#financial trauma

[neuroticboyfriend]

it's okay to spend money. it's okay if you have trouble saving. it's okay to buy things that make you happy. it's okay to buy things that improve your life. it's not your fault the world we live in is so incredibly expensive and inaccessible. all you can do is your best. please don't neglect yourself.

[alittlebitofdebris]

Poverty isn't always what people imagine, and I'm facing that really hard lately.

I grew up in poverty. I boiled water for baths when the gas was almost always out.

I lit bonfires in my living room to keep warm and cook finger foods.

I went weekends without eating until I could get to school on Monday for breakfast.

My house was littered with things we didn't use or need because my mom was afraid we might one day need them and not be able afford it.

Our animals often went without food.

I'd walk an hour to the library in any weather to charge a cellphone my friend had given me.

Now, I have a nice home. My pets are well fed and spoiled as much as they can be. I have a smart phone, a computer, a TV. I have pretty things that bring me moments of joy.

I have beautiful things, neatly organized all over my home.

But still, I find myself in financial stress and all the illusions come crashing down.

My friend passively mentions a phrase I barely remember the context of, "you're kinda still living in poverty". I know this was meant for validation of my struggles. I know there was no ill intent.

But now, I find those words echoing in my mind any time I try to spend $5 on something to bring me momentary joy.

I feel the weight of guilt knowing that being mentally disabled has forced this experience on my spouse. I feel like a burden to my friends for not contributing more or needing them to spot me for lunch.

Today was the second time I woke up from dissociating on the floor of the kitchen crying. Likely, I was triggered by having no safe foods.

I hate saying I have no food, I've had no food before.

I have mayonnaise and nearly expired deli meat. I have a can of beans, some ramen and some soup that I hate that got mixed into an old grocery pick up order that I was scared to throw away or donate just in case. There are two frost bitten corn dogs left in the freezer. I have running city water to drink.

But still, I'm sobbing on the floor of my kitchen because even if I wasn't autistic, even if I could stomach a food that isn't my safe food right now, I'm still so scared.

What if I eat the last bite of food I have for a while and forget to cherish it? What if I waste it by throwing up because I'm so anxious? What if my husband needs it to have the energy to get to work?

I have 4 followers here, but the thousands of followers I have on other platforms don't seem to notice or care that I keep spiraling about this. They think the free wigs I get sent, the medicine I take, the makeup and clothes I wear...

It all makes it seem like I'm okay. I'm doing just fine. Really. The looming debt we acquired, the bad credit scores, to get to a mildly safe point in life... It all doesn't seem to occur to them.

But the truth is I'm not. I'm not okay. I'm fighting the urge to beg for donations because I don't know what other choices I have. But I hate needing help. I hate it so badly it causes me physical pain.

[the-healing-mindset]

So this is different. Financial healing. What are your beliefs around money?

For me, my money trauma started at the age of six. At that age, I started receiving an allowance of what I believe was like $10 a month for helping out around the house and for doing well in school. The trauma, however, comes in with my dad. He was (and still is) very financially irresponsible and unstable, and can't save his way out of a paper bag. Because of his ways, oue family was always held back financially even though we didn't really have a reason to be.

Getting back on topic, he would always have a major issue with me whenever we went out of town and I wanted to buy something cool or maybe a souvenir with the money I had saved up. I never had any idea why, but I'd figure it out almost twenty years later. He wanted me to save my money because ultimately, many of the allowances that I got back then ended up going to him. See, because I was young, I had no idea what I was doing. He would always come to me and ask for the allowance money back. "You're the kids here, you're supposed to help us out," he once told my sister and me. Outright manipulation.

This continued for years. I always wondered why I never had any money to spend on myself, but I never wondered why my dad never had any money and also never bought anything for us. I just thought that I was "being good," and that I was doing what I was being asked to do. Little did I know, my beliefs around money were being shaped so that I would always be at a disadvantage. This would lead me to be manipulated continously by him for the next 14 years, me being none the wiser.

