#ditzy yaps

[ditzybat]

I love how this Challengers parody implies that Bruce and John, have, in fact, boinked.

[ask-olive-huchers]

“IMAGINE BEING IN JAIL LIKE A LOSER‼️‼️‼️”

“GO AWAY NO ONE ASKED YOU”

[meowkn]

Going through a Bruce Wayne phase no one speak to me for the next consecutive month

[michi-chelle]

no thank you!!! stans, uhm yea so why am i playing as a fuckin menace?

[elclassicohater]

He is NOT him

[novy2sirius]

ASTROLOGY NOTES - volume 8; ©novy2sirius

libra energy is often referred to as “ditzy” which is interesting because when you sit down and have deep conversations with libra placements you realize they’re much smarter than they portray. libra is the 7th sign and in numerology 7 is the number of intelligence. libra’s act dumb to be funny a lot of the times or sometimes portray themselves in a way that’s not their authentic self because often due to things that occurred in their childhood they are confused about who they really are a lot of the time and don’t have a strong sense of their true identity. this also happens because they tend to mirror others personas that they’re around a lot and forget who they even are (libra’s symbol is the two scales that are identical on both sides). once you peel back the layers you realize it’s all an act. words are very important to pay attention to (li)bra. libra’s lie a lot, even about who they are. i would say this could also apply to gemini’s and pisces in a way

jupiter can tell you about some of the best opportunities you’ll receive in life. jupiter trine mc for example could indicate having amazing career opportunities/gaining lots of success in life. it could even indicate becoming famous

your 9th house can tell the best types of people to surround yourself with in order to have more luck and opportunities in life. if your 9th house sign is gemini then surround yourself with more people that have prominent gemini or 3h placements in their chart

a woman’s venus/rising conjunct a man’s lilith can create an intense fatal attraction (especially from the man to the woman). this reminds me of what people describe to be a twin flame bond actually. intense ups and intense lows, but a strong lustful and intimate connection that’s very hard to let go of. this is because lilith in a man’s chart tends to show the women he craves but knows he shouldn’t have long term and in a woman’s chart lilith is more of a dark placement indicating the challenges of womanhood and being sexualized

lilith in the 1h/5h/10h can indicate being a sex symbol or whatever, sure. that’s what i assume most people want to hear when they ask me about it. however, it is very rough and not glamorous like many think. these people attract so much jealousy and hate. even stalkers at worst. they will simply exist and get so much hate especially the women with this placement. it’s interesting because often in society we see women getting the most attention from men get the most hate from women and these women also often have lots of men sexualizing them and flirting with them (obviously all women do, but these women the most)

the part of fortune in your chart is known to be lucky, but not many talk about how it tells the fortunes that will be fulfilled before you die. if your part of fortune is in the 2nd, 8th, 10th, or 11th house you will be guaranteed to have material success at some point in your life before passing

no planet is all good. even “benefics” aren’t fully beneficial all the time. the universe is yin yang, so there’s good and bad to every planet. however, planets like venus and jupiter do usually provide more benefits than challenges. a negative way venus may manifest is in envy since in greek mythology venus (aphrodite) was a very envious person in relationships. scorpio venus’ for example tend to struggle a lot with being very jealous when dating

unevolved signs tend to be like their opposite signs negative traits. i was discussing this with @cupidlovesastro and we noticed the people who had sagittarius placements in our life that were unevolved were huge complainers and didn’t stop yapping about negative things or were gossipy. yapping a lot and gossiping tend to be negative traits of gemini’s more so than sagittarius’

unevolved cancer placements will never get over you hurting them even slightly. since they’re overly sensitive when unevolved they tend to become obsessed with victimizing themselves in order to make you seem like the bad guy. they will want to make you look bad to everyone so they can receive praise. the evolved cancer placements tend to be more emotionally stable though and use their emotions toward a creative outlet

mercury can also be a lucky planet similar to jupiter since the number correlated to it in numerology is 5. 5 is the second luckiest number. jupiter’s number is 3 which is the luckiest number in numerology

[bambiesfics]

Opposites Attract Theory - Ellie x Bimbo!reader

Ellie was everything you weren’t. She was a girl in brown plaid button ups, who could only find comfort in wearing her father’s oversized chocolate suede jacket.  She could hardly be described as sweet or adorable, not like you were. Ellie was reserved, masculine, angry, and traumatized. Ellie smoked cigarettes to keep her nerves at bay, cut chunks off of the ends of her hair when they got too long and feminine, spent all her money on tattoos if she wasn’t spending it on you, wore old men’s weathered leather shoes, painted her nails with the cheapest black polish just so they could chip on purpose, and tucked her strap into her pants because it just felt right. No more, no less.

All of those descriptions she’d agreed with, but just one word was missing. The word ‘provider.’ The aspect of her character that she prided herself on the most, was being your provider.

  You were her opposite, the light to her shadow. You were naive, sweet, bubbly. Your eyes were big and curious, and you asked every question earnestly. You bounced around in your cute little outfits. Low cut tops with your tits spilling out, dresses where the wind exposed the chub of your ass, and skirts so short they showed your plump little pussy, eating up your g-strings; outfits that made you easy prey for leering. You got your nails done, and showed them off by grabbing Ellie’s thick cock with both hands while sucking hard on her tip. You bent over to pick up dropped items because your acrylics made you clumsy, and squealed when your girlfriend smacked you square on your ass. You got little Brazilian waxes, and sent pictures with a smiley face saying “still a bit sensitive but do you think it looks pretty Els?” And you were shocked that she pounded you into the headboard later that day, until your vagina was puffy. You sat on Ellie’s lap when she beckoned you too, but never quite figured out that it was because she wanted you to feel her erection sandwiched between your ass. You pranced outside in thin little pink shirts that showed the outline of your plump nipples and areola, and started pouting when Ellie draped her jacket on you before she let you step out of her car. 

