#harper & row

[incorrectbatfam]

Okay since Thanksgiving is coming up.. how would the Batfamily be like during Thanksgiving dinner?

Barbara: We're here!

Dick: And we brought mashed potatoes!

Jason: What? I already brought potatoes.

Dick: You know Barbara and I always do the potatoes.

Jason: Maybe I wanted to shake things up. Why should you be the only one to bask in the potato spotlight?

Damian: I also brought potatoes, obviously, since I was not going to bring the meat.

Cass: Me too. Harper helped.

Tim: Uh...

Dick: What?

Tim: Bruce told me to do something. So I made potatoes.

Jason: Unbelievable.

Bruce, carrying a bowl: Hey kids. I just finished the potatoes. Don't worry, I followed a recipe. Also, Kate and Selina called. Turns out they both made potatoes too. What are the odds?

Dick: Did anyone bring something other than potatoes? Duke?

Duke: Sorry, dude.

Dick: Steph?

Steph: I'm part Irish. What do you expect?

Barbara: At least Alfred took care of the turkey.

Alfred: Actually, the shops sold out, so I replaced it with potatoes.

[vodrae]

Rich pregnant socialite: So we went to this clinic and let them manipulate our genes so we're 100% sure our child won't have any disease, he will have my hair and his father eyes and so much things we did for him! And you Bruce ?

Brucie: Found em in the trash. Except Tim, he found me in the trash.

[heyyallitssatan]

I like to think that Batman’s suit is really heavy

Like, the thing obviously Kevlar weave, with lots of armour reinforced bits, not to mention all of the gear and gadgets and tools he has on his person, I mean, anything he’s ever thought he may need, anything he’s been mid fight thinking that a particular tool would be useful, he has it somewhere, probably a few of them

And all the kids too, they’re equally equipped even if they don’t necessarily look it

So I like to imagine that some of the heroes decided they should do a costume switch for fun

The bats agreed, and the best part wasn’t them being weirded out like they thought they’d be, unmasked and all that, no, they couldn’t care less, instead everyone else is freaking out about how heavy the bats costumes are

How the hell do they do impossible feats of acrobatics wearing shit like this

Even the supers think it’s excessive, and they have super strength

The bats all take the opportunity to try some of their moves without the weight, given that they work out wearing even more weight

Turns out they can flip and jump and move in even more insane ways than anyone thought possible and everyone is more terrified than they were a few minutes ago

Everyone decides the bats are better with their gadgets

[ahfrickenfrick]

how many times have any of the batmembers had to come up to leslie and been like ‘hey got into a fight with a bat from the cave’

and she sighs and ask which family member only to realize they lost against a literal bat and need 12 different shots

[hehether]

Power of rainbow 🌈

[soranatus]

Gotham’s Finest Family & Friends By freelance illustrator, Gabriel Larragán

[feyinvestigations]

Red Hood's one man war against his Twitter verification continues

(heads up: drugs+graphic threats of violence)

First //// prev //// next

Masterpost

++Plus a bonus I forgot from Jason's previous escapades

[transmothofaman]

Fic idea:

So I’m sure the “Bruce travels back in time/is put back in his old body, changes things based on his future knowledge, gets all his kids, etc” has been done before (which is interesting and thanks to whoever came up with it).

But I would like to add my little take on it: the fic is not from Bruce’s perspective.

Jason’s living his normal life when suddenly Bruce fucking Wayne of all people swoops in and adopts him out of nowhere. Not only that, but he’s been finding random people from a variety of backgrounds and bringing him into his inner circle. Throughout the fic the kids are all trying to figure out why the hell Bruce Wayne brought them all together and somehow knows a bit too much about them.

I’m sorry if this has been done before but I’d really like to write a fic about this, let me know if you guys are interested and what y’all think!

[thedevilundercover]

the bat kids should have a very fucked up trivia game that they’ve made up but it’s just photos of various wounds and they have to guess what caused it

Someone started it as a way to learn all the types of wounds that happen bc of each weapon with some Flash Cards From Hell but since then they’ve made an actual game

they play it every game night and Tim is very smug about his streak of three fucking years and everyone else thinks that he’s either a psychopath or just very into weapons. Jason wants to beat him up either way

every time they start playing Bruce starts shaking his head tiredly bc of the bat kids’ bullshit. (He’s a fucking hypocrite, he’s done shit just as fucked up. Karma’s a bitch, Bruce)

[yesiknowimshort]

to keep up appearances, bruce asked the batkids to find reasons to excuse their various bumps and bruises:

dick was easy. gymnastics and acrobatics run deep within his veins and it’s always his “party trick”, so they just let the public come up with an answer themselves.

