#when so many of us are also dealing with irl situations

[mcflymemes]

please don't mistake silence for hatred. please don't mistake unanswered plotting messages as indifference, or a lack of enthusiasm towards you. considering the ages of most roleplayers, many of us have bills to pay, families to take care of, medical conditions to treat, appointments to make, classes to take, homes to clean, and lives to live away from the computer that are far, far more important than writing on tumblr — life has a tendency to get in the way of hobbies and fun things like this. be patient with your fellow writers. if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. of course you can set your boundaries, keep your space comfortable, and softblock whoever you wish, but do so while recognizing it's probably not hatred or apathy that keeps them from leaping into your dms with message after message. they probably love this hobby just as much as you... but sometimes life gets in the way.

[jounosparticles]

reply to the tags of your reply to my previous ask: PLEASE RANT TO ME ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP!!!! i want to hear. they rot my brain too and im glad that i found someone who's also suffering the suegiku takeover

OKAYOKAY YAY!!!!! this will be fun >:)

a huge suegiku analysis:

okay in the last ask you mentioned how tetchou stabs jouno for fun and sillies and stuff which happened to make me think a lot about how tetchou acts decently different around jouno than others.

tetchou is typically rather formal in the way he acts in a way? as in he's very straightforward, generally composed and calm in his words, and polite to anyone he's dealing with.

an example of this is when he still treated the cafe owner kindly despite him being an "accessory to terrorism" in jouno's words.

basically, in most situations, he remains very composed. even when he's up to his sillier antics (like when he was watching ants or doing pushups during a meeting). he's direct and straight-faced almost always around most people. he doesn't act that way to be seen as silly, it's just who he is (and i love it).

i would imagine he could act this way for many reasons. it is most likely him being professional, likely as a reference to the irl tetchou who had samurai lineage; making him act with the tone and professionalism of samurai.

despite his professionalism, maybe he has difficulty being expressive around most people, or maybe he doesn't want to be expressive around people by choice.

but this is where he's different around jouno.

firstly, i'll talk about the times he's stabbed jouno. this has happened twice, and both were to de-escalate jouno from his tendancy to mentally torment people.

the wording in these panels implies this is a regular occurrence. which is a little funny to me hehe.

anyway, we see by the way that he acts around others that usually he de-escalates situations by talking first instead of acting. he will turn to violence if he believes it's needed, but typically he talks first. we see this when he confronts kenji verbally before attacking.

yet with jouno he doesn't bother to tell him to stop first, instead opting to jab him. remembering that the hunting dogs have enhanced physical strength, a small stab wound probably isn't a huge deal for them.

because of this i think the stabbings are tetchou partially teasing jouno. him messing around like that isn't something he does with anybody else but he seems to enjoy pissing off his partner.

also. stabbing him directly in the ass? gay as hell. jouno following up by saying "don't poke my ass every single time" implies that his ass specially gets jabbed a lot. hmmmm

anyways

another example of this is when tetchou smirks/chuckles at jouno insisting that he's the greatest hunting dog. the small laugh was most definitely to bother jouno.

mmmm theyre both so pretty.

once again, tetchou pushes aside his composed self and being intentionally silly only really happens towards jouno.

arguably, this can be shown again in the pushups scene.

tetchou acting unbothered and then calling jouno's weight "just right" while he continues to exercise seems like a combination of him trying to (jokingly) annoy jouno as well as his tendency to not acknowledge his own actions as bothersome or odd to others.

anyway to sum up this segment: tetchou is only seen intentionally bothering and teasing jouno and nobody else. he acts much differently towards others but seems to let his professional guard down around only his partner. this shows a great layer of trust and comfort between the two!

oh. but im not done talking about this. not at all.

the other huge display of emotions for tetchou was everything that went down with kenji.

as displayed throughout most of tetchou's appearances, he's incredibly justice-orientated. he has a tendancy to put justice above everything. here's a couple panels showing this:

ooog tetchou is so pretty. i love that left panel so much

using his own logic here, he should have went after bram after having found him. tetchou even admitted that, but there was one other thing more important to him than that. jouno.

starting here, this panel takes place after bram and aya escape. at this point, tetchou had assumed the agency was using bram to control people; meaning it wasn't just kenji he technically had business with at that time.

i will also preface this by saying the book's influence likely had an impact on tetchou attacking kenji before they could finish talking.

however, the book's writing didn't stop tetchou from insisting on finding jouno before taking down the agency. his worry towards jouno's whereabouts made him change his stance on justice as well as deterred him from prioritizing taking down the agency.

now that he's talking to kenji, i'd like to start it by showing that he seemed genuinely grateful and happy when kenji initially offered to help him find jouno.

as well in the anime, his eyes soften when kenji offers to help.

after talking to kenji for a brief moment, he opts to attack instead of continuing. this seems out of character for tetchou; he even apologized to kenji before saying he needs to find jouno as quickly as possible.

the fact that he apologized, combined with how we've seen him treat people in the past shows that this isn't typically what he resorts to.

also, in the anime we can see the gloss his eyes slightly shaking as he says this line, which could display worry, sadness, or anger towards whatever could be happening to his partner.

he seems almost distraught, which is a huge contrast to his typically-composed self.

and, of course; there's the fact that mid-fight tetchou had to tell kenji that jouno is a good person despite what people think.

he looks genuinely sad here, as if he's speaking from his heart. jouno has very-clearly put up a tough exterior that he uses around everyone, but tetchou goes out of his way to defend him even when he absolutely doesn't need to.

he could have stayed silent or just said he wants his coworker back, but he insisted on stating that jouno is a good person.

it's also important to note that nobody else tends to speak kindly of jouno, which puts a lot more depth on their closeness to each other. tetchou sees through jouno's words and actions and knows that he is heavily misunderstood.

and of course, we have tetchou directly saying that he will place jouno above justice despite knowing what the right course of action should have been.

he is putting jouno above the very thing he basis his career as well as his morality on. that's how worried he is. that's how much he cares.

and in this panel, we see he's extremely angry towards kenji's lack of response.

lets compare this to the first time tetchou fought the agency.

in chapter 61, when he was fighting the agency alongside jouno; he kept a more menacing/intimidating look as he attacked. when he was not attacking, he kept calm-looking despite being pissed off. compared to when he was fighting kenji in chapter 100 and looked infuriated. even the different fonts used for the dialogue puts further emphasis on this.

now, i'm going to jump ahead to the end of tetchou and kenji's fight. tetchou recognizes his mistake and asks kenji to kill him.

it's important to note that his reasoning as to why he should have chased justice was because he doesn't think jouno would have condoned his choice.

he specified it again, even opting to call jouno his friend. also note how white his eyes are here, meaning his intent was pure and he genuinely felt awful for misjudging what jouno would have wanted. he cares so much that he was asking to be killed for misunderstanding what was the correct course of action.

and then after kenji insists on helping him find jouno instead, he smiles in relief before the two pass out.

one last small note is that we've only ever seen tetchou smile three times throughout the manga so far, and all of them were mentioned here and involved jouno.

to sum it all up: tetchou, who is typically very composed and justice-orientated, is willing to throw aside his entire stance on justice for jouno. he lets his professional guard down around his friend, allowing them to tease each other and be silly as well, which he doesn't appear to do around others often. this shows that the two have a close bond and genuinely care so much about each other.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

as for jouno, i don't have as much to say however there definitely is a few things i'd like to touch on.

firstly, despite claiming to hate tetchou a lot, jouno still uses a respectful honourific (-san) whenever he refers to him. i'm not a japanese speaker so please feel free to correct me if i'm wrong but there's a good chance jouno would opt to not use an honorific at all if he genuinely detested tetchou as much as he claims.

and when it comes to teasing, jouno does it much more often than tetchou does (however he also messes with more people, it's just a personality difference between the two).

clearly with the way they act around each other, jouno does not actually hate tetchou. i think they like to bother each other by play-bullying.

also, noting on jouno's criminal past, he was given an easy oppurtunity to be thrown into the DoA where he could be incredibly powerful and would likely not face any consequences for his actions had he joined.

we know he declined fukuchi's offer because he found joy in saving innocent people. but i would the influence of the other hunting dogs helped set him into that place of mind. tetchou seems to be the one he works with most, so there's a good chance he takes a lot of inspiration from how tetchou handles justice.

another thing i noticed with jouno is that his displaying of emotions is almost an inverse of how tetchou acts. jouno keeps smiling a lot despite who he's speaking to. in contrast, he can keep a straight face when interacting with tetchou a lot.

of course, that could make it seem as if jouno is unhappy around tetchou, but i would argue it's the opposite.

some people will force a happy expression to appear unassuming or kind (or in a lot of jouno's cases, intimidating). so him allowing himself to maintain a straight face around tetchou could mean that he is comfortable enough around him to not feel the need to express everything. he doesn't need to keep his guard up around tetchou.

jouno almost always keeps a very happy or calm composure around enemies, likely as an intimidation factor. yet he allows himself to express frustration and annoyance around the hunting dogs in general, and most often with tetchou. i'd like to imagine this just shows his security in his partner.

jouno talking to an enemy, for reference ^ i also just really love this page hehe

the last thing i'll mention here is a lot of speculation on my behalf. however i think that jouno seems like the type to push away those close to him. i kind of perceived his supposed hatred towards tetchou to be a combination of joking around as well as possibly a defense mechanism to try and avoid keeping people close?

my main reason in stating that is that he's claimed to not like any of his coworkers yet still opts to not betray them and still works well with them. if he truly hated tetchou, he probably wouldn't allow them to work together. he likely says such things to avoid being liked too much, and these actions proved to work since tetchou acknowledged that everyone sees jouno as cold.

yet through all that tetchou still knew he was good despite the exterior, which makes them well-suited for each other.

anyways: i feel like these two really do treat each other much differently than they treat the other people around them. that puts a lot of emphasis on their bond and closeness in general. they can be silly around each other, they can get through arguments no problem, they make a great team, and clearly care about each other a ton! they mean so much to me <3

i love my sillies :)

[buff-electra-truther]

When you actually Americanize Starlight Express, Electra suddenly becomes a Reaganite boogeyman of Amtrak as a “welfare queen”- A “Dark Side of the (T)Rainbow” esque fascinating synchronicity

(Yes, that term is racially loaded and I am using it very deliberately for reasons to be explained later.)

