#bruce & cass
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multilingual batkids. they learn each others languages so they can mix and match. for example:
tim in french: have you figured out how we’re gonna tell b we’re not going to that gala yet?
damian in arabic: no i thought that was thomas’ job?
duke french: me? no jason said he’d do something
jason in arabic: hey don’t drag me into this!
dick in romani: i’m gonna kill him i really i am
steph in russian: who are we killing?
dick in english: ah! nobody! wait i didn’t know you spoke romani
tim in greek: you’re an asshole
jason in english: wait my greek is rusty say it again slowly
tim in greek: you’re an asshole
jason: …. you motherfucker
cass signing: nice drawing
damian in chinese: thank you
dick yelling at bruce about something he did
jason in spanish: what language is he speaking right now?
tim also in spanish: uh all of them i think
jason: does bruce even know-
tim: no he doesn’t
#in my head dick is the king of languages#he knows all#also in my head bruce knows a few but not as many as the rest of them#batfam#dick grayson#jason todd#tim drake#damian wayne#duke thomas#steph brown#cass cain#headcanon#bat family#dc#dc comics
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Dick Grayson's unmatched success as a child vigilante makes a lot more sense when you remember the Court of Owls was a thing and that Dick was meant to be the next Grey Son.
There is no way that someone at Haly's Circus wasn't there keeping an eye on him while he grew up. A future weapon needs to be trained and monitored after all, and a circus, a place where weird skills are completely normal, is actually a great place to secretly train a child.
You know, just some knife tricks that translated really well into actual fighting. How to get out of restraints and pick locks while under a time limit. Death defying acrobatic stunts that coincidentally do wonders for parkouring. That sort of thing. Nothing that seems out of place for a boy growing up around circus performers to learn, but would literally any where else.
I mean, while I fully believe that most kids would want to kill the man responsible for their parents deaths, Dick was weirdly prepared to go through it. He tracked down Zucco with way more ease than any normal child should have too. He became the first child vigilante, for goodness sake. The first Robin! He only started getting formal training after he basically forced Bruce into it!
Bruce himself has no idea that this kind of competency in a child is unusual, considering he was much too blinded by the similarities between his and Dick's tragic orphanhoods.
Alfred is in a similar boat because he’s desensitized to weird children after he somehow managed to successfully raise Bruce 'The Batman' Wayne, so he doesn't clock the hyper-competency as abnormal either.
By the time the other batkids start popping up (Jason 'The Audacity' Todd, borderline-street rat with no fear) (Tim 'the greatest stalker in Gotham history' Drake, child genius, also bullied his way into becoming Robin) (Barbara 'raised by the only uncorrupt cop in gotham' Gordon) (Stephanie 'daddy issues and spite' Brown) (Duke 'Pretends he's the normal one and people believe him' Thomas) it's too late.
It would also explain how Dick got along so well with Damian out of all of them. Similar childhood with different approaches and all that. On some subconscious level, Dick recognises and resonates with the murderous ten year old assassin with strong familial ties to a secret elite assassin organization.
It isn't until after the whole Court of Owls and Grey Son reveal that suddenly Dick realises a whole lot of things about his childhood that suddenly make a lot more sense.
#it takes Tim exactly two years to connect the dots#he bolts upwards in his bed with wide eyes and proceeds to swear so profusely he wakes up half the house#Dick also gets along really well with Cass when I think about it#i feel like the Grey Son implications need to be explored more#dick grayson#batman#dc comics#batfam#batfamily#dc#bruce wayne#dc robin#nightwing#alfred pennyworth#batbros#batkids
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Bruce is at a gala, okay, and he’s talking to a woman.
Random woman: “And we found out that we’re having another child!”
Bruce: *absolutely cackling inside, because this is about to be the funniest thing he’s done in weeks*
Brucie: “That’s wonderful! Where are they? Can I meet them? How old are they?”