You pouted about how your girlfriend was “too overprotective” but you were a ditzy, trusting airhead, who had the IQ of a care bear. Ellie didn’t have a choice, you were too stupid for your own good. Too sugary and sweet, sissy and girly. 

  You needed a guy like Ellie to pick up extra shifts for you, so you could go on your little shopping sprees, to buy lip gloss and candy. You needed a guy like Ellie to come everywhere with you, so creepy fucks would know that the pretty little bimbo had a gaurd dog next to her who would snap, snarl and bite them. You needed a guy like Ellie to run her tongue around your little pink hole, twitching and hungry, just to prepare that tiny hole as a warm place for her cock to sink into right after. Her balls often found themselves smacking against the bottom of your puffy neglected clit. You needed a guy like Ellie to indulge your little airhead babble, your piss poor attempt at conversation or even saying a coherent sentence. God knows you could yap for hours and say nothing of note, nothing anyone would perceive as highbrow or thought-provoking, but Ellie loved it. Loved watching those plump pink lips smack together to talk about dumb little girl topics like  “love island” or how “your pinks don’t match” or “beauty guru drama.”

And Ellie loved to indulge that clingy, pouty, needy little attitude you had around her. She’d bounce you up and down her cock, to shush your sniffles after she snapped at you. She’d rubbed your back, and promise to get your nails done just so you’d get overwhelmed with joy and cry “Ellieeee” in her arms, she’d wipe your pouty tears off your cheeks when you couldn’t take her cock all the way down, and tell you that you’ll get so much better after lots n’ lots of practice, she’d let you baby her when she was sick, and pretend that your poorly made chicken soup was the cure for her illness, and not the fever medication she’d been knocking back for the past week, she’d indulge your repetitive airheaded questions like “Ellieee, why can’t we print more money?” and “Ellieee how do you know you can see me? What if you’re you’re just imagining me?,” and she’d let you curl up with her brown jacket at night, cause it smelled exactly like her and brought you comfort in those days she had too many back-to-back shifts and couldn’t stay with you. That jacket was her fathers, so for her to leave it with you, meant that she wanted to take care of you in a way he’d be proud of.

  You were Ellie’s dumb little bimbo doll. Her pink hole to use as a fleshlight, her set of plump lips to watch suction around her dick, her sugary little ditz.

But you were also Ellie’s future wife, the future mother of her kids. The woman who provided the the most gentle balance to Ellie’s rough edges and hard lines, the woman who was her emotion support, her pillar, the grounded rock that she’d cling to during her rapid river emotions. In turn Ellie would be your guard dog, your emotional support, your girlfriend, your boyfriend, your husband, your wife, your butch, your provider. She’d be whatever you needed. 

[zweiginator]

ooh maybe law student patrick has to go to some fancy event his dad is sponsoring or something & invites reader so he’s not stuck by himself while having to schmooze all night. plus it wasn’t too bad of a deal on your own end since you’d be able to meet a bunch of prominent business people who could help your own budding career.

but then patrick’s dad spots the two of you & immediately starts belittling the fuckkk out of him. telling you he’s never brought a girl to one of these things to meet his family. makes a comment about how the girls he usually hung around were ditzy and vain, that he’s shocked patrick was playing nice with someone so much smarter and more hardworking than him, especially a girl. an ambitious, pretty little thing like you would be great for his firm a few years down the line.

idk how reader would react, but pat would definitely storm out and drag you out with him. his dad might think you’re eloquent and impressive, but patrick can change that in a matter of minutes when he gets you bent over and reminds you why he’d invited you there in the first place.

((i did not mean to yap this much lmao im so sorry))

oh 100% because i think patrick's relationship with his father (and family in general) is so complicated. his father's love for him yo-yos all the time. when he got into law school his father was ecstatic. when his first semester grades came back he was ashamed to be associated with his son. he would never be a partner with B minuses and Cs. that just wouldn't do.

and i think he resents you for a million reasons. one, you are self-made. you didn't need your father's wealth and influence and connections to get you into yale. you did it all by himself and patrick is threatened by that, because he knows he wouldn't have even thought about law school without his father's pushing. so in that sense, he feels like a fraud and a sellout, just existing to appease his family legacy and not actually doing what he wants to. and often times, he wonders how it would have felt to stand up to his father and tell him he wanted to play tennis seriously. professionally. whenever he had brought it up in the past, his father would roll his eyes. make jokes. that wasn't a job, he said. that wouldn't find him a good wife or give him grandchildren. that certainly wouldn't suffice for the zweig name. his son being a so-so tennis player.

he also resents you with how you came into school with a clean slate. nobody knew who you were, who your family was. no reputation preceded you. you have so much resilience but patrick constantly feels like he is battling himself and his family, the expectations of him that are only mounting.

so when patrick's father invites him to a firm gathering, he tells patrick to be charming and respectable. don't come alone and bring someone who is also charming, respectable. his father knows that patrick sleeps around, that he can't keep a girlfriend to save his life. so he's adamant about that last part.

patrick brings you. it only makes sense. and everyone adores you. you're dressed in an impeccable gown with beautiful earrings you saved up for. your handshake is firm and your smile is infectious. you're a natural. you're charismatic. patrick has never seen his father so proud of something his son has done. but that something is you, not his own accomplishments.

patrick feigns a smile all night. tries to butt into conversations, but everyone is so focused on you, what you have to say, your story and upbringing. your perfect grades.

"if only patrick had this much natural motivation!" his father nudges you. patrick's jaw ticks. just another fucking dig at him.

and then the kicker. your father gives you his phone number, the contact information for his firm.