jason, mysterious as he is, never addressed his bumps and bruises. the public have settled on underground cage fighting.

tim’s was skateboarding and being “himself”. tim knows how he appears to the public, and as much as it pains his ego for people to see him in such a way, clumsiness fit his charming, dorky, public persona.

damian needs no excuse as he is a ‘rambunctious little ankle biter’, so bruce just lets damian straight up tell people shit like “i was engaged in battle with a duel wielding madman” and then says “kids and their wild imaginations, amiright?”.

steph insisted on fencing even though bruce argued that she would not realistically get many black eyes from fencing. she just tells people she’s very bad at it.

cass’ are from ballet duets.

duke just says “there was a spider” with no further context.

harper’s go to line is “you should see the other guy”.

and bruce is basically barbie so he comes up with a new sport each time he’s asked. and people believe it every goddamn time without question; because what else would a billionaire do with their time other than unicycle hockey and chess boxing?

[incorrectbatfam]

Alfred gets sick of Bruce breaking and losing stuff on patrol so he gets a label maker and starts naming items after the kids

Alfred: I got you a new phone, just like you asked. Its name is Jason. Try not to let it die.

Bruce, tearing up: Why would you say that—

[gothamundernightlight]

Random Shit the Waynes Do on Social Media

Dick:

- The white whale of D1 and Olympic gymnastics athletes; always stitches their stunts and challenges, executing them perfectly, but no one knows who he is or who trained him

- Shares pictures of random children, and the whole internet becomes a detective trying to figure out if Bruce Wayne adopted another kid or if his gymnastics students won another trophy

- Photo montages of Haley being the cutest, which slowly transitions into Haley in whatever cute hat the internet can send to Dick’s PO Box

- Random video of him skydiving while giving tips on what to do if your chute doesn’t deploy. He never deploys his chute doing the video and no one can tell if it’s a bit or not.

Jason:

- AI Voiceover text posts providing surprisingly insightful analysis into classic literature

- A full six part rant on the Broadway adaptation of “The Great Gatsy”

- Random selfies complete with wildly made up backstories of any and every new injury he has

- Prank war on Damian specifically (this was intended for Talia but his finger slipped and now the whole internet loves it)

Tim:

- Randomly goes live to do study/work/research with me sessions complete with an actually decent Lofi soundtrack that no one can find (He totally mixes it himself but won’t admit it)

- Did ONE social media vlog for WE’s marketing division and it went so viral he gets forced to do more. The dead eyed stare he gives the camera with every stupid dance the intern teaches him makes the video top-tier

- Cute couples videos with Bernard

- Skateboard tricks (and fails)

- Screenshots of text conversations between him and his siblings discussing the most random shit??

Cass:

- Dance routines/pre-show/GRWM videos

- Shakily filmed videos of her kicking Dick’s ass and everyone just calls her a baddie in the comments. She doesn’t know what that means but she appreciates the love.

- Her and Steph’s late night food runs with the two of them just belting out to a song in a dark parking lot

Steph:

- Posts riddles and puzzles and how to solve them. She’s really good at it. Riddler hates her.

- Apartment tour of all the purple shit she owns. She’ll never admit that the room she’s showing off is her Wayne Manor bedroom, so everyone believes she just has a moderately sized loft apartment somewhere and she just never shows the kitchenette

- Her and Cass’s late night food runs with the two of them just belting out to a song in a dark parking lot

- POV shots of her going up to the boys asking them random questions. Dick matches her energy. Jason tells her to fuck off. Tim is barely conscious. Damian always has an overly rational answer to take the fun out of it. Duke just stares blankly at her (he always comes back later with a proper answer now that he’s had time to think about it). Bruce just stares blankly at her

Damian:

- Art reveals that never get many views but he’s still proud of nonetheless. Dick always comments on them to hype him up

- Accidentally recreates a popular vine that went viral and it’s just him insulting fellow GA kids under his breath but one of them says hi to him and he’s instantly polite back. His most popular video

- The multi-part experiment of him trying to Pavlov Tim, and when it actually works, Tim just chases Damian around the manor. The video cuts to black frames after Tim takes a flying launch at him

- All the pet videos. There are so many. People try to cancel him for exploiting them, but Damian clearly demonstrates that he would never force his animals to participate for views and how they will just leave if they don’t want to do something. Batcow is in the background just two-stepping unprompted

Duke:

- Every morning without fail, he posts a daily sunrise pic of Gotham, with a positive affirmation caption. One day he’s sick and he wakes up to a thousand messages of people panicking because their favorite poster has disappeared. He never misses a sunrise again

- Passionate rants about local government. Will not shut up about it. He might be an anarchist, but he’s forever remain optimistic that one day the systems that define society will one day actually work for all people. Bruce has every single one saved so he can implement Duke’s ideas into reality

