says “there was a spider” with no further context.

harper’s go to line is “you should see the other guy”.

and bruce is basically barbie so he comes up with a new sport each time he’s asked. and people believe it every goddamn time without question; because what else would a billionaire do with their time other than unicycle hockey and chess boxing?

[vodrae]

Gotham City is studied in the whole world for its strange sociology :

- Two of the richest guy in the world, Brucie and Timmy come from here but didn't even graduate high school, but they are doing lord's work in this city

- People with PHD/MD are unusually overly represented in the carceral population, Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy, Scarecrow, Mr Freeze, Two Face, Riddler, Bane (don't have a diploma but one the smartest guy in town)

- Crime lord Red Hood gives free courses on litterature and law "Batman isn't assermented, he can't arrest you."

- Even children are suprising, when a surgeon took in charge Jim Gordon after he has been shot, 5 apple tall Robin said "Tt ! Where did you have your degree, my cow operates better than you. Step back." And proceed to remove the bullets with his mother on the phone.

When Harper Row, 22, applied to be electrician and said 10 years of experience, it wasn't a lie.

Duke Thomas cracked the new LexCorp encryption program on live broadcasting when Luthor said he will give 1 billion dollars to whomever could do it. That was 5 profitable minutes. Barbara did in 2.

What a city