MASSIVE DISCLAIMER: I was way too wishy washy on this in the original version of the post (which got picked up by some bigger names and spread around) so I want to make this very clear. This is all a giant “Immer Pünktlich!” situation where the original creators could have never foreseen how it comes off wildly different in another country. Most of the traits discussed here were not present in the workshop version of the character. They just arose later on mainly through pure coincidence. I am VERY aware of Electra’s original intent and origins. I would be astounded if Brits in the 80s knew this much about the long-suffering US passenger rail network, even most Americans today don’t know if they don’t actually ride these trains or live in the northeast.  Starlight’s central themes of bootstrapping and “being under your own control” are associated with conservatives like Thatcher and Reagan, but that’s basically it in terms of actually intended elements. This is a wild reinterpretation of things by someone with a wildly different viewpoint than the original creatives.

People often make fun of how Electra makes such a big deal of being electric and futuristic when electric trains are just kind of the norm in most countries with substantial rail networks.  But when you take into account that toothpaste-era Electra is considerably Amtrak-coded and look into the politics and railroad history of what they’d be like irl…. Their framing goes from kind of stupid to pointedly malicious in oddly specific ways.

You know what else WAS the norm in the US (and still is in much of Europe) until Reagan started treating it as a radical freak? The big bad “liberal agenda” of the government actually funding things like social programs and infrastructure, including railroads.  And you know what kind of trains are almost completely dependent on that kind of government support?  Electric ones.  EVERY SINGLE REPLICA NATIONAL represents a country that (at least circa the 80s) had a nationalized rail network that actually invested in electrification. It’s not impossible for private companies to fully fund themselves but very hard, especially now.  

Who are “electric train politics” heavily associated with in the US?  Black people, LGBT people, damn near every minority, which coincidentally, Electra regularly was early on.

You may not realize this if you’re from elsewhere, but the US has very, very little rail electrification vs other rich countries.  You have some commuter rail and local transit systems in a number of cities, the Northeast Corridor and Keystone Corridor, and that’s…. about it.  Intercity service between a line of the big northeastern cities and that’s it.  The rest is all diesel domain irl.  Behold the wikipedia page for electrified lines in the US and see just how many are GONE. (Passenger service is also absolutely threadbare if not nonexistant in most of the non-electric network and often offensively slow, not even local road speed.  But that’s a whole separate can of worms) 

Why is this?  Heavy simplification, but the government subsidized highways and airports instead after WWII and that along with antiquated laws and losing mail service made passenger rail a massive money pit for most the railroads forced to continue it.  Instead of passenger rail service and infrastructure improving like basically all the other Nationals’ countries,  routes dropped like flies and many railroads sank into financial ruin until Penn Central’s collapse in the late 60s.  That’s when the government finally stepped in and took over passenger services as Amtrak.  Electrification infrastructure and equipment was dated then due to years of desperate finances, and while there was active rail investment in the 70s to improve, Reagan’s administration was hostile to it and it’s been an on and off uphill battle since to get enough funding to keep things going, let alone improve or expand.  Literally left decades behind by the system.  The 2013 tour is the most accurate version of Electra as a realistic reflection of electric passenger rail in the US- a guy who’s been at it since the 80s that still looks like a decades-old vision of the future in a notably cheap, torn up, worn out costume.  Actually the AEM-7 locomotives used then date to 1978, even older than that.

“Electra must be rich” sounds like something a stingy conservative politician would say about Amtrak needing billions of dollars (to just be barely functional due to years of neglect).  Yes, they were intended to be a celebrity for separate reasons early on, but the massive contrast between being shown as “rich” but representing an infamously NOT rich rail system really feels like something a nasty conservative politician would try as a smear campaign in another timeline. Oooo handouts bad.  Oooo you must be so extravagant if you need that much.  You “welfare queen” sucking government funds to blow on exotic pets and glitter and other frivolities. You “strapping young buck buying T-bone steaks with food stamps”. Those are Reagan’s quotes, not mine, I hate even typing them out but god, can it be more obvious?  Painting those who need government assistance (usually coded as black) as extravagant has been weaponized to destroy social programs and further inequality.  The gap between Electra and reality always felt kind of jarring for me, but the longer I thought about it, the more I realized how much uglier the implications were.

“Or unreliable”- electric trains have so few moving parts they tend to be notably reliable in terms of the physical locomotive/multi unit*.  A lot of their issues are actually due to structural failures with powerlines, and this is ESPECIALLY true with the NEC and other ooold electric commuter lines in the US.  This has also limited the maximum speed of trains at times.  See video below for more on this, also explains a lot of the stuff I’ve mentioned earlier.  Huh.  Gee whiz.  Someone held back and suffering due to structural problems being blamed as personal failing.  What DOES that sound like? 

*technically CC 40104 used as Electra’s helmet actually was an unreliable model because it was a weird complicated niche thing with four voltages for a uniquely European situation but that’s downright cherry picking.  The other Nez Casse engines with that styling actually were reasonably reliable and realistic Amtrak Electra from the 80s to 2018 would be an AEM-7 (common fanon choice too) that was also fine.

When you think about it, the likes of “only you have the power within you” and “needn’t beg the world to turn around and help you” might be the most offensive things you could say specifically to an electric train in the US besides“lol they shoulda replaced your line with even moar I-95 lanes”

Anyways, isn’t it funny how people conveniently ignore how steam preservation was actually very popular (compared to almost any other obsolete tech) in the 80s and had been since at least the 60s?  You had steam engines pulling the 1976 Freedom Train.  A small, relatively “young”, mechanically functional steam engine would have tourist railroads FIGHTING over them back then.  That was the era when the majority of the steam engines left in Barry Scrapyard were scooped up and preserved, Crown Metal Company was making new build ones for amusement parks, and some tourist railroads even bought new builds from the last company in China building steam engines for regular service.

But you know what did go out of favor in the late 30s and was treated as downright laughable to go back to after the 50s, just like the regular revenue use of steam locos in the US?  

The kind of small-government conservatism Reagan preached.  And the steam engines in the show promote.  Barry Goldwater was openly mocked for it in the mid-60s.  It was thought genuinely unthinkable to go back to.  

So, those laughably historically inaccurate depictions of electric and steam engines.  Isn’t it uncanny how near-perfectly those unrealistic traits of them align with other things?  

Also a funny aside: probably 90% of those new build Crown Metal steam engines were dressed up in western themes.  Literally cowboy actors, just like Reagan was.  

(I’ve got an extended unhinged analysis of Starlight accidentally resembling the rise of Reaganism and it unexpectedly spreading world over and destroying everyone else’s railroads too.  That’s still in progress though. But these two aspects are so freakishly dead-on I really needed to get them out.)

[sunshinechay]

So I finally caught up on My Stand In after being 3 episodes behind due to irl reasons.

The last three episodes have been a lot and while I’m sad to have missed the weekly discussions, I’m also kind of glad I watched all three at once because it gave me the opportunity to get to watch Ming’s progress rapidly rather than waiting (which my ADHD brain is very happy about) and the one thing really stuck with me through all three episodes.

Of the three who knows Joe is Joe, Ming is the only one to figure it out completely on his own. He doesn’t overhear anything, he isn’t told by anyone. Even the priest (is that what he is? Citation needed) won’t give Ming the straight answer he seeks. Joe is neither dead nor alive but a secret third thing, his soul has transmigrated to another body entirely.

Before, when he didn’t know, we got the small kernels of change. Ming is much more straight forward than he used to be. While he was never one to mince words, he is more truthful and up front, even with Joe 2.0. He is honest with him from the start about exactly what he wants. He doesn’t tell Joe the real reason why he wants it, but that’s understandable given that no one else is willing to believe Ming when he says Joe is still alive. So why tell this new stand in why you want him to be so.

Then he figures it out. He puts together the context clues and believes the impossible because he’s the only one who never gave up hope that Joe would come home, would come back to him. Joe does come back to him and Ming immediately sets out to ensure that Joe exactly where he stands in terms of how Ming feels about him. Ming needs Joe to understand exactly what he wants. Ming is probably always going to be the type of person who will use underhanded tactics in certain situations, but it’s completely understandable why he uses the contract to keep Joe with him.

Ming offers up explanations where Joe didn’t ask for them, because he knows that Joe deserves them, whether or not he asks for them. He wants Joe to understand that he regrets a lot of his past actions, including what he did for Tong at the end. Ming had all but admitted that if he could go back and change it, he would.

Ming is willing to confront so many issues head on. He is learning to deal with his emotions in a way that is more productive for them all. He has started to feel more of his emotions out loud in a way he didn’t before. He promised himself he would change if Joe ever came back and so far he has kept his promise. He will better himself and he will grow. He will no longer be stagnant.

He is even willing to tell his father that he is dating Joe. The mere mention of it clearly terrifies him more than he has the words to express, something that Joe picks up on right away and tries to protect both of them from. Preemptively breaking up with Ming to try and save them both a worst heartbreak than simply breaking up.

Tong had spent so much of the show attempting to prove again and again that Ming is under his thumb. He knew that Ming was in love with him in the past and still believes he is now, but he is wrong. Ming will no longer allow himself to be manipulated by Tong and by extension his mother. So he will shoot their ace out of the sky by doing the one thing that terrifies him the most. He will tell his father that he is gay. That he is gay and dating a man. A man named Joe.

He will accept what comes next because the only other options is to lose Joe and Ming absolutely will not do that for a second time. He is willing to lose everything, as long as it means he doesn’t lose Joe.

[trashytoastboi]

Day of Envy - Leviathan

~NSFW Alphabet~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Warning: NSFW content ahead (whole bunch of this and that)

A = Aftercare (What are they like after sex?

🎮 Understands the importance of it and is awkward but sincere about it. He’s usually so nervous and shy afterwards. He’ll ask if you want water, snacks? Pillow talk is akin to small talk in an elevator but he’s trying. Levi means well just lacks a little on the execution side of things, he’s never neglected it though and does make sure you’re well taken care of. Once he gets over his awkwardness then he practices a set routine that encompasses what he thinks you could use at that moment. Also Levi does quite enjoy having a bath with you afterwards. 

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partners.) 