Now Brucie is standing there, scanning the room for children with a huge grin on his face, while all of the random rich people stand around like ‘who’s going to explain to the adorable, well-meaning idiot that most people know they’re going to have children a few months before the children are born.’
And worse, who’s going to have to break the news to him that he can’t meet the kid today?
Because this man… this man has acquired all of his children with zero premeditation. Yes, he does have a bio kid, but that one showed up on his doorstep as a preteen. He did even less acquiring with that one than with the others.
Bruce has a blast acting out his disappointment, and has to turn some so that he can no longer see Tim and Cass leaning against each other and laughing, because otherwise he’s going to start laughing.
#the things you can do with the persona of an adorable idiot with an adoption problem#batman#bruce wayne#bruce wayne’s adoption problem#brucie wayne#i stuck tim and cass in the background because I need more of them being attached at the hip#they’re the creepy competent twins who look way too much alike for being unrelated and several years apart in age#cass and tim
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Several videos (independently) start circulating on the internet of the Waynes info dumping.
Bruce - the role of railways in westward expansion in the 1890s
Dick - clown eggs
Jason - tb and the New England vampires of the late 19th century, with reference to vampire literature
Cass - Paris sewer system
Tim - comparison of different camera lenses from different manufacturers, with model numbers
Duke - anti homeless architecture and how to remove it
Damian - cat declawing
After all this, a new meme forms.
'You must be this autistic to get adopted by Bruce Wayne.'
#batman#batkids#bat family#batfam#tim drake#jason todd#cass cain#dick grayson#damian wayne#bruce wayne#duke thomas#im projecting onto jason I went on a rant about tb and bram stoker and my friends were like#alright bog thanks for that
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my most controversial batman opinion to date
#if it wasnt clear its not a gender thing. its just a dumb name. not the dumbest name cass has had tho that goes to orphan#imo nobody should be batman after bruce because the point is that the bat team he establishes is stronger than he could ever be alone#to him batman is also a hero who suffered alone a lot and he doesnt want anyone else to have to be that kind of hero#bruce's legacy isnt batman its his family and gotham itself#but thats too deep for a shitpost#batman#cassandra cain#batfam#dick grayson#damian wayne#dc#dc comics#mine
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sometimes i think about how funny it would be if bruce had a slight english accent as a result of alfred being the only adult in his life for most of his formative years. that or he just says british slang instead of english.
this either drives his children insane, or they think it’s the most hilarious thing ever.
__________________________
Bruce: Can you pass the chips?
Dick: Sure, B. *passes over the potato chips*
Bruce: No, the chips.
Dick: ???? … yeah? here?
Bruce: NO! THE CHIPS! *gesturing wildly for the french fries*
Damian: Father, are you having a stroke?
———
Batman: Alright, this mission is very important. It is imperative that everything goes to schedule. (shh-edule)
*red robin and red hood snicker*
Batman: *glare* As I was saying, it all must go to shh-edule…
RR & RH : *uproariously laughter *
Batman: *harsher glare* Is something funny?
RR: Oh nothing, B, don’t worry.
RH: Absolutely nothing wrong, “left-tenant”
RR & RH: *dying of laughter *
———
Bruce: *reaching the end of a long rant about responsibility and making sure you are keeping yourself and others safe* And what do you have to say for yourself??
Duke: … You sound like Alfred…
Bruce: *horrified look over coming him* … what
Cass: *furious nodding*
*Some time later, after B has been fished out of Gotham Harbor, which he jumped into after declaring that he “couldn’t turn into his father”*
Alfred: *reaching the end of a long rant about responsibility and making sure you are keeping yourself and others safe* And what do you have to say for yourself??