Now that I have moved out and am supporting myself, I am trying my best to overcome what happened back then. Though I work full time, with prospects for a part time job, and also have been supporting myself independently for the past three months and have built up some savings, I still feel relatively financially insecure and unstable from having grown up witnessing what I did with my family.

[katimorton]

This week licensed therapist, Kati Morton explains her feelings about not seeing clients anymore, why some of us can’t stop thinking about our therapist no matter how hard we try, and why we can obsess over eating disorder content. She then talks about why our struggles can be inconsistent, how to deal with a child who has BPD, and the effects of financial trauma. Finally, she explains what emotional neglect is and how it can play out as we grow up.

[katsotherworld]

Nothing like knowing you grew up with and still have financial insecurities when you see a tiktok featuring a 13 year old who got to grab any books she wanted in 2 minutes as long as her brother could carry them for her birthday and she just sprinted for it and got a SHIT ton of books. At 13 I would have been so stressed trying to pick out just the specific books I was wanting that I hadn't read yet.

I had a cousin take me to Hobby Lobby at like 12 and he was like get whatever you want for your birthday, I constantly kept asking him if this or that was alright because the prices of things. I still only sparingly bought things even though it wasn't even my money or my caretakers money.

I still stress over finances today and spending on things, not as bad but still pretty bad.

[skeletonpandas]

It would not even be expensive to solve this.

There are now over 15 million empty homes in the US, and 650,000 homeless per the very bias official numbers, or 23 houses per person

[mcflymemes]

please don't mistake silence for hatred. please don't mistake unanswered plotting messages as indifference, or a lack of enthusiasm towards you. considering the ages of most roleplayers, many of us have bills to pay, families to take care of, medical conditions to treat, appointments to make, classes to take, homes to clean, and lives to live away from the computer that are far, far more important than writing on tumblr — life has a tendency to get in the way of hobbies and fun things like this. be patient with your fellow writers. if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. of course you can set your boundaries, keep your space comfortable, and softblock whoever you wish, but do so while recognizing it's probably not hatred or apathy that keeps them from leaping into your dms with message after message. they probably love this hobby just as much as you... but sometimes life gets in the way.

[this-smile-is-real]

Hi, I’m Hannah.

I am trying to build my life after 49 hospital admissions in 8 years. After 20+ years of trauma, an eating disorder etc. I have diagnoses of cPTSD, Anorexia, Fibromyalgia, Functional Neurological Disorder and my large bowel no longer works. I have been on the disability pension since 2019 but have increasing medical costs, increase in rent, more and more specialists and appointments weekly, fortnightly and monthly. I currently have 11 people on my team but can only afford to see 2 regularly.

I am needing help financially that I can’t find elsewhere. I am doing all that I can and am also currently studying at university but have become so overwhelmed, in thousands of dollars debt and am always behind in bills. I would be so grateful for any donations. Thank you

[cjoatprehn]

Update!

I have moved successfully.

My mom’s throne is now available and added the bare needs for dog and her to it for now, more needs will be added as my mom kinda calms her racing mind a bit, cuz she’s doing a lot and I want to ease the help a bit.

No longer willing to help my mother when she wants to pull abusive shit, in retaliation of me leaving years ago. Anything helps:

Survival Financial Request!

My mom’s been filing for bankruptcy, has been extremely financially stressed lately, and trying to get me over to her has been really stressful. She’s a burn victim from a Yankee Candle catching on fire on Halloween, she received 3rd degree burns on most of her body for trying to save her support dog. Between support animal costs, food, rent, and hospital recovery, she’s in dire need of aid. If y’all could and are in a position to help, could you send some money over, please, to help ensure she will be able to at the very least have some pressure off her shoulders? And a sweet note, if you want to—? Thank you…

Adding to this post-

I want to make clear I’ve been struggling to keep us and others afloat, and now I’m at a point in my life and health where I am no longer able to do so. They’re cutting away more food stamp money from many households in the legislature not just ours, and I’m in the process of moving to my mom’s to help out. And also—

I’m kinda Flipping out right now. I don’t want to lie, with the US being a 3rd world country now. I’m flipping out because last month…was the last month they would be giving food money in the 100s. With food so high and Rent higher. SSI—I don’t even know. …I’m smiling but I don’t know what else to do. My moms still recovering from 3rd degree burns, surgery, and trying to get me there, and I’ve learned that the Aunt that had control of late great grandma’s reservoir for funds…Help won’t last long.