🎮 Call him a perv for this… (he’d probably like it) he’d say his favourite body part is your thighs and ass. He loves things he can grab and squish, and maybe if you’d let him, bite a little. It’s like a stress ball and he’s so pervy when he wants to be, you’d be lazing around, just playing a game and he’s using your ass as his own personal pillow. Makes him absolutely feral when he fucks your thighs or when you grind your ass against him, it makes him cum so easily and he gets so embarrassed. 

🎮 On himself- Levi usually spirals and goes into a bit of self-deprecating territory when you asked this question, if he really had to choose something. He’d choose his tail. He thinks it’s really cool. 

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum, basically)

🎮 So you know how thigh highs exist? And Levi may have asked you to let him cum on them. He’d be rubbing his leaking cock between the tight fabric and your thigh, listening to how you call him a messy lil pervert and he’s cumming bucket loads. If you’re not wearing any of the very many thigh highs that Levi bought for you, then he’s honestly a sucker for cumming anywhere. Inside you, on your face, on your chest, thighs, mouth, ass, literally anywhere he’s not picky. He cums a lot, and it’s not like he’s super pent up anymore but he just cums so much, mini flood alert. Especially when in demon form when you’re dealing with twice the amount from his double dick situation. 

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs.)

🎮  Oh, Levi. You probably wondered what was happening to your underwear. Maybe that pair that you really liked has now suddenly gone missing. Little did you know, more than all that ero-manga, the occasional sexy game, or even character based sexy ASMR, Levi developed a new habit, stealing underwear. Specifically your underwear, could you even imagine how desperately he whimpers and whines, stroking his cocks so pathetically while he holds your underwear. His sense of smell gives the greatest weight to his fantasy, he could only imagine it’s you. His fantasy always changes but circled around what he would do, what he could do. Sometimes he leaves his door unlocked, putting his headphones on and blasting whatever he needs to get him off. He secretly hoped you would walk in, finding him in his shameful state. Berate him, look at him with that disappointment, only feeding into his masochism. What a series of desires such a devious act could elicit. The mere stealing of a piece of clothing has him getting so uncontrollably hard. Whenever he feels it's lost its scent, he'll simply procure another pair. 

E = Experienced (How experienced are they? Do they know what they're doing?)

🎮 He’s the king of experience…At least in the game world. Knows just how and where to touch, the massage and tongue techniques, what works on just about every fantasy race- or how to turn the most uptight person into a total slut for his dick- of course all in his ero games. Levi had no IRL experience, I mean that kind of thing takes two to tango and is hard for an otaku who never leaves his room. Thankfully you’re here now and willing to teach him all the ins and out of the real deal.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying.)

🎮  Any position he can fuck your thighs - Cannot stress this point enough at just how obsessed this man is with, specifically your thighs. He’ll bend you, twist you, hold you, pin you all the while he’s fucking his cock between the soft flesh of your thighs while panting like a dog in heat. He’d even apologize while doing it (he doesn’t mean it, not when it feels that good.)   

🎮 Reverse cowgirl - Ass man. He wants to watch as you sink down on his cock taking every single inch and all the way up again. His fingers would be digging into your ass while he’s helping you with your pace. 

🎮 Doggy - This one is his ultimate…All of his favourite things going on at the exact same time- he can bury one dick deep inside you, and have the other one pleasantly sandwiched between your thighs. 

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous? Etc)

🎮 He’s so stiff (no pun intended) most of the time, you find it odd how he’s still that shy considering when it’s nearly a daily occurrence that you’re doing something nasty together. On the other end of it sometimes he’s so ridiculously goofy and it’s never intentional. He’d propose a playlist to enhance your sexy time and it’s just the worst collection of meme songs (he thought he was onto something) 

H =  Hair (How well groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes? Etc) 

🎮 He’s completely natural down under, his hair is on the straighter side and fine. Colourwise it’s a dead ringer for the colour of his hair on top (which is really pretty colour you might add) Levi has offered to shave or trim should you ever find it to be unpleasant but you don’t mind it! So he keeps it natural. (Secretly uses conditioner a lot though so it’s all soft and stuff) 

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment? The romantic aspect) 

🎮 Levi has all his little ecchi tendencies but overall he’s really sweet and loving in the moment. He always holds you close, kisses you a lot and will ramble on about how much he loves you and how amazing you are. You didn’t expect to get hit with the hundreds of “I love you, i love you so much” the first time you and Levi had sex but it’s so cute to hear how he says it even when his voice gets whinier. 

J = Jack Off (Masturbation Headcanon)

🎮 Did it so often that it’s like every second day when he’s needing a little outlet. Has a whole folder dedicated to his masturbation material. He's so messy about it too. Loves slathering his cock in lube, moving his hand while listening to the wet squelch and feeling how slippery it gets, will draw it out and wait for his favourite moment in whatever he’s watching/listening to until he cums and it’s so messy, Levi will even use his own cum to make it messier and go for a second round.  

K = Kink (One or more of the kinks)

🎮  Voice kink - You know this for a fact, you can make Levi cum just with your voice, he hangs on every word. Oh that slightly angered and stern tinge it takes when you’re upset about something just gives him shivers. 

🎮 Praise kink - Yes while Levi does have a massive thing for degradation and wants to hear you berate him, it coexists alongside a praise kink because telling him what a good boy he is and watching him cum in pants just from you praising him tells you everything you need to know. 

🎮 Uniform/Costumes - This gets honorable mention alongside crossdressing, because Levi just loves dressing up in his cosplays (even the female ones) and you can tell him just how pretty he looks while rubbing him under his skirt. 

🎮 Honorable mention for masochism 

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

🎮 Prefers places he’s comfortable with- aka his bedroom. Especially like doing it in his bathtub ^^ It’s pretty cute honestly, the limited amount of space means the two of you are pressed and squished oh so close together with his tail slithering around you and the cold feeling of his scales just add that extra layer of sensation. 

🎮 Technically his room but VR offers A LOT of options. He could be in the middle of a busy city in his game while he’s fucking you in reality and all the NPCs in the city just go about their little lives while Levi is busy fucking you right there in the middle of the overcrowded city. 

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going?)

🎮 You. Just you. You’re a whole beautiful being and you could just brush your fingers across his knuckles accidentally and he’s hard. You didn’t do anything remotely sexual or hinting and he’s getting hard. You talk with even the slightest hint of strictness to your voice and he’s on his knees. Levi is literally the easiest to get going. It's borderline pathetic. 

N = No (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

🎮 Public stuff Levi just wouldn’t be able to handle the anxiety of it and it would completely ruin the experience, he’d be too nervous and worried that it would overall be uncomfortable and unpleasant for him. Another thing Levi isn’t into is threesomes/sharing of any kind. He knows his sin all too well and the consequences would leave him too envious to find the experience enjoyable, he’d get jealous to see someone else's hands on you, making you moan or pleasuring you. The only exception to the rule is Levi would allow a voyeur, someone to watch. He’d like to see their envy, while he touches you knowing that they could never. 

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

🎮 Him and his little snakey tongue oh the possibilities, he’d really show his skills and work his magic. He’s so dexterous with his tongue, easily wrapping it around things, making it constrict a little or moving it in unimaginable ways. He’d practically be writing cursive with his tongue  between your legs. 

🎮 Receiving is the winner - Watching you messily deepthroat one cock, using your hand to stroke the other, before alternating and making those little gag noises on occasion and he’s just dying while watching you and he can practically see the smirk in your eyes as he’s falling apart or when you kiss both heads at the same time. Watching you struggle to swallow all his cum and it ends up just spilling out the corners of your mouth and then run down your face and chest 

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? Etc) 

🎮 Doesn’t have much self control for his desires and ends up ramming into you, hits it so fast every time you’ll have to make him slow down. Pull his hair, tell him to behave and then call him a good boy for listening. Levi will go the extra mile to cater to your desires and if you want slow he’ll do slow, if you want fast then he’ll do fast. (Although he’s always wanting to just go at it like a madman he’ll control himself if you tell him to) 

Q = Quickie (They opinions on quickies, how often etc)

🎮 He’s a walking quickie- he’s a suggestion away from pulling you into his room. Levi can cum so quickly too, so they’re perfect for him just a little something something before having to bear the pressures of normie society and RAD for the day. Morning quickies are his favourite and best to do it before the two of you get dressed because as mentioned before he always makes a mess. 

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment? Do they take risks? Etc)

🎮 Levi has so many things he wants to try, there’s a whole list of those he wants to try with you. He’s not careless or stupid about it. Levi is meticulous in researching it, and he’ll tell you straight up everything about whatever it is that he wants to try. He gives you an out and places your opinion above his. Levi is ecstatic if you want to try something and thus far there hasn’t been anything crazy enough to make you decline a request. 

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for? How long do they last?)

🎮 Well he’s a premature ejaculator most of the time. (Makes him cry and shit because he’s so embarrassed and you just tease him and it makes it worse) But he’s got the stamina to make up for it because he can go until you call it quits. He’s not a stranger to overstimulating himself and will keep going. 

T = Toys (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or on themselves?)

🎮 Oh Levi’s naughty little toy box~ That you accidentally stumbled upon and discovered his rather large collection of fleshlights and vibrators. You’ve added to it since then but yes Levi absolutely loves using toys! Gets all excited when waiting to try out a new one, especially likes the ones you use on him. Chastity cages, cock rings, hell even prostate vibrators. Lowkey likes it when you spank him a little too.

U = Unfair (How much they like to tease?)

🎮 Prefers being on the receiving end of teasing and loves it when you’re mean to him and just won’t give in. He’ll beg and cry and you’ll keep denying him, even when he’s sobbing and whining he’s still loving every second. As for being the one doing the teasing, he doesn’t have much patience to do it plus he listens a little too easily to you. If you tell him to stop, then being the obedient cutie he is, he will. (Unless you made him jealous then strap in for some rare dom Levi time.) 

V = Volume (How loud they are? What sounds they make? Etc)

🎮 Whiney, sobs, gasps, the most pathetic sounding moans (but also the most adorable), loads of begging. He’s not loud enough to be considered obnoxious but he’s also loud enough to warrant getting his room sound proofed. He would literally die if someone had to hear him sobbing and begging for you to let him fuck you while you’re telling him to be a good boy and he gets all giddy over that. 

W = Wild Card (A random headcanon for the character?)