"my business card." he hands it to you. "i'm not sure if you've secured a summer position yet, but we have a great retention rate with interns becoming attorneys at the firm and eventually partners. i think you'd be a perfect fit."

you shake his hand firmly and thank him. this opportunity is huge. and regardless of what you've heard about the zweig family--patrick's father really is smart and hardworking and charismatic. you see where patrick gets it from.

but patrick is just staring ahead of him, his lips pursed. he had been attempting to bring up the possibility of being a summer intern for his father, which he had vehemently refused speaking about for months. and now you come along with vanilla perfume and cherry red lipstick and you have the position secured.

and patrick knows you're smart and capable and deserving. but he really fucking hates you right now. he wants to make you feel dumb. and maybe he should feel bad when he says he feels sick and asks you to come to the bathroom with him.

he pulls your dress up around your waist and fucks you like a whore. hand splayed on your lower back and one yanking your hair. you can't think coherently, you can't say a word. you just hang on and listen to the lewd slaps of skin against skin. of patrick's taunts. this isn't what a respectable girl does. a respectable career woman doesn't fuck her boss's son in the bathroom like a fucking slut.

maybe it makes him feel better to know he can hold this above your head.

[letsatomicbanana]

Have any headcanons about my boy Ink sans??

Oh boy, i sure do!

It's yapping time!!! but it's bellow the 'read more'

(spoilers: It's long as hell)

-First of all, Ink can not stand normal texturized clothing and textures (like cotton, fur, silk etc...) which is the reason to why their clothes are always created by him and is used a more paint-like 'esque' to it. (which is canon).

- Case in point, he suffers from 'unable to have normal fashion tastes' disease. He's the type of motherfucker to wear baggy pants under a dress, sandles with socks on, a crop top over a long sleeved shirt etc... They does not care nor follows society's fashion sense/brands, he only gives a damn if the clothes are comfortable or not lmao.

- Genderqueer, no explanation for that one (c'mon, just look at them) also AroAce but that's already canon.

- He definetly has a whole collection of autographs of random sanses that he managed to get. (The obvious one is fell sans but he prob forgot to who the other's belongs to).

- Besides from being able to speak french, they can also speak fluent mandarin and japanese!

- Has a whole collection of random objects he found while travelling AU's. It's not anything particulary useful or collectible (like toys etc..) more so 'things he found interesting' (like that one chesse from the ruins)

- Since he has a canon hyperfixation on Underfell, i like to image that he defends the AU with his whole tiny body, empty mind and non-existent soul (he can't STAND uf slander, it makes his blood boil lmao). Also, they treats fell sans like you would treat your favourite fictional babygirl male character as.

- Definetly engaged in the consumption of illicit drugs at some point in his life, you cannot tell me that this curious asshole never had any interest in drugs, even if it's just recreational consumption. Very open to any options, but they has a thing for marijuana, alcohol, and nicotine (it makes him ADHD go bonkers).

- Now that i've mentioned it. He has ADHD-C (combined type), probably got diagnosed because he saw a random 'Does your child have ADHD' pamphlets hanging around in the wall of some random AU they visited, which made him to be deeply curious (he thought they didn't had it) and eventually diagnosed with it. Note! He's currently unmedicated (i think he would have a problematic history with medications, if i'm going to be honest). (him having adhd is kindaaaa canon??? semi-canon at least)

- Also has undiagnosed Autism and ASPD (sociopathy) in which he has no idea that he has lmao (i made a whole post about this too). Note but i'm killing anyone who says that Ink is evil due to being 'sociopatic'.

- Doesn't engaje in social gatherings of any kind unless extremly necessary, he's energetic but an introvert at heart (this is canon btw).

- Has a better conection to inanimate objects than people, oh! and he's also Objectum!

- They're an ISTP! Which stands for 'Introvert', 'Observant', 'Thinking' and 'Prospective'.

- A lot of times deeply wonders to his apparent lack of family and AU, he won't admit but he's feels a sense of envy for other sanses that have brothers. They also often wanders through the vast multiverse looking for his original family/AU, but he can never find it :(

- Extremly sensitivite to any topics of discussion/conversation that relates to his soullessness, he also cannot stand being called 'emotionless' or a 'tragedy' because of his condition. Has a tendency in de'humanizing' himself over his lack of soul.

- Since he has a very hard time understanding social interaction, they often uses their interest in art as a way to form attachments with people, like painting them outfits or portraits (insert the 'Im bad at people, but i am good at tech' entrapta quote). Art is his special interest!

- He's a very dedicated brony and their favourite pony is Derpy Hooves/ Ditzy Doo!! She's literally him, for real! If he was part of the fandom at it's peak popularity in 2012-2014, they would prob be those famous fandom artist/musicians!

- Reast in piece Ink sans you would've loved Dungeons and Dragons. (/ref)

- Besides from their obvious interest in drawing/painting, he also has a deep interest in music! He canonically can play the flute but he also enjoys playing the trumpet, the piccolo and the clarinet!

- They're generally extremly under-responsive or otherwise sensory seeking to any kind of sensory stimuli. He's also a very oral artistic and often chew/bites on stuff for stimulation. Can often fall into Nonsuicidal self-injury style of stimming such as picking or pulling,when overwhelmed/underwhelmed.

- Another headcanon that he has PICA, where he often eats/craves for things that are not food, like crayons (canon).

[heyiwrotesomethings]

rivals to lovers spy x family, yor x female assassin reader

where your got captured by a gang during a mission she had and the reader is contacted by yors supervisors/colleague cuz she is one of the best and goes and rescues her.

An Assassin’s Rescue Mission

Yor Briar x She/Her Reader

A/N: These two requests are a bit different than I initially thought, but I think I still managed to mix the important bits together. Not really any angst though. Hope you still like it, thanks for reading! Word Count: 2,690

“What did you just say?” (Y/n)’s back went rigid and her hands clasped together tightly behind her back.

“The Thorn Princess has been captured after carrying out a hit on a rather influential business crook. We need you to retrieve her. Make sure she gets back in one piece. She is the best assassin we have at our disposal… no offense.”