I’m scared, and I’m losing hope. I don’t want to go out as the person who Fucking struggled and suffered their entire life, never got to flourish. …I’ve never thought of making a gofundme again. Every time I’ve made one it never reached anything. And…I-can’t even maintain a savings for long. If we run out of money or assistance, then my mom stops getting treatment. Her dog doesn’t get food or treatment…and we’ll lose the little we have left.

She doesn’t have any friends or many connections outside of herself or her former government job. So—I’m just—like—trying to convince her to.. at least accept my help. I know everyone’s not in the best financial situation to help but—I can’t continue giving good energy to the universe from an empty cup…so I really appreciate the support..!

[dragonpyre]

Speaking from experience, going from having very little money to suddenly having a lot, the anxiety around it does NOT go away. I have a decent chunk of change stashed away in multiple places (investments, savings, etc) but on god I could not buy anything over $10 without feeling crippling buyers remorse. Even if I really do need it.

I remember being a kid in 2008 and knowing that buying a candy bar was an expense my family just couldn’t budget for. I remember living on my own in college where I had to choose between gas or food. I remember the first time I needed an oil change I nearly had a panic attack about the cost.

That shit just doesn’t go away

[unstablemotions]

Help Save My Cousin's Life 💜

My 25 y/o cousin Line, known as @nebulow online, needs for surgery for Craniocervical Instability (CCI). This is her last resort as she's been deteriorating fast. She's also diagnosed with Congenital Muscular Dystrophy (CMD), which will kill her if her CCI isn't treated.

Here's her Fundraiser

Any amount helps!! If you can't donate, just reblogging/liking this is a help 💜

[miasmaghoul]

TICKETS OBTAINED

FUCK

[enmesheddaughterparentified]

People say not to judge your parents too harshly if they stay with their abuser and like I get it, but also I was a kid. I couldn't just leave. You had an obligation to protect me. And you didn't.

[bigturtl]

do u have blue sky

yes! i'm zeewa on bluesky 🫶

thank you for reminding me that i need to put my bluesky in my about me 💋✌️

[tumbler-polls]

[xojaxoffxo]

Opened up a little about the grooming and sexual abuse I went through to my boyfriend. Made him cry. Had the classic holy-fuck-thats-horrible-no-like-thats-really-super-bad-you-shouldnt-be-laughing-at-that moment that I get every time I talk about my childhood.

About an hour later, we were climbing the stairs and I knelt to pet the cat, showing off my underwear in my skirt and he fucked me on the stairs. Super hot, 10/10 would do again, he hit all the right angles and something about the stairs digging into my body and having to be quiet because my roommates would be able to hear everything makes my brain go brr

Right after that, when I go to get my government mandated kisses and good girls, he panics a little and goes, "I hope I didn't take advantage of you." Honestly wasn't even thinking that, I've been trying to get him to put the video games down and fuck me for the past two days and I am so detached from most of the sexual trauma most days or else I'd be stuck hiding in the corner of the room losing my shit. Haven't fully processed it, I'm not gonna lie 🤷🏼‍♀️ but anyways, after that I couldn't help but wonder did he???? He def takes my hypersexuality for granted and has abused my need to please him before so who knows.

Anyways, thought some sick fuck could get off to the fact that my boyfriend listened to my trauma and pinned me to the staircase fully taking advantage of my desire to please him and hypersexuality that stems from being molested, and came in me. Who's next? This time I wanna sit in your lap while you force me to grind on your hard cock while I cry and tell you all about the grooming and unwanted touching.