🎮 He got so sad when you found out he was stealing your underwear :( not because you find out (he was actually hoping for that) but he was upset because you confiscated all the pairs he’d secretly hoarded thus far (you literally needed your underwear and this man was hoarding them??) It’s actually become like a reward system. Everytime Levi does something hard and goes out of his comfort zone he’ll get a little sticker on a cute card you made him. Once he’s done 10 hard tasks he’s allowed one pair of your underwear. (Rewards systems like games, are a great motivator for him.) 

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on under those clothes?)

🎮 Human form - It’s always the introverted nerdy boys packing the biggest dicks - Absolutely pleasant surprise for you though when you saw just how big Levi was, and honestly wondered how he managed to even hide something that big. Good 9 inches and girthy, prominent veins, downward curve (listen gravity just taking it’s just dues with a dick that big) He’s begging you to please stop with all jokes about him being big. 

🎮 Demon form - Surprise, double the fun. No seriously you couldn’t stop yourself from being floored :0 by the fact that his transformation gave him not one, but two big dicks. As for the physical changes you noticed scales on the base with a few stray ones leading up, and a larger more bulbous tip. 

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

🎮 High high drive - can’t help it, can’t even keep his hands to himself. It’s to the point of where he’s asking you on the daily for a little “quality” time. If you ever have an argument the best thing you can do is threaten sex ban for a week and watch him crumble. It only got worse after you introduced him to all the lovely pleasures of the flesh (is he sure he isn’t the real avatar of lust) 

Z = Zzz (How quickly they fall asleep afterwards?)

🎮 He gets really eepy, and quiet. He’ll seek you out in some way, wanting to lay his head on your chest or thighs, or he’ll pull you close and hold you all snug against him giving you little snuggles and nuzzling into you. The warmth of your skin against his cold body just warms him up and makes him feel so cozy that he’ll be falling asleep quite quickly. 

Taglist: @completelyshatteredbrokenmschf

[limi-strology]

Astro observations II

Decided to make a part 2, didn't expect the first one to get more than, like, 50 notes 😅

Based on just my personal experience, might not be true for everyone! ᵔᴗᵔ

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

┊ ˚➶ ｡˚ Contrary to the stereotypes, I don't think I've ever met a two faced Gemini. They honestly seem pretty cool people, they have so many friends and they just know how to communicate, you know? Their relationship with their partner looks really wholesome to outsiders too (but could be just me viewing it this way, lol). If anything, I think they just stand out more, which makes it a bit more difficult to approach them. 🤷‍♀️

┊ ˚➶ ｡˚ Gemini sun girls also have something aesthetic about them, like my cousin has a nice academia aesthetic going on in her life and a classmate from uni has this high-end fashion sense, she looks really pretty everytime (For some reason, when I think of Geminis, I'm envisioning luxury parties with champagne and brands like YSL and Louis Vuitton, that's the vibe I get) ✨

┊ ˚➶ ｡˚ People with Sagittarius in their big three (sun, moon, rising) are some of the most outgoing people I know. They have so many connections and, once their schedule allows it, they start planning coffee dates, hangouts with their friends, clubbing etc. A friend of mine can literally NOT stay at home the entire day, he just HAS to go out or meet up with people for at least 2-3 hours. 🏙️

┊ ˚➶ ｡˚ To the fellas with Moon opposition Neptune; How do you guys deal with moments in life that don't live up to your expectations? You know, when your imagination goes wild and has a very idealistic scenario of a certain situation, only for it to happen in a much different way and lowkey dissapoints you? Also, do you have dreams that kind of warn you or prepare you for something that will take place in the future? Because I feel like we kind of build our own world and the universe has to remind us that life isn't always perfect, lol 💭

┊ ˚➶ ｡˚ My dear Aquarians, why the pessimism? Rather than overthinking everything and imagining the worst scenarios possible, how about you try focusing more on positive things? Even if it's just something small each time, it helps you view your daily life in a better light :)

┊ ˚➶ ｡˚ Speaking of Aquas, I've noticed that most of you guys also don't really like being alone for too long. Sure, you want to have your me time (it's fine, we all do) but you also can't stand not having company around. Like, you'll randomly decide to stay in and spend some time alone but then you'll get upset and start calling your friends and family. A friend of mine cannot stand being alone for too long, even if we spend the whole day together, he hates being home on his own, to the point where he sometimes straight up takes the bus back to his hometown. It's wonderful that you enjoy spending so much time with others (I could never, lolll) but try picking up a hobby when you don't have the chance to be around people as much. It'll kind of distract you from loneliness and give you the chance to have some quality time with yourself 🧩

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

Thank you for reading, hope you have a wonderful day 💙

Edit: Bonus Observations

So a lot of you guys commented that Aquarius actually prefers solitude and could easily pass time all by themselves, so I looked into the charts of the social Aquas I know irl and see what it is that makes them so outgoing and talkative;

(I didn't include houses because I haven't gotten to confirm their birth times)

• My friend has Saturn in Gemini, which can make people talkative in any situation (I also have this placement and, although I see myself as an introverted homebody, I am surprisingly pretty chatty and enjoy going out with people that make me happy). Truly, he always gives something to talk about with everyone he knows, sometimes he'll start a conversation with another friend of his while I'm standing there not knowing what to say or do in the meantime, like 🧍‍♀️?

• He also has Mars in Sagittarius and Jupiter in Leo; energetic, lively and outgoing, thrives when surrounded by people. He almost never gets tired of hanging out with people, my low social battery could never 😅

• Other than her sun, my mom also has Aquarius in her Mercury, which makes her friendly and likeable, plus she enjoys conversing with people.

• Another thing about my mom, her placements are a bit contradictory; She has Sun in Aquarius, Moon in Virgo, and Uranus and Pluto in Libra - These indicate shyness, independence and introversion. Truly, she prefers doing things on her own most of the time and doesn't open up to just anyone. She also used to be very shy around my age (probably because of Virgo moon?). However, she also has Jupiter and Neptune in Sagittarius, which make her more adventurous, outgoing, charming and humorous. So that would probably explain this whole 'outgoing yet independent yet still can't be lonely' vibe she gives me.

Hope this explains a bit better why I had this image of Aquas at first, thanks for sharing your thoughts in the comments!

[necrotic-nephilim]

after seeing the poll about who in the batfam could be Deaf, I am now obsessed with how the masks could affect their sign. If they use their signing space differently when in the vigilante persona or not. Signing is so distinctive to each person that the code switching they do would be interesting to see play out in their ASL. Also thinking about what family signs the family would use to refer to batshit things in their lives. q

YEAH YOU GET IT.

(the poll in question) i am deeply fascinated by the mechanics in which Deaf culture could play into the Batfam. bc most of them are wearing masks that would heavily inhibit ASL (given ASL is an expressive language) so i think it's more likely they'd use something akin to Makaton or Military Hand Signals that are not a fully developed language, but a communication aid, with a given set of signs for the typical things that need to be communicated in the field. meanwhile they'd be more likely to use ASL casually. (i'm unsure who all in the Batfam is confirmed to know ASL, but i know at the very least Bruce and Tim are)

i'm also very drawn in by the idea of other firms of assistive communication/tech used aside from just ASL. i personally find it believable that the masks of any of the Batfam could include automatic captioning tech that only they see through the inside of the mask, similar to captioning glasses at movie theatres, if they were Deaf/HoH. also how you would modify the concept of comm links to be more accessible, potentially projecting the message visually through the person's mask or maybe a wrist communicator sort of situation, depending on their personal preference. how the Batfam in general would interact with each other if one or multiple of them were Deaf would be heavily shaped and i think it's so fun. and i *love* the thought of personal signs they'd have to come up with bc well, ASL is hardly equipped for their lifestyle. also fun to consider sign names and if sign names are unique to the person or unique to the mantle. (eg, would the sign name for Robin be specific to which Robin, or just the mantle at large) there's so many little things that would change and i just think it's Neat. most people are approaching the poll from the perspective of their character of choice having hearing loss from vigilante work (which is a super valid way to approach it and i love those headcanons) but personally i find it fun if the deafness is a pre-existing condition and already something the Bat has been dealing with for years and thus approaches vigilantism needing to modify their gear slightly from the standard norm. how they could influence how Bruce trains them, emphasizing other senses. how they'd likely be far more tactical on the field, pressing their hands against something to feel for noise, ergo their gloves may be designed to more easily pick up vibration. (cannot tell you how much i do that irl) whether or not they'd hide it from the larger hero world is also an interesting question. it's all a fun internal struggle as well, internalized ableism and all. so much you could do with it!!

[ghostykapi]

i was really hoping that she will come through

mina & 10th member fem!reader // gay. <3, suggestive at the end

this is a very late present to my irl friend who follows me in this cursed site. lov u girl. have a mina

it felt like, you had stuck a deal with the devil himself for agreeing with this. you had practically sold your soul the moment you let her invade your home. her laugh echoing like a siren’s call, luring you into making bad decisions a love struck human can ever make.

she would sometimes be in her own home, peacefully enjoying her own space in her own way. sometimes she would appear out of thin air after practice in your home, already seated on your beanbag, in front of the tv, with a controller on her hand.

if not after practice, then she would appear sometimes on unexpected days. having a spare key to your home that was given for emergencies was now used as a way to slither in while you slept till the early hours of the afternoon. she would be on your pc, playing whatever games you had on there as you dozed in and out of slumber.

you didn’t mind of course, but what you couldn’t control was the beating of your own heart and malfunction of your brain when the moment you realized what she would wear every time she was over.

she would innocently waltz around the place with the shortest and most comfortable possible shorts she would find with a big tshirt of her choice. it shouldn’t bother you, with that’s also what you would wear in the comfort of your own home and your members’ places.

it’s just really the part where she was your crush for the longest time since twice was formed and the whole situation is short circuiting your head.

today, you had just came back from shooting for your dance project. your eyes dropping already the moment you stepped into the van and body sluggish from many hours of perfecting the scenes.

other members had visited you during the shoot, whereas chaeyoung had sneaked in during your first 3 hours to surprise you with breakfast, dahyun and tzuyu arriving during your 3rd scene, and jeongyeon supporting you during the last part of your shooting.

you took a mental note to give them a little trinket as a thank you for coming by while you slipped of your shoes at the doorway. you noticed another pair of shoes also by the door, a pair that defined didn’t belong to you.

walking in the living room, you try to see if the resident gamer was there. she wasn’t. you checked the kitchen to see if she decided to grab a snack or eat a late second dinner. nope, also not there.

so you walk into the bed room, expecting her there on your pc, ready to play whatever fps game she wanted to play, only to find her on your bed with only a sports bra on with her signature short shorts.

you stood in front of your room, the redness of your cheeks becoming hot and your breath taken away. she didn’t seem to notice you, only focused on her switch as she played animal crossing.

it felt like you have been starting for an hour (it was only a minute) before moving to grab a quick change of clothes and speedily heading into the bathroom. you softly close the door, locking it, before looking into the mirror and noticing how red you have gotten.

the image is stuck in your mind as you step in the cold shower. you can see the way she looked so focused and determined over one of the chillest games you’ve ever known, and you don’t know why but it absolutely is making her hotter than she already is.

get a grip y/l/n, you thought to yourself as you dried off and changed into your thin oversized shirt and shorts, you’re making it harder to keep it a secret, and you’ve kept this secret for years! don’t screw it up now

after doing your skincare routine, you went back to your room, still seeing mina in the same position. she just turns her head when she notices you and gives you a smile that absolutely blinds your eyes.