(Y/n) snarled at that. There Yor goes again. Even when she gets herself captured she’s still considered the best of the Garden.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, sir, but assassins don’t really do rescue missions. We endanger, execute. Find somebody else.”

“Like who, the police? You’ve been to that part of the city outskirts several times. You are the best shot we have. God knows it may already be too late, but we still owe it to her to try—“

“You mean you don’t know her condition? There hasn’t been any correspondence for some kind of deal?” She didn’t wait for an answer before continuing on, “Then why the hell are we wasting time yapping here? Get me my throwing knives! Where is my gun? Keys? I need a damn car!”

The cultivator who had been sitting in on the briefing groaned quietly and covered his eyes with one hand. He had been the one to train Yor and (Y/n) from quite a young age, and they both grew into impressive assassins, but where Yor was rather sweet and well-mannered, albeit a bit ditzy, (Y/n) was more hot-headed, bitter, but as sharp as her knives. She sent potential clients running for the hills with her intensity.

As much as (Y/n) perpetuated that she and Yor were sworn enemies, it was kind of hard to keep up appearances when Yor was too sweet and clueless to realize that there was supposed to be a rivalry going on. She probably couldn’t have driven (Y/n) crazier if she tried to do so intentionally.

And yet despite this, (Y/n) was quick to go rescue her now because like it or not, the Thorn Princess’ vines had weaved around her heart and the little thorns kept it from escaping her grasp. She was much too prideful to admit anything, but for as much as (Y/n) claimed to be unable to stand the other assassin, she sure let her take up a lot of free real estate in her mind at any given moment.

She was also the only one allowed to give Yor a hard time, not that Yor really noticed. But if someone else tried to speak ill of her, (Y/n) was on them in a second. Yor was her rival, and that meant only she had the license to be snarky and knit picky when it came to Yor.

“Come on, hurry up! Do you want me to rescue her or not?” (Y/n) snatched the keys from the cultivator’s coat pocket and chose to skip the stairs and jump right out of the window. She tumbled through the dewy grass below, ran to the sleek black car pulled up to the curb and got in, slamming the door behind her. As soon as the engine roared to life, she tore down the road and quickly vanished from sight.

“I just got that car yesterday…” The cultivator sighed. Hopefully he’d get it back in one piece.

***

Yor flexed her wrists against the metal cuffs, but it only served to make her skin raw. She had really gotten herself into a pickle this time. If only it was rope, she was pretty good at snapping rope. Not as easy as snapping the neck of that shady business man had been, but still.

She shouldn’t have let her guard down like that. (Y/n) would scold her for sure… if she ever got to see her again, anyway. The thought made Yor’s shoulders slump. No one had helped her adjust to the assassin life like (Y/n) did. She didn’t know what she would do without her cute, grumpy face greeting her in the Garden or the occasional mission. But at least she was safe. Yor didn’t know what she’d do if their positions were swapped. There would definitely be hell to pay, of that much she was certain.

At present she wasn’t sure what was to become of her. Since she was detained, she had only been visited by her captors once for a little bit of water. They hadn’t spoken to her at all. Whether this was going to turn out to be a negotiation or an execution, Yor didn’t know.

Her stomach rumbled for the ninth time that night and she sighed pitifully. Wasn’t it custom to get a last meal before an execution? Although, this was a group of angry underground criminals whose paychecks were frozen after she had killed their boss. She would be rather cross too, she supposed.

“Excuse me,” She called out, “is anyone there? I know you are probably upset with me, but could I trouble you for a little something to eat? I haven’t eaten in—“

She heard a heavy thud against the reinforced door of the bare room she had been chained within and she frowned. If they didn’t want her to talk, perhaps they should have gagged her. Though she was thankful they hadn’t.

But then she heard the heavy click of the door being unlocked and she tensed. If she was going out, she would be going out fighting! However, instead of one of the rugged men who had ushered her into the room at gun point, she saw (Y/n) push the door open. Ring of keys in one hand, a sleek knife in the other and a dead man at her feet.

“(Y/n)!” Yor gasped, “What are you doing here?”

“Keep your voice down! What’s it look like I’m doing, Briar? I’m busting you out, dumbass.” (Y/n) hissed, quickly maneuvering behind Yor to test every key on the ring for one that would free Yor’s hands from the awkward position in which they had been cuffed to the wall.

She had to be quick, it was only a matter of time before one of the bodies she had hurriedly stuffed in the dark corners along the way here were discovered. There were more people in this hideout than she would like to deal with. She still took the time to scold Yor as she worked, however.

“I can’t believe you let yourself get caught! You are so lucky I came to rescue your sorry ass. I don’t care what the higher-ups think. This incident definitely makes me the better assassin.”

“I know,” Yor pouted, but for only a moment before smiling sweetly, “thank you for coming for me, (Y/n). You are too kind. You are always looking out for me.”

“Yeah, whatever,” finally the cuffs fell free, “Now let’s get the hell out of here before those goons discover us. Here,”

Yor quickly finished rubbing her wrists in time to receive the sleek, gold ice picks being shoved at her and her eyes practically sparkled. She thought if she ever got out of this place, she’d have to get new ones made. (Y/n) had found a guy using the needles as chopsticks as she weaved through the hideout. Needless to say, that hadn’t ended well for him.

They stealthily checked either end of the hallway before sneaking out in the opposite direction (Y/n) had come from. (Y/n) had observed that the goons seemed to patrol in a clockwise fashion, so it would make sense to keep following the flow where the people (Y/n) had already taken out were supposed to be.

“Come on, stay light on your feet.”

Though Yor was doing a perfectly fine job of keeping up with (Y/n), the other assassin pulled her long by the hand. The contact gave Yor butterflies.

“Shouldn’t be much further—“

“There they are! Stop them!”

