ditzybat

[ditzybat]

No my writing on ao3 is not AI, I just abuse the use of em dashes and witty one liners because I think of myself as a comedian 💔

[ditzybat]

I want to see Helena Bertinelli fist fight Jason, I feel like she gives very much ‘nobody can mess with my brother (Tim in this situation) but me’ vibes, even though Tim and Jason are vaguely neutral towards eachother and have zero beef at the moment.

[ditzybat]

I’ve been thinking about if Harry Potter characters were American and what state they would be from, and these are the conclusions I’ve come to.

Harry - he’s Northern Illinois coded, just because I feel like the Dursley’s have a mean midwestern vibe, because northern Illinoisans are lowkey mean and nosy (I say this as someone from Chicago), and it’s really suburban enough to match with Surreys overall description (and by that I mean the Dursley’s are def from Naperville) + I feel like the Lily And Petunia were from Chicago so I feel like it isn’t too out there for Petunia to settle down with her mediocre husband somewhere nice. He tells people he’s from Chicago and gets clocked immediately by people actually from the city, where he then has to admit he’s from Naperville (which is embarrassing, and honestly real man I’m from the burbs too </3) + Dudley seems like the type to say he’s from south side and in a gang to people when he first meets them, but actually lives in a gated community.

Ron - Arizona, specifically Tucson. Red states are cheaper and I feel like financially it would be a smarter move for the Weasleys to live there - also the mental image of Fred and George cooking an egg on the sidewalk (intending to feed it to Ron) as them and their entire family turn lobster red in the summer is too good.

Hermione - Connecticut, I have no basis for places in Connecticut because I’ve never been, however its gorgeous in autumn and it’s gives Gilmore Girls vibes which i feel like Hermione based her personality off of for her first few years of elementary school (because, me too) also I feel like if we put her in a book/coffee shop alone with a Pinterest feed she’d post some absolute golden pictures to her Instagram.

Draco - So, I do think he’s still very European, and by that I mean he’s rich enough to visit his grandparents in France (where I’m just gonna say the Blacks are from and immigrated to the U.S right before Sirius, Regulus, Narcissa, Andromeda and Bellatrix went to Hogwarts - which for the sake of this AU would be in Salem, Massachusetts in place of Ilvermorny) but I do feel that he gives New Jersey vibes, like that’s where he was born and raised because the Malfoys are rich socialites who live in a Victorian era mansion - also because I feel like Draco with a New Jersey accent he desperately tries to hide because it’s a little bit too ‘by the shore’ to be socially acceptable by all his rich family friends is so cute.

The Black Family - French, but immigrated to New York - specifically The Hamptons. I feel like this is the obvious choice, also they’re unbearably rich and French so they think The Hamptons is mediocre. However, Walburga was absolutely horrified to find that the Malfoys were from JERSEY and that Narcissa decided it would be best to move with her new husband down there - prolong exposure to New Yorkers made the family pick up the hater attitude towards Jersey and Boston.

Remus - Washington, specifically Seattle, he loves the small coffee shops and Costco, but also refuses to whip out an umbrella when it rains because he feels like it shows weakness (even though he probably should because of his cane…) also he’s the one running the i5 Instagram account yelling at losers who can’t drive.

Peter - He’s from Boston. You just know he goes hard on St. Patrick’s day by making Corn Beef sandwiches and blasting Dropkick Murpheys (his great grandparents are Irish, so he’s your average ‘Irish American’) Wore a Celtics jersey when visiting Sirius at his apartment in Manhattan and was heckled. He has the thickest accent in the world, can’t pronounce his r’s whatsoever.

The Evan’s Family + Snape - already said it, but again I think she and Petunia are from Chicago, which also mean Severus would be from there as well - and I just feel like all together they’re from South Side because I feel like they’re all tough enough to withstand it like they were raised there - like Lily is such a powerful and strong witch that I feel like a background in south side makes sense, same thing with Snape, it fits with their background. Petunia will forever deny she’s from a struggling area, and is proud to live in the richest suburb with her white picket fence and perfect family.

James - as I said, he’s an LA boy who loves the beach and has a killer tan, but he’s really from Oxnard and lies because no one outside of Cali knows where that is, also it sounds cooler. He and Lily probably have debates on which city has the better Mexican food (The answer is Chicago), and he loves taking pictures outside the Barbie house in Santa Monica. He has a bad case of Valley Girl accent that he picked up through osmosis from Mary (who is actually from LA and isn’t a liar).

Anyway I’m too lazy to do the rest of the cast and marauders so here’s my little Americanization of Harry Potter because I find making British people mad entertaining.

[ditzybat]

Stop acting like Talia hates Ra’s or that Ra’s doesn’t care about Talia. Their relationship is EXTREMELY complex and they both love each other.