Bruce: *white as a sheet* … Sorry Alfie…
*Steph is heard furiously cackling in the background*
_______________________
anyways i just thought this was fun
#please add more#i would but my brain is out of space#you get the idea#batfam#batfamily#incorrect batfamily quotes#batman#bruce wayne#dick grayson#nightwing#jason todd#red hood#tim drake#red robin#damian wayne#damian al ghul#robin#cassandra cain#cass cain#black bat#batgirl#duke thomas#signal dc#stephanie brown#spoiler dc#alfred pennyworth#agent a#dcu#headcanon#batman headcanon
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Love when the Justice League thinks Batman is a cryptid. This believe is only further enhanced by the face his sidekick, Robin, is clearly a shapeshifter, what with changing their height, hair style, skin tone, and even gender.
Batman clearly thinks that by having Robin look different every couple of years, it will show that they aren't cryptids like it would if Robin didn't age.
But the Justice League is too smart for that. They figured it out! But they are good friends (colleagues) and won't spill Batman's secret, but they will drop hints to him that they know, to show that they are smarter than he gives them credit for (they aren't.)
-
When the batkids learn that the league thinks this, they start periodically going to the Watchtower with Bruce, taking turns dressed up as Robin.
The League is surprised as Robin seems to prefer taking the form of a child, perhaps to have villains underestimate them? But they just assume Robin is trying out something new.
The batkids definitely tell eachother about what was said/happened as to further sell the act of Robin being a shapeshifter, because clearly it has to be the same person, Robin knows what happened, so it couldn't of been someone else dressed as Robin.
#Bruce just lets it happen because#1) it helps keep an air of mystery around him#if people think he's a cryptid and Robin's a shapeshifter they wont figure out his secret identity#and 2) his kids are getting along#sure they are bonding though mischief#but a win is a win#batman#dc#dc comics#batfam#batfamily#bruce wayne#batkids#jason todd#red hood#dick grayson#nightwing#dc robin#even one's who werent a Robin join in#ie Cass and Duke#the justice league#justice league#justice league meets the batfam#cryptid batfam#cryptid batman#misunderstandings#kat's library
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Bruce died(?) again
Jason: Well, it's my turn.
Dick: What are you talking about?
Jason: Everytime Bruce is gone, one of you starts to act just like him, pushing everyone away, acting as only you can be right, and fighting anyone that gets in your way. Dick did it, Tim did it, even Cass kind of did it. So, this time, I will do it.
Tim: Isn't that how you act all the time?
Jason: Whoa, fuck you. You are so banned from historical drama movie nights.
#jason todd#dick grayson#tim drake#cassandra cain#batfam#bruce wayne#batman#dc comics#my ramblings#incorrect quotes#once again I made up this one#but like look at me and tell me that I'm wrong when Red Robin comics is rught there#Dick it's in Future State where he acts just like Bruce it's an au but like it's in character af for him#Cass ran away to Hong Kong so she kind of pushed them away and the second part she's always like this#Jason invites his siblings to his place to watch hustorical drama and criticizes the accuracy and if they are adapted from a book#how well of an adaptation they are#of course he is the one making most of the commentaries on the subject#is tim wrong? let's discuss
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i need the batfam fandom to give damian the same energy we give tom hollands peter parker in fics like
i want Field Trip to Wayne Enterprises fics
fics where damian gets phone calls from his famous siblings in class
fics where damian has to deal with the other kids watching thirst traps of his older siblings
fics where he’s getting bullies and one of them shows up in full vigilante attire to scare the middle school bully
just
damian al ghul wayne fanfic that centers around his school life and protective family
#dc comics#batman#damian wayne#damian al ghul#damian al ghul wayne#damian wayne al ghul#bruce wayne#wayne enterprises#tim drake#jason todd#dick grayson#red hood#batfam#batfamily#nightwing#cass cain#cassandra cain#steph brown#duke thomas#jon kent
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tim: dad... I have a boyfriend
bruce: what? but you're supposed to get back together with stephanie
tim: what?
dick: whoa whoa whoa, I thought you were an ally
bruce: I'm not being homophobic I just need steph to marry into the family
cass: I have something to share
#batfamily#batfam#tim drake#bisexual tim drake#timkon#timbern#stephcass#stephanie brown#cass cain#bruce wayne#dcu#batman
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batfam meets the JL but it’s just the bat kids breaking into the watch tower during a debriefing or meeting to ask bruce the most mundane questions. they go about it like they’re interns that need to speak to the CEO during a board meeting. they walk over waving their hands and mouthing “i’m so sorry just need to ask batman something 😬” and then they lean over to bruce and ask something like “alfred wants to know if you’re gonna be home for dinner” and then they dip.
one of them started this when bruce didn’t answer their texts (it was probably tim or something) and now everyone does it.