“Damn it!”

(Y/n) shoved herself and Yor around the corner, narrowly missing the spray of bullets that came speeding towards them. They skidded to a halt when they heard shouts coming from the direction they were heading. (Y/n)’s presence had been discovered and now they were being surrounded!

“What should we do?” Yor asked.

“Get in that room and cover your ears!” (Y/n) ordered, taking out a small explosive and slapping it to the opposite outer wall before joining Yor in the room and slamming the door shut.

3… 2… bang!

The bomb detonated, and (Y/n) wasted no time pulling Yor through the debris though the smoke stung their eyes and throat. But once they had made it out to the misty, cold night air, their irritation from the explosion started to soothe over. The explosion had taken out a few of the men that led the pack, but more were quick to take their places, guns blazing.

“Get out of here, I’ll make sure you can make a clean get away. I parked behind those bushes over there.” (Y/n) shoved the car keys at Yor’s chest and made a move to turn back around to deal with the mob, but Yor caught her arm and held on with an almost painful grip.

“You can’t go back. Who knows what they’ll do to you. Just keep running! We can escape together!”

“Don’t argue with me, just go! Despite what everyone else thinks, I know I’m a better assassin than you. Besides, notice how weak the gun fire has gotten? Those idiots are almost out of bullets anyway. I got this.” She twisted her arm out of Yor’s grasp and ran back into the fray, throwing knives into the vital points of several underlings as she ran.

“(Y/n), wait!” Yor bit her lip anxiously and looked between (Y/n) and the bushes where the car was.

She should probably listen to (Y/n) and go to the car, right? But she couldn’t make herself look away much less run away.

(Y/n) was doing well holding off the mob on her own, yet Yor still worried. Then she saw a bullet graze (Y/n)’s arm. The assassin winced and blood flowed freely, but she kept fighting, albeit a bit sloppier, and that cemented Yor’s final decision.

Blood red fury coursed through her veins and she gripped her needles tightly in knuckle-white clenched fists. Yor would paint the streets red with the blood of whoever dared to make (Y/n) bleed those few precious streams that now darkened her torn clothes.

“Hey, I said go! Get out of here!” (Y/n) yelled whilst slashing another throat with her non-dominant hand.

But Yor did not retreat, nor hesitate in carving a path straight to her. She had never seen such hellfire in Yor’s eyes. It made a chill run up and down her spine, not that she would ever admit that Yor could be intimidating in any way.

“Don’t you touch her!” Yor growled, snatching the arm of a man who had run out of bullets as his comrades before him. He had clearly intended to pistol whip the back of (Y/n)’s head, but Yor would have none of that. One wound on (Y/n) was already one too many in her opinion.

The man screamed as Yor contorted his arm into an unnatural position and with an awful crack, he fell to the ground. With one swift stab to the back of his head, he was permanently taken care of.

Then Yor really let loose. It was a a hurricane of blood, no survivors save herself and the woman she sought to protect. (Y/n) wasn’t even sure were her own blood ended and the blood of her enemies began.

“Good god, Yor,” (Y/n) whispered, looking out upon their combined carnage, but mostly at the particularly gruesome ones contributed by Yor.

“I,” Yor took in a deep breath, “I may have gone a little overboard with some of those.” She swallowed uncomfortably.

Would (Y/n) be frightened of her because of this? Even by assassin standards, these were some gnarly corpses. If (Y/n) began treating her differently because of this, that might just break Yor’s heart.

“Ah!” Yor brought a hand to her stinging nose, then she looked to (Y/n), surprised by being flicked from so out of the blue.

“I told you I had it, but you just had to show off, didn’t you? Geez, this was my rescue mission, you were the one who was in trouble, not me!”

Yor blinked owlishly, then gave a slight smile, “Sorry.”

“Yeah, yeah, let’s just get the hell out of here. You’re probably starving right? I guess I’ll have to make you something at my place given how dawn hasn’t even broke yet. Everyone knows you can’t cook for shit.”

“Thank you, (Y/n) that’s really nice of you, but you should let me tend to that wound first. Doesn’t it hurt?”

“It’s just a scratch.“ (Y/n) puffed her chest, “You should see what I did to the other guy!”

Yor giggled, but (Y/n)’s energy was not enough to convince her. As soon as they got to the car, Yor found a medkit in the trunk and put it to good use, though she did make a mess of the hydrogen peroxide and the bandages, spilling them all over the trunk. Given all that had gone down, the cultivator’s car could have suffered a lot worse than a couple bloody bandages soaked in H2O2 left in the trunk.

“Thanks.” (Y/n) begrudgingly mumbled when Yor finished up.

Yor joined her where she sat on the edge of the trunk and gave her a hug, eyes shut tight.

“I’m so glad you’re going to be okay.”

“Hey, do I need to remind you again that this was my rescue mission to save you? That should be my line. So,” she cleared her throat, eyes looking to the side down at the damp grass, “I’m glad you are okay too.”

Yor hummed happily and hugged her just a bit tighter.

“But if you ever let yourself get caught again, so help me I’ll make you my prisoner instead. At least then I’ll know exactly where you are.”

“Do you think we should move in together?” Yor wondered. That would make it easier on (Y/n) somehow, wouldn’t it? In any case, Yor knew for sure that she would enjoy waking up and getting to see her every day.

“That’s not what I was saying at all!” (Y/n) spluttered, but then mumbled, “But I guess I wouldn’t be opposed. Just don’t burn my kitchen down.”

“I won’t, I promise. This is so exciting!”

At that moment, Yor’s stomach chose to growl again. She pressed her hands over her abdomen and blushed. (Y/n) snickered.

“Alright, you driving or not? We have to get some food in you.”

“I’ll drive!” Yor scooped (Y/n) up from where she sat on the edge of the trunk and brought her around to the passenger seat.

