#alterous attraction

[midnightcrisisstuff]

actually no, we're not "dating". we're bound together for infinity. like the stars. so, fuck you, actually.

[tremendously-crazy]

"No guy wants a girl who-" "No guy is gonna want you if-"

original image from @sirompp

[teleportzz]

hey guys do the allos know that they can have qprs too? like do they know that being alloromantic doesn't mean they can't choose to be in a qpr anyway? because qprs aren't "romance-lite" for aros, they're an entirely separate kind of relationship that anyone can have. you can do this with fictional characters too. you can put characters that aren't aroace or are even canonically dating in qprs with each other just because you think that would be a cool way to play with their dynamic. it's actually very cool and you totally should.

[whats-up-gayboy]

For me being in a qpr lately is like. No we're not dating. Yes this is my boyfriend isn't he great and lovely and handsome aren't I lucky. No I don't want anyone to mistake us for romantic partners. Yes I want to marry him. No we're not "just friends". Yes I don't want people to think our friendship matters less than our love. No I don't care what people think. Yes I want you to know that we're each other's and each other's alone. No I've never had a crush on him. Yes, I love him with all my heart and soul.

[dragondoodling]

When your actual label is not well know so you just use the broader label that’s isn’t quite right but you would rather people know what you’re talking about than explain yourself for the thousandth time

[twigstarpikachutroll22]

Reblog for something aspec to happen to you this summer

[isapun]

queerplatonic attraction is so weird. i wanna friend this man so bad. i wanna put him in my pocket. heck, I wanna play DND with him.

[python-nebula]

being in the arcane fandom rn as an aspec person is a very interesting experience because so many people (because of jayvik) seem to only now be realising that there's more types of love than just platonic, romantic and sexual and that the lines can blur

honestly it's quite nice to see

[nichelink]

nichelink: a newly coined niche relationship/relationship dynamic that differs from social norms, but is consensual and aware of potential risks.

differ from the norm: this is flexible and vague on purpose. see the ‘examples’ section.

probably niche: niche, probably not many people will identify as this, it’s just now been invented and posted on tumblr dot com, but it’s still a valid want and identity label.

aware of potential risks: this is inspired by the kink phrase Risk-aware consensual kink or risk-accepted consensual kink (RACK), and it means that everyone in the relationship is silently nodding and acknowledging there might be risks. you don’t have to prove yourself to others on this, don’t feel expected to tell everyone your personal business on how you’re managing this risk, because it’s not their relationship…

consensual: this is inspired by the kink phrase Consensual non-consent. basically it means that everyone in the relationship agreed to have the relationship play out a certain way, and the relationship may play out (maybe in a sort of roleplay-like fashion) like it’s non consensual, but everyone in the relationship is both expecting this to happen and still has the ultimate say on if things need to 100% stop or if it’s time for them to leave the relationship.

newly coined: i want to make it clear that existing relationship dynamics shouldn’t be shoved into this label because that feels disrespectful to those existing words, so essentially this means that existing words for it didn’t 100% describe this dynamic, so you can’t just say xyz thing is actually this term. (however, if you find one of these describes something you've already been doing for years, it's perfectly fine to start identifying with this of course.)

examples:

relationship where one person is treated as if they are an object owned by the other/s in the relationship

relationship where one person is treated as if they are a deity, and the other/s in the relationship are their followers

relationship where one person is treated as if they are a pet owned by the other/s in the relationship

relationship where one person is treated as if they are a child adopted by the other/s in the relationship

relationship where one person is transforming the other/s in the relationship into something

labels under this umbrella have a Ratings System.

All-Ages: a label that is suitable for all ages.

16+: a label that would be best if it was only used by people 16 years or older (bodily). this doesn’t mean that it’s NSFW or something, but should be used when the term has something pretty intense or serious about it which probably shouldn’t be practiced with younger people. all terms under this umbrella that involve identity modification or training are inherently 16+.

18+: a label that is inherently not suitable for people under 18 years (bodily).

grammar:

nichelinking: the state of being in this kind of relationship with someone else. “we’re nichelinking,” “we might start nichelinking”

nichelink: 1) the specific terms themself. “i coined a nichelink,” “definition: an all-ages nichelink where you…” 2) the relationship itself. “our nichelink,” “his last nichelink”

nichelinker: someone who participates in nichelinking.

there is currently no word for having a nichelink-related crush on someone, suggestions welcome.

inspirations

neurowiry

relationship anarchy

roleplay

found family tropes

desirdae

dissomei

my own personal experience of becoming someone’s “dad” - i made a friend in high school who i came out as transgender too, and then as a joke based on how people in the undertale fandom called toriel “mom,” we began referring to me as my friend’s “dad.” this joke stuck and then started genuinely being a serious part of our friendship. reflecting on this made me realize that there’s actually lots of relationships in life that’re similar, where you refer to each other as something unusual and it feels like it changes the entire status of your friendship. i liked the idea of making a word someone can use for this kind of friendship/relationship if they wanted.