“y/n” she calls out, scooting over on your bed and patting on the space right beside her

as you sit beside her to watch her play, you can feel the exhaustion finally hitting you once you’ve made contact with your bed. you couldn’t stop yourself from yawning making mina save and close her game before putting the switch away to focus on you

you were about to say something but she immediately pushes you down unto lying on your belly. her hands already on your back, pressing down and massaging away any knots you have that accumulated throughout the shooting

“relax” she would coo into your ear, your brain gearing into overdrive “you must be so stressed and tired from all of that, let me help you”

she worked hard into making you feel relaxed, and it worked wonders for both your back and your poor sapphic heart. she would hum happily as you let out small sounds in sensitive areas that she would press down. the lower back isn’t getting away either, as she presses down there, you would let out louder sounds

“sensitive?” mina’s voice is teasing and light as you feel the heat and yearning grow inside you “you must feel so good right now, don’t you y/n-nie?”

you can’t come up with a reply, especially not when she lies on top of you and you can feel every inch of her skin pressing unto you.

she would whisper sweet nothings into your ear, as her right hand found yours and intertwining them together. praising you for your heard work while her left hand on the side of your hips and lightly squeezing them

you have no idea what is happening, why she is doing this and why this late into the night as well. all you know is that you couldn’t help but tilt your head to the side before giving her a kiss that she gladly reciprocated

of course, you know this goes. one kiss turns into two, two becomes into maybe four, four into eight, and eight into a her pinning you down on your back the bed, with her hands caging you in and her thigh between your legs, wanting to get more of those sounds out of your pretty mouth

“i was really hoping that you would come through” she would whisper in between kisses and you can’t help but grind on her thigh to get more from her “all i needed was to invade your home at this time and the rest is clockwork”

[pillarsalt]

hi Im the same ex transmasc anon who sent you that aask about rhe tumblr ban thing, I did a lot of reading without forcing myself away this time. (I used to look at radblr sometimes bc I got curious, but when it started making too much sense i would make myself stop reading and tell myself I was being manipulated and try to forget about it..looking back that probably wasnt normal haha,)

I have mixed feelings tho. I don’t regret looking closer, the amount of sexism in the trans community was horrible. I think even radfems don’t understand how bad it was because it was all subtle styff. But seeing it constantly irl and online was terrible for me as a female. It gave me so much internalized misogyny, it made me hate myself and I felt worthless and stupid! and whiny! and annoying! all the time!! unless I was able to be perceived as a man. I felt like I had to be a man to have any respect in the community. I remember being so amazed to see abortion be covered by trans people I followed in even a reblog because it was the first time I saw people in the community talk about female issues at all. Even then it was covered with disclaimers and terfs DNI banners. male,opinions were always prioritized.

I thought this was dysphoria and a sign I was really a man. then I started reading radfem things and its like that feeling instantly lifted. I felt respected, listened to, even though I wasn’t speaking. It was also like all this stuff I’d internalized from being female, all the trauma around sex based oppression, was actually being addressed. in trans circles you get called a terf for acknowledging females face any kind of oppression (they acknowledge sex when it’s to talk about how hard male loneliness is on young trans women, and how the incel to trans woman pipeline happens, though…)

but the reason I have mixed feelings is bc I now feel….dumb? And afraid. And angry. I spend well over a decade being part of this community, half my friends are in the community, I’ve been trans since I was 9. My typings not the best… dyslexia sucks lol. But I like to think I’m smart. Now I don’t know,

And it makes me think totally different of these people I saw as progressive cis male allies, who were so loud about trans rights and hating JKR and terfs. Now they just feel like the same flavor of anti-feminist man I hate.

And the community is so huge and it’s so widely accepted and I don’t know how to deal!

But I am happy to be a woman now. In a healthy way I haven’t been for a long time. thats all that matters.

I'm sorry for everything you were put through. Many girls and women have been sucked into this thinking it will provide a solution for their distress at the social ramifications of the body they're born in, only for more people, namely men, to take advantage of their distress and gain power over them. As you mentioned, even "cis" men get in on the action when they justify intimidating and threatening women with violence in response to perceived transphobia. It's a terrible situation to be in. Made worse when you can't openly talk about with people you're close to for fear of alienating them.

I think you should give yourself more credit. You ARE smart. You questioned what you were told was never allowed to be questioned and realized you were being misled. And what you said about trying to make yourself forget the realizations you've had, that is normal. It's a difficult and scary thing to hold opinions that conflict with those of the majority of your peers. I think it's like the climax of cognitive dissonance -- when what you know is true clashes so hard against what you want to believe, you find it impossible to justify anymore, so you just resort to pretending you never learned the information in the first place. Been there.

I'm just being a stereotype now, but there's a classic Dworkin quote for this:

"Many women, I think, resist feminism because it is an agony to be fully conscious of the brutal misogyny which permeates culture, society, and all personal relationships."

Anyway my point is, don't beat yourself up. I'm really happy to read that you're accepting your womanhood, it's a hard journey but it's worth it to have a good relationship with yourself. And in my experience (at the sage and wisened age of 25) that it gets easier as you get older. You work through mistakes, and that prepares you to handle the next mistake better. You're right, your health and happiness is all that matters, keep striving for that and it will steer you right.

I wanted to give you some reading recommendations, you mentioned you have dyslexia but I believe these two are available in audiobook form if that's up your alley:

Delusions of Gender: How Our Minds, Society, and Neurosexism Create Difference by Cordelia Fine

Invisible Women: Exposing Data Bias in a World Designed for Men by Caroline Criado Perez

There are tons more great books on feminism but these two are my go-tos for hard facts on gender, socialization, and the systematic discrimination against women worldwide through biases that are built into society.

Well uh; TLDR thanks for gracing my inbox, anon :) Hope you keep well.

[averagetmntfan]

a special thank you to my moots.

(TW: suicidal thoughts, ig?)

ahem- so as I have mentioned, today is my 1 year old this platform! I honestly cant believe it’s been this..long? A lot has happened, too. And honestly for the longest time, it wasn’t going well. Like- at all.

(rant continues under the cut:)

I’m don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. Im doing much better than before, so it’s really not a big deal anymore. I’m just giving some brief context for my 2023- early 2024 school year.

so, I made this blog a couple days before the whole situation went down. Which I think I briefly mentioned on here.

so for a bit, I had felt very uh- isolated in my friend group. I had kinda always been the odd one out. We had different interests. Their sort of fun was hangin’ out, gossiping and what not. And I was into cartoons, and art. I never really told them, though. There were sorta judgy, and I was very insecure. Because they make fun of people. And I didn’t wanna end up by myself.

But anyways- usually, they’d all leave. And tell me to watch their stuff. And since I’m sort of a pushover irl, I didn’t really argue about it. But when I say all of them leave-? I meant all of them. All 4 of em. And it often did upset me.

also they’d talk to people I didn’t even know- which, okay yeah- but I couldn’t talk to them. I didn’t wanna get dirty looks. I’m not a very outgoing person. I like to think I keep to myself often.

So, Halloween comes around. And this stuff doesn’t end. And for a bit more context, one of my friends was getting super annoying by me. And I’m pretty sure she didn’t like me, like- at all. She easily got annoyed at me. And only me.

so she went to the Halloween dance- last block of the day

blah blah skip to after school and I text the group- “where are u guys?” None of them respond. So I search a lil bit, then head outside. Where- guess what? All of them were.

I asked “Why didn’t you answer the text?”

and my friends that gets annoyed at my easily said a snarky “my phone was off.” And was generally just being fucking bitch. And I use to be a big crybaby and stuff- and eventually grew out of it. But this- this sentence really upset me. I stormed off, avoiding all of them.

eventually I got on my bus and- well. Uh. Let my feelings out, if you will. I remember it very cleary, too. It was one of the most tears I had shed in a long time.

I get home, and the girl texts the gc, clamming I stormed off for “no reason” and I had enough. Saying smth “I obviously didnt storm off for no fucking reason”

a bit more of arguing keeps going, and a lot more sobs. It was one of the worst days I had ever had.

a few more days go by, and the situation gets worse. I avoid all of them, and hung out w/ a diff friend. I ranted/vent to her, telling her my friend was a Hippocrate for complaining about our other friends leaving, even tho she did the EXACT same fucking thing.

Which, was talking shit. So that wasn’t great and rlly bad of me. And I guess karma hit hard bc she texted me after school, saying I was talking shit abt her. Bc my friend was friends with her friends. So..awkward..

and really- the next day, it was over. I was free. But at what cost, really? I lost all my friends. Became an outcast, really. It was pathetic, now that I think about it.

for the rest of the year, I rarely spoke to them. And never talked to the other girl.

I spent most my time in the library, reading. And skipping out on eating. I was so unhappy. I don’t wanna say depressed but- very close.

it really made me hate who I was. It made me feel like a terrible person.

And that’s when I really did start using Tumblr more. It was sort of an escape, of mine. And god, I’m so glad I set up and account. I Met do many amazing and unique people one here.