“Hey! Put me down, a bullet just grazed my arm. I can walk ten feet.”

“I want to keep you safe too, (Y/n).” Yor replied, “You’re important to me.”

(Y/n) saw the boundless sincerity in Yor’s eyes and swallowed thickly, sinking further into the seat to try to put a little more distance between them. Even she, with her own special brand of cluelessness compared to Yor’s, couldn’t deny that those gentle words did something to her.

It would still take some time for her to admit it, but she was starting to get on the right track. They both were.

Yor wasn’t exactly a smooth driver, but they made it to (Y/n)’s apartment in one piece. First things first, they made either a super late dinner or an extra early breakfast depending on how you looked at it, to combat their hunger. Being on the other end of a massacre was hungry work after all.

Yor helped with food prep, but (Y/n) ultimately cooked it all. Then they took turns getting cleaned off before putting their feet up and laying back against the couch. They ended up falling asleep together, tangled atop the piece of furniture too narrow for two people, but that was only because the night had been so exhausting… or so (Y/n) pretended to reason as she nuzzled closer.

[ditzybat]

Hi! I saw that you had an idea where Tim sees Lady Shiva as a mother-figure and have not been able to stop thinking about it since. Do you have any more thoughts on that?

I have many thoughts on this particular head canon!

This mostly stems from the idea that Janet Drake and Lady Shiva have similar personalities, and therefore when Tim met Shiva he imprinted onto her like a baby duckling (pun intended).

A contributing factor to this is also their mentorship/partnership!

Tim and Shiva’s relationship is increasingly complicated. She’s trained him and they grew a partnership of mutual respect and were seen as equals for the period of time Tim spent in Paris (6 months.) And they were generally amicable until he killed her while under the influence of enhanced drugs due to her interference and desire to be killed by someone better than herself.

Because of that last little tidbit I like to think that Shiva views Tim as someone who has the potential to surpass her and therefore like a son (much like a twisted version of Cass and hers antagonistic fueled relationship). While on the flip side, Within the year that they met, Tim has interacted more with a woman who is startling similar to his very scary mother, than his own mother who would rather send him to private school than raise him herself while she travels. And much like Cass he believes Shiva’s perspective to be flawed. But at the same time, respects Shiva for her fighting prowess.

I also really like the Fanon of Shiva wanting to be a good mother, and laying claim to both Cass and Tim as her blood in front of Bruce to both mess with him and to somewhat apologize for her behavior towards them but not quite quitting killing.

And I really love the idea of Tim fighting Shiva one day, and then the next having tea with her while gossiping, in place of his actual mother who kicks the bucket not long after they meet.

[youremyheaven]

Adding on to the humour thing:

Personally I’ve noticed that Jupiter in the chart/Jupiter naks/etc can actually be quite funny, but it can be quite an unintentional Philomena Cunk type of humour (bonus points if there’s water in the chart) as opposed to the more witty humour mercury or even venus has.

But also humour is very much about how you articulate it in the moment, so usually funny people have libra somewhere like you said.

I think the reason why people with a strong mars struggle is because they’re quite inwardly intense personalities and lighthearted things like humour don’t come as naturally to them.

Yeah idk, I guess this is somewhat subjective and largely dependant on the persons social skills. This is just my experience so idk if anyone else will agree

yet to look into Jupiter influence and humour but I just looked at Philomena Cunk vids AND OMG AHHH that's such a spot-on observation because I feel like Jupiter (and Rahu natives to some extent) have this ditzy kind of airheaded slow-wit humour where they're unintentionally funny, some have weird kooky girl humour (Vishaka Sun, Emma Stone and Punarvasu Moon Drew Barrymore come to mind)

Swati Moon Mila Kunis' character on The 70s show is like this

Phoebe Buffay from Friends is also like this and I just looked up Lisa Kudrow's chart and she has Rahu conjunct Ascendant in Punarvasu!!

Cat Valentine on Victorious is also like this. Ariana Grande who plays her has Ardra Sun & Mercury in Punarvasu (Rahu + Jupiter influence)

dear anon you have opened new pathways in my understanding of planetary influence and humour wow,,, tysm for sending this ask!!!

i agree with what u said about Mars, i think they're too inwardly drawn but I feel like Mrigashira is an exception because its in Gemini and they yap a lot, Jennifer Lawrence, Khloe Kardashian, Sandra Bullock, they have zero filter and just say the randomest, weirdest things but I know that its not for everyone and probably makes others cringe (esp their oversharing dear lord)

[futurequibblerjournalist]

hiii im a bit new to this blog... who are the characters Aurora and Charity?

Hiiii and welcome!

So Aurora and Charity are canon teachers at Hogwarts during the same time Severus teaches!

Aurora Sinistra is a teacher in the Astronomy department, she is a black woman and she attends the Yule Ball with Barty Crouch Jr disguised as Mad-Eye Moody and looks incredibly uncomfortable while doing so. These are the just about the canon things we know about her. She’s often headcanoned as a Ravenclaw in the same year as the marauders and she’s usually a very blunt character personality wise. She appears very confident in herself to outsiders though I personally like to make her a bit more uncertain of herself and also I headcanon her to be autistic!

Charity Burbage is a Muggle Studies teacher, the very same that gets abducted by Voldemort in I believe July 1997? She gets killed by Voldemort and fed to Nagini and her last words are something along the lines of “Severus, please, please” after she tries to remind him that they were/are friends and thus he should help her. This is just about all the canon information we get on her. In fanon she’s often portrayed as a somewhat ditzy, fun loving Hufflepuff who’s trying to appeal to the good sides of her mainly Slytherin friend group. Some portray her as muggleborn, though her wiki says she’s most likely a half-blood or a pureblood so I headcanon her to “pureblood” (pureblood father, half-blood mother).