i did a lot of writing about what this term means and can be used for and it ended up being long so you can read it on this page. (updated 1/10) here are some of the faq questions (but not all, so please read that page):

is this a k*nk thing?

no, it’s not intended to be. there are plenty of nichelink terms usable by anyone at any age. however if you’re an adult and you find a term appealing and start to use it because of k*nk things, more power to you, go right ahead.

is this anti r*dqueer?

i don’t find it makes sense to say that something that isn’t a stance term/blankqueer term is anti this or pro that. but this term was inspired by r*dqueer “consensual abuse” relationships, and i did start working on this because i saw that there were a lot of people who craved a specific relationship dynamic or way of being treated who felt like they couldn’t get that outside of the r*dqueer community, so i wanted to make a risk-aware and safer alternative that is not attached to a harmful community known for abuse, transphobia, racism, etc.

if you crave being treated a certain way, yes even in a “harmed” way, this term is welcome to you.

can i coin my own?

not yet. i’m still working out the kinks (🥁✨) on definitions and guidelines. i also have a big list of terms i’d like to coin for it. you can send me a request at least.

can i post this term on…

wiki/term definition sites: yes, and you don't have to ask, but i would like to be informed.

pinterest/other social medias: no, never, i'm not comfortable with someone else posting my term for me.

tags: @antiradqueerguy | @radiomogai | @the-silent-fellowship | @harmlesspersonalidentityarchive | @beyond-mogai-pride-flags | @desirdae-archive | @dissodic-archive | @kiruliom | @anti-rq-gumi | @antiradqueerguy | @neopronouns // ask to be untagged

general flag for all All-Ages nichelinks:

general flag for all 16+ rated nichelinks:

[the-aaaaa-battery]

Being aroace but also feeling a tertiary form of attraction (alterous attraction) was one of the most confusing parts of my identity to figure out. Before I knew what alterous attraction was, I only knew sexual, romantic, platonic, sensual, and aesthetic attraction.

I had a crush on one of my friends (and I still do). It made me kind of scared because at that point, I was 99% certain I was aroace, and I couldn't tell if I was experiencing romantic attraction or not. I didn't like the idea of dating and I didn't like the word "romance," and yet I also felt like I wanted to be more than friends with that person.

It wasn't until months after discovering I had a crush that I learned about alterous attraction. I liked the definition and I thought that if fit me best, so I started to use it to describe my crush. I felt way more confident using aroace again, because it felt right! And I had a way of explaining my feelings for my crush.

But oh my God, it was so hard to figure out.

Shoutout to people who are confused about their identity right now! Gender and sexuality is tough to figure out, but it's okay to question.

[luxlitemidnight]

Just a reminder that even if you know like, all the labels, you can still discover things about yourself. I figured out yesterday I'm oriented aroace (alterous attraction) when I've known the term oriented aroace probably since 2020 and have been dating my partner since 2022. Anyways, hello oriented aroaces!

[tremendously-crazy]

Pov: You've never had a good, proper friendship before, so the moment you have one with a boy, you convince yourself that you like him, and then you do all the things people do when they like someone, (complimenting them, trying to spend time with them, talking to them, thinking about them 24/7), only for things to get stressful and anxiety enducing when you both confess to each other because you don't REALLY know what its like to love/like someone romantically and everything he does grosses you out and now you're just texting him for hours but he won't even look at you in real life and LOOK NEW HYPERFIXATION!! GOODBYE KID MY NEW LOVE IS SHERLOCK HOLMES

[alterouslyinlove]

oh to live with your qpp. oh to be in separate rooms or bunk beds but always join each other if we need to. oh to dance in the kitchen and make meals together. oh to cuddle while watching a movie. oh to have our time to our selves but still be close to each other. oh to be able to say i love you irl and any time you want. oh to own a cat together. oh to go grocery shopping together. oh to sit on the porch and watch the stars together. oh to simply be with one another. wouldn’t that be great.

[whats-up-gayboy]

head over heels (queerplatonically)

[fluidly-polymorphic]

Relationship but we’re both aromantic and tell people we’re “dating” but only we know we aren’t.

[woodbyne]

   ＠ Alterous attraction — Alt flag

An attraction based on desiring emotional closeness. this may be " in between " romantic and platonic attraction, or it could be neither. This is entirely up to the user.

Posted by an anonymous facet.

[Plain text start: Alterous attraction, alternative flag. An attraction based on desiring emotional closeness. This may be "in between" romantic and platonic attraction, or it could be neither. This is entirely up to the user. Posted by an anonymous facet .Plain text end]