- Boxing videos of him training with Luke. It’s never meant to be a thirst trap…but sometimes it is

- Dumb selfies. Duke unironically loves taking them, no matter what face he pulls, what filter he uses, not even caring where he is. This gets him in trouble the one time he posts one of him leaning off the edge of a high rise roof

Babs:

- Constant lectures on cybersecurity and internet safety. She teaches this at the library as a volunteer but feels she can reach a lot of people by building a platform

- Computer build stuff. Brands reach out to her for her reviews and she thoroughly discusses each product in length

- Rarely posts about her disability, but absolutely tears people to shreds when they make ableist comments about her. The only time she brings it up first is when City Hall takes over a month to fix their elevator and she calls them out on it

Harper:

- Electronics repairs. She constantly takes things apart to teach people how to fix it, and this can range from toys to cars. On more than one occasion , her video has been interrupted by someone who planned to be using the vehicle she’s just taken apart

- 2 AM hair dye/maintenance sessions. She constantly gets comments from men being like “Therapy works too, y’know” or “No, you’re so beautiful? Why would you do that to yourself.” She responds to the comments with a video of a gun pointed at the camera with the sole caption being “Fuck Off.”

- Gym videos. She and Dick work out together and he’s the ultimate hype man

- Outfit montages of her getting ready for a random gala and she’s always pulling off the most masc-looking suits that look gorgeous on her

Helena:

- Target practice. She does all kinds of trick shots and crazy crossbow stunts in a wide variety of outfits. Her most popular video is of her in a corset and platform heels.

- Her and Steph bonding over all things purple

- Outfit of the Day posts. The girl has expensive tastes and she absolutely shows it off.

Bruce:

- Occasionally does promo stuff for WE (because Tim refuses to do all of it, and their social media intern won’t back down)

- Shares absolutely wild stories from his college years that somehow always get proven to be true even when the whole comments section is just like “this seems false???”

- Kid tour. He saw one mom do it and felt sad bc he’s never get the kids to agree, but somehow they all did (Alfred bribed them.)

- Shares everything from each one of the charities he’s involved with. Has reposted every single one of their posts on his own personal channel. It raises them hundreds of followers each time.

- One of the kids posted a video montage of Bruce being Brucie and it’s so utterly humiliating? But he won’t delete it because all of the comments say he’s their favorite billionaire and that’s more than his own kids will say.

- Random Pride Month post. Every year it catches people by surprise and every gossip magazine always wonders if Bruce is coming out. He’s just being an ally (and potentially is in denial).

Alfred:

- Prefers not to use social media, but one of the boys filmed him doing random things to teach the internet how to do things properly, like making the bed, doing laundry, etc. Is the internet’s favorite grandpa.

[vodrae]

Gotham City is studied in the whole world for its strange sociology :

- Two of the richest guy in the world, Brucie and Timmy come from here but didn't even graduate high school, but they are doing lord's work in this city

- People with PHD/MD are unusually overly represented in the carceral population, Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy, Scarecrow, Mr Freeze, Two Face, Riddler, Bane (don't have a diploma but one the smartest guy in town)

- Crime lord Red Hood gives free courses on litterature and law "Batman isn't assermented, he can't arrest you."

- Even children are suprising, when a surgeon took in charge Jim Gordon after he has been shot, 5 apple tall Robin said "Tt ! Where did you have your degree, my cow operates better than you. Step back." And proceed to remove the bullets with his mother on the phone.

When Harper Row, 22, applied to be electrician and said 10 years of experience, it wasn't a lie.

Duke Thomas cracked the new LexCorp encryption program on live broadcasting when Luthor said he will give 1 billion dollars to whomever could do it. That was 5 profitable minutes. Barbara did in 2.

What a city

[monnashi]

Protectors and knight

[reineydraws]

🌇 dinner atop a skyscraper 🌆

(bruce and luke both spotted the drone babs sent up to take a photo of them haha)

[littlefankingdom]

Bruce's contacts are all very professional. Everyone is registered by their name and surname. Clark Kent, Diana Prince, Harvey Dent, Oliver Queen, Selina Kyle...

Except for Alfred, who is just Alfred, and his kids. His kids, they get petnames.

Cut to one day, one of them as to call another for whatever reason, cannot use their own phone for whatever reason, take Bruce's (which is not great, as there's a chance their sibling will not answer upon seeing it's Bruce calling).

OK, who is "sweatheart"? Who is "baby"? Who is "treasure"? "Angel"? Eww, is that some booty calls for galas and parties?

Then, they look at the pics, and it's a bunch of cute pictures of them as kids (Bruce stole some from their parents for the one who only came to him later).