They’re usually put in what’s commonly referred to as “Snape’s gang” which is a group of students, some of which we know canonically hung out with Severus. The group usually includes Charity, Aurora, Severus, Avery (I call him Edmund Avery Junior), Mulciber (I call him Bruce Mulciber Junior) and Wilkes (I call him Wilhelm). I also personally include Igor Karkarov in this group and partially Nott (I call him Tiberius Nott Junior, he would be the father of the Theordore Nott we see in Hari’s year).

There’s a handful of different ships for them. I think a lot of people commonly ship them together, though of the ships including them that you’ll see on my page will likely be starrynight (Severus/Aurora) or seabunny (Charity/Igor).

I recently did a long yap about Charity that you can find here and I’ve also talked about both her and Aurora a lot on here so if you search “Aurora Altair Sinistra” and “Charity Grace Burbage” on my profile you should be able to find me talking about them in one way or another!

If you’ve got any other questions feel free to send them my way!!

[estoyegoista]

🌸 ⸻ LUCIA HERNANDEZ-MARTINEZ

you’re not from around here , are you? i figured because you totally just missed LUCIA HERNANDEZ walking by. don’t tell me you don’t know who she is ? they kind of look like melissa barrera and i could be wrong but i think that they might be twenty-eight years old right now. they’ve been living in palmview for the last year. and i don’t know if anyone has ever told them this before but they kind of remind me of kelly kapoor��from the office. if you stick around the town long enough you might catch them in action working at the salty sailor bar as a bartender. you see this town isn’t really that big of a place, some folks like to call them the airhead of palmview! they took a liking to the name too after a while, go figure. oh crap, they must have heard me yapping. they’re coming this way. i got to warn you though, rumor has it they can pretty selfish at times. i wouldn’t take it too seriously though, from the times i’ve spoken to them they seemed pretty free-spirited to me. we see each other all the time since they live in that one bedroom apartment beside me over in sunny shores. i better leave you to it. it was nice meeting you!  

hi, hola, bonjour ! this is my baby lucia, she's kind of a trainwreck. there are slight mentions of dv, drugs, and mental health issues below.

♡ ━━ BASICS

full name: lucia hernandez-martinez

birthdate: february 21, 1996

age: twenty-eight

ethnicity: mexican

gender: cis woman ( she/her/hers )

orientation: pansexual

occupation: bartender at the salty sailor bar

languages spoken: spanish ( specifically mexican spanish ), english

positives: free-spirited, amiable, optimistic, affectionate

negatives: impulsive, flighty, selfish, ditzy, sensitive

likes: shopping, partying, dancing, spicy foods, working out, bubble baths, matcha lattes, the smell of fresh flowers, social media, homeopathic remedies, flan, skincare, edibles, and latin pop.

dislikes: thunderstorms, telenovelas, responsibilities, country music, cold weather, confrontation, close-minded people.

♡ ━━ BACKGROUND

at the age of three, the hernandez-martinez family relocated from their little home in monterrey, mexico to the big city of los angeles, california. the family wasn’t well-off by any means, living in a run-down apartment barely getting by. her mother, rosana, became the owner of mi vida bar which didn’t earn them enough income as they hoped. her father, alejandro, picked up landscaping on top of helping out with the new family business. 

lucia was the youngest of two. the most spoiled child and notably the favorite, which caused a rift in the relationship with her sister, valeria. her formative years were spent enrolled in dance recitals and beauty pageants. with her love of putting on a show, her mother always believed she’d be a shining star. this slowly began the battle of basing her self-worth solely on her appearance.

tw dv; despite the toll these activities had on her mental health, she was grateful for the little moments she was able to escape from the chaos of her household. said chaos only halted when a neighbor from their apartment complex phoned the police during a heated brawl. her father was arrested at the scene and then kept after findings of multiple other criminal offenses. all contact was severed with her father after the incident. end of dv

dynamics soon changed in the hernandez-martinez residence. valeria later felt the need to take on the caretaker role, eventually picking up a job to help their mother with rent. however, lucia always lived in her own carefree little bubble, believing her social status meant more than lending a hand. in fact, her egocentric personality made her both loved and hated by many. she squeezed her way into the popular clique in high school. often, she’d skip classes to smoke or shop with the money she had stolen from her mother. education wasn’t her forte, made evident by her below-average grades. her mother began to instill the belief in lucia that she’d never amount to anything. telling her that she’d have to find a rich partner if she wanted to make it successful in life.

due to the girl’s nasty habit of stealing, her mother sent her on her way after graduation. somehow she was able to convince valeria to help her on her feet. in typical lucia fashion, she burned that bridge by racking up thousands in credit card debt under her sister’s name. once again, she’d been sent off to fend for herself, becoming somewhat of a drifter. she’d connect with people only to use them for their money and a place to stay. she’d bleed them dry, then rinse and repeat. lucia wasn’t necessarily proud of her behavior, but she’d pin the blame on her mother. she couldn’t stomach being at fault for her own actions.

her last ex-boyfriend, juniper, caught wind of her schemes fairly early in their only three-month-long relationship. yet again, she’d racked up thousands in credit card debt under someone else’s name. after his findings, he threatened to sue her unless she paid him back in full. to avoid the consequences of her actions, she took what little money she had left and fled across the country to sunny shores, florida.