Ra’s is the definition of a loving but cold father because he thinks it’s what benefits his child. He’s equivalent to the parent who throws their child into too many extra curricular activities and pushes them for good grades and perfection because he wants them to have a good future. It’s not right, yes, but it’s human. It’s just exaggerated because of the nature of comics.

Talia has worked against her father multiple times, and ideally would stay doing so, but she still understands her father’s perspective and why he does what he does. She agrees with his cause, she doesn’t agree with his methods. And despite that, she still comes back when he’s in danger because she loves him. Talia was able to resist her sister’s brainwashing when she was ordered to kill him because of her love and loyalty to him.

Talia knows her father’s not a good man, but she can’t help but love him because it really wasn’t all bad (early Ra’s was very much a single girl dad trying to make his princess happy by setting up dates with the weird bat freak she’s into) and she understands why he is how he is and she knows he loves her. Their relationship isn’t healthy, but it is loving and that’s an extremely important aspect, because without that love, Talia would be a completely different person and Ra’s would have little interest in Bruce in the first place.

[ditzybat]

Maps: So, how did you come into this family anyway?

Jason: Bruce lured me into his proverbial white van with some candy.

Bruce: Please don’t word it like that.

Jason: Fine. He Pretty Woman’d me

Bruce: That’s worse, please tell me you understand how that’s worse.

[ditzybat]

A bit different than my usual content, but cover art for my fanfic Protostar by Ditzybat.

[ditzybat]

Guys, what if I post an art au where Selina adopts Adrien Agreste, would you enjoy seeing my drawings?

[ditzybat]

Had a thought about Mexican Jason Todd while setting up my family’s Ofrenda with my mom this year. So basically, it’s agreed that Jason died at the end of April, and was resurrected 6 months later at the end of October (and in this HC the VERY beginning of November). So what if, every year after his mom died, Jason would set up his Ofrenda with Bruce. Honoring Catherine, even Martha and Thomas along with other deceased loved ones like John and Mary Grayson for Dick. And after Jason’s death, Bruce pulls himself together to put his son on the family Ofrenda. His Pan de Muertos not as nice as Jason’s family recipe, the Cempazuchitl is arranged around the alter, but not as aesthetically appealing as the way Jason would arrange it, and the candles not quite the correct brand that they would normally pick up from Crime Alley. But it’s personal, and sweet, and he knows that in spirit Jason would join him along with other loved ones. However, what if, on midnight of November 1, when the veil between the living and the dead is weakest, Jason crawls out of his coffin disoriented and confused as to how, exactly, he’s alive.

[ditzybat]

Reporter: President Luthor, can you elaborate on your aforementioned policies on illegal aliens?

Luthor: Of course, we must close Earths borders from those extraterrestrial ‘heroes’ such as Superman and Martian Manhunter. I highly doubt they have a green card to enter the United States, let alone a social security to any Earth country.

Reporter: … Are… your immigration policies focused on… actual aliens?

Luthor: Yes? What else would I be talking about?

Reporter: … not the weirdest thing I’ve heard on the job surprisingly…

[ditzybat]

dis you?

Yes! I posted this on my personal TikTok account, showing off my crazy ex-boyfriend who somehow found my ao3 after i blocked him on litterally every platform I could think of. 😭

[ditzybat]

I’ll say it once, and I’ll say it again - Fanon Tim Drake is just Canon Barbara Gordon, and the only reason she’s not as well loved or well characterized as Tim in fandom spaces is because she’s a woman.

[ditzybat]

I’ll say it once, and I’ll say it again - Fanon Tim Drake is just Canon Barbara Gordon, and the only reason she’s not as well loved or well characterized as Tim in fandom spaces is because she’s a woman.

[ditzybat]

What I think each batfam member would dress up as for Halloween - specifically in the context of a Halloween themed Wayne Gala - because I’m bored:

Bruce & Selina: they dress up as Batman and Catwoman, with Bruce (Brucie in this context) being Catwoman and Selina being Batman. The kids have the image of Bruce squeezed into latex burned in their corneas and they make an effort to not be in the same vicinity as him, lest they die from cringe or second hand embarrassment.

Dick: He’s shamelessly one of those really colorful South American blue parrots, he spends the night doing tricks and soaring through the air (think the Carnival costumes from Rio) and ends up breaking a punch table when he falls straight on his ass from seeing the horror that is Bruce in leather - he immediately gets covered in a shock blanket courtesy of Alfred.

Barbara: Decides to dress up as the kid from E.T with Haley dressed up as E.T in a basket modification she made to her chair. She runs over peoples toes by ‘accident’ throughout the night in aid (aka annoying them until they donate at least 1K) to push people into donating for whatever the charity of the night is.