This is sort of corny but, I really think this has helped me through a lot. Since a few months early I lost my privileges to tik tok, and discord. Which, yeah. Sucked.

but so many things had happened-! Joined a rp group, met a new online friend (which we are now very very close<3), found out about a LOT of facts, found other people who shared my interests!

so here we are, one year later.

it was really something. I’ve met so many wonderful people on here, man. Especially my moots. You guys know who you are. I’m not gonna tag you guys, but I’ll do a quick smth smth ig

FIRST OF- my first closest moots-!! Ghosty, cookie, Sleepy, Ally, And my Pooks, Ari. So many awesome things happened with these guys. A lot of funny moments, too. Lmao.

AND ALL MY RAMSHACKLE PEEPS- dew, anomaly, Schnozz, reboot, Bailey, lilac,- you guys are literally AWESOME UGH- I seriously enjoy every interaction I have with you guys. It genuinely makes me so happy

sorry this is super corny and stuff, I really wanted to make something meaningful for this. Thank you guys for being so amazing.<3

— jj

[jazzy-art-time]

I know you have plant lore but I need to know if you have animal lore too. I've known for a while that the Hend ranch is...well, it's a ranch. Ranches have animals.

The mainline Pokemon series loves to continue to dance around where any animal products other than milk and honey come from, and while I know Pokemon is moreso a species choice for Jarble rather than anything more concrete, it still does make me curious.

Are animals in the Jarble setting just normal real world animals? Are they *feral* Pokemon since all the Jarbled guys are anthomons? Are they Pokemon adjacent but in an evolutionary (irl definition of evolutionart) sense i.e. ask-scrafty?

Does Tucker see cows and oxen on the ranch and just nod his head? Is this a Goofy and Pluto situation?

*shoves a microphone in your face*

Your thoughts please I'm so normal about animals in Pokemon/Pokemon-adjacent settings and seeing how different people explain them.

SURE I'LL GIVE A LITTLE YAP 4 YOU I already did in discord but this is now the Public Version this version revised for the General Public

SO... For JarbleAU.... I wasn't sure what to do for a long time! Because I've done the animals VS Pokemon... Sentient VS feral... I've done pretty much every version of it for all of my blogs/stories. I had almost contemplated just "lol lab grown meat" and such because I didn't want to try and brace the subject again Cuz whenever I do I always get someone questioning it and whatnot When most of the time it is just a Goofy/Pluto situation and I have to use that one image from Gumball of "Don't think about it too much"

BUT for Jarble, I added the Imps. The Imps changed things. Because the Imps are considered "feral" creatures. Am I just going to have a universe with only 3 non sentient creatures?? That wouldn't make any sense. That would be like a HUGE deal then. I can't have Eden casually show SUPER RARE FERAL BEING THERE ARE ONLY 3 IN THE WORLD on a livestream. That would be like a huge in universe deal. SO... I had to make a decision. I had considered doing the "Sentient VS Feral" pokemon thing again. Much like how I do for Ask-Scrafty.... BUT.... Again I just am always iffy with too many connections to pokemon to Jarble. Despite everything. I know it's a pointless thing to stress over but what can I say, I be stressin. I can't have InternetStranger45 point at me again and go "UMMMM???" I cant do it man I CANT!!!

BUT ALSO ON THE OTHER END.... I did not want to add normal animals. Like I make this fantasy setting complete with ancient gods that literally alter your personality and core as a person... and then I'm just gonna have a like. Dog? I'm just gonna have a normal dog there?? No that's boring I don't enjoy it. SO.... I decided to make the wildlife fantasy creatures! NOT pokemon, but just... general fantasy creatures that resemble their animal species. Sometimes I might make them resemble pokemon species (Like how The Imps resemble The 3 Lake Guardians) but otherwise I wanted to make them separate creatures! "But jazzy... why keep the pokemon species but design all new fantasy creatures?" consider: I don't wanna. SO All Jarble wildlife will be fantasy based creatures! WILL there still be some awkward staring at a creature that is similar to you? Probably! BUT at least they will be a entire different species. That way it is... more akin to a Human viewing a Gorilla. Tucker can live in peace on a ranch knowing that he isn't entirely related to the cattle gkjadhgkjsd

THESE WILL BE GIVEN THEIR OWN POSTS BUT HERE A cow and a lizard!

[pixlpxie]

Heeeyyy. I have a question. (SA trigger warning)

Do you think the desire for cnc stems from previous sexual trauma? I've seen an anon here say that she wanted to be full on tortured and held down by, was it Yunho or Hwa, I don't remember. I didn't even sense the consent in her ask. And I was like, I'd be down, and then I was like huhhh???? I would?????

I was almost sexually assaulted by an agemate when I was 14. Back then, I felt horrible. Like, I really went through it. Asking myself why I was even there in the first place yk? Blaming myself, and so on. I was also sooo against any form of non-consent, even if it was consensual. But now that I look back, I'm like, ugh I was over reacting and if I went back in time to that moment I would just tell my young self to shut up like it wasn't even that bad. (My morals do prevail and I know that any kind of SA is not acceptable. If it were anyone else, I would NEVER say this.)

But now I am so very willing to participate in cnc, 100%. Even take part in various kinks. I think I just grew up and became more self aware and honest with myself, but I would like to know if you think my previous experience contributed to this.

Also, you don't have to answer this if it makes you uncomfortable. I love love love your page, like it constantly reminds me that I'm not odd for liking the things I do😭🫶🫶. Thank you so much. You're a blessing to many of us, and some hATERS (cue annoying people) cannot even seem to understand that. Talking about lists and all that. Ew

Such topics do not make me uncomfortable, don't worry🤭its literally my job atp (im a psychologist now so I mean it)

First of all before I get into it, I want you to know that you were never the blame. Its not your fault that you had to go through something like that. I'm so sorry for what happened and I hope you are better now. And you feeling bad about non consensual plays for some time is totally normal, don't think that you had to enjoy this kink right away.

Honestly I had to research quite a lot on this topic before because even though I knew it was a perfectly normal kink, the reality of r*pe makes you doubt yourself. So I wanted to find out if there was something wrong with me or not because no one around me irl likes cnc. They think its extremely weird. It turns out nothing's wrong.

There are many reasons why a person can be into cnc, involving extreme versions of it. You can already guess some of them, which is that it's a really strong roleplay for power dynamics. Whether you are the agressor or the victim, you give in to the most extreme level of domination or submission. It's also primal. It can easily bring out your animalistic sides. Many people enjoy this. So for example if you like being the victim it can simply mean that you like not having control. Its a good way to relieve stress and release adrenalin too.

The other reason is that CNC can actually work as a coping mechanism. In fact, kinks and role plays are important for human psychology. They can help you resolve or at least deal with unresolved issues in two main ways. The first is that you might have experienced something related to the said kink/rp. In this example, you might have actually experienced SA. It's not easy to accept a reality like this and it can easily damage a person's identity and self-perception. It can take so long to get better. So you need to find a way to cope with this and resolve it. So over time you can start enjoying CNC as it would give you a sense of control that you couldn't have during the bad experience. You can control, change and alter the way the role play can go. This can help you to accept what's happened in a less damaging way, assuring that you are in control. It can also help you relive the experience over again, although this can sound bad, you can become insensitized to the situation.

The second way is that these unresolved issues don't have to be anything related to the roleplay. Meaning you don't have to experience SA to enjoy CNC. Such symbolic roleplays can help you deal with repressed emotions and help your subconscious to process the material there. As such roleplays also have clear cut archetypal figures, they can help you deal with deep-seated symbols, personas or narratives. Do you know why they say people with daddy kinks don't have a healthy relationship with their dad? Its not true all the time obviously (bc its so common now) but it's a good way to show you what I mean.

So no, not all people who enjoy CNC experience SA or similar events. But if you had, it can help you cope too. But kinks and fetishes are way too deeply rooted in your subconscious and they are madly complicated. Most of the time you will end up feeling so lost when you try to find out why you have a certain kink/fetish. So you're not really supposed to know why you like the things you like. You should let your psyche and subconscious deal with them. As long as theres constent and they dont hurt other people, you can enjoy anything. Its ok. Don't let people make you feel bad for enjoying CNC. Trust me, people who like this kink are actually really nice and care so much about their partner's well being. Meaning the agressor roleplayer don't actually want to r*pe anyone irl. That's what I've seen.

Overall, in your case, it might have contributed. And it's ok. Keep enjoying your roleplay and let it help you resolve your trauma.

And thank you so much I hope youll keep enjoying my blog and i was able to help 🥺🥹💖💖

[sniigura-archive]

So… I have a friend who’s a misogynist like Adam. Not as chauvinistic, but he is a misogynist who does believe in gender roles. He’s a hoot and a half to be around but also frustrating at times let me tel you. We get along best when I pretend to be the helpless women (even though I’m currently making twice the money he is)

And so a situation happened last week, and it’s been settled so I can laugh about it now and imagine how Adam would react.

As many women do, my girlfriends and I have a number code system that we’ll use when we are in a situation we want to bail on. 1 is “they’re cute, I wanna see where it goes but if I give a signal be ready to bail me out” and 10 is “This persons a fucking creep get me out now”

I was hanging out with said misogynist guy friend and we are nerds so we were coming up with a storyline for dnd, when I get a call from a girlfriend and she says “I’m in a restaurant bathroom, it’s a 10, I need you to get me outta here.”

I immediately put her on speaker and say “(Guy’s Name) is here, do you need an out or do you need us to come grab you?”

She responds “I need an out. I’ll come to you.”

My guy friend responds “Sounds good bitch, we’ll call you in 5, im gonna get (My Name) to start crying. Put us on speaker.”

He hangs up MY PHONE, turns to me and goes “first of all, you better never pull that Number shit on me, second of all, let’s fake a fight.”

So we fake a fight and I ask my friend to “come and pick me up because I really need her right now.”