#this or they stand at the distance preferably behind the person speaking and mouth shit at him like#‘what’s my social security number?’#‘can u pick up dog food on the way home?’#‘do u know where my birth certificate is?’#‘are we getting cass individual gifts or are we doing a family one?’#bruce pretends to find it annoying but he actually finds it kinda funny#dick grayson#jason todd#tim drake#bruce wayne#duke thomas#damian wayne#steph brown#cass cain#batfam#bat family#headcanon
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#that is tims 'i know im right' face#jason is trying and failing to win the argument#damian: i am surrounded by idiots (affectionate)#steph wondering why she has to be in the middle of this#duke being adorable#bruce: my circus my monkeys#dick: my siblings get along. so well.#babs: this shit is funny#cass just eating her popcorn and watching in amusement#wayne family adventures#tim drake#dick grayson#jason todd#damian wayne#bruce wayne#batfamily#bruce is so done#get these bitches therapy#wayne family#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#duke thomas#barbara gordon
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conceptualising brucie wayne as like…. an ominous boomer texter. he uses a lot of ellipses. never elaborates on anything. describes events in the worst ways imaginable. he texts dick ‘the plane went down. we lost tim’ (bruce forgot to pick tim up from school after lacrosse practice) and dick tries to call and ask if bruce just told him his brother?? is dead?? and bruce just keeps replying with thumbs up emojis with no context and ‘tim passed’ (his final exams)
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Dick, sighing: it’s hard being the only emotionally adjusted one in this family
Tim: LOUDDDD incorrect buzzer
Jason: you’re the most like Bruce out of all of us, and that man isnt exactly the poster child for emotional stability
Damian: I concur, while Timothy and Jason see their feelings as afterthoughts, and fear mine underminded - you, Richard, brood and suppress until the miscommunication blows up in your face, just like father.
Tim: exactly, the most expressive and normal one of our colony are the Batgirls… and that’s saying something
#like Babs Steph and Cass are by no means normal#but golly at least they express how they feel unlike these emotionally repressed birdys#dc#dick grayson#nightwing#jason todd#red hood#tim drake#red robin#damian wayne#robin#bruce wayne#batman#batfam#barbara gordon#batgirl#oracle#stephanie brown#spoiler#cassandra cain#black bat#orphan
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the rest of the flock :)
part 2 to this
#i find the idea of drawing damian as a toddler so funny#bruce wayne#batman#stephanie brown#steph brown#spoiler#batgirl#duke thomas#signal#the signal#cassandra cain#cass cain#black bat#damian wayne#robin#dc fanart#dc comics#illustration#batfamily#batfam#batdad#ash's doodlings
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anyways i think bruce historically takes the batboys on an annual fishing trip which they all hate so so so much. it gets to the point where it's only tim accompanying him, because unlike dick or jason, tim would simply disintegrate from guilt if he stayed home.
then cass comes along and bruce thinks "oh no well there goes my fishing trips. all of the boys hate them anyways... and it's not like i can take a GIRL fishing."
cue bruce and cass, alone next to some dinky old river with nothing but their fishing rods and an esky full of cold beers, wearing a matching pair of fuckass fishing hats, both religiously applying sunscreen and bug spray.
#also cue tim back at the manor hunched over his computer#happy that he doesn't have to 'take one for the team' anymore.#batfam#batfamily#batkids#dick grayson#jason todd#tim drake#cass cain#bruce wayne#batman#batgirl#dc batman#dc comics#dcu#dc#gothihop speaks
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