♡ ━━ OTHER TIDBITS

believes herself to be an incredibly spiritual person. although she does not practice a certain religion, she has a belief in the universe and cosmic energies. typically, whenever she is undergoing a crisis, she prefers to find a local tarot card reader. if she feels her luck is particularly bad she reaches out to curanderos for spiritual cleansings.

prefers homeopathic remedies over western medicine. she’s always carrying around homeopathic treatments in her bag, along with edibles.

very obsessed with the moon and the stars. in fact, she is the type of person to stop a conversation to have you gazing up at the sky.

due to her dancing background, she picked up a love for it over the years. her absolute favorite is salsa and she is guaranteed to invite anyone out for salsa dancing.

very obsessed with music, though she doesn’t consider herself a singer, she has an amazing vocal range. she only ever shows off her pipes singing in the car or at karaoke nights if she’s had a few drinks in her system.

most would consider her to be social media obsessed. she doesn’t have a huge following, just a couple thousand spanning across every platform. she still will take the time to capture every moment for an aesthetically pleasing post on her feed.

her huge downfall is her spending habits. she finds an excuse to treat herself no matter the state of her bank account.

for a huge chunk of her life, she considered herself to an entrepreneur. often, she’d throw herself head first into business endeavors that never took off. one being a skincare line titled ’diosa’ which was funded by an ex.

she’s only worked one real job before making her move to florida. she was a bartender for almost two months at her mother’s bar. after showing up late numerous times or choosing not to show up to her shifts at all, she was promptly fired.

is super into fitness. she has a daily routine that consists of drinking a green juice, which is followed by her morning run. she also loves working out at the gym, even taking yoga classes whenever she can.

she is unsure of her stance on love. she loves the idea of committing to someone, but it also terrifies her. with no sense of who she truly is, she often morphs herself into whoever the person she's infatuated with wants her to be.

has and will steal your significant other just because she can. literally the embodiment of break up with your gf, i'm bored.

is the type to flirt for fun, not necessarily because she's attracted to the person. she's also extremely affectionate with those she cares for, referring to her friends with cute pet names.

[courtofmatchups]

You're out here doing the lords work, and I need to thank you for scratching the itch in my brain lol. Good fortune for you and your loved ones, may the lines you encounter always be short, and may you have endless creativity. Hell yeah, brother.

Could I ask for a Tokyo Debunker matchup? I'm willing to do a trade, too, if you're interested! I've only written for a few characters between Obey Me and tkdb, but I'd def love to repay the kindness.

So, hi. I'm Birds, or Birdy. She/her, bisexual/maybe ace? gray-ace? one of those, at least.

Appearance: 5'9, pale, super wavy dark blonde/light brown hair, and hazel eyes. I have a deceptively cute round face and big glasses. i've been told that I give off a naturally sweet and impish impression because of that. I'm also fairly slim, but there's definitely a layer of chicken nugget insulation for warmth and comfort.

MBTI/Zodiac: INFP and Gemini

About me: I tend to spend most of my time in my head, and I can easily come off as ditzy or standoffish. I have inattentive ADHD and I'm really introverted, so typically I try not to speak up unless I have something worth saying. I keep a few close friends and tend to unload all of my thoughts from the day on them (and as quiet as I am, I talk a mile a minute when I'm excited or explaining something interesting.) Multiple people have told me (to my face c':) that they were shocked by how intelligent I actually am. And yeah, maybe math and spelling aren't my thing, but for the most part, my silly goose hat is a choice. I have trouble speaking my thoughts out loud, so I'm a big fan of burying my negative emotions as deep as possible until i'm a walking shell of a person, self-sabotaging, and using swear words or memes to express myself. But what I lack in, like, everything else, I make up for by being as good of a friend as possible. I love making the people I care about laugh just as much as I love messing with them and I'm willing to make myself look like a fool to make them smile.

Hobbies: Writing, reading, sewing, and then whatever little hobbies I pick up and then forget about in a week. A fun fact about me is that I once spent over 8 hours on the phone my best friend doing nothing but discussing our oc's.

Likes: spooky/whimsical things, fairy lights, making my loved ones laugh and/or roll their eyes, small, comfortable nooks to hide in, music (any genre, it's just gotta match the vibes), dating sims, fandom history (putting together a legit presentation on the history of zines in fan studies rn), and holding hands c:

Dislikes: Loud places, bright lights, speaking to people without being able to prepare myself, not having headphones somewhere on me, people who go out of their way to be mean, objectively dumb opinions being said confidently, and any perceived wrong done to my loved ones

Qualities I look for: Patience and physical affection. I'm a forgetful mess and I'm mean enough to myself without someone else getting frustrated with me, and casual affection like hugs and hand holding give me something to ground myself with. They'd need to see me as a partner and best friend rather than Conventionally Attractive Girl, too. My Manic Pixie has been Dream Girl'ed more than enough.

Thank you again!

It seems to me you've captured the heart of...

Haku Kusanagi!

I could see a few others being potential matches, Like Alan or Haru, but I feel like Haku would be the best match for you. Hear me out: I feel like he'd be initially drawn in by your silly and whimsical nature. Haku likes being around sharp and witty people. He's pretty easygoing and will tease you, but he doesn't go out of his way to be mean. He does tease you about being in the clouds at times, but he does like that dreamy side of you. He's not too picky about appearances when it comes to partners, so even more reason he's a great match for you.

As for your tendency to yap about anything that interests you, you can bet that he would like to see you get so animated about the things you like, but you might need to slow it down so he could understand what you're talking about. He will tell you though.

Haku doesn't really have a set preference for hobbies, he just enjoys making memories with his partner, so any hobby either of you choose to do would be a fun and stimulating experience.

Haku is also pretty emotionally intelligent, so he'll be able to help walk you through the emotions you're feeling. He's a patient man, and will understand if you mess up for one reason or another. He'll also help if that happens. And don't worry about physical affection, he will shower you with that in the event you're feeling down and cannot articulate your feelings in a way other than "I need a hug right now."

All in all, I see a happy relationship between the two of you

[hotpinkstaples]

kon should be a ditzy lil floozy, and bart an overthinker with funky lil intrusive thoughts, and both should have big ass appetites, and eat at the chinese buffet at least three times a week bc the food placement, easy access, and asian rock music in the background has a soothing effect on both of their insane asses. also they like chinese food a lot. gay couple at the buffet who are yapping except when they’re eating, cuz when they’re eating, they’re EATING