It was just so ridiculous. And I could picture Adam pulling some shit like that 🤣🤣🤣

god that is very adamcore 😭😭 he’s just so obnoxious i’m in love with him fr

you’re stronger than me i couldn’t deal with a guy like that irl but irl i don’t like men in general

[genderkoolaid]

Honestly, there’s something that I’m struggling with, I’m like salmacian, and I have bottom dysphoria, that’s like really really really bad, and I’m planning on getting bottom surgery, but honestly, I kinda don’t know how I’m gonna deal with the whole isolation aspect of it all. Cause like, the queer community HATES us bro, so while I love the idea of finally feeling free in my body it sucks because it makes me feel like I have to choose between my life and my community; my bottom dysphoria has been making me wanna kms, I mean like literally curl up in a ball and drop dead, and then you see people on Twitter and shit saying “if you feel dysphoria in this way you *SHOULD* kill yourself” and that’s really challenging for me, I can’t really go to irl queer spaces or transition right now (toxic family situation) but it’s crazy for all these queer spaces to be about “being your true self” just “NOT LIKE THAT” I hope IRL queer spaces will be better, but like I can’t just die because other queer people don’t like my dysphoria, but it’s also kinda hard to find others like me.

Like, what do I even do here?? Do I just pretend I’m cis? Do I publicly ID as nonbinary and pretend I’ve never had bottom surgery, do I pretend I’m like binary transmasc, and also like, in this vein, I think it’s funny (horrible) how nonbinary people literally get hate no matter what we do, we don’t transition? Then we’re bad cringy transtrenders and the reason cis people hate trans people, we transition? We’re evil incarnate, we just can’t win lmaooo. 💀

First of all, I’d recommend distancing yourself from spaces that promote anti-salmacian bigotry and trying to engage yourself in online pro-salmacian spaces as much as possible. Do whatever you have to in order to disconnect from the people who hock the idea that salmacians are bad or salmacian transitions are somehow immoral. If you haven’t checked out r/salmacian, I would highly suggest it– its the biggest (and really, only) community of salmacians I’m aware of and it can be really refreshing to be in a space entirely centered around us and our desires and needs. Connecting with other salmacians can be so healing, especially getting to see people who have physically transitioned and reminding yourself that it is possible to have that body and be happy. It also reminds you that there are so many of us out there– pretty much everytime I talk about being salmacian on here, I see new people who have never realized that “its a thing” and there’s a word for it. It is so much more normal to be salmacian than bigots will make it seem. 

This post on the subreddit talks about dating as salmacians, and the consensus seems to be that the trans dating scene seems to be pretty accepting of salmacians– obviously that’s not going to be the case everywhere, but weird queers have existed since time immemorial. When you are surrounded by (especially online) regressive bigots, it really warps your view of reality and makes it hard to truly believe that that isn’t the universal standard. Its near impossible to thrive when you are in the situation, which is why its so vital to surround yourself with proof that that isn’t the standard. I promise you that you will be able to find a community that will find the idea that your dysphoria is “evil” to be fucking ridiculous and support your salmacian identity– you might even find other salmacians, or help other people realize its an achievable option! 

I strongly agree with how nonbinary people get treated re: transitioning. Obviously binary people are not overall treated better but it really does suck there’s no way to be nonbinary that doesn’t involve hate– either you don’t transition (or don’t “really”/”fully” transition) and get seen as a transtrender who doesn’t know what its REALLY like, or you have a “weird” transition and get treated like a weird fetish-chaser or a TLC short and not, like, a person who just wants to control their own body. Tbh I would love to see more nonbinary/genderqueer-centered community stuff, along with more discussion of exorsexism that isn’t just “diet transmisogyny/transandrophobia” or “general transphobia.” Ik a lot of post-bottom surgery trans people feel disconnected from the trans community, and I myself have thought about how I’m going to go about… engaging with others and identifying myself post-op. Honestly I would love a salmacian4salmacian relationship but idk if that will ever be in the cards!

& when it comes to salmacians & exorsexism there’s so much stereotyping us as horny freaks (which is a bad thing apparently!) whose dysphoria/euphoria is Evil and Twisted and like… 1. thats just Transmisogyny 2: Electric Boogaloo 2. as if its our fault that 99% of salmacian rep is in fetish porn, so there are so many of us whose only exposure to the concept of being salmacian is through that lens. Or as if its inherently evil to feel sexually satisified with a body that brings you joy? (also this doesn’t even get into the way that so much discussion around transness is not prepared for altersex transitions & the reality of nonbinary people who are physically androgynous and how no, you can’t just slap binary theory onto our bodies and assume its going to cover our experiences, which is why while I would not call myself intersex I do feel a strong sense of solidarity with intersex people bc of the shared “stop assuming your forced rebinarization of myself and my body is okay or coherent”… but anyways!)

I’d love to see a stronger salmacian community, and know that you (or anyone else!) can send me asks about being salmacian, whether to learn more or for advice or just to share experiences/vent and I will be overjoyed to respond. I love talking about being salmacian and helping other people learn about it.

[roundearthsociety]

This is going to be a tad personal but how do you manage to be trans and catholic? Some of the biggest anti trans voices like Matt Walsh, Michael Knowles and Desantis base their views off that religion. Many trans people on here, Reddit and IRL have nothing but disdain for Catholicism because of the Vatican’s statements and how they’ve been treated. Likewise, a lot of Catholics I’ve seen on tumblr, Reddit and various forums view it as a sin, mental illness or pedophilia and oppose affirming care as well as IVF.

I’m an American exvangelical, who does have some conservative Catholic family members, and I’m trying to broaden my perspective a bit rather than writing Catholicism off as an irredeemable, hateful colonizer ideology and viewing paganism and Reform Judaism as the only valid religions like most Tumblr users do. How do you put up with it when many refuse to affirm it, including the pope who’s still very conservative? I’m not asking to attack your beliefs but are simply curious whether there’s more nuance than people will claim.

This is something that's a bit hard to answer, as someone who's not that good a theologian nor that good at theory. Plus, I'm not side A, so I wouldn't be all that good at discussing Catholicism While Queer with you I suspect. Anyway I will be assuming you, the reader, have got some level of legitimate Christian faith. Because otherwise I'm not sure how to like. Give you that.

So let me preface all of this by recommending you look into queer Catholic organizations such as New Ways Ministry, or especially DignityUSA which I've heard good things about. There are also some Tumblr bloggers on the more affirming side of things, most of them aren't really doing all that much advocacy work either but you might find it interesting to scroll through, idk, and-her-saints or shoutsofmybones's blogs for example, and take a look.

Also: you don't have to give up on Christianity entirely if you can't / would rather not be Catholic! Even if the specific ritual and community aspect is especially important to you, the Episcopal Church is probably decently well implanted where you live and is worth looking into, especially since it doesn't have the embedded political elements that the US Catholic Church tends to have.

As for my own personal answer below - please don't bother to get mad at me for this, it's like 4AM and I'm not too interested in writing a thesis here.

Gender-wise it's honestly pretty straightforward. I know I function better being generally recognized as another sex than I was assigned at birth, with characteristics to match; everything else in terms of gender roles names etc is really just getting a lil silly with it ngl. This is neither especially uncommon nor especially new, and the generally recognized way to deal with this has long been to just let people do their thing. While there are issues with the way that's being done (hey! you should freeze your gametes if that's available to you! don't count on never wanting kids, especially if you're a teenager! trust me on this one.), a lot of the modern discourse around it boils down to "this is disgusting to me so it must be morally wrong". And like, I'm a biologist, I can't really find it in myself to be grossed out by this stuff anymore.

Anyway the Church is far from a monolith. Even at the institutional level there's plenty of tolerance; my home diocese is based in a large and ancient Mediterranean city so God knows it's had ages to get used to the weird shit, not counting the handful of trad strongholds. My understanding of the situation in the US is that it's Kind Of Really Not That though, so I'd strongly recommend heavily looking into your local Catholic diocese and parishes before making any moves, because Catholic faith and practice are a very community-bound thing and it's not really something you can do at a distance. Thankfully though, once you start avoiding the political activists trying to use faith as a means to an end (as is the case for most of the people you cite in your ask), you'll find that it's relatively more chill than you'd think. Let me elaborate.

My own case is complicated enough that I can't reasonably apply any of the details to this, but ultimately what's important to note here is that Christianity is functionally about how everyone is flawed, and everyone fucks up, and sure you'll be forgiven but you've got to own up to it first. The members of the Church, even the Pope, even (most of) the Saints in their earthly lives, are no exception. They can be misguided, fearful, or just plain hateful; in such circumstances, it's on them to do better, not on you to adapt to their flaws, and they know this if they're honest to themselves. This, in turn, must apply just as much to you and me; as a Christian, you (generic) have everything you need to do better, and to know anything that prevents you from loving other people is probably not the way to go.

But anyway yeah. I'm trans and Catholic because both of those are just kinda who I am, and I don't intend to stop being either because I'm not interested in replacing myself with the cop in my head. So the Church can have fun with that.

[bananaactivity]

i saw benjay could you perhaps elaborate please i want to know more of your thoughts on them

(also what are your thoughts on poly ships)

FIC INCOMING: Rebound relationship with actual feelings attached ( it’s still unhealthy though)

For poly ships I’d say that I don’t know much on the inner workings of them. I support it tho, irl and in fandom.

As for Ben and Jay it’s not something the actual series has any hints to. So all my thoughts rely on the circumstances of my AU.

(The characters attend college and Auradon is like a gated community opposed to the isle of the lost being a prison island ig.)

Mal and Evie are endgame in my AU however before they get there Ben and Mal have something going on. It goes up until the second movie where they break up, and this time they stay broken up and during the Evie/Mal lovers ballad they actually get together and they also still save Ben and return to Auradon.

Technically that means that Evie cheated on Doug but Doug and Chad deal with that together for a min. As for Ben he’s really distraught and lonely. And Jay has pent up emotions from his beef with his arch rival. So here’s the small excerpt for that:

A couple of weeks post the battle with the Sea VKs Ben was still holed up in his personal dorm suite. It was a bit strained those first days since they got back. He was the future king and all, it was because of him that the four of them could attend Auradon Uni at all. But he just…disappeared. He didn’t come to class or lunch or see anyone at all. A shame he was choosing to hide his face, if Jay was a hot prince who had it all he’d show his face every day. But he wasn’t worried they’d be kicked out. Ben was too sweet. His friends couldn’t see that though.