Jason: doesn’t like celebrating Halloween, but somehow gets roped into dressing up as Jason Vorhees - the irony is not lost on him and finds it hilarious. He lurks in the corners of the ballroom to scare the rich snobs into paying into whatever charity is being funded that night by showing off a suspiciously red, very real, machete.

Tim: Couples costume with Bernard. Tim is Spock and Bernard is Kirk. Tim tries his hardest to stay in character the whole night, ends up freaking people out from the lack of expression and uncanny valley statue like demeanor on his face compared to his energetic boyfriend.

Damian: He and Nika dress up as Gomez and Morticia Adams. They’re very touchy the whole night like the teenagers they are. They salsa dance and become just as eccentric as the characters they’re playing that somehow at the end of the night they end up making headlines for nearly spending the night in jail for suspected ‘murder’ (they Carrie’d Bruce with real blood from questionable sources)

Steph & Cass: Matching costumes. Steph is Emily from the Corpse Bride and Cass is Victor. The special effects makeup is so realistic that it makes Tim break his Spock character and shriek/jump 3 feet into the air when they sneak behind him.

Duke: Dresses up in a Riddler costume and makes up bad riddles just to rub it into the Riddler’s face that he’s a lame old guy telling shitty googled riddles (Revenge for something that happened earlier in the week, not that anyone knows he’s signal, but a burn from a child of a celebrity hurts just as bad from one of a hero) - The Riddler ends up crashing the party seconds before Commissioner Gordon tries to take Damian and Nika in for questioning of where exactly all that very real blood they used came from.

[ditzybat]

How does Jason not have body dysmorphia? I mean, when he died he was a 4’6 and barely 100 pounds, and then the Lazarus pit gave him a crazy transformation of an added 18 inches of height and additional 130-ish pounds. Like how does he not feel like a stranger in his own skin? I was just thinking earlier how Jason really would relate to Metamorphosis by Franz Kafta with the way that he probably didn’t recognize himself in the mirror after waking up from the pits, along with the onslaught of negative emotions flooding his head - feeling like a monster just like Gregor Samsa had - anyway this has been stuck in my head and needed to get out.

[ditzybat]

Bart Allen types at a speed so fast Tim had to get Waynetech to make him a phone that can keep up with him, because he broke the last three phones he had by overloading them with typing much too fast for them to handle. He’s from the future, he didn’t expect today’s technology to be quite so fragile. The young justice groupchat looks something like:

-39492949 year old: GYSS YOKM RBCE BIEV WAHAF BAOPENED GO ME FK DAY J LOTERLALY WA FIBJFING GHIS GUG ANF LIKE HE WSS ?? YAKKJNG ABOJR SIM BE SAKD HE KNE U??

Red nuisance: ?? Are you talking to me?

Cassieeee: okay i don't even know what he's saying sorry

Knock off steel man (aluminum man?): Yeah no what the fuck?

This (to a lesser extent) extends to all the speedsters. As soon as this phone was developed, both Wally and Barry were gifted one by their respective Bat.

Barry now texts Hal faster than people can see during league meetings, making him try not to laugh every time his phone screen lights up.

Wally quotes memes the exact second they become popular, because of course these phones are capable of playing any video at 100x speed without distortion. It makes people think he’s brain rotted. He leans into it because it means people underestimate him. It pisses Dick off though, because he has to explain to people that yes, Wally still trains as much as the rest of him, no, he’s not slacking to watch TikTok, he’s just scrolled through the entire for you page in about a half minute.

[ditzybat]

Somewhere in Gotham post War Games and Infinite Crisis there’s a TikTok with a bunch of 90’s skater clothes found at a thrift shop captioned “who took his sparkle” (it’s Tim Drake’s entire wardrobe in some random goodwill)

[ditzybat]

It’s one of the first tags actually! I was recently rewatching psych and thought how hilarious it would be if Tim BS’d his way into becoming the bats ‘psychic consultant’! Bernard would totally be the Gus to his Shawn just for the sake of helping him maintain his ‘psychic’ cover!

Everything is the same AU except - Tim is a ‘psychic’, but in actuality he’s just been amazing at picking up patterns from a young age, it was a useful tool for the few times his parents brought him to their archeology digs and one of the few things Jack and Janet acknowledged and praised him for. Imagine Tim realizing that Jason isn’t actually dead - how you may ask? He visits his grave just to talk sometimes and notices disturbances in the soil and takes initiative to dig up Jason’s grave - he runs to Bruce who thinks Tim is a little unnerved stalker freak for digging up his sons grave… but, Tim claims to be psychic to get out of seeming like a creep desecrating a dead child’s grave for no reason. And in the midst of Bruce’s grief the man never fact checks Tim on this lie, so everything happens the same as in canon except Tim has to bullshit his way through investigations and major life events.