#dick and Helena

[frogaroundandfindout]

Dick thinks about his relationship with Helena and she tells him that the kid who got shot for talking to Batman died (Batman #694)

[feliphesilveira-blog-blog]

Dick and Helena, Grayson - Tom King

[vodrae]

Rich pregnant socialite: So we went to this clinic and let them manipulate our genes so we're 100% sure our child won't have any disease, he will have my hair and his father eyes and so much things we did for him! And you Bruce ?

Brucie: Found em in the trash. Except Tim, he found me in the trash.

[carnicer01]

How much of what you've done was an actual mistake?

[incorrectbatfam]

What does Tim say when people ask about his spleen?

Damian: I am updating my blackmail records. Tell me what happened to your spleen in its full hilarity.

Tim: I donated it to a sickly orphan.

Damian: You win this round.

———————

Tim: I have to be careful, I lost my spleen.

Carrie: How?

Tim: Aliens.

———————

Tim: I'm zero percent spleen and fifty-nine percent pizza sauce.

Helena: Zero percent spleen?

Tim: Yep. On the bright side, they named a disease after me.

———————

Luke: I've designed nanotech vitals trackers to be implanted on our spleens.

Tim: Oh, no thanks. I don't have one.

Luke: You don't have a spleen?

Tim: It wasn't paying rent so I evicted it. Lazy freeloader.

———————

Barbara: Why does your chart say you're missing a spleen?

Tim: I made a deal with the devil but I had a discount code so instead of my soul I just needed to sell a non-essential organ.

———————

Steph: What happened to your spleen? Are you okay?

Tim: I'm fine. It's taking an extended gap year.

———————

Harper: So... can I ask about your spleen?

Tim: Yeah, don't worry. I was part of a failed science experiment.

Cullen: What'd they do?

Tim: They injected me with a serum that was supposed to make me indestructible. But instead all I got were a spleen removal and chronic insomnia. And a free T-shirt.

Cullen:

Harper:

Cullen: Was it a nice shirt?

———————

Dick: What do you mean you don't have a spleen?!?

Tim: It was confiscated by airport security.

———————

Tim: Happy Pride! My spleen finally came out of the closet. And by closet I mean my body.

Kate: Diversity win.

———————

Tim and Jason: *arguing*

Jason: At least I still have my spleen!

Tim: It's genetic!

Jason: Sucks to be you.

Tim: We have the same dad. It could happen to you too.

Jason, scoffing: Whatever.

Jason, internally: Oh shit, he's right. I need to see Leslie.

———————

Tim and Bette: *sparring*

Bette: *hits Tim*

Tim: Ow. Time out. That was my spleenhole.

Bette: ...How?

Tim: It took a trip to the Titanic in a soup can with a Playstation controller.

———————

Duke: Since when did you have that scar?

Tim: Since losing my spleen last year.

Duke: How do you lose a spleen?

Tim: You forget to cherish it.

———————

Cass: ?

Tim: I digested it.

———————

Selina: You know I have to tell Bruce about this.

Tim: Okay, fine.

Tim: I had to get it removed as a kid after falling into a well of bats.

———————

Bruce: Tell me what happened to your spleen so Alfred and Leslie can give you the proper treatment.

Tim: What do you mean?

Bruce: Everyone's been telling me you don't have it.

Tim: Well, I do, so...

Bruce: Alright, I'll have a talk with them about bad taste pranks.

———————

Alfred: You can't keep the truth from me, Master Tim.

Tim: Assassins stole it.

Alfred: I wasn't born yesterday. Now what really happened?

Tim: ...

[batcasscainman]

Bruce; my kids are so innocent and can do no wrong!

Dick: cheated on Kori with Babs while engaged

Babs: hacked the American government for petty reasons

Helena: framed a semi innocent man for guilty man to walk free because of plan

Cassandra: killed and revived a man with one two punches to teach him what death feels like

Jason: is a crime lord

Tim: blew up LoA bases and prob killed thousands

Steph: stole a million dollars from Bruce

Damian: almost killed a zookeeper to free a tiger

Duke: blew up a warehouse because it would make his job easier

(This all happened that day)

[soranatus]

Gotham’s Finest Family & Friends By freelance illustrator, Gabriel Larragán

[incorrectbatfamandfriends]

Dick: As your favorite sibling-

Tim: That’s Helena.

Dick: She’s a cousin at best. As you’re favorite legally related sibling-

Tim: That’s Cass.

Dick: As your favorite Brother-

Tim: That’s Duke.

Dick: As your favorite OLDER brother-

Tim: That’s Jason.

Dick: I never tried to kill you.

Tim: In this life no-

[theerurishipper]

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First <- Part 19 <- Part 20 -> Part 21

Masterpost

[frogaroundandfindout]

Dick chokes reaper with his own chain and kicks him in the face. Meanwhile, Helena breaks Falcone’s arm. Reaper releases toxins to make an escape and while dick is immune to the chemicals, they don’t pursue (Batman #695)

[mysterycitrus]

doodling some of the bats as how they exist in my brain

[sparkoflena]

As much as I love fics of the Batfam dramatically reacting to the loss of Tim's spleen, here is what I want more of:

Bruce: So you don't have a spleen?

Tim: No, sir.

Bruce: Is Doctor Leslie aware?

Tim: She is.

Bruce: Do we have to be worried about whoever injured you coming to Gotham?

Tim: No, sir.

Bruce: Are you taking all required medication?

Tim: Yes, I am.

Bruce, releasing a sigh that is soul-deep: Okay.

Other Batkids: WHAT???

Bruce: Tim and Jason share the mantle of my Middle Child by age. They act like it. This isn't even the strangest thing I've learned about Tim.

Damian, Duke, Dick, & Cass: *all a mixture of sputtering and eyeing Jason & Tim suspiciously*

Jason: I'm offended but you're not wrong.

Tim: *shrugging in agreement and going back to whatever he was doing*

[nicodrawings]

I missed my own deadline cuz I was stumped on a page for weeks, I woke up early in the morning to finish this so I could at least put it out today. I did ittt…

Last few pages of chapter 1 will be out during the summer.

I hope you enjoy the update, I’m gonna eat a super later breakfast now…

UPDATE:

This is part 1

Part 3

I probably should have added this earlier

[batboopp]

bruce wayne they could never make me hate you. they could also never make me like you either. good god you are fucked up

[arkangelo-7]

[incorrectbatfam]

Why did each member of the Batfam become a vigilante?

(Wrong answers only)

Comm. Gordon: This is a messy business. What made you guys go into it?

Helena: Flexible hours.

Duke: Clout.

Cass: Free housing.

Dick: Bloodlust.

Steph: Batburger discounts.

Luke: Airline miles.

Harper: Tuition reimbursement.

Damian: Nepotism.

Kate: Women.

Alfred: My green card.

Bette: Dental.

Bruce: Tax benefits.

Barbara: ACAB.

Jason: Early retirement.

Selina: Court-mandated community service.

Tim: Company car.