“ Someone has to check in the poor dear. It’s very well likely he could snap and send us off campus! I’ve spent a year’s time on my studies! I’m not throwing all that time spent away over a failed relationship, do you know how many designs I could have come up with in all that time!” Carlos was flippant as usual. One moment he had concerns over Ben’s wellbeing the next he was screaming about his clothes. “Carly don’t bug out, Ben wouldnt do that I’ve known him forever!” Chad, Carlos’ new little puppy dog. He played with his rats Patch and Rajah letting them crawl on Carlos. They were the best of friends after rooming together that first year. They’d had such fun together they requested to room again this year. Jay couldn’t be too mad at that, he was a good friend to Carlos and he had a good point.

Evie was antsy. “ Maybe Chad has a point guys, Mal and Him weren’t dating before he let us attend ADU?” Mal squeezed her hand, they had been extra lovey dovey now that they were together. Jay would never tell them this but it made him jealous, his long standing romantic interest had just been confirmed to be an impossibility when they left The Isle. “ Guys why is this even a conversation? Not only is prince Pretty boy too nice to kick us out he’s also too smart. As much as you don’t want to admit it, letting us attend ADU was a political move. He’s showing his future people that he’s gonna foster change when he’s in office. He won’t take that back and I’m sure he’ll be fine. Though why you’d stop snogging a face like Ben’s I don’t get. He looks like a good kisser.” Jay joked

He then sighed feeling he had quelled the situation. That didn’t last long before Mal spoke. “ Jay you go check on him.” “ What!” Great. “Yes Jay. You were the closest with him after me, weren’t you? I doubt he wants to see his ex or his exs girlfriend.” Jays mouth was agape. He appreciated Ben but Jay could hardly call himself a reassuring person. “ What about Carlos?!” Carlos sneered at them and got up in a huff knocking down Rajah the rat who plopped into Chads lap with a squeak“I wouldn’t have come over here to eat with you peasants if you were going to outsource me for your dirty work! Let’s go get dinner Chad! I’m feeling Italian cuisine.” Jay watched him walk off with a willing Chad trailing after him, rats in tow.

Mal looked back at him with big eyes. “Please Jay I just want you to check. I don’t want to be the reason we lose our futures here. We have a chance to be something other than…” She trailed off. “Fine. Mal. I’ll check on him but I’m telling you he won’t kick us out.” “ Thank you Jay.” Jay got up and left, before he had to endure his friend’s being all mushy and happy.

“ Benjamin Florian Beast open the fuck up.” Jay was banging on his friend’s Blackwood door. Sometimes the villain in Jay dreamed of stealing the door right off its hinges and selling it on the Isle. But Ben had become his best friend, Carlos and Chad had been so close that Jay felt a little shafted. Evie and Mal had already been distant when they dated their previous partners and now that they were with each other it was no different. Ben was his closest up until now. The door creaked open. And Ben peeked out. Surveying him he looked tired and yet irritatingly pretty. Jay couldn’t believe it, he’d showered at least but the tears and bed head were very apparent as well as the dark sleepy eyes. “Jay?” His voice was a little cracked and his eyes began watering. “Oh. Uhh hey man, I’m just here to check on you.” Ben’s eyes watered more and his lips trembled. “ Uhh Ben….” Jay stretched his arms out to the prince. At the slightest reach for him Ben flailed into his arms and sobbed. “ Oh my god Ben ,really?” Ben wasn’t a stick he had some weight to him but it was nothing Jay couldn’t handle and held him tight and hosted him up to carry him back into the room. Closing the door behind them for some privacy.

Jay attempted to let him down but Ben held on tighter and refused to let go, sobbing into his arms and mumbling incoherently. Jay sighed and and rubbed his back as he got more and more wet. After a bit the mumbling stoped yet still with many tears and heavy breath Ben started talking coherently “ Do you think I was really in love Jay Jay?” He sighed, it was nice to hear his nickname again… it made him feel special. “ I dunno maybe?” He had said he wasn’t good at reassuring people. “Really Jay. I’m asking you for real.” Ben moved his head back to look at Jays face, he still refused to let go of him it was much more intimate than what was normal. Jays heart beat harder and he felt awkward all of a sudden.

“ I don’t know Ben… Benji. I can’t tell you how you felt. But I can tell you that a lot of us are worried about you being holed by yourself up in here. It’s not good for you to be in a small space on your own like this for so long. Especially after the Isle.” This wasn’t entirely true. The others were scared of some retroactive revenge, Jay thought he’d be okay up until he became a water collector. And it was an even bigger lie that Ben was trapped in a small space. His prince dorm was very large with a huge bed a special shower room and large foyer with a mini kitchen and high ceilings with large windows. Spoiled pretty boy. “ I won’t be alone if you stay with me.” Jay stiffened and looked back down to the tearful man still clinging to him.

His hazel eyes refused to move from Jays and Jay was sure if he made any attempt to move from his grasp Ben would rather strangle him than let him leave. “ Okay Benji, I’ll stay. We can talk.” Ben sighed and sunk his head back into Jays chest still refusing to let go. “Thank you.” Eventually Jay managed to move them to the huge ass bed, his legs were getting tired and yet Ben still wouldn’t let him go. After sitting in tearful silence with his head rested on Jays shoulder Ben started talking again. “ I… I don’t want to be alone.” Jay laid his hand on Ben’s arm. “ Ben we’re in our twenties we have all the time in the world.” Exasperated Ben pushed his head up, still refusing to let go he glared up at Jay.

“Easy for you to say you meat head. I’m a gonna be king, people are going to be all over me in the media asking about my royal spouse!” He was cute when he was fussing about something silly, he’d always do that during game practice. “ So what dumbass aren’t you the prince? Just execute them!” Jay scoffed. He really wasn’t a very helpful, they should’ve sent Evie. “ No you goof!” Ben twisted onto his knees on the bed and completely turned to face Jay. “ That’s not who I wanna be! They all believed that Mal would be my queen and now I’m alone and I don’t know who I could possibly… I don’t want to be alone!”

Ben pushed into Jays arm and was getting teary eyed again. “ I thought… I don’t know why I tried to marry her… it’s only been a year? Audrey was awful and I saw a way out… but I still really appreciated Mal. No I… I…” The tears were flowing again. “ I miss Tourney. I wish I was Captain again, but I spent all that time with Mal. I always felt guilty when I was with her. “ He was rambling now and Jay wasn’t sure what to do. Ben was practically pinning him to the bed. “ Jay I don’t want to be alone, I don’t want to be a bad ruler.” Jay wasn’t sure what to do but look stupidly at the pretty prince bawling his eyes out all over him again.” I don’t know anymore, I just want to go back to playing Tourney with the guys. I miss Tourney and I miss you.” That last part hit Jay like a truck.

The tearful hazel eyes were boring into his with so much intensity Jay was staring to falter. “Ben don’t cr-“ And then most startling event of that night. Ben smashed lips onto Jays. It was sudden and shocking to Jay but he leaned into it. Ben moved his hands up Jays arms to his shoulders and around his neck. Bold ass prince. Jay reciprocated and bent his hands to Ben’s waist as they deepened the kiss. Ben tasted like a salty ocean and his lips were soft and just as talented as Jay figured they were. The kiss hadn’t yet fuzzed his brain fully and he pulled away. “ Are you okay Ben? This is. I don’t wan-.” He drifted off as he looked at Ben. His face was still wet but his skin was flushed pink. His eyes though, were heavy lidded and he was breathing heavily before he spoke. His eyelashes were sparkling with tears and his eyes were red from crying. He was still so pretty, Jay was sure he wasn’t that pretty when he cried.“ You don’t mind this do you.” Ben moved his hands down Jays shoulders to his arms that were still holding on tightly to Ben’s waist. It was a complete 180 and Jay was confused and sure that he was just as flush as his friends. “ I… yea… No. But you were just crying, I don’t know if you need this.” Ben kissed him again slowly and moved his lips to Jays cheek. His heart was faltering and he couldn’t exactly remember what he was meant to be doing. “ I do need this- if you’re okay with that.” Jay was nearly mush, this was sudden… but he understood where Ben was coming from. Jay had only just in the past month realized that his feelings for his nemeses was t just hate. But it was too late, and here was his close friend just like him, lonely, and gorgeous, coming on to him harder then anyone had before. Was it too soon, and what was right and wrong, was fading out of his mind.

It was gone from Ben’s mind too the moment he made the choice to kiss his friend. They’d deal with whatever consequences after they regained sensible thought. For now though this was good. Jay moved Ben’s face from his cheek and pressed his. Lips back onto his. He was completely pinned by Ben on his soft huge ass bed. Ben’s hands moved back to the top of Jays shoulders and in turn Jay moved back to his waist. He felt a tongue testing the waters at the edge of his lip and he let it in immediately. Savoring the taste and melting further into the kiss. Exactly how far was too far wasn’t really on their minds. How they let it get this far that weren’t concerned about. Running from what was truly ailing them, they sunk further into the other’s lips and let sensations override their systems. They both indulged into the fuzziness that blurred rational thought and consciousness and continued on.

Waking up the next morning Ben was straddled atop Jay, who was expecting some sort of talk on how it couldn’t happen again. Ben woke up and looked staight into warm brown eyes surveying him. Jay poised himself to speak but Ben kissed him before he could get anything out. Sliding down Jays cheek as he spoke “ I had a nice time last night, it really cleared things up for me… if you’re okay with it… we could do it again?” Jay considered this. His friends had asked him to check and make sure they wouldn’t all be thrown out of Uni. If this was the way to ensure their sense of safety… he couldn’t say he didn’t like the feeling. It was so intense he almost couldn’t trace the pain of Harry that lingered in his mind. Why couldn’t he finally have someone to himself like his friends. He could. He leaned into another long kiss. Ben sighed in relief and returned the kiss before Jay pulled away to give a proper answer- “I could get used to this.”

Yeah that’s like, the inciting incident for a whirlwind of a relationship. If you think it happened so fast… yeah that’s how it felt for them too bro. There’s missing elements from unreleased outlines I have, up until now there’s tension and flirty elements to the way they would talk and hang out before this happens. That’s why Ben says he misses Jay. And Jay figures out that his hatred of Harry was actually an intense crush ,but Uma and Harry had their own thing happening leading up until the seaside battle for Ben. So they’re both having intense revaluations and Ben decided to push out those feelings by coming onto Jay who he already had a small bro crush thing with. So it’s a little unhealthy but they think they need it. Will they work through it?? Who knows. Well I know but I’m not saying after that long ass post.